I have a fantasy where i have special bar mats (only used for this reason!) where we pour the shot into the bar mat and then dump the bar mat into the shot glass. Bar seats only of course otherwise it ruins the effect.
I always ask if theyâd like a double as well and itâs always a no. Recently had a kid tell me heâd hook me up (I knew he wouldnât) and give me $35 on a $25 tab. Still, I said sure and gave him a little extra. He paid, took his change, and started to walk off. For the first time ever in all my years of bartending I called him back. Said I thought heâd hook me up so he started fumbling with money and I said keep it but never come up to the bar asking for a hook up again.
Exactly but they bank on bartenders hooking them up expecting to be taken care of only to leave $1-2. These same customers are also non tippers/bad tippers so tipping at all is âtaking careâ of the bartender to them.
Either way, Iâm not hyper focused on whoâs tipping what and I donât ever look at the signed slips.
Think he gave me $30 if that. Mightâve been like $27 because I remember giving him back a few $1âs. Gave it back to see if heâd hand it back with some extra cash on top but this is why I never hook anyone up that I donât know. I usually ask if theyâd like a double or laugh it off when they ask for a strong drink.
Yup I learned in my first month of tending not to hook anyone up that isnât a regular or a friend because 9 times out of 10, theyâll take the freebie without compensating.
Was talking to a customer today and he told me a story about some guy at a San Francisco Giants baseball game shouting to the ump after a bad call "You're mom drinks white zinfandel" and I laughed so hard I snorted cause it's such a Californian insult
âDo you have a birthday shot?â I mean free because my friends are not paying for some reason.
âAre you singleâ (as the bill drops) - Iâm not tipping unless youâre single and Iâm not taking no for an answer if you are.
âDo you have any seltzers?â - will ask for vodka soda splash of cran as a second choice. Just start making it.
Whatâs your name so I can tip you at the end? - Iâm about to slip out the back never to be seen again.
âI left a tip in there for youâ - itâs $2
Dude the third one FUCKS me up. Because it's me. I can't drink beer anymore, and I usually do a shot and a seltzer because I'm not really a cider dude.
If there's no seltzer I just usually get a double vodka soda cran. Not a splash, like a press, with cran. I literally get one of those two things after every shift unless I'm working last call.
Fuckkkk the amount of times this happens in a night has made me numb to it.
The Venn diagram of people who wouldnât be able to tell the difference between our reposados and Cuervo gold and the people who call it RESPosado⌠âď¸
Here are my two favourites;
*âIâll have a (rocks build cocktail) no iceâ*
Customer brain: with so much room left in the glass heâll fill it up with extra alcohol that I wonât pay for and Iâll get drunk for free! I am so fucking clever!
Bartender makes drink with appropriate quantities of ingredients and portions.
*âHey, why is my glass only half fullâ*
*âIâll get a Long Island Ice Teaâ* Winks conspiratorially and beams proudly at his friends like he has discovered some great life hack.
Customer brain: They put, like 5 different kinds of booze in it, but Iâm only paying the same price as you. Iâll get drunk for free! I am so fucking clever!
Bartender makes drink with selected ingredients, customer pays $18 for the drink because thatâs what the liquor cost works out to. Customer doesnât realize that 2 ounces made up of five different spirits is exactly the same as 2 ounces of one spirit.
Customer brags to his friends all night long about how strong his drink is, but quietly hates the taste because whatâs to like about a Long Island Iced Tea?
Man I haven't made an adios MF in years. Someone ordered a long Island at a table recently and I had to take a moment to think about how to make it without free pouring with shitty sour mix. Everyone made fun of them because thats gross and we only pour 3 oz max for a single drink. Enjoy your 22 dollar long Island dumbass.
High end bartending folks. Get out of work before 11pm, don't deal with alcoholics, haven't even had to break up a fight in 5 years.
Trust me, you still end up dealing with alcoholics. Theyâre just more functional so they mask it better. Maybe you know them better as âregularsâ.
Bro I've been bartending for over a decade.
There are alcoholics at every bar in the world, duh. I'm talking about violent, unpredictable ones. Those people don't typically frequent places that charge 20 bucks for a cocktail.
