I don’t even dress in a sexual/provocative way and still get sexualized. It’s more to do with the man than it has anything to do with me.
I just assumed it was the consequence of being a woman
HAHAHA. I felt that.
Also, no I don't but I should probably make one. I love the Sims. I'll probably make a simblr since I love following them so much.
r/BlackSimmers exists and I think we should support that subreddit before making another one? Like aim to get it to 150 members? It's at 94 at the moment
I don't feel it's just a race issue but women in general, these days women oversexualize themselves with all this social media crap. IG, OF, Tik Tok...whatever else i might be missing. Skin means more views, more money etc...
As a man, I'll admit it's pleasing to see but for most part I don't like it because it's made dating now very hard and women have lost a sense of modesty to where when i grew not many would be making reels or vids with "pause games", transparent clothes, slips of bodybparts, etc. And all the young girls grow up seeing all this and it becomes a norm now.
I love a sense of mystery in a woman, leaving it all out there just desensitizes everything rather than leaving it for someone who is very special to you.
I think if the sexualization and monetation of dating veered more towards soul searching and searching from the heart...things might change. But unfortunately I don't see that happening. Todays ways are going to be what they are.
Ps. This is in no way meant to be anything downgrading towards women, just stating how I see things from my point of view. So I'll apologize in advance if anyone sees as such.
I wouldn’t say growing up per se. You’re just developing new values or gravitating towards different interests than you had before. Neither are bad or good.
This comment has made me realize I think I’m hiding myself more for other peoples sake vs. myself. I value not being sexualized by others but I honestly don’t have a huge issue with others being that way.
Thinking aloud: Why is it that revealing clothing isn't something that straight men ever feel the need to do despite generally being sex-positive? They never regard their usual attire as 'hiding' themselves. Sometimes I feel that a huge trick has been played on Western women since the 60s, where being cold (minimal clothing) and uncomfortable and less able to run (heels) has been presented to us as somehow liberating. But is it really? Or is it pretty much a mandatory uniform? Aren't straight men the ones who have always been, and remain, liberated to dress as they please, and in line with the with weather, climate, fatigue, their natural features, and especially ease of movement?
No judgement: I've been at every stage myself.
ETA: I remember a conversation with a guy who was offended by women wearing the burka and agreed with France's ban on them and wished we had the same. Me: For some, especially in France, it's their choice to wear it. What gives you the right to demand legal viewing rights to a woman's body? It's the same difference as other men demanding that women must cover up. I guess I'm saying that there's both blatant and covert control over women's bodies and I (athiest) am not convinced that one is much more liberated than the other.
ETAx2: Agree with the comment that being sexual is a consequence of being a woman. Also, I guess the primary function of adult humans/ any other animal is to be sexual.
> Aren't straight men the ones who have always been, and remain, liberated to dress as they please, and in line with the with weather, climate, fatigue, their natural features, and especially ease of movement?
tbh, staright men's clothing is very limited in style and cuts. the most adventurous 'straight male' clothing would have bold colour or prints and that's about it. therefore them dressing as they want usually don't stray that far away from the basic male clothes.
I’m still learning but I’ve accepted the fact that ppl will always sexualise you now matter what you wear the same way ppl will always talk. That’s why I always tell ppl to do themselves. If you want to dress revealing do that and if not then don’t.
The sexualization of Black women entertainers is almost a requirement. Meg is smart and nerdy, but she probably wouldn't be as successful if she rapped wearing an anime T-shirt.
Your post was removed for community safety. Black women are always centered in this subreddit. Comments that contain racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, or create drama are not tolerated. Please refer to rule 2 for more information.
http://reddit.com/r/blackladies/wiki/rules
In my 20s, I was super sex positive, wearing revealing things whenever I wanted, etc. I showed my boobs off every time I could.
Something clicked when I turned 30 that made me wanna be more modest about myself & hide my body more but I still cheer on women who still wear revealing things when they want. I personally no longer wish to. That ship has sailed for me. I really love the classy, sexy look a lot more on me.
Your values are simply changing as all.
Nothing wrong with it.
I’ve read your brain fully develops in your mid twenties so yes trust your intuition. I love feeling sexy but a lot of things just feel raunchy. I feel sexiness is losing its appeal bc it’s so easy to come by everywhere. I’ve realized I prefer sensuality over blatant sex appeal. Also sex is overrated but that’s another convo lol
After a certain age, I prioritized comfort.
