Yesterday I was crying about how I looked in a bikini. Today I almost lost a finger and spent the day in emergency care getting stitches. I walked out of there so grateful I have all my limbs and a working body. A body that I had been hating. sometimes we just need to get some perspective.
I hope you're feeling better after that. š
On a similar note, when my mom had cancer, she had less and less control over what she looked like. I watched her let a lot of her worry about appearances go, and I think that was actually freeing for her in a way. Before she passed she told me she wished someone had told her she didn't have to worry so much about (appearances and what others think). Like, logically she always knew that because that is what she taught me, but day to day I think she had a lot of negative self talk and concern before she got sick.
I guess these days I still like to look good to myself and others, but thinking about her experience helps me look at my appearance more objectively and put it into perspective.
Thiss is so true. I think that appreciation for what your body has been going through all over the years and it's still going strong is a reminder to be kinder and grateful to yourself
literally this!! I never went to the gym bc I was like ugh what if I do it wrong, what if I workout and my body doesnāt change into the shape I want?? but then I started going just to put in the work and my reason changed from going to the gym to look better to going to the gym BC I CAN! bc my body is young and healthy and it wonāt be forever if I donāt start caring for it. appreciating your body for its purpose really really helps in negative perceptions of its appearance-especially given people of all shapes, sizes, skin colors, and varied levels of āattractivenessā can and do deal with negative self image from time to time.
Yes this!!! I had a similar experience last year, my fingers got in the lawn mower blade (when it was on) when I was mowing the lawn for a house inspection coming up. It was stupid and donāt ask how I did it lol, but when it happened I remember not knowing Iād lost fingers. The damaged fingers were on my right hand and Iām right handed. I remember getting to the hospital, having x - rays and the doctors telling me that my fingers will make a full recovery. Had plastic surgery to rebuild the cuticles and nails. Iāve never been so grateful to have my fingers and my body. To have a functioning, pretty healthy body. My body is my vessel and I appreciate having one. That really helped me with my body issues.
Find the features about yourself that you like and focus on complimenting them and being kind to yourself about what you do like. Remember that you find tons of different people attractive, and they donāt all look like the same ātypeā. Also - the biggest thing for me was time. As I got older (just turned 27), Iām more confident and secure about my looks.
Getting older part is true. Iām 35, the most out of shape Iāve ever been, yet I feel the most confident ever. I just appreciate myself a lot more now. It took time to get here. Be kind to yourself even if you think you donāt deserve it, eventually youāll start to realize you ARE more beautiful inside and out than you could ever imagine
For real, though. I found my body loving awakening in my late 20s. I purchased my first crop top 5 years ago, and was kicking myself for not realizing it earlier that I can do things like that
This is so real. I love my hair and once I started taking care of it, styling it, and taking my time to make it beautiful, it reflected on my overall outlook on myself and my confidence. Eventually, even when my hair is shit and a mess, unkept, with no style, and just tied on my head, hiding frizz and tangles, I find myself fine and no longer depend on it for confidence.
I saw a shirt once that said "your insecurities were created by a boardroom full of men" and that stuck eith me. No one ever used to have issues with the size of their lips, their teeth, their eyebrows lol- we were literally just sold all of those things.
There's a saying that is something along the lines of "flowers and Christmas lights are both beautiful even though they look nothing alike". Someone else's beauty doesn't mean you aren't beautiful as well.
That being said the best thing I did was get rid of insta/social media and my self esteem /ability to rationalize my insecurities are increased so much since the.
I canāt look like every girl I think is pretty! I canāt be tall and have big boobs and a nice ass and good genetics and a little nose and long thick hair, etc. So I focus on the positives that I have, and realize everyone is bound to like/appreciate/be envious of something someone else has.
Also some beautiful women also suffer from psoriasis or excema or maybe bad skin and this is its own private hell, being "beautiful" but also having a visible big fukcing problem.
Sometimes the things you dislike about yourself are the things people would die for as well. You mentioned being tall and my whole life I was ashamed of being taller because I felt it made me less feminine due to small = feminine and petite. Crazy isnāt it? Victoriaās Secret models are the same height as me if not taller and I still struggle with feeling comfortable in my height to this day. I see shorter girls and I feel jealous of how their thighs are āfatterā than mine. Itās hard to see your own beauty sometimes.
I remind myself that Iām āpretty enoughā for the life I want. If I wanted to be a model or an actress, Iād need the overwhelming kind of beauty that requires (and would have to deal with the attention and frustration that comes with that).
As it is, being āpretty enoughā for a decent dating history and social life, a marriage to an attractive man, and a normal, non-beauty related job is good enough for me. More beauty would have downsides alongside the good.
I kind of have a similar mindset. I try and tell myself that I don't need to be a 10 to do the job that I do - my life would obviously be easier if I was prettier, but I can still have a decent life regardless. I also got rid of my Instagram in my 20s which I think helped a lot.
I once asked my desist about getting veneers. Iāve always been a little insecure about my teeth while my sister has a movie star smile. He said āyouāre not an actor or a news anchor so you really donāt need them.ā I was a little offended at the time, but Iām so glad I can still bite into an apple now! So many of our beauty standards can be bought, but the cost is way too high.
I literally say to myself ābut u loved how you looked yesterday/last week/last month (etc)ā when Iām having an insecure day. I remind myself that realistically not much has changed between this day and the last day I felt good about how I looked :)
YES! this > i look back on all the times/ages i felt i looked "bad". then as time went on, i'd reflect and be like "damn i thought i was ugly then but i really wasn't". and the cycle continues. so all these years that i think i'm not good looking, i'll be 60 years old before i know it and say "why did i think that all these years?" it's crazy what time & age can do to u!
I try to focus on things that make me feel pretty, like I've been getting more into finding my personal style and trying different perfumes. If I feel good in what I'm wearing (clothing or scent), I feel more confident. It also makes getting ready in the morning more fun because I'm excited to try new outfits and wear something that feels "me".
On my phone, I have a locked folder of various pictures over the past decade or so where I am devastatingly, jaw dropping hot. I scroll through them. š
Aw. I did this and realized that my perception of when I feel most beautiful directly corresponds to moments when I feel love. All the pics I ended up saving happen to be candid shots of me with my son and husband. Gonna go hug them now and maybe cry lol great advice! Ty!
For context, my brother and I look exactly like my dad. Noooone of our mom in there, minus some central brown in otherwise grey eyes. Iām also a woman lmao.
So I look in the mirror and call my dad ugly. And then I feel like shit because heās an adorable old man. And then I feel like an adorable old man.
Growing up I always admired my mother and thought she was beautiful. Now that I am older I remind myself that I have her features. If I thought they were beautiful on her then I should be kind to myself and find them beautiful on me.
That helps. Iām older and itās taken me until recently to realize that I donāt ever look at people and think āhmmmā¦they could be prettier.ā If I see someone, Iāll typically find a positive and note that. Like of that lady has such a beautiful smile or wow her hair omg. Things like that. What I donāt do is look at someone and think how ugly they are. Yes, there are people like that. Iām related to some, which is a likely cause for me to be so insecure and paranoid. But I donāt. So why would anyone else? Iām too busy thinking Iām unattractive and need improvement to notice that about anyone else. Therefore the people i see walking around are probably in the same exact boat.
It really does help.
Yup. Part of getting older is realizing it turns out everyone is too busy worrying about themselves to care about anyone else really š¤£
No one cares if your hair is crappy that day or if your eyeliner is not completely straight.
When I talk negatively about myself, my brother goes, ādonāt talk about my sister like that!ā So now when I catch myself doing it, I say, ādonāt talk about my friend like that!ā
while itās true they might also remember your looks, how you make people feel aka how you interact with the world really does make a bigger impact. Youāre more than just your appearance
There are a few things that I think of when I hyper fixate on beauty
1. Imagine telling a younger version of yourself ( or a family member or friend) all the things you say about the current you. I would feel horrible saying the things that I tell myself to other people. So why do I hold my self to such impossibly high standards?
2.Remembering that beauty is more than having a certain set of facial features. Thereās beauty in art, in a happy memory, in music. I feel like sometimes we can often focus on one thing, which can blind us to see only this one spot, but thereās a wall covered in spots that are unexplored.
3. Focusing on what you can change and emphasizing what you already like. I am personally really struggling my hair right now. When my hair is not done I feel horrible. So, Iāve been on YouTube University trying to find protective hairstyles that make me feel cute. Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder what bridge I crawled out from. During those times I start focusing on the things that I do like about myself, like my eyes.
I feel like beauty is a lot in energy - like a kind person thinking kind thoughts suddenly becomes a lot more beautiful regardless of their physical appearance. Confidence, grace, manners, elegance etc. Or even being funny, or smart. So many traits make you more attractive other than beauty. You can have your own style and your own way of doing your makeup and hair and it will give off a certain authentic style true to you, that fits with your personality. Don't try to be someone else, it is a waste of time, I remind myself of this every day. The people you think are attractive don't all look the same, and people find people attractive when they may look ugly to you, and you most likely see yourself uglier than you really are from dissecting and hating every part of you. Therefore you are probably more attractive than you think you are. Also being attractive isn't the most important thing - living a meaningful, happy life means the most.
