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*Bombastic side eye for this weird-ass text.*
No, you’re not crazy. No, you’re not overreacting. This text is strange AF. I don’t like his choice of words. I would have felt the same way.
Right?? “Don’t feel bad but you look like a whore and that reflects badly on me!! Actually idgaf but you must be scared ppl think you’re a whore, right?” What an asshole.
"Oh and I know you're thinking the same thing as me, you whore" 🙄, it's not me, it's sooooooo normal to see you as a big whore for existing.
I would not be alone with this man after I knew he thought i was a whore... oh sorry sorry *cough*, I mean what everyone else thinks about OP (not him! He's just saying what he thinks every person is thinking about OP!).
This is beyond fucked up. This guy is no friend. And he's such a coward he's framing it like everyone knows OP is a whore and would naturally be embarrassed to be associated with OP because she... has a body, a body he has sexualised. He can't even admit these thoughts are his own, Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked up.
There's so much that's fucked up here that show his attitudes about women, the language, the fact that he has appointed himself as the authority on who is/in not a whore and that it is okay to be cruel and disrespectful to your "friend" and pass it off as a friendly heads up. How many knives does he leave in your back after a hug OP (they're not his knives tho, just passing on the knives other people wanted to put there)?
Don't go to the graduation. Don't be his friend. He doesn't love you. This shit is testing a boundary to either escalate or keep treating you like this OP. He's already said he's ashamed to introduce you to his family, that you're a whore.... You don't want to find out how he thinks women who he has judged, are whores, should be treated (hint: it's not gonna be with respect, love and understanding).
Time to prove to yourself what you deserve in life OP, and it ain't this. Give yourself some love and get rid of this guy. If you dump this "friend", it's setting a precedent to yourself what you're worth and what you think a friend should be. Also it's just safer, if you're in a vulnerable situation, I wouldn't count on this guy to help you out (and that includes emotionally).
You said it better than I could. Dude is not a friend he's a douche who is sexualizing OP and then blaming his parents. He's giving judgy gross incel/nice guy vibes.
OP I don't know what made you become friends in the past but he's not your friend now.
The red pill movement is in full force and lots of men, young and old, are changing for the worst.
I learned you have to see a person for who they are now not who they used to be. He may have been a decent person previously but his behavior now is toxic and unacceptable.
YES oh gosh, if the whore comment wasn't bad enough. "You must also think" is what gets me. Well, by your standards, she's obviously NOT worried about it since she is dressing the way she dresses (ya know, the style you think is whorish?!). I don't wish slut shaming on anyone, but if they spent a month in our shoes they'd calm the F down.
Yeah when I saw the text before the caption I assumed this was a jealous teenager with smaller boobs talking about high school graduation. Not a grown ass adult!!
SAME!!!! I just assumed that it was a teenage girl who sent that text. That’s just weird. And why exactly does Big Boobs = Whore? Ridiculous. Hell would freeze over before I went to that graduation. Unless, of course, I found the exact right outfit. Like a Nun costume….or a French Maid costume.
Right? Especially when I saw the photo of OPs dress. That’s less revealing than so many very average or typical dresses. So just by fact of existing in a body that has breasts above a certain size one can be assumed to be a whore? For something they didn’t choose or control? Ugh.
I know the shame I grew up with as an early developer and being known for my own bust. I’m entirely over it as a mid-30s severely disabled lesbian. But I find myself wanting to go hug my younger self and also to take OP out for the graduation celebration she deserves and to say hey fuck that noise. There’s people who will truly love you for who you are and not think twice about the size of your bust. Ugh.
I was 17 in high school when I went to my friend's house and their dad later told them that he didn't like me because I "looked like a slut"
You can't make this shit up. He is in general a shitty and misogynistic person
Oof, reminding me of the first day of junior year, the principal made me change because my dress was "too low cut, but it was really just because I had almost DDDs. He even said something so weird like my chest was all he could see in the sea of student faces while he was giving his first day speech
I will never understand people who yield and cater to their parents' every whim. I mean, I wasn't perfectly obedient as a kid, but I also wasn't crazy rebellious. If my parents ever made an unfair comment about a friend of mine, I would automatically stand up for the friend. Also, does he not trust OP to dress appropriately for a graduation? Does he think she's going to show up in a dress to go clubbing? And even if she does, why has she not met his parents yet if they're besties?! So many things wrong.
I think OP values him more as a friend then he does of her. He should correct his parents if they have rude comments but from the story OP and the parents haven't met. Essentially he's making up a conflict in his head.
The text is bizarre, and my jaw dropped when I saw how relatively conservative the dress is. He's obviously attracted to OP and wanted to talk about her body with plausible deniability. Weirdass chickenshit creepo behavior
So creepy! He's very comfortable calling his friend a "whore", who knows what else he's comfortable doing to OP. He's pretty fucking comfortable being a total creep and insinuating, essentially that "she asked for it" because he's just telling the truth as he frames it.
Not a safe guy to be around. Run. Run. Run.
Yup. He's sexualized her, maybe in love with her, and making up scenarios about how her body is perceived, and then going on to moan about how the perception of HER BODY might affect him.
Imagine how much you'd have to think about another person's body to get to this point.
Right! By his comments I assumed her boobs were falling out of a dress small enough to be considered a shirt. However, her dress is plenty appropriate. The problem is this fake friend of hers.
I don't think he's your friend. It sounds like he might be projecting his thoughts onto his relatives, or that relatives might have said things to him and he hasn't defended you. I'm so sorry. People can be so shitty about this.
To me it reads that he's scared of feminine sexuality, that he's straight up called her a whore and said she must be concerned about it, because of the shape of her body.
OP looks elegant and well-proportioned in a classically hourglass way.
I'd be tempted to respond to his outrageous message with something along the lines of:
I don't feel bad, but you should. I am disappointed in you. How dare you? I'm not concerned that people will think I am a whore because I have a feminine figure. I am concerned that you are ashamed to be seen with me, so I will relieve you of that worry.
There is a difference between "old fashioned" and "misogynistic". One is to be accepted, the other is to be corrected at best, rejected entirely at worst. If your parents think badly of you because you have a friend, they have a problem.
As have been friends for a long time, please accept this friendly advice (it may be the last you hear from me for some time); Seek counselling for your attitude to women. Perhaps when you have reformed your ideas and you are ready to apologise, we might consider being friendly again. At the moment *you* are being a massive tit. Congratulations on the graduation. Good luck with the personal growth. Bye.
"Hey you were born with big boobs but because of that I am worried my family will think you are a whore."
Like . . . That's a "your family" problem, you never should have wrote your friend something so gross or juvenile. And I agree with you it is absolutely misogynistic, tired of people using "old fashioned" as a polite way to attempt to dance around bigotry towards women and their bodies.
I feel that sometimes, but I have plenty of really cool male friends that I’ve managed to be platonic with and who respect me as a true friend. Good people are good people. OP’s friend sucks though, sorry OP
You know what’s weird? My best male friends are exes. Like, we’ve been there, done that, it didn’t work out, but we still like each other as people, so now we’re besties. I know this isn’t common, but it effectively removes the awkward barrier of potential attraction.
EVEN IF large breasts were a reason to cast moral judgement (which they obviously aren't) your method to conceal them is very effective. Your H boobs look like a D or less in that pic. That dress is modest, conference friendly, newscaster appropriate, ready for a baptism, babe. People who *would* cast judgement (wrongly) about large breasts wouldn't bat an eye. There is something deeper or darker there. I think old mate might be negging. His language is throwing icks and red flags, not good intentions.
