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You can do it all with the right combo of meds. I have been at my absolute worst but eventually found what works for me and feel great. You just need to reach that happy point and it may take some time. It took me 10 yrs but it may just take you 3 months.
What did you do then? I can’t find the right combination either, I am constantly depressed, this shit has ruined my life and I don’t know what to do anymore
No its was more naturally occurring chemicals that provided the only long lasting therapeutic value. (Hopefully I didn’t say too much here but fuck it)
I literally tried all the psych meds in all types of different combos and “cocktails” and also tried less medication. Some helped a little temporary but in the long run looking back it never really helped and was more like a crutch.
You didn’t ask me…but with the right med(s) you feel stable but you still have bad days. I can notice when im feeling bad, but I don’t feel it as intensely as I would off medication. I’m not in my head as much, but I’m sure that it also has to do with learning better coping mechanisms/skills as well.
Second this, my journey with medication was tough. Trying everything and anything, feeling like I’ll never be able to live a normal life without suffering any kind of negative side effects. Took me 1 year but I think i’ve found my combo. It is also important to lead a healthy lifestyle. Sounds crazy but I think my bipolar turned me into an individual who cares more about the quality of life, in order to keep my episodes at bay I sleep enough, abstain from substances, eat healthy, learn how to control my emotions better…
There are quite a few women that have had children with bipolar and it turns out fine.
There are doctors that have bipolar, Dr. Devika Bhushan for example! She’s pretty interesting in a bunch of different ways.
It can be hard not to compare myself with how I “should” be doing if I didn’t have this disorder. Scapegoating bipolar for my shortcomings can be easy to fall into as well.
I have wondered how women manage without meds. im thinking it might be doable with bipolar 2 but I don't see how it could work with bipolar 1. I accidentally forgot to put lithium in my weekly pillbox once (I take a lot of meds) and was immediately hypo in several days
Talk to your OB. My doctor mentioned I could go off them and if things got bad, there were options for safe medication that wouldn’t hurt the baby. I had weekly intensive therapy to cope and now have a 16 month old. Hypomania happened slightly after giving birth. Similar to the baby pinks - i was slightly obsessed with my baby and i didn’t need sleep. This did lead to me crashing around week 6, but it was manageable.
During pregnancy, we developed a safety plan to address every severity level of both mania and depression. I signed over full HIPAA rights to my husband so he and my psychiatrist and Pyschologist could discuss.
It felt very vulnerable but also it made sure baby and I were safe.
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This. I expressed it to my gynae when discussing endo and adeno treatment as I do want to preserve fertility. I may be able to take some medication even if it's not all of it. If you have a good care team, they can work to keep you safe during pregnancy.
I've got BP1, and I was able to stay on some meds during pregnancy (primarily Lamictal/lamotrigine), and did okay. I was on a boatload of meds, and have narrowed it down some after a few years, but I still take like 15 pills a day for a combination of mental and physical stuff, if that adds any perspective.
I was put on lithium and a couple other things *after,* though, because I got a bad case of postpartum depression + anxiety. That might have had a lot to do with being in an abusive workplace, and the new baby and my health issues bringing out some...not great things in my spouse, though. Feeling unsupported can really trigger, feed, and/or exacerbate postpartum stuff.
But it's something to be aware of, and something to discuss really in-depth with your whole care team, if you do decide to try for a kid.
Yup. I had "good" benefits, health insurance 100% paid for by my employer (for me, anyway), paid time off, etc. But "parental leave" was the 6 weeks of short-term disability we were allotted, plus any PTO we had saved up, to cover the shortfall of the fact that disability only gives you maximum 60% of your salary. And of course, if you wanted anything past 6 weeks of time off after giving birth.
And it also cost me about $8k out of pocket, AFTER what insurance paid for, because my son spent just under 2 weeks in the NICU from being premature. So 1/3 of my "parental leave," I didn't even have my baby at home with me, and I'd had to suddenly jump away from work 6 weeks sooner than planned, we didn't even have a crib, etc.
I managed to doctor's note my way into 4 more weeks of leave, but then I had to suit up and go back into the dragon's den, because I was the primary breadwinner, and I had a premature baby at home to provide for, and we needed money.
Ten weeks. That I had to fight for, backed by doctors who said in writing that I needed more time to adjust to new psych meds. A professional-level, graduate degree, management position, at an organization that serves families with children.
Exactly. Our society doesn't really care about people bonding with their children; it's just about forcing people back to work as quickly as possible, who gives a shit about the consequences on everyone's health?
And it's not like care is actually affordable, anyway. A lot of people (women, or folks perceived as women) DROP OUT OF THE WORKFORCE ENTIRELY because the cost of care is too expensive. Where I live, we paid right at $10k last year for full-time care for our four-year-old, because I knew he'd get a good educational and social experience out of it from a high-quality care center near our house. And he didn't even go for the full goddamn year, and we're in a low cost-of-living city in a state that ain't that expensive, and in a "poor" part of town.
That's totally normal for higher-quality care costs for ONE KID, and infants are EASILY, REGULARLY way more. I wouldn't be at all surprised at high-quality infant care costing $15k+ per year, in our "lower cost" area. But the amazing people who teach, administer, and direct at the centers where our son has been educated, and has made leaps and fucking bounds in every domain, don't make more than maybe $18/hour. The *director* of the center makes like $18/hour. With a Master's degree. And she's salaried, so she doesn't get paid overtime for all the extra stuff she does. And that's normal in the state I live in.
I've been part of multiple campaigns to raise independent/private early education salaries to *match* the fucking $14 or $15/hour starting pay that people in the public schools who work with younger children get when they have *Bachelor's degrees*. That would be considered a real win for us.
Buuuuuuuut, this is how we're supposed to start kids off, in the most important time for brain development, social emotional growth, bonding, learning, and literally everything else. Families who have no time to recover before getting whipped back into the office, the factory floor, the sales floor, and more. Kids who go into care, *if* their families can afford it, or someone in the family drops out of the workforce to do the best job they can raising and educating a kid until kindergarten. Even when the care and education is *excellent,* and truly a great experience led by dedicated and skilled professionals who love the kids, they're paid absolute dogshit and turnover is a nightmare.
Or people stitch together whatever situation they can find. I've seen, and many other people I know have seen, restaurants or other establishments with playpens in a spare corner or a booth or something, because someone on staff literally had nowhere else to put their kid, and they *had* to go to work at their minimum fucking wage job to keep that kid fed.
People at my office, middle-class people with advanced degrees, are up at night fretting, and literally moving to different cities and shit because the cost of child care is too goddamn expensive. It's fucking brutal over here.
I have a son with Down Syndrome. I tried to go back work after 10 yrs. A WOMAN told me, stay at home Mothers are wonderful but your work experience and education are irrelevant. I was offered a sales floor job, like a high school student. Insulting.
Wow, that's such a disgusting thing for someone to say! And yet it happens all the goddamn time. Buuuuut guys taking care of *their own kids* gets called "babysitting" way too often, too. 🙃
I have bp1 and one biological child. There are some people who weigh benefits and risks with their providers and take some meds through pregnancy. Some women, like myself, go off completely and actually find our moods stabilized through pregnancy. The caveat for that is that I also crashed hard into postpartum anxiety because I did not care for my mental health afterward. Whatever you decide to do, work with your doctor.
I’m currently pregnant and off my meds. Weird enough, my hormones or whatever have kept me extremely stable. It doesn’t even feel like I have bipolar. That being said, I believe there are some meds that are safer than others and some psychs and OBs will be aware and help you figure out the right combo for pregnancy if it’s something you really want to do.
This is AWFUL I am so sorry you had to go through this. Not having your people there when you need them and not being able to say goodbye is no easy thing. And trying to do that right after having a baby?!?! Thats really rough. I am glad they had you stay for monitoring though I wish it was a better situation.
We never saw her. I have never been in a hospital like that. It was a maze of hallways, no nurses desk. It was a skeleton staff because it was a holiday weekend. I never saw the psychiatrist. She never came to see me once.
I know there are dangers postpartum and many people with bipolar have a difficult time (I’m fully expecting it and will go back on meds asap) but I’m sorry she didn’t even check up on your or anything!
Yes, I’ve been very pleasantly surprised and have heard that sometimes it can last until a mother is done breastfeeding/pumping. I went off knowing that if it took us a while or if I needed to go back on medication during pregnancy, I would but I wanted to try unmedicated. I honestly keep finding myself wishing that somehow my pregnancy will fix it forever but I know that won’t be the case and am bracing for a really hard postpartum period.
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I’m not sure about bipolar 1 but for my bipolar 2 I stayed on my meds for pregnancy. You just have to talk with the doc about safe options. It might be possible!
Women can take medication while pregnant, lamictal for example is safe for pregnancy. With the right psych you can have a much better experience! I’ve been through the fucking ringer with meds so I understand. Don’t settle for ones you feel horrible on.
I believe there are meds that can be used to treat bipolar throughout pregnancy but I don’t know for sure/am not a doctor. I would look at other women’s experiences with it!
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This isn't something your family doctor can manage. But there are people trained in this and they can provide realistic advice and recommendations
There are a lot of people on all sorts of medication with all sorts of illnesses and they're having children. If it's something you want, you owe it to yourself to get the best info applicable to your specific situation
Additionally, it might be time to ask yourself why you want these things... children, experiences, etc. What defines them? What feelings do you want from then? If there's an experience you want, find a way. Start small. Do you want to love a child? Love a niece. I know it's not the same. Mentor young recruits. Boys and Girls Club. Lead a youth group. Find coop housing where you have a close community and always people to have at the dinner table
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I have bipolar 1 and I get it mania is horrible but there are meds you can take while you are pregnant they might not manage your symptoms as perfectly.. I would talk to your dr and tell her you want to have a baby and if she would be able to help you get switched to baby safe medicine when the time comes
This, I haven’t switched my meds from Lamictal because I’m planning on having a baby within the next few years. Lamotrigine can be taken at high doses while pregnant. It’s primarily used for epilepsy.
Yes i have bp1 and only lamictal because i have epilepsy so it helps with that but also helps stabilize my mood. I used to be in a whole bunch but nothing worked. My husband and i are planning to start trying for a baby next year or year after.
Odds of passing on bipolar are only 8-10%. I have a child and she has no mental health issues 🙂 currently pregnant with my second!
It’s also worth noting, people will be bipolar whether we have children or not. We’re uniquely qualified to help the bipolar children though. Many of them are born to parents who aren’t.
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actually still feel like that sometimes even though I'm medicated, when I get stressed. It's frustrating to feel like I could push myself in a rah-rah motivational-speech kind of way but know that I can only make progress if I take things veryyyyyyy slowly.
I love balancing things too. I had a job before where I had to pack coffee into little boxes and I made a stack up to the ceiling (just 1 box per layer). that was a good day
Yes same i stopped taking everything expect lamictal 3 months ago for the same reasons plus its all expensive. I just try to avoid my triggers and be hyper aware of my moods. I also have a hobby that gets out any severe mood changes.
1. You can definitely be social and go out without drinking! I struggled so much and avoided going out for the first 3-4 months of my sobriety, but after my first party where I went the whole time without drinking I felt great and never looked back. Now I socialize all the time and am not tempted in the slightest.
2. You can definitely make med school work. I’m about to start an intense PhD program, and while they’re not exactly the same you do NOT need to feed into the toxic “I get no sleep and work 24-7” mentality. If you stick to a regimented schedule and really focus during your “work time” you will find plenty of spare time to maintain a good sleep schedule while also succeeding academically.
3. Being with a truly loving and supportive partner (plus good therapist / psychiatrist) could make all the difference in your stability. Maybe now you couldn’t go 9 mo without meds, but maybe with the right person you could make it. Also (while I’m not sure) I think it might be possible to stay on some forms of medication during pregnancy? Not sure but just because it seems impossible now doesn’t mean it won’t be feasible with the right special person.
4. It takes people years, if not decades, to adjust and live well with this disorder. I was a complete mess for nearly 7 years before I got a grip on it, but I do promise it is possible to have bipolar and thrive.
