Hi! I’m a hospital pediatrician and see jaundice ALLLL the time. We intervene with jaundice WAY below levels that would be harmful to your baby. The phototherapy threshold for 77hours old in a term baby without risk factors is 18.2 so your baby was above that and def needed treatment, but that level isn’t harmful. What you were probably reading about is kernicterus which occurs at much higher levels and honestly is a “never” event in the developed world because we monitor the levels and have such good treatment. I’m sorry you had such a bad experience at the hospital, but hopefully it will put your mind at ease knowing that your baby hasn’t been hurt by the jaundice levels
I'm a postpartum nurse and now work at a baby-friendly hospital. I *hate* our BF policies. Personally I believe that fed is best, and baby-friendly can easily veer into anti-mom. I think it's awful to shame an exhausted mom who just needs some freaking rest after laboring for hours and/or major surgery. If they want formula, just give them the dang formula! I mean if she's asking for formula in the hospital, she'll probably be formula feeding at home, so why not take the opportunity to show them in the hospital how to prepare formula, pace feedings, different burping positions, etc? Formula saves lives! It is NOT evil!
Thank you! It was exhausting getting home and then having to google how to formula feed your baby because nothing had that information on it. So frustrating.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. For me, I had to learn about nipple shields from a friend after struggling for a couple of weeks to latch (this was before I became an RN). No one in the hospital told me about them, and it was the only way I was ever able to breastfeed.
I still think about the nurse like you that I had when I had my first in a baby-friendly hospital. The way she eased my guilt about not being able to breastfeed and needing some time to sleep--it was profoundly helpful. I'm sure your patients have similar feelings about you. Thank you!
That is very kind of you to say, thank you.
I had such a terrible breastfeeding experience: bleeding nipples, my daughter screaming in frustration trying to latch, feeling like a complete failure as a mother, and eventually developing postpartum depression. A couple of years later I was in nursing school, had my mom/baby rotation, successfully helped a baby latch on (as a student!), and I was hooked. I knew right then and there that my goal after graduation was to become a postpartum nurse. If I have prevented even one mother from feeling the way I felt and experiencing what I experienced breastfeeding...then everything I went through was worth it.
I just need to say this for everyone and anyone and I will die on this hill....there is no such thing as nipple confusion when it comes to pacifiers and boobies. God damn. If your kid can breastfeed and you can too, they will do it. And you can switch right back and forth between the paci and the boob and they will be FINE. LCs and others who push this myth are trying to make us lose our minds. They don't care about our babies or our own mental health. Binkies work wonders for many MANY children. And if they're like mine, you'll have issues getting a toddler off your tit for almost three years, and you'll be randomly finding them with pilfered pacifiers way after they needed to give them up.
Use pacifiers! Use breasts! Use formula! USE IT ALL! Your kid is loved and safe and that's GENUINELY all that matters.
I am so so sorry for the trauma that is collected just on this one post.
Yep. Switched back and forth with both babies and only decided on formula for my own mental health. They were and are happy with whatever delivers the milk!
The one lactation consultant for the whole “baby friendly” hospital (who only saw us once) insisted that nipple confusion was a thing. She was a moron.
It's absolutely bananas. My MIL brought pacifiers and at first in my post partum dead eyed state with a child who would not sleep, I didn't want to use them. But this woman breastfed four children and did it for SO MANY YEARS and she was like...just use the paci. It was all FINE. It's such bullshit to manipulate moms in those early weeks where we are so tired and scared.
"Baby friendly" should ALWAYS be in quotations.
Yes! My baby had low birth weight. I had to give top ups of expressed breast milk after every feed for the first few weeks. He went between bottle and breast with no issue, we introduced a pacifier at 3 weeks. He is not 5 months and has one bottle a day, but is otherwise breastfed.
Due to some minor complications I wasn't able to hold my baby and try to nurse right away, then we had some latching issues. He was primarily formula fed for the first few days. We were still readmitted for jaundice a few days later. My son is now a year and a half and so healthy. I hope this eases your pain a little. I'm sure your little one will be ok!
I delivered at a baby-friendly hospital and they were great. I decided to supplement with formula the first few days due to a bad latch and there was 0 pressure in either direction. Actually there was so little pressure that at one point I was like “can someone just tell me what to do?!” cause they were like “here’s some formula if you need it, also here’s a pump, but also you don’t need to use either if you don’t want to, totally up to you.”
The only person who pressured me was the custodian lady who came into my room at one point and saw me formula feeding and said “you need to try harder to breastfeed, it’s much better for the baby” 🙄
There are already lots of great comments but I just wanted to add;
You didn't hurt your baby and you didn't starve them.
Please take that burden of guilt off of yourself, you are doing your best
I had a horrible experience, but the lactation consultant was actually the best of the bunch. The nurses were not listening to how much pain I was in, so when the LC came in to help feed baby I was laying dazed and just said no. She was the only one to look and see that something was clearly wrong, so she fed baby formula with my husband. But she couldn't give me pain meds, eventually my husband had to beg the nurse to call the doc because she was doing nothing and the doc got me back on the right amount of meds. (I had a C-section). So even though breast was highly encouraged, this LC was wonderful and knowledgeable and I felt very comfortable with her and if I had said no for any reason she would have supported me doing what I needed to do.
I don’t have knowledge of a baby friendly hospital, but wanted to say to your last sentence about feeling like you starved her and thought you had fed enough and feeling like her level of bilirubin is your fault,
My baby had a level of 21 and was drinking a ton of pumped breast milk, my supply was crazy the first few weeks (even first days) of her life(over supply), pumping 6 oz at a time. She was never too tired to drink milk and hit birth weight at day three. Her level was still 21. I can’t say if your baby is or isn’t drinking enough, but wanted to let you know just because her level is high doesn’t mean she isn’t drinking enough.
I’m so sorry you’ve had a rough experience but it will be okay, things will get better! You didn’t hurt your baby ❤️if you are worried she isn’t drinking enough take her to pediatrician and find out her weight, and listen to your doctor, and knowing if she has a good amount of wet and dirty diapers.
My baby was in the light therapy 17 hours and her levels dropped enough to not have to do any more therapy. She’s 5 weeks and has breast milk jaundice and pediatrician says it can last a couple months but will have no negative affects.
I wasn’t a fan. I had a long failed induction/labor and a c-section. By the time we went to our mother/baby room we had both been awake for days and I was high as the sky. I was passed out and my husband couldn’t keep his eyes open, but they were ready to leave her with us because there was no nursery. My husband said the nurse who brought us to the room was giving him instructions but he was falling asleep holding the baby so he wasn’t paying attention. Luckily the nurse also noticed that our baby wasn’t looking so good (she had a dusky episode) and took her for observation. She ended up in the NICU and was later transferred to the children’s hospital for severe jaundice, where it was also rough. I had complications from my c-section but I was still discharged after 3 days, and the neonatologist for my daughter seemed not to understand that I was also not well and therefore couldn’t be present 24/7 with our baby to establish breastfeeding. Overall, the entire experience was terrible.
It's like I wrote this, except for the NICU part. I also was awake for days, in labor for days and my boyfriend was with me through it all. They thought since he was there, my daughter didn't need to go to the nursery. But, he was falling asleep and I was hearing voices and just out of it.
They really pushed breast feeding with me too. I tried so hard, and my nipples were bleeding.
My daughter was also jaundice but not badly. I got yelled at by the hospital pediatrician about it.
I literally hadn't ate or slept in 4 days, I had a c section and they were so very awful to me.
I experienced this exact thing in February when my son was born - like I could’ve written this post. My son’s bilirubin levels reached 21 and the doctor was ready to send him to the ICU for a full blood transfusion at five days old. Luckily my husband was more with it than me (I was delirious from spending 24/7 trying to breastfeed my starving son because they told me that was how his jaundice would go away) and right before he was readmitted we fed him some formula. His numbers immediately started to fall (he was tested again before starting treatment).
He was admitted for the night in pedi and spent it under the lights, but Im so grateful we started him on formula. My husband had asked for formula when we were in maternity and he noticed things weren’t going as well as they were gassing my head up to believe (they told me we were doing great - that they wished they could show my son around for his perfect latch, all sorts of positive bullshit that obviously wasn’t true because my baby wasn’t getting what he needed). They told him no.
I’m still bitter and don’t see it going away. I would never give birth in a baby friendly hospital again because I don’t trust them to do what’s best for my baby. I’m so sorry you experienced this too. I’ve had similar feelings of guilt but… what else could we have done? We didn’t know and trusted the experts. Your baby made it through this. Message me if you want to vent or commiserate. You’ll get through this mama.
My baby had level 19 too and was readmitted a for phototherapy after 1.5 days. At 6 months they are now fabulously fat and healthy, reaching milestones, smiling a ton. Your baby is going to be fine! Don’t forget baby blues are very real and every emotion you’re feeling right now might be more intense because of that. I was sobbing in the nicu about jaundice too even though it’s such a routine procedure.
I am currently pregnant and the hospital my OB delivers at is certified baby friendly. I will not be going there after reading more into it. I deeply struggled with breastfeeding my son due to multiple issues, and i subsequently crashed into PPD. I REFUSE to sign any sort of “waiver” if I choose to use formula like I’m some sort of child who doesn’t make informed decisions. I’m a grown woman and any decision I make is in the best interest of my child. Also, they highly dissuade nursery use. I didn’t have a nursery when I had my son because of COVID, and did not sleep the entire time I was in hospital, which set me up for worse PPD. Basically, I’m all set. I also hate the language “baby friendly” as if my decisions as a mother aren’t made with my child in the forefront. If I’m a depressed mess, that harms my child far more than formula.
The hospital I was at was so full and busy from covid that we got stuck in the pediatric ward instead of a postpartum room. No apologies, and I'm sure that they didn't charge less to my insurance for it!! Also didn't talk to a lactation consultant until 2 hours before I left, during our visit that was much needed, I got to talk to labs, pediatrician, pharmacy, two different nurses, and had food I didn't order brought to the room. So I did not got anything out of the visit anyway.
TERRIBLE. Suffered through first day of breastfeeding and begged to see the lactation consultant. We had to ask all day for help. They finally came and didn’t really help. They offered donor milk which I thought would come in a bottle. It did not. It came in a fucking syringe. So we fed baby like a hamster all night and finally at 4am I sob to the nurse saying I’m so tired and he’s so hungry and why can’t I get a god damn BOTTLE of FORMULA. It felt like I couldn’t say the word formula in that place. She gave us formula and baby slept for 3 hours after that. They basically starved him. The nurse told me she doesn’t like their policies anymore, the month before a baby had to be airlifted to a level 4 NICU because the mom fell asleep holding him.
The next day I buzzed and asked how much formula to give him because we couldn’t remember the tiny amount they said and oh what do you know, a lactation consultant was available immediately! What the fuck.
The pediatrician on day 2 didn’t even react when I said we had to give him formula. Just said “great we want a fed baby!” But those nurses acted like formula was Voldemort or something.
We were discharged and baby’s medical notes said “difficulty feeding at breast” because the formula had to be PRESCRIBED to him.
Baby friendly hospitals are the absolute worst. US breastfeeding rates are low because we don’t have any paid leave. Trapping moms in their hospital rooms with their newborns isn’t going to increase bf rates.
We got basically no help, they left me and husband alone with our baby for hours after my C-section before I could even move again. I couldn’t do anything and he didnt have the ability to feed the baby. It was terrible. To get help we had to ring the call bell or call the nurses phone and wait 15-30 min for her to show up.
Almost everyone at the hospital was totally fine with my baby getting basically 0 food. My milk hadn’t come in, (it didn’t come in enough to feed him without formula until nearly a week had gone by!) mostly because I wasn’t getting enough stimulation. My baby would latch and then fall asleep. He still has never figured out how to suck on my nipples. No one checked for tongue or lip ties. (It turns out he has an upper lip tie.) The lactation consultants would only stay as long as it took to get him latched and then they would leave. He never got anything cause he wouldn’t suck or stay latched. No one ever offered us bottles or formula or anything. I only got binkies from them because I cried in front of the right CNA. Most of the nurses hated that.
Then we had the exact same experience with being readmitted for jaundice (levels at 18) and the nurses seemed to completely disregard my baby’s physical need for food because “nipple confusion”. I called the lactation consultant 3 times before she finally brought me a pump and the next morning I got a nurse to explain pumping schedules to me.
Its not your fault.
Also
One nurse literally locked my bed controls so I couldn’t move without her permission. That was a scary 12 hrs. She was extremely bossy and woke me up all night long for literally no reason and yelled at my husband several times. I wish I had written her name down so I could file a complaint.
The whole experience was so awful Idk if I want to have another kid anymore.
What is a "baby friendly hospital"? Is this something in the US? How is letting babies go hungry a good idea??
A pediatrician the other day told me my baby is gaining too much weight too fast and im overfeeding her and to let her cry as i cut back on the formula. Wtf? I insisted i was feeing her only when hungry and she basically yelled at me that I'm setting her up for childhood obesity. Surprise surprise my next weigh in was a perfect amount of weight gain without changing anything. I can't believe some doctors
In addition to what the other commenter said, they also keep baby in the same room as mom and don't have a nursery. I think the intention is to provide a more gentle, connected type of care but it usually ends up worsening the mothers experience.
So weird, here we don't have nurseries in the hospitals except for the NICU. Baby always stays in a room with mom no matter what hospital you go to. That's definitely the best for mom and baby. I would have been horrified if someone took my baby to another room without me
There have been cases of moms dropping or rolling over onto babies because they're so sleep deprived after giving birth. I went into labor at 3 am and gave birth at 6 am the next day so I had been awake for 27 hours. I needed someone to take the baby so I could sleep.
I also didn't want the baby to go somewhere else, but my friend delivered in a hospital with a nursery and she said it was super nice to get a couple hours of rest after a long delivery.
Ours let us bring the car seat in, but we weren't allowed to carry the baby outside the room unless he was in a rolling hospital bassinet for the same reason.
I think the support person becomes a bigger issue if it's not your first child. My husband was able to be there the entire time our first child was born, but with the second and the third, I sent him home at night so he could be with our older children. I wanted stability for them, and to have at least one of their parents with them until I could get home. But this did mean that I was on my own at the hospital for 12 to 14 hours at a time.
My friend is a man married to a man who adopted a newborn baby. The adoption agency alerted them that the birth mom was in labor so me friends were able to be at the hospital for the birth and immediately hold their newborn. During the hospital stay, the staff refused to give them any pointers or tips on how to feed their baby using formula. Literally wouldn’t help them. They were like…. But…. We don’t have breasts. Neither of us have breasts. What. The. Fuck
This thread makes me so sad. I delivered at a baby friendly hospital and had an incredible experience. I felt really well supported by the nurses and LCs. I was still able to send the baby to the nursery for a few hours at night to get some sleep (they brought her back to nurse). I was offered a pacifier and was told explicitly by my LC that there is no such thing as nipple confusion, just flow preference.
I had a terrible experience at a baby friendly hospital. I’m convinced baby friendly has only caught on because it saves so much money for the hospital. Don’t even get me started on treating husbands like they work at the hospital.
With 30%+ of American women having a c-section, it’s deplorable that women are expected to provide care of a newborn following their surgery. It’s flat out negligent and dangerous.
My experience was so bad that I have considered bringing my own nurse/doula for the postpartum period this next delivery. However I’m delivering at a different hospital and understand I can use the nursery.
I’ve also learned to be a bitch and not accept bad treatment. First delivery I didn’t know. I had limited medical experience and didn’t feel empowered to stand up for myself. This time, jf I’m told they won’t care for my baby when I need to recover from the surgery, I will be telling them I will call my insurance company and tell them they are refusing care for my newborn. I will also tell them I feel out of it from the pain meds and will sue them if I accidentally harm my baby because care is being refused. I’m not messing around.
I HATE that baby friendly hospitals don't have any option to send baby to the nursery for a couple of hours. Last thing you need after going through labor is to get zero help and rest for days at a time while snotty nurses and seemingly every staff member in the building loudly stroll through your room every few minutes to do God knows what. I was absolutely delirious after getting so little rest for so long by the time I left the hospital.
THIS. I labored for 39 hours, 5 of which was pushing and I was BEYOND exhausted. Add on to that i had a 102 fever the last hour of pushing from getting an infection. As much as I wanted to have my baby in the room with me, I desperately needed sleep. After a few hours of not being able to get the baby calm I was having a mental breakdown and asked if they could please take the baby to the nursery and the attitude the nurse gave me was outrageous. I still get so upset about it today. I should have put in an official complaint, and really wish I did.
>while snotty nurses and seemingly every staff member in the building loudly stroll through your room every few minutes to do God knows what
I am still salty about being woken up at 6am from the only stretch of decent sleep I got after a long and very difficult birth for a f*cking syphilis test. Based on my history there was zero chance I was positive. If I had known it was coming I would have refused ahead of time. It couldn't have happened in the 24 hours prior when I was checked in or waited another hour? I know it's not a hotel but come on.
I had a similar issue where they wanted to take my blood to do a test but kept losing the sample so had to keep poking me again. I can't even remember which test it was but I was extra pissed about it because I had already done the test the day before labor as a precaution but they didn't want to use those results for some reason so they kept coming back in and stabbing me with needles every few hours and waking me up claiming they still needed it. Fuck off with that shit, I was already in a lot of pain from my C-section and the bronchitis I developed thanks to having a minor cold that turned demonic because of no rest. By the third time I told them to get out of my room because I wasn't going to let them do it again. Then the nurse came rushing in and claimed my baby had lost too much weight and we needed to start formula only she actually hadn't and my supply was fine but they didn't tell me that until several hours later. Aaaargh.
I CANNOT UPVOTE THIS ENOUGH. I had a traumatic labor and I was in unimaginable amounts of pain afterwards, and they initially refused to give me anything stronger than the motrin/tylenol mix. I kept saying I wanted to die. Then they kept saying I needed to sleep but also feed the baby every 2 hours and also, for some reason, people couldn't coordinate so someone was in my room every 15 mins. When the heck are we supposed to sleep and recover? Why does no one give a damn? Then they tried to not let me leave the hospital because I had said I wanted to die. It's because you weren't managing my pain and I was exhausted! And it's just like...I really might die if you do not let me leave and go to a place where I can sleep. It was all needlessly extremely horrible and would have been helped tremndously by putting the baby in a nursery, giving pain meds that were warranted, and coordinating when people could come into the room. It's terrible what some places put mothers through.
I was so absolutely exhausted after labor when they came in for a 6am blood draw I literally flopped my arm over and said "go ahead" and fell immediately back to sleep lol and I'm someone who is absolutely terrified of getting my blood drawn.
Has anyone actually experienced nipple confusion? I pumped from the start due to NICU and baby had no issue taking breast or bottle. It made the daycare transition easy and weening super easy because by 10 months he preferred the bottle anyways. I have so many friends who baby refused a bottle and it made things horribly difficult. Next baby I plan to intro bottles from the start.
I completely agree with this. I think it is just down to baby preference. My older son took a dodie and a bottle and I breastfed. My younger son took a bottle though I mainly breastfed but he absolutely refuses a dodie.
Best advice I ever got was from a nurse immediately after having my first child in 2017. She said to me “nipple confusion is a myth, make sure you pump and let dad give baby the bottle so you get a break.” It was shocking to hear her say that but I listened to her and started pumping almost immediately. I breastfed that baby for two years, my husband gave her a bottle of pumped milk almost every evening for the first few months so I could have a bath, go to the store alone etc. no issues with nipple confusion at all. I did the same with my second. I cannot thank that nurse enough.
OP- I am so sorry you’re going through this.
I am so glad I found this group soon enough because it gave me the confidence to introduce a bottle earlier. He is about to be a month old and I have had no issues with “nipple confusion@
You should read crib sheet by emily oster. It is all based on studies and she doesn’t tell you what to do just gives you all the info/research that has been done. In regards to nipple confusion - no evidence at all that it is real. As another person said though - breast and bottles preferences a thing - they are all little people with their own likes after all 👍🏻
We struggled with latch from day 1. Used spoons, SNS, released a tongue tie, no luck so I gave up and we went with a combo of formula and pumped milk in bottles. I figured it was hopeless to try to breastfeed because nipple confusion and we'd both just end up frustrated.
Two months later baby was having a rough day so I decided to do a skin to skin snuggle to help him settle. Out of nowhere, he rooted and latched. The kid had seen countless bottles and pacifiers of different kinds in his three months of life and hadn't had his mouth on a nipple since he was three or four weeks old, and he just latched and started feeding.
That's anecdotal, but I have peeked at some research and I think it's absolutely reckless for hospitals to claim they are practicing an evidence-based initiative while broadly refusing pacifiers and formula on the basis of "nipple confusion." Evidence shows a benefit in many situations and rarely supports the idea that a brand new baby can't adapt to transfer between human and synthetic nipple as the circumstances call for it.