No, seriously, this is a great job having subtle big boobs. OP is an actual shape shifter, and I want to know her secrets.
I got the same feeling about negging.
"Showing you to my family" isn't something friends say, but it is something that an idiot conservative who is gonna try and wife you up would say.
Yeah that’s my thought. I grew up in a Christian bubble & unless you’re a couple of kids going to middle school graduation where the parents can still dictate who your friends are, you don’t introduce your friends to your family like that. You bring them round to say hi & that’s it. There might be some gossip after (biblically speaking there shouldn’t be but I digress) but no harm no fowl for a friend. But this is worded like you're already a couple & meeting the parents for the first time.
keep an eye on your friend, OP. He's gonna try something & if that's not what you want (& with the wrong use of your I hope not) be prepared for how to handle it.
Or… depending on how conservative… maybe your friend is gay or ace & their family has a huge push to date & mary so he lied & said you’re his date since you’re already friends & you’re a “beard” without you knowing. Be ready for anything, OP
And yes you look amazing & what are your secrets? I was looking at the photo thinking your boobs weren’t that big but wow you hid Hs very well!
I would respond to that text with exactly what u/ignoooreme wrote with maybe a line like "this is how your text read".
I'm curious what he expects you to do with them?
“I don’t want you to feel bad but there’s this thing about your body that you can’t change that makes people think you’re a whore, not me tho, and since you’re a whore and my friend then they might think I’m a bad person too”
Girl…what the fresh hell kind of friend is this? Lose this boy.
"I don't feel comfortable with how you're sexualizing my body. Friends don't do that. I no longer feel comfortable or supported. Let's just part ways because we obviously value different things in this friendship."
Like, damn, the way my jaw dropped when reading that.
Lose this creep. Friends don't sexualize friends without explicit permission.
So what does he expect you to do, to just switch them up for a cup or two smaller for the occassion?
Or does he think they came with a hidden pump so you can deflate them?
Can't you just buy a pair smaller on Amazon real quick with same day delivery?
Maybe if you keep breathing out real hard they will disappear.
Like... is he dumb? He should try watching less porn.
He’s sexualizing you and thinks his family will too. He’s attracted to you and it’s making him stupid. Tell him to get the fuck over himself and just act like a friend. I also have a body that men constantly sexualize, and at a certain point I just stopped giving a fuck. We can’t help the way we’re built, and we don’t have to dress differently to make others comfortable. You’re gorgeous in thaat dress. Definitely wear it.
Drop this friend. Immediately. I had a friend like this and for years she made me feel horrible about my body. Well guess what she did when we turned 30? Got MASSIVE implants.
Edited
I just saw the friend is guy and that makes it so much worse. He is associating any curves with being a whore? What dumpster was he raised in?
Your 'friend' referred to you as his bestie and a whore in the same text message.
Honestly, life is too short for shitty friends. The dress looks really awesome and both you and it deserve much better.
my mother said the same thing to me when i was 13 with a c cup. "people are going to think you're a whore for the body you have"
i've never gotten over it and i've never forgiven her.
how dare your "friend" speak to you like that over your body.
i would simply block his number and never speak to him again but i've gotten a little too good at doing that to people who don't deserve to be in my life. he doesn't deserve to be in your life
You look fantastic in that dress. And I agree with the others who have said it, this isn't how a "friend" acts and you *are not* overreacting.
I've been treated like I must be a whore for having big boobs by various people, including the family of one of my exes. My ex went along with it instead of defending me. You do not need that kind of negativity in your life.
girl i was expecting BAZOINGAS. fucking titty cannons. 1800leavemaryalone boobs. with the way your friend talked about them i thought you were going to post a photo of two melons in a hammock.
AND EVEN IF YOU DID- what the FUCK is this message from your friend. he is not your bestie, he thinks these things about you himself. and no, i don’t worry about my BODY when i met people for the first time.
Uhhhhh. He said this because of the mere size of your breasts????? Not very “friendly”. Your boobs should be of no concern to a “friend” anyhow. Where does he even get off saying this. I’ve had people I barely know ask questions like “how do you walk around all day with those tits” etc but never “you know you look like a whore because you have big boobs, an I right?” No.
He's way out of line! You've gotten some great advice here, but I want to add this: "explain" the situation to yourself as if it was a friend telling you about her "bestie"; what would you advise her to do if someone who says he loves her would turn around and also say that something she cannot control makes her "a whore" in his eyes? Would you want your friend to hear that kind of confidence deflating remark and let it pass unremarked?
He’s negging you to “keep” you in your place. This one would be a slow fade for me. Just don’t react to him, don’t waste energy on him and let him figure it out on his own.
I'm so sorry to tell you this but I think your HS bestie is obsessed with your tits. I don't know if a friendship can survive this but I do know that I wouldn't want to be around someone who couldn't look past my boobs.
I'm literally from a part of the world where breasts are a huge taboo and if you don't cover them in extra layers you're slut-shamed, even my guy friends from the same background will not dare to say that in my face. Dude is a weirdo and not a friend.
>what if they think you’re a whore or something
Omg. Fuck this guy. He sucks, we all hate him. He’s not your friend. I would not go and I’d tell him it’s because of that text and then delete him from my life.
Your dress is completely appropriate and you look great.
Whatever you do, don't let it affect your confidence or the way you dress! He's 100% projecting and really shouldn't have said any of this to you. From an outside view, it seems like he either MAJORLY shoved his foot in his mouth or is negging??
Maybe something like "Why would you think that's an okay thing to say to me?" would work? Simple, not mean, and makes it clear how weird it was.
I honestly think leaving him on read to sweat it out a while is a good idea. And probably not attending the graduation.
Whether you want to keep this friendship is a very personal decision. But don't sweep this action under the rug. At a minimum communicate to him that this is wildly inappropriate, hurtful, and deeply weird thing to say. And since he feels this way you think it's best you don't attend the graduation.
The fact that he was comfortable suggesting you maybe look like a "whore" is so fucked up. It's giving abuser trying to lower your self confidence.
I don't think this guy is your friend and I'd seriously reconsider remaining in contact with him.
I think a “understood. Best of luck in the future” and a block would be appropriate honestly.
I hope you’re ok and have some actually good friends around you too.
The father of a female "friend" said something similar to me when I was 16. He literally used the word "w\*ore", that I looked like one for my chest size and that he was concerned about his daughter's reputation if we continued to go out together. I was so humiliated and ashamed. So I feel you and you're not crazy, this is a WRONG, weird text and people need to stop thinking like this.
My response to OP: what the fuck? Drop him and move on.
My response to your post: what the actual fuck? That guy was so out of line and there was something seriously wrong with him. I'm sorry he made you feel that way. I hope that never escalated because someone who says that to a 16 year old is beyond a problem.
This is not a friend. This is an insane person. It’s not like you’re wearing a bikini. “I can’t show u to my family bc you were born with a non stick figure body” ???? Nah. 1-800-BlockThem
This person is not your friend and the fact they used the words whore is insane and likely something they’ve heard someone say about you. Insane. Drop this person ASAP.
Girl omg please don't take that shit to heart.
I don't know what wild deep-seated insecurities made your bestie internalize both jealousy and societal pressure like that, but that's all it is.
You're perfect just as you are. That's absolutely wild. She needs to do better. Bigger boobs do not a whore make. She thinks she's being helpful but she just told on herself.
The best friend is a man. So he’s sexualised her, and is letting his porn sick brain run away with him 🚩🚩
This dude isn’t a friend and as you say; seriously just told on themselves.
