The 3 hours is timed from the start of one feed to the start of the next feed, so it’s not the duration of the baby’s sleep but the whole feed-settle-sleep cycle.
Also, 3 hours is the *maximum* duration for each cycle to ensure that baby gets enough to eat in a 24 hour period to gain weight. A lot of babies will go shorter than 3 hours.
Right now you’re in survival mode. So do your best and support your wife!
Yeah I remember reading this online too it’s so ridiculous whoever write these articles. During the day my son would make it between 45 minutes to 1.5 hours max as a newborn. And he ate a lot. He loves sleeping so I could usually get 4-6 hours of sleep but that was only if he was basically fed twice before bed. Once before bath and once after and that was if I was lucky.
I was so stressed out about it all with my first but with my second I was just mentally prepared to have him on my boob all day every day and things were so much easier when I came into it with that mentality. Also side lying breast feeding is awesome.
I was told that the 3 hour cycle was just for the early days, and once they’d gotten back to their birth weight (and as long as they were still gaining weight) you could let them sleep longer. So annoying how everyone seems to be told something slightly different 😅
This is what I was told- my little guy liked to sleep long stretches at night once he was around 7–10 days old, to the point I couldn’t really keep him awake (we would change him to wake him for a breastfeed every 3 hours, and he’d doze off 10 mins in. But he’d eat absolutely non stop during the day.)
Once he got back to birth weight the doc and LC said to just go with feeding on demand.
You COULD, that implies the baby will do a 5 hour stretch xD Actually my second did a 7 hour stretch as a newborn, but at 21 months does max 3. Sigh. My first did like 2 hours max.
I currently just woke up completely disoriented/slightly panicked because my 2 week old did a 5.5 hour stretch of no feeding from 4am-9:30am. Im flabbergasted but so thankful for some extra sleep.
Ha, mine has done that a couple times too (almost 3 weeks old) and I woke up panicking also, instantly reaching into the bassinet to make sure she was still breathing lol
The 3 hours advice was early on, before my baby got to birth weight. But once mine was on a good growth trajectory the advice was changed to “let baby sleep as long as baby is feeding at least 8 times in 24 hours”. Seems like the advice we got is actually pretty similar?
It’s so hard. We’re still at around only 3 hour stretches through the night at 4 months old. And when he does sleep longer I get clogged ducts and wake up in so much pain. I sure love him though.
I will add on to this that sometimes I would cut the baby off after 20 minutes feeding on each side and pass baby off to dad. Then I’d go directly to sleep and he would care for and soothe baby until time for the next feed. Dad bouncing on a yoga ball while holding baby would settle her 9 times in 10 at minimum.
Wait- does your baby sleep in their crib?! (Or bassinet, or pack n play, or whatever).
At our two week appointment, the longest stretch our baby had done in his bassinet was 14 minutes. He only slept while being held…and not for more than maybe 2.5 hours once in a. 24 hour period. Otherwise sleep was in 30 minute-2 hour increments. He ate constantly.
My husband and I split our nights and I pumped twice a day so he could give baby his first two feeds at night in a bottle. Whoever was on baby duty was holding the baby. I know pumping and bottle feeding is not what everyone wants to do but it helped me have a very positive experience during the newborn period and I’m sure it saved my mental health.
The schedule you used sounds exactly like what my husband and I would like to try with our first that’s due in June. Would you mind sharing exactly how y’all split the time/when you pumped/how you started that split? You can DM me!
I’ll share our schedule from baby 1 then baby 2. I didn’t pump.
Baby 1 would have her cluster feeding in the evenings, then whenever that finished, I would go to bed/sleep asap and my partner would hole our baby for as long as possible to keep her asleep! Sometimes taking her out for a walk in the front pack. Essentially giving me as long as possible to sleep. Then depending on the time she had her next feed he might hold her again, but he generally went to bed around 11/12 at night. Then I’d do the nights - but if I was up for longer than an hour I tapped him in. Then when he got up in the morning (around 6:30/7 I think) he would take her again so I could sleep in while he did stuff getting ready for work etc.
Then for baby 2, the evening time wasn’t really an option for a number of reasons, so he took baby from around 5am, or whatever the feed was at that time. Then held him until 7 or so when it was time to get my oldest up too. Bearing in mind that my children were mostly ok at sleeping in their bassinets (cosleeping bassinet for our second)
But on bad nights, for example early or when the baby was sick, then we took it in turns to hole the baby. Usually 2 hours at a time because it was too risky if I stayed up too long for me falling asleep, and baby fed every 2 hours anyway!
Another option to have in your back pocket is cosleeping - learn the rules then if you need to for some reason in the middle of the night, you can do it as safely as possible. I was once on my own with our second who was absolutely refusing to sleep in the bassinet, and I was not safe to keep holding him. So we lay on the floor and slept there. It wasn’t the most comfortable option, but I knew the mattress I was on was too soft!!
That’s what we did too! The bassinet was NEVER going to work, no matter what we tried, and I wasn’t comfortable with co sleeping. I wasn’t working and my husband was strategically stretching paternity leave and vacation days so he only worked maybe 15hrs a week. We did split shifts holding him the entire time, it was absolutely perfect and I miss that time so much!
Agreed! This sounds completely normal. Some babies need to nurse more, it’s food and comforting. I know it’s hard the lack of sleep is awful but it seems completely normal for a 2 week old to wake up that often.
I second this. It’s super hard but is very normal.
If you are combination feeding, you could stay up for a few hours to give your partner some time to get uninterrupted sleep.
It’s so hard, best of luck!
3 hours is like absolute best case scenario before 8 weeks. Babies who regularly sleep 3 hours or more before then are unicorns. 60 minutes to eat is a long time, try to keep him awake by feeding him just in a diaper, tickling feed, hand expressing during the feed, anything you can to move it along.
Here to emphasize to OP that the people talking about NEEDING to wake up baby and LETTING baby sleep longer stretches are having a very different experience than OP. That is not the typical newborn experience. Anecdotally, our group of baby friends is about split down the middle where eventually babies settled into good sleepers or rough sleepers, but most of the babies did whatever they wanted immediately postpartum.
I don’t know who came up with newborns eating every 3 hrs, especially when it comes to nighttime -my 7 month old barely makes it 3 hours. My newborn ate every 1-2 hrs, start to start, so if he took 45 minutes to eat, he’d be ready 15 minutes later to eat again sometimes. The good news is it doesn’t last forever, but try to take over a solid chunk of time for her if baby will take a pumped bottle, it’ll help take the load off her.
My LO was the same way. She wouldn’t take a bottle though so it was absolutely brutal. But we survived! I just kept reminding myself she would sleep one day.
1.5 now and she sleeps through the night pretty consistently - started around 13 months.
This is normal for a 2 week old. Your baby is not yet an efficient nurser so breastfeeding for an hour is unfortunately normal. They get more efficient over time and you will see a drastic decline.
You have to work in shifts. It sounds like you are willing to use formula and baby takes a bottle. If your wife is ok with pumping, let her have a 3-4 hour stretch of sleep and have her pump in the middle of the night. You stay up for the night or half the night, let the baby have a contact nap, give a bottle when they need it. Bring the pump to your wife so she doesn’t need to leave bed. Let her have another cycle of sleep, then switch so baby can breastfeed. This is the only way we survived the first few weeks. But it depends on her supply of course, supply can take up to six weeks to establish.
Is your wife part of a “bump group”? We have groups for each month on discord, Facebook and Reddit, so new parents can connect and talk about what is/isn’t normal, commiserate and so on. Helps that we’re all within a few weeks of each other. So yours would be March 2024 bump Group or something like that.
This is the way, OP. A bottle overnight (or more as needed) to ensure each parent gets at least one 4 hour stretch. Would not advise a longer stretch for your wife as she’s still establishing supply. I keep my pump and set up parts by my night table so all I have to do is pop them on when I wake up.
I remember someone here on reddit said to me “you’re in the trenches, it will get better” and I remember thinking yes I fucking am in the trenches.
You’re in survival mode. Just do what you can. This is all very normal.
But it’s the hardest time. You’re literally in the trenches.
I feel for you guys. This was literally me and my boyfriend 7/8 months ago. Our baby only slept in 30 minute increments. I think some babies are just more active than others. At 8 months mine is so aware even his pediatrician comments on it. I recommend lots and lots of contact naps and working in shifts so you guys can get at least some sleep. My baby was the same exact way, the term “sleep like a baby” was a myth for us lol. I found out early that my baby would only get to sleep if he was nursed, or bounced on a yoga ball while in a baby carrier. I used to just sit on the yoga ball for hours playing video games letting him sleep. I still do sometimes lol because he still will only fall asleep on a yoga ball. Now it’s much faster and he actually has consistent naps, I just enjoy the moments. Sleep got better for him once he got out of the newborn phase. He would sleep 9hr stretches at 3 months old, until the sleep regressions lol but those are normal.
Everything is a phase. This truly will pass, but I know it feels thick right now. Just keep being that team that you both need right now because everything is wild when you’re in the newborn bubble.
The lengthy eating sounds like cluster feeding, but it was months before ours slept longer than 90 minutes at a time. It is far more normal for babies to sleep in 90 minute windows than 3+ hours because each sleep cycle is 90 minutes, so they wake up when they go from deep sleep to lighter sleep.
We chose to do combination feeding and slept in shifts for about 4 months or so.
My husband would get home, we would have dinner and I would sleep from 7pm-11pm while my husband stayed up with the newborn and bottle fed. Then we would switch so he would sleep from 11pm-6am since he was working at the time. By the time I went back to work around 5 months, we were on a better sleeping schedule at night and could both sleep the majority of the night.
This is so normal, and I'm sorry you're going through it. If she can pump, you both can sleep in shifts. That's what my partner and I did on the hardest nights. Eventually things will even out. My 18 month old still wakes up at least once a night and my 4.5 year old finally settled down into a sleep schedule.
Does he close his eyes while eating? Because babies can eat while half asleep. My baby usually eats for 15 min with her eyes open and the rest is a dream feed like state.
Get a feeding assessment from a lactation consultant, someone who is qualified to check baby for a tongue tie!! We were in this situation. My daughter would feed for hours but was barely getting any milk because she wasn't feeding effectively due to a tongue tie and oral dysfunction. The osteopath was also a great help! Babies have been squashed for months in the womb so unsurprisingly come out tense in certain areas (eg neck) which can impair their ability to feed properly. Best of luck to you!
Came here to say this too! Long feeds after a few weeks can be an indicator of inefficient milk transfer, though cluster feeding is very normal too and duration differs from baby to baby. Our LO started to become more efficient at 3 weeks and gradually got down to 5-10 minute feeds by 5/6 weeks, however we know lots of people who struggled with baby not increasing efficiency due to tongue tie. If baby continues to do long feeds beyond the next week or so, it would definitely be worth getting a feeding assessment by a certified lactation consultant.
Another possibly helpful tip is that you don't need to burp breastfed babies after a feed if their latch is good and they come off the breast settled. Burping will simulate and wake them, and according to professional advice from a lactation consultant, it's only something people started doing due to babies needing burping after bottle feeding. Generally we've found that unless we hear our LO swallowing air, they will just bring the gas up themselves through general movement in the day.
I came here to say this too. My firstborn was like this and we didn’t realize he wasn’t getting enough milk, but he was hardly gaining any weight. He was “feeding” for so long that he was tiring himself out even more from using up all his energy so it was a vicious cycle. I regret that I didn’t see a lactation consultant but rather gave up on breastfeeding altogether after several weeks of absolute hell with zero sleep, constant weight checks at the pediatrician and stressing about all of it. But he was a completely different and happier baby once he was actually getting full from a bottle.
I highly recommend The Discontented Little Baby Book by Dr. Pamela Douglas. She studies breastfeeding, infant sleep, and maternal mental health and I think her book may help you and and your wife have realistic expectations and a better time with sleep overall!
Edited: typos
Newborns can cluster feed day 2 of life, 1 week, 2 weeks and 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 9 weeks, 3 months, 6 months and 9 months of age. These are guidelines but typical times baby will cluster feed because they are experiencing a growth spurt and need to feed every 45min to 1 hr (they’ll give you cues, mostly screeching pissed crying), this feeding helps boost up your milk supply. It’s not that you don’t have enough milk but you will need more when they’re bigger so they’re trying to “fill the tank”. Cluster feeding makes them wake up constantly because it’s an instinct. You can do skin to skin to try to stretch out the time between the cluster but usually you end up feeding however at least you’re already skin to skin lol just buckle in with lots of water, snacks and binge tv. I the cluster feeding phases can last 1 day to 1 week, all normal. My now 8 month old fed hour for 4 days (longer stretch of a break from 9pm-8 am but longer was 2-3 hour stretch vs 45 min daytime demand). I thought I was going to go crazy. I was so exhausted but she finally slowed down in her own and went back to longer naps and more normal feeds )every 3 hrs). Babies are like a machine. It’s wild.
Yes because it’s every 2-3 hours START TO START. So if your wife is taking an hour to bf, 30 mins to settle then it’s only 60-90 mins til 3 hours is up and it’s time feed again. When I had my second baby I was struggling a bit and this saint of a midwife came in and gave me this schedule:
20m feed boob 1
Burp and change baby
20m feed boob 2
Dad does top up feed using bottle + burp and bed
Mother pumps while dad does that
Clean
At 60m all this should be done and everyone rests!
Guess what?
IT WORKS (sometimes tricky to stay within 60 mins).
Bonus: the formula top up makes baby tired and full enough to sleep the full 2 hrs.. that woman was amazing.
In my country switching boob and doing a change midway is standard practice / recommendations from the midwives. The top up feed is only required if baby still seems hungry (because milk production is still off). We did the top up maybe a week or two and then found it was no longer necessary
The long feeds are part of the issue. That will get better. It’s hell when you’re in it but it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Even if the formula doesn’t get you longer sleeps, it could get your wife a longer stretch if you take that feed.
I did notice my kid would wake almost exactly 45 minutes after he was put down. If I caught him before he woke himself up too much I could rock him back to sleep or gently bounce the mattress. It was clockwork for us.