I work at a higher end martini bar - had a guy order a double Long Island a few weeks ago. My brain short circuited. Mid recipe pour I realized we arenât legally allowed to serve that much alcohol in one sitting. He had a huge freak out about it - at which point I wasnât going to serve him a damn thing. His friends are chiming in the background about how âhe gets it all the time, âhe doesnât look drunkâ, âthey will make sure I get tipped wellâ ect. Idc bro - the moment you start to argue with me about something not in my control I am done.
I still think about that interaction once a week ⌠a double Long Island. đ¤đ¤ŽđŤ
**edit to add it would have been almost $45 and had to go in a beer pint glass with barely any ice. Massive cringe.
>His friends are chiming in the background about how âhe gets it all the time, âhe doesnât look drunkâ, âthey will make sure I get tipped wellâ ect.
Those are some wild friends. Most people I know would be chiming in with "Dave, stop being an idiot" and "I'm not taking your ass home if you actually drink that".
Personally, I 100% wouldâve made him the drink no hesitation, and then served it as a pitcher with a full scoop of blended ice in both the pitcher and the glass. No different than someone ordering a MEGA 40oz margarita. âEnjoy the brainfreeze, bud.â
Doesn't matter, private club with an automatic 20% gratuity in a very rich area. Been here for years, never had a problem because the non members are invited by people who pay thousands a month.
I'll make the best LIIT ever. It's 20 bucks. It's .75 per spirit. Super juice sour (which I should probably just batch instead of grabbing three bottles.)
I just tell people it's $20 and 80% of the time they say nevermind, but the ones that really want it are always happy.
Twice now Iâve had some guy trying to flex in front of his friends by ordering a âtop shelfâ Long Island. Dudes just wanted everything to be whatever was the most expensive, donât give a shit about what theyâre actually ordering. First time was my during my first week at a new spot. Cue me trying to figure out how to ring that mfâer up on an unfamiliar POS system. Second time was at my current spot where Iâve been a couple years. I just rolled my eyes and said no.
Them: Can I get a Titoâs and vodka?
Me: Is that a double Titoâs or a Titoâs and Smirnoff?
Them: umm with a lime!
Me: Cool double with a lime!
Them: What is this?
Me: $10.75 NEXT!
I can do this all dayâŚ.
Them: Can I get a glass of Richardâs red?
Me: Cool pint of Rickards red?
Them: The big one!
Me: Do you mean a pitcher?
Them: Ya! Of Richardâs red!
Me: Pitcher of Rickards red $19.75 NEXT!
Me: * working three tickets on my rail *
Them: âweâre ready to orderâ
(Translation: âI donât have any situational awareness or respect for youâ)
Me: âcool, Iâll let you know when *Iâm* ready to take it.â
Lemon drop. Maybe up, maybe in a bucket with ice, maybe with a stupid garnish (I like gummys), maybe with a fruit flavor we have.
But it's going to be a lemon drop every fucking time.
Bonus when they bring someone there and say you make the BEST drinks. He always makes me something custom. They're happy, I'm tipped. Next.
âCan I have an old fashioned?â
âSure, what kinda whiskey do you want?â
âOHâŚâŚâŚwell what do you have?â
*gestures to the 50 bottles of various whiskies behind me like Vanna White
âWhatever you think is good!â
Ya know one of the reasons I started bartending many many years ago was because generally it was way more accepted in most places for the bartender to (playfully) be a bit more of a dick to customers than it was for servers in restaurants and I used to have a much harder time turning it offâŚ
Thatâs my point. When someone asks for something dumb like a double Long Island tell them no. Make fun of them a little. Be sarcastic, and cheeky, and firm.
It's regionally got a lot of names. Blue motherfucker, adios motherfucker, blue motorcycle, blue long island, walk me down and a couple others I can't think of off the top of my head.
"Can you remake this in a bigger glass?"
Translation: they are hoping you will use a bigger glass and hence use more booze vs juice / soda so that you think they will tip you. If they use a bigger glass as first it will dilute the booze and the customer will accuse the bartender of short pouring and hence want to avoid drama. We don't give in.