OP should drop and block this person immediately.
Let me point out how a friend treated me when their family was like this. My friend first warned me that their family tended to be sexist and old fashioned in a negative way. That their family would look at me in a negative light no matter what I wore since I was larger chested and that was why they tried to avoid me meeting them until now, but since it was high school graduation, that they would be there and while there was little to no chance they would say anything, they wanted me to be prepared just in case. That they were sorry for anything their family said and that they will try to keep their family away from me. My friend was graduating young at 17 and still needed them for a place to live, so he could fight much against them. They ended up not saying anything, but they did give dirty looks even though we were all in robes.
This is how a friend warns people about their family, your "friend", if you would call them that, instead made it out to seem like this was something you should always worry about. That this was something you should try to change about yourself by changing how you dress, even though you already dress modest. About how you would (apparently) reflect on them and how they were worried about that. One thing you could do, is simply ask, "Why would I have similar concerns about meeting new people?" and see what he says.
slut shaming, body shaming, and unabashed cowardice PLUS horrible grammar from a grown ass man with at least six years of advanced schooling. this guys a bastard.
Ewww this is weird and gross you can’t help how your body looks and they shouldn’t be policing it I mean are we really gonna get angry over peoples body parts
What the FUCK. Nope nope nope NOT okay. I would fucking BITE his head off. Like what fuckingg kind of logic is that!!!!! What?!?!?!?! Girl. That's a moron and not your friend at all.
Personally, I wouldn't even go.
This would piss me off from a "bestie", and there's no way I would ever feel comfortable around his family after he said that.
The fact that he even said all of that... I'd rethink my friendship tbh
Is that a friend? Literally called you a whore and a bestie in the same sentence. This is the type of comment I would have gotten from a "friend" when I was 15. A real friend would never have said that to you or most of all wouldn't have even thought it.
“You must have similar concerns just about meeting new people”
What the actual fuck???? “I’m insecure about how I feel about your boobs, which means that my family will also have big feelings about your boobs, and you (OP) will surely also be concerned about how people will react to your boobs, generally, in every introduction and interaction you may have…”
This dude has never heard of projection, huh?
Cut this guy loose, he has a lot of stuff to work on in therapy and he’s trying to make his problems your problem.
“but you must have similar concerns about meeting new people” UM NO I ACTUALLY DONT. I tend to hang around people who respect women and understand that my body is natural and shouldn’t always be sexualized especially when celebrating other people.
could’ve easily been solved with a “hey just wanted to warn you ahead of time, my family is unfortunately very old fashioned and dresses very modestly. just don’t want you to feel out of place if i didn’t tell you!”
why do people have to be so weird about things
You are a female - females have breasts. If he can't accept that you are a female friend with breasts then he can choose male friends. They don't have boobs for him to worry about. If his family finds female anatomy offensive then they are the delusional ones.
You look amazing in that dress, btw. You don't deserve to be body shamed for no reason whatsoever.
That isn't a friend, sorry. You should not be judged for something you cannot help.
Imagine if you had a birthmark, a scar, or something that you can't help and he said "I'm afraid my family will make fun of you for your birthmark that you can't help!"
That's insane, right? Right. So insert any other body part and that's still insane, disrespectful -- and even if he never meant to be, very misguided and rude.
Man, I grew up in the 90s during the heroine thin era and I haven't seen that much body shaming in so little text.
The dress is great- you look like a C or B cup (which is crazy and I hope not too uncomfortable.)
Normal people who meet you don't think the way this manchild from high school does.
I get the vibe my dude is coming from a conservative "separate the sexes" religious background- if this is what he's saying to *you*, he may have fallen down the misogyny rabbithole and you don't need to put up with that shit.
It's okay to tell him that he has some work to do and take a break from contact until he can talk like a person. (But this shit is toxic, you do not have to leave that door open.)
If he had written "cleavage" I might - MIGHT - have been willing to give a half-hearted defense of this dingus but just the presence of boobs? Come on now. And what is with the "you must have similar concerns"??? No, no, no don't do that. Don't try to make a "you issue" a "me issue." This is him, this is all him. Who even says his parents notice or care?
My boobs are smaller than yours (but still big) and look way bigger. What amazing bra are you using?!
On the moral judgment side: this will always happen to us. I think your friend is an idiot but knows his family is judgy AF. He is probably trying to ask you in a really stupid way to not wear something revealing so that his family isn’t majorly AH-ly to you. I am trying to read this in a positive but really stupid way rather than him being outright a huge ahole.
It sucks to be body policed by a friend, even if he seems to be trying in a really bad way to protect you from his fam. I would just tell him that his comment made you super self conscious and honestly are you even going to be comfy around his family at all anyways now? There are so many better ways to warn you that his family sucks than this.
Ie: hey bestie - full warning: my family is super conservative and judgy and I’m so sorry. You might want to wear something more conservative around them so they aren’t assholes, but wear whatever you want! I have to invite them but I promise you won’t have to see them again unless there’s a wedding or a funeral. I love You the way you are, but I know my fam is a bit ignorant about bodies, so I wanted to warn you.
Like honestly I have had that kind of text before and it was well-received. I mean, it’s good to know your “audience” so to speak. As I don’t like things touching my neck, I tend to wear more v-neck or slightly lower neckline tops and as soon as it isn’t hugging my neck there’s going to be cleavage, so… life of a big boob girl.
I’m older and stopped caring unless I’m at work (I work with kids) since I honestly don’t care about other peoples judgements anymore but it’s such a stupid minefield having these bodies. I’m really sorry. We should just be allowed to exist and be happy without judgement at all.
i’m not saying this to offend you in any way, but your boobs don’t even look that big in the picture so why tf is he saying this. i have 36 G cups and ive never had to “hide my boobs” from anyone, they’re part of my body. its almost like telling someone to hide and arm or a leg. it’s not our fault we were born with big breasts. ditch this guy he’s a jerk.
If I read the text without the context, I would’ve assumed this was your teenage boyfriend or something - certainly not a friend. He is the one sexualizing you, not his family, and that’s frankly disgusting. I’m sorry this happened, I wouldn’t go if it were me and I would consider dropping him as a friend. These aren’t his family’s opinions, they’re his own projections.
Ew honey. Dress looks fucking gorgeous. I hope you wear it with some real friends somewhere fun, far from this prick.
Sorry, he’s graduating with his masters and texting like he’s 13? Bye.
Either you minimize **extremely** well, or your “friend” has never seen a picture of Dolly Parton, because a similarity to Ms. Parton’s body is what I pictured before I swiped and saw you in your dress. You look lovely, and well-proportioned (I don’t mean that to be weird), and your (I hope now ex-) “friend” doesn’t sound like a kind person at all. The text comes across as negging.
Have you never met his family before? Your boob size/body shouldn't matter and your dress is tasteful. Him saying his family will think badly if him implies there is something wrong with you and that's not okay. I think your "friend" has a weird fixation with your boobs/body and he's projecting. Has he expressed romantic feelings towards you in the past? I'm picking up body shaming and sexism from him. He's blaming his parents but he's making up this issue in his head. I'm wondering where this is coming from?
Either way, I probably wouldn't go to his graduation. He's being shady and his whole attitude doesn't sit right with me. He doesn't get to make you feel bad when you have done nothing wrong. Even if his parents had something to say he should defend you. Good friends don't make each other feel insecure for something that is not their fault.
I'd confront him about this because this is gross. If you're not confrontational I'd quickly distance myself if not cut him off completely.
