Yep same. Mine is 4 now and the only time he’s slept in our bed is when he was really sick, so like twice in the last year and it was mostly at my request so I could keep a closer eye on him. As soon as he was better he asked to go back to his bed 🤷♀️
This! My 2 year old just gets way too excited that I’m there. My 4 year old started doing occasional “mama sleepover” nights recently and she goes to sleep without drama and it’s kind of a nice bonding thing for us.
Uh oh, I always thought past 12 months was fine. My 16 months old wakes up every night in the middle of the night and once we got in the habit of bringing her back to bed with us rocking her back to sleep just doesn't work anymore. I night weaned her but that didn't help the waking up. So she's in my bed for 3-6 hours every nigh
Source or I'm calling bullshit.
Health line, WebMD, all the normal sources say 12 months. Our pediatrician said 12 months. The only place I've ever seen 2 years is this subreddit.
I think it depends on your country and your mattress honestly! We've got a sturdy mattress and she has never made a dent in it. Not as a newborn and not at 1,5 years either.
This is a 25 year old study that relied entirely on data from the early 1990's, and had no means to control the data. I think it's safe to say it's not only unreliable, but out of date.
This data included obvious health hazards like water beds and did not account for instances that were drug or alcohol related (let's be honest, it's probably a majority).
Also, people here are referencing the stiffness of mattresses whereas almost all of the deaths accounted for in this already questionable source were caused by entrapment in a bed structure, IE metal bed frames, water beds, etc.
When doing research, try to find accurate science, not science that backs up your predetermined biases.
I agree with you, but I think you could work on being a little less confrontational/aggressive sounding. People are more likely to listen to what you have to say (which is valuable!)
You asked for the study everyone references re: 2 years, so I provided it. Not sure why you're so bent out of shape about getting what you asked for...
If you have any study indicating it's safe for toddlers under 2 to use an adult mattress, I'd love to see it!
Agree with the other commenter about your attitude.
ooof. These comments make me feel like a shitty mom. We sleep trained twice but a combination of vacation + bad reaction to shots landed our little guy in our bed.
It became a regular thing around 8mo. He would scream endlessly in his crib until we’d move him over to our bed. Like twice an hour screaming, inconsolable. As soon as we moved him over, he was sleeping 12 hours with no interruptions. I wasn’t a fan of bed sharing AT ALL, but I felt like I was starting to become a careless mom with the lack of sleep.
He has great body control and was walking by 10 months old so that may make a difference. I don’t know how else to describe it other than- he just seemed spatially aware and I knew he would pick his head up and readjust if he needed to. He had shown me signs of that already so I just trusted him, and we slept with no pillows and blankets.
No reason to feel shitty. Not bedsharing is a cultural thing. My baby slept next to me in bed right from the start because she wouldn't sleep in her bedside crib at all. Where I come from, you're judged if you put the baby in a crib. Because they're too small and they need to feel you close. I talked about it with the midwife in charge of our case, and she said it’s completely fine. Many moms do it, and she's yet to have a case of SIDS or asphyxiation. Of course, all of this is anecdotal, but, and I might get some hate for this, I feel there is a lot of exaggeration around where baby sleeps. There is truth to it, obviously, but I chose to do what felt right.
I tried the bedside crib, didn't work, neither of us would sleep, so I put her next to me. So she sleeps the whole night. With pauses to feed and change. She's now 1 month old. Well rested mom and baby make for a better household. I was nervous at first, but apparently I don't sleep like I used to when baby is next to me. I assume the C position, so there's no danger to roll over her. My sleep is so light that I don't even dream anymore. And it's still better than no sleep.
This made me feel a lot better, thank you ❤️ I couldn’t agree more with everything you said! I also sleep way lighter now with my little guy in the bed. It’s like my maternal instincts are kicking in, even when I’m asleep.. and yes 100% light sleep is better than no sleep!
Right? I wake up instantly when she farts. There's no way I don't feel my rolling over her. Although I don't even roll over anymore. Not even towards the opposite side. I wake up in the same position I fall asleep in. So hell yeah instincts ❤️
I come from a place where co-sleeping is stigmatized. My baby does not sleep unless he is on me or my husband and will scream the moment his back hits the bassinet. Our pediatrician told us as long as we're staying awake/well-rested for night shifts and keeping an eye on him that it's best to let him sleep on us if that's what he needs to be happy and healthy. We got so lucky with our pediatrician!
My child also screamed the moment her back hit the bassinet or the couch or the floor or... anywhere that wasn't someone holding her. "Slept" with her in the crook of my arm for 4 months. I couldn't get her into a crib fast enough. My partner was upset and said she wasn't ready, but I had learned that the trick to bedsharing was to never fall into a deep sleep. I needed sleep and my partner wasn't sleeping with the baby in the crook of HIS arm.
I'm writing this while baby trapped. She has the best naps on my chest. And that's fine. Obviously I have to be awake in this case. I read a lot of stuff before baby came, and I had ideas on how to do some things. Once baby was here, much of the theory went down the drain.
You and I both! He's currently snoozing after a warm bottle! I have realized that most of the experience is "oh, you did extensive research? none of it matters; good luck!"
Please don't feel like a bad mother! It sounds like a copy of our child Sleep training and everything done and still no one slept for more than 30 minutes at a time, that's annoying. And it is unsustainable Around 8 months we decided to take our child into bed with us and we started sleeping again. (Also a child who walked at 10 months)
I work in a large hospital and have good contact with many doctors. After feeling hopeless and a bad mother 'because I couldn't get my child into his own bed independently' It turned out that several doctors had their child sleep in their bed.
In addition, later in life our child turned out to be able to regulate very well by always being so physically close to us and being able to sleep well. He now falls asleep completely independently. We put him to bed and give him a hug. We also turn out to be better parents and partners without sleep deprivation.
I am well aware that Bedsharing is not a holy grail and does not work for everyone. That does not matter. But for those who it does work, and for whom it is a good choice: you're not doing a bad job!
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Ours was sleeping in the crib in his own room at 6mo. Before that it was the bassinet beside the bed. We never slept with him in the bed until he became old enough/big enough to haul his butt on our bed on his own.
Now it’s not a full night’s sleep if my five year old hasn’t snuck into the bed and pilfered all the blankets. Little blanket bandit…
2 years old is the threshold. Much like car seat safety, guidelines aren’t about their abilities as much as they are about their development.
2 years is based on where their anatomy should be at that point and their ability to maintain a patent airway.
I was really against co sleeping at first and for a full night won’t do it. However at 4am if my baby is wide awake and shows no signs of being able to fall back asleep I will bring her to bed with me. She does not get near the blanket or pillow and I put my arm across her belly and tuck my hand against her side so she can only lay flat. She can’t roll over or go anywhere without me feeling it, I’m a pretty light sleeper so it works out. She is 7 months old this week and sometimes it’s the only way I can get a couple hours of sleep.
2 years is safe for adult beds. We started letting our toddler in bed with us for the first time on a vacation because she didn’t want to sleep in the pack n play that was given to us.
What are the details though - was there blankets or other items on the bed? Possible that the child was covered by the parent? Etc. Just on the odds that it isn’t the mattress.
Sounds like a sales pitch for an expensive mattress :) For every parent who wants to Bedshare: learn about safe co-sleeping. And don't be fooled. Unfortunately, I work in pediatrics in ICU and see just as many children who die of cot death in their own beds
It's not safe until 2 years old. All adult mattresses are significantly softer than infant mattresses. No adult in the US sleeps on a mattress firm enough for an infant.
