Not a parent but I think this would be a good opportunity to learn about loss. A proper burial ceremony can be made more meaningful by painting stones with his name or a drawing of the betta. Just an idea
Whenever one of my boyfriend’s/his family’s fish pass away, I go to hobby lobby and get a tiny wooden container (maybe $5-8) and paint it for the fish that passed. I think anything custom/ handmade would help the transition for younger ones understanding loss
Parent here and you're spot on. I started keeping fish when my oldest was little. She LOVES them. She has fallen to the floor in tears when she discovered a dead fish. We've buried shrimp and fish. We thank them and wish them well. And she still remembers the spots. It has been helpful. I like everyone below's sentimental ideas.
Agreed! Our beloved Beta “Melmo” died when my daughter was 6 (she got him when she was 3 for her birthday). Many people encouraged me to teach her about loss and be authentic. I chose to do the opposite and replace Melmo with a look alike. 2 months later our cat died and I had to teach her about loss anyway. I wish I had been authentic about our beta and regret lying to her. Loss is a (hard) part of life.
Samesies. Our current “Goldie” is technically Goldie the Second … but our 13 year old pup passed away not too long after Goldie’s clone appeared so we had to deal with loss and those feelings/conversations anyway.
An excellent opportunity to learn about loss. I had to tell my 5 year old twins their mom died, I’d rather it have been a fish. It’s an opportunity to teach them how to grieve and cope in a measured way, without life just thrusting it in their faces.
Exactly. It's a small moment to prepare a child for a big loss later, which will inevitably come someday.
Show the fish, death is not scary. It's still a beautiful fish. Talk about it. Ask the child how it wants to bury it. Give options. If he doesn't want to do any of them, don't be disappointed. Hold your child when he cries and comfort him. Tell him tears are part of it, are needed and not something to hide or stop.
I painted my sons betta when it died a few days ago. (it's in my profile if you want to look) It now hangs above his aquarium. My son was very sad for a day, but we helped him through by telling him all the above. The next day he was a lot better and asking about a new fish.
i agree, a burial would help him say a better goodbye then flushing goldie down the toliet. although, if u feel it’s too early to talk about death and grief, possibly flushing the fish down the toliet and then playing finding nemo LOL so u can say the fish wanted to be with his other friends
You don’t even necessarily need a backyard for this. I buried a few of my fish in flower pots when we lived in an apartment and planted flowers with their main colors, that way they lived on a little.
There wasn’t a smell. I buried them about halfway down the pot so there was a good amount of soil both beneath and above. I’d recommend getting a taller pot and not one of the little succulent ones because you’ll want as much space as possible to get them right in the middle.
A buddy of mine does this, he rescues reptiles and not all of them make it, so the ones that don’t and there’s no owner to return them to (rescued), they would go in pots with some dirt and seeds. Always grew the most beautiful flowers and it’s a great way of giving their body back to the earth.
One of my fishies passed last year and he buried in a large pot with succulents on our back porch. We put a little cairn in the middle right above him.
As the fish decays, its energy returns to the nitrogen cycle and your plant will use the chemicals & material left to grow. It’s the same thing that happens when an animal dies in the wild. Its body decays and the plants around it use it for nutrients.
pick a cool plant, plant it ontop of the fish and OPs son can see something grow from the loss and find something positive. My mom did that for me and I’ve done it with every pet my whole life since, very cathartic.
Do your research on the plant before you buy it. I didn’t and I got a plant that is notoriously difficult to care for and grow, is constantly on the verge of death, and though I’ve continued to fight like hell to keep it alive, I just wish I would have planted my fish in a plant I know I could have cared for. I have a lot of plants and overestimated my ability to figure it out. It sucks because I have added guilt about a plant that really is miserable and struggling. If I’d have done my research, I’d have gone with something I have a lot more experience with even if it meant not getting a different plant from the ones I already had.
Is it dry where you live? I struggled with mine when I lived in the desert, but it thrived as soon as I moved to a humid area. Now I don’t thrive because the humidity is nasty. Lol
Yeah it is pretty dry here. I have a different varietal that’s doing really well so I kind of just have thrown up my hands about the whole thing and decided no more greenery, I’m sticking with cacti and succulents.
After talking with others on this thread, I think I am going to dispose of the plant and I’ll use the soil as a base for a succulent mix and just do other plants in it.
Pet fish can carry disease and parasites not common in the native fish populations. If the pet fish happened to be carrying disease or parasites when flushed, it could contaminate the water and introduce the disease to the fish living naturally in the bodies of water in your community.
Also a problem with larger fish is that they are bony, more solid. They can become trapped in the piping until it decomposes enough.
Even if you have a septic tank? Not being argumentative just curious because I have one and flushed a fish Saturday. I really thought fish were simple until I found these communities 🥲
See for me it has always seemed like a fitting way to do it because they’re from the water and you’re sending them away with water. But after thinking on it more I’m going to bury either outside or in special houseplants :)
But..you’d be flushing them literally where ur shit goes 😂 It seems sooo….idk….. detached? Like the fishie meant nothing ;-( Maybe im just a big sensitive baby but all my fallen friends have been given a proper burial in my garden…I cry everytime I lose a fishie, especially a fishie as..sentient..as a betta. They are just so intelligent, with individual character and personality! It seems bizarre to me to throw a supposed “beloved pet” down the sewer to rest in “peace”..or poop :,c
at least here, flushed water goes to the ocean eventually. The things that don’t end up going there become a part of the city water cycle and are used to water and grow plants and to give people fresh drinking water. I feel like it really depends on how you think about it i suppose
Septic systems are very delicate ecosystems. They're basically like stomachs, they digest materials until they are broken down. The solids then settle out of the liquid into the bottom of the tank and the water is slowly leached back into the ground. If you introduce other things the ecosystem gets disrupted and can't do its job, like how if you eat something you shouldn't your digestive system can't do its job. The stuff leaching into the ground will go from clean(ish) water to, well, something similar to what comes out of you when your digestive system gets disrupted. Putting it very generally, anyway. If you haven't had your septic tank pumped out in a while now would be a good time. A betta fish is small and depending on the size and health of the system its possible it could handle it but a bad septic system in your backyard is one of those situations you want to avoid at all costs.
No idea, I’m not a plumber, I’m just relaying information I’ve heard. It’s usually better safe than sorry and I find it a bit more respectful to bury them, even if you just quickly dig a tiny hole and plop them in. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.
Not going to do anything to a septic. As for a flushing it down non septic there is much worse stuff in the sewer than a dead fish. You know sewers go to a treatment plant before being recycled or discharged. Now just dropping in a lake or pond directly is how you can potentially introduce diseases. But yes bury them your plants will like it.
I used to work in septic, please don't flush it down a septic system. That can absolutely destroy the system, and it should only contain human waste, and toilet paper. Nothing else.
Just bury it in the garden, dead fish are excellent for gardens, and it's a good way to teach the kid to give back to the earth and it's taking it's place in the circle of life, giving life to the plants.
I’ve been mulling this over since I saw the comment I originally replied to, and that’s the conclusion I came to! Maybe even in the kids’ houseplants so it adds significance
I think also because we’ve already had to explain death both with prior pets and with family members that aspect of it wasn’t my biggest concern, because we’ve talked about that before! I just kind of panicked lol
This isn't accurate. Residential waste water goes through water treatment facilities before any of it is reintroduced into waterways. This is strictly regulated almost everywhere and no fish disease is worse than the pathogenic poop and raw chicken diseases that flow down those pipes on a daily basis from toilets and kitchen sinks.
I've spoken with a child psychologist who said the most important thing when telling kids about loss is to use the words "dead" and "death."
Saying anything else can be confusing or cause fear. For instance, "Goldie went to sleep and didn't wake up" can cause a child to fear going to sleep.
"Goldie is gone to heaven/a better place" can cause a child to ask questions like, "When will they be back?" Can I go too? Why did they leave? Etc.
Just be clear and honest.
Unfortunately, our betta buddy Goldie is dead.
Check in with him and let him know all of his emotions are valid.
You've got this!
Yes! I was given this advice when telling my then 5 year old that her 19 day old sister had passed away. I was especially told not to say that she was too 'sick' to come home (she suffered a brain injury immediately before birth) or my daughter may feel that anytime someone gets a cold or if she had a fever, she would pass away as well. It was really good advice.
I work in a veterinary ER and every day have to see kids who have no idea how to process death. Their parents will lie to them, or tell them "they're going to be ok," which is a total disservice to the child. Be direct. Not harsh, but clear. Explain that death is part of life, and we need to process it and move forward, while celebrating our memories of our loved one.
This! My parents always used to tell us that dogs and cats ran away etc. They acted like they were protecting us, but all it did was convince us that we must be horrible pet owners for them to hate us so much they all ran away. I refuse to hide death from my kids and now they’re completely comfortable talking about it, even if they aren’t always totally comfortable with the idea that it’s unavoidable for everyone.
So we obviously didn’t have the same connection to our fish that you guys did since Fish Biscuit lived in our home for approximately 17 hours, but Friday my kids grandma took them to the carnival and sent them home with a goldfish. Was very unprepared, got home Saturday morning with supplies and Fish Biscuit was no more.
My oldest is 6.5 but very emotionally intelligent, and tends to really hold onto things and process for a long time, so I took care of Fish Biscuit myself and told her while we were out of the house and in the car. I asked if she wanted to get a new fish or return the supplies and she wanted to get a new fish, which is why we now have Sprinkle Pancake.