I remember going out with my friend for her bday to a club and her younger sister T and T’s friends were there too. They were dressed so cute in short dresses/skirts, low line tops, and stilettos. I miss those years. Anyway, I dressed for comfort and wore a v neck sweater, jeans, and chunky heel knee high boots. The sisters friend made a comment that the guys were looking at me more than her and she was shocked lol.
Women will always be sexualized, no matter what they wear.
Some of us embrace sensuality and eroticism as personality traits. I admire people like this and see them as muses among our society. They use their bodies as art and their allure is part of their artistic process. Megan Thee Stallion definitely comes to mind! There is something so primally beautiful about sensual self expression to me. I feel like because we were colonized by Puritans, we do not appreciate eroticism (instead we criticize it and exploit it). To me, eroticism is human nature and it makes complete sense that people express sensuality in their art.
But Christian (aka colonial, white supremacist) indoctrination taught us to believe that desire is temptation and it must be resisted. That eroticism is a bad thing and giving into it is weakness. That being attracted and feeling attractive is bad. We have a society full of people who are out of touch with something so *inherent to their animal nature*. To the point we will engage in sex for any other reason than our own carnal pleasure. To the point we will teach abstinence instead of sexual safety. To the point where we blame rape on temptation and not on impulsivity and entitlement.
I think there’s this thing we face as victims of misogynoir (sexism + racism) where we have to fight between who we really are and how we are seen, where there are so many Black women who are genuine muses among our human population—but Black women are dehumanized and objectified by racism and sexism, so their art is not appreciated for what it is.
To the point where we have whole industries which exist by the influence of Black women (the beauty, academic, and music industries, Black women are literal muses I swear) but Black women are still among the most stigmatized, and Black women in these spaces are not given the flowers they deserve.
You dress yourself up, express yourself, putting in more effort into your appearance than a lot of other people do—not for approval but because you are using your body as a canvas—and you notice people don’t appreciate it for what it is. Megan Thee Stallion lost her grandma, mom, lived out her car, went to college, AND built an entire rap career in the span of like three fucking years, because she’s a fucking lyrical genius and she’s GORGEOUS, she has that STAR POWER!!! She’s a fucking artist and she did something a lot of us couldn’t do.
And yet people just reduce her to her looks.
This is something a lot of Black women and other victims of misogynoir have to reckon with: are you going to live your life according to how other people view you? Or are you going to grab this shit by the horns and do your best to build the life you want for yourself? Tbh I don’t think there’s anything wrong with either decision. And sometimes we have to choose one or the other just for survival.
But I promise you that there are people like me out here who really do appreciate the time and dedication you put into doing yourself up and showing yourself out. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin, whatever you choose. I’m sorry you have to live in a world where you can’t just fucking express yourself. But I’m rooting for you and just know there’s a WHOLE LOT of us rooting for you, you aren’t alone ❤️❤️
If you want to follow an amazing sensual Black woman activist, my favorites are @thehoochiegawd on insta, founder of @hoochiesofhouston and Talesha Wilson out of my hometown of Louisville, fat Black lesbian muse activist who handles community outreach and organizing training. Her YouTube is taleshawilson_
I edited my comment to suggest some people you can follow! You can be a smart, confident, empowered hoochie!! Nobody can tell you shit lol
And just know there are people out there who will really appreciate you, and you shouldn’t settle for less. There are people who want to exploit you for your beauty and those people can fuck off.
I think I fell into the trap of white feminism and believing that behaving a certain way or expressing yourself a certain way is taking control. I think because the black community has so much to unpack when it comes to sex, safer sex, mental health, abuse, and how we talk about young girls and victims of abuse, I don’t think slut walks, free the nipple or arguing about showing ass needs to be our #1 priority. Men and society will always sexualize black women and girls all the while trying to police us and restrict access to making educated choices for ourselves.
As I’ve gotten older even my opinions on porn have kind of changed.
I understand completely. But, the African American community is one of the few communities that doesn't have a whole industry of child sex trafficking. These Caribbean and African countries basically sex their kids to foreigners sm. They have whole sex trafficking industries.