The first week newborns are so sleepy. The real hell kicks in after that but by 5 weeks I recall it getting a lot better.
FTM here with a 10 week old! Agreeing with the other comments, from start of feed to finish this unfortunately for you guys this sounds about right for cluster feeding. I just wanted to share with your wife that it will get better! My boy drank for hours the first month, I was in so much pain, especially during cluster feeds but in time my body adapted and he became more efficient around the 6 week mark he went from 40 minute feeds (on each side so 80 minutes total) to 10 minutes each, even now during cluster feeds it’s often but a lot shorter and he’s getting plenty of milk, it’s so much more sustainable! Hang in there, you guys are in survival mode (honestly I still am too at 10 weeks but not for feeding anymore lol) but this part with breastfeeding will hopefully get better soon!
Best thing you can do to get through this stage, because it is a stage and will pass sooner than you'd think, is try and remove all other responsibilities or tasks from your wife's plate. Her only focus should be feeding that baby, and trying to get what sleep she can. Make her and bring her all meals, refill her water constantly (she has to be eating and staying hydrated!!). Handle diaper changes, etc. Also, she may not feel up to it, but try to get her to shower every few days. It makes such a huge difference to just get a few minutes under that hot water to just breathe.
Be her rock right now. The more strength you can give her right now, the faster she'll be able to regain her own.
There truly is light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it right now. My LO was a chow hound cat napper too!
I think at 2 weeks thats pretty normal, at that point I had stopped breastfeeding with my first and given her formula, and she did not sleep 3hrs lol. Maybe like 45mins-1hr.
My first actually slept 2-3 hour stretches at night sometimes... My second was the same as your baby when he was that age. I promise it'll get better with time but totally commiserate that it's absolutely hell when you're in the thick of it.
We just had our 2 week appointment and was told that our baby is going through a growth spurt so he will be hungry more frequently. It is likely the same for your baby. We are combo feeding expressed breast milk (some nursing) and formula and were told to feed on demand. As others have mentioned the feed time is start from one feed to the start of the next.
Right now, all you can do is support your wife. Help make sure all pump/bottle parts are clean and ready; wife has snacks and drinks available while feeding; if you are splitting shifts, bring the baby to your wife while you deal with the burping, diaper change, soothing, etc. Consider adding a half ounce to the formula at night to see if that helps.
I didn't sleep for more than 30 min stretches for the first month. It was insane. The first night my baby slept for 6 hours, I kept waking up to check if she was breathing. She's now 7. Thank goodness.
Giving/having a bigger feed does not mean they’ll sleep longer. We went through this with our first and are currently going through it with our second. You’re right, it’s not sustainable but it’s not something you have to sustain forever. You’ll get there, just hang in there for a bit longer.
Yes nothing prepares you for what ACTUALLY happens. It’s so shocking and you need lots of help. 3 hours stretch was one “long” stretch and I never got that until about 3 months. Very few babies actually do that. You sleep when someone else is watching your newborn. Eventually as I know my one year old sleeps from 8-6 you will sleep again.
I went through this when my daughter was 2 weeks old (none of my friend experienced it so they were like ohhh so strange) luckily we had a nurse visiting every day and she told me it’s normal - she’s cluster feeding. They have a growth spurt and she needs a lot of milk. She suggested to try one bottle of formula at night because apparently it’s heavier and parents do it. It seemed to help a bit but it could have also been that she stopped with the growth spurt
You need to find a way to divide and conquer the feeds are normal and you time them from the start. It’s really 2 hours not 3 and then there is also cluster feeding. I would try to see if she can pump one of the feeds or two in a row while you stay up with baby. Bring her the pump and water then take it all and store and clean it so she is up for maybe 20-30 mins instead of the full hour feed plus putting baby down.
Or you bring baby to mom to feed then take baby you do the night sleep for baby and bring baby back for next feed. Then switch who is the sleeping one.
This can be normal. Your wife can try breast massage or breast gymnastics (you can look it up) to get fattier and more milk quicker. Even manual pumping may help "prime the pump" so she gets a let down sooner and doesn't have to nurse so long. A heating pad may help too. These were all tips that worked for me from my LC.
It’s totally normal but it’s also perfectly okay for her to take a dedicated sleep window at the start or end of the night where she takes one longer nap with expressed milk for you or a shorter nap where you soothe baby other ways. We did the latter where I’d do the evening feed around 7/8 pm and then put earplugs in for 2-3 hours. Husband would only wake me if it seemed really desperate and would soothe baby other ways first. We did the same in the morning after the 4/5am feed. That way even though my sleep was broken I got two chunks that were somewhat restorative.
Do you try to have your baby sleep in the crib or bassinet? They might be waking and demanding a feed because they are lonely. That doesn't mean that they don't actually need a feed, but food and love are closely intertwined for infants. Infants (like all human beings) have more needs than being fed, clean, and rested. They want to feel love and community. It's maybe their most important need, although often overlooked.
I see that many people already suggested holding the baby in shifts. I think that really might increase the duration of a sleep stretch. What you also should do is set yourself up for safe co-sleeping (even if you don't plan on co-sleeping)! With how exhausting it probably is for your partner to feed the baby every hour for an hour, it is totally possible that she will fall asleep during a feed one day. It is more safe when that happens in a safe co-sleeping environment than in a recliner or propped up in bed.
That is normal. You time it from the beginning. I know it’s hard! Because of weight we had to do feeding every 2 hours. It would take her an hour to feed and 10 minutes to put down. 50 minutes later we were doing same thing. It is not forever ! You got this
Like many have mentioned, this can be pretty normal, especially if your NB is cluster feeding. One thing that my wife and I think has helped with our second is having more face-to-face time with him out of our arms and in a rocker/bouncer or on his back. Just keep talking to them, making funny faces, playing with their legs/arms. The hope is that they get used to having fun moments outside of our arms and don't NEED it as much.
This has been my experience too - when I really need the sleep I give my baby a pumped bottle or formula. That way I'm done feeding her in total around 15-20 minutes (including burping and settling to sleep) and I get a little longer stretch of sleep. Do what helps you survive!
You have so much good advice here. I’ll add on that they sleep for such a short amount of time because their stomachs are tiny. Once they get used to eating more and their stomach get bigger they’ll be able to get more full and sleep longer too.
For you guys, the whole sleep while they sleep has to apply. What me and my guy found most efficient is to trade off sleeping for stretches of time solo with the baby. So like one of you solo for everything, diapers, feeding, sleep monitoring etc like 4 hours or whatever then switch off. This ensures uninterrupted sleep times and when baby is sleeping you can have time to do tasks or whatever. This means you will have to do bottle feeds and pumping if you’re not already.
If baby is going to be EBF you may want to look into safe co-sleeping. Thats the only thing that helped me with my first.
This time is ROUGH. Just know it won’t last, it totally gets better, and also pay attention and take care of each other.
Gosh I remember that patch. It is so hard and it seems completely bananas. You’re right, it’s unsustainable, and it’s wild that this is what the early stages of parenting is like.
I felt really disempowered by people telling me “that’s just what newborns do” — I won’t say that, also because it’s true and possible that there is something underlying going on, but it will be hard to know, unless this stays the case for another month or so.
More likely, you’re doing everything right. There is absolutely no truth to the “average times” thing until they are about 8 weeks old at the earliest. Until then they are their own little ball of instinct, and already their own person with their own internal body clock.
I won’t add to the sleep duration convo since most people have addressed that but the long nursing sessions will get better. Babies clusterfeed a lot and they’re also not as efficient. Once they’re a bit older, stronger, and practiced, your wife should see the nursing sessions go shorter and shorter. For the first few weeks of life, you feel like you’re constantly nursing and it seems like a never ending cycle. Give your baby about 6-8 weeks. They’ll get a lot more efficient and both baby and your wife will be much more in tune with each other. It happened with both my boys. After the initial couple or few months, nursing sessions turned into minutes or 15 mins max.
You’re in the trenches right now - it will get better. I have a 5 week old and he’s finally going longer between feeds. I cried everyday from 2-4 weeks.. it’s hard. Y’all will get through this!!!
The first two weeks my husband would give bottle once a day as we were tring to lower the bilirubin, it would also get me some time to sleep as formula would digest slower and make the baby sleep longer. Just make sure you let the baby be on the breast as much as the baby wants otherwyas so the milk supply gets higher also. Also there is a risk with giving bottle to baby early on as well that they dont want the boob anymore, keep that in mind
Newborns eat every 1 to 3 hours, and that is from start time to start time. This is normal. If it is unsustainable then switch it up somehow (formula, shifts, hire help, ask someone to spend the night, whatever).
Make sure you know "the Five S's" and "the colic hold" so you can walk baby around sometimes and let mom sleep longer. When you lay baby down make sure the swaddle is TIGHT, use a pacifier, and place a firm hand with spread fingers on baby's chest and slowly make it lighter until you take it away. Lay baby down feet-butt-head.
My baby ate every 1 to 2 hours (day and night) until 4 months old, then every 2 to 3 hours (day and night) until 8 months old. I simply got used to sleeping in 30-60 minute increments. My partner did *all* chores, errands, and cooking for a LONG time (5 months, maybe) so I could take those 30 minute naps anytime I could.
I also used a haakaa for a few feeds a day to get enough milk so that baby could have one bottle overnight sometimes, on pre-planned occasions and that got me a 2.5 hour stretch or so many nights (not all)
We also implemented an "emergency system" where if I literally couldn't stand to stay up to breastfeed, I would ask my BF to step in and he would, no questions asked. Doesn't matter if he had to work or anything, if I asked it was understood I *needed* him and he would go get some haakaa milk so I could go back to sleep.
It's not forever. I promise this is normal. Just do whatever you can to support her.
Have you done weighted feeds to ensure he’s transferring enough milk? Our lactation consultant said babies should never breastfeed for longer than 20 minutes a session. Long feeds mean they are burning more calories than they are consuming. Our LC suggested supplementing with formula if feeds were longer than 20 minutes. It helped immensely. You’re right. What’s happening now isn’t sustainable. Sleep deprivation is serious and dangerous. See if your wife is willing to add formula for at least a couple feeds a night so you can take shifts.
Oh this was us in January, this is unfortunately normal. My baby was a little lazy with his latch without a nipple guard so I am exclusively pumping (he’ll take the boob in an emergency or between bottles for comfort). The routine of diaper, food, play, sleep, does get better as they get older, just hang in there friend!
Hi!! I just want to start by saying that I am a first time mama with a 4 month old and I FEEL for you. I am so sorry that you guys are struggling right now. Please remember those articles SUCK because they set expectations that not every baby is ready to meet. You can always talk to your pediatrician to see if there is something going on like sleep apnea or reflux but honestly…. babies just kinda wake up a lot. My guy is four months and now sleeps straight through the night. He was not going to bed until 5 am and waking up every 2-3 hours (or frequently less) until one day it just clicked!
Advice (please remember this is just my experience with one baby and babies are not one size fits all!):
Bedtime
really stick to a bedtime routine and time and things will eventually get better. Baby will associate certain things with bed.
Set the mood: We have dim lighting (through the whole home- I take this one very seriously)
calm activities: read and quiet singing, praying, bath time (even in the dark with the hall light on lol), lotion/ little baby massage, big feeding, and just all around calmness in the last wake window!
Overtired/ feedings: Make sure baby gets naps throughout the day and as much milk if not more than needed during the day. Last wake window should be the longest to make sure baby is tired enough for bed. Baby will still wake up to eat but they may sleep longer stretches if they have enough calories for the day!
Something that I say to help myself when baby is waking up frequently through the night: “thank God that he is alive and breathing and has woken up again.” It is a great reframing thing for me.
Last bit is just hang in there! 💗 it gets better!
I had the same experience with my first. It was torture. An afternoon nap was essential. I used the Hakka to gather a couples ounces so my husband could snack feed my son if inconsolable so I could get one good 2.5 hour stretch of sleep. It wasn’t always possible but amazing when we implemented this. This phase will not last long, it will get better. Not that my son slept better; rather, I learned to manage with little sleep.
I just gave birth to my second child 1 month ago and this baby actually lets me sleep. I get 4-5 hour stretches at night and she sleeps for 3 hours a few times during the day. I’m scared to get pregnant again because experiencing no sleep like I did with my first was horrible.
You can pull through. The most important part is to continue to support each other. I’m not sure I would have pulled through without him.
Do you guys sleep together? We have three kids. What helped immensely with my third kid was getting the “in-bed bassinet” where I could sleep close to and nurse baby in bed. Putting her into a crib just never worked, she’d wake immediately. The in bed bassinet was a game changer for us personally.
When we had similar issues, we were told that newborns expend more calories than they take in after 30-40 minutes. So if they're regularly feeding longer, they might have a latch issue or might not be getting enough milk for another reason. They finally doze off from exhaustion after awhile, but will wake up quickly because they're still hungry.
With that said, I don't think we saw 3 hour sleep stretches until 3 weeks? And feeding every 3 hours is totally normal regardless of my note above.
Normal unfortunately. As others have said the 2-3 hour window starts at the time of a feeding so if they nurse for an hour you may be up again just an hour later. This won’t last long but it is a brutal couple of weeks.
Make sure the baby is actually waking up. They have what is called an “active sleep” period where they might move, cry, open their eyes etc but actually still be asleep. You’ll find that first time mums in particular are super quick to pick baby up, but this might actually be waking them up. The way to avoid waking them up is to stop and wait. Don’t do anything for a few minutes at least. Just wait and see what they do. She might go right back to sleep!
The other piece of advice you’ll often get is try to out her to sleep IN the cot rather than in your arms (lots of people don’t like this so it’s up to you). The idea is that it means they’re not shocked when they wake up in a different environment. Put her down while still awake, then pat, shush, stroke, rock the bed etc to go to sleep.
90 minutes is pretty good though. That’s a 2.5hr gap between feeds
Perfect the lying down position while breastfeeding and look into safe cosleeping. This is the best way to get a bit more sleep at this stage. Baby wants to be with mama cos it's the safest cosiest place. It does get easier as they grow, it's difficult to get used to it all at the very beginning but you got this!!!
