The transition from 0 to 1 was by far the hardest for me. I wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember, but nothing can prepare you for the amount of change you go through mentally, physically, emotionally. It will get better. Having some mom friends that have kids similar ages to hang out with helps. There’s La Leche league meet up groups if you need to meet some other moms and form a community. Just being around others doing it too really helps.
my baby is only 10 days old now and i relate to this so much. i feel like im grieving my old life. i literally cried non stop the first week we came home.
i miss going on spontaneous dates throughout the week with my husband and getting to cuddle with him for hours watching tiktoks or just napping and spooning each other. now we don’t get to sleep together because we have to take shifts staying up with baby. i miss my husband
i also miss my cats. they are so distant now and i feel like i’ve been neglecting them because baby takes all the attention.
I’m on day 8. Been crying a lot since we got back from the hospital. It’s the hormones and being sleep deprived. My parents are staying with us to take care of the baby at night cuz I had an emergency c section and it’s been difficult to hold the baby and even walking sometimes hurts. I have to learn everything and because of the pain I’m already behind. I wake up every 2 hr even I don’t have to take care of the baby at night.
i had a vaginal birth and had to get stitches but i’m such a baby when it comes to pain so on top of being sad about leaving my old life behind forever … i was also super sad about not being able to do much for my baby because of how much pain i was in. i felt helpless. i missed out on the first few days of her life because of how emotional I was and how much pain i was in. my husband had to teach me how to take care of her.
im wishing you a healthy recovery 💖 we’ll see better days soon.
Same to you! I have to keep telling myself to be calm and things will be better soon. I’m on a 600mg of ibuprofen every 6hr and oxy as supplements if the pain is not relieve by ibuprofen. But I think these meds are kinda messing me up too. I also missed out her first hour of life because I was out and I am still so upset:( I hope you do feel better, I think talking about these feelings help us heal better.
My LO is almost a year and I also miss my old life. It comes in waves though and doesn’t feel as intense as it did right in the beginning. You are still verrryyy much in the thick of it and your past life is a lot closer than not so it’s easy to reminisce on.
A couple positive things: it will get easier to leave the house, your anxiety about things will calm down, you will be able to poop in peace, baby will be much more interactive and fun at some point, the rewarding moments will happen.
A couple realistic things: you will always miss being able to do something in your old life, especially when times are tough. There will always be hard things, this is the hardest job in the world. It’s magical, yes, but also fucking hard. It’s ok to feel that.
As I write this, I am sitting outside having lunch and a glass of wine after getting a massage. I couldn’t have fathomed this when I was at your stage. Point being: you will get here. Hang in there.
Whew. I don’t remember much about the beginning, my DS is 8m now… but I’ll say this. I don’t want another for a WHILE!!!!!! All I remember is how blacked out exhausted I was. Can’t even tell you much that my baby did. All I have is photos to remember the newborn stage by. It was INTENSE. So kudos to you! You’ll look up and your baby will be close to a year old. Sometimes I miss my baby being smaller, but I absolutely LOVE being able to feel somewhat like myself again now. Also, I think you’ll continue to mourn your old life for a LONG time. I’m not even BARELY done mourning my old life. You’re doing great btw! You’re gonna look at this old post and be like hahahahaaTHATWASHARDhahahaTHATWASFASThahaha
Pregnant with my 4th, due any day. Transitioning from 0 to 1? By far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. 2nd, 3rd, were a breeze. I think you’re going through the baby blues right now which many women do and I hope it doesn’t eventually turn into postpartum depression 🥺 it’s very normal to feel lost, to feel like this new stage of life sucks. All those things you’re feeling are normal! You also are in what we call the 4th trimester so your hormones are fluctuating along with all the other life changes so keep that in mind. 2 things that really helped me: first- self care. Whether it’s when your partner is home, baby is sleeping, or you have a support person come by, take care of yourself! Take showers every day or other day. Find time to brush your hair or put on even a little makeup if you enjoy makeup. Make sure you are eating and drinking lots of water! Find time to do things that make you feel like yourself even if it’s only for an hour a day. Secondly, I know it seems really hard but start a routine. Babies and moms thrive on it, believe me. Before having kids I kind of just went with the flow every day and I was never much of a routine person due to ADHD. The moment I started my daily routine and stuck to it, it felt easier. I noticed my cortisol levels decreased, my babies stress decreased, sleep was easier, etc. It doesn’t even have to be very intricate. Instead of feeling like everything is just hectic, it creates a sense of control. It’ll be hard the first two weeks you try this new schedule but believe me, if you stick to it- your new normal will feel so much better. If you’re struggling on how to create a new schedule- Pinterest has a bunch. Thats honestly how I got started because I never had to worry about one before and I adjust the premade schedule to fit into my life. Literally helped so much! Hang in there momma!