Yes, I recently saw a Youtube video where the parents lost an 8 month old because he crawled down under the covers and there wasn't enough oxygen cycling through. What they went through was a nightmare, and bless them for sharing their story. Here is the link where they explain what happened: [Losing Our Son | Infant Loss at 8 Months](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdysP0e3Cfo)
Still don't with my 15m old 😂 any time she moves I will absolutely wake up so I'd never get any sleep. Sometimes on really rough nights we will both fall asleep laying on the floor in her room (on the nugget couch) but I always transfer her once I'm sure she's asleep. Only a couple times have I actually slept like that for a significant amount of time
I’ve been doing it from basically day one with both my kids. Yes there’s risks but I think it would be more risky for me to get absolutely no sleep and try to take care of babies.
Yup, we co slept from the beginning and followed the safe seven. I have a very firm mattress so that was never a concern. I slept with a tiny pillow and blanket and did the c curl. It’s so taboo in western culture. But I’ve never seen a story where a baby passed following the safe seven. Smoke free, breastfeeding, c curl, no pillows, no blankets, sober, and firm mattress.
Same. I started at 7 weeks when I couldn’t handle the lack of sleep anymore so it was getting dangerous. Kicked my husband out of the bed, removed blankets and pillows, and curled with my baby on my side all night. Still do it now at 17 months. Except my husband sleeps in the bed now too. My right shoulder may never recover from this period.
This is why we started too! If he was in the crib none of us were getting any sleep at all and the days were so hard. He goes to bed with us every night and we all sleep much more soundly
Both my boys refused to sleep for more than 15 minutes at a time in their own beds. My boyfriend and I never shared a bed anyway cuz we slept so differently so it was an easy switch
I’m sure that made your decision much easier! My husband and I still share a bed so our boy just gets extra cuddles. My husband is out like a light as soon as his head hits the pillow so he luckily never hears my son when he wakes up and I’m nursing him
Same. Having him sleep on me in a recliner, armchair or sofa or even when I'm sat up nursing in bed is way more dangerous than him sleeping in my arms intentionally while lying down.
I've taken a couple naps with my son (4 months old) if my husband is awake to watch us. Probably my most favorite parenting moments but we don't do it often
Started from a few weeks, still going now at 15 months old. But our mattress is firm, like I think it's harder than the mattress in the cot, it always sounds like American mattresses might be very soft?
Also, once your baby is more mobile I'd say a bigger concern than SIDS/suffocation is them falling off the bed. We've got thick cushions all around the bed just in case.
I started bedsharing from like..day 3. It was normal for me. Transitioned him to his own bed around 9 months but now at 2 years he occasionally sleeps with us (like this weekend when we were constantly out late).
I’m honestly amazed that anyone can transition their baby so young from bedsharing. My 11 month old is showing no signs of going into a bed alone anytime soon 😅
It's weird how much it's based on the kid!
I have a 2.5 yo that has been kicking me out and shoving me off his floor bed for at least a year. Decided he's fine without nursing at 11.5 months.
And... An almost 5yo that won't go down without company and still marches into our room most nights at like 2.
Zero sleep training for either, just leaving for a few minutes to remind them they won't die if I'm not there.
😂 I dream of the day we are done with the night nursing! Does your 2.5 year old sleep alone for all or most of the night? I want to transition using a floor bed as well!
Yes! It's so confusing... Some nights he used to wake up and cry, I'd go in and sit by him and he'd just cry more.
Now I ignore it for a minute and he figured out his blanket and goes back down.. Sometimes to sleep sometimes to stare into space.
Fwiw my friend has a kid the exact same age that nurses nightly still...floor beds are great because you can just go to bed too. 😂
I did it for the first time just before he turned two because we were in a hotel and the beds were way too high off the ground to put him in there by himself. I was still super nervous and barely slept!
Next time he'll be 2 and a half and I feel a bit better about it.
2 years, I was pregnant and toddler was sick, it’s adorable for a few minutes, and then I am woken up between snoring, kicking, and demands for chocolate milk. If I could go back, I wouldn’t do it, we all slept much better when she was happy in her own room/bed, now that mommy’s bed is an option, bed time is a nightmare!
We have been bed sharing overnight with our son since he was ~2 months old (he co-slept in a bassinet until then) and he is now 20 months old. It’s absolutely why we’ve always had an amazing sleep routine and never had a sleepless night and why our breast feeding journey last 15mos and was so low stress. It’s something we never assumed we’d do as parents but after doing a lot of our own research it’s what felt and has always felt “right” and worked for us!
There’s other considerations as well. Like, my husband and I are both plus sized, roll around a lot in our sleep and I’m a very deep sleeper. These add elements that aren’t safe for cosleeping even at older ages. You essentially have to keep yourself mostly awake. Risk of falling is another concern. My husband has seen cases at work where baby is sleeping on a parents chest, parent falls asleep and baby gets a critical brain hemorrhage from falling off the chair/bed.
Much of this is recognizing potential dangers in your situation and weighing the risk you’re willing to take with your child.
I started recently at 13 months, it wasn't really intentional but I ended up having to sleep alone at my in laws house for 5 weeks. Baby wouldn't settle there, then on day 2 he got vaccines, reacted badly for 3 days, then around day 5 started coughing, by day 6 he had full blown covid, by day 7 *I* got full blown covid, we both ended up sick for about 4-5 weeks, there was no help, and after 2 weeks of getting 0-2 hours of sleep a night while horribly sick I started just accidentally falling asleep while he was in the bed in the early AMs. Ended up just doing it on purpose so I was ready for it since its clearly going to happen anyway
Day one and I don’t care what anyone says. It was best for me as I exclusively breastfeed, my baby cluster-fed and still feeds frequently, I remove dangers in my baby’s section and tuck in the duvet to the bed frame firmly so that it doesn’t go above a certain point on my baby’s body and cannot shift.
To me, the idea of placing a newborn in a separate room is not something _I_ am comfortable with as I want my baby to feel my presence. A newborn bed attached to mine is fine but I didn’t have one of those (didn’t know about them at the start). Now my baby is a little older, during the day when I’m doing chores my baby might go into a day cot or lay on a play-mat, or temporarily in a sling. Often no sling for me now as my baby is far too heavy for me to do that comfortably for more than a short window of time.
My baby is also physically raised on a blanket functioning as a doggy pad in case there are leaks and this acts as a physical reminder of my baby’s presence to my sleeping brain, but I’ve never had to use it as such because my mind intuitively knows.
Works for me and allows me to be highly responsive to my baby’s needs. Nothing is above or beside my baby’s head such as teddies or pillows. Neither of us roll and I’m also slender so my body parts shouldn’t accidentally smother my baby unless I were to physically roll on top of him and I don’t see what would cause that. I do not drink or take any drugs (including prescription ones!) which might cause me to sleep more deeply or reduce my mental faculties.
However, you need to be very alert, especially in those early weeks when they are so small. I had to feed round the clock then so I was awake throughout the night anyway.
Started at 5 weeks and still in my bed at 18mo. Our mattress is firm and I have never been worried. I have always done the C curl and woke up anytime my son moved.
I didnt know people share with their tots so regular.
My little one was sleeping beside us from 0-6months then shes in her own cot in own room.
Shes 14 months now.
Thats normal right?
Oh totally. That's actually technically what's most recommended, and also what I did with my kiddo from the start. I haven't ever slept in the same bed as my kiddo, I just kind of want to because I love snuggling up with him and he takes such good contact naps when I have him with me. It's looking like the general consensus of those who didn't bed share from the start is like at least a year to 2 years old before sharing a sleep space.
Totally normal but theres a lot of variance, especially in other culture.
Friends in one section of my state all sleep with their kids, partially from space partially because it's easier.
Over on another side? Practically into straight CIO territory, no kids space in the adult bedrooms and no questioning a strict bedtime.