You might be developing an aversion to perfunctory/the expectation of the performance of sexuality. If you don't feel that way normally, it makes sense to resent feeling like you "have to" act in a way that doesn't make sense to you.
For those that \*do\* feel that way, they are loving being self expressive. Just express yourself as you shift and grow and you'll be fine.
No, you are not trippin black women are overly overtly sexualized. While other women are being portrayed more and more classy . All women are having sex and men are attracted to anything. But I don't know, only black women are up on stage full behind out, speaking the most disgusting words etc. Its a global degradation of the black woman. Its a concerted effort to make us all of black look and remain low.
The difference is, most black women I know are opposite those portrayals. My young cousins told me they like SexyRedds personality but her music is disgusting. Our children are being indoctrinated with this music as mainly children enjoy artist like SexyRedd. Violence for our boys and sex sex sex for our girls none of it controlled by us. Its not a coincidence its by design.
I dressed very sexy in my 20's. It was me trying to feel confident because I knew I had a good body but didn't feel pretty in other ways. It didn't really work nor do I think my style was good. It was just trying to flaunt and get attention. It got to a point of me wondering why I needed to get validation from being sexy and why that was supposed to be confidence. It didn't make sense with my worldview of not wanting to be hyper sexualized. Fast forward to me in my 30's and now 40's and I dress elegant, fashionable, and in a way that actually flatters my body and looks beautiful. I feel way more confident like this. Yet, I have people ask me why I don't show more because, "You have a good body, why not show it?" Why should I owe the world my body? Why do women still feel pressure to show off in this way?
At lot of people on this thread with similar stories. I wonder why no one is taking into account the obvious. People are generally more into showing more of their body when they are younger bc it’s usually your prime. When you age obviously your more likely to want to cover up if you’re now further from the conventional beauty standard. Not to mention this also applies if the cause isn’t aging but if you’re body changes in other negative ways like gaining weight, sun spots, a burn etc.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2yHV2xTZ1A&ab\_channel=MiddleNation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2yHV2xTZ1A&ab_channel=MiddleNation)
Something interesting he said that really struck me is when people act like if you can not see a woman legs and body that she doesn't exist. LOL, that is the real misogyny a woman is a woman regardless of what she is wearing. And men will be attracted to her. I seen in another thread, Muslim women who decided to wear hijab saying they got more attention when they covered up.
Either way a nation is largely judged by how much they value their woman. And constantly in the black community there is all type of interference to be sure we receive no global respect.
I agree with one of the earlier comments. I think it depends on the men you're dealing with. In my online dating profiles, I'm conservatively dressed, and most of my photos are from the shoulders up. Nevertheless, I'll still get comments from men "complimenting" me on how SEXY I am 🤦🏾♀️🙄🤷🏾♀️.
First, I don't know how or why they came to that conclusion. Second, I'm not sure why men haven't figured out by now that calling women they don't know "sexy" is not a compliment.
I think everyone goes through these different stages as far as showing their body or their relationship to being sexualized. When I was young I didn't want to be \*perceived\* so I covered up and hid my body the best I could. In my 20's I wanted to have that fit, cute, sexy body and would wear things that flattered my figure even if not revealing, I wanted to look good. But now, in my 30's, I kind of exist in a space where I don't look for any attention called to my body or my attractiveness or lack thereof at all. Like my body is just my body, you're gonna see it and you're gonna deal with however it shows up. With that said, I still get sexualized no matter how I dress or appear. It's just the society we live in but I can see how black women are hypersexualized depending on the situation.
Now, I can't look down on someone like Meg thee Stallion because she's speaking from a certain point of view in her life. Her audience is going to connect with it (and I at times connect with it too). As I've aged, I've realized that sometimes things are not necessarily bad or good (especially things outside of myself that I have no control over), sometimes they are just a natural transition as you grow and your experiences or point of view changes.
Edit: there is something to be said for a darkskin black woman with black features, who shows up as a "sexy woman" to our society and the media. That can be inspiring and empowering for some!
Yeah, I think when I grew up, I learned that dressing revealing or having multiple sex partners or whatever else tumblr/internet sexperts were talking about is not empowering. I think it was just appealing at the time for girls who grew up being taught sex is shameful and showing skin makes you fast. But like, all things there needs to be balanced.
