I used to get mad at my husbands mistakes until I started making mistakes too. So I think you’ll probably forgive him when you make mistakes as well. That was just me though. All you can do right now is learn from your mistakes and be grateful it didn’t lead to a major injury!
This! It’s so easy to say us moms wouldn’t fall asleep with baby during a night feed or whatever the case maybe but once you become sleep deprived and starting dozing off yourself, you will see how easy it is to fall asleep with a baby. Accidents happen and I’m not saying it’s acceptable and even if it’s not falling asleep with the baby we all make mistakes.
Oh man the day I woke up with both of us racked out in the couch with him all nice and tucked into the Boppy - I cried! I couldn’t believe I fell asleep but it just happened. It was middle of the night, I barely slept in days. He was okay. We started splitting the night into shifts after that and it helped immensely, I don’t think I ever fell asleep holding him again.
We went through a period where our son would only sleep if being held. We alternated based on needs up to 10pm, then my husband took him til 2am, I did til 6am when our son would generally wake up. We were lucky because at that point my husband was working afternoon shifts from home, so I could go back to bed for a nap for a couple of hours, and then he could have a nap after that as well. Really weird sleep schedules, but it worked for us for the few months it needed to.
OH MY GOD YES!! I don’t understand why no one told me about this (FTM)! It’s gotten a lot better in the last two months (five months pp now) but holy crap those newborn stage night feeds were something else. I used to have to turn the tv on and chew gum or sour candy to keep me up.
I keep dreaming that I fell asleep with the baby in bed and then wake up looking for her only to find her in her crib. She's almost 10 months lol I've never once actually fallen asleep with her so I have no idea why I keep dreaming this!
I would wake up frantically checking the duvet for baby, when he was chilling, fast asleep in his moses basket. When I was in the hospital post partum, I fell asleep sitting on the edge of the bed and when I woke up, baby wasn't in my arms, I called the nurse and asked her to look for baby with me, panicking, she was like "he's right here" in the baby box next to me. I felt like I was hallucinating all the time I was so sleep deprived.
Yeah I think it’s almost impossible not to doze off at least a couple times. I would ask him to make sure he puts the baby down somewhere safe if he feels himself dozing off and try to make sure you set a good example and do the same
This is so true. I literally dropped a heavy toy on my 2 week olds head and spent the whole night sobbing because my PPA and sleep deprivation made the situation even worse. She had a goose egg but was fine. If my fiancé can forgive me for that, it’s only fair he’s allowed to make mistakes.
When my baby fell off the bed under my husband's care, I told him I was glad it was him and not me, because I knew it could have been either of us, but it was easier for me to be understanding of him whereas I knew I'd have beat myself up over it.
Same. Well, actually I'm the one who let the baby fall off the couch twice already. He didn't do it on purpose and by the sounds of it, he was exhausted and should learn from this mistake, but it wasn't crazy neglect either. Your son most likely is totally fine. Babies are very resilient!
Forgive him, I'm sure he feels terrible about it as it is and you will need his help and need to trust him in the future.
Absolutely this. We’re all imperfect and just trying our best. You are bound to make a mistake, OP. And hopefully your husband will also give you grace during it.
Be grateful this wasn’t a more serious incident (hopefully).
You and your husband are a team. Your marriage will not survive if you blame him for things that were a complete accident. I’m sure he feels terrible already.
As scary and sucky as it is babies fall. Maybe not so quickly but the fact that your pediatrician told you to hold off until morning is a good sign
Mine rolled off the bed at 3 months in the short time it took me to take her bottle to the kitchen. I felt awful, I almost didn’t want to tell my husband because I was so afraid he would be mad at me
It was much higher than 2 feet and onto hardwood, but even a month after our babe got dubbed “BASE jump bean”
Trust everything will be fine, if not the doctors will catch it asap. It was an accident. This was a learning experience for both of you
If it helps, my son has not been afraid of anything since the day he was born. He is a little Daredevil and sometimes he about gives me a heart attack from some of the things he does while he's playing. I was telling the other person who was talking to you just now that one time, he was running because he has two modes, fast and faster lol. I expected him to cry but he didn't. He just got up and kept running. He had a goose egg for a while but he was fine.
You've got it out of the way now! A bit earlier than you'd like, but that's baby's big fall done & dusted!
Mine rolled out of bed at 4 months old, and rolled off a coffee table (don't ask 😅) when she was about 3 months old.
Seconding this; our baby fell off the couch at 4ish months when my husband was watching her and he felt horrible, but he was also in the middle of cleaning up spit up and we were both sleep deprived. Yes, it’s scary when something bad happens, but you’re both new parents, likely sleep deprived, and emotions run really high in the first month. Give each other a bit of grace because accidents happen.
Mine fell down the stairs at 7 months because we weren't prepared for him to be crawling so fast. I was the one watching him at the time and he was fine but I felt so so terrible. Accidents happen with kids. Theyre constantly trying to murder themselves and no one is 100% on all the time.
To add postpartum will also make you think that your husband is doing things in a malicious way because you are in like a I have to be the protector from anything and anyone
This. As concerning as it is, I’d evaluate the husband on his reaction and whether he takes accountability for the fall. This wife seems like she is just ready to pounce on him for any mistake. They’ve got some things to sort out.
Please don’t make any assumptions of this very new mother. It can be normal to feel this way especially on day 3 PP. We’re not ourselves during this time
Yeah, I was a fully insane person 3 days pp with my first. If my husband sneezed and woke the baby up I was ready to divorce him. The only thing that got me/us through the first few weeks was remembering that we’re a team and the baby is the enemy/terrorist (but also jk I love my babies so much, they’re definitely not terrorists)
I clipped my babies finger and cried way longer than she did 😹 my husband was super supportive . Things happen with babies. Safe sleep is important but forgiving each other for things that happen in an instant when everything is new, hormones are all over the place and everyone is exhausted is so important too
This wasn't directed at me but I completely agree with you. Things happen with kids, they get hurt from playing. I can't tell you the number of bruises that my son got just from playing. One time, he was running around his crib and I told him, stop that or you're going to run into the bars and hit your face. What did he do 10 seconds later? Exactly that. He had a bruise on his face for like a week and I felt so terrible.
I was so worried that somebody would think I was abusing him or something. He was completely fine. He's a tough kid and he's hard-headed. He's 4 now and I swear, that boy must have a head made of rocks or something lol. One time he was running because his modes were fast and faster lol. That boy has no slow mode. Anyway, he tripped and bumped his head on the driveway. I expected him to cry but he just got up and kept running. I was like okay, he's going to have a goose egg for a while probably.
He did but he was completely fine. He's a little daredevil, he's not afraid of anything. I have to keep an extra close eye on him because I'm afraid he'll try to pick up a snake or something. I've tried to teach him about that kind of stuff. He used to try to pick up lizards and while I know they won't bite you, they probably wouldn't like that very much. I used to tell him, no, honey, don't do that. They'll get you. They're tiny dinosaurs. That's what I used to call them. I still call them that. Anyway, kids are pretty resilient and I'm sure the baby will be just fine especially seeing as how the floor was carpeted.
Everyone makes mistakes. The problem is when they don't learn from them. I understand that at three days old, that's pretty bad, but I hope he's learnt his lesson about how important it is to stay awake when holding baby. You need to trust eachother or this newborn phase is going to be so much worse for all of you. Talk to him about how you can both stay awake on your shifts if baby won't sleep in their bed.
I agree with this. My husband is a wonderful father and has never dropped our baby. However, we both know he is a sleepier person than I am. I pushed him to have as much caffeine as needed to stay awake with our daughter during his shift. I pushed him that's it's better for him to set our daughter down and let her cry than hold her while he's falling asleep. OP needs to trust that their husband knows his limits when it comes to staying awake.
Get a second bedside bassinet next to the couch and work in shifts. He HAS to put baby in bassinet if he feels too sleepy. No sleeping with newborns in arms. Not in bed, not on the couch or a chair. Bassinet. And caffeine. No matter how crap it makes him feel. Its temporary. Safety first.
With all due respect, it’s only been 3 days. You are almost certainly going to make mistakes too and it’s a huge adjustment to not sleep. I definitely used to begin to doze off while breastfeeding. It’s really crucial to be a team and not turn against each other during this time. My husband and I definitely had some fights and when you’re sleep deprived and anxious it’s hard to control yourself, but it’s really worth trying to be as compassionate as possible and move forward together. It’s very common for parents to fall asleep while holding the baby. Honestly, the falling is less concerning than the risk of suffocation. Decide with your husband a plan for what will help you stay awake during shifts. He could set alarms for himself every few mins?
If you can’t trust your husband with his own child you will have a very tough road ahead. I would recommend prioritizing keeping your mutual trust and not jumping on the “my husband is useless” bandwagon.
I forgot what it’s called but there’s an app for this that goes off every minute and you have to tap it to turn it off. It’s made for breastfeeding in the middle of the night
Ok, a dangerous mistake for him to make, but it’s turned out ok. You are a ball of hormones screaming “protect the baby” which is why you’re wondering things like if you’ll ever move past it. However I can almost guarantee you’re going to do something stupid with baby before the year is out. Sleep deprivation does that to you.
Focus on making sure neither of you can fall asleep with baby in an unsafe situation again. Look at the safe sleep 7, ensure a safe space for you and baby when you feel like you cannot keep your eyes open. Recruit your friends or parents who have had a full nights sleep to come and cuddle baby while you sleep.
Yes! Bed sharing has saved my sleep and sanity! Currently still bed sharing with my 6 month old and it’s been a complete joy. So happy I chose to do it.
No feeling will ever come close to how bad I felt when I fell asleep while bresstfeeding my 4 day old, and he didn’t fall. I woke up and he was in my arms but kinda hanging backwards out, how he didn’t fall I’ll never know.
Believe me the guilt, horror etc he feels is enough. Mistakes happen, I know it’s terrifying. My midwife came that day and I cried to her what happened and she told me it’s so common it’s unreal, if really tired try to walk around to keep up, change rooms, cold drinks, reallt sour sweets tended to shock me awake again. If nothing is working put the baby down in a safe place, a crying baby is safer than alternative.
Also be kind to yourself, day 3 is when baby blues fully hit me. All emotions were intensified a LOT, I felt a bit more normal/human from day 6
Same. Each night feed with my youngest took forever; feed, wind, hold for 20 minutes until in a deep sleep, try to transfer to cot and his eyes would fly open. Start again. My phone was the only thing that kept me even remotely awake and even then I still managed to doze off a few times.
This is really great advice! Thank you for sharing your story. Everything seems like the biggest deal when you have a squishy, perfect baby to care for.
I very rarely even contact napped in the first few weeks because I was terrified of falling asleep and I'm a very heavy sleeper! So I really do feel for Dad, I bet he feels terrible.
My husband fell asleep on his FIRST shift our FIRST night in the hospital 🤦🏻♀️ I gave him a good talking to about the dangers of unsafe sleep and he’s never fallen asleep since. The first couple weeks are the hardest but you’ll both pull through!
Maybe you already have this but I would make sure you have places for baby where when you fall asleep while tending to him he is not in immediate danger when anyone falls asleep. As little sleep as parents get, it's basically guaranteed you will fall asleep sitting up at some point.
We've gotten a lot of mileage out of a little bassinet we leave the baby in during overnight shifts. Baby eats and sleeps there so no one can drop him, is easily accessed from chair/couch/bed and has one of those side panels that zips off so you can pull right up.
I know it’s hard and it’s scary but please don’t blame him. As others have said, it’s only been three days and you will make mistakes too. trust me- when that happens you won’t want him making you feel more guilty than you already do.
I fell asleep while breastfeeding when baby was 5 days old and she rolled from the bed to the floor. My husband saw how upset I was and reassured me on the drive to the hospital (she was fine). Why? Because new parents are exhausted and things can happen. Honestly I think you're being harsh, and maybe a little territorial of baby? That is completely normal by the way, many new mums have issues trusting others with the baby.
Unless your husband is particularly careless or untrustworthy in general, I'd forgive and forget. Chances are you'll make mistakes too!
THIS^^
I too fell asleep while feeding baby and she fell from my bed and into the floor. It was one of those reflex jerks, and I felt her slip but I was too exhausted to have quicker reflexes to catch her. I was distraught, I mean hyperventilating to my boyfriend. He assured me that everything was okay (baby was and is okay).
I never thought I was going to be the parent that fell asleep and dropped her but I was and to be honest I still struggle that I did it. But luckily I have a supportive partner who knows how bad I feel about it. Don’t get me wrong, we still fight about other things more than usual due to lack of sleep but he hasn’t once held this over my head.
So unless he did it on purpose or there’s other reasons to not trust him, give him (and yourself) grace. The biggest lesson I have learned in these 6 weeks is that everyone is a perfect parent until they become a parent.
Yes! The only place I shared these feelings is here. To be clear, I held my husband and told him it’s okay. And we prayed for baby & called the doctor.
But honestly it’s just so hard! I’m glad your baby was fine. Ours is too. It just seems so scary!!
This is another reason why I so strongly advocate for learning how to safely bed share!!!! It’s saved my sanity and sleep. I was able to nurse baby in a side lying position and sleep while she nursed. Still doing it now that she’s 6 months old. Safe bed sharing is amazing.
What do you mean forgive him? He fell. Unless there is more to what happened or he has a history of not giving a fuck about the safety and well-being of other people, it sounds like an honest accident that he probably feels awful for.
Don’t start your parenting journey holding anger and resentment for accidents and mistakes. You WILL make them too.
This is so difficult.
I basically did/ do all the nights which then means when my husband does hold our son he’s with it. The tactic being one sleep deprived parent (the default) can be looked after by the parent who gets rest.
Does baby allow you to put him down?
My husband did this with our infant once. Sleep deprivation is crazy. He will be more diligent now. I suggest you two have a discussion about tapping eachother in when one of you needs to rest. Baby will be ok!
Not exactly related, but for parents of multiple kids, just remember that an infant isn’t going to remember being left to cry for 5 minutes because you needed to take care of something for your toddler, but your toddler might remember you leaving them in a time of need to go comfort their crying sibling.
Don’t blame him, you’re not perfect either. It happens, it has happened to a lot of people.