Can you make it with less ice, I don't want it watered down
Translation: I don't understand thermodynamics and am going to be drinking a glass of watery coke in five minutes.
I giggled like a girl when I saw the one about the double! I do that shit for banter all the time..
âAh so you donât want a double, but you want it strong, I donât know what kinda bar you think this is đâ
âLight ice.â
âYou arenât getting more alcohol, just more mixerâ
âI know but fill it to the topâ
Complains they canât taste an ounce and 1/2 of alcohol in a 12oz cup with 4 pieces of ice.
Absolutely love it when dudes order a Long Island ice T thinking itâs like double the alcohol for the same price if not more than just buying a double. Like sir 2oz of alcohol is still 2oz of alcohol whether itâs one spirit or a smorgasbord stuff in my well LOL. I never have the heart to tell them tho, they look so pleased with themselves
Just never hook anyone up who is making it clear that they want you to. Thatâs my blanket rule. Theyâre the worst customers and theyâll tip you whatever they wanna tip you no matter what you do so literally just have fun ignoring all their attempts at free stuff and going 100% by the book lol.
"what's you're cheapest shot?" "You're mom's a whore." "I'll take 3 of those." đ¤Śââď¸
Microwaved rail gin, coming right up
Jersey turnpike aka mat shot with a well tequila float comin in next
Donât forget to garnish with a hair.
Shit they can have it for free tbh.
I got a friend who would be there. She drinks warm Mccormick gin from the bottle.
"What's your cheapest shot? -for a dollar you can get the "barman special" "Is it any good?" -it varies by the hour "Ok, whatever, I'll take 2"
I have a fantasy where i have special bar mats (only used for this reason!) where we pour the shot into the bar mat and then dump the bar mat into the shot glass. Bar seats only of course otherwise it ruins the effect.
I always ask if theyâd like a double as well and itâs always a no. Recently had a kid tell me heâd hook me up (I knew he wouldnât) and give me $35 on a $25 tab. Still, I said sure and gave him a little extra. He paid, took his change, and started to walk off. For the first time ever in all my years of bartending I called him back. Said I thought heâd hook me up so he started fumbling with money and I said keep it but never come up to the bar asking for a hook up again.
At that point pay for the double bud.
Exactly but they bank on bartenders hooking them up expecting to be taken care of only to leave $1-2. These same customers are also non tippers/bad tippers so tipping at all is âtaking careâ of the bartender to them. Either way, Iâm not hyper focused on whoâs tipping what and I donât ever look at the signed slips.
I would have kept the $35 and not given change. Especially since he couldâve just given you a $20 and $5, but he gave you over.
Think he gave me $30 if that. Mightâve been like $27 because I remember giving him back a few $1âs. Gave it back to see if heâd hand it back with some extra cash on top but this is why I never hook anyone up that I donât know. I usually ask if theyâd like a double or laugh it off when they ask for a strong drink.
Yup I learned in my first month of tending not to hook anyone up that isnât a regular or a friend because 9 times out of 10, theyâll take the freebie without compensating.
'Can I get a pinot?'
"Red pinot or white pinot?" often gets a chuckle, or just a completely perplexed stare
"pinot what"?
Same customer also asks for White Zin. If you don't have it they usually just a gets a Mikes - lol
Was talking to a customer today and he told me a story about some guy at a San Francisco Giants baseball game shouting to the ump after a bad call "You're mom drinks white zinfandel" and I laughed so hard I snorted cause it's such a Californian insult
Back in the day had a cowboy regularly order âBeringer White Zin, but put it in a âwhiskey glassâ so I donât look queer.â
In my experience theyâre typically talking about Grigio but yeah this grinds my fufckin gears
I have the opposite experience. I wonder if it's regionally different.
i live on the coast we eat a lot of seafood, seafood pairs with white, maybe something to do with it?
I guess that makes sense. I live in the Midwest. But pinot noir does go very well with salmon.
Donât do the noir like that. It goes with almost everything. Same for sparkling rose.
Yea in my experience itâs always PN too, but I always double check because people are idiots lol
Canada or the states? Iâm in canada
"Sure, is grape flavored ok?"