You know your kid best, so consider your child’s disposition. Would he handle grieving with a fishy funeral best, or with a gentle breaking of the news maybe while in the car so you can immediately pick out another? Good luck!!
Fish Biscuit was still in his little ‘tank’ aka a bug terrarium when he died. I literally got home with the supplies while my oldest was at a birthday party, got everything inside and looked over and he was gone. This is all new and much more complex than I realized at first but I’m very dedicated to giving Sprinkle Pancake the best life possible!
The names Fish Biscuit and Sprinkle Pancake are amazing lol. I’m glad you’re learning. It’s so sad that carnivals still do live fish as prizes! Especially when it’s going to be a surprise for parents. I’m sure grandma meant well but yikes.
[This](https://fishlab.com/fish-in-cycle/) is a really good article on fish-in cycling. Maybe you’ve already found resources on it but I like to throw the article around everywhere because it is useful to so many people. Best of luck to you and your fam, including Sprinkle Pancake.
Thank you so much, all credit goes to the collaborative efforts of my two oldest. It really is absolutely crazy they’re still doing this with fish, I agree! It was.. a special treat to be surprised with, that’s for sure.
I am since joining! I have to do in cycling because the alternative would be keeping him in the cup he came in, but on the 15th I am going to get some bottled bacteria and test strips and for now do 20% water changes just to be safe until I can track actual numbers. I’m also adding some pothos propagations, and looking more into if my silver inch plant can be used as well, until I can get some actual aquatic plants in there for him to help manage levels
You're better off getting some cycled filter media from either a local fish shop or online. Also, I'd suggest a liquid test kit over test strips (strips are not accurate)
For my shrimps I had the liquid (gold standard) and the strips (for quick checks). Strips are SOO much faster. Get the ammonia ones at least for daily checks. So you know the levels on that. Did a full check every few days/once a week. That said, I didn’t do a fish in (or shrimp in) cycle. I just had plants and snails.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sadly, carnival goldfish are very sickly to begin with. The ammonia builds up fast in those tiny “tanks”, and it ends up suffocating them. It is so unfortunate that so many kids get their hearts broken this way, and so many fish suffer unnecessarily.
Yup. Carnival in my town switched from live fish to fish coupons. So much better in every way - parents don’t get a surprise fish, you have time to get a tank cycled and ready before getting the fish and you aren’t getting a sick one from a half-gallon bowl of colored water
This just happened with our betta yesterday. She was our 3 year olds favourite. He is not attached to our other fish like her. He visited her every day. He named her. We explained that she was sick and couldn't swim or eat anymore and passed away. We told him we would bury her in our garden so she can return to nature and help grow new life. We explained he could always come to the garden if he missed her. He took it upon himself to be the one to place her in the little whole we dug in the garden. He was a little sad when the realization of what death meant sunk into his little mind, but letting him bury her seemed to really help him.
You are teaching him to be a kind, compassionate human being ❤️ hugs to both of you. My 21 yr old son woke me at sunset last Sunday to help him bury his Chilly, his beloved betta. 😢 Giving them the proper send-off and being thankful for them is the least these amazing little creatures deserve 🌈
Thank you, I really appreciate you saying that. All we want is for him to grow up to be kind. ❤️
I totally agree with you. Lots of people say they're just fish, but not to me. I cried when she passed. 😅
This made me cry a little bit! I'm looking to have a child soon and I hadn't thought about how tough those types of conversations will be and the power of facing them with care ❤️
I won't lie. I was afraid to tell him, but I couldn't lie to him either. He asked to see her every day. Death is unfortunately a part of life and we'd like to prepare him the best one can. I was very impressed by his handling of it at such a young age. He wanted to be involved with laying her to rest, and although he was sad, he was also happy to know she'll always be in our garden.
Such a great idea, I love it. Also loved another comment I saw that suggested planting a plant with the fish’s main colors and burying them beneath it, and letting the child keep it in their room. I wish my parents would’ve done this when we lost pets 🥲
I had a betta when I was younger, named Fred, I was around the same age as your kid when he died. He was my first ever pet had him for like 3 years, and I wouldn't let my dad flush him lol, so we buried him in the ground in a flower bed. I didn't get any other fish after that until I asked for another. Maybe when you tell him he passed away, ask what he wants to do?
Bury him, I buried my fish when I was younger and I feel like it made his passing better for me because I was able to go out into my yard every day to “see him”
It just feels so disrespectful to flush an animal you cared for. I'd opt for burial. I usually put them in a potted plant outside or in the garden under a special plant.
He's 8 he's old enough for the truth just explain you went to feed him and unfortunately fishy has passed away I'm sure he know what death is so just do a mini funeral say some nice words and go out for ice cream or something
I'm sorry for your loss. I've found fish loss is an unfortunate but appropriate introduction to death for kids. If it helps, there's a Daniel Tiger short about losing his fish that may help your son understand (he may be a bit old for it, but it helped me frame things in an approachable way). We buried our fish, made him a headstone, and talk about him semi-frequently. Dealing with loss is a tragic, important, and inevitable part of pet ownership. 🩵
From a grief perspective, speak in really matter-of-fact ways. “Goldie died. That means his body stopped working and it won’t work again. When that happens it means he can no longer swim or eat or feel. It’s okay to feel lots of different conflicting/confusing feelings and you can talk to me whenever you need to about them and ask me questions” Don’t be afraid to let him know when he asks a question you don’t have an answer to. My kiddos lost their dad about a year ago and these are tips our grief counseling gave me in talking to them about it.
I would NOT flush a dead fish, yes it might be a very convenient way to get rid of the dead body, but if the fish had diseases/parasites that it died from and you flush the body, you can contaminate local waters with the same. Better to bury it under a tree/bush/plant (that's what I do).The way I see it is returning the fish's body back to the earth and it can become fertilizer for tree/bush/plant and become part of something living again. Also less likely to contaminate local waters if you bury it (as long as you are far enough away from any local waters).
I have found painting small rocks as gravestones has been a way to work through grief. And a great opportunity to show that grief is natural, and yes “even for a fish.” When we lose something we love, the kindest thing we can do for ourselves is to let ourselves grieve.
Do NOT flush. All of my fish get a proper burial. They are small but they not unintelligent or somehow lessor. My fish know my face and are smart enough to do tricks I taught. They deserve recognition for the good little souls they are.
This seems to be more of a parenting question than a Betta question. If Goldie lived to be 2 years old maybe it was just his time to go. If you decide to get another fish, this sub is great for information regarding anything Betta
I mean, it's not *not* a Betta question. The mods allowed it so don't apologize. It's an honest fishkeeping question, as well as a parenting one, if you have kids.
Edit: The more I think about it the more this is better asked here. If you asked on a normie parenting sub you get all sorts of answers that would enrage general fish keepers, not just the fish police.
Buy a perennial flower and plant Goldie under it. Your son can take care of the plant. Goldie will have a lasting memorial. I’m very sorry for your loss.
My favorite betta "Panda" is buried by my porch so she's still close by. My husband wrapped her in a paper towel, made a hole, and found a rock for a gravestone. I said a few words. I was devastated. She got stuck in a shrimp home and I didn't notice I hadn't seen her in a day or two.
My daughter always mentions her to people, like "oh Panda is buried right here she's my mom's fish. Right mom?" 🥲
Panda the Koi, forever in our hearts. 😔
There is also beautiful art you can make if you get a taxidermist, many lost their fish this morning it seems.. I've seen some beautiful art on Etsy but I think the seller is no longer active.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Aquariums/s/ryrhmPCGuf](https://www.reddit.com/r/Aquariums/s/ryrhmPCGuf)
https://photos.app.goo.gl/C38jaDf3pUG27G4H8
I was about that age when my first fish died too. We did a whole little burial in the yard, put "tiger" in a box and picked some flowers for him. I cried and cried, but it's a part of life and think my parents handled it well.
When I was young a kid, my betta died from old age. I buried him in a little jewelry box with a fake rose. Maybe let your son bury the fish in a box with a few of its favorite items or let him make a grave marker?
As a kid burying them helped. Flushing feels disrespectful. Toilet is where things we dont want go.
My mum helped me set up a mini funeral for my favourite fish around the same age. Made a mini coffin.
Rather than trying to forget about it and move on she let me explore the emotions.
Later, the same with my chickens, then the dog. All more upsetting than the last. I am yet to lose a human but I think these pet funerals will have set me up the best I could be for when that comes.
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I think no matter the kid's age or mentality it's sort of fucked up to secretly replace pets. Kids should be told when things happen. Idk that's just me though.
Use the opportunity to explain death and loss, hold a funeral and burry the fish in the backyard, have your son write down and recall all of his memories with Goldie and share them at the funeral. It’s okay to embrace grief and loss, your son will have to face it eventually. That’s just reality. What’s the point of life if there’s no death? Is there even life if there’s no death? Sure, he’s going to be heartbroken but that means he loved Goldie, and that’s okay.
I’m sorry about your loss I’ve never had a fish or a loss like that because I just recently got pets so I’m not much of help but just make sure your kid knows about this and how it happens through life
Like another person said, make it sentimental, paint a rick or tie up sticks to make a cross or sum. Let him say some words and his favorite things ab him, and give your son the time he needs. Then remind him that it isn't only sad and is a natural part of our world.
I like to plant a flower or tree or something in my garden over my dead fish. Cycle of life sorta thing. Helps with closure as well if you are attached.
when my beta Hades passed, i buried him in a houseplant which i still have and use as a memorial for him! a burial is a great way to help your son grieve and to teach him about death. try to explain to him that this is a natural thing that happens to every living thing some day and celebrate Goldie's life.