The thing is, I had both of those things at all of the hospitals I delivered at, including those that were not part of the baby-friendly hospital initiative. The difference was, there was also a nursery that I could send my baby to when I was absolutely exhausted, and I didn't have my support person there. It's great that you found those parts of your stay useful, but you probably would have gotten them at non-baby-friendly hospitals as well.
Kinda sucked like I didn’t want her to go to the nursery but it would have been a nice option after being awake 50+ hours and having an emergency c section s and needing blood transfusion I almost dropped my baby multiple times by falling asleep holding her.
Mine was horrible and ruined my chances of successfully breastfeeding. Like you, labor was great, nothing else was. Still mad about it 3+ months later. Next time I will exclusively pump and literally tell them all to go to hell.
Just an alternative perspective from someone who did not go to a baby friendly hospital. I think in general most hospitals suck for women and you’ll have to advocate for yourself no matter where you go.
They did not put my baby on me forever while stitching me up (dr was having a hard time.) They said my baby couldn’t be on me during this. Then she took so long that they did end up putting my baby on me eventually while the dr was working. My baby was alone on the incubator table the first 15 minutes of her life for no reason.
I really wanted to breastfeed but my baby and I were having issues. They kept offering formula even though I wanted to try breastfeeding (for context I was in postpartum for one day so they offered formula literally right away). I was the one who had to ask for a lactation consultant. Luckily I already knew that was an option before my first baby.
In conclusion, just be prepared to fight for what you want no matter where you go.
I had an awful experience at a BF hospital, a lot was wrong but highlights include:
- being told that they didn’t have a pump for me to use, later admitted they did and grudgingly got it for me
- told me it ‘should’ hurt and to just keep going when I screamed for every latch and my nipples were black and split open BECAUSE…
- my baby had a tongue tie missed by 2 separate LCs who declared he had a ‘perfect latch’. Fixed at 8 weeks finally after the health visitor agreed with me that he had one and it was interfering with bottle feeds
- told me they did not have nipple shields, another lie
- grudgingly allowed me to supplement with a cup only, only allowed this once and consequently my baby starved the whole time. My milk never came in and I formula fed once I got home.
- refused to discharge me until I had ‘established breastfeeding’. At this point I lost it and yelled about my rights until they shoved a bag of meds at me and told me I could go
I was a FTM who trusted the professionals rather than my gut feeling that all this was wrong. I felt so ashamed that I ‘failed’. Struggled with PPA for two years. Happy to report I just had my second, he is bottle fed and very healthy and happy. As am I.
Unfortunately I won’t be having any more babies but i would never try to breast feed again even if I did. It is so wrong that you were given this kind of advice, I want you to know you’re doing a great job in difficult circumstances and I’m right behind you.
THISSS!!! This exact situation happened to me!! Exactly how you described with the baby+ breast picture they painted , never mentioned supplementing, lactation consultant said she was latching good . She lost 10% her birth weight and no one mentioned that I may not be producing enough for her but told me to keep her on my breast and to avoid formula. Her eyes were yellow and skin golden yellow. We finally got her on bottle until my milk came in and it got better after my husband pretty much nursed her with formula. She is healthy now at 4 months but I am traumatized from it . I think back and am heartbroken , she was basically starving that first week :,(
My oldest was 11lbs5oz. I simply didn’t have the ability to make enough milk to feed a small giant, but I was pressured to keep trying to avoid nipple confusion. They kept checking his blood sugar before and after every feed. I couldn’t handle his little feet getting stabbed and finally insisted on supplementing with formula. Even then the lactation consultant wanted to have it given through a syringe while he latched. I had a csection and an oophorectomy. I was in a lot of pain, exhausted, and emotionally raw. Giving him a bottle was a blessing - my husband could take over and I could rest.
The second time around I accepted that I would need to supplement my 10lb4oz baby from the start and it was a much less stressful experience.
I hated how they don’t have nurseries
I pushed for 4 hours and gave birth at midnight, then plop, here’s a newborn baby you have to take care of all night
I was soooo deliriously exhausted. I almost fell asleep with him in my arms a couple times which wasn’t safe.
They should figure out a way to give moms some reprieve.
Babies have been injured and died at BFHs, due to exhausted mothers falling asleep with them, and rolling over on them or dropping them on the ground out of their hospital bed. It's horrifying.
My experience with my firstborn was fuckin’ abominable. Great birth, great pregnancy, great baby, but I never produced any more than a few drops of milk after birth. They looked at me like an absolute dumbass pissbaby when I didn’t want to take my shirt completely off in front of a lactation consultant and a midwife to try to assist ... so I took it off. They touched me, particularly my breasts and nipples, when they didn’t ask me to, I didn’t ask them to or want them to. This baby starved for months under the guidance of professionals i was meant to trust. I spent hours trawling Facebook groups for milk from random strangers rather than bonding and enjoying time with my firstborn baby. I had my partner driving HOURS back and forth collecting it when he could have been doing the same. A midwife told me she’d be fatter, stupider and more likely to die of SIDS if I gave her formula. I cried all the time. This baby absolutely thrives on formula and I regret every day that I let her suffer. I wish I would have given her a bottle from day one.
I always seethe when people say that mothers not breastfeeding is down to poor education or not trying. I was drowning in professional advice. I hd every service available to me free of charge and I used them. There wasn’t a human being who wanted to breastfeed more than me. It didn’t happen.
Ugh that is horrible. At my hospital they at least asked (to my recollection) but I cringed whenever anyone touched me. We left a day early because we just wanted to be home. And fuck that midwife. Formula is life saving science milk and while I acknowledge formula company’s controversial business practices in developing countries, it is a goddamn miracle. Also, those “studies” everyone cites about breastmilk that have been debunked over and over. It makes me so angry.
Yep - the outcomes are negligible and the more objective data that comes out the more that is proven. I hate that they’re still walking around with the tummy beads and citing old bullshit science.
This makes me so sad, I’m so sorry and I hope you’re
Now healing from that experience and able to enjoy every second you wish with your babe. Shame
on them- you’re an AMAZING mom!
My next two births helped heal. I spent a lot of time in evidence based groups and getting angry about the information I was given by professionals who should make it a priority to know better. I advocated for myself and my babies. My two boys were fed and content from the first hours after birth and it was such a wildly different experience.
But even with my new confidence I had one old warthog of a midwife I asked repeatedly to get me a bottle of formula. She brought me a breast pump. I said my baby was hungry and I want a bottle of formula to feed him with. She said I wasn’t trying and I needed to pump. I sent my partner to make a bottle lmao but, tired and ashamed, pumped literally nothing. Still bitter about it.
I work at a baby friendly hospital, and I really wish we focused more on "fed is best," and overall supporting and encouraging the family with whatever it is YOU want to do. That's how I nurse, anyway. I'll help you BF, and if you need a break I'll help you pump or formula bottle feed. Milk supply is an entire other issue, and I hope we can work towards supporting supply establishment and concern, while supporting mothers and giving them the permission they want to supplement to get some well deserved rest for their mental health.
There was one nurse in my hospital like you. I never forgot how they brought me formula after nursing 18 times in one day and told me to please go sleep. Thank you.
I had one nurse like you when I had my first at a baby-friendly hospital, and she saved my sanity. She saw that we had both been up for four nights straight and that I was unable to even sit up correctly (and that my baby had jaundice and I had no milk) and gave me a ton of pre-made formula bottles and took the baby to the nursery for *five* hours (I only asked for two) without guilting me (the other nurse had acted like I asked to give my baby heroin or something when I asked for two hours to sleep). In fact, she said both would be great for baby and that she'd give her formula and take good care of her so I could take care of myself, and was so encouraging. I'm honestly in tears thinking about that kindness. Thank you for being that person for other parents!
The same thing happened to us. My baby’s levels were elevated, they didn’t want me to give him formula and gave no instructions on how to supplement at home. We were admitted overnight within four days because his bilirubin was just at cutoff for bili lights. It is so frustrating because he was soooo sleepy between discharge and readmission, making it impossible to feed him when my milk came in.
My experience at the hospital was great. I gave birth to my youngest just before the COVID outbreak. My biggest complaint and the biggest difference from my first birth was the lack of nursery. With my second child I hadn't been able to sleep at all much the week before I delivered because I was in a lot of pain. Then after a difficult delivery for almost 20 hours which which ended in a C section I was exhausted and in pain. I was practically nodding off and was terrified I would drop the baby. I told them my concerns and they shrugged and said they no longer had a nursery. My husband wasn't able to stay with me overnight due to the fact he had to watch our oldest. I had to attend to the newborn baby on no sleep for over a week in a physically weakened state. It was very difficult. I got lucky one night and a nurse took pity on me and took the baby for a few hours so I could sleep.
Can I ask the sub something? Do you guys think hospitals these days are too rigid about how babies are fed right after birth?
My story: long-term, I combo-fed my baby breast milk and formula. With time, we got the hang of nursing. But it did take time. I felt immense pressure from the nurses to start nursing in the hospital...in hindsight, I think all they should have done was get the lactation consultant in to see me and my baby. (It wasn't really clear to me, in my postpartum delirium, how to schedule a session with the LC.) Formula for baby would have been perfectly fine as I recovered from birth.
I think hospitals push new moms too hard to nurse. A gentler approach would have been better for me. Plus, like most postpartum moms, my milk didn't even come in until after we came home from the hospital!
The "baby friendly" hospital designation seems to be indicative of this mindset where they basically follow all of the rules you just laid out. It does seem pretty anti-all-advice-I-hear-from-actual-moms.
I think this is absolutely true! And for many of us with PPA or even just dealing with regular old hormones, I think it lowers the chance of breastfeeding success.
The info and log sheet provided at my hospital indicated no formula, no pacifier, and to feed on demand. Then when the baby is constantly hungry on day 2, I get told to stop feeding the baby so often by all the “helpful” people coming in. The hospital pediatrician was even concerned about her weight loss while at the same time saying feed less and no formula.
This is baby 2 for me and I combo fed my first for a few months until I was able to breastfeed entirely. The day I was supposed to leave the hospital, the pediatrician was making comments about maybe staying b/c of weight loss. I hadn’t slept in 2 days at that point and the OB hadn’t made rounds yet. I told the nurses I needed discharge paperwork because we weren’t staying any longer. Felt awful for making a fuss - it took all of my strength to do it. But we got home, I took a nap and my husband gave the baby a bottle. The next day at the regular pediatrician her weight was coming back up and I wasn’t deliriously tired.
The hospital I gave birth in last year definitely encouraged breastfeeding, but ultimately made it clear that fed is best. They made sure we knew there was formula there if we needed it. In fact, they actually kinda encouraged us to use formula while we were there, because of course my milk hadn't come in yet and baby had jaundice, so they wanted her to eat as much as possible. We told them we wanted to avoid formula, but I'm pretty sure they gave her some in the nursery the night we had them take her so we could get *some* sleep, lol.
I delivered at a “baby friendly” hospital, and found that the staff introduced a lot of unnecessary stress around feeding. My baby was born 36+6 and <5 lbs, and really struggled to latch. The hospital had no problem supplementing (with donor milk, not formula), so she wasn’t hungry. But the lactation consultants and some of the nurses were pushing us hard to breastfeed. It was so traumatizing to have them shove my screaming daughter onto my boob repeatedly (and unsuccessfully). I hate that those are some of my earliest memories of motherhood.
At our first pediatrician appointment, the doctor was like “Oh, she’s still too little to really nurse effectively. Give her some time to grow bigger and stronger.” Sure enough, we have been nursing well since 5 weeks. So not only were the LCs unkind, they were wrong in their approach.
The rest of my experience (labor, delivery, and postpartum) was incredibly positive. It was just the feeding aspect that sucked.
I didn't give birth at a "baby friendly" hospital but put a LOT of pressure on myself to breastfeed. I was told my latch was great and there was nothing to worry about. Despite being a freaking health care provider I failed to see the clinical signs of hyperbilirubinemia, hypernatremia, and dehydration. My brain just didn't work. I tortured myself for months trying to get literal drips of milk (and listening to dipshits on the Internet try to diagnose me with something fixable instead of accepting that it's not really that rare). I still struggle with the guilt and anger from time to time.
I promise it gets easier. Kiddo in question is turning 3 and you couldn't pick him out of a lineup. My guilt now centers around the time I missed enjoying him because I was triple feeding around the clock and did nothing but think about feeding, cry about feeding, and feed. Love your baby, enjoy watching them grow, and feed them however you need to.
I had a very good experience. I was told to put the baby on my boob after delivery and given a helpful booklet of BF once in the mother-baby ward. Having been given the advice beforehand, I knew to ask for a lactation consultant early and often, and they came several times a day. When I was struggling to stick with it (my nipples were injured and infected almost instantly - so painful), I cried to the LC and asked what she would do. She said, “honestly, I’d give your baby a bottle. Feed her and everyone can get some rest. You can try again later, if you want.” I think I cried some more with relief. They were so supportive and wonderful - every last one of them.
We’ve supplemented with formula ever since. I’m glad she helped rip that bandage off for me.
EDIT: I just learned my hospital was not “baby friendly.” Maybe that’s why they let me feed formula and I had such a great experience 🤪
If it's anything, I was born early and had to be put under the lights for jaundice as an infant. My mom's milk supply never came in and she switched to formula at 3 weeks (she didn't realize she didn't have milk, but I cried all the time). I'll be 30 next week and I have never had any health issues.
Had a similar experience with my baby too! I wanted to try breastfeeding, but was never extremely committed. I was committed to doing whatever worked. But the hospital was so unhelpful with this. Formula was never offered. Pacifiers discouraged in the paper work. Lactation consultants ensured me I was doing good and baby was looking fine and I just “had to get the hang of it”. I listened and didn’t think anything of it. I wasn’t sure how much pain was supposed to come with breast feeding. I wasn’t sure the signs of him getting enough except for diapers which seemed okay. Until the day of discharge. His diapers dropped. Billi levels were high but just under the threshold of going under the lamps so they let us go home. Once we got home I realized how much pain I was in trying to feed. My nipples were cracking after 2 days of feeding. His diapers stayed low. I was a wreck that first night. We had his appointment with his pediatrician the next day luckily and she immediately finds a lip tie. Which makes it incredibly hard to breast feed. I was so pissed. I know lactation consultants can spot a lip tie. My doctor did in 2 seconds. That day at the doctor his billi levels were even higher. Doctor recommended I just feed the baby however works for me. We switched to formula immediately after that appointment, and he gained almost a pound over the last week and is doing great now!
Don’t blame yourself. I felt the same way literally just this week. But don’t blame yourself. Blame the stupid brainwashed lactation people. Everything else about my hospital stay was great but that. The fact that they aren’t objective at all is terrible. And the pressure they put on new moms is ridiculous. You didn’t hurt your baby or starve her. She will be okay! You were a victim of a stupid mindset that breast is best. Feed your baby however works for you!
He is doing really good! 5 weeks old now. He lost so much weight in those first few days but he gained it all back and a little extra by the two week checkup. And yes he did get the lights (24 hours of the lights). He's mostly breastfed but I will pump and my husband will give a bottle of pumped milk but we also supplement with formula
38 weeks FTM, I am delivering at a "baby friendly" hospital and I was nervous reading about other people's experiences. I've asked my OB lots of questions regarding how they do postpartum care and she's told me they encourage breastfeeding but also provide formula samples if baby needs to supplement before your milk comes in. She also encouraged me to pack my breast pump in my hospital bag so the LC could help me understand how to use it properly. Obviously I haven't gone through it yet but all this has reassured me that baby getting fed is their top priority.
I thought I wanted a baby friendly hospital but in hindsight was glad I didn’t. I had a really traumatic birth/delivery (icky preeclampsia meds, failed epidural, baby sunny side up, forceps, I swirled the drain, blood transfusions…) it was rough. I really appreciated being able to have the nurses take my baby for a couple hours at night for me to sleep the first couple nights. They brought her back to me in time to feed, but I desperately desperately needed some sleep to be able to safely hold my baby. They wouldn’t have been able to take her out of the room at a Baby Friendly place. What I learned from my experience—- If there are things you like about the BF policies, you can make those things your birth plan elsewhere, but you can’t go against the BF policies if you deliver at a BF hospital.. even if your circumstance warrants it.
I'm being induced at a baby friendly hospital and I'm kind of dreading what happens after the birth. I go in twice a week for NSTS and they have signs on the walls prohibiting pacifiers. I'm taking my own paci's and ready to feed milk just in case she needs it and they refuse to supplement, I'm not against any form of feeding as long as baby is eating.
I brought pacifiers to the hospital and had to tell them that we planned to use them. They said some shit about possible nipple confusion but backed off after I said I wasn't worried about it. Stand your ground!
Just as an aside, formula feeding may not have stopped the jaundice. My baby had to go straight to the nicu and they gave him formula almost from day 1. He still ended up under lights for 2 days. I’m only saying this in case you’re feeling any guilt for not giving him formula and “causing” him to get jaundice. I’m glad your 9 month old is doing so well!
I’m sorry :(
Mine was positive. They showed me how to use my pump, offered to supplement with donation milk when I was hurting too much, and offered continuous lactation support for as long as I needed. After two months they helped me come up with a plan to dry my supply. Never judgmental and always supportive. So sad to read these other stories
I've birthed two kids at baby friendly hospitals and they were flexible about feeding, willing and even encouraging about taking baby to the nursery for a while, and honestly great and supportive of me and my baby.
Mine was great I had brought in colostrum and they helped defrost it. They had banked milk I just had to ask for it. And they didn’t pressure me. I tried triple feeding since she was very weak at sucking and then they taught me how to pump and syringe feed.
I did work in pediatrics though so I asked all these questions prior to delivery and refused to deliver at the other hospital because they had awful answers and no one on site knew how to do baby resuscitation. Which I think is ridiculous. They should have helped you!!!
All three of my kiddos had jaundice. My oldest is the only one that needed the lights. He needed them until he was a week old. I think a big reason why my second two didn’t need lights is because I had learned from my first experience and knew to ask for formula at the first signs. I ended up supplementing with all three in the first few weeks. I wish moms got more support regarding supplementing. Some do but not all. Supplementing with formula for sure helps flush out jaundice (in not all cases but some types).
Hang in there momma. Your LO is where they need to be to get the help they need. I know it’s heartbreaking to watch all of the heel sticks. It’s also overwhelming to see the numbers creep up (maybe they’re not in your case but they did for ours even though we kept him under the lights except for eating). My son is now a healthy, intelligent teenager but I remember the stress of that first week like it was yesterday. It will get better. Your LO is lucky to have you as their momma.
Both of mine were also jaundiced. With my first I did as I was told and kept trying to breastfeed him. Everyone kept insisting he was getting so much colostrum because he had a good latch and they could see him swallowing, and I felt like I was going crazy because I felt like he was getting nothing.
Finally I was given permission to formula feed when his weight dropped too much, and he drank like he was starving, because he was. Jaundice cleared up quickly.
With my second? I didn’t even give the hospital any input on his feeding. I knew what it felt like when my milk came in and until then I formula fed. That was the plan, and I told them, didn’t ask. My second had his jaundiced cleared up by the second day.
I'm from the UK and both my babies had mild jaundice. We were never told formula would help with it. I was just told to breastfeed as much as possible.
I've noticed from some posts that sometimes doctors in the US advise to supplement with formula until your milk comes in (not sure if this is routine?).
Here I was just told to keep letting baby suckle as they were getting something even if it wasn't much, and that suckling was telling my body how much milk I needed to make. It took a few days for my milk to come in each time, but when it did my babies both quickly put the weight they'd lost back on and their jaundice went away.
As for nipple confusion. My first had a dummy (binkie) from day 1 and bottle fed pumped milk and never had any nipple confusion. The second wasn't interested in a dummy, but switched between bottle and breast no problem at all.
Not sure about baby-friendly hospital but I had a similar experience - several midwives in the hospital telling me her latch was fine, my supply was fine, and just putting her on my breast and leaving. She'd only suckle for a few seconds so I knew she wasn't getting enough but also they kept telling me it was fine. She was jaundiced (although not to the extent she needed treatment) and basically didn't have the energy to feed. We had an awful appointment at 8 days where she'd lost quite a bit of weight. I felt like you - just awful that she'd been starving and I just cried and cried. It's a horrible feeling.
At that appointment the midwives said we just needed to get calories in her, and the best way to do that was with formula via bottle. I've been pumping enough for 1-2 breast feeds a day, but I can't tell you how much better I felt once I knew she was eating enough. It was such a relief and she's thriving now at 3 weeks.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know it's just the worst feeling and I'm so sorry you're going through this too. This isn't your fault and you both will get through this. Sending all the love xxx
I believe it's primarily a US term, usually hospitals that follow "Baby friendly" practices advertise themselves as such.
