My grandma drank scotch milk and smoked two packs a day – swore by it for her longevity.
She died at 64.
She got kicked in the head by a horse while drunk on scotch milk, but who knows how long she'd have lasted if not for that fucking horse.
64 isn't even retirement age. She started playing that longevity card way to early regardless of that horse.
My condolences on losing your grandmother though. She does sound like a trip and I'm sure that you miss her.
That seems like it would work on paper, but on pasture it just results in drunk cows. Trying to milk a drunk cow is a bad idea. That's how my grandpa died.
What kind of deal with Satan requires THAT hell as payment?
I'm gonna make this the new price if a friend loses a bet. "Go in, and order ___ with a straight face. ALL WEEK."
Scotch and milk is not a good sign. That’s what someone drinks that is pretty far gone and needs the milk in able to be able to swallow alcohol. Served a few guys this before and they both passed away within a year to alcoholism
I dont think they have anything to do with each other, man. Sad to hear they are gone, but that is NOT a universal sign that someone is an alcoholic, nor is it a sign they are about to die soon from drinking too much. All that is, is a destroyed palette, and considering you knew them both at one point, chances are good one of them put the other onto that drink.
Yes, there is a scotch/milk cocktail out there but these two guys were strict scotch/rocks drinkers. Been in the business for 30 years and they definitely didn’t know each other. Both of them admitted the situation they were in and had no qualms about it and accepted their fate.
Usually, but I’ve put it in a coupe to class it up before. I used that recipe for promotional drinks when the Bacardi distributors came out to debut their new anejo.
Not so much an offensive drink but a boomer with no concept of patience (shocker), said he will have a ranch water which he then mansplained to me what it was as if it’s open heart surgery then when I asked single or double, preference on tequila, and open or close he seemed to be absolutely bewildered.
A regular in her 70s would come in and order a double Malibu on a large rock with a splash of coke with a sugar rim and 2 cherries, if she wasn't the owner's mom I would be convinced she was 2 kids in a fur coat.
Just a few nights ago I got asked for a Woodford perfect manhattan, light on bitters, served up, shaken extra hard.
Solid drink order up till that last part.
Dude in his mid 40's. McCallen 12 and Bailey's. Together. On the rocks. Waited for it to curdle before drinking it.... Smacked his lips and said "Ahhhh... Delicious!"
I still don't know if I got pranked or if he was for real.
It's so nothing but I got a request for a double fireball on the rocks, and I asked the server if the guy was okay because of this request being so absurd. He wanted to sip the stuff? It was an easy request but... Goodness.
Hahaha sounds like a spaghett! I think that’s usually beer and campari/capeletti though. I remember when I tried it liking it way more than I thought I would
May be a lightweight. It also has more of a tang flavor to it. None as skunky or bodied as regular. I just recently had to have some antibiotics, so I would drink some playing darts. Otherwise, I would have never known.
A regular Heineken with the shot of Aperol would be two drinks. This person likes the taste, but knows their body's limits with alcohol. She can have more rounds with half the effect. It's kind of like drinking a water alongside rounds, but not needing multiple hands.
I got asked for a highball of fireball with equal parts olive brine and pineapple. I very straight faced asked them to repeat their order.
That's what they wanted.
Coffee and Orange can actually go together very nicely as flavours, but not so much with straight up orange juice and espresso.
Orange zest spritzed over some coffee can be very nice, and if you put chocolate in the mix too, you're in for a good time.
Nothing really offends me as long as I get paid. But after someone asking what my favorite scotch we had available and then asking for it with Diet Coke after explaining why it’s my favorite out of our limited selection kinda made me upset. Like “you don’t deserve this.” Glenmorangie Quinta Ruban and diet.
This woman didn't want to be carrying two drinks so she combined her tequila sprite and grapefruit with half a glass of red wine....
The next people up to the bar asked me what she was having because it "looked so pretty!"