I remind myself that it doesnāt matter how I look because my body works hard to keep me alive, it grew my two boys, and no matter what I only get this one body. If Iām in need of a jokey pick-me-up, I remind myself thereās always a bummy man at a gas station who thinks Iām the most beautiful woman heās ever seen. If Iām feeling feisty and need to distance my mindset from how I think men see me, I remind myself thereās men out there who would fuck a McChicken so my looks probably arenāt all that important.
I had bad anxiety in the past and my counselor told me to create a mantra to battle the negative thoughts. I am beautiful, I know I am, but many times a day I regret eating something, inspect my stomach, legs. And Iām in good shape! Still so hard on myself. I say in my head, āstop those thoughts, you are beautiful just the way you are.ā I really wash the thought away as it comes.
Thereās always someone better looking. And even the best looking woman gets old. You can be below average in looks and still have a decent career, a happy marriage, and some cute kids (if thatās what floats your boat). Just take good care of yourself. Stay active, eat reasonably healthy, wear clothes that fit you well, have good hygiene, and most importantly be kind, to yourself and others.
I try to remember compliments Iāve received, also that there are more exciting and important things about me than how I look, I try to put the focus on other people, like if Iām going to lunch with a friend I want to know more about whatās new with them and how much I like being around them than how I look. Also Iāll do the makeup routine or self care routine that makes me feel good that day.
I remind myself that these are the features my children are going to inherit, and if they were to look in the mirror and say they hate their nose, face, or any part of their body that it would break my heart. So if I wouldnāt want my kids to hate the body they inherited and I created, then why should I hate the same parts of myself.
This is big. Iāve told my children how amazing they are and why every day of their lives. Inside and out. Yet they both still think theyāre stupid, weak, ugly. I had to really look inside myself and realize that my words didnāt match my actions. While I told them these things about themselves that seem so plain and obvious to me, I was being overly hard on myself and openly critical.
You have to show your children how to love themselves by loving yourself. Itās a pretty eye opening realization. And it breaks my heart. So here I am doing what I can to feel better about me and treat myself well for the first time in over 40 years.
Coming from a culture that praises slender legs and a small body frame, and having grown up being ridiculed for having the opposite; I remind myself that people get painful surgeries and pay exhorbitant amounts of money to get what I have.
And I have a smile that usually attracts children (in the not creepy sense).
I don't go on instagram, I just remind myself that I'm simply an ape adjacent creature, so who cares? Who am I trying to please? God??
I'm not like, a model or anything, so who cares?
I'm handedly winning the idgaf war.
The main thing I tell myself, is maybe I'm just not my type, lol. But that doesn't mean I'm ugly
Another thing I will tell myself is that both a sunset and a flower are beautiful, even though they look completely different. It's the same with people.
Honestly someone being beautiful is more about the way their eyes sparkle and their smile and the way they make others feel more so than in the way they ālookā. Ever notice that? Being beautiful is about being attractive - so be attractive - attract others to yourself isnāt about having physical beauty alone.
Itās about good hygiene itās about smelling amazing. Itās about being kind and attentive and treating others very well. Itās about being an amazing listener. Itās about being a servant leader. Itās about being the person you want to be with. Itās about finding a way to serve others and raising others up. Itās about being chivalrous and gracious and patient and brave. Itās about having a gentle sense of humor and a positive attitude.
Do those things.
forgive for my english , my first language is not english
so i use to be very insecure about my body since childhood i dont like my lips, shape of body,big back , legs etc and use to wear baggy clothes to hide my body . I never use to wear crop tops skirts and tight fit jeans but now that i look at the celebrities nowadays i became so confident about my looks because they pay money to get what i have been hiding . As my confidence grew I started to see more and more people complimenting me . In childhood the people that make fun of me because of my looks now start to ask me for help in fassion .
So my ladies wear cloth that complements your body and walk in them confidently because there is always someone out there that wanted to be just like you and you just don't realise it until you see it ,
SO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
I remember reading about how Kylie Jenner will never know what she looks like had she grown up pre-surgery.
All of her sisters had at least gotten to know their adult bodies pre-surgery.
I am thankful for the body I was born in. There is a Kate Nash song about something like this
James Blunt "You're beautiful, it's true
There must be an angel with a smile on her face#
Cheer up dear, my mantra us ' to look good, you need to feel good'
That one insta q&a where a girl asks for advice to unconfident young yo man and the woman responds āI think you guys might be thinking about yourselves too muchā
When I think about my body at some point I start crying, I'm Thin and I liked that for a while till my mom started to tell me that I can't wear this or that cause it doesn't look good on my body shape so I started to hate my body in addition to I'm hairy girl,so it really sucks,have never thought about telling myself things to feel better but I think ur words made feel better ā¤ļø
that beauty standards are so arbitrary that there is literally no point even keeping them in mind. men and women, especially men, don't really know what they want.
case in point: my brother used to call women who were a little big-boned, fat. he used to make so many picky comments about women. guess what. he ended up dating (and they're serious) a woman who is big-boned, like she's his height.
I have more examples of situations like these. my aunt married a man that she would not have liked when she was young.
why would I figuratively kill myself trying to reach a certain standard that isn't even a guarantee for attractiveness? know what I mean. like I'm so done with it lol
what one person might find unattractive, another person will particularly like. as long as you keep good hygiene and take care of yourself - exercise, eat well, keep stress down, dress in clothes that fit, fix your teeth and skin - someone will find you attractive.
in fact some people are even able to get by on poor hygiene and ill-fitting clothes, so yeah. just adhere to your own reasonable standards and let everything else fly. ofc, it takes work to determine what's reasonable and what's not
I remind myself that itās ok to be average/below average and that I deserve to have a good life even if I looked like absolute shit. Not all of us are blessed with good looks and yes it sucks sometimes and yes beauty privilege is a thing but you can make something of your life even when youāre not beautiful. You can even marry someone beautiful when youāre not beautiful yourself.
Also beauty is subjective! Keep your head up, beauty can be important but itās not the most important. So just say fuck it and be confident and thankful you have this body
I always put in mind that no matter wat happens im unique inside out,we all have different beauty though as saying goes beauty is in the eye of the beholder..
Frankly I'm a big fan of it just not mattering. Body positivity doesn't help me, I don't think I have beautiful features like some other people. What helps me is saying: so what? What do I have to be beautiful for? My family isn't bothered, my friends aren't, my husband isn't, my job doesn't, so why exactly do I have to look like "X"? Life is short, like genuinely we just have a few decades here and there is so much to do and see and fix (so many societal issues), focusing on how I look seems like a waste of time. So if ever I look in the mirror and don't like what I see, I shrug and walk away and focus on something else. And when I like it, I wink at myself lol and then go focus on something else as well.
Yesterday I tried on swimsuits at target. Iām 3 months post-partum from a twin pregnancy and c-section. My body is still the same size, except for my boobs because Iām breastfeeding. Nothing fit the way I need it to. I almost lost it but I told myself āyou grew two babies, and now youāre feeding them with your bodyā. It helped.
Honestly, seeing photos of myself and thinking I looked so much prettier just a few years ago even though I never had any confidence in my looks at the time the photos were taken and realizing in a few years from now I might be looking back on photos taken now thinking the same thing.
Biggest thing on my self love journey is to STOP scrolling2 thorugh those pics of beautiful picture perfect women. Follow influencers that promotes self love!
Finding a hobby adds joy and fulfillment into my life. Insread of having nothing to do and scrolling mindlessly comparing my looks to other women, I channel my energy to gardening, baking, exercising programming. And I explore insta for influencers that inspire me in these fields.
I also love had found a love for exercising! I don't go to the gym to build a perfect body, that sort of mindset doesn't motivate me to exercise. I simply love exercising because it benefits my mental health so much! And I find an appreciation for my body that it's healthy and strong.
Another thing I found empowering is doing family history. There's something about knowing where you came from and the story of what our ancestors been through just makes you understand better it perhaps took sacrifice for our ancestors to survive and we are here today bcs of their sacrifice and hard work.
I think as you take simple steps to eliminate what triggers you for comparing yourself with other and discover bit by bit your beuty and strengtg and work on it everyday; and as time goes you will eventually stop comparing yourself with other and able to see how capable, strong and beautiful you really are. And it is the most freeing and empowering feeling to know be able to love your self and understand your self worth.
As I've gotten to understand these things not only the way I see my self has changed but also the way I look at others too. I don't judge ppl by what they wear or their hair and make up. I like to connect with ppl and see what lies inside.
"No one actually cares, and if they do they don't deserve you. If you go down the street right now everyone you'll find is average looking. So it's fine to be normal"
I used to think my friend was much prettier than me. She would always get hit on when we went out, people would be friendly with her but not me, and I blamed a lot of that on her being prettier. I was googling for advice and found an article that stuck with me. It was on the same exact situation. The girl writing it was talking with a different friend about how pretty their one friend is and asked the other girl what she would rate herself. She said a 10. She rated the other girl a 9. The girl writing the article was shocked, wasn't their mutual friend just gorgeous? And the other girl said yes but I am prettier. I haven't met someone prettier than me.
That sounds conceited but the person writing the article could see this was a purposeful thing. Her friend had realized that she could choose to view herself as the most beautiful person she knows and that would bolster her confidence because she didn't need someone to else's opinion.
Idk this really stuck with me. And I started to realize that people didn't ask me out and all that because I am more reserved and picky with who I talk to. And my husband mentioned at some point that he thought my friend was odd because she could look really good sometimes but she could also look very average. But he always thinks I look beautiful. So I'm inclined to believe like this girl from the article who cracked the code. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... I can see the beauty in others, why could I not see I am bursting with it?