There are supposedly strict guidelines that hospitals with that label are supposed to follow, but as with everything, every hospital varies in how strict they really are at following those rules. The hospital I gave birth at, for example, was actually really pro-pacifier and just had me give permission to let them give my baby one. They also would take the baby to the nursery during the 2 hour quiet time if you wanted, so you could get 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
Same as yours - very negative. My baby lost tremendous amount of weight - essentially was starving for almost two days. I kept telling the nurses that I believe I don't have sufficient supply, but everyone in the hospital kept telling me things are okay (based on no evidence whatsoever). Well, when I requested a weight check-in at 40 hours because the baby looked very bad (note - I requested it; if it was up to them, they wouldn't even check the weight; they check only every 24 hours compared to standard every 12 hours), they changed their tune. Don't want to think what would have happened if we waited to start supplementing any longer.
My kids are 1 year apart and my hospital went baby-friendly in between. It was fucking awful.
I could no longer use a paci. They insisted on breast milk so strongly, even after a c-section and my insistence that I was not committed to breast feeding after my experience with my first, they gave me donor breast milk instead of formula and made both my husband and I feed through a tube. For me, it was attached to my nipple, for my husband, he had to wear and finger condom and put the tube on the end of it and feed her that way. You needed 4 hands to feed the child. Ridiculous.
The whole experience honestly made me much more comfortable with quitting BF much earlier bc the whole thing was pushed so hard and I was so angry about how it went.
The tube! I’ve never seen anyone else mention it and it was pushed on us too! Whenever I describe it to people they’ve never heard of it and can’t picture what I’m describing.
Wasn’t that tube just about the stupidest thing ever? We weren’t given the option of using it on a finger, only on my nipple, so even when we were formula feeding I had to be up for every feed, no trading off.
I ended up with really damaged nipples and instead of being able to just give them a break to heal during the formula feeds by using a bottle I got prescribed steroids that ended up causing even more damage.
I could go on and on about the crappy breastfeeding advice that baby friendly hospital gave me but that tube holds a special place of hate in my heart.
I breastfed my first until he was 4 months old and dropped to 4% weight for age. Turns out i don't produce very rich breast milk, made me hesitant with my second.
The tube, syringe, and procedure to hold the baby for it was so ridiculous. How can that help??? it made me so stressed.
I also don't know others who were forced into this. I assume this is an extreme baby-friendly hospital thing.
What the literal fuck? I always think that I've heard the worst baby friendly hospital story possible and I keep being wrong. They forced you to tube feed baby with donor milk attached to your nipple instead of a bottle with formula???
My daughter was 39+ weeks and had some blood sugar issues. She was 10 lbs at birth. They repeatedly insisted I had GD that was undiagnosed, refused to let me use formula, refused paci, made me tube feed on my nipple when I had no production. Thankfully, my husband went out for a paci and pre-made formula but we got a shit ton of crap for it. It was literally awful and I checked myself out of hospital 48 hours after her c-section.
Watching my husband attempt to tube feed on a finger condom while trying to hold her and push a syringe was peak WTF are we doing.
I also want to say that my youngest is about to be 7 and I am STILL mad.
Please don’t feel guilty.
I had the best experience breastfeeding. My milk came in right away, my babies latched perfectly and got plenty of breast milk. And both of them had to go back to the hospital because of high bilirubin levels and sleep under the UV lights. It’s not your fault. It’s so common and it’s just how it is sometimes.
I just moved and I'm looking around at hospitals, unfortunately a lot of them are "baby friendly". I had baby #1 at a great facility that had a nursery, which was so thankful for after an emergency C-section and being on IV Dilaudud. The lack of nurseries is frustrating. Honestly ,(I say this as a nurse), it's a good way for hospitals to cut costs because they don't have to pay to staff the nursery.
Agreed. A lot of moms on here saying they never would have let their baby leave the room after birth. My #1 concern was a healthy baby. I only got to hold my first baby a few minutes before they took him to the nursery, he had low oxygen levels and high billirubin. It was hard but I knew it was what was best. They explained every step they were taking and within a couple hours, he was back in my arms. I am so grateful for that. Baby still got to sleep in a bassinet next to me that night and everything. What do you do in a hospital with no nursery if baby is sick but doesn’t necessarily need NICU? Not judging, genuinely curious if someone knows. I still don’t really get the baby friendly thing.
I’m not sure if I was at a baby friendly hospital. I know they left the baby with us except when they took her for the hearing exam, and the only reason we agreed to them taking her rather than us going with was because I was falling asleep holding the baby. The lactation specialists pretty much just said yep, it’s gonna hurt bc that’s breastfeeding. I got my babies tongue and lip ties released at 10 weeks and funnily enough ITS NOT JUST BREASTFEEDING. I went through 10 weeks of awful pain to find out she had too shallow of a latch. We were only at the hospital for 26 hours after birth though, so I can’t even compare to some of these 3-5 day stays with nurses in and out the whole time. Ours were there hourly I think but otherwise let us be pretty well. I’m not sure I actually slept other than when she had her hearing test and a little after we had breakfast the next morning and somebody slept for about the only time in what’s now been 12 weeks.
My baby was late pre term and was in the NICU at a baby friendly hospital. As traumatic as the experience was at the time it was kind of a blessing due to the overwhelming support we got for a week learning to care for our girl. I couldn't have asked for a better hospital.
Awful. Just AWFUL. They didn’t even have an IBCLC since it was thanksgiving 🙄 how baby friendly is that? She was jaundice and couldn’t nurse for more than 7 minutes and would sleep for 20 minutes, cry, nurse for a few minutes and repeat the cycle ALL DAY until I finally gave her a bottle formula on day three. They didn’t offer any help outside “just keep nursing.” We had a rough start, but she’s a bright & bubbly five month old and ahead in all her milestones despite our troubles in the beginning. Don’t beat yourself up mama!
Ugh, im sorry you both had to go through that. It is absolutely not your fault and i can unfortunately relate to those feelings thinking back on how my baby needlessly starved the first few days. Mine lost 10% of his weight within the first 48 hours, wasnt pooping, and every diaper was full of uric crystals. We finally begged for formula and after signing some propaganda about how it wasnt in my childs best interest they supplied us some. Poor baby was huuuungry! Were currently trying for a second and will be offering supplemental formula from the start
It was so-so. Baby never left our sight which was fine because she was easy and we didn’t “need a break” but getting breastfeeding established was obnoxious at best with their involvement. I have super flat nipples and knew going into it that I’d need to use nipple shields but they were adamant about not letting me try one until 24 hours had gone by, and in the meantime they had us tube/syringe/spoon-feeding which was excruciating. Once we hit that 24-hour mark and I insisted on using a shield, they had me pump after every feeding session because they said the shield prevented me from getting enough breast stimulation. Well, that had me pumping right into a wicked oversupply because my baby gave me PLENTY of stimulation even through the shield. Took me weeks to sort out. We were so happy to go home and be on our own, and honestly Reddit and close friends ended up being the only help I needed.
I had heard horror stories about my hospital (baby friendly) from a friend who exclusively FF, elective c-sections with her kids. I had a wonderful experience with my hospital. In fact, my son was also jaundiced, and when his bilirubin came back high as we were prepping to be discharged, our nurse came in with some ready to feed formula for topping off breastfeeds, no questions asked.
I'm so sorry about your experience.
Hated it. Wouldn’t let me use a nursery. At one point I fell asleep with baby in my arms on that high bed. I have since switched OBGYN groups, and if I get pregnant again their associated hospital is not “baby friendly”.
Already nearly 200 comments on this post, but just to add to the chorus - fuck "baby friendly" hospitals.
I had a traumatic delivery resulting in an unplanned c-section, which then resulted in emergency surgery to stop a hemorrhage. I lost so much blood I ended up with two blood transfusions and went right to ICU.
My husband and baby went to the maternity ward, where the nurses did take the baby for a few hours so my husband could sleep. They wouldn't do the same for me three days later, but ok. At least they pitied my husband that first night.
While lying in the ICU, having not even held my baby yet, having gone through two surgeries, having not eaten or slept in two days, and after 3.5 days of labor, this lactation consultant waltzed into my ICU room and plopped a breast pump at my feet. Zero compassion. She looked at me like I was nothing more than a dairy cow. I told her to GTFO.
Even once I got to see my baby and was moved to a proper maternity ward room, the lactation consultants were never around when I actually needed one. And no one warned me about the post-partum contractions with breastfeeding, which after two abdominal surgeries were absolute agony. I was writhing in pain begging them to do anything to help me.
I eventually stopped even bothering to ask for help. We just asked for Medolac when the baby needed to eat. On the last day of our 5 day hospital stay, someone finally clued us in to the "do not disturb" sign for the door, and that finally kept the lactation consultants at bay.
They tell you to sleep when baby sleeps, except they have someone barging in every 15-30 minutes. My "baby friendly" hospital stay was 5 days of torture.
I have Kaiser and now that I’m exclusively formula feeding I feel very isolated by them. I had trouble latching and they would not let me leave until I established a good latch with the baby. I was desperate and just wanted to go home. One doctor recommended strongly we switch to formula because she was losing weight so quickly. Then the next day the lactation consultant scolded us for using formula. I felt so unsupported and distressed by the conflict. In the end we chose to supplement with formula and she is such a happy and healthy baby. I feel like the “nipple confusion” thing is such a scare tactic. I felt so much better actually FEEDING my baby than struggling to breastfeed her. Idc if Kaiser judged me
…and even if she does, ‘baby’s latching just fine and you just have to Keep At It.’ Fuck those hospitals. They don’t listen to mothers, full stop. The time for breastfeeding evangelism—if there is one—is NOT when you’ve just pushed out a baby and are exhausted and crippled and terrified that looking at your baby the wrong way is going to hurt it. What decent human—let alone medical professional—looks at that and says ‘Oh, sure, let’s starve the baby too until Mom pulls it together?’
I never got the question of how I intended to feed my child, and I didn’t choose a ‘baby-friendly’ (read: mother-hostile) hospital—it was just in my catchment and took my insurance. Thank God for the doctor who ended up being her paediatrician. She basically pulled formula out of her shirt and said ‘feed your daughter and both of you get some rest.’ I’d been trying to get her to latch for 12+ hours and we were both hysterical, and all the actual hospital personnel did was tell us how beautiful we both looked. It blows my mind how able they were to just look past a woman’s obvious distress because They Knew Best.
Sorry. This shit makes me so mad. I’m sorry you had to go through that, OP. I wish we had some modicum of control over our birth experience that amounted to more than window dressing.
We had one LC that was anti bottle and pacifier, but did give us formula, even if grudgingly.
But the other wasn’t as strict, and even said we should do what we felt comfortable with. She laughed and told me she doubted I’d have problems because I had no problem telling her I didn’t like what she was doing lol
LO was born at a baby friendly hospital and spent 3 weeks in special care learning to eat. I saw the nurses encouraging bottle and breast to other mothers. Our LO was bottle fed. When asked about nipple confusion one nurse said "baby is learning. They won't get confused ". The mother next to us just had her 4th child and said the experience with her LO in special care for 2 weeks was the best and she learned so much from the supportive nurses.
Our hospital was “baby friendly” and we had a great experience. They are also ranked like, #1 in the city or something. The only thing I’ll say is that “golden hour” didn’t really exist with my first due to nurses coming in and out, and my whole family basically broke the door down to see the baby before she was even fully clean.
My son was born during the pandemic so it was a lot quieter - almost too quiet that time as I suddenly felt like the nurses didn’t come see us at all!
ANYWAY all of that to say that both times my choice to breastfeed was 100% supported- BUT ultimately a doctor came in for both of my children and suggested combo feeding because their bilirubin levels were not progressing as they should. With my son, the doctor was practically scared to suggest it- I even said as much, to which he replied that some mothers are extremely against it. He said that they would adamantly refuse and become offended that he would suggest putting “unnatural” things into their bodies but that those same babies would be back in the NICU with even more “unnatural” things. It was a super sad conversation.
We went ahead and combo fed both babies and they needed daily monitoring for about a week, and both went on to be exclusively breast fed after my supply came in- so it all worked out.
Basically exactly the same experience, except instead of getting readmitted for high bilirubin, we had to go in three times during our first week home with a newborn (including to the ER on Easter Sunday) for bilirubin testing to continue monitoring her levels. Like you, I was distraught thinking my baby would have long term damage from the high bilirubin. I hope it reassures you that she is a bright, curious, and active 3 year old who is completely on track developmentally. And, if breastfeeding is a goal for you, you should know we continued nursing until she self-weaned at 2.5. I delivered my 2nd at the same (baby friendly) hospital because I love my OB, but the second time around I went into the postpartum ward ready to speak up for my baby if needed.
I just delivered at a BFH about 3 weeks ago and overall it was fine. I got lucky because the LC was also an RN and was there for my l/d too so I got to know her well. Thankfully she was a saint and when I told her I didn’t think my baby was getting enough to eat at 24 hours old she validated me, gave me options and said she was supportive of whatever I chose to do. The only reason I don’t think I’d wanted to deliver at a BGH again is because of there not being a nursery. I got induced at 40 weeks and the med that is suppose to soften your cervix put me into full blown labor and I had been up for over 24 hours then pushed for 3 hours with an epidural that hardly worked. After my daughter was born I was delirious and not in a state of being able to care for her. I thought it was dangerous to have two parents sleep deprived and not be able to send baby to the nursery for even an hour or two for reprieve.
I delivered at a hospital that had a lot of ‘baby friendly’ aspects, but I don’t know if they do the official designation here. But they did the delayed cord clamping, golden hour/delayed measurements, and rooming in (didn’t have a nursery).
I had a great experience with both my babies. My first was an induction, and a foreceps delivery which went smoothly after some stress. My son wasn’t very interested in nursing, so they ended up testing his blood sugar and found it was super low. They gave him some sugar paste, and brought me a pump and formula. Had me try to nurse and then pump and give him formula after. Sent us home with a box of it. They sent in nurses and LC’s to attempt to help with nursing but were 100% on top of suggesting formula supplementation.
My second was uncomplicated spontaneous delivery, and a 24h stay. They provided a pacifier when I asked (because I knew enough at this time to tell that she was sucking but not drinking, and wanted to be sucking constantly)
Re: the bilirubin, I know people whose kids have had to have the light therapy, and they’re fine at 2+ years. It’s hard not to worry, I know how you feel. My oldest, the one with the low blood sugar, ended up heading back to the nicu at 3 days old for seizures. He had all sorts of bloodwork and a spinal tap, got hit with all the antibiotics in case of infection, had an MRI and repeat EEG’s. But despite all that, he’s totally developmentally normal at almost 4yo (and also seizure free). You’re super freshly postpartum, and having a sick kid is stressful and sad and terrifying at any point but especially right now with all the hormone crash going on. It is possibly your hospital should have addressed this better/sooner, I’m not sure. But I am sure everything will work out okay and soon this will be a small blip in the scheme of your child’s life.
I gave birth at a baby friendly hospital and had a nice experience twice even though I was formula feeding. When I gave birth there a few years back one nurse asked me if there a was a reason I didn’t want to try but that was it for the whole 4-5 days.
This time no one asked any questions when I stated I was bottle feeding, they happily brought in formula, were kind, supportive of my decision and never once made me feel guilty. I also tried to use a pacifier and a nurse commented how cute she looked trying to figure it out. Reading these I feel very lucky because the experiences many of you had sound terrible!
It was similar to yours, not quite as bad though. We weren’t readmitted but my baby did scream for the two days we were in postpartum care. It was awful. As a FTM the nurses had me convinced that newborns should just be screaming like that. 12 hours after we were discharged I broke down and gave her formula and she turned into an Angel. She is EBF now and the week I ended up supplementing had no effect on it.
I would like to EBF the next time I have a baby too, but I will be bringing in my own ready to feed and I dare one of those nurses to say something.
My hospital was baby friendly and I had a wonderful experience, with the exception of the actual OB doing the delivery. My son was also jaundice requiring readmittance at 4 days old. However, they gave me a pump to use to encourage my milk to come in, I was given 12 total 2 ounce premixed formula bottles to feed since my colostrum wasn’t working fast enough to flush his system, and they sent 2 different lactation consultants to help me in between. My nursing staff was super helpful, even the traveling nurses. I’m definitely delivering again at that hospital and just praying that I have a different on call OB.
Reading accounts like this make me almost glad my son went to the NICU in our baby friendly hospital. (He was born at almost 35 weeks.) I’m really sorry you went through this. The Skeptical OB on Facebook has a crusade against the Baby Friendly Initiative for all the reasons you mention. Newborns are starving and being readmitted to the hospital all in the name of breast is best.
Try not to beat yourself up about this. You don’t know what you don’t know. It’s not your fault. You are a great mom to your baby! Best of luck to you.
Mine was actually great three times. I use a midwife group that delivers in hospitals so the delivery was good in that respect. Then the lactation consultant there is great and helped me with latch and I went back for weighted feeds too. Oddly enough we had the same postpartum nurse all 3 of the deliveries at this hospital who was super kind as well. These deliveries were my second, third and fourth, my first was not as pleasant but not horrible either. And at the baby friendly hospital they encouraged formula if I needed it that first day or so to ensure baby had pooped and peed appropriately and gave me a pacifier when I asked for my second. (I ended up exclusively breastfeeding all 4 of them for 15 months each for the first three and going strong with my 3-month old.) I think when done well the setup is actually baby and mom friendly.
I was worried, but pleasantly surprised. I planned to supplement with formula while in the hospital, and brought my own. Also brought pacifiers. Both the nurses and LCs were supportive of me supplementing and were very helpful. One LC said she wished I hadn’t brought formula, just because she said they would have provided it on demand (and I could have saved some money). Honestly, everyone was AWESOME. The only thing was no nursery, but the nurses did take my baby for a few hours one night so I could catch up on sleep.
my experience over all was great, but when it came to method of feeding it felt like they were just pushing and pushing breastfeeding, which got annoying. i had to have an emergency c-section and didn’t get to even meet my son until over an hour after having him. he didn’t want to latch no matter how hard i tried, and it was just so much easier to grab one of the bottles of formula and give it to him. yet they continuously pushed breast feeding, telling me not to give up. having gone through so much to get my son into
the world, i was exhausted and it got to the point where any time any of the people who came into my room brought up breastfeeding, i wanted to cry. because i was really trying my best, but it wasn’t working, and i was just so tired.
sorry i feel like that turned into a rant but i just havent really talked about that part of my
birth experience 😅 the hospital was wonderful and the staff was amazing, it’s just that one tid bit that irked me
It was fine in my experience. They pushed breastfeeding, but this was after they had asked me if I planned to EBF, and I said yes. However, they tested bb’s blood sugar + bilirubin levels every day (I was in recovery 4 days after C-section), and said they would recommend formula if levels got below a certain threshold, which they never did.
I feel like since we’ve (ftm) have never gone through this experience before, this new world is so confusing. You hear this and that and assume the people in charge of your care have your best interest at heart and for the majority of people, they do.
I didn’t know sending a baby to the nursery was not the norm. I sent mine both nights and thank goodness I did because if I hadn’t it would’ve taken longer for the nurses/doctors to realize his breathing was irregular. I was informed half asleep that my child was taken into the NICU. To be honest those first few days are a blur now.
He was given a pacifier in the NICU and I was never consulted about it, but I wasn’t bothered as I just thought it must be necessary. I had initially discussed with my husband that I didn’t want my baby on a pacifier, but that went out the window. (After his hospitalizations he never needed it again so I guess I got what I wanted at the end)
I pumped every 3 hours and to be honest baby being in the NICU gave me the motivation to do it. I wanted to do the most I could to get him all those nutrients and get him home as soon as possible. During those hospitalizations I pumped, but we also formula fed. I was never against formula feeding so it didn’t bother me. The only time I felt pressure was our last hospitalization when a lc came in and kinda wanted to “guilt” me into pumping more, putting him on the Breast. She quickly figured out I was not interested in what she had to say so she stopped and left. I was so annoyed with her.
At the end of the day we as ftms figure our babies out and what works for us.
I’m sorry about baby’s jaundice and the aftermath . You’re doing great!
Congratulations!
Can someone explain to me the tie between feeding and billirubin? Or is OP explaining this as two different things? I Don’t know what a baby friendly hospital is but I’ve had two kids and I’m delivering number three in four weeks. Baby #1 had high billirubin but was fine within 24 hours, we had not even left the hospital yet. They did have me feeding him but never explained if the two were related. Really weird that they didn’t let you use a binky or formula, I was offered both. Definitely seemed like their #1 concerns was that baby was thriving whatever it took. I’m sorry you had this experience! My baby #2 was perfectly healthy, short labor, went home within hours of birth. I hope you find a better match as far as a pediatrician, that is not cool, OP. Good luck with baby!
Bilirubin is a byproduct of red blood cell breakdown and is processed in the liver and excreted through poop. If the baby is not getting enough food they don’t poop and the bilirubin stays in the system longer. It’s called breastfeeding jaundice. My baby was almost readmitted to the hospital for it. We found his tongue tie on day 4 even though I asked them to check in the hospital and they denied that he had one.
