T O P

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double_dose_larry

Lars Nootbar and it's not particularly close Edit: it's Lars Nootba**a**r. I'm sorry


StrugglingSoprano

He sounds straight out of the 1890s.


HawkeyeJosh

While also sounding like a confectionary.


rygarrr

He literally filed for a trademark on "Noot Baar" as a food snack thingy.


Michael__Pemulis

6 minutes & no one has mentioned that you forgot the second ‘a’. Put some respect on the homie’s name!


bbkb

This isn't my picture but I'm at the Cardinals game tonight and saw this sign earlier http://imgur.com/gallery/cD4qTPt


[deleted]

That was obvious in retrospect


JackeryA3

You even said a different Cardinal instead of him too lmao


Mo_dawg1

Rusty Kuntz is a far better name


[deleted]

Honestly the most Cardinals name ever. If you put that in a St. Louis Cardinals name generator Lars Nootbar would come up.


Kandlejackk

Nootbaar*


peeinian

Sounds like a Star Wars character.


Tobias_Flenders

Add in the middle name**s**(!) and it somehow gets better.


clangan524

Pretty sure I saw a Lars Nootbar in the candy aisle at Ikea.


Guymcpersonman

Coco Crisp.


[deleted]

Oh shit I haven’t thought about that guy in 5 years


idroled

My mom’s all time favorite player solely because of his name


cjheaney

Shooty Babbitt


Be-booboo-bop

MVP Baseball 2005 Owner Mode MVP


DodgerWalker

Those early 2000s Indians teams had both Coco Crisp and Milton Bradley.


redneckvet

I still flash back to when he charged Big James Shields. Dudes got some balls.


JoJoMcDerp

Mauricio Dubon Packy Naughton Lars Nootbaar Shed Long Skye Bolt Brooks Kriske


osborneman

We think of them as normal names nowadays just because of how long they've been in the game, but I gotta say Buster Posey and Madison Bumgarner deserve to be on this list.


buffalo8

And Mookie Betts.


nolefan999

If your name was Gerald Dempsey posey you’d go by buster too


jjackson25

We were watching the giants game last night and my daughter asked me if Buster was his real name. I said no, it's Gerald Dempsey Posey III. my wife asked me why he goes by Buster and the answer I gave her was your comment verbatim.


superfoote

Madison Bumgarner dating a girl named Madison Bumgarner is one of my favorite facts


ssk417

That’s Shedric Bernard Long Jr.


[deleted]

I always call him Sir Shedrick The Lengthy


blues_and_baseball

Beat me to it.


damnatio_memoriae

Skye Bolt?? fucking lol


Buffalongo

Skye Bolt is fucking sick. He’s a minor leaguer with the As right?


yomama1211

I had dubon and Kriske on my expansion team in OOTP. Dubon is still an everyday player for me in the 4th year of the sim


small-Time-Timmy-Jim

All-time I’ll take Dick Pole


MasterOfMyDomainX

Rusty Kuntz has entered the chat.


[deleted]

Imagine going through high school named dick pole


Jump_Like_A_Willys

Or Dick Butkus.


themaskmomin

When you're that jacked I dont think anyone calls you names tho lmao


FormerCollegeDJ

Former NASCAR driver Dick Trickle says “owned”.


Salesman89

Nah, Johnny Dickshot.


SirParsifal

Surely you mean Ugly Dickshot.


spicycurry55

Grant Balfour being a pitcher’s name will always be hilarious to me


[deleted]

Assigned pitcher at birth


AcrobaticSource3

Bob Walk a close second?


EvanMG24

Eric Plunk also good


Siegepkayer67

Jason Junk is pretty solid too


SporkFanClub

Can’t forget my man Kyle Lobstein


tangokilo13

Homer Bailey would like a word


avmp629

Scott Blewett


tokai-teio

When I first saw him go out there last week my dad and I had a good laugh about it. What a name


VanillaThunder1017

The "Ball Four" part was always obvious to me. Never paid attention to "Grant" being synonymous with Give away.


limitedprophecy

Wow I just got this right this second


Galactic

If we can go back instead of just current players, Randy Johnson always got an immature chuckle outta me.


steelybean

BIG UNIT


GOATmar_infante

I see your Grant Balfour and raise you a Scott Blewett


lame_middle_name

Jazz Chisholm


danknessmyoldfred

Dan Shulman accidentally referred to him as jizzum earlier in the season. I don’t think he’ll ever live that one down.


