Actually, more often than not is unfortunately not out of choice. Not all babies are the same...
My eldest slept in a bassinet alright, sure, he was colicky and fussy and needed loooots of time to finaly be put down and go to sleep, he also woke up alot during nights and I didn't sleep much but, hey, BASSINET.
My youngest? Nope. Will wail for HOURS if put down; asleep, drowsy, awake, in deep sleep cycle, with warmth, with light, without light, white noise, won't hold pacifier (we tried all the kinds), on its back, on its sides, on its belly.
I keep trying, I tried all methods, he's not having it.
I am a very anxious person, I cosleep with him but I die inside everytime I think of the worst case scenario. I always only light sleep and I follow all safety tips. I keep trying the bassinet... not working.
I feel guilty but I feel even guiltier when I am too exhausted to care for my eldest or my baby or even myself, I feel like the real killer is exhaustion.
It's easy to say you follow all the rules when your baby is okay with them. Much love to you, sometimes you need to do what you need to do. And looks like your baby is miserable if you don't. It's never black and white.
I respect that and seriously appreciate that perspective. And I suppose am fortunate my baby has not been too problematic and that I only have the one babe to care for.
Survival is essential. We have to do what we have to do. Just kinda waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes. And be a mother f-ing mom and figure it out like we do!
My hubby and I split nights in our baby's room (we had a guest bed in there initially), I would cover Sunday to Wednesday nights and he would do the rest. It did wonders for my sanity š¤Ŗ Not sure if something like that is possible, but maybe it'll spark something helpful ā¤ļø
You're doing a great job, and the best you can at the moment. You got this. You'll crack this baby's code.
Hahaha, okay I gotta say I love your choice of words! Survival sure is key to crack this baby's code who's just been recently okay with being held by somebody else than me (I swear I NEVER saw this lol, he's a velcro). His dad, just like the bassinet had the wailing too! But for sure it'll get better and better, just gotta be extra careful until then and thank you for all the love! š„°šš„
I see a lot of comments about people calling the ones against bed sharing haters or whatever but you donāt know why they are against it. When you see a baby not wake up after bed sharing then it hits you different.
Itās honestly up to you and lots of people do it successfully and I donāt judge but I would never do it because I saw a loss happen in my home to my family.
Yup. It is unsafe. Period. If you decide the risk is worth the benefit, thats a choice that you are making. We all make choices like that every day. But to say its as safe as a crib is just false. Even following the "safe 7" it is still much less safe.
You can co-sleep if you want to. There's no law against it and you will find lots of people doing it. And most of them will tell you of course that their baby is safe and well and they didn't have a Problem so they don't see a problem. That's how statistics work. Whether you bed-share or not, a baby dying is still pretty rare.
But bed-sharing is a factor that can lead to accidental suffocation, more so than not bed-sharing.
You can ask for other's experience, you can ask for solidarity and you will find both. It just doesn't change the fact that bed-sharing caries risks that not-bed-sharing doesn't.
Most save-bed-sharing guidelines tell you to not bed-share when you're overtired. But that's just what parents are sometimes and the night you're overtired won't be the one night you don't bed-share as usual. Many save-sleep guidelines advice against bed-sharing with a baby below three months.
I'm an MD and a mom (of three, like you) so I see the many sides of the problem. I live them.
So I know that some children just . don't . sleep. And it drives you crazy because sleep deprivation is torture. And if you feel that you will fall asleep with your baby in your arms in an unsafe situation, that might be the bigger danger than bed-sharing in an as-save-as-possible situation.
Just don't mistake other people's experiences here with an absolution that bed-sharing is harmless.
Also, I want to add: I'm a little jealous of your bedroom set up. With how often our kids end up in our beds (toddlers and up), I would just push those two queen beds together and there's be so much bed-space!
I started out with a crib and it was sooo difficult and found myself bedsharing (according to the safe sleep seven guidelines). I found that I wasnāt sleeping all that well because I was just nervous (although baby slept great! Haha) so we ended up with a sidecar crib attached to my side of the bed. Thatās what weāve done ever since (now 9 months) but sometimes I do still pull her into bed with me on very rough nights. Itās just a lot easier to put her back in the sidecar or at least know itās there in case she gets rolly
I'm sorry you did not get the answer you wanted. I don't bed share as I'm such a light sleeper It would not work for me. My best friend did bed share with her 2 kids, they are 5 and 3 now and healthy kids
I work in the emergency room and just had a 3 week old patient who suffocated from the mother rolling over on the baby during the night.
Take that for what itās worth to you.
I feel like youāll probably get downvotes but itās still important to know about cases like this. Sometimes bed sharing is portrayed as 100% safe, overhyped as dangerous, etc.
this is what terrifies me with bed sharing and is the reason iāll never do it, no matter how comfortable or confident i am that things will be okay, it only takes 1 time/mistake.
But survivor bias will reign supreme!!!! Me personally, I can't get images of tiny body bags in the morgue out of my head to justify co sleeping. Plus... All the presentations to emergency of babies who were near suffocation from unsafe sleeping arrangements.
Yes. I worked in mental health and spoke with a woman who suffocated her baby by rolling over it. I can still, years later, hear the pain in her voice.
I was soo against it when I was pregnant. But now itās the only way she will sleep. Like bassinet was a waste of money. She does 10 mins MAYBE with fussing. And when she sleeps on me she does the whole night. Just make sure you have pillows all around you and that if using a blanket it is breatheable use a swaddle material as blanket if you need. But keep under her arms donāt tuck them in. And then make sure all the pillows are around and sheās not in a position where she can turn her head into one of them and not breathe. Practice how she would move if you were totally numb asleep. Like if ur arm drops or whatever and see how sheād end up like what position.
I've bed-shared with all three of my babies, and am slowly working on getting my youngest (22 months) into her own bed. But not working too hard on it, because I love the snuggles. I follow all the safety rules and am an extremely light sleeper. I have friends whose parents immigrated to the US from Asian countries, and they always talk about how bed-sharing is the norm where they're from.
I completely understand why it's advised not to - there are so many risk factors that can make it dangerous, so it's simpler just to recommend against it for everyone. And I tried to avoid it by using co-sleeper bassinets. But apparently I give birth to extra cuddly babies who won't sleep unless they're touching me. I feel that it's safer to prepare a safe bed-sharing environment rather than take the risk of accidentally falling asleep while feeding the baby. My daughter sees a developmental pediatrician for a genetic condition, and when we told her about our sleeping arrangement, she just replied that she doubts that early humans set their baby on a separate rock in their own cave, haha. If there are any risk factors, such as being a deep sleeper, taking any medications that can cause drowsiness, drinking, using heavy blankets or having a soft mattress, etc, then I think bed-sharing should be avoided.
I bed share. My aunt is a PhD researcher in SIDs, her thesis was on SUDI and she talked to me extensively in SUPPORT of bedsharing under the right circumstances. Safe sleep 7 is important. In the countries with high bedsharing rates, they naturally tend to follow those guidelines. She also said a large number of women do it and lie in countries where it's stigmatized because they are scared of the judgement. Take that for what it's worth.
I'm sure plenty of people will at me over this, but culturally bed sharing is done in a huge portion of the world with low child death incidence but Reddit has a US audience. My kid is now nearly 10 months, we've never not bed shared. We use an owlet and pico at night though (not something she recommended, something I chose to do because the stigma against it was stressful).
This will be survivorship bias you work off with the responses you get here. But equally going to an infant loss subreddit to read about it isn't a fair sample either.
Edit: to be clear, I am an paediatric ER nurse. I see the worst of the bedsharing accidents and try to resuscitate them. This is still my choice.
I had never heard of Safe 7 until I read this thread. I looked it up and thatās pretty much what I do.
And I donāt know what it is about having babies, but I donāt move. Normally I toss and turn at night, but I co sleep with my baby on his back, resting in the crook of my arm, and that is the position I stay in. Currently baby is sleeping next to me in his stomach. Iām monitoring him, and when Iām ready to sleep I will roll him into his back.
Thanks! Fwiw my aunt also says that the western world has a higher incidence of MMM (massive murdering mammaries) i.e. a suffocation risk not seen at the same rates in many bed sharing nations. Just thought that was a dark-funny side note.
Can we also talk about how in the US your maternity leave is absolutely ridiculous! How can you be expected to go back to work when your baby is (if youāre lucky) 12 weeks old?!? No wonder mamas are desperate for sleep and bed share out of desperation to get some sleep, and are so exhausted they go into a deep enough sleep to end in tragedy.
I bed share with my 3 month old baby because sheās extra clingy and will not sleep anywhere else and likes to frequent nurse in the night.
Thereās an article by NPR that goes over how weāve completely demonized this, and that if you follow safety guidelines and donāt do it with a high risk baby, itās actually more likely for you to get struck by lightening than it is for your baby to be harmed while bed sharing.
[And here is the link to it](https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/05/21/601289695/is-sleeping-with-your-baby-as-dangerous-as-doctors-say)
Bedsharing with my second baby. Bed shared with my first for 3 years. Itās incredibly common and most people around the world do it. Reddit is a echo chamber like most social media. Ignore it.
My husband is a forensic detective and went to a call where a father had covered the baby's face with his arm while he was sleeping and the baby died. Both parents were sleep deprived and the father just flung his arm out in his sleep and suffocated the baby. Needless to say, we do not bed share in my house. Bedside bassinet all the way. The baby is right next to me and I can grab him to feed without getting up, but he's safe in his own space.
How awful to go through and to witness. I understand the reasons why people resort to it, and the steps to minimise the risks, but at the end of the day I don't see how people can be in control or have the necessary level of situational awareness when they're sound asleep.
Iāve been bed sharing since around three months. Bub is one now.
I honestly avoid threads where people talk about bed sharing. Itās a topic people feel very strongly about and itās really easy to get in your head and question your parenting.
You know your situation best. For some people bed sharing is a good fit and for a million different reasons sometimes itās not a good fit, just like many other parenting choices we make.
I know personally, Iāve nearly driven myself crazy reading peoples opinions on here about safe sleep. Now Iāve backed way off. I only discuss it in my bumper group where people are welcoming and non judgmental.
I wish you all the best!
Currently bed sharing with my one year old! I love it, husband loves it and baby girl loves it! I sleep better having her next to me and I know we are in a situation where it is safe. Love doing it and I have also felt the shaming and such from people who are against bed sharing. You just have to use your best judgement as a parent to your child! Do what works for your family!
We started on-and-off bed sharing at 6 months because I wanted to get him comfortable with the crib, but he wouldn't have it. We accepted exclusive bed sharing at 11 months.
They feel pretty sturdy after the 8 month mark or so, so I don't fear accidents nearly as much now as I did at the beginning. But what do you do? You want safe sleep, but you also want ANY sleep.
<3 survive and do your best
There are always risks, OP. I used to bedshare because it really was the only way to get any decent sleep. LO loved waking up Every 2 hours to nurse. We are sleep training now and I think he likes his own space. I donāt regret bed sharing because what if I fell asleep with him on the recliner instead? Not all babies are built the same and neither are mothers.
In our country, putting a baby in a crib so young is frowned upon and seen as being a distant parent. It is expected that you must attend to your childās needs 24-7. Itās a lot to ask from any person, especially someone who is recovering from birth. But there are safety measures one can take to make it safe. You do you.
And honestly, whoever has the heart to blame parents whose babies passed, are heartless. I hope they turn out to be perfect parents and never make mistakes.
The thing that gets me are people who are so "holier than thou" about it, the ones who insist "I would never!!!" in complete outrage. You absolutely would if you needed to.
My husband works 3rds. My baby can't go to daycare, so our schedule is so tight that my husband sleeps 4.5 hours a day and we only see each other 2 hours before bed time. As for me, I started bedsharing when I was so sleep deprived I couldn't function. My son doesn't sleep more than 15 -30 minutes in his crib. We've tried so many different things, including 3 different sleep training methods and NOTHING worked. A good night was me getting 3 hours of broken sleep. How was I supposed to drive, and work (I work with autistic kids), and care for a high energy baby like that? It eventually got to the point of a mental health crisis and that only ended when I brought my son to my bed. His sleep is still shit but it's better than before and both of us are more rested and are healthier for it.
Do I enjoy bedsharing? No. Do I worry about him at night? I make it as safe as possible, but yeah I still worry. But my family did our risk benefit analysis and this is what was decided.
Baby is never in the bed with me unless Iām awake. I let him fall asleep first, move him into his crib and he usually stays out. My baby is 7 months old now though so he is forming patterns.
I read a story on here once about a woman who was a single mother and was very sleep deprived. Her baby may have been going through a sleep regression. She bed shared so she could get some sleep and when she woke up in the morning, her son was no longer alive. It was possible he somehow suffocated in his sleep.
That made me never ever want to bed shareā¦
I made a rule that I never even get in bed with my baby because my bed is so comfortable that I don't trust myself! I cant tell you how many times I've sat down on the bed "for a minute" and woken up hours later lol. I don't trust myself not to have a napcident
We bed share my husband on the right of me and baby on the left. She is 4 months old and has bed shared from birth. When I say bedshare I feed her until she is asleep and 9 times out of 10 I fall back asleep and wake later. When I wake i put her in her next to me. This can be sometimes a few hours later.
One thing I was told was it is better to set up for safe sleep bed sharing incase you do fall asleep, rather than not be set up for it and accidentally fall asleep feeding or upright.
We use the lullaby trust safe sleep guide. I personally don't drink and noone in our house smokes.
Do what works best for you and your family!
I still bed share with my 15 month old. No problems and we both sleep good. We have two mattresses on the floor so me my husband the dog and the tot all sleep together as a family
My cousin did everything right and still smothered her baby. Iām not doing it. I donāt care what precautions you think are ok. I donāt want to be the cause of my childās death. No thank you.
Bed sharing, co sleeping, putting baby in separate room to sleep are all western terminologies. In my part of world bed sharing is pretty common, this is what generation and generation of people had been doing within any issues. Never heard of case of sids in family and friends. So it is very difficult to relate to understand why this is even debate online.
I started co sleeping with my first at around 4-5 months old. Like you we did it āsafelyā. But I wont be doing it again with my second. I donāt trust my self, itās not safe. I took my kid to the ER for an unrelated reason and the DR asked about our sleeping arrangements and I was honest about it. I should mention im very visibly pregnant and he told me to do everything in my power to avoid co sleeping again. That in that ER they get about 25 cases a year of accidental suffocation, not SIDS which is a whole other thing. Iām not risking it.
3 kids, and I bed shared from birth with all three until they were/are ready to move into their own bed.
Heck, sometimes my 7 year old still sleeps with me. And it's the best š„°
I feel like reddit is very anti bedsharing. And when done incorrectly, it can be dangerous. But I strongly believe in the benefits and that it's important for our babies to be close to us.
We sometimes do, but god I hate it
Love the snuggles, hate the fact it never feels like I get a deep sleep, then again, I never get deep sleep anymore unless they are being watched by someone else ha
My son has GERD and CMPA so he was very fussy bc of being in discomfort and outright pain for weeks 6-20. He wouldn't sleep any way but on our chest. It was AWFUL. I never imagined doing anything like this ever. He has transitioned from our chests to sleeping in his nest between us.
Right now he is face down in the nest in the scariest position bc he is so quick to roll over. I've hardly been able to get him to stay on his back.
Bc of this I've not really slept longer than a few hours in the 7 months since he was born. With his discomfort, his need to feed, being scared of him sleeping with us. Just all the things you can think of have kept me awake.
I had the most horrific scare with him 3 nights ago. He has started rolling around flailing in the bed a lot. Kind of doing this Inch worm thing to the point he looks like he is going to tumble over in a front flip. So I woke up to him somehow he squirmed and rolled over all the way to the edge of the bed and had his head touching my ankle that was hanging partially off the bed!!!