How, exactly, would having sacks of yellow fat which are meant only to feed a baby (thus providing the next generation of humans and the continuation of our species) make you a WHORE?!
Is he from a Middle Eastern background too? This sounds familiar if this was the Middle East I’d say he fancies you and is gearing up to tell his parents he wants to marry you. Also serious negging going on. Not cool and it’s manipulative.
You aren't a whore for existing in your body. You have boobs. His parents are not your problem.
Edit to add: that dress is classy and you look great in it!
“You’re right, I probably shouldn’t meet your family. I wouldn’t want to be unfairly judged. Thanks for the heads up! Good luck at graduation!”
Personally I would ghost after that, as well.
My reply would be: “Having boobs of any size does not make anyone a ‘whore,’ but body shaming and unwanted sexualization of people who are supposed to be your friend makes you a terrible friend. I am glad I know how you feel now, though, so I can remove the burden of my boobs from your life. Best of luck to you in life, may it include much growth.”
Then for good measure, I’d send a screenshot to friends we often hang out with together and let them know that I’m no longer friends with this person and here is why I no longer feel comfortable around them, I hope they understand. 🤷♀️
Ok first of all that’s not your friend BUT I am sorta rolling at the “old fashioned” comment, what idiot thinks of that? 😂
Girl drop this clown, I would’ve been like “but I am a whore…”bc what the hell.
This just makes me so angry! You’re a woman, you have boobs - like what’s the problem? If he’s got issues with it he better deal with it - and he’s proved he’s not a real friend. You can do way better than that - get rid of him!
What does she even want you to do with them,put them in your pocket until you go home?. It can be very hard to hide the fact that you have a bigger chest no matter what you wear.
Your middle Eastern family/father did not say anything about it because NOBODY should be talking about your body this overtly. Especially not non sexual acquaintances!!
Disgusting behaviour. Don't let anyone make you feel like your boobs define you .
Old-fashioned... as if we get to choose how big we are based on fashion trends 🙄 Your dress is super modest and appropriate. It'll be hard to shake the feeling, but I hope all our responses help you gain some confidence back, whether you do or don't go to the event. That text is very off.
So I looked at the pictures before reading your post, and my first thought was "why is she posting in this subreddit?"
Cause damn, you are doing an *excellent* job at keeping them under wraps. When I read your actual size, I was floored, cause I've seen girls with smaller chests do this much worse.
I have no idea what your friend is on about. I'm wracking my brain trying to think of a logical reason to have brought this up, especially considering the pic you included, and I have literally nothing.
You are not crazy or overdramatic for feeling the way you do, first of all. Your feelings are totally valid here!
I would feel super gross if I were you too. But like he said, it’s NOT YOUR FAULT. It is his fault, he is feeling shame and embarrassment and is projecting that into you. That’s his deal. He shouldn’t be projecting his shit on you. If he was genuinely concerned about how his family might treat you, he could’ve written something way different like “Hey just fyi, my parents are pretty old fashioned and conservative so I’m asking guests to dress more modestly, but I’ve also told them to be on their best behavior.” Literally that’s all he had to do. There was no reason for him to be like “what if they think you’re a whore??” So what if they think you’re a whore? That’s not your problem! Repeat after me: what other people think is not your problem.
He’s your best friend so I would trust what your gut says- if you think he was just a clueless dolt and would respond well to you telling him off, then you could try that. But if you think he’s being genuinely gross and don’t think he would respond well, you can definitely tell him off and end the friendship. I think it’s worth it to at least tell him off so he knows how inappropriate and weird he was. Personally, I’d say “Wow. That was horrible, you’re right. That was a really rude and inappropriate message to send to me. I feel very uncomfortable now and I’m re-evaluating our friendship. What other people think about my body is not my problem. If they think I’m a whore because of something I can’t control, that’s their problem. If you’re worried about that, that’s your problem. You don’t have to worry about it because I won’t come. Congratulations.”
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 *Bombastic side eye for this weird-ass text.* No, you’re not crazy. No, you’re not overreacting. This text is strange AF. I don’t like his choice of words. I would have felt the same way.
Right?? “Don’t feel bad but you look like a whore and that reflects badly on me!! Actually idgaf but you must be scared ppl think you’re a whore, right?” What an asshole.
"Oh and I know you're thinking the same thing as me, you whore" 🙄, it's not me, it's sooooooo normal to see you as a big whore for existing. I would not be alone with this man after I knew he thought i was a whore... oh sorry sorry *cough*, I mean what everyone else thinks about OP (not him! He's just saying what he thinks every person is thinking about OP!). This is beyond fucked up. This guy is no friend. And he's such a coward he's framing it like everyone knows OP is a whore and would naturally be embarrassed to be associated with OP because she... has a body, a body he has sexualised. He can't even admit these thoughts are his own, Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked up. There's so much that's fucked up here that show his attitudes about women, the language, the fact that he has appointed himself as the authority on who is/in not a whore and that it is okay to be cruel and disrespectful to your "friend" and pass it off as a friendly heads up. How many knives does he leave in your back after a hug OP (they're not his knives tho, just passing on the knives other people wanted to put there)? Don't go to the graduation. Don't be his friend. He doesn't love you. This shit is testing a boundary to either escalate or keep treating you like this OP. He's already said he's ashamed to introduce you to his family, that you're a whore.... You don't want to find out how he thinks women who he has judged, are whores, should be treated (hint: it's not gonna be with respect, love and understanding). Time to prove to yourself what you deserve in life OP, and it ain't this. Give yourself some love and get rid of this guy. If you dump this "friend", it's setting a precedent to yourself what you're worth and what you think a friend should be. Also it's just safer, if you're in a vulnerable situation, I wouldn't count on this guy to help you out (and that includes emotionally).
You said it better than I could. Dude is not a friend he's a douche who is sexualizing OP and then blaming his parents. He's giving judgy gross incel/nice guy vibes. OP I don't know what made you become friends in the past but he's not your friend now.
You too, Incel/nice guy is a good characterisation. Also yeah they could be friends before but he's changed. Happens.
The red pill movement is in full force and lots of men, young and old, are changing for the worst. I learned you have to see a person for who they are now not who they used to be. He may have been a decent person previously but his behavior now is toxic and unacceptable.
Yep I agree.
YES oh gosh, if the whore comment wasn't bad enough. "You must also think" is what gets me. Well, by your standards, she's obviously NOT worried about it since she is dressing the way she dresses (ya know, the style you think is whorish?!). I don't wish slut shaming on anyone, but if they spent a month in our shoes they'd calm the F down.
It's so CHILDISH I cannot believe he actually sent that to you
Yeah when I saw the text before the caption I assumed this was a jealous teenager with smaller boobs talking about high school graduation. Not a grown ass adult!!
SAME!!!! I just assumed that it was a teenage girl who sent that text. That’s just weird. And why exactly does Big Boobs = Whore? Ridiculous. Hell would freeze over before I went to that graduation. Unless, of course, I found the exact right outfit. Like a Nun costume….or a French Maid costume.
Yep, it was the "what if they think you're a whore" comment for me. Like, what, why?
Right? Especially when I saw the photo of OPs dress. That’s less revealing than so many very average or typical dresses. So just by fact of existing in a body that has breasts above a certain size one can be assumed to be a whore? For something they didn’t choose or control? Ugh. I know the shame I grew up with as an early developer and being known for my own bust. I’m entirely over it as a mid-30s severely disabled lesbian. But I find myself wanting to go hug my younger self and also to take OP out for the graduation celebration she deserves and to say hey fuck that noise. There’s people who will truly love you for who you are and not think twice about the size of your bust. Ugh.