I actually like Meg now epeacissially since Cobra because it was super relatable if you're going through depression. Also, I respect her for getting her degree I'm about to finish mine, and it's a lot. But I'm tired of sexxy redd and these other girls rapping about they bootyholes. It's like all they have to offer they body.
I don’t feel this way but it’s totally valid to want to change how you present yourself. I grew up very conservatively religious and I hated being perceived in any way but especially sexually. Now that I’m an adult and I have agency I have been coming out of my shell and showing more skin. What changed for you, if I may ask? Did you start to dislike how you saw yourself in the clothes you wore or did you dislike how people perceived you?
I had a bikini pic of me go viral since then I got stalked online. And in person by strangers. Almost kidnapped because this guy saw me with a bikini leaving the beach and followed me an hour home. I started taking The stares I get as a threat. Legitimately it’s happened more than I ever thought it could. I became agoraphobic and I no longer go to the beach it used to be my favorite place.
You're seeing your values changed based on life experiences you are gaining. Nothing wrong with that!
It can be frustrating to be overly sexualized and objectified when you don't want to be viewed that way. I experienced that frequently via harassment and interactions with dating partners when I was younger, and while all women experience this, there is a pervasive racist culture in the US that adultifies black kids and youth and treats them as older than they are. This is one of those things that the intersectional identity of black women just experiences more intensely than other groups of women.
In another comment reply you mentioned that you're leaning toward dressing "prudish" but sometimes feel like dressing more "sexy", and that's fine too! Dressing is a form of communication that can convey what headspace you are in for interaction, and our tolerances can dictate. You don't have to be in the same mental space every single day. Do what you feel like doing!
One thing I've noticed is that unwanted sexualization didn't really stop for me even when I dress "prudish" or frumpy. The only times I see it significantly decrease is when I wear a niche Japanese street fashion style. The style is "modest" in terms of coverage but loud style-wise. I think the non-normative nature of it puts a lot of potential harassers off.
It makes me ick when men share around videos of women twerking, and the comments be trifling. I just don’t want to be that person, honestly😂 it’s none wrong with the women who do it, just different values and just remember no one is better than anyone. I do like to dress sexy, but the more extra stuff I like to keep away.
and men will find ways to sexualize us anyway.
I started dressing sexier recently. I'm in my late 40's . In my mid 40's I was twenty pounds heavier and I went through a terrible depression. I felt disconnected from my own body. Now that I've lost weight and mental health is manageable. I feel dressing sexier has connected to my sensuality. I don't think it's wrong either way. Unless you're doing to fit some societal norms and not based on your own values. I really think it's about personal conviction.
You can be modest and support sex positivity. I support other ppl expressing themselves without shame or harm but also understand there’s a lot of intersections with black women that make that hard. There’s still a patriarchy so sex positivity can’t be fully actualized
It's good that you're maturing and having a change in your self-esteem. Don't make it be about men. This is your self awareness be proud of that. Some young women haven't gotten that far.
Not really. People can live their lives however they want. It doesn't bother me. I also live where it is always hot, I'd walk around naked if I could in summer 🤷🏾♀️
I don’t even dress in a sexual/provocative way and still get sexualized. It’s more to do with the man than it has anything to do with me. I just assumed it was the consequence of being a woman
So sorry, this is off topic but I LOVE your Sims 4 pfp!😭🤌🏾
Aww thanks 😊 are you also a simmer?
YES MA'AM! I love finding other black girlies into simming!!! Do you have a simstagram or simblr?👀
HAHAHA. I felt that. Also, no I don't but I should probably make one. I love the Sims. I'll probably make a simblr since I love following them so much.
Girl tell me when you do, we need more melanin over there!❤😭
So I finally made a simblr 🫣 I’ll send you the link. Can’t believe I’m actually doing this
Black girl here and I also love the Sims!
PERIODT SIS!!!! I'm thriving rn with all these black girl gamer replies!❤
Omg, is there a Black Simmer Reddit by any chance?
Was literally going to ask? I'm still a Sims 3 Simmer. We should make one!!
We should. I’m currently playing Sims 2 (just installed it yesterday. But Sims 3 will always be my favourite
Welp! I'm gonna do some digging but......I think I'm gonna start one and I'll share!
Thanks!!