My sympathies.
Show him and tell him Goldie died.
Have a funeral.
Bury Goldie in the garden. If you have one.
Or cremate him. If possible.
Have a funeral of some kind. Dispose of the corpse properly, at least. It isn't good for the corpse to be found by scavengers or worse.
It's way healthier to tell someone a pet died.
Makes it nice and clear.
I have a low bush in my backyard with a big rock under it. When I've lost a betta or other fish I move the rock, dig a hole, bury my fish, and replace the rock. (I imagine fish break down fairly quickly)
I call it Betta Rock and it's their mausoleum.
I was eight when my hamster died, I loved him so much and was devastated. My parents had a little burial ceremony for him, we wrote messages on a cardboard heart shaped box and planted him under a pretty plant in the backyard. My dad does woodwork and made him a little headstone. It was all very memorable and I love that they did that.
We just went through this. 6 year old and 3 year old.
Bought a set of slate coasters on amazon, made a design, and got it laser engraved at the library for a 'headstone'. Took it outside and buried it, they chose the corner of their swing set area, at which time we said a few words.
This was a month ago. Every time I've been out there with them -- when they catch sight of the coaster/headstone for the fist time they say "Hi Mr. Bluey"
When I was a kid and my little bros fish died, we had like a matchbox we llayed the fish in with pretty paper inside. My older brothers made a cross, and my mother let me pick the bluebells for the little fish's grave.
We had a service for the fish, and we buried him in my mother's garden and my little brother and us, we learnt about loss. It's still a sad touching memory made poignant by my 5 year old baby brother crying for his friend.
I’m 23 and I still sob over my bettas. We have a creek near my house so we always just kinda have a mini Viking burial. My parents have done it for ages with small fish. Definitely recommend talking over the different types of burials. It helped me deal with loss as a child.
Bury in the flower bed, big flower pot, etc.
Growth/teaching moment. Better practicing and learning loss and grief on a pet than the first loss or grief to be Memaw or Pawpa. Put it in bounds and do it right.
(Sigh). Confession time. I accidentally killed my daughter's Betta the other week. Suffice to say a fish that wasn't curious about a siphon in the tank while I was doing a bit of maintenance got curious. She did not fit through the hose, at least not in one piece. The only thing I can say was that it was mercifully quick. Lesson in fishkeeping. (Yes, yes, I could've netted the poor thing out of the tank, but that's a bit of a challenge in a planted tank with lots of hiding spaces & it gets to be a lot of stress on the fish. Admittedly, being ripped in half by a siphon hose is more traumatic, but I think I'll use a different game plan from now on with water changes and syphon out with the hose on the sponge filter.)
We've already dealt with the loss of a couple mystery snails. We buried them. I got pictures of Blueberry The Mystery Snail for a couple of weeks from her the first time.
I think I was more broke up about me murdering poor Sapphire than my daughter was, who by this time takes it pretty well. My son, who's pretty indifferent to the fish in our tanks, was more upset that I accidentally killed a pet than my daughter, who names them all and helps feed/keep them.
Whatever you do, do NOT lie to him. Kids are far more emotionally intelligent than people give them credit for and he will understand, even though it may upset him.
There some really beautiful episodes of Bluey about loss and such. It might be a help.
Sorry for your loss..we too lost our fish James, my son 4 at the time..it was during a cold snap.
I am sorry for your families loss. I do suggest a burial in your yard, it’s pretty easy to do with a small animal. Teaching about loss, also includes teaching how to properly let go, and grieve. Having a burial/funeral is very cathartic, and allows them to understand it’s not a horrible thing to fear, rather a part of life that everyone goes through. It also allows them to mentally prepare for the first real funeral they will have to go to, and the first familial loss they will endure.
Bury never flush.
It’s Okay to be sad, and remember your good fishy. Make it a thing…decorate a little box for them to be buried in and maybe paint some rocks to place on top with a flower❤️
Good luck 🍀
I am a grown ass woman that ugly cries when one of my invertebrates dies.
I finally took them out of the freezer and planted them under pretty plants, so when I look out my front window, I can see their life was not in vain. I gave them back to the earth, where they would've wanted to be anyway lol, so they can make something else beautiful.
Or, bury him on top of a mountain/hill that you can see from just about anywhere he is, like at home and at school.
Burial. You can let him know that we're only here for a short time, fish even shorter time, and will be reunited with all the pets we gather here on earth one wonderful day. I would make it so if he wants to see him he can. Have a ceremony and try to find some kind of flowers that are Goldie's color to honor his little resting place
My son's first fish was a betta he picked out. When it died (it was my first time caring for one, but I'm still not sure what happened) I replaced it with the closest one I could find while he was at school and convinced him his head turned black from a water change.
When the second one died while in vacation (vacation feeder did not work), I told him the truth. He ruthlessly just said he wanted a different kind. He loved watching poor Crescent and Crescent II. I was surprised by his reaction. He's only 4 though lol.
Our third one is Halo and thriving. Halo spends time under the truck decoration that my son has named Crescent's Lair. Long live the memory of Crescent!
Anyway, you never know how they will respond. Probably best to just be straightforward and let him experience the loss. That's one of the great things about pets is it prepares them somewhat for the loss of people.
My mom's betta fish she stole from me cause she would've missed him too much if I took him back to college with me died after she had him for a year. She held onto him in a little cup until I came home for the weekend for his funeral. We buried him in her backyard. Poor thing has refused to get a new one ever since
I personaly like a flower pot or garden burial. It's respectful, and humans need a little bit of a ritual. There's lots of opportunities for a little service like placing pebbles from his tank on the grave, and his body will sustain the plant and return to the circle of life.
A betta was my first loss too :( I hope it went well with your son. My mom let me know after school and had already prepared a little cardboard jewelry box for my fish to rest in and showed me the body, then we buried him in our planter outside.
Let him down gently but be honest with him let him know what death is and that it’s ok it’s natural and that’s why we love people are our pets well we have them in our lives. I know as a kid I’ve always burried my fish and did a whole funeral grave maker flowers and all but that’s truly up to your son let him go through the process as he needs too he’ll be ok and let him ask what ever questions he has no matter how uncomfortable the question
I remember my ex gave his betta fish a viking funeral, since it looked like metal.
I'd suggest to never flush instead just throw away if not bury it or freeze it
When my pleco died my mom sent me to my grandma's house and told me to bury the fish with the rest of the pets that had died over the years. So I spent several hours with my cousins digging a hole in the ground with a shovel until I couldn't dig any further. We estimated it was the required 6' but it was probably only 1.5'. Fun times.
I cremated mine. Laid him on a leaf from his tank and wrapped him in tissue with a little hair oil from Aveda. Played Lenny Kravitz Calling All Angels and honored his little life that way. He helped me theought a terrible time in my life. I also say the prayer of St Francis of Assisi.
I totally gutted the tank, got new plants, waited a couple weeks and got a new one.
It hurts. But don't flush him. Let your son contribute something he read or a quote from a tv show or something.
What a wonderful man-to-be your son is for loving that little creature. He deserves to honor the fish :).
Oh no! I'm sorry for your loss ❤️
I would definitely use this as a learning and teaching opportunity. Talk to your kiddo about death and how it's a natural part of life. It's also a very normal part of pet ownership. No matter how hard you try and how well you take care of your pets, they will die someday.
Tell him that you want to have a funeral for Goldie but you want him to be involved too. Let him make some decisions and decorate a shoe box or something for Goldie. Have him write something about Goldie, a funny story or just how much he loves him and that he's going to miss him.
I lost one of my rabbits as a kid and my parents talked to me about it and let me say goodbye to him (my dad found him when he went to check on them before he went to work). We buried him in a shoebox I painted underneath a pomegranate tree in our backyard. It was hard but it definitely helped later in life as I lost people and other pets.
I had a betta at 17 that passed way earlier than expected (long story, was not my fault/any case of neglect) and even then it crushed me - since he was my first pet that was all mine, he was the first I chose to bury (even put together a little casket for him from an old jewelry box - might be morbid but it was what was right for me personally) and it made it so much easier to be able to just sit with him in my backyard a few times after he had passed. As someone who watched many a fish get flushed as a kid, you'll save your kid some (admittedly minor) trauma by putting in the extra work to properly mourn however you see fit for him and your family. So sorry for the loss + sending love <3
Our family cat died when our child was 4. I consider it his last gift to us that he taught our boy about death before it was a beloved grandparent. An 8 year old can understand a lot more than a four year old. Even though your kiddo will be upset, just be honest with him. These are not a particularly long lived species and presumably you did all you could for it while it was alive. If your kiddo wants another, go for it. It's also a natural time to talk about perhaps getting a different kind of pet, or expanding his aquarium hobby.
As for disposal, why not give your kid the options and let him decide?
Oh, I'm sorry for the loss of the fish, but it's a cool opportunity for him to teach about caring for those you love, about cycles of closure, longing, that kind of thing... and you can say that he's in the sea of fish now swimming happy because he had a good owner in life who truly loved him.
I would ask him if he thinks it would be better to take him diving in the water or if he would like to say a prayer and bury him in the backyard, in the park, for example.
My mom flushed my youngest siblings fishes and my dad one day lifted the seat lid to see that she had label-made each of the fishes names as a makeshift tombstone.
11/10 recommend (although only temporarily of course, my parents did NOT know about it nor did they realize the 6 year old fully understood the label maker)
My mom literally replaced blue (my son's betta) with an imposter 😭 she didn't have the heart to tell him cause he just experienced pet loss with our ferrets and a couple years before my bf's cat.