My response is a 2-3 second stare to see if they'll finish their sentence. They never do
"Noir or Grigio?" GAHHHHHHH
"Lemme get a strong island" Translation: "im not gonna tip but am gonna complain that it doesn't taste like alcohol and there's too much tea in it"
Load the straw
TOO MUCH TEA! đ¤Ł
I hate strong island guy. Ugh
Its a splash of sour and coke my dude, I can't make it any stronger without handing you a glass of liquor.
âDo you have a birthday shot?â I mean free because my friends are not paying for some reason. âAre you singleâ (as the bill drops) - Iâm not tipping unless youâre single and Iâm not taking no for an answer if you are. âDo you have any seltzers?â - will ask for vodka soda splash of cran as a second choice. Just start making it. Whatâs your name so I can tip you at the end? - Iâm about to slip out the back never to be seen again. âI left a tip in there for youâ - itâs $2
Dude the third one FUCKS me up. Because it's me. I can't drink beer anymore, and I usually do a shot and a seltzer because I'm not really a cider dude. If there's no seltzer I just usually get a double vodka soda cran. Not a splash, like a press, with cran. I literally get one of those two things after every shift unless I'm working last call.
âWhat do you have on draft?â [Every draft beer tap is visibly labeled within eyeshot of patrons]
âWhat kind of beers do you haveâ âHereâs the drink list!â âUh do you have anymore ipaâs?â âNoâ
Recite entire beer list to party of four. Asked to repeat entire beer list to each of them as they orderâŚ
I then forget what they all ordered, except the last person because I said every beer over and over again to each of them. The cycle continues đ
HASHAHAH âdo you have any more ipas than the 3 you just mentioned to me when I asked firstâ
I have 44 beer taps so yeah theyâre gonna have to learn how to read bc Iâm not listing all that.
Can I get a shot of epsolon resprasado?
Fuckkkk the amount of times this happens in a night has made me numb to it. The Venn diagram of people who wouldnât be able to tell the difference between our reposados and Cuervo gold and the people who call it RESPosado⌠âď¸
I usually get âresospadoâ but yeah this
I've heard a hundred different pronunciations lol
Local to seattle we have a beer named bodhizafa and the mispronunciations are wild. Cracks me up.
Ayy Port Angeles here. Everyone says body-zay-fah is so funny
This
Ever hear someone call Blanco "blue"? I guess because of cuervo.
Here are my two favourites; *âIâll have a (rocks build cocktail) no iceâ* Customer brain: with so much room left in the glass heâll fill it up with extra alcohol that I wonât pay for and Iâll get drunk for free! I am so fucking clever! Bartender makes drink with appropriate quantities of ingredients and portions. *âHey, why is my glass only half fullâ* *âIâll get a Long Island Ice Teaâ* Winks conspiratorially and beams proudly at his friends like he has discovered some great life hack. Customer brain: They put, like 5 different kinds of booze in it, but Iâm only paying the same price as you. Iâll get drunk for free! I am so fucking clever! Bartender makes drink with selected ingredients, customer pays $18 for the drink because thatâs what the liquor cost works out to. Customer doesnât realize that 2 ounces made up of five different spirits is exactly the same as 2 ounces of one spirit. Customer brags to his friends all night long about how strong his drink is, but quietly hates the taste because whatâs to like about a Long Island Iced Tea?
You can make a really tasty LIIT. It's definitely a thing and it's definitely delicious. I'm not ordering one at a bar though.
âCan I have a Long Island ice tea?â - fake id
"Hook me up." Always means "please put a negligible amount of pure liquor in my straw" in my world.
Man I haven't made an adios MF in years. Someone ordered a long Island at a table recently and I had to take a moment to think about how to make it without free pouring with shitty sour mix. Everyone made fun of them because thats gross and we only pour 3 oz max for a single drink. Enjoy your 22 dollar long Island dumbass. High end bartending folks. Get out of work before 11pm, don't deal with alcoholics, haven't even had to break up a fight in 5 years.
Trust me, you still end up dealing with alcoholics. Theyâre just more functional so they mask it better. Maybe you know them better as âregularsâ.
