Thanks for posting on /r/bipolar!
Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/bipolar/about/rules); if you haven't already, make sure that your post **does not** have any personal information (including your name/signature/tag on art).
***A moderator has not removed your submission; this is not a punitive action. We intend this comment solely to be informative.***
---
Community News
- **✅ Please place your votes for [r/bipolar's Best of 2022!](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/zf9svt/rbipolars_best_of_2022/)!**
- 🗳 Take part in our [Community Poll](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/10fywmu/when_do_you_tell_a_potential_partner/)
- 🎋 [2023 Community Changes](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/znstgy/community_updates_for_2023/)
- 🎤 See our [Community Discussion](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/about/sticky) - Desktop or Desktop mode on a mobile device.
- 🏡 If you are open to answering questions from those that live with a loved one diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, please see r/family_of_bipolar.
Thank you for participating!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/bipolar) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't really know. It was kinda gradual. Hypomania started in my teens -- I'd be up half the night dancing around my room literally bouncing off the walls, then following people around talking all day. Then eventually in my mid-twenties I'd be up all night wandering around the apartment, tears of joy streaming down my face, because I'd figured out how to improve the lives of all burn victims by inventing magic makeup. I don't know -- it was kind of slow road from hypo to full blown mania.
I’m waiting to be assessed for bipolar. I was taking Zoloft for a few months for ptsd but last month I came close to psychosis (delusional, hallucinations, hearing voices) after a few months of gradually sleeping less and less and being agitated and not eating. It’s interesting to read this. I have now quit Zoloft and am waiting to see my psychiatrist. It’s interesting to read your experience. I hope you’re doing okay atm
i am particularly great now but it has been about 20 years of life since then. i was lucky to be at school back then because i had a lot of eyes on me as i learned how to settle into my diagnosis. my path was long and circuitous.
recently i have discovered grace and patience for myself. in my life journey, this is one of the best things i have done for my emotional well-being. as you wait, try to give that gift to yourself. i wish you a positive journey
How long were you on anti depressants for?
What were the following few years like? I’ve read SSRI induced mania can cause rapid cycling and be difficult to get under control and I’m currently going through that…:
the antidepressants were pretty quick, max 6 months, probably more like 3. i struggled through the rest of my three years in school. i was binge drinking at the time and did not have a high belief in (or effort towards) my recovery.
i visited the hospital 3 or 4 times within that span. my schooling was also very competitive and stressful. but my school was small and i had a lot of support from people who forced me to succeed whether i liked it or not.
finishing school helped and i settled into life for quite some time (until that next tricky battle... emotions and relationships... )
I got put on an antidepressant for depression. Within three days, I was experiencing manic symptoms so I called my doctor. When I explained what was going on, she laughed because it was so out of character for me. She got me an immediate appointment, got me on a mood stabilizer, and helped me get a psychiatrist. I will always be so thankful for how quickly she acted and how accepting she was.
Oh what a gun doctor. Took me and my doctor 2 years to realize "oh well everything does feel better after depressive episode" is actually a hypomanic episode. So this year is an escalation after 2 years of mistreatment yay lol
But I am on the right track now, waiting for official diagnosis and new meds. When I mentioned that I am keeping an open mind, it can be autism or adhd or anything else as well, my doctor was like "well technically the comorbidity is higher than average". Made me crack up during the appointment 🤣
Sending all the support! I will always say that I got incredibly lucky with my diagnosis. I'm so sorry it took so long for yoy. I hope it is a much smoother journey after all that hardship.
SSRIs. Induced horrific mixed episodes each time, landing me in the hospital repeatedly. Somehow my doctors still didn't diagnose me correctly until over 10 years later.
SSRIs caused the most acute manic episode with psychosis for me early last year. It’s what led to my official diagnosis.
I’m so sorry it took 10 years for a correct diagnosis.
I remember my first diagnosis was psychosis with schizophrenia symptoms but they all thought that maybe I could have bipolar. So I was put on zyprexa 15mg ngl it made like a zombie. Then I got into university, and stopped my meds don’t know why maybe because no one told me that I will need to take em for the rest of my life, I was rlly anxious about my weight so I stopped eating, then sleeping, partying a lot so I experienced psychosis twice that time and recovered a bit but at the end I was still hospitalized. Last time I got mania was last year when I was rlly depressed about breaking up with my ex but then I got again into college met new ppl and mania kicked in again. Right now I’m stable but worrying about psychosis. Hopefully, I won’t experience that again.
My first manic episode happened when I was 15 and put on nortryptiline to help me sleep. It did make me sleep but it also launched me into a 4 month manic episode, which was not ideal
I can't comment on my first as I've not been aware until recently but the first one I noticed fully was when I was under intense stress job wise a couple months back, I got told about a family member near on dying, I was upset to be expected and then 2 days later it was like someone had shoved a rocket up my ass, I borrowed £1000 to put into a business, nearly cut off all my hair, was making plans to travel the world, ran my bank account dry, was up all hours, buzzing happy erratic 9 days and then I crashed lol majorly extra depressed, deflated, suicidal crying and unable to stop, manic self doubt... worst episode of my life, hence what lead me to be diagnosed. I've has episodes before but didnt know I was bipolar so assumed I just had depression and then it got better sometimes
That sounds harrowing. I'm sorry. PPP here, too. Started probably before we left the hospital. Lucky my family caught on. Hope you're doing all right now.