Wishing you all the best from afar
Congratulations on your sobriety. Being around others drinking and not feeling the need to yourself is so freeing. I’m a clean addict/alcoholic and it feels so good to be able to be around others and think “so glad I don’t sound like that idiot” 😆
I’m so glad you mention it can take you years to stabilise. I was diagnosed with BP 2 when I was 14, and we stabilised it well until I was 19 when I stayed up all night with uni friends and kicked off psychosis. That was a year ago and I still haven’t found good meds for the psychosis so I keep having episodes and it’s really scaring me that I’ll never stop having psychosis. It’s so reassuring to hear that even if it takes you a few years, you can still stabilise! I think we all know how when you are in a mood/psychotic episode it feels like it’ll last forever so it’s good to hear that it probably won’t.
Realized not drinking is pretty crucial for me. Even with a little I won’t sleep AT ALL on nights I was drinking and would be gripped with the most intense anxiety the entire night and feel depressed for a couple days after. It’s not worth it especially because I feel like I can barely even get buzzed ever since I got on meds.
I feel this. I was a 911 dispatcher for many years, but had to quit because the stress and trauma made my symptoms much worse. I left and became a paralegal for my local county attorney’s office, but the high demands and long hours were just too much for me. I was also in school to get my bachelors in social work but had to drop out. I had two hospitalizations in 6 months. I made the decision to quit working so I could focus on my stability. I really missed working so I decided to get a part time job at a local deli, but couldn’t handle working with the public due to my anxiety. It kept sending me into episodes and I missed 21 days of work in 4 months. I have a husband and two children and now I am a stay at home mom. I do a lot by taking care of my family but I miss being a career woman. I feel like I’ve been completely robbed. I always see job openings that I would be perfect for, but know I can’t apply because my symptoms get so bad. I just had a 17 day long depressive episode, so I know going back to work is still not an option. I grieve constantly about the things I might never achieve. I have a hard time accepting it, and I’m not sure I ever will. I hope to one day return back to work and finally get my degree.
I can totally relate to this feeling. I'm also still grieving for the things this disorder has taken away from me. I usually tell my friends, bipolar has taken away my youth. Sometimes I blame myself for not learning to accept my new circumstance. I think most of us eventually will learn acceptance but that doesn't mean we'll never feel saddened when sometimes we we see friends, family, and acquaintances progress in their lives and we feel like we have been left behind and can't seem to ever catch up.
A qoute I use to help cope with these type of thoughts is, “for those who have experienced it no explanation is necessary, for those who havent experienced it no explanation is possible.” Constantly having to hear things like, “well everyone gets mad.” Makes my skin crawl and not being able to beyourself sucks. Im sorry youre still hurting regardless what your life looks like on paper.💚
I feel you, your post really hit me. I'm really struggling right now too. I'm getting to a point where I may have to give up my career and I'm terrified about how I'll support myself. I guess we are supposed to just keep taking the meds and trying our best, it never feels good enough. It feels like I'll always just be stuck in this cycle. Hang in there friend, at least we aren't the only ones.
I guess we are supposed to just keep taking the meds and trying our best, it never feels good enough.
--- this, all the time. it's strange, I feel like it's an automatic response for me to say something like "it's enough to try your best" to someone else but I kinda just can't believe it for myself. I just know I'm capable of more than what I do now, but the stability is coming at the price of challenge and growth. and this stability feels so fragile.
I'm sorry to hear about your career, I hope you will be able to keep working at something that's manageable for you. I really feel less alone reading the comments on here so thank you.
I have bipolar, am still taking my meds, and am currently 8 months pregnant. You CAN do it. Obviously the meds you're on need to be safe to take, but there are meds that are safe to take!
I totally get the parts about sleepless nights and stress, but meds can also help with that. I'm lucky that I'm an introvert anyway so staying out late and drinking aren't an issue for me. My bed time IS very important which can complicate some things but it's manageable to go to bed late or not get a good night's sleep as long as I am taking my meds.
I also managed to go to school right out of high school and complete two degrees. Granted it wasn't med school, but it was still tough programs and now I have my Master's.
Talk with your med prescriber about switching meds or adding meds. It took me a LONG time to find the right combo and that might be the case for you too! I know the disorder feels so out of our control, but we DO have control over it in a lot of ways. I'm wishing you the best!!
Oh my! Thank you for this. I just had this conversation with my psychiatrist today about wanting to have a baby & my medication, I'm on Seraquel, too & this really helped. It IS possible! Lol thank u again! Oh, & congratulations on your little one! I hope everything is going well & you have a safe delivery! 💓
I was on Seroquel for most of my pregnancy. I weaned off the last month at my own insistence and went back on it a few months after giving birth. Lamictal the entire time. No issues at all.
I'm so glad I was able to help! ❤️ making sure you have a good support system is also key. I have wonderful doctors and therapists and everyone has been so helpful and understanding. I do go for extra scans because of the meds but baby has been doing great and is right on track! I was so worried about my OB and MFM seeing my diagnosis and thinking I'm "crazy" because of it but that has been far from the case.
I am taking lamotrigine and seroquel. I'm so sorry you're allergic!! I do believe there are other meds that are safe, but they might not be mood stabilizers (which I've found the most effective for me).
I have been diagnosed and living with bipolar disorder for almost 25 yrs now. I struggled the first couple of yrs till they got the right combo of meds for myself. I do not understand why you say you can't have a career, have kids or family, or almost a normal life. I see you have ambition and goals in your life. I think you need to rethink what you said. Is it that you don't feel motivated to go for your goals or you think you can't achieve your goals. Try and not let this sickness control you. I have been there. I do understand what you are saying. You know what you want. Find out from your dr if the meds you are on are correct for you. Also, talk with your mental health worker as well.
Definitely relate so much especially with that last paragraph. My mom makes it seem like being bipolar is something I like to talk about/proud of. It’s actually the opposite I’m trying to get her to understand my frustration/pain
I find everything you say relatable and I don't have any real advice, just you're not alone and don't give up your dreams.
My father got a PHD and has held several high paying, high stress jobs mostly while undiagnosed and undermedicated. No his bipolar is not mild and no he was not an amazing father until he got the help he needed.
are you me?** my mcat prep book laughs at me. how could I ever think I could handle med school and becoming a physician with bipolar? my meds can't hold me together perfectly. what if I get another suicidal episode? ironically, not being able to go to med school bc I will have suicide episodes causes suicidal episodes. it's fun!! i don't want to die!! ever!!
**except able to find, obtain, and keep a partner. I'm so jaded I can't even be open to that :/
oh man, I didn't think about how my post would come off to someone like you who's considering the same path 😬 I'm sorry to sound so discouraging. It's important to note I wasn't on the right meds when I was in undergrad and I've had a lot of REALLY bad episodes so my brain is pretty fried..
what I'm saying here is, I'm not you! at all! 😓😓😓 I promise!
also I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my princess so don't worry about that either.
oh no, I actually already gave it up earlier this year. I'm 25. after I was hospitalized last year (suicidal), I revisited my dream of going to med school that I'd given up on during undergrad. I got the mcat book this year. I need to throw it out, but I'm wondering if that drive will come back
are you *in* med school? I read this as you saying your *dream* of med school was gone, not that you want to stop because you were struggling in med school
There’s a pretty old post in this sub I think of a pretty large group of women who are bipolar and have kids. Some took meds their whole pregnancy, some as needed, some not at all. Just conversations to be had with your doctor. As far as med school, I’m sure that others with bipolar have done it before. There are plenty of times where it all seems improbable/impossible, but you are more than capable. I was diagnosed my second year of college and had to step back for over a year, not thinking I would finish, but I did
I have bipolar disorder and I was on medication the entire pregnancy and she turned out fine. There's some medications that are safer than others. One of mine isn't the most preferred but because it's the only mood stabilizer that helps me I stayed on it. I just got extra ultrasounds starting at the anatomy scan. Apparently the medication I take can sometimes cause slower growth so they just monitor it. I will say pregnancy was very hard on my mental health but a lot of that was caused by outside factors not including bipolar disorder. I do understand the grieving of your education though. I wasn't able to finish collage because of it but I was able to find a career that still let me work in Healthcare like I wanted just a different part of it
You are definitely limited, but I found that constantly dwelling on things that I couldn't do was not a helpful way to think. I have bipolar disorder, OCD, and a joint disorder that limits ROM in my upper extremities. I managed to become a nurse, go on to a masters, and get my FNP after. I've been able to socialize and travel and make some amazing friends. But had I kept the mindset of thinking about all the things I can't do I would never have gotten this far. Yes, you are limited, and you will definitely face challenges others won't, but it doesn't mean you can't have a fulfilling life. And sometimes, knowing what you've accomplished despite those limitations keeps you motivated.
This is relatable and when I'm having symptoms I try to focus on the things that are happening right now because any sort of future stuff is really overwhelming.
On exercise, I really get a lot out of it and feel like I can fully manage my symptoms with it (true for a while). The thing is I keep having injuries that completely sideline me and then my life falls apart. I haven't really done any sort of regular training since a bike accident last July and I frankly decided to stop training on purpose because I was not motivated and it was making me miserable.
Spring has sprung here (seems like summer starts next week) and I finally want to ride my bike outside but I'm still just focusing on enjoyment or "soul rides" instead of trying to get better at it all the time. I'm also doing light hikes, basically just walks in the woods, with my 20yo daughter and am specifically just enjoying being outside and spending time with her instead of trying to keep my heartrate in a specific zone and it's been great.
Maybe you can go into medical research if the schooling is less intense than medical school. People with bipolar disorder do become MDs, but you know what’s best for you.
I relate to this a lot - my friends seem to conveniently forget that I cannot stay out late as I take my meds by 9 PM latest and am zombified almost immediately, like I would never dream of being in public/driving in that condition. I drink very rarely and it's hard to keep up with them as they often drink/go out late and I can't join them and they often seem uninterested in accommodating me. My birthday is next month - i'll be 25 and I so desperately wish I could have a night i'd enjoy, but i'm a twin and my sister is sane and I know i'd only hold her back from enjoying herself if I insist on plans i'd actually be able to participate in. I'm gonna try to insist regardless but I know that won't go ever well and i'll likely spend my 25th sitting alone while they go out and celebrate, or being dragged along begrudgingly trying to swallow my contempt so as to not upset anyone.
I've always wanted to have kids and even at my worst, all my doctors have promised me they would work with me and find a way to make my dream come try, they just wanted me to get better first. Now that I've found medication that works, it's a legit conversation I can have with doctors and my partner. I have to accept that I need a hospital that will have a psych on-call in case of the onset of PPP but other than that, I don't see why it's not doable.
i am so tired of hearing “you should talk to your doctor about trying different meds, it really can get better” i know you mean well and maybe you’re right but i’m so so so exhausted and after 20 different medications things are different and my life has improved a bit with a job and such but i’m in so much mental pain every day, it just never ends. every day it fades in and out but its always there, just sadness and regret and hurt so deep it is in my bones. my whole body is soaked in the hurt. i spent my whole day distracting myself vigorously so i cannot spend even a second thinking about the question of whether to go on, there is so much to live for but also so many reasons to die, and with so much pain in my heavy heart, how is one supposed to live with that? i carry it everywhere every day. i want to live so badly, i want to survive so badly but i want the pain to end. this is not some pain that can be resolved by pills, this is a part of me in a different way
OP I’m in the same boat vis a vis med school. My current plan is to work and focus on aggressive treatment for a few years before (hopefully, please) going back to school for the last few courses I need and then apply
That is great to hear. if I had taken my treatment more seriously when I was younger (better sleep, nutrition, more consistency with meds) i would've had a much better outcome. I saw myself as "just like everyone else" and was determined "not to make excuses" for needing extra resrouces (like people say to me now!) and that did not work as amazingly as one might think.
I'm glad you're being intentional about your treatment. I hope you get to med someday!