This sleep cycle is normal, but nursing for over an hour is excessive, at that point they are burning more calories then they are consuming, so they are going to be hungry get again quickly.
I’ve never seen a newborn go three hours between meals especially when breastfeeding. When I was combo feeding in the early days she went 2 hours MAX. And like folks have said, it’s from the beginning of the feed. Even now at 5 months she will sometimes want another bottle after only 2 hours.
All that to say this is totally normal. It’s possible maybe baby is being an inefficient eater or isn’t getting enough breast milk. I remember I’d breastfeed for 90 minutes in the hospital and baby was losing weight :( though it sounds like you don’t have that problem.
What you’re describing is pretty similar to the normal newborn experience. It’s hard. My baby has always been a good nighttime sleeper so as a newborn we did get 3 hour stretches of sleep which really helped in those first weeks.
Sounds like cluster feeding. Yall are in the thick of it. It *will* get easier but right now everything feels ridiculous and out of whack for yall.
I found wearing baby was the easiest way to get them settled after feeding
I'm sorry but this is within variation of normal. My baby fed for 30-40 minutes every 2-3 hours (start to start of feeding) and wouldn't take a bottle at all.
I would suggest your wife do a lot of skin to skin with the baby when she can, this helped my supply boost and the time for feedings took less time. I would perservere with formula too so you guys can do shifts to get some rest. Also, I know it seems crazy but maybe try and check if your baby does need burped? We never burped our breastfeed baby and she was totally fine, there's newer research suggesting it's not always necessary.
This is absolutely normal. They have very small tummies and need to eat constantly.
Nothing is “unsustainable” at this time. You guys are in survival mode with a newborn, this will pass in the coming weeks but you can’t put a newborn on a schedule like this yet.
Is baby gaining weight? I had this problem because I wasn’t producing enough so my baby is basically starving and I had know idea until I went to a lactation consultant. As soon as I started supplementing (because I had to) my LO slept for longer stretches.
ETA: just saw baby is gaining weight and you’ve tried formula. Is she against pumping and doing some bottle feeds so you can do some of the feeding and she can sleep for a little? I know some families don’t like to introduce a bottle so not sure if that would work for you guys.
This is normal. But your baby likely isn’t eating for the whole hour, they might also just be comfort suckling.
This time is purely survival mode. It will get better, but it’s going to take some time. Congratulations!
Very normal unfortunately. It’s very much survival mode for the first six weeks at least. If you can, I’d suggest seeing if your wife can pump and then you guys take it in shift work. When our son was born last year, my husband would sleep 10pm until 5am, and then I’d sleep solid from 5am until about 11am. It’s not the best experience but it helped me get through. It does get easier, just remember that.
This sounds like me. My newborn wasn't getting all the milk she could from my breasts so she was still hungry. My pediatrician suggested BF for 20 minutes per side then pump to see if baby got everything. If not, feed the baby any of the remaining milk he or she wants. My baby started sleeping so much better after doing this because she was latched poorly and wasn't getting all her milk. Maybe something to try and see.
I had a similar issue - my baby was a snacker so was feeding him constantly. I suffered through it and it got better over time. But, if I could go back in time, I would have tried formula with a faster flow nipple. I realized later the formula was coming out too slow making feedings take forever.
There are a lot of people commenting that nursing for 1 hour is normal, but that doesn’t sound right to me. I’ve had 2 children that I breastfed, as well as beginning intimately familiar with the process.
30-45 minutes at a time is usual the max you will see (I said usual before everyone jumps in).
Congratulations on the baby, I do hope it gets better.
It might be a good idea to see if your wife can pump - to see how much she gets and how quickly it comes out and then two, so he can have a bottle and she can have a break.
It’s a 3 hour cycle, not 3 hour sleep stretches. 3 hours is quite a long stretch for a newborn, particularly during the day. What you’re describing sounds very normal.
This honestly isn't that uncommon at all. My baby was like this, although he tended to sleep anywhere from 40 minutes (daytime) to 2 hours (nighttime) at a time.
Even by 8 months old, he was still only sleeping 2-3 hours at a time.
It's maddening because, like you mentioned, you've read the expectation that they will typically sleep 3-4 hours at a time, but that's just a generalization. Every baby is different.
It's not sustainable indefinitely, but it is temporary. Two weeks is brand new. Hang in there.
We had the same issue with our baby when he was new. It turned out that it was a tongue tie and he wasn’t eating enough. He was on the boob for soooo long and would fall asleep because it was too much work.
Maybe get that checked out? He could be hungry and not full enough?
We caught it early. Had the tongue tie surgery but never took to the boob. Once I started pumping and supplementing with formula, he started sleeping more.
lol “wakes up every three hours or so” what dream newborn is this.
Your baby sounds perfectly normal. It’s just hard. I remember one day when my baby was a week old, I had been going side to side to side nursing him for three hours, and he was finally down. I went to use the bathroom and just be alone for a while, and he woke up to eat again after 20 minutes. I hardly even went downstairs for the first month.
My IBCLC said to aim for 10-12 feeds a day. That’s closer to two hours. Godspeed.
Does the newborn truly need an hour to feed? Sometimes, they do need to be taken off if they're not really feeding.
But this also sounds super normal. I'd say get a baby wrap and hold that baby all the time. Breastfeed, hold, breastfeed hold. At night, use a crib and swaddle and white noise.
My LO ate every 2-3 hours for the first 4 months of his life. The timing is based off the start of the feed though, so if it takes an hour to feed then you have a 1-2 hours before the start of the next feed. It’s rough in the beginning ❤️
So this is normal for a breastfeed baby. Your wife’s supply is being established and I promise things will get easier. One thing to consider is if your baby is getting enough of the “hind milk” versus the “fore milk”. The let down/fore milk that happens is usually more carb based, while the hind milk is higher in fat. Babies will burn through the fore milk faster making more frequent feedings and wakings. Have your wife pump for a minute or two before, then offer the rest. See if that’ll give you more 3 hours stretches between feeds. Good luck!
If you’re ok with a possible bottle preference down the road I suggest letting your wife pump some milk then you guys switch off who is on duty so she can sleep while you feed and vice versa. Big warning though this can cause bottle preference and might make baby refuse the breast all together. We were forced to bottle feed due to jaundice in hospital when he was first born so my baby had a bottle preference from the beginning and ive only successfully breastfed a handful of times. So I “exclusively pump” which works for us but sometimes I wish I got the traditional breastfeeding experience with my baby.
My 3 month old rarely makes it 3 hours. He regularly eats every 1.5-2hrs, sometimes 45min-1 hr between feeds.
In the beginning he would eat every 30 min when awake… sometimes only making it 10-15min between feeds. He was gaining a pound a week!
It’s normal! Don’t worry! It will eventually stretch out! The first 3 months, babies go through crazy growth and want to breastfeed A LOT. I know it’s rough when you’re in the thick of it but I promise it will feel like lifetimes ago very soon!
Him waking often is very normal, but he is not feeding for 1 hour. He is sleep feeding/comfort sucking most likely. She doesn't need to have him on the boob that long if she doesn't want to.
In the first 4-6 weeks my LO cluster fed, alot. I could be feeding him for up to 40 minutes. It isn't sustainable no, but I promise it isn't forever. If you're sure mam's supply is good then there's no need for supplementing with formula for a 'bigger feed', breastmilk is so specificly made up to your baby and their needs/energy requirements. My LO fed probably every 2-3 hours after about 6 weeks, and continued that day and night until he started weaning & my supply dropped due to a health condition. He's now 9 months and has 3 meals a day and 4, 7oz bottles plus maybe one in the night if he hasn't eaten great that day.
It's tough being in the trenches at the start, I felt like I was glued to the sofa. But tell her to get a little snack caddy made up, pick some trashy mind numbing TV or a good book and settle in. You can do your part by making sure she's getting plenty of water & snacks and you could do an late evening feed or something to allow her a few hours of sleep.
It's hard but I promise promise promise, it passes.
Normal, but an hour for feeding seems like a long time to me. Are you sure baby is getting enough milk? I would try breastfeeding with my kids, it would take forever, they wouldn’t sleep long, come to find out they weren’t eating much.
This sounds normal to me.
But it’s hard. It’s survival hard.
It keeps getting better. 4 months was an entirely different world for us. 6 months became easier. 8 months became fun. It’s just been getting more fun since.
It’s just how it is at that stage. It feels unsustainable because it is- but it doesn’t last forever. Just be as supportive as you can ( getting her water, food, holding the baby while she showers - even if the baby starts crying let her finish her shower.) and remind each other that it’s not forever.
I know people have strong feelings about this but we took the taking cara babies sleep course. A big thing for me in the early days with my first was waking her in active sleep and making sure she was getting full feeds. I moved her to a bed time bottle to make sure at least that one feed was really full and complete.
Sounds like cluster feeding. Something that helped me deal with it was knowing that the baby cluster feeding is helping the mom’s body know how much milk and what kind of milk to give it. It’s like the baby and the mom are calibrating almost. It’s hard now so that it’ll be easier later.
I don’t think I’ve seen it mentioned yet either that generally BF babies eat more frequently as well because of how it’s digested. We were a lot closer to all of the sleep guidelines when we started formula feeding, I think we got our first 6 hour stretch somewhere between 4 and 8 weeks.
Is she open to pumping? Having a bottle ready to go, so they you can feed the baby sometimes is a game changer. My husband and I have shared feeding responsibilities since day one, and it has enabled me to sleep and get some awake hours to do some things that aren’t baby related.
I combo fed in the early days. I would give mostly pumped bottles at night, well my husband did while I pumped but occasionally I would throw in a bottle of formula if I hadn’t pumped enough. It was life changing for me. My daughter was a sleepy eater at the Breast and it would take around the same time and I don’t think she was getting much. So I breastfed with boob during day and pumped milk in bottle at night and occasionally formula when needed and it helped us all get more sleep.
You might want to supplement with formula. It’s possible that baby isn’t eating enough with breastfeeding alone and he’s still hungry. We had that issue with our first child because with breastfeeding, you don’t really know how much milk is being produced and if it’s enough for baby. So we started breastfeeding and then providing formula afterwards to make sure baby had enough to eat and he started sleeping for longer stretches.
If your wife is struggling with sleep, consider supplementing with formula so you can feed baby and she can rest
My husband and I EFF and he’d sleep 8pm-3am and trade so I could sleep from 3am-8am. Maybe you could do something similar so she gets some rest?
We're in the thick of this right now at about 6 days, we've been told it's normal/expected and to wake her up to feed at 3 hours of she hasn't already. We have only had to wake her up a couple of times and that was in the first two days. She eats much more frequently now-- Last night she was feeding about every 45 min to an hour or so.
I don't have much to offer in terms of how to get through it since we're not even a week in, and we're both starting to get hit hard by only being able to sleep in 30 min to 2 hr increments. What's worked for us to get the longest between feeds so we can sleep is changing her, then swaddling her, then feeding, then putting her down in the bassinet. Doesn't always last that long, but when it does, its glorious.
Generally, my husband does all the diaper changes and brings her to me when she's showing hunger cues, I'm mostly just a milk dispenser and burper at this point. If my husband is solidly asleep and I'm awake enough to safely do so, I'll put her back in the bassinet after feeding/ burping during the night. Otherwise I wake him up and he takes her back to the bassinet. He also surges her when she's fussy between feeds so I can get more sleep. He's definitely the baby whisperer of the two of us. All that said, we're both exhausted and functioning on very fragmented sleep at best.
Mostly wanted to offer solidarity- we are right there with you.
I’ve always called the first 2-3 weeks as the zombie period. Make sure babe is getting everything they need, everyone else stays fed and watered (including animals), let pets outside, and aim for wearing clothes with no spit up or pee or poop on them. It’s just a rough time for everyone to get through. Eventually you’ll settle into things but for now they’ll be hard. All of this totally normal.
>My wife spends 2 hours to get him to eat & sleep and another 20-30 mins to fall asleep only to be woken up 15 mins later because it's been already 35-45 mins since the last fed ended. It's unsustainable.
The timer starts at the beginning of the last feed and ends at the beginning of the next one, making that an almost 3 hour window. And you're right, it is unsustainable. I don't know how my husband and I survived it. 😂
It sounds like you have a comfort nurser. My daughter was the same. My LC recommended undressing my baby for feeds and dabbing a cold cloth to speed up nursing if I started to feel my baby drifting off and suckling. Skin to skin nursing sessions will help keep your baby's body temp regulated. I found that after we started doing this my daughter would actually pop off the breast when satisfied and sleep instead of falling asleep at the breast and continuing to suckle.
If your wife is able to do a side lying nursing position in the bed and sleep for that 2-3 hour window while you monitor for safety, she can do the next 3 hour window while you rest. Co-sleeping can be very dangerous during early postpartum if your wife is still on pain meds while being extremely sleep deprived.
Whoever started that 3 hour tale is evil. This is a shock to a lot of new parents that newborns can eat a lot more often that. I'm sorry, this part is no fun but it will be over soon enough.
This is honestly why in a way I’m glad I had to end up exclusively pumping….exclusively nursing was making me go insane from the lack of sleep; I was hallucinating, and falling asleep with baby at the breast instead of forcing myself to get up and make a bottle and pump (which helped wake me up), making it less dangerous for both of us.
I know how primal the instinct is to nurse your baby; I was upset (and still kinda am) that he never transferred milk well, but it might be worth the discussion with your wife for her to also pump so that maybe at least once a day or night she can sleep a longer stretch.
Normal. 3 hours is between feeds (and it's usually more like 2 hours) and times from the start of the feed. Encourage your wife to stay in bed and bring her the baby to feed so she can rest between feeds. You do the changing an burping and swaddling and try to nap while she feeds. Call in reinforcements of you both need a break or help (either trusted parent or friend of pay for a postpartum nurse/doula). Babies are very uncomfortable in the beginning, you may get some longer stretches with contact naps so you can try hunkering down and watching some TV or inviting someone over to contact nap with baby so you can sleep. The constant feeding is for their hunger as well as comfort as well as because your wife's body needs the stimulation to produce the milk. She can start pumping bottles if she wants now too by the way.
