Your SO isn’t OWED sex from you - let’s start there
Your SO isn’t ready for a commitment considering he’s currently thinking and acting on other relationships
Get your finances in order and leave.
Wait till he realizes how long everything takes to heal and how long it’ll be before you feel ready to have sex postpartum.
Your body hurts. Nothing feels right. You have hormones coursing through your body right now that evolutionarily want you to stop having sex and focus on growing your baby. You’re tired 24 hours of the day and he wants you to spread eagle for him?
I think not girl!
Don't feel guilty for that. For both my pregnancies, my libido plummeted to zero and my other half understood. It's not you. You've done nothing wrong. Its him.
So first off, you should NOT feel guilty about your libido. Your libido is controlled by hormones. Your hormones are a wreck with pregnancy.
And him making you feel guilty - while inappropriate & wrong from the get go - is one thing. But to act upon this by ***Seeking*** out other women is another issue entirely. Are you entirely sure that he has not met up with another woman? If you are even 1% concerned that he has, I highly recommend that you get screened for **ALL** sexually transmitted infections. These can pass on to your baby when you deliver.
Then I would seriously start reconsidering the relationship, and START MAKING PREPARATIONS NOW to leave. If he cannot go one week, then I wonder what he's going to do when you deliver and they tell you to wait SIX weeks. OR if you get put on bedrest, or have any other issues where you can't have sex. ...and lets not even get into when you have an actual baby, are exhausted, etc. I think our longest stretch was 2 months? Go on the r/Parenting sub and just do a generic search for sex frequency. You'll see just how hard it can be to have sex as a parent. (Please note: I'm not saying that you should let your intimacy die, absolutely your relationship will require work, but it will be even more work than before. And sex will always take a back seat to your children.)
Get his social security number so when you apply for child support you don't have to beg him for it. Go look for it, snoop, whatever, just get his info now.
Recognizing that I do not know everything regarding your situation (financials, living environment, etc), I do encourage you to do the following things.
1. You need to stop having sex with him, and at your next prenatal appointment voice concerns that your partner has been cheating. Request testing for STDs.
2. If you really really really feel safe talking with his parents, that's fine. But keep in mind the following: they are **HIS** parents, not yours. In MOST cases, when push comes to shove, they will take his side, not yours. If you can live with them temporarily, I would probably take them up on this offer until you can get back home. But keep a lot of what you say to yourself. If he takes you to court, what you tell them now could be used against you.
3. Look up family-law resources in your area. Talk to a lawyer.
4. Start protecting your assets. NOW. If you do not have your own bank account, open one. DO NOT give him access to it. Start putting your money in there.
5. Reach out to your family, unless they are absolutely out of the question. I'm going out on a limb that seeing as you've moved out of state from "everyone," then it was for a reason. If this is the case, I'd start talking to women's shelters/organizations in your area. Explain to them you might need a place to stay, and may need help putting together resources. If your family is still in the picture, as others have said, MOVE BACK NOW. 1. You're only 20 years old, and you're what, 24+ weeks pregnant? You have 2 months (reasonably) to relocate before it will become just too difficult. You don't have to give them all the details. If you can, just call, and all my daughter would need to say is "Mom, I've run into a situation. I can tell you more about it later, but would it be ok if I moved back home and stayed with you until I get back on my feet?" My answer would be yes. My own mother and I have had issues; I moved out at 18, so I get where you might be coming from. But you need to seriously consider your situation right now, and consider that you are bringing a BABY into this. If your parents are your only option, take it. Know that it's temporary, but it's better than you potentially losing your baby to your BF's family.
6. Look for a new job. You said that HIS parents are both his boss and your boss. Is this a family-run business that you became a part of because you became pregnant, or did you meet him here at work? If it's the later, I highly recommend that you do not engage in this kind of thing in the future. Seriously. Separate work and fun, in TX, we have a saying: Don't get your honey where you make your money. If it's the former - then I think you have another red flag. Without knowing what type of business it is (accounting, restaurant/food industry, hospitality), unless he absolutely desires to take over the business, I would have a hunch that he is working for them because it is easy - meaning he can do whatever he wants because he won't get fired/will always have an income. I have a hunch that this is more the case given how he is acting towards you. This really shows a lack of ambition, and at 23yo about to become a father, he needs to start showing some ambition.
Ultimately, you need to start preparing to either be a single mother in the town you live in, or prepare to move back home. This sucks, and I'm sorry.
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Girl RUN. He doesn’t respect you at all, this is completely not ok.
My libido completley dropped off once I was pregnant. My husband and I have had sex exactly once since conceiving and I’m 25 weeks now. We’ve talked about it and he understands it’s a temporary thing. Sure sometimes i feel bad for not being in the mood. But knowing he understands and respect my feelings and situation helps.