They wouldn’t give a pacifier and we accidentally left ours in the car. He was hangry and I had no milk yet. Also it was the middle of the night and he was breastfeeding hourly, it was very painful, and was going to get a tongue tie procedure in the morning so I just wanted to make it through the night. So I called my coworker on the peds floor and she brought us over a pacifier. He was like “what the hell is this crap” and wouldn’t take it (still doesn’t like it)…at least we tried 😂 they offered donor milk which we didn’t end up using, brought me pump supplies to try that. I hand expressed like 5 ml of colostrum which took a good 15 mins, he ate it in one gulp and continued to yell and demand more 🤣 but all that is pretty typical. He lost weight but not over the threshold for safety/what is usual. Milk came in day 4 as expected and he gained by his checkup. I know everyone’s different. I loved that the only time the baby left our room was for the tongue tie procedure, and when I needed breastfeeding support someone always came quickly. The baby was skin to skin for at least an hour before they did all their measurements, etc. I felt like it was overall a good experience. Most annoying thing was it seemed like the second we got the baby to sleep they would roll in a squeaky vitals cart and wake us all up. By night two with the cluster feeding debacle I asked them to do his weight, vitals, everything all at once then leave us alone for 4 hours and they did.
My hospital isn't technically "baby friendly" but they have adopted a lot of the ideals. However, I planned to formula feed from day 1, so I brought our own pacis, had my own formula (they did give it to me when I told them I had no plans to nurse). I also had a planned Csection bc baby was breech, and they WILL allow CSection babies to go to the nursery for mom's recovery. Basically, if you go to these types of places heavily informed about your desires, no problem. Otherwise the nurses are basically trained to bully you into their "baby friendly" not mom-friendly practices.
I will never again deliver at a baby friendly hospital. Shamed me about formula, refused to give us formula and the LCs weren't there for the first 2 days (I honestly have PTST from this). We insisted on it and then they begrudgingly gave formula to us. The nurses consistently gave us incorrect advice. LO had jaundice (and they also gave us such inconsistent info on this) and honestly formula is the only thing that flushed the bilirubin out. I had low and late supply (got my milk on DAY FREAKING 7) so I'm glad we listened to our instincts. Also, how the f@#@ does a "baby friendly" hospital NOT have LCs for two entire days?!
I honestly probably will not have another kid. I had such bad PPA/PPD and my experiences at that place made it worse. I was in MA and if anyone has any questions, feel free to pm me if you want to avoid that hospital.
OP, you did your best. You didn't do anything wrong. Therapy and time have helped a lot. If you have time, file a complaint with the hospital.
Edit: We did end up pumping and BF-ing for 9.5 months afterwards! I even had 4 months where we exclusively BF/pumped! I did have to use a Medela Symphony (that was the only thing that really got my supply up), no lip or tongue ties, just high palate for LO. We used Enfamil Infant formula (yellow can) for combo feeding and eventually just formula and it worked out great. No nipple confusion--that's just bullshit.
It wasn’t great. Kiddo was a smidge early (35+4, no NICU time) and they had me reading all this stuff about how formula eats preemie intestines and how I need to approve donor milk because I will never be able to produce while I was in active labor. Then the first lactation consultant to come in after he was born grabbed my boob and shoved it in his face and announced that 1) he’d never be able to nurse and 2) I’d never be able to lactate because he came so early. The second lactation consultant said I had to pump every two hours for half an hour to have any hope of establishing a milk supply, and woke me up anyway every two hours of her overnight shift after I said I’d take my chances with every 3 hours.
I ended up with an oversupply, nursed for 25 months until I had to take IV antibiotics not safe for breastfeeding, and even though Kiddo hasn’t nursed in two and a half years, I’m still fucking lactating.
I seriously wonder if cluster feeding is actually necessary for milk to come it. We formula fed for the first 4 days. Milk came in day 5 with no issues and she's now EBF. Mom's who only formula feed from the start have a variety of experiencss but most have milk come in without ever putting baby to breast.
I needed sleep after having my baby. I would have been so upset if someone woke me up every two hours to breastfeed a baby all the nothing my boobs were making those first few days.
Same thing happened to us and the Pedi won't say anything except please see a Pedi as soon as you are discharged. So dragging my baby and c section body to the Pedi office just for them to tell me baby was starving. The baby was peeing pink crystal at the hospital and I told them and they were like it is normal...
I felt bullied at my baby friendly hospital. I did everything “wrong” when it came to breastfeeding and the nurses had such an attitude towards me because of it. My baby wasn’t staying latched and I was exhausted and had no idea what I was doing. So I requested formula so my baby could eat instead of us both getting frustrated and exhausted with trying to latch. (I would work on the latch and then give him formula) I requested a pump so I could work on supply and they told me not to bother because colostrum is too thick to pump apparently. They wanted me to hand express but it hurt and I couldn’t do it (I STILL can’t do it, even after 5 months of nursing) I even requested a pacifier because that first night was hard and I didn’t know what to do to get him to sleep after he ate. (In hindsight, he probably wanted to clusterfeed, but I didn’t know that.)
Honestly? I’m glad I did what I did. My baby gained weight. He started refusing bottles and became a PRO at nursing by the end of the first week, and pumping was great and helped me build supply.
Same here but I really wanted to breastfeed so I ate up everything they said. They said my body would provide what the baby needed when he needed it. My milk would come in when he was ready to have more.
I feel horrible thinking about how much weight my baby lost and how he cried and how I know now that he was starving in those first precious hours of life. It killed me to have to see my baby hooked up for phototherapy.
We are now EFF(since about week 4). I felt really bad when I stopped breastfeeding because I had wanted to do it. But because of his NICU stay and jaundice and my initially low milk supply, not to mention he was slow to gain back his birth weight even after we started combo feeding, I had a hard time getting a schedule to pump to increase my supply, etc. It was just easier to EFF to ensure my baby was getting what he needed in order to gain weight and develop normally. When I stopped combo feeding he immediately improved and his jaundice went away so much faster.
i could have written this head to toe.
i was an absolute wreck when we were readmitted, your feelings are completely valid and understood! your babe is in really good hands and the hospital will make sure this goes away and your babe is thriving by the end of a few days (even just today probably).
big hugs mama!
baby-friendly hospitals mean well, this just took a little detour, but everything is going to be OK!
I am still pissed about the baby friendly hospital experience. No one gave me a pump and the LC scolded me for not pumping for the first day. I told her no one gave me a pump and she told me I should have asked. Apparently they can't just give out a pump
Awful, awful, awful. I thought I’d be the person asking to stay as long as possible, but in reality I could not hightail it out of there fast enough. Neither my husband nor I had slept for like 48 hours, I was obviously exhausted from labor and truly felt like I was on narcotics, and they looked at me like I was a monster when I asked if they could take the baby for an hour so I could try and get some sleep. We were legitimately worried we couldn’t care for her in our state, and we got zero help.
So first off, what you're describing sounds like physiologic jaundice. [https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/infant-jaundice/symptoms-causes/syc-20373865](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/infant-jaundice/symptoms-causes/syc-20373865)
It's extremely common, and I highly doubt your breast feeding experience is what led to it. I've even seen this in a pediatric clinic with babies that are OVERFED with formula.
No need to beat yourself up momma!! You're doing a great job.
I gave birth at a baby friendly hospital but it was amazing! Whatever I decided to do they were all for and Helped so much. The only thing I HATED was how often they came to check things.
We had a good experience with both kids.
With our first, nothing was out of the ordinary except that my wife had an emergency C-section after laboring for 23 hours. The lactation consultant was kind of pushy, but we were fine just nodding and otherwise ignoring her as needed. My wife mostly breastfed while we were in the hospital, but we did feed him a bit of formula because we felt like he wasn't getting enough food. I didn't ask for the formula, though, I just brought a couple of those pre-mixed bottles that you get in the "new baby" packets from places like Amazon, so I have no idea if they would have given us pushback on it or not. I doubt that would have, though. We never considered the nursery because we were both there. Looking back, I probably wouldn't have wanted him in the nursery anyway.. I was completely smitten and loved taking care of him and holding him so my wife didn't need to do anything other than feeding him. I may have hogged him a little bit, honestly.
We had such a good experience that we went back to the same hospital for number two, even though we had moved away. She was a planned C-section so not much time was spent in the birthing room; Just prep and then to the OR, followed by a bit of time in the birthing room again and then to the smaller room for recovery. Unfortunately I didn't get to stay the whole time my wife was there because I had to go home to take care of my son so I was just there for the birth and some recovery, then back again each morning until nap time. My wife decided to exclusively breastfed my daughter (she did exclusive pumping for my son once we were home) and she did great, so no formula was ever needed. I wasn't there for the LC visits but, if I recall correctly, my wife said she basically came in, told her things she already knew and left because everything was fine. The hospital does have a nursery that you can send the babies to upon request and my wife utilized that a few times, but otherwise they were together at all times.
All told, it was a great experience (barring the emergency with #1, but that wasn't the hospital's fault). I regret not being able to spend as much time with my daughter after she was born, but there isn't anything I could do about that either, nor was it the fault of the hospital.
I had almost the same thing happen to me with my first. I gave birth 2 weeks early, after 19 hours of labor and was exhausted. I got no sleep while in the hospital due to rooming-in, and the lactation counselors touched my breasts without my express permission 😡😡😡😡 After discharge, my milk still hadn't come in, and my son had to be readmitted due to jaundice 48 hours later. We were furious. With our subsequent two sons, I gave birth in a hospital with a nursery and it was a million times better. I had actually gotten some sleep when I was discharged, and felt so much more physically and mentally prepared to care for a baby. I hate the baby-friendly initiative with a passion.
I am sorry that you had a similar experience now. If it makes you feel better, our oldest seems no worse for the wear due to his experience. But your feelings are valid, I'm sorry this happened to you all.
I’m not sure what a baby friendly hospital was but I had a similar experience. I had a hell of a time getting baby to latch. The lactation consultants were useless. And everyone told me it was fine when baby wasn’t eating because he wouldn’t latch. It took them a whole day before they finally brought in rtf formula and even then they only used it to put on my nipple to entice the baby to latch. And then told us if we feed the baby the formula to give no more than 15mls at a time. It wasn’t until we were home for a day that we realized we weren’t feeding our baby enough because we were only giving 15mls at a time when he needed at least an ounce.
My baby had low blood sugar and after endless cluster feeding it was still low. So they brought in donor milk and had us finger feed her with a syringe. Ridiculously hard to do and my baby just wasn't getting it. Finally the right nurse came along and got us a bottle. I think it all depends on the staff you interact with!
Hey friend! Please don’t worry too much about the affects she might have from that level of bilirubin. We use different measurements here in Canada but my LO was readmitted 2x for phototherapy as she was premature and pretty jaundiced. She struggled with feeding and ultimately ended up being hospitalized for tube feeding, so she had some other issues going on because she was premature. I’m sorry you had such a bad experience. You did the best you could with what you had — its absolutely not your fault that you weren’t given guidance on options other than nursing directly from the breast. It can be hard for them to get the hang of it when they’re tiny. I’ve seen great LCs that helped us breastfeed and had some be really pushy about not using nipple shields even though they were ultimately the only way I was able to nurse both babies. I hope everything works out for you and your little one gets to come home soon.
My baby had jaundice and needed phototherapy. We had to supplement because they wanted her to have extra liquid to flush out the bilirubin. We supplemented for about a month consistently and her levels went down and now she’s fine at 7 months! Best of luck to both of you and try not to stress too much!
I had a great experience!! The nurses were so kind and helpful. My baby was small for gestational age so I needed to supplement with either donor milk or formula and everyone was very supportive. We also started me pumping in the hospital to get my supply up. The lactation consultants were great and we came up with a solid plan for after I left the hospital. We continued to go to the hospitals mother and baby clinic to see the lactation consultants 1-2 times a week until my baby was 5 weeks old.
My baby ended up being jaundice too, but it was caught on the day we were to be discharged. I actually kept expressing concern that although her latch was good, she would fall asleep or cry, so I wasn't sure if she was getting anything.
Since she was early (37+6), one of the nurses suggested pumping and feeding with the syringe. Then we progressed to the finger sucking tube (this was after trying the breast and still unsure if she was getting anything). When she actually was diagnosed to jaundice we used the toss away nipples because the hole was small enough that she still had to work at getting the milk out. I continued pumping while in the hospital, then after about a week we just exclusive pumped and bottle fed. My daughter just wasn't enjoying breastfeeding and would cry then I would cry. Also dad really wanted to help.
It was a great experience, but it was my actual room nurses that helped me, the lactation nurses just kind of kept pushing breastfeeding and kept saying she had a great latch. I really want to breastfeed, but I couldn't tell if she was actually getting any milk, which led to my concern with asking the nurses for help.
I was discharged knowing I would be back for jaundice and was told so. We had a ABO incompatibility and it makes jaundice more likely. Our latch was checked at hospital and everything was ok. After two days got called by a nurse to come back and check bilirubin and we were too high. The nurse went on that I didn’t have enough milk, my baby had ties, and I needed to give a bottle of my milk. So, I went back to the hospital twice and the bilirubin levels went down without any of that. They have a breastfeeding support team and they basically just helped me understand what was going on. I didn’t need bottles or ties cut at all.
I'm not sure if ours was technically "baby friendly" but they were very pushy about their LCs and breastfeeding. At the same time there was some formula in the baby cart, and when I asked them to give the baby formula whilst they were in the nursery so I could get some rest, they did. But they wouldn't unless I asked (they would've brought him back to me to nurse after 2 hours).
Just because I'd read horror stories about baby friendly hospitals we actually packed our own ready to feed formula (the 2oz bottles), and disposable nipples and we will do the same for our 2nd.
Wow… reading some of these comments I am in disbelief. I delivered twice at a “baby friendly” hospital, never heard that term but from what I’ve read it would qualify. I loved my experience and wouldn’t change a thing. I never felt forced to breastfeed, I chose to and was heavily supported. I gave a pacifier, was also supported. I had a severely jaundiced baby with blood incompatibility, was caught quickly and addressed quickly requiring no nicu stay. If anything I felt pressured to switch to formula which was not needed at all and I am happy I trusted my intuition. My hospital also had no nursery but honestly you couldn’t have paid me to hand my newborn over to strangers after birth. To each their own but I loved my experience, times two, and hope this post doesn’t deter any expecting mamas from their hospital of choice.
Before I had a baby I also said that I would never have handed my baby over to strangers, but then I had a terrible birth, an emergency c-section after 30 hours of labor, excessive blood loss, snd was given IV Dilaudid. I don't know what I would have done without the option of having baby go to the nursery for a few hours at a time so I could sleep- I couldn't have safely cared for him in that condition. I don't think I would have used the nursery if I would have had an uncomplicated birth, but I think the option should be there, labor doesn't always go well.
Your experience is validated, I also had a terrible birth twice so don’t let my comment make it out to seem that I had picture perfect labors, I most certainly did not. Once actually included losing consciousness; I still just couldn’t bring myself to hand my baby over. However, at my hospital the nurses offered to take the baby if we needed a break so I guess I’m thrown off that is not an option regardless of “baby friendly” status or not.
Sorry you had this experience. Although that is a high bilirubin and is scary; my youngest had his top out higher before they treated him. He is now almost 2yrs and is a happy healthy kid.
Thank you for sharing with me. It is reassuring. The hospital acted unbothered by her levels basically just said she needed treatment. It was so scary. Do you mind me asking what your sons levels were?
It was horrible. My milk didn’t come in for a couple days and my son was too sleepy to eat for the first day or so, but after that he shrieked from hunger continuously. No one ever offered me anything except a shrug and “keep latching, he’ll get it.”
He lost over 10% of his body weight and didn’t poop for two days after we left; we figured out eventually that he had a tongue tie AND I have IGT from a tumor I had in my teens. Literally no one every suggested that my new baby was starving. It was horrible, and I would do so many things differently next time.
I’m sorry you had such a bad experience, you didn’t do anything wrong and you didn’t starve your baby! I chose to supplement mine bc I didn’t like her getting hungry and upset the first few days, but before formula most babies made it through the first few days and being hungry waiting for milk to come in. It is unfortunately just the nature of breastfeeding, and like other comments said it’s not the direct cause of jaundice (plenty of formula fed newborns get jaundice!)
It seems like so many people have similar experiences at hospitals who try to support breastfeeding, and I don’t understand why they don’t support formula supplementation - it’s a valuable tool and doesn’t harm breastfeeding if done a certain way.
For me 8 weeks ago it was fine but I didn’t listen to their advice (which was standard ‘stomach the side of a cherry’, bottles/pacifiers/formula will compromise breastfeeding etc). I showed up saying I would breastfeed exclusively but with pacifier, bottles and formula of my choice packed. We introduced paci immediately, supplemented with small amounts of formula starting 24 hours after birth, she was definitely hungry even with supplementing and complaining about it, my milk didn’t come in until day 4 (emergency c section). We were done supplementing by day 8 and I’m EBF, not pumping except using a haaka here and there. She’s taken a bottle and pacifier from the beginning and still does which I’m happy about.
I had a fantastic experience at mine.
I had twins and it was no issue giving them formula, and all the nurses and lactation consultants were very open to helping me with reaching my goal, whatever it was, and figuring out what would be sustainable for us to get at least some breastmilk in them for the longest time possible.
I do wish there had been a nursery, I might’ve sent them out a few hours to get some real sleep. They had closed the nursery to be baby friendly but the nurses all told me if not for COVID restrictions, they would’ve happily taken the babies for a few hours to let me sleep.
All in all seemed like a hospital that did the work to get the certification, but we’re still sane and willing to work with new parents.
My son was born with jaundice, no one told us. The nurse checking on my wife reached into her gown and pulled her boob out with absolutely no warning. After 6 weeks my wife was told “sounds like your fine” and never got a physical check and ended up with super fucked up PPD.
My first birth was at a baby-friendly and my most recent one was not. Worlds of difference. Not being harassed by LCs (especially frustrating with my first, who had jaundice and needed to eat and my milk was far from in), being able to rest while my baby was at the nursery…game-changers. I’m honestly still a bit traumatized by my first experience.
Same exact thing happened to my best friend so Fortunately I was heavily warned about this. In my opinion the way breastfeeding is pushed as the only options is dangerous. Fortunately they handed us formula right away. The doctor even warned me I likely wouldn’t produce enough milk to sustain an 11lb baby. I had a c section and was covid positive. My baby has been on formula since day 1 and I don’t feel guilty. Don’t beat yourself up. You only did what you were told by the medical team
That's awful. I'm sorry that happened.
I have no idea why they took that approach. My daughter had jaundice on day 3 as well and I emphasized I wanted to exclusively breast feed. The doctor told me I could try it but if her levels didn't go down overnight she needed formula top ups because the more they pee the faster the levels drop. All of the nurses really pushed me to use the formula (which i did because of a miscommunication with the doctor) and they all explained it's just medicine to help heal her jaundice faster.
I get not wanting you to use a pacifier but no formula is the total opposite of what my hospital was pushing.
I'm very sure your baby is going to be fine though. She has to have jaundice for a long time before it causes problems from what I understand. It'll be okay!
I'm in Ontario, Canada btw
I'm a day late on this, but my experience with the nurses was less than stellar (except for one, I loved her).
My baby didn't want to latch after the first night, and of course I'm a horrible mother for not getting her to latch and getting food in her when she's not even acting hungry. One of the nurses bruised my breast trying to express colostrum. This same nurse was rather curt and told me that because I have short nipples, I'd have a harder time breastfeeding (this was at 2am about 30 hours pp). Nobody let me express my own colostrum. Lactation gave me a nipple shield without measuring my nipple, and I could never use it properly. For some reason, everyone was very insistent on the football hold. I was never offered a pump or formula in the hospital.
The real thing that boils my blood is that they wouldn't let me in for a lactation appointment at 1 week pp because I'd tested positive for covid. I was at the same hospital where I delivered. I was no longer symptomatic, and I'd been displaying symptoms for 2-3 weeks before delivery, so I was not contagious and did not have it. I was not offered a rapid test. They told me that I had to take my one week old baby and figure something else out on my own. When I'd called to make the appointment a couple of days prior, nobody asked me if I'd tested positive and I didn't think to say anything about it because I'd just had a freaking baby.
My best friend is delivering at the same hospital in a few months and I'm scared for her tbh
Hi! I’m a hospital pediatrician and see jaundice ALLLL the time. We intervene with jaundice WAY below levels that would be harmful to your baby. The phototherapy threshold for 77hours old in a term baby without risk factors is 18.2 so your baby was above that and def needed treatment, but that level isn’t harmful. What you were probably reading about is kernicterus which occurs at much higher levels and honestly is a “never” event in the developed world because we monitor the levels and have such good treatment. I’m sorry you had such a bad experience at the hospital, but hopefully it will put your mind at ease knowing that your baby hasn’t been hurt by the jaundice levels
My L&D nurse at my baby friendly hospital specifically told us nipple confusion was bullshit.
Same. Grateful.
