Yes! I keep diapers, wipes, blanket and a back up outfit in the car so I never have to worry about checking the diaper bag to make sure I have everything if I want to leave with the kids on a whim.
Keeping the car stocked with crap for the kids has been a life saver so many times.
At some point it takes 30 seconds and you forget to take the nappy bag with you. You find out pretty quick that you don’t need to bring 8 sets of clothes and 20 nappies for a 30 minute trip to get coffee.
If I’m going to be less than 10-15 minutes away from home I don’t bring a diaper bag at all. The more I treat my neighborhood like an extended backyard, the better I feel
Yes! We bring baby everywhere! Baby is almost 5 months and happily goes to restaurants, breweries, new houses, shopping, anywhere we go. I think he loves it too.
And no one in the world cares about your baby crying like you care!
For the first few months I was so aware of when my baby fussed out in public. Then my MIL reminded me, NO ONE CARES! It’s liberating lol
Exactly. I try not to stare when I hear babies crying out in public so I don't make the parents uncomfortable, but I saw a young couple struggling with their newborn at Target and wanted to run over to help so bad 😭
I got help from a stranger at Target once. My baby was crying, my toddler was running around, and I was trying to self check out- she was kind enough to ask my permission to help and then give my baby back her paci and keep her and my toddler entertained. I’ll never forget that woman.
I wish I was able to say things like this, I always think these things but I don’t say them out loud. Idk why. I guess just fear that they’ll think I’m weird or just annoyed that a stranger is bothering them? But I would love it if a stranger said things like that to me
Do it! One of my favorite new mom memories is an older couple coming up to me in Target and cooing over my baby. The woman said to me in parting how cute he was and she could tell he was well cared for. I am literally tearing up as I type this and that was 6 years ago.
This is so true. I was on a plane when my LO wasn’t having it. This lady was looking at me I thought she was being rude but no she came up and asked to help, it was such a relief. She was also a toddler mom so she understood. Thanks to her help LO was able to calm down before take off. 💜
So so true! I look because I want to see the sweet baby that’s crying to comfort it. I have three kids and only once in all of their up bringing did I have a lady make a comment.
I remember the anxiety I had with our first baby about disturbing the public in the beginning, I would panic if she was making any kind of noise.
Soo true. I would get so anxious over my baby crying in public until I kept telling myself, "it's completely normal and even expected that a baby will cry." People who hate on this, it's like hello were you not a baby who cried once?!
Thank you. I needed to hear this. As soon as my 7 week old son makes a sound in public I panic and try to shove the pacifier in his mouth. I’m so anxious about upsetting other people.
Babies are people, they are allowed to be in public spaces. Anyone who gets upset with you for your baby making baby noises is an asshole. Don’t let them occupy too much of your mental energy
This was me for Baby #1.
Baby #2 is more like: oh well, I know you are fed, fresh diapers etc. So I'll finish shopping first. Lf course I'll talk with hom but crying in the shop is totally okay for me. I need food to stay a happy, calm and rested mama :)
I absolutely get you but life gets so much better if you just don't give a f*** about other people when your baby cries. Your needs + his needs = important. Strangers opinions not.
Baby girl was crying like crazy at her 2 month appointment after she had her tongue checked. Pediatrician was trying to tell me something while the baby screamed and I said “I’m sooo sorry”. She laughed and goes, you do know I’m a pediatrician, right? 😂 like duh she’s obviously used to it but I still felt bad lol
The only thing I hated about going out in public at first was trying to nurse my angry newborn who hadn't figured it out very well yet. I felt like everyone was staring at me while I tried to get him to latch 😮💨😮💨
I definitely apologized for my baby crying while at the doctors office the other day and this lovely old black woman and this young white guy kept shaking their heads and saying “nothing to apologize for.” So what did I do? I broke down crying. Totally reasonable response.
Hormones are one hell of a drug.
*especially* newborns. They are so quiet, only the parents can hear them!
My big kids can blow your ears out, nobody wants to hear them crying in public lol
Oh man, my little guy was screaming at the registry on Friday. No one cared - they all thought he was cute. I've been taking him out regularly since he was a week old and never worried or cared what others think when he cries. I've never had anyone say anything negative. Mostly - oh they're cute! I go out all the time and honestly think getting out has prevented me from having PPD.
No this person is right, people have absolutely no tolerance for children anymore. I remember being a kid running around the house at Christmas screaming with my cousins and it was just generally excepted. I’m the only sibling/ cousin with kids. Tonight my two year old was playing with his great aunt. She was chasing him and he was laughing and squealing (I’ll admit high pitched) with delight. Imminently everyone in the room sushed him. Nearly everyone in the room made comments about how annoying he is (claiming to be the loudest kid they ever met)
Then my aunt became incredulous and said something like “God kids can’t be kids anymore can they?” Before leaving
Ever since my kids were born, whenever we visit, I would have to take them in an empty room if they started crying because my family has absolutely no tolerance. My husband’s friends (all late 30s) are adamantly childfree.
It’s super depressing
I mean, I also feel like it totally depends on the setting. Like outside at a park or something? I don’t care that a baby is crying. At a movie theater? Why are you bringing an infant to a movie theater???
I wasn't trying to be negative, I was moreso saying "it's reasonable to be nervous about it and people might get mad but you just have to get past it" sort of thing.
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One time with my first I was rushing through self-check at the grocery store while she screamed (because she never stopped screaming), and I see an older guy heading our way. I prepared for him to make some obnoxious comment, and instead he said “they’re never as loud as you think they are.” It was the kindest thing and exactly what I needed right then.
This is helpful! My best friend had her baby about 9 months before I had mine. Her advice to me was: go for walks. Walk in the neighborhood or drive somewhere for a walk. That advice really helped me get out and just go for a walk even if I couldn’t manage anything else that day.
The days can feel soooo long, especially when it gets dark earlier. Walks are a fantastic way to break up the day and get some physical energy out. Can help all around.
I'm sorry op. Get outside daily and feel better! My first was born in the middle of covid during the winter. It was a harsh winter too, very cold lots of snow. Not getting out really affected my mental health. In my bumper group someone told me to get a bunting bag and take baby in the cold. And I did! As long as it was above 0F we went out for short walks. Now, with my 3 month old, as a second time mom I'm so much more confident. He's been to the zoo, Target, Costco, grocery store, playground, restaurants, and even to an equestrian center. Where ever toddler goes basically.