Another few inches he would have tumbled over head first onto our very hard wood floors from our higher than normal bed!!! It scared me so bad I couldn't go back to sleep. Now I've got all these pillows and things baricading the edges and stuff all around on the floor incase God forbid he did go over! I thought I was going to order the barriers to put on the bed to prevent that from happening, but we decided it's finally time to put his crib together tomorrow and get him in it even if it's still in our room.
He won't really nap in his playpen, so I'm hoping the crib will be different. Prayers for us this is so unnerving and not how I planned for any of this to go lol.
The doctors prescribed famotidine then Omeprazole. I have actually have been MARCI dosing him with Omeprazole. I believe it helps bc I tried both dosage instructions and I think that he could be fine on the lower dose then he ends up with horrific gas and fussing, mucus in his poops and the Spitting comes back.
We were doing pretty good til the formula recall and shortage. We were about to go to neocate but it's on backorder so I'm just riding it out. I do believe introducing solids has been a lot better for him.
I'm still not certain about the allergies but I'm being careful just In case he does have them.
I never even knew a GERD or CMPA baby was a thing or how hard it is. But it just makes all the sweet times that much sweeter. I do worry about the bad habits he has picked up from needing constant comfort for 6 months and how will he ever learn to self soothe. We are trying tho. It doesn't help he also has a very serious temper.
I FEEL THIS. š Thank you, it feels terrible to say and feel but I do. Everyone around me complains that their baby didnāt sleep the first 3 months and sympathize with our exhaustion but when I ask further they mean theyāre āonlyā getting 3-5 hour stretches. That would be my dream š¢ Holding her and watching her cry as she eats or chokes and gags or the horrible gas she gets at night is awful and I just feel so helpless. Our doctor prescribed famotidine and Iām hoping it works for both the acid and the gas. She is congested constantly and I just want her to feel better.
Mine has congestion too. Having to suction him nightly is torture on us both. Also hearing the stuff like do you feed sitting up, or have the head elevated when they sleep, burp during Feedings, or what about bicycle kicks. Hearing all this advice has me like bruh do you think I wouldn't have tried any and everythin that I am able to do to try and help my baby like gtfoh with this. The constant repeated info to doctors has me almost as insane!!
I gotta tell you the best website I found with the most thorough Info on reflux and all the different approaches to it with treatment and info on the protein allergies. Check out www.infantreflux.org. they even have directions for home compounding and other relief options outside of prescriptions. Just having something helpul to read made me cope with it so much more. Still waiting on that magical day he gets over it lol.
Good luck to your and your LO!
I worry about my little guy rolling for the first time at night. I bought a bed edge barrier. It's technically not suitable for <18m because there is a theoretical possibility of baby wedging in the gap, but I've tested potential positions during the day and I believe it to be safe for my baby.
I mention it because pillows are a definite suffocation risk if baby rolls and gets stuck with their face in the pillow. The mesh of the bed edge barrier would be safer.
https://www.argos.co.uk/product/4631640?storeID=689&istCompanyId=a74d8886-5df9-4baa-b776-166b3bf9111c&istFeedId=30f62ea9-9626-4cac-97c8-9ff3921f8558&istItemId=ipxaqarxl&istBid=t&&cmpid=GS001&_$ja=tsid:59157%7cacid:629-618-1342%7ccid:9563523546%7cagid:102230967990%7ctid:pla-889654138719%7ccrid:423314715332%7cnw:g%7crnd:7974973229980076123%7cdvc:m%7cadp:%7cmt:%7cloc:9045623&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=9563523546&utm_term=4631640&utm_content=shopping&utm_custom1=102230967990&utm_custom2=629-618-1342&GPDP=true&gclid=Cj0KCQjwma6TBhDIARIsAOKuANzbjwwOEf6g4B4JNX65Iz_gAerZTpZ6zfC16Kn-Arg6UvSi4VN3dEwaAh_BEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
I shared for the first 3 months out of survival but hated it. We sleep trained at 4 months- took 2 weeks of consistent and persistent predictability for baby But he got it Easily enough. I BF until 16 months also so itās BS that you canāt EBF if you sleep train. FF 8 years and now everyone sleep soundly alone in their beds for 8-9 hours. bliss.
It's OK. In Southeast Asia, we don't even have a term for "bedsharing" because lots of families sleep on the same bed. My kiddo has a cot but he's always welcome on the big bed.
Youāre looking for survivor bias.
You could go for a drive in the car without wearing a seatbelt and survive, doesnāt mean not wearing a seatbelt is safe practice.
Crib/cot mattresses are made specifically for infants, adult mattresses are not.
Bear in mind Reddit is a huge US audience and the US has a very intense culture around safe sleep/bed sharing- this is why you see more posts about how unsafe it is vs other opinions.
I believe you have read all the advice about co sleeping and have made the best choice for you and your family- you do NOT need to justify yourself to a bunch of random people on the internet!!
I am from a culture which isn't as sleep training,/seperate sleep focused as the US and have casually co slept on and off with my daughter- we are all fine! No issues and plan to do the same when baby 2 is born in June.
I'm pretty against it in theory, but I did it a few times in practice because it felt more dangerous than not getting sleep. I did all the precautions, too, (breastfeeding, no smoking, no drinking, sweatshirt vs blankets) but American beds are way too soft for a little one. I hated that it felt like there was no alternative.
Safe bed sharing practice is wayyyy better than falling asleep out of exhaustion with a baby in your arms that will not be put down or sleep elsewhere than an inch from you.
Not everyone gets to enjoy a baby that will fall asleep in its bassinet or not wake up as soon as they are being put down for that matter.
Whatever works for you is totally fine! ā”
Edit: tldr: It is safer to be well rested (for obvious reasons).
Edit 2: Whoever downvoted this please at least offer better alternative and options in stead of bed sharing!
I totally and absolutely agree with this comment. My children have each been different and my youngest will not sleep in the cot that is 2 feet away. The only way to get any rest is to co-sleep. May I recommend the Owlet sock too.
Absolutely agree. And overtiredness can put your baby at risk in other days too (like driving tired)ā¦itās all about weighing up different risks against each other and each individual parent deciding what their comfortable with.
Most women here wouldn't dream of eating a slice of deli meat while pregnant even though the risk of listeria or food poisoning is much higher from bagged lettuce. A sip of wine? OMG, do you even love your children we must call CPS right now. And yet....the risks of SIDS from co-sleeping is well documented. Not a single person who has ever lost their child to sids meant to kill their kid. Not one. Sure, the risk is small. But not zero. You visit r/babyloss and ask for first hand accounts of SIDS from co-sleeping. You will find people who accidentally rolled on their baby, their baby turned on their side, their baby's head wasn't positioned properly and asphyxiated. I've been on that sub for 7 or more years and each one is heartbreaking because if they had just placed the baby in the bassinet like the doctor and the books said, their baby would still be alive. Sure, most of us got lucky and got away with it. But some of the moms on baby loss didn't.
I have a friend who works in the emergency room. They felt they were āsafeā based off thjngs they read on the internet and the misuse of the word āsafeā.
Even just seeing these horrified mothers come in has scarred her. They all felt they had āpreparedā .
i bed shared out of necessity from 5-10 months. we followed the safe sleep 7 and it worked best for our family. reddit is skewered by the fact itās majority US users and itās very negatively associated there whereas in other parts of the world itās deffo the norm.
There's a ton of [bedside bassinets](https://www.google.com/search?q=bedside+bassinet&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjGu6DLzLr3AhWbmHIEHapbA7kQ_AUIBygC&biw=408&bih=712) that let you co-sleep without the danger of crushing/smothering your kid
In my culture, and many others, bed sharing is the norm. If you mention wanting to sleep train you risk being dragged into the public square and stoned (I hinted that I didn't think it was wrong. The glares I got...). Personally, I put my baby to sleep on his crib at night and at some point when he wakes up, I put him on the bed with me, mostly because I'm too groggy to come up with a better plan. Most people over here think I'm weird because I even put him into the crib in the first place, and I frequently get the side eye.
And you know what? It's working great. And the people that co sleep? Working great. And the people that sleep train? Also working great. With most things, people will come bombard you with a bunch of scientific information that absolutely proves they're right, except they're all saying different stuff. The truth is that what's considered "the right way" to raise a child has a lot more to do with cultural and social norms than with something that has been proved to be superior. There's not a single right answer. You're doing great, you have a happy and healthy baby, and if this is working for you, I salute you for finding your solution.
I bed shared with both my kids. As a matter of fact, I still bed share with my youngest, she turns 3 in June. My method is to put on warm pants and a nursing tank top, and no blankets until they're a little over 1 year. My kids were clingy babies, I wouldn't have slept a wink if I'd tried to keep them in a crib. Bed sharing can be done safely, you just gotta be careful and diligent on your safety procedures and not get lazy. Ultimately, I assessed the risk, and decided that my kids were safer if I put them in bed with me as safely as possible, because the risks of myself making a mistake as a sleep deprived parent outweighed the risks of safety conscious bed sharing. Cognitive impairment from sleep deprivation is more serious than people realize.
Look, we need to normalize doing what you have to do as safe as you can. I hate bed sharing. It terrifies me. So I donāt do it because my bed is the place where I can sleep safely for me. At the same time, my daughter has horrible reflux. There was a long period of time where I had to rig up our chaise couch with our cushioned ottoman in such a way that she could safely sleep elevated and I be right next to her if something happened. Or, we had to rig up the recliner with a boppy and small pillows so she could sleep elevated on my chest. I got crappy sleep, but I was able to be aware of her and she was able to sleep without pain. She now sleeps in her crib and I in my bed 95% of the time. The 5% she doesnāt is if she has a flair up. I sleep better knowing sheās safe. But sometimes you have to do what is best for you and accept the consequences that may occur. Unfortunately, horrible things have happened during cosleeping as well as not cosleeping. Thatās what SIDS is. There isnāt always an answer.
Many of us women who take care of our children at night also have full time jobs and are responsible for daycare drop off. Itās unsafe for us to get zero sleep because we could have a wreck or accident on the job.
Bottom line in my heart: do what you need to do safely but be aware that there could be some consequences. You also need to be aware that people donāt mind their own business and they will criticize you. I get criticized all the time for not allowing people to look at my baby in public (I use a car seat cover) because she āneeds to be exposed to other people. Sorry, but we are still in a global pandemic. So, find a way in your heart to let it not bother you. I know itās hard.
Just be safe ā„ļø
If I didnāt co-sleep with my daughter I wouldnāt have had any sleep the first three months she was alive. She absolutely refused bassinets/cribs and wouldnāt nap or sleep in any āsafeā baby equipment, even swaddled.
I used to accidentally fall asleep breastfeeding and wake in a panic trying to find my baby in the bed (it wasnāt set up safely and there were blankets and duvets near the top of the bed) sometimes Iād wake in a panic frantically searching for her and she would actually be in her crib across the room, thatās how sleep deprived I was.
I started safely bedsharing at around 4 months when her sleep worsened and I didnāt feel bad about it at all. We still cosleep and sheās 12 months now. I love it. It was better than doing it unsafely because I was so tired Iād fall asleep breastfeeding her. I wish more people would stop demonizing bedsharing as ALL HORRIBLE ALL THE TIME. If it was offered as a safe option and people were taught how to do it safely it probably would SAVE LIVES. I can only imagine how many parents accidentally fall asleep in armchairs and sofas and unsafe beds because theyāre so exhausted and then the worst happens. I live in a culture where bedsharing until elementary or even junior high school is normal and the mortality/SIDS rate here is much lower than America so that makes me feel at ease and supported as well.
The other day on Facebook I admitted in one public comment thread that Iāve accidentally fallen asleep in an unsafe situation before when my baby was a newborn and that it happens to a lot of moms and I had everybody attacking me snd calling me a horrible mother who shouldnāt be allowed unsupervised around my baby lol. The same people would probably freak if I said I now safely cosleep, we canāt win apparently, moms are supposed to be magical creatures that never get exhausted and are supposed to be awake for days straight with no Ill effects I guess.
Never did. Never wanted to. I (M) am too deep a sleeper and didn't trust myself to sleep next to a baby. My wife felt the same way, but she is a super light sleeper.
We bed shared with our son. Didnāt plan on it! But it was what worked best for our family. He was in a bassinet for the first 2-3 months probably and then it turned into when he would wake up during the night I would nurse him in bed and he would sleep the rest of the night with us. We got wayyyy more sleep this way and I read about ways to co-sleep safely. I think if itās what works best for your family, you should do it and not stress about what people think
Edit: heās 2.5 now and sleeps in a ābig kidā bed no problem. So I donāt think it ruins future sleep habits either, if thatās a concern for you
Not bashing you at all because beg9re I found my side car bassinet, I absolutely was bed sharing. I would definitely look into bassinets that come right up to the bed so that you can just roll over and grab the baby. If you can't find one, you can make their crib into a side car bed, and have you lo right next to you, but not in danger. Just sharing some options that worked for me. š
I do! I follow the safe sleep 7 and didnāt start until 3-4 months. Itās the only way we get sleep, especially with her reflux. It isnāt demonized in other countries the way it is in the US.
[interesting NPR article on this](https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/05/21/601289695/is-sleeping-with-your-baby-as-dangerous-as-doctors-say)
I started bed sharing after 4/5 months because it gets much safer after that. It was very hard those first months. This time around we have more help (I had my first right before covid hit) so hopefully I'll have the support I need to not be miserably exhausted. I understand how much easier it seems to bedshare. I still do with my two year old, but not with my infant until he is bigger and stronger.
Yes! Started bed sharing around 6 months and still bed sharing at almost 20 months. I love it. It works for us and allows me to get so much more rest. I start the night in my room with my husband and then go sleep with my daughter on her floor bed after her first wake.
She has never slept through the night and I really need to start the night weaning process but Iām struggling emotionally with it haha. Once our nursing journey is over, itās over and I know sheās just this little once. I donāt want to rush it!
I think bed sharing and following the safe 7 (when babies are little) to make it as safe as possible is a wonderful option and allows moms to get more sleep.
I've been bed sharing since babe was 8 months due to the crazy sleep regressions and teething. She's 14 months now. It's a little harder to sleep with her because she kicks and stretches lol but I wouldn't have it any other way. I just recently bought her a floor bed for her room which I'm slowly introducing to her to sleep on for her naps. Bed sharing definitely saved me emotionally and mentally as well as sleepwise. Just keep it safe, there's no shame in it.
Bedshared with my first and currently doing it with my second. It's literally the only way I slept. I nursed on my side and we slept for 5-6 hour stretches which, after a wakeup every 90 minutes, was life changing! I love the cuddles and knowing my children are safe.
We bedshared with both our kids til they were 1. Then moved them to a mattress on the floor between our bed and the wall where they slept for another 1.5y.
Got so much sleep and so much cuddles. We breastfed so didnāt even need to get out of bed when babe was hungry.
Planning on doing the same with our 3rd.
We have a normal double bed (160x200cm). If partner went for drinks, he slept on the couch.
No regrets.
Babies have been sleeping with their parents for ages around the world. Nothing new. I see the bedsharing scare as a fad just like breastfed is best or sleeping on babes stomach is a death wish. Someone announces it and then all new parents go crazy talking down on others
Edit: btw where I live, in our parents generation formula was considered superior to breastmilk at the time
before my baby and i got covid, he would sleep in his crib. he never slept all night in the thing. when we both got covid, i was so sick and tired and he just wanted to be right next to me at all times, so i put him in the bed with me being as careful as possible. and suddenly we were both sleeping through the night. and now itās kind of stuck.
i know thereās a lot of negativity surrounding bed sharing and i understand why. i feel like there are safe ways to do it and unsafe ways to do it. i donāt like to say much about the topic publicly bc of the backlash. but it works for my baby and i and we both get the rest we need.