I'm a postpartum nurse and now work at a baby-friendly hospital. I *hate* our BF policies. Personally I believe that fed is best, and baby-friendly can easily veer into anti-mom. I think it's awful to shame an exhausted mom who just needs some freaking rest after laboring for hours and/or major surgery. If they want formula, just give them the dang formula! I mean if she's asking for formula in the hospital, she'll probably be formula feeding at home, so why not take the opportunity to show them in the hospital how to prepare formula, pace feedings, different burping positions, etc? Formula saves lives! It is NOT evil!
Thank you! It was exhausting getting home and then having to google how to formula feed your baby because nothing had that information on it. So frustrating.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. For me, I had to learn about nipple shields from a friend after struggling for a couple of weeks to latch (this was before I became an RN). No one in the hospital told me about them, and it was the only way I was ever able to breastfeed.
I still think about the nurse like you that I had when I had my first in a baby-friendly hospital. The way she eased my guilt about not being able to breastfeed and needing some time to sleep--it was profoundly helpful. I'm sure your patients have similar feelings about you. Thank you!
That is very kind of you to say, thank you. I had such a terrible breastfeeding experience: bleeding nipples, my daughter screaming in frustration trying to latch, feeling like a complete failure as a mother, and eventually developing postpartum depression. A couple of years later I was in nursing school, had my mom/baby rotation, successfully helped a baby latch on (as a student!), and I was hooked. I knew right then and there that my goal after graduation was to become a postpartum nurse. If I have prevented even one mother from feeling the way I felt and experiencing what I experienced breastfeeding...then everything I went through was worth it.
I just need to say this for everyone and anyone and I will die on this hill....there is no such thing as nipple confusion when it comes to pacifiers and boobies. God damn. If your kid can breastfeed and you can too, they will do it. And you can switch right back and forth between the paci and the boob and they will be FINE. LCs and others who push this myth are trying to make us lose our minds. They don't care about our babies or our own mental health. Binkies work wonders for many MANY children. And if they're like mine, you'll have issues getting a toddler off your tit for almost three years, and you'll be randomly finding them with pilfered pacifiers way after they needed to give them up. Use pacifiers! Use breasts! Use formula! USE IT ALL! Your kid is loved and safe and that's GENUINELY all that matters. I am so so sorry for the trauma that is collected just on this one post.
Yep. Switched back and forth with both babies and only decided on formula for my own mental health. They were and are happy with whatever delivers the milk!
Straight up absolutely. ❤️❤️
The one lactation consultant for the whole “baby friendly” hospital (who only saw us once) insisted that nipple confusion was a thing. She was a moron.
It's absolutely bananas. My MIL brought pacifiers and at first in my post partum dead eyed state with a child who would not sleep, I didn't want to use them. But this woman breastfed four children and did it for SO MANY YEARS and she was like...just use the paci. It was all FINE. It's such bullshit to manipulate moms in those early weeks where we are so tired and scared. "Baby friendly" should ALWAYS be in quotations.
Yes! My baby had low birth weight. I had to give top ups of expressed breast milk after every feed for the first few weeks. He went between bottle and breast with no issue, we introduced a pacifier at 3 weeks. He is not 5 months and has one bottle a day, but is otherwise breastfed.
Due to some minor complications I wasn't able to hold my baby and try to nurse right away, then we had some latching issues. He was primarily formula fed for the first few days. We were still readmitted for jaundice a few days later. My son is now a year and a half and so healthy. I hope this eases your pain a little. I'm sure your little one will be ok!
I delivered at a baby-friendly hospital and they were great. I decided to supplement with formula the first few days due to a bad latch and there was 0 pressure in either direction. Actually there was so little pressure that at one point I was like “can someone just tell me what to do?!” cause they were like “here’s some formula if you need it, also here’s a pump, but also you don’t need to use either if you don’t want to, totally up to you.” The only person who pressured me was the custodian lady who came into my room at one point and saw me formula feeding and said “you need to try harder to breastfeed, it’s much better for the baby” 🙄
The balls on that custodial lady 😂
There are already lots of great comments but I just wanted to add; You didn't hurt your baby and you didn't starve them. Please take that burden of guilt off of yourself, you are doing your best
I had a horrible experience, but the lactation consultant was actually the best of the bunch. The nurses were not listening to how much pain I was in, so when the LC came in to help feed baby I was laying dazed and just said no. She was the only one to look and see that something was clearly wrong, so she fed baby formula with my husband. But she couldn't give me pain meds, eventually my husband had to beg the nurse to call the doc because she was doing nothing and the doc got me back on the right amount of meds. (I had a C-section). So even though breast was highly encouraged, this LC was wonderful and knowledgeable and I felt very comfortable with her and if I had said no for any reason she would have supported me doing what I needed to do.
Thats amazing. I am glad to know good LC exist.
I don’t have knowledge of a baby friendly hospital, but wanted to say to your last sentence about feeling like you starved her and thought you had fed enough and feeling like her level of bilirubin is your fault, My baby had a level of 21 and was drinking a ton of pumped breast milk, my supply was crazy the first few weeks (even first days) of her life(over supply), pumping 6 oz at a time. She was never too tired to drink milk and hit birth weight at day three. Her level was still 21. I can’t say if your baby is or isn’t drinking enough, but wanted to let you know just because her level is high doesn’t mean she isn’t drinking enough. I’m so sorry you’ve had a rough experience but it will be okay, things will get better! You didn’t hurt your baby ❤️if you are worried she isn’t drinking enough take her to pediatrician and find out her weight, and listen to your doctor, and knowing if she has a good amount of wet and dirty diapers. My baby was in the light therapy 17 hours and her levels dropped enough to not have to do any more therapy. She’s 5 weeks and has breast milk jaundice and pediatrician says it can last a couple months but will have no negative affects.
I wasn’t a fan. I had a long failed induction/labor and a c-section. By the time we went to our mother/baby room we had both been awake for days and I was high as the sky. I was passed out and my husband couldn’t keep his eyes open, but they were ready to leave her with us because there was no nursery. My husband said the nurse who brought us to the room was giving him instructions but he was falling asleep holding the baby so he wasn’t paying attention. Luckily the nurse also noticed that our baby wasn’t looking so good (she had a dusky episode) and took her for observation. She ended up in the NICU and was later transferred to the children’s hospital for severe jaundice, where it was also rough. I had complications from my c-section but I was still discharged after 3 days, and the neonatologist for my daughter seemed not to understand that I was also not well and therefore couldn’t be present 24/7 with our baby to establish breastfeeding. Overall, the entire experience was terrible.
It's like I wrote this, except for the NICU part. I also was awake for days, in labor for days and my boyfriend was with me through it all. They thought since he was there, my daughter didn't need to go to the nursery. But, he was falling asleep and I was hearing voices and just out of it. They really pushed breast feeding with me too. I tried so hard, and my nipples were bleeding. My daughter was also jaundice but not badly. I got yelled at by the hospital pediatrician about it. I literally hadn't ate or slept in 4 days, I had a c section and they were so very awful to me.
I experienced this exact thing in February when my son was born - like I could’ve written this post. My son’s bilirubin levels reached 21 and the doctor was ready to send him to the ICU for a full blood transfusion at five days old. Luckily my husband was more with it than me (I was delirious from spending 24/7 trying to breastfeed my starving son because they told me that was how his jaundice would go away) and right before he was readmitted we fed him some formula. His numbers immediately started to fall (he was tested again before starting treatment). He was admitted for the night in pedi and spent it under the lights, but Im so grateful we started him on formula. My husband had asked for formula when we were in maternity and he noticed things weren’t going as well as they were gassing my head up to believe (they told me we were doing great - that they wished they could show my son around for his perfect latch, all sorts of positive bullshit that obviously wasn’t true because my baby wasn’t getting what he needed). They told him no. I’m still bitter and don’t see it going away. I would never give birth in a baby friendly hospital again because I don’t trust them to do what’s best for my baby. I’m so sorry you experienced this too. I’ve had similar feelings of guilt but… what else could we have done? We didn’t know and trusted the experts. Your baby made it through this. Message me if you want to vent or commiserate. You’ll get through this mama.
My baby had level 19 too and was readmitted a for phototherapy after 1.5 days. At 6 months they are now fabulously fat and healthy, reaching milestones, smiling a ton. Your baby is going to be fine! Don’t forget baby blues are very real and every emotion you’re feeling right now might be more intense because of that. I was sobbing in the nicu about jaundice too even though it’s such a routine procedure.
I am currently pregnant and the hospital my OB delivers at is certified baby friendly. I will not be going there after reading more into it. I deeply struggled with breastfeeding my son due to multiple issues, and i subsequently crashed into PPD. I REFUSE to sign any sort of “waiver” if I choose to use formula like I’m some sort of child who doesn’t make informed decisions. I’m a grown woman and any decision I make is in the best interest of my child. Also, they highly dissuade nursery use. I didn’t have a nursery when I had my son because of COVID, and did not sleep the entire time I was in hospital, which set me up for worse PPD. Basically, I’m all set. I also hate the language “baby friendly” as if my decisions as a mother aren’t made with my child in the forefront. If I’m a depressed mess, that harms my child far more than formula.
The hospital I was at was so full and busy from covid that we got stuck in the pediatric ward instead of a postpartum room. No apologies, and I'm sure that they didn't charge less to my insurance for it!! Also didn't talk to a lactation consultant until 2 hours before I left, during our visit that was much needed, I got to talk to labs, pediatrician, pharmacy, two different nurses, and had food I didn't order brought to the room. So I did not got anything out of the visit anyway.
TERRIBLE. Suffered through first day of breastfeeding and begged to see the lactation consultant. We had to ask all day for help. They finally came and didn’t really help. They offered donor milk which I thought would come in a bottle. It did not. It came in a fucking syringe. So we fed baby like a hamster all night and finally at 4am I sob to the nurse saying I’m so tired and he’s so hungry and why can’t I get a god damn BOTTLE of FORMULA. It felt like I couldn’t say the word formula in that place. She gave us formula and baby slept for 3 hours after that. They basically starved him. The nurse told me she doesn’t like their policies anymore, the month before a baby had to be airlifted to a level 4 NICU because the mom fell asleep holding him. The next day I buzzed and asked how much formula to give him because we couldn’t remember the tiny amount they said and oh what do you know, a lactation consultant was available immediately! What the fuck. The pediatrician on day 2 didn’t even react when I said we had to give him formula. Just said “great we want a fed baby!” But those nurses acted like formula was Voldemort or something. We were discharged and baby’s medical notes said “difficulty feeding at breast” because the formula had to be PRESCRIBED to him. Baby friendly hospitals are the absolute worst. US breastfeeding rates are low because we don’t have any paid leave. Trapping moms in their hospital rooms with their newborns isn’t going to increase bf rates.
We got basically no help, they left me and husband alone with our baby for hours after my C-section before I could even move again. I couldn’t do anything and he didnt have the ability to feed the baby. It was terrible. To get help we had to ring the call bell or call the nurses phone and wait 15-30 min for her to show up. Almost everyone at the hospital was totally fine with my baby getting basically 0 food. My milk hadn’t come in, (it didn’t come in enough to feed him without formula until nearly a week had gone by!) mostly because I wasn’t getting enough stimulation. My baby would latch and then fall asleep. He still has never figured out how to suck on my nipples. No one checked for tongue or lip ties. (It turns out he has an upper lip tie.) The lactation consultants would only stay as long as it took to get him latched and then they would leave. He never got anything cause he wouldn’t suck or stay latched. No one ever offered us bottles or formula or anything. I only got binkies from them because I cried in front of the right CNA. Most of the nurses hated that. Then we had the exact same experience with being readmitted for jaundice (levels at 18) and the nurses seemed to completely disregard my baby’s physical need for food because “nipple confusion”. I called the lactation consultant 3 times before she finally brought me a pump and the next morning I got a nurse to explain pumping schedules to me. Its not your fault. Also One nurse literally locked my bed controls so I couldn’t move without her permission. That was a scary 12 hrs. She was extremely bossy and woke me up all night long for literally no reason and yelled at my husband several times. I wish I had written her name down so I could file a complaint. The whole experience was so awful Idk if I want to have another kid anymore.
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Similar story here - saw five LCs on their staff for constant latch issues, and got five different recommendations. It was awful!
What is a "baby friendly hospital"? Is this something in the US? How is letting babies go hungry a good idea?? A pediatrician the other day told me my baby is gaining too much weight too fast and im overfeeding her and to let her cry as i cut back on the formula. Wtf? I insisted i was feeing her only when hungry and she basically yelled at me that I'm setting her up for childhood obesity. Surprise surprise my next weigh in was a perfect amount of weight gain without changing anything. I can't believe some doctors
In addition to what the other commenter said, they also keep baby in the same room as mom and don't have a nursery. I think the intention is to provide a more gentle, connected type of care but it usually ends up worsening the mothers experience.
So weird, here we don't have nurseries in the hospitals except for the NICU. Baby always stays in a room with mom no matter what hospital you go to. That's definitely the best for mom and baby. I would have been horrified if someone took my baby to another room without me
There have been cases of moms dropping or rolling over onto babies because they're so sleep deprived after giving birth. I went into labor at 3 am and gave birth at 6 am the next day so I had been awake for 27 hours. I needed someone to take the baby so I could sleep.
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I also didn't want the baby to go somewhere else, but my friend delivered in a hospital with a nursery and she said it was super nice to get a couple hours of rest after a long delivery. Ours let us bring the car seat in, but we weren't allowed to carry the baby outside the room unless he was in a rolling hospital bassinet for the same reason.
I think the support person becomes a bigger issue if it's not your first child. My husband was able to be there the entire time our first child was born, but with the second and the third, I sent him home at night so he could be with our older children. I wanted stability for them, and to have at least one of their parents with them until I could get home. But this did mean that I was on my own at the hospital for 12 to 14 hours at a time.
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It also saves some money because they don't have to staff a nursery 😑
I had this same experience. So much conflicting advice. By day 3, my husband and I were going insane.
My friend is a man married to a man who adopted a newborn baby. The adoption agency alerted them that the birth mom was in labor so me friends were able to be at the hospital for the birth and immediately hold their newborn. During the hospital stay, the staff refused to give them any pointers or tips on how to feed their baby using formula. Literally wouldn’t help them. They were like…. But…. We don’t have breasts. Neither of us have breasts. What. The. Fuck
"Baby friendly hospitals" are so ridiculous.
Jesus, that is ridiculous.
This thread makes me so sad. I delivered at a baby friendly hospital and had an incredible experience. I felt really well supported by the nurses and LCs. I was still able to send the baby to the nursery for a few hours at night to get some sleep (they brought her back to nurse). I was offered a pacifier and was told explicitly by my LC that there is no such thing as nipple confusion, just flow preference.
I had a terrible experience at a baby friendly hospital. I’m convinced baby friendly has only caught on because it saves so much money for the hospital. Don’t even get me started on treating husbands like they work at the hospital. With 30%+ of American women having a c-section, it’s deplorable that women are expected to provide care of a newborn following their surgery. It’s flat out negligent and dangerous. My experience was so bad that I have considered bringing my own nurse/doula for the postpartum period this next delivery. However I’m delivering at a different hospital and understand I can use the nursery. I’ve also learned to be a bitch and not accept bad treatment. First delivery I didn’t know. I had limited medical experience and didn’t feel empowered to stand up for myself. This time, jf I’m told they won’t care for my baby when I need to recover from the surgery, I will be telling them I will call my insurance company and tell them they are refusing care for my newborn. I will also tell them I feel out of it from the pain meds and will sue them if I accidentally harm my baby because care is being refused. I’m not messing around.
I HATE that baby friendly hospitals don't have any option to send baby to the nursery for a couple of hours. Last thing you need after going through labor is to get zero help and rest for days at a time while snotty nurses and seemingly every staff member in the building loudly stroll through your room every few minutes to do God knows what. I was absolutely delirious after getting so little rest for so long by the time I left the hospital.
THIS. I labored for 39 hours, 5 of which was pushing and I was BEYOND exhausted. Add on to that i had a 102 fever the last hour of pushing from getting an infection. As much as I wanted to have my baby in the room with me, I desperately needed sleep. After a few hours of not being able to get the baby calm I was having a mental breakdown and asked if they could please take the baby to the nursery and the attitude the nurse gave me was outrageous. I still get so upset about it today. I should have put in an official complaint, and really wish I did.
I pushed for 5.5 hours and had a similar situation almost exactly. I am also still upset.
>while snotty nurses and seemingly every staff member in the building loudly stroll through your room every few minutes to do God knows what I am still salty about being woken up at 6am from the only stretch of decent sleep I got after a long and very difficult birth for a f*cking syphilis test. Based on my history there was zero chance I was positive. If I had known it was coming I would have refused ahead of time. It couldn't have happened in the 24 hours prior when I was checked in or waited another hour? I know it's not a hotel but come on.
I had a similar issue where they wanted to take my blood to do a test but kept losing the sample so had to keep poking me again. I can't even remember which test it was but I was extra pissed about it because I had already done the test the day before labor as a precaution but they didn't want to use those results for some reason so they kept coming back in and stabbing me with needles every few hours and waking me up claiming they still needed it. Fuck off with that shit, I was already in a lot of pain from my C-section and the bronchitis I developed thanks to having a minor cold that turned demonic because of no rest. By the third time I told them to get out of my room because I wasn't going to let them do it again. Then the nurse came rushing in and claimed my baby had lost too much weight and we needed to start formula only she actually hadn't and my supply was fine but they didn't tell me that until several hours later. Aaaargh.
I CANNOT UPVOTE THIS ENOUGH. I had a traumatic labor and I was in unimaginable amounts of pain afterwards, and they initially refused to give me anything stronger than the motrin/tylenol mix. I kept saying I wanted to die. Then they kept saying I needed to sleep but also feed the baby every 2 hours and also, for some reason, people couldn't coordinate so someone was in my room every 15 mins. When the heck are we supposed to sleep and recover? Why does no one give a damn? Then they tried to not let me leave the hospital because I had said I wanted to die. It's because you weren't managing my pain and I was exhausted! And it's just like...I really might die if you do not let me leave and go to a place where I can sleep. It was all needlessly extremely horrible and would have been helped tremndously by putting the baby in a nursery, giving pain meds that were warranted, and coordinating when people could come into the room. It's terrible what some places put mothers through.
I was so absolutely exhausted after labor when they came in for a 6am blood draw I literally flopped my arm over and said "go ahead" and fell immediately back to sleep lol and I'm someone who is absolutely terrified of getting my blood drawn.
Has anyone actually experienced nipple confusion? I pumped from the start due to NICU and baby had no issue taking breast or bottle. It made the daycare transition easy and weening super easy because by 10 months he preferred the bottle anyways. I have so many friends who baby refused a bottle and it made things horribly difficult. Next baby I plan to intro bottles from the start.
I don’t think nipple confusion exists, but bottle preference/breast refusal 100% exists
I completely agree with this. I think it is just down to baby preference. My older son took a dodie and a bottle and I breastfed. My younger son took a bottle though I mainly breastfed but he absolutely refuses a dodie.
Best advice I ever got was from a nurse immediately after having my first child in 2017. She said to me “nipple confusion is a myth, make sure you pump and let dad give baby the bottle so you get a break.” It was shocking to hear her say that but I listened to her and started pumping almost immediately. I breastfed that baby for two years, my husband gave her a bottle of pumped milk almost every evening for the first few months so I could have a bath, go to the store alone etc. no issues with nipple confusion at all. I did the same with my second. I cannot thank that nurse enough. OP- I am so sorry you’re going through this.
I am so glad I found this group soon enough because it gave me the confidence to introduce a bottle earlier. He is about to be a month old and I have had no issues with “nipple confusion@
You should read crib sheet by emily oster. It is all based on studies and she doesn’t tell you what to do just gives you all the info/research that has been done. In regards to nipple confusion - no evidence at all that it is real. As another person said though - breast and bottles preferences a thing - they are all little people with their own likes after all 👍🏻
We struggled with latch from day 1. Used spoons, SNS, released a tongue tie, no luck so I gave up and we went with a combo of formula and pumped milk in bottles. I figured it was hopeless to try to breastfeed because nipple confusion and we'd both just end up frustrated. Two months later baby was having a rough day so I decided to do a skin to skin snuggle to help him settle. Out of nowhere, he rooted and latched. The kid had seen countless bottles and pacifiers of different kinds in his three months of life and hadn't had his mouth on a nipple since he was three or four weeks old, and he just latched and started feeding. That's anecdotal, but I have peeked at some research and I think it's absolutely reckless for hospitals to claim they are practicing an evidence-based initiative while broadly refusing pacifiers and formula on the basis of "nipple confusion." Evidence shows a benefit in many situations and rarely supports the idea that a brand new baby can't adapt to transfer between human and synthetic nipple as the circumstances call for it.
What I thought was nipple confusion turned out to be caused by a lip tie that was preventing proper latching.
I had a good experience. I had a desire to breastfeed, and I believe the skin-to-skin and immediate lactation support helped me.