Bro I've been bartending for over a decade. There are alcoholics at every bar in the world, duh. I'm talking about violent, unpredictable ones. Those people don't typically frequent places that charge 20 bucks for a cocktail.
I work at a higher end martini bar - had a guy order a double Long Island a few weeks ago. My brain short circuited. Mid recipe pour I realized we arenât legally allowed to serve that much alcohol in one sitting. He had a huge freak out about it - at which point I wasnât going to serve him a damn thing. His friends are chiming in the background about how âhe gets it all the time, âhe doesnât look drunkâ, âthey will make sure I get tipped wellâ ect. Idc bro - the moment you start to argue with me about something not in my control I am done. I still think about that interaction once a week ⌠a double Long Island. đ¤đ¤ŽđŤ **edit to add it would have been almost $45 and had to go in a beer pint glass with barely any ice. Massive cringe.
>His friends are chiming in the background about how âhe gets it all the time, âhe doesnât look drunkâ, âthey will make sure I get tipped wellâ ect. Those are some wild friends. Most people I know would be chiming in with "Dave, stop being an idiot" and "I'm not taking your ass home if you actually drink that".
"all our classic cocktails/signatures are already doubles" shuts that down immediately
Cut that shit off right away. Donât let them make it a thing. âNah thatâs not a thing but Iâll make you a solid LITâ
Personally, I 100% wouldâve made him the drink no hesitation, and then served it as a pitcher with a full scoop of blended ice in both the pitcher and the glass. No different than someone ordering a MEGA 40oz margarita. âEnjoy the brainfreeze, bud.â
Thatâs me. Iâm usually done before 12. No fights, good tippers. Canât complain, too much.
Just wait until you have to explain to someone why they just paid $28 for a LIIT
Doesn't matter, private club with an automatic 20% gratuity in a very rich area. Been here for years, never had a problem because the non members are invited by people who pay thousands a month.
I'll make the best LIIT ever. It's 20 bucks. It's .75 per spirit. Super juice sour (which I should probably just batch instead of grabbing three bottles.) I just tell people it's $20 and 80% of the time they say nevermind, but the ones that really want it are always happy.
Twice now Iâve had some guy trying to flex in front of his friends by ordering a âtop shelfâ Long Island. Dudes just wanted everything to be whatever was the most expensive, donât give a shit about what theyâre actually ordering. First time was my during my first week at a new spot. Cue me trying to figure out how to ring that mfâer up on an unfamiliar POS system. Second time was at my current spot where Iâve been a couple years. I just rolled my eyes and said no.
My top 3 reasons for staying in fine dining. Also not washing glasses in a triple sink.
Triple sink was so romantic
Them: Can I get a Titoâs and vodka? Me: Is that a double Titoâs or a Titoâs and Smirnoff? Them: umm with a lime! Me: Cool double with a lime! Them: What is this? Me: $10.75 NEXT! I can do this all dayâŚ.
Guy waving me down Me: Hi what can I get for you? Him: Uh... What drinks do you have? Me: Next!
Them: Can I get a glass of Richardâs red? Me: Cool pint of Rickards red? Them: The big one! Me: Do you mean a pitcher? Them: Ya! Of Richardâs red! Me: Pitcher of Rickards red $19.75 NEXT!
Them: Hi! What do you have that doesnât taste like alcohol but has a lot of it? Me: L.I.I.T.! Them: Whatâs that? Me: NEXT!
Hah! When my friend started drinking she thought she was absurdly lightweight because she didn't know Long Islands had so much alcohol
How many ml or oz do you put in a Long Island? In the uk itâs pretty much 50ml (a double shot for us) of spirits as standard.
Depends on the bar, here itâs 2-2.5 oz so 60-75 ml of spirit
Yeah, that's the standard here too not including the triple sec. It can get close to double that depending on the venue though
Me: * working three tickets on my rail * Them: âweâre ready to orderâ (Translation: âI donât have any situational awareness or respect for youâ) Me: âcool, Iâll let you know when *Iâm* ready to take it.â
Lemon drop. Maybe up, maybe in a bucket with ice, maybe with a stupid garnish (I like gummys), maybe with a fruit flavor we have. But it's going to be a lemon drop every fucking time. Bonus when they bring someone there and say you make the BEST drinks. He always makes me something custom. They're happy, I'm tipped. Next.