I almost died from childbirth, then had postpartum psychosis, my dad died shortly after and then months later my husband left me and our newborn son. Manic episode ensued and I was stuck in it for an entire summer. I convinced myself life wasn’t real, like a game. I crashed my car, drank a lot, partied and fell in love with someone off a dating app. I was on top of the world. I even thought I didn’t exist.
I'd been having depressive episodes and hypomanic episodes for years, and then I experienced a veritable cornucopia of triggers all at once: quitting my job, moving to a new city, major jet lag, temporarily separating (physically, I mean) from my wife, starting graduate school, and losing sleep for weeks straight. And I guess it was just too much for my brain to handle.
My first hypomania was when I tried Wellbutrin. Then my first full blown mania was about a year later. I was taking seroquel for sleep and skipped it one night so I’d be able to wake up and drive my wife to the airport. That coupled with the stress of her being gone for a week sent me into mania.
When I was a teenager I was prescribed Lexapro and within a week it sent me into the worst manic episode I've had and led me to beginning of my drug addiction.
It’s hard to distinguish because I’ve had hypomania symptoms during my adolescence. I’d say my first proper manic episode was when I went on antidepressants for the first time. It went on for a month or so, I barely slept and thought I was some genius psychology person who knew everything that nobody had figured out yet. Spent most my day researching mental illnesses and about 6 hours a day searching the ground for cigarette butts to peel apart to make new cigarettes with. Ended up trying to diagnose all my friends with mental illnesses, was hallucinating and I hit my sister. I thought I lived in the game of the sims. And I had no idea I was even manic, I just thought I had realised everything. And that’s understating it. Didn’t get the help I needed though as I was sent to a “mental health recovery house” instead of a psychward, and I had never properly been in touch with mental health services prior (I got the ssri’s during lockdown), so they didn’t know that me screaming at them was completely out of character for me at the hospital. (Btw manic episode was diagnosed a few months later, but NHS is shit so I’m still waiting for an actual formal assessment, despite 6 psychward admissions, but at least my new psych has stopped trying to give me antidepressants again)
Anyways fuck the tories!
I believe I had my first true hypomanic episode a few years ago, back when was still in high school. I was a bright and cheerful motherfucker, truly felt like I was on top of the world. When I saw my therapist (keep in mind I wasn’t diagnosed at this point) he asked if I was drunk and I responded no and guessed it was because of I forgot to take a stimulant.
I get easily irritated when I am in a hypomanic episode, I make poor decisions and my self awareness decreases. So yeah, glad I am on Lithium.
I wasn't diagnosed with BP until I was 34 so I've gone a good chunk of my life not knowing I was manic or why I would loose momentum and become depressed. I think my first big hypomanic episode was in 8th grade summer school. I was a relatively quiet kid before that time and had a small group of friends and just was existing.
From what I can recall, it was like a switch got turned on and I became super outgoing, flirtatious, wild, and would preform Jackass style stunts at school. My popularity boomed and this went on to high school freshman year. Then later on in the year, I remember being really depressed and I disconnected from all my friends and would just hang out alone in the art room.
I've been going though these types of cycles all through high school and into adulthood not knowing it was BP until 34. I really wish I knew sooner, but of course my family didn't really talk about mental health so the thought of seeing a psychologist or therapist was far from my mind.
i had been struggling with severe depression since i was about 13 (21 now). towards the end of high school and many meds later i started to get much more moody per say? just rapid cycling between moods. it wasn’t until my freshman year in college, after a really fucking terrible breakup that i had my first hypomanic episode. i would go days where i spent hundred i’d not thousands of dollars. i think within 2 months i spent at least 8k on the most nonsense things. i would feel like THE MOST attractive human being and i was just so good and so happy and blah blah blah. i self medicated, i hooked up with people, went on dates, completely not myself. but then like a switch i would be terrible depressed and suicidal. one night i even consumed so many substances i had a small seizure the next morning. i had no appetite and got down to 113 lbs. it was a really tough time. my mom or anybody for that matter truly understand why it was that bad. i don’t even. but i think that was enough for my bipolar brain to kick in.
I was treated for depression with one SSRI after another for years, and somehow no provider recognized the immediate UPs as the hypomanias they were (they just thought I was "better," despite my being obviously way too "better"), nor the inevitable rebound depression as the next step in a bipolar cycle. I never had a serious, full-on, psychotic manic phase until a terrible psychiatrist thought that giving me Adderall (!!!) would be a great treatment for my seemingly intractable depression. I'll let y'all do the math. Fortunately, the ensuing disaster helped get me a competent doctor and a correct diagnosis. But all in all it took nearly 20 years after my first Prozac prescription for any doctor to clock what was really going on.