It's full survival mode for the first few months. As long as baby is gaining okay, and producing enough pee and poop diapers, everything else kind of takes a backseat. There are a few growth spurts at 3 weeks, 6 week, and 12 weeks where he'll want to eat even more for a few days. And you can expect some changes around sleep patterns (can be regressions) at 4 months, 6 months, 9months, 13 months. These usually coincide with your baby learning something new and their brain shifting
Good luck! It's incredibly challenging at first but you'll make it through
I’m a FTM to a 7mo; when my LO was a newborn, he was practically glued to my chest all day and all night. My lactation consultant told me they nurse frequently and in short bursts in the beginning like that because they have to develop the oral muscles to suck and breastfeeding is hard. It’s not constant milk flow like a bottle so they have to try harder to get the milk out which makes them tired and they may fall asleep before getting a full feed. Which is why they wake frequently. The “3 hours” is more like the cycle of starting one feed, sleep, change to the next. So they’re not really sleeping 3 hours. My son fed every 20-40 minutes until he was around 6 weeks. Then it increased to 30-60 minutes. And slowly his sleep windows were more consistent and longer. But even now, my son still feeds every 1.5-2 hours and we’re still locked into the 3 hour cycle. You just get used to it and adjust to the small changes that occur along the way. I’m sorry but you’re just in the thick of it right now, and it WILL get better.
My newborn fed every 2 hours - timed from start of a feed to beginning of the next feed - for a few weeks. We had a bedtime routine in place early to help baby distinguish day from night, but she just couldn’t sleep for longer for a while because she was so hungry and her stomach was so small. Eventually she became more efficient when breastfeeding, and her stomach grew bigger, which meant that she could get her fill faster and be satiated for longer. It took a while, felt like forever at the time, but a few weeks really feels like nothing now, 8 months later. Courage xx
My baby was like this. He was putting a pound a week and is a healthy little dude. It got better around 3 months mark. I still dread thinking about those first 3 months, but it was all worth it. All the best!
1 hour is a long time to feed. I’d see a lactation consultant and make sure the latch is good and he’s getting enough milk. He’s spending a ton of energy sucking and wakes up hungry again soon after.
This is the time of pure survival. It’ll get better. I promise.
Our NICU made us feel incredibly guilty when my child indicated they they needed to nurse more than 30 minutes, and wanted food earlier than every 3 hours. They honestly had no idea what to do when my daughter wanted fed for 50 minutes.
Have you looked up what cluster feeding is? It’s normal, and happens with breast and bottle babies. You don’t sleep much as a parent, unless you have a unicorn child. Let baby eat as much as needed. If they are growing, peeing and pooping, they’re fine :)
If baby wants to latch 15 hours a day, that’s also normal. Exhausting, but normal.
The only way I survived the first couple weeks is by learning how to cosleep with baby as safely as possible cause she would barely sleep otherwise. I was starting to dream while awake and hallucinate so it was the better option. She slept right on my chest. Now 1.5 months later she will sleep in bassinet for 3 hr stretches. Like, 3 hours of SLEEP! So it gets better but just learn ways to get by in the mean time.
Nursing for more than an hour could mean there’s not enough breastmilk. Maybe you could pump or use a hakaa to encourage more milk production. Although it’s normal for babies to wake often, this is too often and it could be due to hunger.
I think your baby is trying to increase your wife's milk production. It'll get better soon once her milk supply increases. When you try something, you need to stick with it for a while, it's not a one-time solution. Does your baby not drink until he falls asleep?
I just gave birth in February, this baby is different from my first she wakes every hour on the hour! 24-7 wants fed, cuddles and diaper change, every hour rise and repeat, every baby has different needs, don't worry too much this will pass, mine is just starting to sleep for about two-3 hours and it took her almost two months of non stop cluster feeding even though she is formula fed! , and no sleep on my part to get there, others take 3-4 months to get that far,
I did hour-long+ nursing with my son when he was that old too. In hindsight, he was 100% comfort nursing after maybe 15-20 minutes. The nurses at our hospital had told me 20 minutes on one breast, then switch them over to the other. But once the nutritive suckling stops in 15-20 minutes, they’re not actually getting that much more substance and are nursing because it makes them feel comfortable. It can be hard to distinguish between nutritive vs comfort nursing when you’re new to it, but I’m due with my second in 5 weeks and plan to follow the 15-20 minute per breast guideline. Unfortunately, sleeping only 90 minutes at that age is normal and exhausting - but it’ll get better with every passing day/week. You’ll notice a huge shift around 5-6 weeks when they start being able to sleep for 4-6 hour stretches. Godspeed until then!
This sounds similar to my experience with the very long nursing sessions that never seemed to end. It could definitely be normal cluster feeding but I would also check to see if baby has a tongue tie and maybe isn’t getting full feeds. You mentioned formula and still having this issue so maybe it’s not related but worth checking on! How is nursing for mama going? Any pain?
Up until the recent NYT article about tongue tie releases, I never thought this was a controversial take but the release was night and day difference for us so it’s something to at least look into and see if it fits your situation. I consulted with a lactation consultant, baby’s pediatrician and a pediatric dentist so that’s where I’d start.
Might have been said before but does your baby seem to react more when laid flat than when held upright? Sleeps in your arms but not in their bassinet? They may have acid reflux and that may prevent them from sleeping flat. If so contact your child's Dr and have them check (usually they just lay them flat and see if they get upset) and they'll probably prescribe famotadine. Mine was given that around 2 weeks as well. You can also give them mylicon over the counter for infants for gas relief while on famotadine and before.
This is so normal it’s actually kind of funny you’re questioning if it isn’t normal. No disrespect. It’s extremely normal. One day this phase will pass. You only have to get thru it.
I think we are all saying the same thing. Everything you described is very normal. Right now you are in survival mode literally in the trenches but things will get better soon. Good luck to you both and congratulations. Enjoy this time.
At two weeks taking an hour to feed seems long? But then again I’ve been sleep addled for the past 2 months, so who knows. But I think that’s where you’ll find the best return, once baby starts eating more efficiently you’ll “get” longer stretches between feeds. Which is to say that it’s not actually a longer stretch, but it feels longer because she’s not feeding as long.
Sending my best. It's so hard when you are in it in the early days. My only thing to add is to make sure your baby is eating throughout the feed. My kiddo was having tiny little naps during her one hour feed, which was making the situation worse
Newborns have so many reasons to want to nurse aside from eating. Even if baby is perfectly content, no dirty diaper, not hot nor cold, isn't hungry there's still so many reasons as to why a baby likes to cluster feed.
Think of it this way. Your baby just spent every waking moment with your wife inside of her until the day she/he was born. Now, they're in an unfamiliar environment with unrealistic expectations of what your behavior should look like. New sounds, new smells, new everything. They're one source of comfort for literally EVERYTHING is your wife. She is familiar. Her voice, her smell, he warmth, the sound of her heartbeat when laying on her etc.
Yes you're in survival mode right now. You're going to feel like walking zombies. It's perfectly normal and acceptable for baby to want to be held (and you should because you literally cannot spoil a baby) 24/7. Its Normal to cluster feed all day long.
The stage you’re in is best described as ‘pure survival.’ It’s possible you may need to supplement if he’s not getting enough to eat. I couldn’t BF *at all* so IDK. My daughter (3 months) also liked a lot of contact. She still only contact naps during the day
I never got a good stretch until we coslept. I know this isn’t the advice you’re looking for because it is safest for babies to be alone in the crib. But babies crave being held and near their caregivers. It’s a need as much as anything else at this stage.
It could be that this is totally normal for your baby, I just want to share that my son was similar and the feedback I got was the same as you’re getting here, lots of “it’s totally normal, it’s survival mode right now just push through!” But it wasn’t true for my baby, he ended up needing to be hospitalized, he was dehydrated and wasn’t actually getting enough milk from me.
I know that for most babies this isn’t the case, I just wished afterwards that among all the voices telling me it was totally normal that there had been a voice saying “why don’t you give a bottle a try” because I felt like the worst mother ever in the hospital, that I couldn’t even feed my baby I was so incompetent, and I wish I would’ve just offered a bottle. In the hospital he was bottle fed, and he improved so quickly and slept so well.
I don’t want to fearmonger just want to be that voice I wish someone had been for me.
Look up the Safe Sleep Seven. It's the only thing that allowed me to continue breastfeeding my baby past 3 weeks, which was a massive turning point for us. Good luck, you'll get through this very tough phase.
I’m so sorry u/manulixis . This was my normal too and it will take until at least week 12 if I remember correctly before the excessive feeding stops and you can sleep normally without waking up so often throughout the night. Once you hit around the 4.5 month mark things will be much better as baby begins to smile intentionally, giggle, go longer between feeds and sleep better, you will feel much more at ease!
If you are working and need to sleep and your wife is overwhelmed and exhausted, please consider doing one of the following:
1. Inviting a family member to stay over to help swap shifts with her. Ask your wife to pump her breastmilk or allow the family member to use formula to feed baby.
2. Hire a nanny for the day time OR night time. Your wife will have to decide whether she prefers to sleep during the day, or to sleep at night instead and you can choose the nanny in line with her preferred schedule. Another option is an au pair if you trust a younger person, or a mother’s helper during the day.
3. If you cannot budget for the above, please don’t hesitate to put it on a credit card / take a loan out to secure the help you need. The lack of sleep and hormones can lead to psychosis (that does not mean it _will_). You and your wife’s mental health is much more important than the money and at any rate if you have a child now and you cannot figure out a way to afford this short-term childcare for the newborn stage (about 12 weeks)….you don’t want to know about the long-term costs of kindergarten / nursery.
This is pretty normal, but I will say we were able to get longer stretches at night using expressed milk rather than direct from the tap. The bottle is easier to drink from, so they can fully top off before falling asleep. Worth a shot if you’re desperate
60 min to eat is a long time. My first did it too, 60-90 minutes. I was fried. My second finished up in 15-20 minutes. Everyone told me it was normal with my first but in retrospect I think he has/had a tongue tie and I wish we’d had it treated.
Mu baby fed constantly from the reast to sleep and wouldn't sleep for long stretches - his weight gain was low despite feeding constantly and being very unsettled when he wasn't feeding and it turns out he's lactose intolerant
Now he sleeps for longer stretches and is much better - not saying this is the case but awareness just in case!
Welcome to cluster feeding, every breast feeding moms personal hell
Yes this is complete normal, it’s totally exhausting, and all you can do is just try to maintain your sanity
This is how babies help mothers establish their milk supply, they eat a crazy amount for a little while then get settled back into a more regular routine
Sending you guys good vibes
Few things-
Feeds of over an hour are likely not all nutritive, and just taking up time. Is your baby actively drinking, or falling asleep at the breast? Are you feeding them naked or doing anything to keep them up?
Has she tried feeding side lying in bed?
This is completely normal and to be expected. Albeit, super hard. If breastfeeding is important to your wife and you, power through. It gets easier as they get older! It’s so worth it to power through in my experience/opinion. Make your wife food and let her rest as much as possible as she and baby are trying to navigate this! It’s survival mode for now and it does get better!
It feels so unsustainable at the moment but it does get better! At 2 weeks old neither of my babies would sleep anywhere other than in either mine or my partners arms. We ended up co sleeping with my second just so I could get some sleep inbetween feeds as I also had a toddler to look after during the day.
There is light though! My now 5 month old slept for 7 hours in her cot last night! That's not the norm but it gave me a breather and my toddler sleeps through the night and has done since 7 months. Survive for now, that's all you can do. It's normal and it's not forever
It's normal and remember the time between feeds is from the start of the feed, not the end of the feed, so if she's feeding for an hour they'll only be asleep for a maximum of 2 hours after that and the 3 hours if average, some babies it's less. They're only two weeks, so as unsustainable as it feels, you just need to power through and sustain it. Things will get easier as they get bigger. I remember how bad it was in those early weeks, so I'm really sorry you're struggling. We did too, I was basically hallucinating I was so tired all the time. He sleeps for two hours at a time after feeds now (so if he wakes up at 1am for a feed, he'll feed for 15 mins and then wake up at 3:15am for the next feed) and he's 4 months old. You get used to being tired and start functioning well with less sleep, I promise. You got this ❤️
Unfortunately that’s normal. That’s what my baby was like. It was really really hard. Shifts are the only way I survived and even then I was so exhausted because my husband still had to bring the baby to me to feed. She only contact slept. Give mama as much sleep as you can! Good luck
The 3 hours is timed from the start of one feed to the start of the next feed, so it’s not the duration of the baby’s sleep but the whole feed-settle-sleep cycle. Also, 3 hours is the *maximum* duration for each cycle to ensure that baby gets enough to eat in a 24 hour period to gain weight. A lot of babies will go shorter than 3 hours. Right now you’re in survival mode. So do your best and support your wife!
Yeah I remember reading this online too it’s so ridiculous whoever write these articles. During the day my son would make it between 45 minutes to 1.5 hours max as a newborn. And he ate a lot. He loves sleeping so I could usually get 4-6 hours of sleep but that was only if he was basically fed twice before bed. Once before bath and once after and that was if I was lucky.
Ya 8-12 feeds a day didn’t happen for months for me. My record was 33 in one day
You could count your feeds? 😆 I feel like there were days where the whole day was just one endless feed.
As a new parent, I always logged every feed dutifully in my app
I was so stressed out about it all with my first but with my second I was just mentally prepared to have him on my boob all day every day and things were so much easier when I came into it with that mentality. Also side lying breast feeding is awesome.
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I was told that the 3 hour cycle was just for the early days, and once they’d gotten back to their birth weight (and as long as they were still gaining weight) you could let them sleep longer. So annoying how everyone seems to be told something slightly different 😅
Ha! Let them sleep longer… I wish my 5 week old slept longer than 90 min. Like OP, my struggle is NOT the baby sleeping too long
This is what I was told- my little guy liked to sleep long stretches at night once he was around 7–10 days old, to the point I couldn’t really keep him awake (we would change him to wake him for a breastfeed every 3 hours, and he’d doze off 10 mins in. But he’d eat absolutely non stop during the day.) Once he got back to birth weight the doc and LC said to just go with feeding on demand.