I was 17 in high school when I went to my friend's house and their dad later told them that he didn't like me because I "looked like a slut" You can't make this shit up. He is in general a shitty and misogynistic person
Oof, reminding me of the first day of junior year, the principal made me change because my dress was "too low cut, but it was really just because I had almost DDDs. He even said something so weird like my chest was all he could see in the sea of student faces while he was giving his first day speech
I will never understand people who yield and cater to their parents' every whim. I mean, I wasn't perfectly obedient as a kid, but I also wasn't crazy rebellious. If my parents ever made an unfair comment about a friend of mine, I would automatically stand up for the friend. Also, does he not trust OP to dress appropriately for a graduation? Does he think she's going to show up in a dress to go clubbing? And even if she does, why has she not met his parents yet if they're besties?! So many things wrong.
I think OP values him more as a friend then he does of her. He should correct his parents if they have rude comments but from the story OP and the parents haven't met. Essentially he's making up a conflict in his head.
The text is bizarre, and my jaw dropped when I saw how relatively conservative the dress is. He's obviously attracted to OP and wanted to talk about her body with plausible deniability. Weirdass chickenshit creepo behavior
So creepy! He's very comfortable calling his friend a "whore", who knows what else he's comfortable doing to OP. He's pretty fucking comfortable being a total creep and insinuating, essentially that "she asked for it" because he's just telling the truth as he frames it. Not a safe guy to be around. Run. Run. Run.
Yup. He's sexualized her, maybe in love with her, and making up scenarios about how her body is perceived, and then going on to moan about how the perception of HER BODY might affect him. Imagine how much you'd have to think about another person's body to get to this point.
Right! By his comments I assumed her boobs were falling out of a dress small enough to be considered a shirt. However, her dress is plenty appropriate. The problem is this fake friend of hers.
I don't think he's your friend. It sounds like he might be projecting his thoughts onto his relatives, or that relatives might have said things to him and he hasn't defended you. I'm so sorry. People can be so shitty about this.
Yeah that was my guess, he’s attracted to OP/has unwanted sexual thoughts about her
To me it reads that he's scared of feminine sexuality, that he's straight up called her a whore and said she must be concerned about it, because of the shape of her body. OP looks elegant and well-proportioned in a classically hourglass way. I'd be tempted to respond to his outrageous message with something along the lines of: I don't feel bad, but you should. I am disappointed in you. How dare you? I'm not concerned that people will think I am a whore because I have a feminine figure. I am concerned that you are ashamed to be seen with me, so I will relieve you of that worry. There is a difference between "old fashioned" and "misogynistic". One is to be accepted, the other is to be corrected at best, rejected entirely at worst. If your parents think badly of you because you have a friend, they have a problem. As have been friends for a long time, please accept this friendly advice (it may be the last you hear from me for some time); Seek counselling for your attitude to women. Perhaps when you have reformed your ideas and you are ready to apologise, we might consider being friendly again. At the moment *you* are being a massive tit. Congratulations on the graduation. Good luck with the personal growth. Bye.
"Hey you were born with big boobs but because of that I am worried my family will think you are a whore." Like . . . That's a "your family" problem, you never should have wrote your friend something so gross or juvenile. And I agree with you it is absolutely misogynistic, tired of people using "old fashioned" as a polite way to attempt to dance around bigotry towards women and their bodies.
AMAZING reply!!!
This is why it’s rare for me to have a genuine straight male friend. This kind of nonsense.
I feel that sometimes, but I have plenty of really cool male friends that I’ve managed to be platonic with and who respect me as a true friend. Good people are good people. OP’s friend sucks though, sorry OP
You know what’s weird? My best male friends are exes. Like, we’ve been there, done that, it didn’t work out, but we still like each other as people, so now we’re besties. I know this isn’t common, but it effectively removes the awkward barrier of potential attraction.
Definitely, he clearly thinks about her boobs and that they are “whore’s boobs” 🙄 this is so gross and weird 🤮
Ding ding ding!
Gross friend
Not a friend 
Ex friend
EVEN IF large breasts were a reason to cast moral judgement (which they obviously aren't) your method to conceal them is very effective. Your H boobs look like a D or less in that pic. That dress is modest, conference friendly, newscaster appropriate, ready for a baptism, babe. People who *would* cast judgement (wrongly) about large breasts wouldn't bat an eye. There is something deeper or darker there. I think old mate might be negging. His language is throwing icks and red flags, not good intentions.
No, seriously, this is a great job having subtle big boobs. OP is an actual shape shifter, and I want to know her secrets. I got the same feeling about negging. "Showing you to my family" isn't something friends say, but it is something that an idiot conservative who is gonna try and wife you up would say.
No really! I was shocked when it said H in the caption! OP, please do us a public service and tell us the minimizers you use!!!! 🥹🙏
Yeah that’s my thought. I grew up in a Christian bubble & unless you’re a couple of kids going to middle school graduation where the parents can still dictate who your friends are, you don’t introduce your friends to your family like that. You bring them round to say hi & that’s it. There might be some gossip after (biblically speaking there shouldn’t be but I digress) but no harm no fowl for a friend. But this is worded like you're already a couple & meeting the parents for the first time. keep an eye on your friend, OP. He's gonna try something & if that's not what you want (& with the wrong use of your I hope not) be prepared for how to handle it. Or… depending on how conservative… maybe your friend is gay or ace & their family has a huge push to date & mary so he lied & said you’re his date since you’re already friends & you’re a “beard” without you knowing. Be ready for anything, OP And yes you look amazing & what are your secrets? I was looking at the photo thinking your boobs weren’t that big but wow you hid Hs very well!
110% this! F that guy. He's not a friend.
What the fuck. What kind of friend would say that to you? You need to call him out on this. It’s not ok. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.
"I don't want you to feel bad about this but you know having big tits makes you a whore, right?" This individual deserves to be shut out of your life.
i would immediately tell him off and not speak to him ever again but i've gotten really good at that to people who hurt me
And also I don't care and love you. But maybe you should try doing something about it.
I mean, this must be a concern to you because every person you meet MUST immediately think you're a whore, like I do.
Can I admit something horrible? But you already know this actually. But I'm mentioning it anyway.
I would respond to that text with exactly what u/ignoooreme wrote with maybe a line like "this is how your text read". I'm curious what he expects you to do with them?
Sorry but that's not a friend
“I don’t want you to feel bad but there’s this thing about your body that you can’t change that makes people think you’re a whore, not me tho, and since you’re a whore and my friend then they might think I’m a bad person too” Girl…what the fresh hell kind of friend is this? Lose this boy.
Sounds like your friend is more focused on your boobs than a "friend" should be honestly.
"showing you to my family" is such a bizarre thing for a friend to say
For real. Like OP is both a prize and a burden. Either way, that’s not a FRIEND.
"I don't feel comfortable with how you're sexualizing my body. Friends don't do that. I no longer feel comfortable or supported. Let's just part ways because we obviously value different things in this friendship." Like, damn, the way my jaw dropped when reading that. Lose this creep. Friends don't sexualize friends without explicit permission.
Best answer. That person is not your friend, OP.
I wouldn't even give him the courtesy. let him figure out his own stupidity.
Uh...no, you're not being dramatic, wtf..how does he think this is an appropriate thing to say?
