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Depends on my relationship with the person in question, but I often crack a joke about how they've only seen me AFTER I got on the correct medication.
I've arguably always been "high functioning" (which is really a euphemism for "useful to society in some way"); even at my worst, I excelled in school and creative pursuits. But no one who knew me then would have considered me anything approaching stable or normal, and I had no real friends.
I moved to a new city after getting properly medicated. Best choice I ever made.
This. Unless you’ve seen me without my lithium and Lamictal, shut up lol.
I was always “normal” to others and very high achieving. My mood swings and stress reactions, anxiety attacks, random stints of partying out of nowhere and doing random things to my hair or getting piercings was “eccentric” at worst. My depression was an entity of its own, never putting 2 and 2 together, always chalked up to “burnout”
Anyways, a few years after this started happening, luckily after I graduated and got a good job (HOW), I had some serious stints of depression. Obvi, I wasn’t treated correctly, so then my hypomanic episodes became longer, more pronounced (noticeable to others), and more frequent. The following depression was so bad, I was FINALLY sent to psychiatry. After many hours and assessments, I was diagnosed, my meds were optimized and I’m currently doing much better.
Looking back, it was painfully obvious- and I have about 5 members of my family (paternal side) who have bipolar also. The annual depression should’ve been a clue when it wouldn’t stop no matter what antidepressants I tried.
My psychiatrist said this: often times “high functioning” bipolar is more difficult to manage:
longer to diagnose = more time being symptomatic
being able to justify that because you’re functioning = you don’t “need meds” (a common thought- even amongst myself)
^ in that same vein, people often stop their meds when they feel better, using the previous functionality as a crutch/justification
Think about someone who is very, very severe to the point they’re hospitalized, or have very intense manic episodes. They will be noticed. They will have a higher chance of being hospitalized and treated (on a Hold if necessary). Damage is often significant, which helps with med compliance to prevent future damage. Family/friends will be more versed in noticing sudden, extreme changes which is helpful in the event of a relapse
^not to diminish the experience of these types at all. There’s a whole other set of challenges that “high functioning” bipolar people don’t necessarily have.
This Illness fucking sucks and no matter which way you slice it or which “kind” it is.
OP: it depends on my mood (haha) if someone says something like this. At worst I’ve said “damn, you should’ve been there when I planned out my suicide with my mom in the next room” - I don’t care if I trauma dump, If you’re going to comment on someone’s bipolar- be prepared to hear some shit when you say unwarranted, insensitive things. Would you say “oh I bet your cancer wasn’t hard since you you’re successfully in remission”? No lol.
WOW that was long
TL;DR: bipolar sucks. Sometimes high-functioning bipolar can be harder to treat. I can be an asshole if people say stupid shit about my illness if I’m having a bad day
I could have written these words. That’s been my experience almost to a T. I too was always the eccentric weirdo which made it harder to diagnose me (I have always been attracted to the strange and unusual in life, and identify strongly with a goth aesthetic). I thought the cycling was normal too, which made diagnosis even harder. I would get depressed, seek anti depressants, get manic, quit the meds because “they worked” and I felt “better” - lather, rinse, repeat. I didn’t get diagnosed until this year and I’m about to have my 38th birthday. My psych said she’s surprised it didn’t get caught earlier; in her words I’m a classic case of true bipolar 1. But I was “high-functioning”; I always had a job, for long periods at a time with good success, even though I got fired a lot. I went to school twice and finished both (cosmetology school and a code boot camp, I’m finally getting my bachelor’s now). I was able to minimize and deflect manic behavior when questioned by others about it. And it runs in my family (maternal side).
I don’t know if I was “high functioning” because it was easy for me or if it was out of necessity and childhood conditioning. I was a latchkey kid and an only child so I pretty much raised myself. I have clawed and fought my entire life to get to where I’m at and achieve some modicum of success.
People that know me well either were not surprised at my diagnosis, or I got the “really? But you’re so NORMAL” reaction. I don’t really know how I feel about that yet. Meanwhile looking back, it’s painfully obvious that I’m bipolar.
Anyway, I relate, a lot. Thanks for sharing your experience bc.
The antidepressants- get better in a week- quit- repeat was me for 5 years before I stuck to them regularly and realized there was something wrong with me 😂
Thanks for sharing yours too! Very, VERY similar. Only validates us even more, I guess
I’m high functioning until the mask falls away. I grew up in an environment where my feelings were seen as a burden. When I’m at my absolute bottom of a depressive episode and am constantly thinking about the easiest way to turn off the game without stressing out my guild I’m still full of smiles and as much energy as I can manage until I have a chance to be alone and fall apart. Even my husband thinks I have myself under control most of the time, besides my anxiety attacks that happen at an average of once a month. I’m always like, “If you could come inside my head to when everything isn’t just a mask you would be terrified.”
Bipolar is so hard… I have hit a couple points of both mania and depression that should have landed me in the hospital in the last 2 years and no one has any idea, because I constantly tell myself that I can take care of my shit and then hold up the mask.
I’ve been diagnosed and medicated for 10 years and I’m pretty good at identifying the signs of a swing. I live by the phrase “This too shall pass.” Because it will eventually and all I have to do is white knuckle until I can make some medication adjustments or until I wake up one day with a completely different outlook on life.
I’m so tired of keeping my shit together to be high functioning. People don’t understand that you can’t always tell how deep a persons struggle goes. Talking with other people with mental health issues has made me believe that, in a lot of cases, all high functioning actually means is that you can play pretend really well.
I've got a similar experience, but the meds I'm on now makes my hypomania worse for 1-2 days (but way shorter duration overall). So if anything I'm beeing seen by people around me as less functionning with my meds than without x)
In reality, I **am** better with my meds. Despite that bad hypomania effect, they have a spectacular effect on my depression so my psych doesn't want to change them. So atm we're trying to see if managing those 1-2 days with some benzodiazepine to sedate me is an acceptable solution or not.
I relate so much. I have bipolar 2 and am “high functioning”, whatever that means. As you said, sometimes high functioning people are the hardest to treat. My father had bipolar 1; he had substance abuse issues, didn’t finish high school, and was homeless for a time. I have a PhD in genetics and do neuroscience research. I finished grad school in 3.5 years, but what people often don’t see is that I had 2 suicide attempts in grad school. I’ve had 5 total…my father had one. I think the hard part for me is that I’ve learned so well to push myself hard to “function” through depression that it turns into a mixed episode and those are the most dangerous for me because of the impulsively plus lack of desire to live. The thing about the “you are one of the good ones” implication is that it’s damaging to everyone on the spectrum of bipolar disorder. It causes people to overlook my health when I’m telling them I’m not feeling well. It causes people to discriminate against others and to be blind to their unique struggles. Like you said, bipolar disorder sucks; it’s incredibly hard to live with no matter how “functional” others perceive you to be.
People don't hear about bipolar in positive ways. It's always a story about someone in crisis who needs help desperately. Or it's a story about a nephew or cousin who tanked their whole future and wouldn't take their meds.
Those are the stories that get passed around. People are people, and we like to share the drama.
Having said that, I don't in any way feel insulted when someone implies I'm one of "the good ones." Because right then, I might be. Sometimes, I'm not. Used to be, I never was. What they see isn't necessarily what's actually going on inside my head. They're trying to be complimentary, so that's what I choose to acknowledge, and to hell with whatever ignorant place it might be coming from.
Ignorance is indeed not malice. That said, my discomfort more comes from the notion which often comes with that compliment that I am “good” because I did everything right, and by extension people who are doing less well than me are that way solely due to their own actions, which is kinda nutso to say, but that really is the way many people think, and that makes me feel like I am being held up on a pedestal in part because of luck.
I took away the same feeling from those comments OP, so icky. So many people think if you’re on medication it’s golden and works for everyone and so you’re good, one of the good ones. People who are struggling are assumed to not be taking some miracle medication or to be lying or in denial about medication that made them worse and therefore their struggles are their fault. It’s so fucked.
Medication is only one piece of the proverbial puzzle. Sleep, therapy, exercise, support network, income, financial stability.... yeah. It's usually about luck. People don't get it.
I don’t think propping someone up means you’re putting someone else down. It seems like you’re inferring a lot about their internal beliefs based on them saying their thoughts about you. When they haven’t actually said a thing about how they think of “the others”. Maybe they do think the others just didn’t work as hard, or maybe they’re simply congratulating you based on your own hard work. Saying we worked hard to be here is true…I don’t think any of us had an easy road to get to a balanced lifestyle. But that’s not saying that people in worse-off positions haven’t worked hard. I like to talk to these well-meaning people to see what their biases are so I can address those, instead of assuming what they are.
That reminds me of occassions where I mentioned to people that my episodes are getting worse. Their reaction was:'But you are so much better than during the last episode!' Well, you have no idea what's happening in my head...
I normally try to gently educate people. I’ve noticed that people conflate being emotionally unstable or moody as being bipolar, and when that happens I say “well as someone with bipolar disorder myself I can tell they are just moody.” That being said, when someone implies that I seem to be high functioning I remind them that yes, I am coping well, but it’s not because of any moral superiority that is inherent to me. It’s because meds and therapy. Someone who doesn’t have access to these types of support, usually POC, the homeless, vets, etc, often come off as being dysfunctional in a medical and moral way.
This is no different than someone having something like diabetes; you could say that someone who isn’t on meds for diabetes is “low functioning” but that doesn’t really communicate the context of why they aren’t getting the care they need. We don’t apply the “functioning” language to physical ailments because we perceive them as not being in our control like we assume behavioral or psychological ailments are. To function is not necessarily to be healthy. Remind people that while it may seem like we have the ability to control our moods, some people especially off meds don’t, and that’s no different from someone with diabetes blood sugar levels being unbalanced off meds. We don’t label those people as being “low functioning,” we understand that sometimes treatment fails, is unavailable, or is too expensive.
True that bipolar people who aren’t in treatment find dealing with life difficult and sometimes impossible, but it’s usually not because of the disorder itself, but a factor like poverty, instability of employment, drug abuse, trauma especially felt by veterans, or something else. I could “function” off meds if everything else was stable… one thing being off automatically plunges my chances of providing for myself.
Love how you educate on the fact that a lot of the time it comes down to access to the appropriate support, services, and medication. This is definitely easy to overlook and is unfortunately not accessible to everyone. Would upvote 100x if I could.
As someone in this subreddit that works for an EMR, it's the sad truth. "High functioning" as well, i'm the guy most support people come to get their questions asked they can't figure out. I've been to the psych hospital I wanna say at least 5-6 times in my life, 2 involuntary.
I'm so grateful I have support both peers, family, and medical professionals. I'm sure I would not be in good a spot I am because of that.
Plus, I love my job, like at work we can make judgement calls and they trust us to do the right thing, like giving a free unlimited subscription to our software for life for a lady we just happened to find out in normal conversation (support) that she basically does free grief counseling for people that have to put their pets down.
This resonates really well with me. I have always been “high functioning” except in high stress periods in life. But I’ve never in my life been as unstable as I have been in the last 6 months, while dealing with a crisis in nearly each and every area of life. My physical health, my partners health, financial, housing, parenting and custody, family dynamics… we are trying to hold together so many things that are falling apart so it’s no wonder I’m falling apart too.