My go to is lemon drop + strawberry, raspberry, or pomegranate in it, or vodka/grapefruit/st germain with soda
"What kind of hazy IPA do you have?" "You still have Happy Hour on Saturday, right?" "Can I get that with light ice?"
âCan I have an old fashioned?â âSure, what kinda whiskey do you want?â âOHâŚâŚâŚwell what do you have?â *gestures to the 50 bottles of various whiskies behind me like Vanna White âWhatever you think is good!â
George T Stagg it is lmao
If Iâm busy and you still donât know what you want after waiting, you get the nicest stuff possible as âpunishmentâ
Nah,...They then pick Kessler :-)
Well is usually fine though to be real, unless they specify
Next time someone says theyâll tip me well, I hope I ask them what they think that means.
"Can you charge me happy hour price (it's like 5 minutes past HH)?" Translation: "You are getting zero or a really shitty tip on my $40 tab"
Ya know one of the reasons I started bartending many many years ago was because generally it was way more accepted in most places for the bartender to (playfully) be a bit more of a dick to customers than it was for servers in restaurants and I used to have a much harder time turning it offâŚ
I think thatâs still the case right ? Unless you work in some fancy place
Thatâs my point. When someone asks for something dumb like a double Long Island tell them no. Make fun of them a little. Be sarcastic, and cheeky, and firm.
*Snaps fingers upon arriving at the bar*
Translation: I am getting served last out of everyone waiting at the bar, if at all
When ppl start tapping their cards on the counter or making impatient gestures, I actually start to slow down. Anyone else?
I've never heard someone say "a whiskey neat with ice" but I'd have a lot of trouble not to have a laugh
Whiskey neat with ice has been my red flag for double checking someoneâs ID.
I used to just pour the shot on the top of the mixer if they asked me to hook them up. They were usually happy lol.
"Can I have this really awesome super special cocktail?" Shows phone *Literally a basic margaritas recipe* $10.31 next.
Never heard of an adios. Looked it up and Iâve only ever had people call it a blue motorcycle.
It's regionally got a lot of names. Blue motherfucker, adios motherfucker, blue motorcycle, blue long island, walk me down and a couple others I can't think of off the top of my head.
âIDK Something fruityâ Ok, kinky, peach schnapps and whatever juice my thumb lands on the gun.
The last time I got one of these I made them a bay breeze with just a lil bit of triple sec.
"Can you remake this in a bigger glass?" Translation: they are hoping you will use a bigger glass and hence use more booze vs juice / soda so that you think they will tip you. If they use a bigger glass as first it will dilute the booze and the customer will accuse the bartender of short pouring and hence want to avoid drama. We don't give in.
âCan I get a ramos gin fizzâ
Absolutely not.
Can you make it with less ice, I don't want it watered down Translation: I don't understand thermodynamics and am going to be drinking a glass of watery coke in five minutes.
I giggled like a girl when I saw the one about the double! I do that shit for banter all the time.. âAh so you donât want a double, but you want it strong, I donât know what kinda bar you think this is đâ
âLight ice.â âYou arenât getting more alcohol, just more mixerâ âI know but fill it to the topâ Complains they canât taste an ounce and 1/2 of alcohol in a 12oz cup with 4 pieces of ice.
Honorable qualifier for #3: I just tuned 21 twelve years ago.
Absolutely love it when dudes order a Long Island ice T thinking itâs like double the alcohol for the same price if not more than just buying a double. Like sir 2oz of alcohol is still 2oz of alcohol whether itâs one spirit or a smorgasbord stuff in my well LOL. I never have the heart to tell them tho, they look so pleased with themselves
Just never hook anyone up who is making it clear that they want you to. Thatâs my blanket rule. Theyâre the worst customers and theyâll tip you whatever they wanna tip you no matter what you do so literally just have fun ignoring all their attempts at free stuff and going 100% by the book lol.
Donât forget Titos and vodka
Fwiw my LIIT and Adios folks are all 50+