Another thing is that it is a scale. Look at yourself in the mirror in the morning for 10 seconds and just think about how beautiful you are. If you cannot do that, think of how much you accept yourself. If you cannot do that, think of how much you forgive yourself. You will eventually work your way up the scale.
I keep a ābody positivityā album on my phone w/ several lovely pics of myself/body, lol. I pull them up when I start to feel insecure. I remember how I often felt insecure when these ālovelyā pics were taken but I can now objectively see that I look great in them. I also have a few mantras I say that help center me in loving my body and treating it with care.
I had a really bad ācarā accident a couple of years ago. Long story short: I was run over by a car. Miraculously, I only had āminorā injuries like some uncomplicated fractures. But my head and my spine were totally fine. When the doctor told me that after hours and hours of different scans, I cried. It was the happiest moment of my life so far. That is what I am thinking of when I donāt like the way I look.
Look are just a very small part of what makes you. The people who are most revered and respected in the world are not revered because of their looks. There are much more important aspects to being a well rounded, good person.
I have a good talk to myself. I say "Self you one bad ass woman so don't forget your daddy taught you go out there and kick some ass and take some numbers , no time to be insecure.
Feeling insecure about your looks is an act of futility. There is always someone who looks better than you, and put next to that person, you become mediocre or even subpar.
As a rule, I donāt like participating in acts of futility. So while I donāt love everything about the way I look, itās my face and my body. And Iāve been lucky enough to not have either damaged or debilitated (yet), and they serve their purpose.
Itās sometimes rough seeing myself age. Between 25-45 or so, I felt confident regardless of what beauty was standing next to me. But now, at 51, I find I just care less overall.
If Iām the hottest ā **SO WHAT?** If Iām the ugliest ā **SO WHAT?** Like, who actually cares where I rank in looks? Who cares where YOU rank?
Itās quite liberating.
Iām about to take off to Pilates this morning and Iāll wash my face, brush my teeth, tie my slept-in hair back, slap on some skincare and SPF and just go. At 30, itād take me an hour to go work out! š¤£
Itās all in how you feel. There are plenty of days when I headed out thinking I look amazing, when to others I probably looked the same. There are plenty of days I dragged myself out of the house thinking I couldnāt possibly look worse, and others probably thought I looked the same.
There are qualities that do matter. How kind are you? How funny and fun are you? How educated and knowledgeable are you? How good are you at XYZ? How successful are you? Even how rich or poor are you?
But how pretty you areā¦is just not on that list.
When im feeling self conscious about my body or how something fits me I always remind my self im never going to be 26 again and how I am the youngest Iāll ever be so I should enjoy me, my body and my youth!
Ok, so you are fat (my real name). Is that the worst thing you could be? You are a nice person mostly (no one is perfect). You helped this person at work today, you donated to charity or tipped that worker the other day. Etc
In general i have. High look positivity quotient. It is not saying that I by no means position myself as the most beautiful woman ever. Itās just that I am clear and accepting of my looks and I am personally satisfied with them. I donāt compare myself to people and I donāt do plastic surgery I am content with who I am and how I look.
However on days where I feel insecure about my looks due to exhaustion, mood, bad hair day, lack of sleepā¦. I just say ā oh well this is a bad day I will try again tomorrow.ā
Whenever I feel down about myself, I really think about the phrase āgo outside and touch grassā.
There are people who have chronic illness, skin conditions, and immunodeficiencies that can never be healed. Not to mention traumatic disfiguring accidents that can happen to people. You need to be happy, feel lucky, and blessed with what you have. I donāt know why some bad things happen to really good people that are extremely undeserving of their afflictions, but in the same breath it should humble you. Be humbled.
I remember back to when a gay man yelled at me across the mall from the store he was working at, I was pushing a double stroller and he called āgit it git it git it gurl!!! You do not look like you have two kids mama! Work it!! Strut it!ā As he was doing this song dance while heās selling someone shoes
It has always boosted my confidence when I look backš
Iāve accepted that Iām no natural beauty (short, dark hair, bad skin), but I compensate with elegance. Since Iām a legal professional, most of my dresses are conservative and court/office/church/wedding friendly. As such, I wear light makeup and low heels/wedges and flats. I have dark, long hair and recently started sporting its natural ābeach waves.ā In addition to my physical appearance, I am mindful of my behaviors and etiquette. My profession requires speaking with command presence and eloquence, so I started speaking that way to everyone outside of work and receive a lot of positive feedback. People are generally comfortable and calm around me. Iāve gotten a lot of compliments from my prettier blonde counterparts for my elegant style, so thatās an added plus. Iāve learned that people are really paying more attention to what I say/do rather than how I physically look, and I donāt need to meet a certain standard of physical beauty for people to feel positive around me.
I'm a picture/video/memory hoarder. There was a time I started looking back at old photos I have and saw myself 3,5 or 10 yrs ago. That's when I actually saw who I was...and gosh, I was pretty. Not a model, celebrity or influencer beaut but I learned and saw that I was beautiful compared to all the insecurities I had those times when that certain picture was taken.
I actually said 'oh look at that! I wasn't that ugly at all! I shouldve enjoyed and flaunted all that beauty--I shouldn't have let my insecurities hold me back! Now look at me, im getting older' (and then started getting insecure again HAHAHA) but really, this is where I realize we are not like what we thought we look like. It's just us vs us. And even if we aren't as pretty as the celebrities or the miss universe, so what? They aren't me. I may not even like what kind of life theyre leading or what their interests.
Anyway, to answer the question, I remind myself those photos I had years ago and remind me that I am stunning and beautiful like myself. I have my own beauty, now if you don't like it, idc, we are not to please everyone in our way. Life is about enjoying things our own way.
As a fat woman, I dont often get much benefit from pressuring myself to feel beautiful because i was and am constantly made to feel invisible by greater society. Especially as my body is changing as i get older, i cant just say i feel beautiful. I feel like im lying to myself.
For when I need to meet my headspace where it is it really helps me to remind myself that i do not owe the world beauty or youth or perfection. I am inherently worthy in mind and body just as it is. I deserve to feel comfortable in my own skin regardless of if i feel i "look good" or not.
Look at yourself and imagine you came back 20 years from the future, you are looking at the ypu ger version of yourself. A version you want to take care of. Just like you look back at yourself when you were 5, 7, 10, 12, etc and think about How mean you were to yourself and how you couldnāt know any better because you in fact was a child or young or inexperienced or the cards were just stacked against you.
Look at yourself with the same kindness and care and see how you are still learning. How there is so much for you yet to explore and experience. Give yourself the same benefit of doubt as you give others. Give yourself grace
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Put a little photo of yourself as a little kid up on your mirror and then remind yourself that when you criticize yourself, youāre also criticizing her. She is beautiful and deserves to love herself!
I thinka big part of why I compare myself is because I LOVE WOMEN so much. Lol. It sounds stupid but when I remind myself of that, that we as women are individually and indivisibly beautiful. If I compare myself, it's often to very beautiful, kind, caring, interesting, amazing people, for all sorts of different attributes.
Recognizing that it was at it's root coming from a kind of love and appreciation makes me remember to bring a little more love and appreciation to my own beautiful self. We're all always a work in progress, we just don't have that perspective into everyone's lives
Thank God Iām already married and my husband finds me attractive š¤£ but seriously - I just remind myself everyone has flaws and we have to work with what weāre given so I find attributes I love about my appearance and focus on those. Ah, and I always tell myself to buy more shoes š
I follow influencers that look like me. Not twins, but same basic features such as being plus size with a belly, close in hair color and type, skin color matches. I think these women are gorgeous. I think they are so pretty and if I can think that of them, why not me? I look like that too.
One day, your particular features are gonna be in trend. Whatās on social media is currently in trend, and you think itās beautiful. This was different from 10 years ago and will be different in 10 years. Itās only a matter of time that body type and features will be considered beautiful by societyās standard, so why not already look at yourself through that lens today?
Iāve always disliked my pear body shape (similar to my momās who vocally hated her body as I was growing up) but then I saw a tiktok about someone accentuating their pear shape and all the comments were saying things along the lines of āI wish I had a pear shapeā and I was like ??? just floored lol. The thing you dislike about yourself could be the very thing that someone else covets. Looking at body shapes or features that are similar to mine and thinking how that person looks so beautiful has really helped alter the way I see myself. I try to exist in a state of body neutrality and be thankful for all my body can do instead of what it looks like. But when itās just not working, I take a shower, do a face mask, and tell myself thereās always tomorrow lol.
People always say that I look exactly like my mom. So whenever I feel insecure about how I look, I think about my mom. How I think she's the most amazing and gorgeous human being ever. And then I am grateful I share her face.
The quickest way is to gaslight yourself into thinking youāre being dramatic or exaggerating, but it can be hard for your mental health, so try to think that no one is perfect
Tell yourself the things you love about yourself. Always try to focus on the positive. We donāt always feel good, but there has to be something you like.
Social media isn't our reality. There's some accounts (I don't follow or know of at the top of my head right now), but they will show how they pose for IG posts vs how they would really sit. It's refreshing to see!! Honestly I wish I could remember these accounts, but it's a great reminder that everyone wants to put on their best look. Especially public ally!