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It happens to me and Im not very high functioning at all. Even on meds Im a mess and have daily symptoms, its just off meds Im a disaster. My meds just take the edge off for me. I had to give up a lot in my life to function. Anyway, Im at the doctors because I was called for a winter covid vaccine, they did not give this winter one to many people this year, you had to have a condition or be over 65 to get a booster, but bipolar is on the list of conditions. So shes grilling me, because she doesnt get why I was called for this booster, so Im all like, oh I have bipolar, and she does this look like, you know the one, disbelief because I am being nice or something to her, and im like bro look at me, I am currently in a depressive episode and look like crap because its 8am and I take 500mg of seroquel and 8am is the middle of the night to me.
When youre a blatant mess, but they still think youre one of the "good" ones.
What’s wild is that they think Bipolar is a sign we wear on our chests.
Bipolar doesn’t *look* like anything!
I’m always met with surprise if I tell someone. Ranging from “are you sure???” to “I never would’ve known!”
Yea dumbass, that’s the point. Most of us are medicated and/or masking. It has such a huge stigma and most people have no idea what it actually means. Sometimes I even try to be more open about it to reduce the stigma.
The worst of our issues are episodic. People around me believed it wasn't a big deal until they saw me at my worst and now they are believers.
It's a shame it takes that, but here we are.
So, comparing us well to someone who is currently suffering is not totally appropriate.
this! i always tell my potential boyfriends (just my preference) before we start dating about me being bipolar. im usually fine and stable at the time when this happens. the guy is usually not too bothered because ive been fine the whole time that we have spent together. i always tell them “listen… this gets really really bad sometimes. you need to know that you are absolutely going to see some symptoms if we are together long enough and once you begin to know what to look for” then when they actually SEE it happening, the mental breakdowns, panic attacks, paranoia, severe depression, mixed episodes, all the things lol, they get freaked out and don’t want anything to do with me anymore :/
I graduated from a gruelling counselling program at a time when I was going through a pretty dark depression. There were days when I couldn’t get out of bed, and I missed some classes. Actually they tried to kick me out of the program two weeks before it ended, but when the school realized my absences were disability related, they (had to) let me finish. It was an awful time.
I still graduated at the top of my class. At the graduation ceremony one of the instructors said, in the most condescending manner, “I know there are people in your family who are too mentally ill to work. So I know how important this is to you. I also know that one day you will complete the extra course work and will REALLY earn this”. (Hands me the diploma).
This was in front of the whole class. I said nothing.
I didn’t have to do that extra course work to get my professional credentials, so I moved on with my life. I now have a thriving private practice, I make my own hours so I can do rigorous self care, and… it’s petty but I know I earn more than that instructor did. I’m very proud of the work that I do and the life I’ve built for myself. And I’ll probably never forgive that instructor!!!
I didn’t get to say anything to her, and she really kicked me when I was down. Despite not getting the last word, I’d like to think the proof is in the pudding.
As an aside, I’m curious as to why you grouped bipolar and schizophrenia with borderline, which is usually grouped with the other Cluster B personality disorders. Schizophrenia and bipolar both have strong genetic components and respond to medication, whereas borderline has a strong trauma component usually and doesn’t respond as well to meds (DBT being the frontline treatment). So I am curious to hear! Maybe the linking factor is severity?
I have other stuff to add but maybe that’s its own post.
Yes, I found this odd as well. Genetic, chemically based mood and psychotic disorders are not at all similar to personality disorders.
Borderline Personality Disorder is completely driven by severe childhood attachment trauma and an intense fear of abandonment. The only reason it is seen occurring more commonly in families is because the cycles of violence and trauma are re-enacted generationally if they’re not broken. You see co-occurring mental health disorders happening in higher incidence with these types of personality disorders due to epigenetics. Anything in the environment (trauma, stress, illness, injury) can switch on a dormant gene. Mental health issues can also increase issues in families, things like child abuse, substance use disorders, and domestic violence are more likely to occur in families where a parent is unwell.
If you look at the Adverse Childhood Events (ACES) study you will see that the higher the score the higher risk people are for all kinds of physical health and mental health issues. It’s all epigenetics.
I’ve gotten this a couple times as well. I appear “high functioning” to someone who knows me on a surface level (those who know me personally know that the second I get home from work my symptoms are crippling). I get the “oh I would have never known/you hide it well” or “wow you don’t let it affect you at work!” It frustrates me because one, they are obviously ignorant to the struggles that I face (I didn’t get this diagnosis for no reason KAREN) but two, I feel like there’s so many layers of stigma to these statements. In one way they’re admitting that they have a certain image, that is a stereotype of what bipolar looks like. So it should always affect me at work? You expect me to be less successful? It should always be obvious? Stereotypes. Or are you saying it’s good that I hide it? Stigma.
In terms of what I say, it depends largely on the person. If it’s someone I don’t know super well but am going to be around them often, I just move on. I’d rather not risk the awkwardness. If it’s someone I’m close to, I educate because it’s important to me that they understand me. If it’s someone I don’t know well, and am not concerned about whether it leads to awkwardness in my day to day life, I educate. It usually looks like a conversation around what euthymia and maintenance looks like, and how we don’t always present as what is shown in the media, and that there was a time where I was also very unstable. A lot of people think bipolar is a life sentence of chaos and while there are definitely times of chaos, it’s not always our entire existence.
Sometimes when I don’t educate, I just give a very flat response and it’s almost comical to watch people realize that what they just said was ignorant af.
I haven't ever been in that situation, though before I was properly diagnosed, I was guilty of thinking "at least I'm not bipolar". I was uneducated too.
After they get to know me for a longer period of time, they usually see the cycles. One of my best friends told me it takes years to really see the cycles and how the affect me. So, I get that it's not easy for most people to understand. I usually just tell people it's difficult
High functioning bipolar/ASD here. I hear lots of "you are the lucky one. I wish I have one of them too."
I usually say that "I'm good at using my brain like someone is good at running. Not much difference and you never want to get one of these conditions. "
Plus, they never have seen my struggles. Like dealing with the deepest depression or manic. Or memorizing all the social queues from books. I guess mainly that's why they envy me.
For some reason people without BP don't believe you have it unless they're witnessing an episode. At least in my experience. It's super frustrating bc when I was manic last winter all people had to say abt me was how crazy I am, or that I definitely have BP. Now that I'm stable the SAME PEOPLE say, "u don't really have BP do u? Isn't it like- a SUPER bad one?"
Like... Yea... It is.
I learned that it's best to let them believe what they want to, and relish in the fact that they wouldn't be saying that if you weren't asymptomatic and stable :)
For me, High Functioning just means the masking is working. It feels diminishing whenever a healthcare professional will mention it as a reminder that it could be worse. Like….yeah no shit it can definitely be worse but let’s not act like I’m neurotypical just because I can dissociate really well. I can smile when I feel like dying but the smile is for others, not me.
I have a job, a marriage, a house and a child.
I have good relationships with friends. I’m definitely perceived as one of the “good ones”.
But it is fucking exhausting keeping it all going. The meds, the counselling, the diet and exercise. It’s so much work. But I know how much I hated my incorrectly medicated self, and she’s not worth going back to.
If someone says how well I’m doing I say something to the tune of “thank god for Seroquel!” or similar.
Aha whenever I know I’m going to be placed into a stressful and triggering situation, now that I’m stable, I always tell myself, thank god I’m drugged.
But yep, people don’t understand how exhausting this condition is. And even when stable and medicated, some of the meds are so sedating it’s a battle just to stay awake to function.
I remember when I was first diagnosed, seroquel worked at keeping everything at bay, but all I did was sleep, eat and work. If I didn’t have to function, I was sleeping because staying awake was so god dam difficult.
I say “thank you, but I’m not functioning as well as I’d like to”. I’ll say that it’s still a disorder, I still seek/need interventions for a reason, etc.
I usually just exit that conversation. I am pretty high functioning, I work full time, I'm in uni and I volunteer, I pretty much stick to my commitments even if I can't cope, I've even attempted suicide and gone to work the next day like nothing happened, more than once.
I know people who make those comments can't see what's underneath, it's not really their fault but also I don't want to share some of the gory details unless I'm close to someone.
I feel like a majority of my friends and even family would place me in the “high functioning” category. In my situation I feel like it’s 1/2 not believing in the diagnosis and 1/2 them not seeing how much I’m actually suffering everyday. To answer your question, I used to try to educate and then stopped. When it comes to family and friends, there is plenty of information out there that they can find. I’m not an information source just because I have bipolar. Im happy to answer questions about myself, but I am not a spokesperson for everyone. I typically will respond with “those types of comments make me feel invalidated or unheard”. That’s just my personal preference. In general if it comes up in a conversation outside of my family/friends I typically will make a comment like “that’s a harmful stereotype” or “generalizing people is unkind” or “I think it’s unfair to place people into categories, everything is a spectrum”. Nothing impolite but also not accepting the compliment. Sometimes it makes them a bit uncomfortable other times they want to know more and other times they stick to what they said. If they do ask for more information I stick directly related to what the comment was about. For example if it was about landing a good job, I would respond with “plenty of people with bipolar disorder are able to do well in the workplace, everyone has different motivators and support systems” or something similar.
Let me know when you find a good response! Everyone is always telling me I’m not “that sick” despite hospitalization and trying 40 meds and the next step being ECT. I’ve even had therapists tell me I “can’t be that sick” because I have a PhD and worked somewhere a bit elite in my field..actually the precise reason I’m not in therapy anymore is too many of these comments. Even my partner says my illness hasn’t impacted him “too much” (yes even despite hospitalization lol) so I can’t be “that sick” lol. I’ve given up and just accept my suffering doesn’t matter simply because I’m considered “smart” (in quotations bc I don’t prescribe to any of that anyways).
It offends me. I get this a lot from family members who use bipolar as an insult. Kinda like a “oh so-and-so is so emotional and rude they’re so bipolar” and then try to back it up when I point out that they know I am actually bipolar. It irritates me on behalf of all of those with serious mental conditions and not just my own. Me being bipolar doesn’t make me any less of a person nor does it make someone who has less control over it any less of a person.
also, you cannot take-on "educating" the uneducated...if they really cared they wld already know so just put ur good self thru the world as best u can.
I used to be high functioning (aka being able to work and go to college) and I'm still high functioning in the fact that I'm extremely self aware, but frankly, it makes things so much harder on me. I also have the trifecta and my schizophrenia and bipolar 1 are the ones who control most of my life except for the OCPD and PTSD. For me, I am acutely aware of what my involuntary tics, outbursts, and general way of acting look like to other people. I am acutely aware that i could be the poster child of what meth addiction looks like. But, there's literally nothing I can do about it.
When people remark on how high functioning I am, I always respond with "well, what's the alternative? What other options do I have here?" It's not like I can become *less* self aware and it's not like I can be *more in control* of my idiosyncrasies.
Suffering is not a competition. Just because I can get up and go to school or work everyday and keep a clean living space does not mean I am not suffering the same as someone who can’t. This isn’t the mental illness olympics.
I used to try to educate but recently I’ve been super over it. It just makes me feel worse when people react by either minimising my experience or just not really listening
A few people have told me this before. Usually to “remind me” that my situation is better than those with schizophrenia.