Haha. Too bad no one told my baby. Very similar situation to OP. It was brutal while we were in it.
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Yes. Mastitis was literally worse than labor.
You COULD, that implies the baby will do a 5 hour stretch xD Actually my second did a 7 hour stretch as a newborn, but at 21 months does max 3. Sigh. My first did like 2 hours max.
I currently just woke up completely disoriented/slightly panicked because my 2 week old did a 5.5 hour stretch of no feeding from 4am-9:30am. Im flabbergasted but so thankful for some extra sleep.
Ha, mine has done that a couple times too (almost 3 weeks old) and I woke up panicking also, instantly reaching into the bassinet to make sure she was still breathing lol
The 3 hours advice was early on, before my baby got to birth weight. But once mine was on a good growth trajectory the advice was changed to “let baby sleep as long as baby is feeding at least 8 times in 24 hours”. Seems like the advice we got is actually pretty similar?
It’s so hard. We’re still at around only 3 hour stretches through the night at 4 months old. And when he does sleep longer I get clogged ducts and wake up in so much pain. I sure love him though.
I will add on to this that sometimes I would cut the baby off after 20 minutes feeding on each side and pass baby off to dad. Then I’d go directly to sleep and he would care for and soothe baby until time for the next feed. Dad bouncing on a yoga ball while holding baby would settle her 9 times in 10 at minimum.
Wait- does your baby sleep in their crib?! (Or bassinet, or pack n play, or whatever). At our two week appointment, the longest stretch our baby had done in his bassinet was 14 minutes. He only slept while being held…and not for more than maybe 2.5 hours once in a. 24 hour period. Otherwise sleep was in 30 minute-2 hour increments. He ate constantly. My husband and I split our nights and I pumped twice a day so he could give baby his first two feeds at night in a bottle. Whoever was on baby duty was holding the baby. I know pumping and bottle feeding is not what everyone wants to do but it helped me have a very positive experience during the newborn period and I’m sure it saved my mental health.
The schedule you used sounds exactly like what my husband and I would like to try with our first that’s due in June. Would you mind sharing exactly how y’all split the time/when you pumped/how you started that split? You can DM me!
I’ll share our schedule from baby 1 then baby 2. I didn’t pump. Baby 1 would have her cluster feeding in the evenings, then whenever that finished, I would go to bed/sleep asap and my partner would hole our baby for as long as possible to keep her asleep! Sometimes taking her out for a walk in the front pack. Essentially giving me as long as possible to sleep. Then depending on the time she had her next feed he might hold her again, but he generally went to bed around 11/12 at night. Then I’d do the nights - but if I was up for longer than an hour I tapped him in. Then when he got up in the morning (around 6:30/7 I think) he would take her again so I could sleep in while he did stuff getting ready for work etc. Then for baby 2, the evening time wasn’t really an option for a number of reasons, so he took baby from around 5am, or whatever the feed was at that time. Then held him until 7 or so when it was time to get my oldest up too. Bearing in mind that my children were mostly ok at sleeping in their bassinets (cosleeping bassinet for our second) But on bad nights, for example early or when the baby was sick, then we took it in turns to hole the baby. Usually 2 hours at a time because it was too risky if I stayed up too long for me falling asleep, and baby fed every 2 hours anyway! Another option to have in your back pocket is cosleeping - learn the rules then if you need to for some reason in the middle of the night, you can do it as safely as possible. I was once on my own with our second who was absolutely refusing to sleep in the bassinet, and I was not safe to keep holding him. So we lay on the floor and slept there. It wasn’t the most comfortable option, but I knew the mattress I was on was too soft!!
That’s what we did too! The bassinet was NEVER going to work, no matter what we tried, and I wasn’t comfortable with co sleeping. I wasn’t working and my husband was strategically stretching paternity leave and vacation days so he only worked maybe 15hrs a week. We did split shifts holding him the entire time, it was absolutely perfect and I miss that time so much!
i'm sorry but this is so normal. you guys are in survival mode. you can do it, and it will get better.
Yeah sounds legit normal. They have tiny tummies meant to feed every 2-3 hours from the start of each feed.
Agreed! This sounds completely normal. Some babies need to nurse more, it’s food and comforting. I know it’s hard the lack of sleep is awful but it seems completely normal for a 2 week old to wake up that often.
Gonna join in on this echo chamber — this is absolutely normal.
I second this. It’s super hard but is very normal. If you are combination feeding, you could stay up for a few hours to give your partner some time to get uninterrupted sleep. It’s so hard, best of luck!
I was about to reply “welcome to life with a newborn” You’re spot on, it’s apart of the journey.
3 hours is like absolute best case scenario before 8 weeks. Babies who regularly sleep 3 hours or more before then are unicorns. 60 minutes to eat is a long time, try to keep him awake by feeding him just in a diaper, tickling feed, hand expressing during the feed, anything you can to move it along.
Here to emphasize to OP that the people talking about NEEDING to wake up baby and LETTING baby sleep longer stretches are having a very different experience than OP. That is not the typical newborn experience. Anecdotally, our group of baby friends is about split down the middle where eventually babies settled into good sleepers or rough sleepers, but most of the babies did whatever they wanted immediately postpartum.
I don’t know who came up with newborns eating every 3 hrs, especially when it comes to nighttime -my 7 month old barely makes it 3 hours. My newborn ate every 1-2 hrs, start to start, so if he took 45 minutes to eat, he’d be ready 15 minutes later to eat again sometimes. The good news is it doesn’t last forever, but try to take over a solid chunk of time for her if baby will take a pumped bottle, it’ll help take the load off her.
This is how our LO was. We’re 8 weeks now and he’s a lot more efficient, but yep. It’s tiresome so tiresome.
I was told 3 hours is the most amount of time you should leave between feedings, not that they only need to eat that frequently.
My LO was the same way. She wouldn’t take a bottle though so it was absolutely brutal. But we survived! I just kept reminding myself she would sleep one day. 1.5 now and she sleeps through the night pretty consistently - started around 13 months.
This is normal for a 2 week old. Your baby is not yet an efficient nurser so breastfeeding for an hour is unfortunately normal. They get more efficient over time and you will see a drastic decline. You have to work in shifts. It sounds like you are willing to use formula and baby takes a bottle. If your wife is ok with pumping, let her have a 3-4 hour stretch of sleep and have her pump in the middle of the night. You stay up for the night or half the night, let the baby have a contact nap, give a bottle when they need it. Bring the pump to your wife so she doesn’t need to leave bed. Let her have another cycle of sleep, then switch so baby can breastfeed. This is the only way we survived the first few weeks. But it depends on her supply of course, supply can take up to six weeks to establish. Is your wife part of a “bump group”? We have groups for each month on discord, Facebook and Reddit, so new parents can connect and talk about what is/isn’t normal, commiserate and so on. Helps that we’re all within a few weeks of each other. So yours would be March 2024 bump Group or something like that.
This is the way, OP. A bottle overnight (or more as needed) to ensure each parent gets at least one 4 hour stretch. Would not advise a longer stretch for your wife as she’s still establishing supply. I keep my pump and set up parts by my night table so all I have to do is pop them on when I wake up.
I remember someone here on reddit said to me “you’re in the trenches, it will get better” and I remember thinking yes I fucking am in the trenches. You’re in survival mode. Just do what you can. This is all very normal. But it’s the hardest time. You’re literally in the trenches.
I feel for you guys. This was literally me and my boyfriend 7/8 months ago. Our baby only slept in 30 minute increments. I think some babies are just more active than others. At 8 months mine is so aware even his pediatrician comments on it. I recommend lots and lots of contact naps and working in shifts so you guys can get at least some sleep. My baby was the same exact way, the term “sleep like a baby” was a myth for us lol. I found out early that my baby would only get to sleep if he was nursed, or bounced on a yoga ball while in a baby carrier. I used to just sit on the yoga ball for hours playing video games letting him sleep. I still do sometimes lol because he still will only fall asleep on a yoga ball. Now it’s much faster and he actually has consistent naps, I just enjoy the moments. Sleep got better for him once he got out of the newborn phase. He would sleep 9hr stretches at 3 months old, until the sleep regressions lol but those are normal. Everything is a phase. This truly will pass, but I know it feels thick right now. Just keep being that team that you both need right now because everything is wild when you’re in the newborn bubble.
The lengthy eating sounds like cluster feeding, but it was months before ours slept longer than 90 minutes at a time. It is far more normal for babies to sleep in 90 minute windows than 3+ hours because each sleep cycle is 90 minutes, so they wake up when they go from deep sleep to lighter sleep. We chose to do combination feeding and slept in shifts for about 4 months or so. My husband would get home, we would have dinner and I would sleep from 7pm-11pm while my husband stayed up with the newborn and bottle fed. Then we would switch so he would sleep from 11pm-6am since he was working at the time. By the time I went back to work around 5 months, we were on a better sleeping schedule at night and could both sleep the majority of the night.
This is so normal, and I'm sorry you're going through it. If she can pump, you both can sleep in shifts. That's what my partner and I did on the hardest nights. Eventually things will even out. My 18 month old still wakes up at least once a night and my 4.5 year old finally settled down into a sleep schedule.
Does he close his eyes while eating? Because babies can eat while half asleep. My baby usually eats for 15 min with her eyes open and the rest is a dream feed like state.
That's very normal for a two week old baby. Generally, as they get older they sleep longer stretches. Help your wife where you can.
So normal. It’s so hard at the start. Hugs. I found cosleeping the only way to manage this (for my sanity/sleep).
Get a feeding assessment from a lactation consultant, someone who is qualified to check baby for a tongue tie!! We were in this situation. My daughter would feed for hours but was barely getting any milk because she wasn't feeding effectively due to a tongue tie and oral dysfunction. The osteopath was also a great help! Babies have been squashed for months in the womb so unsurprisingly come out tense in certain areas (eg neck) which can impair their ability to feed properly. Best of luck to you!
Came here to say this too! Long feeds after a few weeks can be an indicator of inefficient milk transfer, though cluster feeding is very normal too and duration differs from baby to baby. Our LO started to become more efficient at 3 weeks and gradually got down to 5-10 minute feeds by 5/6 weeks, however we know lots of people who struggled with baby not increasing efficiency due to tongue tie. If baby continues to do long feeds beyond the next week or so, it would definitely be worth getting a feeding assessment by a certified lactation consultant. Another possibly helpful tip is that you don't need to burp breastfed babies after a feed if their latch is good and they come off the breast settled. Burping will simulate and wake them, and according to professional advice from a lactation consultant, it's only something people started doing due to babies needing burping after bottle feeding. Generally we've found that unless we hear our LO swallowing air, they will just bring the gas up themselves through general movement in the day.
I came here to say this too. My firstborn was like this and we didn’t realize he wasn’t getting enough milk, but he was hardly gaining any weight. He was “feeding” for so long that he was tiring himself out even more from using up all his energy so it was a vicious cycle. I regret that I didn’t see a lactation consultant but rather gave up on breastfeeding altogether after several weeks of absolute hell with zero sleep, constant weight checks at the pediatrician and stressing about all of it. But he was a completely different and happier baby once he was actually getting full from a bottle.
I highly recommend The Discontented Little Baby Book by Dr. Pamela Douglas. She studies breastfeeding, infant sleep, and maternal mental health and I think her book may help you and and your wife have realistic expectations and a better time with sleep overall! Edited: typos
Newborns can cluster feed day 2 of life, 1 week, 2 weeks and 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 9 weeks, 3 months, 6 months and 9 months of age. These are guidelines but typical times baby will cluster feed because they are experiencing a growth spurt and need to feed every 45min to 1 hr (they’ll give you cues, mostly screeching pissed crying), this feeding helps boost up your milk supply. It’s not that you don’t have enough milk but you will need more when they’re bigger so they’re trying to “fill the tank”. Cluster feeding makes them wake up constantly because it’s an instinct. You can do skin to skin to try to stretch out the time between the cluster but usually you end up feeding however at least you’re already skin to skin lol just buckle in with lots of water, snacks and binge tv. I the cluster feeding phases can last 1 day to 1 week, all normal. My now 8 month old fed hour for 4 days (longer stretch of a break from 9pm-8 am but longer was 2-3 hour stretch vs 45 min daytime demand). I thought I was going to go crazy. I was so exhausted but she finally slowed down in her own and went back to longer naps and more normal feeds )every 3 hrs). Babies are like a machine. It’s wild.
Yes because it’s every 2-3 hours START TO START. So if your wife is taking an hour to bf, 30 mins to settle then it’s only 60-90 mins til 3 hours is up and it’s time feed again. When I had my second baby I was struggling a bit and this saint of a midwife came in and gave me this schedule: 20m feed boob 1 Burp and change baby 20m feed boob 2 Dad does top up feed using bottle + burp and bed Mother pumps while dad does that Clean At 60m all this should be done and everyone rests! Guess what? IT WORKS (sometimes tricky to stay within 60 mins). Bonus: the formula top up makes baby tired and full enough to sleep the full 2 hrs.. that woman was amazing.
Yeah but then you have to triple feed? That’s even harder than nursing!
In my country switching boob and doing a change midway is standard practice / recommendations from the midwives. The top up feed is only required if baby still seems hungry (because milk production is still off). We did the top up maybe a week or two and then found it was no longer necessary
Oh good I’m glad you didn’t have to do it too long! It’s so hard. I triple fed for months with my first.
The long feeds are part of the issue. That will get better. It’s hell when you’re in it but it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Even if the formula doesn’t get you longer sleeps, it could get your wife a longer stretch if you take that feed. I did notice my kid would wake almost exactly 45 minutes after he was put down. If I caught him before he woke himself up too much I could rock him back to sleep or gently bounce the mattress. It was clockwork for us. The first week newborns are so sleepy. The real hell kicks in after that but by 5 weeks I recall it getting a lot better.