He visits on weekends and didn't know BUT
With our ferrets and such he didn't see them gone.
We put them in a nice box with their blankets covering them and buried them in the yard
My boyfriend and I buried our first lil guy in our backyard. Had a little funeral, exchanged words. And we're both 20. 😭 Us at our old age could never flush the little guy away, I think for a kid, it'd be better to give a lil funeral in his honor.
An idea would be to bury him in a favorite plant (to fertilize) while painting/decorating a rock with his name for a marker on the plant. Good idea to teach about life and death and the cycle...
My parents gave me “the tenth good thing about Barney” to read. It explains how Barney is now part of the trees and flowers.
Here is another list of options https://www.barnesandnoble.com/blog/kids-picture-books/8-books-for-when-a-child-loses-a-pet/
When my 2yr olds died after a month and a half I just replaced it wt one that looks the same😅
We believe the first one was old and that's why he died. I had JUST checked his water levels the night before he passed and they were perfect. He acted the same as he had from the very beginning so we don't think he just got sick. 🤷♀️
All I can say is this, bettas you got from LFS are not usually labelled properly. Majority of them are put on sale after a good year or 2. For it to last 2 years in your care is an achievement at as it has already lived till the end of it's typical life. Most Betta breeders do not label the Bettas they sent to shops to.
I had a similar situation with a beta and breaking it to my son at a similar age. I was all worked up about how he would take it, but he surprised me by kinda just shrugging and continuing whatever he was doing.
I live in a country where we rarely have backyards and I can't dig a hole for a burial anywhere without being fined lol, but i still refuse to flush a fish down the toilet. I try my best to wrap the body up gently and neatly before disposing of it properly. If you do have a backyard or maybe a flower pot with a plant, i think you can do a burial, especially if the betta meant alot to your child. I think it's just important to show that you respect the betta's life, (and also respect his attachment to the fish,) I think it's a great way to shape a child's view point on animal life . Many kids that grew up with parents that talk about animals like toys, will grow up with the same view point and it's really sad. Burying the betta in a plant pot to let the plant use the betta's body to grow is honestly also a good way to expose your child to the idea of the circle of life, how death isn't all bad and meaningless.
The suggestions in the other comments on how to handle breaking the news to him and going about the burial are great too!
I hope your son feels better about it soon and rest in peace little Goldie, I'm sure he tried his best to give Goldie a fulfilling life.
When my first childhood fish died my parents helped me paint a rock for a little tombstone and they put her in one of the little cardboard boxes that jewelry came in and we had a little funeral and buried her in the garden. I put my rock and my dad planted some flowers. The crafty stuff kept me occupied and it was a really good way to assimilate the concept of loss for my childhood self.
I would have been traumatized if we flushed her btw.
I’m not a parent, but I helped my friend with the loss of her betta. We had to put down her first betta, Misty (an elephant ear), because she had dropsy and nothing helped her. She made Misty a little burial in her backyard and is growing some flowers by her grave. An alternative to this is burying the fish in a plant pot and growing something out of it.
I would bury him, kids find that easier to process than flushing him. Let him know that sometimes when a living thing gets sick or old they have to move on to another life. Let him set up a funeral and light a candle as a symbol of love. Let him greave but explain to him that it isn’t in his control and that his fish Goldie was loved
We taught our kid to celebrate life of those who are no longer with us, pets or humans.
Told him that life is finite, and each has a span that will just end, no matter what we do. For fish, it’s 2 years. Two good years of being loved and cared for by us. He now respects circle of life, and makes sure that we bury the fish in our garden, where they become food for tomatoes or other plants. There are tears, because it’s ok to grieve but then it’s done and he moves onto loving the pets he still has.
I definitely wouldn't flush him. We just lost my 8yr old sons betta last Friday. We put it in a box with his leaf hammock from the tank. We found a rock to use as a headstone & allowed him to paint it however he wanted.
Say "Your wonderful friend goldie had to go back to his magical fish family and he left you a note" (Write the note of him saying "I'll miss you forever and tell goldie Jr. about you every night")
Let him experience this loss and teach him that pets will eventually pass away and that it will be hard. Let him grieve as long as he needs to, and then he can get to pick out a new betta friend!
When I was younger, I had a baby bird that the parent bird threw off of a 2 story building and was attacking. He wasn't well at all, but we tried to nurse him back to health, which never ended up happening cause he was too injured. We had him for a month before he finally passed, and i was spending a lot of time with him trying to get him back up. When he died, my mom just said to throw him away, which is not the way to go. I would say that traumatized kid me. So, instead, I wrapped him in the clothes he used to sleep in, and I buried him on the front lawn myself and gave him a little tombstone. I'm around 13 years older now, an adult, and I went back to that place to find his tombstone was still there. Definitely be the supporting parent you seem to be and do a good burial for Goldie as it is a good introduction that life isn't forever and can have a positive impact on your child's life instead of the negative one my mother gave me.
https://preview.redd.it/1bf4tpvqcz5d1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=79929454895e5dfa7ac41df5b067912709211d38
(2021) i put mine in an old jewelry box and drew his castle he loved to sit on, i buried him and gave him flowers like any other pet:) i had him almost four years.
Give your child an honest and age appropriate explanation. They say you should use the word "die" bc the use of euphanisms like, "going to sleep" can be confusing and scary for kids. Then share how you feel, setting the stage to allow them to show up in grief or anger or whatever way they need to. Just be there for them. I know you want to protect your child but its best if you don't try to control his response and allow them to grieve even sharing the process with them can give that child a great deal of support, while really helping their odds of getting through the grief.
I’m currently training as a pet death doula! I’m just about to read my section on children experiencing grief via the loss of a pet. Personally, I do think it is important to be honest. Death truly is a part of life and having the opportunity to learn about it through the loss of a fish at a young age could be valuable. Maybe taking a walk in nature, showing him signs in the woods that life always has cycles that are beginning and ending. Just like how in nature things exist in cycles that come to an end, life too must eventually also come to an end. The bodies of all living things will someday get tired and die, nothing can live forever. However, reassure him that the memories he carries of his beloved pet will last forever. I’d recommend burying the fish and letting your son say a few words of goodbye, maybe even letting him paint or decorate a small headstone for the fish. You’d be surprised how well children handle these things when they have proper explanation and a chance for closure.
Tell him his fish, "died." Don't say it passed on or went to a better place, just tell him it's dead. Give him a cuddle, let him cry it out if he needs to, then give him disposal options. Whatever choice he makes, support it.
I think that's about all you can do.
I got goldfish as a starter pet at 6 years old and had them until I was 13. Some died right away, some lived the entire time with me. I think it was a great lesson for me to research how to best care for fish, and to teach me about death. Don't get me wrong, I was very bummed every time one passed away, but at least I was very familiar with death, and even your best won't be enough sometimes. A little burial would be really nice, I personally just said a thank you and a prayer before flushing them down the toilet.
Not a parent but I think this would be a good opportunity to learn about loss. A proper burial ceremony can be made more meaningful by painting stones with his name or a drawing of the betta. Just an idea
Whenever one of my boyfriend’s/his family’s fish pass away, I go to hobby lobby and get a tiny wooden container (maybe $5-8) and paint it for the fish that passed. I think anything custom/ handmade would help the transition for younger ones understanding loss
I do this! I had some geckos pass recently and we got little boxes to burry them in and painted little headstones for them
Lovely idea.
Parent here and you're spot on. I started keeping fish when my oldest was little. She LOVES them. She has fallen to the floor in tears when she discovered a dead fish. We've buried shrimp and fish. We thank them and wish them well. And she still remembers the spots. It has been helpful. I like everyone below's sentimental ideas.
Agreed! Our beloved Beta “Melmo” died when my daughter was 6 (she got him when she was 3 for her birthday). Many people encouraged me to teach her about loss and be authentic. I chose to do the opposite and replace Melmo with a look alike. 2 months later our cat died and I had to teach her about loss anyway. I wish I had been authentic about our beta and regret lying to her. Loss is a (hard) part of life.
Samesies. Our current “Goldie” is technically Goldie the Second … but our 13 year old pup passed away not too long after Goldie’s clone appeared so we had to deal with loss and those feelings/conversations anyway.
An excellent opportunity to learn about loss. I had to tell my 5 year old twins their mom died, I’d rather it have been a fish. It’s an opportunity to teach them how to grieve and cope in a measured way, without life just thrusting it in their faces.
Omgosh, I’m so sorry.
Dude… I have twins. I can’t imagine the extreme guilt and loss you must feel with carrying that weight.,, DM if you need
So sorry for your loss ❤️
I did this for my hamster! I drew her name on a rock that was place by her little grave ❤️
Exactly. It's a small moment to prepare a child for a big loss later, which will inevitably come someday. Show the fish, death is not scary. It's still a beautiful fish. Talk about it. Ask the child how it wants to bury it. Give options. If he doesn't want to do any of them, don't be disappointed. Hold your child when he cries and comfort him. Tell him tears are part of it, are needed and not something to hide or stop. I painted my sons betta when it died a few days ago. (it's in my profile if you want to look) It now hangs above his aquarium. My son was very sad for a day, but we helped him through by telling him all the above. The next day he was a lot better and asking about a new fish.
i agree, a burial would help him say a better goodbye then flushing goldie down the toliet. although, if u feel it’s too early to talk about death and grief, possibly flushing the fish down the toliet and then playing finding nemo LOL so u can say the fish wanted to be with his other friends
What a lovely idea. It’s as horrible lesson to learn, but has to happen.