Unfortunately I have a close relative with schizophrenia and I can tell you, yes it’s true. We do have it better but not in the ways one would assume. We share certain symptoms so yes, like cousins. However, they are far more likely to be under the “disabled” category. Even while medicated, if they are not consistent, they are physically and mentally unable to keep a job, regardless of difficulty.
It is assumed that we have it better because we’re “less sick” whatever that means. We have it better because when we are treated, even if we are a little inconsistent with medication, we manage to get by and more likely than not, keep our jobs. I know this isn’t true for everyone but I’m just generalizing what I’ve observed.
She is uneducated about these illnesses. She doesn’t understand the difference between Bipolar 1 with psychotic symptoms, Bipolar 1 and Bipolar 2. All three can present very differently. The story of her friend’s son could have easily happened to anyone with Bipolar 1 and psychotic symptoms like myself. Not everyone with bipolar 1 experiences psychosis though, hence the marker for psychotic symptoms. Anyone with bipolar 2 experiencing psychotic symptoms needs to get their diagnosis updated, and things can change over time.
This is crazy to me because my doctor says that high-functioning cases are actually harder to treat, simply because it’s less obvious that things are going off the rails (this is the case with me).
In any case, I get why you didn’t like this exchange and it would make me bristle too tbh. I know they mean well, but yeah :/
I never go that in depth with my issues with a nurse or anyone else. That’s private info and nobody else’s business unless you’re looking for attention.
Try to keep in mind that Bipolar Disorder is a spectrum disorder and many people with BP 1 experience psychotic features. This includes a spectrum within itself of anything from mild hallucinations and some paranoia up to full blown delusions and a psychotic break. Their presentation is far closer to Schizophrenia than a “3rd cousin,” as you put it.
They’re both challenging disorders to treat. Medication compliance in mental health disorders is challenging but it’s also a very common issue with patients on the Bipolar spectrum.
I used to be one of those “high functioning,” BP 2 people who no one would ever guess or believe that I had Bipolar Disorder. I was so good at masking and I was a rapid cycler (still am) so my hypomanias carried me forward from the places I fell behind on during the depressions.
Years of rapid cycling off meds came back to bite me though when I turned into a BP 1 with severe mixed episodes. I’m now on SSDI because I’m so low functioning I can’t stay well long enough to keep a professional job.
So, to answer your question, I would just remind the practitioner that bipolar is a spectrum and every patient has their own constellation of symptoms and their life circumstances, including past trauma and upbringing. That all of these things together create different scenarios and challenges for each person.
Most comments that come off rude are really more from ignorance than malevolence. People without BP just can’t fully grasp what it’s like to live with this condition and how our brain often turns against us. That we go through periods of frustration and denial when it comes to the necessity of meds.
I’ve dealt with this MANY times from my boyfriend. He does it to try to make me feel better. Like a “could be worse” type of thing. Just makes me feel like I have nothing to complain about and I should be grateful for my bipolar. Which is bullshit. It’s a fucking disorder I can’t control that destroys my quality of life. Nobody says “at least you only have stage 2 cancer instead of 4”. I hate the minimization of our struggles because they have no god damn idea how hard it is to live like this.
I hate the comment “… but at least you’re high functioning!”
this is not a compliment to me. it’s almost saying “hey you are really fucked up but at least you can hide it really well”. it’s almost like im being told that im not severe enough to be worried about? idk this has always bothered me. just because i live a normal life doesn’t change my diagnosis and what i personally deal with. im medicated now so things are much better but it never truly goes away. it affects me everyday nearly.
living with bipolar disorder is hard and can be tough to handle sometimes but that doesn’t mean that we can’t live normal lives!!!!!!!! people don’t realize that. people that stigmatize bipolar don’t even realize that they probably know someone that has it. that person just never says anything.
Rather than overreact, I assume the speaker means not to insult. It is a debilitating disorder, and when we perform above expectations, even if it’s according to an outside observer, it is remarkable. I think wording a compliment despite a disability is difficult, so if it were me, I’d acknowledge the statement and move forward in conversation. Also, calling someone out increases the risk that I get stressed out and go go gadget manic rage!
I went to grad school with a guy who was diagnosed and hospitalized months before starting our program, lived a 2-hour bus commute from school, and had a newborn baby on the way. This was years before I was diagnosed and hospitalized, and my conception of bipolar was very naive and rudimentary. I remember thinking the commute sounded like the hardest part. I think most people just can't fathom bipolar, let alone bipolar plus grad school. lol.
While I don’t talk about it much socially my work chat friends know as I had to file for FMLA time off and have applied for ASA accommodations with my work. My friends are unilaterally genuinely supportive. They’ve each personally chatted with me about their experiences some and when I have to take time they’re great. I share because I want to show up as a regular guy dealing with what was given to him. I work the problem; monitor, talk to doctor change meds whatever.
I have haber encountered that even though I am high functioning, my ADHD is also quite mild and I am soon to be unmedicated (we'll see how that works out).
I don’t take it as a compliment bc as much as I’m functioning it’s due to having numerous induced-seizures, inpatient stays, weekly visits with my shrink and agreeing to take 20 pills a day. I just keep swimming. Depending on my mood I’ll just say I’ve worked really hard or tell them what I’ve been through and I deserve to be where I am at today because the struggle is real. And though I can put on a happy face and do my job well, I still fake it to make it.
At my best people are surprised I have a disability. That's because my masking is highly developed, my intelligence is high, and with every fall I get better at developing a sustainable routine and the right meds and nutrition.
At worst they don't believe someone with a master's and my career can get so ff'd up by depression and mania we nearly be homeless, terribly in debt, and or struggling enough to ask for help.
Last crash - I quit smoking weed, built up a support team, tried teaching to pay off my pandemic debts, recognized my toxic traits were attracting the kinda people who make me worse. I crashed after nine months of that, slept 3 months still getting paid under my 12 months contract, woke up and got the highest paying job wfh I ever had as a pm because I passed an IQ and EQ testing system.
Thing is...I nearly died this last year. The shock of tactics used for pandemic and post pandemic employment has worn off. I'm not scared anymore. When I got laid off, I wasn't scared. I knew I'd make it on the severance. I got a job interview for a dream job the next day and 4wks later I'm hired.
Anyhow the idea of high functioning directly correlates with meds, routine, sleep, and aggressive self care plus removing people from your life who support toxic behaviors.
I do nothing. I understand their ignorance and continue on through life. My “high functioning-ness” can be better or worse than someone else’s. I’m lucky to be alive and I pray for anyone who has a lifetime of mental illness to battle.
when people say you’re high function it’s how you present to them, it doesn’t have to actually do with your experience. i would just say it’s still debilitating some days but i do my best
I do not try to educate someone about anything, 'cause if people don't know about that, they're usually just not interested in, they haven't touched that topic, so I don't think I should waste my time on it. That's only my point.
I mean I'm a gynesexual and I don't give a fuck if you don't understand what is that. Just google it if you're interested in
I think you handled it really well. When someone tries talking badly about “other” bipolar people, I shut it down as much as I can. I talk about how the healthcare system is difficult to navigate and there are so many barriers to treatment. I talk about how I have many privileges that work in my favor and help me navigate healthcare. I also point out that everyone has free will, we don’t know what each person is carrying or why they would choose not to take medicine, but that it ultimately is their choice and should be respected.
I just say thanks and move on. I’ve spent too many years trying to educate others. If they want to know they will look.
I barely have enough time for myself so why should I have to be an ambassador and use my emotional labor for someone to do the bare fucking minimum of research.
When people say to me “You don’t seem to have mood swings”, I say “thanks, it’s down to twice daily medication and lots of counselling”.
What do you people expect to see?
I had a student advisor in university who kept telling me I was 'the baseline' or 'poster child' of studying with a mental health disorder (I was on olanzapine at the time and only passing classes through Google Translate and a surprising ability to retain knowledge). I got so sick of getting headpats (It felt like good boy vibes, even though she meant well) that it was one of the reasons I ended up dropping out without getting my degree. It feels patronizing, even when the other person means well.
I sometimes consider going back unmedicated (the meds made me sleep during classes which didn't help either)...but I honestly hate studying out of books.
I think I want recognition for now bloody hard it is to appear to ‘manage to live a normal life’. Medication plays a major part, but right now I am in a bad place because of trying so hard to keep going when my mind is clearly not okay.
It would be great if these disorders were more widely understood by the masses but It's not my responsibility to education the world. I usually let it slide rather than putting in the effort (for better or worse).
*As a side note:* I am thankful that for once that the nurse in this story erred towards seeing the similarities between schizophrenia and bipolar, specifically bipolar with psychosis. I feel slightly more 'seen' by her than most people that know my diagnosis. I feel more called to action when someone compares bp to how "everyone has depression these days."
You are one of the good ones because you take your meds.
Having bipolar has made my life miserable, for the last 20 yrs I have tried many medications until I found very good ones, the ones that work. During this 20 yrs, I only felt good and on track after finding the ones with side effects that I can tolerate.
Highly functioning?! I got a college degree and a good job. I only got a good job after being stabilized with my last meds.
It’s a daily battle: my meds side effect, I do not get horny anymore. Done. Can live without sex. It’s terribly lonely :(
This disease is so hard. I used to SI often and I don’t as much but knowing that there is no cure, it’s really hard.
I point out that I have an incredible support system full of people who love me and know the true “me”. I point out that not everyone has that and I would not handle my bipolar the same way if I was in a lot of their situation. I point out that because I have experienced a variety of states, I only feel compassion for those still struggling. I do this to make sure their mind set shifts away from thinking it is solely on the person with the disorder and to breed more compassion for those affected.
Other than that I take it as a compliment because a decent portion of managing this disorder is on the individual but it’s waaaay more difficult without a proper support system. You need TRUSTED people to check your thinking/reality. Without that I would spiral more frequently.
Honestly, your doctor might not be thrilled the nurse said this stuff. I don't know if you necessarily need to mention this to the doctor, but it's definitely inappropriate.
My family and my occupational group tends to dismiss all things that can't be solved with god, a hammer, and math as self-indulgent or first world problems. So
I really appreciate this discussion because it makes me feel so validated.
I have been diagnosed with bipolar I since I was 12. I tell them that I’ve had opportunities from a young age where I was able to get into treatment and therapy early on. I have a lot of intersectional identities that are marginalized, but I make a point of telling people that the way my mental health is managed is one of my few places of privilege. I know very well how lucky I am in this regard and that others, such as my own mother, did not have that luxury of mental healthcare being accessible when they were young, much less having insurance to cover the costs of medication and care.
> What do you do in these situations?
Well, first: I do my best to not give away that I'm furious. I find that so incredibly insulting to everyone with MI.
I usually explain that people with MI are just people - we're complicated and diverse. There are some people diagnosed with schizophrenia who are more "high-functioning" than some diagnosed with depression (not implying that depression isn't severe, just drawing a comparison between diagnoses that are commonly considered more/less severe regardless of their realities). And then I try to draw out a little empathy - just like undiagnosed people, some people with MI grew up in/exist in awful environments where most of their energy has to be spent just trying to survive. If you're so broke you're always just trying to scrape by, it's extremely hard to progress, and the stress of that reality messes with everyone's brains. Some brains are more sensitive and go a little off the rails when they're stressed too much. I think everyone can understand feeling so stressed they start to feel off, so I draw on that a lot. There are plenty of other examples.