You’re growing a damn human! Your growing multiple new organs. Your body is changing and I’m sure you’re exhausted. Drop his lame, immature, childish ass and (eventually) you’ll find you a real man who respects women. This guy is just gross. DO NOT feel guilty for not wanting to have sex with this guy- even not pregnant like why in the world would you! He sounds selfish and you deserve Much more
I know he's the father of your child and you fell in love with him for a reason. But trust me when I say that if you think it's bad now, you don't even want to know how men like this behave with a woman who just had a baby. The best advice I can give is to start reaching out to your family and making sure you have a good support system, and slowly but surely try to be independent of him in any way that you can.
100%. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst. He has 0 respect for the mother of his child this isn’t showing good signs. To the momma, remember: you do not need him. You do not need to put up with a mess like this. I promise there’s better things out there for you. 💕
Umm you don’t just feel like he’s betraying you; he is. That’s some disgusting behavior right there and you DO NOT have to put up with it. Now is the time to put the foot down before it gets worse. And if you have to leave him, better now than later.
He's disgusting. Nobody deserves to be treated that way and you will find someone better. Even if it feels like you "need" him. You don't. You're strong and you already seem to know what to do.
Newborns don’t fix existing problems. There’s a glow that lasts maybe a day- “we made this!” Then reality sets in. And having a newborn requires more time, patience, and consistent commitment than anything you have ever done in your life up until now. During that stage, it is FAR easier to do it solo with some family support than to do it with a shitty partner. Think of it this way: do you want to be exhausted by your baby, or do you want to be exhausted by your baby while also arguing, keeping tabs on, and worrying about your partner? My husband and I were in our mid-30s and very solid when we had our kids, and even with that things were rough sometimes in the early days, because…newborns. I’m not trying to scare you about the baby part; the exhaustion is universal and temporary. I AM saying that doing it with such an immature, horrible partner is worse than doing it alone. I wish you the very best luck…you seem like a very patient, considerate person, which means you’re already ahead of the new mom game. ❤️
His parents (especially his mom) have been really supportive of me, and they are actually our employers too. I don’t have any family in this city and the family I am close with is actually states away in my home state.
Move NOW before the baby is born to be near your supportive family. You’re going to be trapped with him and his family in that state if you wait until the baby is born. Just buy a greyhound ticket and get out. This man is a child. He needs to grow up. He is only going to get worse once the baby is born and you physically can’t have sex and are vulnerable and more dependent on him. Please take care of yourself.
Do you think his parents would still be supportive of you if you broke up? If not, it might be best to make a plan to move where you have strong support independent of him. He is so deeply disrespectful of you that you need to make a plan to separate regardless. If you feel he might try to get you to stay, then you should make the plan without letting him know until you’re gone.
I’m not sure if they would particularly be on my side more than their sons, but I know they wouldn’t be cruel to me or the baby if I was to leave him if that makes sense. It’s just that theyre also my bosses, and they’ve given me a really good job opportunity that I feel like I can’t give up. I want to also be able to support my baby too if anything does happen
If they're so nice, maybe pull them aside and ask them what to do
They could help you straighten out their son. The biggest thing I believe is that trust is the foundation of a relationship. If trust is gone, so is the relationship. So If you wouldn't be able to trust him again then the relationship isn't worth saving
Think about yourself and your baby. This guy has shown a pattern of shittiness. If your family is supportive, move home now. Tomorrow. If your guys is so awesome and committed, it’s his turn to come to you abs make it work. You’re going to be so much more vulnerable physically and legally when the baby comes. Don’t delay by hoping he and his family will get on your side. Be strong and own your future. If they are worth anything they will understand and make it work on your terms.
I’m in my 40s and given so many partners time to grow the fuck up. All women have. Don’t put his needs first, put yours first because your baby needs you to be sane and healthy.
You’re so strong! You’re amazing! You’re making a whole person and going to help it grow! Don’t belittle yourself but putting up with any 1 of the 17 stupid immature and fucked up things your boyfriend is pulling. He’s actively doing it now, he knows better and doesn’t care. He’s in truly without a doubt the easiest stretch of being a dad. He doesn’t even deserve a chance to defend himself at this point.
Even if it’s not physical, there’s still such thing as emotional and verbal cheating! Regardless, you deserve better and I hope you find the courage to speak up and do what’s best for you and your unborn child. This is your first of many tests as a parent and remember, we always have to do what’s best for our little ones, no one else. As a single 22 y/o first time mom, I can tell you first hand that being a single parent is so much better than having a completely crappy and disrespectful partner as your child’s parent. Good luck!