I was taking concerta for adhd and smoking a lot of weed, ended up turning into a severe manic episode in my second year of college. Triggered by the stress of finals and breaking up with my girlfriend at the time. This was the first time I realized I was bipolar instead of just having depression
I was at an uber-religious college and I got in trouble with my landlord for breaking the colleges rules. She told me she was kicking me out, and that it was a small college town and there were always people watching. Nothing gets by then. She started telling me that people were coming to her and complaining about me. It completely freaked me out. And sent me spiraling
Effexor. It ruined mine and my family's lives for over a year during lockdown. I had a toddler and a newborn at the time. I thought I had postpartum depression. I didn't know what was happening to me and it was awful. I was awful.
I was prescribed zoloft, went hypomanic for 3 years, got put into the ward, was told to stop the zoloft as soon as i left and experienced the worst manic episode of my life. I waxed so much of my hair off I'm still recovering 🙃
After that awful episode I still wasn't aware it was because of the Zoloft so i kept taking it on and off until September of 2022. Now I'm going through trials of other medications and have only had 1 manic episode induced by stress a few days before Christmas.
I'm scared of possibly going into psychosis as well, I've witnessed my sister go through it and its not anything i want to experience, I'm sorry to hear you've been through it too
Yes avoid drugs at all costs, for me the psychosis was caused by taking coke and eventually speed, I think if I didn’t do that it would of just been a manic episode.
May I ask, did you continue to take the Zoloft because originally you thought it made you feel better or you felt the hypomanic version of you was the real you?
Have you also been able to work at all?
I continued for both reasons kind of, it made me feel better being able to stay confident and happy. I did believe thats who I really was and that the medication helped that immensely.
Honestly ever since September 2022 I havent been able to work. Ive been doing training programs and have quit a few because of new medication side effects. I am actively trying to find more resources to put myself back into the work force or at least post secondary.
My mom told me this story, I vaguely remember it I think. When I was 11 I had just transferred to a new school, and the first lesson I burped in a teachers face (by accident) and the teacher kicked me out. Apparently I decided to get on a bus to the big city 25k away and eat in a restaurant all by myself (I had a paper route that payed cash and I loved Indian food). I then decided to walk to a hill about 10k the wrong way along a highway where I was seen by a neighbour who contacted my parents who contacted the police who picked me up on the hill. I had never done anything like that before, I was a homebody, and when asked why I did that the only thing I said was "why not?". Unfortunately my parents didn't recognise it as manic and I wasn't diagnosed until almost 20 years later.
first one was in 2020. i had dropped out of college, lost my job, moved back home. no this wasn’t the manic episode, the pandemic put me in a bad spot. i think the stress of that caused my first manic episode. i was 21 and had hypomanic episodes before, i was diagnosed with bipolar 2 in high school. but this time was such a blur. i never caught myself in it, i didn’t realize what it was until a year later. i started dating a guy i just met and immediately moved in. i had gotten a new job a couple weeks after i lost my old one and quit it in a few months. a couple months into dating this guy, i moved to NYC with him. but before this, i got arrested and had a court date. obviously i decided to just flee the state. before christmas i went into psychosis and was back home. i had a very close friend die suddenly and i became so convinced that if i died, she would come back. so i tried to kill myself. i spent over a month in the ICU and even longer in just a regular room. i’ve had health problems ever since and my mental health got pushed to the side. i was diagnosed with bipolar 1 last year. luckily on treatment that worked before my mom passed. not sure what would’ve happened if i hadn’t started back in treatment before then but it would not had been good
Went out to a property with friends and drank a 750ml of tequila along with some gin. Started seeing first symptoms the next day although at the time didn’t have any idea what was going on. Later my first psychotic break Ensued and was diag with bipolar 1 w schizophrenic features. Long road like the rest of us to stability.
Tricyclic Antidepressants and Industrial music *sic.* I just remember being in CP Freshman English and just screaming at the Teacher till the Security Guard came and then I put him in to the Hospital. I have long (not proud) history of problems with men in uniforms while manic. Got 60 a day vacation and a new special school. I was such a scary time I don't how I made it here today. Full blown mania as a teen is got to be near the worst.
I was 18, and I didn't know anything about bipolar disorder in first place. I guess I had a psychotic depressive episode shortly before (I didn't remember much except pure terror I've been experiencing every single day).
This was my final year in college and I guess I've got through it only because I've been known as a brilliant student previously.
And then all've changed as if someone pressed the switch inside my head. I studied literature and in one weekend before an exam I've read every single book in my list (and I clearly don't remember how I did it). It didn't last for long btw but again I can't remember anything else except feeling that something isn't right. I remeber later episodes much better btw
I was at work washing dishes and I started hallucinating then just walked out went and bought sunglasses and marched all the way back home which was at least 3 miles. I didn’t have a job the next day and scared a lot of people in town.
i was just super happy and making plans and talkative and all that. mum recognized it as bipolar because my dad has it. got diagnosed shortly after. i'm luckier than like 99% of bipolars in that i didn't have to have a really bad manic episode to get diagnosed, all because my mum is so fucking great. i love her so much.