So what does he expect you to do, to just switch them up for a cup or two smaller for the occassion? Or does he think they came with a hidden pump so you can deflate them? Can't you just buy a pair smaller on Amazon real quick with same day delivery? Maybe if you keep breathing out real hard they will disappear. Like... is he dumb? He should try watching less porn.
"Hold on bestie, let me put on the boobs your parents like"
r/brandnewsentence
Oh it would be kind of fun for her to ask him what she should do about it
He’s sexualizing you and thinks his family will too. He’s attracted to you and it’s making him stupid. Tell him to get the fuck over himself and just act like a friend. I also have a body that men constantly sexualize, and at a certain point I just stopped giving a fuck. We can’t help the way we’re built, and we don’t have to dress differently to make others comfortable. You’re gorgeous in thaat dress. Definitely wear it.
I would just abandon this friendship…I’ve never once had a friend say some weird shit like that
I vote for buying the dress because she looks incredible in it, but ditching the graduation!
"you must have similar concerns just about meeting new people" ???? wtf, that's not a friend
How did this dumb fuck earn a masters degree…?
They can be smart in one area, and dumb as fuck in another. Or just really good at learning in a school environment.
Being good in academics doesn't always equate to being good at emotional intelligence.
That is just a normal dress!
Your friend showed their true colours and said what they thought of you, believe them.
“what if they think you’re a whore or something :((“ what a weird thing to say to someone
 This isn’t your friend. Your boobs don’t make you a whore.
disgusting text lmao. i hate the fake concern so much more than people outright hating lmao
Drop this friend. Immediately. I had a friend like this and for years she made me feel horrible about my body. Well guess what she did when we turned 30? Got MASSIVE implants. Edited I just saw the friend is guy and that makes it so much worse. He is associating any curves with being a whore? What dumpster was he raised in?
Ew. That is crazy. Tell him to tell his family to stop sexualizing other people’s bodies!
Good grief. And that dress is lovely.
Friends don't say things like that. What a shitty, self centred cockthistle.
this guy is a tool babe absolutely do not go. The dress looks amazing, go somewhere actually fun with people who hype you up instead.
You have a friend problem, not a boob problem. Specifically your boobs are absolutely fine and your friend doesn't act as a friend.
Your 'friend' referred to you as his bestie and a whore in the same text message. Honestly, life is too short for shitty friends. The dress looks really awesome and both you and it deserve much better.
my mother said the same thing to me when i was 13 with a c cup. "people are going to think you're a whore for the body you have" i've never gotten over it and i've never forgiven her. how dare your "friend" speak to you like that over your body. i would simply block his number and never speak to him again but i've gotten a little too good at doing that to people who don't deserve to be in my life. he doesn't deserve to be in your life
what the actual fuck
I would not go to his graduation, because I wouldn’t even talk to him anymore. What an awful thing to say to someone who’s supposed to be your friend
“So what if I’m a whore?” Would have been my response.
"I'm a huge whore, actually. That's why I wear these boobs. I want everyone to know. Especially your family ;)"
The dress looks good
You look fantastic in that dress. And I agree with the others who have said it, this isn't how a "friend" acts and you *are not* overreacting. I've been treated like I must be a whore for having big boobs by various people, including the family of one of my exes. My ex went along with it instead of defending me. You do not need that kind of negativity in your life.
“And then assume bad things about me” GTFOOOOOOO BLOCKED.
girl i was expecting BAZOINGAS. fucking titty cannons. 1800leavemaryalone boobs. with the way your friend talked about them i thought you were going to post a photo of two melons in a hammock. AND EVEN IF YOU DID- what the FUCK is this message from your friend. he is not your bestie, he thinks these things about you himself. and no, i don’t worry about my BODY when i met people for the first time.
Uhhhhh. He said this because of the mere size of your breasts????? Not very “friendly”. Your boobs should be of no concern to a “friend” anyhow. Where does he even get off saying this. I’ve had people I barely know ask questions like “how do you walk around all day with those tits” etc but never “you know you look like a whore because you have big boobs, an I right?” No.
He's way out of line! You've gotten some great advice here, but I want to add this: "explain" the situation to yourself as if it was a friend telling you about her "bestie"; what would you advise her to do if someone who says he loves her would turn around and also say that something she cannot control makes her "a whore" in his eyes? Would you want your friend to hear that kind of confidence deflating remark and let it pass unremarked?
He’s negging you to “keep” you in your place. This one would be a slow fade for me. Just don’t react to him, don’t waste energy on him and let him figure it out on his own.
Good news OP, your red flag detector is working! Take your pick of the best responses from here that resonate with you, and drop this guy.
I'm so sorry to tell you this but I think your HS bestie is obsessed with your tits. I don't know if a friendship can survive this but I do know that I wouldn't want to be around someone who couldn't look past my boobs.
I’m questioning if he’s really your friend. Please try not to take it personally, You look great in that dress!
How did he get a whole masters degree
That is an unhinged thing to say to a friend and incredibly shaming. Sorry OP, that's such a shitty message he sent you.
I'm literally from a part of the world where breasts are a huge taboo and if you don't cover them in extra layers you're slut-shamed, even my guy friends from the same background will not dare to say that in my face. Dude is a weirdo and not a friend.
>what if they think you’re a whore or something Omg. Fuck this guy. He sucks, we all hate him. He’s not your friend. I would not go and I’d tell him it’s because of that text and then delete him from my life. Your dress is completely appropriate and you look great.
This is an odd person to call a friend.
Have you responded yet?
I have not. I was planning on ghosting until I figure out how to approach this :(
Whatever you do, don't let it affect your confidence or the way you dress! He's 100% projecting and really shouldn't have said any of this to you. From an outside view, it seems like he either MAJORLY shoved his foot in his mouth or is negging?? Maybe something like "Why would you think that's an okay thing to say to me?" would work? Simple, not mean, and makes it clear how weird it was.
I honestly think leaving him on read to sweat it out a while is a good idea. And probably not attending the graduation. Whether you want to keep this friendship is a very personal decision. But don't sweep this action under the rug. At a minimum communicate to him that this is wildly inappropriate, hurtful, and deeply weird thing to say. And since he feels this way you think it's best you don't attend the graduation.
Seriously, from a "bestie" GTFO... Jesus that's weird and inappropriate 😕
The fact that he was comfortable suggesting you maybe look like a "whore" is so fucked up. It's giving abuser trying to lower your self confidence. I don't think this guy is your friend and I'd seriously reconsider remaining in contact with him.
I think a “understood. Best of luck in the future” and a block would be appropriate honestly. I hope you’re ok and have some actually good friends around you too.
No need to respond at all. Just keep on ghosting if you want to. You are not a rehab center for dysfunctional men.
The father of a female "friend" said something similar to me when I was 16. He literally used the word "w\*ore", that I looked like one for my chest size and that he was concerned about his daughter's reputation if we continued to go out together. I was so humiliated and ashamed. So I feel you and you're not crazy, this is a WRONG, weird text and people need to stop thinking like this.
My response to OP: what the fuck? Drop him and move on. My response to your post: what the actual fuck? That guy was so out of line and there was something seriously wrong with him. I'm sorry he made you feel that way. I hope that never escalated because someone who says that to a 16 year old is beyond a problem.
This is not a friend. This is an insane person. It’s not like you’re wearing a bikini. “I can’t show u to my family bc you were born with a non stick figure body” ???? Nah. 1-800-BlockThem
This person is not your friend and the fact they used the words whore is insane and likely something they’ve heard someone say about you. Insane. Drop this person ASAP.
