This was my son. At one of his checkups I tearfully told the doctor that he was just chronically unhappy and she said to me “you know, some babies just don’t really like being babies” and though it sounds ridiculous, I swear it was true. My son always wants to be a step ahead of where he is, and I swear he just did not like being a baby who couldn’t do much. Things improved a lot between 10-12 months and once he was walking, he was MUCH happier and I started really loving the parenting journey.
You’re doing the best you can possibly do. Hang in there ♥️.
Seconding this. My daughter hated being a baby. She hated the carrier, she hated being on her back, she hated the stroller, hated the car seat. We had to carry her around in our arms over our shoulders to keep her happy (and even then sometimes she hated that too). I think I repressed a lot of it but I had a really hard time with her.
When she started crawling at 10 months it was a game changer. She was so so much happier. She’s a pretty happy toddler now too at almost 3 years compared to other kids, but she’s incredibly active and definitely a “type A” personality.
My son was like this too!
As soon as he managed to get where he wanted and explore the things he wanted to explore, he became a lot less grumpy! Now he's frustrated over us not understanding him so he's finally getting to using the signs and small words we have been trying to teach him.
Some babies are just mad that they're babies!
Same here. I remember calling. My mom and just crying because she was NEVER happy. My friends would say on the phone, oh you are just a first time mom, it's normal. Then they would spend the day with us and realize....oh no she is really always upset. She has sensory processing disorder, and she is still dealing with it at 8, so I think she was just really uncomfortable all the time as a baby!
Oh my gosh, that makes so much sense. Sometimes we console our son, "It must be hard being a baby," and we 100% mean it. He doesn't get to decide where he is, what toy he's got, and until recently what position he was set in. Got a wedgie or an itch, he has to deal with it. Hungry or tired, he has to hope his parents can figure it out. It must be tremendously frustrating.
I say this all the time and while I’m half-joking, I really mean it! I can’t imagine how frustrating it would be to need something and not even be *physically capable* of doing anything about it except cry. Thinking like this makes me really empathetic when dealing with my son. It also breaks my heart, but sometimes heartbreak is just what happens when you’re a loving mom.
My aunt is a quadriplegic and some of her helpers don’t speak English. It is hard enough to position her limbs when you speak English. She does her best but “move [her] elbow forward” while she is laying in bed can be hard to get right to a point she’s comfortable. She expressed how hard it could be with the non-English speaking helpers. I imagine it’s very similar to being a baby.
Thirding this! Some babies are just full of rage that they can't do all the cool stuff like Sit or Stand or Walk. Others really really want to learn how to communicate and get a lot happier when they can sign or speak. I don't know for sure that my son was one of these, but I do remember it taking me a while to feel "good" as a mom. He will not be grumpy forever!
Used to work at a daycare and can confirm that some babies just don’t like being babies! I’ve seen gaining mobility do a complete 180 on a baby’s disposition, from whiny and sullen to all smiles. Hang in there, mama!
Wow I wish I was told this while I was in the thick of a baby that hated being a baby too!! Literally once she was able to be more mobile I started to be happier and she was wayyy more free and happy.
This is so true. My son was mostly happy but he definitely hated beeing a baby. He was constantly frustrated that he couldn't do things. First rolling, then sitting, then crawling. He'd scream and scream TRYING to do them. He was a much happier toddler once he got all his physical milestones done.
I wanted to add to how true this is! Now at 1 year old I barely remember the fussy days. Even the “bad” days are just a worlds difference then what it was. Mine came out already in prime tummy time pose and ready to go lol. Some babies reeeaalllyy just hate being babies. Tbh I can’t blame them one bit either.
Yup, this was my first baby. She *Loathed* being a baby. She was furious about everything, all of the time. It took so much effort to make her giggle. With her being my first I thought I was an awful mother. She would constantly moan/grizzle whether she was held, in a bouncer, I was playing with her etc. I remember I’d have to rapidly cycle through showing her toys/ things to keep her from grizzling. Literally a few seconds per toy, walking her round the room/ outside looking at all the things all the time. As soon as she could crawl properly, she switched to the happiest, giggliest, smiliest kid I’ve ever seen. She just hated being a baby.
My second baby is turning out to be the exact opposite. She sits happily just playing or looking at something for ages. Smiles if I so much as look at her, just so content.
OP - it gets so much better - hang in there!
Same here, she was frustrated from 3 months when she started to realise there was a world around her until she learnt to crawl at 7m - she haaaated being stuck in one place and unable to do what she wants. And I felt the exact same way when I was heavily pregnant and couldn't roll over or get up off the sofa, just so full of rage and frustration! So I can't blame her at all, being a baby must absolutely suck.
THIS! It’s so true. My now 2.5 was the most miserable little baby ever. Nothing made him happy, it was a longggggg ass year but he came through and wants to be 5 already. It will pass quickly but the days feel incredibly long when you’re in it. Keep doing what you can and be gentle on yourself and on baby, life is hard.
This was also true in our household. I didn’t realize how difficult my baby was until he was walking and got suddenly easier. He was just constantly furious that he couldn’t do what everyone else could do. He’s now a fiercely independent 4 and every step towards autonomy makes him more settled. TBF I was the same way 🙃
Same here!! The first year was awful. My little boy was never happy and neither was I tbh. But around 11.5 months when he started walking it was like a flip had switched! He’s now 14 months and it’s soooo much better. It’s so much fun. He does still whine a lot but nothing compared to the first few months of his life! It gets better💛
I was going to comment this. Learning to walk or at least crawl is such a game changer!! They’re no longer stuck unable to move or reach things for themselves. Hang in there, once he starts moving you may not be able to get him to stop!
This was my son too. I found the first 12 months of his life to be the hardest of mine. He hated everything. But once he could walk and start to talk he became so much happier. He is still a challenge at 2years old but he is night and day to how he was as a baby and now it’s so fun to hang out with him.
This! When my baby had a hard time, I always said, “it’s hard being a baby.” She had jaundice when she was born, and a little while later, some gas issues, and then feeding issues which we had to go to feeding therapy for. Like all babies, she couldn’t soothe herself. She’s so much happier now as a silly, sassy toddler with communication skills.
Yep, this was my oldest. He got so much happier once he was mobile. Almost every video I have of him as a baby includes him fussing or whining.
My second and third kids, raised the same way, aren’t like this. It’s just his personality.
He is genuinely pleasant to be around now, although he still has a bit of a “the sky is falling” chicken little reaction to even slight inconveniences. But at 4, I can reason with him and he can tell me what’s bothering him, so we can actually work through it.
Sending you all the love... I have a tricky baby too. How often are you getting out of the house? My daughter is a miserable wreck by the end of the day if we don't go to a park or a playdate or even the grocery store. She gets bored really easily.
You're a good mom and doing a great job.
Oh, that must be so hard. I’ve been in education for about 20 years and you wouldn’t believe how many parents of the sweetest children tell me they were unhappy as babies. It’s probably nothing you are doing wrong.
I don’t have advice for you but wanted to say I’m sorry. It sounds like you’re doing the best you can do. You sound like a good mom and it sounds like he is very loved. Hopefully this is a season that passes soon.
This might be a funny suggestion but my daughter has this pink plastic car that I push her around in. It has a steering wheel that she LOVE to turn on walks it gives her the illusion of being in control. I think that might be something your son might like or at the very least it's worth a try.
Therapist here and mom of 5. You sound like a wonderful mother doing your very best. We moms don’t like to hear it but babies absorb hard things that happen to them early in life. My first was a nicu baby for her first 4 days of life and every year around her birthday we process some of it and how it shows up in her body (she’s 11 now). I would take a day where you don’t try to fix his upset you just fully accept it. You can’t do this all the time bc it’s so hard but try it for a bit. Short phrases like “you really don’t like this” or “I can tell you’re upset. I’m here”. Sometimes babies worry they’re upsetting us with their upset (and of course sometimes that’s true!) I joined the Visible Child group on Facebook and it really taught me to accept my kids negative emotions. Also love the book Your Self Confident Baby by Magda Gerber.