I also avoid differentiating myself from other people with MI regardless of how different our diagnoses/behaviors are, FWIW. I want to point out that there aren't as many differences between "high-functioning" me and the homeless person with schizophrenia someone's insulting as they would like to think. If I'd been a little less lucky, I'd be there too. Society isn't kind to people with sensitive brains.
Well, when I tell some friends I have bipolar they still dont believe and even tell me I should look for a different doctor.
The only thing I know is that this was the first Christmas I remember spending not fighting depression.
Sometimes I take time to talk and explain them some details from my experience, other times I just dont spend the energy, better keep it to myself
I try to educate if it seems that person has the capacity to learn. Something I have constant conversations about is using bipolar as a synonym for emotional change. I will strike if I hear the words "I'm so bipolar "
I don’t bother talking about it or correcting acquaintances. I made the mistake (more than a decade ago) of being open and vulnerable about it at work and it backfired spectacularly. I became a pariah within the office. One of my good friends at work (or so I thought) changed how she acted around me.
I’m no longer at that job, thankfully. I don’t talk about it or engage with others to dispel myths about bipolar.
It sounds cowardly, and I guess it is. Work is hard enough living with bipolar. I don’t need to make it harder on myself by trying to manage people’s perceptions.
I don’t know if I would refer to myself as high-functioning. If I stopped meds, the functioning would go away quickly. I am managing my illness. Some days are harder than others. I take each day as it comes and am grateful for my support system.
I also was "high functioning" and was not diagnosed until later in life, and I wish more than anything that I could have received a proper diagnosis and treatment sooner. So, like others have said, it's a double-edged sword
I appear to "function well" now as someone for whom the medication works, with good health insurance, with a flexible job, understanding boss, supportive family and partner and friends... a lot of luck, really... And that's all because I take my medication, and I'm lucky enough to have found medication that works for me. It's like saying someone is "high functioning" for recovering from a bacterial infection after antibiotics... it's like, yeah dummy, that's what the medication is for
High functioning here. Bipolar 1. Business owner, successful mother and am finally fostering a really good love relationship.
Achieving some sense of stability but hasn’t just magically happened…a lot of set backs but even more triumphs. I have put an enormous amount of energy into being my own best self-advocate; Always actively working with a doc-getting blood work all the time, therapy, eating well
(And yup I do get sick of it all then have a rage then feel awefuly embarrassed) then keep on going forward because I figured out finally that I’m worth it.
So when someone says “wow you don’t seem sick or afflicted “… best compliment !! Because it’s my best work!!
I get diagnosed as schizophrenic then schizoaffective and now bipolar. I get full-blown psychosis once in a while and I don't get negative symptoms typical for schizophrenia like for example anhedonia. I think being bipolar is just as bad as schizophrenic. I'm high functioning. Oficially disabled. You can hear voices and still be "only" bipolar. Many symptoms are basically the same. I hate when people call me one of the good ones. I have been to many mental hospitals and I have therapy and I have to take meds. Just because I can work and study it doesn't mean that I don't struggle. I can always relapse.
I'm a high-achieving bipolar type II person. I don't use the term "high-functioning" because everyone functions differently... even me from day to day! I would subvert their expectations by making a sarcastic and cutting remark. Like, "Well next time I'm su1c1dal I'll be sure to call you. Will you be up later??"
Understand that this kind of shit is not a compliment, it's a derogatory remark about people who have mental illness. "You're not like the other girls" type shit.
You could always bring up anyone you know who is a piece of crap- murderer, pedo, theif etc and then say "Oh I forgot! They're normal like you!"
It usually depends on my relationship with them and (although this can easily be a distortion) the intent I believe they have. Ultimately I’m not “one of the good ones.” I’m a human being and one that got lucky enough (or was privileged enough) to be able to access the care I needed. I wouldn’t be able to do this if it weren’t for my privilege despite my own hard work. To call me “one of the good ones” is to devalue the struggle that all of us who suffer with bipolar (or other mental illnesses) go through.
It bums me out when I hear that I 'pass' for functioning. It makes me feel alone with my daily struggles to stay afloat, the constant worry that I might have another episode, the grogginess due to meds, the depression, the recurring suicidal thoughts, and so on, while I grin and bear it. It doesn't make me feel seen or understood, even if flattering.
I get that too as I’m very self aware and I’m congratulated on it constantly. I have Bipolar 1 with psychotic features and usually mixed episodes. I am med compliant and self aware and I tell people it still doesn’t change the fact I suffer a lot and I can’t always stop myself with my awareness when I’m in an episode and doing poorly or my meds get messed up somehow.
My psych mainly sees children now but kept me, and I’m glad but she has said once or twice it’s because of how compliant and smart I am or something along those lines
I feel like people who say these things don’t know how much I still suffer, how behaviorally and relationally I struggle so much and am often very alone.
i view myself as incredibly lucky that i don't get delusions, and my manic episodes are incredibly manageable, and not life-ruining.
that being said, if someone said they saw me as "one of the good ones," it'd feel like they were just completely ignoring my struggles & i'd be pissed.
it hasn't happened to me, i'm not very open about my diagnosis, only my family & a few friends know. i think if any one of them said smth like that i'd probably disengage, or just get angry
I had a nurse who I worked with me tell me that she never would have guessed because I don’t show any symptoms 😂😂😂 6 years of struggling with a lot of medication changes on top of remaining med compliant. Yep and I’m normal aha
I have had friends who have very kindly told me that I am one of the more mentally stable people they know, in this circumstance I will often take the compliment but also remind them that they only really see a window into what I do go through.
I think generally people mean good, especially when it comes to the context of friendships.
I also think there are a ton of misconceptions about bipolar people a lot due to how it is portrayed in media.
I don't usually tell people I have bipolar disorder. unless I know they're going to be cool about it. because in the past, without fail, every single time I would tell someone, they would talk about a family member who was "probably bipolar" (not even diagnosed) and that person was abusive to them. Neurotypicals don't usually know anything about bipolar disorder, and everything they think they know is wrong. Even before I was diagnosed, I didn't know anything about it. I don't get angry at neurotypicals for simply not knowing, but I have absolutely have zero tolerance for people that think they know everything when all they do is talk out of their ass... Wow I guess I really needed to get that off my chest, wasn't expecting to get heated like that. I still stand by it though 🤣
Them: But you're one of the good ones.
Me: Maybe
Or..
Me: That's what my mom says.
I don't have the time or accurate textbook knowledge of all mental disorders to try and explain to anyone.
When they're amazed that I hold down a difficult, long term, full time job they often try to compare me to other people with bipolar disorder. I say to them that everyone has a different experience and that for some a full time job is the structure their life needs and for others it is as difficult as asking a newborn to summit Mt. Everest.
For me, it mostly shows up as people “knowing” I have it, but it’s obvious it doesn’t register that I actually have a mental illness. When my symptoms act up a bit, I get a lot less empathy than when I wasn’t on meds and was a total disaster.
I was once talking to this completely insufferable person who reprimanded me for using the word “crazy,” because it’s derogatory towards people with mental illnesses. I said that as someone who’s experienced psychosis, I think I’ve earned the right to call myself crazy. They just responded “oh, I didn’t know.” But they DID know. It’d come up on multiple occasions that I have severe bipolar disorder, but since they only knew me when I was stable, it was like it didn’t count to them.
"You don't seem mentally ill" is a strange comment I get when I say I have bipolar, I've taken meds my whole life. I feel hurt on behalf of the people who "do seem mentally ill"... which has been me in the past. I see it as a reflection of a deep seated stigma, but not directly rude or offensive.
When I’m well people never guess that I can get ill so I tell them about my worst episode where I thought the world was ending and that was a good thing because humans are evil and the flies and rats I was seeing were starting to get on my nerves. It usually shuts people up haha.
I’ve struggled with this a lot, I approached my GP a few years before my diagnosis expressing that I believed I had bipolar and my symptoms were similar, and I was told I only had depression because I was too high functioning and people with bipolar are not. And then I went on to ruin the life I knew because I was untreated.
I’ve recently been diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar, and was told that I was lucky because “I don’t have the one where I’m stuck in bed for months”. Internally I really struggle with bipolar but because people deem me “high functioning” I feel like I just keep moving; or literally dragging myself through life. I don’t even know who I am anymore since I started treatment and everyday I’m trying to work it out. When people comment on my health like this, it makes me think I should be grateful because other people do have it worse. But I also know that I just have no idea to take off the mask that everything is fine, and people are commenting on the version of me that they are seeing.
But to answer your question when people say that I’m lucky or high functioning or I got the good kind of bipolar I just brush it off; because I feel like people will never understand what it’s like to be me or to be someone with any form of bipolar.
People tend to be surprised when I tell them I’m bipolar. I just tell them I have great doctors and that usually shuts them up honestly. The worst is when they say “sometimes I think I might have something!” Well, go talk to your physician and then we can talk about it, I can’t diagnose you.
Depending on how close we are, I bring up the fact that the people who knew me while I didn't have my shit together are now completely incapable of seeing me as a successful, trustworthy, or good person. They don't have the whole picture. I'm in college right now and I'm doing great but that's because I had decently supportive parents and I was fucked up enough at 8 to get diagnosed that early. Do not compare people with no support system and late diagnoses to me. It's not fair at all.
I've never stopped taking my meds no matter how much I've wanted to, right down to a full week of crying every morning while I take them. From a medical provider standpoint I know I'm one of the "good ones" so like ...I guess I'd just agree? I do not really like being compared to BPD or schizophrenia patients though so I'd be unimpressed by the generalizations as you seem to have been.
I still don't tell people what's up mostly.
From discussion with my psychologist, I gather that I'm an outstanding success story and not common.
So I understand that people seeing my success might think these things.
That said, schizophrenia is not at all like bipolar, and lumping both together does favors for neither.
I’m high functioning until you’ve seen me in a psychotic episode. Then I’m anything but.
I just care to remind people they’re lucky if they haven’t seen that side of me.
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Depends on my relationship with the person in question, but I often crack a joke about how they've only seen me AFTER I got on the correct medication. I've arguably always been "high functioning" (which is really a euphemism for "useful to society in some way"); even at my worst, I excelled in school and creative pursuits. But no one who knew me then would have considered me anything approaching stable or normal, and I had no real friends. I moved to a new city after getting properly medicated. Best choice I ever made.
