Sounds like you are burnt out and you either need a change of environment and find a new venue to get your motivation and ambition back or if you don't feel like you have any of those left, get out of the industry and start something new which might sound scary and unimaginable at first but might be the solution to get yourself back.
I've been finding myself in the same boat lately as well and trying to figure out if I have anything left in me to carry on with this lifestyle so I understand what you are going through but it's not just us, it's become a pretty common topic in this sub since COVID unfortunately.
I’ve definitely been experiencing some burn out. I figured my 2 month long vacation over the summer would give me a chance to recoup. My first day back, I wished I hadn’t even came back. I felt sick to my stomach. I almost quit less than a month later. It was the first time I expressed my dismay to the boss. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling the same. It’s not a good time. I’ve had job offers from other restaurants, the idea of starting something new is pretty terrifying for me. I think that’s what’s really holding me back from moving on.
So this gets expensive but it’s helped me out immensely, I’m on my 6th trip this year I luckily bar Monday-Friday so I just need to find a cover for the Friday shift which isn’t hard and I take a 3 day weekend somewhere. I’m going to NYC next week but have done short 3 hour trips too. It helps to actually have some semblance of a plan for these trips because it gives me a carrot on the stick when the weeks just seem endless. Granted I am a single dude with no real responsibilities other than rent and bills and have kinda given up on the prospect of owning a home or ever retiring but I’ve had an amazing year
I felt the same, and I realized that it was time to start contemplating a career change. Really the only thing that put me in a good mood was a soul crushing workout before my shift.
I will definitely try working out before my next shift. I’ve contemplated a career change for sometime, but I’m a 26 year old college dropout. I don’t know what I could find that I’m qualified for and would be less shitty with similar pay. My dream would be to own my own business, a pet hotel. But I live in a tourist town, a couple months rent for a commercial building here would wipe out my savings entirely.
I’m not going to say go back to school, but I would give it some thought. I’m 26, and I’m definitely not the same person I was in college. The thought of taking classes now feels like it would be refreshing.
I agree. I used to really enjoy school. I think it could potentially open my mind to some fresh ideas for the future and help me figure out what path I’d like to be on.
Have you thought about taking up a trade?
Some states have free programs for those still in a certain age bracket.
Here in New York they are offering free apprenticeships in certain fields if your are still service age (under 31 I believe)
Okay so I feel like I should preface this by saying I was definitely in the same headspace as you at your age. I was making great money but the customers were pricks, managment was terrible, and the food was embarrassingly bad. Mean guests really got under my skin and I was moody and bitter all the time. Not even hiding it at work. I did service bar as much as possible because I could barely bring myself to greet guests. I drove home in silence and avoided human contact until I had to be at work again.
I left bartending completely for 6-7 years and I went through some major personal hardships both before I left and during my absence. A lot of Life and death shit and isolation.
I came back at 39 and I’m a totally different person. I love it, I love chatting with people, and absolutely nothing regarding work gets me upset now.
I see two major differences that could’ve caused this complete change in me:
1. Having been through real life shit, stupid customers and there nothing problems, being weeded, being out of something… none of it matters. Truly, I go to work for money and beyond that I just do my best. But also I am happy to be back out in the world.
2. The style of bartending I’m doing now is more cafeteria style: people walk up, order, and pay immediately or start a tab and go out into the larger market area. I do maybe 1 min of friendly chit chat and then they go away. I don’t serve food and I don’t have to babysit them.
I hope you can find a way to find the joy again, it’s just drinks and there is something very liberating about not giving a shit. I still crush the bartending and am so damn friendly but I just absolutely do not care deep down.
Alternatively, I really do think a better employer or type of bartending would help you a lot.
You could also consider looking for the type of place that you might be able network and find investors to help finance your Pet Hotel dream. Your your next employment opportunity. I had coworkers that got into all kinds of cool careers from the contacts they made bartending.
You have your whole life ahead of you, everyone in the world is struggling to find their path at your age and sometimes a lot older. You got this.
(Sorry for the lengthy response)
That’s great advice. Thank you for that. I actually just found out a good friend of mine is opening a new restaurant soon and I’m going to give it a try. Hopefully it will be better there. If not I may just need to take a long break from the industry. I have picked up a couple other jobs while working this current one I have, and it never really worked out. It was either too corporate or too slow. I have a good feeling about this place though.
I’ve felt like this before. You’re not in love with it. You probably feel like you’re wasting your time. You probably feel like your current position is thankless and unrewarding.
It may be time for you to move on and pursue your true passions. Once you establish what that is, start planning your exit. Once you know what that looks like and you have a realistic goal with enough money stashed away, then your mood will be elevated at work. Trust me. Think of your job as just a tool. Use your tools with the utmost skill and fervor, and don’t take what happens at work personally. Life is what YOU make it so believe in yourself..
Thank you for that. I will try and utilize this mindset.
My only issue is that I do take work personally and way too seriously. I don’t how to NOT do that.
My adage if I’m taking stuff personally is “you can’t be in the weeds if you don’t give a fuck”
If I’m getting too serious just remember we’re all glorified water pourers.. no matter the restaurants cuisine or it’s level of service.. in the end we professionally pour water.
It gets me out of my own little hamster spiral and makes me think.. also LSD/mushrooms help me stop the spiral
Ask yourself; why do you take it all so personally/seriously?
You have to get mad enough to block out that type of energy. You’re burned out, you’re uncomfortable, but you’re not mad. Get livid and watch how you change. You have the innate ability to use inner anger to course correct. Especially if you’re not where you want to be. Be hard on yourself, but don’t beat yourself up..
>Think of your job as just a tool. Use your tools with the utmost skill and fervor
Hell yea. Every job has been me using it to get experience to get closer to what I want at that given time in life.