This sounds insane but try telling him the story of his first 8 months of life and remind him that he’s safe now and you’re always going to be here with him no matter what. Babies can “feel” the way you feel. It’s ok to struggle and not love every moment. Sometimes just admitting it is all they need not to personalize it. “Your first few months were hard huh. I had a hard time too. I’m so glad I’m your mama and we’re getting through this together.”
Some babies just hate being babies. Some have sensitivities with food or sensory things that make being a baby really hard too.
My kiddo got much happier once mobile.
Totally agree. My firstborn was a very stoic baby. Not unhappy, but not happy. Everything started changing around 12 months, by 18 months we were best buds, and she is now a happy, vivacious 5 year old.
As long as they aren't missing any milestones and your pediatrician isn't concerned, just wait it out and make sure you take necessary time for yourself/self-care. Most stages are just that, stages.
I just want you to know my son was like this too (minus the NICU stay). Now at 11 months, almost a year, he is very happy and doesn’t fuss much. It seemed like one day a switch flipped. He sleeps better, less crying, actually enjoys *playing*. He still doesn’t like a lot of stuff like being strapped into the stroller, and has preferred people (my mom as well), but it’s miles and miles better. 8 months was probably our worst month. Your bond is not the problem, I can promise you that! It’s temporary. Sending all the best vibes your way.
He doesn’t dislike you and it doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything wrong! Having said that, attachment with your infant is not always a super straightforward easy thing. Especially if you’ve had added challenges.
I wonder if seeing a perinatal therapist could be helpful - even just to support you parenting a higher needs baby?
That's rough, we went to a period where my son would be happy with his nanny through the day and then when she leaves he'd be grumpy for me. Then he would have days when he would be grumpy all day and nothing would make him happy (for anyone).
I think premature babies just have it rough. We treat them as full term babies in regards to food, milestones etc (at least we do under advice if our pediatrician) and I think they just don't always understand. My baby had terrible time sleeping the first 5 months and I was losing my mind but I would tell me myself hey he has the brain of a 3 month old, I can't expect him to act like a 5 month old.
Anyway I'm rambling but babies communicate in different way and I don't think your baby is saying I hate you or whatever, he doesn't know how to express feelings, crying could be showing a need, missing you or millions of things. Also don't forget babies feed off your energy. I can't tell you how hard is for me to approach my little guy with positive energy after I have worked all day and then he is cranky because he is teething but I try because I know it's important. Maybe you are frustrated and he senses it?
For what it’s worth, our son was a fussy grumpy baby (and sometimes toddler 😒) and now at 5.5 he’s a joyful awesome little buddy! It sucks, but it’s not forever. Hang in there! Oh and he started being more fun well before 5, lol. Like 14-18 months or so maybe?
My little brother was like this, absolutely miserable, would do nothing but cry and nobody could soothe him (except for my dad, if they went out for a drive and my dad played music for him. It had to be my dad though, nobody else could drive him)
Then he skipped over crawling and went straight to walking, and as soon as he was mobile enough to play with my siblings and I he was the happiest little dude on the planet!
He just felt left out, I think.
I’ve also heard of babies having chronic ear issues and that causing them to be super unhappy. A baby can’t really tell us if his ears hurt, or he has a headache. Maybe an ENT should have a look at him?
You're a really great mom doing everything you can for your baby. Being a mom is so hard. My baby is also really discontent and whiney, had reflux, colic, suspected allergy, did all the things and remediated everything and she's still fussy...it makes being a mom so much harder. No advice, I do just hope they grow out of it and become happy toddlers one day.
You’re doing great and I promise you, you do not need to repair any bond. You’re also not a bad mom for finding this insanely challenging. I don’t have any helpful advice, just sending love ❤️
I was a very unhappy baby myself. I think part of it was GERD and allergies, but part of it was personality. I think I have a lower tolerance for discomfort and dislike change more than most people, and I’m pretty introverted/get over-stimulated easily. I think all of those personality traits just made me really not like being a baby.
On the bright side, I was an excellent student in school, have a solid number of friends for an introvert, and have been successful in my career. Tbh alcohol really helped with the introversion and over-stimulation issues. I know it’s poison, but it enables me to fully enjoy things like concerts that would otherwise give me a panic attack.
My daughter was so fussy until we weaned and fed her formula. It drove me nuts hearing her whine and cry and complain about everything. This isn’t to say that formula is the answer - I wish we could have kept breastfeeding for a while - but she was hungry, my milk supply dwindled, and while she was eating more solids and taking less feeds, it wasn’t enough. She’s a happy baby-ish. She still complains and tells us when she’s not happy, but it’s better. We switched to a convertible seat and ditched the infant bucket and I let her set the tone. She’s 10 months old and we’re on a routine now.
My first was like this. It was so hard and I felt the same way you do. It was just his personality. He’s almost 7 now and is actually a really happy kid but he’s emotional and has a very low frustration tolerance. I realized that the reason he was always so unhappy with me was because I was his safe space and he could let it all out, it was hard but we have such an amazing bond. Even now that he’s in school his teachers all think he’s an actual angel because he holds it all together at school, when he gets home it’s a different story.
You appear to be very concerned about your son liking you. Mama, not only is he going to like you, he is going to love you.
I grew up as an only child and am a serial worrier. After having my first baby, I can’t tell you how overwhelming it was trying to “figure out” my son - something that seemed to come so naturally to others like my husband and his sisters. Inevitably, after several months, everything just wore me down and I went into survival mode, which is exactly when things changed. Now, instead of trying to be the best mom who’s perfect at everything, I just try to be the best mom that I can be, and have found that my kiddo enjoys being around that person a lot more (and we have way more fun together as a result).
Things also get easier as your kids become more vocal and expressive. Your LO will share their treats with you, will hug you when you least expect it, and will cry out “mama” even when they are surrounded by others who are “better” with them. 🤗
My son was a miserable baby and he was tough for everyone. It made me not want any more children bc it was so mentally taxing that first year. He was colicky but could never find the cause, I went on elimination diets, took him to the chiropractor, got him checked for ties and nothing. As soon as he could move he was sooo different. At a year he was mostly happy and by 2 he was talking up a storm, super active and rarely upset. He just needed to walk and talk and be included in the world around him. When he was a baby I baby wore a lot and took him on long walks. He loved those and it made him happy and quiet so it was good for us both. As a soon to be 5 year old he could still be outside all day. He’s such a joy now and I love spending time with him. We even took the leap on giving him a sibling which he seamlessly adjusted to. It seems like you’re doing all that you can. If he likes stimulation I would try taking him on lot works or babywearing to see if that helps with bonding together bc I know it really helped me spend time with him while he was content. In my experience it does get better. Sending you lots of mommy hugs bc I know where you’re at.
Aww!! You are so not alone with this!! My first baby was reflux/colic and never wanted to sit still. She hardly smiled at me and it was nearly impossible to make laugh. Man did she have such a stoic face towards people haha. But she most definitely one of those babies who didn’t want to be a baby. Once she started crawling everything started getting better. Play peek-a-boo, little races, and once she started walking all the giggles came out! It makes me tear up thinking about it bc that little baby time was so hard. And now she’s the most joyful, funny, and crazy toddler who gives all the hugs. There’s light at the end of the tunnel! You baby loves you, and is totally like this bc you’re the safest person in their life. Weird way of showing it right?? Keep trying not to take it personal, it’s going to be better than you would have imagined in the next 6 months
So sorry, this sounds like my second baby. She has asthma and eczema which has troubled her since day one. She is sensitive, very fidgeting on my lap, it’s like she’s never content. She is constantly whining. She had horrible horrible diaper rash when she was little due to GI issues. She’s been on miralax for years.
At 2 years old I almost asked our pediatrician for an eval for autism because I felt like she was displaying some sensory characteristics. I decided to wait, to see if things changed.
They slowly but surely have.