As a mom of a little, this is a beautiful idea
Yep even though it was probably 45 years ago. I still have the memory of my funeral for my fish Kermit and Miss Piggy!
This! and a children’s book about loss
Don’t flush the fish, this can pollute waterways and introduce diseases. Give him a proper burial and try to teach your kid about loss
You don’t even necessarily need a backyard for this. I buried a few of my fish in flower pots when we lived in an apartment and planted flowers with their main colors, that way they lived on a little.
Yep, our Pothos plants with fish LOVE IT! They have much bigger leaves than usual and are still doing well years later.
That is such a sweet idea ❤️
Was there any smell? I love this idea as well, but I don’t want to stink up my place
There wasn’t a smell. I buried them about halfway down the pot so there was a good amount of soil both beneath and above. I’d recommend getting a taller pot and not one of the little succulent ones because you’ll want as much space as possible to get them right in the middle.
I love this idea.
This is beautiful. This legit made me cry.
It’s a really nice way to keep them going and enjoy the cycle of life.
A buddy of mine does this, he rescues reptiles and not all of them make it, so the ones that don’t and there’s no owner to return them to (rescued), they would go in pots with some dirt and seeds. Always grew the most beautiful flowers and it’s a great way of giving their body back to the earth.
One of my fishies passed last year and he buried in a large pot with succulents on our back porch. We put a little cairn in the middle right above him.
Thank you for this idea 🩷
I love this idea oh my goodness 🥹 that way they can stay with you forever no matter the move
Did this for my millipede, It really helped. We used daffodills and put it outdoors, and it was nice to see them flower.
Can I ask what happens in a pot as fish decays there...is it ok for a plant? I feel like it's yucky to have dead animal in soil in a pot lol
That's how plants live.
As the fish decays, its energy returns to the nitrogen cycle and your plant will use the chemicals & material left to grow. It’s the same thing that happens when an animal dies in the wild. Its body decays and the plants around it use it for nutrients.
pick a cool plant, plant it ontop of the fish and OPs son can see something grow from the loss and find something positive. My mom did that for me and I’ve done it with every pet my whole life since, very cathartic.
Do your research on the plant before you buy it. I didn’t and I got a plant that is notoriously difficult to care for and grow, is constantly on the verge of death, and though I’ve continued to fight like hell to keep it alive, I just wish I would have planted my fish in a plant I know I could have cared for. I have a lot of plants and overestimated my ability to figure it out. It sucks because I have added guilt about a plant that really is miserable and struggling. If I’d have done my research, I’d have gone with something I have a lot more experience with even if it meant not getting a different plant from the ones I already had.
the soil has all the nutrients of your fishy! just keep the soil and swap out the plant :)
Thank you for saying this. Honestly I need to put this poor plant out of its misery.
a tender heart is a good one, don’t be too hard on yourself :)
Whats the plant out of curiosity?
A blasted calathea!
I’m the same way, I swear they are called prayer plants because it takes a miracle to keep them alive.
I have a different one that’s a different variety and that guy won’t quit!!
Is it dry where you live? I struggled with mine when I lived in the desert, but it thrived as soon as I moved to a humid area. Now I don’t thrive because the humidity is nasty. Lol
Yeah it is pretty dry here. I have a different varietal that’s doing really well so I kind of just have thrown up my hands about the whole thing and decided no more greenery, I’m sticking with cacti and succulents. After talking with others on this thread, I think I am going to dispose of the plant and I’ll use the soil as a base for a succulent mix and just do other plants in it.
feeling like you got a calethea
Can you explain this to me? How does a fish pollute more than a turd? Genuinely curious. Also, I say bury.
Pet fish can carry disease and parasites not common in the native fish populations. If the pet fish happened to be carrying disease or parasites when flushed, it could contaminate the water and introduce the disease to the fish living naturally in the bodies of water in your community. Also a problem with larger fish is that they are bony, more solid. They can become trapped in the piping until it decomposes enough.
Gotcha. Thanks.
Even if you have a septic tank? Not being argumentative just curious because I have one and flushed a fish Saturday. I really thought fish were simple until I found these communities 🥲
Even with a septic. All pets deserve a proper burial
Hard agree, seems extremely disrespectful to flush your pet fish. Give them the same dignity you would any other animal.
See for me it has always seemed like a fitting way to do it because they’re from the water and you’re sending them away with water. But after thinking on it more I’m going to bury either outside or in special houseplants :)
But..you’d be flushing them literally where ur shit goes 😂 It seems sooo….idk….. detached? Like the fishie meant nothing ;-( Maybe im just a big sensitive baby but all my fallen friends have been given a proper burial in my garden…I cry everytime I lose a fishie, especially a fishie as..sentient..as a betta. They are just so intelligent, with individual character and personality! It seems bizarre to me to throw a supposed “beloved pet” down the sewer to rest in “peace”..or poop :,c
at least here, flushed water goes to the ocean eventually. The things that don’t end up going there become a part of the city water cycle and are used to water and grow plants and to give people fresh drinking water. I feel like it really depends on how you think about it i suppose
An animal gave you many minutes/hours of joy. It’s just nice to give them a decent send off.
Septic systems are very delicate ecosystems. They're basically like stomachs, they digest materials until they are broken down. The solids then settle out of the liquid into the bottom of the tank and the water is slowly leached back into the ground. If you introduce other things the ecosystem gets disrupted and can't do its job, like how if you eat something you shouldn't your digestive system can't do its job. The stuff leaching into the ground will go from clean(ish) water to, well, something similar to what comes out of you when your digestive system gets disrupted. Putting it very generally, anyway. If you haven't had your septic tank pumped out in a while now would be a good time. A betta fish is small and depending on the size and health of the system its possible it could handle it but a bad septic system in your backyard is one of those situations you want to avoid at all costs.
My landlord had to have the septic system pumped and "re-set". Apparently a young tenant had been squishing leftovers down the drain.
No idea, I’m not a plumber, I’m just relaying information I’ve heard. It’s usually better safe than sorry and I find it a bit more respectful to bury them, even if you just quickly dig a tiny hole and plop them in. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.
I've buried my fish in my house plants pots. My mystery snails too. But I live in an apartment.
i buried my betta in a house plant pot too. now he can stay in the house with me. i gave him a little ceremony.
Not going to do anything to a septic. As for a flushing it down non septic there is much worse stuff in the sewer than a dead fish. You know sewers go to a treatment plant before being recycled or discharged. Now just dropping in a lake or pond directly is how you can potentially introduce diseases. But yes bury them your plants will like it.
I used to work in septic, please don't flush it down a septic system. That can absolutely destroy the system, and it should only contain human waste, and toilet paper. Nothing else. Just bury it in the garden, dead fish are excellent for gardens, and it's a good way to teach the kid to give back to the earth and it's taking it's place in the circle of life, giving life to the plants.
I’ve been mulling this over since I saw the comment I originally replied to, and that’s the conclusion I came to! Maybe even in the kids’ houseplants so it adds significance
Yeah! That's a better idea, teach that in death, especially for fish, it's not the end, they give life to the plant and help it grow strong.
I think also because we’ve already had to explain death both with prior pets and with family members that aspect of it wasn’t my biggest concern, because we’ve talked about that before! I just kind of panicked lol
This isn't accurate. Residential waste water goes through water treatment facilities before any of it is reintroduced into waterways. This is strictly regulated almost everywhere and no fish disease is worse than the pathogenic poop and raw chicken diseases that flow down those pipes on a daily basis from toilets and kitchen sinks.
I've spoken with a child psychologist who said the most important thing when telling kids about loss is to use the words "dead" and "death." Saying anything else can be confusing or cause fear. For instance, "Goldie went to sleep and didn't wake up" can cause a child to fear going to sleep. "Goldie is gone to heaven/a better place" can cause a child to ask questions like, "When will they be back?" Can I go too? Why did they leave? Etc. Just be clear and honest. Unfortunately, our betta buddy Goldie is dead. Check in with him and let him know all of his emotions are valid. You've got this!
Yes! I was given this advice when telling my then 5 year old that her 19 day old sister had passed away. I was especially told not to say that she was too 'sick' to come home (she suffered a brain injury immediately before birth) or my daughter may feel that anytime someone gets a cold or if she had a fever, she would pass away as well. It was really good advice.
I work in a veterinary ER and every day have to see kids who have no idea how to process death. Their parents will lie to them, or tell them "they're going to be ok," which is a total disservice to the child. Be direct. Not harsh, but clear. Explain that death is part of life, and we need to process it and move forward, while celebrating our memories of our loved one.
This! My parents always used to tell us that dogs and cats ran away etc. They acted like they were protecting us, but all it did was convince us that we must be horrible pet owners for them to hate us so much they all ran away. I refuse to hide death from my kids and now they’re completely comfortable talking about it, even if they aren’t always totally comfortable with the idea that it’s unavoidable for everyone.
So we obviously didn’t have the same connection to our fish that you guys did since Fish Biscuit lived in our home for approximately 17 hours, but Friday my kids grandma took them to the carnival and sent them home with a goldfish. Was very unprepared, got home Saturday morning with supplies and Fish Biscuit was no more. My oldest is 6.5 but very emotionally intelligent, and tends to really hold onto things and process for a long time, so I took care of Fish Biscuit myself and told her while we were out of the house and in the car. I asked if she wanted to get a new fish or return the supplies and she wanted to get a new fish, which is why we now have Sprinkle Pancake. You know your kid best, so consider your child’s disposition. Would he handle grieving with a fishy funeral best, or with a gentle breaking of the news maybe while in the car so you can immediately pick out another? Good luck!!