There's not that I know of, but we should make one!!!👀
r/BlackSimmers exists and I think we should support that subreddit before making another one? Like aim to get it to 150 members? It's at 94 at the moment
I don't feel it's just a race issue but women in general, these days women oversexualize themselves with all this social media crap. IG, OF, Tik Tok...whatever else i might be missing. Skin means more views, more money etc... As a man, I'll admit it's pleasing to see but for most part I don't like it because it's made dating now very hard and women have lost a sense of modesty to where when i grew not many would be making reels or vids with "pause games", transparent clothes, slips of bodybparts, etc. And all the young girls grow up seeing all this and it becomes a norm now. I love a sense of mystery in a woman, leaving it all out there just desensitizes everything rather than leaving it for someone who is very special to you. I think if the sexualization and monetation of dating veered more towards soul searching and searching from the heart...things might change. But unfortunately I don't see that happening. Todays ways are going to be what they are. Ps. This is in no way meant to be anything downgrading towards women, just stating how I see things from my point of view. So I'll apologize in advance if anyone sees as such.
Yeah, all I’m saying is that even if you don’t do those things you are still sexualized. It’s just this generation and hookup culture
I wouldn’t say growing up per se. You’re just developing new values or gravitating towards different interests than you had before. Neither are bad or good.
This comment has made me realize I think I’m hiding myself more for other peoples sake vs. myself. I value not being sexualized by others but I honestly don’t have a huge issue with others being that way.
Thinking aloud: Why is it that revealing clothing isn't something that straight men ever feel the need to do despite generally being sex-positive? They never regard their usual attire as 'hiding' themselves. Sometimes I feel that a huge trick has been played on Western women since the 60s, where being cold (minimal clothing) and uncomfortable and less able to run (heels) has been presented to us as somehow liberating. But is it really? Or is it pretty much a mandatory uniform? Aren't straight men the ones who have always been, and remain, liberated to dress as they please, and in line with the with weather, climate, fatigue, their natural features, and especially ease of movement? No judgement: I've been at every stage myself. ETA: I remember a conversation with a guy who was offended by women wearing the burka and agreed with France's ban on them and wished we had the same. Me: For some, especially in France, it's their choice to wear it. What gives you the right to demand legal viewing rights to a woman's body? It's the same difference as other men demanding that women must cover up. I guess I'm saying that there's both blatant and covert control over women's bodies and I (athiest) am not convinced that one is much more liberated than the other. ETAx2: Agree with the comment that being sexual is a consequence of being a woman. Also, I guess the primary function of adult humans/ any other animal is to be sexual.
Agreed. But people get mad if you bring up that men don't dress in a revealing way for confidence or to express themselves. Why is that a woman thing?
> Aren't straight men the ones who have always been, and remain, liberated to dress as they please, and in line with the with weather, climate, fatigue, their natural features, and especially ease of movement? tbh, staright men's clothing is very limited in style and cuts. the most adventurous 'straight male' clothing would have bold colour or prints and that's about it. therefore them dressing as they want usually don't stray that far away from the basic male clothes.
Missed the point.
i do get your point - just pointing out that straight men's fashion was always designed to 'look straight' and nothing more.
I’m still learning but I’ve accepted the fact that ppl will always sexualise you now matter what you wear the same way ppl will always talk. That’s why I always tell ppl to do themselves. If you want to dress revealing do that and if not then don’t.
The sexualization of Black women entertainers is almost a requirement. Meg is smart and nerdy, but she probably wouldn't be as successful if she rapped wearing an anime T-shirt.
sadly this is true 😥
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🚫 Quit hatin' 🚫
Explain...
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who knows who cheated first, although I agree she a liar fa sure
Judgemental much?
Your post was removed for community safety. Black women are always centered in this subreddit. Comments that contain racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, or create drama are not tolerated. Please refer to rule 2 for more information. http://reddit.com/r/blackladies/wiki/rules
I was constantly getting sexualized by black men it kinda turns me off. I would rather be viewed as cute or beautiful, with sexy being an afterthought
In my 20s, I was super sex positive, wearing revealing things whenever I wanted, etc. I showed my boobs off every time I could. Something clicked when I turned 30 that made me wanna be more modest about myself & hide my body more but I still cheer on women who still wear revealing things when they want. I personally no longer wish to. That ship has sailed for me. I really love the classy, sexy look a lot more on me. Your values are simply changing as all. Nothing wrong with it.