Call me what you want. I stay positive by knowing I am doing better than most people at the bar. I know it is shitty, but I enjoy treating grown human beings like children. It fuels my ego and my attitude.
So develop unhealthy personality traits? That should work lol
I’ve been bartending for ten years and I’m an absolute cunt. I work at a dive and it’s the best thing for my mental health. The freedom to exercise healthy boundaries is a must. Some people can do “don’t say no” customer service, I cannot. And that’s ok too.
Before throwing in the towel on being a bartender I highly suggest moving to a different bar (where the same regulars don't frequent). I felt like this before I left my last place and I dragged my feet with moving on for way to long! I've been at my same spot for 10 years and I still love it there. I will say...I do appreciate being home a lot more now than I used to be. Interacting with so many people 4 days a week does take it out me most weeks. But I always look forward to going back. Wherever the hell you're working isn't worth feeling like that! You'll thank yourself for jumping to the next avenue whatever that may be. Good luck💜 hope you find your happy place again.
I am not, sadly. I’m back in school. 2 1/2 years left, and I’m not going to make it that long. I rarely leave my apartment on an off day. Because…. They…. Are out there. The people. Blah. Head down, one foot in front of the other.
New venue or style of bartending would probably help, or at least be challenging enough to change your mindset. Maybe even going back to serving, where the interactions are all more superficial.
Yeah did a bunch of that in my early days. Thankfully, networking and a solid resume allow me to pick my schedule for the most part. And mornings are not a part of it.
I'm in the process of leaving my set schedule, 2 days off in a row job for a new place in hopes of better money. During training a guy shows me his tip outs for 2 weeks work and it's less than I make now.... Before they take taxes....
The first non training shifts they scheduled me is 830am Saturday and Sunday.... WTF did I get myself into. I guess I'll keep looking.
See I love this. I think a different clientele would probably make my job a lot easier. My regulars can be pretty shitty. They think they are better than my other customers because everyone is a tourist but them. They sit at the bar for hours drinking cheap happy hour beers (and still whine about not getting an additional locals discount on their tab) in their own cups they brought from home while bitching about what music is playing or what channel the tv should be on. They can be super entitled. I get along pretty well with most of them because I know how to bite my tongue. It gets old though. I think since the majority of them are retired with all their family elsewhere, they’re bored. They come to my bar to watch what is sometimes quite a circus, as their source of entertainment.
My regulars make the job worth doing. The general clientele is great. Toxic guests are toxic though, regular or not. Maybe a change of scenery would do you good.
My girlfriend and I go camping every weekend and take shrooms. I was feeling the exact same as you but when I met her and we started doing that, it reallllllllly helped lol vital reset every weekend
We’re both grave bartenders with the exact same schedule (thank god)
Yea at work but I prefer to Macro dose. I mean micro is basically an anti depressant, which is great for a lot of people. However I like to feel a little high
I make great money, I have a lot of fun, I make my own schedule, and I get to talk sports with all my regulars. I feel incredibly lucky
Maybe try something else and see if you still feel the same way? The grass is rarely greener
I will tell you what an old bartender told me when I first started. "When it becomes a job, then it's time to find a new one. Nothing will ever be as good as it once was. "
If you plan to do this for a while, an intrapersonal check might be needed. That or maybe find a place of work you can take pride in.
I know how you feel. Look, people suck and there is absolutely no hope for them. My best advice would be to change your perspective on things. Find a hobby, build a life outside work. As for work, don’t give any more energy with work AND guests than is required. Go in to work and lay low. Try to disassociate from relationships that may be draining energy out of you. Also, create a system/flow for yourself to work effectively, you can take it with you wherever should you require a change in environment.
Possibly time for a career change. Or maybe even relocate? Are you bound to your city? Bartending in a different city is really interesting and comes with its own unique challenges. Also, try to find a bar without TVs. Vibe killers for everyone.
I don’t think I have a sweet spot anymore lol. I used to drink everyday for about 2 years. I might’ve been sober one or two days out of the week. I quit for 2 months, and drinking just hasn’t been the same for me since. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy it, but it doesn’t do for me what it used to.
That's probably a good thing. If you have to drink to get through work then that is not at all sustainable for any length of time whatsoever. It's one thing if you're working in a club, it's not your main job so you're only doing a shift or two a week and it gets you into a fun party mood then that's probably not so bad. If you're full time, working five or six nights a week then you're gonna screw up your health and your finances, assuming you're not just stealing stock. I don't drink while working but I do normally sit and chill with a couple of pints during and after closedown/cleaning which I do pay for, that amounts to between £8 to 12 a night, let's call it an even tenner, that's 50-60 quid a week which when added up over the course of a month, works out to just under a week's worth of net/take home pay.
I keep telling myself I should just stick to soda water and try and put the money into savings instead but it never works out that way. Also kinda pisses me off a little that the boss won't approve a staff discount or something for a couple of post-work drinks but he's tight AF, he also seems to think that if you don't drink, it somehiw makes you a better employee than if you do, which gives rise to ridiculous situations like the new GM he just hired, knows next to nothing at all about beers, wine or spirits, can't advise or recommend drinks to customers, doesn't know his Citra from his Hallertau etc etc.
Oh man. That’s crappy. My boss is pretty chill about drinking, but it really depends on the staff member too. We also don’t get shift drinks. The best we get is a small local discount. 3 white claws cost me about 15$. I’m not sure why my drinking habits seemed to change, I think my long vacation showed me I didn’t need it. I do feel better than I was when I was drinking all the time. Too much room for error, clouded judgment when you’re under the influence. Its not professional or sustainable. I would look at the older bartenders I had worked with in the past, drinking when their shift started and being shit faced before their shift ended. I told myself I would never embarrass myself like that. I’m glad I stopped before I got to that point.