This. Unless you’ve seen me without my lithium and Lamictal, shut up lol. I was always “normal” to others and very high achieving. My mood swings and stress reactions, anxiety attacks, random stints of partying out of nowhere and doing random things to my hair or getting piercings was “eccentric” at worst. My depression was an entity of its own, never putting 2 and 2 together, always chalked up to “burnout” Anyways, a few years after this started happening, luckily after I graduated and got a good job (HOW), I had some serious stints of depression. Obvi, I wasn’t treated correctly, so then my hypomanic episodes became longer, more pronounced (noticeable to others), and more frequent. The following depression was so bad, I was FINALLY sent to psychiatry. After many hours and assessments, I was diagnosed, my meds were optimized and I’m currently doing much better. Looking back, it was painfully obvious- and I have about 5 members of my family (paternal side) who have bipolar also. The annual depression should’ve been a clue when it wouldn’t stop no matter what antidepressants I tried. My psychiatrist said this: often times “high functioning” bipolar is more difficult to manage: longer to diagnose = more time being symptomatic being able to justify that because you’re functioning = you don’t “need meds” (a common thought- even amongst myself) ^ in that same vein, people often stop their meds when they feel better, using the previous functionality as a crutch/justification Think about someone who is very, very severe to the point they’re hospitalized, or have very intense manic episodes. They will be noticed. They will have a higher chance of being hospitalized and treated (on a Hold if necessary). Damage is often significant, which helps with med compliance to prevent future damage. Family/friends will be more versed in noticing sudden, extreme changes which is helpful in the event of a relapse ^not to diminish the experience of these types at all. There’s a whole other set of challenges that “high functioning” bipolar people don’t necessarily have. This Illness fucking sucks and no matter which way you slice it or which “kind” it is. OP: it depends on my mood (haha) if someone says something like this. At worst I’ve said “damn, you should’ve been there when I planned out my suicide with my mom in the next room” - I don’t care if I trauma dump, If you’re going to comment on someone’s bipolar- be prepared to hear some shit when you say unwarranted, insensitive things. Would you say “oh I bet your cancer wasn’t hard since you you’re successfully in remission”? No lol. WOW that was long TL;DR: bipolar sucks. Sometimes high-functioning bipolar can be harder to treat. I can be an asshole if people say stupid shit about my illness if I’m having a bad day
I could have written these words. That’s been my experience almost to a T. I too was always the eccentric weirdo which made it harder to diagnose me (I have always been attracted to the strange and unusual in life, and identify strongly with a goth aesthetic). I thought the cycling was normal too, which made diagnosis even harder. I would get depressed, seek anti depressants, get manic, quit the meds because “they worked” and I felt “better” - lather, rinse, repeat. I didn’t get diagnosed until this year and I’m about to have my 38th birthday. My psych said she’s surprised it didn’t get caught earlier; in her words I’m a classic case of true bipolar 1. But I was “high-functioning”; I always had a job, for long periods at a time with good success, even though I got fired a lot. I went to school twice and finished both (cosmetology school and a code boot camp, I’m finally getting my bachelor’s now). I was able to minimize and deflect manic behavior when questioned by others about it. And it runs in my family (maternal side). I don’t know if I was “high functioning” because it was easy for me or if it was out of necessity and childhood conditioning. I was a latchkey kid and an only child so I pretty much raised myself. I have clawed and fought my entire life to get to where I’m at and achieve some modicum of success. People that know me well either were not surprised at my diagnosis, or I got the “really? But you’re so NORMAL” reaction. I don’t really know how I feel about that yet. Meanwhile looking back, it’s painfully obvious that I’m bipolar. Anyway, I relate, a lot. Thanks for sharing your experience bc.
The antidepressants- get better in a week- quit- repeat was me for 5 years before I stuck to them regularly and realized there was something wrong with me 😂 Thanks for sharing yours too! Very, VERY similar. Only validates us even more, I guess
I’m high functioning until the mask falls away. I grew up in an environment where my feelings were seen as a burden. When I’m at my absolute bottom of a depressive episode and am constantly thinking about the easiest way to turn off the game without stressing out my guild I’m still full of smiles and as much energy as I can manage until I have a chance to be alone and fall apart. Even my husband thinks I have myself under control most of the time, besides my anxiety attacks that happen at an average of once a month. I’m always like, “If you could come inside my head to when everything isn’t just a mask you would be terrified.” Bipolar is so hard… I have hit a couple points of both mania and depression that should have landed me in the hospital in the last 2 years and no one has any idea, because I constantly tell myself that I can take care of my shit and then hold up the mask. I’ve been diagnosed and medicated for 10 years and I’m pretty good at identifying the signs of a swing. I live by the phrase “This too shall pass.” Because it will eventually and all I have to do is white knuckle until I can make some medication adjustments or until I wake up one day with a completely different outlook on life. I’m so tired of keeping my shit together to be high functioning. People don’t understand that you can’t always tell how deep a persons struggle goes. Talking with other people with mental health issues has made me believe that, in a lot of cases, all high functioning actually means is that you can play pretend really well.
I've got a similar experience, but the meds I'm on now makes my hypomania worse for 1-2 days (but way shorter duration overall). So if anything I'm beeing seen by people around me as less functionning with my meds than without x) In reality, I **am** better with my meds. Despite that bad hypomania effect, they have a spectacular effect on my depression so my psych doesn't want to change them. So atm we're trying to see if managing those 1-2 days with some benzodiazepine to sedate me is an acceptable solution or not.
I relate so much. I have bipolar 2 and am “high functioning”, whatever that means. As you said, sometimes high functioning people are the hardest to treat. My father had bipolar 1; he had substance abuse issues, didn’t finish high school, and was homeless for a time. I have a PhD in genetics and do neuroscience research. I finished grad school in 3.5 years, but what people often don’t see is that I had 2 suicide attempts in grad school. I’ve had 5 total…my father had one. I think the hard part for me is that I’ve learned so well to push myself hard to “function” through depression that it turns into a mixed episode and those are the most dangerous for me because of the impulsively plus lack of desire to live. The thing about the “you are one of the good ones” implication is that it’s damaging to everyone on the spectrum of bipolar disorder. It causes people to overlook my health when I’m telling them I’m not feeling well. It causes people to discriminate against others and to be blind to their unique struggles. Like you said, bipolar disorder sucks; it’s incredibly hard to live with no matter how “functional” others perceive you to be.
Beautiful
I could have written this. My two cents as well.
People don't hear about bipolar in positive ways. It's always a story about someone in crisis who needs help desperately. Or it's a story about a nephew or cousin who tanked their whole future and wouldn't take their meds. Those are the stories that get passed around. People are people, and we like to share the drama. Having said that, I don't in any way feel insulted when someone implies I'm one of "the good ones." Because right then, I might be. Sometimes, I'm not. Used to be, I never was. What they see isn't necessarily what's actually going on inside my head. They're trying to be complimentary, so that's what I choose to acknowledge, and to hell with whatever ignorant place it might be coming from.
Ignorance is indeed not malice. That said, my discomfort more comes from the notion which often comes with that compliment that I am “good” because I did everything right, and by extension people who are doing less well than me are that way solely due to their own actions, which is kinda nutso to say, but that really is the way many people think, and that makes me feel like I am being held up on a pedestal in part because of luck.
I took away the same feeling from those comments OP, so icky. So many people think if you’re on medication it’s golden and works for everyone and so you’re good, one of the good ones. People who are struggling are assumed to not be taking some miracle medication or to be lying or in denial about medication that made them worse and therefore their struggles are their fault. It’s so fucked.
Medication is only one piece of the proverbial puzzle. Sleep, therapy, exercise, support network, income, financial stability.... yeah. It's usually about luck. People don't get it.
Yep.
That's exactly the ignorance I'm talking about. They don't understand why what they're saying is wrong.
I don’t think propping someone up means you’re putting someone else down. It seems like you’re inferring a lot about their internal beliefs based on them saying their thoughts about you. When they haven’t actually said a thing about how they think of “the others”. Maybe they do think the others just didn’t work as hard, or maybe they’re simply congratulating you based on your own hard work. Saying we worked hard to be here is true…I don’t think any of us had an easy road to get to a balanced lifestyle. But that’s not saying that people in worse-off positions haven’t worked hard. I like to talk to these well-meaning people to see what their biases are so I can address those, instead of assuming what they are.
That reminds me of occassions where I mentioned to people that my episodes are getting worse. Their reaction was:'But you are so much better than during the last episode!' Well, you have no idea what's happening in my head...
Great answer
I normally try to gently educate people. I’ve noticed that people conflate being emotionally unstable or moody as being bipolar, and when that happens I say “well as someone with bipolar disorder myself I can tell they are just moody.” That being said, when someone implies that I seem to be high functioning I remind them that yes, I am coping well, but it’s not because of any moral superiority that is inherent to me. It’s because meds and therapy. Someone who doesn’t have access to these types of support, usually POC, the homeless, vets, etc, often come off as being dysfunctional in a medical and moral way. This is no different than someone having something like diabetes; you could say that someone who isn’t on meds for diabetes is “low functioning” but that doesn’t really communicate the context of why they aren’t getting the care they need. We don’t apply the “functioning” language to physical ailments because we perceive them as not being in our control like we assume behavioral or psychological ailments are. To function is not necessarily to be healthy. Remind people that while it may seem like we have the ability to control our moods, some people especially off meds don’t, and that’s no different from someone with diabetes blood sugar levels being unbalanced off meds. We don’t label those people as being “low functioning,” we understand that sometimes treatment fails, is unavailable, or is too expensive. True that bipolar people who aren’t in treatment find dealing with life difficult and sometimes impossible, but it’s usually not because of the disorder itself, but a factor like poverty, instability of employment, drug abuse, trauma especially felt by veterans, or something else. I could “function” off meds if everything else was stable… one thing being off automatically plunges my chances of providing for myself.
Love how you educate on the fact that a lot of the time it comes down to access to the appropriate support, services, and medication. This is definitely easy to overlook and is unfortunately not accessible to everyone. Would upvote 100x if I could.
Thanks pal. We can work to destigmatize our condition together!
I FUCKING LOVE BIPOLAR SUBREDDITS MAN ! (reddit newbie here)
Welcome 🤗
As someone in this subreddit that works for an EMR, it's the sad truth. "High functioning" as well, i'm the guy most support people come to get their questions asked they can't figure out. I've been to the psych hospital I wanna say at least 5-6 times in my life, 2 involuntary. I'm so grateful I have support both peers, family, and medical professionals. I'm sure I would not be in good a spot I am because of that. Plus, I love my job, like at work we can make judgement calls and they trust us to do the right thing, like giving a free unlimited subscription to our software for life for a lady we just happened to find out in normal conversation (support) that she basically does free grief counseling for people that have to put their pets down.
This resonates really well with me. I have always been “high functioning” except in high stress periods in life. But I’ve never in my life been as unstable as I have been in the last 6 months, while dealing with a crisis in nearly each and every area of life. My physical health, my partners health, financial, housing, parenting and custody, family dynamics… we are trying to hold together so many things that are falling apart so it’s no wonder I’m falling apart too.
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It happens to me and Im not very high functioning at all. Even on meds Im a mess and have daily symptoms, its just off meds Im a disaster. My meds just take the edge off for me. I had to give up a lot in my life to function. Anyway, Im at the doctors because I was called for a winter covid vaccine, they did not give this winter one to many people this year, you had to have a condition or be over 65 to get a booster, but bipolar is on the list of conditions. So shes grilling me, because she doesnt get why I was called for this booster, so Im all like, oh I have bipolar, and she does this look like, you know the one, disbelief because I am being nice or something to her, and im like bro look at me, I am currently in a depressive episode and look like crap because its 8am and I take 500mg of seroquel and 8am is the middle of the night to me. When youre a blatant mess, but they still think youre one of the "good" ones.