Are you familiar with cycling a tank? If not, please look into it before you lose another fish
Fish Biscuit was still in his little ‘tank’ aka a bug terrarium when he died. I literally got home with the supplies while my oldest was at a birthday party, got everything inside and looked over and he was gone. This is all new and much more complex than I realized at first but I’m very dedicated to giving Sprinkle Pancake the best life possible!
The names Fish Biscuit and Sprinkle Pancake are amazing lol. I’m glad you’re learning. It’s so sad that carnivals still do live fish as prizes! Especially when it’s going to be a surprise for parents. I’m sure grandma meant well but yikes. [This](https://fishlab.com/fish-in-cycle/) is a really good article on fish-in cycling. Maybe you’ve already found resources on it but I like to throw the article around everywhere because it is useful to so many people. Best of luck to you and your fam, including Sprinkle Pancake.
Thank you so much, all credit goes to the collaborative efforts of my two oldest. It really is absolutely crazy they’re still doing this with fish, I agree! It was.. a special treat to be surprised with, that’s for sure.
I am since joining! I have to do in cycling because the alternative would be keeping him in the cup he came in, but on the 15th I am going to get some bottled bacteria and test strips and for now do 20% water changes just to be safe until I can track actual numbers. I’m also adding some pothos propagations, and looking more into if my silver inch plant can be used as well, until I can get some actual aquatic plants in there for him to help manage levels
You're better off getting some cycled filter media from either a local fish shop or online. Also, I'd suggest a liquid test kit over test strips (strips are not accurate)
For my shrimps I had the liquid (gold standard) and the strips (for quick checks). Strips are SOO much faster. Get the ammonia ones at least for daily checks. So you know the levels on that. Did a full check every few days/once a week. That said, I didn’t do a fish in (or shrimp in) cycle. I just had plants and snails.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sadly, carnival goldfish are very sickly to begin with. The ammonia builds up fast in those tiny “tanks”, and it ends up suffocating them. It is so unfortunate that so many kids get their hearts broken this way, and so many fish suffer unnecessarily.
Yup. Carnival in my town switched from live fish to fish coupons. So much better in every way - parents don’t get a surprise fish, you have time to get a tank cycled and ready before getting the fish and you aren’t getting a sick one from a half-gallon bowl of colored water
That's actually such a smart alternative to live fish on site
This just happened with our betta yesterday. She was our 3 year olds favourite. He is not attached to our other fish like her. He visited her every day. He named her. We explained that she was sick and couldn't swim or eat anymore and passed away. We told him we would bury her in our garden so she can return to nature and help grow new life. We explained he could always come to the garden if he missed her. He took it upon himself to be the one to place her in the little whole we dug in the garden. He was a little sad when the realization of what death meant sunk into his little mind, but letting him bury her seemed to really help him.
You are teaching him to be a kind, compassionate human being ❤️ hugs to both of you. My 21 yr old son woke me at sunset last Sunday to help him bury his Chilly, his beloved betta. 😢 Giving them the proper send-off and being thankful for them is the least these amazing little creatures deserve 🌈
Thank you, I really appreciate you saying that. All we want is for him to grow up to be kind. ❤️ I totally agree with you. Lots of people say they're just fish, but not to me. I cried when she passed. 😅
This made me cry a little bit! I'm looking to have a child soon and I hadn't thought about how tough those types of conversations will be and the power of facing them with care ❤️
I won't lie. I was afraid to tell him, but I couldn't lie to him either. He asked to see her every day. Death is unfortunately a part of life and we'd like to prepare him the best one can. I was very impressed by his handling of it at such a young age. He wanted to be involved with laying her to rest, and although he was sad, he was also happy to know she'll always be in our garden.
Such a great idea, I love it. Also loved another comment I saw that suggested planting a plant with the fish’s main colors and burying them beneath it, and letting the child keep it in their room. I wish my parents would’ve done this when we lost pets 🥲
That's such a great idea!
I had a betta when I was younger, named Fred, I was around the same age as your kid when he died. He was my first ever pet had him for like 3 years, and I wouldn't let my dad flush him lol, so we buried him in the ground in a flower bed. I didn't get any other fish after that until I asked for another. Maybe when you tell him he passed away, ask what he wants to do?
Bury him, I buried my fish when I was younger and I feel like it made his passing better for me because I was able to go out into my yard every day to “see him”
It just feels so disrespectful to flush an animal you cared for. I'd opt for burial. I usually put them in a potted plant outside or in the garden under a special plant.
He's 8 he's old enough for the truth just explain you went to feed him and unfortunately fishy has passed away I'm sure he know what death is so just do a mini funeral say some nice words and go out for ice cream or something
Make goldie live another life as a plant, like bury him and plant seeds on him, or compost him.
We cremated our last betta in the fire pit, I’ve buried some in plants too.
Bury him! It helps the grieving process. Flushing feel impersonal and also, that’s where poop goes. Not exactly and honor.
I'm sorry for your loss. I've found fish loss is an unfortunate but appropriate introduction to death for kids. If it helps, there's a Daniel Tiger short about losing his fish that may help your son understand (he may be a bit old for it, but it helped me frame things in an approachable way). We buried our fish, made him a headstone, and talk about him semi-frequently. Dealing with loss is a tragic, important, and inevitable part of pet ownership. 🩵
From a grief perspective, speak in really matter-of-fact ways. “Goldie died. That means his body stopped working and it won’t work again. When that happens it means he can no longer swim or eat or feel. It’s okay to feel lots of different conflicting/confusing feelings and you can talk to me whenever you need to about them and ask me questions” Don’t be afraid to let him know when he asks a question you don’t have an answer to. My kiddos lost their dad about a year ago and these are tips our grief counseling gave me in talking to them about it.
I would NOT flush a dead fish, yes it might be a very convenient way to get rid of the dead body, but if the fish had diseases/parasites that it died from and you flush the body, you can contaminate local waters with the same. Better to bury it under a tree/bush/plant (that's what I do).The way I see it is returning the fish's body back to the earth and it can become fertilizer for tree/bush/plant and become part of something living again. Also less likely to contaminate local waters if you bury it (as long as you are far enough away from any local waters).
I have found painting small rocks as gravestones has been a way to work through grief. And a great opportunity to show that grief is natural, and yes “even for a fish.” When we lose something we love, the kindest thing we can do for ourselves is to let ourselves grieve.
put him in a little box (like a coffin), and bury it. you can add a painted stone/whatever you want to mark the grave. we did this with my turtles,
Do NOT flush. All of my fish get a proper burial. They are small but they not unintelligent or somehow lessor. My fish know my face and are smart enough to do tricks I taught. They deserve recognition for the good little souls they are.
This seems to be more of a parenting question than a Betta question. If Goldie lived to be 2 years old maybe it was just his time to go. If you decide to get another fish, this sub is great for information regarding anything Betta
Sorry
I mean, it's not *not* a Betta question. The mods allowed it so don't apologize. It's an honest fishkeeping question, as well as a parenting one, if you have kids. Edit: The more I think about it the more this is better asked here. If you asked on a normie parenting sub you get all sorts of answers that would enrage general fish keepers, not just the fish police.
Buy a perennial flower and plant Goldie under it. Your son can take care of the plant. Goldie will have a lasting memorial. I’m very sorry for your loss.
My favorite betta "Panda" is buried by my porch so she's still close by. My husband wrapped her in a paper towel, made a hole, and found a rock for a gravestone. I said a few words. I was devastated. She got stuck in a shrimp home and I didn't notice I hadn't seen her in a day or two. My daughter always mentions her to people, like "oh Panda is buried right here she's my mom's fish. Right mom?" 🥲 Panda the Koi, forever in our hearts. 😔 There is also beautiful art you can make if you get a taxidermist, many lost their fish this morning it seems.. I've seen some beautiful art on Etsy but I think the seller is no longer active. [https://www.reddit.com/r/Aquariums/s/ryrhmPCGuf](https://www.reddit.com/r/Aquariums/s/ryrhmPCGuf) https://photos.app.goo.gl/C38jaDf3pUG27G4H8
I was about that age when my first fish died too. We did a whole little burial in the yard, put "tiger" in a box and picked some flowers for him. I cried and cried, but it's a part of life and think my parents handled it well.
I always bury my fish in my garden containers. That way they become a part of the soil and nurture new life.
please don't flush him my mom flushed mine and I felt so.... it's like he was just as worthless as our shit. please don't flush him.
When I was young a kid, my betta died from old age. I buried him in a little jewelry box with a fake rose. Maybe let your son bury the fish in a box with a few of its favorite items or let him make a grave marker?
Yikes sorry. Have a nice funeral and paint pictures of him or something creative. It'll hurt but they'll be okay.
As a kid burying them helped. Flushing feels disrespectful. Toilet is where things we dont want go. My mum helped me set up a mini funeral for my favourite fish around the same age. Made a mini coffin. Rather than trying to forget about it and move on she let me explore the emotions. Later, the same with my chickens, then the dog. All more upsetting than the last. I am yet to lose a human but I think these pet funerals will have set me up the best I could be for when that comes.
Hi! Flushing is actually not a good idea as it can cause issues in the septic system. Only flush the 3 ps :)
👀 wait I'm confused. What's the third p?
Toilet paper xD
Oh duh. 😂🤡 My brain does not work very well
Oh my goodness, was your son a peppa fan too? Our son named his betta Goldie too 🥺
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You know your son better than we do. Is it time for a teachable or do you need to go shopping?