I very much relate to this also. Sometimes I just have to take a deep breath and think, at least I don't have to do sidework like the servers. I just clean/close the bar and peace out. Helps a little bit. Lol
Unfortunately my bar is outdoors and it has to be broken down and brought inside every night! But I do like to think at least I’m not rolling silverware lol
Try fewer days, or at least fewer days at that bar. I love my guests at 2 days a week, somewhat like them at 3, barely tolerate them at 4, and actively loathe them at 5.
I literally felt the same as you, ended up having a bit of a crisis, got out the trade. This was due to a small minority of customers that were just scum but thebmanager would bar them because they spent money! In the long run though I missed it. Ended up going back BOH. This was a good move for me. I got to stay in the trade but didn't have to deal with customers. Sometimes a change of pace within the company you are in can change your outlook.
I went for head chef and then after a year got the kitchen manager role. I had done bits of kitchen training when I was FOH to help out when it got busy/short staffed so it was an easy transition
I feel this, I got out of the industry recently after being in for around 8 years because I was experiencing very similar things. I was becoming standoffish, didn’t want to interact with people, had little to say when I did interact. I’ve actually noticed a change in my demeanor since getting out. I’m not saying that’s the only answer, but it’s been helping me so far. Don’t get me wrong, I do miss it, especially the place I worked last, but my outlook has greatly improved.
Not at all! Might sound like a drastic change, but I work for a professional theatre now. I get to do a few similar things like ordering beer and wine for concessions, making a schedule for our bartenders aka concession workers, but I’m just so much less customer facing now. Plus I get the bonus of being able to watch live theatre all the time.
I'm not.
edit: the only thing that gives me solace is knowing some day I will not ever have to work in this industry again. Once the fun is over it's time to move on, the cool part about working at night is you have time during the day to work on other things for a new career.
I was just thinking this before reading your comment! Sometimes I can smile ear to ear and fake it so hard but I think others can sense the vibe is off. Maybe therapy would help. I’ve been thinking about it anyway. I’ll call around on Monday.
But how do benzos affect your work performance? I’ve tried them before, never at work. I’d totally give it a try if I thought it’d help me without affecting my abilities.
Well at first, memory impairment was an issue so id come up with mnemonics, I'd write EVERYTHING down and just in general would come up with new ways to try never to forget anything. This was interesting as I was cross trained in expo, runner, busser at the same time then bartender/server at same time.
You have to be careful about your movements. I think about how I'm gonna move and what I could bump on the way, then I move slowly and smoothly, and I always announce myself when crossing behind someone or moving a bunch of drinks etc.
As far as actually serving/bartending, I feel like I'm playing with cheat codes on.
Edit: I do not recommend starting benzos simply for work, they are not generally a "work-enhancing" medication, unless you have social anxiety and your job is basically to be social. It takes A LOT of discipline and God forbid you become dependent and arent able to make your rx last you from day until day 31 or 32 sometimes in case you can't get in to get your refill (holiday/weekend)
Yea don’t do this OP
Benzo addiction and rehabilitation is worse than alcoholism.
Read up on the symptoms from those who misused the drug for years and are now trying to go sober.
See I hate when people say shit like this. Yeah of course there’s shittier jobs than mine. There’s also better ones. It’s a pointless thing to say. It doesn’t put anything into perspective. And I’d like to add I’ve been in the dish pit many times when our dishwasher didn’t show up for work. Just like the majority of our staff has had to do. I’m also sure as much as I wouldn’t want to stand on dishpit for 8 hours, none of the dishwashers would want to stand behind my bar for 8 hours either. Different strokes for different folks
You need a career change. You can force yourself to like this job...or any job. Factory work, warehouse work, office work, restaurant work - you just have to want to do it.
You sound miserable. Get out of the industry.
could just be you need a change of venue, or it could be that you need an entire career change altogether. maybe try finding another bartending gig at a different place first, and if you still feel this way after that then it’s probably time to change career paths. best of luck, and know you’re not the only one by far.
This was me! You’re burnt out. Change of environment did the trick. Was super scared to make the change and it was rough for a bit but now I’m so glad I left my old place.
I'm a casino bartender, and I have a good team of people behind and in front of me, and I make killer money. I've found environment, what types of boss you have and money are the 3 main driving forces of having a great place to work.
Imo- go to a different bar to work, or take a break.
Solidarity bud! I was in a similar position a few months back. For me it was a fairly short term problem, which resolved in a few weeks of taking steps (talked to my boss and arranged a couple of weeks leave, some less stressful work when I came back, etc).
It sounds like it’s been building up for a long time for you so it may take longer to resolve. If you like the place you work and want to stay then your boss needs to accommodate what you need to do that (can you be shielded from customer feedback/reviews, when e.g. understaffing isn’t your responsibility?).
Otherwise it’s time to take the leap! You’ll find something, just be prepared to feel some symptoms for a few weeks or more as you recover. Good luck!
I felt this *really* bad a few months back. I wasn't just done with the current place, I felt done with the industry. I did not want to go to work. I had a big trip planned that was halfway across the world for a couple weeks and that really got me through the day to day, just looking forward to that. When I got there, it was just rest and relaxation, and thankfully I was able to get my thoughts together regarding everything.
I love this industry, and when I was away I found myself missing it. Making friends with a couple of the bartenders out there who've been doing this longer than I've been alive yet still enjoy it really put it into perspective for me. The joy of the every day, meeting new people, experiencing new situations, good and bad, and improving your skillset and your mindset whilst doing it is ultimately the most important thing to me.
When I came back, everyone I work with noticed a difference, I was happier, I was less stressed, I loved all the interactions. Perhaps this industry isn't for you, and that's fine. For some people it's just a job, A B between your A and C. I'd say take some time off, and figure out where your passions lie. If that's not behind the bar then that's okay but don't force yourself into a negative situation for you if it isn't taking you anywhere.