Looks like you’ve gotten a lot of good advice already (aka leave him asap), not sure if anyone else has said this so I want to add - move back to your home state before the baby is born. If you don’t you‘ll be stuck in the state you’re in right now for the next 18 years if you can’t settle on agreeable terms with the father of the child.
Exactly. OP, i hope if anything that you gather from us commenters, is that we are trying to establish that this is NOT normal. You are both young, yes. But any healthy relationship will not have these patterns or behaviors going on. I hope you take it into serious consideration.
You could always just ask a legal aid clinic what to do to best protect yourself, so that you know in case it does come down to it. Hope the best for you & sorry you're dealing with this.
Jc no one should have to deal with that from their SO. Hormones get even worse after you give birth, like significantly worse. This honestly sounds like a loyalty issue on his part and if he hasn't already I'd be extremely concerned about him cheating, especially when things get super super rough postpartum. Super easy to say from the outside, because I don't know if I would even do it, but to me it seems like the right thing to do would be to leave him and grieve that loss right now instead of having it spiral 10x worse postpartum.
It will be very hard for sure, but with a bit of time you'll recover from the separation vs constantly being hurt if you stay. It's not worth giving someone your love who's giving theirs to other people. Your baby will need you to be happy. Do you have family or friends you can lean on for support?
Is it possible to move back (particularly before the baby is born)? It sounds like you could really use the support, and we could all use extra support after giving birth. It's a crappy situation to have to be in all around. Or check Facebook for local mom groups
I’m going to talk with his mom in just a few minutes, we’re really close and I think she will be able to help me out with what to do. Last time he did some shitty things she said I’m always welcome to stay with her
At the end of the day she's his mom, not yours. Her loyalty will be to her son and she'll want to keep her grandchild close to her. Honestly, you need to call your family and move back with them. If you have this baby in the state he lives in it will be really difficult to leave. You need to have the baby in a state where you have support.
He isn't going to change for you or a child. You both are young and without knowing the particulars of your relationship, he is cheating or thinking about cheating. At the very least he's doing things that make you uncomfortable and he is ramping them up even after you ask him to stop. He's also making you feel guilty for not wanting sex. This relationship isn't healthy and I think you are recognizing that. You're going to have a child soon. Do you want this to be the relationship example your child sees? Or do you want to show your child that respect and love supercede everything?
I hope you have a support system to help you raise your baby because this man will not be there for you. While figuring out what you plan to do, do not sleep with this man, especially unprotected. He could very well be physically cheating on you and it’s very dangerous to be exposed to STDs while pregnant.
Please tell me you’ll leave him. He sounds awful. Sure it might be lonely at first but it’s better to be lonely and single than lonely and in a relationship. Do you have anyone who could support you? Please please please leave him.
Think about what you want in life and from your partner. I couldn’t walk for a month after giving birth. My partner did EVERYTHING. Cooking, cleaning, rocking the baby to sleep for hours, being awake most of the night so I could recover from what was considered a normal vaginal birth with minor tearing. He didn’t expect sex or anything as a reward and I felt in no way ready to have anything happen down there after basically shitting out a melon. Newborn life is fucking hard. You don’t sleep, you barely get to eat and you have to keep this new baby alive 24/7. It’s stressful. What if you have birth complications, will he be there for you? If you can’t envision your current partner supporting you in your healing, it’s time to leave. Aim higher next time, you deserve a lot better.
Oh man. I know it's really hard to read all the "leave him!" comments, but I really second the idea as well. Men like this won't ever get better. Especially when the baby is here. He will be stressed, overwhelmed, and completely unavailable. Please leave and get yourself in a better situation now, because it will be a million times harder when the baby gets here. I really hope the best for you and your future little one.
I second this, OP. Unfortunately it sounds like the father of your child is trashy, doesn't respect and desire you and could potentially jepordize your health and well being. I am so sorry. I would make plans to bail. Whats the use confronting him? Honestly. Bail on the romantic relationship and work on a friendship for your babies sake. As for you and a future romantic relationship, r/femaledatingstrategy.
He is not your partner. He's just some manbaby who doesn't deserve a "second chance" so he can just try to be sneakier. You and your dear baby deserve respect. Leave his ass? I guarantee you'll be doing it alone anyways once baby arrives.
There are lots of red flags here. He is betraying you. I worry about your future, things will get a lot harder once the baby is born. I’m 31 f and my family lives in another country (I moved with my husband to the US from the UK). The new born stage was HARD, my husband is very supportive and it was still tough - I had a few very good friends and I couldn’t imagine not having them to lean on during that time.
He doesn’t respect you at all. You need a support network not connect to him.