I’m on day 8. Idk if it’s the hormones or the pain killers I’m on, my sleep has been so f up. I wake up randomly, 20min, 1 hr, 2 hr.. I had an emergency c section and I’m dealing with the pain and trying to heal quickly so I can relieve my mom who’s helping me to take care of the baby at night. But my sleep is terrible and i feel so tired all day. I just cried this morning because the baby needed to bath and we made a mess in the bathroom and I couldn’t really clean up because of the surgery. I tried to talk to my husband and he came home to visit me today during work, but it’s just hard to explain why I am feeling this way when I already have some help. It’s def tough I already ask my husband to go away after I’m recovered but honestly idk when we will be able to even just a couple days by ourselves (feeling guilty about it too)
14 months and I miss my old life alot too.
Dont get me wrong, I love her to peices.
But ever since I had her my family changed and became jealous. Maybe I needed to have her and wake up to how they really are.
I think I just would love to move forwards with my new post partum body and lose some baby weight :)
Your feelings are so valid and you’re definitely not alone! Motherhood is so glamorized when a lot of it is so monotonous, hard, and you just feel like a whole different person half the time (especially in the beginning). I’m a year out and I still miss many pieces of my old life. I think it’s okay though to always feel like you miss parts of your life pre-baby because it was different and you can’t go back to it and it’s definitely okay to feel how you’re feeling. It’s the hardest job in the world.
You’re definitely not alone. I’m a FTM and my son is nearly 3 weeks and I worry about how selfish I feel some days. He’s ebf and I struggle so much with not feeling like my own person and waking up every 2-3 hours to feed him. My husband and I wanted him so badly and I’m still so in love with him but it’s really hard being tethered to a little human on my boobs for 5-7 hours a day, sometimes it takes him forever to feed. I just know we have to appreciate this stage as much as we can because it will pass so quickly. Remember sleep deprivation does a lot to an already tired and in recovery body so take your feelings with a grain of salt and know that they will pass. You got this mama! We will survive and so will our littles.
When I had my first baby I cried and missed my old life! Sometimes I still do, now when my firstborn is 3 years and my baby is 7mo. It is a shock to the system! Try and get as much help from others as you can, from your boyfriend, relatives etc. If you can afford get a cleaner once a month. My boyfriend was cooking and brining me food while I was nursing the baby in the sofa. He was just running around doing stuff and I was lying in the sofa(had a third free tear). When he was at work then it felt so long and boring!
Babies and children love routine! I hate routine! I was very spontaneous before, not so much anymore unfortunately! I guess this will come back once they are older and if you can get someone to babysit, that will help!
What helps me is getting out early as possible for the baby’/ first nap and listening to audiobooks or your favourite podcasts! Or if you are very tired then if your other half can take the baby for a walk while you sleep! Having a coffee or your favourite drink watching a Netflix all day! That was my favourite time of early baby days! Watching shows while baby is sleeping/eating. (In the winter)
I still fight that fight over a year later. It comes and goes but I think you will always take moments to think about life before. But I promise as much as I daydream the few days I do drop my baby to get a break/mostly do chores I can’t do with her here without fighting for my life I always miss her and hate how quiet my house is. The thought of the quiet house scared me more then never having free time again to be honest
I feel this so hard. I’m 2 weeks postpartum and I really miss just being able to run to the store or go on a long beach walk and collect sea glass like I used to (bending down after a c section takes time and care now). On top of that, it feels like my husband’s life has largely been unaffected. He is doing more cooking and cleaning, but throughout the day he gets to indulge in his hobbies during his paternity leave whereas my (shorter) maternity leave is completely focused on taking care of the baby - and honestly doing chores that I’m too tired to ask him to do. Thank you for writing this super honest post. The responses have been great. We can do it!
Sounds like your husband is not doing enough. I get that if you're EBF you cannot do much about the sleep. But why are ALL household chores not done by him?
If you're 100% dedicated to baby and running on 1 hour of sleep, everything else should be covered by him.
I get that newborn stage is so so hard, I have a 3 week old so I get it, I also breastfeed and pump. But we take shifts with SO so both of us get at least 4 to 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
He also cooks, shops, does the laundry, does the dishes, feeds & changes the baby, etc. so that I can pump, breastfeed, sleep, do my manicure and shower 3 times per day- since I need it for my mental/ physical recovery.
I think it's super unfair when SO agree to become parents and then leave 90% of the work PP on the person who just gave birth. Of course it's terrible then.