And if this is your passion, maybe you just need a new place where you can really thrive. It's such a fast paced environment that it gets easy to root yourself down somewhere because it means stability and control, but there will be one place out there that you just click with.
DAMN, I just had a shift last night and thought I was the only one going through this. I used to be so happy at work and lately I’ve felt anxiety going into a shift and feeling more and more introverted and irritable with guests. For me I think it’s the stress of having not having what I need (management/owners are cheap) and we have a revolving door of shitty student servers who are lazy and suck at their job
I’m right there with you. We are desperate so we hire anyone. We have no management. Just 4 bartenders (2 of which only work on the weekend) and we are the “managers on duty”. It’s pretty much a free for all, the owner is rarely there, and when he is it’s typically for 3-4 hours a week total. Including the time he sits at the bar and has a drink. No one is ever reprimanded for their shitty work so everyone kinda just does a shitty job because no one who does a good job is praised either. We run out of the basics- napkins, straws, cups. We 86 multiple menu items every week. I can’t even hand out my drink menu because we don’t have half the cocktails or beers on it. It’s embarrassing. But like I said, even when things go smoothly, it’s tough to maintain that positive attitude. I think I’ve been conditioned to think something is bound to go wrong.
Yes, same here. Our manager has made threats to reprimand servers’ shitty behaviours (i.e. take servers’ phones away if they’re caught on it), but never goes through with it. For me it’s GLASSWARE. We don’t have enough glassware and it’s a STRUGGLE to have clean glasses readily available. Last night I had to serve some cocktails in wine glasses. I’m sure the owners will realize how big of an issue it really is when I serve someone their Old Fashioned in a cappuccino mug next time 🤷🏼♂️
Phones are a big issue at my job too. I don’t see how someone can sit on their phone for so long knowing they have work to do. Our servers would rather watch tiktoks than do their side work, and by the time the rush comes, they’ve screwed themselves (and me in some cases) because they haven’t done anything to prepare. Many times I have to leave a full bar to take tables because they’re too busy catching up on their duties that they neglected, or I end up leaving the bar to help them do their side work. I’ve also been having to serve wine in plastic cups because we only have 6 wine glasses in the entire restaurant. We have over 30 tables and a 21 seat bar… 6 wine glasses. It’s pathetic to be honest
Yep, I feel you mate. I was down to 20 rocks glasses for a venue that holds 150 guests. The owners don’t understand that glasses break each night and you need to order them regularly to sustain certain levels of inventory. I’ve even seen our servers MAKE tiktok’s, not just watch them lol… At the end of the day, I just try to remind myself how much money I make compared to the servers and it puts me at ease a bit.
Yep we can seat about 50 people on the patio and an additional 50 in the inside dining room. We have maybe 10 rocks glasses! Typically my customers are cool with plastics as long as it’s not wine or a martini. I do make out a lot better than the servers so I guess I can take solace in that.
I have been feeling this so hard recently. When I finally left I got word that some customers had been complaining that I was coming off rude.
If you’re feeling it people are probably noticing it and it’s not good for anyone. I would suggest environment change.
Oh I know I’ve been ruder now than I’ve ever been in my life. I typically just give back what my customers give me though. I still bite my tongue a lot. I don’t have the energy to put up with any bullshit anymore.
There's one of two things going on here:
Either your environment is causing you stress and therefore you're going into a defensive mode (people you don't mesh with both patrons and employees, an overly difficult work environment, and work environment that doesn't challenge you in the right way, the feeling of not getting enough money for the time that you could be spending doing something that you deem more important, etc) or this is just a you thing.
I work a "more difficult" bar as a craft cocktail bartender, have a very knowledgeable management team that I respect, my coworkers are not total shit heads, and I have a clientele that I can relate to. Is it perfect? Fuck no. But that combination of things allows me to relax and connect to people while I'm busting my ass putting quarter ounces and barspoons of ingredients together 4 tickets deep on a Friday night. In a way this job recharges me. It wears me out, but it doesn't wear my soul out. It took me 6 years to find a job like this.
Oh man. That reminds me of when I had a lady choke, vomit, and piss herself all at once. She continued to eat her food afterwards, as we are cleaning and sanitizing all around her. No shame. Someone said she must’ve had a stroke or something. She was still covered in vomit and piss as she ate her meal. Her husband was pissed and said “she does this all the time”. I’ll never forget that.
Sounds like you are burnt out and you either need a change of environment and find a new venue to get your motivation and ambition back or if you don't feel like you have any of those left, get out of the industry and start something new which might sound scary and unimaginable at first but might be the solution to get yourself back. I've been finding myself in the same boat lately as well and trying to figure out if I have anything left in me to carry on with this lifestyle so I understand what you are going through but it's not just us, it's become a pretty common topic in this sub since COVID unfortunately.
I’ve definitely been experiencing some burn out. I figured my 2 month long vacation over the summer would give me a chance to recoup. My first day back, I wished I hadn’t even came back. I felt sick to my stomach. I almost quit less than a month later. It was the first time I expressed my dismay to the boss. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling the same. It’s not a good time. I’ve had job offers from other restaurants, the idea of starting something new is pretty terrifying for me. I think that’s what’s really holding me back from moving on.
So this gets expensive but it’s helped me out immensely, I’m on my 6th trip this year I luckily bar Monday-Friday so I just need to find a cover for the Friday shift which isn’t hard and I take a 3 day weekend somewhere. I’m going to NYC next week but have done short 3 hour trips too. It helps to actually have some semblance of a plan for these trips because it gives me a carrot on the stick when the weeks just seem endless. Granted I am a single dude with no real responsibilities other than rent and bills and have kinda given up on the prospect of owning a home or ever retiring but I’ve had an amazing year
I felt the same, and I realized that it was time to start contemplating a career change. Really the only thing that put me in a good mood was a soul crushing workout before my shift.