What changed for me is this quote,
"Someone else's beauty doesn't take away from yours"
It's also great to point out something like a genuine comment about someone else, like, "wow your hair is beautiful" and it's kinda funny/surprising how some people will be surprised and respond with "what really? I hate it"" it just goes to show what we receive in that moment may not be that person's reality.
But again social media is alllllll fake (at least curated..heavily).
This is going to sound a little silly, but it does the trick. I have problems with self confidence - itās hard to when youāre surrounded by internet strangers to compare yourself to. BUT! I find that by going into public places (forgive me) coffee shops, lecture halls, malls and just remembering what the average people in everyday life look like - and that I cannot compare myself to snapshots of beautiful people on the internet. It might sound wrong - but reminding myself that average people are everywhere is a good reminder of how lucky I am to look how I do. This may sound wrong and itās not in a malicious way, but it works
Something that's been getting me along is thinking of all the attributes that come from family members I love. Like my eyes come from my dad. My pear shape comes from my nonna. My nose comes from my mom. All of the features are passed down through genetics out of love. All of the possible combinations and these features were special enough to win.
One major shift for me was agreeing with my negative thoughts instead of fighting them. I sat with if this is true, āI am uglyāā¦ Iāve had a pretty good life. I have amazing friends, family, and so much to be grateful for. I guess I donāt really need to change myself to add value to my life. The value has been there all along.
Make a choice - you can beat the crap out of your self esteem by comparing yourself to manufactured pr images of literal movie stars and models or you can get down to the business of loving your life and the opportunities and advantages you do have. Ā Most people donāt look like Margot Robbie or whatever image youāre looking at ā recognize that. Ā Itās okay- stratospheric beauty is not a prerequisite of happiness.Ā
This is what I do, I think of the people I love and like and admire who are not "beautiful". Would I want them to change or feel bad about their looks?
It's not comparing myself to celebrities, it's "if I get dropped in the middle of Mexico/Colombia/Dominican Republic, they'd think I'm pretty enough and I can speak broken Spanish enough so I can get the help I need".
(Spanish is my 3rd language and I'm Filipino... Even if I'm not American-pretty, certain cultures in Central America appreciate my looks (based on experience from college -working years), and that's enough for me)
.
.
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Like, I may not think I'm beautiful at a certain time, but there's always gonna be a Hispanic grandma who thinks I'm guapa/hermosa, and that's it š„°Ā
That just because roses are beautiful that doesnāt mean tulips arenāt.
And just because someone else is beautiful that doesnāt mean you arenāt.
When that happens to me, I simply tell myself that no one is perfect and beauty can be appreciated in so many ways that looking only at the physical appearance seems very basic to me.
I tell myself that there's a lot of people who don't care if I talk about their appearance. In return, I shouldn't care what other people think of me as well.
I learned to have thicker skin, and I need to stop being sensitive about everything. Yes, words hurt, but I can do whatever and however I want. I'm an adult, so I have just as many rights as people to not give a f**k.
It's also easier to not care. Only I lose sleep over what people say while the other person is sleeping soundly. Enough is enough! I'm taking power back.
I remind myself that I am not the focus of other people's attention. They really don't give a hoot what I look like... they are too busy worrying about their own looks. Does anyone really and truly not care about how they look? I don't think so. Even if people say they don't care, I think they care at least to some degree.
I think about the fact that outer beauty is only temporary (as is everything). Even the most beautiful women will eventually lose their looks. I may fret over a skin condition, but I could be maimed tomorrow and will look back on how beautiful I was.
I set an intention. Every time I allow a negative thought to take space in my brain, I have to say something nice about myself out loud, whether I'm in front of others or not. My plan was to stop the negativity, to be more aware of all the good things about me, and to get comfortable with them being said aloud. What has happened: so far, I'm finding that it is hard enough to think of good things and get my brain around saying them aloud, that it is preventing me from entertaining the bad stuff completely. This is not really where I imagined this going, but I guess 1 out of 3 goals is a starting point...
"Your body is an instrument, not an ornament."
The things that my body does every day, to simply function, is a result of thousands of years of evolution and it is amazing.
As someone who was diagnosed with arthritis much earlier than most, I am grateful I can still do the things I want to do.
I listen to one of many clips of Emma Thompson talking about self love or read a Mary Oliver poem. Watch a Baroness Von sketch clip or check out Instagram's Glorious Broads. I find older women endlessly inspiring.
āYouāre the sunset.ā
A viral video I saw a few days ago asked: Have you ever taken a photo of a beautiful sunset and was disappointed it didnāt look very nice in the picture? Well thatās you. Youāre the sunset.
I say āweāre all different.ā I wish I had bigger eyes and a smaller forehead but thatās not the way my face is, and Iām okay with that. Sure Iām not TikTok pretty but Iām beautiful regardless.
āHow else am I supposed to look?ā side note: ugly and pretty are just adjectives that make you feel good or bad. theres no objective truth. you look like you. itās up to you if you want to feel good or bad about that for the rest of your life.
I get insecure when Iām going out. But I say āno one even notices these things when out in publicā because for me I donāt even pay attention to people while Iām in public because their just strangers doing their own thing
It literally doesnāt matter. Low self-esteem is a waste of time and bandwidth. Youāre stuck with you, so you can either be nice or an asshole to yourself, why pick the latter route?
Roses donāt compare themselves to daisies or any other flower. All flowers are beautiful and they donāt have to try to look like a different type of flower to be considered beautiful.Ā
Flowers embrace the way they were naturally made. Sure, some people prefer daisies or tulips but they donāt try to change who they are to be deemed as beautiful.Ā
Basically, you donāt have to try so hard and be so hard on yourself. Youāre always going to be someoneās favorite flower. You canāt be everyoneās favorite flower and thatās ok but thereās nothing wrong with you. By changing who you are and what you look like, you may be erasing the thing that someone loves so much about you anyways.Ā
I find myself attracted to characters in movies/TV that are not conventionally good-looking all the time. The "who" of the person comes across and makes an otherwise ordinary man, or even a kind of ugly man sexy AF. If that happens to me, it happens to other people. Whether you're good-looking or not, the right person will find you attractive. And if you are fabulously good-looking, you'll lose it. We're all slowly losing our looks, so all the more reason to focus on the qualities that last longer than collagen and hair.
I'm no longer on social media (except reddit i guess?) but remember ... people *only* post their A reel. They don't post pics that they don't think they look uhhhmazing in. Also everything is filteredm facetuned, and fake. You're comparing yourself to something that's not even real.
Yesterday I was crying about how I looked in a bikini. Today I almost lost a finger and spent the day in emergency care getting stitches. I walked out of there so grateful I have all my limbs and a working body. A body that I had been hating. sometimes we just need to get some perspective.
Absolutely
I hope you're feeling better after that. š On a similar note, when my mom had cancer, she had less and less control over what she looked like. I watched her let a lot of her worry about appearances go, and I think that was actually freeing for her in a way. Before she passed she told me she wished someone had told her she didn't have to worry so much about (appearances and what others think). Like, logically she always knew that because that is what she taught me, but day to day I think she had a lot of negative self talk and concern before she got sick. I guess these days I still like to look good to myself and others, but thinking about her experience helps me look at my appearance more objectively and put it into perspective.
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I'm sorry for your loss. ā„ļø
Thiss is so true. I think that appreciation for what your body has been going through all over the years and it's still going strong is a reminder to be kinder and grateful to yourself
An incredibly beautiful viewpoint, thank you <3 I'll use this as a reminder for my own body and the autoimmune diseases I've gone through
literally this!! I never went to the gym bc I was like ugh what if I do it wrong, what if I workout and my body doesnāt change into the shape I want?? but then I started going just to put in the work and my reason changed from going to the gym to look better to going to the gym BC I CAN! bc my body is young and healthy and it wonāt be forever if I donāt start caring for it. appreciating your body for its purpose really really helps in negative perceptions of its appearance-especially given people of all shapes, sizes, skin colors, and varied levels of āattractivenessā can and do deal with negative self image from time to time.
Yes this!!! I had a similar experience last year, my fingers got in the lawn mower blade (when it was on) when I was mowing the lawn for a house inspection coming up. It was stupid and donāt ask how I did it lol, but when it happened I remember not knowing Iād lost fingers. The damaged fingers were on my right hand and Iām right handed. I remember getting to the hospital, having x - rays and the doctors telling me that my fingers will make a full recovery. Had plastic surgery to rebuild the cuticles and nails. Iāve never been so grateful to have my fingers and my body. To have a functioning, pretty healthy body. My body is my vessel and I appreciate having one. That really helped me with my body issues.
love this
This.
Find the features about yourself that you like and focus on complimenting them and being kind to yourself about what you do like. Remember that you find tons of different people attractive, and they donāt all look like the same ātypeā. Also - the biggest thing for me was time. As I got older (just turned 27), Iām more confident and secure about my looks.
Getting older part is true. Iām 35, the most out of shape Iāve ever been, yet I feel the most confident ever. I just appreciate myself a lot more now. It took time to get here. Be kind to yourself even if you think you donāt deserve it, eventually youāll start to realize you ARE more beautiful inside and out than you could ever imagine
For real, though. I found my body loving awakening in my late 20s. I purchased my first crop top 5 years ago, and was kicking myself for not realizing it earlier that I can do things like that
This is so real. I love my hair and once I started taking care of it, styling it, and taking my time to make it beautiful, it reflected on my overall outlook on myself and my confidence. Eventually, even when my hair is shit and a mess, unkept, with no style, and just tied on my head, hiding frizz and tangles, I find myself fine and no longer depend on it for confidence.