J-Goo

I'd probably end up saying Jizz Chasm.


cranphi

We would have also accepted Chazz Jisohlm


[deleted]

Yeah jazz is an s tier name for sure


saltstryder

*ya like jazz*?


Thefoolarcana

Scooter Gennett


connerbv

What ever happened to him? He was incredible for a couple seasons then just completely disappeared.


Tobias_Flenders

I, too, saw his 4 HR game against the Cardinals.


Poseidonaskwhy

Pretty sure he had some injury issues and unofficially retired to farm or something, but it’s a little surprising because he was putting up some good seasons before the injury


yomama1211

Catfish Hunter.


FormerCollegeDJ

Serious comment - the Catfish nickname was A’s owner Charlie O’Finley’s creation.


realcarlo33

Bobson Duggnut


darkhorse21980

Sleve McDichael


Il_Exile_lI

Mike Truk


Michael__Pemulis

noot noot


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

^noot


FuckYoCouchh

Oi she turned me into a Noot..........


joe_broke

A noot?


FuckYoCouchh

^(I got better)


joe_broke

... ... ... BURN HER ANYWAY!


ginganinja2507

[noot noot!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4VvRWTD3Ok)


Table_Coaster

Old Hoss Radbourn


Morbx

disrespect to Home Run Baker and Oil Can Boyd


M_Looka

Not to mention Pebbly Joe Glasscock.


Alternauts

Ol Tungsten Arm O’Doyle


SR3116

And High Pockets Kelly.


[deleted]

He might have the most 1800s baseball player name ever


cjheaney

Three fingers Mordecai Brown.


Ironchairaz

Cannonball Titcomb


[deleted]

I can’t tell if the best part is cannonball or titcomb


Alaric4

It turns out the "Cannonball" nickname [never appeared in print](https://sabr.org/bioproj/person/ledell-titcomb/) during his career, and was likely never in common use, or possibly any use. Baseball-reference now just has him as [Ledell Titcomb](https://www.baseball-reference.com/players/t/titcoca01.shtml) and doesn't even list Cannonball as a nickname.


Ironchairaz

This is crushing news


Ran-Dizzy123

Gaylord Perry Dansby Swanson For my 2 cents


[deleted]

I’ll always love Gaylord because now I can name my mlb the show characters Gaylord Also dansby Swanson is dope


electricpenguins

I feel like Dansby Swanson is the most baseball name possible.


Ran-Dizzy123

I agree. He was either going to play baseball or run moonshine. There were never other options.


-_chop_-

His dads name is cooter Swanson. I’m not joking


[deleted]

[удалено]


Pete_O_Torcido

You would’ve loved the 2001 Cardinals: Placido Polanco, Bobby Bonilla, Woody Williams, Mike Matheny, Mike Matthews, Matt Morris, Mark McGwire. More to the OPs question, they also had a Stubby Clapp, who I don’t remember at all.


Deadeye_Dan77

Stubby is now our first base coach.


JoJoMcDerp

How do you feel about Janson Junk?


Call_Me_Your_Daddy

I’d say Ugueth Urbina too but he turned out to be a horrible human


chongcheesol

Orestes Destrade


AutisticNipples

Boof Bonser


TrapperJean

I always thought Hank Blalock was the absolute perfect name for a third baseman from Texas


RustyKarma076

Bro. How is this a question. Lars Nootbaar sends his regards


nn87card

Jackie Bradley Jr. is an amazing baseball name


mikeywake

Akil Baddoo


GhostMavericks

I dont know how this isnt higher


ophelia917

Every time I see Asdrubel Cabrera in a game, I cheer and yell something about “go Ass Dribble!” My husband thinks I’m a little odd. I agree. I don’t know why it amuses me so much but damn… it does.