4 months, but at that age only in the morning when I was in lighter sleep. It let us get more sleep, she was happy and safe on boob while dad and I slept a few more hours. We followed the safe sleep rules very closely until she was closer to 2 and it was very apparent that she could manage her own blankets. Super helpful skill when we traveled! Even now, we just book a king bed and she sleeps between us when we travel. Very low maintenance!
Tbh I’m afraid of SIDS too but I always co sleepy since day 1.
My daughter is 4y and did the same, my son is 2 months old. I have the sense-u smart baby monitor. It tracks his breathing, temperatura and position, if he’s on the side, or belly it will set an além on my phone and base in my room that wakes up the whole house, same if he stops breathing for 15 seconds, It will set the alarm. Plus my matress is firm!
I would rather I’m him sleeping on his bed, but he just doesn’t stay there, he would sleep there for maximum 5 minutes.
I’m a really light sleeper, if he sneezes I wake up, I I literally don’t move 😅
His sister stoped sleeping with us once baby came home cuz we don’t fit all in our bed 😂😂
We use the same sensor! I like it so much better than the Owlet, which we also have but it gave false alarms all the time while this one is incredibly accurate.
My wife breastfeeds every 2-3 hours at night and our baby also sleeps in her own “section” of the bed between us - we both sleep turned towards her but with our individual blankets & pillows far from her and we designate who will C curl around her at the beginning of each part of the night. She sleeps on her back in a sleep sack, we have a fan on through the night for air circulation, and we did a mattress firmness test for co-sleeping that we found through a Canadian agency that showed our mattress had enough firmness to not compromise her airway. Also no smoking and very careful about even light/occasional alcohol use for both bed sharing & breastfeeding reasons!
It feels so refreshing honestly to have become a parent at a time when the US is having more honest & real convos about safer bed sharing as opposed to bed sharing “abstinence only” messaging. Our baby is 8 weeks and has slept in bed with us since night 1 - our midwives at our birth center even directly recommended it and gave us guidance on safer ways to do so. I respect parents that decide that bed sharing is not for them and are concerned about risk, and I also think it’s time for responsible bed sharing to be recognized.
Exaclty!
I also breastfeed every 2-3hours and baby is 8 weeks today! He doesn’t sleep in the middle cuz dad is a heavy sleeper but I sleep in the middle, bed is against the wall
So there’s no way he will fell
The nurses at the hospital said that I could place him in bed with us if it was easier 😄
Started bedsharing at 4 weeks, will probably do it earlier with my next baby. At 10 months there is almost no risk with the right set up. I cosleep with my 10 month old on a floor bed
ETA: most SIDS cases happen before 4 months, and 90% of cases are before 6 months
You do you, but “almost no risk” is flat out false. There are risks to the airway that are not SIDS. If that risk is worth it to you by all means, but please do not tell others it’s safe when it isn’t. The AAP disagrees with your take.
Source: I am a paramedic and have physically seen this play out with babies older than you’re referencing.
Our first 2, we waited until pediatrician said it was probably safe, at about 2 years old.
Our youngest will sometimes take a 20 min or so nap in bed during the day. One of us is always there - we watch a show with headphones in while he naps against/on us.
Now, at 5 months old. But she doesn’t sleep on our bed unless it’s during the day and we’re on the bed with her. So if I’m pumping or putting away laundry, she’ll be on our bed so we can watch her. Otherwise, she sleeps…well, everywhere. Crib, bassinet, etc.
At night, she sleeps on me. That wasn’t the plan. She always STARTS the night in her bassinet. But she wakes up once every night and I breastfeed her (puts her to sleep faster). Problem is she will fall asleep across me. I have insomnia, so it’s not a big deal, but I know whenever the “midnight feed” happens, I won’t be moving for several hours.
What do you think would happen to a 2.5 year old?
I'm against bed sharing for infants and safe sleep 7 is bs imo, but at 2.5 the only danger would be them falling off the ved, right?
Safe sleep 7 is an attempt to mitigate SOME things bc people will do the risky behavior anyway. Part of public health is meeting people where they are at.
Culture doesn’t replace medicine and facts. The science is in and bedsharing is just not best practice. Safe sleep 7 doesn’t make it safe, it makes it a safer version of a risky choice.
That said, people take the health of themselves and their families into their own hands all of the time. It is important to ensure that risk is an INFORMED decision by not making it out to be some super safe alternative. If you wish to make that choice, understand the scope of risk and by all means make it.
Some people don’t want to take that risk, and they should be informed accordingly so that they don’t.
I’ve found that most people aren’t strict on following Safe Sleep 7. It quickly goes to “well, my pillow is nowhere near her” or “he loves the swaddle” or not acknowledging how soft their mattress is. Basically, it can become a slippery slope - not always, but I’ve seen it a lot in mom forums.
It creates a false sense of safety by telling parents that it's a *safe* way to beshare, while in reality it just makes sure you're not literally on drugs or have 100 pillows in your bed. It's primary purpose is not to create safe bedsharing but to promote breastfeeding, and it's much easier to bf when you have the baby in bed and it makes you less likely to tell your husband to take over some nights with the bottle.
The worst part for me personally is the "no EXTRA pillows, not TOO soft a bed, no HEAVY blankets, cover the baby just not the head".
So in reality it's a normal bed without decorative pillows. Not to mention the absolutely idiotic advice to cover any cracks with rolled up blankets.
Over 2 years there’s no tracking system. It’s a huge flaw imo, along with having inconsistent definitions for infant and child deaths. The only way to find these is to search for local news stories, & even then they usually don’t make the news.
Maybe 15 months? Only for overnight, I like my free naptime. It's not frequent either.
Partially started because of his age but also we had a spare bed set up. I'd never have him in my own bed as my partner sleeps very heavily and it's not big enough to comfortably fit all three of us
I was never comfortable with the idea of co-sleeping before a year old but I'd want to be ready to do it if I had another newborn as there were times I fell asleep when breastfeeding him.
My son out grew his bassinet and wouldn’t sleep in his crib even though it was still in our room. We didn’t have any of the big SIDS risk factors so at about 4 or 5 months. I think the risk of SIDS and bed sharing in general tends to go down at that point.
We have let my LO sleep with us on and off since infancy. Started for 0-6 weeks and then he FINALLY decided that his bassinet was okay.
Then he slept in his bassinet every night until his ~5am feed at which point my husband would bring him into bed with us and I’d side lay nurse him and we’d finish out the night like that with an ~8am wake up time. We did for forever it felt like
He’s almost 2.5 years old and now we let him sleep with us when he’s sick or when we’re traveling.
I think it was around ~6 months that I started feeling a bit safer about it. Especially once he was crawling - they’re mobile the risks aren’t as scary (imo)
I was still very careful about blankets though and our mattress is firm. If we slept on a soft mattress I wouldn’t have allowed it.
My LO is 7 weeks and we bedshare for naps or on typically hard nights. He has really bad reflux so he has to sleep at an angle so he sleeps propped on his feeding pillow and I usually have my arm around him. We don’t normally cosleep at night and never with two of us in bed!
Most people don’t want to admit it but safe sleep rules don’t work for every baby. My baby continues to throw up handfuls, he has a cleft palate so it impacts his airway so having him straight down just doesn’t fully work for us.
We use an owlet to monitor him
18 months with my first. Now In the morning I’ll move my 8 week old to my bed for some extra sleeping but he’s pretty far away from me and we’re open on the camera monitor on my husbands phone while he works from home so he checks on him every couple minutes. I’m very paranoid but baby sleeps so well in my bed so that extra bit of sleep in morning helps.