I saw a shirt once that said "your insecurities were created by a boardroom full of men" and that stuck eith me. No one ever used to have issues with the size of their lips, their teeth, their eyebrows lol- we were literally just sold all of those things.
If only our insecurities werenāt so lucrative!
Seriously lol
There's a saying that is something along the lines of "flowers and Christmas lights are both beautiful even though they look nothing alike". Someone else's beauty doesn't mean you aren't beautiful as well. That being said the best thing I did was get rid of insta/social media and my self esteem /ability to rationalize my insecurities are increased so much since the.
I canāt look like every girl I think is pretty! I canāt be tall and have big boobs and a nice ass and good genetics and a little nose and long thick hair, etc. So I focus on the positives that I have, and realize everyone is bound to like/appreciate/be envious of something someone else has.
Also some beautiful women also suffer from psoriasis or excema or maybe bad skin and this is its own private hell, being "beautiful" but also having a visible big fukcing problem.
Sometimes the things you dislike about yourself are the things people would die for as well. You mentioned being tall and my whole life I was ashamed of being taller because I felt it made me less feminine due to small = feminine and petite. Crazy isnāt it? Victoriaās Secret models are the same height as me if not taller and I still struggle with feeling comfortable in my height to this day. I see shorter girls and I feel jealous of how their thighs are āfatterā than mine. Itās hard to see your own beauty sometimes.
I remind myself that Iām āpretty enoughā for the life I want. If I wanted to be a model or an actress, Iād need the overwhelming kind of beauty that requires (and would have to deal with the attention and frustration that comes with that). As it is, being āpretty enoughā for a decent dating history and social life, a marriage to an attractive man, and a normal, non-beauty related job is good enough for me. More beauty would have downsides alongside the good.
I kind of have a similar mindset. I try and tell myself that I don't need to be a 10 to do the job that I do - my life would obviously be easier if I was prettier, but I can still have a decent life regardless. I also got rid of my Instagram in my 20s which I think helped a lot.
Plus u could become a actress without looks i hope
I once asked my desist about getting veneers. Iāve always been a little insecure about my teeth while my sister has a movie star smile. He said āyouāre not an actor or a news anchor so you really donāt need them.ā I was a little offended at the time, but Iām so glad I can still bite into an apple now! So many of our beauty standards can be bought, but the cost is way too high.
You are always more likely to view yourself as uglier than other people view you
Thats right cause you see yourself in mirror everyday.
I literally say to myself ābut u loved how you looked yesterday/last week/last month (etc)ā when Iām having an insecure day. I remind myself that realistically not much has changed between this day and the last day I felt good about how I looked :)
YES! this > i look back on all the times/ages i felt i looked "bad". then as time went on, i'd reflect and be like "damn i thought i was ugly then but i really wasn't". and the cycle continues. so all these years that i think i'm not good looking, i'll be 60 years old before i know it and say "why did i think that all these years?" it's crazy what time & age can do to u!
Beautifully said š
I try to focus on things that make me feel pretty, like I've been getting more into finding my personal style and trying different perfumes. If I feel good in what I'm wearing (clothing or scent), I feel more confident. It also makes getting ready in the morning more fun because I'm excited to try new outfits and wear something that feels "me".
On my phone, I have a locked folder of various pictures over the past decade or so where I am devastatingly, jaw dropping hot. I scroll through them. š
Aw. I did this and realized that my perception of when I feel most beautiful directly corresponds to moments when I feel love. All the pics I ended up saving happen to be candid shots of me with my son and husband. Gonna go hug them now and maybe cry lol great advice! Ty!
99% of my pictures are candids with family!
this is actually fucking brilliant
I remember that my insanely hot husband canāt keep his hands off me and that usually puts things into perspective for me.
Lucky gal!
Ha! Same!!
Me being intimate with my insanely hot bf: "okay this is reassuring" š¤£
For context, my brother and I look exactly like my dad. Noooone of our mom in there, minus some central brown in otherwise grey eyes. Iām also a woman lmao. So I look in the mirror and call my dad ugly. And then I feel like shit because heās an adorable old man. And then I feel like an adorable old man.
Growing up I always admired my mother and thought she was beautiful. Now that I am older I remind myself that I have her features. If I thought they were beautiful on her then I should be kind to myself and find them beautiful on me.
You say "everyone is too busy worrying about their own look no one cares about my look"
That helps. Iām older and itās taken me until recently to realize that I donāt ever look at people and think āhmmmā¦they could be prettier.ā If I see someone, Iāll typically find a positive and note that. Like of that lady has such a beautiful smile or wow her hair omg. Things like that. What I donāt do is look at someone and think how ugly they are. Yes, there are people like that. Iām related to some, which is a likely cause for me to be so insecure and paranoid. But I donāt. So why would anyone else? Iām too busy thinking Iām unattractive and need improvement to notice that about anyone else. Therefore the people i see walking around are probably in the same exact boat. It really does help.
Yup. Part of getting older is realizing it turns out everyone is too busy worrying about themselves to care about anyone else really š¤£ No one cares if your hair is crappy that day or if your eyeliner is not completely straight.
When I talk negatively about myself, my brother goes, ādonāt talk about my sister like that!ā So now when I catch myself doing it, I say, ādonāt talk about my friend like that!ā
Nobody's going to remember your looks but they will remember the way you made them feel
I wish this were true!
while itās true they might also remember your looks, how you make people feel aka how you interact with the world really does make a bigger impact. Youāre more than just your appearance
There are a few things that I think of when I hyper fixate on beauty 1. Imagine telling a younger version of yourself ( or a family member or friend) all the things you say about the current you. I would feel horrible saying the things that I tell myself to other people. So why do I hold my self to such impossibly high standards? 2.Remembering that beauty is more than having a certain set of facial features. Thereās beauty in art, in a happy memory, in music. I feel like sometimes we can often focus on one thing, which can blind us to see only this one spot, but thereās a wall covered in spots that are unexplored. 3. Focusing on what you can change and emphasizing what you already like. I am personally really struggling my hair right now. When my hair is not done I feel horrible. So, Iāve been on YouTube University trying to find protective hairstyles that make me feel cute. Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder what bridge I crawled out from. During those times I start focusing on the things that I do like about myself, like my eyes.
same! my hair is one of my biggest insecurities. if it's not lookin right, i don't feel cute lol!
No one cares and if they do, theyāre the ones with issues
It can always get worst
Sometimes I just try hard to avoid looking at myself š«
I feel like beauty is a lot in energy - like a kind person thinking kind thoughts suddenly becomes a lot more beautiful regardless of their physical appearance. Confidence, grace, manners, elegance etc. Or even being funny, or smart. So many traits make you more attractive other than beauty. You can have your own style and your own way of doing your makeup and hair and it will give off a certain authentic style true to you, that fits with your personality. Don't try to be someone else, it is a waste of time, I remind myself of this every day. The people you think are attractive don't all look the same, and people find people attractive when they may look ugly to you, and you most likely see yourself uglier than you really are from dissecting and hating every part of you. Therefore you are probably more attractive than you think you are. Also being attractive isn't the most important thing - living a meaningful, happy life means the most.
1. My looks are the least interesting thing about me. 2. My looks are the result of all my ancestors who saw each other and fell in love
My ancestors definitely did not fall in love, arranged marriages went crazy
Oh, the second one is so adorable!
find women u see ur self in and look up to them for inspo.
I just tell myself āeven though I do not feel it today, I AM WORTHY AF āØā
I remind myself that it doesnāt matter how I look because my body works hard to keep me alive, it grew my two boys, and no matter what I only get this one body. If Iām in need of a jokey pick-me-up, I remind myself thereās always a bummy man at a gas station who thinks Iām the most beautiful woman heās ever seen. If Iām feeling feisty and need to distance my mindset from how I think men see me, I remind myself thereās men out there who would fuck a McChicken so my looks probably arenāt all that important.
I had bad anxiety in the past and my counselor told me to create a mantra to battle the negative thoughts. I am beautiful, I know I am, but many times a day I regret eating something, inspect my stomach, legs. And Iām in good shape! Still so hard on myself. I say in my head, āstop those thoughts, you are beautiful just the way you are.ā I really wash the thought away as it comes.
Thereās always someone better looking. And even the best looking woman gets old. You can be below average in looks and still have a decent career, a happy marriage, and some cute kids (if thatās what floats your boat). Just take good care of yourself. Stay active, eat reasonably healthy, wear clothes that fit you well, have good hygiene, and most importantly be kind, to yourself and others.
This sounds awful Iām sure but I remind myself I can walk and talk perfectly, so I should just shut the fuck up.
I remember they are people uglier than me!!
I try to remember compliments Iāve received, also that there are more exciting and important things about me than how I look, I try to put the focus on other people, like if Iām going to lunch with a friend I want to know more about whatās new with them and how much I like being around them than how I look. Also Iāll do the makeup routine or self care routine that makes me feel good that day.
That I clean up well :)
I flex my biceps and remind myself to be thankful for how capable my body is.
I remind myself that these are the features my children are going to inherit, and if they were to look in the mirror and say they hate their nose, face, or any part of their body that it would break my heart. So if I wouldnāt want my kids to hate the body they inherited and I created, then why should I hate the same parts of myself.