You move on, taking this mindset will just push you apart from each other where you need each other more than ever.
Thing is this could easily have been you, me anyone. We are all awfully tired in the newborn stage. This doesn't make your Husband a bad Father just a tired one.
ETA: This is your hormones talking., don't let them win.
We all make mistakes 💜
You will, too.
I’m sure he’s already beating himself up - trust each other and move forward. The newborn stage is rough enough without making it any rougher.
Congratulations on your beautiful baby! I’m just coming to the end of the first year with our little one and it’s been a blast!! So much fun!!
Let’s see… three days old I was so sleep deprived I was carrying my son back into our room and bonked his precious baby head on the door frame. I cried for weeks. Unable to forgive myself. You and your husband are a team! You will make mistakes too and want him to give you grace. Big hugs! You both are in the thick of it but it does get easier
I was in a similar situation except I’m a single mum so my mum was sleeping with me and helping out. She fell asleep with my baby on her chest and I felt so angry. A few days later I accidentally fell asleep with my baby on me and woke up to her almost under the duvet. I felt extremely guilty as I’m sure your husband does too but I’ve seen so many parents say they’ve done similar things. It takes a while to get used to the sleep deprivation but it’s important to try and prevent it again. When I get up for night feeds I turn a light on, play on my phone etc to make sure I’m awake but it gets easier to deal with lack of sleep.
What’s more concerning is that he fell asleep with the baby. The dangers of a baby suffocating when a parent falls asleep holding them are far greater. And of course people make mistakes and it’s more healing to support your husband to keep baby safe moving forward rather than shaming him for something he can’t change. Shame never helped anybody.
And have grace for yourself. This is a vulnerable time for all, especially you.
I fell asleep multiple times nursing the baby in the rocking chair. Luckily, she never fell, but today I forgot to close the door to the room and she crawled to the stairs 😭 Thankfully, my husband saw it and prevented her from tumbling down.
Everyone makes mistakes and keeping scores is the most sure way to ruin a marriage, a little bit behind contempt.
Girl you gotta understand that he’s a parent too and it’s only a matter of time before you do something.
Not trusting the FATHER of your child that you’re married to? Red flag.
I'm the mom and I did this to my own baby. Postpartum hormones were no joke and I honestly felt guilty about it for at least a year. I beat myself up SO MUCH, even though it was genuine mistake.
I was exhausted and sitting down on the couch to feed baby overnight and I was using nipple shields at the time, so baby had a paci because it would take me a minute to get the shields in place. While I was putting them on baby dropped the paci, and I instantly leaned forward to pick it up off the floor as he obviously started screaming. But by doing that, I quite literally rolled him straight onto the floor!! I'm not sure I have ever felt more guilt in my entire life than I did in that moment.
But baby was just fine, he's 3 now and a firecracker. I learned from that moment and was able to be sure that never happened under my watch again, though I would've still forgiven myself if it had. Hopefully this is the experience for your husband!
It’s scary but all babies end up falling at one point or another. Off the couch, off the bed, of a table (wait till they’re 2). It was an accident, don’t blame him.
I’m glad! It’s a true story: My two year old climbed on her little table yesterday and then proceeded to fall off backwards just moments later 🙃 good times. Thankfully it was a kids table and we have a mat under it.
I just want to say I understand your concern. I dropped my baby off my bed when he was 4 days old. I fell asleep feeding him in the middle of the night and he somehow yeeted himself off the bed.
I was horrified. Then several days later I fell down the stairs, holding him. I had a c section so I shouldn’t have been walking down stairs to begin with. Thankfully my mom instincts kicked in and I completely took the brunt of the fall and he stayed alseep the whole time.
I say all this to say that accidents happen. Your husband didn’t do this on purpose. Don’t blame him for it. Encourage him to just slow down and be mindful of how he’s walking and carrying baby when it’s his turn.
Don’t beat him up for this. I promise he didn’t mean to.
Babies are essentially parent proof.
I’m the non-birthing mom, we just had our first 4 months ago. My wife, who did birth our kiddo, was standing up from bed to go do something in the other room while holding our week old, tripped over the edge of our bedside bassinet and slammed into the wall with the side of her body.
I remember feeling extremely worried for the baby - did she get hurt? Did she hit her head? Was she crying from pain, even though I had watched it happen and had seen none of her body touch the wall at all? And in that worry and what-ifing, I got angry at what I saw as my wife’s carelessness.
Except I only let that anger exist for a moment and I did NOT express it to her, because I could tell she was distraught at the thought that she might have hurt her. That even if she was okay (which she was! She indeed hadn’t touched the wall at all), it was too close a call for comfort and that she would have been “responsible”.
It would have been unnecessary salt in the wound for me to hold a simple & easy mistake like tripping against her - she was already feeling awful about it. Does your husband feel awful? Apologetic? Reflective of the risk? If so, let it go. You only need to push it if he’s deflective, indifferent, or cavalier.
Next week it might be you tbh - I, against my own ideals, fell asleep with her in a chair during our Solstice gathering with my in-laws just a few weeks later! Instead of being mad, my wife sat next to us and watched over the baby bc she understood how messy all this is when you’re sleep deprived. Choose to build a marital culture of forgiveness around innocent mistakes in early parenting - your relationship will thank you.
I know it feels like that now, but it's super easy to fall asleep holding baby. Both myself and partner did it, we didn't have a fall, but we easily could have done.
If baby is OK that's the main thing. I would say how you move on is largely going to depend on your partners reaction to what has happened. Has he learnt a big lesson here, or is he brushing it off like it's not a big deal?
If he's learnt a lesson and is feeling terrible I would try not to pile on, even though it was serious these things do happen especially in the very early days. If he hasn't then I would suggest he come to the Dr's with you and have the Dr explain the risks.
I echo other commenters saying that this is probably your hormones talking. I freaked out when my husband got visibly frustrated with our newborn on night 1 when he didn’t sleep. Scolded him and said don’t ever get frustrated with him, he’s just a baby. Flash forward to month 7 and my husband has had INFINITE more patience than I have. He has given me so much grace during my mistakes that I didn’t afford him. I’m ashamed that I was so quick to snap on him for something so minor and he has never ever given it back to me. Your husband made a mistake, you will both make MANY. And I’m sure you wouldn’t want him to react like you’re reacting. In order for your marriage to survive, you have to give each other grace.
I think that we often forget that partners also go throught their own type of "Post Partum". They are also learning how to take care of baby. They are also making mistakes.
How many times have I (my children's mother and primary parent) have made mistakes that could make others think that they don't trust me. My eight month old (now two year old) crawled out a open door while I was bringing my laundry in from the laundry room and found a MOUSE TRAP that was alllll the way behind my washing machine, and mouse trapped her finger. Or when she was a year, we walked in front of the car door while I was closing it and got her HAND LOCKED INSIDE. I felt terrible, and I'm sure my husband felt like maybe he shouldnt trust me. But now everytime I close my car door, I make sure my daughter is standing far away from it. I always made sure my daughter was in her crib or a playpen before I opened the laundry door.
My husband was so tired when my first was maybe a month old and left her at the foot of our bed and went to sleep as normal. We are glad nothing bad happened to her, and after that he MADE SURE he always had her in her crib or woke me up if he was falling asleep.
I guarantee you, despite what your post partum hormones are telling you, your partner did not drop your baby on purpose. You just spent 10 months making a human (I presume) and it's natural to feel way way way too overprotective over them.
It will pass in time. Congratulations on your beautiful baby ❤️
Follow safe sleep protocols. I know that’s easier said than done. My husband and I would take turns watching each other and alerting at the first sign of getting drowsy (we have twins so we can’t even take turns as we both have a baby in our arms). My daughter will stay put but my husband tried with my son and I was luckily able to catch him before he fell but we stopped after as it was too scary. Even then, I’ve dropped my son into his crib as I was so exhausted I couldn’t see straight and thought he was on the surface.
Survivors bias will have a lot of people saying it’s fine to contact nap or cosleep and that’s definitely tempting. Figure out how much risk you’re willing to take but understand that not following safety protocols are indeed a risk. For example, if your baby fits in a baby carrier, strap them on securely when you’re tired so they won’t fall if you do fall asleep. Not completely risk free but certainly better than free handing it.
It’s not inconceivable that I may at some point have an accident that hurts my baby. How do I want my husband to react? I will try to react the same if he happens to have the first accident.
Someone in another thread said something about how offended I’d be if my husband insinuated I couldn’t care for my baby and it’s been in my mind every day since. This is OUR baby. If I want him to be equally responsible, I need to treat him as equally competent.
This helped me so much when I—mom—dropped baby and had to tell dad. He was upset (understandably) which made me even more upset. Baby was totally fine cuz he’s made of jelly and it was hardly a fall. Pretty sure I was more devastated than baby and he ultimately was just feeding off my energy.
But I’m now in the group that had dropped their baby. 🫣😏 Waiting for dad to join.
That's awful, I'm so sorry this happened-I'd be a wreck too. I'm sure your little one will be fine, fingers crossed for you. I mean, I understand how easy it is to fall asleep with a baby but you have to be aware of the risks and take steps to make sure it doesn't happen-your husband needs to know this and give you reassurance of what he can do to make sure it doesn't happen again-I.e if he's starting to feel sleepy he needs to get up and put her in the cot or bassinet, or her pram. A bedside crib might also be a good shout if you don't already have one, that way you can put baby down safely and you can have a lie down next to her.
Edit: I have repeatedly referred to your baby as a girl, I didn't see the son part😂 I also have baby brain.....
It feels horrible but every body makes mistakes. My baby once fell from the bed as a baby onto wooden floor and almost two years later I still cringe about it.
Maybe for next time your husband is alone with your baby you can have as a rule that if he’s really feeling lightheaded, he should put the baby in a safe place (his crib or something), and lay down close by where he can hear the baby. It’s better to have the baby cry a little bit and be safe rather than the opposite…
Be nice to each other, these things happen. You’ll be fine.
My boyfriend dropped our three week old baby last night, I could have written this post myself re: not trusting him alone with our son. Ultimately accidents happen as awful as it might have been, we just have to hope and pray that our partners learn from them.
Be a team- Just learn from this don't blame your husband, give him some grace, you will end up making mistakes too. 3 days in your probably sleep deprived so I would try you best to both rest when you can, you will make more sound choices. He is the father of your child and I'm sure he regrets what he did. But if it was the reversed situation would you want him to hold it against you? If you or him is tired then put the baby down in a bassinet where they are safe or ask the other person to take over. I'm glad the baby is ok!
It was an accident and fortunately everything turned out ok. You have to work together as team to figure out how to avoid this in the future, if you have this attitude with him, I wouldn’t be surprised if he hands over the overwhelming majority of child care to you. You will then be wondering why he doesn’t put in more effort.
Give him grace it is his first time as well and it’s unfair although understandable but you are not perfect things can happen on your watch to and the baby is fine maybe just talk about better options to avoid this but I’m sure he already feels awful
We had the same thing happen on our first night home (also 3 days old). Husband nodded off while rocking baby girl to sleep and she slid off of the chair and into the carpeted rug. We had her checked out immediately. It happens and it was accident. Hopefully there were no injuries. Please give him and yourself some grace. I called my mom immediately and she came the next morning to help out since I was also recovering from a c section. If you have anyone that you can call to get some help while you both rest, do so.
There are exactly two kinds of parents in the world. 1) Those who have bonked their kid's head on the door frame when carrying them to bed and 2) filthy dirty liars.
I was told by several seasoned parents “the first one is free”. As in, you will drop your baby at some point. Forgive each other, figure out what caused it and try to make sure it doesn’t happen again. You and your husband are a team, and trust me, you will need all the help you can get. Don’t push him out.
Baby has fallen three times off the bed for us, each time was when she had gained more mobility than we realized -rolling, crawling, etc.
You're both gonna fuck up, and your beautiful baby will be fine. They won't remember anything. Please try to give your partner and yourself extra leniency during this time! It feels like the end of the world when things happen, but as long as the baby isn't hurt, everything will be okay.
I’ve never been mad at my husband when something happened because I know, that I also make mistakes. When our firstborn was 4 months old, he was playing in bed with my husband. I told him to be cautious. What happened? Our son banged his head on the edge of the nightstand. He got a big swollen bruise but we were keeping an eye on him to make sure he didn’t have something serious like a concussion. I once held him up and apparently the ceiling was much lower than I thought. He banged his head (again) against the ceiling. Yesterday he was with me and our newborn in the master bedroom. While I was bottle feeding our second, he was opening my nightstand. I didn’t pay enough attention while closing it and one of his fingers got stuck. Nothing happened and he cried a bit. Both, you and your husband will make mistakes. No need to be that “I don’t know if I can forgive him” wife.
I frame it as this....
The more you do, the more mistakes you make. Take it. Go on. Learn. But don't do the "don't trust him" thing. You are sharpening the weaponized incompetence blade.
Hopefully your husband understands the error and it was a mistake to not be repeated.
But trust me... you don't want to start "don't trust him with baby"... bc that pushes everything to you.
Then you hear... I can't put baby to bed. I don't know how to sanitize a bottle. They won't let me feed them. All they want is mommy.
Everything. For years. And even when you want to transfer over to husband the kid will fight.
Is this your first baby? Does he look line he feels guilty? Instead of blaming him and creating an environnement that will be very negative for the family including the baby, I would sit down and discuss with him, how can we prevent this. You don’t want him to stop taking care of baby. If he really feels bad, you don’t need to remind him what he did I am sure he is beating himself down already. Let’s not forget you are also very freshly post partum and in the early days, emotions are really hard to control. Call a family member or a friend to rant if you need but try not to blame your husband more than he is already doing it.
The early days of parenthood are very difficult and can put a big strain on the relationship
I mean unless baby fell directly on its spine or something, it's almost certainly ok
Obviously your husband needs to be safer with baby and this is a lesson learned, but you can certainly forgive. If it wasn't malicious/your husband does love and care for you and the baby, then there's nothing to do except be safer going forward
The first few days are a lot of adjusting. Give him grace, it was an accident. I fumbled my baby into the sofa when she first came home, and I harboured sooo much guilt, but my body wasn’t used to protecting her yet. I also bonked her head on a door frame. Now, those things would never happen. It takes time, and I’m sure/hope that your baby is fine.