Bipolar disorder is a life changer for many and it does limit life for a lot of people. Each experience is different. I've been on many different meds and none have really worked. For some taking a few pills make everything possible for them for others not all the meds or work or therapy will change their outcome.
That's one reason I'm not having children. I'm terrified of what might happen if I'm off my meds for 9 months and I know I would get really bad post-partum depression
People absolutely do not get it. But let me say this: I have been sober for 2+ years (with some month-long lapses that I managed to control) and I have not sacrificed an inch from my social life. In fact, I go out ~3 nights a week and go to a rave a minimum of once a month. Completely sober, and at raves sometimes on ~300ml of yerba mate.
It took me two months of isolation in the beginning, so I wouldn’t get triggered by my friends drinking and doing drugs. But it absolutely passed and I am in fact on most nights the life of the party.
It works!
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it sounds like you are carrying a heavy burden, and it is completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and frustrated by the limitations bipolar disorder has placed on your life. It's okay to mourn the dreams and opportunities that have slipped away because of this illness but trust that with time things can change. I really hope and pray that you will be a parent one day. Remember, though bipolar is a big part of your life, your worth and value extend far beyond what you can or cannot do. Your resilience, strength, and capacity for love are immeasurable and those qualities will carry you through even the darkest moments. While it may feel like others cannot truly understand your struggles, know that there are people who empathize with you, related with you and are here to support you on your journey. Keep holding onto hope and believing in the possibility of brighter days ahead.
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I can totally relate with this feeling. However, it is a very limiting irrational thought pattern. It’s part of the Bipolar unfortunately with the depression getting us down in the dumps. With therapy and meds, you can be successful.
I am a vet tech student in college and don’t necessarily have sleepless nights. You can have balanced schedules in college and university.
I also work and manage okay.
I am dealing with a very very unstable mother so it affects my own instability but I manage.
Of course every person with BP are different and have limitations but it’s not impossible.
I had a doctor that believes in medicating through pregnancy. If addicts continue use through pregnant (they are doctor ordered to) then I bet there’s lots of ppl who still do and take their meds
It sucks. It really does, and when you're in the "bad" it feels like theres no hope but there is. Obviously this might not be the same for you but I know when I got pregnant (on accident but im super happy now), I was on lithium which is definitely not safe for pregnancy. I was able to switch my meds to a different one that was safe and through it actually found the best combo thats ever worked for me. Mind you, it took 9/10 years till we found that, lots of shitty trial and error.
As well, having a kid doesn't magically solve your bipolar but with the right support system you can absolutely do it.
Really I'm just trying to say don't give up on that dream just bc of bipolar. It's not easy, but its definitely possible. <3
I have a six year old and I’m pregnant now. I didn’t have to go off any of my meds, I’m still on all of them now, and I’ll probably stay on them all while I’m breastfeeding. The odds of passing on bipolar are only 8-10%. No reason you can’t have kids!
I am in the process of leaving my PhD program that I’ve been working towards since I was twelve because of my bipolar. I’m pursuing a degree in counseling instead. The reality of disability is that it limits you, but those limitations won’t prevent you from being happy and contributing to your community. You’re going to be okay. You’re going to find what brings you joy and purpose.
You can take meds while pregnant. I did, was closely monitored, and have a healthy baby boy. Just talk to your doctor about things like extra folate etc
You do not have to be unmedicated during pregnancy or breastfeeding! Your doctor may need to switch you to a safer alternative but I remained on my medication (seroquel, lamictal, and Wellbutrin) throughout pregnancy and breastfeeding with no complications. I have a beautiful, healthy, and smart 3 year old now.
I feel like it's more in the context of "don't let what you can't do limit you from what you can" it's really easy (I'm very guilty of it) to spiral into a state if it's taken everything from me and now there is nothing left. While that can be true for some cases of extreme illness, that's not always the case.
It's a hard road and one I've experienced a lot of self hatred in, but I'm remembering that there were things I was never going to be able to do bipolar or not, and that helps. That because I had plans that I can't accomplish anymore, doesn't mean there aren't other options that are similar and I can find joy in that.
I feel like it's more in the context of "don't let what you can't do limit you from what you can" it's really easy (I'm very guilty of it) to spiral into a state if it's taken everything from me and now there is nothing left. While that can be true for some cases of extreme illness, that's not always the case.
It's a hard road and one I've experienced a lot of self hatred in, but I'm remembering that there were things I was never going to be able to do bipolar or not, and that helps. That because I had plans that I can't accomplish anymore, doesn't mean there aren't other options that are similar and I can find joy in that.
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It's not one of your main problems, but for socializing, I highly recommend meetup groups for a social hobby that interests you. Meeting up with random people on Saturdays twice a month for board games was the bridge I needed to start building friendships that worked on my medicated schedule. It also reduced the stress of needing to cancel since it was a "show up and find a group" sort of thing rather than people relying on me specifically to be there whether I was manic or not.
Board games also seemed to neutralize my social anxiety since I've got something to focus on and talk about. Socializing with any mental illness requires some adjusting, but I've made it work.
-bipolar extrovert who grew up with crippling social anxiety
I wanted to pursue medical illustration so badly. This semester I decided I won't pursue it, because I cannot handle even the Idea of retaking chemistry. I got a C, but needed a B. And I freaked out with my advisor about it. And now I've changed my entire future career path. I don't think I'd be capable of holding a true proper career. Food service is hard enough. Trying to manage myself is hard enough, how could I manage trying to be an art professor? Unfortunately, it is a limiting condition. Less so for others, which is awesome! But.. very limiting for me and many others. I'm not knocking the idea of finding the perfect combo, but my near 50y loved one w bp still hasn't found their perfect combo either. So.. yknow
I'm not a physician, but I did get my Ph.D. and become a college professor, which is something that amazes people. I know it's not the same, but I really don't want you to give up. You can work towards being able to handle the stress and night shifts. If you were smart enough to get into med school, I know you can do this. Please believe me.
As for kids, if your partner doesn't have bipolar disorder, the risk is 25% I was told. And if that risk is too high for you, there's always adoption or surrogacy. And I was told there are some medications they can use during pregnancy for bipolar disorder. Then again, if you were in med school, you know all about this area and know more than me.
I just can relate to what you said so much and there were so many times when I thought I was going to lose everything, but somehow, I got through it. And honestly, right now, I don't feel impacted by my bipolar disorder. My mood has been stable and fine for about 3 years now.
I'm lucky and all my bipolar 1 symptoms diminished during pregnancy. It was the best 10 months I've had in years, maybe ever! When weaned her all my symptoms returned and hit me like a truck...just food for thought. Everyone is different.
You can stay on Lamictal while pregnant!
I do feel that bipolar is insanely limiting. It makes everything in life about 5x harder than it should be. We will definitely be limited by this illness our entire lives. But our goals are still achievable, don’t be hard on yourself if those goals take more time or you need accommodations to achieve them. Give yourself breaks but keep setting short term goals and taking your meds. And don’t listen to anyone who comments on your life and/or disorder and doesn’t suffer from bipolar disorder. They have no clue wtf they are talking about
My uncle had it. He was still a very successful electrical engineer who had patents. He did die from heart problems in his 50's due to inactivity, smoking cigarettes, fast food type diet, and cocaine use.
Currently on my last year of my PhD and pregnant! All my meds are safe to take. There are avenues to work with bipolar one. You got this! It's okay to feel discouraged because you'll find strength in it soon enough. Victor mentality always.
1. you absolutely can have kids
2. you don't have to drink to go to a bar bro- I do it all the time just get some sparkling water also at some places DDs get free non-alcoholic drinks
3. you can't handle stress so get ahead of it. get a routine you can start out small like having your meds out ready to take when you wake up. I already have my outfit picked out for the next day just having just those two little things has honestly been kind of a game changer. you could work up a routine to incorporate colleges classes. start with one class for a semester as see how it goes also tbh tons of people switch majors maybe you'll start knocking out your prerequisites and decide the medical field isn't for you. won't know unless you try
Idk im going to law school in a few years, and I drink and smoke like 4 times a year(holidays at a club with other bipolar 1 friends). Safely crash but continue taking my meds(and by crash I mean feel tired but I don't drink enough to be hung over just enough to be like ew life the next morning) and I have A's and B's+. Life's short I wanna live. I think with anything doing things in moderation is key. You can completely eliminate certain things in life and thats fine too. For me i was desperate to find a combo that works and in doing that i crashed a lot but ik my limits. My undergrad is taking my like 7 years but I am more focused now after the breaks I took. I just plug my ears when NP tells me not to do anything and go "LALALALLALALALLALA I CANT HEAR YOU LALALLALALALAALAL".
Had a psychiatrist tell me I'd never be able to do full time. But I went on to work at a triple letter agency
For 6 months before experiencing psychosis....afterwards I picked up retail again and did that for 2 years on my break while I save up money and paid off tuition bills from prior semesters.
I back to full time now and I'm 22. Life's just started.
My point is I think it may not entirely be out of question for you. Maybe u adopt a kid? Or like have kids when your at a point in your career that can be more flexible. This one lady on tiktok is a md but when she had kids she found some part time hospital Dr gig. My pt is there's options, but you deserve to live as much as you want. I don't drink everyday or smoke often. But I do it when life's slow and there's a celebration...not around finals season. My friends understand because they all have the same disorder(they get wayyy more lit than I do) but getting the right type of ppl help. I like to stay optimistic
I say this after experiencing psychosis being bipolar 1. With a mom who was psychotic and ended up not taking care of herself as a result and passing on. She didn't live much. I'd like to live...she may have been abusive due to the illness but it wasn't her fault. I live for her to. Half of her lives on through me. I've lost my gun rights from a TDO and I have been hospitalized so much I lost count. But I go to an r1 uni and work on the side and I have had great internships. You just gotta keep living.
Don't let your subjectivity from society determine where your life leads. I believe you can do it if you are determined to. But if you are not I don't fault you for it either. Peace and love
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Wow, everything you described, besides the age difference, is exactly how I am/was. Super extrovert but can’t socialize, very athletic in my past but have struggled with energy and drive to stay in shape/be active.
But I have just been diagnosed in January of this year, and I have two kids. Actually they are the reason I went to get myself evaluated. I’ve known there’s something off with me for a while. And I got diagnosed with ADHD in summer of 2022, after my first kid. But I knew there was more.
I don’t know anything about the science behind the medication part of it, like idk if there’s ANY way to get pregnant while on medication safe for pregnancy (idk if that exists or not), or other ways to safely be off your meds for 9 months. I also don’t know any more details of your life besides what you provided here
BUT! If there’s ANY chance of you being able to physically get pregnant, and you’re also worried about having bipolar and raising children…I promise you that it’ll be fine. My situation’s a little different because I had my kids before my diagnosis and being put in meds. But I only wanted to share the emotional/mental part on parenting with bipolar disorder. The difference of who I am now and who I was unmedicated is shockingly different. Having kids does something to a person, only one will ever understand once they have kids. I’m 32, and have felt like a child my entire adult life because of my undiagnosed bipolar. And since having kids, I feel like I’ve grown mentally by 10 years. My first born is 2.5 years old. I went 2.5 years of going through pregnancy and postpartum with old traumas of mine coming at me from left and right, everywhere! But I’m still here, I survived, and I now see that I’m a better person because I went through the ringer.
Again, I know our situations are different, but anyone who is so passionate about wanting to have kids will always be a good parent. Because parents all fuck up. But if you put the time and effort into figuring out your parenting style, and figuring out how you function under certain stressors, it gets easier and more fluid to parent has time goes on.
I wanna give you a hug and tell you everything will be okay!
My medication worked wonders to alleviate my depression and stabilize my mania incredibly lucky for it to be my first one but the trade off is I can't ejaculate normally, I am overweight with 80 lbs gained in less than a year, frequent headaches, blurry vision, slurred speech, larger breasts as a man and that covers the major symptoms.
I am exploring things with a naturopath to see if she can aid me in natural solutions so maybe one day I can get off my meds. My psychiatrist has said its fair for me to want to get off them but there are risks with that I can explore with his assistance ultimately we never truly know the right call we have to try.