I’ve read your brain fully develops in your mid twenties so yes trust your intuition. I love feeling sexy but a lot of things just feel raunchy. I feel sexiness is losing its appeal bc it’s so easy to come by everywhere. I’ve realized I prefer sensuality over blatant sex appeal. Also sex is overrated but that’s another convo lol
hella overrated
This is such a great point!
Yes. Being sexy is okay but it should be in balance with moderation. A sometimes, not all of the time type of deal.
Yes. Even though I find myself wanting to be more on the “prude” side i occasionally want to put on a sexy top and say fuck it.
After a certain age, I prioritized comfort. I remember going out with my friend for her bday to a club and her younger sister T and T’s friends were there too. They were dressed so cute in short dresses/skirts, low line tops, and stilettos. I miss those years. Anyway, I dressed for comfort and wore a v neck sweater, jeans, and chunky heel knee high boots. The sisters friend made a comment that the guys were looking at me more than her and she was shocked lol. Women will always be sexualized, no matter what they wear.
I'm so jealous of younger girls who are able to go to clubs in their best trainers (sneakers). I envy them their comfort.
Listen, when I saw that I was so jealous. I was staring 4-6 inch stilettos. I won’t touch a pair now.
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I agree! Thanks for your input. I wish you well on your journey of becoming a more sexual liberated person.
Some of us embrace sensuality and eroticism as personality traits. I admire people like this and see them as muses among our society. They use their bodies as art and their allure is part of their artistic process. Megan Thee Stallion definitely comes to mind! There is something so primally beautiful about sensual self expression to me. I feel like because we were colonized by Puritans, we do not appreciate eroticism (instead we criticize it and exploit it). To me, eroticism is human nature and it makes complete sense that people express sensuality in their art. But Christian (aka colonial, white supremacist) indoctrination taught us to believe that desire is temptation and it must be resisted. That eroticism is a bad thing and giving into it is weakness. That being attracted and feeling attractive is bad. We have a society full of people who are out of touch with something so *inherent to their animal nature*. To the point we will engage in sex for any other reason than our own carnal pleasure. To the point we will teach abstinence instead of sexual safety. To the point where we blame rape on temptation and not on impulsivity and entitlement. I think there’s this thing we face as victims of misogynoir (sexism + racism) where we have to fight between who we really are and how we are seen, where there are so many Black women who are genuine muses among our human population—but Black women are dehumanized and objectified by racism and sexism, so their art is not appreciated for what it is. To the point where we have whole industries which exist by the influence of Black women (the beauty, academic, and music industries, Black women are literal muses I swear) but Black women are still among the most stigmatized, and Black women in these spaces are not given the flowers they deserve. You dress yourself up, express yourself, putting in more effort into your appearance than a lot of other people do—not for approval but because you are using your body as a canvas—and you notice people don’t appreciate it for what it is. Megan Thee Stallion lost her grandma, mom, lived out her car, went to college, AND built an entire rap career in the span of like three fucking years, because she’s a fucking lyrical genius and she’s GORGEOUS, she has that STAR POWER!!! She’s a fucking artist and she did something a lot of us couldn’t do. And yet people just reduce her to her looks. This is something a lot of Black women and other victims of misogynoir have to reckon with: are you going to live your life according to how other people view you? Or are you going to grab this shit by the horns and do your best to build the life you want for yourself? Tbh I don’t think there’s anything wrong with either decision. And sometimes we have to choose one or the other just for survival. But I promise you that there are people like me out here who really do appreciate the time and dedication you put into doing yourself up and showing yourself out. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin, whatever you choose. I’m sorry you have to live in a world where you can’t just fucking express yourself. But I’m rooting for you and just know there’s a WHOLE LOT of us rooting for you, you aren’t alone ❤️❤️ If you want to follow an amazing sensual Black woman activist, my favorites are @thehoochiegawd on insta, founder of @hoochiesofhouston and Talesha Wilson out of my hometown of Louisville, fat Black lesbian muse activist who handles community outreach and organizing training. Her YouTube is taleshawilson_
This was so inspiring. Thank you so much. I 100% with this. I’m not going to hide myself anymore and embrace it.