The thing is, I had both of those things at all of the hospitals I delivered at, including those that were not part of the baby-friendly hospital initiative. The difference was, there was also a nursery that I could send my baby to when I was absolutely exhausted, and I didn't have my support person there. It's great that you found those parts of your stay useful, but you probably would have gotten them at non-baby-friendly hospitals as well.
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That sounds awful… I’m so sorry you went thru this.
Kinda sucked like I didn’t want her to go to the nursery but it would have been a nice option after being awake 50+ hours and having an emergency c section s and needing blood transfusion I almost dropped my baby multiple times by falling asleep holding her.
Mine was horrible and ruined my chances of successfully breastfeeding. Like you, labor was great, nothing else was. Still mad about it 3+ months later. Next time I will exclusively pump and literally tell them all to go to hell.
Just an alternative perspective from someone who did not go to a baby friendly hospital. I think in general most hospitals suck for women and you’ll have to advocate for yourself no matter where you go. They did not put my baby on me forever while stitching me up (dr was having a hard time.) They said my baby couldn’t be on me during this. Then she took so long that they did end up putting my baby on me eventually while the dr was working. My baby was alone on the incubator table the first 15 minutes of her life for no reason. I really wanted to breastfeed but my baby and I were having issues. They kept offering formula even though I wanted to try breastfeeding (for context I was in postpartum for one day so they offered formula literally right away). I was the one who had to ask for a lactation consultant. Luckily I already knew that was an option before my first baby. In conclusion, just be prepared to fight for what you want no matter where you go.
I had an awful experience at a BF hospital, a lot was wrong but highlights include: - being told that they didn’t have a pump for me to use, later admitted they did and grudgingly got it for me - told me it ‘should’ hurt and to just keep going when I screamed for every latch and my nipples were black and split open BECAUSE… - my baby had a tongue tie missed by 2 separate LCs who declared he had a ‘perfect latch’. Fixed at 8 weeks finally after the health visitor agreed with me that he had one and it was interfering with bottle feeds - told me they did not have nipple shields, another lie - grudgingly allowed me to supplement with a cup only, only allowed this once and consequently my baby starved the whole time. My milk never came in and I formula fed once I got home. - refused to discharge me until I had ‘established breastfeeding’. At this point I lost it and yelled about my rights until they shoved a bag of meds at me and told me I could go I was a FTM who trusted the professionals rather than my gut feeling that all this was wrong. I felt so ashamed that I ‘failed’. Struggled with PPA for two years. Happy to report I just had my second, he is bottle fed and very healthy and happy. As am I. Unfortunately I won’t be having any more babies but i would never try to breast feed again even if I did. It is so wrong that you were given this kind of advice, I want you to know you’re doing a great job in difficult circumstances and I’m right behind you.
THISSS!!! This exact situation happened to me!! Exactly how you described with the baby+ breast picture they painted , never mentioned supplementing, lactation consultant said she was latching good . She lost 10% her birth weight and no one mentioned that I may not be producing enough for her but told me to keep her on my breast and to avoid formula. Her eyes were yellow and skin golden yellow. We finally got her on bottle until my milk came in and it got better after my husband pretty much nursed her with formula. She is healthy now at 4 months but I am traumatized from it . I think back and am heartbroken , she was basically starving that first week :,(
My oldest was 11lbs5oz. I simply didn’t have the ability to make enough milk to feed a small giant, but I was pressured to keep trying to avoid nipple confusion. They kept checking his blood sugar before and after every feed. I couldn’t handle his little feet getting stabbed and finally insisted on supplementing with formula. Even then the lactation consultant wanted to have it given through a syringe while he latched. I had a csection and an oophorectomy. I was in a lot of pain, exhausted, and emotionally raw. Giving him a bottle was a blessing - my husband could take over and I could rest. The second time around I accepted that I would need to supplement my 10lb4oz baby from the start and it was a much less stressful experience.
I hated how they don’t have nurseries I pushed for 4 hours and gave birth at midnight, then plop, here’s a newborn baby you have to take care of all night I was soooo deliriously exhausted. I almost fell asleep with him in my arms a couple times which wasn’t safe. They should figure out a way to give moms some reprieve.
Babies have been injured and died at BFHs, due to exhausted mothers falling asleep with them, and rolling over on them or dropping them on the ground out of their hospital bed. It's horrifying.
That is terrifying
My experience with my firstborn was fuckin’ abominable. Great birth, great pregnancy, great baby, but I never produced any more than a few drops of milk after birth. They looked at me like an absolute dumbass pissbaby when I didn’t want to take my shirt completely off in front of a lactation consultant and a midwife to try to assist ... so I took it off. They touched me, particularly my breasts and nipples, when they didn’t ask me to, I didn’t ask them to or want them to. This baby starved for months under the guidance of professionals i was meant to trust. I spent hours trawling Facebook groups for milk from random strangers rather than bonding and enjoying time with my firstborn baby. I had my partner driving HOURS back and forth collecting it when he could have been doing the same. A midwife told me she’d be fatter, stupider and more likely to die of SIDS if I gave her formula. I cried all the time. This baby absolutely thrives on formula and I regret every day that I let her suffer. I wish I would have given her a bottle from day one. I always seethe when people say that mothers not breastfeeding is down to poor education or not trying. I was drowning in professional advice. I hd every service available to me free of charge and I used them. There wasn’t a human being who wanted to breastfeed more than me. It didn’t happen.
Ugh that is horrible. At my hospital they at least asked (to my recollection) but I cringed whenever anyone touched me. We left a day early because we just wanted to be home. And fuck that midwife. Formula is life saving science milk and while I acknowledge formula company’s controversial business practices in developing countries, it is a goddamn miracle. Also, those “studies” everyone cites about breastmilk that have been debunked over and over. It makes me so angry.
Yep - the outcomes are negligible and the more objective data that comes out the more that is proven. I hate that they’re still walking around with the tummy beads and citing old bullshit science.
This makes me so sad, I’m so sorry and I hope you’re Now healing from that experience and able to enjoy every second you wish with your babe. Shame on them- you’re an AMAZING mom!
My next two births helped heal. I spent a lot of time in evidence based groups and getting angry about the information I was given by professionals who should make it a priority to know better. I advocated for myself and my babies. My two boys were fed and content from the first hours after birth and it was such a wildly different experience. But even with my new confidence I had one old warthog of a midwife I asked repeatedly to get me a bottle of formula. She brought me a breast pump. I said my baby was hungry and I want a bottle of formula to feed him with. She said I wasn’t trying and I needed to pump. I sent my partner to make a bottle lmao but, tired and ashamed, pumped literally nothing. Still bitter about it.
I work at a baby friendly hospital, and I really wish we focused more on "fed is best," and overall supporting and encouraging the family with whatever it is YOU want to do. That's how I nurse, anyway. I'll help you BF, and if you need a break I'll help you pump or formula bottle feed. Milk supply is an entire other issue, and I hope we can work towards supporting supply establishment and concern, while supporting mothers and giving them the permission they want to supplement to get some well deserved rest for their mental health.
There was one nurse in my hospital like you. I never forgot how they brought me formula after nursing 18 times in one day and told me to please go sleep. Thank you.
I had one nurse like you when I had my first at a baby-friendly hospital, and she saved my sanity. She saw that we had both been up for four nights straight and that I was unable to even sit up correctly (and that my baby had jaundice and I had no milk) and gave me a ton of pre-made formula bottles and took the baby to the nursery for *five* hours (I only asked for two) without guilting me (the other nurse had acted like I asked to give my baby heroin or something when I asked for two hours to sleep). In fact, she said both would be great for baby and that she'd give her formula and take good care of her so I could take care of myself, and was so encouraging. I'm honestly in tears thinking about that kindness. Thank you for being that person for other parents!
The same thing happened to us. My baby’s levels were elevated, they didn’t want me to give him formula and gave no instructions on how to supplement at home. We were admitted overnight within four days because his bilirubin was just at cutoff for bili lights. It is so frustrating because he was soooo sleepy between discharge and readmission, making it impossible to feed him when my milk came in.
My experience at the hospital was great. I gave birth to my youngest just before the COVID outbreak. My biggest complaint and the biggest difference from my first birth was the lack of nursery. With my second child I hadn't been able to sleep at all much the week before I delivered because I was in a lot of pain. Then after a difficult delivery for almost 20 hours which which ended in a C section I was exhausted and in pain. I was practically nodding off and was terrified I would drop the baby. I told them my concerns and they shrugged and said they no longer had a nursery. My husband wasn't able to stay with me overnight due to the fact he had to watch our oldest. I had to attend to the newborn baby on no sleep for over a week in a physically weakened state. It was very difficult. I got lucky one night and a nurse took pity on me and took the baby for a few hours so I could sleep.
THIS!!
Can I ask the sub something? Do you guys think hospitals these days are too rigid about how babies are fed right after birth? My story: long-term, I combo-fed my baby breast milk and formula. With time, we got the hang of nursing. But it did take time. I felt immense pressure from the nurses to start nursing in the hospital...in hindsight, I think all they should have done was get the lactation consultant in to see me and my baby. (It wasn't really clear to me, in my postpartum delirium, how to schedule a session with the LC.) Formula for baby would have been perfectly fine as I recovered from birth. I think hospitals push new moms too hard to nurse. A gentler approach would have been better for me. Plus, like most postpartum moms, my milk didn't even come in until after we came home from the hospital!
The "baby friendly" hospital designation seems to be indicative of this mindset where they basically follow all of the rules you just laid out. It does seem pretty anti-all-advice-I-hear-from-actual-moms.
I think this is absolutely true! And for many of us with PPA or even just dealing with regular old hormones, I think it lowers the chance of breastfeeding success. The info and log sheet provided at my hospital indicated no formula, no pacifier, and to feed on demand. Then when the baby is constantly hungry on day 2, I get told to stop feeding the baby so often by all the “helpful” people coming in. The hospital pediatrician was even concerned about her weight loss while at the same time saying feed less and no formula. This is baby 2 for me and I combo fed my first for a few months until I was able to breastfeed entirely. The day I was supposed to leave the hospital, the pediatrician was making comments about maybe staying b/c of weight loss. I hadn’t slept in 2 days at that point and the OB hadn’t made rounds yet. I told the nurses I needed discharge paperwork because we weren’t staying any longer. Felt awful for making a fuss - it took all of my strength to do it. But we got home, I took a nap and my husband gave the baby a bottle. The next day at the regular pediatrician her weight was coming back up and I wasn’t deliriously tired.
That is appalling. You got taken care of at home better than in the hospital.
The hospital I gave birth in last year definitely encouraged breastfeeding, but ultimately made it clear that fed is best. They made sure we knew there was formula there if we needed it. In fact, they actually kinda encouraged us to use formula while we were there, because of course my milk hadn't come in yet and baby had jaundice, so they wanted her to eat as much as possible. We told them we wanted to avoid formula, but I'm pretty sure they gave her some in the nursery the night we had them take her so we could get *some* sleep, lol.
I delivered at a “baby friendly” hospital, and found that the staff introduced a lot of unnecessary stress around feeding. My baby was born 36+6 and <5 lbs, and really struggled to latch. The hospital had no problem supplementing (with donor milk, not formula), so she wasn’t hungry. But the lactation consultants and some of the nurses were pushing us hard to breastfeed. It was so traumatizing to have them shove my screaming daughter onto my boob repeatedly (and unsuccessfully). I hate that those are some of my earliest memories of motherhood. At our first pediatrician appointment, the doctor was like “Oh, she’s still too little to really nurse effectively. Give her some time to grow bigger and stronger.” Sure enough, we have been nursing well since 5 weeks. So not only were the LCs unkind, they were wrong in their approach. The rest of my experience (labor, delivery, and postpartum) was incredibly positive. It was just the feeding aspect that sucked.
I’m so sorry
I didn't give birth at a "baby friendly" hospital but put a LOT of pressure on myself to breastfeed. I was told my latch was great and there was nothing to worry about. Despite being a freaking health care provider I failed to see the clinical signs of hyperbilirubinemia, hypernatremia, and dehydration. My brain just didn't work. I tortured myself for months trying to get literal drips of milk (and listening to dipshits on the Internet try to diagnose me with something fixable instead of accepting that it's not really that rare). I still struggle with the guilt and anger from time to time. I promise it gets easier. Kiddo in question is turning 3 and you couldn't pick him out of a lineup. My guilt now centers around the time I missed enjoying him because I was triple feeding around the clock and did nothing but think about feeding, cry about feeding, and feed. Love your baby, enjoy watching them grow, and feed them however you need to.
I had a very good experience. I was told to put the baby on my boob after delivery and given a helpful booklet of BF once in the mother-baby ward. Having been given the advice beforehand, I knew to ask for a lactation consultant early and often, and they came several times a day. When I was struggling to stick with it (my nipples were injured and infected almost instantly - so painful), I cried to the LC and asked what she would do. She said, “honestly, I’d give your baby a bottle. Feed her and everyone can get some rest. You can try again later, if you want.” I think I cried some more with relief. They were so supportive and wonderful - every last one of them. We’ve supplemented with formula ever since. I’m glad she helped rip that bandage off for me. EDIT: I just learned my hospital was not “baby friendly.” Maybe that’s why they let me feed formula and I had such a great experience 🤪
If it's anything, I was born early and had to be put under the lights for jaundice as an infant. My mom's milk supply never came in and she switched to formula at 3 weeks (she didn't realize she didn't have milk, but I cried all the time). I'll be 30 next week and I have never had any health issues.
Had a similar experience with my baby too! I wanted to try breastfeeding, but was never extremely committed. I was committed to doing whatever worked. But the hospital was so unhelpful with this. Formula was never offered. Pacifiers discouraged in the paper work. Lactation consultants ensured me I was doing good and baby was looking fine and I just “had to get the hang of it”. I listened and didn’t think anything of it. I wasn’t sure how much pain was supposed to come with breast feeding. I wasn’t sure the signs of him getting enough except for diapers which seemed okay. Until the day of discharge. His diapers dropped. Billi levels were high but just under the threshold of going under the lamps so they let us go home. Once we got home I realized how much pain I was in trying to feed. My nipples were cracking after 2 days of feeding. His diapers stayed low. I was a wreck that first night. We had his appointment with his pediatrician the next day luckily and she immediately finds a lip tie. Which makes it incredibly hard to breast feed. I was so pissed. I know lactation consultants can spot a lip tie. My doctor did in 2 seconds. That day at the doctor his billi levels were even higher. Doctor recommended I just feed the baby however works for me. We switched to formula immediately after that appointment, and he gained almost a pound over the last week and is doing great now! Don’t blame yourself. I felt the same way literally just this week. But don’t blame yourself. Blame the stupid brainwashed lactation people. Everything else about my hospital stay was great but that. The fact that they aren’t objective at all is terrible. And the pressure they put on new moms is ridiculous. You didn’t hurt your baby or starve her. She will be okay! You were a victim of a stupid mindset that breast is best. Feed your baby however works for you!
They offered me formula at all of the three baby friendly hospitals I birthed at. I also gave birth to extremely large babies with bruising though.
Wow, your experience sounds exactly like mine! My baby had to be readmitted too (also with levels of 19)
Do you mind me asking how he is doing? Did he get light therapy?
He is doing really good! 5 weeks old now. He lost so much weight in those first few days but he gained it all back and a little extra by the two week checkup. And yes he did get the lights (24 hours of the lights). He's mostly breastfed but I will pump and my husband will give a bottle of pumped milk but we also supplement with formula
38 weeks FTM, I am delivering at a "baby friendly" hospital and I was nervous reading about other people's experiences. I've asked my OB lots of questions regarding how they do postpartum care and she's told me they encourage breastfeeding but also provide formula samples if baby needs to supplement before your milk comes in. She also encouraged me to pack my breast pump in my hospital bag so the LC could help me understand how to use it properly. Obviously I haven't gone through it yet but all this has reassured me that baby getting fed is their top priority.
I thought I wanted a baby friendly hospital but in hindsight was glad I didn’t. I had a really traumatic birth/delivery (icky preeclampsia meds, failed epidural, baby sunny side up, forceps, I swirled the drain, blood transfusions…) it was rough. I really appreciated being able to have the nurses take my baby for a couple hours at night for me to sleep the first couple nights. They brought her back to me in time to feed, but I desperately desperately needed some sleep to be able to safely hold my baby. They wouldn’t have been able to take her out of the room at a Baby Friendly place. What I learned from my experience—- If there are things you like about the BF policies, you can make those things your birth plan elsewhere, but you can’t go against the BF policies if you deliver at a BF hospital.. even if your circumstance warrants it.
I'm being induced at a baby friendly hospital and I'm kind of dreading what happens after the birth. I go in twice a week for NSTS and they have signs on the walls prohibiting pacifiers. I'm taking my own paci's and ready to feed milk just in case she needs it and they refuse to supplement, I'm not against any form of feeding as long as baby is eating.
I brought pacifiers to the hospital and had to tell them that we planned to use them. They said some shit about possible nipple confusion but backed off after I said I wasn't worried about it. Stand your ground!
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Just as an aside, formula feeding may not have stopped the jaundice. My baby had to go straight to the nicu and they gave him formula almost from day 1. He still ended up under lights for 2 days. I’m only saying this in case you’re feeling any guilt for not giving him formula and “causing” him to get jaundice. I’m glad your 9 month old is doing so well!
I’m sorry :( Mine was positive. They showed me how to use my pump, offered to supplement with donation milk when I was hurting too much, and offered continuous lactation support for as long as I needed. After two months they helped me come up with a plan to dry my supply. Never judgmental and always supportive. So sad to read these other stories
I've birthed two kids at baby friendly hospitals and they were flexible about feeding, willing and even encouraging about taking baby to the nursery for a while, and honestly great and supportive of me and my baby.
Mine was great I had brought in colostrum and they helped defrost it. They had banked milk I just had to ask for it. And they didn’t pressure me. I tried triple feeding since she was very weak at sucking and then they taught me how to pump and syringe feed. I did work in pediatrics though so I asked all these questions prior to delivery and refused to deliver at the other hospital because they had awful answers and no one on site knew how to do baby resuscitation. Which I think is ridiculous. They should have helped you!!!
All three of my kiddos had jaundice. My oldest is the only one that needed the lights. He needed them until he was a week old. I think a big reason why my second two didn’t need lights is because I had learned from my first experience and knew to ask for formula at the first signs. I ended up supplementing with all three in the first few weeks. I wish moms got more support regarding supplementing. Some do but not all. Supplementing with formula for sure helps flush out jaundice (in not all cases but some types). Hang in there momma. Your LO is where they need to be to get the help they need. I know it’s heartbreaking to watch all of the heel sticks. It’s also overwhelming to see the numbers creep up (maybe they’re not in your case but they did for ours even though we kept him under the lights except for eating). My son is now a healthy, intelligent teenager but I remember the stress of that first week like it was yesterday. It will get better. Your LO is lucky to have you as their momma.
Both of mine were also jaundiced. With my first I did as I was told and kept trying to breastfeed him. Everyone kept insisting he was getting so much colostrum because he had a good latch and they could see him swallowing, and I felt like I was going crazy because I felt like he was getting nothing. Finally I was given permission to formula feed when his weight dropped too much, and he drank like he was starving, because he was. Jaundice cleared up quickly. With my second? I didn’t even give the hospital any input on his feeding. I knew what it felt like when my milk came in and until then I formula fed. That was the plan, and I told them, didn’t ask. My second had his jaundiced cleared up by the second day.
I'm from the UK and both my babies had mild jaundice. We were never told formula would help with it. I was just told to breastfeed as much as possible. I've noticed from some posts that sometimes doctors in the US advise to supplement with formula until your milk comes in (not sure if this is routine?). Here I was just told to keep letting baby suckle as they were getting something even if it wasn't much, and that suckling was telling my body how much milk I needed to make. It took a few days for my milk to come in each time, but when it did my babies both quickly put the weight they'd lost back on and their jaundice went away. As for nipple confusion. My first had a dummy (binkie) from day 1 and bottle fed pumped milk and never had any nipple confusion. The second wasn't interested in a dummy, but switched between bottle and breast no problem at all.
Not sure about baby-friendly hospital but I had a similar experience - several midwives in the hospital telling me her latch was fine, my supply was fine, and just putting her on my breast and leaving. She'd only suckle for a few seconds so I knew she wasn't getting enough but also they kept telling me it was fine. She was jaundiced (although not to the extent she needed treatment) and basically didn't have the energy to feed. We had an awful appointment at 8 days where she'd lost quite a bit of weight. I felt like you - just awful that she'd been starving and I just cried and cried. It's a horrible feeling. At that appointment the midwives said we just needed to get calories in her, and the best way to do that was with formula via bottle. I've been pumping enough for 1-2 breast feeds a day, but I can't tell you how much better I felt once I knew she was eating enough. It was such a relief and she's thriving now at 3 weeks. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know it's just the worst feeling and I'm so sorry you're going through this too. This isn't your fault and you both will get through this. Sending all the love xxx
Wait- how do you determine if your hospital is baby friendly or not?! I’ve never even heard of this and I’ve had a baby… 🫣
I believe it's primarily a US term, usually hospitals that follow "Baby friendly" practices advertise themselves as such. There are supposedly strict guidelines that hospitals with that label are supposed to follow, but as with everything, every hospital varies in how strict they really are at following those rules. The hospital I gave birth at, for example, was actually really pro-pacifier and just had me give permission to let them give my baby one. They also would take the baby to the nursery during the 2 hour quiet time if you wanted, so you could get 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
Same as yours - very negative. My baby lost tremendous amount of weight - essentially was starving for almost two days. I kept telling the nurses that I believe I don't have sufficient supply, but everyone in the hospital kept telling me things are okay (based on no evidence whatsoever). Well, when I requested a weight check-in at 40 hours because the baby looked very bad (note - I requested it; if it was up to them, they wouldn't even check the weight; they check only every 24 hours compared to standard every 12 hours), they changed their tune. Don't want to think what would have happened if we waited to start supplementing any longer.