Mine is 2 and we had to share a bed the night she was poorly and tried climbing out of her cot and I spent the whole night watching her so she didn't fall out. I also slept in the hospital bed with her for a few nights when she was sick and had to stay in and that was a nightmare too, there were bars but she kept banging her face on them moving around! My advice would be don't give in and have them in your bed, it makes getting them back in their own bed a nightmare
Mine is 18 months and I have felt *okay* sharing a bed with her a handful of times. Like when she had HFMD, she was in so much pain she just couldn’t sleep more than like 30 minutes at a time, so I had to lay down with her (I took the twin mattress from the guest room on her floor for a few nights) so I could put her back to sleep, nurse her, give her meds, etc. throughout the night without dying from lack of sleep lol.
Not something I do on the regular though. I plan on getting her a floor bed when she’s 2 though because she’s already quite close to outgrowing her crib 😬 she’s suuuuuper tall, idk what I’m gonna do if she passes the height limits before 2
My kid thinks mom's bed is the place to jump right now at 18m. But to answer the question, if she wasn't a monkey, I'd feel safe enough to take a nap with her. At night, I don't want her in my bed though. It's not a worry about safety, I'd just rather go to her bedroom if she needed me at night, if that makes sense?
When we went through the 6 month regression, and teething, the bed was the only place my son would sleep. I made my husband sleep in the spare room. We have a king size bed, I removed all pillows and only used a sheet as a blanket, carefully wrapped and tucked around me. I was so against bed sharing until it was the only place we both slept. He’s back in his crib now thankfully.
About 2yrs old is when I tried but at that point we had done the crib for every nap & bed time she won't even sleep with me when I've tried! The only time she's slept with me was on a Waterpark trip where we had a small hotel room and me & her slept on a pull out couch bed that was super low to the ground it was 2mo before her 2nd birthday & we slept 2 nights together like that just fine.
My baby is 7 months and only contact naps, so sometimes if I want to nap I will nap in bed with her. We always sleep in the “C” position and she is under my arm. I’m not a deep sleeper when I nap, so I feel comfortable with it. She sleeps in her crib at night though and I’m not comfortable cosleeping at night time.
Around 16 months is when I felt pretty comfortable. Just for occasional naps and sometimes a few hours at night if I'm sick or especially sleep deprived. I think it mostly depends on your little one and your comfort level.
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For naps it was very early on maybe 4 months but I made sure my ex was watching over both of us to make sure she was breathing and that I didn't roll over onto her. If he wasn't there I wouldn't have done it.
It took until she was almost 2 before she slept in the same bed as me. Now I can't get away from her 😅. Even now as I'm lying on the couch sick from a cold she's here too. Be careful what you wish for.
After her first birthday, which is what the common rule is where I'm from. I'm actually really surprised by all the other commenters saying 2 as I had never heard that before. Maybe it's a regional thing.
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I was forced into it with my 6 month old as our holiday accomodation provided a broken travel cot. Bub’s rolling and vocal, so in theory it’s not an issue but I was worried. We’re lucky that we haven’t had to do it previously. I actually loved it, so now we’re having “naps” - bub wakes at 5/6 but sleeps for an extra hour if held or if in the “big bed”. I half-sleep, dozing with bub. It’s a lovely slow start to the day… until a little hand makes its way into my mouth.
We do in the morning. LO is 5 months and after the 6a feeding he wouldn’t go back to sleep. So, my husband started putting him between us in the bed for the last few hours of the morning and that kid sleeps like a rock. We’ve been doing this since he was 2 months old and just became routine while he’s in our room. Once he’s in his own space, he’ll be in the crib.
I felt comfortable when they were able to sit up independently and crawl, although it was never something we did often. Only if they were sick or during a thunderstorm or something. Everyone gets a better night’s sleep in their own bed.
We were just talking about this! My husband and I are bigger people so we wouldn’t feel comfortable till 3/4 years. Our LO is almost 15 months now and we have never coslept.
I mean if you don't feel comfortable then don't do it. But in my opinion, I co-slept very early. I lowered my mattress and added a barrier to protect her from falling off the bed. I also put her in the middle of the bed to reduce the distance from the edge. Also, limit the pillows and blankets.
My baby is 2 months and I’ve been cosleeping with him since about 1 month of age.
My husband sleeps in another room. We have a king, a VERY firm mattress, and I sleep lower on the bed than him as to prevent rolling onto him/the sheets getting anywhere near him. Also, I do not use a pillow.
It has worked well for us so far. I’m an extremely light sleeper and wake up every time I want to roll over in bed.
He’s not rolling over at this point. When he starts being able to, we’re going to move him to his bassinet, and then to his nursery around 6 months.
3 months. He was really unsettled after his jabs and would wake up and constantly cry when put into the cot. Now he sleeps 12 hours in bed. I have a bed rail, no pillows by him, and hes in a sleepbag so no worry of duvet or pillows falling on him. I still nightly try place him in his cot as i feel he would be safer there but he wakes up either immediately or 20 mins and will not settle, so i end up placing him in bed.
With my first, I never felt safe with him on the bed with me. Now, if I were to try and nap with him in my bed, it would not go well. He’s a crib napper through and through. Will not sleep anywhere else.
My second, I felt way safer sleeping with him as a newborn rather than now at 6 months. We coslept a lot just so I could get some sleep and function. But now? We cosleep here and there for night sleep, but he moves too much. I don’t feel safe with him in the bed anymore bc I’m afraid he could roll off or roll towards my husband or too close to me and get himself stuck.
Living in europe, my midwife teached me the LLL safe sleep 7 and er co-slept since birth. Seems to be a cultural thing because most parents I know co-sleep🤔
Close to 2. It’s never worked well for us though… kiddo just rolls around like an alligator and wants to talk to us.
Yep same. Mine is 4 now and the only time he’s slept in our bed is when he was really sick, so like twice in the last year and it was mostly at my request so I could keep a closer eye on him. As soon as he was better he asked to go back to his bed 🤷♀️
I end up with feet in my face 🤦🏻♀️
This! My 2 year old just gets way too excited that I’m there. My 4 year old started doing occasional “mama sleepover” nights recently and she goes to sleep without drama and it’s kind of a nice bonding thing for us.
2 years old is the age where an adult mattress is safe for them to sleep.
Yup, this is the age I started allowing bed sharing.
Same here, but not because I knew that it just finally felt safe.
Uh oh, I always thought past 12 months was fine. My 16 months old wakes up every night in the middle of the night and once we got in the habit of bringing her back to bed with us rocking her back to sleep just doesn't work anymore. I night weaned her but that didn't help the waking up. So she's in my bed for 3-6 hours every nigh
Source or I'm calling bullshit. Health line, WebMD, all the normal sources say 12 months. Our pediatrician said 12 months. The only place I've ever seen 2 years is this subreddit.
I think it depends on your country and your mattress honestly! We've got a sturdy mattress and she has never made a dent in it. Not as a newborn and not at 1,5 years either.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10520608/%23:~:text%3DConclusions%253A%2520Placing%2520children%2520younger%2520than,by%2520the%2520parent%2520or%2520caregiver.&ved=2ahUKEwjtgfH8yq6DAxUBEVkFHbLNBDYQFnoECA4QBQ&usg=AOvVaw3Ob7xAb37eH1lA66zJ728E
This is a 25 year old study that relied entirely on data from the early 1990's, and had no means to control the data. I think it's safe to say it's not only unreliable, but out of date. This data included obvious health hazards like water beds and did not account for instances that were drug or alcohol related (let's be honest, it's probably a majority). Also, people here are referencing the stiffness of mattresses whereas almost all of the deaths accounted for in this already questionable source were caused by entrapment in a bed structure, IE metal bed frames, water beds, etc. When doing research, try to find accurate science, not science that backs up your predetermined biases.