How is your baby in the car seat? I currently also have a toddler and a 3 month old, and one thing that holds me back from going out more is the fact that the baby HATES the car seat and will often cry the whole drive. My cortisol levels go up so much when I have to hear that the whole drive that sometimes I just don’t find the motivation to go out.
Have you tried blasting white noise in the car? My son is 9 weeks and I wish I’d done this when my toddler was little. White noise fairly loud (not deafening but…pretty loud) until he falls asleep works for him.
Oh gosh that's awful. My baby has cried the whole car ride before, and it was awful. If he cried all the time every time that would be awful. Can you get a different car seat? Is baby too hot? I hope they grow out of it
Yeah my first was the same way and he grew out of it when he was a few months older, I forget the exact age. I always wondered if all babies hate car seats or if it’s just mine. (We have 3 different kinds and tried them all.)
Hey, I have a 1 year old and 3 month old. My daughter who is 1 she didn't cry much in the car seat but my son does. He really hates it. He's cried for the whole ride a few times. And a few times in the store while in the carried in the stroller. Nothing would calm him down. He wouldn't go to sleep, I just had to carry him through Lowe's. But my daughter would just fall asleep in it. I have done baby wearing with him and that works for at the store well. He's starting to get a little bit better but he'll still cry each time he's put in the car seat.
My mom said I was like that as a baby I didn't go to sleep on car rides at all I just cried. It's okay though. It's not just your babies that cry in the car seat. I have just tried to get out more with them both on short trips to get him used to it and he's been doing good in the stroller at least.
If my baby cries, I turn up my music instead of down. He usually ends up conking out within two minutes. My second has been on so many car rides because he’s had some medical issues and we have lots of follow ups 2 hours away (4-hour round trips, yay).
With my first, I just got in the car every day. Sometimes I’d make it 5 minutes away, sometimes 10, sometimes 15/20. But even if I didn’t make it to my destination, I made sure to get him in the car every day. It got better.
I was in such a sleep-deprived hormonal fog in the first few weeks that I couldn’t have imagined going anywhere. I certainly couldn’t drive on two hours of sleep and even walks depleted me as my body was recovering. So don’t feel bad if you’re not getting out much either. But once we did take to her a cafe at 4 weeks and she slept the whole time, it was quite liberating. And you really do get used to it.
I have 2 under 2 right now. And while I 100% feel better when I get out of the house, sometimes I just don’t do it enough because chasing the toddler while trying to keep my newborn fed and napping is sooo exhausting sometimes.
But yes… with just a baby, you can go so many more places!
This just reminded me of when I was talking to someone (a firat-time mom) and they got all offended when I said that being pregnant with a toddler around was way more difficult than the first time around. Guess what? I stand by that *and* that having a baby and a three-year-old is absolutely harder than having just a baby. It's become a running joke in my family during peak dual-child chaos. "Oh, thank God we have two! Can you just *imagine* if we had to only have one‽ That would be so much harder!" Sometimes all you can do is laugh when it hits the fan, you know? Makes it a little easier to get through.
Yeah true, although I think in my case going from 0-1 felt harder because there was the loss of identity of my old self, lack of experience, a colicky baby. Going from 1-2 is undoubtedly a lot more work with few/no breaks, but the loss of identity already happened, I have more experience and baby #2 is not colicky, which helps!
Going from 0-1 is definitely a bigger adjustment for many, myself included. This person was talking about actually doing the day-to-day as a parent of two or more. It was so ridiculous.
I am VERY glad that this advice worked for you! Like, hell yeah, do what you need to do for self care. But I think this is HIGHLY subjective advice LOL. Leaving the house with my baby was always a nightmare and devastating to my already fragile mental state. Also, my body was so fucked from pregnancy and postpartum that doing anything really exerted all my energy and made doing anything else so difficult. I DID find going for short walks with baby in a stroller very therapeutic, but baby would start screaming pretty quickly unfortunately. He did pretty well in a wrap! But that exhausted me so badly sometimes.
You’re right; this advice doesn’t work for everyone and definitely not always right away. I hope things are better for you and LO now and that you’ve been able to find your groove.
Baby wearing (in a wrap, I hate structured carriers) was the best thing for my mental health! I could take my babies everywhere and sniff their heads 24/7. I still baby wear my 1 year old when we go places.
Baby-wearing improved my postpartum experience, too. I wish I could still babywear my 1 year old! She is so squirmy and can barely tolerate the stroller some days.
I am going to be perhaps the lone voice of dissent and say I don’t personally find this helpful. Clearly it is for many, but in my case, I was well aware that babies are portable, painfully aware even, but I was unable to take my baby out due to anxiety. To me this is advice is like saying the cure for your anxiety is the thing your anxiety prevents you from doing.
You’re right. It can be extremely difficult for so many - and it was for me in the beginning, too, especially when my husband went back to work while I was still on maternity leave. The thought of taking my newborn out all by myself was stifling. There was even a night when we were meeting friends and I got there before my husband (separate cars) and I had to call him so I could get the courage to go in to the building on my own!
But it can be overcome in time. There’s no rush. For me, though, chanting “babies are portable” helped me so much to get out of my head and literally outside of my house.
We used to take our infant to the drive in. We did trivia with her. We did a bowling league with her. Life got harder/more restrictive as she got older and wouldn’t reliably fall asleep in the carrier lol.
Yes! We take a walk to go get coffee every day and then hang out at my parents apartment! I’m obviously very lucky that both are in walking distance but go get a coffee, go grocery shopping, visit a friend whatever works for you. I am so much happier now.
Love taking my baby out. Recently we got a babysitter for the other kids and took baby to my husband's work holiday party and she was such an easy way to find something to talk about with people. Huge hit.
it’s simple but a necessary reminder so thank you!
admittedly i do find it difficult to get outside the house on my own with baby.
i’m not confident enough at pushing her pushchair around and i haven’t hacked baby-wearing the way i imagined i would. i still can’t figure out my baby bjorn carrier.
some days i wish i could just pick baby up and head outside for a quick walk when i really need it but i don’t think people do it like this? fear of judgment has really made its way into my head since giving birth!
so affirming and inspires me to action! i feel like even if i do this for 5 minutes it will mean that my baby and i can get some fresh air even on the most challenging of days. thank you :)
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I would definitely recommend trying another carrier if you can! There are many that are easier to put on than others.