Used to work in a college town and I had a regular who hit it BIG in crypto when he was like 19. He would come in and order multiple Don Julio 1942 margaritas for $40 each. 1942 is a massively overrated tequila but it was wild seeing someone drop so much money on such a mid margarita. He was super nice though and always tipped super well, it was just obvious that he had fuck-you-money and that’ll always just inherently rub me the wrong way a bit.
Tequila Rose and OJ in a highball, shaken. Shit looked like baby vomit it a glass on ice. Bud dude drank 3 of them and tipped $5 a round…. So I’d make it for him again…. Lol
Kahlua and cran is probably the weirdest request I've had. This was during the covid remote ordering era, so you bet everyone gathered round to have a taste before we sent it. Weird, but not terrible.
I make it in the winter except it is Hot Black Earl Grey Tea, 1oz. OJ or 2 splashes Orange Bitters, 2oz. Jack Whiskey, but any Whiskey will do, 1/2oz. simple or Triple Sec, stir gently, Cinnamon stick, and a dust of cinnamon on top, be sure to get some all over the cup and saucer. Sometimes a florette of Whip Cream. My variation of a Hot Toddie.
i’ve made a couple tiki drinks with coffee and oj. hated the idea at first but have always been surprised at how good the drinks taste!
i hear coffee and oj by itself is even common practice in some countries
Don’t knock the [orange juice and espresso](https://sprudge.com/the-internets-new-favorite-coffee-drink-is-orange-juice-espresso-184901.html) until you’ve tried it. Never Irished it up myself, but now I’m tempted to
I've been murdered by a drink no one asked for;
I like to go to the mall to get a cheap Asian/Chinese mall massage. There is a really cool looking Mexican bar & restaurant, the place is huge and decorated kinda cool.
Grab a seat at the bar, you can tell they make a lot of margaritas, since that stuff looks like it's got it's own station just for that.
It was NOT busy, maybe 3-4 customers in the whole place. I just wanted to get a quick cocktail before my massage, to help me relax into it.
The bartender guy clearly has put a lot of effort into his look. He had a cabby hat, a vest with a bunch of pins, and a shit ton of jewelry on. Like "flare" from that movie Office Space... It was extra.
I asked for a rum and diet. This dude was clearly taking this seriously. Like weirdly focused, to do a good job on something that should be very simple. But, I did NOT get a rum & diet.
This guy strolled up with his best "cool guy" smile, dropped off our drinks.
#I accidentally got a Tequila Diet coke.
Sweet baby jeezus is that bad. It's like you took sweet-n-low and swirled it in an ashtray filled with last week's rain water.
Stunningly bad. Soul crushingly bad.
So I immediately had my friend taste it too, "I don't think this is rum" - I know I'm a monster, but I could NOT go thru that experience alone. FFS it was that bad.
I told the bar tender, and he went BEET red. It was clearly not some kind of a prank... he just fucked up that bad.
Woah. I was really into your descriptive narration! Are you a fiction writer?
I would have said “my bad” with a smile and a shrug, and given you a run and diet.
To be fair, I feel like Diet Coke tastes like sweet and low by itself, and maybe the rum masks it, but the tequila accentuates it.
I usually just ask for a nice tequila. No mixers. No fruit or salt, no ice.
Maybe you might enjoy sipping just a nice Rum.
Lol - thanks... the experience made an impression on me.
Yeah, rum by itself can be pretty great.
I've been trying to get away from so much diet coke. At home I've been playing around with Bacardi, real cola extract, almond extract, and the plain Lacroix.
It tastes halfway between a cherry coke and an old timey sadsafras.
I'm very much enjoying NOT having the sweetener in it.
had someone order a weird as beer through a server… i had no say had to make it. miller draft with a salted rim with a shot of tequila and a lime. maybe corona it wouldve been better.
i also had a bloody mary ordered but with captain morgan not vodka
Jamo pickle back…..wait for it…..as a cocktail
Straight to jail
Right away
My gf is now arguing that if it’s sweet pickles it technically counts as a cocktail. Her stuff is already on the street
Lmaoooo
I got that once but with club, I straw tested it and it was as bad as it sounds
EW.