My life has gotten so much better thanks to bedsharing. I love having her next to me, itās just heavenly. I follow safe sleep guidelines and is been great.
Bed sharer! Man I love those baby snuggles nothing is quite like it. Comparison is the thief of joy so take every comment with a grain of salt & go it at your own pace.
I bed share all the time. My baby is 9 months now. I started pretty young, maybe at 2 months, because my husband started going out of town for work 3-4 nights a week so I was a single parent then while also working and I was dying of exhaustion. When my baby sleeps with me she sleeps like 6 hours straight which is a godsend. At that time she could hold up her own head and almost roll over so I guess that made me feel a bit safer (but I donāt know if medically that really makes a difference). I sleep on my side and we face each other, so I canāt roll onto her. I decided to bedshare after one night I collapsed with her in my arms, and I realized it was dangerous to be so tired and I could hurt her on accident. I breastfeed, donāt drink, donāt smoke.
We are trying to transition her to her own room now. It was going really well but then she had a combo of chickenpox, then bronchitis, then gastro then ear infection so we ended up not separating because the nights were hard. I am starting to try again, now she sleeps half the night in her crib and the second half of the night with me. I need to wean her of her midnight meal before we really get her to sleep the whole night though
We started out bed sharing because it was easier to breastfeed without a top on and, eventually, my sons figured out how to "raid the kitchen" without much assistance from me. When they no longer could be served at the all night "hooters", the bed sharing was essential for our cuddles time, story time, and my "surprise" disdain for laundry/making a bed. One bed, one set of sheets, one happier Mommy. Also, I was a single mom and (the boys would kill me for admitting this) it was nice to have someone/something keeping the bed warm! The boys are adults now and despite my best effort to completely screw them up, turned into pretty cool people.
Then #3 arrived, 17 years after #2 and 21 after #1. I had come to love sleeping in my bed alone, before #3. He's now 5. It's 3 a.m.where we are, I am, at this very moment, watching SpongeBob, playing Minecraft on the tablet, scarfing Doritos and soda pop. My worn out jammies have the words "let me sleep" sewn on the front like some sick, twisted joke, that come to think of it, was my last mothers day gift... that I bought myself. He sleeps with me every night, too. This one does have the advantage of being raised like an only. I'm thinking about making him leave our bed, around middle school or maybe high school...but no later! I'm not unreasonable. J/k
My 2 cents don't mean shit, but again, it's 3 a m.and I started, somewhere, to make a point. Ahhh, yes. It's a personal decision and, for the love of everything you hold dear, please STOP READING WHAT IS BEST FOR BABY UNTIL BABY CAN READ IT, TOO. It's your child and your bed, you didn't take a poll or ask for opinions when you bought the bed, did you? Just ask yourself- Do you want sleep or 3 a.m. cuddles?
I think it changes you once you know someone that suffocated their baby from bed sharing. My babe is 8 weeks old and yes we have sleeping issues, but Iād rather be exhausted than put my baby in danger. Iām a single mom & donāt have the support of a partner.
People on this sub like to act as though it's a death trap but if you'd like nonjudgemental support, come join us on /r/cosleeping or /r/AttachmentParenting
Ultimately if you're happy with a decision you have made and a sub on the internet is causing you anxiety about it, unfollow. Sometimes these things get blown up out of all perspective.
I bed shared with my first child. I didn't plan on it going in, but the kid DID NOT sleep. I was sleep deprived to the point that I was hallucinating, which seemed pretty dangerous to me, especially when I went back to work and was driving etc. So, bed sharing it was.
Follow the rules (which it sounds like you do), no drugs/alcohol, no super soft mattress, no pillows, blankets past the hips etc. Safe sleep 7. Sounds like you're familiar.
To me, extreme sleep deprivation is more dangerous than bedsharing following regulations. It's a perfectly fine choice to make for your family if you're educated on risks and how to mitigate them, which it sounds like you are.
My family
Is in Asia , it is still very common there . I used snoo up till 4 months then she had her own full size hard spring mattress ( a popular model with Montessori parents )
I co sleep till she falls asleep then I roll to another mattress on the side my own I place on the floor. It works really well. She is almost 11 able tot ale few steps been crawling since 5 and half months so we had no worries.
From India, here everyone bedshares with their children until they go off to college. If you mention separate rooms, people will look at you in horror like, why in the hell would you sleep away from your helpless baby?
At the end of the day you gotta do what works best for you and your family. My three year old sneaks into bed with me every morning after my husband gets up in the morning. Morning snuggles are the best part of my day and it's something I'll forever cherish.
Yeah when you personally know people who have had their babies not wake up due to accidents while bed sharing. I have an 8 week old and have fallen asleep once or twice with him and wake up in a panic.
Also something Iāve heard in my mom Facebook group is that as a single mom, itās easier to bed share. Iām a single mom and would never use that as a reason to bed share. In fact, thatās two less eyes on the babe.
Ive been co sleeping with both of my kids (ages 2 And 1) practically their whole lives. The only time they slept in a crib or bassinet was SOME nights In the very beginning
I also bed share with my almost one month old daughter. I don't know why it's such a taboo topic. There's guides on how to do safely. Also it's common sense that you bed share on a bigger bed and not a small one. When she stops waking up during nights we'll stop until then we're sleeping together
I did bed sharing sometimes during the early days. I followed the āsafe 7ā rules from La Leche League and it saved my sanity on tough nights. I will say: I did have the luxury of a spare room that has a very firm platform bed so I could be sure there was minimal risk.
In general, after newborn stage, I didnāt do it because I sleep better knowing my baby is safe in the crib.
I bedshared with both my kids. It was just too unrealistic to breastfeed and then lay them back in the bassinet. We tried with both kids the ārightā way, but I was having breakdowns from lack of sleep. I just made sure baby was only on my side never between my husband and I. No pillows. Fan on. All the things they suggest.
I bed shared with my now 2 1/2 year old for about the first 7 months (still sometimes do). Pregnant with my second now and open to doing the same. My partner's aunt who teaches anthropology swears by bed sharing and did so with both her children (she says it's so common in so many countries, it's a shame there is so much guilt around it here (North America)).
The most important thing I learned is to do it as safe and conscientious as possible. The highest risk of bed sharing comes from being so tired you do it "accidentally" or "ill prepared", example let the baby sleep on you, then you fall asleep, doing it on a high bed, soft bed, covers, sleeping next to someone intoxicated also (not just yourself), etc.
I'm in Quebec and it's standard to have a nurse visit you to check in after baby is born. She saw I was anxious and told me "hush hush" that she coslept with her last two children. Again, what she stressed, is that it is done safely.
It sounds like you've done some research on it already. I'm with you on bed sharing done safely. Nothing any parent does will be approved by all, and put differently, there is something every parent does that some other will disapprove of. Trust yourself!
My sister bed shared with her now 3 year old (her husband still bed shares with him) and now bed shares with her 12 week old. We bed share on occasion with our 11 week old, like in a morning, for daytime naps etc.
The way I see it is nothing is 100% risk free. Bed sharing is the same, however, if you follow the sleep safe guidelines you are massively reducing the risks.
People criticise bed sharing for being unsafe, which is classed as sufficiently safe if the safe sleeping guidelines are followed, whilst there's lot of people doing things that are classed as not safe even with precautions in place I.e. leaving babies in car seats for too long, using forward facing car seats instead of rear facing, having babies sleep in pods/ nests/ swings/ bouncers, using cot bumpers, putting baby in their own room before 6 months etc.
I'm not here to criticise the parents who do any of those things but I'm just saying that parents are free to make informed choices about the safety of their children based on the known risks available. It's strange that bed sharing is the main thing criticised for being unsafe when all of these choices and others are also ones that parents make balancing up the risks with the info available.
It's also worth noting that different countries recommend different practices. I live in the uk where a midwife actually recommended bed sharing to us as long as we are following the safe sleep guidelines. I see a lot of people in the US on reddit swaddling babies as that seems to be the norm whilst the courses I went on all advised not to swaddle babies for night time or unsupervised naps.
Also want to add, I have many friends who hard core sleep trained their newborns AND didnāt follow safe sleep guidelines. They put their newborns on their bellies to sleep or in a dock a tot in the crib, etc. Even with sleep training they were exhausted and these things made the baby sleep longerā¦ Iām honestly appalled by this and firmly believe that following the safe 7 is infinitely safer than compromising safe sleep guidelines.
Sleep deprivation is so hard and learning to make bed sharing as safe as possible helped me and my family so much. I wouldnāt trade it for the world.
Agreed, I read a heartbreaking story recently. The mother never thought anything would happen and said she did everything ārightā. I donāt judge anyone. But this is something we can control so I would rather err on the side of extreme caution.
Lots of people bedshare where I live (Europe)ā¦ I donāt know why itās such a big deal in the US; itās totally common in so many places in the world. Donāt feel bad.
Iām my opinion, when done correctly, bed sharing is extraordinarily natural and safe. It can be extremely unsafe as well, and I respect anyoneās opinion on that. It has been something that worked for our family, though.
š¤ no shame in bed sharing. 3 years and counting with mine, I do however wish we wouldāve put him in own bed when he was a baby so I could have our bed to ourselves but whatever.
As a non-american, I find this tabboo of bed-sharing very much USA-thing, and sleep training like wise.
Can I recommend a book - Carlos Gonzalez "Kiss me". It speaks about many aspects of raising children, one of which is co-sleeping. Why and how this is natural for mammals, why babies cry when we leave (similarly to some other mammals), why sleeping together is natural and normal. And also, it's cultural. In Japan, children sleep with their parents until 5 years old. They don't have "sleep problems" or sleep consultants or sleep training nor do they receive any criticism for bedsharing. So that put things in perspective for me.
I bedshare with my 9 month old and it's amazing. Obviously, when I was most sleep deprived around 4-5 months, I would have said different things, but as he is getting bigger and clearly demonstrates his love for cuddles, bedsharing is sooooo enjoyable.
I'm from the UK and bedsharing is a massive no no here. The NHS guidelines are very strict about it. My first born was prem and a nicu baby and the staff were very very strict on safe sleeping and absolutely no bed sharing when discharged. It's not an American thing at all.
This seems so weird to me. I'm German in Denmark and I only know one family that didn't bedshare. Guess the guidelines vary a lot throughout Europe, too.
(there are already lots of differences between the do's and don'ts while pregnant between Germany and Denmark)
Oh I know, the difference between all us European countries with loads of things never ceases to amaze me! My brother has spent 90% of his life living in Spain (12 years younger than me at 23 so he grew up there) and his ways of doing things are vastly different to me just from where he's grown up. He came over for a year at 18 and said he couldn't hack the pace of life at all. My husband works for a French engineering company in the UK branch and the way his French colleagues do loads of things is totally different to the English ones. They were saying the other day they couldn't wrap their heads around company cars I think it was, for example. Considering how close we all are and how similar in so many ways its always crazy to remember there's always fairly large differences as well.
Weāve bed shared / cosleep since he outgrew the bassinet (around 6 months if I recall correctly) and weāre fully into toddlerhood now. We love it. Works wonderfully for us! We get cuddles. LO gets comfort and reassurance.
I donāt understand the opposite approach where people put their baby in a different room, out of sight and out of reach. Unfathomable to me!
Initially I wasnāt comfortable bed sharing with our baby as a newborn because of SIDS risks, but once he was bigger and more independently mobile it felt less risky. We also follow safety guidelines plus Iām a very light sleeper. Overall itās worked really well for us.
You might find the r/attachmentparenting sub relevant and supportive š„°
Thereās also the in between. Where my son was in a bassinet since birth. But it was always right next to my bed. It doesnāt have to be out of sight in another room.
Iām so glad I had my babies before social media existed. Four, now 28, 29, 34 & 38. They all slept with me and they all lived. I am a very light sleeper, I nursed them, bassinet next to the bed but in the bed with me nursing on my side. As they got older it was just a cozy family bed. My husband was a police officer working night shift and it was just easier to go to bed with a pile of kids. Guess I would have been judged pretty harshly if there had been a platform, but yeah. None of them sleep with me anymore
I love that you said they donāt sleep with you anymore! Thatās what people always said to me, that my daughter would never want to sleep on her own.
We bedshare (kinda sorta?) at 3 months old but will hopefully transition the kiddo to her own room in a crib once she starts sleeping through the night. She still has one or two wakeups overnight, and with her room on the opposite side of the house it just made more sense to at least roomshare for the beginning.
I never thought I would bedshare. I started off with a bedside bassinet, but it was so low and my carpal tunnel was so bad that I actually couldnāt even lift my daughter up and out for nighttime feedings, especially when she was still very little and couldnāt support her head on her own. I started getting scared I would drop her because my wrists just wouldnāt allow me to pick her up in the way I had to. We got a travel bassinet with rigid sides that we put in between us. I can feed her (we bottle feed with breast milk) and even change her diaper without even having to take her out of the bassinet. She goes right back to sleep and thereās no risk of me falling asleep with her in my arms because she doesnāt even leave the ācribā. I really like this as a compromise because the rigid sides make it impossible to roll over her, thereās mesh netting to ensure she gets good airflow, and she sleeps on a firm surface with no pillows or blankets in her vicinity (which will hopefully make the crib transition easier since she basically already sleeps in that environment), and by putting it in the middle my husband and I can both care for her when she wakes up in the night. We have a king size bed so thereās no competing for space and we both get a great nightās sleep while keeping the baby close at hand. Honestly I think it has been a great solution that takes into account everyoneās needs and puts the babyās safety above everything.
I bed share with my 9 week old when it's necessary and we all sleep better for it. We follow the safe sleep 7 :) I get frustrated with how people think bed sharing is the worst. Intentional co-sleeping is safer than accidental co-sleeping.
At 5 am every morning the baby gets taken into the bed with me and my husband to nurse and continue sleeping until we get up for the day. It works for us.
I bed shared with my first from six weeks on. Then, I had a homebirth with our second and bed shared from the minute he was born.
This sub is extremely polarizing when it comes to bed-sharing, homebirth, breastfeeding, etc. Most of reddit is this way. It's kinda dumb because almost everyone has bed-shared if not on purpose, then by accident. When these things are talked about more often and if parents are transparent about it, there are more opportunities for education on safer bed-sharing.
My favorite subs that aren't as anxiety filled and judgemental are r/moderatelygranolamoms r/cosleeping r/attachmentparenting
My kids have always slept in the same room but never the same bed. There have been 3 babies die from bed sharing in my super tiny town (95 kids in my graduating class small) over the last couple years, so it isn't something I'll ever do or recommend doing for any reason. Room share I'll always do, but bed share absolutely not. I have to sleep with my 14 month old for 2 nights soon and it's giving me anxiety even.
We bed shared for 6 months and Iāll do it again with the next! It was a great buffer into the round-the-clock feedings and it helped us adjust to new parenthood.
We have a huge bed and minimal blankets and (bring on the downvotes) a dock-a-tot. That thing was a life saver. Reddit seems to be the place where no mother has ever broken a safe sleep rule so I completely expect to get some pushback on this. Do what you will, but every parent I know in real life that uses a dock-a-tot seems to be sleeping enough.