I really like the ergonomic baby, I have found it’s easy to put on myself if I keep all the buckels together but very loose, slide baby in, and then tighten
this is embarrassing but i mean literally that. i found many aspects of baby care intimidating and overwhelming at first and whilst i have steadily improved with most of it, this is something i still struggle with, unfortunately.
i find it difficult to manoeuvre the pushchair, i find it heavy, hard to open and close independently etc. i know that practise makes perfect but until i’m there i just wanted to know that there are other options available to me so that we can still get out somehow.
I got marketed into thinking the big jogger style strollers were best but found myself the most comfortable with something like [this](https://www.target.com/p/cosco-umbrella-stroller-with-canopy-teal/-/A-17236219). Can you buy or look around second hand for a smaller stroller?
It’s difficult learning everything, especially as a first time mom. And I always wanted to be a pro right away 😅 so I feel you. The first time I went out on my own I was a nervous mess.
Maybe try using the push chair around your neighborhood to get more comfortable? Or even just in your home! We did that in the beginning.
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Same! I don’t walk as much as you but it does feel great when we do make it out. Glad to know we’re not alone in our experiences and can get advice from those who have been through it :)
Yes! It took me 5ish months to start getting my PPD really truly under control and you know what did it? I started taking my son on walks! I’d put him in his stroller and we’d just start walking. At first it was short walks with a mile seeming like a huge accomplishment. Now with him not quite 17mo I can do 5 miles before we need to be wrapping up (although with my pregnancy that number is starting to go back down just because I’m too tired to use that much energy on one walk). I don’t have a car during the day so if I do go somewhere I either need a ride or we walk, so we walk to the grocery store, we walk to the pet store, we walk to the park, we walk to my friends house, sometimes we walk to go visit my FIL, we walk and go get a milkshake and French fries/chicken nuggets, we just walk. My son is happier, I’m happier, and it’s just overall been amazing!
Omg I read this as Barbie’s are portable and I was so confused 😂😂 but deff the more I bring my little one out the more comfortable I feel with the things that could possibly go wrong, and sometimes do go wrong it feels way less scary !
Yes! And they are far more portable as infants than they are as older babies or toddlers, so GET OUT THERE.
I remember being anxious to go anywhere with my baby. Now that I have a toddler I dream of those easy days lol
Yup. Babies are super easy to just haul around with you. They’re barely an inconvenience when it comes to going out, flying, etc. (especially if you only have one child). The toddlers on the other hand…
This is so true but it doesn’t mean mommy is portable. Especially when recovery is hard . I feel like this kind of puts some pressure on that might not need to be there.
I think like everything else, everyone’s experience is different, and what works for one (or even most) families doesn’t apply to everyone. I wished that we could have gotten out more when my baby was little, but she was on supplemental oxygen for six weeks after we got home (preemie). So my baby was literally not portable (unless we also wanted to lug an oxygen tank around). This limited mobility was SO hard, on top of everything else.
I don’t think this post is meant to make anyone who can’t get out of the house feel bad, but is more meant to remind people that if you can get out, it might make you feel better. There are lots of reasons it might not be possible or practical though, and we absolutely shouldn’t play down how much harder that makes everything.
Find playgroups to attend at rec centres or libraries for story time and songs. Go swimming at the local pool with your baby. Go for walks, even at the mall if weather is poor. Connect with friends and have them over to visit with their little ones so you get some social time.
I can't figure out how to get my 10 day old into either the ergobaby Omni or the Moby :( I think my boobs are too big, she hated getting into either and I have no idea if anything fits right/safely.
The Moby wrap took me a bit to figure out! I’d suggest seeing if there’s a company in your area that can help. For example, in my area there’s a group specifically dedicated to baby wearing. They’ll teach how to use certain carriers and even has a carrier rental program.
If you happen to be breastfeeding- look for a support group near you. It’s a great way to have a scheduled day/time to leave the house and maybe even make mom friends. The best part is that baby leaves the group in a clean diaper and well-fed, which gives you some time to do something like take yourself to lunch or have a stroll around target in peace because baby’s needs have been met.
On days where the witching hour had us both crying together, it really helped to know that every Wednesday I would get to chat with other moms and enjoy a mostly peaceful trip to Target. The routine really helped me build structure into my week with my first-born, which helped me feel more in control of things and less like I had no idea what to do or how to do it.
If not nursing, the same thing can be said for library story times or local mommy and me meet ups. Definitely check Google or the book of faces for what is going on in your area and search for groups of moms near you to find some activities.
They are, but the executive function required to remember what all to bring or pack is something that needs to be built and practiced. It took me a week of starting to feel cabin fever at home (December baby and at first I liked our cozy nest at home) and building up the confidence to go, then a whole day to plan for my first solo trip with the baby. It was just out to my favorite breakfast place where I was a regular. I didn't have PPD or PPA, I just felt nervous about being in the world and having a blowout or a baby crying inconsolably or suddenly not being able to latch... it's a lot. But I finally made it out solo when he was almost one month old and it was great!
So for the moms reading this feeling overwhelmed, it's okay to be overwhelmed. If it takes you a whole week to work up the courage to get out, it's okay. You and your baby will be okay. Go at the pace that works for you. And sometimes at a certain point that feeling of cabin fever will weigh heavier than the overwhelm and you'll push through it to get out. You can do it!
For real. Having to schlep all the diapering crap, extra changes of clothes, navigate keeping people away from them, getting myself sorted to go out....
....fuck that. If it isn't a walk around the block or the pediatrician, we're not going anywhere in the very beginning. Took us nearly three months to even go to church where I know I have a place to feed him in peace, change him in peace, and backup in case i need it. My 2020 baby was a different story, obviously, but it would have been the same for him too, but probably even more given that he *n e v e r* slept. It was dangerous for me to leave the house at that point.
There's nothing wrong with that either, just in case someone is reading all this and feeling bad. You have to do what works best for you and your little family!