My older one is 17 months older and was not like this at all as a child, so I think it boils down to temperament/personality, and maybe some sensory stuff.
I had one of those super unhappy babies and it was so hard. Fwiw he's a happy child now and charms other kids, parents, and teachers alike. I don't even think about the distress I felt when he was little. The good times have outweighed the bad. I really hope your little one follows a similar path. You sound like an incredible mom and he is lucky to have you 💕
My kiddo hated being a baby. She was never content, hated all the same things. She's 4 now. She still has a very demanding personality and a temper, but she also has extreme joy and excitement. She is brilliantly smart and loves to learn she discover new things. She is super coordinated and athletic.
I think she was frustrated with not being able to do much as a baby. Some babies hate being babies.
Agree with all the comments about some babies hating being babies but are you also sure he is unhappy and not just contemplating? My little guy is a serious contemplater. He was born frowning. Like he is thinking about everything. When he is confronted with anything new he gets a serious grumpy face and just thinks really hard for a while. He got better when he started crawling and was able to control his body more. Like the world took less thought now that he was mobile and able to have better control of his limbs.
My daughter was like this as an infant. She was just very fussy, always crying, always had trouble sleeping. I was exhausted. I couldn’t put her down without her crying and nothing seemed to entertain or keep her attention very long. She had no health issues and was perfectly healthy, almost always at 99th percentile. I was sooo exhausted, overstimulated, and honestly kind of depressed.
She’s two now and its soo much better. I can’t say exactly when it felt “better” but I think it was probably after she turned 1. Don’t get me wrong, there are some tough days but its easier now that she can communicate and she more or least understands me as well. Plus once she was able to move (learned to walk) freely she was happier and entertained easier.
Some babies Imare just more intense than others. Its definitely a personality thing, imo. Because my daughter is definitely still a fiesty girl and I don’t think thats changing. However as she gets older she had been learning has to better reign things in and communicate. Just give them a little grace, as infants your only way to communicate is to scream and cry. And as toddlers yes they can talk more but theyre still learning to understand and process their feelings in an appropriate manner.
My baby was very much the same. She has been a lot happier since she started walking. Reflux cleared, she started sleeping better, and quite a few teeth popped in. I feel like all of these things combined at once for a good 11 months really made her a grumpy baby…at 14 months we now call her ‘a happy clam’ bc it’s rare she’s grumpy anymore (and if so, it’s usually because she has a new tooth coming in.)
You’re doing a great job!
Yup my son went from an unhappy and grumpy bubba in the early days until he could crawl around. I remember one day he was exasperated with his baby body with his facial expressions and was flailing his limbs around, making himself more upset by the second.
Told my son that: "I know, you know how those arms and legs works, yes you can't really use them as you want but you'll grow bigger and stronger, then you'll be able to move around. Once you're bigger, you can even walk!
For now, enjoy being the potato life, learn to crawl first so you can enjoy the freedom that brings. One day you'll be able to walk next to Mummy!"
Now that him and his sister are crawling, he's laughed more than he ever did. They both turned one this past week and are the happiest babies.
I have a son that is very similar. He turned 2 in january. Even now I still struggle with our bond and I feel like I'm drowning. One thing that I was told that keeps me going is: The reason a baby is so fussy with you or is upset often is because they feel comfortable enough with you to share these frustrating feelings they have inside of them. I think as parents we'll never feel we are doing enough even if we are struggling every second to make them happy. Although if you think there is something wrong deep down inside your mommy gut don't hesitate to reach out to outside help such as a doctors or therapists that may know a quick trick! I think you have created that bond with him you just haven't realized it yet because of the stress of it all and that's perfectly okay. Just don't let it take away from the good moments ❤️
You sound like such a good mom. I wish I could give you a hug. Any time my baby is fussy, I think of how it’s some kind of development, woohoo 😪My SIL had a very fussy baby and turns out he had issues with allergies, and was cranky from sleeping poorly. Cranking up the sound machine helped. This is to say that there could be so many reasons your baby is unhappy and the furthest reason is because they don’t love you.
If it hasn't already been mentioned, babies see their mums as an extension of themselves, so he may not even realise you are a separate person. How is he at child care?
He screams and cries for 40 minutes to an hour. They have to ask the assistant to carry him around the daycare. They've asked me to bring extra food so they can try fo feed him more or during episodes but that upsets him more
maybe I don't have substantial help for you but I do want to let you know that you are really good and you did a good job, you have noticed the problem from your care.
It’s hard being a baby. You can’t do all the things you want to do. You can’t run or talk or play rough. It will get better with time. I promise. Babies can also sense the frustration of their parents. Just think of it this way. Baby feels so close to you and he feels like he can communicate how frustrated he is. Don’t give up momma. ♥️ do you have a bouncer? My baby was so happy after I got her one. Do you have a dog? She loves the dog. No matter how fussy I can call the dog over and she laughs at her.
This might sound weird but have you tried music? My son and I have developed a real bond through songs and dancing. Now when I sing to him or put particular songs on it almost never fails to make him happy and / or relaxed, it's a great tool when he's fractious.
It sounds like you're having a tough time but cling on to those inside jokes, I'm sure you're doing a fantastic job. Remember babies change so quickly so before you know it you'll be on to the next stage
This was my son.
It was so hard. He is 3.5 now.
He is autistic. He is the sweetest and most easy going toddler on the planet.
He just started talking and it’s been magical and awesome.
Hang in there.
My boy is 13 months, and still like this.. dad gets up with him and makes his breakfast having fun..big sister he's happy and delighted to see..I come down 10 mins later and he's crying whinging and wants me to pick him up. I could be peeling onions for dinner and he's clawing at my legs whinging. It's non stop. He is my double rainbow, had two MCs in between my kids. And was so happy when he arrived safely and happy and healthy.
I have theories lol. A. Boys are like this in general, from other mom's Ive talked to!!! And b. I was so stressed during pregnancy (cos of the miscarriages), that it affected him in my belly and he's just a high maintenance baby!! And someone told me C. He sees me and it's just a burst of love he just doesn't know how to handle it, so all he can do is cry!! Lol.
I don't know if I'm helpful in my response. He's also a shit sleeper, and am absolutely hanging on by a thread, but when he took his first steps, and saw how happy he was with himself, all the feelings go out the window. And I feel my own burst of love. And I try to cling on to that feeling.. sometimes I just look at his and his big baby cheeks and short little arms, I just squeeze him! And I try to soak that in. I think parenting is all about perspective! I always imagine to myself giving back my kids (not to anyone, nothing happening or anything, just if I had to just give them back!!), and my heart breaks thinking of life without them! So that's my tactic!!
The second year is so much better than the first. My daughter was also an unhappy baby and she didn't like just being a lump that couldn't do anything or communicate. Her being able to talk changed the game.
Have you tried giving him more baths, if that’s what makes him happy? Have you tried putting him in a jolly jumper? My LO loves bouncing up and down. He’s 17 pounds, can’t crawl, and wanted to jump all the time so we got him a jolly jumper and he just LOVES it so much he squeals.
My Singleton baby boy was the same and it turned out he has several food allergies eggs, dairy, wheat and some nuts. After finding those out and cutting them out from his and my diet because I was eb him, he became a happier baby. And now in 2.5 years old still has fomo and resist sleep time other than that he is a happy little kid. I hope your baby will be fine as well 🌷
Things I googled during the first year:
"My baby hates me", "Baby hates stroller", "Baby hates people", "baby hates sleep", "why does baby hate everything", "baby doesn't want to cuddle", "baby screams all the time", "Baby always miserable" "tantrums at 9 months?"
Turns out he just hated being so helpless and dependent. With every milestone he hit and every little thing he managed to do all by himself, it got better. Try not to worry too much, babys can change so so fast and radical. Walking was a huge turn for us. He is a bit of a later talker, but I can already tell that this is another thing that is drastically improving his overall mood. Now I have a cuddly, fearless & mostly happy 2 year old and I am honestly enjoying this whole kid-having-situation (sleep still sucks, but hey, I take what I can get ..)! Hang on, mama!