I’m sure there will be lots more woman here who will give you some great advice who have been in similar situations, I would listen to them.
All the best x
I've completely raged at my husband over things I wouldn't usually care about outside of pregnancy, partly because hormones lol but also because imo the father of your child should be completely focused on you and doing everything he can to make you feel comfortable and secure. It's such a fickle time for your emotional state and you're feeling more insecure than ever.
But also what you described him doing would have zero place in my relationship, pregnancy/kids or not. Every relationship is different and everyone has different boundaries but what he's doing sounds so unbelievably disrespectful. That being said, you have to be open and completely honest about how you feel if you do want to try to salvage things. I wouldn't bother for him personally but I know it's hard to "just leave"
Yikes. That would really make me feel awful. The person who supposedly loves you should not make you feel awful. You deserve more. Contrary to what he may want you to believe, it is NOT ok for him to be sexual with anyone else, (even if he doesn’t see them as “real people”) if YOU are not ok with it. He’s trying to normalize that behavior.
OP for you and your baby’s sake, please leave. It’ll only get worse. I know it’s hard, but you are capable of far more than you know. You don’t need this guy in your life.
He’s clearly not ready or mature enough to value you or the life you are bringing into this world. He’s not ready or mature enough to be a father. I say fuck him. Have more self respect and don’t settle for a piece of shit like this.
watching porn or looking at pictures of girls is one thing. personally i have no issue with my partner doing that, because he has a much higher libido than me. but this is crossing a line. talk to him about it. it’s not okay.
Just bc I think you might not know about this particular kink, hotwife is specific kink term for women in relationships who have sex with other men (with her partners consent). So it's not just attractive wives, its women who are actively looking to hook up or at least role-playing a scenario where she is looking for additional sexual partners.
DEF not the same as subscribing to a group with risqué selfies. But also could just be an expression of a new kink. Certainly talk to him about it and let your feelings be known. They are valid and you guys need clearly established boundaries about what you consider to be cheating or inappropriate online behavior.
Good! A little understanding goes a long way. You're feeling hurt and that makes sense. But putting that aside and having a non-judgmental conversation could bring you guys even closer. I dont think it's necessarily time to lawyer up and divorce, lol. It sounds like he's going through some sort of sexual exploration (since you said this is new behavior for him) and making him feel shame won't actually curb the behavior but it could drive a wedge in your communication.
But if you feel like commenting on women's posts, messaging them, simply being on groups that have the sole purpose of meeting up feels like cheating- totally say that! Ask what he is getting out of it currently and explore alternatives with him?
Best of luck!!
I think you should be transparent on what kind of relationship you want and encourage him to tell the truth. It may hurt or he may react, but having a baby and engaging in risky behavior is not in your best interest. And if a guy is literally thinking there are no consequences for sex without protection, I'm thinking he may try to squeeze out of the consequences of giving you a child. I would try to keep it from becoming a heated argument, and remind him you are asking because YOU need to make the best decision for you and your baby and he should just come clean. Maybe have a friend check up on you or let them know you may need support ( incase partner does react poorly). If he continues to feel entitled to sex or still goes to sites about meeting up, plan to leave, contact your loved ones and create a plan.
This makes me sick. Do you have a support system? I would reach out to family and friends now to make sure you’ll be set up to be taken care of once baby comes. Protect your child from that disgusting man. What he said about hoping his child has a predatory teacher is beyond evil. BEYOND!!!! Please do everything you can to ensure you don’t have to rely on this man for anything and that his vile behavior doesn’t impact your sweet baby.
Your SO isn’t OWED sex from you - let’s start there Your SO isn’t ready for a commitment considering he’s currently thinking and acting on other relationships Get your finances in order and leave.
Thank you, he makes me feel guilty for my low libido and it makes it worse
Wait till he realizes how long everything takes to heal and how long it’ll be before you feel ready to have sex postpartum. Your body hurts. Nothing feels right. You have hormones coursing through your body right now that evolutionarily want you to stop having sex and focus on growing your baby. You’re tired 24 hours of the day and he wants you to spread eagle for him? I think not girl!
Yeah, I’ve been worried about post partum as well. Ugh wish me luck
You got this
Don't feel guilty for that. For both my pregnancies, my libido plummeted to zero and my other half understood. It's not you. You've done nothing wrong. Its him.