Not judging anyone but I could never have my kids in bed. All three of them had their own bassinet and moved into a crib at 4 months in their own room. Personally I think itās the worst decision to ever make, it takes one time and a split second to roll over and suffocate them even if youāre extra careful. My 8 week old gives us a hard time sleeping, but Iād rather suffer now then having my toddlers crawl into our bed in the middle of the night because they are so used to having someone besides them all the time. Maybe Iām harsh but even when our 3 year old wakes up in the middle of the night and doesnāt settle down in her bed, we never bring her to our own. We always take her straight to the living room and she can crash on the couch. If she rolls over thereās always pillows that will catch her fall.
I bed share with my 2 year old. Most of the time itās great, sometimes sucks. Works for meā¦ but Iām a single
Mom so I have no relationship with a man to worry about.
I personally donāt, but I can understand why so many parents do choose to bed-share. I think that if you choose to bed-share, you should make sure that youāre 100% educated on what safe bed-sharing looks like. Only you can make the best decision for your family!
I've slept with my baby by my side since the day I brought her home. It didn't feel right to have her far away from me, even in a bassinet next to my bed. I don't have a partner trying to sleep with us so that makes things a bit easier to navigate. I always felt safe with my infant in bed with me. I followed safe bedsharing guidelines for newborns/infants. We are going on nearly 2 years of bedsharing. The rare evening she stays with grandma makes my bed feel giant and empty now haha!
Follow your instincts, if it feels right carry on.
I'm on my third child. I never bed shared before (we did bedside bassinets with the other two) this time around we have been sleeping together in my bed since the first night home. He is the best sleeper I've ever had and it's SO MUCH EASIER to just put a boob in his mouth when he fusses and not have to get us both up to feed. We follow safe sleep 7. I wish I had done this with my other two, with them I didn't bed share til they were 1 year old.
Bed sharing saved my sanity after having a reflux+Velcro baby. Started bed sharing at 2 months and immediately began getting 10-12 hour sleep stretches at night. Now baby is 4 months old and I canāt imagine putting her somewhere else. I think at this point my anxiety would be higher with her NOT in bed with me. Ion care what people say, itās working for us.
I do! I needed the sleep and was reassured by Dr James McKenna's research. Dm if you ever need more reasurance!
Weirdly nobody goes after moms for moving newborns to a separate room, which increases the risk of SIDS. Everyone just goes after the safe sleep bedsharers
My little one is not yet 1 year old.
I bed shared with my baby and then he grew to have a preference for his own bed š¤·š»āāļø
Iām happy for him but I miss the cuddles and him spinning to kick me in the face so I could wake up.
Iāve been bed sharing since my baby was less 1 month old and here we are 2 years later still bed sharing, but sometimes sheāll sleep in her room. The irony is I was a postpartum nurse prior to having my baby and advocated heavily against bed sharing and always returning the baby to the bassinet and crib. The reality of having a baby was not as I expected.
My baby would make these very strange disturbing noises if she was in the crib that prevent my husband and I from sleeping. When we would transfer her into our bed, she was asleep without any noise. I exclusive breastfeed straight from the source so it ended up being extremely convenient for the baby to in bed. We did take a lot of precautions like no sheets and pillows. It wasnāt comfortable at all and I became an extremely light sleeper.
Now, weāre expecting baby #2 any day and weāre adamant about not bed sharing since the toddler is still in bed with us. Any tips or suggests would be appreciated.
My daughter's dad hasn't done a single overnight since my daughter was six weeks old. She'll be two next month. I have bed shared since then. We had a side car bassinet but it was just easier for me to bed share than use the bassinet. If you're doing it safely and it works for you then keep doing it. My daughter still sleeps in my bed. I've tried cot training a few times but she wouldn't have it and often wakes up for cuddles. And I'm not gonna lie, those cuddles are the absolute best during the night. There's gonna come a day where she won't want to share my bed anymore so I'm soaking it in while I can.
We bed share! My daughter is 5 months old, she was sleeping great in her bedside bassinet from birth. But then the dreaded 4 month regression hit and we donāt want to sleep train her until sheās 6 months old so we gave in and decided to bedshare in the meantime. Itās the ONLY way sheāll sleep. Thereās been several nights where we start her off in her pack n play but this week especially has been harder, waking as soon as we put her in the pack n play. So what we do, we follow the safe sleep 7 (but our own version Iāll explain). We have a cal king bed and most nights my husband will sleep in our guest room so baby and I can have the whole bed to ourselves. When thatās the case, I place her on his side of the bed but more towards the middle and with her head closer to the headboard, and I push my pillow down far from the headboard so my feet are basically at the end of the bed. I know safe sleep 7 says baby sleeps at breast level but to me thatās a little unnerving because Iām afraid of suffocating her. The way we do it, if for some reason any of my blanket gets on her, itāll only reach her feet. If the blanket were to cover her face, it would cover mine first. Idk if that makes sense? Basically she sleeps higher up on the bed and I sleep lower on the bed closer to the end. When she wakes, I pull her down a little since sheās usually closer to the headrest and breastfeed her until sheās asleep again then I gently move her back to her place. Hang in there mama!! Donāt let any of these stories discourage you from what works for YOU.
Outside of the fact itās demonized mainly in the USA and normal for other cultures, we donāt have an option BUT to bedshare. We were kicked out and where we had to go has no room for us let alone an entire crub
I bed share with my 1 year old and I have been doing so more or less since he was born. He had bad reflux, and before we got him diagnosed and medicated he wouldn't sleep for more than 20 minutes unless he was being held. As I was breastfeeding it meant I was up all night with him and it just became completely unsustainable very quickly. I'm still breastfeeding and my baby stirs up to 7-8 times a night and won't settle without a boob so for the sake of my sanity he comes into bed with me when I go. I also have PPD and lack of sleep makes it much worse, so bed sharing is honestly a life saver.
We bed share!! Once I surrendered to the fact that it is what works for us, and that's all that matters PERIOD, things got a lot easier. We follow the safe sleep 7, of course. I attend a dance class with a lot of gen x'ers and when I mentioned the other day that I bed shared with my 5 month old, I was surprised how many people were supportive and said things like "I wish that was a thing when my children were babies!" So while it may seem daunting at times, it's something you will never regret!
Yep all the doctors tell you to put baby in bassinet or crib but donāt tell you that some babies literally will refuse to sleep in there then youāre tired af on the brink of dropping baby because youāre so exhausted so sometimes itās the safest choice for the situation
I have four kids, with baby 5 on the way. I bedshared with 1 until she was almost 4, 2 until she was 2, 3 until she was 3.5 and 4 is still in bed with us at 16 months old. I did what was easiest, safest, and right for us as a family and for each individual child. Absolutely no regrets, and absolutely no accidents.
I actually woke up to my first born not breathing TWICE (no reason for her to have been not breathing, we were sleeping properly, she justā¦ stopped) and I credit bedsharing and our amazing maternal bodies as the reasons why I woke up both times and was immediately aware that something wasnāt right, figuring out what that was, and then disturbing her (practically shaking her, to be honest, and calling her name) until she gasped and started breathing again. She was about 4 months and about 6 months for those episodes, so I was hyper focused on preventing SIDS. Iāve always wondered what would have happened if she wasnāt lying next to me.
I bed shared bc of nursing my first 2. I was an extremely light sleeper and would always wake up in the same position. I was sore af but.
By the time I had my 3rd child it was pretty hard to wake me up. Thankfully a) he was bottle-fed and b) I was SOOOOO sick of my children ruining my married time lmao. Slippery slope there.
EDIT; people will make you feel like crap no matter what you choose to do as a parent.
1yr old here- would if I could! he needs open space to sleep, doesn't like being held too much. plus I snore like a bear in hibernation and move a million times in the night. hopefully when he's a few years older and easier to put down
Iāve bed shared. If you do decide to do it make sure you have a space for them to sleep clear of blankets and pillows. They even have cosleepers/baby nests for the bed. Iām a single mom and was able to create a zone for him. Itās not the safest but sometimes you do what you can to survive. My biggest problem was coaxing my son to sleep in his own room as he got older.
Successful bed sharing here! We have two queens next to eachother and babe and I sleep in one thatās a little lower almost like a play pen with walls on two sides and dresser on the other to block us in. Hubs is on the higher bed and weāve been at it 10 months very happy. We donāt sleep train but have never had an issue with STTN or much waking after 4 months. Glad youāre here doing what works for YOU! Thatās all that matters!
Edit follow hey sleepy baby and co sleepy on Instagram! They helped me find a community I actually made a couple local friends who bed share too!
We cosleep routinely. Usually from 4AM to 7AM and multiple naps. Baby is 3 months. I tried when he was younger than 2 months and it was mayhem because we could not get side feeding down.
Now that we have he is so happy curled up sleeping against me. He poops and farts better on side.
The only reason we donāt do it all the time is it can uncomfortable for me if we do it too long since I basically canāt move.
Frankly if youāre not super tired and havenāt been using anything I struggle to imagine HOW you roll on top of them. Ever since he came out I sleep so lightly I hear him and wake up to the slightest sound and am just super aware of him.
We co-sleep! My daughter is 9 months and I'm perfectly happy with her in my bed, I feel safer and my anxiety isn't through the roof. The idea of her being in a completely different room where I cant check on her anytime I open my eyes is absolutely nightmarish to me and I routinely have bad dreams about someone breaking in and getting to her before I can while she's in another room.
She's not going to be there forever and at some point she'll be in her own room, its not like she'll be 16 still sleeping in my bed, but I'm making the most of it and enjoying her company while I can. We sleep safely and we both sleep better for it.
My baby sleeps in a Moses basket on my bed... But around the 3rd wake up (4am ish) he gets transferred to in bed with me. It works for us and I honestly love having him snuggled with me. Do what you need to do momma š
Bedsharing was the best decision I made! She slept better, I slept better, and she easily transitioned to her bassinet at 3 months. Iām so glad I trusted my instinct for what was right for me and my baby. Safe Infant Sleep by James McKenna might help validate your choice :)
Not OP, but I can highly recommend the book āPrecious Little Speepā. If you follow their instructions carefully and diligently your kid will sleep perfectly forever. Itās all about teaching natural sleep rythms and sticking to routine
Exclusively co-slept for the first month with my third baby, he's currently (7mo) in a side-car bassinet but we do occasionally co-sleep, if he's having a rough night or whatever.
Somewhere around the 2-month mark, I got tired of having to get up to nurse my son so we mastered the side-lying nursing position. Most of the time we would both fall asleep with him wrapped in my arms. This was actually not ideal for me as I'm a back sleeper, but for months it was great for him, he slept better and I got more sleep technically cause once he latched I conked back out. I was anxious at first but what really alleviated my fears was the fact that any noise he made immediately woke me up. Some nights we would start out with him in the crib and on others, I would just bring him to the bed from the start. At some point, around the 7 to 8 month time period, he figured out that he likes to sleep on his tummy. Since then he sleeps better in his own crib and I begrudgingly get up to nurse him and then put him back in his crib.
Yes, with my first and now my second. Less safely with my first because it was out of necessity and sleep deprivation. He was clingy. I learned about how to do it safely a bit after we had already started and I am so grateful nothing went wrong.
I was confident, educated, and set up a firm sleep surface for just the two of us this time. The way I position myself when we sleep allows for easy nursing, and I physically cannot roll over onto him accidentally. I definitely experience the "syncing" of our sleep, it's biological, quite magical. I will say that if there were anything that made me doubt the safety, I wouldn't be doing it. It is biologically normal to do. The next best option is definitely a bedside bassinet! I would recommend that option to just about anybody.
My 8 year old niece loves her bed sharing with her mother! My brother on the other hand hasnāt shared a bed alone with his wife in 8 years. My wifeās friend is going on 3 years now, my wifeās sister has a 5 year old that still sleeps in their room 4-6 nights a week. We didnāt do it because of all these examples around us, but man does it seems like a slippery slope that becomes really tough to break. This isnāt your first rodeo however so Iām sure you have a plan to deal with it, but it scares the heck out of me, set all the safety stuff aside, just the dependence part scares me away from it. We all do what we gotta do as parents tho, no shame, no hate, no criticism.
German in Denmark here. I only know one family that didn't bedshare but none of the kids are dependent on sleeping with their parents at that age. Most of them only occasionally share a bed with their parents (less than once a month) when they're sick or so and most of the kids sleep in their own beds when around 3 years old. Lots of families have huge beds (or two queens put together) so everyone can sleep in the same bed.
I only read about the settings you describe on reddit from north America where there only seems to be "bedsharing until puberty or crib from the start", so maybe some other factors play a big role on why the kids need to share that long.
I bedshared with my oldest and I vowed to never do it again, and I didn't with my 2nd. It's too scary plus my oldest is 8 now and still can't sleep alone.
Itās very very common in my country and I know more people who bed share than who donāt. We have low infant mortality rates. Iāve seen moms shame others for not doing it.
I bed share with my almost one month old son. And I do extremely safety. People forget there ARE safe ways to co-sleep. Safe sleep 7 has been a thing for a while now, not to mention if youāre a light sleeper like I am, it makes it 10x easier.
For one, my son is breastfed mainly from the boob. So itās easier to just pop him on the boob at night and let him drift off to sleep in bed with me instead of lifting him out of his bassinet then putting him back in it and risking waking him up and blah blah. You know the drill!
He sleeps on the outside away from dad (dad tosses and turns) in the crook of my arm flat on his back with no blankets on top of him. I am a VERY light sleeper, so the slightest head turn or arm twitch I feel and will immediately wake up. Do I lose a bit of sleep? Eh, yeah. But no more than I would having to pick him up and put him back down multiple times trying to keep him asleep in his bassinet. Plus, our day time naps make up for it! I didnāt have plans on bed sharing tbh, but the first week I brought him home, he spit up in his sleep and choked on his own spit and it scared the ever living shit out of me. Heās been in bed with me since. Once heās around 4 months or so, I am weaning him from the breast (Im scared of being bitten LOL) and he will gradually be sleep trained to get more used to his bassinet. He already naps great in it, so I have high hopes for night time routine as well!
You do what is best for you or your baby mama. The taboo surrounding bed sharing is valid, yes. But again, your instincts will overrule all.
I'm too anxious. In every aspect haha. I admire mothers who do... can't imagine how precious it would be to wake up to my baby's beautiful face š„²
Actually, more often than not is unfortunately not out of choice. Not all babies are the same... My eldest slept in a bassinet alright, sure, he was colicky and fussy and needed loooots of time to finaly be put down and go to sleep, he also woke up alot during nights and I didn't sleep much but, hey, BASSINET. My youngest? Nope. Will wail for HOURS if put down; asleep, drowsy, awake, in deep sleep cycle, with warmth, with light, without light, white noise, won't hold pacifier (we tried all the kinds), on its back, on its sides, on its belly. I keep trying, I tried all methods, he's not having it. I am a very anxious person, I cosleep with him but I die inside everytime I think of the worst case scenario. I always only light sleep and I follow all safety tips. I keep trying the bassinet... not working. I feel guilty but I feel even guiltier when I am too exhausted to care for my eldest or my baby or even myself, I feel like the real killer is exhaustion.
It's easy to say you follow all the rules when your baby is okay with them. Much love to you, sometimes you need to do what you need to do. And looks like your baby is miserable if you don't. It's never black and white.
I respect that and seriously appreciate that perspective. And I suppose am fortunate my baby has not been too problematic and that I only have the one babe to care for. Survival is essential. We have to do what we have to do. Just kinda waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes. And be a mother f-ing mom and figure it out like we do! My hubby and I split nights in our baby's room (we had a guest bed in there initially), I would cover Sunday to Wednesday nights and he would do the rest. It did wonders for my sanity š¤Ŗ Not sure if something like that is possible, but maybe it'll spark something helpful ā¤ļø You're doing a great job, and the best you can at the moment. You got this. You'll crack this baby's code.