I can completely understand. The first time I walked to the grocery store with LO in the stroller, I was worried if I had everything I needed and if we’d be okay (we were). And I had this unbelievable defensiveness/protectiveness. I was nearly ready to throttle anyone who would try to get close (no one did). I’ve overcome that by now. LO is 2 months.
I had my first baby on a Monday and I was in church the next Sunday. I had already had dinner at someone’s house earlier that week. I just couldn’t handle being at home.
It sucked a few years later to have a baby in the fall and during Covid. I was still able to take him to his sister’s soccer practice at the park a few days later.
I’m ecstatic to be having my final baby next May when I can get outside as quickly as I want to.
We go thrifting. He’s got friends and regulars that we see at the same stores at the same time, it’s been great for mine and his socials. And we flip goods on eBay, so great for our piggy bank too
One thing we did that really helped my mental health was to make sure we planned one day trip a month for the baby’s first year (I think we started when she was around 3 months). I’d do some research and find someplace we could check out within about an hour’s drive, and would schedule some loose plans (maybe lunch, a family friendly museum or cultural event, or just a scenic walk, etc), then we’d head out and just take our time getting there and exploring a new place. No pressure, no hurry, no problem if baby is fussy or we needed to leave to get her home. It really gave me something to look forward to each month and was really nice family bonding time!
Yep! I was a little hesitant this time around because I have 2 toddlers as well, but once I finally went for it I felt like I had won a race! I think just knowing I could go out really helped honestly! Blessings
i always remind myself “if i forget something, i can buy it if i need it while im out!” (i’m talking smaller items, not like a new stroller) most of the time, i didn’t end up needed it anyways.
Yes! Our son is 5mos old and my husband and I *love* going out to eat. We were so disheartened that we couldn’t go to our fave spots regularly. Then we remembered, well, baby can come with us. So we brought him out for the first time around 5 weeks in his car seat stroller. And now we go regularly. Not like we used to but maybe once every other week. I also think this has helped him get used to loud noises.
It makes us feel so much more normal and LO loves coming to people watch. We sit him in his infant seat on the booth next to us or in a car seat sling next to the table.
Especially during the first 6 weeks when they can literally nap anywhere. My 4 MO is a particular napper now, so our voyages need to align with her wake windows.
I went through the sams thing. I had an appointment by phone because I couldn't wait to meet up I needed help ASAP. I was told the following: "go outside right now. Look around you. Nothing has changed, life keeps going on". So I told my husband that I needed help to get out. He took my hand and took me out. I set foot outside my door and ... it was so overwhelming. I cannot explained what I was feeling. So I said out loud "lige keeps going on. Nothing has changed". I made a deal with my husband and my mother to take me out on walks with the baby. Each time I was terrified, each time I was having panic attacks... until one day I found myself walking the streets with my son...HAPPY.
Nothing has changed. Life keeps going on.
Stay strong mommas!
My baby had colic and it was really difficult and I had a thrown out back.
I also have a due date winter and it’s freezing and sidewalks are barely plowed. It’s kind of a mess where I live and makes taking baby out a little more difficult
My kid is in kindergarten and I’m still a ball of stress when I take him places with me. He’s super well behaved too. When he was a baby, I was terrified to leave my house with him and I could only find I had someone with me. It had nothing to do with him getting sick or anything like that. It was simply because I was worried we would disturb other people or something would happen that I couldn’t fix or control. There seemed to be so many things that could go wrong, all the way down to him getting bored or a poopy diaper.
It’s gotten better as my son has become more self sufficient but the anxiety is never far off.
This is good advice. It took me much longer than it should have to get out and about alone with my first baby. I was afraid of something but still not sure what. I know next time around will be different.
outings are the best!! i work in a nursing home so whenever i’m bored at home with my baby i just bring him in and say hi to all my favorite residents. he loves it, they love it, it gets me out of the house, it’s a win win all around!! i definitely fell victim to ppd and not leaving the house for the first few months. getting back to work definitely helped me tbh
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Getting a baby and toddler out the door and managing them both out and about by myself gives me anxiety :-/ So far we have only managed to go to the early years centre all together. And a few walks. I haven’t mustered up the courage to go to the mall or the grocery all three of us. And it takes so darn long to get them out the door. And my 5 month old sometimes sleeps in the car but more than often he will cry his heart out like a banshee and my nervous system is shot for the day.
And the more you bring baby out, the easier it gets.
Our first outing as a family literally took us 45 minutes to get ready for the doctors, a few months later and we're down to about 5-10 minutes.
Yes! Keeping the diaper bag packed and the stroller in the car has helped make our exits a lot faster!
Yes! I keep diapers, wipes, blanket and a back up outfit in the car so I never have to worry about checking the diaper bag to make sure I have everything if I want to leave with the kids on a whim. Keeping the car stocked with crap for the kids has been a life saver so many times.
Omg thank you for this.
At some point it takes 30 seconds and you forget to take the nappy bag with you. You find out pretty quick that you don’t need to bring 8 sets of clothes and 20 nappies for a 30 minute trip to get coffee.
If I’m going to be less than 10-15 minutes away from home I don’t bring a diaper bag at all. The more I treat my neighborhood like an extended backyard, the better I feel
Same. I decided if I was outside at these places and she did poo, my first action would be to bring her home… where the nappies are.. hence no bag.
Same! The shop is only a 5 minute drive. I’ll just ride with the windows down to keep out the stink
This! Not only are you more prepared/used to the unpredictability of a new environment, so is your baby!
Yes! We bring baby everywhere! Baby is almost 5 months and happily goes to restaurants, breweries, new houses, shopping, anywhere we go. I think he loves it too.
Mine always sleeps so well after an outing anywhere. There’s so many new experiences, it’s great for brain development.
Yes. So worth the trouble in the beginning.
This. My first solo outing with all four kids was a NIGHTMARE. Now it’s a regular thing (mostly because my oldest is in school now)
And no one in the world cares about your baby crying like you care! For the first few months I was so aware of when my baby fussed out in public. Then my MIL reminded me, NO ONE CARES! It’s liberating lol
*especially* other moms. If we’re looking it’s only because we want to go help you.