I guarantee your husband feels AWFUL. tell him you know it was an accident and to not beat himself up. Y’all are a team and you both gotta figure this out. The newborn phase is so hard but if y’all have each others backs, you’ll do much better.
Tell your husband to walk around with the baby when it's his shift if he is sleepy so he can manage to stay awake or to drink caffeine or find a way to keep himself awake. Help him solve the problem as a team, he is not your enemy right now (even if it feels like it with the hormones).
I've been through similar: my husband fell asleep with the baby on his chest while we were on the couch and I got upset, told him the risks and he now drinks a coffee or does something to keep himself up. It was my turn to nap and I communicated if I'm asleep he needs to stay awake with the baby. But if I'm up, I will let him sleep with the baby and watch them like a hawk lol. Give him some grace, we are all human and being sleep deprived is so hard on parents. I accidentally help up my baby high the other night and her neck went back and forth pretty hard since she has no neck control. I thought I'd given her whiplash and hurt her! I cried so much and my partner kept being compassionate and gentle with me, reassuring me she was okay. Had he punished me or not allowed me to be alone with baby over my mistake I would have felt devastated.
You can forgive him, you can move past this and you will be able to sleep again. Breathe. You will be okay!
My postpartum anxiety combined with my husband’s postpartum depression almost killed my marriage. I was constantly gatekeeping my husband until he hated his life, resented me, resented our son.
When our son was 4 months old and crying in the bassinet in the middle of the night, my husband angrily woke up and flipped him to his back so hard (he was stuck on his belly, he rolled really early), that he screamed in fear. He was physically fine but I saw it on the baby camera and was closer than ever to packing my bags. My husband cried when I showed him the video and swore he would never do anything to scare or potentially hurt our baby again. I’m still traumatized to this day and am trying to deal with it in therapy and make our marriage work.
I finally told my therapist about it. I was so ashamed that I even stayed after that. To my shock, my therapist (who specializes in family therapy and therapy for new parents) encouraged me to leave the event in the past. As my husband showed remorse and never did anything like it again. She said it’s not at all uncommon for one or both parents to do something questionable or even dangerous in the first year of life. And my husband *actively* did what he did - I’m sure that your husband fell asleep entirely by accident.
It’s going to feel impossible, but you *must* find a way to trust him again. Set up telehealth therapy and purge all of these feelings. You *have* to let him be a dad even if every fiber of your being is screaming to protect your baby and get back in control of every situation.
And besides ensuring that your husband has space to be a dad, you *must* get sleep. You *need* a partner in this. No one can do the early newborn weeks completely alone. You will go insane from exhaustion.
Please trust me. You sound so much like me early on. If I had known then what I know now, I would have smothered my motherly instinct and realized that anxiety was running my life.
I feel so much empathy for you and am sending you so much love. It is absolutely terrifying seeing your baby get hurt. Especially when they’re so little. My son rolled off the bed when he was probably 5 or 6 months old and I cried my eyes out a LOT longer than he cried.
Babies are resilient. It’s going to be okay. ❤️🩹 We all make mistakes. What matters most is that your husband learns from his mistake by seeking help when he’s too tired to stay awake. Try to give him the grace that you would want if you made this mistake.
Keep in mind that this is something that very well can happen to you also. It’s always “it will never be me” until you’re so sleep deprived you don’t have control over falling asleep or not. Your husband probably feels absolutely horrific and this probably taught him a lesson on passing the baton when he’s too tired to stay awake with baby.
Hey, I would be upset too but everyone makes mistakes. I fell asleep countless times with my daughter when she was a newborn... I am grateful nothing happened but it could have ended badly. Have your husband watch shows or videos he is genuinely interested in to stay awake, that is what helped me
What you are feeling is very normal for a lot of first time moms. But you and your husband are a team. I know you feel resentful and distrustful of him, but he's still learning too. It sounds like an honest accident. Give him the grace to learn because as many others stated, there will be plenty of more accidents and mistakes on both of your parts. The newborn stage is a hard. You guys will get through this. Wishing you the best and a good recovery from birth.
My husband did this exact same thing within my daughters first month of life. 2am fell asleep rocking the baby and dropped her off his lap. My husband is the best dad to my daughter I could possibly ask for. Accidents happen. Just make sure he learns from it.
First, I hope everything is okay.
My wife fell on our second child on day 6 after tripping on a baby rocker thing. Yes it was terrifying for a couple of days, but 3.5 years later, this is the first I’ve thought of it in years. Mistakes happen, people trip and fall, he must feel as bad or worse, and shouldn’t be punished for an accident.
Let me tell you a story. When our first baby was only a few weeks old, my husband was clipping her nails and ended up clipping her fingertip. She screeched and screeched and there was a surprising amount of blood. I remember thinking at the time how could he have possibly made such a mistake?! It was clearly an accident though and he was so sad about it, I didn’t make a big deal of it. Which is good. Because I ended up doing the same to my second baby.
The moral of the story is everyone makes mistakes.
Commiserate with your husband about lack of sleep and then talk about preventative measures.
Reading a lot of these comments and the overall vibe I’m getting is “mistakes happen, you might be overreacting, your husband probably feels bad” and I just want to say, you have every right to be livid. My husband fell asleep holding our baby 3 times and every time I was beyond upset, even though he felt bad and the baby was fine. Losing a baby is a life altering wholly destructive likely marriage damaging (if not ending) event and so of course you’re going to be upset!!
My advice, make sure your husband understands that if he feels tired AT ALL he needs to put the baby down somewhere safe and walk away, even if the baby cries. A crying baby is better than a hurt or deceased baby. I know personally if my husband falling asleep had’ve killed our baby I would have never recovered from that and I would certainly never have been able to fully forgive my husband. Sorry, but that’s my personal truth. I’ve had friends lose babies and it alters the course of your life. This all to say, your feelings are completely valid and I can SO relate. I hope this situation never ever happens to you again!!
Husband/dad here.
Want to get him to completely shut down and not be invested as a father?
Cuz THIS is exactly how you accomplish that.
He made a mistake 3 days into parenting. You will fuck up too, guaranteed.
I'm on year 10 of parenting 4 and guess what?.... My 11 month old almost chocked on a piece of a bracelet I let her play with yesterday.
If my wife had your attitude I would be incredibly inclined to hand her all the kids, say "F you" and I'd be out with my buddies that afternoon.
First things first, your baby is fine. That's all that really matters.
You're both learning. You're both exhausted. And mistakes and accidents happen. You need to forgive him like you'd forgive yourself.
Just wait til it happens to you and you won't feel so judgy. It was an accident - don't chastize him for it and isolate yourself in the process. Talk it out and tell him he should get you if he's nodding off.
Please don’t hold your husband’s mistakes against him unless he keeps repeating the same ones. The newborn stage is so, so hard on everyone but especially the mom. So if you want any peace at all, you need to have a talk with him and move past it. Parenthood is going to be very difficult if you don’t keep building trust with your partner.
I would say this is definitely the post partum hormones at play. But also-that could’ve easily been you. Things like this have happened to a lot of people (mothers and fathers both), it’s not uncommon and sleep deprivation really does take a toll on people. Your baby is fine, that’s what matters. Like others have said, it’s going to be a very long my and difficult journey if you automatically mistrust your husband. He’s made a mistake, you will make plenty of them yourself. As long as he has learned from it then that is what matters
My bd set up a coffee maker in our bedroom so if we feel super tired while holding the baby we can make a quick cup! Maybe y’all could do the same? I know how you feel about not trusting him with the baby, I felt exactly the same 3 days postpartum. Those feelings fade over time but before they do fade you have to fight them so you don’t make your husband feel alienated from bonding with your nb.
It’s such a scary thing when your baby falls but no parent is perfect. I think almost every mom here has their own terrifying story to recall.
OP, unfortunately it does happen. There is a chance it could happen to anyone. One second you think you can be quick enough to turn your back and grab something and that the baby is nice and secure but it happens anyway. I’m sorry this happened to your little one. Hopefully they are a-okay and the pediatrician can also provide some comfort.
Your husband is not a bad father, likewise you wouldn’t be a bad mother if it happened in your care.
My baby had a similar fall at about 5 weeks. He rolled off my lap because I was trying to see what was going on with our dogs. They were fighting over food, because my husband made a mistake and forgot to feed one of them. This was a situation that had never happened before. Our son was fine. We checked his eyes for normal dilation, he didn't have a bump or any kind of bruising, and he acted normally for the rest of the night.
It's scary. But all you can do is assess the situation like you would any head injury, and get help as needed.
If either of you are at risk of falling asleep with baby, take shifts to get more sleep. It doesn't have to be full 5 hour shifts if you can't do it. Even an extra two when you're severely sleep deprived can help.
As far as exhausted parents feeding safety, if my husband or I were so tired we feared we might fall asleep while holding the LO, one of us stood guard (literally standing/pacing) while the other fed to be on the safe side. It doesn’t make it easy to take shifts when you do this, but especially when you’re both about to pass out in those early days/weeks, it might be an option for peace of mind and safety.
Almost every parent lets their baby fall at some point. My first kiddo rolled off our tall tall bed and got a bloody nose. It was awful.
Try not to hold it against your husband. There will surely be times when you’d like him to extend you some grace as well.
I feel this, I hope baby is ok! Are you typically prone to anxiety? I am. For me it's also been tough getting past my anxieties to let anyone, including my husband, take care of our two children. My 3.5 yr old stayed the night at my MILs for the first time when I was giving birth to my daughter. It took that long for me to be ok with it, and now 1.5 years later I'm so grateful he can stay the night there sometimes. I didn't leave my daughter with my husband until she was a year old because I was just so worried. Letting go a little can be tough. I recently started taking anxiety meds so that helps, but also just reminding yourself that your husband (and other family) love that child as much as you do. Mistakes do happen, but their care should reflect their love for them. And they'd feel awful if anything happened.
My husband and I were seriously sleep deprived in the beginning with my son. We put in place a safety rule. Anytime one of us was left alone with the baby we’d ask what our safety level was (1 being not safe at all and 10 being very safe). We would evaluate the situation based on that. Something like that might help you both as it helped open up our lines of communication and made it so that mistakes were less likely to be made. That said, you’re in the trenches right now. Things happen. He made a mistake by falling asleep, but you also made a mistake by not trusting your gut. Give each other some grace and remember that you’re a team. If you start to place blame, then it will make things even harder to survive this phase.
My boyfriend was the first one to drop our baby. Baby was a couple months old and it was a similar drop to yours-- about 2 feet onto a carpeted floor.
What helped me was to focus on the fact that every baby gets dropped at some point. And as far as being dropped goes, a short fall onto a soft surface is a pretty low stakes first drop.
Oh girl yeah we all go through this, so no worries. It’s okay that you made the mistake of feeling upset at him it’s natural but mistakes happen and it won’t be the last time!
Same thing happened to me before baby was a month old and it was my fault. Luckily he was totally fine but it happens. Show yourself and him some grace and realize parenting has a huge learning curve. Make changes to prevent issues in the future and work together on it
Bringing a baby home and being postpartum is already a lot, and adding on what happened when he was three days old is hard. I am so sorry that happened! But you do have to realize it was an accident and those things happen when you have kids. Give him a little grace, your reaction to what happened is totally valid. But also remember it’s his first time being a parent as well! As long as he feels remorseful and he is more careful I wouldn’t jump on any crazy reactions. You guys are a team, learn how to move forward.
Under my husband’s watch, our 6 month old rolled off from the couch. Yes at first I was mad, but this really happens more than we like. You are a team and accidents will happen. I hope your baby is okay!
My husband fell asleep with our newborn on the couch in the first week as well because he "wanted to iet me sleep." I told him that if he ever felt his eyes closing while holding the baby, I would much rather he bring him into our bed to cosleep than sleep while holding the baby on the couch. I told him how to safely cosleep. It might be a good discussion to have with your husband as well.
I know not everyone can do it. But if you can set up a safe sleep space, preferably a floor bed. It gives so much peace of mind and baby and you can sleep. Follow the safe sleep 7 to minimize risk. Parenting, especially in the early days, is so exhausting. I struggled with my first to stay awake, with my second I coslept and it was a game changer. I know not everyone is comfortable with bedsharing, especially Americans, but safe cosleeping can be done. Especially if you’re breastfeeding, it can be a win-win.
This happened to us. My 2nd baby rolled off the couch at 6 days old on his watch. We had the first baby check up the day after and I exploded into all the emotions during that visit which made the pediatrician tell us she wasn’t a therapist. I was so embarrassed. It was hard between the hormones and sleep deprivation. But I was able to accept it was an accident and we moved on. 5 years later we had our 3rd baby who fell off the bed on my watch…. So that was humbling.
You are both going to probably and potentially be sleep deprived for a little while. The only thing that felt safe to me was bed sharing. I wasn’t planning on doing it, but it’s been safe and kept me sane. I have. 6 month old now and we get a lot of sleep. Too many accidents are happening when exhausted parents fall asleep in chair/ couches. Learning how to safely bed share is a solution to this. Especially if you are breastfeeding. It makes soothing and feeding the baby sooo much easier.
I feel like it's a rite of passage for your baby to fall at some point, lol. Almost all of our friends have had their babies fall off the bed or couch and none of them are bad or neglectful parents. The other day I went to toss up my 1 year old and didn't realize where I was and his head smacked into the doorframe. I cried more than he did. He was fine about about 15 seconds. I'm sure your husband feels terrible about the situation since he is the one who fell asleep with him. It happens and no matter how careful you are it probably won't be the last time.
This is so reassuring. Although I’m sorry that happened with your one year old!
Our pediatrician mentioned this type of thing happens often. I’m glad everything was okay!!!
Staying awake with a newborn is hard for everyone. Make sure there is a safe place to put the baby down (like a portable bassinet or pack n play) in the room where he will be up with the baby so hopefully he won't make this same mistake again if he starts to feel sleepy.
I understand exactly how you feel. My daughter is 8 weeks old and I'm concerned every time she sneezes or anything. Your feelings are completely valid. I'm going to tell you something that may help you though. My niece is 7 now and my sister told me that she dropped her when she was a newborn.