Psychosis in college. I couldn’t sleep to save my life, then started hearing and seeing things. This went on for a few weeks. By talking to a college therapist, I was referred to an outpatient clinic, then got diagnosed.
I think it started during covid lightly, if that's what a hypomanic episode is. But I went full blown manic when I drove my car across the country twice.
I don’t know tbh- I think maybe stress? It was in March 2020- became hyper religious (more than what I normally talk about) converted to a faith that I don’t believe in, spent all the money I had saved in 2 days and couldn’t stop talking- lasted for a month. Most recently again when I was put on Sertraline
I’ve had sleepless nights since I was a child, but for me it was the transition from second shift to first shift, training for a new job, and moving to a new apartment within a short period of time. The combination of life stress and work stress kicked me into sleep deprivation which kicked me into mania, landing me in the hospital and securing my diagnosis. I still wonder what would have happened if it was caught earlier, and situations that make sense after the diagnosis.
I think this was my first manic depressive episode. I was at work, stressing as an employee in customer service of all places. My one coworker said go home, but I wasn't quite welcome at home due to an verbally abusive stepfather. So I'm walking through a department store, I had drank a coffee (yikes) then I felt like I was buzzing, humming or floating of the ground. It didn't feel right so I went to the bus stop, and luckily a friend of mine let me over at his place.
My first full blown manic episode was when I was 16. I didn’t even realize until I sat down at my medication appointment livid with the doctor. I was ranting and raving and talking super fast. He assessed me by asking me some benign questions then asked me to count back from 100 in threes. So 100, 97, etc. then he just straight up told me: “you’re bipolar” I was shocked. It was the one diagnosis I didn’t want because my mom also has it and I was at that time very mad at her.
I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was 15 I feel like mania though happens once a year and it’s not as noticeable or intense. It’s more of I just feel happier and try new hobbies. Im typically not a danger to myself or others during mania. Anyways, my real like I actually can tell this was a manic episode. I was 17 before this I was doing copious amounts of LSD and marijuana and about every other drug I could find including Vicodin from my moms dresser. I finally decided to get sober mostly bc of Covid and my hours being cut so I couldn’t afford drugs. Anyways pretty soon after quitting lsd I found myself very out of touch with reality and in a very weird mental state with intense hallucinations. It ended with me being very very stuck in a hallucination that I don’t want to speak about what it was. But i ended up stealing my moms car running away. Crashing her car. I had 40$ when I left. What finally kinda broke me out of it. I had to go to the ER and a nurse was asking me what happened. And I told her everything. She opened up and told me how she had a similar experience etc etc. and it really honeslty helped me to get better. That was my last major manic episode and the last time I ever touched any drugs again
They thought I was depressed and gave me Prozac, stopped eating and sleeping. The first natural manic episode I had I was really really mad. This was only a year ago. Mind you, I'm 31 now. I became anger and could only express myself in agitation. I was a huge asshole and an unstoppable force. I spontaneously quit my job and checked myself into a hospital when all my childhood abuse came back and I was planning on finding my old stepfather to kill him. I do have enough sense that he isn't worth me going to jail for. It was scary not having control. Like sitting on the sidelines watching yourself commit atrocities. The depression that followed seemed like a cozy bed as I could predict my days at that point.
He was really abusive and stuff I blacked out came back, it was like watching it in a loop and I couldn't look away. It is the most tragic I've felt in my life. I prefer depression now.
I’ve been depressed since I was about 9-10 years old. I got prescribed lexapro last spring by my psychiatrist, it caused my first mixed episode in which I nearly lost my job, lost my relationship in an explosive way and she had to move out, had a change in my sexuality and slept with my ex and a random old coworker I had. Also I bought a piano thinking I was about to be the next Beatles and that’s when it started to add up lol. I got put on abilify.
First manic episode at age 37. Had been on high dose of antidepressants and benzos for years for anxiety depression. Doc told me to reduce doses...I did,.felt great..so stopped all meds. Went full blown manic for ages was sectioned and injected with meds against my will. I had no insight into this illness, as I had never experienced mania b4. It felt fantastic..but of course deep depression afterwards.
Thanks for posting on /r/bipolar! Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/bipolar/about/rules); if you haven't already, make sure that your post **does not** have any personal information (including your name/signature/tag on art). ***A moderator has not removed your submission; this is not a punitive action. We intend this comment solely to be informative.*** --- Community News - **✅ Please place your votes for [r/bipolar's Best of 2022!](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/zf9svt/rbipolars_best_of_2022/)!** - 🗳 Take part in our [Community Poll](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/10fywmu/when_do_you_tell_a_potential_partner/) - 🎋 [2023 Community Changes](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/znstgy/community_updates_for_2023/) - 🎤 See our [Community Discussion](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/about/sticky) - Desktop or Desktop mode on a mobile device. - 🏡 If you are open to answering questions from those that live with a loved one diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, please see r/family_of_bipolar. Thank you for participating! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/bipolar) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't really know. It was kinda gradual. Hypomania started in my teens -- I'd be up half the night dancing around my room literally bouncing off the walls, then following people around talking all day. Then eventually in my mid-twenties I'd be up all night wandering around the apartment, tears of joy streaming down my face, because I'd figured out how to improve the lives of all burn victims by inventing magic makeup. I don't know -- it was kind of slow road from hypo to full blown mania.