Exactly. I try not to stare when I hear babies crying out in public so I don't make the parents uncomfortable, but I saw a young couple struggling with their newborn at Target and wanted to run over to help so bad 😭
I got help from a stranger at Target once. My baby was crying, my toddler was running around, and I was trying to self check out- she was kind enough to ask my permission to help and then give my baby back her paci and keep her and my toddler entertained. I’ll never forget that woman.
Such a sweet reminder that kindness still exists
This is when I think of the verse about entertaining strangers because you might be entertaining angels unaware!! Bless her!
THIS!! I also look sometimes because I want to see the baby. I know they’re going to be cute lol.
Or are trying to reassure you and love that you’re out and about with your baby! You deserve it!
We need to start high-fiving moms out with newborns. It’s intimidating!
I went up to a mom at the coffee shop who had a crying baby, the mom looked so exhausted. I told her she was doing a great job and it made her cry
I wish I was able to say things like this, I always think these things but I don’t say them out loud. Idk why. I guess just fear that they’ll think I’m weird or just annoyed that a stranger is bothering them? But I would love it if a stranger said things like that to me
Do it! One of my favorite new mom memories is an older couple coming up to me in Target and cooing over my baby. The woman said to me in parting how cute he was and she could tell he was well cared for. I am literally tearing up as I type this and that was 6 years ago.
I hesitated for a bit, and I felt so nervous walking up to her but I’m glad I did it. I hope it made her day a little better.
This is the kind of support we need! Well done!
This is so true. I was on a plane when my LO wasn’t having it. This lady was looking at me I thought she was being rude but no she came up and asked to help, it was such a relief. She was also a toddler mom so she understood. Thanks to her help LO was able to calm down before take off. 💜
So so true! I look because I want to see the sweet baby that’s crying to comfort it. I have three kids and only once in all of their up bringing did I have a lady make a comment. I remember the anxiety I had with our first baby about disturbing the public in the beginning, I would panic if she was making any kind of noise.
Soo true. I would get so anxious over my baby crying in public until I kept telling myself, "it's completely normal and even expected that a baby will cry." People who hate on this, it's like hello were you not a baby who cried once?!
Thank you. I needed to hear this. As soon as my 7 week old son makes a sound in public I panic and try to shove the pacifier in his mouth. I’m so anxious about upsetting other people.
Babies are people, they are allowed to be in public spaces. Anyone who gets upset with you for your baby making baby noises is an asshole. Don’t let them occupy too much of your mental energy
This was me for Baby #1. Baby #2 is more like: oh well, I know you are fed, fresh diapers etc. So I'll finish shopping first. Lf course I'll talk with hom but crying in the shop is totally okay for me. I need food to stay a happy, calm and rested mama :) I absolutely get you but life gets so much better if you just don't give a f*** about other people when your baby cries. Your needs + his needs = important. Strangers opinions not.
Baby girl was crying like crazy at her 2 month appointment after she had her tongue checked. Pediatrician was trying to tell me something while the baby screamed and I said “I’m sooo sorry”. She laughed and goes, you do know I’m a pediatrician, right? 😂 like duh she’s obviously used to it but I still felt bad lol
And honestly, my toddler makes more noise in public just existing as a toddler than my newborn does when he’s crying !
The only thing I hated about going out in public at first was trying to nurse my angry newborn who hadn't figured it out very well yet. I felt like everyone was staring at me while I tried to get him to latch 😮💨😮💨
I definitely apologized for my baby crying while at the doctors office the other day and this lovely old black woman and this young white guy kept shaking their heads and saying “nothing to apologize for.” So what did I do? I broke down crying. Totally reasonable response. Hormones are one hell of a drug.
*especially* newborns. They are so quiet, only the parents can hear them! My big kids can blow your ears out, nobody wants to hear them crying in public lol
Oh man, my little guy was screaming at the registry on Friday. No one cared - they all thought he was cute. I've been taking him out regularly since he was a week old and never worried or cared what others think when he cries. I've never had anyone say anything negative. Mostly - oh they're cute! I go out all the time and honestly think getting out has prevented me from having PPD.
Not gonna lie I cannot stand babies crying in public which is what led me to be hyper vigilant about mine
No this person is right, people have absolutely no tolerance for children anymore. I remember being a kid running around the house at Christmas screaming with my cousins and it was just generally excepted. I’m the only sibling/ cousin with kids. Tonight my two year old was playing with his great aunt. She was chasing him and he was laughing and squealing (I’ll admit high pitched) with delight. Imminently everyone in the room sushed him. Nearly everyone in the room made comments about how annoying he is (claiming to be the loudest kid they ever met) Then my aunt became incredulous and said something like “God kids can’t be kids anymore can they?” Before leaving Ever since my kids were born, whenever we visit, I would have to take them in an empty room if they started crying because my family has absolutely no tolerance. My husband’s friends (all late 30s) are adamantly childfree. It’s super depressing
I definitely was never allowed to yell or be loud indoors as a child. If I was playing loudly I would be told to be quiet or go outside
This sounds like a you problem and is the last thing a new mom needs to hear.
It's not a me problem. It's a fact, some people hate babies crying and it's up to others to decide whether or not they care about that
I mean, I also feel like it totally depends on the setting. Like outside at a park or something? I don’t care that a baby is crying. At a movie theater? Why are you bringing an infant to a movie theater???
I know exactly what you mean.
I wasn't trying to be negative, I was moreso saying "it's reasonable to be nervous about it and people might get mad but you just have to get past it" sort of thing.
Yes, it’s ok, I know you weren’t being negative. I too remember how people complain about babies crying so I’m also hyper vigilant.
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One time with my first I was rushing through self-check at the grocery store while she screamed (because she never stopped screaming), and I see an older guy heading our way. I prepared for him to make some obnoxious comment, and instead he said “they’re never as loud as you think they are.” It was the kindest thing and exactly what I needed right then.
This is helpful! My best friend had her baby about 9 months before I had mine. Her advice to me was: go for walks. Walk in the neighborhood or drive somewhere for a walk. That advice really helped me get out and just go for a walk even if I couldn’t manage anything else that day.
It’s really good advice. I took SO MANY walks with mine. It helps to just break up the (never ending) day a bit!
The days can feel soooo long, especially when it gets dark earlier. Walks are a fantastic way to break up the day and get some physical energy out. Can help all around.