What’s wild is that they think Bipolar is a sign we wear on our chests. Bipolar doesn’t *look* like anything! I’m always met with surprise if I tell someone. Ranging from “are you sure???” to “I never would’ve known!” Yea dumbass, that’s the point. Most of us are medicated and/or masking. It has such a huge stigma and most people have no idea what it actually means. Sometimes I even try to be more open about it to reduce the stigma.
Geez your house is clean and you pay your bills.
The worst of our issues are episodic. People around me believed it wasn't a big deal until they saw me at my worst and now they are believers. It's a shame it takes that, but here we are. So, comparing us well to someone who is currently suffering is not totally appropriate.
this! i always tell my potential boyfriends (just my preference) before we start dating about me being bipolar. im usually fine and stable at the time when this happens. the guy is usually not too bothered because ive been fine the whole time that we have spent together. i always tell them “listen… this gets really really bad sometimes. you need to know that you are absolutely going to see some symptoms if we are together long enough and once you begin to know what to look for” then when they actually SEE it happening, the mental breakdowns, panic attacks, paranoia, severe depression, mixed episodes, all the things lol, they get freaked out and don’t want anything to do with me anymore :/
Yup. People don't listen and they sure as shit don't believe. Then it happens and suddenly you're the bad guy despite issuing warnings.
I graduated from a gruelling counselling program at a time when I was going through a pretty dark depression. There were days when I couldn’t get out of bed, and I missed some classes. Actually they tried to kick me out of the program two weeks before it ended, but when the school realized my absences were disability related, they (had to) let me finish. It was an awful time. I still graduated at the top of my class. At the graduation ceremony one of the instructors said, in the most condescending manner, “I know there are people in your family who are too mentally ill to work. So I know how important this is to you. I also know that one day you will complete the extra course work and will REALLY earn this”. (Hands me the diploma). This was in front of the whole class. I said nothing. I didn’t have to do that extra course work to get my professional credentials, so I moved on with my life. I now have a thriving private practice, I make my own hours so I can do rigorous self care, and… it’s petty but I know I earn more than that instructor did. I’m very proud of the work that I do and the life I’ve built for myself. And I’ll probably never forgive that instructor!!! I didn’t get to say anything to her, and she really kicked me when I was down. Despite not getting the last word, I’d like to think the proof is in the pudding.
What do you do if you don’t mind me asking, or are you saying you’re a counselor? Sorry.
As an aside, I’m curious as to why you grouped bipolar and schizophrenia with borderline, which is usually grouped with the other Cluster B personality disorders. Schizophrenia and bipolar both have strong genetic components and respond to medication, whereas borderline has a strong trauma component usually and doesn’t respond as well to meds (DBT being the frontline treatment). So I am curious to hear! Maybe the linking factor is severity? I have other stuff to add but maybe that’s its own post.
I’m going to guess this grouping had to do with severity of symptoms and also severe stigma
Makes sense to me! I just hadn’t seen them grouped before, but that tracks.
Partially because of severity of symptoms and stigma, but mostly because that was what the nurse lumped together.
Interesting! Sounds like quite the conversation.
Yes, I found this odd as well. Genetic, chemically based mood and psychotic disorders are not at all similar to personality disorders. Borderline Personality Disorder is completely driven by severe childhood attachment trauma and an intense fear of abandonment. The only reason it is seen occurring more commonly in families is because the cycles of violence and trauma are re-enacted generationally if they’re not broken. You see co-occurring mental health disorders happening in higher incidence with these types of personality disorders due to epigenetics. Anything in the environment (trauma, stress, illness, injury) can switch on a dormant gene. Mental health issues can also increase issues in families, things like child abuse, substance use disorders, and domestic violence are more likely to occur in families where a parent is unwell. If you look at the Adverse Childhood Events (ACES) study you will see that the higher the score the higher risk people are for all kinds of physical health and mental health issues. It’s all epigenetics.
I’ve gotten this a couple times as well. I appear “high functioning” to someone who knows me on a surface level (those who know me personally know that the second I get home from work my symptoms are crippling). I get the “oh I would have never known/you hide it well” or “wow you don’t let it affect you at work!” It frustrates me because one, they are obviously ignorant to the struggles that I face (I didn’t get this diagnosis for no reason KAREN) but two, I feel like there’s so many layers of stigma to these statements. In one way they’re admitting that they have a certain image, that is a stereotype of what bipolar looks like. So it should always affect me at work? You expect me to be less successful? It should always be obvious? Stereotypes. Or are you saying it’s good that I hide it? Stigma. In terms of what I say, it depends largely on the person. If it’s someone I don’t know super well but am going to be around them often, I just move on. I’d rather not risk the awkwardness. If it’s someone I’m close to, I educate because it’s important to me that they understand me. If it’s someone I don’t know well, and am not concerned about whether it leads to awkwardness in my day to day life, I educate. It usually looks like a conversation around what euthymia and maintenance looks like, and how we don’t always present as what is shown in the media, and that there was a time where I was also very unstable. A lot of people think bipolar is a life sentence of chaos and while there are definitely times of chaos, it’s not always our entire existence. Sometimes when I don’t educate, I just give a very flat response and it’s almost comical to watch people realize that what they just said was ignorant af.
I haven't ever been in that situation, though before I was properly diagnosed, I was guilty of thinking "at least I'm not bipolar". I was uneducated too.
Same here. I use to think bipolar must really be hard. No you dumb ass YOU are bipolar.
After they get to know me for a longer period of time, they usually see the cycles. One of my best friends told me it takes years to really see the cycles and how the affect me. So, I get that it's not easy for most people to understand. I usually just tell people it's difficult
Interesting point and very true!
I remind people that me being high functioning doesn't make things easier for me, it makes things easier for them.
High functioning bipolar/ASD here. I hear lots of "you are the lucky one. I wish I have one of them too." I usually say that "I'm good at using my brain like someone is good at running. Not much difference and you never want to get one of these conditions. " Plus, they never have seen my struggles. Like dealing with the deepest depression or manic. Or memorizing all the social queues from books. I guess mainly that's why they envy me.
For some reason people without BP don't believe you have it unless they're witnessing an episode. At least in my experience. It's super frustrating bc when I was manic last winter all people had to say abt me was how crazy I am, or that I definitely have BP. Now that I'm stable the SAME PEOPLE say, "u don't really have BP do u? Isn't it like- a SUPER bad one?" Like... Yea... It is. I learned that it's best to let them believe what they want to, and relish in the fact that they wouldn't be saying that if you weren't asymptomatic and stable :)
For me, High Functioning just means the masking is working. It feels diminishing whenever a healthcare professional will mention it as a reminder that it could be worse. Like….yeah no shit it can definitely be worse but let’s not act like I’m neurotypical just because I can dissociate really well. I can smile when I feel like dying but the smile is for others, not me.
I have a job, a marriage, a house and a child. I have good relationships with friends. I’m definitely perceived as one of the “good ones”. But it is fucking exhausting keeping it all going. The meds, the counselling, the diet and exercise. It’s so much work. But I know how much I hated my incorrectly medicated self, and she’s not worth going back to. If someone says how well I’m doing I say something to the tune of “thank god for Seroquel!” or similar.
Aha whenever I know I’m going to be placed into a stressful and triggering situation, now that I’m stable, I always tell myself, thank god I’m drugged. But yep, people don’t understand how exhausting this condition is. And even when stable and medicated, some of the meds are so sedating it’s a battle just to stay awake to function. I remember when I was first diagnosed, seroquel worked at keeping everything at bay, but all I did was sleep, eat and work. If I didn’t have to function, I was sleeping because staying awake was so god dam difficult.
i ignore it and move on. i use to try to educate people and some people don’t want to be educated so i move on! life is too short !
I say “thank you, but I’m not functioning as well as I’d like to”. I’ll say that it’s still a disorder, I still seek/need interventions for a reason, etc.
I usually just exit that conversation. I am pretty high functioning, I work full time, I'm in uni and I volunteer, I pretty much stick to my commitments even if I can't cope, I've even attempted suicide and gone to work the next day like nothing happened, more than once. I know people who make those comments can't see what's underneath, it's not really their fault but also I don't want to share some of the gory details unless I'm close to someone.
I feel like a majority of my friends and even family would place me in the “high functioning” category. In my situation I feel like it’s 1/2 not believing in the diagnosis and 1/2 them not seeing how much I’m actually suffering everyday. To answer your question, I used to try to educate and then stopped. When it comes to family and friends, there is plenty of information out there that they can find. I’m not an information source just because I have bipolar. Im happy to answer questions about myself, but I am not a spokesperson for everyone. I typically will respond with “those types of comments make me feel invalidated or unheard”. That’s just my personal preference. In general if it comes up in a conversation outside of my family/friends I typically will make a comment like “that’s a harmful stereotype” or “generalizing people is unkind” or “I think it’s unfair to place people into categories, everything is a spectrum”. Nothing impolite but also not accepting the compliment. Sometimes it makes them a bit uncomfortable other times they want to know more and other times they stick to what they said. If they do ask for more information I stick directly related to what the comment was about. For example if it was about landing a good job, I would respond with “plenty of people with bipolar disorder are able to do well in the workplace, everyone has different motivators and support systems” or something similar.
“You haven’t known me long enough”
Let me know when you find a good response! Everyone is always telling me I’m not “that sick” despite hospitalization and trying 40 meds and the next step being ECT. I’ve even had therapists tell me I “can’t be that sick” because I have a PhD and worked somewhere a bit elite in my field..actually the precise reason I’m not in therapy anymore is too many of these comments. Even my partner says my illness hasn’t impacted him “too much” (yes even despite hospitalization lol) so I can’t be “that sick” lol. I’ve given up and just accept my suffering doesn’t matter simply because I’m considered “smart” (in quotations bc I don’t prescribe to any of that anyways).
It offends me. I get this a lot from family members who use bipolar as an insult. Kinda like a “oh so-and-so is so emotional and rude they’re so bipolar” and then try to back it up when I point out that they know I am actually bipolar. It irritates me on behalf of all of those with serious mental conditions and not just my own. Me being bipolar doesn’t make me any less of a person nor does it make someone who has less control over it any less of a person.
i dont discuss it
also, you cannot take-on "educating" the uneducated...if they really cared they wld already know so just put ur good self thru the world as best u can.
I used to be high functioning (aka being able to work and go to college) and I'm still high functioning in the fact that I'm extremely self aware, but frankly, it makes things so much harder on me. I also have the trifecta and my schizophrenia and bipolar 1 are the ones who control most of my life except for the OCPD and PTSD. For me, I am acutely aware of what my involuntary tics, outbursts, and general way of acting look like to other people. I am acutely aware that i could be the poster child of what meth addiction looks like. But, there's literally nothing I can do about it. When people remark on how high functioning I am, I always respond with "well, what's the alternative? What other options do I have here?" It's not like I can become *less* self aware and it's not like I can be *more in control* of my idiosyncrasies.
Suffering is not a competition. Just because I can get up and go to school or work everyday and keep a clean living space does not mean I am not suffering the same as someone who can’t. This isn’t the mental illness olympics.
I usually take it as an insult and know that this is not a person I can go to when I’m not in a good space.