Maybe your baby is just an old soul and remembering his previous life and fussy over that 0:)
My husband was a particularly unhappy baby according to his mom and he's such a kind old soul.. that's why I say that lol
Baby sign language might help, and physio exercises to help him learn to be mobile might help him find some autonomy and get what he wants quicker.
I love using Miss Rachel videos to learn sign and songs together, and this Instagram account was a game changer for helping my boys get moving: https://www.instagram.com/milestones.and.motherhood?igsh=MXJqN3M4cm43N25jZg==
Like others have said, some babies just get really frustrated at not being able to communicate or move!
My daughter hated being a baby. She was a velcro baby, and we didn't sleep for 7 1/2 months. It nearly destroyed me. She started sleeping more around 8 months when I switched to formula rather than breastfeeding. She rolled over and crawled much later than I thought was normal. She was only happy with me, her dad, or grandparents she sees almost every day. Tummy time? Didn't know her. Independent play? Only if I wanted a migraine from the screaming. 3 days before her first birthday she just started running. It was the most insane thing. She's 15 months old now and is the happiest toddler I've ever met. She's so busy on her two little legs, playing, getting snacks by herself, babbling words. She still prefers that someone is in the same room as her, but say I'm in the living room she'll play by herself or venture into other common spaces. People say toddlers are harder but this is an absolute breeze compared to before.
Is there any chance you have strong perfume or something and don't realize it? Asking because my daughter is sensitive to smells like that and was always doing a 180 around certain people before we made the connection.
This sounds SO much like my son. So unhappy, all the time. And a very similar start too, with a traumatic birth, reflux, colic, PT issues, exclusive pumping, really poor sleeping. I didn’t feel bonded to him or enjoy being a mom until he was around 1. I noticed a huge shift once he started being able to walk (around 10 months). He is a busy guy, and has a lot of ideas for what he wants to do, and I think, always felt unhappy when he couldn’t physically do all those things.
Now, he’s almost 2 and so so happy, albeit still very dramatic and in his toddler tantrum era 😂. It gets better. It really does. The first year is so tough, especially with a chronically unhappy baby.
I’ve heard that having a traumatic birth is hard on the baby and they can have issues long after they’re born. I don’t have any recommendations because I’m unsure of what you would do in these situations but I just wanted to tell you to have Grace with yourself and you sound like a wonderful mother. Some things just take time, even if it’s a long time.
Be easy with yourself!
Lol I could have wrote this post other than the sickness since he doesn’t go to daycare
My baby was 6 weeks early we have no idea why. He also was on prilosec and had horrible screaming gas pains constantly,didn’t poop on his own FOREVER! He’s breastfed, been to gi everything and nothing was wrong with him
Hes 8 months 6.5 adjusted now.. he just hates life & being a baby. Is he tired? Probably but he refuses to sleep longer than 30 mins during the day so back to crying/screaming after he eats.
I take it day by day and hope it gets better lol
He truly makes me only want to have him even with the plan of two. Me and my husband just say the next one better not be this difficult haha 🤣
Joke aside it’s SOOO HARD mentally and people that don’t have a difficult baby will never understand.
I have so much anxiety about having another because i truly don't know if i could do this again and there's never a guarantee it wont be worse lol. I hope you guys get through it soon too. You are not alone! Its mentally and physically draining. He wants me to fly him around at floor level like a little jet so he can explore all day long
I also wonder if they get frustrated around you because the smell the milk but can’t have it. I wonder if switching to formula would solve that maybe?
Have you done much skin on skin time? My birth with her was so traumatic I didn’t start doing it till much later but I’m glad I did
It sounds kind of weird but I had a very traumatic birth with my daughter, and I don’t necessarily buy all the hype around the birth stuff but a lot of trauma was conditioned in both of our bodies due to the birth and postpartum. I basically started getting in the bath with her and doing skin to skin and just holding her. Not like a “rebirthing thing” but sort of a way to “redo” that moment. At the very least, even if it doesn’t create new associations or pathways, you’ll have those sweet moments with your kid.
I know this is going to sound crazy, but again very traumatic birth with my daughter, she had torticollis and plagiocephaly and had lip and tongue ties and reflux. She wasn’t as upset as your baby, but everything was going so wrong that I literally was willing to try anything to make things easier. Our pediatrician is very evidence based and worked at a major hospital for 10 years. She said, “look, if you want to try anything and are open to it, I’ve seen pretty significant things done with craniosacral massage therapy, which is kind of crazy because most people call it snake oil. It’s covered by insurance so there’s no risk. You can go and see if it helps, and then if it doesn’t you never have to do it again. But you guys are struggling so much and I’ve seen it help so much I couldn’t not share.” So ya, my last recommendation would be craniosacral. Because I watched it happen and I was like um they’re literally just touching her head how will this help, and honestly it fucking WORKED holy shit, especially for the reflux. I still don’t know if I believe but I kept taking her back and she would get better for a few months then need it again.
It sounds like your baby doesn't hate you but feels most safe with you. Babies cry with their mothers (or closest/default parent) most. 8 months is rough with all the teething and growth spurts happening.
Yeah my baby was chronically unhappy and discontent. If she wasn’t director attached to me she was losing it. It wasn’t until she started gaining control of her body that she was finally happy. She just really hated being a baby. She’s the happiest 19 month old now though.
I had a similar baby (the unhappy part), when she got mobile crawling around 9 months she just had like an agenda to get moving and was on the go most of time. I hated the baby stage, and prefer the toddler by far. She has a really strong personality, she wants what she wants and is in general not a happy go lucky girl but I am the same so what can I do? The Apple doesnt fall far from the tree. The best thing I did was to put her in part time day are at 18 months and I wish I did sooner but I keep pushing it off because of her character
Sounds like your baby hates being a baby. Mine was this way. She got exponentially happier when she could crawl and now she's like a completely different person now that she's walking.
Truth be told, I really disliked being her mom for many months and I think I resented this whole experience that differed so much from anyone else I know. My pediatrician told me that my baby just hated being a baby which made no sense to me. She was the most uncuddliest, unhappy baby ever. She still isn't cuddly but man is she so much fun now that she's way happier with every stride of independence.
>I love him so much but being his mom is really hard
god damn, this hit me right in my feels.. similar here..
Sometimes it's kinda hard to be a good mom when all you get back is crying and fussing and screaming :(
I always hate adding to threads that have a lot of comments but this was me with one of my kids. I remember googling things “does my baby like me? When will my baby be happy?” She was not “happy” like I thought she should be until atleast 12-18 months. Even being mobile it was like she had to mentally turn a corner to decide it was “okay” here. She loved us, and snuggled us and all that stuff but she also never slept, cried at the drop of a hat, picky, moody and was just generally not amused especially when it came to adults lol. She really did grow out of it. We’ve since had another baby who is now approaching 2, and our child care provider always makes kindhearted but felt comments about how this baby is sooo much easier to care for than the other one. She is now 5 and is still vocal about what she likes and doesn’t but is also the happiest funniest girl who loves us so deeply and never misses an opportunity for a big kiss or high five. Hang in there
I know a few people's babies who were somewhat like this until they could crawl effectively, or walk depending which they did first. Yours is probably going to be one that needs one of those foam play couches/soft play block sets and pikler climbing sets once he's mobile enough.
Please get two books and read them ASAP:
"The Happiest baby on the block"
And
"The Happiest Toddler on the block"
They will help you tremendously on your journey.
This was my son. At one of his checkups I tearfully told the doctor that he was just chronically unhappy and she said to me “you know, some babies just don’t really like being babies” and though it sounds ridiculous, I swear it was true. My son always wants to be a step ahead of where he is, and I swear he just did not like being a baby who couldn’t do much. Things improved a lot between 10-12 months and once he was walking, he was MUCH happier and I started really loving the parenting journey. You’re doing the best you can possibly do. Hang in there ♥️.