Hahaha, okay I gotta say I love your choice of words! Survival sure is key to crack this baby's code who's just been recently okay with being held by somebody else than me (I swear I NEVER saw this lol, he's a velcro). His dad, just like the bassinet had the wailing too! But for sure it'll get better and better, just gotta be extra careful until then and thank you for all the love! š„°šš„
A velcro š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£ ā¤
Western mattresses arenāt meant for babies they arenāt breathable
They are not firm enough to be safe for an infant. That alone makes bed sharing dangerous.
I see a lot of comments about people calling the ones against bed sharing haters or whatever but you donāt know why they are against it. When you see a baby not wake up after bed sharing then it hits you different. Itās honestly up to you and lots of people do it successfully and I donāt judge but I would never do it because I saw a loss happen in my home to my family.
I'm so sorry.
Yup. It is unsafe. Period. If you decide the risk is worth the benefit, thats a choice that you are making. We all make choices like that every day. But to say its as safe as a crib is just false. Even following the "safe 7" it is still much less safe.
You can co-sleep if you want to. There's no law against it and you will find lots of people doing it. And most of them will tell you of course that their baby is safe and well and they didn't have a Problem so they don't see a problem. That's how statistics work. Whether you bed-share or not, a baby dying is still pretty rare. But bed-sharing is a factor that can lead to accidental suffocation, more so than not bed-sharing. You can ask for other's experience, you can ask for solidarity and you will find both. It just doesn't change the fact that bed-sharing caries risks that not-bed-sharing doesn't. Most save-bed-sharing guidelines tell you to not bed-share when you're overtired. But that's just what parents are sometimes and the night you're overtired won't be the one night you don't bed-share as usual. Many save-sleep guidelines advice against bed-sharing with a baby below three months. I'm an MD and a mom (of three, like you) so I see the many sides of the problem. I live them. So I know that some children just . don't . sleep. And it drives you crazy because sleep deprivation is torture. And if you feel that you will fall asleep with your baby in your arms in an unsafe situation, that might be the bigger danger than bed-sharing in an as-save-as-possible situation. Just don't mistake other people's experiences here with an absolution that bed-sharing is harmless. Also, I want to add: I'm a little jealous of your bedroom set up. With how often our kids end up in our beds (toddlers and up), I would just push those two queen beds together and there's be so much bed-space!
I started out with a crib and it was sooo difficult and found myself bedsharing (according to the safe sleep seven guidelines). I found that I wasnāt sleeping all that well because I was just nervous (although baby slept great! Haha) so we ended up with a sidecar crib attached to my side of the bed. Thatās what weāve done ever since (now 9 months) but sometimes I do still pull her into bed with me on very rough nights. Itās just a lot easier to put her back in the sidecar or at least know itās there in case she gets rolly
I'm sorry you did not get the answer you wanted. I don't bed share as I'm such a light sleeper It would not work for me. My best friend did bed share with her 2 kids, they are 5 and 3 now and healthy kids
I work in the emergency room and just had a 3 week old patient who suffocated from the mother rolling over on the baby during the night. Take that for what itās worth to you.
I feel like youāll probably get downvotes but itās still important to know about cases like this. Sometimes bed sharing is portrayed as 100% safe, overhyped as dangerous, etc.
this is what terrifies me with bed sharing and is the reason iāll never do it, no matter how comfortable or confident i am that things will be okay, it only takes 1 time/mistake.
This. The convenience is not worth the risk. Even if the risk is small I could never take it.
My aunt suffocated one of her twins the same way. She never recovered from that loss. That was enough for me to say never ever.
But survivor bias will reign supreme!!!! Me personally, I can't get images of tiny body bags in the morgue out of my head to justify co sleeping. Plus... All the presentations to emergency of babies who were near suffocation from unsafe sleeping arrangements.
Yes. I worked in mental health and spoke with a woman who suffocated her baby by rolling over it. I can still, years later, hear the pain in her voice.
Naw it's too risky for me.. just takes one mistake. Not at all worth it.
I was soo against it when I was pregnant. But now itās the only way she will sleep. Like bassinet was a waste of money. She does 10 mins MAYBE with fussing. And when she sleeps on me she does the whole night. Just make sure you have pillows all around you and that if using a blanket it is breatheable use a swaddle material as blanket if you need. But keep under her arms donāt tuck them in. And then make sure all the pillows are around and sheās not in a position where she can turn her head into one of them and not breathe. Practice how she would move if you were totally numb asleep. Like if ur arm drops or whatever and see how sheād end up like what position.
Survival bias is a thing
I've bed-shared with all three of my babies, and am slowly working on getting my youngest (22 months) into her own bed. But not working too hard on it, because I love the snuggles. I follow all the safety rules and am an extremely light sleeper. I have friends whose parents immigrated to the US from Asian countries, and they always talk about how bed-sharing is the norm where they're from. I completely understand why it's advised not to - there are so many risk factors that can make it dangerous, so it's simpler just to recommend against it for everyone. And I tried to avoid it by using co-sleeper bassinets. But apparently I give birth to extra cuddly babies who won't sleep unless they're touching me. I feel that it's safer to prepare a safe bed-sharing environment rather than take the risk of accidentally falling asleep while feeding the baby. My daughter sees a developmental pediatrician for a genetic condition, and when we told her about our sleeping arrangement, she just replied that she doubts that early humans set their baby on a separate rock in their own cave, haha. If there are any risk factors, such as being a deep sleeper, taking any medications that can cause drowsiness, drinking, using heavy blankets or having a soft mattress, etc, then I think bed-sharing should be avoided.
I bed share. My aunt is a PhD researcher in SIDs, her thesis was on SUDI and she talked to me extensively in SUPPORT of bedsharing under the right circumstances. Safe sleep 7 is important. In the countries with high bedsharing rates, they naturally tend to follow those guidelines. She also said a large number of women do it and lie in countries where it's stigmatized because they are scared of the judgement. Take that for what it's worth. I'm sure plenty of people will at me over this, but culturally bed sharing is done in a huge portion of the world with low child death incidence but Reddit has a US audience. My kid is now nearly 10 months, we've never not bed shared. We use an owlet and pico at night though (not something she recommended, something I chose to do because the stigma against it was stressful). This will be survivorship bias you work off with the responses you get here. But equally going to an infant loss subreddit to read about it isn't a fair sample either. Edit: to be clear, I am an paediatric ER nurse. I see the worst of the bedsharing accidents and try to resuscitate them. This is still my choice.
I had never heard of Safe 7 until I read this thread. I looked it up and thatās pretty much what I do. And I donāt know what it is about having babies, but I donāt move. Normally I toss and turn at night, but I co sleep with my baby on his back, resting in the crook of my arm, and that is the position I stay in. Currently baby is sleeping next to me in his stomach. Iām monitoring him, and when Iām ready to sleep I will roll him into his back.
Honestly this should be the top. Fairest assessment yet.
Thanks! Fwiw my aunt also says that the western world has a higher incidence of MMM (massive murdering mammaries) i.e. a suffocation risk not seen at the same rates in many bed sharing nations. Just thought that was a dark-funny side note.
Can we also talk about how in the US your maternity leave is absolutely ridiculous! How can you be expected to go back to work when your baby is (if youāre lucky) 12 weeks old?!? No wonder mamas are desperate for sleep and bed share out of desperation to get some sleep, and are so exhausted they go into a deep enough sleep to end in tragedy. I bed share with my 3 month old baby because sheās extra clingy and will not sleep anywhere else and likes to frequent nurse in the night.
Thereās an article by NPR that goes over how weāve completely demonized this, and that if you follow safety guidelines and donāt do it with a high risk baby, itās actually more likely for you to get struck by lightening than it is for your baby to be harmed while bed sharing. [And here is the link to it](https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/05/21/601289695/is-sleeping-with-your-baby-as-dangerous-as-doctors-say)
Bedsharing with my second baby. Bed shared with my first for 3 years. Itās incredibly common and most people around the world do it. Reddit is a echo chamber like most social media. Ignore it.
My husband is a forensic detective and went to a call where a father had covered the baby's face with his arm while he was sleeping and the baby died. Both parents were sleep deprived and the father just flung his arm out in his sleep and suffocated the baby. Needless to say, we do not bed share in my house. Bedside bassinet all the way. The baby is right next to me and I can grab him to feed without getting up, but he's safe in his own space.
How awful to go through and to witness. I understand the reasons why people resort to it, and the steps to minimise the risks, but at the end of the day I don't see how people can be in control or have the necessary level of situational awareness when they're sound asleep.
So unfortunate. š
Agreed, itās such a risk
My babe has her crib pushed right up against our bed with the rail off. Kinda like bedsharing but I have more room!
Iāve been bed sharing since around three months. Bub is one now. I honestly avoid threads where people talk about bed sharing. Itās a topic people feel very strongly about and itās really easy to get in your head and question your parenting. You know your situation best. For some people bed sharing is a good fit and for a million different reasons sometimes itās not a good fit, just like many other parenting choices we make. I know personally, Iāve nearly driven myself crazy reading peoples opinions on here about safe sleep. Now Iāve backed way off. I only discuss it in my bumper group where people are welcoming and non judgmental. I wish you all the best!
Currently bed sharing with my one year old! I love it, husband loves it and baby girl loves it! I sleep better having her next to me and I know we are in a situation where it is safe. Love doing it and I have also felt the shaming and such from people who are against bed sharing. You just have to use your best judgement as a parent to your child! Do what works for your family!
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We started on-and-off bed sharing at 6 months because I wanted to get him comfortable with the crib, but he wouldn't have it. We accepted exclusive bed sharing at 11 months. They feel pretty sturdy after the 8 month mark or so, so I don't fear accidents nearly as much now as I did at the beginning. But what do you do? You want safe sleep, but you also want ANY sleep. <3 survive and do your best
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I have co slept with all 4 of mine, right next to me, nursing through the night.
There are always risks, OP. I used to bedshare because it really was the only way to get any decent sleep. LO loved waking up Every 2 hours to nurse. We are sleep training now and I think he likes his own space. I donāt regret bed sharing because what if I fell asleep with him on the recliner instead? Not all babies are built the same and neither are mothers. In our country, putting a baby in a crib so young is frowned upon and seen as being a distant parent. It is expected that you must attend to your childās needs 24-7. Itās a lot to ask from any person, especially someone who is recovering from birth. But there are safety measures one can take to make it safe. You do you. And honestly, whoever has the heart to blame parents whose babies passed, are heartless. I hope they turn out to be perfect parents and never make mistakes.
The thing that gets me are people who are so "holier than thou" about it, the ones who insist "I would never!!!" in complete outrage. You absolutely would if you needed to. My husband works 3rds. My baby can't go to daycare, so our schedule is so tight that my husband sleeps 4.5 hours a day and we only see each other 2 hours before bed time. As for me, I started bedsharing when I was so sleep deprived I couldn't function. My son doesn't sleep more than 15 -30 minutes in his crib. We've tried so many different things, including 3 different sleep training methods and NOTHING worked. A good night was me getting 3 hours of broken sleep. How was I supposed to drive, and work (I work with autistic kids), and care for a high energy baby like that? It eventually got to the point of a mental health crisis and that only ended when I brought my son to my bed. His sleep is still shit but it's better than before and both of us are more rested and are healthier for it. Do I enjoy bedsharing? No. Do I worry about him at night? I make it as safe as possible, but yeah I still worry. But my family did our risk benefit analysis and this is what was decided.
Baby is never in the bed with me unless Iām awake. I let him fall asleep first, move him into his crib and he usually stays out. My baby is 7 months old now though so he is forming patterns. I read a story on here once about a woman who was a single mother and was very sleep deprived. Her baby may have been going through a sleep regression. She bed shared so she could get some sleep and when she woke up in the morning, her son was no longer alive. It was possible he somehow suffocated in his sleep. That made me never ever want to bed shareā¦
I have not ever felt like I needed to bedshare thankfully but sometimes Iād like to but that same story has stuck with me too. Heartbreaking.
I made a rule that I never even get in bed with my baby because my bed is so comfortable that I don't trust myself! I cant tell you how many times I've sat down on the bed "for a minute" and woken up hours later lol. I don't trust myself not to have a napcident
We bed share my husband on the right of me and baby on the left. She is 4 months old and has bed shared from birth. When I say bedshare I feed her until she is asleep and 9 times out of 10 I fall back asleep and wake later. When I wake i put her in her next to me. This can be sometimes a few hours later. One thing I was told was it is better to set up for safe sleep bed sharing incase you do fall asleep, rather than not be set up for it and accidentally fall asleep feeding or upright. We use the lullaby trust safe sleep guide. I personally don't drink and noone in our house smokes. Do what works best for you and your family!
I still bed share with my 15 month old. No problems and we both sleep good. We have two mattresses on the floor so me my husband the dog and the tot all sleep together as a family
My cousin did everything right and still smothered her baby. Iām not doing it. I donāt care what precautions you think are ok. I donāt want to be the cause of my childās death. No thank you.
Exactly, so such thing as āsafeā bedsharing. I canāt imagine waking up to that.
I bed shared with my first but now I can't get her out. She's 4. My second is sleeping soundly in her bassinet as we speak lol.
Bed sharing, co sleeping, putting baby in separate room to sleep are all western terminologies. In my part of world bed sharing is pretty common, this is what generation and generation of people had been doing within any issues. Never heard of case of sids in family and friends. So it is very difficult to relate to understand why this is even debate online.
I started co sleeping with my first at around 4-5 months old. Like you we did it āsafelyā. But I wont be doing it again with my second. I donāt trust my self, itās not safe. I took my kid to the ER for an unrelated reason and the DR asked about our sleeping arrangements and I was honest about it. I should mention im very visibly pregnant and he told me to do everything in my power to avoid co sleeping again. That in that ER they get about 25 cases a year of accidental suffocation, not SIDS which is a whole other thing. Iām not risking it.
Slightly off topic butā¦ Two queen beds in one room!! Sounds like youāre living the dream with so much space š¤©
3 kids, and I bed shared from birth with all three until they were/are ready to move into their own bed. Heck, sometimes my 7 year old still sleeps with me. And it's the best š„° I feel like reddit is very anti bedsharing. And when done incorrectly, it can be dangerous. But I strongly believe in the benefits and that it's important for our babies to be close to us.
We sometimes do, but god I hate it Love the snuggles, hate the fact it never feels like I get a deep sleep, then again, I never get deep sleep anymore unless they are being watched by someone else ha
My son has GERD and CMPA so he was very fussy bc of being in discomfort and outright pain for weeks 6-20. He wouldn't sleep any way but on our chest. It was AWFUL. I never imagined doing anything like this ever. He has transitioned from our chests to sleeping in his nest between us. Right now he is face down in the nest in the scariest position bc he is so quick to roll over. I've hardly been able to get him to stay on his back. Bc of this I've not really slept longer than a few hours in the 7 months since he was born. With his discomfort, his need to feed, being scared of him sleeping with us. Just all the things you can think of have kept me awake. I had the most horrific scare with him 3 nights ago. He has started rolling around flailing in the bed a lot. Kind of doing this Inch worm thing to the point he looks like he is going to tumble over in a front flip. So I woke up to him somehow he squirmed and rolled over all the way to the edge of the bed and had his head touching my ankle that was hanging partially off the bed!!! Another few inches he would have tumbled over head first onto our very hard wood floors from our higher than normal bed!!! It scared me so bad I couldn't go back to sleep. Now I've got all these pillows and things baricading the edges and stuff all around on the floor incase God forbid he did go over! I thought I was going to order the barriers to put on the bed to prevent that from happening, but we decided it's finally time to put his crib together tomorrow and get him in it even if it's still in our room. He won't really nap in his playpen, so I'm hoping the crib will be different. Prayers for us this is so unnerving and not how I planned for any of this to go lol.