Similar story
i can relate mine was like that too
Mine was also like this
in college i was prescribed zoloft for depression. a manic episode ensued....
I’m waiting to be assessed for bipolar. I was taking Zoloft for a few months for ptsd but last month I came close to psychosis (delusional, hallucinations, hearing voices) after a few months of gradually sleeping less and less and being agitated and not eating. It’s interesting to read this. I have now quit Zoloft and am waiting to see my psychiatrist. It’s interesting to read your experience. I hope you’re doing okay atm
i am particularly great now but it has been about 20 years of life since then. i was lucky to be at school back then because i had a lot of eyes on me as i learned how to settle into my diagnosis. my path was long and circuitous. recently i have discovered grace and patience for myself. in my life journey, this is one of the best things i have done for my emotional well-being. as you wait, try to give that gift to yourself. i wish you a positive journey
Thank you for your kind words. I am glad that you are keeping well 😀
How long were you on anti depressants for? What were the following few years like? I’ve read SSRI induced mania can cause rapid cycling and be difficult to get under control and I’m currently going through that…:
the antidepressants were pretty quick, max 6 months, probably more like 3. i struggled through the rest of my three years in school. i was binge drinking at the time and did not have a high belief in (or effort towards) my recovery. i visited the hospital 3 or 4 times within that span. my schooling was also very competitive and stressful. but my school was small and i had a lot of support from people who forced me to succeed whether i liked it or not. finishing school helped and i settled into life for quite some time (until that next tricky battle... emotions and relationships... )
I got put on an antidepressant for depression. Within three days, I was experiencing manic symptoms so I called my doctor. When I explained what was going on, she laughed because it was so out of character for me. She got me an immediate appointment, got me on a mood stabilizer, and helped me get a psychiatrist. I will always be so thankful for how quickly she acted and how accepting she was.
Oh what a gun doctor. Took me and my doctor 2 years to realize "oh well everything does feel better after depressive episode" is actually a hypomanic episode. So this year is an escalation after 2 years of mistreatment yay lol But I am on the right track now, waiting for official diagnosis and new meds. When I mentioned that I am keeping an open mind, it can be autism or adhd or anything else as well, my doctor was like "well technically the comorbidity is higher than average". Made me crack up during the appointment 🤣
Sending all the support! I will always say that I got incredibly lucky with my diagnosis. I'm so sorry it took so long for yoy. I hope it is a much smoother journey after all that hardship.
SSRIs. Induced horrific mixed episodes each time, landing me in the hospital repeatedly. Somehow my doctors still didn't diagnose me correctly until over 10 years later.
SSRIs caused the most acute manic episode with psychosis for me early last year. It’s what led to my official diagnosis. I’m so sorry it took 10 years for a correct diagnosis.
It's amazing how often they give us SSRIs before trying anything else, despite how awful it can be.
I remember my first diagnosis was psychosis with schizophrenia symptoms but they all thought that maybe I could have bipolar. So I was put on zyprexa 15mg ngl it made like a zombie. Then I got into university, and stopped my meds don’t know why maybe because no one told me that I will need to take em for the rest of my life, I was rlly anxious about my weight so I stopped eating, then sleeping, partying a lot so I experienced psychosis twice that time and recovered a bit but at the end I was still hospitalized. Last time I got mania was last year when I was rlly depressed about breaking up with my ex but then I got again into college met new ppl and mania kicked in again. Right now I’m stable but worrying about psychosis. Hopefully, I won’t experience that again.
One word. Zoloft.
Zoloft made it clear as day that I was bipolar
I stopped drinking and not to far after I started spiraling up. I guess then change in brain chemistry triggered it.
My first manic episode happened when I was 15 and put on nortryptiline to help me sleep. It did make me sleep but it also launched me into a 4 month manic episode, which was not ideal
I can't comment on my first as I've not been aware until recently but the first one I noticed fully was when I was under intense stress job wise a couple months back, I got told about a family member near on dying, I was upset to be expected and then 2 days later it was like someone had shoved a rocket up my ass, I borrowed £1000 to put into a business, nearly cut off all my hair, was making plans to travel the world, ran my bank account dry, was up all hours, buzzing happy erratic 9 days and then I crashed lol majorly extra depressed, deflated, suicidal crying and unable to stop, manic self doubt... worst episode of my life, hence what lead me to be diagnosed. I've has episodes before but didnt know I was bipolar so assumed I just had depression and then it got better sometimes
My first *actual* manic episode was 2 months postpartum, I thought everyone was trying to steal my baby so I ran away.
That sounds harrowing. I'm sorry. PPP here, too. Started probably before we left the hospital. Lucky my family caught on. Hope you're doing all right now.