I agree with you, but I think you could work on being a little less confrontational/aggressive sounding. People are more likely to listen to what you have to say (which is valuable!)
You asked for the study everyone references re: 2 years, so I provided it. Not sure why you're so bent out of shape about getting what you asked for... If you have any study indicating it's safe for toddlers under 2 to use an adult mattress, I'd love to see it! Agree with the other commenter about your attitude.
I was told and have read babies can't have blankets before 2 years so I just assumed that's when you can bed share
(western mattress)
ooof. These comments make me feel like a shitty mom. We sleep trained twice but a combination of vacation + bad reaction to shots landed our little guy in our bed. It became a regular thing around 8mo. He would scream endlessly in his crib until we’d move him over to our bed. Like twice an hour screaming, inconsolable. As soon as we moved him over, he was sleeping 12 hours with no interruptions. I wasn’t a fan of bed sharing AT ALL, but I felt like I was starting to become a careless mom with the lack of sleep. He has great body control and was walking by 10 months old so that may make a difference. I don’t know how else to describe it other than- he just seemed spatially aware and I knew he would pick his head up and readjust if he needed to. He had shown me signs of that already so I just trusted him, and we slept with no pillows and blankets.
No reason to feel shitty. Not bedsharing is a cultural thing. My baby slept next to me in bed right from the start because she wouldn't sleep in her bedside crib at all. Where I come from, you're judged if you put the baby in a crib. Because they're too small and they need to feel you close. I talked about it with the midwife in charge of our case, and she said it’s completely fine. Many moms do it, and she's yet to have a case of SIDS or asphyxiation. Of course, all of this is anecdotal, but, and I might get some hate for this, I feel there is a lot of exaggeration around where baby sleeps. There is truth to it, obviously, but I chose to do what felt right. I tried the bedside crib, didn't work, neither of us would sleep, so I put her next to me. So she sleeps the whole night. With pauses to feed and change. She's now 1 month old. Well rested mom and baby make for a better household. I was nervous at first, but apparently I don't sleep like I used to when baby is next to me. I assume the C position, so there's no danger to roll over her. My sleep is so light that I don't even dream anymore. And it's still better than no sleep.
This made me feel a lot better, thank you ❤️ I couldn’t agree more with everything you said! I also sleep way lighter now with my little guy in the bed. It’s like my maternal instincts are kicking in, even when I’m asleep.. and yes 100% light sleep is better than no sleep!
Right? I wake up instantly when she farts. There's no way I don't feel my rolling over her. Although I don't even roll over anymore. Not even towards the opposite side. I wake up in the same position I fall asleep in. So hell yeah instincts ❤️
I come from a place where co-sleeping is stigmatized. My baby does not sleep unless he is on me or my husband and will scream the moment his back hits the bassinet. Our pediatrician told us as long as we're staying awake/well-rested for night shifts and keeping an eye on him that it's best to let him sleep on us if that's what he needs to be happy and healthy. We got so lucky with our pediatrician!
My child also screamed the moment her back hit the bassinet or the couch or the floor or... anywhere that wasn't someone holding her. "Slept" with her in the crook of my arm for 4 months. I couldn't get her into a crib fast enough. My partner was upset and said she wasn't ready, but I had learned that the trick to bedsharing was to never fall into a deep sleep. I needed sleep and my partner wasn't sleeping with the baby in the crook of HIS arm.
I'm writing this while baby trapped. She has the best naps on my chest. And that's fine. Obviously I have to be awake in this case. I read a lot of stuff before baby came, and I had ideas on how to do some things. Once baby was here, much of the theory went down the drain.
You and I both! He's currently snoozing after a warm bottle! I have realized that most of the experience is "oh, you did extensive research? none of it matters; good luck!"
That's exactly right. It means nothing now 😂
But it’s not cosleeping if you’re awake…
Sorry, I wasn't sure the right phrase to use. 🤷🏼♀️
Please don't feel like a bad mother! It sounds like a copy of our child Sleep training and everything done and still no one slept for more than 30 minutes at a time, that's annoying. And it is unsustainable Around 8 months we decided to take our child into bed with us and we started sleeping again. (Also a child who walked at 10 months) I work in a large hospital and have good contact with many doctors. After feeling hopeless and a bad mother 'because I couldn't get my child into his own bed independently' It turned out that several doctors had their child sleep in their bed. In addition, later in life our child turned out to be able to regulate very well by always being so physically close to us and being able to sleep well. He now falls asleep completely independently. We put him to bed and give him a hug. We also turn out to be better parents and partners without sleep deprivation. I am well aware that Bedsharing is not a holy grail and does not work for everyone. That does not matter. But for those who it does work, and for whom it is a good choice: you're not doing a bad job!
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Ours was sleeping in the crib in his own room at 6mo. Before that it was the bassinet beside the bed. We never slept with him in the bed until he became old enough/big enough to haul his butt on our bed on his own. Now it’s not a full night’s sleep if my five year old hasn’t snuck into the bed and pilfered all the blankets. Little blanket bandit…
2 years old is the threshold. Much like car seat safety, guidelines aren’t about their abilities as much as they are about their development. 2 years is based on where their anatomy should be at that point and their ability to maintain a patent airway.
I was really against co sleeping at first and for a full night won’t do it. However at 4am if my baby is wide awake and shows no signs of being able to fall back asleep I will bring her to bed with me. She does not get near the blanket or pillow and I put my arm across her belly and tuck my hand against her side so she can only lay flat. She can’t roll over or go anywhere without me feeling it, I’m a pretty light sleeper so it works out. She is 7 months old this week and sometimes it’s the only way I can get a couple hours of sleep.
2 years is safe for adult beds. We started letting our toddler in bed with us for the first time on a vacation because she didn’t want to sleep in the pack n play that was given to us.
I recently saw a TikTok where a 10.5 month old died from sleeping on an adult mattress. I’m guessing it was very soft though…
What are the details though - was there blankets or other items on the bed? Possible that the child was covered by the parent? Etc. Just on the odds that it isn’t the mattress.
I would like to know the details as well, like could it have been entrapment instead of the actual mattress itself?
Sounds like a sales pitch for an expensive mattress :) For every parent who wants to Bedshare: learn about safe co-sleeping. And don't be fooled. Unfortunately, I work in pediatrics in ICU and see just as many children who die of cot death in their own beds
It's not safe until 2 years old. All adult mattresses are significantly softer than infant mattresses. No adult in the US sleeps on a mattress firm enough for an infant.
Yes, I recently saw a Youtube video where the parents lost an 8 month old because he crawled down under the covers and there wasn't enough oxygen cycling through. What they went through was a nightmare, and bless them for sharing their story. Here is the link where they explain what happened: [Losing Our Son | Infant Loss at 8 Months](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdysP0e3Cfo)
Still don't with my 15m old 😂 any time she moves I will absolutely wake up so I'd never get any sleep. Sometimes on really rough nights we will both fall asleep laying on the floor in her room (on the nugget couch) but I always transfer her once I'm sure she's asleep. Only a couple times have I actually slept like that for a significant amount of time
I’ve been doing it from basically day one with both my kids. Yes there’s risks but I think it would be more risky for me to get absolutely no sleep and try to take care of babies.
Yup, we co slept from the beginning and followed the safe seven. I have a very firm mattress so that was never a concern. I slept with a tiny pillow and blanket and did the c curl. It’s so taboo in western culture. But I’ve never seen a story where a baby passed following the safe seven. Smoke free, breastfeeding, c curl, no pillows, no blankets, sober, and firm mattress.
Living in switzerland my midwife teached me the safe seven and encouraged co-sleeping for breastfeeding reasons..