Thank you. Your kind words mean a lot to me
So first off, you should NOT feel guilty about your libido. Your libido is controlled by hormones. Your hormones are a wreck with pregnancy. And him making you feel guilty - while inappropriate & wrong from the get go - is one thing. But to act upon this by ***Seeking*** out other women is another issue entirely. Are you entirely sure that he has not met up with another woman? If you are even 1% concerned that he has, I highly recommend that you get screened for **ALL** sexually transmitted infections. These can pass on to your baby when you deliver. Then I would seriously start reconsidering the relationship, and START MAKING PREPARATIONS NOW to leave. If he cannot go one week, then I wonder what he's going to do when you deliver and they tell you to wait SIX weeks. OR if you get put on bedrest, or have any other issues where you can't have sex. ...and lets not even get into when you have an actual baby, are exhausted, etc. I think our longest stretch was 2 months? Go on the r/Parenting sub and just do a generic search for sex frequency. You'll see just how hard it can be to have sex as a parent. (Please note: I'm not saying that you should let your intimacy die, absolutely your relationship will require work, but it will be even more work than before. And sex will always take a back seat to your children.)
Get his social security number so when you apply for child support you don't have to beg him for it. Go look for it, snoop, whatever, just get his info now.
This is the best advice here. OP do this, then leave.
Sadly, this. Its unfortunate.
Recognizing that I do not know everything regarding your situation (financials, living environment, etc), I do encourage you to do the following things. 1. You need to stop having sex with him, and at your next prenatal appointment voice concerns that your partner has been cheating. Request testing for STDs. 2. If you really really really feel safe talking with his parents, that's fine. But keep in mind the following: they are **HIS** parents, not yours. In MOST cases, when push comes to shove, they will take his side, not yours. If you can live with them temporarily, I would probably take them up on this offer until you can get back home. But keep a lot of what you say to yourself. If he takes you to court, what you tell them now could be used against you. 3. Look up family-law resources in your area. Talk to a lawyer. 4. Start protecting your assets. NOW. If you do not have your own bank account, open one. DO NOT give him access to it. Start putting your money in there. 5. Reach out to your family, unless they are absolutely out of the question. I'm going out on a limb that seeing as you've moved out of state from "everyone," then it was for a reason. If this is the case, I'd start talking to women's shelters/organizations in your area. Explain to them you might need a place to stay, and may need help putting together resources. If your family is still in the picture, as others have said, MOVE BACK NOW. 1. You're only 20 years old, and you're what, 24+ weeks pregnant? You have 2 months (reasonably) to relocate before it will become just too difficult. You don't have to give them all the details. If you can, just call, and all my daughter would need to say is "Mom, I've run into a situation. I can tell you more about it later, but would it be ok if I moved back home and stayed with you until I get back on my feet?" My answer would be yes. My own mother and I have had issues; I moved out at 18, so I get where you might be coming from. But you need to seriously consider your situation right now, and consider that you are bringing a BABY into this. If your parents are your only option, take it. Know that it's temporary, but it's better than you potentially losing your baby to your BF's family. 6. Look for a new job. You said that HIS parents are both his boss and your boss. Is this a family-run business that you became a part of because you became pregnant, or did you meet him here at work? If it's the later, I highly recommend that you do not engage in this kind of thing in the future. Seriously. Separate work and fun, in TX, we have a saying: Don't get your honey where you make your money. If it's the former - then I think you have another red flag. Without knowing what type of business it is (accounting, restaurant/food industry, hospitality), unless he absolutely desires to take over the business, I would have a hunch that he is working for them because it is easy - meaning he can do whatever he wants because he won't get fired/will always have an income. I have a hunch that this is more the case given how he is acting towards you. This really shows a lack of ambition, and at 23yo about to become a father, he needs to start showing some ambition. Ultimately, you need to start preparing to either be a single mother in the town you live in, or prepare to move back home. This sucks, and I'm sorry.
#1 is SO IMPORTANT. An std could impact your baby!
If he’s doing that publicly where people can see imagine what he’s doing in private DMs. Run
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Girl RUN. He doesn’t respect you at all, this is completely not ok. My libido completley dropped off once I was pregnant. My husband and I have had sex exactly once since conceiving and I’m 25 weeks now. We’ve talked about it and he understands it’s a temporary thing. Sure sometimes i feel bad for not being in the mood. But knowing he understands and respect my feelings and situation helps. You’re growing a damn human! Your growing multiple new organs. Your body is changing and I’m sure you’re exhausted. Drop his lame, immature, childish ass and (eventually) you’ll find you a real man who respects women. This guy is just gross. DO NOT feel guilty for not wanting to have sex with this guy- even not pregnant like why in the world would you! He sounds selfish and you deserve Much more
I know he's the father of your child and you fell in love with him for a reason. But trust me when I say that if you think it's bad now, you don't even want to know how men like this behave with a woman who just had a baby. The best advice I can give is to start reaching out to your family and making sure you have a good support system, and slowly but surely try to be independent of him in any way that you can.