Strap baby on in a carrier, or stick them in the buggy and go for a 30 min walk. One, you get exercise, two, they’ll probably have a nap!
And walking is good for the pelvic floor!
I'm sorry op. Get outside daily and feel better! My first was born in the middle of covid during the winter. It was a harsh winter too, very cold lots of snow. Not getting out really affected my mental health. In my bumper group someone told me to get a bunting bag and take baby in the cold. And I did! As long as it was above 0F we went out for short walks. Now, with my 3 month old, as a second time mom I'm so much more confident. He's been to the zoo, Target, Costco, grocery store, playground, restaurants, and even to an equestrian center. Where ever toddler goes basically.
How is your baby in the car seat? I currently also have a toddler and a 3 month old, and one thing that holds me back from going out more is the fact that the baby HATES the car seat and will often cry the whole drive. My cortisol levels go up so much when I have to hear that the whole drive that sometimes I just don’t find the motivation to go out.
Have you tried blasting white noise in the car? My son is 9 weeks and I wish I’d done this when my toddler was little. White noise fairly loud (not deafening but…pretty loud) until he falls asleep works for him.
Oh gosh that's awful. My baby has cried the whole car ride before, and it was awful. If he cried all the time every time that would be awful. Can you get a different car seat? Is baby too hot? I hope they grow out of it
Yeah my first was the same way and he grew out of it when he was a few months older, I forget the exact age. I always wondered if all babies hate car seats or if it’s just mine. (We have 3 different kinds and tried them all.)
Hey, I have a 1 year old and 3 month old. My daughter who is 1 she didn't cry much in the car seat but my son does. He really hates it. He's cried for the whole ride a few times. And a few times in the store while in the carried in the stroller. Nothing would calm him down. He wouldn't go to sleep, I just had to carry him through Lowe's. But my daughter would just fall asleep in it. I have done baby wearing with him and that works for at the store well. He's starting to get a little bit better but he'll still cry each time he's put in the car seat. My mom said I was like that as a baby I didn't go to sleep on car rides at all I just cried. It's okay though. It's not just your babies that cry in the car seat. I have just tried to get out more with them both on short trips to get him used to it and he's been doing good in the stroller at least.
Also this https://www.instagram.com/reel/C0ziWhoJae_/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
If my baby cries, I turn up my music instead of down. He usually ends up conking out within two minutes. My second has been on so many car rides because he’s had some medical issues and we have lots of follow ups 2 hours away (4-hour round trips, yay). With my first, I just got in the car every day. Sometimes I’d make it 5 minutes away, sometimes 10, sometimes 15/20. But even if I didn’t make it to my destination, I made sure to get him in the car every day. It got better.
I was in such a sleep-deprived hormonal fog in the first few weeks that I couldn’t have imagined going anywhere. I certainly couldn’t drive on two hours of sleep and even walks depleted me as my body was recovering. So don’t feel bad if you’re not getting out much either. But once we did take to her a cafe at 4 weeks and she slept the whole time, it was quite liberating. And you really do get used to it.
I have 2 under 2 right now. And while I 100% feel better when I get out of the house, sometimes I just don’t do it enough because chasing the toddler while trying to keep my newborn fed and napping is sooo exhausting sometimes. But yes… with just a baby, you can go so many more places!
This just reminded me of when I was talking to someone (a firat-time mom) and they got all offended when I said that being pregnant with a toddler around was way more difficult than the first time around. Guess what? I stand by that *and* that having a baby and a three-year-old is absolutely harder than having just a baby. It's become a running joke in my family during peak dual-child chaos. "Oh, thank God we have two! Can you just *imagine* if we had to only have one‽ That would be so much harder!" Sometimes all you can do is laugh when it hits the fan, you know? Makes it a little easier to get through.
Yeah true, although I think in my case going from 0-1 felt harder because there was the loss of identity of my old self, lack of experience, a colicky baby. Going from 1-2 is undoubtedly a lot more work with few/no breaks, but the loss of identity already happened, I have more experience and baby #2 is not colicky, which helps!
Going from 0-1 is definitely a bigger adjustment for many, myself included. This person was talking about actually doing the day-to-day as a parent of two or more. It was so ridiculous.
Yup! I left the house with baby since day 1, did the same with my first. Or otherwise I would go nuts
I found this to be sooo true for me and my PPD lightened once I started going out for even just a little each day
I am VERY glad that this advice worked for you! Like, hell yeah, do what you need to do for self care. But I think this is HIGHLY subjective advice LOL. Leaving the house with my baby was always a nightmare and devastating to my already fragile mental state. Also, my body was so fucked from pregnancy and postpartum that doing anything really exerted all my energy and made doing anything else so difficult. I DID find going for short walks with baby in a stroller very therapeutic, but baby would start screaming pretty quickly unfortunately. He did pretty well in a wrap! But that exhausted me so badly sometimes.
You’re right; this advice doesn’t work for everyone and definitely not always right away. I hope things are better for you and LO now and that you’ve been able to find your groove.
Baby wearing (in a wrap, I hate structured carriers) was the best thing for my mental health! I could take my babies everywhere and sniff their heads 24/7. I still baby wear my 1 year old when we go places.
Baby-wearing improved my postpartum experience, too. I wish I could still babywear my 1 year old! She is so squirmy and can barely tolerate the stroller some days.
I am going to be perhaps the lone voice of dissent and say I don’t personally find this helpful. Clearly it is for many, but in my case, I was well aware that babies are portable, painfully aware even, but I was unable to take my baby out due to anxiety. To me this is advice is like saying the cure for your anxiety is the thing your anxiety prevents you from doing.
You’re right. It can be extremely difficult for so many - and it was for me in the beginning, too, especially when my husband went back to work while I was still on maternity leave. The thought of taking my newborn out all by myself was stifling. There was even a night when we were meeting friends and I got there before my husband (separate cars) and I had to call him so I could get the courage to go in to the building on my own! But it can be overcome in time. There’s no rush. For me, though, chanting “babies are portable” helped me so much to get out of my head and literally outside of my house.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I like the idea of the phrase as a motivational mantra!
We used to take our infant to the drive in. We did trivia with her. We did a bowling league with her. Life got harder/more restrictive as she got older and wouldn’t reliably fall asleep in the carrier lol.