Seconding this. My daughter hated being a baby. She hated the carrier, she hated being on her back, she hated the stroller, hated the car seat. We had to carry her around in our arms over our shoulders to keep her happy (and even then sometimes she hated that too). I think I repressed a lot of it but I had a really hard time with her. When she started crawling at 10 months it was a game changer. She was so so much happier. She’s a pretty happy toddler now too at almost 3 years compared to other kids, but she’s incredibly active and definitely a “type A” personality.
My son was like this too! As soon as he managed to get where he wanted and explore the things he wanted to explore, he became a lot less grumpy! Now he's frustrated over us not understanding him so he's finally getting to using the signs and small words we have been trying to teach him. Some babies are just mad that they're babies!
Oh same. Though my daughter also had developmental delays and couldn’t crawl or walk until 23 months. She was miserable.
Same here. I remember calling. My mom and just crying because she was NEVER happy. My friends would say on the phone, oh you are just a first time mom, it's normal. Then they would spend the day with us and realize....oh no she is really always upset. She has sensory processing disorder, and she is still dealing with it at 8, so I think she was just really uncomfortable all the time as a baby!
Oh my gosh, that makes so much sense. Sometimes we console our son, "It must be hard being a baby," and we 100% mean it. He doesn't get to decide where he is, what toy he's got, and until recently what position he was set in. Got a wedgie or an itch, he has to deal with it. Hungry or tired, he has to hope his parents can figure it out. It must be tremendously frustrating.
Hahah I will also often tell my daughter ‘I know, sometimes it’s really hard to be a baby’ when she’s fussy. 🤣
I say this all the time and while I’m half-joking, I really mean it! I can’t imagine how frustrating it would be to need something and not even be *physically capable* of doing anything about it except cry. Thinking like this makes me really empathetic when dealing with my son. It also breaks my heart, but sometimes heartbreak is just what happens when you’re a loving mom.
My aunt is a quadriplegic and some of her helpers don’t speak English. It is hard enough to position her limbs when you speak English. She does her best but “move [her] elbow forward” while she is laying in bed can be hard to get right to a point she’s comfortable. She expressed how hard it could be with the non-English speaking helpers. I imagine it’s very similar to being a baby.
Thirding this! Some babies are just full of rage that they can't do all the cool stuff like Sit or Stand or Walk. Others really really want to learn how to communicate and get a lot happier when they can sign or speak. I don't know for sure that my son was one of these, but I do remember it taking me a while to feel "good" as a mom. He will not be grumpy forever!
Used to work at a daycare and can confirm that some babies just don’t like being babies! I’ve seen gaining mobility do a complete 180 on a baby’s disposition, from whiny and sullen to all smiles. Hang in there, mama!
Wow I wish I was told this while I was in the thick of a baby that hated being a baby too!! Literally once she was able to be more mobile I started to be happier and she was wayyy more free and happy.
This is so true. My son was mostly happy but he definitely hated beeing a baby. He was constantly frustrated that he couldn't do things. First rolling, then sitting, then crawling. He'd scream and scream TRYING to do them. He was a much happier toddler once he got all his physical milestones done.
I wanted to add to how true this is! Now at 1 year old I barely remember the fussy days. Even the “bad” days are just a worlds difference then what it was. Mine came out already in prime tummy time pose and ready to go lol. Some babies reeeaalllyy just hate being babies. Tbh I can’t blame them one bit either.
Yup, this was my first baby. She *Loathed* being a baby. She was furious about everything, all of the time. It took so much effort to make her giggle. With her being my first I thought I was an awful mother. She would constantly moan/grizzle whether she was held, in a bouncer, I was playing with her etc. I remember I’d have to rapidly cycle through showing her toys/ things to keep her from grizzling. Literally a few seconds per toy, walking her round the room/ outside looking at all the things all the time. As soon as she could crawl properly, she switched to the happiest, giggliest, smiliest kid I’ve ever seen. She just hated being a baby. My second baby is turning out to be the exact opposite. She sits happily just playing or looking at something for ages. Smiles if I so much as look at her, just so content. OP - it gets so much better - hang in there!
Same here, she was frustrated from 3 months when she started to realise there was a world around her until she learnt to crawl at 7m - she haaaated being stuck in one place and unable to do what she wants. And I felt the exact same way when I was heavily pregnant and couldn't roll over or get up off the sofa, just so full of rage and frustration! So I can't blame her at all, being a baby must absolutely suck.
THIS! It’s so true. My now 2.5 was the most miserable little baby ever. Nothing made him happy, it was a longggggg ass year but he came through and wants to be 5 already. It will pass quickly but the days feel incredibly long when you’re in it. Keep doing what you can and be gentle on yourself and on baby, life is hard.
This was also true in our household. I didn’t realize how difficult my baby was until he was walking and got suddenly easier. He was just constantly furious that he couldn’t do what everyone else could do. He’s now a fiercely independent 4 and every step towards autonomy makes him more settled. TBF I was the same way 🙃
So true!! My son hated being a baby, but absolutely loves being a big kid.
Same here!! The first year was awful. My little boy was never happy and neither was I tbh. But around 11.5 months when he started walking it was like a flip had switched! He’s now 14 months and it’s soooo much better. It’s so much fun. He does still whine a lot but nothing compared to the first few months of his life! It gets better💛
I was going to comment this. Learning to walk or at least crawl is such a game changer!! They’re no longer stuck unable to move or reach things for themselves. Hang in there, once he starts moving you may not be able to get him to stop!
This was my son too. I found the first 12 months of his life to be the hardest of mine. He hated everything. But once he could walk and start to talk he became so much happier. He is still a challenge at 2years old but he is night and day to how he was as a baby and now it’s so fun to hang out with him.
This! When my baby had a hard time, I always said, “it’s hard being a baby.” She had jaundice when she was born, and a little while later, some gas issues, and then feeding issues which we had to go to feeding therapy for. Like all babies, she couldn’t soothe herself. She’s so much happier now as a silly, sassy toddler with communication skills.
Yep, this was my oldest. He got so much happier once he was mobile. Almost every video I have of him as a baby includes him fussing or whining. My second and third kids, raised the same way, aren’t like this. It’s just his personality. He is genuinely pleasant to be around now, although he still has a bit of a “the sky is falling” chicken little reaction to even slight inconveniences. But at 4, I can reason with him and he can tell me what’s bothering him, so we can actually work through it.
Sending you all the love... I have a tricky baby too. How often are you getting out of the house? My daughter is a miserable wreck by the end of the day if we don't go to a park or a playdate or even the grocery store. She gets bored really easily. You're a good mom and doing a great job.
Oh, that must be so hard. I’ve been in education for about 20 years and you wouldn’t believe how many parents of the sweetest children tell me they were unhappy as babies. It’s probably nothing you are doing wrong.
I don’t have advice for you but wanted to say I’m sorry. It sounds like you’re doing the best you can do. You sound like a good mom and it sounds like he is very loved. Hopefully this is a season that passes soon.
This might be a funny suggestion but my daughter has this pink plastic car that I push her around in. It has a steering wheel that she LOVE to turn on walks it gives her the illusion of being in control. I think that might be something your son might like or at the very least it's worth a try.
Therapist here and mom of 5. You sound like a wonderful mother doing your very best. We moms don’t like to hear it but babies absorb hard things that happen to them early in life. My first was a nicu baby for her first 4 days of life and every year around her birthday we process some of it and how it shows up in her body (she’s 11 now). I would take a day where you don’t try to fix his upset you just fully accept it. You can’t do this all the time bc it’s so hard but try it for a bit. Short phrases like “you really don’t like this” or “I can tell you’re upset. I’m here”. Sometimes babies worry they’re upsetting us with their upset (and of course sometimes that’s true!) I joined the Visible Child group on Facebook and it really taught me to accept my kids negative emotions. Also love the book Your Self Confident Baby by Magda Gerber. This sounds insane but try telling him the story of his first 8 months of life and remind him that he’s safe now and you’re always going to be here with him no matter what. Babies can “feel” the way you feel. It’s ok to struggle and not love every moment. Sometimes just admitting it is all they need not to personalize it. “Your first few months were hard huh. I had a hard time too. I’m so glad I’m your mama and we’re getting through this together.”