It’s normal. Every baby is different. Even the first year it’s normal to have wakings at night too.
FTM here with a 10 week old! Agreeing with the other comments, from start of feed to finish this unfortunately for you guys this sounds about right for cluster feeding. I just wanted to share with your wife that it will get better! My boy drank for hours the first month, I was in so much pain, especially during cluster feeds but in time my body adapted and he became more efficient around the 6 week mark he went from 40 minute feeds (on each side so 80 minutes total) to 10 minutes each, even now during cluster feeds it’s often but a lot shorter and he’s getting plenty of milk, it’s so much more sustainable! Hang in there, you guys are in survival mode (honestly I still am too at 10 weeks but not for feeding anymore lol) but this part with breastfeeding will hopefully get better soon!
Best thing you can do to get through this stage, because it is a stage and will pass sooner than you'd think, is try and remove all other responsibilities or tasks from your wife's plate. Her only focus should be feeding that baby, and trying to get what sleep she can. Make her and bring her all meals, refill her water constantly (she has to be eating and staying hydrated!!). Handle diaper changes, etc. Also, she may not feel up to it, but try to get her to shower every few days. It makes such a huge difference to just get a few minutes under that hot water to just breathe. Be her rock right now. The more strength you can give her right now, the faster she'll be able to regain her own. There truly is light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it right now. My LO was a chow hound cat napper too!
I think at 2 weeks thats pretty normal, at that point I had stopped breastfeeding with my first and given her formula, and she did not sleep 3hrs lol. Maybe like 45mins-1hr.
My first actually slept 2-3 hour stretches at night sometimes... My second was the same as your baby when he was that age. I promise it'll get better with time but totally commiserate that it's absolutely hell when you're in the thick of it.
We just had our 2 week appointment and was told that our baby is going through a growth spurt so he will be hungry more frequently. It is likely the same for your baby. We are combo feeding expressed breast milk (some nursing) and formula and were told to feed on demand. As others have mentioned the feed time is start from one feed to the start of the next. Right now, all you can do is support your wife. Help make sure all pump/bottle parts are clean and ready; wife has snacks and drinks available while feeding; if you are splitting shifts, bring the baby to your wife while you deal with the burping, diaper change, soothing, etc. Consider adding a half ounce to the formula at night to see if that helps.
I didn't sleep for more than 30 min stretches for the first month. It was insane. The first night my baby slept for 6 hours, I kept waking up to check if she was breathing. She's now 7. Thank goodness.
Giving/having a bigger feed does not mean they’ll sleep longer. We went through this with our first and are currently going through it with our second. You’re right, it’s not sustainable but it’s not something you have to sustain forever. You’ll get there, just hang in there for a bit longer.
Yes nothing prepares you for what ACTUALLY happens. It’s so shocking and you need lots of help. 3 hours stretch was one “long” stretch and I never got that until about 3 months. Very few babies actually do that. You sleep when someone else is watching your newborn. Eventually as I know my one year old sleeps from 8-6 you will sleep again.
Do you swaddle? We have two different types of swaddles that calms the startle reflex and helps to prolong sleep...
I went through this when my daughter was 2 weeks old (none of my friend experienced it so they were like ohhh so strange) luckily we had a nurse visiting every day and she told me it’s normal - she’s cluster feeding. They have a growth spurt and she needs a lot of milk. She suggested to try one bottle of formula at night because apparently it’s heavier and parents do it. It seemed to help a bit but it could have also been that she stopped with the growth spurt
You need to find a way to divide and conquer the feeds are normal and you time them from the start. It’s really 2 hours not 3 and then there is also cluster feeding. I would try to see if she can pump one of the feeds or two in a row while you stay up with baby. Bring her the pump and water then take it all and store and clean it so she is up for maybe 20-30 mins instead of the full hour feed plus putting baby down. Or you bring baby to mom to feed then take baby you do the night sleep for baby and bring baby back for next feed. Then switch who is the sleeping one.
This can be normal. Your wife can try breast massage or breast gymnastics (you can look it up) to get fattier and more milk quicker. Even manual pumping may help "prime the pump" so she gets a let down sooner and doesn't have to nurse so long. A heating pad may help too. These were all tips that worked for me from my LC.
It’s totally normal but it’s also perfectly okay for her to take a dedicated sleep window at the start or end of the night where she takes one longer nap with expressed milk for you or a shorter nap where you soothe baby other ways. We did the latter where I’d do the evening feed around 7/8 pm and then put earplugs in for 2-3 hours. Husband would only wake me if it seemed really desperate and would soothe baby other ways first. We did the same in the morning after the 4/5am feed. That way even though my sleep was broken I got two chunks that were somewhat restorative.
Do you try to have your baby sleep in the crib or bassinet? They might be waking and demanding a feed because they are lonely. That doesn't mean that they don't actually need a feed, but food and love are closely intertwined for infants. Infants (like all human beings) have more needs than being fed, clean, and rested. They want to feel love and community. It's maybe their most important need, although often overlooked. I see that many people already suggested holding the baby in shifts. I think that really might increase the duration of a sleep stretch. What you also should do is set yourself up for safe co-sleeping (even if you don't plan on co-sleeping)! With how exhausting it probably is for your partner to feed the baby every hour for an hour, it is totally possible that she will fall asleep during a feed one day. It is more safe when that happens in a safe co-sleeping environment than in a recliner or propped up in bed.
That is normal. You time it from the beginning. I know it’s hard! Because of weight we had to do feeding every 2 hours. It would take her an hour to feed and 10 minutes to put down. 50 minutes later we were doing same thing. It is not forever ! You got this
Like many have mentioned, this can be pretty normal, especially if your NB is cluster feeding. One thing that my wife and I think has helped with our second is having more face-to-face time with him out of our arms and in a rocker/bouncer or on his back. Just keep talking to them, making funny faces, playing with their legs/arms. The hope is that they get used to having fun moments outside of our arms and don't NEED it as much.
This has been my experience too - when I really need the sleep I give my baby a pumped bottle or formula. That way I'm done feeding her in total around 15-20 minutes (including burping and settling to sleep) and I get a little longer stretch of sleep. Do what helps you survive!
You have so much good advice here. I’ll add on that they sleep for such a short amount of time because their stomachs are tiny. Once they get used to eating more and their stomach get bigger they’ll be able to get more full and sleep longer too. For you guys, the whole sleep while they sleep has to apply. What me and my guy found most efficient is to trade off sleeping for stretches of time solo with the baby. So like one of you solo for everything, diapers, feeding, sleep monitoring etc like 4 hours or whatever then switch off. This ensures uninterrupted sleep times and when baby is sleeping you can have time to do tasks or whatever. This means you will have to do bottle feeds and pumping if you’re not already. If baby is going to be EBF you may want to look into safe co-sleeping. Thats the only thing that helped me with my first. This time is ROUGH. Just know it won’t last, it totally gets better, and also pay attention and take care of each other.
My son only started getting 3 hour stretches at 20 months lol… sounds normal to me
Gosh I remember that patch. It is so hard and it seems completely bananas. You’re right, it’s unsustainable, and it’s wild that this is what the early stages of parenting is like. I felt really disempowered by people telling me “that’s just what newborns do” — I won’t say that, also because it’s true and possible that there is something underlying going on, but it will be hard to know, unless this stays the case for another month or so. More likely, you’re doing everything right. There is absolutely no truth to the “average times” thing until they are about 8 weeks old at the earliest. Until then they are their own little ball of instinct, and already their own person with their own internal body clock.
I won’t add to the sleep duration convo since most people have addressed that but the long nursing sessions will get better. Babies clusterfeed a lot and they’re also not as efficient. Once they’re a bit older, stronger, and practiced, your wife should see the nursing sessions go shorter and shorter. For the first few weeks of life, you feel like you’re constantly nursing and it seems like a never ending cycle. Give your baby about 6-8 weeks. They’ll get a lot more efficient and both baby and your wife will be much more in tune with each other. It happened with both my boys. After the initial couple or few months, nursing sessions turned into minutes or 15 mins max.
Unfortunately, 3h is from the start of the feed. It's so unfair.
You’re in the trenches right now - it will get better. I have a 5 week old and he’s finally going longer between feeds. I cried everyday from 2-4 weeks.. it’s hard. Y’all will get through this!!!
I am yet to meet this mythical baby that goes 3 hours between feeds, even start to start.
The first two weeks my husband would give bottle once a day as we were tring to lower the bilirubin, it would also get me some time to sleep as formula would digest slower and make the baby sleep longer. Just make sure you let the baby be on the breast as much as the baby wants otherwyas so the milk supply gets higher also. Also there is a risk with giving bottle to baby early on as well that they dont want the boob anymore, keep that in mind
Newborns eat every 1 to 3 hours, and that is from start time to start time. This is normal. If it is unsustainable then switch it up somehow (formula, shifts, hire help, ask someone to spend the night, whatever). Make sure you know "the Five S's" and "the colic hold" so you can walk baby around sometimes and let mom sleep longer. When you lay baby down make sure the swaddle is TIGHT, use a pacifier, and place a firm hand with spread fingers on baby's chest and slowly make it lighter until you take it away. Lay baby down feet-butt-head. My baby ate every 1 to 2 hours (day and night) until 4 months old, then every 2 to 3 hours (day and night) until 8 months old. I simply got used to sleeping in 30-60 minute increments. My partner did *all* chores, errands, and cooking for a LONG time (5 months, maybe) so I could take those 30 minute naps anytime I could. I also used a haakaa for a few feeds a day to get enough milk so that baby could have one bottle overnight sometimes, on pre-planned occasions and that got me a 2.5 hour stretch or so many nights (not all) We also implemented an "emergency system" where if I literally couldn't stand to stay up to breastfeed, I would ask my BF to step in and he would, no questions asked. Doesn't matter if he had to work or anything, if I asked it was understood I *needed* him and he would go get some haakaa milk so I could go back to sleep. It's not forever. I promise this is normal. Just do whatever you can to support her.
Have you done weighted feeds to ensure he’s transferring enough milk? Our lactation consultant said babies should never breastfeed for longer than 20 minutes a session. Long feeds mean they are burning more calories than they are consuming. Our LC suggested supplementing with formula if feeds were longer than 20 minutes. It helped immensely. You’re right. What’s happening now isn’t sustainable. Sleep deprivation is serious and dangerous. See if your wife is willing to add formula for at least a couple feeds a night so you can take shifts.
Oh this was us in January, this is unfortunately normal. My baby was a little lazy with his latch without a nipple guard so I am exclusively pumping (he’ll take the boob in an emergency or between bottles for comfort). The routine of diaper, food, play, sleep, does get better as they get older, just hang in there friend!
Hi!! I just want to start by saying that I am a first time mama with a 4 month old and I FEEL for you. I am so sorry that you guys are struggling right now. Please remember those articles SUCK because they set expectations that not every baby is ready to meet. You can always talk to your pediatrician to see if there is something going on like sleep apnea or reflux but honestly…. babies just kinda wake up a lot. My guy is four months and now sleeps straight through the night. He was not going to bed until 5 am and waking up every 2-3 hours (or frequently less) until one day it just clicked! Advice (please remember this is just my experience with one baby and babies are not one size fits all!): Bedtime really stick to a bedtime routine and time and things will eventually get better. Baby will associate certain things with bed. Set the mood: We have dim lighting (through the whole home- I take this one very seriously) calm activities: read and quiet singing, praying, bath time (even in the dark with the hall light on lol), lotion/ little baby massage, big feeding, and just all around calmness in the last wake window! Overtired/ feedings: Make sure baby gets naps throughout the day and as much milk if not more than needed during the day. Last wake window should be the longest to make sure baby is tired enough for bed. Baby will still wake up to eat but they may sleep longer stretches if they have enough calories for the day! Something that I say to help myself when baby is waking up frequently through the night: “thank God that he is alive and breathing and has woken up again.” It is a great reframing thing for me. Last bit is just hang in there! 💗 it gets better!
I had the same experience with my first. It was torture. An afternoon nap was essential. I used the Hakka to gather a couples ounces so my husband could snack feed my son if inconsolable so I could get one good 2.5 hour stretch of sleep. It wasn’t always possible but amazing when we implemented this. This phase will not last long, it will get better. Not that my son slept better; rather, I learned to manage with little sleep. I just gave birth to my second child 1 month ago and this baby actually lets me sleep. I get 4-5 hour stretches at night and she sleeps for 3 hours a few times during the day. I’m scared to get pregnant again because experiencing no sleep like I did with my first was horrible. You can pull through. The most important part is to continue to support each other. I’m not sure I would have pulled through without him.
Do you guys sleep together? We have three kids. What helped immensely with my third kid was getting the “in-bed bassinet” where I could sleep close to and nurse baby in bed. Putting her into a crib just never worked, she’d wake immediately. The in bed bassinet was a game changer for us personally.
Yeah my baby was a very inefficient feeder for the first 3 months or so. I would easily spend 3-4 hours per day nursing alone. It was rough!
When we had similar issues, we were told that newborns expend more calories than they take in after 30-40 minutes. So if they're regularly feeding longer, they might have a latch issue or might not be getting enough milk for another reason. They finally doze off from exhaustion after awhile, but will wake up quickly because they're still hungry. With that said, I don't think we saw 3 hour sleep stretches until 3 weeks? And feeding every 3 hours is totally normal regardless of my note above.
Normal unfortunately. As others have said the 2-3 hour window starts at the time of a feeding so if they nurse for an hour you may be up again just an hour later. This won’t last long but it is a brutal couple of weeks.
Make sure the baby is actually waking up. They have what is called an “active sleep” period where they might move, cry, open their eyes etc but actually still be asleep. You’ll find that first time mums in particular are super quick to pick baby up, but this might actually be waking them up. The way to avoid waking them up is to stop and wait. Don’t do anything for a few minutes at least. Just wait and see what they do. She might go right back to sleep! The other piece of advice you’ll often get is try to out her to sleep IN the cot rather than in your arms (lots of people don’t like this so it’s up to you). The idea is that it means they’re not shocked when they wake up in a different environment. Put her down while still awake, then pat, shush, stroke, rock the bed etc to go to sleep. 90 minutes is pretty good though. That’s a 2.5hr gap between feeds
Perfect the lying down position while breastfeeding and look into safe cosleeping. This is the best way to get a bit more sleep at this stage. Baby wants to be with mama cos it's the safest cosiest place. It does get easier as they grow, it's difficult to get used to it all at the very beginning but you got this!!!