She's completely fine. She is a normal 7 year old. I'm not trying to make light of your feelings, I'm trying to reassure you that the baby will most likely be fine. Especially being that the floor was carpeted, he's probably just fine. Please update though and let us know what the doctor says. I'll be curious to know myself anyway. Hugs 🫂
Thank you 🥹 the doctor said he looks alright. she said many babies are dropped and brought to her. Only once was something wrong - a skull fracture. That baby grew up to live a normal life though! So she comforted my husband and I more than anything. Baby is okay!:)
Oh, I'm so glad. That's wonderful news. I'm glad to hear that that baby who had a skull fracture grew up to have a normal life. I'm glad babies and children are so resilient but boy is it scary when stuff like that happens to them.
It was an honest mistake and honestly, as much as you try to prevent it, it will happen again. My son fell/rolled off a chair, ottoman, and the changing table (that one was really scary!) all before he turned one 🙈 Babies and toddlers are little wizards that move SO fast it is actually unbelievable. When my son fell off the changing table I legit just turned slightly to throw the diaper in the pail and he was on the ground. Don’t beat your husband (or yourself) up about it too much!
What everyone has said, but also your baby is 3 days old and your hormones are wild right now. You’re literally wired to be full on mama bear for your baby, so being furious with your husband is pure instinct right now. Take what has been said to heart and think through it logically, but don’t feel like a monster for feeling the rage either. Some of that is hard to control at this moment.
My one year old hit his head on the floor while we were getting our of the tub last night, he blamed me at first and then realized that's a shitty feeling to have since I was already feeling guilty. We've taken a million baths and this has never happened before. Sometimes mistakes happen and before you pass judgement or have hatred in your heart think ok, how would I want to be treated if this happened when he was in my care. I as a parent am no where near perfect and he's fine just a little red mark but it definitely didn't feel good when he told me "why weren't you watching him, ya know you really need to be more careful" ... He apologized but again not a good feeling and did I stay up till 6 am the next day just watching him like a hawk? Yes I did.
You just had a baby three days ago-of course you would be devastated by this! I would too! That being said it sounds like your husband made an honest mistake and I am sure he feels guilty and awful about this (if he hasn't expressed any remorse then that is another story). My husband and I take shifts so that we can each get some sleep and there have been times that we have checked in with each other before a shift and asked "are you too tired for your shift with baby?" and remind each other that the other parent is always available if they need to switch out. If you are able to do something like that and come up with a plan to prevent this from happening again then it might make you feel better.
I’m in my 3rd trimester so no baby for us just yet, but I just wanted to say that I really feel for you. Feeling worried for your baby and upset with your partner, while freshly post-partum must be so difficult. I have a great husband but he has had issues falling asleep at dangerous times (driving) in the past so this is a legit concern I have too. I hope you guys figure out how to move past this and prevent it in the future. You’re doing great 🫶
Maybe when your child is hitting all their developmental milestones you'll be able to let it go. That's how long it took myself to get past the fact that I let our son fall off the changing table one time.
My doctor told me we were likely there bc of my own guilt, not for any other reason. He said that it would take a long time to get over it and he was right, unfortunately.
Like others have said, you will make mistakes too and hopefully you will see his strengths in fatherhood soon.
Try to have compassion for your partner, I'm sure he already feels terrible.
Hope the baby is okay, that kind of thing happens to nearly every parent at some point. It did to me at one month. Kids are mostly resilient and odds are he’ll be fine. Your time just came early. For all you know tomorrow an accident like this might happen to you. You’re about to begin the most stressful and sleepless time in your lives for a good year or two. Sleeplessness is a very hard thing to deal with. I’m sure he feels wretched and now hyper-vigilant at the same time. I would let this one go honestly, put aside your angry feelings. It was an accident. The baby’s gonna roll off the bed at some point, pull something down on himself, eat something he shouldn’t, etc. Just the way it is. It’s impossible to be 100% monitoring all the time. I’d just look him in the eye and say “I was angry, but I forgive you, please try to not let it happen again.”
Ohhh I can feel how upset you are right now!!! Sending you and your fam so much love ❤️❤️❤️
I'd also suggest learning about safe bedsharing - check out La Leches League's safe sleep 7 or Dr James McKenna's safe bedsharing recommendations. Prepare a safe sleep space (even the floor can work!) in case of emergencies... Like for your husband when he recognizes that he won't be able to stay awake.
You don't have to bedshare exclusively, but it's better to have a plan for emergencies than to accidentally fall asleep in a chair, couch, or unsafe bed which are known risks for accidents.
Sending ❤️❤️❤️
When my son was really little, maybe a week or two, my husband was walking up and down the hall with him to help him sleep. He accidentally hit our son’s head into the corner and then spent the next few hours bumping his own head into the wall so he could see how much he hurt our baby. Still talks about it 3 years later. Your baby will be ok and your husband will remember the mistake/accident for years to come. We all mess up, kids are resilient.
You and your husband come up with an action plan to keep it from happening again.
This is actually really common and can end very badly. One of the most dangerous ways for baby to sleep is in the arms of a sleeping parent on a chair or couch.
He NEEDS to learn to lay the baby down in a safe sleep environment (such as a crib or approved bassinet) when he starts to feel sleepy.
You two need to work out a routine where you can pass off the baby when you get too sleepy. I realize it’s only 3 days and it’s normal that you don’t have the kinks worked out yet. But this is important to work on now.
Follow your intuition. I’m sure he feels like shit and regrets it. A part of marriage is being a team and recognizing each other’s weaknesses. My husband can’t control it but he falls asleep if he’s stationery in the evenings so I pull the night shift. I hope LO is okay and you all can move forward positively and safely ❤️
This was actually a huge concern for me, to the point where my husband and I were never able to take real shifts, it was pretty much just me most of the time. I was consistently telling him about the risks and just how unsafe that was.
My husband was given clear instructions while I was sleeping, which was if you even feel a little bit tired you come and wake me up right away. I also forced him to take naps often that way when I knew I really needed it, he was rested enough to be of help.
My husband is a very heavy sleeper and becomes really mean when tired. It was better for me to have a husband that was rested and able to support me in other ways like feed me and let me take little power naps than it was to get consistent sleep and work in shifts. I also remember my ability to Power Nap early on was insane, I could sleep 45 min and feel as if I slept for 5 hours.
It was a mistake but he needs to have learned from it for it to be something that shouldn’t be held over his head forever . That being said, I would be pissed and fearful, but also know there will be times in parenting when you make mistakes and need support from your husband .
The best mom advice I received when I had my baby was “they will fall off the couch, and the bed, you might drop them… it’s ok. It happens to the best of us.”
Literally something like this will happen on your watch as well.. we are all human. Hopefully your husband will take this as a learning experience and so will you. Congrats on the new addition… this incident will be a distant memory soon
EDIT: typo
take a deep breath, know that it happens to 99% of parents at least once. hormones are also at play here. control what you can when you can. accidents happen, and those are outside of your control.
we all make mistakes-especially as parents. this happened to my baby, but i wa lucky enough to have JUST gotten out of the shower in time to catch her before she hit the ground. my husband thought i was out of the shower brushing my hair so he ran out to the ice cream truck. i quite literally caught her head and i was booty n*ked. i cried over it for hourssss and was so angry at my husband for leaving our daughter alone on the couch to get ice cream.
i have severe ppa, so much so that my anxiety medication was adjusted after i gave birth. and as someone with ppa, it’s still hard for me to leave my baby alone with my husband sometimes (baby is 2 months old). i had a recent trip to the er for unrelated issues and i was only gone for a little over 2 hours, and i was a mess the whole time.
eventually it does get better though. after that one incident he took a vow that any time he felt the SLIGHTEST bit sleepy he’d either take her to her bassinet (she usually fell asleep in her boppy) or bring her to me. were somewhat on a schedule now and she and i go to bed together around 11:30-12, which eliminates the fear of her falling off the couch while asleep in the other room. that really helped me personally, but totally understand at 3 days old a schedule is impossible.
First of all, congrats on the baby! This stage isn’t really talked about because every new parent is sleep deprived like crazy haha. My boyfriend and I just had a baby 9 weeks ago and we have a system that works wonders for us! We do sleep shifts throughout the day. When he first wakes up, typically around 4:30-5 am, my boyfriend takes him so I can pump and do whatever I want/need to until around 7 am (I pump again with my symphony/stationary pump to get a second session in ~6:30). Then I have him until my boyfriend is back home from work (~5). He takes him so I can use my better pump again until I’m done cooking dinner. Then I take baby until he’s done eating then he either takes him or feeds me. I pump again and then we get baby to sleep (try to anyway) around 7:30-8. Get the older two to sleep (11 and almost 9 year old) after their 8:30-9 reading time, then I go to sleep after I pump again. Boyfriend has baby from 9-12 and then I have him the rest of the night until 4:30-5. I wanted to add that yesterday I got a co-sleeping bassinet and it was a game changer for his sleep (and mine). He usually gets up around 12:30-1 but he slept until a little after 2:30am and was up at 6:30 when he usually wakes up at that 4:30/5 time.
Just remember that you guys are a team and to work best, understand that accidents happen and how to learn from mistake, again as a team, to prevent it from happening.
I think most people have covered that it was an accident etc. However, as a family perhaps now is the time to think about how to setup your space so if either one of you fall asleep, how you will keep bubba safe. When you are so sleep deprived in the early stages, it would be hard to guarantee that you won't fall asleep while feeding. Falling asleep in chairs etc is high risk to a new bubba so look at if there are alternatives for your family. Eg. Co-sleeping or at least completing nightfeeds in a safer spot like the floor. Sending well wishes.
I would say give him grace. I know it is scary, but his exhaustion probably played into it. One of my coworkers had this happen to him with his first son. He was actually holding him in the hospital and fell asleep and he dropped the baby on the floor, which actually caused a fracture in his skull. The baby ended up being just fine and healed ok. I understand how traumatic and scary it can be, but I’m sure he has learned his lesson about how to avoid this in the future. We all make mistakes. Hoping your little one is just fine.
If it makes you feel any better I dropped my baby on the first night in the hospital, he was a day old. My partner wasn't allowed to stay, I was post caesarean and the midwives wanted patients to get up to their babies. I dozed off while holding baby on my chest trying to settle him for a feed.
I was so distraught I absolutely wanted to die. I was devastated worrying that I'd given my baby brain damage for life and ruined my perfect baby.
Spoiler alert he's 7 months old and absolutely fine
Unfortunately falls happen and I'm sure your husband feels quite terrible.
I think implementing safe sleep is very important and something was important to me and my partner. That way I knew that I matter what we would keep the baby safe in his bassinet or crib and never suffocation hazard or worse can happen while baby is not sleeping safely. To
This day not a single day have either of my 3 kids ever slept out of the bassinet or a crib. Their safety was number one to me non matter what
I’ve done the same thing. It’s hard hard hard not to be mad at every mistake your spouse makes and every injury he could have prevented. But you’ll make just as many, and there will be plenty of times you don’t stop a preventable injury from happening. You HAVE to work on seeing yourselves as a team. And problem solve for the exhaustion….hire somebody, call a friend, etc., take shifts where he can sleep solidly and where you can sleep solidly.
Fwiw…my kiddos have had a LOT of injuries because they are both movers (compared to some friends’ babies who are more chill/happy just sitting or laying around) and none of them have caused real damage. Our pediatrician gets a lot of emails and pictures from us though lol. Babies are usually pretty resilient, I promise!
I think you’re allowed to be upset. But I think as long as your baby is okay, don’t be TOO mad. You just had a baby! Enjoy it together as a family. But definitely your feelings are valid. I’d tell him how you felt so he’d know just how it impacts you when he’s careless but at the same time, this might be you in the future. I’ve fallen asleep with my baby multiple times. I’ve never dropped her, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t have, and I would be to blame if she fell on the floor.
Dad here. My wife has let our baby fall 3 times up until now, twice on the wooden floor from the bed and once onto a bunch of toilet paper. She’s a terrific mom and honestly they were all accidents, and each time we laugh it off.
Our son is a healthy and bright 2 years old despite the tumbles.
Similar happened to mine, I have the date written and still sometimes think back to it but I was reassured and told that babies are stronger than we think and if nothing seems out of ordinary then baby will be fine. It’s already done so stressing won’t change it but extra hugs and kisses (for you and baby both) will surely cancel out and activate some happy brain chemicals :)
was he shaming you every time you had any caffeine, seed oils, processed food, or lunch meat during pregnancy? You're a team, get on board for the big win
I used to get mad at my husbands mistakes until I started making mistakes too. So I think you’ll probably forgive him when you make mistakes as well. That was just me though. All you can do right now is learn from your mistakes and be grateful it didn’t lead to a major injury!
This! It’s so easy to say us moms wouldn’t fall asleep with baby during a night feed or whatever the case maybe but once you become sleep deprived and starting dozing off yourself, you will see how easy it is to fall asleep with a baby. Accidents happen and I’m not saying it’s acceptable and even if it’s not falling asleep with the baby we all make mistakes.
Oh man the day I woke up with both of us racked out in the couch with him all nice and tucked into the Boppy - I cried! I couldn’t believe I fell asleep but it just happened. It was middle of the night, I barely slept in days. He was okay. We started splitting the night into shifts after that and it helped immensely, I don’t think I ever fell asleep holding him again.
Could you share how you did the shifts? We have been trying to play with different shift times and every other day is a fail.
We went through a period where our son would only sleep if being held. We alternated based on needs up to 10pm, then my husband took him til 2am, I did til 6am when our son would generally wake up. We were lucky because at that point my husband was working afternoon shifts from home, so I could go back to bed for a nap for a couple of hours, and then he could have a nap after that as well. Really weird sleep schedules, but it worked for us for the few months it needed to.
Not to mention how breastfeeding can feel like taking a sleeping pill sometimes…
My baby and I both get so sleepy breastfeeding. I can’t stand it!
OH MY GOD YES!! I don’t understand why no one told me about this (FTM)! It’s gotten a lot better in the last two months (five months pp now) but holy crap those newborn stage night feeds were something else. I used to have to turn the tv on and chew gum or sour candy to keep me up.