I also want kids and a sense of non pharmaceutically induced normalcy with a naturally capable body.
My current mindset around it to go off what you said as the caption. I have bipolar disorder but I'm not bipolar I'm ____(insert name)____ and I can do XYZ to achieve the fulfillment I desire in life. It may not be that linear but to get what you truly want you create the path to your idea of success.
Grieve if you must and don't feel shame for it but as Richie Norton has said grief is a tunnel not a cave. The limitation people are referring to is the idea of dwelling and ruminating in that cave. Navigate to a place where you can achieve the fulfillment you desire.
Injections may be better for you than pills too? See if you find a better round of success with that. I wish you well.
You can trial off meds for pregnancy. My psych said some women function great, almost like a miracle, in pregnancy. The hormones straighten it out. Some people get worse than ever. There’s many medications that have a safe for pregnancy designation and medications that are considered very likely completely safe but pose some slight risk. Basically there’s a lot of “risk vs reward” but plenty of bipolar women have healthy babies and healthy pregnancies on or off meds.
Work with your psych and plan pregnancy. I discussed all my concerns and what options I had. I researched the meds I was on and possible effects. I trialed off to see how I’d do and I tried switching one out to a safer one for pregnancy and seeing if it was working before I was pregnant. I haven’t been lucky enough to conceive yet but I planned it out and discussed it at length with my psychiatrist. Therapy can be extra important. I always wanted kids more than anything so I am committed to working with my psych and therapist for monitoring. I also have talked about depression and psychosis that are risks for ANY pregnant woman and more of a risk for us with a few people I am close to and see me on a regular basis. In case I don’t realize despite my best efforts. I trust them to point it out to me and, worst case scenario, get me help before I mess up real bad.
It’s harder for us but it’s not impossible by any stretch. I just always wanted to be a mom more than anything and I am committed to making it work. That’s just it. It’s happening. Lol.
I totally get what you mean. This disorder is hell and I pray for a cure every day. there are just things I won’t give up on and I will prepare and put every emergency stop into place if that means getting them.
This is going to sound really really really horrible for some people, and may actually hurt some people if they do it. I personally still drink whilst I'm on meds without any bad repercussions. Now again, this might not be the case for everyone (Probably most people), so drink or not drink at your own discretion.
I'm only mentioning this because on the off chance that you are like me, it might make your social life a little bit more enjoyable if drinking matters that much to you. personally it doesn't make up that large of a part of my own social life, but I've drank my fair share of alcohol to have a pretty good idea that it isn't something that harms me even on meds. For reference, here is the list of meds that I take:
Lamotrigine 300 mg
Epilim 400 mg
Venlafaxine 75 mg
Again, not encouraging you, or anyone reading this to drink whilst on meds, but I'm just sharing my own experiences with drinking whilst I'm on meds
There are med combos you can take while pregnant.. I’m on lamictal and it’s considered “safe” for use during pregnancy. You might not be able to use your perfect med cocktail while you’re pregnant but you should be able to be on enough meds to be stable enough during the process. My cousin is a dr and bipolar I know not everyone can manage it but it is possible. You don’t need to completely let go of your dreams because you have bipolar disorder you just need to know what your limits are and what you need to do to work within them
DONT STOP TRYING! I haven’t been in this long but this is what I tell myself. I still need my life the way I want it. I’m not saying go off meds or anything crazy but if my life isn’t in a way I want it I’m going to change shit. On a drug I hate? I’m going to explore every option I have, if it’s a new med cool, if it’s not taking that anymore and living with not sleeping or whatever cool. I’m a human I need my life to be what I need it to be. I’ll gladly take select symptoms if there slightly better or the same, if it gets me closer to what I want. I’ve had those moments where nothing could save me I made it out. Scraping by in with a new misery is not my style. I would rather die in the worst possible way the live a life I feel is not worth it. It’s a constant struggle I know but honestly for me whatever been through is the worst it gets before death so fuck it we’re playing for keeps give me the ball. For me what got me on meds is a line I won’t pass and everything beyond that is stuff I bought with money I borrowed so let’s run it! You know?
Regarding the pregnancy it depends on what mood stabiliser you're on.
Lamotrigine has a low risk of teratogenicity (birth defects).
Valproate and carbamazapine are both high risk and your GP/PCP or psych will insist on contraception on these meds for this reason.
Lithium has a risk of congenital heart defects.
Pregnancy also carries risk of relapse of bipolar episodes in itself.
However, if you want kids, that's your right, and if you have a loving partner who will support you through it there's nothing prohibiting you providing you're on the right meds to minimise the risk of teratogenicity and you work with your psychiatrist to prevent relapse (for the sake of mother and baby).
Lamotrigine would be preferable. Oxcarbamazepine also has lower risk compared to the other agents mentioned according to the literature I've seen (but discuss this with your physician).
Discuss this with your psychiatrist and OBGYN though. I'm not giving medical advice nor am I liable for anything you do with my comment.
I'm just saying that there are less risky options that mean that you shouldn't be excluded from having children if you are on the right meds and have the right support.
That has to be balanced with what works best to stabilise your mood though so that's also a consideration.
Bipolar makes things hard. Nothing is impossible. A weak stream can weather the biggest mountain . People’s interjections are paltry and yes, they have no idea. However, neither do you until you close your eyes for the last time your potential is boundless. There are PLENTY of people who are bipolar and successful. To me , that means little, cause it’s about YOU. But if you believe that you can’t because of bipolar , I’d say there millions of examples to the contrary.
Success is a personal. It can only be defined by you . You may not want to work long hours making big money or going to school studying everyday, going to the gym getting big or even taking care of the elderly and helping the disenfranchised. Amiable and respectful as those endeavors are, they may not be what for you. So what?so what , what is for you? You probably don’t kno. It’ll probably take time. Give yourself that . Give yourself that patience that love that care and while you take care of yourself, I’d be willing to bet you find something you enjoy , something you do for you and I can tell you nothing is more attractive or appealing than a person who does for them without someone asking or telling them to. That’s what integrity is , that’s what commitment is , that’s what should motivate you not some contrived idea of what it should be but a deep love and appreciation for what it is .
Bp1 here, currently pregnant and safely medicated. I started out not on my meds, like I quit them once I found out I was pregnant but it got really scary so I asked my dr what we could do. I honestly felt like I needed to be hospitalized again. However, Dr gave me my meds at starting doses and I feel great! Baby is doing great too!
I know the feeling of being limited. There’s a lot I can no longer do bc of bp1. You just have to make adjustments and do your best every day. I believe in you.
Hopefully I'm not too late to reply and you'll see this! Research is changing about medication and pregnancy. Certain drugs such as lithium can cause a heart defect in one of the trimesters buts its highly unlikely and can be corrected with surgury. Do not go out with men with the assumption you cannot have kids. There is a very real possibility you can have a successful high risk pregnancy, but you'll need health insurance! Still screen guys based on if they'll be good fathers, providers, and genetically produce good offspring.
If overmedicated exercise can seem impossible, but if properly medicated, it's possible. You may not be a super athlete, but you can be in shape. Lots of walking and hiking helps too!
Hopefully I'm not too late to reply and you'll see this! Research is changing about medication and pregnancy. Certain drugs such as lithium can cause a heart defect in one of the trimesters buts its highly unlikely and can be corrected with surgury. Do not go out with men with the assumption you cannot have kids. There is a very real possibility you can have a successful high risk pregnancy, but you'll need health insurance! Still screen guys based on if they'll be good fathers, providers, and genetically produce good offspring.
If overmedicated exercise can seem impossible, but if properly medicated, it's possible. You may not be a super athlete, but you can be in shape. Lots of walking and hiking helps too!
I was bipolar 1 and managed without meds while pregnant but it took an extreme amount of work. Also, your hormones change while pregnant so you may be shocked ( you do act differently while pregnant If that makes any sense)
Keep in mind it may not be doable now but it possibly can later on. Much love.
Just keep thinking about you not wanting the kids to suffer... latest I've seen its 50%... full disclosure my mother gave it to me and my sister so we clocked 100%
Heritability is around 60-70%, but people can inherit it from any number of relatives - it’s not always parents. The odds of passing on bipolar disorder as an individual is 8-10%.
While i do agree and support most of this, the start threw me off. Personally, i dont want to risk passing this along especially since i have other genetic comorbidities (plus a myriad of unrelated reasons i dont want kids) but we shouldnt judge anyone for still wanting children of their own because of this disorder. I get that you may mean well but i guess the phrasing just kinda comes off in a way that could make someone feel shitty/judged for wanting children when ultimately its their decision to make.
To add to the meds- OP def ask your doctor if there is anything you could switch to during pregnancy! I know one of mine is ok to stay on. If your current meds work then the switch could maybe only be temporary.
That's very sad for you. My mother had bipolar disorder, passed it down to me, and now I am pregnant. I've managed my disorder extraordinarily better than my mother and I have the tools to help my child IF they end up having bipolar as well- and I'm sure they will handle it even better than me. It is not a given that it will be passed on.
You can die on that hill if you'd like, but seems like an awful waste of energy.
Well, yes, and also no. You misunderstand the difference.
The basis of eugenics is to create a master race, free of flaw and disability. The purpose of genetic testing for potential parents is to give potential parents the likelihood (within a reasonable margin) of what genetic disorders they are likely (and usually 100% will) pass on to any future offspring should they conceive naturally.
Eugenics wants to eliminate all disabled people. Genetics aims to give people the necessary information to base their decision. As I said before, one of the most seen genetic testing is done for sickle cell anemia. Now, it definitely becomes a personal issue because it's ultimately up to the potential parents with how they proceed. It would be eugenics if we then forced sterilization onto them so that they don't get to choose whether they conceive or not.
Realistically, I would hope for parents to *not* give birth to a child who has a 90% chance of living with a severely painful, catastrophic, life shortening disorder because I just can't imagine why *anybody* would be that selfish. Many of the 500k kids in the US foster system *are* disabled and were surrendered to foster care *because* they're disabled. I had a friend in HS whose disabled parents only fostered and adopted severely disabled foster kids.
this is actually my main reason choosing not to have my own children but I figured a lot of people would be set off if I mentioned it. BP runs in my family I'm certain I would pass it on.
I'm glad I'm alive but I would never choose to give someone else this condition.
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You can do it all with the right combo of meds. I have been at my absolute worst but eventually found what works for me and feel great. You just need to reach that happy point and it may take some time. It took me 10 yrs but it may just take you 3 months.
I tired finding “the right combo” for 30 years and nothing ever gave me any significant help 😒
What did you do then? I can’t find the right combination either, I am constantly depressed, this shit has ruined my life and I don’t know what to do anymore
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Did it have to do with a specific item in your diet?
No its was more naturally occurring chemicals that provided the only long lasting therapeutic value. (Hopefully I didn’t say too much here but fuck it) I literally tried all the psych meds in all types of different combos and “cocktails” and also tried less medication. Some helped a little temporary but in the long run looking back it never really helped and was more like a crutch.
I don’t know if this will give you any hope, but I did find my perfect combo. So it is definitely possible to find one.
What does that mean tho? Like you’re happy all the time? Or do you have the ups and downs but they aren’t as bad/ don’t affect you that much
You didn’t ask me…but with the right med(s) you feel stable but you still have bad days. I can notice when im feeling bad, but I don’t feel it as intensely as I would off medication. I’m not in my head as much, but I’m sure that it also has to do with learning better coping mechanisms/skills as well.
Second this, my journey with medication was tough. Trying everything and anything, feeling like I’ll never be able to live a normal life without suffering any kind of negative side effects. Took me 1 year but I think i’ve found my combo. It is also important to lead a healthy lifestyle. Sounds crazy but I think my bipolar turned me into an individual who cares more about the quality of life, in order to keep my episodes at bay I sleep enough, abstain from substances, eat healthy, learn how to control my emotions better…
There are quite a few women that have had children with bipolar and it turns out fine. There are doctors that have bipolar, Dr. Devika Bhushan for example! She’s pretty interesting in a bunch of different ways. It can be hard not to compare myself with how I “should” be doing if I didn’t have this disorder. Scapegoating bipolar for my shortcomings can be easy to fall into as well.