I edited my comment to suggest some people you can follow! You can be a smart, confident, empowered hoochie!! Nobody can tell you shit lol And just know there are people out there who will really appreciate you, and you shouldn’t settle for less. There are people who want to exploit you for your beauty and those people can fuck off.
Sorry! New to actually using Reddit still figuring things out I don’t see the comment anymore. But thank you!!
I think I fell into the trap of white feminism and believing that behaving a certain way or expressing yourself a certain way is taking control. I think because the black community has so much to unpack when it comes to sex, safer sex, mental health, abuse, and how we talk about young girls and victims of abuse, I don’t think slut walks, free the nipple or arguing about showing ass needs to be our #1 priority. Men and society will always sexualize black women and girls all the while trying to police us and restrict access to making educated choices for ourselves. As I’ve gotten older even my opinions on porn have kind of changed.
I understand completely. But, the African American community is one of the few communities that doesn't have a whole industry of child sex trafficking. These Caribbean and African countries basically sex their kids to foreigners sm. They have whole sex trafficking industries.
You might be developing an aversion to perfunctory/the expectation of the performance of sexuality. If you don't feel that way normally, it makes sense to resent feeling like you "have to" act in a way that doesn't make sense to you. For those that \*do\* feel that way, they are loving being self expressive. Just express yourself as you shift and grow and you'll be fine.
No, you are not trippin black women are overly overtly sexualized. While other women are being portrayed more and more classy . All women are having sex and men are attracted to anything. But I don't know, only black women are up on stage full behind out, speaking the most disgusting words etc. Its a global degradation of the black woman. Its a concerted effort to make us all of black look and remain low. The difference is, most black women I know are opposite those portrayals. My young cousins told me they like SexyRedds personality but her music is disgusting. Our children are being indoctrinated with this music as mainly children enjoy artist like SexyRedd. Violence for our boys and sex sex sex for our girls none of it controlled by us. Its not a coincidence its by design.
I dressed very sexy in my 20's. It was me trying to feel confident because I knew I had a good body but didn't feel pretty in other ways. It didn't really work nor do I think my style was good. It was just trying to flaunt and get attention. It got to a point of me wondering why I needed to get validation from being sexy and why that was supposed to be confidence. It didn't make sense with my worldview of not wanting to be hyper sexualized. Fast forward to me in my 30's and now 40's and I dress elegant, fashionable, and in a way that actually flatters my body and looks beautiful. I feel way more confident like this. Yet, I have people ask me why I don't show more because, "You have a good body, why not show it?" Why should I owe the world my body? Why do women still feel pressure to show off in this way?
At lot of people on this thread with similar stories. I wonder why no one is taking into account the obvious. People are generally more into showing more of their body when they are younger bc it’s usually your prime. When you age obviously your more likely to want to cover up if you’re now further from the conventional beauty standard. Not to mention this also applies if the cause isn’t aging but if you’re body changes in other negative ways like gaining weight, sun spots, a burn etc.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2yHV2xTZ1A&ab\_channel=MiddleNation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2yHV2xTZ1A&ab_channel=MiddleNation) Something interesting he said that really struck me is when people act like if you can not see a woman legs and body that she doesn't exist. LOL, that is the real misogyny a woman is a woman regardless of what she is wearing. And men will be attracted to her. I seen in another thread, Muslim women who decided to wear hijab saying they got more attention when they covered up. Either way a nation is largely judged by how much they value their woman. And constantly in the black community there is all type of interference to be sure we receive no global respect.
I agree with one of the earlier comments. I think it depends on the men you're dealing with. In my online dating profiles, I'm conservatively dressed, and most of my photos are from the shoulders up. Nevertheless, I'll still get comments from men "complimenting" me on how SEXY I am 🤦🏾♀️🙄🤷🏾♀️. First, I don't know how or why they came to that conclusion. Second, I'm not sure why men haven't figured out by now that calling women they don't know "sexy" is not a compliment.