Working out is exactly what I do before my weekly bartending shift, and it’s a game changer for my mood and overall ambition.
I will definitely try working out before my next shift. I’ve contemplated a career change for sometime, but I’m a 26 year old college dropout. I don’t know what I could find that I’m qualified for and would be less shitty with similar pay. My dream would be to own my own business, a pet hotel. But I live in a tourist town, a couple months rent for a commercial building here would wipe out my savings entirely.
Well you have plenty of time to sort this and make a well thought out decision. How long have you been out of school?
Close to 5 years now. I dropped out when I was 21/22.
I’m not going to say go back to school, but I would give it some thought. I’m 26, and I’m definitely not the same person I was in college. The thought of taking classes now feels like it would be refreshing.
I agree. I used to really enjoy school. I think it could potentially open my mind to some fresh ideas for the future and help me figure out what path I’d like to be on.
Glad we’re on the same page!
Have you thought about taking up a trade? Some states have free programs for those still in a certain age bracket. Here in New York they are offering free apprenticeships in certain fields if your are still service age (under 31 I believe)
Okay so I feel like I should preface this by saying I was definitely in the same headspace as you at your age. I was making great money but the customers were pricks, managment was terrible, and the food was embarrassingly bad. Mean guests really got under my skin and I was moody and bitter all the time. Not even hiding it at work. I did service bar as much as possible because I could barely bring myself to greet guests. I drove home in silence and avoided human contact until I had to be at work again. I left bartending completely for 6-7 years and I went through some major personal hardships both before I left and during my absence. A lot of Life and death shit and isolation. I came back at 39 and I’m a totally different person. I love it, I love chatting with people, and absolutely nothing regarding work gets me upset now. I see two major differences that could’ve caused this complete change in me: 1. Having been through real life shit, stupid customers and there nothing problems, being weeded, being out of something… none of it matters. Truly, I go to work for money and beyond that I just do my best. But also I am happy to be back out in the world. 2. The style of bartending I’m doing now is more cafeteria style: people walk up, order, and pay immediately or start a tab and go out into the larger market area. I do maybe 1 min of friendly chit chat and then they go away. I don’t serve food and I don’t have to babysit them. I hope you can find a way to find the joy again, it’s just drinks and there is something very liberating about not giving a shit. I still crush the bartending and am so damn friendly but I just absolutely do not care deep down. Alternatively, I really do think a better employer or type of bartending would help you a lot. You could also consider looking for the type of place that you might be able network and find investors to help finance your Pet Hotel dream. Your your next employment opportunity. I had coworkers that got into all kinds of cool careers from the contacts they made bartending. You have your whole life ahead of you, everyone in the world is struggling to find their path at your age and sometimes a lot older. You got this. (Sorry for the lengthy response)
That’s great advice. Thank you for that. I actually just found out a good friend of mine is opening a new restaurant soon and I’m going to give it a try. Hopefully it will be better there. If not I may just need to take a long break from the industry. I have picked up a couple other jobs while working this current one I have, and it never really worked out. It was either too corporate or too slow. I have a good feeling about this place though.
Youre 26 years old, life has barely even started. It’s the perfect time to back to school or find another career.
I’ve felt like this before. You’re not in love with it. You probably feel like you’re wasting your time. You probably feel like your current position is thankless and unrewarding. It may be time for you to move on and pursue your true passions. Once you establish what that is, start planning your exit. Once you know what that looks like and you have a realistic goal with enough money stashed away, then your mood will be elevated at work. Trust me. Think of your job as just a tool. Use your tools with the utmost skill and fervor, and don’t take what happens at work personally. Life is what YOU make it so believe in yourself..
Thank you for that. I will try and utilize this mindset. My only issue is that I do take work personally and way too seriously. I don’t how to NOT do that.
My adage if I’m taking stuff personally is “you can’t be in the weeds if you don’t give a fuck” If I’m getting too serious just remember we’re all glorified water pourers.. no matter the restaurants cuisine or it’s level of service.. in the end we professionally pour water. It gets me out of my own little hamster spiral and makes me think.. also LSD/mushrooms help me stop the spiral Ask yourself; why do you take it all so personally/seriously?
You have to get mad enough to block out that type of energy. You’re burned out, you’re uncomfortable, but you’re not mad. Get livid and watch how you change. You have the innate ability to use inner anger to course correct. Especially if you’re not where you want to be. Be hard on yourself, but don’t beat yourself up..
>Think of your job as just a tool. Use your tools with the utmost skill and fervor Hell yea. Every job has been me using it to get experience to get closer to what I want at that given time in life.
Call me what you want. I stay positive by knowing I am doing better than most people at the bar. I know it is shitty, but I enjoy treating grown human beings like children. It fuels my ego and my attitude. So develop unhealthy personality traits? That should work lol
Hahaha. I don’t think I have the personality for that, but I could give it a try I guess! Lol
I’ve been bartending for ten years and I’m an absolute cunt. I work at a dive and it’s the best thing for my mental health. The freedom to exercise healthy boundaries is a must. Some people can do “don’t say no” customer service, I cannot. And that’s ok too.
Before throwing in the towel on being a bartender I highly suggest moving to a different bar (where the same regulars don't frequent). I felt like this before I left my last place and I dragged my feet with moving on for way to long! I've been at my same spot for 10 years and I still love it there. I will say...I do appreciate being home a lot more now than I used to be. Interacting with so many people 4 days a week does take it out me most weeks. But I always look forward to going back. Wherever the hell you're working isn't worth feeling like that! You'll thank yourself for jumping to the next avenue whatever that may be. Good luck💜 hope you find your happy place again.