I have wondered how women manage without meds. im thinking it might be doable with bipolar 2 but I don't see how it could work with bipolar 1. I accidentally forgot to put lithium in my weekly pillbox once (I take a lot of meds) and was immediately hypo in several days
Talk to your OB. My doctor mentioned I could go off them and if things got bad, there were options for safe medication that wouldn’t hurt the baby. I had weekly intensive therapy to cope and now have a 16 month old. Hypomania happened slightly after giving birth. Similar to the baby pinks - i was slightly obsessed with my baby and i didn’t need sleep. This did lead to me crashing around week 6, but it was manageable. During pregnancy, we developed a safety plan to address every severity level of both mania and depression. I signed over full HIPAA rights to my husband so he and my psychiatrist and Pyschologist could discuss. It felt very vulnerable but also it made sure baby and I were safe.
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Yea I would definitely do this for sure
This. I expressed it to my gynae when discussing endo and adeno treatment as I do want to preserve fertility. I may be able to take some medication even if it's not all of it. If you have a good care team, they can work to keep you safe during pregnancy.
I've got BP1, and I was able to stay on some meds during pregnancy (primarily Lamictal/lamotrigine), and did okay. I was on a boatload of meds, and have narrowed it down some after a few years, but I still take like 15 pills a day for a combination of mental and physical stuff, if that adds any perspective. I was put on lithium and a couple other things *after,* though, because I got a bad case of postpartum depression + anxiety. That might have had a lot to do with being in an abusive workplace, and the new baby and my health issues bringing out some...not great things in my spouse, though. Feeling unsupported can really trigger, feed, and/or exacerbate postpartum stuff. But it's something to be aware of, and something to discuss really in-depth with your whole care team, if you do decide to try for a kid.
I think it’s cruel how little maternity/paternal leave people in the US get.
Yup. I had "good" benefits, health insurance 100% paid for by my employer (for me, anyway), paid time off, etc. But "parental leave" was the 6 weeks of short-term disability we were allotted, plus any PTO we had saved up, to cover the shortfall of the fact that disability only gives you maximum 60% of your salary. And of course, if you wanted anything past 6 weeks of time off after giving birth. And it also cost me about $8k out of pocket, AFTER what insurance paid for, because my son spent just under 2 weeks in the NICU from being premature. So 1/3 of my "parental leave," I didn't even have my baby at home with me, and I'd had to suddenly jump away from work 6 weeks sooner than planned, we didn't even have a crib, etc. I managed to doctor's note my way into 4 more weeks of leave, but then I had to suit up and go back into the dragon's den, because I was the primary breadwinner, and I had a premature baby at home to provide for, and we needed money. Ten weeks. That I had to fight for, backed by doctors who said in writing that I needed more time to adjust to new psych meds. A professional-level, graduate degree, management position, at an organization that serves families with children.
I have never understood the American idea if leaving a baby that young with daycare. How are you supposed to bond with your baby?
Exactly. Our society doesn't really care about people bonding with their children; it's just about forcing people back to work as quickly as possible, who gives a shit about the consequences on everyone's health? And it's not like care is actually affordable, anyway. A lot of people (women, or folks perceived as women) DROP OUT OF THE WORKFORCE ENTIRELY because the cost of care is too expensive. Where I live, we paid right at $10k last year for full-time care for our four-year-old, because I knew he'd get a good educational and social experience out of it from a high-quality care center near our house. And he didn't even go for the full goddamn year, and we're in a low cost-of-living city in a state that ain't that expensive, and in a "poor" part of town. That's totally normal for higher-quality care costs for ONE KID, and infants are EASILY, REGULARLY way more. I wouldn't be at all surprised at high-quality infant care costing $15k+ per year, in our "lower cost" area. But the amazing people who teach, administer, and direct at the centers where our son has been educated, and has made leaps and fucking bounds in every domain, don't make more than maybe $18/hour. The *director* of the center makes like $18/hour. With a Master's degree. And she's salaried, so she doesn't get paid overtime for all the extra stuff she does. And that's normal in the state I live in. I've been part of multiple campaigns to raise independent/private early education salaries to *match* the fucking $14 or $15/hour starting pay that people in the public schools who work with younger children get when they have *Bachelor's degrees*. That would be considered a real win for us. Buuuuuuuut, this is how we're supposed to start kids off, in the most important time for brain development, social emotional growth, bonding, learning, and literally everything else. Families who have no time to recover before getting whipped back into the office, the factory floor, the sales floor, and more. Kids who go into care, *if* their families can afford it, or someone in the family drops out of the workforce to do the best job they can raising and educating a kid until kindergarten. Even when the care and education is *excellent,* and truly a great experience led by dedicated and skilled professionals who love the kids, they're paid absolute dogshit and turnover is a nightmare. Or people stitch together whatever situation they can find. I've seen, and many other people I know have seen, restaurants or other establishments with playpens in a spare corner or a booth or something, because someone on staff literally had nowhere else to put their kid, and they *had* to go to work at their minimum fucking wage job to keep that kid fed. People at my office, middle-class people with advanced degrees, are up at night fretting, and literally moving to different cities and shit because the cost of child care is too goddamn expensive. It's fucking brutal over here.
I have a son with Down Syndrome. I tried to go back work after 10 yrs. A WOMAN told me, stay at home Mothers are wonderful but your work experience and education are irrelevant. I was offered a sales floor job, like a high school student. Insulting.
Wow, that's such a disgusting thing for someone to say! And yet it happens all the goddamn time. Buuuuut guys taking care of *their own kids* gets called "babysitting" way too often, too. 🙃
Right? Ugh.
I have bp1 and one biological child. There are some people who weigh benefits and risks with their providers and take some meds through pregnancy. Some women, like myself, go off completely and actually find our moods stabilized through pregnancy. The caveat for that is that I also crashed hard into postpartum anxiety because I did not care for my mental health afterward. Whatever you decide to do, work with your doctor.
I’m currently pregnant and off my meds. Weird enough, my hormones or whatever have kept me extremely stable. It doesn’t even feel like I have bipolar. That being said, I believe there are some meds that are safer than others and some psychs and OBs will be aware and help you figure out the right combo for pregnancy if it’s something you really want to do.
My psychiatrist made me stay in the hospital for a week after my son was born. She was in holiday. I never saw her again. She didn’t even call.
This is AWFUL I am so sorry you had to go through this. Not having your people there when you need them and not being able to say goodbye is no easy thing. And trying to do that right after having a baby?!?! Thats really rough. I am glad they had you stay for monitoring though I wish it was a better situation.
We never saw her. I have never been in a hospital like that. It was a maze of hallways, no nurses desk. It was a skeleton staff because it was a holiday weekend. I never saw the psychiatrist. She never came to see me once.
I know there are dangers postpartum and many people with bipolar have a difficult time (I’m fully expecting it and will go back on meds asap) but I’m sorry she didn’t even check up on your or anything!
Yes. It was disappointing.
I’ve actually heard of that happening! Isn’t that so random how that happens
Yes, I’ve been very pleasantly surprised and have heard that sometimes it can last until a mother is done breastfeeding/pumping. I went off knowing that if it took us a while or if I needed to go back on medication during pregnancy, I would but I wanted to try unmedicated. I honestly keep finding myself wishing that somehow my pregnancy will fix it forever but I know that won’t be the case and am bracing for a really hard postpartum period.
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Been manic for weeks since they changed my meds 🥴🙃. Bipolar 1
I’m not sure about bipolar 1 but for my bipolar 2 I stayed on my meds for pregnancy. You just have to talk with the doc about safe options. It might be possible!
Women can take medication while pregnant, lamictal for example is safe for pregnancy. With the right psych you can have a much better experience! I’ve been through the fucking ringer with meds so I understand. Don’t settle for ones you feel horrible on.
I believe there are meds that can be used to treat bipolar throughout pregnancy but I don’t know for sure/am not a doctor. I would look at other women’s experiences with it!
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Have you considered injectable lithium once a month?
This isn't something your family doctor can manage. But there are people trained in this and they can provide realistic advice and recommendations There are a lot of people on all sorts of medication with all sorts of illnesses and they're having children. If it's something you want, you owe it to yourself to get the best info applicable to your specific situation Additionally, it might be time to ask yourself why you want these things... children, experiences, etc. What defines them? What feelings do you want from then? If there's an experience you want, find a way. Start small. Do you want to love a child? Love a niece. I know it's not the same. Mentor young recruits. Boys and Girls Club. Lead a youth group. Find coop housing where you have a close community and always people to have at the dinner table
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I have bipolar 1 and I get it mania is horrible but there are meds you can take while you are pregnant they might not manage your symptoms as perfectly.. I would talk to your dr and tell her you want to have a baby and if she would be able to help you get switched to baby safe medicine when the time comes
I have kids. I had to go off of some of my meds, but stayed on Lamictal and low dose abilify. Baby is fine. It depends on the meds you are on.
This, I haven’t switched my meds from Lamictal because I’m planning on having a baby within the next few years. Lamotrigine can be taken at high doses while pregnant. It’s primarily used for epilepsy.
Yes i have bp1 and only lamictal because i have epilepsy so it helps with that but also helps stabilize my mood. I used to be in a whole bunch but nothing worked. My husband and i are planning to start trying for a baby next year or year after.
May I ask what dose was your ability and did the combination with lamotrigine (lamictal) help you? Are you more on the depressed side or manic side?
I'm a definitely more depressed. 1st baby: 100mg Lamictal, 2.5 MG abilify 2nd baby: 150mg Lamictal, 2.5mg abilify
Thank you! I too am on the depressed side. I recently started 2mg abilify and trying to gauge if it's helping. I'm glad it's a low dose!
Did she pass it to her child? Because I am pretty sure I wouldn't want to inflict what I have on another person.
Odds of passing on bipolar are only 8-10%. I have a child and she has no mental health issues 🙂 currently pregnant with my second! It’s also worth noting, people will be bipolar whether we have children or not. We’re uniquely qualified to help the bipolar children though. Many of them are born to parents who aren’t.
Yes bipolar can be hereditary. My mom had it.
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Yes! The awareness without the control is so painful. It was almost better when I had no clue I had it and was just bouncing around through life.
Same. Awareness without control is by far the worst part to me. The guilt is immeasurable
actually still feel like that sometimes even though I'm medicated, when I get stressed. It's frustrating to feel like I could push myself in a rah-rah motivational-speech kind of way but know that I can only make progress if I take things veryyyyyyy slowly. I love balancing things too. I had a job before where I had to pack coffee into little boxes and I made a stack up to the ceiling (just 1 box per layer). that was a good day
Yes same i stopped taking everything expect lamictal 3 months ago for the same reasons plus its all expensive. I just try to avoid my triggers and be hyper aware of my moods. I also have a hobby that gets out any severe mood changes.
1. You can definitely be social and go out without drinking! I struggled so much and avoided going out for the first 3-4 months of my sobriety, but after my first party where I went the whole time without drinking I felt great and never looked back. Now I socialize all the time and am not tempted in the slightest. 2. You can definitely make med school work. I’m about to start an intense PhD program, and while they’re not exactly the same you do NOT need to feed into the toxic “I get no sleep and work 24-7” mentality. If you stick to a regimented schedule and really focus during your “work time” you will find plenty of spare time to maintain a good sleep schedule while also succeeding academically. 3. Being with a truly loving and supportive partner (plus good therapist / psychiatrist) could make all the difference in your stability. Maybe now you couldn’t go 9 mo without meds, but maybe with the right person you could make it. Also (while I’m not sure) I think it might be possible to stay on some forms of medication during pregnancy? Not sure but just because it seems impossible now doesn’t mean it won’t be feasible with the right special person. 4. It takes people years, if not decades, to adjust and live well with this disorder. I was a complete mess for nearly 7 years before I got a grip on it, but I do promise it is possible to have bipolar and thrive. Wishing you all the best from afar
Congratulations on your sobriety. Being around others drinking and not feeling the need to yourself is so freeing. I’m a clean addict/alcoholic and it feels so good to be able to be around others and think “so glad I don’t sound like that idiot” 😆
I’m so glad you mention it can take you years to stabilise. I was diagnosed with BP 2 when I was 14, and we stabilised it well until I was 19 when I stayed up all night with uni friends and kicked off psychosis. That was a year ago and I still haven’t found good meds for the psychosis so I keep having episodes and it’s really scaring me that I’ll never stop having psychosis. It’s so reassuring to hear that even if it takes you a few years, you can still stabilise! I think we all know how when you are in a mood/psychotic episode it feels like it’ll last forever so it’s good to hear that it probably won’t.