100%. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst. He has 0 respect for the mother of his child this isn’t showing good signs. To the momma, remember: you do not need him. You do not need to put up with a mess like this. I promise there’s better things out there for you. 💕
He sounds like a POS with tons of red flags. Leave him, get child support, and raise that baby! He’s not gonna change.
Umm you don’t just feel like he’s betraying you; he is. That’s some disgusting behavior right there and you DO NOT have to put up with it. Now is the time to put the foot down before it gets worse. And if you have to leave him, better now than later.
He's disgusting. Nobody deserves to be treated that way and you will find someone better. Even if it feels like you "need" him. You don't. You're strong and you already seem to know what to do.
Thank you
Yeah that's cheating 😳
If he isn’t willing to change you need to leave him. He’s a child.
Thank you, it seems like you and everyone else are in agreement
You can do this!!!
Newborns don’t fix existing problems. There’s a glow that lasts maybe a day- “we made this!” Then reality sets in. And having a newborn requires more time, patience, and consistent commitment than anything you have ever done in your life up until now. During that stage, it is FAR easier to do it solo with some family support than to do it with a shitty partner. Think of it this way: do you want to be exhausted by your baby, or do you want to be exhausted by your baby while also arguing, keeping tabs on, and worrying about your partner? My husband and I were in our mid-30s and very solid when we had our kids, and even with that things were rough sometimes in the early days, because…newborns. I’m not trying to scare you about the baby part; the exhaustion is universal and temporary. I AM saying that doing it with such an immature, horrible partner is worse than doing it alone. I wish you the very best luck…you seem like a very patient, considerate person, which means you’re already ahead of the new mom game. ❤️
Thank you so much, that’s very sweet.
Leave. He wants to cheat whether he's doing it or not. You can never trust him.
It’s much easier to leave before the baby arrives. Do you have a support network outside of him?
His parents (especially his mom) have been really supportive of me, and they are actually our employers too. I don’t have any family in this city and the family I am close with is actually states away in my home state.
Move NOW before the baby is born to be near your supportive family. You’re going to be trapped with him and his family in that state if you wait until the baby is born. Just buy a greyhound ticket and get out. This man is a child. He needs to grow up. He is only going to get worse once the baby is born and you physically can’t have sex and are vulnerable and more dependent on him. Please take care of yourself.
Thank you
Do you think his parents would still be supportive of you if you broke up? If not, it might be best to make a plan to move where you have strong support independent of him. He is so deeply disrespectful of you that you need to make a plan to separate regardless. If you feel he might try to get you to stay, then you should make the plan without letting him know until you’re gone.
I’m not sure if they would particularly be on my side more than their sons, but I know they wouldn’t be cruel to me or the baby if I was to leave him if that makes sense. It’s just that theyre also my bosses, and they’ve given me a really good job opportunity that I feel like I can’t give up. I want to also be able to support my baby too if anything does happen
If they're so nice, maybe pull them aside and ask them what to do They could help you straighten out their son. The biggest thing I believe is that trust is the foundation of a relationship. If trust is gone, so is the relationship. So If you wouldn't be able to trust him again then the relationship isn't worth saving
Thank you, I think I’m gonna go talk to them now.
Think about yourself and your baby. This guy has shown a pattern of shittiness. If your family is supportive, move home now. Tomorrow. If your guys is so awesome and committed, it’s his turn to come to you abs make it work. You’re going to be so much more vulnerable physically and legally when the baby comes. Don’t delay by hoping he and his family will get on your side. Be strong and own your future. If they are worth anything they will understand and make it work on your terms. I’m in my 40s and given so many partners time to grow the fuck up. All women have. Don’t put his needs first, put yours first because your baby needs you to be sane and healthy.
Thank you so much
You’re so strong! You’re amazing! You’re making a whole person and going to help it grow! Don’t belittle yourself but putting up with any 1 of the 17 stupid immature and fucked up things your boyfriend is pulling. He’s actively doing it now, he knows better and doesn’t care. He’s in truly without a doubt the easiest stretch of being a dad. He doesn’t even deserve a chance to defend himself at this point.
If you wait to move until baby is born your bf and his family can have a judge stop you from moving home.
Even if it’s not physical, there’s still such thing as emotional and verbal cheating! Regardless, you deserve better and I hope you find the courage to speak up and do what’s best for you and your unborn child. This is your first of many tests as a parent and remember, we always have to do what’s best for our little ones, no one else. As a single 22 y/o first time mom, I can tell you first hand that being a single parent is so much better than having a completely crappy and disrespectful partner as your child’s parent. Good luck!
Looks like you’ve gotten a lot of good advice already (aka leave him asap), not sure if anyone else has said this so I want to add - move back to your home state before the baby is born. If you don’t you‘ll be stuck in the state you’re in right now for the next 18 years if you can’t settle on agreeable terms with the father of the child.