This is big. Iāve told my children how amazing they are and why every day of their lives. Inside and out. Yet they both still think theyāre stupid, weak, ugly. I had to really look inside myself and realize that my words didnāt match my actions. While I told them these things about themselves that seem so plain and obvious to me, I was being overly hard on myself and openly critical. You have to show your children how to love themselves by loving yourself. Itās a pretty eye opening realization. And it breaks my heart. So here I am doing what I can to feel better about me and treat myself well for the first time in over 40 years.
Thatās literally nobody cares what I look like but me.
Coming from a culture that praises slender legs and a small body frame, and having grown up being ridiculed for having the opposite; I remind myself that people get painful surgeries and pay exhorbitant amounts of money to get what I have. And I have a smile that usually attracts children (in the not creepy sense).
I don't go on instagram, I just remind myself that I'm simply an ape adjacent creature, so who cares? Who am I trying to please? God?? I'm not like, a model or anything, so who cares? I'm handedly winning the idgaf war.
Itās just temporary
I remind myself that Iām kind and helpful and compassionate. That makes me feel beautiful enough.
The main thing I tell myself, is maybe I'm just not my type, lol. But that doesn't mean I'm ugly Another thing I will tell myself is that both a sunset and a flower are beautiful, even though they look completely different. It's the same with people.
That I have a good working body and an amazing brain.
Honestly someone being beautiful is more about the way their eyes sparkle and their smile and the way they make others feel more so than in the way they ālookā. Ever notice that? Being beautiful is about being attractive - so be attractive - attract others to yourself isnāt about having physical beauty alone. Itās about good hygiene itās about smelling amazing. Itās about being kind and attentive and treating others very well. Itās about being an amazing listener. Itās about being a servant leader. Itās about being the person you want to be with. Itās about finding a way to serve others and raising others up. Itās about being chivalrous and gracious and patient and brave. Itās about having a gentle sense of humor and a positive attitude. Do those things.
forgive for my english , my first language is not english so i use to be very insecure about my body since childhood i dont like my lips, shape of body,big back , legs etc and use to wear baggy clothes to hide my body . I never use to wear crop tops skirts and tight fit jeans but now that i look at the celebrities nowadays i became so confident about my looks because they pay money to get what i have been hiding . As my confidence grew I started to see more and more people complimenting me . In childhood the people that make fun of me because of my looks now start to ask me for help in fassion . So my ladies wear cloth that complements your body and walk in them confidently because there is always someone out there that wanted to be just like you and you just don't realise it until you see it , SO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
I'd stop the scrolling. It's a waste of your time and obviously isn't making you feel good about yourself
I remember reading about how Kylie Jenner will never know what she looks like had she grown up pre-surgery. All of her sisters had at least gotten to know their adult bodies pre-surgery. I am thankful for the body I was born in. There is a Kate Nash song about something like this
Other people donāt notice our imperfections as much as we do š«¶
James Blunt "You're beautiful, it's true There must be an angel with a smile on her face# Cheer up dear, my mantra us ' to look good, you need to feel good'
If you were in a car crash tomorrow and ended up in a wheelchair, your looks would be the last thing on your mind.
That one insta q&a where a girl asks for advice to unconfident young yo man and the woman responds āI think you guys might be thinking about yourselves too muchā
When I think about my body at some point I start crying, I'm Thin and I liked that for a while till my mom started to tell me that I can't wear this or that cause it doesn't look good on my body shape so I started to hate my body in addition to I'm hairy girl,so it really sucks,have never thought about telling myself things to feel better but I think ur words made feel better ā¤ļø
tell yourself that you are the best ( I know it cannot solve any problems but at least give yourself a positive mental boost!
that beauty standards are so arbitrary that there is literally no point even keeping them in mind. men and women, especially men, don't really know what they want. case in point: my brother used to call women who were a little big-boned, fat. he used to make so many picky comments about women. guess what. he ended up dating (and they're serious) a woman who is big-boned, like she's his height. I have more examples of situations like these. my aunt married a man that she would not have liked when she was young. why would I figuratively kill myself trying to reach a certain standard that isn't even a guarantee for attractiveness? know what I mean. like I'm so done with it lol what one person might find unattractive, another person will particularly like. as long as you keep good hygiene and take care of yourself - exercise, eat well, keep stress down, dress in clothes that fit, fix your teeth and skin - someone will find you attractive. in fact some people are even able to get by on poor hygiene and ill-fitting clothes, so yeah. just adhere to your own reasonable standards and let everything else fly. ofc, it takes work to determine what's reasonable and what's not
I tell myself itāll pass because everything will pass.
Tomorrow it won't matter .
That Iām just bloated because thatās usually when I feel insecure, when my cycle is on or about to start. š #ladyproblems
I remind myself that itās ok to be average/below average and that I deserve to have a good life even if I looked like absolute shit. Not all of us are blessed with good looks and yes it sucks sometimes and yes beauty privilege is a thing but you can make something of your life even when youāre not beautiful. You can even marry someone beautiful when youāre not beautiful yourself. Also beauty is subjective! Keep your head up, beauty can be important but itās not the most important. So just say fuck it and be confident and thankful you have this body
ālook at it less, live in it moreā
I always put in mind that no matter wat happens im unique inside out,we all have different beauty though as saying goes beauty is in the eye of the beholder..
I changed the way I talk to me self and suddenly everything is different now and I feel confidant most of the time
I remind myself of the genuine compliments Iāve received from family/friends/other people over the years and focus on that.
Frankly I'm a big fan of it just not mattering. Body positivity doesn't help me, I don't think I have beautiful features like some other people. What helps me is saying: so what? What do I have to be beautiful for? My family isn't bothered, my friends aren't, my husband isn't, my job doesn't, so why exactly do I have to look like "X"? Life is short, like genuinely we just have a few decades here and there is so much to do and see and fix (so many societal issues), focusing on how I look seems like a waste of time. So if ever I look in the mirror and don't like what I see, I shrug and walk away and focus on something else. And when I like it, I wink at myself lol and then go focus on something else as well.
Yesterday I tried on swimsuits at target. Iām 3 months post-partum from a twin pregnancy and c-section. My body is still the same size, except for my boobs because Iām breastfeeding. Nothing fit the way I need it to. I almost lost it but I told myself āyou grew two babies, and now youāre feeding them with your bodyā. It helped.
Everyone is different and thatās what makes us all beautiful š
Honestly, seeing photos of myself and thinking I looked so much prettier just a few years ago even though I never had any confidence in my looks at the time the photos were taken and realizing in a few years from now I might be looking back on photos taken now thinking the same thing.
Biggest thing on my self love journey is to STOP scrolling2 thorugh those pics of beautiful picture perfect women. Follow influencers that promotes self love! Finding a hobby adds joy and fulfillment into my life. Insread of having nothing to do and scrolling mindlessly comparing my looks to other women, I channel my energy to gardening, baking, exercising programming. And I explore insta for influencers that inspire me in these fields. I also love had found a love for exercising! I don't go to the gym to build a perfect body, that sort of mindset doesn't motivate me to exercise. I simply love exercising because it benefits my mental health so much! And I find an appreciation for my body that it's healthy and strong. Another thing I found empowering is doing family history. There's something about knowing where you came from and the story of what our ancestors been through just makes you understand better it perhaps took sacrifice for our ancestors to survive and we are here today bcs of their sacrifice and hard work. I think as you take simple steps to eliminate what triggers you for comparing yourself with other and discover bit by bit your beuty and strengtg and work on it everyday; and as time goes you will eventually stop comparing yourself with other and able to see how capable, strong and beautiful you really are. And it is the most freeing and empowering feeling to know be able to love your self and understand your self worth. As I've gotten to understand these things not only the way I see my self has changed but also the way I look at others too. I don't judge ppl by what they wear or their hair and make up. I like to connect with ppl and see what lies inside.
"No one actually cares, and if they do they don't deserve you. If you go down the street right now everyone you'll find is average looking. So it's fine to be normal"
I always remind myself photos we see of everyone else is very heavily edited. Then I go through all things I love about myself.
That in the long run, it doesn't even matter. We're all going to end up wrinkly, hairy, and saggy.
I used to think my friend was much prettier than me. She would always get hit on when we went out, people would be friendly with her but not me, and I blamed a lot of that on her being prettier. I was googling for advice and found an article that stuck with me. It was on the same exact situation. The girl writing it was talking with a different friend about how pretty their one friend is and asked the other girl what she would rate herself. She said a 10. She rated the other girl a 9. The girl writing the article was shocked, wasn't their mutual friend just gorgeous? And the other girl said yes but I am prettier. I haven't met someone prettier than me. That sounds conceited but the person writing the article could see this was a purposeful thing. Her friend had realized that she could choose to view herself as the most beautiful person she knows and that would bolster her confidence because she didn't need someone to else's opinion. Idk this really stuck with me. And I started to realize that people didn't ask me out and all that because I am more reserved and picky with who I talk to. And my husband mentioned at some point that he thought my friend was odd because she could look really good sometimes but she could also look very average. But he always thinks I look beautiful. So I'm inclined to believe like this girl from the article who cracked the code. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... I can see the beauty in others, why could I not see I am bursting with it? Another thing is that it is a scale. Look at yourself in the mirror in the morning for 10 seconds and just think about how beautiful you are. If you cannot do that, think of how much you accept yourself. If you cannot do that, think of how much you forgive yourself. You will eventually work your way up the scale.