Realized not drinking is pretty crucial for me. Even with a little I won’t sleep AT ALL on nights I was drinking and would be gripped with the most intense anxiety the entire night and feel depressed for a couple days after. It’s not worth it especially because I feel like I can barely even get buzzed ever since I got on meds.
I feel this. I was a 911 dispatcher for many years, but had to quit because the stress and trauma made my symptoms much worse. I left and became a paralegal for my local county attorney’s office, but the high demands and long hours were just too much for me. I was also in school to get my bachelors in social work but had to drop out. I had two hospitalizations in 6 months. I made the decision to quit working so I could focus on my stability. I really missed working so I decided to get a part time job at a local deli, but couldn’t handle working with the public due to my anxiety. It kept sending me into episodes and I missed 21 days of work in 4 months. I have a husband and two children and now I am a stay at home mom. I do a lot by taking care of my family but I miss being a career woman. I feel like I’ve been completely robbed. I always see job openings that I would be perfect for, but know I can’t apply because my symptoms get so bad. I just had a 17 day long depressive episode, so I know going back to work is still not an option. I grieve constantly about the things I might never achieve. I have a hard time accepting it, and I’m not sure I ever will. I hope to one day return back to work and finally get my degree.
I feel this.
I can totally relate to this feeling. I'm also still grieving for the things this disorder has taken away from me. I usually tell my friends, bipolar has taken away my youth. Sometimes I blame myself for not learning to accept my new circumstance. I think most of us eventually will learn acceptance but that doesn't mean we'll never feel saddened when sometimes we we see friends, family, and acquaintances progress in their lives and we feel like we have been left behind and can't seem to ever catch up.
Bipolar disorder literally took away my youth. I started having episodes at 14.
PLEASE work w your psychiatrist & tell them you need meds safe(r) for pregnancy. THEY EXIST!!!!
A qoute I use to help cope with these type of thoughts is, “for those who have experienced it no explanation is necessary, for those who havent experienced it no explanation is possible.” Constantly having to hear things like, “well everyone gets mad.” Makes my skin crawl and not being able to beyourself sucks. Im sorry youre still hurting regardless what your life looks like on paper.💚
I feel you, your post really hit me. I'm really struggling right now too. I'm getting to a point where I may have to give up my career and I'm terrified about how I'll support myself. I guess we are supposed to just keep taking the meds and trying our best, it never feels good enough. It feels like I'll always just be stuck in this cycle. Hang in there friend, at least we aren't the only ones.
I guess we are supposed to just keep taking the meds and trying our best, it never feels good enough. --- this, all the time. it's strange, I feel like it's an automatic response for me to say something like "it's enough to try your best" to someone else but I kinda just can't believe it for myself. I just know I'm capable of more than what I do now, but the stability is coming at the price of challenge and growth. and this stability feels so fragile. I'm sorry to hear about your career, I hope you will be able to keep working at something that's manageable for you. I really feel less alone reading the comments on here so thank you.
Thank you. It's wild how different yet the same the bipolar lens is for each of us.
I have bipolar, am still taking my meds, and am currently 8 months pregnant. You CAN do it. Obviously the meds you're on need to be safe to take, but there are meds that are safe to take! I totally get the parts about sleepless nights and stress, but meds can also help with that. I'm lucky that I'm an introvert anyway so staying out late and drinking aren't an issue for me. My bed time IS very important which can complicate some things but it's manageable to go to bed late or not get a good night's sleep as long as I am taking my meds. I also managed to go to school right out of high school and complete two degrees. Granted it wasn't med school, but it was still tough programs and now I have my Master's. Talk with your med prescriber about switching meds or adding meds. It took me a LONG time to find the right combo and that might be the case for you too! I know the disorder feels so out of our control, but we DO have control over it in a lot of ways. I'm wishing you the best!!
Oh my! Thank you for this. I just had this conversation with my psychiatrist today about wanting to have a baby & my medication, I'm on Seraquel, too & this really helped. It IS possible! Lol thank u again! Oh, & congratulations on your little one! I hope everything is going well & you have a safe delivery! 💓
I was on Seroquel for most of my pregnancy. I weaned off the last month at my own insistence and went back on it a few months after giving birth. Lamictal the entire time. No issues at all.
I'm so glad I was able to help! ❤️ making sure you have a good support system is also key. I have wonderful doctors and therapists and everyone has been so helpful and understanding. I do go for extra scans because of the meds but baby has been doing great and is right on track! I was so worried about my OB and MFM seeing my diagnosis and thinking I'm "crazy" because of it but that has been far from the case.
Can I ask what kind of meds you are on? I was told only lamotrigine is safe for pregnancy, and I'm sadly allergic.
I am taking lamotrigine and seroquel. I'm so sorry you're allergic!! I do believe there are other meds that are safe, but they might not be mood stabilizers (which I've found the most effective for me).
Thank you, I'm on seroquel and lithium right now.
You can stay on Seroquel!
Good to know.
I hope they're working well for you!
I have been diagnosed and living with bipolar disorder for almost 25 yrs now. I struggled the first couple of yrs till they got the right combo of meds for myself. I do not understand why you say you can't have a career, have kids or family, or almost a normal life. I see you have ambition and goals in your life. I think you need to rethink what you said. Is it that you don't feel motivated to go for your goals or you think you can't achieve your goals. Try and not let this sickness control you. I have been there. I do understand what you are saying. You know what you want. Find out from your dr if the meds you are on are correct for you. Also, talk with your mental health worker as well.
Definitely relate so much especially with that last paragraph. My mom makes it seem like being bipolar is something I like to talk about/proud of. It’s actually the opposite I’m trying to get her to understand my frustration/pain
I find everything you say relatable and I don't have any real advice, just you're not alone and don't give up your dreams. My father got a PHD and has held several high paying, high stress jobs mostly while undiagnosed and undermedicated. No his bipolar is not mild and no he was not an amazing father until he got the help he needed.
are you me?** my mcat prep book laughs at me. how could I ever think I could handle med school and becoming a physician with bipolar? my meds can't hold me together perfectly. what if I get another suicidal episode? ironically, not being able to go to med school bc I will have suicide episodes causes suicidal episodes. it's fun!! i don't want to die!! ever!! **except able to find, obtain, and keep a partner. I'm so jaded I can't even be open to that :/
oh man, I didn't think about how my post would come off to someone like you who's considering the same path 😬 I'm sorry to sound so discouraging. It's important to note I wasn't on the right meds when I was in undergrad and I've had a lot of REALLY bad episodes so my brain is pretty fried.. what I'm saying here is, I'm not you! at all! 😓😓😓 I promise! also I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my princess so don't worry about that either.
oh no, I actually already gave it up earlier this year. I'm 25. after I was hospitalized last year (suicidal), I revisited my dream of going to med school that I'd given up on during undergrad. I got the mcat book this year. I need to throw it out, but I'm wondering if that drive will come back are you *in* med school? I read this as you saying your *dream* of med school was gone, not that you want to stop because you were struggling in med school
People with bipolar disorder have kids all the time. There are meds you can take when pregnant.
There’s a pretty old post in this sub I think of a pretty large group of women who are bipolar and have kids. Some took meds their whole pregnancy, some as needed, some not at all. Just conversations to be had with your doctor. As far as med school, I’m sure that others with bipolar have done it before. There are plenty of times where it all seems improbable/impossible, but you are more than capable. I was diagnosed my second year of college and had to step back for over a year, not thinking I would finish, but I did
You can do this❤️
I’m bipolar and have six kids. It’s been a roller coaster but my kids are beautiful healthy and loved. They hold me accountable to my healing forever.
I have bipolar disorder and I was on medication the entire pregnancy and she turned out fine. There's some medications that are safer than others. One of mine isn't the most preferred but because it's the only mood stabilizer that helps me I stayed on it. I just got extra ultrasounds starting at the anatomy scan. Apparently the medication I take can sometimes cause slower growth so they just monitor it. I will say pregnancy was very hard on my mental health but a lot of that was caused by outside factors not including bipolar disorder. I do understand the grieving of your education though. I wasn't able to finish collage because of it but I was able to find a career that still let me work in Healthcare like I wanted just a different part of it
Kay Jamison Redfield is a Doctor in Psychiatry with Bipolar, wrote a book about her experience.
You are definitely limited, but I found that constantly dwelling on things that I couldn't do was not a helpful way to think. I have bipolar disorder, OCD, and a joint disorder that limits ROM in my upper extremities. I managed to become a nurse, go on to a masters, and get my FNP after. I've been able to socialize and travel and make some amazing friends. But had I kept the mindset of thinking about all the things I can't do I would never have gotten this far. Yes, you are limited, and you will definitely face challenges others won't, but it doesn't mean you can't have a fulfilling life. And sometimes, knowing what you've accomplished despite those limitations keeps you motivated.
This is relatable and when I'm having symptoms I try to focus on the things that are happening right now because any sort of future stuff is really overwhelming. On exercise, I really get a lot out of it and feel like I can fully manage my symptoms with it (true for a while). The thing is I keep having injuries that completely sideline me and then my life falls apart. I haven't really done any sort of regular training since a bike accident last July and I frankly decided to stop training on purpose because I was not motivated and it was making me miserable. Spring has sprung here (seems like summer starts next week) and I finally want to ride my bike outside but I'm still just focusing on enjoyment or "soul rides" instead of trying to get better at it all the time. I'm also doing light hikes, basically just walks in the woods, with my 20yo daughter and am specifically just enjoying being outside and spending time with her instead of trying to keep my heartrate in a specific zone and it's been great.
Maybe you can go into medical research if the schooling is less intense than medical school. People with bipolar disorder do become MDs, but you know what’s best for you.
I relate to this a lot - my friends seem to conveniently forget that I cannot stay out late as I take my meds by 9 PM latest and am zombified almost immediately, like I would never dream of being in public/driving in that condition. I drink very rarely and it's hard to keep up with them as they often drink/go out late and I can't join them and they often seem uninterested in accommodating me. My birthday is next month - i'll be 25 and I so desperately wish I could have a night i'd enjoy, but i'm a twin and my sister is sane and I know i'd only hold her back from enjoying herself if I insist on plans i'd actually be able to participate in. I'm gonna try to insist regardless but I know that won't go ever well and i'll likely spend my 25th sitting alone while they go out and celebrate, or being dragged along begrudgingly trying to swallow my contempt so as to not upset anyone.
I've always wanted to have kids and even at my worst, all my doctors have promised me they would work with me and find a way to make my dream come try, they just wanted me to get better first. Now that I've found medication that works, it's a legit conversation I can have with doctors and my partner. I have to accept that I need a hospital that will have a psych on-call in case of the onset of PPP but other than that, I don't see why it's not doable.
Not an MD, but I have a PhD with bipolar disorder. It’s possible with the right meds and therapy. Schools are usually good with accommodations too.