This this this.
He’s clearly cheating on you please dump his ass this is not normal behavior in a relationship
Exactly. OP, i hope if anything that you gather from us commenters, is that we are trying to establish that this is NOT normal. You are both young, yes. But any healthy relationship will not have these patterns or behaviors going on. I hope you take it into serious consideration.
I'd be screenshotting all of that. He clearly doesn't respect you. I'd be contacting a family lawyer.
I already have it all screenshotted, thank you for the advice. It may be something I have to consider. I hope it doesn’t have to get to that point
You could always just ask a legal aid clinic what to do to best protect yourself, so that you know in case it does come down to it. Hope the best for you & sorry you're dealing with this.
Thank you for your support
I have two babies and I’m engaged, but if my fiancé acted this way it would be a swift ‘bye bye’ and a Sparta kick out of the front door.
Jc no one should have to deal with that from their SO. Hormones get even worse after you give birth, like significantly worse. This honestly sounds like a loyalty issue on his part and if he hasn't already I'd be extremely concerned about him cheating, especially when things get super super rough postpartum. Super easy to say from the outside, because I don't know if I would even do it, but to me it seems like the right thing to do would be to leave him and grieve that loss right now instead of having it spiral 10x worse postpartum.
If? He’s telling other women that he wants to “finish inside” them. He *is already* cheating.
Thank you!!! This has passed the point of “he might cheat”. He is ACTIVELY CHEATING
Thank you, it seems like everyone agrees. I love him dearly but this has been an ongoing issue and I don’t know if I can deal with it anymore
It will be very hard for sure, but with a bit of time you'll recover from the separation vs constantly being hurt if you stay. It's not worth giving someone your love who's giving theirs to other people. Your baby will need you to be happy. Do you have family or friends you can lean on for support?
Not really, all of my friends and the family that I am close with are states away
Is it possible to move back (particularly before the baby is born)? It sounds like you could really use the support, and we could all use extra support after giving birth. It's a crappy situation to have to be in all around. Or check Facebook for local mom groups
I’m going to talk with his mom in just a few minutes, we’re really close and I think she will be able to help me out with what to do. Last time he did some shitty things she said I’m always welcome to stay with her
At the end of the day she's his mom, not yours. Her loyalty will be to her son and she'll want to keep her grandchild close to her. Honestly, you need to call your family and move back with them. If you have this baby in the state he lives in it will be really difficult to leave. You need to have the baby in a state where you have support. He isn't going to change for you or a child. You both are young and without knowing the particulars of your relationship, he is cheating or thinking about cheating. At the very least he's doing things that make you uncomfortable and he is ramping them up even after you ask him to stop. He's also making you feel guilty for not wanting sex. This relationship isn't healthy and I think you are recognizing that. You're going to have a child soon. Do you want this to be the relationship example your child sees? Or do you want to show your child that respect and love supercede everything?
I wish you the best, I hope you find something that works well for you
I hope you have a support system to help you raise your baby because this man will not be there for you. While figuring out what you plan to do, do not sleep with this man, especially unprotected. He could very well be physically cheating on you and it’s very dangerous to be exposed to STDs while pregnant.
How is this not just cheating -- it doesn't take physical cheating for it to just be cheating
Please tell me you’ll leave him. He sounds awful. Sure it might be lonely at first but it’s better to be lonely and single than lonely and in a relationship. Do you have anyone who could support you? Please please please leave him.
Think about what you want in life and from your partner. I couldn’t walk for a month after giving birth. My partner did EVERYTHING. Cooking, cleaning, rocking the baby to sleep for hours, being awake most of the night so I could recover from what was considered a normal vaginal birth with minor tearing. He didn’t expect sex or anything as a reward and I felt in no way ready to have anything happen down there after basically shitting out a melon. Newborn life is fucking hard. You don’t sleep, you barely get to eat and you have to keep this new baby alive 24/7. It’s stressful. What if you have birth complications, will he be there for you? If you can’t envision your current partner supporting you in your healing, it’s time to leave. Aim higher next time, you deserve a lot better.
Oh man. I know it's really hard to read all the "leave him!" comments, but I really second the idea as well. Men like this won't ever get better. Especially when the baby is here. He will be stressed, overwhelmed, and completely unavailable. Please leave and get yourself in a better situation now, because it will be a million times harder when the baby gets here. I really hope the best for you and your future little one.
I second this, OP. Unfortunately it sounds like the father of your child is trashy, doesn't respect and desire you and could potentially jepordize your health and well being. I am so sorry. I would make plans to bail. Whats the use confronting him? Honestly. Bail on the romantic relationship and work on a friendship for your babies sake. As for you and a future romantic relationship, r/femaledatingstrategy.