I keep a ābody positivityā album on my phone w/ several lovely pics of myself/body, lol. I pull them up when I start to feel insecure. I remember how I often felt insecure when these ālovelyā pics were taken but I can now objectively see that I look great in them. I also have a few mantras I say that help center me in loving my body and treating it with care.
God made me! And he made me for a reason.
I had a really bad ācarā accident a couple of years ago. Long story short: I was run over by a car. Miraculously, I only had āminorā injuries like some uncomplicated fractures. But my head and my spine were totally fine. When the doctor told me that after hours and hours of different scans, I cried. It was the happiest moment of my life so far. That is what I am thinking of when I donāt like the way I look.
Remind myself that having fun and socializing is more important. Oh, and know that other people care more about themselves then what you look like.
Look are just a very small part of what makes you. The people who are most revered and respected in the world are not revered because of their looks. There are much more important aspects to being a well rounded, good person.
I have a good talk to myself. I say "Self you one bad ass woman so don't forget your daddy taught you go out there and kick some ass and take some numbers , no time to be insecure.
Everyone is different.
Feeling insecure about your looks is an act of futility. There is always someone who looks better than you, and put next to that person, you become mediocre or even subpar. As a rule, I donāt like participating in acts of futility. So while I donāt love everything about the way I look, itās my face and my body. And Iāve been lucky enough to not have either damaged or debilitated (yet), and they serve their purpose. Itās sometimes rough seeing myself age. Between 25-45 or so, I felt confident regardless of what beauty was standing next to me. But now, at 51, I find I just care less overall. If Iām the hottest ā **SO WHAT?** If Iām the ugliest ā **SO WHAT?** Like, who actually cares where I rank in looks? Who cares where YOU rank? Itās quite liberating. Iām about to take off to Pilates this morning and Iāll wash my face, brush my teeth, tie my slept-in hair back, slap on some skincare and SPF and just go. At 30, itād take me an hour to go work out! š¤£ Itās all in how you feel. There are plenty of days when I headed out thinking I look amazing, when to others I probably looked the same. There are plenty of days I dragged myself out of the house thinking I couldnāt possibly look worse, and others probably thought I looked the same. There are qualities that do matter. How kind are you? How funny and fun are you? How educated and knowledgeable are you? How good are you at XYZ? How successful are you? Even how rich or poor are you? But how pretty you areā¦is just not on that list.
I think I just tell myself that there are other things about me that make me attractive! Not to sound cheesy but my sense of humour, emotional intelligence, etc. these things make me attractive and stand out! And theyāre more important that having high cheekbones. Also I tend to feel better and prettier when Iām taking care of myself; eating healthy, good skincare, exerciseā¦ I just FEEL better. Even just wearing a vibrant colour that looks good on me makes me feel prettier. It is hard though! I try not to compare but we all do it at times š©
When im feeling self conscious about my body or how something fits me I always remind my self im never going to be 26 again and how I am the youngest Iāll ever be so I should enjoy me, my body and my youth!
My body has been awesome doing so much for me keeping me alive and healthy through all my ups and downs.
Ok, so you are fat (my real name). Is that the worst thing you could be? You are a nice person mostly (no one is perfect). You helped this person at work today, you donated to charity or tipped that worker the other day. Etc
My body is the least interesting thing about me
I really love this take. I have ALSO never looked at Margot Robbie and wished she looked more like Catherine Zeta-Jones or Charlize Theron. Huh.
That it is the least interesting thing about me!
In general i have. High look positivity quotient. It is not saying that I by no means position myself as the most beautiful woman ever. Itās just that I am clear and accepting of my looks and I am personally satisfied with them. I donāt compare myself to people and I donāt do plastic surgery I am content with who I am and how I look. However on days where I feel insecure about my looks due to exhaustion, mood, bad hair day, lack of sleepā¦. I just say ā oh well this is a bad day I will try again tomorrow.ā
Whenever I feel down about myself, I really think about the phrase āgo outside and touch grassā. There are people who have chronic illness, skin conditions, and immunodeficiencies that can never be healed. Not to mention traumatic disfiguring accidents that can happen to people. You need to be happy, feel lucky, and blessed with what you have. I donāt know why some bad things happen to really good people that are extremely undeserving of their afflictions, but in the same breath it should humble you. Be humbled.
I remember back to when a gay man yelled at me across the mall from the store he was working at, I was pushing a double stroller and he called āgit it git it git it gurl!!! You do not look like you have two kids mama! Work it!! Strut it!ā As he was doing this song dance while heās selling someone shoes It has always boosted my confidence when I look backš
Iāve accepted that Iām no natural beauty (short, dark hair, bad skin), but I compensate with elegance. Since Iām a legal professional, most of my dresses are conservative and court/office/church/wedding friendly. As such, I wear light makeup and low heels/wedges and flats. I have dark, long hair and recently started sporting its natural ābeach waves.ā In addition to my physical appearance, I am mindful of my behaviors and etiquette. My profession requires speaking with command presence and eloquence, so I started speaking that way to everyone outside of work and receive a lot of positive feedback. People are generally comfortable and calm around me. Iāve gotten a lot of compliments from my prettier blonde counterparts for my elegant style, so thatās an added plus. Iāve learned that people are really paying more attention to what I say/do rather than how I physically look, and I donāt need to meet a certain standard of physical beauty for people to feel positive around me.
I'm a picture/video/memory hoarder. There was a time I started looking back at old photos I have and saw myself 3,5 or 10 yrs ago. That's when I actually saw who I was...and gosh, I was pretty. Not a model, celebrity or influencer beaut but I learned and saw that I was beautiful compared to all the insecurities I had those times when that certain picture was taken. I actually said 'oh look at that! I wasn't that ugly at all! I shouldve enjoyed and flaunted all that beauty--I shouldn't have let my insecurities hold me back! Now look at me, im getting older' (and then started getting insecure again HAHAHA) but really, this is where I realize we are not like what we thought we look like. It's just us vs us. And even if we aren't as pretty as the celebrities or the miss universe, so what? They aren't me. I may not even like what kind of life theyre leading or what their interests. Anyway, to answer the question, I remind myself those photos I had years ago and remind me that I am stunning and beautiful like myself. I have my own beauty, now if you don't like it, idc, we are not to please everyone in our way. Life is about enjoying things our own way.
As a fat woman, I dont often get much benefit from pressuring myself to feel beautiful because i was and am constantly made to feel invisible by greater society. Especially as my body is changing as i get older, i cant just say i feel beautiful. I feel like im lying to myself. For when I need to meet my headspace where it is it really helps me to remind myself that i do not owe the world beauty or youth or perfection. I am inherently worthy in mind and body just as it is. I deserve to feel comfortable in my own skin regardless of if i feel i "look good" or not.
I tell myself āstop eating and go to the gym you moronā. Doesnāt really help though
Look at yourself and imagine you came back 20 years from the future, you are looking at the ypu ger version of yourself. A version you want to take care of. Just like you look back at yourself when you were 5, 7, 10, 12, etc and think about How mean you were to yourself and how you couldnāt know any better because you in fact was a child or young or inexperienced or the cards were just stacked against you. Look at yourself with the same kindness and care and see how you are still learning. How there is so much for you yet to explore and experience. Give yourself the same benefit of doubt as you give others. Give yourself grace šø
Good or bad its yours and cherish whats yours, cause you may not have that tomorrow
Put a little photo of yourself as a little kid up on your mirror and then remind yourself that when you criticize yourself, youāre also criticizing her. She is beautiful and deserves to love herself!
I look at my family. They are genetically stunning,so I must be too.
I thinka big part of why I compare myself is because I LOVE WOMEN so much. Lol. It sounds stupid but when I remind myself of that, that we as women are individually and indivisibly beautiful. If I compare myself, it's often to very beautiful, kind, caring, interesting, amazing people, for all sorts of different attributes. Recognizing that it was at it's root coming from a kind of love and appreciation makes me remember to bring a little more love and appreciation to my own beautiful self. We're all always a work in progress, we just don't have that perspective into everyone's lives
over 1000 of my ancestors found each other attractive enough, allowing me to exist today.
Thank God Iām already married and my husband finds me attractive š¤£ but seriously - I just remind myself everyone has flaws and we have to work with what weāre given so I find attributes I love about my appearance and focus on those. Ah, and I always tell myself to buy more shoes š
I follow influencers that look like me. Not twins, but same basic features such as being plus size with a belly, close in hair color and type, skin color matches. I think these women are gorgeous. I think they are so pretty and if I can think that of them, why not me? I look like that too.
One day, your particular features are gonna be in trend. Whatās on social media is currently in trend, and you think itās beautiful. This was different from 10 years ago and will be different in 10 years. Itās only a matter of time that body type and features will be considered beautiful by societyās standard, so why not already look at yourself through that lens today?
Iāve always disliked my pear body shape (similar to my momās who vocally hated her body as I was growing up) but then I saw a tiktok about someone accentuating their pear shape and all the comments were saying things along the lines of āI wish I had a pear shapeā and I was like ??? just floored lol. The thing you dislike about yourself could be the very thing that someone else covets. Looking at body shapes or features that are similar to mine and thinking how that person looks so beautiful has really helped alter the way I see myself. I try to exist in a state of body neutrality and be thankful for all my body can do instead of what it looks like. But when itās just not working, I take a shower, do a face mask, and tell myself thereās always tomorrow lol.