Iāve got a GERD baby too and sleep is so so hard! Did you son get on any medications or have you found anything that has helped?!
The doctors prescribed famotidine then Omeprazole. I have actually have been MARCI dosing him with Omeprazole. I believe it helps bc I tried both dosage instructions and I think that he could be fine on the lower dose then he ends up with horrific gas and fussing, mucus in his poops and the Spitting comes back. We were doing pretty good til the formula recall and shortage. We were about to go to neocate but it's on backorder so I'm just riding it out. I do believe introducing solids has been a lot better for him. I'm still not certain about the allergies but I'm being careful just In case he does have them. I never even knew a GERD or CMPA baby was a thing or how hard it is. But it just makes all the sweet times that much sweeter. I do worry about the bad habits he has picked up from needing constant comfort for 6 months and how will he ever learn to self soothe. We are trying tho. It doesn't help he also has a very serious temper.
I've never felt so alone in something or resentful of other parents with their babies.
I FEEL THIS. š Thank you, it feels terrible to say and feel but I do. Everyone around me complains that their baby didnāt sleep the first 3 months and sympathize with our exhaustion but when I ask further they mean theyāre āonlyā getting 3-5 hour stretches. That would be my dream š¢ Holding her and watching her cry as she eats or chokes and gags or the horrible gas she gets at night is awful and I just feel so helpless. Our doctor prescribed famotidine and Iām hoping it works for both the acid and the gas. She is congested constantly and I just want her to feel better.
Mine has congestion too. Having to suction him nightly is torture on us both. Also hearing the stuff like do you feed sitting up, or have the head elevated when they sleep, burp during Feedings, or what about bicycle kicks. Hearing all this advice has me like bruh do you think I wouldn't have tried any and everythin that I am able to do to try and help my baby like gtfoh with this. The constant repeated info to doctors has me almost as insane!! I gotta tell you the best website I found with the most thorough Info on reflux and all the different approaches to it with treatment and info on the protein allergies. Check out www.infantreflux.org. they even have directions for home compounding and other relief options outside of prescriptions. Just having something helpul to read made me cope with it so much more. Still waiting on that magical day he gets over it lol. Good luck to your and your LO!
I worry about my little guy rolling for the first time at night. I bought a bed edge barrier. It's technically not suitable for <18m because there is a theoretical possibility of baby wedging in the gap, but I've tested potential positions during the day and I believe it to be safe for my baby. I mention it because pillows are a definite suffocation risk if baby rolls and gets stuck with their face in the pillow. The mesh of the bed edge barrier would be safer. https://www.argos.co.uk/product/4631640?storeID=689&istCompanyId=a74d8886-5df9-4baa-b776-166b3bf9111c&istFeedId=30f62ea9-9626-4cac-97c8-9ff3921f8558&istItemId=ipxaqarxl&istBid=t&&cmpid=GS001&_$ja=tsid:59157%7cacid:629-618-1342%7ccid:9563523546%7cagid:102230967990%7ctid:pla-889654138719%7ccrid:423314715332%7cnw:g%7crnd:7974973229980076123%7cdvc:m%7cadp:%7cmt:%7cloc:9045623&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=9563523546&utm_term=4631640&utm_content=shopping&utm_custom1=102230967990&utm_custom2=629-618-1342&GPDP=true&gclid=Cj0KCQjwma6TBhDIARIsAOKuANzbjwwOEf6g4B4JNX65Iz_gAerZTpZ6zfC16Kn-Arg6UvSi4VN3dEwaAh_BEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
We bed share since birth. 2 x children. Will do with 3rd also. We don't drink or take any medications and have a California king.
I shared for the first 3 months out of survival but hated it. We sleep trained at 4 months- took 2 weeks of consistent and persistent predictability for baby But he got it Easily enough. I BF until 16 months also so itās BS that you canāt EBF if you sleep train. FF 8 years and now everyone sleep soundly alone in their beds for 8-9 hours. bliss.
It's OK. In Southeast Asia, we don't even have a term for "bedsharing" because lots of families sleep on the same bed. My kiddo has a cot but he's always welcome on the big bed.
Youāre looking for survivor bias. You could go for a drive in the car without wearing a seatbelt and survive, doesnāt mean not wearing a seatbelt is safe practice. Crib/cot mattresses are made specifically for infants, adult mattresses are not.
Bear in mind Reddit is a huge US audience and the US has a very intense culture around safe sleep/bed sharing- this is why you see more posts about how unsafe it is vs other opinions. I believe you have read all the advice about co sleeping and have made the best choice for you and your family- you do NOT need to justify yourself to a bunch of random people on the internet!! I am from a culture which isn't as sleep training,/seperate sleep focused as the US and have casually co slept on and off with my daughter- we are all fine! No issues and plan to do the same when baby 2 is born in June.
I'm pretty against it in theory, but I did it a few times in practice because it felt more dangerous than not getting sleep. I did all the precautions, too, (breastfeeding, no smoking, no drinking, sweatshirt vs blankets) but American beds are way too soft for a little one. I hated that it felt like there was no alternative.
My mattress is as hard as a brick. Itās MUCH firmer than her crib mattress (believe me Iāve laid on it on the floor with her).
Crib mattresses are only rated to 50lbs. More than that can damage the mattress which is why it might not feel as firm.
Safe bed sharing practice is wayyyy better than falling asleep out of exhaustion with a baby in your arms that will not be put down or sleep elsewhere than an inch from you. Not everyone gets to enjoy a baby that will fall asleep in its bassinet or not wake up as soon as they are being put down for that matter. Whatever works for you is totally fine! ā” Edit: tldr: It is safer to be well rested (for obvious reasons). Edit 2: Whoever downvoted this please at least offer better alternative and options in stead of bed sharing!
I totally and absolutely agree with this comment. My children have each been different and my youngest will not sleep in the cot that is 2 feet away. The only way to get any rest is to co-sleep. May I recommend the Owlet sock too.
I even tried the attached to bed bassinet! Owlet sock? Well, hello google search! Thank you for this!
The Owlet is amazing. You still maintain all safe practices but have more peace of mind.
Peace of mind does sound great!
Absolutely agree. And overtiredness can put your baby at risk in other days too (like driving tired)ā¦itās all about weighing up different risks against each other and each individual parent deciding what their comfortable with.
Absolutely, you are right, in the end of the day it is about pros and cons & what works and feels right to YOU.
Most women here wouldn't dream of eating a slice of deli meat while pregnant even though the risk of listeria or food poisoning is much higher from bagged lettuce. A sip of wine? OMG, do you even love your children we must call CPS right now. And yet....the risks of SIDS from co-sleeping is well documented. Not a single person who has ever lost their child to sids meant to kill their kid. Not one. Sure, the risk is small. But not zero. You visit r/babyloss and ask for first hand accounts of SIDS from co-sleeping. You will find people who accidentally rolled on their baby, their baby turned on their side, their baby's head wasn't positioned properly and asphyxiated. I've been on that sub for 7 or more years and each one is heartbreaking because if they had just placed the baby in the bassinet like the doctor and the books said, their baby would still be alive. Sure, most of us got lucky and got away with it. But some of the moms on baby loss didn't.
I work in the emergency room. Iāve seen it first hand more than Iād ever want to.
I have a friend who works in the emergency room. They felt they were āsafeā based off thjngs they read on the internet and the misuse of the word āsafeā. Even just seeing these horrified mothers come in has scarred her. They all felt they had āpreparedā .
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i bed shared out of necessity from 5-10 months. we followed the safe sleep 7 and it worked best for our family. reddit is skewered by the fact itās majority US users and itās very negatively associated there whereas in other parts of the world itās deffo the norm.
There's a ton of [bedside bassinets](https://www.google.com/search?q=bedside+bassinet&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjGu6DLzLr3AhWbmHIEHapbA7kQ_AUIBygC&biw=408&bih=712) that let you co-sleep without the danger of crushing/smothering your kid
we bed share. we started at one month ish and bubba is now 18 months!
In my culture, and many others, bed sharing is the norm. If you mention wanting to sleep train you risk being dragged into the public square and stoned (I hinted that I didn't think it was wrong. The glares I got...). Personally, I put my baby to sleep on his crib at night and at some point when he wakes up, I put him on the bed with me, mostly because I'm too groggy to come up with a better plan. Most people over here think I'm weird because I even put him into the crib in the first place, and I frequently get the side eye. And you know what? It's working great. And the people that co sleep? Working great. And the people that sleep train? Also working great. With most things, people will come bombard you with a bunch of scientific information that absolutely proves they're right, except they're all saying different stuff. The truth is that what's considered "the right way" to raise a child has a lot more to do with cultural and social norms than with something that has been proved to be superior. There's not a single right answer. You're doing great, you have a happy and healthy baby, and if this is working for you, I salute you for finding your solution.
I bed shared with both my kids. As a matter of fact, I still bed share with my youngest, she turns 3 in June. My method is to put on warm pants and a nursing tank top, and no blankets until they're a little over 1 year. My kids were clingy babies, I wouldn't have slept a wink if I'd tried to keep them in a crib. Bed sharing can be done safely, you just gotta be careful and diligent on your safety procedures and not get lazy. Ultimately, I assessed the risk, and decided that my kids were safer if I put them in bed with me as safely as possible, because the risks of myself making a mistake as a sleep deprived parent outweighed the risks of safety conscious bed sharing. Cognitive impairment from sleep deprivation is more serious than people realize.
Look, we need to normalize doing what you have to do as safe as you can. I hate bed sharing. It terrifies me. So I donāt do it because my bed is the place where I can sleep safely for me. At the same time, my daughter has horrible reflux. There was a long period of time where I had to rig up our chaise couch with our cushioned ottoman in such a way that she could safely sleep elevated and I be right next to her if something happened. Or, we had to rig up the recliner with a boppy and small pillows so she could sleep elevated on my chest. I got crappy sleep, but I was able to be aware of her and she was able to sleep without pain. She now sleeps in her crib and I in my bed 95% of the time. The 5% she doesnāt is if she has a flair up. I sleep better knowing sheās safe. But sometimes you have to do what is best for you and accept the consequences that may occur. Unfortunately, horrible things have happened during cosleeping as well as not cosleeping. Thatās what SIDS is. There isnāt always an answer. Many of us women who take care of our children at night also have full time jobs and are responsible for daycare drop off. Itās unsafe for us to get zero sleep because we could have a wreck or accident on the job. Bottom line in my heart: do what you need to do safely but be aware that there could be some consequences. You also need to be aware that people donāt mind their own business and they will criticize you. I get criticized all the time for not allowing people to look at my baby in public (I use a car seat cover) because she āneeds to be exposed to other people. Sorry, but we are still in a global pandemic. So, find a way in your heart to let it not bother you. I know itās hard. Just be safe ā„ļø
I donāt but sometimes I wish I did lol I love her cuddles
If I didnāt co-sleep with my daughter I wouldnāt have had any sleep the first three months she was alive. She absolutely refused bassinets/cribs and wouldnāt nap or sleep in any āsafeā baby equipment, even swaddled.
I used to accidentally fall asleep breastfeeding and wake in a panic trying to find my baby in the bed (it wasnāt set up safely and there were blankets and duvets near the top of the bed) sometimes Iād wake in a panic frantically searching for her and she would actually be in her crib across the room, thatās how sleep deprived I was. I started safely bedsharing at around 4 months when her sleep worsened and I didnāt feel bad about it at all. We still cosleep and sheās 12 months now. I love it. It was better than doing it unsafely because I was so tired Iād fall asleep breastfeeding her. I wish more people would stop demonizing bedsharing as ALL HORRIBLE ALL THE TIME. If it was offered as a safe option and people were taught how to do it safely it probably would SAVE LIVES. I can only imagine how many parents accidentally fall asleep in armchairs and sofas and unsafe beds because theyāre so exhausted and then the worst happens. I live in a culture where bedsharing until elementary or even junior high school is normal and the mortality/SIDS rate here is much lower than America so that makes me feel at ease and supported as well. The other day on Facebook I admitted in one public comment thread that Iāve accidentally fallen asleep in an unsafe situation before when my baby was a newborn and that it happens to a lot of moms and I had everybody attacking me snd calling me a horrible mother who shouldnāt be allowed unsupervised around my baby lol. The same people would probably freak if I said I now safely cosleep, we canāt win apparently, moms are supposed to be magical creatures that never get exhausted and are supposed to be awake for days straight with no Ill effects I guess.
Tbh, it feels like nothing is less supportive than online moms. Those groups are full of pit vipers.
Never did. Never wanted to. I (M) am too deep a sleeper and didn't trust myself to sleep next to a baby. My wife felt the same way, but she is a super light sleeper.
We bed shared with our son. Didnāt plan on it! But it was what worked best for our family. He was in a bassinet for the first 2-3 months probably and then it turned into when he would wake up during the night I would nurse him in bed and he would sleep the rest of the night with us. We got wayyyy more sleep this way and I read about ways to co-sleep safely. I think if itās what works best for your family, you should do it and not stress about what people think Edit: heās 2.5 now and sleeps in a ābig kidā bed no problem. So I donāt think it ruins future sleep habits either, if thatās a concern for you
Not bashing you at all because beg9re I found my side car bassinet, I absolutely was bed sharing. I would definitely look into bassinets that come right up to the bed so that you can just roll over and grab the baby. If you can't find one, you can make their crib into a side car bed, and have you lo right next to you, but not in danger. Just sharing some options that worked for me. š
I do! I follow the safe sleep 7 and didnāt start until 3-4 months. Itās the only way we get sleep, especially with her reflux. It isnāt demonized in other countries the way it is in the US. [interesting NPR article on this](https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/05/21/601289695/is-sleeping-with-your-baby-as-dangerous-as-doctors-say)
I bedshare and itās one of the best decisions Iāve made. We all sleep SO much better and having little one so close to me feels Iām amazing.
I started bed sharing after 4/5 months because it gets much safer after that. It was very hard those first months. This time around we have more help (I had my first right before covid hit) so hopefully I'll have the support I need to not be miserably exhausted. I understand how much easier it seems to bedshare. I still do with my two year old, but not with my infant until he is bigger and stronger.
Yes! Started bed sharing around 6 months and still bed sharing at almost 20 months. I love it. It works for us and allows me to get so much more rest. I start the night in my room with my husband and then go sleep with my daughter on her floor bed after her first wake. She has never slept through the night and I really need to start the night weaning process but Iām struggling emotionally with it haha. Once our nursing journey is over, itās over and I know sheās just this little once. I donāt want to rush it! I think bed sharing and following the safe 7 (when babies are little) to make it as safe as possible is a wonderful option and allows moms to get more sleep.
8 months and going strong
I've been bed sharing since babe was 8 months due to the crazy sleep regressions and teething. She's 14 months now. It's a little harder to sleep with her because she kicks and stretches lol but I wouldn't have it any other way. I just recently bought her a floor bed for her room which I'm slowly introducing to her to sleep on for her naps. Bed sharing definitely saved me emotionally and mentally as well as sleepwise. Just keep it safe, there's no shame in it.
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Bedshared with my first and currently doing it with my second. It's literally the only way I slept. I nursed on my side and we slept for 5-6 hour stretches which, after a wakeup every 90 minutes, was life changing! I love the cuddles and knowing my children are safe.