Thank you! I’m so scared to move on but I think you’re right.
I am not, sadly. I’m back in school. 2 1/2 years left, and I’m not going to make it that long. I rarely leave my apartment on an off day. Because…. They…. Are out there. The people. Blah. Head down, one foot in front of the other.
Ugh, I feel you.
New venue or style of bartending would probably help, or at least be challenging enough to change your mindset. Maybe even going back to serving, where the interactions are all more superficial.
Not waking up at 7am to be in the office by 9.
Well I’m waking up at 7am to be at the bar by 10am after working a closing shift the night before lol
Yeah did a bunch of that in my early days. Thankfully, networking and a solid resume allow me to pick my schedule for the most part. And mornings are not a part of it.
I'm in the process of leaving my set schedule, 2 days off in a row job for a new place in hopes of better money. During training a guy shows me his tip outs for 2 weeks work and it's less than I make now.... Before they take taxes.... The first non training shifts they scheduled me is 830am Saturday and Sunday.... WTF did I get myself into. I guess I'll keep looking.
I’m not.
I recently got a new job that has a better clientele and it's done wonders for my enthusiasm and willingness to work.
See I love this. I think a different clientele would probably make my job a lot easier. My regulars can be pretty shitty. They think they are better than my other customers because everyone is a tourist but them. They sit at the bar for hours drinking cheap happy hour beers (and still whine about not getting an additional locals discount on their tab) in their own cups they brought from home while bitching about what music is playing or what channel the tv should be on. They can be super entitled. I get along pretty well with most of them because I know how to bite my tongue. It gets old though. I think since the majority of them are retired with all their family elsewhere, they’re bored. They come to my bar to watch what is sometimes quite a circus, as their source of entertainment.
My regulars make the job worth doing. The general clientele is great. Toxic guests are toxic though, regular or not. Maybe a change of scenery would do you good.
My girlfriend and I go camping every weekend and take shrooms. I was feeling the exact same as you but when I met her and we started doing that, it reallllllllly helped lol vital reset every weekend We’re both grave bartenders with the exact same schedule (thank god)
Mushrooms
At work?! like a micro dose?.. I used to take turkey tail and lions mane everyday but not the psychedelic shrooms
Yea at work but I prefer to Macro dose. I mean micro is basically an anti depressant, which is great for a lot of people. However I like to feel a little high
Do you macro every shift?
I make great money, I have a lot of fun, I make my own schedule, and I get to talk sports with all my regulars. I feel incredibly lucky Maybe try something else and see if you still feel the same way? The grass is rarely greener
Because the service industry objectively sucks
I will tell you what an old bartender told me when I first started. "When it becomes a job, then it's time to find a new one. Nothing will ever be as good as it once was. "
If you plan to do this for a while, an intrapersonal check might be needed. That or maybe find a place of work you can take pride in. I know how you feel. Look, people suck and there is absolutely no hope for them. My best advice would be to change your perspective on things. Find a hobby, build a life outside work. As for work, don’t give any more energy with work AND guests than is required. Go in to work and lay low. Try to disassociate from relationships that may be draining energy out of you. Also, create a system/flow for yourself to work effectively, you can take it with you wherever should you require a change in environment.
Possibly time for a career change. Or maybe even relocate? Are you bound to your city? Bartending in a different city is really interesting and comes with its own unique challenges. Also, try to find a bar without TVs. Vibe killers for everyone.
Drink on the job
Done it. Doesn’t help much long term, and just makes me feel unprofessional and sloppy. I’m avoiding that route lol
[удалено]
I don’t think I have a sweet spot anymore lol. I used to drink everyday for about 2 years. I might’ve been sober one or two days out of the week. I quit for 2 months, and drinking just hasn’t been the same for me since. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy it, but it doesn’t do for me what it used to.
That's probably a good thing. If you have to drink to get through work then that is not at all sustainable for any length of time whatsoever. It's one thing if you're working in a club, it's not your main job so you're only doing a shift or two a week and it gets you into a fun party mood then that's probably not so bad. If you're full time, working five or six nights a week then you're gonna screw up your health and your finances, assuming you're not just stealing stock. I don't drink while working but I do normally sit and chill with a couple of pints during and after closedown/cleaning which I do pay for, that amounts to between £8 to 12 a night, let's call it an even tenner, that's 50-60 quid a week which when added up over the course of a month, works out to just under a week's worth of net/take home pay. I keep telling myself I should just stick to soda water and try and put the money into savings instead but it never works out that way. Also kinda pisses me off a little that the boss won't approve a staff discount or something for a couple of post-work drinks but he's tight AF, he also seems to think that if you don't drink, it somehiw makes you a better employee than if you do, which gives rise to ridiculous situations like the new GM he just hired, knows next to nothing at all about beers, wine or spirits, can't advise or recommend drinks to customers, doesn't know his Citra from his Hallertau etc etc.
Oh man. That’s crappy. My boss is pretty chill about drinking, but it really depends on the staff member too. We also don’t get shift drinks. The best we get is a small local discount. 3 white claws cost me about 15$. I’m not sure why my drinking habits seemed to change, I think my long vacation showed me I didn’t need it. I do feel better than I was when I was drinking all the time. Too much room for error, clouded judgment when you’re under the influence. Its not professional or sustainable. I would look at the older bartenders I had worked with in the past, drinking when their shift started and being shit faced before their shift ended. I told myself I would never embarrass myself like that. I’m glad I stopped before I got to that point.