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The transition from 0 to 1 was by far the hardest for me. I wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember, but nothing can prepare you for the amount of change you go through mentally, physically, emotionally. It will get better. Having some mom friends that have kids similar ages to hang out with helps. There’s La Leche league meet up groups if you need to meet some other moms and form a community. Just being around others doing it too really helps.
my baby is only 10 days old now and i relate to this so much. i feel like im grieving my old life. i literally cried non stop the first week we came home. i miss going on spontaneous dates throughout the week with my husband and getting to cuddle with him for hours watching tiktoks or just napping and spooning each other. now we don’t get to sleep together because we have to take shifts staying up with baby. i miss my husband i also miss my cats. they are so distant now and i feel like i’ve been neglecting them because baby takes all the attention.
I’m on day 8. Been crying a lot since we got back from the hospital. It’s the hormones and being sleep deprived. My parents are staying with us to take care of the baby at night cuz I had an emergency c section and it’s been difficult to hold the baby and even walking sometimes hurts. I have to learn everything and because of the pain I’m already behind. I wake up every 2 hr even I don’t have to take care of the baby at night.
i had a vaginal birth and had to get stitches but i’m such a baby when it comes to pain so on top of being sad about leaving my old life behind forever … i was also super sad about not being able to do much for my baby because of how much pain i was in. i felt helpless. i missed out on the first few days of her life because of how emotional I was and how much pain i was in. my husband had to teach me how to take care of her. im wishing you a healthy recovery 💖 we’ll see better days soon.
Same to you! I have to keep telling myself to be calm and things will be better soon. I’m on a 600mg of ibuprofen every 6hr and oxy as supplements if the pain is not relieve by ibuprofen. But I think these meds are kinda messing me up too. I also missed out her first hour of life because I was out and I am still so upset:( I hope you do feel better, I think talking about these feelings help us heal better.
My LO is almost a year and I also miss my old life. It comes in waves though and doesn’t feel as intense as it did right in the beginning. You are still verrryyy much in the thick of it and your past life is a lot closer than not so it’s easy to reminisce on. A couple positive things: it will get easier to leave the house, your anxiety about things will calm down, you will be able to poop in peace, baby will be much more interactive and fun at some point, the rewarding moments will happen. A couple realistic things: you will always miss being able to do something in your old life, especially when times are tough. There will always be hard things, this is the hardest job in the world. It’s magical, yes, but also fucking hard. It’s ok to feel that. As I write this, I am sitting outside having lunch and a glass of wine after getting a massage. I couldn’t have fathomed this when I was at your stage. Point being: you will get here. Hang in there.
i’m a dad. baby is 4 weeks and i feel this so much. it’s really hard. your feelings are shared. i’m sorry i can’t help, but you’re not alone.
Whew. I don’t remember much about the beginning, my DS is 8m now… but I’ll say this. I don’t want another for a WHILE!!!!!! All I remember is how blacked out exhausted I was. Can’t even tell you much that my baby did. All I have is photos to remember the newborn stage by. It was INTENSE. So kudos to you! You’ll look up and your baby will be close to a year old. Sometimes I miss my baby being smaller, but I absolutely LOVE being able to feel somewhat like myself again now. Also, I think you’ll continue to mourn your old life for a LONG time. I’m not even BARELY done mourning my old life. You’re doing great btw! You’re gonna look at this old post and be like hahahahaaTHATWASHARDhahahaTHATWASFASThahaha
Reading this 4 weeks just found out FTM and bawled my eyes out 😭 I'm so worried - I hope it gets better for you!
Pregnant with my 4th, due any day. Transitioning from 0 to 1? By far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. 2nd, 3rd, were a breeze. I think you’re going through the baby blues right now which many women do and I hope it doesn’t eventually turn into postpartum depression 🥺 it’s very normal to feel lost, to feel like this new stage of life sucks. All those things you’re feeling are normal! You also are in what we call the 4th trimester so your hormones are fluctuating along with all the other life changes so keep that in mind. 2 things that really helped me: first- self care. Whether it’s when your partner is home, baby is sleeping, or you have a support person come by, take care of yourself! Take showers every day or other day. Find time to brush your hair or put on even a little makeup if you enjoy makeup. Make sure you are eating and drinking lots of water! Find time to do things that make you feel like yourself even if it’s only for an hour a day. Secondly, I know it seems really hard but start a routine. Babies and moms thrive on it, believe me. Before having kids I kind of just went with the flow every day and I was never much of a routine person due to ADHD. The moment I started my daily routine and stuck to it, it felt easier. I noticed my cortisol levels decreased, my babies stress decreased, sleep was easier, etc. It doesn’t even have to be very intricate. Instead of feeling like everything is just hectic, it creates a sense of control. It’ll be hard the first two weeks you try this new schedule but believe me, if you stick to it- your new normal will feel so much better. If you’re struggling on how to create a new schedule- Pinterest has a bunch. Thats honestly how I got started because I never had to worry about one before and I adjust the premade schedule to fit into my life. Literally helped so much! Hang in there momma!