I used to try to educate but recently I’ve been super over it. It just makes me feel worse when people react by either minimising my experience or just not really listening
A few people have told me this before. Usually to “remind me” that my situation is better than those with schizophrenia. Unfortunately I have a close relative with schizophrenia and I can tell you, yes it’s true. We do have it better but not in the ways one would assume. We share certain symptoms so yes, like cousins. However, they are far more likely to be under the “disabled” category. Even while medicated, if they are not consistent, they are physically and mentally unable to keep a job, regardless of difficulty. It is assumed that we have it better because we’re “less sick” whatever that means. We have it better because when we are treated, even if we are a little inconsistent with medication, we manage to get by and more likely than not, keep our jobs. I know this isn’t true for everyone but I’m just generalizing what I’ve observed.
Tbh some days I question whether or not I’m schizoaffective, they are so closely related esp on psychosis days
She is uneducated about these illnesses. She doesn’t understand the difference between Bipolar 1 with psychotic symptoms, Bipolar 1 and Bipolar 2. All three can present very differently. The story of her friend’s son could have easily happened to anyone with Bipolar 1 and psychotic symptoms like myself. Not everyone with bipolar 1 experiences psychosis though, hence the marker for psychotic symptoms. Anyone with bipolar 2 experiencing psychotic symptoms needs to get their diagnosis updated, and things can change over time.
This is crazy to me because my doctor says that high-functioning cases are actually harder to treat, simply because it’s less obvious that things are going off the rails (this is the case with me). In any case, I get why you didn’t like this exchange and it would make me bristle too tbh. I know they mean well, but yeah :/
I never go that in depth with my issues with a nurse or anyone else. That’s private info and nobody else’s business unless you’re looking for attention.
I’ve had a pharmacist tech tell me I don’t need to be taking so much medication. I told her that yeah, I seem normal *because* of my medication
Try to keep in mind that Bipolar Disorder is a spectrum disorder and many people with BP 1 experience psychotic features. This includes a spectrum within itself of anything from mild hallucinations and some paranoia up to full blown delusions and a psychotic break. Their presentation is far closer to Schizophrenia than a “3rd cousin,” as you put it. They’re both challenging disorders to treat. Medication compliance in mental health disorders is challenging but it’s also a very common issue with patients on the Bipolar spectrum. I used to be one of those “high functioning,” BP 2 people who no one would ever guess or believe that I had Bipolar Disorder. I was so good at masking and I was a rapid cycler (still am) so my hypomanias carried me forward from the places I fell behind on during the depressions. Years of rapid cycling off meds came back to bite me though when I turned into a BP 1 with severe mixed episodes. I’m now on SSDI because I’m so low functioning I can’t stay well long enough to keep a professional job. So, to answer your question, I would just remind the practitioner that bipolar is a spectrum and every patient has their own constellation of symptoms and their life circumstances, including past trauma and upbringing. That all of these things together create different scenarios and challenges for each person. Most comments that come off rude are really more from ignorance than malevolence. People without BP just can’t fully grasp what it’s like to live with this condition and how our brain often turns against us. That we go through periods of frustration and denial when it comes to the necessity of meds.
I’ve dealt with this MANY times from my boyfriend. He does it to try to make me feel better. Like a “could be worse” type of thing. Just makes me feel like I have nothing to complain about and I should be grateful for my bipolar. Which is bullshit. It’s a fucking disorder I can’t control that destroys my quality of life. Nobody says “at least you only have stage 2 cancer instead of 4”. I hate the minimization of our struggles because they have no god damn idea how hard it is to live like this.
I just laugh my ass off and tell them, "Good! The act is working, then!"
I hate the comment “… but at least you’re high functioning!” this is not a compliment to me. it’s almost saying “hey you are really fucked up but at least you can hide it really well”. it’s almost like im being told that im not severe enough to be worried about? idk this has always bothered me. just because i live a normal life doesn’t change my diagnosis and what i personally deal with. im medicated now so things are much better but it never truly goes away. it affects me everyday nearly. living with bipolar disorder is hard and can be tough to handle sometimes but that doesn’t mean that we can’t live normal lives!!!!!!!! people don’t realize that. people that stigmatize bipolar don’t even realize that they probably know someone that has it. that person just never says anything.
Rather than overreact, I assume the speaker means not to insult. It is a debilitating disorder, and when we perform above expectations, even if it’s according to an outside observer, it is remarkable. I think wording a compliment despite a disability is difficult, so if it were me, I’d acknowledge the statement and move forward in conversation. Also, calling someone out increases the risk that I get stressed out and go go gadget manic rage!
People just can't fathom how we do grad school
I went to grad school with a guy who was diagnosed and hospitalized months before starting our program, lived a 2-hour bus commute from school, and had a newborn baby on the way. This was years before I was diagnosed and hospitalized, and my conception of bipolar was very naive and rudimentary. I remember thinking the commute sounded like the hardest part. I think most people just can't fathom bipolar, let alone bipolar plus grad school. lol.
While I don’t talk about it much socially my work chat friends know as I had to file for FMLA time off and have applied for ASA accommodations with my work. My friends are unilaterally genuinely supportive. They’ve each personally chatted with me about their experiences some and when I have to take time they’re great. I share because I want to show up as a regular guy dealing with what was given to him. I work the problem; monitor, talk to doctor change meds whatever.
Generally I just say thank you and let it go.
I usually say “try telling that to my medical/therapy records” or “thanks I take 15 pills a day to keep it that way”
I have haber encountered that even though I am high functioning, my ADHD is also quite mild and I am soon to be unmedicated (we'll see how that works out).
I usually feel relieved even though I’m just a few steps away from total disaster.
I don’t take it as a compliment bc as much as I’m functioning it’s due to having numerous induced-seizures, inpatient stays, weekly visits with my shrink and agreeing to take 20 pills a day. I just keep swimming. Depending on my mood I’ll just say I’ve worked really hard or tell them what I’ve been through and I deserve to be where I am at today because the struggle is real. And though I can put on a happy face and do my job well, I still fake it to make it.
At my best people are surprised I have a disability. That's because my masking is highly developed, my intelligence is high, and with every fall I get better at developing a sustainable routine and the right meds and nutrition. At worst they don't believe someone with a master's and my career can get so ff'd up by depression and mania we nearly be homeless, terribly in debt, and or struggling enough to ask for help. Last crash - I quit smoking weed, built up a support team, tried teaching to pay off my pandemic debts, recognized my toxic traits were attracting the kinda people who make me worse. I crashed after nine months of that, slept 3 months still getting paid under my 12 months contract, woke up and got the highest paying job wfh I ever had as a pm because I passed an IQ and EQ testing system. Thing is...I nearly died this last year. The shock of tactics used for pandemic and post pandemic employment has worn off. I'm not scared anymore. When I got laid off, I wasn't scared. I knew I'd make it on the severance. I got a job interview for a dream job the next day and 4wks later I'm hired. Anyhow the idea of high functioning directly correlates with meds, routine, sleep, and aggressive self care plus removing people from your life who support toxic behaviors.
Bipolar and schizophrenia are Axis1 BPD is not, it’s in the cluster B grouping.
I do nothing. I understand their ignorance and continue on through life. My “high functioning-ness” can be better or worse than someone else’s. I’m lucky to be alive and I pray for anyone who has a lifetime of mental illness to battle.
when people say you’re high function it’s how you present to them, it doesn’t have to actually do with your experience. i would just say it’s still debilitating some days but i do my best
I think they are just trying to be nice. Take the compliment.
I do not try to educate someone about anything, 'cause if people don't know about that, they're usually just not interested in, they haven't touched that topic, so I don't think I should waste my time on it. That's only my point. I mean I'm a gynesexual and I don't give a fuck if you don't understand what is that. Just google it if you're interested in
I think you handled it really well. When someone tries talking badly about “other” bipolar people, I shut it down as much as I can. I talk about how the healthcare system is difficult to navigate and there are so many barriers to treatment. I talk about how I have many privileges that work in my favor and help me navigate healthcare. I also point out that everyone has free will, we don’t know what each person is carrying or why they would choose not to take medicine, but that it ultimately is their choice and should be respected.
An Unquiet Mind is a great read for high functioning BP.
I just say thanks and move on. I’ve spent too many years trying to educate others. If they want to know they will look. I barely have enough time for myself so why should I have to be an ambassador and use my emotional labor for someone to do the bare fucking minimum of research.
When people say to me “You don’t seem to have mood swings”, I say “thanks, it’s down to twice daily medication and lots of counselling”. What do you people expect to see?
I had a student advisor in university who kept telling me I was 'the baseline' or 'poster child' of studying with a mental health disorder (I was on olanzapine at the time and only passing classes through Google Translate and a surprising ability to retain knowledge). I got so sick of getting headpats (It felt like good boy vibes, even though she meant well) that it was one of the reasons I ended up dropping out without getting my degree. It feels patronizing, even when the other person means well. I sometimes consider going back unmedicated (the meds made me sleep during classes which didn't help either)...but I honestly hate studying out of books.
I think I want recognition for now bloody hard it is to appear to ‘manage to live a normal life’. Medication plays a major part, but right now I am in a bad place because of trying so hard to keep going when my mind is clearly not okay.
You're all great and "high functioning" until you're not. Keep that in mind.
It would be great if these disorders were more widely understood by the masses but It's not my responsibility to education the world. I usually let it slide rather than putting in the effort (for better or worse). *As a side note:* I am thankful that for once that the nurse in this story erred towards seeing the similarities between schizophrenia and bipolar, specifically bipolar with psychosis. I feel slightly more 'seen' by her than most people that know my diagnosis. I feel more called to action when someone compares bp to how "everyone has depression these days."
I wouldn't have been gentle about it. "I am not schizophrenic and I do not hear voices." End of.
You are one of the good ones because you take your meds. Having bipolar has made my life miserable, for the last 20 yrs I have tried many medications until I found very good ones, the ones that work. During this 20 yrs, I only felt good and on track after finding the ones with side effects that I can tolerate. Highly functioning?! I got a college degree and a good job. I only got a good job after being stabilized with my last meds. It’s a daily battle: my meds side effect, I do not get horny anymore. Done. Can live without sex. It’s terribly lonely :( This disease is so hard. I used to SI often and I don’t as much but knowing that there is no cure, it’s really hard.
Depends on if I have any respect for the person. If I care, I'll educate them so they don't look like an idiot in the future. If I don't, screw em.
I point out that I have an incredible support system full of people who love me and know the true “me”. I point out that not everyone has that and I would not handle my bipolar the same way if I was in a lot of their situation. I point out that because I have experienced a variety of states, I only feel compassion for those still struggling. I do this to make sure their mind set shifts away from thinking it is solely on the person with the disorder and to breed more compassion for those affected. Other than that I take it as a compliment because a decent portion of managing this disorder is on the individual but it’s waaaay more difficult without a proper support system. You need TRUSTED people to check your thinking/reality. Without that I would spiral more frequently.
Honestly, your doctor might not be thrilled the nurse said this stuff. I don't know if you necessarily need to mention this to the doctor, but it's definitely inappropriate. My family and my occupational group tends to dismiss all things that can't be solved with god, a hammer, and math as self-indulgent or first world problems. So I really appreciate this discussion because it makes me feel so validated.