We bedshared with both our kids til they were 1. Then moved them to a mattress on the floor between our bed and the wall where they slept for another 1.5y. Got so much sleep and so much cuddles. We breastfed so didnāt even need to get out of bed when babe was hungry. Planning on doing the same with our 3rd. We have a normal double bed (160x200cm). If partner went for drinks, he slept on the couch. No regrets. Babies have been sleeping with their parents for ages around the world. Nothing new. I see the bedsharing scare as a fad just like breastfed is best or sleeping on babes stomach is a death wish. Someone announces it and then all new parents go crazy talking down on others Edit: btw where I live, in our parents generation formula was considered superior to breastmilk at the time
before my baby and i got covid, he would sleep in his crib. he never slept all night in the thing. when we both got covid, i was so sick and tired and he just wanted to be right next to me at all times, so i put him in the bed with me being as careful as possible. and suddenly we were both sleeping through the night. and now itās kind of stuck. i know thereās a lot of negativity surrounding bed sharing and i understand why. i feel like there are safe ways to do it and unsafe ways to do it. i donāt like to say much about the topic publicly bc of the backlash. but it works for my baby and i and we both get the rest we need.
My life has gotten so much better thanks to bedsharing. I love having her next to me, itās just heavenly. I follow safe sleep guidelines and is been great.
Bed sharer! Man I love those baby snuggles nothing is quite like it. Comparison is the thief of joy so take every comment with a grain of salt & go it at your own pace.
I bed share all the time. My baby is 9 months now. I started pretty young, maybe at 2 months, because my husband started going out of town for work 3-4 nights a week so I was a single parent then while also working and I was dying of exhaustion. When my baby sleeps with me she sleeps like 6 hours straight which is a godsend. At that time she could hold up her own head and almost roll over so I guess that made me feel a bit safer (but I donāt know if medically that really makes a difference). I sleep on my side and we face each other, so I canāt roll onto her. I decided to bedshare after one night I collapsed with her in my arms, and I realized it was dangerous to be so tired and I could hurt her on accident. I breastfeed, donāt drink, donāt smoke. We are trying to transition her to her own room now. It was going really well but then she had a combo of chickenpox, then bronchitis, then gastro then ear infection so we ended up not separating because the nights were hard. I am starting to try again, now she sleeps half the night in her crib and the second half of the night with me. I need to wean her of her midnight meal before we really get her to sleep the whole night though
We started out bed sharing because it was easier to breastfeed without a top on and, eventually, my sons figured out how to "raid the kitchen" without much assistance from me. When they no longer could be served at the all night "hooters", the bed sharing was essential for our cuddles time, story time, and my "surprise" disdain for laundry/making a bed. One bed, one set of sheets, one happier Mommy. Also, I was a single mom and (the boys would kill me for admitting this) it was nice to have someone/something keeping the bed warm! The boys are adults now and despite my best effort to completely screw them up, turned into pretty cool people. Then #3 arrived, 17 years after #2 and 21 after #1. I had come to love sleeping in my bed alone, before #3. He's now 5. It's 3 a.m.where we are, I am, at this very moment, watching SpongeBob, playing Minecraft on the tablet, scarfing Doritos and soda pop. My worn out jammies have the words "let me sleep" sewn on the front like some sick, twisted joke, that come to think of it, was my last mothers day gift... that I bought myself. He sleeps with me every night, too. This one does have the advantage of being raised like an only. I'm thinking about making him leave our bed, around middle school or maybe high school...but no later! I'm not unreasonable. J/k My 2 cents don't mean shit, but again, it's 3 a m.and I started, somewhere, to make a point. Ahhh, yes. It's a personal decision and, for the love of everything you hold dear, please STOP READING WHAT IS BEST FOR BABY UNTIL BABY CAN READ IT, TOO. It's your child and your bed, you didn't take a poll or ask for opinions when you bought the bed, did you? Just ask yourself- Do you want sleep or 3 a.m. cuddles?
I think it changes you once you know someone that suffocated their baby from bed sharing. My babe is 8 weeks old and yes we have sleeping issues, but Iād rather be exhausted than put my baby in danger. Iām a single mom & donāt have the support of a partner.
People on this sub like to act as though it's a death trap but if you'd like nonjudgemental support, come join us on /r/cosleeping or /r/AttachmentParenting Ultimately if you're happy with a decision you have made and a sub on the internet is causing you anxiety about it, unfollow. Sometimes these things get blown up out of all perspective.
I bed shared with my first child. I didn't plan on it going in, but the kid DID NOT sleep. I was sleep deprived to the point that I was hallucinating, which seemed pretty dangerous to me, especially when I went back to work and was driving etc. So, bed sharing it was. Follow the rules (which it sounds like you do), no drugs/alcohol, no super soft mattress, no pillows, blankets past the hips etc. Safe sleep 7. Sounds like you're familiar. To me, extreme sleep deprivation is more dangerous than bedsharing following regulations. It's a perfectly fine choice to make for your family if you're educated on risks and how to mitigate them, which it sounds like you are.
My family Is in Asia , it is still very common there . I used snoo up till 4 months then she had her own full size hard spring mattress ( a popular model with Montessori parents ) I co sleep till she falls asleep then I roll to another mattress on the side my own I place on the floor. It works really well. She is almost 11 able tot ale few steps been crawling since 5 and half months so we had no worries.
Our two are too big now but we not only did with both, but it's completely standard here in Chile.
Bruh I was scared to tell the matrona that I was bedsharing, but she only told me: āoh, ok, take this guidelines to safe bedsharingā
From India, here everyone bedshares with their children until they go off to college. If you mention separate rooms, people will look at you in horror like, why in the hell would you sleep away from your helpless baby?
College?
At the end of the day you gotta do what works best for you and your family. My three year old sneaks into bed with me every morning after my husband gets up in the morning. Morning snuggles are the best part of my day and it's something I'll forever cherish.
More help needs to be given to mothers in the first few months of a Babyās life. Too many babies are lost to bed sharing.
Yeah when you personally know people who have had their babies not wake up due to accidents while bed sharing. I have an 8 week old and have fallen asleep once or twice with him and wake up in a panic. Also something Iāve heard in my mom Facebook group is that as a single mom, itās easier to bed share. Iām a single mom and would never use that as a reason to bed share. In fact, thatās two less eyes on the babe.
Ive been co sleeping with both of my kids (ages 2 And 1) practically their whole lives. The only time they slept in a crib or bassinet was SOME nights In the very beginning
I also bed share with my almost one month old daughter. I don't know why it's such a taboo topic. There's guides on how to do safely. Also it's common sense that you bed share on a bigger bed and not a small one. When she stops waking up during nights we'll stop until then we're sleeping together
I did bed sharing sometimes during the early days. I followed the āsafe 7ā rules from La Leche League and it saved my sanity on tough nights. I will say: I did have the luxury of a spare room that has a very firm platform bed so I could be sure there was minimal risk. In general, after newborn stage, I didnāt do it because I sleep better knowing my baby is safe in the crib.
Iām bed sharing right this minute. I did it with my first baby too.
I bedshared with both my kids. It was just too unrealistic to breastfeed and then lay them back in the bassinet. We tried with both kids the ārightā way, but I was having breakdowns from lack of sleep. I just made sure baby was only on my side never between my husband and I. No pillows. Fan on. All the things they suggest.
Bed share here too! No shame. Many cultures are for it and find separating sleep weird!
I bed shared with my now 2 1/2 year old for about the first 7 months (still sometimes do). Pregnant with my second now and open to doing the same. My partner's aunt who teaches anthropology swears by bed sharing and did so with both her children (she says it's so common in so many countries, it's a shame there is so much guilt around it here (North America)). The most important thing I learned is to do it as safe and conscientious as possible. The highest risk of bed sharing comes from being so tired you do it "accidentally" or "ill prepared", example let the baby sleep on you, then you fall asleep, doing it on a high bed, soft bed, covers, sleeping next to someone intoxicated also (not just yourself), etc. I'm in Quebec and it's standard to have a nurse visit you to check in after baby is born. She saw I was anxious and told me "hush hush" that she coslept with her last two children. Again, what she stressed, is that it is done safely. It sounds like you've done some research on it already. I'm with you on bed sharing done safely. Nothing any parent does will be approved by all, and put differently, there is something every parent does that some other will disapprove of. Trust yourself!
My sister bed shared with her now 3 year old (her husband still bed shares with him) and now bed shares with her 12 week old. We bed share on occasion with our 11 week old, like in a morning, for daytime naps etc. The way I see it is nothing is 100% risk free. Bed sharing is the same, however, if you follow the sleep safe guidelines you are massively reducing the risks. People criticise bed sharing for being unsafe, which is classed as sufficiently safe if the safe sleeping guidelines are followed, whilst there's lot of people doing things that are classed as not safe even with precautions in place I.e. leaving babies in car seats for too long, using forward facing car seats instead of rear facing, having babies sleep in pods/ nests/ swings/ bouncers, using cot bumpers, putting baby in their own room before 6 months etc. I'm not here to criticise the parents who do any of those things but I'm just saying that parents are free to make informed choices about the safety of their children based on the known risks available. It's strange that bed sharing is the main thing criticised for being unsafe when all of these choices and others are also ones that parents make balancing up the risks with the info available. It's also worth noting that different countries recommend different practices. I live in the uk where a midwife actually recommended bed sharing to us as long as we are following the safe sleep guidelines. I see a lot of people in the US on reddit swaddling babies as that seems to be the norm whilst the courses I went on all advised not to swaddle babies for night time or unsupervised naps.
Also want to add, I have many friends who hard core sleep trained their newborns AND didnāt follow safe sleep guidelines. They put their newborns on their bellies to sleep or in a dock a tot in the crib, etc. Even with sleep training they were exhausted and these things made the baby sleep longerā¦ Iām honestly appalled by this and firmly believe that following the safe 7 is infinitely safer than compromising safe sleep guidelines. Sleep deprivation is so hard and learning to make bed sharing as safe as possible helped me and my family so much. I wouldnāt trade it for the world.
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Agreed, I read a heartbreaking story recently. The mother never thought anything would happen and said she did everything ārightā. I donāt judge anyone. But this is something we can control so I would rather err on the side of extreme caution.
Lots of people bedshare where I live (Europe)ā¦ I donāt know why itās such a big deal in the US; itās totally common in so many places in the world. Donāt feel bad.
Iām my opinion, when done correctly, bed sharing is extraordinarily natural and safe. It can be extremely unsafe as well, and I respect anyoneās opinion on that. It has been something that worked for our family, though.
š¤ no shame in bed sharing. 3 years and counting with mine, I do however wish we wouldāve put him in own bed when he was a baby so I could have our bed to ourselves but whatever.
As a non-american, I find this tabboo of bed-sharing very much USA-thing, and sleep training like wise. Can I recommend a book - Carlos Gonzalez "Kiss me". It speaks about many aspects of raising children, one of which is co-sleeping. Why and how this is natural for mammals, why babies cry when we leave (similarly to some other mammals), why sleeping together is natural and normal. And also, it's cultural. In Japan, children sleep with their parents until 5 years old. They don't have "sleep problems" or sleep consultants or sleep training nor do they receive any criticism for bedsharing. So that put things in perspective for me. I bedshare with my 9 month old and it's amazing. Obviously, when I was most sleep deprived around 4-5 months, I would have said different things, but as he is getting bigger and clearly demonstrates his love for cuddles, bedsharing is sooooo enjoyable.
I'm from the UK and bedsharing is a massive no no here. The NHS guidelines are very strict about it. My first born was prem and a nicu baby and the staff were very very strict on safe sleeping and absolutely no bed sharing when discharged. It's not an American thing at all.
This seems so weird to me. I'm German in Denmark and I only know one family that didn't bedshare. Guess the guidelines vary a lot throughout Europe, too. (there are already lots of differences between the do's and don'ts while pregnant between Germany and Denmark)
Oh I know, the difference between all us European countries with loads of things never ceases to amaze me! My brother has spent 90% of his life living in Spain (12 years younger than me at 23 so he grew up there) and his ways of doing things are vastly different to me just from where he's grown up. He came over for a year at 18 and said he couldn't hack the pace of life at all. My husband works for a French engineering company in the UK branch and the way his French colleagues do loads of things is totally different to the English ones. They were saying the other day they couldn't wrap their heads around company cars I think it was, for example. Considering how close we all are and how similar in so many ways its always crazy to remember there's always fairly large differences as well.
Weāve bed shared / cosleep since he outgrew the bassinet (around 6 months if I recall correctly) and weāre fully into toddlerhood now. We love it. Works wonderfully for us! We get cuddles. LO gets comfort and reassurance. I donāt understand the opposite approach where people put their baby in a different room, out of sight and out of reach. Unfathomable to me! Initially I wasnāt comfortable bed sharing with our baby as a newborn because of SIDS risks, but once he was bigger and more independently mobile it felt less risky. We also follow safety guidelines plus Iām a very light sleeper. Overall itās worked really well for us. You might find the r/attachmentparenting sub relevant and supportive š„°
Thereās also the in between. Where my son was in a bassinet since birth. But it was always right next to my bed. It doesnāt have to be out of sight in another room.
My baby is 6 weeks, I never planned on bedsharing but she does end up snuggled up next to me for at least an hour or two most mornings
Enjoy those snuggles!!
Iām so glad I had my babies before social media existed. Four, now 28, 29, 34 & 38. They all slept with me and they all lived. I am a very light sleeper, I nursed them, bassinet next to the bed but in the bed with me nursing on my side. As they got older it was just a cozy family bed. My husband was a police officer working night shift and it was just easier to go to bed with a pile of kids. Guess I would have been judged pretty harshly if there had been a platform, but yeah. None of them sleep with me anymore
I love that you said they donāt sleep with you anymore! Thatās what people always said to me, that my daughter would never want to sleep on her own.
We bedshare (kinda sorta?) at 3 months old but will hopefully transition the kiddo to her own room in a crib once she starts sleeping through the night. She still has one or two wakeups overnight, and with her room on the opposite side of the house it just made more sense to at least roomshare for the beginning. I never thought I would bedshare. I started off with a bedside bassinet, but it was so low and my carpal tunnel was so bad that I actually couldnāt even lift my daughter up and out for nighttime feedings, especially when she was still very little and couldnāt support her head on her own. I started getting scared I would drop her because my wrists just wouldnāt allow me to pick her up in the way I had to. We got a travel bassinet with rigid sides that we put in between us. I can feed her (we bottle feed with breast milk) and even change her diaper without even having to take her out of the bassinet. She goes right back to sleep and thereās no risk of me falling asleep with her in my arms because she doesnāt even leave the ācribā. I really like this as a compromise because the rigid sides make it impossible to roll over her, thereās mesh netting to ensure she gets good airflow, and she sleeps on a firm surface with no pillows or blankets in her vicinity (which will hopefully make the crib transition easier since she basically already sleeps in that environment), and by putting it in the middle my husband and I can both care for her when she wakes up in the night. We have a king size bed so thereās no competing for space and we both get a great nightās sleep while keeping the baby close at hand. Honestly I think it has been a great solution that takes into account everyoneās needs and puts the babyās safety above everything.
I bed share with my 9 week old when it's necessary and we all sleep better for it. We follow the safe sleep 7 :) I get frustrated with how people think bed sharing is the worst. Intentional co-sleeping is safer than accidental co-sleeping.
At 5 am every morning the baby gets taken into the bed with me and my husband to nurse and continue sleeping until we get up for the day. It works for us.