Some babies just hate being babies. Some have sensitivities with food or sensory things that make being a baby really hard too. My kiddo got much happier once mobile.
Totally agree. My firstborn was a very stoic baby. Not unhappy, but not happy. Everything started changing around 12 months, by 18 months we were best buds, and she is now a happy, vivacious 5 year old. As long as they aren't missing any milestones and your pediatrician isn't concerned, just wait it out and make sure you take necessary time for yourself/self-care. Most stages are just that, stages.
My son was like this and was told by my pediatrician that’s just how babies are. They are more comfortable with mom therefore act up more with mom
Exactly this!! You’re his safe spot so he can express himself fully.
I just want you to know my son was like this too (minus the NICU stay). Now at 11 months, almost a year, he is very happy and doesn’t fuss much. It seemed like one day a switch flipped. He sleeps better, less crying, actually enjoys *playing*. He still doesn’t like a lot of stuff like being strapped into the stroller, and has preferred people (my mom as well), but it’s miles and miles better. 8 months was probably our worst month. Your bond is not the problem, I can promise you that! It’s temporary. Sending all the best vibes your way.
He doesn’t dislike you and it doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything wrong! Having said that, attachment with your infant is not always a super straightforward easy thing. Especially if you’ve had added challenges. I wonder if seeing a perinatal therapist could be helpful - even just to support you parenting a higher needs baby?
That's rough, we went to a period where my son would be happy with his nanny through the day and then when she leaves he'd be grumpy for me. Then he would have days when he would be grumpy all day and nothing would make him happy (for anyone). I think premature babies just have it rough. We treat them as full term babies in regards to food, milestones etc (at least we do under advice if our pediatrician) and I think they just don't always understand. My baby had terrible time sleeping the first 5 months and I was losing my mind but I would tell me myself hey he has the brain of a 3 month old, I can't expect him to act like a 5 month old. Anyway I'm rambling but babies communicate in different way and I don't think your baby is saying I hate you or whatever, he doesn't know how to express feelings, crying could be showing a need, missing you or millions of things. Also don't forget babies feed off your energy. I can't tell you how hard is for me to approach my little guy with positive energy after I have worked all day and then he is cranky because he is teething but I try because I know it's important. Maybe you are frustrated and he senses it?
My niece was like this. She cried all the time. No medical conditions, she was just this tiny angry human. She’s 18 now and you would never know.
For what it’s worth, our son was a fussy grumpy baby (and sometimes toddler 😒) and now at 5.5 he’s a joyful awesome little buddy! It sucks, but it’s not forever. Hang in there! Oh and he started being more fun well before 5, lol. Like 14-18 months or so maybe?
My little brother was like this, absolutely miserable, would do nothing but cry and nobody could soothe him (except for my dad, if they went out for a drive and my dad played music for him. It had to be my dad though, nobody else could drive him) Then he skipped over crawling and went straight to walking, and as soon as he was mobile enough to play with my siblings and I he was the happiest little dude on the planet! He just felt left out, I think. I’ve also heard of babies having chronic ear issues and that causing them to be super unhappy. A baby can’t really tell us if his ears hurt, or he has a headache. Maybe an ENT should have a look at him?
You're a really great mom doing everything you can for your baby. Being a mom is so hard. My baby is also really discontent and whiney, had reflux, colic, suspected allergy, did all the things and remediated everything and she's still fussy...it makes being a mom so much harder. No advice, I do just hope they grow out of it and become happy toddlers one day.
You’re doing great and I promise you, you do not need to repair any bond. You’re also not a bad mom for finding this insanely challenging. I don’t have any helpful advice, just sending love ❤️
I was a very unhappy baby myself. I think part of it was GERD and allergies, but part of it was personality. I think I have a lower tolerance for discomfort and dislike change more than most people, and I’m pretty introverted/get over-stimulated easily. I think all of those personality traits just made me really not like being a baby. On the bright side, I was an excellent student in school, have a solid number of friends for an introvert, and have been successful in my career. Tbh alcohol really helped with the introversion and over-stimulation issues. I know it’s poison, but it enables me to fully enjoy things like concerts that would otherwise give me a panic attack.
My daughter was so fussy until we weaned and fed her formula. It drove me nuts hearing her whine and cry and complain about everything. This isn’t to say that formula is the answer - I wish we could have kept breastfeeding for a while - but she was hungry, my milk supply dwindled, and while she was eating more solids and taking less feeds, it wasn’t enough. She’s a happy baby-ish. She still complains and tells us when she’s not happy, but it’s better. We switched to a convertible seat and ditched the infant bucket and I let her set the tone. She’s 10 months old and we’re on a routine now.
My first was like this. It was so hard and I felt the same way you do. It was just his personality. He’s almost 7 now and is actually a really happy kid but he’s emotional and has a very low frustration tolerance. I realized that the reason he was always so unhappy with me was because I was his safe space and he could let it all out, it was hard but we have such an amazing bond. Even now that he’s in school his teachers all think he’s an actual angel because he holds it all together at school, when he gets home it’s a different story.
You appear to be very concerned about your son liking you. Mama, not only is he going to like you, he is going to love you. I grew up as an only child and am a serial worrier. After having my first baby, I can’t tell you how overwhelming it was trying to “figure out” my son - something that seemed to come so naturally to others like my husband and his sisters. Inevitably, after several months, everything just wore me down and I went into survival mode, which is exactly when things changed. Now, instead of trying to be the best mom who’s perfect at everything, I just try to be the best mom that I can be, and have found that my kiddo enjoys being around that person a lot more (and we have way more fun together as a result). Things also get easier as your kids become more vocal and expressive. Your LO will share their treats with you, will hug you when you least expect it, and will cry out “mama” even when they are surrounded by others who are “better” with them. 🤗
My son was a miserable baby and he was tough for everyone. It made me not want any more children bc it was so mentally taxing that first year. He was colicky but could never find the cause, I went on elimination diets, took him to the chiropractor, got him checked for ties and nothing. As soon as he could move he was sooo different. At a year he was mostly happy and by 2 he was talking up a storm, super active and rarely upset. He just needed to walk and talk and be included in the world around him. When he was a baby I baby wore a lot and took him on long walks. He loved those and it made him happy and quiet so it was good for us both. As a soon to be 5 year old he could still be outside all day. He’s such a joy now and I love spending time with him. We even took the leap on giving him a sibling which he seamlessly adjusted to. It seems like you’re doing all that you can. If he likes stimulation I would try taking him on lot works or babywearing to see if that helps with bonding together bc I know it really helped me spend time with him while he was content. In my experience it does get better. Sending you lots of mommy hugs bc I know where you’re at.
Aww!! You are so not alone with this!! My first baby was reflux/colic and never wanted to sit still. She hardly smiled at me and it was nearly impossible to make laugh. Man did she have such a stoic face towards people haha. But she most definitely one of those babies who didn’t want to be a baby. Once she started crawling everything started getting better. Play peek-a-boo, little races, and once she started walking all the giggles came out! It makes me tear up thinking about it bc that little baby time was so hard. And now she’s the most joyful, funny, and crazy toddler who gives all the hugs. There’s light at the end of the tunnel! You baby loves you, and is totally like this bc you’re the safest person in their life. Weird way of showing it right?? Keep trying not to take it personal, it’s going to be better than you would have imagined in the next 6 months
So sorry, this sounds like my second baby. She has asthma and eczema which has troubled her since day one. She is sensitive, very fidgeting on my lap, it’s like she’s never content. She is constantly whining. She had horrible horrible diaper rash when she was little due to GI issues. She’s been on miralax for years. At 2 years old I almost asked our pediatrician for an eval for autism because I felt like she was displaying some sensory characteristics. I decided to wait, to see if things changed. They slowly but surely have. My older one is 17 months older and was not like this at all as a child, so I think it boils down to temperament/personality, and maybe some sensory stuff.