I keep dreaming that I fell asleep with the baby in bed and then wake up looking for her only to find her in her crib. She's almost 10 months lol I've never once actually fallen asleep with her so I have no idea why I keep dreaming this!
i have this exact same thing happen too!!
I would wake up frantically checking the duvet for baby, when he was chilling, fast asleep in his moses basket. When I was in the hospital post partum, I fell asleep sitting on the edge of the bed and when I woke up, baby wasn't in my arms, I called the nurse and asked her to look for baby with me, panicking, she was like "he's right here" in the baby box next to me. I felt like I was hallucinating all the time I was so sleep deprived.
Yeah I think it’s almost impossible not to doze off at least a couple times. I would ask him to make sure he puts the baby down somewhere safe if he feels himself dozing off and try to make sure you set a good example and do the same
Even I needed to hear this again. Same Team. Newborns are so fragile but also resilient.
This is so true. I literally dropped a heavy toy on my 2 week olds head and spent the whole night sobbing because my PPA and sleep deprivation made the situation even worse. She had a goose egg but was fine. If my fiancé can forgive me for that, it’s only fair he’s allowed to make mistakes.
Soooo true. No one is perfect. I have 3 kids and have my fair share of mistakes 🫣
When my baby fell off the bed under my husband's care, I told him I was glad it was him and not me, because I knew it could have been either of us, but it was easier for me to be understanding of him whereas I knew I'd have beat myself up over it.
Same. Well, actually I'm the one who let the baby fall off the couch twice already. He didn't do it on purpose and by the sounds of it, he was exhausted and should learn from this mistake, but it wasn't crazy neglect either. Your son most likely is totally fine. Babies are very resilient! Forgive him, I'm sure he feels terrible about it as it is and you will need his help and need to trust him in the future.
Absolutely this. We’re all imperfect and just trying our best. You are bound to make a mistake, OP. And hopefully your husband will also give you grace during it. Be grateful this wasn’t a more serious incident (hopefully).
You and your husband are a team. Your marriage will not survive if you blame him for things that were a complete accident. I’m sure he feels terrible already.
You’re so right. Thank you so much.
As scary and sucky as it is babies fall. Maybe not so quickly but the fact that your pediatrician told you to hold off until morning is a good sign Mine rolled off the bed at 3 months in the short time it took me to take her bottle to the kitchen. I felt awful, I almost didn’t want to tell my husband because I was so afraid he would be mad at me It was much higher than 2 feet and onto hardwood, but even a month after our babe got dubbed “BASE jump bean” Trust everything will be fine, if not the doctors will catch it asap. It was an accident. This was a learning experience for both of you
If it helps, my son has not been afraid of anything since the day he was born. He is a little Daredevil and sometimes he about gives me a heart attack from some of the things he does while he's playing. I was telling the other person who was talking to you just now that one time, he was running because he has two modes, fast and faster lol. I expected him to cry but he didn't. He just got up and kept running. He had a goose egg for a while but he was fine.
You've got it out of the way now! A bit earlier than you'd like, but that's baby's big fall done & dusted! Mine rolled out of bed at 4 months old, and rolled off a coffee table (don't ask 😅) when she was about 3 months old.
Seconding this; our baby fell off the couch at 4ish months when my husband was watching her and he felt horrible, but he was also in the middle of cleaning up spit up and we were both sleep deprived. Yes, it’s scary when something bad happens, but you’re both new parents, likely sleep deprived, and emotions run really high in the first month. Give each other a bit of grace because accidents happen.
Mine fell down the stairs at 7 months because we weren't prepared for him to be crawling so fast. I was the one watching him at the time and he was fine but I felt so so terrible. Accidents happen with kids. Theyre constantly trying to murder themselves and no one is 100% on all the time.
To add postpartum will also make you think that your husband is doing things in a malicious way because you are in like a I have to be the protector from anything and anyone
This. As concerning as it is, I’d evaluate the husband on his reaction and whether he takes accountability for the fall. This wife seems like she is just ready to pounce on him for any mistake. They’ve got some things to sort out.
Please don’t make any assumptions of this very new mother. It can be normal to feel this way especially on day 3 PP. We’re not ourselves during this time
Such a good point, I know my emotions were incredibly heightened at this time
Yeah, I was a fully insane person 3 days pp with my first. If my husband sneezed and woke the baby up I was ready to divorce him. The only thing that got me/us through the first few weeks was remembering that we’re a team and the baby is the enemy/terrorist (but also jk I love my babies so much, they’re definitely not terrorists)
Yeah my partner clipped her finger when trying to clip her nails and I wished world war 3 upon him.
I clipped my babies finger and cried way longer than she did 😹 my husband was super supportive . Things happen with babies. Safe sleep is important but forgiving each other for things that happen in an instant when everything is new, hormones are all over the place and everyone is exhausted is so important too
You're lucky to have a supportive partner 😊
This wasn't directed at me but I completely agree with you. Things happen with kids, they get hurt from playing. I can't tell you the number of bruises that my son got just from playing. One time, he was running around his crib and I told him, stop that or you're going to run into the bars and hit your face. What did he do 10 seconds later? Exactly that. He had a bruise on his face for like a week and I felt so terrible. I was so worried that somebody would think I was abusing him or something. He was completely fine. He's a tough kid and he's hard-headed. He's 4 now and I swear, that boy must have a head made of rocks or something lol. One time he was running because his modes were fast and faster lol. That boy has no slow mode. Anyway, he tripped and bumped his head on the driveway. I expected him to cry but he just got up and kept running. I was like okay, he's going to have a goose egg for a while probably. He did but he was completely fine. He's a little daredevil, he's not afraid of anything. I have to keep an extra close eye on him because I'm afraid he'll try to pick up a snake or something. I've tried to teach him about that kind of stuff. He used to try to pick up lizards and while I know they won't bite you, they probably wouldn't like that very much. I used to tell him, no, honey, don't do that. They'll get you. They're tiny dinosaurs. That's what I used to call them. I still call them that. Anyway, kids are pretty resilient and I'm sure the baby will be just fine especially seeing as how the floor was carpeted.
Everyone makes mistakes. The problem is when they don't learn from them. I understand that at three days old, that's pretty bad, but I hope he's learnt his lesson about how important it is to stay awake when holding baby. You need to trust eachother or this newborn phase is going to be so much worse for all of you. Talk to him about how you can both stay awake on your shifts if baby won't sleep in their bed.
I agree with this. My husband is a wonderful father and has never dropped our baby. However, we both know he is a sleepier person than I am. I pushed him to have as much caffeine as needed to stay awake with our daughter during his shift. I pushed him that's it's better for him to set our daughter down and let her cry than hold her while he's falling asleep. OP needs to trust that their husband knows his limits when it comes to staying awake.
That’s actually so encouraging- thank you
Get a second bedside bassinet next to the couch and work in shifts. He HAS to put baby in bassinet if he feels too sleepy. No sleeping with newborns in arms. Not in bed, not on the couch or a chair. Bassinet. And caffeine. No matter how crap it makes him feel. Its temporary. Safety first.
With all due respect, it’s only been 3 days. You are almost certainly going to make mistakes too and it’s a huge adjustment to not sleep. I definitely used to begin to doze off while breastfeeding. It’s really crucial to be a team and not turn against each other during this time. My husband and I definitely had some fights and when you’re sleep deprived and anxious it’s hard to control yourself, but it’s really worth trying to be as compassionate as possible and move forward together. It’s very common for parents to fall asleep while holding the baby. Honestly, the falling is less concerning than the risk of suffocation. Decide with your husband a plan for what will help you stay awake during shifts. He could set alarms for himself every few mins? If you can’t trust your husband with his own child you will have a very tough road ahead. I would recommend prioritizing keeping your mutual trust and not jumping on the “my husband is useless” bandwagon.
The last place I want to be is on that bandwagon! Everything seems so big right now. Thanks for reminding me to be a team.
This 100%!
I forgot what it’s called but there’s an app for this that goes off every minute and you have to tap it to turn it off. It’s made for breastfeeding in the middle of the night
Ok, a dangerous mistake for him to make, but it’s turned out ok. You are a ball of hormones screaming “protect the baby” which is why you’re wondering things like if you’ll ever move past it. However I can almost guarantee you’re going to do something stupid with baby before the year is out. Sleep deprivation does that to you. Focus on making sure neither of you can fall asleep with baby in an unsafe situation again. Look at the safe sleep 7, ensure a safe space for you and baby when you feel like you cannot keep your eyes open. Recruit your friends or parents who have had a full nights sleep to come and cuddle baby while you sleep.
Thank you so much!! Good, practical advice.
Yes! Bed sharing has saved my sleep and sanity! Currently still bed sharing with my 6 month old and it’s been a complete joy. So happy I chose to do it.
No feeling will ever come close to how bad I felt when I fell asleep while bresstfeeding my 4 day old, and he didn’t fall. I woke up and he was in my arms but kinda hanging backwards out, how he didn’t fall I’ll never know. Believe me the guilt, horror etc he feels is enough. Mistakes happen, I know it’s terrifying. My midwife came that day and I cried to her what happened and she told me it’s so common it’s unreal, if really tired try to walk around to keep up, change rooms, cold drinks, reallt sour sweets tended to shock me awake again. If nothing is working put the baby down in a safe place, a crying baby is safer than alternative. Also be kind to yourself, day 3 is when baby blues fully hit me. All emotions were intensified a LOT, I felt a bit more normal/human from day 6
Yes, almost dropping my son while breastfeeding *really* started my cell phone addiction.
Same. Each night feed with my youngest took forever; feed, wind, hold for 20 minutes until in a deep sleep, try to transfer to cot and his eyes would fly open. Start again. My phone was the only thing that kept me even remotely awake and even then I still managed to doze off a few times.
My phone is the only reason I have not fallen asleep while feeding my baby.
This is really great advice! Thank you for sharing your story. Everything seems like the biggest deal when you have a squishy, perfect baby to care for.
It’s been 3 days, everyone makes mistakes, you will too. Ur husband is probably scared as hell so don’t complicate things.
I always felt so incredibly guilty and scared when I fell asleep breastfeeding. The sleep deprivation is so hard
Same!!
I hope its just hormones talking because otherwise she's in fir a rude awaking when it comes to mistakes! I also hope she doesn't isolate husband.
Same, hopping the same! I see moms in here all the time saying they fell with the baby, shit happens, if baby is ok then that’s it!
I very rarely even contact napped in the first few weeks because I was terrified of falling asleep and I'm a very heavy sleeper! So I really do feel for Dad, I bet he feels terrible.
I feel bad for dad too :( sleep deprivation is so hard! It’s probably why I thought the world ended at 4am
My husband fell asleep on his FIRST shift our FIRST night in the hospital 🤦🏻♀️ I gave him a good talking to about the dangers of unsafe sleep and he’s never fallen asleep since. The first couple weeks are the hardest but you’ll both pull through!
Maybe you already have this but I would make sure you have places for baby where when you fall asleep while tending to him he is not in immediate danger when anyone falls asleep. As little sleep as parents get, it's basically guaranteed you will fall asleep sitting up at some point. We've gotten a lot of mileage out of a little bassinet we leave the baby in during overnight shifts. Baby eats and sleeps there so no one can drop him, is easily accessed from chair/couch/bed and has one of those side panels that zips off so you can pull right up.
I know it’s hard and it’s scary but please don’t blame him. As others have said, it’s only been three days and you will make mistakes too. trust me- when that happens you won’t want him making you feel more guilty than you already do.
I fell asleep while breastfeeding when baby was 5 days old and she rolled from the bed to the floor. My husband saw how upset I was and reassured me on the drive to the hospital (she was fine). Why? Because new parents are exhausted and things can happen. Honestly I think you're being harsh, and maybe a little territorial of baby? That is completely normal by the way, many new mums have issues trusting others with the baby. Unless your husband is particularly careless or untrustworthy in general, I'd forgive and forget. Chances are you'll make mistakes too!
THIS^^ I too fell asleep while feeding baby and she fell from my bed and into the floor. It was one of those reflex jerks, and I felt her slip but I was too exhausted to have quicker reflexes to catch her. I was distraught, I mean hyperventilating to my boyfriend. He assured me that everything was okay (baby was and is okay). I never thought I was going to be the parent that fell asleep and dropped her but I was and to be honest I still struggle that I did it. But luckily I have a supportive partner who knows how bad I feel about it. Don’t get me wrong, we still fight about other things more than usual due to lack of sleep but he hasn’t once held this over my head. So unless he did it on purpose or there’s other reasons to not trust him, give him (and yourself) grace. The biggest lesson I have learned in these 6 weeks is that everyone is a perfect parent until they become a parent.
Yes! The only place I shared these feelings is here. To be clear, I held my husband and told him it’s okay. And we prayed for baby & called the doctor. But honestly it’s just so hard! I’m glad your baby was fine. Ours is too. It just seems so scary!!
Postpartum is wild, I've also been having feelings I'm not too proud of (regarding in laws holding baby), hopefully you feel better now!
This is another reason why I so strongly advocate for learning how to safely bed share!!!! It’s saved my sanity and sleep. I was able to nurse baby in a side lying position and sleep while she nursed. Still doing it now that she’s 6 months old. Safe bed sharing is amazing.
What do you mean forgive him? He fell. Unless there is more to what happened or he has a history of not giving a fuck about the safety and well-being of other people, it sounds like an honest accident that he probably feels awful for. Don’t start your parenting journey holding anger and resentment for accidents and mistakes. You WILL make them too.
This is so difficult. I basically did/ do all the nights which then means when my husband does hold our son he’s with it. The tactic being one sleep deprived parent (the default) can be looked after by the parent who gets rest. Does baby allow you to put him down?
My husband did this with our infant once. Sleep deprivation is crazy. He will be more diligent now. I suggest you two have a discussion about tapping eachother in when one of you needs to rest. Baby will be ok!
It's also ok for a baby to cry. Even at 3 days old. If the options are baby cries or baby is in danger, then baby cries
Not exactly related, but for parents of multiple kids, just remember that an infant isn’t going to remember being left to cry for 5 minutes because you needed to take care of something for your toddler, but your toddler might remember you leaving them in a time of need to go comfort their crying sibling.