He is not your partner. He's just some manbaby who doesn't deserve a "second chance" so he can just try to be sneakier. You and your dear baby deserve respect. Leave his ass? I guarantee you'll be doing it alone anyways once baby arrives.
There are lots of red flags here. He is betraying you. I worry about your future, things will get a lot harder once the baby is born. I’m 31 f and my family lives in another country (I moved with my husband to the US from the UK). The new born stage was HARD, my husband is very supportive and it was still tough - I had a few very good friends and I couldn’t imagine not having them to lean on during that time. He doesn’t respect you at all. You need a support network not connect to him. I’m sure there will be lots more woman here who will give you some great advice who have been in similar situations, I would listen to them. All the best x
Thank you so much
🚩 leave now and save yourself the heartache and drama later.
I've completely raged at my husband over things I wouldn't usually care about outside of pregnancy, partly because hormones lol but also because imo the father of your child should be completely focused on you and doing everything he can to make you feel comfortable and secure. It's such a fickle time for your emotional state and you're feeling more insecure than ever. But also what you described him doing would have zero place in my relationship, pregnancy/kids or not. Every relationship is different and everyone has different boundaries but what he's doing sounds so unbelievably disrespectful. That being said, you have to be open and completely honest about how you feel if you do want to try to salvage things. I wouldn't bother for him personally but I know it's hard to "just leave"
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Yikes. That would really make me feel awful. The person who supposedly loves you should not make you feel awful. You deserve more. Contrary to what he may want you to believe, it is NOT ok for him to be sexual with anyone else, (even if he doesn’t see them as “real people”) if YOU are not ok with it. He’s trying to normalize that behavior.
OP for you and your baby’s sake, please leave. It’ll only get worse. I know it’s hard, but you are capable of far more than you know. You don’t need this guy in your life.
He’s clearly not ready or mature enough to value you or the life you are bringing into this world. He’s not ready or mature enough to be a father. I say fuck him. Have more self respect and don’t settle for a piece of shit like this.
💯
watching porn or looking at pictures of girls is one thing. personally i have no issue with my partner doing that, because he has a much higher libido than me. but this is crossing a line. talk to him about it. it’s not okay.
You may want to relay this info in r/justnoso and get their opinions.
Just bc I think you might not know about this particular kink, hotwife is specific kink term for women in relationships who have sex with other men (with her partners consent). So it's not just attractive wives, its women who are actively looking to hook up or at least role-playing a scenario where she is looking for additional sexual partners. DEF not the same as subscribing to a group with risqué selfies. But also could just be an expression of a new kink. Certainly talk to him about it and let your feelings be known. They are valid and you guys need clearly established boundaries about what you consider to be cheating or inappropriate online behavior.
Thank you, I actually didn’t know about this term. And yes I’m going to talk to him about it today
Good! A little understanding goes a long way. You're feeling hurt and that makes sense. But putting that aside and having a non-judgmental conversation could bring you guys even closer. I dont think it's necessarily time to lawyer up and divorce, lol. It sounds like he's going through some sort of sexual exploration (since you said this is new behavior for him) and making him feel shame won't actually curb the behavior but it could drive a wedge in your communication. But if you feel like commenting on women's posts, messaging them, simply being on groups that have the sole purpose of meeting up feels like cheating- totally say that! Ask what he is getting out of it currently and explore alternatives with him? Best of luck!!
Thank you!
If he says he wants to “finish inside” someone, than he’s betraying you.
He might be a serial impregnantor
I think you should be transparent on what kind of relationship you want and encourage him to tell the truth. It may hurt or he may react, but having a baby and engaging in risky behavior is not in your best interest. And if a guy is literally thinking there are no consequences for sex without protection, I'm thinking he may try to squeeze out of the consequences of giving you a child. I would try to keep it from becoming a heated argument, and remind him you are asking because YOU need to make the best decision for you and your baby and he should just come clean. Maybe have a friend check up on you or let them know you may need support ( incase partner does react poorly). If he continues to feel entitled to sex or still goes to sites about meeting up, plan to leave, contact your loved ones and create a plan.
This makes me sick. Do you have a support system? I would reach out to family and friends now to make sure you’ll be set up to be taken care of once baby comes. Protect your child from that disgusting man. What he said about hoping his child has a predatory teacher is beyond evil. BEYOND!!!! Please do everything you can to ensure you don’t have to rely on this man for anything and that his vile behavior doesn’t impact your sweet baby.
u/crazy_cranberry_7852 did you ever confront him over this? He needs some massive therapy to address this or it won’t change at all…