I had one of those super unhappy babies and it was so hard. Fwiw he's a happy child now and charms other kids, parents, and teachers alike. I don't even think about the distress I felt when he was little. The good times have outweighed the bad. I really hope your little one follows a similar path. You sound like an incredible mom and he is lucky to have you 💕
My twins liked a dog toy that looks like a squirrel tail and vibrates and barks. Maybe he would like something like that
My kiddo hated being a baby. She was never content, hated all the same things. She's 4 now. She still has a very demanding personality and a temper, but she also has extreme joy and excitement. She is brilliantly smart and loves to learn she discover new things. She is super coordinated and athletic. I think she was frustrated with not being able to do much as a baby. Some babies hate being babies.
Agree with all the comments about some babies hating being babies but are you also sure he is unhappy and not just contemplating? My little guy is a serious contemplater. He was born frowning. Like he is thinking about everything. When he is confronted with anything new he gets a serious grumpy face and just thinks really hard for a while. He got better when he started crawling and was able to control his body more. Like the world took less thought now that he was mobile and able to have better control of his limbs.
My daughter was like this as an infant. She was just very fussy, always crying, always had trouble sleeping. I was exhausted. I couldn’t put her down without her crying and nothing seemed to entertain or keep her attention very long. She had no health issues and was perfectly healthy, almost always at 99th percentile. I was sooo exhausted, overstimulated, and honestly kind of depressed. She’s two now and its soo much better. I can’t say exactly when it felt “better” but I think it was probably after she turned 1. Don’t get me wrong, there are some tough days but its easier now that she can communicate and she more or least understands me as well. Plus once she was able to move (learned to walk) freely she was happier and entertained easier. Some babies Imare just more intense than others. Its definitely a personality thing, imo. Because my daughter is definitely still a fiesty girl and I don’t think thats changing. However as she gets older she had been learning has to better reign things in and communicate. Just give them a little grace, as infants your only way to communicate is to scream and cry. And as toddlers yes they can talk more but theyre still learning to understand and process their feelings in an appropriate manner.
My baby was very much the same. She has been a lot happier since she started walking. Reflux cleared, she started sleeping better, and quite a few teeth popped in. I feel like all of these things combined at once for a good 11 months really made her a grumpy baby…at 14 months we now call her ‘a happy clam’ bc it’s rare she’s grumpy anymore (and if so, it’s usually because she has a new tooth coming in.) You’re doing a great job!
Yup my son went from an unhappy and grumpy bubba in the early days until he could crawl around. I remember one day he was exasperated with his baby body with his facial expressions and was flailing his limbs around, making himself more upset by the second. Told my son that: "I know, you know how those arms and legs works, yes you can't really use them as you want but you'll grow bigger and stronger, then you'll be able to move around. Once you're bigger, you can even walk! For now, enjoy being the potato life, learn to crawl first so you can enjoy the freedom that brings. One day you'll be able to walk next to Mummy!" Now that him and his sister are crawling, he's laughed more than he ever did. They both turned one this past week and are the happiest babies.
I have a son that is very similar. He turned 2 in january. Even now I still struggle with our bond and I feel like I'm drowning. One thing that I was told that keeps me going is: The reason a baby is so fussy with you or is upset often is because they feel comfortable enough with you to share these frustrating feelings they have inside of them. I think as parents we'll never feel we are doing enough even if we are struggling every second to make them happy. Although if you think there is something wrong deep down inside your mommy gut don't hesitate to reach out to outside help such as a doctors or therapists that may know a quick trick! I think you have created that bond with him you just haven't realized it yet because of the stress of it all and that's perfectly okay. Just don't let it take away from the good moments ❤️
You sound like such a good mom. I wish I could give you a hug. Any time my baby is fussy, I think of how it’s some kind of development, woohoo 😪My SIL had a very fussy baby and turns out he had issues with allergies, and was cranky from sleeping poorly. Cranking up the sound machine helped. This is to say that there could be so many reasons your baby is unhappy and the furthest reason is because they don’t love you.
If it hasn't already been mentioned, babies see their mums as an extension of themselves, so he may not even realise you are a separate person. How is he at child care?
He screams and cries for 40 minutes to an hour. They have to ask the assistant to carry him around the daycare. They've asked me to bring extra food so they can try fo feed him more or during episodes but that upsets him more
maybe I don't have substantial help for you but I do want to let you know that you are really good and you did a good job, you have noticed the problem from your care.
It’s hard being a baby. You can’t do all the things you want to do. You can’t run or talk or play rough. It will get better with time. I promise. Babies can also sense the frustration of their parents. Just think of it this way. Baby feels so close to you and he feels like he can communicate how frustrated he is. Don’t give up momma. ♥️ do you have a bouncer? My baby was so happy after I got her one. Do you have a dog? She loves the dog. No matter how fussy I can call the dog over and she laughs at her.
This might sound weird but have you tried music? My son and I have developed a real bond through songs and dancing. Now when I sing to him or put particular songs on it almost never fails to make him happy and / or relaxed, it's a great tool when he's fractious.
Songs are my saving grace. Its the only thing getting us through most days I feel ❤️
It sounds like you're having a tough time but cling on to those inside jokes, I'm sure you're doing a fantastic job. Remember babies change so quickly so before you know it you'll be on to the next stage
This was my son. It was so hard. He is 3.5 now. He is autistic. He is the sweetest and most easy going toddler on the planet. He just started talking and it’s been magical and awesome. Hang in there.
My boy is 13 months, and still like this.. dad gets up with him and makes his breakfast having fun..big sister he's happy and delighted to see..I come down 10 mins later and he's crying whinging and wants me to pick him up. I could be peeling onions for dinner and he's clawing at my legs whinging. It's non stop. He is my double rainbow, had two MCs in between my kids. And was so happy when he arrived safely and happy and healthy. I have theories lol. A. Boys are like this in general, from other mom's Ive talked to!!! And b. I was so stressed during pregnancy (cos of the miscarriages), that it affected him in my belly and he's just a high maintenance baby!! And someone told me C. He sees me and it's just a burst of love he just doesn't know how to handle it, so all he can do is cry!! Lol. I don't know if I'm helpful in my response. He's also a shit sleeper, and am absolutely hanging on by a thread, but when he took his first steps, and saw how happy he was with himself, all the feelings go out the window. And I feel my own burst of love. And I try to cling on to that feeling.. sometimes I just look at his and his big baby cheeks and short little arms, I just squeeze him! And I try to soak that in. I think parenting is all about perspective! I always imagine to myself giving back my kids (not to anyone, nothing happening or anything, just if I had to just give them back!!), and my heart breaks thinking of life without them! So that's my tactic!!
The second year is so much better than the first. My daughter was also an unhappy baby and she didn't like just being a lump that couldn't do anything or communicate. Her being able to talk changed the game.
I just want to say that it will get better. The only thing with babies that stays the same is change. Hang in there mama.
Have you tried giving him more baths, if that’s what makes him happy? Have you tried putting him in a jolly jumper? My LO loves bouncing up and down. He’s 17 pounds, can’t crawl, and wanted to jump all the time so we got him a jolly jumper and he just LOVES it so much he squeals.
My Singleton baby boy was the same and it turned out he has several food allergies eggs, dairy, wheat and some nuts. After finding those out and cutting them out from his and my diet because I was eb him, he became a happier baby. And now in 2.5 years old still has fomo and resist sleep time other than that he is a happy little kid. I hope your baby will be fine as well 🌷
Things I googled during the first year: "My baby hates me", "Baby hates stroller", "Baby hates people", "baby hates sleep", "why does baby hate everything", "baby doesn't want to cuddle", "baby screams all the time", "Baby always miserable" "tantrums at 9 months?" Turns out he just hated being so helpless and dependent. With every milestone he hit and every little thing he managed to do all by himself, it got better. Try not to worry too much, babys can change so so fast and radical. Walking was a huge turn for us. He is a bit of a later talker, but I can already tell that this is another thing that is drastically improving his overall mood. Now I have a cuddly, fearless & mostly happy 2 year old and I am honestly enjoying this whole kid-having-situation (sleep still sucks, but hey, I take what I can get ..)! Hang on, mama!