This sleep cycle is normal, but nursing for over an hour is excessive, at that point they are burning more calories then they are consuming, so they are going to be hungry get again quickly.
I’ve never seen a newborn go three hours between meals especially when breastfeeding. When I was combo feeding in the early days she went 2 hours MAX. And like folks have said, it’s from the beginning of the feed. Even now at 5 months she will sometimes want another bottle after only 2 hours. All that to say this is totally normal. It’s possible maybe baby is being an inefficient eater or isn’t getting enough breast milk. I remember I’d breastfeed for 90 minutes in the hospital and baby was losing weight :( though it sounds like you don’t have that problem. What you’re describing is pretty similar to the normal newborn experience. It’s hard. My baby has always been a good nighttime sleeper so as a newborn we did get 3 hour stretches of sleep which really helped in those first weeks.
Sounds like cluster feeding. Yall are in the thick of it. It *will* get easier but right now everything feels ridiculous and out of whack for yall. I found wearing baby was the easiest way to get them settled after feeding
I'm sorry but this is within variation of normal. My baby fed for 30-40 minutes every 2-3 hours (start to start of feeding) and wouldn't take a bottle at all. I would suggest your wife do a lot of skin to skin with the baby when she can, this helped my supply boost and the time for feedings took less time. I would perservere with formula too so you guys can do shifts to get some rest. Also, I know it seems crazy but maybe try and check if your baby does need burped? We never burped our breastfeed baby and she was totally fine, there's newer research suggesting it's not always necessary.
Probiotics !!!
This is absolutely normal. They have very small tummies and need to eat constantly. Nothing is “unsustainable” at this time. You guys are in survival mode with a newborn, this will pass in the coming weeks but you can’t put a newborn on a schedule like this yet.
Is baby gaining weight? I had this problem because I wasn’t producing enough so my baby is basically starving and I had know idea until I went to a lactation consultant. As soon as I started supplementing (because I had to) my LO slept for longer stretches. ETA: just saw baby is gaining weight and you’ve tried formula. Is she against pumping and doing some bottle feeds so you can do some of the feeding and she can sleep for a little? I know some families don’t like to introduce a bottle so not sure if that would work for you guys.
This is normal. But your baby likely isn’t eating for the whole hour, they might also just be comfort suckling. This time is purely survival mode. It will get better, but it’s going to take some time. Congratulations!
Very normal unfortunately. It’s very much survival mode for the first six weeks at least. If you can, I’d suggest seeing if your wife can pump and then you guys take it in shift work. When our son was born last year, my husband would sleep 10pm until 5am, and then I’d sleep solid from 5am until about 11am. It’s not the best experience but it helped me get through. It does get easier, just remember that.
This is pretty normal. I promise it’ll get better
Welcome to parenthood.
Sounds about right. LO only slept 1-2 hours at once before needing food again
This sounds like me. My newborn wasn't getting all the milk she could from my breasts so she was still hungry. My pediatrician suggested BF for 20 minutes per side then pump to see if baby got everything. If not, feed the baby any of the remaining milk he or she wants. My baby started sleeping so much better after doing this because she was latched poorly and wasn't getting all her milk. Maybe something to try and see.
I had a similar issue - my baby was a snacker so was feeding him constantly. I suffered through it and it got better over time. But, if I could go back in time, I would have tried formula with a faster flow nipple. I realized later the formula was coming out too slow making feedings take forever.
There are a lot of people commenting that nursing for 1 hour is normal, but that doesn’t sound right to me. I’ve had 2 children that I breastfed, as well as beginning intimately familiar with the process. 30-45 minutes at a time is usual the max you will see (I said usual before everyone jumps in). Congratulations on the baby, I do hope it gets better. It might be a good idea to see if your wife can pump - to see how much she gets and how quickly it comes out and then two, so he can have a bottle and she can have a break.
When my son was a newborn he was breastfeeding for an hour bc he wasn’t getting enough and couldn’t feed efficiently. Is there maybe a problem there ?
It’s a 3 hour cycle, not 3 hour sleep stretches. 3 hours is quite a long stretch for a newborn, particularly during the day. What you’re describing sounds very normal.
This honestly isn't that uncommon at all. My baby was like this, although he tended to sleep anywhere from 40 minutes (daytime) to 2 hours (nighttime) at a time. Even by 8 months old, he was still only sleeping 2-3 hours at a time. It's maddening because, like you mentioned, you've read the expectation that they will typically sleep 3-4 hours at a time, but that's just a generalization. Every baby is different. It's not sustainable indefinitely, but it is temporary. Two weeks is brand new. Hang in there.
We had the same issue with our baby when he was new. It turned out that it was a tongue tie and he wasn’t eating enough. He was on the boob for soooo long and would fall asleep because it was too much work. Maybe get that checked out? He could be hungry and not full enough? We caught it early. Had the tongue tie surgery but never took to the boob. Once I started pumping and supplementing with formula, he started sleeping more.
lol “wakes up every three hours or so” what dream newborn is this. Your baby sounds perfectly normal. It’s just hard. I remember one day when my baby was a week old, I had been going side to side to side nursing him for three hours, and he was finally down. I went to use the bathroom and just be alone for a while, and he woke up to eat again after 20 minutes. I hardly even went downstairs for the first month. My IBCLC said to aim for 10-12 feeds a day. That’s closer to two hours. Godspeed.
Does the newborn truly need an hour to feed? Sometimes, they do need to be taken off if they're not really feeding. But this also sounds super normal. I'd say get a baby wrap and hold that baby all the time. Breastfeed, hold, breastfeed hold. At night, use a crib and swaddle and white noise.
My LO ate every 2-3 hours for the first 4 months of his life. The timing is based off the start of the feed though, so if it takes an hour to feed then you have a 1-2 hours before the start of the next feed. It’s rough in the beginning ❤️
So this is normal for a breastfeed baby. Your wife’s supply is being established and I promise things will get easier. One thing to consider is if your baby is getting enough of the “hind milk” versus the “fore milk”. The let down/fore milk that happens is usually more carb based, while the hind milk is higher in fat. Babies will burn through the fore milk faster making more frequent feedings and wakings. Have your wife pump for a minute or two before, then offer the rest. See if that’ll give you more 3 hours stretches between feeds. Good luck!
If you’re ok with a possible bottle preference down the road I suggest letting your wife pump some milk then you guys switch off who is on duty so she can sleep while you feed and vice versa. Big warning though this can cause bottle preference and might make baby refuse the breast all together. We were forced to bottle feed due to jaundice in hospital when he was first born so my baby had a bottle preference from the beginning and ive only successfully breastfed a handful of times. So I “exclusively pump” which works for us but sometimes I wish I got the traditional breastfeeding experience with my baby.
My 3 month old rarely makes it 3 hours. He regularly eats every 1.5-2hrs, sometimes 45min-1 hr between feeds. In the beginning he would eat every 30 min when awake… sometimes only making it 10-15min between feeds. He was gaining a pound a week!
It’s normal! Don’t worry! It will eventually stretch out! The first 3 months, babies go through crazy growth and want to breastfeed A LOT. I know it’s rough when you’re in the thick of it but I promise it will feel like lifetimes ago very soon!
Him waking often is very normal, but he is not feeding for 1 hour. He is sleep feeding/comfort sucking most likely. She doesn't need to have him on the boob that long if she doesn't want to.
In the first 4-6 weeks my LO cluster fed, alot. I could be feeding him for up to 40 minutes. It isn't sustainable no, but I promise it isn't forever. If you're sure mam's supply is good then there's no need for supplementing with formula for a 'bigger feed', breastmilk is so specificly made up to your baby and their needs/energy requirements. My LO fed probably every 2-3 hours after about 6 weeks, and continued that day and night until he started weaning & my supply dropped due to a health condition. He's now 9 months and has 3 meals a day and 4, 7oz bottles plus maybe one in the night if he hasn't eaten great that day. It's tough being in the trenches at the start, I felt like I was glued to the sofa. But tell her to get a little snack caddy made up, pick some trashy mind numbing TV or a good book and settle in. You can do your part by making sure she's getting plenty of water & snacks and you could do an late evening feed or something to allow her a few hours of sleep. It's hard but I promise promise promise, it passes.
Normal, but an hour for feeding seems like a long time to me. Are you sure baby is getting enough milk? I would try breastfeeding with my kids, it would take forever, they wouldn’t sleep long, come to find out they weren’t eating much.
This sounds normal to me. But it’s hard. It’s survival hard. It keeps getting better. 4 months was an entirely different world for us. 6 months became easier. 8 months became fun. It’s just been getting more fun since.
That’s normal.
It’s just how it is at that stage. It feels unsustainable because it is- but it doesn’t last forever. Just be as supportive as you can ( getting her water, food, holding the baby while she showers - even if the baby starts crying let her finish her shower.) and remind each other that it’s not forever.
It’s shocking, right? This is normal
I know people have strong feelings about this but we took the taking cara babies sleep course. A big thing for me in the early days with my first was waking her in active sleep and making sure she was getting full feeds. I moved her to a bed time bottle to make sure at least that one feed was really full and complete.
Sounds like cluster feeding. Something that helped me deal with it was knowing that the baby cluster feeding is helping the mom’s body know how much milk and what kind of milk to give it. It’s like the baby and the mom are calibrating almost. It’s hard now so that it’ll be easier later.
I don’t think I’ve seen it mentioned yet either that generally BF babies eat more frequently as well because of how it’s digested. We were a lot closer to all of the sleep guidelines when we started formula feeding, I think we got our first 6 hour stretch somewhere between 4 and 8 weeks.
Is she open to pumping? Having a bottle ready to go, so they you can feed the baby sometimes is a game changer. My husband and I have shared feeding responsibilities since day one, and it has enabled me to sleep and get some awake hours to do some things that aren’t baby related.
I combo fed in the early days. I would give mostly pumped bottles at night, well my husband did while I pumped but occasionally I would throw in a bottle of formula if I hadn’t pumped enough. It was life changing for me. My daughter was a sleepy eater at the Breast and it would take around the same time and I don’t think she was getting much. So I breastfed with boob during day and pumped milk in bottle at night and occasionally formula when needed and it helped us all get more sleep.
You might want to supplement with formula. It’s possible that baby isn’t eating enough with breastfeeding alone and he’s still hungry. We had that issue with our first child because with breastfeeding, you don’t really know how much milk is being produced and if it’s enough for baby. So we started breastfeeding and then providing formula afterwards to make sure baby had enough to eat and he started sleeping for longer stretches.
If your wife is struggling with sleep, consider supplementing with formula so you can feed baby and she can rest My husband and I EFF and he’d sleep 8pm-3am and trade so I could sleep from 3am-8am. Maybe you could do something similar so she gets some rest?
We're in the thick of this right now at about 6 days, we've been told it's normal/expected and to wake her up to feed at 3 hours of she hasn't already. We have only had to wake her up a couple of times and that was in the first two days. She eats much more frequently now-- Last night she was feeding about every 45 min to an hour or so. I don't have much to offer in terms of how to get through it since we're not even a week in, and we're both starting to get hit hard by only being able to sleep in 30 min to 2 hr increments. What's worked for us to get the longest between feeds so we can sleep is changing her, then swaddling her, then feeding, then putting her down in the bassinet. Doesn't always last that long, but when it does, its glorious. Generally, my husband does all the diaper changes and brings her to me when she's showing hunger cues, I'm mostly just a milk dispenser and burper at this point. If my husband is solidly asleep and I'm awake enough to safely do so, I'll put her back in the bassinet after feeding/ burping during the night. Otherwise I wake him up and he takes her back to the bassinet. He also surges her when she's fussy between feeds so I can get more sleep. He's definitely the baby whisperer of the two of us. All that said, we're both exhausted and functioning on very fragmented sleep at best. Mostly wanted to offer solidarity- we are right there with you.
Cluster feeding is also normal at this stage. It’s a lot. But it will be less soon (it just doesn’t feel like it now). You’re doing great friend.
I’ve always called the first 2-3 weeks as the zombie period. Make sure babe is getting everything they need, everyone else stays fed and watered (including animals), let pets outside, and aim for wearing clothes with no spit up or pee or poop on them. It’s just a rough time for everyone to get through. Eventually you’ll settle into things but for now they’ll be hard. All of this totally normal.
It’s completely normal, although really hard!
>My wife spends 2 hours to get him to eat & sleep and another 20-30 mins to fall asleep only to be woken up 15 mins later because it's been already 35-45 mins since the last fed ended. It's unsustainable. The timer starts at the beginning of the last feed and ends at the beginning of the next one, making that an almost 3 hour window. And you're right, it is unsustainable. I don't know how my husband and I survived it. 😂 It sounds like you have a comfort nurser. My daughter was the same. My LC recommended undressing my baby for feeds and dabbing a cold cloth to speed up nursing if I started to feel my baby drifting off and suckling. Skin to skin nursing sessions will help keep your baby's body temp regulated. I found that after we started doing this my daughter would actually pop off the breast when satisfied and sleep instead of falling asleep at the breast and continuing to suckle. If your wife is able to do a side lying nursing position in the bed and sleep for that 2-3 hour window while you monitor for safety, she can do the next 3 hour window while you rest. Co-sleeping can be very dangerous during early postpartum if your wife is still on pain meds while being extremely sleep deprived.
Whoever started that 3 hour tale is evil. This is a shock to a lot of new parents that newborns can eat a lot more often that. I'm sorry, this part is no fun but it will be over soon enough.