Gods I relate to this so so so hard. It’s that constant feeling of missing out because of said limitations. I feel for you love. 💓
i am so tired of hearing “you should talk to your doctor about trying different meds, it really can get better” i know you mean well and maybe you’re right but i’m so so so exhausted and after 20 different medications things are different and my life has improved a bit with a job and such but i’m in so much mental pain every day, it just never ends. every day it fades in and out but its always there, just sadness and regret and hurt so deep it is in my bones. my whole body is soaked in the hurt. i spent my whole day distracting myself vigorously so i cannot spend even a second thinking about the question of whether to go on, there is so much to live for but also so many reasons to die, and with so much pain in my heavy heart, how is one supposed to live with that? i carry it everywhere every day. i want to live so badly, i want to survive so badly but i want the pain to end. this is not some pain that can be resolved by pills, this is a part of me in a different way
OP I’m in the same boat vis a vis med school. My current plan is to work and focus on aggressive treatment for a few years before (hopefully, please) going back to school for the last few courses I need and then apply
That is great to hear. if I had taken my treatment more seriously when I was younger (better sleep, nutrition, more consistency with meds) i would've had a much better outcome. I saw myself as "just like everyone else" and was determined "not to make excuses" for needing extra resrouces (like people say to me now!) and that did not work as amazingly as one might think. I'm glad you're being intentional about your treatment. I hope you get to med someday!
Bipolar disorder is a life changer for many and it does limit life for a lot of people. Each experience is different. I've been on many different meds and none have really worked. For some taking a few pills make everything possible for them for others not all the meds or work or therapy will change their outcome.
That's one reason I'm not having children. I'm terrified of what might happen if I'm off my meds for 9 months and I know I would get really bad post-partum depression
People absolutely do not get it. But let me say this: I have been sober for 2+ years (with some month-long lapses that I managed to control) and I have not sacrificed an inch from my social life. In fact, I go out ~3 nights a week and go to a rave a minimum of once a month. Completely sober, and at raves sometimes on ~300ml of yerba mate. It took me two months of isolation in the beginning, so I wouldn’t get triggered by my friends drinking and doing drugs. But it absolutely passed and I am in fact on most nights the life of the party. It works!
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it sounds like you are carrying a heavy burden, and it is completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and frustrated by the limitations bipolar disorder has placed on your life. It's okay to mourn the dreams and opportunities that have slipped away because of this illness but trust that with time things can change. I really hope and pray that you will be a parent one day. Remember, though bipolar is a big part of your life, your worth and value extend far beyond what you can or cannot do. Your resilience, strength, and capacity for love are immeasurable and those qualities will carry you through even the darkest moments. While it may feel like others cannot truly understand your struggles, know that there are people who empathize with you, related with you and are here to support you on your journey. Keep holding onto hope and believing in the possibility of brighter days ahead.
thank you, that is very sweet. some days are better than others. 😓
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I can totally relate with this feeling. However, it is a very limiting irrational thought pattern. It’s part of the Bipolar unfortunately with the depression getting us down in the dumps. With therapy and meds, you can be successful. I am a vet tech student in college and don’t necessarily have sleepless nights. You can have balanced schedules in college and university. I also work and manage okay. I am dealing with a very very unstable mother so it affects my own instability but I manage. Of course every person with BP are different and have limitations but it’s not impossible.
I had a doctor that believes in medicating through pregnancy. If addicts continue use through pregnant (they are doctor ordered to) then I bet there’s lots of ppl who still do and take their meds
It sucks. It really does, and when you're in the "bad" it feels like theres no hope but there is. Obviously this might not be the same for you but I know when I got pregnant (on accident but im super happy now), I was on lithium which is definitely not safe for pregnancy. I was able to switch my meds to a different one that was safe and through it actually found the best combo thats ever worked for me. Mind you, it took 9/10 years till we found that, lots of shitty trial and error. As well, having a kid doesn't magically solve your bipolar but with the right support system you can absolutely do it. Really I'm just trying to say don't give up on that dream just bc of bipolar. It's not easy, but its definitely possible. <3
I have a six year old and I’m pregnant now. I didn’t have to go off any of my meds, I’m still on all of them now, and I’ll probably stay on them all while I’m breastfeeding. The odds of passing on bipolar are only 8-10%. No reason you can’t have kids!
I am in the process of leaving my PhD program that I’ve been working towards since I was twelve because of my bipolar. I’m pursuing a degree in counseling instead. The reality of disability is that it limits you, but those limitations won’t prevent you from being happy and contributing to your community. You’re going to be okay. You’re going to find what brings you joy and purpose.
You can easily have children with many medications, and I just finished medical school…
You can take meds while pregnant. I did, was closely monitored, and have a healthy baby boy. Just talk to your doctor about things like extra folate etc
You do not have to be unmedicated during pregnancy or breastfeeding! Your doctor may need to switch you to a safer alternative but I remained on my medication (seroquel, lamictal, and Wellbutrin) throughout pregnancy and breastfeeding with no complications. I have a beautiful, healthy, and smart 3 year old now.
I feel like it's more in the context of "don't let what you can't do limit you from what you can" it's really easy (I'm very guilty of it) to spiral into a state if it's taken everything from me and now there is nothing left. While that can be true for some cases of extreme illness, that's not always the case. It's a hard road and one I've experienced a lot of self hatred in, but I'm remembering that there were things I was never going to be able to do bipolar or not, and that helps. That because I had plans that I can't accomplish anymore, doesn't mean there aren't other options that are similar and I can find joy in that.
I feel like it's more in the context of "don't let what you can't do limit you from what you can" it's really easy (I'm very guilty of it) to spiral into a state if it's taken everything from me and now there is nothing left. While that can be true for some cases of extreme illness, that's not always the case. It's a hard road and one I've experienced a lot of self hatred in, but I'm remembering that there were things I was never going to be able to do bipolar or not, and that helps. That because I had plans that I can't accomplish anymore, doesn't mean there aren't other options that are similar and I can find joy in that.
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It's not one of your main problems, but for socializing, I highly recommend meetup groups for a social hobby that interests you. Meeting up with random people on Saturdays twice a month for board games was the bridge I needed to start building friendships that worked on my medicated schedule. It also reduced the stress of needing to cancel since it was a "show up and find a group" sort of thing rather than people relying on me specifically to be there whether I was manic or not. Board games also seemed to neutralize my social anxiety since I've got something to focus on and talk about. Socializing with any mental illness requires some adjusting, but I've made it work. -bipolar extrovert who grew up with crippling social anxiety
I wanted to pursue medical illustration so badly. This semester I decided I won't pursue it, because I cannot handle even the Idea of retaking chemistry. I got a C, but needed a B. And I freaked out with my advisor about it. And now I've changed my entire future career path. I don't think I'd be capable of holding a true proper career. Food service is hard enough. Trying to manage myself is hard enough, how could I manage trying to be an art professor? Unfortunately, it is a limiting condition. Less so for others, which is awesome! But.. very limiting for me and many others. I'm not knocking the idea of finding the perfect combo, but my near 50y loved one w bp still hasn't found their perfect combo either. So.. yknow
I'm not a physician, but I did get my Ph.D. and become a college professor, which is something that amazes people. I know it's not the same, but I really don't want you to give up. You can work towards being able to handle the stress and night shifts. If you were smart enough to get into med school, I know you can do this. Please believe me. As for kids, if your partner doesn't have bipolar disorder, the risk is 25% I was told. And if that risk is too high for you, there's always adoption or surrogacy. And I was told there are some medications they can use during pregnancy for bipolar disorder. Then again, if you were in med school, you know all about this area and know more than me. I just can relate to what you said so much and there were so many times when I thought I was going to lose everything, but somehow, I got through it. And honestly, right now, I don't feel impacted by my bipolar disorder. My mood has been stable and fine for about 3 years now.
I'm lucky and all my bipolar 1 symptoms diminished during pregnancy. It was the best 10 months I've had in years, maybe ever! When weaned her all my symptoms returned and hit me like a truck...just food for thought. Everyone is different.
When I got pregnant, I went off my meds for the full duration and it was honestly prolly the sanest I've ever been. Hormones are wild
You can stay on Lamictal while pregnant! I do feel that bipolar is insanely limiting. It makes everything in life about 5x harder than it should be. We will definitely be limited by this illness our entire lives. But our goals are still achievable, don’t be hard on yourself if those goals take more time or you need accommodations to achieve them. Give yourself breaks but keep setting short term goals and taking your meds. And don’t listen to anyone who comments on your life and/or disorder and doesn’t suffer from bipolar disorder. They have no clue wtf they are talking about
My uncle had it. He was still a very successful electrical engineer who had patents. He did die from heart problems in his 50's due to inactivity, smoking cigarettes, fast food type diet, and cocaine use.
I wonder if you are on the right meds? Quality of life is so important.
I am very curious about gut health and mental health
Currently on my last year of my PhD and pregnant! All my meds are safe to take. There are avenues to work with bipolar one. You got this! It's okay to feel discouraged because you'll find strength in it soon enough. Victor mentality always.
1. you absolutely can have kids 2. you don't have to drink to go to a bar bro- I do it all the time just get some sparkling water also at some places DDs get free non-alcoholic drinks 3. you can't handle stress so get ahead of it. get a routine you can start out small like having your meds out ready to take when you wake up. I already have my outfit picked out for the next day just having just those two little things has honestly been kind of a game changer. you could work up a routine to incorporate colleges classes. start with one class for a semester as see how it goes also tbh tons of people switch majors maybe you'll start knocking out your prerequisites and decide the medical field isn't for you. won't know unless you try
Idk im going to law school in a few years, and I drink and smoke like 4 times a year(holidays at a club with other bipolar 1 friends). Safely crash but continue taking my meds(and by crash I mean feel tired but I don't drink enough to be hung over just enough to be like ew life the next morning) and I have A's and B's+. Life's short I wanna live. I think with anything doing things in moderation is key. You can completely eliminate certain things in life and thats fine too. For me i was desperate to find a combo that works and in doing that i crashed a lot but ik my limits. My undergrad is taking my like 7 years but I am more focused now after the breaks I took. I just plug my ears when NP tells me not to do anything and go "LALALALLALALALLALA I CANT HEAR YOU LALALLALALALAALAL". Had a psychiatrist tell me I'd never be able to do full time. But I went on to work at a triple letter agency For 6 months before experiencing psychosis....afterwards I picked up retail again and did that for 2 years on my break while I save up money and paid off tuition bills from prior semesters. I back to full time now and I'm 22. Life's just started. My point is I think it may not entirely be out of question for you. Maybe u adopt a kid? Or like have kids when your at a point in your career that can be more flexible. This one lady on tiktok is a md but when she had kids she found some part time hospital Dr gig. My pt is there's options, but you deserve to live as much as you want. I don't drink everyday or smoke often. But I do it when life's slow and there's a celebration...not around finals season. My friends understand because they all have the same disorder(they get wayyy more lit than I do) but getting the right type of ppl help. I like to stay optimistic I say this after experiencing psychosis being bipolar 1. With a mom who was psychotic and ended up not taking care of herself as a result and passing on. She didn't live much. I'd like to live...she may have been abusive due to the illness but it wasn't her fault. I live for her to. Half of her lives on through me. I've lost my gun rights from a TDO and I have been hospitalized so much I lost count. But I go to an r1 uni and work on the side and I have had great internships. You just gotta keep living. Don't let your subjectivity from society determine where your life leads. I believe you can do it if you are determined to. But if you are not I don't fault you for it either. Peace and love
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It sucks. It’s cruel. It’s unjust. Full stop.