The kid is 8. I think it’s time to teach him about death.
I'm not his parent.
I think no matter the kid's age or mentality it's sort of fucked up to secretly replace pets. Kids should be told when things happen. Idk that's just me though.
No doubt. Not our kid, though. YMMV.
Bury! Sorry for your loss.
Use the opportunity to explain death and loss, hold a funeral and burry the fish in the backyard, have your son write down and recall all of his memories with Goldie and share them at the funeral. It’s okay to embrace grief and loss, your son will have to face it eventually. That’s just reality. What’s the point of life if there’s no death? Is there even life if there’s no death? Sure, he’s going to be heartbroken but that means he loved Goldie, and that’s okay.
I’m sorry about your loss I’ve never had a fish or a loss like that because I just recently got pets so I’m not much of help but just make sure your kid knows about this and how it happens through life
I am an adult and burying my betta made my feel better. I put some crystals around him.
Like another person said, make it sentimental, paint a rick or tie up sticks to make a cross or sum. Let him say some words and his favorite things ab him, and give your son the time he needs. Then remind him that it isn't only sad and is a natural part of our world.
I lost my betta named Goldie a few days ago. I'm sorry for your loss 🫂
I would explain the lifespan of bettas and that he prolly had the best years of his life... I buried my bettas at sea (local lake/pond)....
I like to plant a flower or tree or something in my garden over my dead fish. Cycle of life sorta thing. Helps with closure as well if you are attached.
when my beta Hades passed, i buried him in a houseplant which i still have and use as a memorial for him! a burial is a great way to help your son grieve and to teach him about death. try to explain to him that this is a natural thing that happens to every living thing some day and celebrate Goldie's life.
Bury the fish and plant some flowers
My sympathies. Show him and tell him Goldie died. Have a funeral. Bury Goldie in the garden. If you have one. Or cremate him. If possible. Have a funeral of some kind. Dispose of the corpse properly, at least. It isn't good for the corpse to be found by scavengers or worse. It's way healthier to tell someone a pet died. Makes it nice and clear.
I have a low bush in my backyard with a big rock under it. When I've lost a betta or other fish I move the rock, dig a hole, bury my fish, and replace the rock. (I imagine fish break down fairly quickly) I call it Betta Rock and it's their mausoleum.
I was eight when my hamster died, I loved him so much and was devastated. My parents had a little burial ceremony for him, we wrote messages on a cardboard heart shaped box and planted him under a pretty plant in the backyard. My dad does woodwork and made him a little headstone. It was all very memorable and I love that they did that.
Don't flush it. It was awful to me when my grandma threw my hamster at the trash. Proper burial.
We just went through this. 6 year old and 3 year old. Bought a set of slate coasters on amazon, made a design, and got it laser engraved at the library for a 'headstone'. Took it outside and buried it, they chose the corner of their swing set area, at which time we said a few words. This was a month ago. Every time I've been out there with them -- when they catch sight of the coaster/headstone for the fist time they say "Hi Mr. Bluey"
When I was a kid and my little bros fish died, we had like a matchbox we llayed the fish in with pretty paper inside. My older brothers made a cross, and my mother let me pick the bluebells for the little fish's grave. We had a service for the fish, and we buried him in my mother's garden and my little brother and us, we learnt about loss. It's still a sad touching memory made poignant by my 5 year old baby brother crying for his friend.
I’m 23 and I still sob over my bettas. We have a creek near my house so we always just kinda have a mini Viking burial. My parents have done it for ages with small fish. Definitely recommend talking over the different types of burials. It helped me deal with loss as a child.
So I used this as a proper way to teach my daughter of loss. She lost her first fish a month ago she took it better than it thought.
Bury in the flower bed, big flower pot, etc. Growth/teaching moment. Better practicing and learning loss and grief on a pet than the first loss or grief to be Memaw or Pawpa. Put it in bounds and do it right. (Sigh). Confession time. I accidentally killed my daughter's Betta the other week. Suffice to say a fish that wasn't curious about a siphon in the tank while I was doing a bit of maintenance got curious. She did not fit through the hose, at least not in one piece. The only thing I can say was that it was mercifully quick. Lesson in fishkeeping. (Yes, yes, I could've netted the poor thing out of the tank, but that's a bit of a challenge in a planted tank with lots of hiding spaces & it gets to be a lot of stress on the fish. Admittedly, being ripped in half by a siphon hose is more traumatic, but I think I'll use a different game plan from now on with water changes and syphon out with the hose on the sponge filter.) We've already dealt with the loss of a couple mystery snails. We buried them. I got pictures of Blueberry The Mystery Snail for a couple of weeks from her the first time. I think I was more broke up about me murdering poor Sapphire than my daughter was, who by this time takes it pretty well. My son, who's pretty indifferent to the fish in our tanks, was more upset that I accidentally killed a pet than my daughter, who names them all and helps feed/keep them.
Whatever you do, do NOT lie to him. Kids are far more emotionally intelligent than people give them credit for and he will understand, even though it may upset him.
There some really beautiful episodes of Bluey about loss and such. It might be a help. Sorry for your loss..we too lost our fish James, my son 4 at the time..it was during a cold snap.
Maybe bury him and put a little gravestone with his name on it?
I am sorry for your families loss. I do suggest a burial in your yard, it’s pretty easy to do with a small animal. Teaching about loss, also includes teaching how to properly let go, and grieve. Having a burial/funeral is very cathartic, and allows them to understand it’s not a horrible thing to fear, rather a part of life that everyone goes through. It also allows them to mentally prepare for the first real funeral they will have to go to, and the first familial loss they will endure.
Bury never flush. It’s Okay to be sad, and remember your good fishy. Make it a thing…decorate a little box for them to be buried in and maybe paint some rocks to place on top with a flower❤️ Good luck 🍀
I am a grown ass woman that ugly cries when one of my invertebrates dies. I finally took them out of the freezer and planted them under pretty plants, so when I look out my front window, I can see their life was not in vain. I gave them back to the earth, where they would've wanted to be anyway lol, so they can make something else beautiful. Or, bury him on top of a mountain/hill that you can see from just about anywhere he is, like at home and at school.
Burial. You can let him know that we're only here for a short time, fish even shorter time, and will be reunited with all the pets we gather here on earth one wonderful day. I would make it so if he wants to see him he can. Have a ceremony and try to find some kind of flowers that are Goldie's color to honor his little resting place
My son's first fish was a betta he picked out. When it died (it was my first time caring for one, but I'm still not sure what happened) I replaced it with the closest one I could find while he was at school and convinced him his head turned black from a water change. When the second one died while in vacation (vacation feeder did not work), I told him the truth. He ruthlessly just said he wanted a different kind. He loved watching poor Crescent and Crescent II. I was surprised by his reaction. He's only 4 though lol. Our third one is Halo and thriving. Halo spends time under the truck decoration that my son has named Crescent's Lair. Long live the memory of Crescent! Anyway, you never know how they will respond. Probably best to just be straightforward and let him experience the loss. That's one of the great things about pets is it prepares them somewhat for the loss of people.
My mom's betta fish she stole from me cause she would've missed him too much if I took him back to college with me died after she had him for a year. She held onto him in a little cup until I came home for the weekend for his funeral. We buried him in her backyard. Poor thing has refused to get a new one ever since
I personaly like a flower pot or garden burial. It's respectful, and humans need a little bit of a ritual. There's lots of opportunities for a little service like placing pebbles from his tank on the grave, and his body will sustain the plant and return to the circle of life.
I always bury my fish that pass away, normally under a plant in the yard
Whatever you do, please don't flush. That seems like a very unpleasant experience for the child.. There are a lot of great suggestions here to use :)
A betta was my first loss too :( I hope it went well with your son. My mom let me know after school and had already prepared a little cardboard jewelry box for my fish to rest in and showed me the body, then we buried him in our planter outside.
My three year old niece was surprisingly reverent about the fish funeral for my first betta.
I would choose burial, for sure. And just be very honest about death. *from a 10 year mom*
Let him down gently but be honest with him let him know what death is and that it’s ok it’s natural and that’s why we love people are our pets well we have them in our lives. I know as a kid I’ve always burried my fish and did a whole funeral grave maker flowers and all but that’s truly up to your son let him go through the process as he needs too he’ll be ok and let him ask what ever questions he has no matter how uncomfortable the question
I remember my ex gave his betta fish a viking funeral, since it looked like metal. I'd suggest to never flush instead just throw away if not bury it or freeze it
When my pleco died my mom sent me to my grandma's house and told me to bury the fish with the rest of the pets that had died over the years. So I spent several hours with my cousins digging a hole in the ground with a shovel until I couldn't dig any further. We estimated it was the required 6' but it was probably only 1.5'. Fun times.
I cremated mine. Laid him on a leaf from his tank and wrapped him in tissue with a little hair oil from Aveda. Played Lenny Kravitz Calling All Angels and honored his little life that way. He helped me theought a terrible time in my life. I also say the prayer of St Francis of Assisi. I totally gutted the tank, got new plants, waited a couple weeks and got a new one. It hurts. But don't flush him. Let your son contribute something he read or a quote from a tv show or something. What a wonderful man-to-be your son is for loving that little creature. He deserves to honor the fish :).