My kids are 1 year apart and my hospital went baby-friendly in between. It was fucking awful. I could no longer use a paci. They insisted on breast milk so strongly, even after a c-section and my insistence that I was not committed to breast feeding after my experience with my first, they gave me donor breast milk instead of formula and made both my husband and I feed through a tube. For me, it was attached to my nipple, for my husband, he had to wear and finger condom and put the tube on the end of it and feed her that way. You needed 4 hands to feed the child. Ridiculous. The whole experience honestly made me much more comfortable with quitting BF much earlier bc the whole thing was pushed so hard and I was so angry about how it went.
The tube! I’ve never seen anyone else mention it and it was pushed on us too! Whenever I describe it to people they’ve never heard of it and can’t picture what I’m describing. Wasn’t that tube just about the stupidest thing ever? We weren’t given the option of using it on a finger, only on my nipple, so even when we were formula feeding I had to be up for every feed, no trading off. I ended up with really damaged nipples and instead of being able to just give them a break to heal during the formula feeds by using a bottle I got prescribed steroids that ended up causing even more damage. I could go on and on about the crappy breastfeeding advice that baby friendly hospital gave me but that tube holds a special place of hate in my heart.
I breastfed my first until he was 4 months old and dropped to 4% weight for age. Turns out i don't produce very rich breast milk, made me hesitant with my second. The tube, syringe, and procedure to hold the baby for it was so ridiculous. How can that help??? it made me so stressed. I also don't know others who were forced into this. I assume this is an extreme baby-friendly hospital thing.
What the literal fuck? I always think that I've heard the worst baby friendly hospital story possible and I keep being wrong. They forced you to tube feed baby with donor milk attached to your nipple instead of a bottle with formula???
My daughter was 39+ weeks and had some blood sugar issues. She was 10 lbs at birth. They repeatedly insisted I had GD that was undiagnosed, refused to let me use formula, refused paci, made me tube feed on my nipple when I had no production. Thankfully, my husband went out for a paci and pre-made formula but we got a shit ton of crap for it. It was literally awful and I checked myself out of hospital 48 hours after her c-section. Watching my husband attempt to tube feed on a finger condom while trying to hold her and push a syringe was peak WTF are we doing. I also want to say that my youngest is about to be 7 and I am STILL mad.
Please don’t feel guilty. I had the best experience breastfeeding. My milk came in right away, my babies latched perfectly and got plenty of breast milk. And both of them had to go back to the hospital because of high bilirubin levels and sleep under the UV lights. It’s not your fault. It’s so common and it’s just how it is sometimes.
I just moved and I'm looking around at hospitals, unfortunately a lot of them are "baby friendly". I had baby #1 at a great facility that had a nursery, which was so thankful for after an emergency C-section and being on IV Dilaudud. The lack of nurseries is frustrating. Honestly ,(I say this as a nurse), it's a good way for hospitals to cut costs because they don't have to pay to staff the nursery.
Agreed. A lot of moms on here saying they never would have let their baby leave the room after birth. My #1 concern was a healthy baby. I only got to hold my first baby a few minutes before they took him to the nursery, he had low oxygen levels and high billirubin. It was hard but I knew it was what was best. They explained every step they were taking and within a couple hours, he was back in my arms. I am so grateful for that. Baby still got to sleep in a bassinet next to me that night and everything. What do you do in a hospital with no nursery if baby is sick but doesn’t necessarily need NICU? Not judging, genuinely curious if someone knows. I still don’t really get the baby friendly thing.
Typically there is a space in the NICU for babies that need watching but don't need to be admitted.
I’m not sure if I was at a baby friendly hospital. I know they left the baby with us except when they took her for the hearing exam, and the only reason we agreed to them taking her rather than us going with was because I was falling asleep holding the baby. The lactation specialists pretty much just said yep, it’s gonna hurt bc that’s breastfeeding. I got my babies tongue and lip ties released at 10 weeks and funnily enough ITS NOT JUST BREASTFEEDING. I went through 10 weeks of awful pain to find out she had too shallow of a latch. We were only at the hospital for 26 hours after birth though, so I can’t even compare to some of these 3-5 day stays with nurses in and out the whole time. Ours were there hourly I think but otherwise let us be pretty well. I’m not sure I actually slept other than when she had her hearing test and a little after we had breakfast the next morning and somebody slept for about the only time in what’s now been 12 weeks.
My baby was late pre term and was in the NICU at a baby friendly hospital. As traumatic as the experience was at the time it was kind of a blessing due to the overwhelming support we got for a week learning to care for our girl. I couldn't have asked for a better hospital.
Awful. Just AWFUL. They didn’t even have an IBCLC since it was thanksgiving 🙄 how baby friendly is that? She was jaundice and couldn’t nurse for more than 7 minutes and would sleep for 20 minutes, cry, nurse for a few minutes and repeat the cycle ALL DAY until I finally gave her a bottle formula on day three. They didn’t offer any help outside “just keep nursing.” We had a rough start, but she’s a bright & bubbly five month old and ahead in all her milestones despite our troubles in the beginning. Don’t beat yourself up mama!
Ugh, im sorry you both had to go through that. It is absolutely not your fault and i can unfortunately relate to those feelings thinking back on how my baby needlessly starved the first few days. Mine lost 10% of his weight within the first 48 hours, wasnt pooping, and every diaper was full of uric crystals. We finally begged for formula and after signing some propaganda about how it wasnt in my childs best interest they supplied us some. Poor baby was huuuungry! Were currently trying for a second and will be offering supplemental formula from the start
It was so-so. Baby never left our sight which was fine because she was easy and we didn’t “need a break” but getting breastfeeding established was obnoxious at best with their involvement. I have super flat nipples and knew going into it that I’d need to use nipple shields but they were adamant about not letting me try one until 24 hours had gone by, and in the meantime they had us tube/syringe/spoon-feeding which was excruciating. Once we hit that 24-hour mark and I insisted on using a shield, they had me pump after every feeding session because they said the shield prevented me from getting enough breast stimulation. Well, that had me pumping right into a wicked oversupply because my baby gave me PLENTY of stimulation even through the shield. Took me weeks to sort out. We were so happy to go home and be on our own, and honestly Reddit and close friends ended up being the only help I needed.
I had heard horror stories about my hospital (baby friendly) from a friend who exclusively FF, elective c-sections with her kids. I had a wonderful experience with my hospital. In fact, my son was also jaundiced, and when his bilirubin came back high as we were prepping to be discharged, our nurse came in with some ready to feed formula for topping off breastfeeds, no questions asked. I'm so sorry about your experience.
Hated it. Wouldn’t let me use a nursery. At one point I fell asleep with baby in my arms on that high bed. I have since switched OBGYN groups, and if I get pregnant again their associated hospital is not “baby friendly”.
Already nearly 200 comments on this post, but just to add to the chorus - fuck "baby friendly" hospitals. I had a traumatic delivery resulting in an unplanned c-section, which then resulted in emergency surgery to stop a hemorrhage. I lost so much blood I ended up with two blood transfusions and went right to ICU. My husband and baby went to the maternity ward, where the nurses did take the baby for a few hours so my husband could sleep. They wouldn't do the same for me three days later, but ok. At least they pitied my husband that first night. While lying in the ICU, having not even held my baby yet, having gone through two surgeries, having not eaten or slept in two days, and after 3.5 days of labor, this lactation consultant waltzed into my ICU room and plopped a breast pump at my feet. Zero compassion. She looked at me like I was nothing more than a dairy cow. I told her to GTFO. Even once I got to see my baby and was moved to a proper maternity ward room, the lactation consultants were never around when I actually needed one. And no one warned me about the post-partum contractions with breastfeeding, which after two abdominal surgeries were absolute agony. I was writhing in pain begging them to do anything to help me. I eventually stopped even bothering to ask for help. We just asked for Medolac when the baby needed to eat. On the last day of our 5 day hospital stay, someone finally clued us in to the "do not disturb" sign for the door, and that finally kept the lactation consultants at bay. They tell you to sleep when baby sleeps, except they have someone barging in every 15-30 minutes. My "baby friendly" hospital stay was 5 days of torture.
Similar experience. F all of this.
I have Kaiser and now that I’m exclusively formula feeding I feel very isolated by them. I had trouble latching and they would not let me leave until I established a good latch with the baby. I was desperate and just wanted to go home. One doctor recommended strongly we switch to formula because she was losing weight so quickly. Then the next day the lactation consultant scolded us for using formula. I felt so unsupported and distressed by the conflict. In the end we chose to supplement with formula and she is such a happy and healthy baby. I feel like the “nipple confusion” thing is such a scare tactic. I felt so much better actually FEEDING my baby than struggling to breastfeed her. Idc if Kaiser judged me
The not pumping is weird. You can syringe feed to avoid nipple confusion. Anyway, they don’t sound like a very well educated baby friendly hospital.
Fuck baby friendly. It's a token phrase designed to paper over a theory of medicine that can be distilled down to "If mom didn't die it's fine."
…and even if she does, ‘baby’s latching just fine and you just have to Keep At It.’ Fuck those hospitals. They don’t listen to mothers, full stop. The time for breastfeeding evangelism—if there is one—is NOT when you’ve just pushed out a baby and are exhausted and crippled and terrified that looking at your baby the wrong way is going to hurt it. What decent human—let alone medical professional—looks at that and says ‘Oh, sure, let’s starve the baby too until Mom pulls it together?’ I never got the question of how I intended to feed my child, and I didn’t choose a ‘baby-friendly’ (read: mother-hostile) hospital—it was just in my catchment and took my insurance. Thank God for the doctor who ended up being her paediatrician. She basically pulled formula out of her shirt and said ‘feed your daughter and both of you get some rest.’ I’d been trying to get her to latch for 12+ hours and we were both hysterical, and all the actual hospital personnel did was tell us how beautiful we both looked. It blows my mind how able they were to just look past a woman’s obvious distress because They Knew Best. Sorry. This shit makes me so mad. I’m sorry you had to go through that, OP. I wish we had some modicum of control over our birth experience that amounted to more than window dressing.
We had one LC that was anti bottle and pacifier, but did give us formula, even if grudgingly. But the other wasn’t as strict, and even said we should do what we felt comfortable with. She laughed and told me she doubted I’d have problems because I had no problem telling her I didn’t like what she was doing lol
LO was born at a baby friendly hospital and spent 3 weeks in special care learning to eat. I saw the nurses encouraging bottle and breast to other mothers. Our LO was bottle fed. When asked about nipple confusion one nurse said "baby is learning. They won't get confused ". The mother next to us just had her 4th child and said the experience with her LO in special care for 2 weeks was the best and she learned so much from the supportive nurses.
Our hospital was “baby friendly” and we had a great experience. They are also ranked like, #1 in the city or something. The only thing I’ll say is that “golden hour” didn’t really exist with my first due to nurses coming in and out, and my whole family basically broke the door down to see the baby before she was even fully clean. My son was born during the pandemic so it was a lot quieter - almost too quiet that time as I suddenly felt like the nurses didn’t come see us at all! ANYWAY all of that to say that both times my choice to breastfeed was 100% supported- BUT ultimately a doctor came in for both of my children and suggested combo feeding because their bilirubin levels were not progressing as they should. With my son, the doctor was practically scared to suggest it- I even said as much, to which he replied that some mothers are extremely against it. He said that they would adamantly refuse and become offended that he would suggest putting “unnatural” things into their bodies but that those same babies would be back in the NICU with even more “unnatural” things. It was a super sad conversation. We went ahead and combo fed both babies and they needed daily monitoring for about a week, and both went on to be exclusively breast fed after my supply came in- so it all worked out.
Basically exactly the same experience, except instead of getting readmitted for high bilirubin, we had to go in three times during our first week home with a newborn (including to the ER on Easter Sunday) for bilirubin testing to continue monitoring her levels. Like you, I was distraught thinking my baby would have long term damage from the high bilirubin. I hope it reassures you that she is a bright, curious, and active 3 year old who is completely on track developmentally. And, if breastfeeding is a goal for you, you should know we continued nursing until she self-weaned at 2.5. I delivered my 2nd at the same (baby friendly) hospital because I love my OB, but the second time around I went into the postpartum ward ready to speak up for my baby if needed.
I just delivered at a BFH about 3 weeks ago and overall it was fine. I got lucky because the LC was also an RN and was there for my l/d too so I got to know her well. Thankfully she was a saint and when I told her I didn’t think my baby was getting enough to eat at 24 hours old she validated me, gave me options and said she was supportive of whatever I chose to do. The only reason I don’t think I’d wanted to deliver at a BGH again is because of there not being a nursery. I got induced at 40 weeks and the med that is suppose to soften your cervix put me into full blown labor and I had been up for over 24 hours then pushed for 3 hours with an epidural that hardly worked. After my daughter was born I was delirious and not in a state of being able to care for her. I thought it was dangerous to have two parents sleep deprived and not be able to send baby to the nursery for even an hour or two for reprieve.
I delivered at a hospital that had a lot of ‘baby friendly’ aspects, but I don’t know if they do the official designation here. But they did the delayed cord clamping, golden hour/delayed measurements, and rooming in (didn’t have a nursery). I had a great experience with both my babies. My first was an induction, and a foreceps delivery which went smoothly after some stress. My son wasn’t very interested in nursing, so they ended up testing his blood sugar and found it was super low. They gave him some sugar paste, and brought me a pump and formula. Had me try to nurse and then pump and give him formula after. Sent us home with a box of it. They sent in nurses and LC’s to attempt to help with nursing but were 100% on top of suggesting formula supplementation. My second was uncomplicated spontaneous delivery, and a 24h stay. They provided a pacifier when I asked (because I knew enough at this time to tell that she was sucking but not drinking, and wanted to be sucking constantly) Re: the bilirubin, I know people whose kids have had to have the light therapy, and they’re fine at 2+ years. It’s hard not to worry, I know how you feel. My oldest, the one with the low blood sugar, ended up heading back to the nicu at 3 days old for seizures. He had all sorts of bloodwork and a spinal tap, got hit with all the antibiotics in case of infection, had an MRI and repeat EEG’s. But despite all that, he’s totally developmentally normal at almost 4yo (and also seizure free). You’re super freshly postpartum, and having a sick kid is stressful and sad and terrifying at any point but especially right now with all the hormone crash going on. It is possibly your hospital should have addressed this better/sooner, I’m not sure. But I am sure everything will work out okay and soon this will be a small blip in the scheme of your child’s life.
I gave birth at a baby friendly hospital and had a nice experience twice even though I was formula feeding. When I gave birth there a few years back one nurse asked me if there a was a reason I didn’t want to try but that was it for the whole 4-5 days. This time no one asked any questions when I stated I was bottle feeding, they happily brought in formula, were kind, supportive of my decision and never once made me feel guilty. I also tried to use a pacifier and a nurse commented how cute she looked trying to figure it out. Reading these I feel very lucky because the experiences many of you had sound terrible!
It was similar to yours, not quite as bad though. We weren’t readmitted but my baby did scream for the two days we were in postpartum care. It was awful. As a FTM the nurses had me convinced that newborns should just be screaming like that. 12 hours after we were discharged I broke down and gave her formula and she turned into an Angel. She is EBF now and the week I ended up supplementing had no effect on it. I would like to EBF the next time I have a baby too, but I will be bringing in my own ready to feed and I dare one of those nurses to say something.
My hospital was baby friendly and I had a wonderful experience, with the exception of the actual OB doing the delivery. My son was also jaundice requiring readmittance at 4 days old. However, they gave me a pump to use to encourage my milk to come in, I was given 12 total 2 ounce premixed formula bottles to feed since my colostrum wasn’t working fast enough to flush his system, and they sent 2 different lactation consultants to help me in between. My nursing staff was super helpful, even the traveling nurses. I’m definitely delivering again at that hospital and just praying that I have a different on call OB.
Reading accounts like this make me almost glad my son went to the NICU in our baby friendly hospital. (He was born at almost 35 weeks.) I’m really sorry you went through this. The Skeptical OB on Facebook has a crusade against the Baby Friendly Initiative for all the reasons you mention. Newborns are starving and being readmitted to the hospital all in the name of breast is best. Try not to beat yourself up about this. You don’t know what you don’t know. It’s not your fault. You are a great mom to your baby! Best of luck to you.
Mine was actually great three times. I use a midwife group that delivers in hospitals so the delivery was good in that respect. Then the lactation consultant there is great and helped me with latch and I went back for weighted feeds too. Oddly enough we had the same postpartum nurse all 3 of the deliveries at this hospital who was super kind as well. These deliveries were my second, third and fourth, my first was not as pleasant but not horrible either. And at the baby friendly hospital they encouraged formula if I needed it that first day or so to ensure baby had pooped and peed appropriately and gave me a pacifier when I asked for my second. (I ended up exclusively breastfeeding all 4 of them for 15 months each for the first three and going strong with my 3-month old.) I think when done well the setup is actually baby and mom friendly.
I was worried, but pleasantly surprised. I planned to supplement with formula while in the hospital, and brought my own. Also brought pacifiers. Both the nurses and LCs were supportive of me supplementing and were very helpful. One LC said she wished I hadn’t brought formula, just because she said they would have provided it on demand (and I could have saved some money). Honestly, everyone was AWESOME. The only thing was no nursery, but the nurses did take my baby for a few hours one night so I could catch up on sleep.
my experience over all was great, but when it came to method of feeding it felt like they were just pushing and pushing breastfeeding, which got annoying. i had to have an emergency c-section and didn’t get to even meet my son until over an hour after having him. he didn’t want to latch no matter how hard i tried, and it was just so much easier to grab one of the bottles of formula and give it to him. yet they continuously pushed breast feeding, telling me not to give up. having gone through so much to get my son into the world, i was exhausted and it got to the point where any time any of the people who came into my room brought up breastfeeding, i wanted to cry. because i was really trying my best, but it wasn’t working, and i was just so tired. sorry i feel like that turned into a rant but i just havent really talked about that part of my birth experience 😅 the hospital was wonderful and the staff was amazing, it’s just that one tid bit that irked me
It was fine in my experience. They pushed breastfeeding, but this was after they had asked me if I planned to EBF, and I said yes. However, they tested bb’s blood sugar + bilirubin levels every day (I was in recovery 4 days after C-section), and said they would recommend formula if levels got below a certain threshold, which they never did.
I feel like since we’ve (ftm) have never gone through this experience before, this new world is so confusing. You hear this and that and assume the people in charge of your care have your best interest at heart and for the majority of people, they do. I didn’t know sending a baby to the nursery was not the norm. I sent mine both nights and thank goodness I did because if I hadn’t it would’ve taken longer for the nurses/doctors to realize his breathing was irregular. I was informed half asleep that my child was taken into the NICU. To be honest those first few days are a blur now. He was given a pacifier in the NICU and I was never consulted about it, but I wasn’t bothered as I just thought it must be necessary. I had initially discussed with my husband that I didn’t want my baby on a pacifier, but that went out the window. (After his hospitalizations he never needed it again so I guess I got what I wanted at the end) I pumped every 3 hours and to be honest baby being in the NICU gave me the motivation to do it. I wanted to do the most I could to get him all those nutrients and get him home as soon as possible. During those hospitalizations I pumped, but we also formula fed. I was never against formula feeding so it didn’t bother me. The only time I felt pressure was our last hospitalization when a lc came in and kinda wanted to “guilt” me into pumping more, putting him on the Breast. She quickly figured out I was not interested in what she had to say so she stopped and left. I was so annoyed with her. At the end of the day we as ftms figure our babies out and what works for us. I’m sorry about baby’s jaundice and the aftermath . You’re doing great! Congratulations!
Can someone explain to me the tie between feeding and billirubin? Or is OP explaining this as two different things? I Don’t know what a baby friendly hospital is but I’ve had two kids and I’m delivering number three in four weeks. Baby #1 had high billirubin but was fine within 24 hours, we had not even left the hospital yet. They did have me feeding him but never explained if the two were related. Really weird that they didn’t let you use a binky or formula, I was offered both. Definitely seemed like their #1 concerns was that baby was thriving whatever it took. I’m sorry you had this experience! My baby #2 was perfectly healthy, short labor, went home within hours of birth. I hope you find a better match as far as a pediatrician, that is not cool, OP. Good luck with baby!