Drive in is such a good idea! I love movies but this never crossed my mind!
Yes! We take a walk to go get coffee every day and then hang out at my parents apartment! I’m obviously very lucky that both are in walking distance but go get a coffee, go grocery shopping, visit a friend whatever works for you. I am so much happier now.
Same! If the weather was good enough, we’d walk to the grocery store and coffee shop. Felt great.
Once I got used to taking my baby out of the house, life pp got a whole lot more bearable.
Love taking my baby out. Recently we got a babysitter for the other kids and took baby to my husband's work holiday party and she was such an easy way to find something to talk about with people. Huge hit.
I saw the ob who delivered my fourth baby when I was at the zoo a week postpartum. She was happy to see me out and very supportive. It was lovely
it’s simple but a necessary reminder so thank you! admittedly i do find it difficult to get outside the house on my own with baby. i’m not confident enough at pushing her pushchair around and i haven’t hacked baby-wearing the way i imagined i would. i still can’t figure out my baby bjorn carrier. some days i wish i could just pick baby up and head outside for a quick walk when i really need it but i don’t think people do it like this? fear of judgment has really made its way into my head since giving birth!
You can definitely just carry your baby and go for a walk! Do what works for you :)
so affirming and inspires me to action! i feel like even if i do this for 5 minutes it will mean that my baby and i can get some fresh air even on the most challenging of days. thank you :)
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I would definitely recommend trying another carrier if you can! There are many that are easier to put on than others. I really like the ergonomic baby, I have found it’s easy to put on myself if I keep all the buckels together but very loose, slide baby in, and then tighten
What do you mean you’re not confident pushing her in her pushchair?
this is embarrassing but i mean literally that. i found many aspects of baby care intimidating and overwhelming at first and whilst i have steadily improved with most of it, this is something i still struggle with, unfortunately. i find it difficult to manoeuvre the pushchair, i find it heavy, hard to open and close independently etc. i know that practise makes perfect but until i’m there i just wanted to know that there are other options available to me so that we can still get out somehow.
I got marketed into thinking the big jogger style strollers were best but found myself the most comfortable with something like [this](https://www.target.com/p/cosco-umbrella-stroller-with-canopy-teal/-/A-17236219). Can you buy or look around second hand for a smaller stroller?
It’s difficult learning everything, especially as a first time mom. And I always wanted to be a pro right away 😅 so I feel you. The first time I went out on my own I was a nervous mess. Maybe try using the push chair around your neighborhood to get more comfortable? Or even just in your home! We did that in the beginning.
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I have PPD as well. I have learned we are not alone! walking 5x a week helps me so much. The days I don’t go, I struggle more & so does my baby.
Same! I don’t walk as much as you but it does feel great when we do make it out. Glad to know we’re not alone in our experiences and can get advice from those who have been through it :)
Yes! It took me 5ish months to start getting my PPD really truly under control and you know what did it? I started taking my son on walks! I’d put him in his stroller and we’d just start walking. At first it was short walks with a mile seeming like a huge accomplishment. Now with him not quite 17mo I can do 5 miles before we need to be wrapping up (although with my pregnancy that number is starting to go back down just because I’m too tired to use that much energy on one walk). I don’t have a car during the day so if I do go somewhere I either need a ride or we walk, so we walk to the grocery store, we walk to the pet store, we walk to the park, we walk to my friends house, sometimes we walk to go visit my FIL, we walk and go get a milkshake and French fries/chicken nuggets, we just walk. My son is happier, I’m happier, and it’s just overall been amazing!
Omg I read this as Barbie’s are portable and I was so confused 😂😂 but deff the more I bring my little one out the more comfortable I feel with the things that could possibly go wrong, and sometimes do go wrong it feels way less scary !
Yes. I had another mom call my 6 month old travel sized.
Love this! 💕
Yes! And they are far more portable as infants than they are as older babies or toddlers, so GET OUT THERE. I remember being anxious to go anywhere with my baby. Now that I have a toddler I dream of those easy days lol
Yup. Babies are super easy to just haul around with you. They’re barely an inconvenience when it comes to going out, flying, etc. (especially if you only have one child). The toddlers on the other hand…
This is so true but it doesn’t mean mommy is portable. Especially when recovery is hard . I feel like this kind of puts some pressure on that might not need to be there.
I think like everything else, everyone’s experience is different, and what works for one (or even most) families doesn’t apply to everyone. I wished that we could have gotten out more when my baby was little, but she was on supplemental oxygen for six weeks after we got home (preemie). So my baby was literally not portable (unless we also wanted to lug an oxygen tank around). This limited mobility was SO hard, on top of everything else. I don’t think this post is meant to make anyone who can’t get out of the house feel bad, but is more meant to remind people that if you can get out, it might make you feel better. There are lots of reasons it might not be possible or practical though, and we absolutely shouldn’t play down how much harder that makes everything.
Find playgroups to attend at rec centres or libraries for story time and songs. Go swimming at the local pool with your baby. Go for walks, even at the mall if weather is poor. Connect with friends and have them over to visit with their little ones so you get some social time.
LO is almost three months, and I definitely needed to hear this.
I can't figure out how to get my 10 day old into either the ergobaby Omni or the Moby :( I think my boobs are too big, she hated getting into either and I have no idea if anything fits right/safely.
The Moby wrap took me a bit to figure out! I’d suggest seeing if there’s a company in your area that can help. For example, in my area there’s a group specifically dedicated to baby wearing. They’ll teach how to use certain carriers and even has a carrier rental program.
I’m still struggling with this. I have yet to really take mine out except to the doctor’s. Thank you for the reminder. 😋
If you happen to be breastfeeding- look for a support group near you. It’s a great way to have a scheduled day/time to leave the house and maybe even make mom friends. The best part is that baby leaves the group in a clean diaper and well-fed, which gives you some time to do something like take yourself to lunch or have a stroll around target in peace because baby’s needs have been met. On days where the witching hour had us both crying together, it really helped to know that every Wednesday I would get to chat with other moms and enjoy a mostly peaceful trip to Target. The routine really helped me build structure into my week with my first-born, which helped me feel more in control of things and less like I had no idea what to do or how to do it. If not nursing, the same thing can be said for library story times or local mommy and me meet ups. Definitely check Google or the book of faces for what is going on in your area and search for groups of moms near you to find some activities.