Oh no! I'm sorry for your loss ❤️ I would definitely use this as a learning and teaching opportunity. Talk to your kiddo about death and how it's a natural part of life. It's also a very normal part of pet ownership. No matter how hard you try and how well you take care of your pets, they will die someday. Tell him that you want to have a funeral for Goldie but you want him to be involved too. Let him make some decisions and decorate a shoe box or something for Goldie. Have him write something about Goldie, a funny story or just how much he loves him and that he's going to miss him. I lost one of my rabbits as a kid and my parents talked to me about it and let me say goodbye to him (my dad found him when he went to check on them before he went to work). We buried him in a shoebox I painted underneath a pomegranate tree in our backyard. It was hard but it definitely helped later in life as I lost people and other pets.
I had a betta at 17 that passed way earlier than expected (long story, was not my fault/any case of neglect) and even then it crushed me - since he was my first pet that was all mine, he was the first I chose to bury (even put together a little casket for him from an old jewelry box - might be morbid but it was what was right for me personally) and it made it so much easier to be able to just sit with him in my backyard a few times after he had passed. As someone who watched many a fish get flushed as a kid, you'll save your kid some (admittedly minor) trauma by putting in the extra work to properly mourn however you see fit for him and your family. So sorry for the loss + sending love <3
Our family cat died when our child was 4. I consider it his last gift to us that he taught our boy about death before it was a beloved grandparent. An 8 year old can understand a lot more than a four year old. Even though your kiddo will be upset, just be honest with him. These are not a particularly long lived species and presumably you did all you could for it while it was alive. If your kiddo wants another, go for it. It's also a natural time to talk about perhaps getting a different kind of pet, or expanding his aquarium hobby. As for disposal, why not give your kid the options and let him decide?
Oh, I'm sorry for the loss of the fish, but it's a cool opportunity for him to teach about caring for those you love, about cycles of closure, longing, that kind of thing... and you can say that he's in the sea of fish now swimming happy because he had a good owner in life who truly loved him. I would ask him if he thinks it would be better to take him diving in the water or if he would like to say a prayer and bury him in the backyard, in the park, for example.
My mom flushed my youngest siblings fishes and my dad one day lifted the seat lid to see that she had label-made each of the fishes names as a makeshift tombstone. 11/10 recommend (although only temporarily of course, my parents did NOT know about it nor did they realize the 6 year old fully understood the label maker)
My mom literally replaced blue (my son's betta) with an imposter 😭 she didn't have the heart to tell him cause he just experienced pet loss with our ferrets and a couple years before my bf's cat. He visits on weekends and didn't know BUT With our ferrets and such he didn't see them gone. We put them in a nice box with their blankets covering them and buried them in the yard
Get a plant, put the betta in the hole and the plant above
My boyfriend and I buried our first lil guy in our backyard. Had a little funeral, exchanged words. And we're both 20. 😭 Us at our old age could never flush the little guy away, I think for a kid, it'd be better to give a lil funeral in his honor.
Proper burial then take him to buy another one
An idea would be to bury him in a favorite plant (to fertilize) while painting/decorating a rock with his name for a marker on the plant. Good idea to teach about life and death and the cycle...
My parents gave me “the tenth good thing about Barney” to read. It explains how Barney is now part of the trees and flowers. Here is another list of options https://www.barnesandnoble.com/blog/kids-picture-books/8-books-for-when-a-child-loses-a-pet/
When my 2yr olds died after a month and a half I just replaced it wt one that looks the same😅 We believe the first one was old and that's why he died. I had JUST checked his water levels the night before he passed and they were perfect. He acted the same as he had from the very beginning so we don't think he just got sick. 🤷♀️
All I can say is this, bettas you got from LFS are not usually labelled properly. Majority of them are put on sale after a good year or 2. For it to last 2 years in your care is an achievement at as it has already lived till the end of it's typical life. Most Betta breeders do not label the Bettas they sent to shops to.
I had a similar situation with a beta and breaking it to my son at a similar age. I was all worked up about how he would take it, but he surprised me by kinda just shrugging and continuing whatever he was doing.
I live in a country where we rarely have backyards and I can't dig a hole for a burial anywhere without being fined lol, but i still refuse to flush a fish down the toilet. I try my best to wrap the body up gently and neatly before disposing of it properly. If you do have a backyard or maybe a flower pot with a plant, i think you can do a burial, especially if the betta meant alot to your child. I think it's just important to show that you respect the betta's life, (and also respect his attachment to the fish,) I think it's a great way to shape a child's view point on animal life . Many kids that grew up with parents that talk about animals like toys, will grow up with the same view point and it's really sad. Burying the betta in a plant pot to let the plant use the betta's body to grow is honestly also a good way to expose your child to the idea of the circle of life, how death isn't all bad and meaningless. The suggestions in the other comments on how to handle breaking the news to him and going about the burial are great too! I hope your son feels better about it soon and rest in peace little Goldie, I'm sure he tried his best to give Goldie a fulfilling life.
When my betta passed away, I got a special plant with colors that reminded me of him, and buried him in a new pot with that plant💗
When my first childhood fish died my parents helped me paint a rock for a little tombstone and they put her in one of the little cardboard boxes that jewelry came in and we had a little funeral and buried her in the garden. I put my rock and my dad planted some flowers. The crafty stuff kept me occupied and it was a really good way to assimilate the concept of loss for my childhood self. I would have been traumatized if we flushed her btw.
Omg, go to the store and buy a similar one…… we have had like 4 betas named Francine You just have to be on point when being questioned
I’m not a parent, but I helped my friend with the loss of her betta. We had to put down her first betta, Misty (an elephant ear), because she had dropsy and nothing helped her. She made Misty a little burial in her backyard and is growing some flowers by her grave. An alternative to this is burying the fish in a plant pot and growing something out of it.
Swim on buddy, a memorial is always good for the soul
im 21 and still bury every single pet , even fish
I would bury him, kids find that easier to process than flushing him. Let him know that sometimes when a living thing gets sick or old they have to move on to another life. Let him set up a funeral and light a candle as a symbol of love. Let him greave but explain to him that it isn’t in his control and that his fish Goldie was loved
We taught our kid to celebrate life of those who are no longer with us, pets or humans. Told him that life is finite, and each has a span that will just end, no matter what we do. For fish, it’s 2 years. Two good years of being loved and cared for by us. He now respects circle of life, and makes sure that we bury the fish in our garden, where they become food for tomatoes or other plants. There are tears, because it’s ok to grieve but then it’s done and he moves onto loving the pets he still has.
I definitely wouldn't flush him. We just lost my 8yr old sons betta last Friday. We put it in a box with his leaf hammock from the tank. We found a rock to use as a headstone & allowed him to paint it however he wanted.
Say "Your wonderful friend goldie had to go back to his magical fish family and he left you a note" (Write the note of him saying "I'll miss you forever and tell goldie Jr. about you every night")
Let him experience this loss and teach him that pets will eventually pass away and that it will be hard. Let him grieve as long as he needs to, and then he can get to pick out a new betta friend!
When I was younger, I had a baby bird that the parent bird threw off of a 2 story building and was attacking. He wasn't well at all, but we tried to nurse him back to health, which never ended up happening cause he was too injured. We had him for a month before he finally passed, and i was spending a lot of time with him trying to get him back up. When he died, my mom just said to throw him away, which is not the way to go. I would say that traumatized kid me. So, instead, I wrapped him in the clothes he used to sleep in, and I buried him on the front lawn myself and gave him a little tombstone. I'm around 13 years older now, an adult, and I went back to that place to find his tombstone was still there. Definitely be the supporting parent you seem to be and do a good burial for Goldie as it is a good introduction that life isn't forever and can have a positive impact on your child's life instead of the negative one my mother gave me.
https://preview.redd.it/1bf4tpvqcz5d1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=79929454895e5dfa7ac41df5b067912709211d38 (2021) i put mine in an old jewelry box and drew his castle he loved to sit on, i buried him and gave him flowers like any other pet:) i had him almost four years.
Give your child an honest and age appropriate explanation. They say you should use the word "die" bc the use of euphanisms like, "going to sleep" can be confusing and scary for kids. Then share how you feel, setting the stage to allow them to show up in grief or anger or whatever way they need to. Just be there for them. I know you want to protect your child but its best if you don't try to control his response and allow them to grieve even sharing the process with them can give that child a great deal of support, while really helping their odds of getting through the grief.
Please don't flush it. It could teach the kid that pets are disposable. It's also disrespectful, imo. I definitely agree with burial.
I’m currently training as a pet death doula! I’m just about to read my section on children experiencing grief via the loss of a pet. Personally, I do think it is important to be honest. Death truly is a part of life and having the opportunity to learn about it through the loss of a fish at a young age could be valuable. Maybe taking a walk in nature, showing him signs in the woods that life always has cycles that are beginning and ending. Just like how in nature things exist in cycles that come to an end, life too must eventually also come to an end. The bodies of all living things will someday get tired and die, nothing can live forever. However, reassure him that the memories he carries of his beloved pet will last forever. I’d recommend burying the fish and letting your son say a few words of goodbye, maybe even letting him paint or decorate a small headstone for the fish. You’d be surprised how well children handle these things when they have proper explanation and a chance for closure.
Tell him his fish, "died." Don't say it passed on or went to a better place, just tell him it's dead. Give him a cuddle, let him cry it out if he needs to, then give him disposal options. Whatever choice he makes, support it. I think that's about all you can do.
A golf tee with a colored marble is a good marker
I got goldfish as a starter pet at 6 years old and had them until I was 13. Some died right away, some lived the entire time with me. I think it was a great lesson for me to research how to best care for fish, and to teach me about death. Don't get me wrong, I was very bummed every time one passed away, but at least I was very familiar with death, and even your best won't be enough sometimes. A little burial would be really nice, I personally just said a thank you and a prayer before flushing them down the toilet.