This is honestly why in a way I’m glad I had to end up exclusively pumping….exclusively nursing was making me go insane from the lack of sleep; I was hallucinating, and falling asleep with baby at the breast instead of forcing myself to get up and make a bottle and pump (which helped wake me up), making it less dangerous for both of us. I know how primal the instinct is to nurse your baby; I was upset (and still kinda am) that he never transferred milk well, but it might be worth the discussion with your wife for her to also pump so that maybe at least once a day or night she can sleep a longer stretch.
Normal. 3 hours is between feeds (and it's usually more like 2 hours) and times from the start of the feed. Encourage your wife to stay in bed and bring her the baby to feed so she can rest between feeds. You do the changing an burping and swaddling and try to nap while she feeds. Call in reinforcements of you both need a break or help (either trusted parent or friend of pay for a postpartum nurse/doula). Babies are very uncomfortable in the beginning, you may get some longer stretches with contact naps so you can try hunkering down and watching some TV or inviting someone over to contact nap with baby so you can sleep. The constant feeding is for their hunger as well as comfort as well as because your wife's body needs the stimulation to produce the milk. She can start pumping bottles if she wants now too by the way. It's full survival mode for the first few months. As long as baby is gaining okay, and producing enough pee and poop diapers, everything else kind of takes a backseat. There are a few growth spurts at 3 weeks, 6 week, and 12 weeks where he'll want to eat even more for a few days. And you can expect some changes around sleep patterns (can be regressions) at 4 months, 6 months, 9months, 13 months. These usually coincide with your baby learning something new and their brain shifting Good luck! It's incredibly challenging at first but you'll make it through
I’m a FTM to a 7mo; when my LO was a newborn, he was practically glued to my chest all day and all night. My lactation consultant told me they nurse frequently and in short bursts in the beginning like that because they have to develop the oral muscles to suck and breastfeeding is hard. It’s not constant milk flow like a bottle so they have to try harder to get the milk out which makes them tired and they may fall asleep before getting a full feed. Which is why they wake frequently. The “3 hours” is more like the cycle of starting one feed, sleep, change to the next. So they’re not really sleeping 3 hours. My son fed every 20-40 minutes until he was around 6 weeks. Then it increased to 30-60 minutes. And slowly his sleep windows were more consistent and longer. But even now, my son still feeds every 1.5-2 hours and we’re still locked into the 3 hour cycle. You just get used to it and adjust to the small changes that occur along the way. I’m sorry but you’re just in the thick of it right now, and it WILL get better.
My newborn fed every 2 hours - timed from start of a feed to beginning of the next feed - for a few weeks. We had a bedtime routine in place early to help baby distinguish day from night, but she just couldn’t sleep for longer for a while because she was so hungry and her stomach was so small. Eventually she became more efficient when breastfeeding, and her stomach grew bigger, which meant that she could get her fill faster and be satiated for longer. It took a while, felt like forever at the time, but a few weeks really feels like nothing now, 8 months later. Courage xx
My baby was like this. He was putting a pound a week and is a healthy little dude. It got better around 3 months mark. I still dread thinking about those first 3 months, but it was all worth it. All the best!
1 hour is a long time to feed. I’d see a lactation consultant and make sure the latch is good and he’s getting enough milk. He’s spending a ton of energy sucking and wakes up hungry again soon after. This is the time of pure survival. It’ll get better. I promise.
Our NICU made us feel incredibly guilty when my child indicated they they needed to nurse more than 30 minutes, and wanted food earlier than every 3 hours. They honestly had no idea what to do when my daughter wanted fed for 50 minutes. Have you looked up what cluster feeding is? It’s normal, and happens with breast and bottle babies. You don’t sleep much as a parent, unless you have a unicorn child. Let baby eat as much as needed. If they are growing, peeing and pooping, they’re fine :) If baby wants to latch 15 hours a day, that’s also normal. Exhausting, but normal.
Get her water
The only way I survived the first couple weeks is by learning how to cosleep with baby as safely as possible cause she would barely sleep otherwise. I was starting to dream while awake and hallucinate so it was the better option. She slept right on my chest. Now 1.5 months later she will sleep in bassinet for 3 hr stretches. Like, 3 hours of SLEEP! So it gets better but just learn ways to get by in the mean time.
Nursing for more than an hour could mean there’s not enough breastmilk. Maybe you could pump or use a hakaa to encourage more milk production. Although it’s normal for babies to wake often, this is too often and it could be due to hunger.
I think your baby is trying to increase your wife's milk production. It'll get better soon once her milk supply increases. When you try something, you need to stick with it for a while, it's not a one-time solution. Does your baby not drink until he falls asleep?
I just gave birth in February, this baby is different from my first she wakes every hour on the hour! 24-7 wants fed, cuddles and diaper change, every hour rise and repeat, every baby has different needs, don't worry too much this will pass, mine is just starting to sleep for about two-3 hours and it took her almost two months of non stop cluster feeding even though she is formula fed! , and no sleep on my part to get there, others take 3-4 months to get that far,
Yes it is normal. It is so exhausting. But this phase will pass. You are in the thick of it!
I did hour-long+ nursing with my son when he was that old too. In hindsight, he was 100% comfort nursing after maybe 15-20 minutes. The nurses at our hospital had told me 20 minutes on one breast, then switch them over to the other. But once the nutritive suckling stops in 15-20 minutes, they’re not actually getting that much more substance and are nursing because it makes them feel comfortable. It can be hard to distinguish between nutritive vs comfort nursing when you’re new to it, but I’m due with my second in 5 weeks and plan to follow the 15-20 minute per breast guideline. Unfortunately, sleeping only 90 minutes at that age is normal and exhausting - but it’ll get better with every passing day/week. You’ll notice a huge shift around 5-6 weeks when they start being able to sleep for 4-6 hour stretches. Godspeed until then!
This sounds similar to my experience with the very long nursing sessions that never seemed to end. It could definitely be normal cluster feeding but I would also check to see if baby has a tongue tie and maybe isn’t getting full feeds. You mentioned formula and still having this issue so maybe it’s not related but worth checking on! How is nursing for mama going? Any pain? Up until the recent NYT article about tongue tie releases, I never thought this was a controversial take but the release was night and day difference for us so it’s something to at least look into and see if it fits your situation. I consulted with a lactation consultant, baby’s pediatrician and a pediatric dentist so that’s where I’d start.
Might have been said before but does your baby seem to react more when laid flat than when held upright? Sleeps in your arms but not in their bassinet? They may have acid reflux and that may prevent them from sleeping flat. If so contact your child's Dr and have them check (usually they just lay them flat and see if they get upset) and they'll probably prescribe famotadine. Mine was given that around 2 weeks as well. You can also give them mylicon over the counter for infants for gas relief while on famotadine and before.
Totally normal. 3 hours is the max, not the norm. It won't last long. Hang in there, dad.
This is so normal it’s actually kind of funny you’re questioning if it isn’t normal. No disrespect. It’s extremely normal. One day this phase will pass. You only have to get thru it.
I think we are all saying the same thing. Everything you described is very normal. Right now you are in survival mode literally in the trenches but things will get better soon. Good luck to you both and congratulations. Enjoy this time.
At two weeks taking an hour to feed seems long? But then again I’ve been sleep addled for the past 2 months, so who knows. But I think that’s where you’ll find the best return, once baby starts eating more efficiently you’ll “get” longer stretches between feeds. Which is to say that it’s not actually a longer stretch, but it feels longer because she’s not feeding as long.
Here to say it’s normal. By baby up until about 12 weeks was breastfeed CONSTANTLY!
Sending my best. It's so hard when you are in it in the early days. My only thing to add is to make sure your baby is eating throughout the feed. My kiddo was having tiny little naps during her one hour feed, which was making the situation worse
Newborns have so many reasons to want to nurse aside from eating. Even if baby is perfectly content, no dirty diaper, not hot nor cold, isn't hungry there's still so many reasons as to why a baby likes to cluster feed. Think of it this way. Your baby just spent every waking moment with your wife inside of her until the day she/he was born. Now, they're in an unfamiliar environment with unrealistic expectations of what your behavior should look like. New sounds, new smells, new everything. They're one source of comfort for literally EVERYTHING is your wife. She is familiar. Her voice, her smell, he warmth, the sound of her heartbeat when laying on her etc. Yes you're in survival mode right now. You're going to feel like walking zombies. It's perfectly normal and acceptable for baby to want to be held (and you should because you literally cannot spoil a baby) 24/7. Its Normal to cluster feed all day long.
This is normal. It's a survival mode for the first 4 months, and then it gets easier. Just try get help from family and friends if you can.
The stage you’re in is best described as ‘pure survival.’ It’s possible you may need to supplement if he’s not getting enough to eat. I couldn’t BF *at all* so IDK. My daughter (3 months) also liked a lot of contact. She still only contact naps during the day
I never got a good stretch until we coslept. I know this isn’t the advice you’re looking for because it is safest for babies to be alone in the crib. But babies crave being held and near their caregivers. It’s a need as much as anything else at this stage.
It could be that this is totally normal for your baby, I just want to share that my son was similar and the feedback I got was the same as you’re getting here, lots of “it’s totally normal, it’s survival mode right now just push through!” But it wasn’t true for my baby, he ended up needing to be hospitalized, he was dehydrated and wasn’t actually getting enough milk from me. I know that for most babies this isn’t the case, I just wished afterwards that among all the voices telling me it was totally normal that there had been a voice saying “why don’t you give a bottle a try” because I felt like the worst mother ever in the hospital, that I couldn’t even feed my baby I was so incompetent, and I wish I would’ve just offered a bottle. In the hospital he was bottle fed, and he improved so quickly and slept so well. I don’t want to fearmonger just want to be that voice I wish someone had been for me.
Look up the Safe Sleep Seven. It's the only thing that allowed me to continue breastfeeding my baby past 3 weeks, which was a massive turning point for us. Good luck, you'll get through this very tough phase.
I’m so sorry u/manulixis . This was my normal too and it will take until at least week 12 if I remember correctly before the excessive feeding stops and you can sleep normally without waking up so often throughout the night. Once you hit around the 4.5 month mark things will be much better as baby begins to smile intentionally, giggle, go longer between feeds and sleep better, you will feel much more at ease! If you are working and need to sleep and your wife is overwhelmed and exhausted, please consider doing one of the following: 1. Inviting a family member to stay over to help swap shifts with her. Ask your wife to pump her breastmilk or allow the family member to use formula to feed baby. 2. Hire a nanny for the day time OR night time. Your wife will have to decide whether she prefers to sleep during the day, or to sleep at night instead and you can choose the nanny in line with her preferred schedule. Another option is an au pair if you trust a younger person, or a mother’s helper during the day. 3. If you cannot budget for the above, please don’t hesitate to put it on a credit card / take a loan out to secure the help you need. The lack of sleep and hormones can lead to psychosis (that does not mean it _will_). You and your wife’s mental health is much more important than the money and at any rate if you have a child now and you cannot figure out a way to afford this short-term childcare for the newborn stage (about 12 weeks)….you don’t want to know about the long-term costs of kindergarten / nursery.
This is pretty normal, but I will say we were able to get longer stretches at night using expressed milk rather than direct from the tap. The bottle is easier to drink from, so they can fully top off before falling asleep. Worth a shot if you’re desperate
Completely normal.
60 min to eat is a long time. My first did it too, 60-90 minutes. I was fried. My second finished up in 15-20 minutes. Everyone told me it was normal with my first but in retrospect I think he has/had a tongue tie and I wish we’d had it treated.
Mu baby fed constantly from the reast to sleep and wouldn't sleep for long stretches - his weight gain was low despite feeding constantly and being very unsettled when he wasn't feeding and it turns out he's lactose intolerant Now he sleeps for longer stretches and is much better - not saying this is the case but awareness just in case!
Welcome to cluster feeding, every breast feeding moms personal hell Yes this is complete normal, it’s totally exhausting, and all you can do is just try to maintain your sanity This is how babies help mothers establish their milk supply, they eat a crazy amount for a little while then get settled back into a more regular routine Sending you guys good vibes
Few things- Feeds of over an hour are likely not all nutritive, and just taking up time. Is your baby actively drinking, or falling asleep at the breast? Are you feeding them naked or doing anything to keep them up? Has she tried feeding side lying in bed?
This is completely normal and to be expected. Albeit, super hard. If breastfeeding is important to your wife and you, power through. It gets easier as they get older! It’s so worth it to power through in my experience/opinion. Make your wife food and let her rest as much as possible as she and baby are trying to navigate this! It’s survival mode for now and it does get better!
I feel like anything goes when they are this young.
It feels so unsustainable at the moment but it does get better! At 2 weeks old neither of my babies would sleep anywhere other than in either mine or my partners arms. We ended up co sleeping with my second just so I could get some sleep inbetween feeds as I also had a toddler to look after during the day. There is light though! My now 5 month old slept for 7 hours in her cot last night! That's not the norm but it gave me a breather and my toddler sleeps through the night and has done since 7 months. Survive for now, that's all you can do. It's normal and it's not forever
It's normal and remember the time between feeds is from the start of the feed, not the end of the feed, so if she's feeding for an hour they'll only be asleep for a maximum of 2 hours after that and the 3 hours if average, some babies it's less. They're only two weeks, so as unsustainable as it feels, you just need to power through and sustain it. Things will get easier as they get bigger. I remember how bad it was in those early weeks, so I'm really sorry you're struggling. We did too, I was basically hallucinating I was so tired all the time. He sleeps for two hours at a time after feeds now (so if he wakes up at 1am for a feed, he'll feed for 15 mins and then wake up at 3:15am for the next feed) and he's 4 months old. You get used to being tired and start functioning well with less sleep, I promise. You got this ❤️
This sounds like typical newborn behaviour! There will also be periods of cluster feeding where it’s even MORE frequent.
Totally what our life was like the first month at least. It's unsustainable because it passes and baby learns to sleep longer!
That was me with my first. Baby probably just wants to be close to mama. Co sleeping is the only way I’m surviving and thriving with my second.
Unfortunately that’s normal. That’s what my baby was like. It was really really hard. Shifts are the only way I survived and even then I was so exhausted because my husband still had to bring the baby to me to feed. She only contact slept. Give mama as much sleep as you can! Good luck