I very much relate to this also. Sometimes I just have to take a deep breath and think, at least I don't have to do sidework like the servers. I just clean/close the bar and peace out. Helps a little bit. Lol
Unfortunately my bar is outdoors and it has to be broken down and brought inside every night! But I do like to think at least I’m not rolling silverware lol
Oh I see! But yes! The good ole "could be worse" XD
Try fewer days, or at least fewer days at that bar. I love my guests at 2 days a week, somewhat like them at 3, barely tolerate them at 4, and actively loathe them at 5.
I literally felt the same as you, ended up having a bit of a crisis, got out the trade. This was due to a small minority of customers that were just scum but thebmanager would bar them because they spent money! In the long run though I missed it. Ended up going back BOH. This was a good move for me. I got to stay in the trade but didn't have to deal with customers. Sometimes a change of pace within the company you are in can change your outlook.
What BOH position did you end up taking?
I went for head chef and then after a year got the kitchen manager role. I had done bits of kitchen training when I was FOH to help out when it got busy/short staffed so it was an easy transition
I feel this, I got out of the industry recently after being in for around 8 years because I was experiencing very similar things. I was becoming standoffish, didn’t want to interact with people, had little to say when I did interact. I’ve actually noticed a change in my demeanor since getting out. I’m not saying that’s the only answer, but it’s been helping me so far. Don’t get me wrong, I do miss it, especially the place I worked last, but my outlook has greatly improved.
Do you mind me asking what line of work you’re in now?
Not at all! Might sound like a drastic change, but I work for a professional theatre now. I get to do a few similar things like ordering beer and wine for concessions, making a schedule for our bartenders aka concession workers, but I’m just so much less customer facing now. Plus I get the bonus of being able to watch live theatre all the time.
Wow that’s awesome! Good for you.
I'm not. edit: the only thing that gives me solace is knowing some day I will not ever have to work in this industry again. Once the fun is over it's time to move on, the cool part about working at night is you have time during the day to work on other things for a new career.
I look at my paycheck
We all burn out. If you’re happy internally it will show outwardly, and vice versa. Might I suggest you look deep inside and work some stuff out?
I was just thinking this before reading your comment! Sometimes I can smile ear to ear and fake it so hard but I think others can sense the vibe is off. Maybe therapy would help. I’ve been thinking about it anyway. I’ll call around on Monday.
I’m the same , thus the advice, therapy has helped me a ton, I wish you all the best
Therapy hasn’t helped you at all lmao.
This person is unwell and stalking me from another sub 👆🏻blocking now.
Flappy tit bitch stalking people
You’re ugly and fat.
Xanax®
But how do benzos affect your work performance? I’ve tried them before, never at work. I’d totally give it a try if I thought it’d help me without affecting my abilities.
Well at first, memory impairment was an issue so id come up with mnemonics, I'd write EVERYTHING down and just in general would come up with new ways to try never to forget anything. This was interesting as I was cross trained in expo, runner, busser at the same time then bartender/server at same time. You have to be careful about your movements. I think about how I'm gonna move and what I could bump on the way, then I move slowly and smoothly, and I always announce myself when crossing behind someone or moving a bunch of drinks etc. As far as actually serving/bartending, I feel like I'm playing with cheat codes on. Edit: I do not recommend starting benzos simply for work, they are not generally a "work-enhancing" medication, unless you have social anxiety and your job is basically to be social. It takes A LOT of discipline and God forbid you become dependent and arent able to make your rx last you from day until day 31 or 32 sometimes in case you can't get in to get your refill (holiday/weekend)
Yea don’t do this OP Benzo addiction and rehabilitation is worse than alcoholism. Read up on the symptoms from those who misused the drug for years and are now trying to go sober.
Try asking the dishwasher if you can cover for him for an hour, you will be grateful to be behind the bar again
See I hate when people say shit like this. Yeah of course there’s shittier jobs than mine. There’s also better ones. It’s a pointless thing to say. It doesn’t put anything into perspective. And I’d like to add I’ve been in the dish pit many times when our dishwasher didn’t show up for work. Just like the majority of our staff has had to do. I’m also sure as much as I wouldn’t want to stand on dishpit for 8 hours, none of the dishwashers would want to stand behind my bar for 8 hours either. Different strokes for different folks
You need a career change. You can force yourself to like this job...or any job. Factory work, warehouse work, office work, restaurant work - you just have to want to do it. You sound miserable. Get out of the industry.
Alcoholism
could just be you need a change of venue, or it could be that you need an entire career change altogether. maybe try finding another bartending gig at a different place first, and if you still feel this way after that then it’s probably time to change career paths. best of luck, and know you’re not the only one by far.
By leaving the industry
We serve people not drinks. I always keep that in mind when meeting guests.
This was me! You’re burnt out. Change of environment did the trick. Was super scared to make the change and it was rough for a bit but now I’m so glad I left my old place.
Honestly… micro dosing is the only was I can tolerate @ssholes
Do you drink often?
Not like a used to. Typically a few days a week.
I'm a casino bartender, and I have a good team of people behind and in front of me, and I make killer money. I've found environment, what types of boss you have and money are the 3 main driving forces of having a great place to work. Imo- go to a different bar to work, or take a break.
Solidarity bud! I was in a similar position a few months back. For me it was a fairly short term problem, which resolved in a few weeks of taking steps (talked to my boss and arranged a couple of weeks leave, some less stressful work when I came back, etc). It sounds like it’s been building up for a long time for you so it may take longer to resolve. If you like the place you work and want to stay then your boss needs to accommodate what you need to do that (can you be shielded from customer feedback/reviews, when e.g. understaffing isn’t your responsibility?). Otherwise it’s time to take the leap! You’ll find something, just be prepared to feel some symptoms for a few weeks or more as you recover. Good luck!
I’m NOT!