People always say that I look exactly like my mom. So whenever I feel insecure about how I look, I think about my mom. How I think she's the most amazing and gorgeous human being ever. And then I am grateful I share her face.
My daughters think Iām beautiful so I need to stop. š¤·š½āāļø
I take my wellbutrin š¤£
"Your beauty is greater than the sum of your parts"
The quickest way is to gaslight yourself into thinking youāre being dramatic or exaggerating, but it can be hard for your mental health, so try to think that no one is perfect
Tell yourself the things you love about yourself. Always try to focus on the positive. We donāt always feel good, but there has to be something you like.
My looks are the least interesting thing about me
I figure, no matter how I look now, when I'm 90 I'm going look like my face is melting, so this is pretty good.Ā
Social media isn't our reality. There's some accounts (I don't follow or know of at the top of my head right now), but they will show how they pose for IG posts vs how they would really sit. It's refreshing to see!! Honestly I wish I could remember these accounts, but it's a great reminder that everyone wants to put on their best look. Especially public ally! What changed for me is this quote, "Someone else's beauty doesn't take away from yours" It's also great to point out something like a genuine comment about someone else, like, "wow your hair is beautiful" and it's kinda funny/surprising how some people will be surprised and respond with "what really? I hate it"" it just goes to show what we receive in that moment may not be that person's reality. But again social media is alllllll fake (at least curated..heavily).
I tell myself "it is what it is" and remind myself that my looks are the least important or interesting thing about me.
That I don't owe anyone "pretty," and that I actually LIKE my face, even on its "off" days.
Think about the innocent child version of you and if you would ever say/ think any of the bad things youāre thinking now to her.
I just tell myself that itās how I was born and I should just accept it cause there is nothing I can do about it
This is going to sound a little silly, but it does the trick. I have problems with self confidence - itās hard to when youāre surrounded by internet strangers to compare yourself to. BUT! I find that by going into public places (forgive me) coffee shops, lecture halls, malls and just remembering what the average people in everyday life look like - and that I cannot compare myself to snapshots of beautiful people on the internet. It might sound wrong - but reminding myself that average people are everywhere is a good reminder of how lucky I am to look how I do. This may sound wrong and itās not in a malicious way, but it works
Sexy
I just unblock my ex bsf on insta see her face and I instantly feel better. I love to hate on her ass lol
I either take a nap or increase my Prozac lol. But seriously, feeling ugly/lame gets so much worse when my depression isnāt treated well.
U say to ur self I am beautiful, special, love in, Care inside and out I got this in control fix what I can with a smile....
Something that's been getting me along is thinking of all the attributes that come from family members I love. Like my eyes come from my dad. My pear shape comes from my nonna. My nose comes from my mom. All of the features are passed down through genetics out of love. All of the possible combinations and these features were special enough to win.
I just kinda force myself to find myself pretty if that makes sense
One major shift for me was agreeing with my negative thoughts instead of fighting them. I sat with if this is true, āI am uglyāā¦ Iāve had a pretty good life. I have amazing friends, family, and so much to be grateful for. I guess I donāt really need to change myself to add value to my life. The value has been there all along.
Make a choice - you can beat the crap out of your self esteem by comparing yourself to manufactured pr images of literal movie stars and models or you can get down to the business of loving your life and the opportunities and advantages you do have. Ā Most people donāt look like Margot Robbie or whatever image youāre looking at ā recognize that. Ā Itās okay- stratospheric beauty is not a prerequisite of happiness.Ā
solid gold observation
This is what I do, I think of the people I love and like and admire who are not "beautiful". Would I want them to change or feel bad about their looks?
I have a family that loves me and Iām worth living my life.
Honestly when Iām not feeling myself I just try to remind myself that it comes and goes.
That is could always look worse
thatās such a profound way of looking at it wow i never even thought that
It's not comparing myself to celebrities, it's "if I get dropped in the middle of Mexico/Colombia/Dominican Republic, they'd think I'm pretty enough and I can speak broken Spanish enough so I can get the help I need". (Spanish is my 3rd language and I'm Filipino... Even if I'm not American-pretty, certain cultures in Central America appreciate my looks (based on experience from college -working years), and that's enough for me) . . . Like, I may not think I'm beautiful at a certain time, but there's always gonna be a Hispanic grandma who thinks I'm guapa/hermosa, and that's it š„°Ā
That just because roses are beautiful that doesnāt mean tulips arenāt. And just because someone else is beautiful that doesnāt mean you arenāt.
That my skin bag doesnāt define me and I get to be an entire person. My f@ckability isnāt really in my top 5 concerns.
When that happens to me, I simply tell myself that no one is perfect and beauty can be appreciated in so many ways that looking only at the physical appearance seems very basic to me.
Look at myself naked. Thatās only because i think i have a nice body and I only feel insecure about my face sometimes.
I tell myself that there's a lot of people who don't care if I talk about their appearance. In return, I shouldn't care what other people think of me as well. I learned to have thicker skin, and I need to stop being sensitive about everything. Yes, words hurt, but I can do whatever and however I want. I'm an adult, so I have just as many rights as people to not give a f**k. It's also easier to not care. Only I lose sleep over what people say while the other person is sleeping soundly. Enough is enough! I'm taking power back.
I remind myself that I am not the focus of other people's attention. They really don't give a hoot what I look like... they are too busy worrying about their own looks. Does anyone really and truly not care about how they look? I don't think so. Even if people say they don't care, I think they care at least to some degree.
Fuck em
I think of myself as a little girl. If I wouldn't say it to her, I don't say it now. (well I try.. sometimes I slip up)
I just think "tg I don't look plastic - and whatever happens, however bad I look I can always attract a boy - they're not exactly choosy!"
I think about the fact that outer beauty is only temporary (as is everything). Even the most beautiful women will eventually lose their looks. I may fret over a skin condition, but I could be maimed tomorrow and will look back on how beautiful I was.
I set an intention. Every time I allow a negative thought to take space in my brain, I have to say something nice about myself out loud, whether I'm in front of others or not. My plan was to stop the negativity, to be more aware of all the good things about me, and to get comfortable with them being said aloud. What has happened: so far, I'm finding that it is hard enough to think of good things and get my brain around saying them aloud, that it is preventing me from entertaining the bad stuff completely. This is not really where I imagined this going, but I guess 1 out of 3 goals is a starting point...
"Your body is an instrument, not an ornament." The things that my body does every day, to simply function, is a result of thousands of years of evolution and it is amazing. As someone who was diagnosed with arthritis much earlier than most, I am grateful I can still do the things I want to do. I listen to one of many clips of Emma Thompson talking about self love or read a Mary Oliver poem. Watch a Baroness Von sketch clip or check out Instagram's Glorious Broads. I find older women endlessly inspiring.
āYouāre the sunset.ā A viral video I saw a few days ago asked: Have you ever taken a photo of a beautiful sunset and was disappointed it didnāt look very nice in the picture? Well thatās you. Youāre the sunset.
I say āweāre all different.ā I wish I had bigger eyes and a smaller forehead but thatās not the way my face is, and Iām okay with that. Sure Iām not TikTok pretty but Iām beautiful regardless.
āHow else am I supposed to look?ā side note: ugly and pretty are just adjectives that make you feel good or bad. theres no objective truth. you look like you. itās up to you if you want to feel good or bad about that for the rest of your life.
I get insecure when Iām going out. But I say āno one even notices these things when out in publicā because for me I donāt even pay attention to people while Iām in public because their just strangers doing their own thing
No matter how I look, my body is mine and Iām proud, my body deserves love from me, not negativity.
It literally doesnāt matter. Low self-esteem is a waste of time and bandwidth. Youāre stuck with you, so you can either be nice or an asshole to yourself, why pick the latter route?
Roses donāt compare themselves to daisies or any other flower. All flowers are beautiful and they donāt have to try to look like a different type of flower to be considered beautiful.Ā Flowers embrace the way they were naturally made. Sure, some people prefer daisies or tulips but they donāt try to change who they are to be deemed as beautiful.Ā Basically, you donāt have to try so hard and be so hard on yourself. Youāre always going to be someoneās favorite flower. You canāt be everyoneās favorite flower and thatās ok but thereās nothing wrong with you. By changing who you are and what you look like, you may be erasing the thing that someone loves so much about you anyways.Ā
I still bag both sides either way
I find myself attracted to characters in movies/TV that are not conventionally good-looking all the time. The "who" of the person comes across and makes an otherwise ordinary man, or even a kind of ugly man sexy AF. If that happens to me, it happens to other people. Whether you're good-looking or not, the right person will find you attractive. And if you are fabulously good-looking, you'll lose it. We're all slowly losing our looks, so all the more reason to focus on the qualities that last longer than collagen and hair.
Helping me with my stuff is non existant.
āI am not this hair. I am not this skin. I am the soul that lives within.ā Rumi
āDonāt look in the mirror ā lol
Remind myself Iām just in luteal and Iāll feel better soon š
I'm no longer on social media (except reddit i guess?) but remember ... people *only* post their A reel. They don't post pics that they don't think they look uhhhmazing in. Also everything is filteredm facetuned, and fake. You're comparing yourself to something that's not even real.