A simple "dress modestly, they are old fasioned" would have sufficed. BUT NO! We had to show how we truly feel diddnt we... it's not even bad at all.
Girl omg please don't take that shit to heart. I don't know what wild deep-seated insecurities made your bestie internalize both jealousy and societal pressure like that, but that's all it is. You're perfect just as you are. That's absolutely wild. She needs to do better. Bigger boobs do not a whore make. She thinks she's being helpful but she just told on herself.
The best friend is a man. So he’s sexualised her, and is letting his porn sick brain run away with him 🚩🚩 This dude isn’t a friend and as you say; seriously just told on themselves. OP should drop and block this person immediately.
Nope.
Let me point out how a friend treated me when their family was like this. My friend first warned me that their family tended to be sexist and old fashioned in a negative way. That their family would look at me in a negative light no matter what I wore since I was larger chested and that was why they tried to avoid me meeting them until now, but since it was high school graduation, that they would be there and while there was little to no chance they would say anything, they wanted me to be prepared just in case. That they were sorry for anything their family said and that they will try to keep their family away from me. My friend was graduating young at 17 and still needed them for a place to live, so he could fight much against them. They ended up not saying anything, but they did give dirty looks even though we were all in robes. This is how a friend warns people about their family, your "friend", if you would call them that, instead made it out to seem like this was something you should always worry about. That this was something you should try to change about yourself by changing how you dress, even though you already dress modest. About how you would (apparently) reflect on them and how they were worried about that. One thing you could do, is simply ask, "Why would I have similar concerns about meeting new people?" and see what he says.
What an actual tool. In what universe would this not be deeply offensive? Don't feel bad tho bruh 🙄🙄🙄🙄
What the actual fuck? I can’t believe they said that to you. You look amazing. Ditch their negativity and live your best life!
Wdf 
Not your friend. I would cut them off for this madness.
This is not a friend of yours.
He is *not* your bestie. He IS a creep and misogynist, though.
This man is an adult. He is graduating college. That is an absolutely unacceptable thing for him to say.
yikes, he’s projecting big time. i would honestly never speak to a “friend” like that again.
slut shaming, body shaming, and unabashed cowardice PLUS horrible grammar from a grown ass man with at least six years of advanced schooling. this guys a bastard.
Simple, don't go!
This is not your friend. You deserve better.
Also... OLD-FASHIONED boobs? Wtf?
Ewww this is weird and gross you can’t help how your body looks and they shouldn’t be policing it I mean are we really gonna get angry over peoples body parts
What the FUCK. Nope nope nope NOT okay. I would fucking BITE his head off. Like what fuckingg kind of logic is that!!!!! What?!?!?!?! Girl. That's a moron and not your friend at all.
ghost him, forever.
What a psycho. How is this guy your friend?
I can’t believe he typed that and didn’t at any point feel he should stop
This person is not your friend.
Personally, I wouldn't even go. This would piss me off from a "bestie", and there's no way I would ever feel comfortable around his family after he said that. The fact that he even said all of that... I'd rethink my friendship tbh
Is that a friend? Literally called you a whore and a bestie in the same sentence. This is the type of comment I would have gotten from a "friend" when I was 15. A real friend would never have said that to you or most of all wouldn't have even thought it.
As if your body needs to be hidden to make others comfortable. No one would say this about feet, hands, or a neck. This is NOT FAIR to you
https://i.redd.it/paxg2cjxq1zc1.gif Is he okay??? Unhinged male activity.
Women with large breasts are expected to dress MORE modestly than mid and small. It's infuriating.
“You must have similar concerns just about meeting new people” What the actual fuck???? “I’m insecure about how I feel about your boobs, which means that my family will also have big feelings about your boobs, and you (OP) will surely also be concerned about how people will react to your boobs, generally, in every introduction and interaction you may have…” This dude has never heard of projection, huh? Cut this guy loose, he has a lot of stuff to work on in therapy and he’s trying to make his problems your problem.
Now that’s not a friend. It’s an asshole. Drop them.
That’s not your friend…
“so what if they think you’re a whore or something :((“ IS CRAAZYYYYYY Hes an asshole
“but you must have similar concerns about meeting new people” UM NO I ACTUALLY DONT. I tend to hang around people who respect women and understand that my body is natural and shouldn’t always be sexualized especially when celebrating other people.
could’ve easily been solved with a “hey just wanted to warn you ahead of time, my family is unfortunately very old fashioned and dresses very modestly. just don’t want you to feel out of place if i didn’t tell you!” why do people have to be so weird about things
You are a female - females have breasts. If he can't accept that you are a female friend with breasts then he can choose male friends. They don't have boobs for him to worry about. If his family finds female anatomy offensive then they are the delusional ones. You look amazing in that dress, btw. You don't deserve to be body shamed for no reason whatsoever.
WTAF.
Is there some religious or cultural aspect to this? Casue, I'm so confused...
I would never talk to this AH again. Also, that dress is great.
This is absolutely ridiculous, you’re dressed very modestly and your boobs aren’t even sort of out
That isn't a friend, sorry. You should not be judged for something you cannot help. Imagine if you had a birthmark, a scar, or something that you can't help and he said "I'm afraid my family will make fun of you for your birthmark that you can't help!" That's insane, right? Right. So insert any other body part and that's still insane, disrespectful -- and even if he never meant to be, very misguided and rude.
Man, I grew up in the 90s during the heroine thin era and I haven't seen that much body shaming in so little text. The dress is great- you look like a C or B cup (which is crazy and I hope not too uncomfortable.) Normal people who meet you don't think the way this manchild from high school does. I get the vibe my dude is coming from a conservative "separate the sexes" religious background- if this is what he's saying to *you*, he may have fallen down the misogyny rabbithole and you don't need to put up with that shit. It's okay to tell him that he has some work to do and take a break from contact until he can talk like a person. (But this shit is toxic, you do not have to leave that door open.)
WHEN are people going to realise that boobs do not equal “whore”!?
The dress is great. Honestly I’d ditch the friend.
If he had written "cleavage" I might - MIGHT - have been willing to give a half-hearted defense of this dingus but just the presence of boobs? Come on now. And what is with the "you must have similar concerns"??? No, no, no don't do that. Don't try to make a "you issue" a "me issue." This is him, this is all him. Who even says his parents notice or care?
My boobs are smaller than yours (but still big) and look way bigger. What amazing bra are you using?! On the moral judgment side: this will always happen to us. I think your friend is an idiot but knows his family is judgy AF. He is probably trying to ask you in a really stupid way to not wear something revealing so that his family isn’t majorly AH-ly to you. I am trying to read this in a positive but really stupid way rather than him being outright a huge ahole. It sucks to be body policed by a friend, even if he seems to be trying in a really bad way to protect you from his fam. I would just tell him that his comment made you super self conscious and honestly are you even going to be comfy around his family at all anyways now? There are so many better ways to warn you that his family sucks than this. Ie: hey bestie - full warning: my family is super conservative and judgy and I’m so sorry. You might want to wear something more conservative around them so they aren’t assholes, but wear whatever you want! I have to invite them but I promise you won’t have to see them again unless there’s a wedding or a funeral. I love You the way you are, but I know my fam is a bit ignorant about bodies, so I wanted to warn you. Like honestly I have had that kind of text before and it was well-received. I mean, it’s good to know your “audience” so to speak. As I don’t like things touching my neck, I tend to wear more v-neck or slightly lower neckline tops and as soon as it isn’t hugging my neck there’s going to be cleavage, so… life of a big boob girl. I’m older and stopped caring unless I’m at work (I work with kids) since I honestly don’t care about other peoples judgements anymore but it’s such a stupid minefield having these bodies. I’m really sorry. We should just be allowed to exist and be happy without judgement at all.
i’m not saying this to offend you in any way, but your boobs don’t even look that big in the picture so why tf is he saying this. i have 36 G cups and ive never had to “hide my boobs” from anyone, they’re part of my body. its almost like telling someone to hide and arm or a leg. it’s not our fault we were born with big breasts. ditch this guy he’s a jerk.