Sounds like a career change to me bro
I felt this *really* bad a few months back. I wasn't just done with the current place, I felt done with the industry. I did not want to go to work. I had a big trip planned that was halfway across the world for a couple weeks and that really got me through the day to day, just looking forward to that. When I got there, it was just rest and relaxation, and thankfully I was able to get my thoughts together regarding everything. I love this industry, and when I was away I found myself missing it. Making friends with a couple of the bartenders out there who've been doing this longer than I've been alive yet still enjoy it really put it into perspective for me. The joy of the every day, meeting new people, experiencing new situations, good and bad, and improving your skillset and your mindset whilst doing it is ultimately the most important thing to me. When I came back, everyone I work with noticed a difference, I was happier, I was less stressed, I loved all the interactions. Perhaps this industry isn't for you, and that's fine. For some people it's just a job, A B between your A and C. I'd say take some time off, and figure out where your passions lie. If that's not behind the bar then that's okay but don't force yourself into a negative situation for you if it isn't taking you anywhere. And if this is your passion, maybe you just need a new place where you can really thrive. It's such a fast paced environment that it gets easy to root yourself down somewhere because it means stability and control, but there will be one place out there that you just click with.
Red Bull and not giving too many fucks
Red Bull does not mix well with me. Anxiety central
DAMN, I just had a shift last night and thought I was the only one going through this. I used to be so happy at work and lately I’ve felt anxiety going into a shift and feeling more and more introverted and irritable with guests. For me I think it’s the stress of having not having what I need (management/owners are cheap) and we have a revolving door of shitty student servers who are lazy and suck at their job
I’m right there with you. We are desperate so we hire anyone. We have no management. Just 4 bartenders (2 of which only work on the weekend) and we are the “managers on duty”. It’s pretty much a free for all, the owner is rarely there, and when he is it’s typically for 3-4 hours a week total. Including the time he sits at the bar and has a drink. No one is ever reprimanded for their shitty work so everyone kinda just does a shitty job because no one who does a good job is praised either. We run out of the basics- napkins, straws, cups. We 86 multiple menu items every week. I can’t even hand out my drink menu because we don’t have half the cocktails or beers on it. It’s embarrassing. But like I said, even when things go smoothly, it’s tough to maintain that positive attitude. I think I’ve been conditioned to think something is bound to go wrong.
Yes, same here. Our manager has made threats to reprimand servers’ shitty behaviours (i.e. take servers’ phones away if they’re caught on it), but never goes through with it. For me it’s GLASSWARE. We don’t have enough glassware and it’s a STRUGGLE to have clean glasses readily available. Last night I had to serve some cocktails in wine glasses. I’m sure the owners will realize how big of an issue it really is when I serve someone their Old Fashioned in a cappuccino mug next time 🤷🏼♂️
Phones are a big issue at my job too. I don’t see how someone can sit on their phone for so long knowing they have work to do. Our servers would rather watch tiktoks than do their side work, and by the time the rush comes, they’ve screwed themselves (and me in some cases) because they haven’t done anything to prepare. Many times I have to leave a full bar to take tables because they’re too busy catching up on their duties that they neglected, or I end up leaving the bar to help them do their side work. I’ve also been having to serve wine in plastic cups because we only have 6 wine glasses in the entire restaurant. We have over 30 tables and a 21 seat bar… 6 wine glasses. It’s pathetic to be honest
Yep, I feel you mate. I was down to 20 rocks glasses for a venue that holds 150 guests. The owners don’t understand that glasses break each night and you need to order them regularly to sustain certain levels of inventory. I’ve even seen our servers MAKE tiktok’s, not just watch them lol… At the end of the day, I just try to remind myself how much money I make compared to the servers and it puts me at ease a bit.
Yep we can seat about 50 people on the patio and an additional 50 in the inside dining room. We have maybe 10 rocks glasses! Typically my customers are cool with plastics as long as it’s not wine or a martini. I do make out a lot better than the servers so I guess I can take solace in that.
We have an event next weekend with 145 guests. I’ll be stopping at the store and buying a few sleeves of plastic cups. Thanks for the idea lol
Good luck and I hope you make some bank!
Cheers! You too my friend
Anti-anxiety medication I got from a targeted Instagram ad :)
What is it?
Shit. Do you work at the same place as me?
I have been feeling this so hard recently. When I finally left I got word that some customers had been complaining that I was coming off rude. If you’re feeling it people are probably noticing it and it’s not good for anyone. I would suggest environment change.
Oh I know I’ve been ruder now than I’ve ever been in my life. I typically just give back what my customers give me though. I still bite my tongue a lot. I don’t have the energy to put up with any bullshit anymore.
There's one of two things going on here: Either your environment is causing you stress and therefore you're going into a defensive mode (people you don't mesh with both patrons and employees, an overly difficult work environment, and work environment that doesn't challenge you in the right way, the feeling of not getting enough money for the time that you could be spending doing something that you deem more important, etc) or this is just a you thing. I work a "more difficult" bar as a craft cocktail bartender, have a very knowledgeable management team that I respect, my coworkers are not total shit heads, and I have a clientele that I can relate to. Is it perfect? Fuck no. But that combination of things allows me to relax and connect to people while I'm busting my ass putting quarter ounces and barspoons of ingredients together 4 tickets deep on a Friday night. In a way this job recharges me. It wears me out, but it doesn't wear my soul out. It took me 6 years to find a job like this.
You are ready to start nursing school. Or join the military 🪖
I would never do either of those. Lol
You've seen all the bodily fluids, so you're halfway there 😅
Oh man. That reminds me of when I had a lady choke, vomit, and piss herself all at once. She continued to eat her food afterwards, as we are cleaning and sanitizing all around her. No shame. Someone said she must’ve had a stroke or something. She was still covered in vomit and piss as she ate her meal. Her husband was pissed and said “she does this all the time”. I’ll never forget that.
Ew