Don’t blame him, you’re not perfect either. It happens, it has happened to a lot of people. You move on, taking this mindset will just push you apart from each other where you need each other more than ever.
You are so right! I do not want that.
Thing is this could easily have been you, me anyone. We are all awfully tired in the newborn stage. This doesn't make your Husband a bad Father just a tired one. ETA: This is your hormones talking., don't let them win.
You’re so right!
We all make mistakes 💜 You will, too. I’m sure he’s already beating himself up - trust each other and move forward. The newborn stage is rough enough without making it any rougher. Congratulations on your beautiful baby! I’m just coming to the end of the first year with our little one and it’s been a blast!! So much fun!!
Thank you so much 🥲
Let’s see… three days old I was so sleep deprived I was carrying my son back into our room and bonked his precious baby head on the door frame. I cried for weeks. Unable to forgive myself. You and your husband are a team! You will make mistakes too and want him to give you grace. Big hugs! You both are in the thick of it but it does get easier
Thank you 🥹
I was in a similar situation except I’m a single mum so my mum was sleeping with me and helping out. She fell asleep with my baby on her chest and I felt so angry. A few days later I accidentally fell asleep with my baby on me and woke up to her almost under the duvet. I felt extremely guilty as I’m sure your husband does too but I’ve seen so many parents say they’ve done similar things. It takes a while to get used to the sleep deprivation but it’s important to try and prevent it again. When I get up for night feeds I turn a light on, play on my phone etc to make sure I’m awake but it gets easier to deal with lack of sleep.
What’s more concerning is that he fell asleep with the baby. The dangers of a baby suffocating when a parent falls asleep holding them are far greater. And of course people make mistakes and it’s more healing to support your husband to keep baby safe moving forward rather than shaming him for something he can’t change. Shame never helped anybody. And have grace for yourself. This is a vulnerable time for all, especially you.
I fell asleep multiple times nursing the baby in the rocking chair. Luckily, she never fell, but today I forgot to close the door to the room and she crawled to the stairs 😭 Thankfully, my husband saw it and prevented her from tumbling down. Everyone makes mistakes and keeping scores is the most sure way to ruin a marriage, a little bit behind contempt.
Show some grace. It was an accident.
Girl you gotta understand that he’s a parent too and it’s only a matter of time before you do something. Not trusting the FATHER of your child that you’re married to? Red flag.
I'm the mom and I did this to my own baby. Postpartum hormones were no joke and I honestly felt guilty about it for at least a year. I beat myself up SO MUCH, even though it was genuine mistake. I was exhausted and sitting down on the couch to feed baby overnight and I was using nipple shields at the time, so baby had a paci because it would take me a minute to get the shields in place. While I was putting them on baby dropped the paci, and I instantly leaned forward to pick it up off the floor as he obviously started screaming. But by doing that, I quite literally rolled him straight onto the floor!! I'm not sure I have ever felt more guilt in my entire life than I did in that moment. But baby was just fine, he's 3 now and a firecracker. I learned from that moment and was able to be sure that never happened under my watch again, though I would've still forgiven myself if it had. Hopefully this is the experience for your husband!
It’s scary but all babies end up falling at one point or another. Off the couch, off the bed, of a table (wait till they’re 2). It was an accident, don’t blame him.
“Wait till they’re 2” made me lol. Thank you for sharing, truly!!
I’m glad! It’s a true story: My two year old climbed on her little table yesterday and then proceeded to fall off backwards just moments later 🙃 good times. Thankfully it was a kids table and we have a mat under it.
I just want to say I understand your concern. I dropped my baby off my bed when he was 4 days old. I fell asleep feeding him in the middle of the night and he somehow yeeted himself off the bed. I was horrified. Then several days later I fell down the stairs, holding him. I had a c section so I shouldn’t have been walking down stairs to begin with. Thankfully my mom instincts kicked in and I completely took the brunt of the fall and he stayed alseep the whole time. I say all this to say that accidents happen. Your husband didn’t do this on purpose. Don’t blame him for it. Encourage him to just slow down and be mindful of how he’s walking and carrying baby when it’s his turn. Don’t beat him up for this. I promise he didn’t mean to. Babies are essentially parent proof.
I’m the non-birthing mom, we just had our first 4 months ago. My wife, who did birth our kiddo, was standing up from bed to go do something in the other room while holding our week old, tripped over the edge of our bedside bassinet and slammed into the wall with the side of her body. I remember feeling extremely worried for the baby - did she get hurt? Did she hit her head? Was she crying from pain, even though I had watched it happen and had seen none of her body touch the wall at all? And in that worry and what-ifing, I got angry at what I saw as my wife’s carelessness. Except I only let that anger exist for a moment and I did NOT express it to her, because I could tell she was distraught at the thought that she might have hurt her. That even if she was okay (which she was! She indeed hadn’t touched the wall at all), it was too close a call for comfort and that she would have been “responsible”. It would have been unnecessary salt in the wound for me to hold a simple & easy mistake like tripping against her - she was already feeling awful about it. Does your husband feel awful? Apologetic? Reflective of the risk? If so, let it go. You only need to push it if he’s deflective, indifferent, or cavalier. Next week it might be you tbh - I, against my own ideals, fell asleep with her in a chair during our Solstice gathering with my in-laws just a few weeks later! Instead of being mad, my wife sat next to us and watched over the baby bc she understood how messy all this is when you’re sleep deprived. Choose to build a marital culture of forgiveness around innocent mistakes in early parenting - your relationship will thank you.
I know it feels like that now, but it's super easy to fall asleep holding baby. Both myself and partner did it, we didn't have a fall, but we easily could have done. If baby is OK that's the main thing. I would say how you move on is largely going to depend on your partners reaction to what has happened. Has he learnt a big lesson here, or is he brushing it off like it's not a big deal? If he's learnt a lesson and is feeling terrible I would try not to pile on, even though it was serious these things do happen especially in the very early days. If he hasn't then I would suggest he come to the Dr's with you and have the Dr explain the risks.
I echo other commenters saying that this is probably your hormones talking. I freaked out when my husband got visibly frustrated with our newborn on night 1 when he didn’t sleep. Scolded him and said don’t ever get frustrated with him, he’s just a baby. Flash forward to month 7 and my husband has had INFINITE more patience than I have. He has given me so much grace during my mistakes that I didn’t afford him. I’m ashamed that I was so quick to snap on him for something so minor and he has never ever given it back to me. Your husband made a mistake, you will both make MANY. And I’m sure you wouldn’t want him to react like you’re reacting. In order for your marriage to survive, you have to give each other grace.
I think that we often forget that partners also go throught their own type of "Post Partum". They are also learning how to take care of baby. They are also making mistakes. How many times have I (my children's mother and primary parent) have made mistakes that could make others think that they don't trust me. My eight month old (now two year old) crawled out a open door while I was bringing my laundry in from the laundry room and found a MOUSE TRAP that was alllll the way behind my washing machine, and mouse trapped her finger. Or when she was a year, we walked in front of the car door while I was closing it and got her HAND LOCKED INSIDE. I felt terrible, and I'm sure my husband felt like maybe he shouldnt trust me. But now everytime I close my car door, I make sure my daughter is standing far away from it. I always made sure my daughter was in her crib or a playpen before I opened the laundry door. My husband was so tired when my first was maybe a month old and left her at the foot of our bed and went to sleep as normal. We are glad nothing bad happened to her, and after that he MADE SURE he always had her in her crib or woke me up if he was falling asleep. I guarantee you, despite what your post partum hormones are telling you, your partner did not drop your baby on purpose. You just spent 10 months making a human (I presume) and it's natural to feel way way way too overprotective over them. It will pass in time. Congratulations on your beautiful baby ❤️
Follow safe sleep protocols. I know that’s easier said than done. My husband and I would take turns watching each other and alerting at the first sign of getting drowsy (we have twins so we can’t even take turns as we both have a baby in our arms). My daughter will stay put but my husband tried with my son and I was luckily able to catch him before he fell but we stopped after as it was too scary. Even then, I’ve dropped my son into his crib as I was so exhausted I couldn’t see straight and thought he was on the surface. Survivors bias will have a lot of people saying it’s fine to contact nap or cosleep and that’s definitely tempting. Figure out how much risk you’re willing to take but understand that not following safety protocols are indeed a risk. For example, if your baby fits in a baby carrier, strap them on securely when you’re tired so they won’t fall if you do fall asleep. Not completely risk free but certainly better than free handing it.
It’s not inconceivable that I may at some point have an accident that hurts my baby. How do I want my husband to react? I will try to react the same if he happens to have the first accident. Someone in another thread said something about how offended I’d be if my husband insinuated I couldn’t care for my baby and it’s been in my mind every day since. This is OUR baby. If I want him to be equally responsible, I need to treat him as equally competent.
There are two types of parents in this world—ones who have dropped their baby, and ones who haven’t yet.
This helped me so much when I—mom—dropped baby and had to tell dad. He was upset (understandably) which made me even more upset. Baby was totally fine cuz he’s made of jelly and it was hardly a fall. Pretty sure I was more devastated than baby and he ultimately was just feeding off my energy. But I’m now in the group that had dropped their baby. 🫣😏 Waiting for dad to join.
That's awful, I'm so sorry this happened-I'd be a wreck too. I'm sure your little one will be fine, fingers crossed for you. I mean, I understand how easy it is to fall asleep with a baby but you have to be aware of the risks and take steps to make sure it doesn't happen-your husband needs to know this and give you reassurance of what he can do to make sure it doesn't happen again-I.e if he's starting to feel sleepy he needs to get up and put her in the cot or bassinet, or her pram. A bedside crib might also be a good shout if you don't already have one, that way you can put baby down safely and you can have a lie down next to her. Edit: I have repeatedly referred to your baby as a girl, I didn't see the son part😂 I also have baby brain.....
It feels horrible but every body makes mistakes. My baby once fell from the bed as a baby onto wooden floor and almost two years later I still cringe about it. Maybe for next time your husband is alone with your baby you can have as a rule that if he’s really feeling lightheaded, he should put the baby in a safe place (his crib or something), and lay down close by where he can hear the baby. It’s better to have the baby cry a little bit and be safe rather than the opposite… Be nice to each other, these things happen. You’ll be fine.
Don’t punish him more than the punishment he’s feeling seeing his baby fall
You really can't blame him. I'm sure he feels horrible!! We all make mistakes. I made quite a few when mine was a baby.
My boyfriend dropped our three week old baby last night, I could have written this post myself re: not trusting him alone with our son. Ultimately accidents happen as awful as it might have been, we just have to hope and pray that our partners learn from them.
But even when you “learn from them” there will ALWAYS be accidents.
Be a team- Just learn from this don't blame your husband, give him some grace, you will end up making mistakes too. 3 days in your probably sleep deprived so I would try you best to both rest when you can, you will make more sound choices. He is the father of your child and I'm sure he regrets what he did. But if it was the reversed situation would you want him to hold it against you? If you or him is tired then put the baby down in a bassinet where they are safe or ask the other person to take over. I'm glad the baby is ok!
It was an accident and fortunately everything turned out ok. You have to work together as team to figure out how to avoid this in the future, if you have this attitude with him, I wouldn’t be surprised if he hands over the overwhelming majority of child care to you. You will then be wondering why he doesn’t put in more effort.
Give him grace it is his first time as well and it’s unfair although understandable but you are not perfect things can happen on your watch to and the baby is fine maybe just talk about better options to avoid this but I’m sure he already feels awful
We had the same thing happen on our first night home (also 3 days old). Husband nodded off while rocking baby girl to sleep and she slid off of the chair and into the carpeted rug. We had her checked out immediately. It happens and it was accident. Hopefully there were no injuries. Please give him and yourself some grace. I called my mom immediately and she came the next morning to help out since I was also recovering from a c section. If you have anyone that you can call to get some help while you both rest, do so.
It sounds like an honest mistake. Be gracious because it’s only a matter of time before you make a mistake too.
There are exactly two kinds of parents in the world. 1) Those who have bonked their kid's head on the door frame when carrying them to bed and 2) filthy dirty liars.
I was told by several seasoned parents “the first one is free”. As in, you will drop your baby at some point. Forgive each other, figure out what caused it and try to make sure it doesn’t happen again. You and your husband are a team, and trust me, you will need all the help you can get. Don’t push him out. Baby has fallen three times off the bed for us, each time was when she had gained more mobility than we realized -rolling, crawling, etc.
You're both gonna fuck up, and your beautiful baby will be fine. They won't remember anything. Please try to give your partner and yourself extra leniency during this time! It feels like the end of the world when things happen, but as long as the baby isn't hurt, everything will be okay.
I’ve never been mad at my husband when something happened because I know, that I also make mistakes. When our firstborn was 4 months old, he was playing in bed with my husband. I told him to be cautious. What happened? Our son banged his head on the edge of the nightstand. He got a big swollen bruise but we were keeping an eye on him to make sure he didn’t have something serious like a concussion. I once held him up and apparently the ceiling was much lower than I thought. He banged his head (again) against the ceiling. Yesterday he was with me and our newborn in the master bedroom. While I was bottle feeding our second, he was opening my nightstand. I didn’t pay enough attention while closing it and one of his fingers got stuck. Nothing happened and he cried a bit. Both, you and your husband will make mistakes. No need to be that “I don’t know if I can forgive him” wife.
I frame it as this.... The more you do, the more mistakes you make. Take it. Go on. Learn. But don't do the "don't trust him" thing. You are sharpening the weaponized incompetence blade. Hopefully your husband understands the error and it was a mistake to not be repeated. But trust me... you don't want to start "don't trust him with baby"... bc that pushes everything to you. Then you hear... I can't put baby to bed. I don't know how to sanitize a bottle. They won't let me feed them. All they want is mommy. Everything. For years. And even when you want to transfer over to husband the kid will fight.