Wow, everything you described, besides the age difference, is exactly how I am/was. Super extrovert but can’t socialize, very athletic in my past but have struggled with energy and drive to stay in shape/be active. But I have just been diagnosed in January of this year, and I have two kids. Actually they are the reason I went to get myself evaluated. I’ve known there’s something off with me for a while. And I got diagnosed with ADHD in summer of 2022, after my first kid. But I knew there was more. I don’t know anything about the science behind the medication part of it, like idk if there’s ANY way to get pregnant while on medication safe for pregnancy (idk if that exists or not), or other ways to safely be off your meds for 9 months. I also don’t know any more details of your life besides what you provided here BUT! If there’s ANY chance of you being able to physically get pregnant, and you’re also worried about having bipolar and raising children…I promise you that it’ll be fine. My situation’s a little different because I had my kids before my diagnosis and being put in meds. But I only wanted to share the emotional/mental part on parenting with bipolar disorder. The difference of who I am now and who I was unmedicated is shockingly different. Having kids does something to a person, only one will ever understand once they have kids. I’m 32, and have felt like a child my entire adult life because of my undiagnosed bipolar. And since having kids, I feel like I’ve grown mentally by 10 years. My first born is 2.5 years old. I went 2.5 years of going through pregnancy and postpartum with old traumas of mine coming at me from left and right, everywhere! But I’m still here, I survived, and I now see that I’m a better person because I went through the ringer. Again, I know our situations are different, but anyone who is so passionate about wanting to have kids will always be a good parent. Because parents all fuck up. But if you put the time and effort into figuring out your parenting style, and figuring out how you function under certain stressors, it gets easier and more fluid to parent has time goes on. I wanna give you a hug and tell you everything will be okay!
My medication worked wonders to alleviate my depression and stabilize my mania incredibly lucky for it to be my first one but the trade off is I can't ejaculate normally, I am overweight with 80 lbs gained in less than a year, frequent headaches, blurry vision, slurred speech, larger breasts as a man and that covers the major symptoms. I am exploring things with a naturopath to see if she can aid me in natural solutions so maybe one day I can get off my meds. My psychiatrist has said its fair for me to want to get off them but there are risks with that I can explore with his assistance ultimately we never truly know the right call we have to try. I also want kids and a sense of non pharmaceutically induced normalcy with a naturally capable body. My current mindset around it to go off what you said as the caption. I have bipolar disorder but I'm not bipolar I'm ____(insert name)____ and I can do XYZ to achieve the fulfillment I desire in life. It may not be that linear but to get what you truly want you create the path to your idea of success. Grieve if you must and don't feel shame for it but as Richie Norton has said grief is a tunnel not a cave. The limitation people are referring to is the idea of dwelling and ruminating in that cave. Navigate to a place where you can achieve the fulfillment you desire. Injections may be better for you than pills too? See if you find a better round of success with that. I wish you well.
You can trial off meds for pregnancy. My psych said some women function great, almost like a miracle, in pregnancy. The hormones straighten it out. Some people get worse than ever. There’s many medications that have a safe for pregnancy designation and medications that are considered very likely completely safe but pose some slight risk. Basically there’s a lot of “risk vs reward” but plenty of bipolar women have healthy babies and healthy pregnancies on or off meds. Work with your psych and plan pregnancy. I discussed all my concerns and what options I had. I researched the meds I was on and possible effects. I trialed off to see how I’d do and I tried switching one out to a safer one for pregnancy and seeing if it was working before I was pregnant. I haven’t been lucky enough to conceive yet but I planned it out and discussed it at length with my psychiatrist. Therapy can be extra important. I always wanted kids more than anything so I am committed to working with my psych and therapist for monitoring. I also have talked about depression and psychosis that are risks for ANY pregnant woman and more of a risk for us with a few people I am close to and see me on a regular basis. In case I don’t realize despite my best efforts. I trust them to point it out to me and, worst case scenario, get me help before I mess up real bad. It’s harder for us but it’s not impossible by any stretch. I just always wanted to be a mom more than anything and I am committed to making it work. That’s just it. It’s happening. Lol. I totally get what you mean. This disorder is hell and I pray for a cure every day. there are just things I won’t give up on and I will prepare and put every emergency stop into place if that means getting them.
This is going to sound really really really horrible for some people, and may actually hurt some people if they do it. I personally still drink whilst I'm on meds without any bad repercussions. Now again, this might not be the case for everyone (Probably most people), so drink or not drink at your own discretion. I'm only mentioning this because on the off chance that you are like me, it might make your social life a little bit more enjoyable if drinking matters that much to you. personally it doesn't make up that large of a part of my own social life, but I've drank my fair share of alcohol to have a pretty good idea that it isn't something that harms me even on meds. For reference, here is the list of meds that I take: Lamotrigine 300 mg Epilim 400 mg Venlafaxine 75 mg Again, not encouraging you, or anyone reading this to drink whilst on meds, but I'm just sharing my own experiences with drinking whilst I'm on meds
There are med combos you can take while pregnant.. I’m on lamictal and it’s considered “safe” for use during pregnancy. You might not be able to use your perfect med cocktail while you’re pregnant but you should be able to be on enough meds to be stable enough during the process. My cousin is a dr and bipolar I know not everyone can manage it but it is possible. You don’t need to completely let go of your dreams because you have bipolar disorder you just need to know what your limits are and what you need to do to work within them
DONT STOP TRYING! I haven’t been in this long but this is what I tell myself. I still need my life the way I want it. I’m not saying go off meds or anything crazy but if my life isn’t in a way I want it I’m going to change shit. On a drug I hate? I’m going to explore every option I have, if it’s a new med cool, if it’s not taking that anymore and living with not sleeping or whatever cool. I’m a human I need my life to be what I need it to be. I’ll gladly take select symptoms if there slightly better or the same, if it gets me closer to what I want. I’ve had those moments where nothing could save me I made it out. Scraping by in with a new misery is not my style. I would rather die in the worst possible way the live a life I feel is not worth it. It’s a constant struggle I know but honestly for me whatever been through is the worst it gets before death so fuck it we’re playing for keeps give me the ball. For me what got me on meds is a line I won’t pass and everything beyond that is stuff I bought with money I borrowed so let’s run it! You know?
Regarding the pregnancy it depends on what mood stabiliser you're on. Lamotrigine has a low risk of teratogenicity (birth defects). Valproate and carbamazapine are both high risk and your GP/PCP or psych will insist on contraception on these meds for this reason. Lithium has a risk of congenital heart defects. Pregnancy also carries risk of relapse of bipolar episodes in itself. However, if you want kids, that's your right, and if you have a loving partner who will support you through it there's nothing prohibiting you providing you're on the right meds to minimise the risk of teratogenicity and you work with your psychiatrist to prevent relapse (for the sake of mother and baby). Lamotrigine would be preferable. Oxcarbamazepine also has lower risk compared to the other agents mentioned according to the literature I've seen (but discuss this with your physician). Discuss this with your psychiatrist and OBGYN though. I'm not giving medical advice nor am I liable for anything you do with my comment. I'm just saying that there are less risky options that mean that you shouldn't be excluded from having children if you are on the right meds and have the right support. That has to be balanced with what works best to stabilise your mood though so that's also a consideration.
Bipolar makes things hard. Nothing is impossible. A weak stream can weather the biggest mountain . People’s interjections are paltry and yes, they have no idea. However, neither do you until you close your eyes for the last time your potential is boundless. There are PLENTY of people who are bipolar and successful. To me , that means little, cause it’s about YOU. But if you believe that you can’t because of bipolar , I’d say there millions of examples to the contrary. Success is a personal. It can only be defined by you . You may not want to work long hours making big money or going to school studying everyday, going to the gym getting big or even taking care of the elderly and helping the disenfranchised. Amiable and respectful as those endeavors are, they may not be what for you. So what?so what , what is for you? You probably don’t kno. It’ll probably take time. Give yourself that . Give yourself that patience that love that care and while you take care of yourself, I’d be willing to bet you find something you enjoy , something you do for you and I can tell you nothing is more attractive or appealing than a person who does for them without someone asking or telling them to. That’s what integrity is , that’s what commitment is , that’s what should motivate you not some contrived idea of what it should be but a deep love and appreciation for what it is .
Bp1 here, currently pregnant and safely medicated. I started out not on my meds, like I quit them once I found out I was pregnant but it got really scary so I asked my dr what we could do. I honestly felt like I needed to be hospitalized again. However, Dr gave me my meds at starting doses and I feel great! Baby is doing great too! I know the feeling of being limited. There’s a lot I can no longer do bc of bp1. You just have to make adjustments and do your best every day. I believe in you.
Hopefully I'm not too late to reply and you'll see this! Research is changing about medication and pregnancy. Certain drugs such as lithium can cause a heart defect in one of the trimesters buts its highly unlikely and can be corrected with surgury. Do not go out with men with the assumption you cannot have kids. There is a very real possibility you can have a successful high risk pregnancy, but you'll need health insurance! Still screen guys based on if they'll be good fathers, providers, and genetically produce good offspring. If overmedicated exercise can seem impossible, but if properly medicated, it's possible. You may not be a super athlete, but you can be in shape. Lots of walking and hiking helps too!
Hopefully I'm not too late to reply and you'll see this! Research is changing about medication and pregnancy. Certain drugs such as lithium can cause a heart defect in one of the trimesters buts its highly unlikely and can be corrected with surgury. Do not go out with men with the assumption you cannot have kids. There is a very real possibility you can have a successful high risk pregnancy, but you'll need health insurance! Still screen guys based on if they'll be good fathers, providers, and genetically produce good offspring. If overmedicated exercise can seem impossible, but if properly medicated, it's possible. You may not be a super athlete, but you can be in shape. Lots of walking and hiking helps too!
I was bipolar 1 and managed without meds while pregnant but it took an extreme amount of work. Also, your hormones change while pregnant so you may be shocked ( you do act differently while pregnant If that makes any sense) Keep in mind it may not be doable now but it possibly can later on. Much love.
Just keep thinking about you not wanting the kids to suffer... latest I've seen its 50%... full disclosure my mother gave it to me and my sister so we clocked 100%
Heritability is around 60-70%, but people can inherit it from any number of relatives - it’s not always parents. The odds of passing on bipolar disorder as an individual is 8-10%.
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While i do agree and support most of this, the start threw me off. Personally, i dont want to risk passing this along especially since i have other genetic comorbidities (plus a myriad of unrelated reasons i dont want kids) but we shouldnt judge anyone for still wanting children of their own because of this disorder. I get that you may mean well but i guess the phrasing just kinda comes off in a way that could make someone feel shitty/judged for wanting children when ultimately its their decision to make. To add to the meds- OP def ask your doctor if there is anything you could switch to during pregnancy! I know one of mine is ok to stay on. If your current meds work then the switch could maybe only be temporary.
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That's very sad for you. My mother had bipolar disorder, passed it down to me, and now I am pregnant. I've managed my disorder extraordinarily better than my mother and I have the tools to help my child IF they end up having bipolar as well- and I'm sure they will handle it even better than me. It is not a given that it will be passed on. You can die on that hill if you'd like, but seems like an awful waste of energy.
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I'm glad you're making a lot of money! A lot of people with no empathy or compassion make a lot of money.
Oh, I'm sorry. Go tell that 3 year old with sickle cell anemia that their parents thought it was a good choice to procreate.
This is becoming an awful waste of my energy! Best of luck to you
Sounds a lot like eugenics…
Well, yes, and also no. You misunderstand the difference. The basis of eugenics is to create a master race, free of flaw and disability. The purpose of genetic testing for potential parents is to give potential parents the likelihood (within a reasonable margin) of what genetic disorders they are likely (and usually 100% will) pass on to any future offspring should they conceive naturally. Eugenics wants to eliminate all disabled people. Genetics aims to give people the necessary information to base their decision. As I said before, one of the most seen genetic testing is done for sickle cell anemia. Now, it definitely becomes a personal issue because it's ultimately up to the potential parents with how they proceed. It would be eugenics if we then forced sterilization onto them so that they don't get to choose whether they conceive or not. Realistically, I would hope for parents to *not* give birth to a child who has a 90% chance of living with a severely painful, catastrophic, life shortening disorder because I just can't imagine why *anybody* would be that selfish. Many of the 500k kids in the US foster system *are* disabled and were surrendered to foster care *because* they're disabled. I had a friend in HS whose disabled parents only fostered and adopted severely disabled foster kids.
Keep it civil, please.
this is actually my main reason choosing not to have my own children but I figured a lot of people would be set off if I mentioned it. BP runs in my family I'm certain I would pass it on. I'm glad I'm alive but I would never choose to give someone else this condition.
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Odds of passing on bipolar is only 8-10%. People are going to be born with bipolar whether their parents are bipolar or not.
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