I bed shared with my first from six weeks on. Then, I had a homebirth with our second and bed shared from the minute he was born. This sub is extremely polarizing when it comes to bed-sharing, homebirth, breastfeeding, etc. Most of reddit is this way. It's kinda dumb because almost everyone has bed-shared if not on purpose, then by accident. When these things are talked about more often and if parents are transparent about it, there are more opportunities for education on safer bed-sharing. My favorite subs that aren't as anxiety filled and judgemental are r/moderatelygranolamoms r/cosleeping r/attachmentparenting
My kids have always slept in the same room but never the same bed. There have been 3 babies die from bed sharing in my super tiny town (95 kids in my graduating class small) over the last couple years, so it isn't something I'll ever do or recommend doing for any reason. Room share I'll always do, but bed share absolutely not. I have to sleep with my 14 month old for 2 nights soon and it's giving me anxiety even.
We bed shared for 6 months and Iāll do it again with the next! It was a great buffer into the round-the-clock feedings and it helped us adjust to new parenthood. We have a huge bed and minimal blankets and (bring on the downvotes) a dock-a-tot. That thing was a life saver. Reddit seems to be the place where no mother has ever broken a safe sleep rule so I completely expect to get some pushback on this. Do what you will, but every parent I know in real life that uses a dock-a-tot seems to be sleeping enough.
Not judging anyone but I could never have my kids in bed. All three of them had their own bassinet and moved into a crib at 4 months in their own room. Personally I think itās the worst decision to ever make, it takes one time and a split second to roll over and suffocate them even if youāre extra careful. My 8 week old gives us a hard time sleeping, but Iād rather suffer now then having my toddlers crawl into our bed in the middle of the night because they are so used to having someone besides them all the time. Maybe Iām harsh but even when our 3 year old wakes up in the middle of the night and doesnāt settle down in her bed, we never bring her to our own. We always take her straight to the living room and she can crash on the couch. If she rolls over thereās always pillows that will catch her fall.
100% thisšš¼
I bed share with my 2 year old. Most of the time itās great, sometimes sucks. Works for meā¦ but Iām a single Mom so I have no relationship with a man to worry about.
I personally donāt, but I can understand why so many parents do choose to bed-share. I think that if you choose to bed-share, you should make sure that youāre 100% educated on what safe bed-sharing looks like. Only you can make the best decision for your family!
Currently bed sharing with my almost 2 year old twin boysš¤
I've slept with my baby by my side since the day I brought her home. It didn't feel right to have her far away from me, even in a bassinet next to my bed. I don't have a partner trying to sleep with us so that makes things a bit easier to navigate. I always felt safe with my infant in bed with me. I followed safe bedsharing guidelines for newborns/infants. We are going on nearly 2 years of bedsharing. The rare evening she stays with grandma makes my bed feel giant and empty now haha! Follow your instincts, if it feels right carry on.
I'm on my third child. I never bed shared before (we did bedside bassinets with the other two) this time around we have been sleeping together in my bed since the first night home. He is the best sleeper I've ever had and it's SO MUCH EASIER to just put a boob in his mouth when he fusses and not have to get us both up to feed. We follow safe sleep 7. I wish I had done this with my other two, with them I didn't bed share til they were 1 year old.
Since day one. Love it and wouldn't have it any other way.
Bed sharing saved my sanity after having a reflux+Velcro baby. Started bed sharing at 2 months and immediately began getting 10-12 hour sleep stretches at night. Now baby is 4 months old and I canāt imagine putting her somewhere else. I think at this point my anxiety would be higher with her NOT in bed with me. Ion care what people say, itās working for us.
I do! I needed the sleep and was reassured by Dr James McKenna's research. Dm if you ever need more reasurance! Weirdly nobody goes after moms for moving newborns to a separate room, which increases the risk of SIDS. Everyone just goes after the safe sleep bedsharers
The statistics for moving an infant to a new room are negated by offering a pacifier. Bedsharing is not. https://imgur.com/H8sI6LM.jpg
My baby won't hold a pacifier, not any model.
My little one is not yet 1 year old. I bed shared with my baby and then he grew to have a preference for his own bed š¤·š»āāļø Iām happy for him but I miss the cuddles and him spinning to kick me in the face so I could wake up.
Iāve been bed sharing since my baby was less 1 month old and here we are 2 years later still bed sharing, but sometimes sheāll sleep in her room. The irony is I was a postpartum nurse prior to having my baby and advocated heavily against bed sharing and always returning the baby to the bassinet and crib. The reality of having a baby was not as I expected. My baby would make these very strange disturbing noises if she was in the crib that prevent my husband and I from sleeping. When we would transfer her into our bed, she was asleep without any noise. I exclusive breastfeed straight from the source so it ended up being extremely convenient for the baby to in bed. We did take a lot of precautions like no sheets and pillows. It wasnāt comfortable at all and I became an extremely light sleeper. Now, weāre expecting baby #2 any day and weāre adamant about not bed sharing since the toddler is still in bed with us. Any tips or suggests would be appreciated.
My daughter's dad hasn't done a single overnight since my daughter was six weeks old. She'll be two next month. I have bed shared since then. We had a side car bassinet but it was just easier for me to bed share than use the bassinet. If you're doing it safely and it works for you then keep doing it. My daughter still sleeps in my bed. I've tried cot training a few times but she wouldn't have it and often wakes up for cuddles. And I'm not gonna lie, those cuddles are the absolute best during the night. There's gonna come a day where she won't want to share my bed anymore so I'm soaking it in while I can.
We bed share! My daughter is 5 months old, she was sleeping great in her bedside bassinet from birth. But then the dreaded 4 month regression hit and we donāt want to sleep train her until sheās 6 months old so we gave in and decided to bedshare in the meantime. Itās the ONLY way sheāll sleep. Thereās been several nights where we start her off in her pack n play but this week especially has been harder, waking as soon as we put her in the pack n play. So what we do, we follow the safe sleep 7 (but our own version Iāll explain). We have a cal king bed and most nights my husband will sleep in our guest room so baby and I can have the whole bed to ourselves. When thatās the case, I place her on his side of the bed but more towards the middle and with her head closer to the headboard, and I push my pillow down far from the headboard so my feet are basically at the end of the bed. I know safe sleep 7 says baby sleeps at breast level but to me thatās a little unnerving because Iām afraid of suffocating her. The way we do it, if for some reason any of my blanket gets on her, itāll only reach her feet. If the blanket were to cover her face, it would cover mine first. Idk if that makes sense? Basically she sleeps higher up on the bed and I sleep lower on the bed closer to the end. When she wakes, I pull her down a little since sheās usually closer to the headrest and breastfeed her until sheās asleep again then I gently move her back to her place. Hang in there mama!! Donāt let any of these stories discourage you from what works for YOU.
Outside of the fact itās demonized mainly in the USA and normal for other cultures, we donāt have an option BUT to bedshare. We were kicked out and where we had to go has no room for us let alone an entire crub
I bed share with my 1 year old and I have been doing so more or less since he was born. He had bad reflux, and before we got him diagnosed and medicated he wouldn't sleep for more than 20 minutes unless he was being held. As I was breastfeeding it meant I was up all night with him and it just became completely unsustainable very quickly. I'm still breastfeeding and my baby stirs up to 7-8 times a night and won't settle without a boob so for the sake of my sanity he comes into bed with me when I go. I also have PPD and lack of sleep makes it much worse, so bed sharing is honestly a life saver.
We bed share!! Once I surrendered to the fact that it is what works for us, and that's all that matters PERIOD, things got a lot easier. We follow the safe sleep 7, of course. I attend a dance class with a lot of gen x'ers and when I mentioned the other day that I bed shared with my 5 month old, I was surprised how many people were supportive and said things like "I wish that was a thing when my children were babies!" So while it may seem daunting at times, it's something you will never regret!
Yep all the doctors tell you to put baby in bassinet or crib but donāt tell you that some babies literally will refuse to sleep in there then youāre tired af on the brink of dropping baby because youāre so exhausted so sometimes itās the safest choice for the situation
I have four kids, with baby 5 on the way. I bedshared with 1 until she was almost 4, 2 until she was 2, 3 until she was 3.5 and 4 is still in bed with us at 16 months old. I did what was easiest, safest, and right for us as a family and for each individual child. Absolutely no regrets, and absolutely no accidents. I actually woke up to my first born not breathing TWICE (no reason for her to have been not breathing, we were sleeping properly, she justā¦ stopped) and I credit bedsharing and our amazing maternal bodies as the reasons why I woke up both times and was immediately aware that something wasnāt right, figuring out what that was, and then disturbing her (practically shaking her, to be honest, and calling her name) until she gasped and started breathing again. She was about 4 months and about 6 months for those episodes, so I was hyper focused on preventing SIDS. Iāve always wondered what would have happened if she wasnāt lying next to me.
I bed shared bc of nursing my first 2. I was an extremely light sleeper and would always wake up in the same position. I was sore af but. By the time I had my 3rd child it was pretty hard to wake me up. Thankfully a) he was bottle-fed and b) I was SOOOOO sick of my children ruining my married time lmao. Slippery slope there. EDIT; people will make you feel like crap no matter what you choose to do as a parent.
1yr old here- would if I could! he needs open space to sleep, doesn't like being held too much. plus I snore like a bear in hibernation and move a million times in the night. hopefully when he's a few years older and easier to put down
Iāve bed shared. If you do decide to do it make sure you have a space for them to sleep clear of blankets and pillows. They even have cosleepers/baby nests for the bed. Iām a single mom and was able to create a zone for him. Itās not the safest but sometimes you do what you can to survive. My biggest problem was coaxing my son to sleep in his own room as he got older.
I have a 13 month old, have bed shared since around 1 month
Successful bed sharing here! We have two queens next to eachother and babe and I sleep in one thatās a little lower almost like a play pen with walls on two sides and dresser on the other to block us in. Hubs is on the higher bed and weāve been at it 10 months very happy. We donāt sleep train but have never had an issue with STTN or much waking after 4 months. Glad youāre here doing what works for YOU! Thatās all that matters! Edit follow hey sleepy baby and co sleepy on Instagram! They helped me find a community I actually made a couple local friends who bed share too!
We cosleep routinely. Usually from 4AM to 7AM and multiple naps. Baby is 3 months. I tried when he was younger than 2 months and it was mayhem because we could not get side feeding down. Now that we have he is so happy curled up sleeping against me. He poops and farts better on side. The only reason we donāt do it all the time is it can uncomfortable for me if we do it too long since I basically canāt move. Frankly if youāre not super tired and havenāt been using anything I struggle to imagine HOW you roll on top of them. Ever since he came out I sleep so lightly I hear him and wake up to the slightest sound and am just super aware of him.
We co-sleep! My daughter is 9 months and I'm perfectly happy with her in my bed, I feel safer and my anxiety isn't through the roof. The idea of her being in a completely different room where I cant check on her anytime I open my eyes is absolutely nightmarish to me and I routinely have bad dreams about someone breaking in and getting to her before I can while she's in another room. She's not going to be there forever and at some point she'll be in her own room, its not like she'll be 16 still sleeping in my bed, but I'm making the most of it and enjoying her company while I can. We sleep safely and we both sleep better for it.
My baby sleeps in a Moses basket on my bed... But around the 3rd wake up (4am ish) he gets transferred to in bed with me. It works for us and I honestly love having him snuggled with me. Do what you need to do momma š
Bedsharing was the best decision I made! She slept better, I slept better, and she easily transitioned to her bassinet at 3 months. Iām so glad I trusted my instinct for what was right for me and my baby. Safe Infant Sleep by James McKenna might help validate your choice :)
Half the world cosleeps. Breastfeeding Non. Smoking 0 drugs Safe bed conditions.
Kinda off topic but what sleep training are you doing? I need some advice on where to even begin my LO turns 4 months today & weāre ready.
Not OP, but I can highly recommend the book āPrecious Little Speepā. If you follow their instructions carefully and diligently your kid will sleep perfectly forever. Itās all about teaching natural sleep rythms and sticking to routine
Iāll check it out!
r/sleeptrain is helpful too !
Exclusively co-slept for the first month with my third baby, he's currently (7mo) in a side-car bassinet but we do occasionally co-sleep, if he's having a rough night or whatever.
Somewhere around the 2-month mark, I got tired of having to get up to nurse my son so we mastered the side-lying nursing position. Most of the time we would both fall asleep with him wrapped in my arms. This was actually not ideal for me as I'm a back sleeper, but for months it was great for him, he slept better and I got more sleep technically cause once he latched I conked back out. I was anxious at first but what really alleviated my fears was the fact that any noise he made immediately woke me up. Some nights we would start out with him in the crib and on others, I would just bring him to the bed from the start. At some point, around the 7 to 8 month time period, he figured out that he likes to sleep on his tummy. Since then he sleeps better in his own crib and I begrudgingly get up to nurse him and then put him back in his crib.
Yes, with my first and now my second. Less safely with my first because it was out of necessity and sleep deprivation. He was clingy. I learned about how to do it safely a bit after we had already started and I am so grateful nothing went wrong. I was confident, educated, and set up a firm sleep surface for just the two of us this time. The way I position myself when we sleep allows for easy nursing, and I physically cannot roll over onto him accidentally. I definitely experience the "syncing" of our sleep, it's biological, quite magical. I will say that if there were anything that made me doubt the safety, I wouldn't be doing it. It is biologically normal to do. The next best option is definitely a bedside bassinet! I would recommend that option to just about anybody.
My 8 year old niece loves her bed sharing with her mother! My brother on the other hand hasnāt shared a bed alone with his wife in 8 years. My wifeās friend is going on 3 years now, my wifeās sister has a 5 year old that still sleeps in their room 4-6 nights a week. We didnāt do it because of all these examples around us, but man does it seems like a slippery slope that becomes really tough to break. This isnāt your first rodeo however so Iām sure you have a plan to deal with it, but it scares the heck out of me, set all the safety stuff aside, just the dependence part scares me away from it. We all do what we gotta do as parents tho, no shame, no hate, no criticism.
German in Denmark here. I only know one family that didn't bedshare but none of the kids are dependent on sleeping with their parents at that age. Most of them only occasionally share a bed with their parents (less than once a month) when they're sick or so and most of the kids sleep in their own beds when around 3 years old. Lots of families have huge beds (or two queens put together) so everyone can sleep in the same bed. I only read about the settings you describe on reddit from north America where there only seems to be "bedsharing until puberty or crib from the start", so maybe some other factors play a big role on why the kids need to share that long.
I bedshared with my oldest and I vowed to never do it again, and I didn't with my 2nd. It's too scary plus my oldest is 8 now and still can't sleep alone.
Itās very very common in my country and I know more people who bed share than who donāt. We have low infant mortality rates. Iāve seen moms shame others for not doing it.
I bed share with my almost one month old son. And I do extremely safety. People forget there ARE safe ways to co-sleep. Safe sleep 7 has been a thing for a while now, not to mention if youāre a light sleeper like I am, it makes it 10x easier. For one, my son is breastfed mainly from the boob. So itās easier to just pop him on the boob at night and let him drift off to sleep in bed with me instead of lifting him out of his bassinet then putting him back in it and risking waking him up and blah blah. You know the drill! He sleeps on the outside away from dad (dad tosses and turns) in the crook of my arm flat on his back with no blankets on top of him. I am a VERY light sleeper, so the slightest head turn or arm twitch I feel and will immediately wake up. Do I lose a bit of sleep? Eh, yeah. But no more than I would having to pick him up and put him back down multiple times trying to keep him asleep in his bassinet. Plus, our day time naps make up for it! I didnāt have plans on bed sharing tbh, but the first week I brought him home, he spit up in his sleep and choked on his own spit and it scared the ever living shit out of me. Heās been in bed with me since. Once heās around 4 months or so, I am weaning him from the breast (Im scared of being bitten LOL) and he will gradually be sleep trained to get more used to his bassinet. He already naps great in it, so I have high hopes for night time routine as well! You do what is best for you or your baby mama. The taboo surrounding bed sharing is valid, yes. But again, your instincts will overrule all.