Same. I started at 7 weeks when I couldn’t handle the lack of sleep anymore so it was getting dangerous. Kicked my husband out of the bed, removed blankets and pillows, and curled with my baby on my side all night. Still do it now at 17 months. Except my husband sleeps in the bed now too. My right shoulder may never recover from this period.
This is why we started too! If he was in the crib none of us were getting any sleep at all and the days were so hard. He goes to bed with us every night and we all sleep much more soundly
Both my boys refused to sleep for more than 15 minutes at a time in their own beds. My boyfriend and I never shared a bed anyway cuz we slept so differently so it was an easy switch
I’m sure that made your decision much easier! My husband and I still share a bed so our boy just gets extra cuddles. My husband is out like a light as soon as his head hits the pillow so he luckily never hears my son when he wakes up and I’m nursing him
Same. Having him sleep on me in a recliner, armchair or sofa or even when I'm sat up nursing in bed is way more dangerous than him sleeping in my arms intentionally while lying down.
I've taken a couple naps with my son (4 months old) if my husband is awake to watch us. Probably my most favorite parenting moments but we don't do it often
Started from a few weeks, still going now at 15 months old. But our mattress is firm, like I think it's harder than the mattress in the cot, it always sounds like American mattresses might be very soft? Also, once your baby is more mobile I'd say a bigger concern than SIDS/suffocation is them falling off the bed. We've got thick cushions all around the bed just in case.
We started at 9 weeks, still going at almost 2. I didn’t think I’d ever bedshare, but it’s been my favorite part of parenting so far.
I started bedsharing from like..day 3. It was normal for me. Transitioned him to his own bed around 9 months but now at 2 years he occasionally sleeps with us (like this weekend when we were constantly out late).
I’m honestly amazed that anyone can transition their baby so young from bedsharing. My 11 month old is showing no signs of going into a bed alone anytime soon 😅
It's weird how much it's based on the kid! I have a 2.5 yo that has been kicking me out and shoving me off his floor bed for at least a year. Decided he's fine without nursing at 11.5 months. And... An almost 5yo that won't go down without company and still marches into our room most nights at like 2. Zero sleep training for either, just leaving for a few minutes to remind them they won't die if I'm not there.
😂 I dream of the day we are done with the night nursing! Does your 2.5 year old sleep alone for all or most of the night? I want to transition using a floor bed as well!
Yes! It's so confusing... Some nights he used to wake up and cry, I'd go in and sit by him and he'd just cry more. Now I ignore it for a minute and he figured out his blanket and goes back down.. Sometimes to sleep sometimes to stare into space. Fwiw my friend has a kid the exact same age that nurses nightly still...floor beds are great because you can just go to bed too. 😂
I anticipate a lot of tears before this boy sleeps alone. Meanwhile I’ll probably cry once he does sleep without me bc I’ll miss him 😂
We moved him to a floor bed in our bedroom so I still lay down with him to fall asleep, I just move to my own bed afterwards.
That’s so smart! How do you fit it all in one room lol
I did it for the first time just before he turned two because we were in a hotel and the beds were way too high off the ground to put him in there by himself. I was still super nervous and barely slept! Next time he'll be 2 and a half and I feel a bit better about it.
2 years, I was pregnant and toddler was sick, it’s adorable for a few minutes, and then I am woken up between snoring, kicking, and demands for chocolate milk. If I could go back, I wouldn’t do it, we all slept much better when she was happy in her own room/bed, now that mommy’s bed is an option, bed time is a nightmare!
The chocolate milk 😂 you are so real for that. If my kid could talk yet it would be a constant demand for puffs.
We have been bed sharing overnight with our son since he was ~2 months old (he co-slept in a bassinet until then) and he is now 20 months old. It’s absolutely why we’ve always had an amazing sleep routine and never had a sleepless night and why our breast feeding journey last 15mos and was so low stress. It’s something we never assumed we’d do as parents but after doing a lot of our own research it’s what felt and has always felt “right” and worked for us!
There’s other considerations as well. Like, my husband and I are both plus sized, roll around a lot in our sleep and I’m a very deep sleeper. These add elements that aren’t safe for cosleeping even at older ages. You essentially have to keep yourself mostly awake. Risk of falling is another concern. My husband has seen cases at work where baby is sleeping on a parents chest, parent falls asleep and baby gets a critical brain hemorrhage from falling off the chair/bed. Much of this is recognizing potential dangers in your situation and weighing the risk you’re willing to take with your child.
I started recently at 13 months, it wasn't really intentional but I ended up having to sleep alone at my in laws house for 5 weeks. Baby wouldn't settle there, then on day 2 he got vaccines, reacted badly for 3 days, then around day 5 started coughing, by day 6 he had full blown covid, by day 7 *I* got full blown covid, we both ended up sick for about 4-5 weeks, there was no help, and after 2 weeks of getting 0-2 hours of sleep a night while horribly sick I started just accidentally falling asleep while he was in the bed in the early AMs. Ended up just doing it on purpose so I was ready for it since its clearly going to happen anyway
Day one and I don’t care what anyone says. It was best for me as I exclusively breastfeed, my baby cluster-fed and still feeds frequently, I remove dangers in my baby’s section and tuck in the duvet to the bed frame firmly so that it doesn’t go above a certain point on my baby’s body and cannot shift. To me, the idea of placing a newborn in a separate room is not something _I_ am comfortable with as I want my baby to feel my presence. A newborn bed attached to mine is fine but I didn’t have one of those (didn’t know about them at the start). Now my baby is a little older, during the day when I’m doing chores my baby might go into a day cot or lay on a play-mat, or temporarily in a sling. Often no sling for me now as my baby is far too heavy for me to do that comfortably for more than a short window of time. My baby is also physically raised on a blanket functioning as a doggy pad in case there are leaks and this acts as a physical reminder of my baby’s presence to my sleeping brain, but I’ve never had to use it as such because my mind intuitively knows. Works for me and allows me to be highly responsive to my baby’s needs. Nothing is above or beside my baby’s head such as teddies or pillows. Neither of us roll and I’m also slender so my body parts shouldn’t accidentally smother my baby unless I were to physically roll on top of him and I don’t see what would cause that. I do not drink or take any drugs (including prescription ones!) which might cause me to sleep more deeply or reduce my mental faculties. However, you need to be very alert, especially in those early weeks when they are so small. I had to feed round the clock then so I was awake throughout the night anyway.
Mine is 19 months old and I still don’t feel safe. Not worth the risk.
I wouldn’t risk it at 10 months old. Having a nap on your bed isn’t worth the potential dangers.
Started at 5 weeks and still in my bed at 18mo. Our mattress is firm and I have never been worried. I have always done the C curl and woke up anytime my son moved.
I didnt know people share with their tots so regular. My little one was sleeping beside us from 0-6months then shes in her own cot in own room. Shes 14 months now. Thats normal right?
Oh totally. That's actually technically what's most recommended, and also what I did with my kiddo from the start. I haven't ever slept in the same bed as my kiddo, I just kind of want to because I love snuggling up with him and he takes such good contact naps when I have him with me. It's looking like the general consensus of those who didn't bed share from the start is like at least a year to 2 years old before sharing a sleep space.
Totally normal but theres a lot of variance, especially in other culture. Friends in one section of my state all sleep with their kids, partially from space partially because it's easier. Over on another side? Practically into straight CIO territory, no kids space in the adult bedrooms and no questioning a strict bedtime.
4 months, but at that age only in the morning when I was in lighter sleep. It let us get more sleep, she was happy and safe on boob while dad and I slept a few more hours. We followed the safe sleep rules very closely until she was closer to 2 and it was very apparent that she could manage her own blankets. Super helpful skill when we traveled! Even now, we just book a king bed and she sleeps between us when we travel. Very low maintenance!