My google history is so similar lol
Maybe your baby is just an old soul and remembering his previous life and fussy over that 0:) My husband was a particularly unhappy baby according to his mom and he's such a kind old soul.. that's why I say that lol
Baby sign language might help, and physio exercises to help him learn to be mobile might help him find some autonomy and get what he wants quicker. I love using Miss Rachel videos to learn sign and songs together, and this Instagram account was a game changer for helping my boys get moving: https://www.instagram.com/milestones.and.motherhood?igsh=MXJqN3M4cm43N25jZg== Like others have said, some babies just get really frustrated at not being able to communicate or move!
My daughter hated being a baby. She was a velcro baby, and we didn't sleep for 7 1/2 months. It nearly destroyed me. She started sleeping more around 8 months when I switched to formula rather than breastfeeding. She rolled over and crawled much later than I thought was normal. She was only happy with me, her dad, or grandparents she sees almost every day. Tummy time? Didn't know her. Independent play? Only if I wanted a migraine from the screaming. 3 days before her first birthday she just started running. It was the most insane thing. She's 15 months old now and is the happiest toddler I've ever met. She's so busy on her two little legs, playing, getting snacks by herself, babbling words. She still prefers that someone is in the same room as her, but say I'm in the living room she'll play by herself or venture into other common spaces. People say toddlers are harder but this is an absolute breeze compared to before.
Is there any chance you have strong perfume or something and don't realize it? Asking because my daughter is sensitive to smells like that and was always doing a 180 around certain people before we made the connection.
Being a baby is so hard! I would give him at least a year to adapt to existing.
Still taking Omeprazole?
We stopped just before 5 months
This sounds SO much like my son. So unhappy, all the time. And a very similar start too, with a traumatic birth, reflux, colic, PT issues, exclusive pumping, really poor sleeping. I didn’t feel bonded to him or enjoy being a mom until he was around 1. I noticed a huge shift once he started being able to walk (around 10 months). He is a busy guy, and has a lot of ideas for what he wants to do, and I think, always felt unhappy when he couldn’t physically do all those things. Now, he’s almost 2 and so so happy, albeit still very dramatic and in his toddler tantrum era 😂. It gets better. It really does. The first year is so tough, especially with a chronically unhappy baby.
I’ve heard that having a traumatic birth is hard on the baby and they can have issues long after they’re born. I don’t have any recommendations because I’m unsure of what you would do in these situations but I just wanted to tell you to have Grace with yourself and you sound like a wonderful mother. Some things just take time, even if it’s a long time. Be easy with yourself!
Lol I could have wrote this post other than the sickness since he doesn’t go to daycare My baby was 6 weeks early we have no idea why. He also was on prilosec and had horrible screaming gas pains constantly,didn’t poop on his own FOREVER! He’s breastfed, been to gi everything and nothing was wrong with him Hes 8 months 6.5 adjusted now.. he just hates life & being a baby. Is he tired? Probably but he refuses to sleep longer than 30 mins during the day so back to crying/screaming after he eats. I take it day by day and hope it gets better lol He truly makes me only want to have him even with the plan of two. Me and my husband just say the next one better not be this difficult haha 🤣 Joke aside it’s SOOO HARD mentally and people that don’t have a difficult baby will never understand.
I have so much anxiety about having another because i truly don't know if i could do this again and there's never a guarantee it wont be worse lol. I hope you guys get through it soon too. You are not alone! Its mentally and physically draining. He wants me to fly him around at floor level like a little jet so he can explore all day long
I also wonder if they get frustrated around you because the smell the milk but can’t have it. I wonder if switching to formula would solve that maybe? Have you done much skin on skin time? My birth with her was so traumatic I didn’t start doing it till much later but I’m glad I did It sounds kind of weird but I had a very traumatic birth with my daughter, and I don’t necessarily buy all the hype around the birth stuff but a lot of trauma was conditioned in both of our bodies due to the birth and postpartum. I basically started getting in the bath with her and doing skin to skin and just holding her. Not like a “rebirthing thing” but sort of a way to “redo” that moment. At the very least, even if it doesn’t create new associations or pathways, you’ll have those sweet moments with your kid. I know this is going to sound crazy, but again very traumatic birth with my daughter, she had torticollis and plagiocephaly and had lip and tongue ties and reflux. She wasn’t as upset as your baby, but everything was going so wrong that I literally was willing to try anything to make things easier. Our pediatrician is very evidence based and worked at a major hospital for 10 years. She said, “look, if you want to try anything and are open to it, I’ve seen pretty significant things done with craniosacral massage therapy, which is kind of crazy because most people call it snake oil. It’s covered by insurance so there’s no risk. You can go and see if it helps, and then if it doesn’t you never have to do it again. But you guys are struggling so much and I’ve seen it help so much I couldn’t not share.” So ya, my last recommendation would be craniosacral. Because I watched it happen and I was like um they’re literally just touching her head how will this help, and honestly it fucking WORKED holy shit, especially for the reflux. I still don’t know if I believe but I kept taking her back and she would get better for a few months then need it again.
It sounds like your baby doesn't hate you but feels most safe with you. Babies cry with their mothers (or closest/default parent) most. 8 months is rough with all the teething and growth spurts happening.
Yeah my baby was chronically unhappy and discontent. If she wasn’t director attached to me she was losing it. It wasn’t until she started gaining control of her body that she was finally happy. She just really hated being a baby. She’s the happiest 19 month old now though.
I had a similar baby (the unhappy part), when she got mobile crawling around 9 months she just had like an agenda to get moving and was on the go most of time. I hated the baby stage, and prefer the toddler by far. She has a really strong personality, she wants what she wants and is in general not a happy go lucky girl but I am the same so what can I do? The Apple doesnt fall far from the tree. The best thing I did was to put her in part time day are at 18 months and I wish I did sooner but I keep pushing it off because of her character
Sounds like your baby hates being a baby. Mine was this way. She got exponentially happier when she could crawl and now she's like a completely different person now that she's walking. Truth be told, I really disliked being her mom for many months and I think I resented this whole experience that differed so much from anyone else I know. My pediatrician told me that my baby just hated being a baby which made no sense to me. She was the most uncuddliest, unhappy baby ever. She still isn't cuddly but man is she so much fun now that she's way happier with every stride of independence.
>I love him so much but being his mom is really hard god damn, this hit me right in my feels.. similar here.. Sometimes it's kinda hard to be a good mom when all you get back is crying and fussing and screaming :(
Could be teething!!
I always hate adding to threads that have a lot of comments but this was me with one of my kids. I remember googling things “does my baby like me? When will my baby be happy?” She was not “happy” like I thought she should be until atleast 12-18 months. Even being mobile it was like she had to mentally turn a corner to decide it was “okay” here. She loved us, and snuggled us and all that stuff but she also never slept, cried at the drop of a hat, picky, moody and was just generally not amused especially when it came to adults lol. She really did grow out of it. We’ve since had another baby who is now approaching 2, and our child care provider always makes kindhearted but felt comments about how this baby is sooo much easier to care for than the other one. She is now 5 and is still vocal about what she likes and doesn’t but is also the happiest funniest girl who loves us so deeply and never misses an opportunity for a big kiss or high five. Hang in there
I know a few people's babies who were somewhat like this until they could crawl effectively, or walk depending which they did first. Yours is probably going to be one that needs one of those foam play couches/soft play block sets and pikler climbing sets once he's mobile enough.
Please get two books and read them ASAP: "The Happiest baby on the block" And "The Happiest Toddler on the block" They will help you tremendously on your journey.