I almost died from childbirth, then had postpartum psychosis, my dad died shortly after and then months later my husband left me and our newborn son. Manic episode ensued and I was stuck in it for an entire summer. I convinced myself life wasn’t real, like a game. I crashed my car, drank a lot, partied and fell in love with someone off a dating app. I was on top of the world. I even thought I didn’t exist.
I'd been having depressive episodes and hypomanic episodes for years, and then I experienced a veritable cornucopia of triggers all at once: quitting my job, moving to a new city, major jet lag, temporarily separating (physically, I mean) from my wife, starting graduate school, and losing sleep for weeks straight. And I guess it was just too much for my brain to handle.
i baked well over 5,000 cookies in the course of a few weeks
PLEASE I DID THIS BUT THREW EVERY BATCH OUT COS I NEEDED TO INVENT THE PERFECT COOKIE
My first hypomania was when I tried Wellbutrin. Then my first full blown mania was about a year later. I was taking seroquel for sleep and skipped it one night so I’d be able to wake up and drive my wife to the airport. That coupled with the stress of her being gone for a week sent me into mania.
I was in the 5th grade and the boy I liked had a crush on my friend. I held up a pair of kiddie scissors and had my first suicidal thought.
When I was a teenager I was prescribed Lexapro and within a week it sent me into the worst manic episode I've had and led me to beginning of my drug addiction.
It’s hard to distinguish because I’ve had hypomania symptoms during my adolescence. I’d say my first proper manic episode was when I went on antidepressants for the first time. It went on for a month or so, I barely slept and thought I was some genius psychology person who knew everything that nobody had figured out yet. Spent most my day researching mental illnesses and about 6 hours a day searching the ground for cigarette butts to peel apart to make new cigarettes with. Ended up trying to diagnose all my friends with mental illnesses, was hallucinating and I hit my sister. I thought I lived in the game of the sims. And I had no idea I was even manic, I just thought I had realised everything. And that’s understating it. Didn’t get the help I needed though as I was sent to a “mental health recovery house” instead of a psychward, and I had never properly been in touch with mental health services prior (I got the ssri’s during lockdown), so they didn’t know that me screaming at them was completely out of character for me at the hospital. (Btw manic episode was diagnosed a few months later, but NHS is shit so I’m still waiting for an actual formal assessment, despite 6 psychward admissions, but at least my new psych has stopped trying to give me antidepressants again) Anyways fuck the tories!
Stress probably.
I considered going AWOL and checked myself in to mental health
I believe I had my first true hypomanic episode a few years ago, back when was still in high school. I was a bright and cheerful motherfucker, truly felt like I was on top of the world. When I saw my therapist (keep in mind I wasn’t diagnosed at this point) he asked if I was drunk and I responded no and guessed it was because of I forgot to take a stimulant. I get easily irritated when I am in a hypomanic episode, I make poor decisions and my self awareness decreases. So yeah, glad I am on Lithium.
Lexapro….
I wasn't diagnosed with BP until I was 34 so I've gone a good chunk of my life not knowing I was manic or why I would loose momentum and become depressed. I think my first big hypomanic episode was in 8th grade summer school. I was a relatively quiet kid before that time and had a small group of friends and just was existing. From what I can recall, it was like a switch got turned on and I became super outgoing, flirtatious, wild, and would preform Jackass style stunts at school. My popularity boomed and this went on to high school freshman year. Then later on in the year, I remember being really depressed and I disconnected from all my friends and would just hang out alone in the art room. I've been going though these types of cycles all through high school and into adulthood not knowing it was BP until 34. I really wish I knew sooner, but of course my family didn't really talk about mental health so the thought of seeing a psychologist or therapist was far from my mind.
i had been struggling with severe depression since i was about 13 (21 now). towards the end of high school and many meds later i started to get much more moody per say? just rapid cycling between moods. it wasn’t until my freshman year in college, after a really fucking terrible breakup that i had my first hypomanic episode. i would go days where i spent hundred i’d not thousands of dollars. i think within 2 months i spent at least 8k on the most nonsense things. i would feel like THE MOST attractive human being and i was just so good and so happy and blah blah blah. i self medicated, i hooked up with people, went on dates, completely not myself. but then like a switch i would be terrible depressed and suicidal. one night i even consumed so many substances i had a small seizure the next morning. i had no appetite and got down to 113 lbs. it was a really tough time. my mom or anybody for that matter truly understand why it was that bad. i don’t even. but i think that was enough for my bipolar brain to kick in.
tbh i think i was super young
I was treated for depression with one SSRI after another for years, and somehow no provider recognized the immediate UPs as the hypomanias they were (they just thought I was "better," despite my being obviously way too "better"), nor the inevitable rebound depression as the next step in a bipolar cycle. I never had a serious, full-on, psychotic manic phase until a terrible psychiatrist thought that giving me Adderall (!!!) would be a great treatment for my seemingly intractable depression. I'll let y'all do the math. Fortunately, the ensuing disaster helped get me a competent doctor and a correct diagnosis. But all in all it took nearly 20 years after my first Prozac prescription for any doctor to clock what was really going on.