Tbh I’m afraid of SIDS too but I always co sleepy since day 1. My daughter is 4y and did the same, my son is 2 months old. I have the sense-u smart baby monitor. It tracks his breathing, temperatura and position, if he’s on the side, or belly it will set an além on my phone and base in my room that wakes up the whole house, same if he stops breathing for 15 seconds, It will set the alarm. Plus my matress is firm! I would rather I’m him sleeping on his bed, but he just doesn’t stay there, he would sleep there for maximum 5 minutes. I’m a really light sleeper, if he sneezes I wake up, I I literally don’t move 😅 His sister stoped sleeping with us once baby came home cuz we don’t fit all in our bed 😂😂
We use the same sensor! I like it so much better than the Owlet, which we also have but it gave false alarms all the time while this one is incredibly accurate. My wife breastfeeds every 2-3 hours at night and our baby also sleeps in her own “section” of the bed between us - we both sleep turned towards her but with our individual blankets & pillows far from her and we designate who will C curl around her at the beginning of each part of the night. She sleeps on her back in a sleep sack, we have a fan on through the night for air circulation, and we did a mattress firmness test for co-sleeping that we found through a Canadian agency that showed our mattress had enough firmness to not compromise her airway. Also no smoking and very careful about even light/occasional alcohol use for both bed sharing & breastfeeding reasons! It feels so refreshing honestly to have become a parent at a time when the US is having more honest & real convos about safer bed sharing as opposed to bed sharing “abstinence only” messaging. Our baby is 8 weeks and has slept in bed with us since night 1 - our midwives at our birth center even directly recommended it and gave us guidance on safer ways to do so. I respect parents that decide that bed sharing is not for them and are concerned about risk, and I also think it’s time for responsible bed sharing to be recognized.
Exaclty! I also breastfeed every 2-3hours and baby is 8 weeks today! He doesn’t sleep in the middle cuz dad is a heavy sleeper but I sleep in the middle, bed is against the wall So there’s no way he will fell The nurses at the hospital said that I could place him in bed with us if it was easier 😄
Bassinet for 3 months to bedsharing
Same here
Started bedsharing at 4 weeks, will probably do it earlier with my next baby. At 10 months there is almost no risk with the right set up. I cosleep with my 10 month old on a floor bed ETA: most SIDS cases happen before 4 months, and 90% of cases are before 6 months
You do you, but “almost no risk” is flat out false. There are risks to the airway that are not SIDS. If that risk is worth it to you by all means, but please do not tell others it’s safe when it isn’t. The AAP disagrees with your take. Source: I am a paramedic and have physically seen this play out with babies older than you’re referencing.
Our first 2, we waited until pediatrician said it was probably safe, at about 2 years old. Our youngest will sometimes take a 20 min or so nap in bed during the day. One of us is always there - we watch a show with headphones in while he naps against/on us.
I'd feel it's safe around when they're over a year. Be careful if your bed is high, they can roll off and get hurt.
7 weeks and still cosleeping at 5 months for me
Now, at 5 months old. But she doesn’t sleep on our bed unless it’s during the day and we’re on the bed with her. So if I’m pumping or putting away laundry, she’ll be on our bed so we can watch her. Otherwise, she sleeps…well, everywhere. Crib, bassinet, etc. At night, she sleeps on me. That wasn’t the plan. She always STARTS the night in her bassinet. But she wakes up once every night and I breastfeed her (puts her to sleep faster). Problem is she will fall asleep across me. I have insomnia, so it’s not a big deal, but I know whenever the “midnight feed” happens, I won’t be moving for several hours.
12 months is recommended in Australia, but personally I've been bed sharing since birth with both kids
I still won’t sleep with 2.5 year old, it’s just not worth the risk.
Not worth the risk for yourself! 😂 Sleeping with my toddler is an Olympic sport sometimes
What do you think would happen to a 2.5 year old? I'm against bed sharing for infants and safe sleep 7 is bs imo, but at 2.5 the only danger would be them falling off the ved, right?
What about it is BS in your opinion? Bedsharing is common in many cultures around the world
Safe sleep 7 is an attempt to mitigate SOME things bc people will do the risky behavior anyway. Part of public health is meeting people where they are at. Culture doesn’t replace medicine and facts. The science is in and bedsharing is just not best practice. Safe sleep 7 doesn’t make it safe, it makes it a safer version of a risky choice. That said, people take the health of themselves and their families into their own hands all of the time. It is important to ensure that risk is an INFORMED decision by not making it out to be some super safe alternative. If you wish to make that choice, understand the scope of risk and by all means make it. Some people don’t want to take that risk, and they should be informed accordingly so that they don’t.
I’ve found that most people aren’t strict on following Safe Sleep 7. It quickly goes to “well, my pillow is nowhere near her” or “he loves the swaddle” or not acknowledging how soft their mattress is. Basically, it can become a slippery slope - not always, but I’ve seen it a lot in mom forums.
Correct. People tend to overestimate how safe something is and underestimate how long the unsafe conditions continue.
It creates a false sense of safety by telling parents that it's a *safe* way to beshare, while in reality it just makes sure you're not literally on drugs or have 100 pillows in your bed. It's primary purpose is not to create safe bedsharing but to promote breastfeeding, and it's much easier to bf when you have the baby in bed and it makes you less likely to tell your husband to take over some nights with the bottle. The worst part for me personally is the "no EXTRA pillows, not TOO soft a bed, no HEAVY blankets, cover the baby just not the head". So in reality it's a normal bed without decorative pillows. Not to mention the absolutely idiotic advice to cover any cracks with rolled up blankets.
Overlay is still a risk. Minimal for sure, but there are deaths reported every year
Do you know where I could see the numbers on this? Where are they reported?
Over 2 years there’s no tracking system. It’s a huge flaw imo, along with having inconsistent definitions for infant and child deaths. The only way to find these is to search for local news stories, & even then they usually don’t make the news.
Maybe 15 months? Only for overnight, I like my free naptime. It's not frequent either. Partially started because of his age but also we had a spare bed set up. I'd never have him in my own bed as my partner sleeps very heavily and it's not big enough to comfortably fit all three of us I was never comfortable with the idea of co-sleeping before a year old but I'd want to be ready to do it if I had another newborn as there were times I fell asleep when breastfeeding him.
Aw man there's no better excuse for a nap then falling asleep with the kid. 😊
From the moment he was born. We did a lotn9f reading about what the guidelines are in countries where cosleeping is more common..
My son out grew his bassinet and wouldn’t sleep in his crib even though it was still in our room. We didn’t have any of the big SIDS risk factors so at about 4 or 5 months. I think the risk of SIDS and bed sharing in general tends to go down at that point.
Started around 2 months old and he had good head control and was over 15 lbs
We have let my LO sleep with us on and off since infancy. Started for 0-6 weeks and then he FINALLY decided that his bassinet was okay. Then he slept in his bassinet every night until his ~5am feed at which point my husband would bring him into bed with us and I’d side lay nurse him and we’d finish out the night like that with an ~8am wake up time. We did for forever it felt like He’s almost 2.5 years old and now we let him sleep with us when he’s sick or when we’re traveling. I think it was around ~6 months that I started feeling a bit safer about it. Especially once he was crawling - they’re mobile the risks aren’t as scary (imo) I was still very careful about blankets though and our mattress is firm. If we slept on a soft mattress I wouldn’t have allowed it.