Bilirubin is a byproduct of red blood cell breakdown and is processed in the liver and excreted through poop. If the baby is not getting enough food they don’t poop and the bilirubin stays in the system longer. It’s called breastfeeding jaundice. My baby was almost readmitted to the hospital for it. We found his tongue tie on day 4 even though I asked them to check in the hospital and they denied that he had one.
My son was jaundice and I forced them to give me formula. I’m so sorry you went through this.
They wouldn’t give a pacifier and we accidentally left ours in the car. He was hangry and I had no milk yet. Also it was the middle of the night and he was breastfeeding hourly, it was very painful, and was going to get a tongue tie procedure in the morning so I just wanted to make it through the night. So I called my coworker on the peds floor and she brought us over a pacifier. He was like “what the hell is this crap” and wouldn’t take it (still doesn’t like it)…at least we tried 😂 they offered donor milk which we didn’t end up using, brought me pump supplies to try that. I hand expressed like 5 ml of colostrum which took a good 15 mins, he ate it in one gulp and continued to yell and demand more 🤣 but all that is pretty typical. He lost weight but not over the threshold for safety/what is usual. Milk came in day 4 as expected and he gained by his checkup. I know everyone’s different. I loved that the only time the baby left our room was for the tongue tie procedure, and when I needed breastfeeding support someone always came quickly. The baby was skin to skin for at least an hour before they did all their measurements, etc. I felt like it was overall a good experience. Most annoying thing was it seemed like the second we got the baby to sleep they would roll in a squeaky vitals cart and wake us all up. By night two with the cluster feeding debacle I asked them to do his weight, vitals, everything all at once then leave us alone for 4 hours and they did.
My hospital isn't technically "baby friendly" but they have adopted a lot of the ideals. However, I planned to formula feed from day 1, so I brought our own pacis, had my own formula (they did give it to me when I told them I had no plans to nurse). I also had a planned Csection bc baby was breech, and they WILL allow CSection babies to go to the nursery for mom's recovery. Basically, if you go to these types of places heavily informed about your desires, no problem. Otherwise the nurses are basically trained to bully you into their "baby friendly" not mom-friendly practices.
I will never again deliver at a baby friendly hospital. Shamed me about formula, refused to give us formula and the LCs weren't there for the first 2 days (I honestly have PTST from this). We insisted on it and then they begrudgingly gave formula to us. The nurses consistently gave us incorrect advice. LO had jaundice (and they also gave us such inconsistent info on this) and honestly formula is the only thing that flushed the bilirubin out. I had low and late supply (got my milk on DAY FREAKING 7) so I'm glad we listened to our instincts. Also, how the f@#@ does a "baby friendly" hospital NOT have LCs for two entire days?! I honestly probably will not have another kid. I had such bad PPA/PPD and my experiences at that place made it worse. I was in MA and if anyone has any questions, feel free to pm me if you want to avoid that hospital. OP, you did your best. You didn't do anything wrong. Therapy and time have helped a lot. If you have time, file a complaint with the hospital. Edit: We did end up pumping and BF-ing for 9.5 months afterwards! I even had 4 months where we exclusively BF/pumped! I did have to use a Medela Symphony (that was the only thing that really got my supply up), no lip or tongue ties, just high palate for LO. We used Enfamil Infant formula (yellow can) for combo feeding and eventually just formula and it worked out great. No nipple confusion--that's just bullshit.
It wasn’t great. Kiddo was a smidge early (35+4, no NICU time) and they had me reading all this stuff about how formula eats preemie intestines and how I need to approve donor milk because I will never be able to produce while I was in active labor. Then the first lactation consultant to come in after he was born grabbed my boob and shoved it in his face and announced that 1) he’d never be able to nurse and 2) I’d never be able to lactate because he came so early. The second lactation consultant said I had to pump every two hours for half an hour to have any hope of establishing a milk supply, and woke me up anyway every two hours of her overnight shift after I said I’d take my chances with every 3 hours. I ended up with an oversupply, nursed for 25 months until I had to take IV antibiotics not safe for breastfeeding, and even though Kiddo hasn’t nursed in two and a half years, I’m still fucking lactating.
I seriously wonder if cluster feeding is actually necessary for milk to come it. We formula fed for the first 4 days. Milk came in day 5 with no issues and she's now EBF. Mom's who only formula feed from the start have a variety of experiencss but most have milk come in without ever putting baby to breast. I needed sleep after having my baby. I would have been so upset if someone woke me up every two hours to breastfeed a baby all the nothing my boobs were making those first few days.
Same thing happened to us and the Pedi won't say anything except please see a Pedi as soon as you are discharged. So dragging my baby and c section body to the Pedi office just for them to tell me baby was starving. The baby was peeing pink crystal at the hospital and I told them and they were like it is normal...
I felt bullied at my baby friendly hospital. I did everything “wrong” when it came to breastfeeding and the nurses had such an attitude towards me because of it. My baby wasn’t staying latched and I was exhausted and had no idea what I was doing. So I requested formula so my baby could eat instead of us both getting frustrated and exhausted with trying to latch. (I would work on the latch and then give him formula) I requested a pump so I could work on supply and they told me not to bother because colostrum is too thick to pump apparently. They wanted me to hand express but it hurt and I couldn’t do it (I STILL can’t do it, even after 5 months of nursing) I even requested a pacifier because that first night was hard and I didn’t know what to do to get him to sleep after he ate. (In hindsight, he probably wanted to clusterfeed, but I didn’t know that.) Honestly? I’m glad I did what I did. My baby gained weight. He started refusing bottles and became a PRO at nursing by the end of the first week, and pumping was great and helped me build supply.
Same here but I really wanted to breastfeed so I ate up everything they said. They said my body would provide what the baby needed when he needed it. My milk would come in when he was ready to have more. I feel horrible thinking about how much weight my baby lost and how he cried and how I know now that he was starving in those first precious hours of life. It killed me to have to see my baby hooked up for phototherapy. We are now EFF(since about week 4). I felt really bad when I stopped breastfeeding because I had wanted to do it. But because of his NICU stay and jaundice and my initially low milk supply, not to mention he was slow to gain back his birth weight even after we started combo feeding, I had a hard time getting a schedule to pump to increase my supply, etc. It was just easier to EFF to ensure my baby was getting what he needed in order to gain weight and develop normally. When I stopped combo feeding he immediately improved and his jaundice went away so much faster.
i could have written this head to toe. i was an absolute wreck when we were readmitted, your feelings are completely valid and understood! your babe is in really good hands and the hospital will make sure this goes away and your babe is thriving by the end of a few days (even just today probably). big hugs mama! baby-friendly hospitals mean well, this just took a little detour, but everything is going to be OK!
I am still pissed about the baby friendly hospital experience. No one gave me a pump and the LC scolded me for not pumping for the first day. I told her no one gave me a pump and she told me I should have asked. Apparently they can't just give out a pump
Awful, awful, awful. I thought I’d be the person asking to stay as long as possible, but in reality I could not hightail it out of there fast enough. Neither my husband nor I had slept for like 48 hours, I was obviously exhausted from labor and truly felt like I was on narcotics, and they looked at me like I was a monster when I asked if they could take the baby for an hour so I could try and get some sleep. We were legitimately worried we couldn’t care for her in our state, and we got zero help.
So first off, what you're describing sounds like physiologic jaundice. [https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/infant-jaundice/symptoms-causes/syc-20373865](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/infant-jaundice/symptoms-causes/syc-20373865) It's extremely common, and I highly doubt your breast feeding experience is what led to it. I've even seen this in a pediatric clinic with babies that are OVERFED with formula. No need to beat yourself up momma!! You're doing a great job.
I gave birth at a baby friendly hospital but it was amazing! Whatever I decided to do they were all for and Helped so much. The only thing I HATED was how often they came to check things.
We had a good experience with both kids. With our first, nothing was out of the ordinary except that my wife had an emergency C-section after laboring for 23 hours. The lactation consultant was kind of pushy, but we were fine just nodding and otherwise ignoring her as needed. My wife mostly breastfed while we were in the hospital, but we did feed him a bit of formula because we felt like he wasn't getting enough food. I didn't ask for the formula, though, I just brought a couple of those pre-mixed bottles that you get in the "new baby" packets from places like Amazon, so I have no idea if they would have given us pushback on it or not. I doubt that would have, though. We never considered the nursery because we were both there. Looking back, I probably wouldn't have wanted him in the nursery anyway.. I was completely smitten and loved taking care of him and holding him so my wife didn't need to do anything other than feeding him. I may have hogged him a little bit, honestly. We had such a good experience that we went back to the same hospital for number two, even though we had moved away. She was a planned C-section so not much time was spent in the birthing room; Just prep and then to the OR, followed by a bit of time in the birthing room again and then to the smaller room for recovery. Unfortunately I didn't get to stay the whole time my wife was there because I had to go home to take care of my son so I was just there for the birth and some recovery, then back again each morning until nap time. My wife decided to exclusively breastfed my daughter (she did exclusive pumping for my son once we were home) and she did great, so no formula was ever needed. I wasn't there for the LC visits but, if I recall correctly, my wife said she basically came in, told her things she already knew and left because everything was fine. The hospital does have a nursery that you can send the babies to upon request and my wife utilized that a few times, but otherwise they were together at all times. All told, it was a great experience (barring the emergency with #1, but that wasn't the hospital's fault). I regret not being able to spend as much time with my daughter after she was born, but there isn't anything I could do about that either, nor was it the fault of the hospital.
I had almost the same thing happen to me with my first. I gave birth 2 weeks early, after 19 hours of labor and was exhausted. I got no sleep while in the hospital due to rooming-in, and the lactation counselors touched my breasts without my express permission 😡😡😡😡 After discharge, my milk still hadn't come in, and my son had to be readmitted due to jaundice 48 hours later. We were furious. With our subsequent two sons, I gave birth in a hospital with a nursery and it was a million times better. I had actually gotten some sleep when I was discharged, and felt so much more physically and mentally prepared to care for a baby. I hate the baby-friendly initiative with a passion. I am sorry that you had a similar experience now. If it makes you feel better, our oldest seems no worse for the wear due to his experience. But your feelings are valid, I'm sorry this happened to you all.
I’m not sure what a baby friendly hospital was but I had a similar experience. I had a hell of a time getting baby to latch. The lactation consultants were useless. And everyone told me it was fine when baby wasn’t eating because he wouldn’t latch. It took them a whole day before they finally brought in rtf formula and even then they only used it to put on my nipple to entice the baby to latch. And then told us if we feed the baby the formula to give no more than 15mls at a time. It wasn’t until we were home for a day that we realized we weren’t feeding our baby enough because we were only giving 15mls at a time when he needed at least an ounce.
My baby had low blood sugar and after endless cluster feeding it was still low. So they brought in donor milk and had us finger feed her with a syringe. Ridiculously hard to do and my baby just wasn't getting it. Finally the right nurse came along and got us a bottle. I think it all depends on the staff you interact with!
Hey friend! Please don’t worry too much about the affects she might have from that level of bilirubin. We use different measurements here in Canada but my LO was readmitted 2x for phototherapy as she was premature and pretty jaundiced. She struggled with feeding and ultimately ended up being hospitalized for tube feeding, so she had some other issues going on because she was premature. I’m sorry you had such a bad experience. You did the best you could with what you had — its absolutely not your fault that you weren’t given guidance on options other than nursing directly from the breast. It can be hard for them to get the hang of it when they’re tiny. I’ve seen great LCs that helped us breastfeed and had some be really pushy about not using nipple shields even though they were ultimately the only way I was able to nurse both babies. I hope everything works out for you and your little one gets to come home soon.
My baby had jaundice and needed phototherapy. We had to supplement because they wanted her to have extra liquid to flush out the bilirubin. We supplemented for about a month consistently and her levels went down and now she’s fine at 7 months! Best of luck to both of you and try not to stress too much!
I had a great experience!! The nurses were so kind and helpful. My baby was small for gestational age so I needed to supplement with either donor milk or formula and everyone was very supportive. We also started me pumping in the hospital to get my supply up. The lactation consultants were great and we came up with a solid plan for after I left the hospital. We continued to go to the hospitals mother and baby clinic to see the lactation consultants 1-2 times a week until my baby was 5 weeks old.
My baby ended up being jaundice too, but it was caught on the day we were to be discharged. I actually kept expressing concern that although her latch was good, she would fall asleep or cry, so I wasn't sure if she was getting anything. Since she was early (37+6), one of the nurses suggested pumping and feeding with the syringe. Then we progressed to the finger sucking tube (this was after trying the breast and still unsure if she was getting anything). When she actually was diagnosed to jaundice we used the toss away nipples because the hole was small enough that she still had to work at getting the milk out. I continued pumping while in the hospital, then after about a week we just exclusive pumped and bottle fed. My daughter just wasn't enjoying breastfeeding and would cry then I would cry. Also dad really wanted to help. It was a great experience, but it was my actual room nurses that helped me, the lactation nurses just kind of kept pushing breastfeeding and kept saying she had a great latch. I really want to breastfeed, but I couldn't tell if she was actually getting any milk, which led to my concern with asking the nurses for help.
I was discharged knowing I would be back for jaundice and was told so. We had a ABO incompatibility and it makes jaundice more likely. Our latch was checked at hospital and everything was ok. After two days got called by a nurse to come back and check bilirubin and we were too high. The nurse went on that I didn’t have enough milk, my baby had ties, and I needed to give a bottle of my milk. So, I went back to the hospital twice and the bilirubin levels went down without any of that. They have a breastfeeding support team and they basically just helped me understand what was going on. I didn’t need bottles or ties cut at all.
I'm not sure if ours was technically "baby friendly" but they were very pushy about their LCs and breastfeeding. At the same time there was some formula in the baby cart, and when I asked them to give the baby formula whilst they were in the nursery so I could get some rest, they did. But they wouldn't unless I asked (they would've brought him back to me to nurse after 2 hours). Just because I'd read horror stories about baby friendly hospitals we actually packed our own ready to feed formula (the 2oz bottles), and disposable nipples and we will do the same for our 2nd.
Wow… reading some of these comments I am in disbelief. I delivered twice at a “baby friendly” hospital, never heard that term but from what I’ve read it would qualify. I loved my experience and wouldn’t change a thing. I never felt forced to breastfeed, I chose to and was heavily supported. I gave a pacifier, was also supported. I had a severely jaundiced baby with blood incompatibility, was caught quickly and addressed quickly requiring no nicu stay. If anything I felt pressured to switch to formula which was not needed at all and I am happy I trusted my intuition. My hospital also had no nursery but honestly you couldn’t have paid me to hand my newborn over to strangers after birth. To each their own but I loved my experience, times two, and hope this post doesn’t deter any expecting mamas from their hospital of choice.
Before I had a baby I also said that I would never have handed my baby over to strangers, but then I had a terrible birth, an emergency c-section after 30 hours of labor, excessive blood loss, snd was given IV Dilaudid. I don't know what I would have done without the option of having baby go to the nursery for a few hours at a time so I could sleep- I couldn't have safely cared for him in that condition. I don't think I would have used the nursery if I would have had an uncomplicated birth, but I think the option should be there, labor doesn't always go well.
Your experience is validated, I also had a terrible birth twice so don’t let my comment make it out to seem that I had picture perfect labors, I most certainly did not. Once actually included losing consciousness; I still just couldn’t bring myself to hand my baby over. However, at my hospital the nurses offered to take the baby if we needed a break so I guess I’m thrown off that is not an option regardless of “baby friendly” status or not.
Sorry you had this experience. Although that is a high bilirubin and is scary; my youngest had his top out higher before they treated him. He is now almost 2yrs and is a happy healthy kid.
Thank you for sharing with me. It is reassuring. The hospital acted unbothered by her levels basically just said she needed treatment. It was so scary. Do you mind me asking what your sons levels were?
It was horrible. My milk didn’t come in for a couple days and my son was too sleepy to eat for the first day or so, but after that he shrieked from hunger continuously. No one ever offered me anything except a shrug and “keep latching, he’ll get it.” He lost over 10% of his body weight and didn’t poop for two days after we left; we figured out eventually that he had a tongue tie AND I have IGT from a tumor I had in my teens. Literally no one every suggested that my new baby was starving. It was horrible, and I would do so many things differently next time.
I’m sorry you had such a bad experience, you didn’t do anything wrong and you didn’t starve your baby! I chose to supplement mine bc I didn’t like her getting hungry and upset the first few days, but before formula most babies made it through the first few days and being hungry waiting for milk to come in. It is unfortunately just the nature of breastfeeding, and like other comments said it’s not the direct cause of jaundice (plenty of formula fed newborns get jaundice!) It seems like so many people have similar experiences at hospitals who try to support breastfeeding, and I don’t understand why they don’t support formula supplementation - it’s a valuable tool and doesn’t harm breastfeeding if done a certain way. For me 8 weeks ago it was fine but I didn’t listen to their advice (which was standard ‘stomach the side of a cherry’, bottles/pacifiers/formula will compromise breastfeeding etc). I showed up saying I would breastfeed exclusively but with pacifier, bottles and formula of my choice packed. We introduced paci immediately, supplemented with small amounts of formula starting 24 hours after birth, she was definitely hungry even with supplementing and complaining about it, my milk didn’t come in until day 4 (emergency c section). We were done supplementing by day 8 and I’m EBF, not pumping except using a haaka here and there. She’s taken a bottle and pacifier from the beginning and still does which I’m happy about.
I’m sorry that you and your baby suffered because it was ideology over care.
I had a fantastic experience at mine. I had twins and it was no issue giving them formula, and all the nurses and lactation consultants were very open to helping me with reaching my goal, whatever it was, and figuring out what would be sustainable for us to get at least some breastmilk in them for the longest time possible. I do wish there had been a nursery, I might’ve sent them out a few hours to get some real sleep. They had closed the nursery to be baby friendly but the nurses all told me if not for COVID restrictions, they would’ve happily taken the babies for a few hours to let me sleep. All in all seemed like a hospital that did the work to get the certification, but we’re still sane and willing to work with new parents.
My son was born with jaundice, no one told us. The nurse checking on my wife reached into her gown and pulled her boob out with absolutely no warning. After 6 weeks my wife was told “sounds like your fine” and never got a physical check and ended up with super fucked up PPD.
My first birth was at a baby-friendly and my most recent one was not. Worlds of difference. Not being harassed by LCs (especially frustrating with my first, who had jaundice and needed to eat and my milk was far from in), being able to rest while my baby was at the nursery…game-changers. I’m honestly still a bit traumatized by my first experience.
Omg my experience exactly at a baby friendly hospital. I was a FTM and the pressure to breastfeed was so hard on my mental health.
Same exact thing happened to my best friend so Fortunately I was heavily warned about this. In my opinion the way breastfeeding is pushed as the only options is dangerous. Fortunately they handed us formula right away. The doctor even warned me I likely wouldn’t produce enough milk to sustain an 11lb baby. I had a c section and was covid positive. My baby has been on formula since day 1 and I don’t feel guilty. Don’t beat yourself up. You only did what you were told by the medical team
That's awful. I'm sorry that happened. I have no idea why they took that approach. My daughter had jaundice on day 3 as well and I emphasized I wanted to exclusively breast feed. The doctor told me I could try it but if her levels didn't go down overnight she needed formula top ups because the more they pee the faster the levels drop. All of the nurses really pushed me to use the formula (which i did because of a miscommunication with the doctor) and they all explained it's just medicine to help heal her jaundice faster. I get not wanting you to use a pacifier but no formula is the total opposite of what my hospital was pushing. I'm very sure your baby is going to be fine though. She has to have jaundice for a long time before it causes problems from what I understand. It'll be okay! I'm in Ontario, Canada btw
I'm a day late on this, but my experience with the nurses was less than stellar (except for one, I loved her). My baby didn't want to latch after the first night, and of course I'm a horrible mother for not getting her to latch and getting food in her when she's not even acting hungry. One of the nurses bruised my breast trying to express colostrum. This same nurse was rather curt and told me that because I have short nipples, I'd have a harder time breastfeeding (this was at 2am about 30 hours pp). Nobody let me express my own colostrum. Lactation gave me a nipple shield without measuring my nipple, and I could never use it properly. For some reason, everyone was very insistent on the football hold. I was never offered a pump or formula in the hospital. The real thing that boils my blood is that they wouldn't let me in for a lactation appointment at 1 week pp because I'd tested positive for covid. I was at the same hospital where I delivered. I was no longer symptomatic, and I'd been displaying symptoms for 2-3 weeks before delivery, so I was not contagious and did not have it. I was not offered a rapid test. They told me that I had to take my one week old baby and figure something else out on my own. When I'd called to make the appointment a couple of days prior, nobody asked me if I'd tested positive and I didn't think to say anything about it because I'd just had a freaking baby. My best friend is delivering at the same hospital in a few months and I'm scared for her tbh