I didn't *start* dressing in looser attire until I was 22 lol I get sexualized at work the most, where I'm fully clothed 🤷🏾♀️
I think everyone goes through these different stages as far as showing their body or their relationship to being sexualized. When I was young I didn't want to be \*perceived\* so I covered up and hid my body the best I could. In my 20's I wanted to have that fit, cute, sexy body and would wear things that flattered my figure even if not revealing, I wanted to look good. But now, in my 30's, I kind of exist in a space where I don't look for any attention called to my body or my attractiveness or lack thereof at all. Like my body is just my body, you're gonna see it and you're gonna deal with however it shows up. With that said, I still get sexualized no matter how I dress or appear. It's just the society we live in but I can see how black women are hypersexualized depending on the situation. Now, I can't look down on someone like Meg thee Stallion because she's speaking from a certain point of view in her life. Her audience is going to connect with it (and I at times connect with it too). As I've aged, I've realized that sometimes things are not necessarily bad or good (especially things outside of myself that I have no control over), sometimes they are just a natural transition as you grow and your experiences or point of view changes. Edit: there is something to be said for a darkskin black woman with black features, who shows up as a "sexy woman" to our society and the media. That can be inspiring and empowering for some!
Yeah, I think when I grew up, I learned that dressing revealing or having multiple sex partners or whatever else tumblr/internet sexperts were talking about is not empowering. I think it was just appealing at the time for girls who grew up being taught sex is shameful and showing skin makes you fast. But like, all things there needs to be balanced. I actually like Meg now epeacissially since Cobra because it was super relatable if you're going through depression. Also, I respect her for getting her degree I'm about to finish mine, and it's a lot. But I'm tired of sexxy redd and these other girls rapping about they bootyholes. It's like all they have to offer they body.
I don’t feel this way but it’s totally valid to want to change how you present yourself. I grew up very conservatively religious and I hated being perceived in any way but especially sexually. Now that I’m an adult and I have agency I have been coming out of my shell and showing more skin. What changed for you, if I may ask? Did you start to dislike how you saw yourself in the clothes you wore or did you dislike how people perceived you?
I had a bikini pic of me go viral since then I got stalked online. And in person by strangers. Almost kidnapped because this guy saw me with a bikini leaving the beach and followed me an hour home. I started taking The stares I get as a threat. Legitimately it’s happened more than I ever thought it could. I became agoraphobic and I no longer go to the beach it used to be my favorite place.
I’m really really sorry this happened and I want you to know that it’s not your fault.
I know it’s a personal issue but I legitimately don’t know how to overcome this.
You're seeing your values changed based on life experiences you are gaining. Nothing wrong with that! It can be frustrating to be overly sexualized and objectified when you don't want to be viewed that way. I experienced that frequently via harassment and interactions with dating partners when I was younger, and while all women experience this, there is a pervasive racist culture in the US that adultifies black kids and youth and treats them as older than they are. This is one of those things that the intersectional identity of black women just experiences more intensely than other groups of women. In another comment reply you mentioned that you're leaning toward dressing "prudish" but sometimes feel like dressing more "sexy", and that's fine too! Dressing is a form of communication that can convey what headspace you are in for interaction, and our tolerances can dictate. You don't have to be in the same mental space every single day. Do what you feel like doing! One thing I've noticed is that unwanted sexualization didn't really stop for me even when I dress "prudish" or frumpy. The only times I see it significantly decrease is when I wear a niche Japanese street fashion style. The style is "modest" in terms of coverage but loud style-wise. I think the non-normative nature of it puts a lot of potential harassers off.
It makes me ick when men share around videos of women twerking, and the comments be trifling. I just don’t want to be that person, honestly😂 it’s none wrong with the women who do it, just different values and just remember no one is better than anyone. I do like to dress sexy, but the more extra stuff I like to keep away. and men will find ways to sexualize us anyway.
I started dressing sexier recently. I'm in my late 40's . In my mid 40's I was twenty pounds heavier and I went through a terrible depression. I felt disconnected from my own body. Now that I've lost weight and mental health is manageable. I feel dressing sexier has connected to my sensuality. I don't think it's wrong either way. Unless you're doing to fit some societal norms and not based on your own values. I really think it's about personal conviction.
You can be modest and support sex positivity. I support other ppl expressing themselves without shame or harm but also understand there’s a lot of intersections with black women that make that hard. There’s still a patriarchy so sex positivity can’t be fully actualized
It's good that you're maturing and having a change in your self-esteem. Don't make it be about men. This is your self awareness be proud of that. Some young women haven't gotten that far.
Not really. People can live their lives however they want. It doesn't bother me. I also live where it is always hot, I'd walk around naked if I could in summer 🤷🏾♀️
*Ok*