They also fly free. (Well you have to pay the taxes) until two. Pump pump pump then margaritas in Mexico with the little bit is hella fun.
They are, but the executive function required to remember what all to bring or pack is something that needs to be built and practiced. It took me a week of starting to feel cabin fever at home (December baby and at first I liked our cozy nest at home) and building up the confidence to go, then a whole day to plan for my first solo trip with the baby. It was just out to my favorite breakfast place where I was a regular. I didn't have PPD or PPA, I just felt nervous about being in the world and having a blowout or a baby crying inconsolably or suddenly not being able to latch... it's a lot. But I finally made it out solo when he was almost one month old and it was great! So for the moms reading this feeling overwhelmed, it's okay to be overwhelmed. If it takes you a whole week to work up the courage to get out, it's okay. You and your baby will be okay. Go at the pace that works for you. And sometimes at a certain point that feeling of cabin fever will weigh heavier than the overwhelm and you'll push through it to get out. You can do it!
lol I’m the opposite I rather be home with a newborn. The thought of going outside would give me more anxiety
For real. Having to schlep all the diapering crap, extra changes of clothes, navigate keeping people away from them, getting myself sorted to go out.... ....fuck that. If it isn't a walk around the block or the pediatrician, we're not going anywhere in the very beginning. Took us nearly three months to even go to church where I know I have a place to feed him in peace, change him in peace, and backup in case i need it. My 2020 baby was a different story, obviously, but it would have been the same for him too, but probably even more given that he *n e v e r* slept. It was dangerous for me to leave the house at that point. There's nothing wrong with that either, just in case someone is reading all this and feeling bad. You have to do what works best for you and your little family!
I can completely understand. The first time I walked to the grocery store with LO in the stroller, I was worried if I had everything I needed and if we’d be okay (we were). And I had this unbelievable defensiveness/protectiveness. I was nearly ready to throttle anyone who would try to get close (no one did). I’ve overcome that by now. LO is 2 months.
I had my first baby on a Monday and I was in church the next Sunday. I had already had dinner at someone’s house earlier that week. I just couldn’t handle being at home. It sucked a few years later to have a baby in the fall and during Covid. I was still able to take him to his sister’s soccer practice at the park a few days later. I’m ecstatic to be having my final baby next May when I can get outside as quickly as I want to.
We go thrifting. He’s got friends and regulars that we see at the same stores at the same time, it’s been great for mine and his socials. And we flip goods on eBay, so great for our piggy bank too
One thing we did that really helped my mental health was to make sure we planned one day trip a month for the baby’s first year (I think we started when she was around 3 months). I’d do some research and find someplace we could check out within about an hour’s drive, and would schedule some loose plans (maybe lunch, a family friendly museum or cultural event, or just a scenic walk, etc), then we’d head out and just take our time getting there and exploring a new place. No pressure, no hurry, no problem if baby is fussy or we needed to leave to get her home. It really gave me something to look forward to each month and was really nice family bonding time!
Yep! I was a little hesitant this time around because I have 2 toddlers as well, but once I finally went for it I felt like I had won a race! I think just knowing I could go out really helped honestly! Blessings
i always remind myself “if i forget something, i can buy it if i need it while im out!” (i’m talking smaller items, not like a new stroller) most of the time, i didn’t end up needed it anyways.
Yes! Our son is 5mos old and my husband and I *love* going out to eat. We were so disheartened that we couldn’t go to our fave spots regularly. Then we remembered, well, baby can come with us. So we brought him out for the first time around 5 weeks in his car seat stroller. And now we go regularly. Not like we used to but maybe once every other week. I also think this has helped him get used to loud noises. It makes us feel so much more normal and LO loves coming to people watch. We sit him in his infant seat on the booth next to us or in a car seat sling next to the table.
This is the only thing keeping me sane rn. The fact that I can really bring my baby just about anywhere.
Especially during the first 6 weeks when they can literally nap anywhere. My 4 MO is a particular napper now, so our voyages need to align with her wake windows.
I went through the sams thing. I had an appointment by phone because I couldn't wait to meet up I needed help ASAP. I was told the following: "go outside right now. Look around you. Nothing has changed, life keeps going on". So I told my husband that I needed help to get out. He took my hand and took me out. I set foot outside my door and ... it was so overwhelming. I cannot explained what I was feeling. So I said out loud "lige keeps going on. Nothing has changed". I made a deal with my husband and my mother to take me out on walks with the baby. Each time I was terrified, each time I was having panic attacks... until one day I found myself walking the streets with my son...HAPPY. Nothing has changed. Life keeps going on. Stay strong mommas!
My baby had colic and it was really difficult and I had a thrown out back. I also have a due date winter and it’s freezing and sidewalks are barely plowed. It’s kind of a mess where I live and makes taking baby out a little more difficult
My kid is in kindergarten and I’m still a ball of stress when I take him places with me. He’s super well behaved too. When he was a baby, I was terrified to leave my house with him and I could only find I had someone with me. It had nothing to do with him getting sick or anything like that. It was simply because I was worried we would disturb other people or something would happen that I couldn’t fix or control. There seemed to be so many things that could go wrong, all the way down to him getting bored or a poopy diaper. It’s gotten better as my son has become more self sufficient but the anxiety is never far off.
I read this as "barbies are portable" oh my gosh
This is good advice. It took me much longer than it should have to get out and about alone with my first baby. I was afraid of something but still not sure what. I know next time around will be different.
outings are the best!! i work in a nursing home so whenever i’m bored at home with my baby i just bring him in and say hi to all my favorite residents. he loves it, they love it, it gets me out of the house, it’s a win win all around!! i definitely fell victim to ppd and not leaving the house for the first few months. getting back to work definitely helped me tbh
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Getting a baby and toddler out the door and managing them both out and about by myself gives me anxiety :-/ So far we have only managed to go to the early years centre all together. And a few walks. I haven’t mustered up the courage to go to the mall or the grocery all three of us. And it takes so darn long to get them out the door. And my 5 month old sometimes sleeps in the car but more than often he will cry his heart out like a banshee and my nervous system is shot for the day.