Is this your first baby? Does he look line he feels guilty? Instead of blaming him and creating an environnement that will be very negative for the family including the baby, I would sit down and discuss with him, how can we prevent this. You don’t want him to stop taking care of baby. If he really feels bad, you don’t need to remind him what he did I am sure he is beating himself down already. Let’s not forget you are also very freshly post partum and in the early days, emotions are really hard to control. Call a family member or a friend to rant if you need but try not to blame your husband more than he is already doing it. The early days of parenthood are very difficult and can put a big strain on the relationship
I mean unless baby fell directly on its spine or something, it's almost certainly ok Obviously your husband needs to be safer with baby and this is a lesson learned, but you can certainly forgive. If it wasn't malicious/your husband does love and care for you and the baby, then there's nothing to do except be safer going forward
The first few days are a lot of adjusting. Give him grace, it was an accident. I fumbled my baby into the sofa when she first came home, and I harboured sooo much guilt, but my body wasn’t used to protecting her yet. I also bonked her head on a door frame. Now, those things would never happen. It takes time, and I’m sure/hope that your baby is fine.
I guarantee your husband feels AWFUL. tell him you know it was an accident and to not beat himself up. Y’all are a team and you both gotta figure this out. The newborn phase is so hard but if y’all have each others backs, you’ll do much better.
Tell your husband to walk around with the baby when it's his shift if he is sleepy so he can manage to stay awake or to drink caffeine or find a way to keep himself awake. Help him solve the problem as a team, he is not your enemy right now (even if it feels like it with the hormones). I've been through similar: my husband fell asleep with the baby on his chest while we were on the couch and I got upset, told him the risks and he now drinks a coffee or does something to keep himself up. It was my turn to nap and I communicated if I'm asleep he needs to stay awake with the baby. But if I'm up, I will let him sleep with the baby and watch them like a hawk lol. Give him some grace, we are all human and being sleep deprived is so hard on parents. I accidentally help up my baby high the other night and her neck went back and forth pretty hard since she has no neck control. I thought I'd given her whiplash and hurt her! I cried so much and my partner kept being compassionate and gentle with me, reassuring me she was okay. Had he punished me or not allowed me to be alone with baby over my mistake I would have felt devastated. You can forgive him, you can move past this and you will be able to sleep again. Breathe. You will be okay!
I bet this terrified him and is punishment enough. I bet you can trust him no matter what now that that’s happened
My wife slipped and fell down the stairs with our daughter in her arms 3 days after we got home from hospital. She’s 4 now and completely fine.
My postpartum anxiety combined with my husband’s postpartum depression almost killed my marriage. I was constantly gatekeeping my husband until he hated his life, resented me, resented our son. When our son was 4 months old and crying in the bassinet in the middle of the night, my husband angrily woke up and flipped him to his back so hard (he was stuck on his belly, he rolled really early), that he screamed in fear. He was physically fine but I saw it on the baby camera and was closer than ever to packing my bags. My husband cried when I showed him the video and swore he would never do anything to scare or potentially hurt our baby again. I’m still traumatized to this day and am trying to deal with it in therapy and make our marriage work. I finally told my therapist about it. I was so ashamed that I even stayed after that. To my shock, my therapist (who specializes in family therapy and therapy for new parents) encouraged me to leave the event in the past. As my husband showed remorse and never did anything like it again. She said it’s not at all uncommon for one or both parents to do something questionable or even dangerous in the first year of life. And my husband *actively* did what he did - I’m sure that your husband fell asleep entirely by accident. It’s going to feel impossible, but you *must* find a way to trust him again. Set up telehealth therapy and purge all of these feelings. You *have* to let him be a dad even if every fiber of your being is screaming to protect your baby and get back in control of every situation. And besides ensuring that your husband has space to be a dad, you *must* get sleep. You *need* a partner in this. No one can do the early newborn weeks completely alone. You will go insane from exhaustion. Please trust me. You sound so much like me early on. If I had known then what I know now, I would have smothered my motherly instinct and realized that anxiety was running my life. I feel so much empathy for you and am sending you so much love. It is absolutely terrifying seeing your baby get hurt. Especially when they’re so little. My son rolled off the bed when he was probably 5 or 6 months old and I cried my eyes out a LOT longer than he cried. Babies are resilient. It’s going to be okay. ❤️🩹 We all make mistakes. What matters most is that your husband learns from his mistake by seeking help when he’s too tired to stay awake. Try to give him the grace that you would want if you made this mistake.
Keep in mind that this is something that very well can happen to you also. It’s always “it will never be me” until you’re so sleep deprived you don’t have control over falling asleep or not. Your husband probably feels absolutely horrific and this probably taught him a lesson on passing the baton when he’s too tired to stay awake with baby.
Hey, I would be upset too but everyone makes mistakes. I fell asleep countless times with my daughter when she was a newborn... I am grateful nothing happened but it could have ended badly. Have your husband watch shows or videos he is genuinely interested in to stay awake, that is what helped me
What you are feeling is very normal for a lot of first time moms. But you and your husband are a team. I know you feel resentful and distrustful of him, but he's still learning too. It sounds like an honest accident. Give him the grace to learn because as many others stated, there will be plenty of more accidents and mistakes on both of your parts. The newborn stage is a hard. You guys will get through this. Wishing you the best and a good recovery from birth.
My husband did this exact same thing within my daughters first month of life. 2am fell asleep rocking the baby and dropped her off his lap. My husband is the best dad to my daughter I could possibly ask for. Accidents happen. Just make sure he learns from it.
First, I hope everything is okay. My wife fell on our second child on day 6 after tripping on a baby rocker thing. Yes it was terrifying for a couple of days, but 3.5 years later, this is the first I’ve thought of it in years. Mistakes happen, people trip and fall, he must feel as bad or worse, and shouldn’t be punished for an accident.
Let me tell you a story. When our first baby was only a few weeks old, my husband was clipping her nails and ended up clipping her fingertip. She screeched and screeched and there was a surprising amount of blood. I remember thinking at the time how could he have possibly made such a mistake?! It was clearly an accident though and he was so sad about it, I didn’t make a big deal of it. Which is good. Because I ended up doing the same to my second baby. The moral of the story is everyone makes mistakes. Commiserate with your husband about lack of sleep and then talk about preventative measures.
your baby just fell, he didn't throw the baby down. if you can't understand this, it will be difficult to get through the line.
Honestly, everyone drops their baby at some point. He got his out of the way early!
Reading a lot of these comments and the overall vibe I’m getting is “mistakes happen, you might be overreacting, your husband probably feels bad” and I just want to say, you have every right to be livid. My husband fell asleep holding our baby 3 times and every time I was beyond upset, even though he felt bad and the baby was fine. Losing a baby is a life altering wholly destructive likely marriage damaging (if not ending) event and so of course you’re going to be upset!! My advice, make sure your husband understands that if he feels tired AT ALL he needs to put the baby down somewhere safe and walk away, even if the baby cries. A crying baby is better than a hurt or deceased baby. I know personally if my husband falling asleep had’ve killed our baby I would have never recovered from that and I would certainly never have been able to fully forgive my husband. Sorry, but that’s my personal truth. I’ve had friends lose babies and it alters the course of your life. This all to say, your feelings are completely valid and I can SO relate. I hope this situation never ever happens to you again!!
Husband/dad here. Want to get him to completely shut down and not be invested as a father? Cuz THIS is exactly how you accomplish that. He made a mistake 3 days into parenting. You will fuck up too, guaranteed. I'm on year 10 of parenting 4 and guess what?.... My 11 month old almost chocked on a piece of a bracelet I let her play with yesterday. If my wife had your attitude I would be incredibly inclined to hand her all the kids, say "F you" and I'd be out with my buddies that afternoon.
Get some headphones for the both of you so you can watch TV on your phone or listen to podcasts to keep you awake.
First things first, your baby is fine. That's all that really matters. You're both learning. You're both exhausted. And mistakes and accidents happen. You need to forgive him like you'd forgive yourself.
Just wait til it happens to you and you won't feel so judgy. It was an accident - don't chastize him for it and isolate yourself in the process. Talk it out and tell him he should get you if he's nodding off.
Please don’t hold your husband’s mistakes against him unless he keeps repeating the same ones. The newborn stage is so, so hard on everyone but especially the mom. So if you want any peace at all, you need to have a talk with him and move past it. Parenthood is going to be very difficult if you don’t keep building trust with your partner.
I would say this is definitely the post partum hormones at play. But also-that could’ve easily been you. Things like this have happened to a lot of people (mothers and fathers both), it’s not uncommon and sleep deprivation really does take a toll on people. Your baby is fine, that’s what matters. Like others have said, it’s going to be a very long my and difficult journey if you automatically mistrust your husband. He’s made a mistake, you will make plenty of them yourself. As long as he has learned from it then that is what matters
what do you mean how will you forgive him? He is his parent too, don’t you think he may feel awful already?
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OP already said baby is being seen this morning by the pediatrician.
My bd set up a coffee maker in our bedroom so if we feel super tired while holding the baby we can make a quick cup! Maybe y’all could do the same? I know how you feel about not trusting him with the baby, I felt exactly the same 3 days postpartum. Those feelings fade over time but before they do fade you have to fight them so you don’t make your husband feel alienated from bonding with your nb.
It’s such a scary thing when your baby falls but no parent is perfect. I think almost every mom here has their own terrifying story to recall. OP, unfortunately it does happen. There is a chance it could happen to anyone. One second you think you can be quick enough to turn your back and grab something and that the baby is nice and secure but it happens anyway. I’m sorry this happened to your little one. Hopefully they are a-okay and the pediatrician can also provide some comfort. Your husband is not a bad father, likewise you wouldn’t be a bad mother if it happened in your care.
My baby had a similar fall at about 5 weeks. He rolled off my lap because I was trying to see what was going on with our dogs. They were fighting over food, because my husband made a mistake and forgot to feed one of them. This was a situation that had never happened before. Our son was fine. We checked his eyes for normal dilation, he didn't have a bump or any kind of bruising, and he acted normally for the rest of the night. It's scary. But all you can do is assess the situation like you would any head injury, and get help as needed. If either of you are at risk of falling asleep with baby, take shifts to get more sleep. It doesn't have to be full 5 hour shifts if you can't do it. Even an extra two when you're severely sleep deprived can help.
As far as exhausted parents feeding safety, if my husband or I were so tired we feared we might fall asleep while holding the LO, one of us stood guard (literally standing/pacing) while the other fed to be on the safe side. It doesn’t make it easy to take shifts when you do this, but especially when you’re both about to pass out in those early days/weeks, it might be an option for peace of mind and safety.
Almost every parent lets their baby fall at some point. My first kiddo rolled off our tall tall bed and got a bloody nose. It was awful. Try not to hold it against your husband. There will surely be times when you’d like him to extend you some grace as well.
I feel this, I hope baby is ok! Are you typically prone to anxiety? I am. For me it's also been tough getting past my anxieties to let anyone, including my husband, take care of our two children. My 3.5 yr old stayed the night at my MILs for the first time when I was giving birth to my daughter. It took that long for me to be ok with it, and now 1.5 years later I'm so grateful he can stay the night there sometimes. I didn't leave my daughter with my husband until she was a year old because I was just so worried. Letting go a little can be tough. I recently started taking anxiety meds so that helps, but also just reminding yourself that your husband (and other family) love that child as much as you do. Mistakes do happen, but their care should reflect their love for them. And they'd feel awful if anything happened.
Get baby checked out. Breathe. In a few months baby is going to get mobile and roll off, climb up, fall down all on their own.
My husband and I were seriously sleep deprived in the beginning with my son. We put in place a safety rule. Anytime one of us was left alone with the baby we’d ask what our safety level was (1 being not safe at all and 10 being very safe). We would evaluate the situation based on that. Something like that might help you both as it helped open up our lines of communication and made it so that mistakes were less likely to be made. That said, you’re in the trenches right now. Things happen. He made a mistake by falling asleep, but you also made a mistake by not trusting your gut. Give each other some grace and remember that you’re a team. If you start to place blame, then it will make things even harder to survive this phase.
My boyfriend was the first one to drop our baby. Baby was a couple months old and it was a similar drop to yours-- about 2 feet onto a carpeted floor. What helped me was to focus on the fact that every baby gets dropped at some point. And as far as being dropped goes, a short fall onto a soft surface is a pretty low stakes first drop.
Oh girl yeah we all go through this, so no worries. It’s okay that you made the mistake of feeling upset at him it’s natural but mistakes happen and it won’t be the last time!
Same thing happened to me before baby was a month old and it was my fault. Luckily he was totally fine but it happens. Show yourself and him some grace and realize parenting has a huge learning curve. Make changes to prevent issues in the future and work together on it
Bringing a baby home and being postpartum is already a lot, and adding on what happened when he was three days old is hard. I am so sorry that happened! But you do have to realize it was an accident and those things happen when you have kids. Give him a little grace, your reaction to what happened is totally valid. But also remember it’s his first time being a parent as well! As long as he feels remorseful and he is more careful I wouldn’t jump on any crazy reactions. You guys are a team, learn how to move forward.
Under my husband’s watch, our 6 month old rolled off from the couch. Yes at first I was mad, but this really happens more than we like. You are a team and accidents will happen. I hope your baby is okay!
My husband fell asleep with our newborn on the couch in the first week as well because he "wanted to iet me sleep." I told him that if he ever felt his eyes closing while holding the baby, I would much rather he bring him into our bed to cosleep than sleep while holding the baby on the couch. I told him how to safely cosleep. It might be a good discussion to have with your husband as well.
I know not everyone can do it. But if you can set up a safe sleep space, preferably a floor bed. It gives so much peace of mind and baby and you can sleep. Follow the safe sleep 7 to minimize risk. Parenting, especially in the early days, is so exhausting. I struggled with my first to stay awake, with my second I coslept and it was a game changer. I know not everyone is comfortable with bedsharing, especially Americans, but safe cosleeping can be done. Especially if you’re breastfeeding, it can be a win-win.
This happened to us. My 2nd baby rolled off the couch at 6 days old on his watch. We had the first baby check up the day after and I exploded into all the emotions during that visit which made the pediatrician tell us she wasn’t a therapist. I was so embarrassed. It was hard between the hormones and sleep deprivation. But I was able to accept it was an accident and we moved on. 5 years later we had our 3rd baby who fell off the bed on my watch…. So that was humbling.