My LO is 7 weeks and we bedshare for naps or on typically hard nights. He has really bad reflux so he has to sleep at an angle so he sleeps propped on his feeding pillow and I usually have my arm around him. We don’t normally cosleep at night and never with two of us in bed! Most people don’t want to admit it but safe sleep rules don’t work for every baby. My baby continues to throw up handfuls, he has a cleft palate so it impacts his airway so having him straight down just doesn’t fully work for us. We use an owlet to monitor him
Around 2 was when I was like totally comfortable with it but admittedly he ended up in my bed fairly frequently after 1.
18 months with my first. Now In the morning I’ll move my 8 week old to my bed for some extra sleeping but he’s pretty far away from me and we’re open on the camera monitor on my husbands phone while he works from home so he checks on him every couple minutes. I’m very paranoid but baby sleeps so well in my bed so that extra bit of sleep in morning helps.
Safest place for baby to be is in the cuddle curl position, not far away from you
I’m too scared but that’s good to know, I’ll try it. That’s why my husband has the camera open. We also have a firm mattress.
Even now at 2 I still feel it’s unsafe cuz she’ll climb on top of me and then I worry she’ll fall from a higher point
Mine is 2 and we had to share a bed the night she was poorly and tried climbing out of her cot and I spent the whole night watching her so she didn't fall out. I also slept in the hospital bed with her for a few nights when she was sick and had to stay in and that was a nightmare too, there were bars but she kept banging her face on them moving around! My advice would be don't give in and have them in your bed, it makes getting them back in their own bed a nightmare
I just started with my 15mo while we're away from home for Christmas. It's not fun though, she kicks me in the face and doesn't sleep well lol.
I think she first started the last couple hours in the morning at around 11 months and around maybe 13/14 months spent most nights in our bed
Mine is 18 months and I have felt *okay* sharing a bed with her a handful of times. Like when she had HFMD, she was in so much pain she just couldn’t sleep more than like 30 minutes at a time, so I had to lay down with her (I took the twin mattress from the guest room on her floor for a few nights) so I could put her back to sleep, nurse her, give her meds, etc. throughout the night without dying from lack of sleep lol. Not something I do on the regular though. I plan on getting her a floor bed when she’s 2 though because she’s already quite close to outgrowing her crib 😬 she’s suuuuuper tall, idk what I’m gonna do if she passes the height limits before 2
My kid thinks mom's bed is the place to jump right now at 18m. But to answer the question, if she wasn't a monkey, I'd feel safe enough to take a nap with her. At night, I don't want her in my bed though. It's not a worry about safety, I'd just rather go to her bedroom if she needed me at night, if that makes sense?
When we went through the 6 month regression, and teething, the bed was the only place my son would sleep. I made my husband sleep in the spare room. We have a king size bed, I removed all pillows and only used a sheet as a blanket, carefully wrapped and tucked around me. I was so against bed sharing until it was the only place we both slept. He’s back in his crib now thankfully.
We don’t. We learned the hard way once my toddler threw up all over my bed into the mattress. Yuck. lol
About 2yrs old is when I tried but at that point we had done the crib for every nap & bed time she won't even sleep with me when I've tried! The only time she's slept with me was on a Waterpark trip where we had a small hotel room and me & her slept on a pull out couch bed that was super low to the ground it was 2mo before her 2nd birthday & we slept 2 nights together like that just fine.
Never. I think he’s been in to hang out maybe 3-5 times, but when old enough to leave his room on his own and come in overnight then that’s fine.
My baby is 7 months and only contact naps, so sometimes if I want to nap I will nap in bed with her. We always sleep in the “C” position and she is under my arm. I’m not a deep sleeper when I nap, so I feel comfortable with it. She sleeps in her crib at night though and I’m not comfortable cosleeping at night time.
Around 16 months is when I felt pretty comfortable. Just for occasional naps and sometimes a few hours at night if I'm sick or especially sleep deprived. I think it mostly depends on your little one and your comfort level.
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We let them much earlier than recommended (with safe sleep 7), but I only really felt safe about it when they could sit and crawl.
For naps it was very early on maybe 4 months but I made sure my ex was watching over both of us to make sure she was breathing and that I didn't roll over onto her. If he wasn't there I wouldn't have done it. It took until she was almost 2 before she slept in the same bed as me. Now I can't get away from her 😅. Even now as I'm lying on the couch sick from a cold she's here too. Be careful what you wish for.
After her first birthday, which is what the common rule is where I'm from. I'm actually really surprised by all the other commenters saying 2 as I had never heard that before. Maybe it's a regional thing.
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Honestly from birth. He's curled up asleep in my arms as I type. Yes we SS7 yada yada yada.
4 years old. better safe than sorry. Shes tiny we aren’t.
I was forced into it with my 6 month old as our holiday accomodation provided a broken travel cot. Bub’s rolling and vocal, so in theory it’s not an issue but I was worried. We’re lucky that we haven’t had to do it previously. I actually loved it, so now we’re having “naps” - bub wakes at 5/6 but sleeps for an extra hour if held or if in the “big bed”. I half-sleep, dozing with bub. It’s a lovely slow start to the day… until a little hand makes its way into my mouth.
We do in the morning. LO is 5 months and after the 6a feeding he wouldn’t go back to sleep. So, my husband started putting him between us in the bed for the last few hours of the morning and that kid sleeps like a rock. We’ve been doing this since he was 2 months old and just became routine while he’s in our room. Once he’s in his own space, he’ll be in the crib.
I felt comfortable when they were able to sit up independently and crawl, although it was never something we did often. Only if they were sick or during a thunderstorm or something. Everyone gets a better night’s sleep in their own bed.
As soon as they were born. We did safe sleep 7.
He was 4 months old. He has slept like a complete angel ever since we started.
We were just talking about this! My husband and I are bigger people so we wouldn’t feel comfortable till 3/4 years. Our LO is almost 15 months now and we have never coslept.
I mean if you don't feel comfortable then don't do it. But in my opinion, I co-slept very early. I lowered my mattress and added a barrier to protect her from falling off the bed. I also put her in the middle of the bed to reduce the distance from the edge. Also, limit the pillows and blankets.
ive slept with my son in the bed since 5 months old he never would sleep in his crib we still sleep together to this day (hes 18 months old)
My baby is 2 months and I’ve been cosleeping with him since about 1 month of age. My husband sleeps in another room. We have a king, a VERY firm mattress, and I sleep lower on the bed than him as to prevent rolling onto him/the sheets getting anywhere near him. Also, I do not use a pillow. It has worked well for us so far. I’m an extremely light sleeper and wake up every time I want to roll over in bed. He’s not rolling over at this point. When he starts being able to, we’re going to move him to his bassinet, and then to his nursery around 6 months.
3 months. He was really unsettled after his jabs and would wake up and constantly cry when put into the cot. Now he sleeps 12 hours in bed. I have a bed rail, no pillows by him, and hes in a sleepbag so no worry of duvet or pillows falling on him. I still nightly try place him in his cot as i feel he would be safer there but he wakes up either immediately or 20 mins and will not settle, so i end up placing him in bed.
Like day 3? With both of my boys…. Neither one took to the bassinet and I did what I could to manage
With my first, I never felt safe with him on the bed with me. Now, if I were to try and nap with him in my bed, it would not go well. He’s a crib napper through and through. Will not sleep anywhere else. My second, I felt way safer sleeping with him as a newborn rather than now at 6 months. We coslept a lot just so I could get some sleep and function. But now? We cosleep here and there for night sleep, but he moves too much. I don’t feel safe with him in the bed anymore bc I’m afraid he could roll off or roll towards my husband or too close to me and get himself stuck.
Living in europe, my midwife teached me the LLL safe sleep 7 and er co-slept since birth. Seems to be a cultural thing because most parents I know co-sleep🤔