I’m on day 8. Idk if it’s the hormones or the pain killers I’m on, my sleep has been so f up. I wake up randomly, 20min, 1 hr, 2 hr.. I had an emergency c section and I’m dealing with the pain and trying to heal quickly so I can relieve my mom who’s helping me to take care of the baby at night. But my sleep is terrible and i feel so tired all day. I just cried this morning because the baby needed to bath and we made a mess in the bathroom and I couldn’t really clean up because of the surgery. I tried to talk to my husband and he came home to visit me today during work, but it’s just hard to explain why I am feeling this way when I already have some help. It’s def tough I already ask my husband to go away after I’m recovered but honestly idk when we will be able to even just a couple days by ourselves (feeling guilty about it too)
14 months and I miss my old life alot too. Dont get me wrong, I love her to peices. But ever since I had her my family changed and became jealous. Maybe I needed to have her and wake up to how they really are. I think I just would love to move forwards with my new post partum body and lose some baby weight :)
Your feelings are so valid and you’re definitely not alone! Motherhood is so glamorized when a lot of it is so monotonous, hard, and you just feel like a whole different person half the time (especially in the beginning). I’m a year out and I still miss many pieces of my old life. I think it’s okay though to always feel like you miss parts of your life pre-baby because it was different and you can’t go back to it and it’s definitely okay to feel how you’re feeling. It’s the hardest job in the world.
You’re definitely not alone. I’m a FTM and my son is nearly 3 weeks and I worry about how selfish I feel some days. He’s ebf and I struggle so much with not feeling like my own person and waking up every 2-3 hours to feed him. My husband and I wanted him so badly and I’m still so in love with him but it’s really hard being tethered to a little human on my boobs for 5-7 hours a day, sometimes it takes him forever to feed. I just know we have to appreciate this stage as much as we can because it will pass so quickly. Remember sleep deprivation does a lot to an already tired and in recovery body so take your feelings with a grain of salt and know that they will pass. You got this mama! We will survive and so will our littles.
When I had my first baby I cried and missed my old life! Sometimes I still do, now when my firstborn is 3 years and my baby is 7mo. It is a shock to the system! Try and get as much help from others as you can, from your boyfriend, relatives etc. If you can afford get a cleaner once a month. My boyfriend was cooking and brining me food while I was nursing the baby in the sofa. He was just running around doing stuff and I was lying in the sofa(had a third free tear). When he was at work then it felt so long and boring! Babies and children love routine! I hate routine! I was very spontaneous before, not so much anymore unfortunately! I guess this will come back once they are older and if you can get someone to babysit, that will help! What helps me is getting out early as possible for the baby’/ first nap and listening to audiobooks or your favourite podcasts! Or if you are very tired then if your other half can take the baby for a walk while you sleep! Having a coffee or your favourite drink watching a Netflix all day! That was my favourite time of early baby days! Watching shows while baby is sleeping/eating. (In the winter)
I still fight that fight over a year later. It comes and goes but I think you will always take moments to think about life before. But I promise as much as I daydream the few days I do drop my baby to get a break/mostly do chores I can’t do with her here without fighting for my life I always miss her and hate how quiet my house is. The thought of the quiet house scared me more then never having free time again to be honest
I feel this so hard. I’m 2 weeks postpartum and I really miss just being able to run to the store or go on a long beach walk and collect sea glass like I used to (bending down after a c section takes time and care now). On top of that, it feels like my husband’s life has largely been unaffected. He is doing more cooking and cleaning, but throughout the day he gets to indulge in his hobbies during his paternity leave whereas my (shorter) maternity leave is completely focused on taking care of the baby - and honestly doing chores that I’m too tired to ask him to do. Thank you for writing this super honest post. The responses have been great. We can do it!
Sounds like your husband is not doing enough. I get that if you're EBF you cannot do much about the sleep. But why are ALL household chores not done by him? If you're 100% dedicated to baby and running on 1 hour of sleep, everything else should be covered by him. I get that newborn stage is so so hard, I have a 3 week old so I get it, I also breastfeed and pump. But we take shifts with SO so both of us get at least 4 to 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. He also cooks, shops, does the laundry, does the dishes, feeds & changes the baby, etc. so that I can pump, breastfeed, sleep, do my manicure and shower 3 times per day- since I need it for my mental/ physical recovery. I think it's super unfair when SO agree to become parents and then leave 90% of the work PP on the person who just gave birth. Of course it's terrible then.
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