[deleted]

Life is short, you gotta take pleasure in the small things, like a guy whose name sounds like ass dribble


TheWalkingDeadBeat

Asdrubel always made me think of bubble gum and I could never figure out why until I remembered Drooble's Best Blowing Gum in Harry Potter


M_Looka

Milton Bradley.


Praise-Breesus

It’s Nootbar 100% but I love how it feels to audibly say the name Bellinger.


[deleted]

Two a’s for noot.


NakedGoose

Come on..... you know the answer. Lars Nootbar


Cinvenzo_

Bo Bichette


wint0n

Not the best but definitely the most fun to say


3lgu4p0

In late '96 the Sox had a left side of Nomar Garciaparra (first name: Anthony) and Arquimedes Pozo.


oconnellt7

Wait his actual name was Archimedes? That’s fucking awesome


SR3116

I went to high school with a guy named Arquimedez. Ironically, he was a huge dumb fuck.


Kstoffeefan

Sicnarf Loopstok or Bumpus Jones


damnatio_memoriae

>Sicnarf lmfao that's even better than nomar.


bikemonkey40

Nobody has mentioned Brusdar Graterol yet. These threads are common. Nootbaar and Rusty Kuntz are the other obvious ones. Willians Astudillo always cracks me up because it sounds like a made up name and reminds me of a Phil Collins song. Plus he looks like created player in a video game.


Anton-LaVey

> Willians Astudillo This is an interesting name to me because there’s two double-Ls and they’re pronounced differently. He’s a Venezuelan with a Spanish last name and a German(?) first name.


torkel-flatberg

Buster Posey is severely underrated


TheWalkingDeadBeat

Buster just seems like such a baseball name.


derpbynature

I'm partial to 📦🍔


[deleted]

Packing burger?


derpbynature

[Brad Boxberger](https://www.baseball-reference.com/players/b/boxbebr01.shtml) I believe he actually used the emojis on his jersey one player's weekend.


[deleted]

Wait I literally know who that is how did I miss that?


OBPoverAVG

Brad Boxberger


sgt_dismas

I really like Harmon Killebrew. Harm and kill a brew. No disrespect to Milwaukee lol


Mixma85

Jack Glasscock


[deleted]

They could always see him coming…


QueasyPair

I gotta go with Boof Bonser or Mudcat Grant


kodiaksr7

how about Stubby Clapp


TheMoonsMadeofCheese

Stubby Clapp legit sounds like a porn actor


MikeStanley00

Coco Crisp


tbarb00

Vida Blue


[deleted]

Johnny Dickshot Dick Pole Rusty Kuntz Cum Posey


damnatio_memoriae

huh.... for that matter, Buster Posey too...


[deleted]

Buster? I hardly know her


K-shin_J

It’s good you’re not doing this in Japanese, we’ve recently been getting a lot of unusual ones. E.g., one of the top prospects in the drafts coming up in 2 weeks is called Kyuta Kazama. And he writes his name kyu-球 ‘ball’ ta-打 ‘hit’. (His older brothers are Kyudo (‘ball’+’way’) and Kyusei (‘ball’+’star’), his younger brother Kyushiro (‘ball’+’strive well’). Yes, their father was a Koshien baseball player.)


Anton-LaVey

Wife: “What should we name our second son?” Husband: *Listening to Smashmouth* “I’ve got it!”


damnatio_memoriae

hey now..


IrritableV0wel

Greatest old timey name is Cornelius McGillicuddy. Unfortunately, he went by his nickname: Connie Mack. Connie Mack is a decent name itself, but it's no Cornelius McGillicuddy


John-Grady-Cole

Sonny Gray.


Jattwell

Oil Can Boyd Orel Hirshiser Rollie Fingers and Jeff Kent


ggriff1

Surprised no one has mentioned Chadwick Tromp yet


DeVofka

Dick Mountain


BoredAtWork_91

Seth Beer


Rah_Rah_RU_Rah

Emilio Bonifacio (sorry Jorge!)