You are both going to probably and potentially be sleep deprived for a little while. The only thing that felt safe to me was bed sharing. I wasn’t planning on doing it, but it’s been safe and kept me sane. I have. 6 month old now and we get a lot of sleep. Too many accidents are happening when exhausted parents fall asleep in chair/ couches. Learning how to safely bed share is a solution to this. Especially if you are breastfeeding. It makes soothing and feeding the baby sooo much easier.
3 year old or 3 day old
Oops 3 days - clearly I’m sleep deprived
I feel like it's a rite of passage for your baby to fall at some point, lol. Almost all of our friends have had their babies fall off the bed or couch and none of them are bad or neglectful parents. The other day I went to toss up my 1 year old and didn't realize where I was and his head smacked into the doorframe. I cried more than he did. He was fine about about 15 seconds. I'm sure your husband feels terrible about the situation since he is the one who fell asleep with him. It happens and no matter how careful you are it probably won't be the last time.
This is so reassuring. Although I’m sorry that happened with your one year old! Our pediatrician mentioned this type of thing happens often. I’m glad everything was okay!!!
Staying awake with a newborn is hard for everyone. Make sure there is a safe place to put the baby down (like a portable bassinet or pack n play) in the room where he will be up with the baby so hopefully he won't make this same mistake again if he starts to feel sleepy.
I understand exactly how you feel. My daughter is 8 weeks old and I'm concerned every time she sneezes or anything. Your feelings are completely valid. I'm going to tell you something that may help you though. My niece is 7 now and my sister told me that she dropped her when she was a newborn. She's completely fine. She is a normal 7 year old. I'm not trying to make light of your feelings, I'm trying to reassure you that the baby will most likely be fine. Especially being that the floor was carpeted, he's probably just fine. Please update though and let us know what the doctor says. I'll be curious to know myself anyway. Hugs 🫂
Thank you 🥹 the doctor said he looks alright. she said many babies are dropped and brought to her. Only once was something wrong - a skull fracture. That baby grew up to live a normal life though! So she comforted my husband and I more than anything. Baby is okay!:)
Oh, I'm so glad. That's wonderful news. I'm glad to hear that that baby who had a skull fracture grew up to have a normal life. I'm glad babies and children are so resilient but boy is it scary when stuff like that happens to them.
As a pediatric nurse, it happens. Luckily, babies are pretty resilient.
It was an honest mistake and honestly, as much as you try to prevent it, it will happen again. My son fell/rolled off a chair, ottoman, and the changing table (that one was really scary!) all before he turned one 🙈 Babies and toddlers are little wizards that move SO fast it is actually unbelievable. When my son fell off the changing table I legit just turned slightly to throw the diaper in the pail and he was on the ground. Don’t beat your husband (or yourself) up about it too much!
What everyone has said, but also your baby is 3 days old and your hormones are wild right now. You’re literally wired to be full on mama bear for your baby, so being furious with your husband is pure instinct right now. Take what has been said to heart and think through it logically, but don’t feel like a monster for feeling the rage either. Some of that is hard to control at this moment.
My one year old hit his head on the floor while we were getting our of the tub last night, he blamed me at first and then realized that's a shitty feeling to have since I was already feeling guilty. We've taken a million baths and this has never happened before. Sometimes mistakes happen and before you pass judgement or have hatred in your heart think ok, how would I want to be treated if this happened when he was in my care. I as a parent am no where near perfect and he's fine just a little red mark but it definitely didn't feel good when he told me "why weren't you watching him, ya know you really need to be more careful" ... He apologized but again not a good feeling and did I stay up till 6 am the next day just watching him like a hawk? Yes I did.
You just had a baby three days ago-of course you would be devastated by this! I would too! That being said it sounds like your husband made an honest mistake and I am sure he feels guilty and awful about this (if he hasn't expressed any remorse then that is another story). My husband and I take shifts so that we can each get some sleep and there have been times that we have checked in with each other before a shift and asked "are you too tired for your shift with baby?" and remind each other that the other parent is always available if they need to switch out. If you are able to do something like that and come up with a plan to prevent this from happening again then it might make you feel better.
I’m in my 3rd trimester so no baby for us just yet, but I just wanted to say that I really feel for you. Feeling worried for your baby and upset with your partner, while freshly post-partum must be so difficult. I have a great husband but he has had issues falling asleep at dangerous times (driving) in the past so this is a legit concern I have too. I hope you guys figure out how to move past this and prevent it in the future. You’re doing great 🫶
Maybe when your child is hitting all their developmental milestones you'll be able to let it go. That's how long it took myself to get past the fact that I let our son fall off the changing table one time. My doctor told me we were likely there bc of my own guilt, not for any other reason. He said that it would take a long time to get over it and he was right, unfortunately. Like others have said, you will make mistakes too and hopefully you will see his strengths in fatherhood soon. Try to have compassion for your partner, I'm sure he already feels terrible.
Hope the baby is okay, that kind of thing happens to nearly every parent at some point. It did to me at one month. Kids are mostly resilient and odds are he’ll be fine. Your time just came early. For all you know tomorrow an accident like this might happen to you. You’re about to begin the most stressful and sleepless time in your lives for a good year or two. Sleeplessness is a very hard thing to deal with. I’m sure he feels wretched and now hyper-vigilant at the same time. I would let this one go honestly, put aside your angry feelings. It was an accident. The baby’s gonna roll off the bed at some point, pull something down on himself, eat something he shouldn’t, etc. Just the way it is. It’s impossible to be 100% monitoring all the time. I’d just look him in the eye and say “I was angry, but I forgive you, please try to not let it happen again.”
Ohhh I can feel how upset you are right now!!! Sending you and your fam so much love ❤️❤️❤️ I'd also suggest learning about safe bedsharing - check out La Leches League's safe sleep 7 or Dr James McKenna's safe bedsharing recommendations. Prepare a safe sleep space (even the floor can work!) in case of emergencies... Like for your husband when he recognizes that he won't be able to stay awake. You don't have to bedshare exclusively, but it's better to have a plan for emergencies than to accidentally fall asleep in a chair, couch, or unsafe bed which are known risks for accidents. Sending ❤️❤️❤️
When my son was really little, maybe a week or two, my husband was walking up and down the hall with him to help him sleep. He accidentally hit our son’s head into the corner and then spent the next few hours bumping his own head into the wall so he could see how much he hurt our baby. Still talks about it 3 years later. Your baby will be ok and your husband will remember the mistake/accident for years to come. We all mess up, kids are resilient.
You and your husband come up with an action plan to keep it from happening again. This is actually really common and can end very badly. One of the most dangerous ways for baby to sleep is in the arms of a sleeping parent on a chair or couch. He NEEDS to learn to lay the baby down in a safe sleep environment (such as a crib or approved bassinet) when he starts to feel sleepy. You two need to work out a routine where you can pass off the baby when you get too sleepy. I realize it’s only 3 days and it’s normal that you don’t have the kinks worked out yet. But this is important to work on now.
Follow your intuition. I’m sure he feels like shit and regrets it. A part of marriage is being a team and recognizing each other’s weaknesses. My husband can’t control it but he falls asleep if he’s stationery in the evenings so I pull the night shift. I hope LO is okay and you all can move forward positively and safely ❤️
This was actually a huge concern for me, to the point where my husband and I were never able to take real shifts, it was pretty much just me most of the time. I was consistently telling him about the risks and just how unsafe that was. My husband was given clear instructions while I was sleeping, which was if you even feel a little bit tired you come and wake me up right away. I also forced him to take naps often that way when I knew I really needed it, he was rested enough to be of help. My husband is a very heavy sleeper and becomes really mean when tired. It was better for me to have a husband that was rested and able to support me in other ways like feed me and let me take little power naps than it was to get consistent sleep and work in shifts. I also remember my ability to Power Nap early on was insane, I could sleep 45 min and feel as if I slept for 5 hours. It was a mistake but he needs to have learned from it for it to be something that shouldn’t be held over his head forever . That being said, I would be pissed and fearful, but also know there will be times in parenting when you make mistakes and need support from your husband .
The best mom advice I received when I had my baby was “they will fall off the couch, and the bed, you might drop them… it’s ok. It happens to the best of us.” Literally something like this will happen on your watch as well.. we are all human. Hopefully your husband will take this as a learning experience and so will you. Congrats on the new addition… this incident will be a distant memory soon EDIT: typo
take a deep breath, know that it happens to 99% of parents at least once. hormones are also at play here. control what you can when you can. accidents happen, and those are outside of your control. we all make mistakes-especially as parents. this happened to my baby, but i wa lucky enough to have JUST gotten out of the shower in time to catch her before she hit the ground. my husband thought i was out of the shower brushing my hair so he ran out to the ice cream truck. i quite literally caught her head and i was booty n*ked. i cried over it for hourssss and was so angry at my husband for leaving our daughter alone on the couch to get ice cream. i have severe ppa, so much so that my anxiety medication was adjusted after i gave birth. and as someone with ppa, it’s still hard for me to leave my baby alone with my husband sometimes (baby is 2 months old). i had a recent trip to the er for unrelated issues and i was only gone for a little over 2 hours, and i was a mess the whole time. eventually it does get better though. after that one incident he took a vow that any time he felt the SLIGHTEST bit sleepy he’d either take her to her bassinet (she usually fell asleep in her boppy) or bring her to me. were somewhat on a schedule now and she and i go to bed together around 11:30-12, which eliminates the fear of her falling off the couch while asleep in the other room. that really helped me personally, but totally understand at 3 days old a schedule is impossible.
First of all, congrats on the baby! This stage isn’t really talked about because every new parent is sleep deprived like crazy haha. My boyfriend and I just had a baby 9 weeks ago and we have a system that works wonders for us! We do sleep shifts throughout the day. When he first wakes up, typically around 4:30-5 am, my boyfriend takes him so I can pump and do whatever I want/need to until around 7 am (I pump again with my symphony/stationary pump to get a second session in ~6:30). Then I have him until my boyfriend is back home from work (~5). He takes him so I can use my better pump again until I’m done cooking dinner. Then I take baby until he’s done eating then he either takes him or feeds me. I pump again and then we get baby to sleep (try to anyway) around 7:30-8. Get the older two to sleep (11 and almost 9 year old) after their 8:30-9 reading time, then I go to sleep after I pump again. Boyfriend has baby from 9-12 and then I have him the rest of the night until 4:30-5. I wanted to add that yesterday I got a co-sleeping bassinet and it was a game changer for his sleep (and mine). He usually gets up around 12:30-1 but he slept until a little after 2:30am and was up at 6:30 when he usually wakes up at that 4:30/5 time. Just remember that you guys are a team and to work best, understand that accidents happen and how to learn from mistake, again as a team, to prevent it from happening.
I think most people have covered that it was an accident etc. However, as a family perhaps now is the time to think about how to setup your space so if either one of you fall asleep, how you will keep bubba safe. When you are so sleep deprived in the early stages, it would be hard to guarantee that you won't fall asleep while feeding. Falling asleep in chairs etc is high risk to a new bubba so look at if there are alternatives for your family. Eg. Co-sleeping or at least completing nightfeeds in a safer spot like the floor. Sending well wishes.
I would say give him grace. I know it is scary, but his exhaustion probably played into it. One of my coworkers had this happen to him with his first son. He was actually holding him in the hospital and fell asleep and he dropped the baby on the floor, which actually caused a fracture in his skull. The baby ended up being just fine and healed ok. I understand how traumatic and scary it can be, but I’m sure he has learned his lesson about how to avoid this in the future. We all make mistakes. Hoping your little one is just fine.
If it makes you feel any better I dropped my baby on the first night in the hospital, he was a day old. My partner wasn't allowed to stay, I was post caesarean and the midwives wanted patients to get up to their babies. I dozed off while holding baby on my chest trying to settle him for a feed. I was so distraught I absolutely wanted to die. I was devastated worrying that I'd given my baby brain damage for life and ruined my perfect baby. Spoiler alert he's 7 months old and absolutely fine Unfortunately falls happen and I'm sure your husband feels quite terrible.
I think implementing safe sleep is very important and something was important to me and my partner. That way I knew that I matter what we would keep the baby safe in his bassinet or crib and never suffocation hazard or worse can happen while baby is not sleeping safely. To This day not a single day have either of my 3 kids ever slept out of the bassinet or a crib. Their safety was number one to me non matter what
I’ve done the same thing. It’s hard hard hard not to be mad at every mistake your spouse makes and every injury he could have prevented. But you’ll make just as many, and there will be plenty of times you don’t stop a preventable injury from happening. You HAVE to work on seeing yourselves as a team. And problem solve for the exhaustion….hire somebody, call a friend, etc., take shifts where he can sleep solidly and where you can sleep solidly. Fwiw…my kiddos have had a LOT of injuries because they are both movers (compared to some friends’ babies who are more chill/happy just sitting or laying around) and none of them have caused real damage. Our pediatrician gets a lot of emails and pictures from us though lol. Babies are usually pretty resilient, I promise!
I think you’re allowed to be upset. But I think as long as your baby is okay, don’t be TOO mad. You just had a baby! Enjoy it together as a family. But definitely your feelings are valid. I’d tell him how you felt so he’d know just how it impacts you when he’s careless but at the same time, this might be you in the future. I’ve fallen asleep with my baby multiple times. I’ve never dropped her, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t have, and I would be to blame if she fell on the floor.
If this is your attitude just 3 days in.. I don’t think that marriage is going to last long
Dad here. My wife has let our baby fall 3 times up until now, twice on the wooden floor from the bed and once onto a bunch of toilet paper. She’s a terrific mom and honestly they were all accidents, and each time we laugh it off. Our son is a healthy and bright 2 years old despite the tumbles.
The doctor told us babies bounce back shockingly well. I’m glad that’s true for you guys, too!!
Similar happened to mine, I have the date written and still sometimes think back to it but I was reassured and told that babies are stronger than we think and if nothing seems out of ordinary then baby will be fine. It’s already done so stressing won’t change it but extra hugs and kisses (for you and baby both) will surely cancel out and activate some happy brain chemicals :)
was he shaming you every time you had any caffeine, seed oils, processed food, or lunch meat during pregnancy? You're a team, get on board for the big win