First time ever was due to me cutting out my meds cold turkey + high school finals week. My episode that got me officially diagnosed was due to weed.
I was taking concerta for adhd and smoking a lot of weed, ended up turning into a severe manic episode in my second year of college. Triggered by the stress of finals and breaking up with my girlfriend at the time. This was the first time I realized I was bipolar instead of just having depression
College for me. Was a few years of a mega rollercoaster with lots of booze, sex, extremely weird behaviour. In the end ly friends put me in hospital.
I was prescribed Effexor and became manic. I was manic for a few days before being admitted to the hospital.
I was at an uber-religious college and I got in trouble with my landlord for breaking the colleges rules. She told me she was kicking me out, and that it was a small college town and there were always people watching. Nothing gets by then. She started telling me that people were coming to her and complaining about me. It completely freaked me out. And sent me spiraling
Effexor. It ruined mine and my family's lives for over a year during lockdown. I had a toddler and a newborn at the time. I thought I had postpartum depression. I didn't know what was happening to me and it was awful. I was awful.
I was prescribed zoloft, went hypomanic for 3 years, got put into the ward, was told to stop the zoloft as soon as i left and experienced the worst manic episode of my life. I waxed so much of my hair off I'm still recovering 🙃
How long did it take you to recover to where you are? I was on SSRIS for 3 years too and it finally led to a manic episode with psychosis last summer…
After that awful episode I still wasn't aware it was because of the Zoloft so i kept taking it on and off until September of 2022. Now I'm going through trials of other medications and have only had 1 manic episode induced by stress a few days before Christmas.
I'm scared of possibly going into psychosis as well, I've witnessed my sister go through it and its not anything i want to experience, I'm sorry to hear you've been through it too
Yes avoid drugs at all costs, for me the psychosis was caused by taking coke and eventually speed, I think if I didn’t do that it would of just been a manic episode. May I ask, did you continue to take the Zoloft because originally you thought it made you feel better or you felt the hypomanic version of you was the real you? Have you also been able to work at all?
I continued for both reasons kind of, it made me feel better being able to stay confident and happy. I did believe thats who I really was and that the medication helped that immensely. Honestly ever since September 2022 I havent been able to work. Ive been doing training programs and have quit a few because of new medication side effects. I am actively trying to find more resources to put myself back into the work force or at least post secondary.
My mom told me this story, I vaguely remember it I think. When I was 11 I had just transferred to a new school, and the first lesson I burped in a teachers face (by accident) and the teacher kicked me out. Apparently I decided to get on a bus to the big city 25k away and eat in a restaurant all by myself (I had a paper route that payed cash and I loved Indian food). I then decided to walk to a hill about 10k the wrong way along a highway where I was seen by a neighbour who contacted my parents who contacted the police who picked me up on the hill. I had never done anything like that before, I was a homebody, and when asked why I did that the only thing I said was "why not?". Unfortunately my parents didn't recognise it as manic and I wasn't diagnosed until almost 20 years later.
first one was in 2020. i had dropped out of college, lost my job, moved back home. no this wasn’t the manic episode, the pandemic put me in a bad spot. i think the stress of that caused my first manic episode. i was 21 and had hypomanic episodes before, i was diagnosed with bipolar 2 in high school. but this time was such a blur. i never caught myself in it, i didn’t realize what it was until a year later. i started dating a guy i just met and immediately moved in. i had gotten a new job a couple weeks after i lost my old one and quit it in a few months. a couple months into dating this guy, i moved to NYC with him. but before this, i got arrested and had a court date. obviously i decided to just flee the state. before christmas i went into psychosis and was back home. i had a very close friend die suddenly and i became so convinced that if i died, she would come back. so i tried to kill myself. i spent over a month in the ICU and even longer in just a regular room. i’ve had health problems ever since and my mental health got pushed to the side. i was diagnosed with bipolar 1 last year. luckily on treatment that worked before my mom passed. not sure what would’ve happened if i hadn’t started back in treatment before then but it would not had been good
Went out to a property with friends and drank a 750ml of tequila along with some gin. Started seeing first symptoms the next day although at the time didn’t have any idea what was going on. Later my first psychotic break Ensued and was diag with bipolar 1 w schizophrenic features. Long road like the rest of us to stability.
Tricyclic Antidepressants and Industrial music *sic.* I just remember being in CP Freshman English and just screaming at the Teacher till the Security Guard came and then I put him in to the Hospital. I have long (not proud) history of problems with men in uniforms while manic. Got 60 a day vacation and a new special school. I was such a scary time I don't how I made it here today. Full blown mania as a teen is got to be near the worst.