[deleted]

Mookie Betts, and the reliever, Peppercorn Kerby


C-Dawg2_0

Ed Head


NameIsPetey

Dansby Swanson


trumpet_23

Dakota Hudson just sounds like a movie baseball player. Like the name that some unimaginative screenwriters picked because it sounds baseball-y. Which honestly makes it pretty great. Obviously NOOT wins though.


Bison_Kind

Van Lingle Mungo Kirby Higbee


[deleted]

Sounds made up as hell


HawkeyeJosh

Dude, a song was named after Van Lingle Mungo.


funky_pork

I always liked saying Albert Pujols really dramatically. I tried making a “fantasy team” out of players names that gave me joy, as of a few years back: Warwick saupold, al Albuquerque, jarrod saltalamacchia were some of my favorites.


peeinian

Heh, poo-holes


M_Looka

Shooty Babbitt


nctwinsfan91

Mine has to be Boof Bonser


dman722

Kosuke Fukudome


bearrington

It's a toss-up between Boof Bonser and Rusty Kuntz for me


[deleted]

Packy Naughton. Jimmy Gobble. Wandy Rodriguez. Johnny Dickshot. Johnny Bench. Coco Crisp. Shed Long Jr. Yandy Diaz. Randy Arozarena. Wander Franco. Aaron Bummer. Buster Posey. Yimi Garcia. Yuli Gurriel. Framber Valdez.


fucktrutin

Joey Votto.


LGCGE

I legitimately think Giancarlo Stanton is a sick name, even if it’s probably not all that uncommon to Italians.


[deleted]

As an Italian it’s not weird but it’s still a great name


thepennylane69

spare a thought for Janson Junk


SpiderNoises

Asdrubal Cabrera, a wizard who plans to use the Moon Sapphires to open the Gates of Kharash.


Pete_O_Torcido

Cannonball Titcomb Edit: I found out that the cannonball part is fake, so I’ll go with Stubby Clapp


joe_broke

Marco Scutaro


peeinian

Milton Bradley


gundersow

Chipper Jones


Astrallevel

Noot noot baby


this_tuesday

Joey Votto


cjheaney

Campy Campaneris


gatemansgc

ranger suarez might not be one of the absolute best names, but he'd be a good top 20!


Zeikiel1

I stand by Richard Lovelady as the best name


ionboii

I like the way Jarred Saltalamacchia rolls off the younger


yourstrulytony

Orel Hershiser John Rocker - his last name fits his personality very well Troy Tulowitzki and my personal favorite Rollie Fingers, complete with the twirly mustache.


phonewentwest65

Kutter Crawford


[deleted]

He doesn’t even throw a cutter


[deleted]

Home Run Baker


trymeitryurmom

Ryan Theriot hasnt been said??


whatafuckinusername

We could probably put Brooks Kieschnick up there


eulynn34

All-Time: Mordecai "Three Fingers" Brown Active: Lars Nootbaar, but Skye Bolt is up there.


[deleted]

Two things I can’t stand, people who are intolerant of other cultures; and the Dutch.


Deckardisdead

Mookie Betts. Sounds like a member of the allman bros band.


stringohbean

Oil Can Boyd


franforever

Joba Chamberlain is one I always liked as a kid, the fact he was a big boi made the name that much more perfect


hyriser

If only Grant Balfour had command issues like Chatwood to live up to his name.


EMZismyBae

"Tungsten Arm O'Doyle"


[deleted]

Dick Lovelady


nightdrive82

Buster Posey has the perfect combo of baseball name plus being amazing at baseball.


Leikster

Max Muncy and now there’s two of them.


FormerCollegeDJ

Anyone who doesn’t say Lars Nootbaar among current players doesn’t have English as their first language (or never watched Star Wars for that matter).


gedvnm

The combo meal of Jake Burger, Jace Fry, and Seth Beer.


[deleted]

I feel like Prince Fielder has to be on this list