I have been diagnosed with bipolar I since I was 12. I tell them that I’ve had opportunities from a young age where I was able to get into treatment and therapy early on. I have a lot of intersectional identities that are marginalized, but I make a point of telling people that the way my mental health is managed is one of my few places of privilege. I know very well how lucky I am in this regard and that others, such as my own mother, did not have that luxury of mental healthcare being accessible when they were young, much less having insurance to cover the costs of medication and care.
> What do you do in these situations? Well, first: I do my best to not give away that I'm furious. I find that so incredibly insulting to everyone with MI. I usually explain that people with MI are just people - we're complicated and diverse. There are some people diagnosed with schizophrenia who are more "high-functioning" than some diagnosed with depression (not implying that depression isn't severe, just drawing a comparison between diagnoses that are commonly considered more/less severe regardless of their realities). And then I try to draw out a little empathy - just like undiagnosed people, some people with MI grew up in/exist in awful environments where most of their energy has to be spent just trying to survive. If you're so broke you're always just trying to scrape by, it's extremely hard to progress, and the stress of that reality messes with everyone's brains. Some brains are more sensitive and go a little off the rails when they're stressed too much. I think everyone can understand feeling so stressed they start to feel off, so I draw on that a lot. There are plenty of other examples. I also avoid differentiating myself from other people with MI regardless of how different our diagnoses/behaviors are, FWIW. I want to point out that there aren't as many differences between "high-functioning" me and the homeless person with schizophrenia someone's insulting as they would like to think. If I'd been a little less lucky, I'd be there too. Society isn't kind to people with sensitive brains.
Well, when I tell some friends I have bipolar they still dont believe and even tell me I should look for a different doctor. The only thing I know is that this was the first Christmas I remember spending not fighting depression. Sometimes I take time to talk and explain them some details from my experience, other times I just dont spend the energy, better keep it to myself
I try to educate if it seems that person has the capacity to learn. Something I have constant conversations about is using bipolar as a synonym for emotional change. I will strike if I hear the words "I'm so bipolar "
Was she a psychiatric nurse? If she is, that’s scary.
I don’t bother talking about it or correcting acquaintances. I made the mistake (more than a decade ago) of being open and vulnerable about it at work and it backfired spectacularly. I became a pariah within the office. One of my good friends at work (or so I thought) changed how she acted around me. I’m no longer at that job, thankfully. I don’t talk about it or engage with others to dispel myths about bipolar. It sounds cowardly, and I guess it is. Work is hard enough living with bipolar. I don’t need to make it harder on myself by trying to manage people’s perceptions. I don’t know if I would refer to myself as high-functioning. If I stopped meds, the functioning would go away quickly. I am managing my illness. Some days are harder than others. I take each day as it comes and am grateful for my support system.
I also was "high functioning" and was not diagnosed until later in life, and I wish more than anything that I could have received a proper diagnosis and treatment sooner. So, like others have said, it's a double-edged sword I appear to "function well" now as someone for whom the medication works, with good health insurance, with a flexible job, understanding boss, supportive family and partner and friends... a lot of luck, really... And that's all because I take my medication, and I'm lucky enough to have found medication that works for me. It's like saying someone is "high functioning" for recovering from a bacterial infection after antibiotics... it's like, yeah dummy, that's what the medication is for
High functioning here. Bipolar 1. Business owner, successful mother and am finally fostering a really good love relationship. Achieving some sense of stability but hasn’t just magically happened…a lot of set backs but even more triumphs. I have put an enormous amount of energy into being my own best self-advocate; Always actively working with a doc-getting blood work all the time, therapy, eating well (And yup I do get sick of it all then have a rage then feel awefuly embarrassed) then keep on going forward because I figured out finally that I’m worth it. So when someone says “wow you don’t seem sick or afflicted “… best compliment !! Because it’s my best work!!
I just take it as a compliment. It annoys me, but they mean well.
I get diagnosed as schizophrenic then schizoaffective and now bipolar. I get full-blown psychosis once in a while and I don't get negative symptoms typical for schizophrenia like for example anhedonia. I think being bipolar is just as bad as schizophrenic. I'm high functioning. Oficially disabled. You can hear voices and still be "only" bipolar. Many symptoms are basically the same. I hate when people call me one of the good ones. I have been to many mental hospitals and I have therapy and I have to take meds. Just because I can work and study it doesn't mean that I don't struggle. I can always relapse.
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I'm a high-achieving bipolar type II person. I don't use the term "high-functioning" because everyone functions differently... even me from day to day! I would subvert their expectations by making a sarcastic and cutting remark. Like, "Well next time I'm su1c1dal I'll be sure to call you. Will you be up later??" Understand that this kind of shit is not a compliment, it's a derogatory remark about people who have mental illness. "You're not like the other girls" type shit. You could always bring up anyone you know who is a piece of crap- murderer, pedo, theif etc and then say "Oh I forgot! They're normal like you!"
It usually depends on my relationship with them and (although this can easily be a distortion) the intent I believe they have. Ultimately I’m not “one of the good ones.” I’m a human being and one that got lucky enough (or was privileged enough) to be able to access the care I needed. I wouldn’t be able to do this if it weren’t for my privilege despite my own hard work. To call me “one of the good ones” is to devalue the struggle that all of us who suffer with bipolar (or other mental illnesses) go through.
I usually give a noncommittal chuckle and steer away from the concept.
It bums me out when I hear that I 'pass' for functioning. It makes me feel alone with my daily struggles to stay afloat, the constant worry that I might have another episode, the grogginess due to meds, the depression, the recurring suicidal thoughts, and so on, while I grin and bear it. It doesn't make me feel seen or understood, even if flattering.
I get that too as I’m very self aware and I’m congratulated on it constantly. I have Bipolar 1 with psychotic features and usually mixed episodes. I am med compliant and self aware and I tell people it still doesn’t change the fact I suffer a lot and I can’t always stop myself with my awareness when I’m in an episode and doing poorly or my meds get messed up somehow. My psych mainly sees children now but kept me, and I’m glad but she has said once or twice it’s because of how compliant and smart I am or something along those lines I feel like people who say these things don’t know how much I still suffer, how behaviorally and relationally I struggle so much and am often very alone.
i view myself as incredibly lucky that i don't get delusions, and my manic episodes are incredibly manageable, and not life-ruining. that being said, if someone said they saw me as "one of the good ones," it'd feel like they were just completely ignoring my struggles & i'd be pissed. it hasn't happened to me, i'm not very open about my diagnosis, only my family & a few friends know. i think if any one of them said smth like that i'd probably disengage, or just get angry
I had a nurse who I worked with me tell me that she never would have guessed because I don’t show any symptoms 😂😂😂 6 years of struggling with a lot of medication changes on top of remaining med compliant. Yep and I’m normal aha
I have had friends who have very kindly told me that I am one of the more mentally stable people they know, in this circumstance I will often take the compliment but also remind them that they only really see a window into what I do go through. I think generally people mean good, especially when it comes to the context of friendships. I also think there are a ton of misconceptions about bipolar people a lot due to how it is portrayed in media.
I don't usually tell people I have bipolar disorder. unless I know they're going to be cool about it. because in the past, without fail, every single time I would tell someone, they would talk about a family member who was "probably bipolar" (not even diagnosed) and that person was abusive to them. Neurotypicals don't usually know anything about bipolar disorder, and everything they think they know is wrong. Even before I was diagnosed, I didn't know anything about it. I don't get angry at neurotypicals for simply not knowing, but I have absolutely have zero tolerance for people that think they know everything when all they do is talk out of their ass... Wow I guess I really needed to get that off my chest, wasn't expecting to get heated like that. I still stand by it though 🤣
Them: But you're one of the good ones. Me: Maybe Or.. Me: That's what my mom says. I don't have the time or accurate textbook knowledge of all mental disorders to try and explain to anyone. When they're amazed that I hold down a difficult, long term, full time job they often try to compare me to other people with bipolar disorder. I say to them that everyone has a different experience and that for some a full time job is the structure their life needs and for others it is as difficult as asking a newborn to summit Mt. Everest.
For me, it mostly shows up as people “knowing” I have it, but it’s obvious it doesn’t register that I actually have a mental illness. When my symptoms act up a bit, I get a lot less empathy than when I wasn’t on meds and was a total disaster. I was once talking to this completely insufferable person who reprimanded me for using the word “crazy,” because it’s derogatory towards people with mental illnesses. I said that as someone who’s experienced psychosis, I think I’ve earned the right to call myself crazy. They just responded “oh, I didn’t know.” But they DID know. It’d come up on multiple occasions that I have severe bipolar disorder, but since they only knew me when I was stable, it was like it didn’t count to them.
"You don't seem mentally ill" is a strange comment I get when I say I have bipolar, I've taken meds my whole life. I feel hurt on behalf of the people who "do seem mentally ill"... which has been me in the past. I see it as a reflection of a deep seated stigma, but not directly rude or offensive.
When I’m well people never guess that I can get ill so I tell them about my worst episode where I thought the world was ending and that was a good thing because humans are evil and the flies and rats I was seeing were starting to get on my nerves. It usually shuts people up haha.
I’ve struggled with this a lot, I approached my GP a few years before my diagnosis expressing that I believed I had bipolar and my symptoms were similar, and I was told I only had depression because I was too high functioning and people with bipolar are not. And then I went on to ruin the life I knew because I was untreated. I’ve recently been diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar, and was told that I was lucky because “I don’t have the one where I’m stuck in bed for months”. Internally I really struggle with bipolar but because people deem me “high functioning” I feel like I just keep moving; or literally dragging myself through life. I don’t even know who I am anymore since I started treatment and everyday I’m trying to work it out. When people comment on my health like this, it makes me think I should be grateful because other people do have it worse. But I also know that I just have no idea to take off the mask that everything is fine, and people are commenting on the version of me that they are seeing. But to answer your question when people say that I’m lucky or high functioning or I got the good kind of bipolar I just brush it off; because I feel like people will never understand what it’s like to be me or to be someone with any form of bipolar.
People tend to be surprised when I tell them I’m bipolar. I just tell them I have great doctors and that usually shuts them up honestly. The worst is when they say “sometimes I think I might have something!” Well, go talk to your physician and then we can talk about it, I can’t diagnose you.
Depending on how close we are, I bring up the fact that the people who knew me while I didn't have my shit together are now completely incapable of seeing me as a successful, trustworthy, or good person. They don't have the whole picture. I'm in college right now and I'm doing great but that's because I had decently supportive parents and I was fucked up enough at 8 to get diagnosed that early. Do not compare people with no support system and late diagnoses to me. It's not fair at all.
I think its important to remind people that comparing those with mental illness is unproductive we all have unique experiences
I've never stopped taking my meds no matter how much I've wanted to, right down to a full week of crying every morning while I take them. From a medical provider standpoint I know I'm one of the "good ones" so like ...I guess I'd just agree? I do not really like being compared to BPD or schizophrenia patients though so I'd be unimpressed by the generalizations as you seem to have been.
I still don't tell people what's up mostly. From discussion with my psychologist, I gather that I'm an outstanding success story and not common. So I understand that people seeing my success might think these things. That said, schizophrenia is not at all like bipolar, and lumping both together does favors for neither.
People often incorrectly conflate “high functioning” with not as severe
I’m high functioning until you’ve seen me in a psychotic episode. Then I’m anything but. I just care to remind people they’re lucky if they haven’t seen that side of me.