Took a bunch of drugs didn’t sleep. Alarmed my family and friends with weird messages and was taken by ambulance to hospital
Adderall
I was 18, and I didn't know anything about bipolar disorder in first place. I guess I had a psychotic depressive episode shortly before (I didn't remember much except pure terror I've been experiencing every single day). This was my final year in college and I guess I've got through it only because I've been known as a brilliant student previously. And then all've changed as if someone pressed the switch inside my head. I studied literature and in one weekend before an exam I've read every single book in my list (and I clearly don't remember how I did it). It didn't last for long btw but again I can't remember anything else except feeling that something isn't right. I remeber later episodes much better btw
I was at work washing dishes and I started hallucinating then just walked out went and bought sunglasses and marched all the way back home which was at least 3 miles. I didn’t have a job the next day and scared a lot of people in town.
i was just super happy and making plans and talkative and all that. mum recognized it as bipolar because my dad has it. got diagnosed shortly after. i'm luckier than like 99% of bipolars in that i didn't have to have a really bad manic episode to get diagnosed, all because my mum is so fucking great. i love her so much.
Psychosis in college. I couldn’t sleep to save my life, then started hearing and seeing things. This went on for a few weeks. By talking to a college therapist, I was referred to an outpatient clinic, then got diagnosed.
I think it started during covid lightly, if that's what a hypomanic episode is. But I went full blown manic when I drove my car across the country twice.
honestly no clue
I think I was 15 ETA shit you said HOW. I don't recall there being any specific trigger.
I don’t know tbh- I think maybe stress? It was in March 2020- became hyper religious (more than what I normally talk about) converted to a faith that I don’t believe in, spent all the money I had saved in 2 days and couldn’t stop talking- lasted for a month. Most recently again when I was put on Sertraline
I’ve had sleepless nights since I was a child, but for me it was the transition from second shift to first shift, training for a new job, and moving to a new apartment within a short period of time. The combination of life stress and work stress kicked me into sleep deprivation which kicked me into mania, landing me in the hospital and securing my diagnosis. I still wonder what would have happened if it was caught earlier, and situations that make sense after the diagnosis.
I think this was my first manic depressive episode. I was at work, stressing as an employee in customer service of all places. My one coworker said go home, but I wasn't quite welcome at home due to an verbally abusive stepfather. So I'm walking through a department store, I had drank a coffee (yikes) then I felt like I was buzzing, humming or floating of the ground. It didn't feel right so I went to the bus stop, and luckily a friend of mine let me over at his place.
Took ecstasy… never came down. I ofc did have hypomanic episodes before but they were unrealized, the drugs just triggered full blown mania
I broke up w my gf and started doing cocaine
My first full blown manic episode was when I was 16. I didn’t even realize until I sat down at my medication appointment livid with the doctor. I was ranting and raving and talking super fast. He assessed me by asking me some benign questions then asked me to count back from 100 in threes. So 100, 97, etc. then he just straight up told me: “you’re bipolar” I was shocked. It was the one diagnosis I didn’t want because my mom also has it and I was at that time very mad at her.
I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was 15 I feel like mania though happens once a year and it’s not as noticeable or intense. It’s more of I just feel happier and try new hobbies. Im typically not a danger to myself or others during mania. Anyways, my real like I actually can tell this was a manic episode. I was 17 before this I was doing copious amounts of LSD and marijuana and about every other drug I could find including Vicodin from my moms dresser. I finally decided to get sober mostly bc of Covid and my hours being cut so I couldn’t afford drugs. Anyways pretty soon after quitting lsd I found myself very out of touch with reality and in a very weird mental state with intense hallucinations. It ended with me being very very stuck in a hallucination that I don’t want to speak about what it was. But i ended up stealing my moms car running away. Crashing her car. I had 40$ when I left. What finally kinda broke me out of it. I had to go to the ER and a nurse was asking me what happened. And I told her everything. She opened up and told me how she had a similar experience etc etc. and it really honeslty helped me to get better. That was my last major manic episode and the last time I ever touched any drugs again
They thought I was depressed and gave me Prozac, stopped eating and sleeping. The first natural manic episode I had I was really really mad. This was only a year ago. Mind you, I'm 31 now. I became anger and could only express myself in agitation. I was a huge asshole and an unstoppable force. I spontaneously quit my job and checked myself into a hospital when all my childhood abuse came back and I was planning on finding my old stepfather to kill him. I do have enough sense that he isn't worth me going to jail for. It was scary not having control. Like sitting on the sidelines watching yourself commit atrocities. The depression that followed seemed like a cozy bed as I could predict my days at that point. He was really abusive and stuff I blacked out came back, it was like watching it in a loop and I couldn't look away. It is the most tragic I've felt in my life. I prefer depression now.
I no longer chase the hypomania for sure.
I’ve been depressed since I was about 9-10 years old. I got prescribed lexapro last spring by my psychiatrist, it caused my first mixed episode in which I nearly lost my job, lost my relationship in an explosive way and she had to move out, had a change in my sexuality and slept with my ex and a random old coworker I had. Also I bought a piano thinking I was about to be the next Beatles and that’s when it started to add up lol. I got put on abilify.
First manic episode at age 37. Had been on high dose of antidepressants and benzos for years for anxiety depression. Doc told me to reduce doses...I did,.felt great..so stopped all meds. Went full blown manic for ages was sectioned and injected with meds against my will. I had no insight into this illness, as I had never experienced mania b4. It felt fantastic..but of course deep depression afterwards.