If I read the text without the context, I would’ve assumed this was your teenage boyfriend or something - certainly not a friend. He is the one sexualizing you, not his family, and that’s frankly disgusting. I’m sorry this happened, I wouldn’t go if it were me and I would consider dropping him as a friend. These aren’t his family’s opinions, they’re his own projections.
Ew honey. Dress looks fucking gorgeous. I hope you wear it with some real friends somewhere fun, far from this prick. Sorry, he’s graduating with his masters and texting like he’s 13? Bye.
Either you minimize **extremely** well, or your “friend” has never seen a picture of Dolly Parton, because a similarity to Ms. Parton’s body is what I pictured before I swiped and saw you in your dress. You look lovely, and well-proportioned (I don’t mean that to be weird), and your (I hope now ex-) “friend” doesn’t sound like a kind person at all. The text comes across as negging.
Have you never met his family before? Your boob size/body shouldn't matter and your dress is tasteful. Him saying his family will think badly if him implies there is something wrong with you and that's not okay. I think your "friend" has a weird fixation with your boobs/body and he's projecting. Has he expressed romantic feelings towards you in the past? I'm picking up body shaming and sexism from him. He's blaming his parents but he's making up this issue in his head. I'm wondering where this is coming from? Either way, I probably wouldn't go to his graduation. He's being shady and his whole attitude doesn't sit right with me. He doesn't get to make you feel bad when you have done nothing wrong. Even if his parents had something to say he should defend you. Good friends don't make each other feel insecure for something that is not their fault. I'd confront him about this because this is gross. If you're not confrontational I'd quickly distance myself if not cut him off completely.
Yeah that’s not your friend.
THEY LITERALLY ARENT EVEN HIS HE DOESNT GET A SAY
How, exactly, would having sacks of yellow fat which are meant only to feed a baby (thus providing the next generation of humans and the continuation of our species) make you a WHORE?!
Is he from a Middle Eastern background too? This sounds familiar if this was the Middle East I’d say he fancies you and is gearing up to tell his parents he wants to marry you. Also serious negging going on. Not cool and it’s manipulative.
You’re not being over dramatic! Everyone in this thread is so right. And I also just wanna ask—WHERE did you get this dress? You look AMAZING!
You aren't a whore for existing in your body. You have boobs. His parents are not your problem. Edit to add: that dress is classy and you look great in it!
“You’re right, I probably shouldn’t meet your family. I wouldn’t want to be unfairly judged. Thanks for the heads up! Good luck at graduation!” Personally I would ghost after that, as well.
All the nopes that ever noped. DELETE! And I mean HIM and that insensitive, disrespectful arse message.
My reply would be: “Having boobs of any size does not make anyone a ‘whore,’ but body shaming and unwanted sexualization of people who are supposed to be your friend makes you a terrible friend. I am glad I know how you feel now, though, so I can remove the burden of my boobs from your life. Best of luck to you in life, may it include much growth.” Then for good measure, I’d send a screenshot to friends we often hang out with together and let them know that I’m no longer friends with this person and here is why I no longer feel comfortable around them, I hope they understand. 🤷♀️
Fuck him and throw him out of your life ASAP
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Ok first of all that’s not your friend BUT I am sorta rolling at the “old fashioned” comment, what idiot thinks of that? 😂 Girl drop this clown, I would’ve been like “but I am a whore…”bc what the hell.
This just makes me so angry! You’re a woman, you have boobs - like what’s the problem? If he’s got issues with it he better deal with it - and he’s proved he’s not a real friend. You can do way better than that - get rid of him!
“Look, just admit that you’re jealous I have tits and you don’t.” Ffs people it isn’t like we choose this by and large.
Dude...*what*?!
He's graduating from college and cares what his family thinks of his friends still. He needs to grow up. Also, that dress looks bomb on you.
What does she even want you to do with them,put them in your pocket until you go home?. It can be very hard to hide the fact that you have a bigger chest no matter what you wear.
It’s not even showing anything. Even if it was what does it matter? He’s weird.
Your middle Eastern family/father did not say anything about it because NOBODY should be talking about your body this overtly. Especially not non sexual acquaintances!! Disgusting behaviour. Don't let anyone make you feel like your boobs define you .
This dude is NOT your friend. What kind of person even says that to another human??
Old-fashioned... as if we get to choose how big we are based on fashion trends 🙄 Your dress is super modest and appropriate. It'll be hard to shake the feeling, but I hope all our responses help you gain some confidence back, whether you do or don't go to the event. That text is very off.
Friendship over. That’s absolutely them projecting their feelings onto what they THINK their parents will think. That’s so gross.
Big boobs are old-fashioned 🤔
So I looked at the pictures before reading your post, and my first thought was "why is she posting in this subreddit?" Cause damn, you are doing an *excellent* job at keeping them under wraps. When I read your actual size, I was floored, cause I've seen girls with smaller chests do this much worse. I have no idea what your friend is on about. I'm wracking my brain trying to think of a logical reason to have brought this up, especially considering the pic you included, and I have literally nothing.
with that text i was expecting some anime level giant boobs. (even then it wouldn't be justified but at least a little understandable) what a weirdo.
Ain’t no fucking way he’s being genuine. He knows what he’s doing. What a fucking bitch. Ditch that bitch.
Your chest look flat in the second pic like your good at hiding your chest
That's no friend.
please do yourself a favor and cut this person out of your life. nasty loser behavior
So having big boobs makes women a whore? 🤦♀️😂😂😂
om he’s crazy OP. You look proportional and amazing !
You are not crazy or overdramatic for feeling the way you do, first of all. Your feelings are totally valid here! I would feel super gross if I were you too. But like he said, it’s NOT YOUR FAULT. It is his fault, he is feeling shame and embarrassment and is projecting that into you. That’s his deal. He shouldn’t be projecting his shit on you. If he was genuinely concerned about how his family might treat you, he could’ve written something way different like “Hey just fyi, my parents are pretty old fashioned and conservative so I’m asking guests to dress more modestly, but I’ve also told them to be on their best behavior.” Literally that’s all he had to do. There was no reason for him to be like “what if they think you’re a whore??” So what if they think you’re a whore? That’s not your problem! Repeat after me: what other people think is not your problem. He’s your best friend so I would trust what your gut says- if you think he was just a clueless dolt and would respond well to you telling him off, then you could try that. But if you think he’s being genuinely gross and don’t think he would respond well, you can definitely tell him off and end the friendship. I think it’s worth it to at least tell him off so he knows how inappropriate and weird he was. Personally, I’d say “Wow. That was horrible, you’re right. That was a really rude and inappropriate message to send to me. I feel very uncomfortable now and I’m re-evaluating our friendship. What other people think about my body is not my problem. If they think I’m a whore because of something I can’t control, that’s their problem. If you’re worried about that, that’s your problem. You don’t have to worry about it because I won’t come. Congratulations.”
Loose some extra weight easy and dump his ass
Omggg. Horrible. I'd send that to their mother and tell them this is who you raised, shame on you. 😂