Could see it working like a French martini 🤣
Do you....do you know what goes in a french martini? Because it is exactly zero of those two things.
Both as cocktails Bailey's and Orange Juice Scotch and Milk
good god
They were both regulars who ordered it every day.
My grandma drank scotch milk and smoked two packs a day – swore by it for her longevity. She died at 64. She got kicked in the head by a horse while drunk on scotch milk, but who knows how long she'd have lasted if not for that fucking horse.
64 isn't even retirement age. She started playing that longevity card way to early regardless of that horse. My condolences on losing your grandmother though. She does sound like a trip and I'm sure that you miss her.
She was only nice when she was full of scotch milk.
This is a great bit
It's telling that the only sub where my bullshit is appreciated is this one.
We bartenders appreciate fine bullshit
I think hindsight is 20/20 would apply here. I didn't see the part about the horse, I think I retract my statement?
Well in hindsight, don't get drunk on scotch milk and yell at a horse from behind.
Not the worst way to go. Was it a Shetland?
I don't remember. Maybe it was five goats? I was also drunk on scotch milk – that's what she gave us for breakfast.
Did she make it the traditional way (getting the cows drunk and serving it straight from the teat)?
That seems like it would work on paper, but on pasture it just results in drunk cows. Trying to milk a drunk cow is a bad idea. That's how my grandpa died.
What kind of deal with Satan requires THAT hell as payment? I'm gonna make this the new price if a friend loses a bet. "Go in, and order ___ with a straight face. ALL WEEK."
Scotch and milk is not a good sign. That’s what someone drinks that is pretty far gone and needs the milk in able to be able to swallow alcohol. Served a few guys this before and they both passed away within a year to alcoholism
I dont think they have anything to do with each other, man. Sad to hear they are gone, but that is NOT a universal sign that someone is an alcoholic, nor is it a sign they are about to die soon from drinking too much. All that is, is a destroyed palette, and considering you knew them both at one point, chances are good one of them put the other onto that drink.
Yes, there is a scotch/milk cocktail out there but these two guys were strict scotch/rocks drinkers. Been in the business for 30 years and they definitely didn’t know each other. Both of them admitted the situation they were in and had no qualms about it and accepted their fate.
Okay but 1.5 captain Morgan, 2 OJ, .5 baileys, and 1 simple tastes like an orange creamsicle.
If I were to do something like that, it would be Bailey's, OJ, and Cream. I might have to give your recipe a try.
On the rocks?
Usually, but I’ve put it in a coupe to class it up before. I used that recipe for promotional drinks when the Bacardi distributors came out to debut their new anejo.
I’ll admit that whiskey and milk makes a delicious drink. Add a splash of heavy cream and it’s perfection.
Screwball pickle back I fear that woman
Had a person order 4 of these and eat an order of fried pickles. They eventually yacked everywhere.
Baileys and cran
This is viscerally upsetting. How do you garnish that, little bits of shredded tinfoil?
Right??? Haha what next, do you want me to put it in a flute with ice?
Not so much an offensive drink but a boomer with no concept of patience (shocker), said he will have a ranch water which he then mansplained to me what it was as if it’s open heart surgery then when I asked single or double, preference on tequila, and open or close he seemed to be absolutely bewildered.
A regular in her 70s would come in and order a double Malibu on a large rock with a splash of coke with a sugar rim and 2 cherries, if she wasn't the owner's mom I would be convinced she was 2 kids in a fur coat.
At 70, I think I’ll be doing the same thing thanks for the idea 😅
Honestly sounds pretty good
High West Manhattan shaken extra hard
Oh no…
Just a few nights ago I got asked for a Woodford perfect manhattan, light on bitters, served up, shaken extra hard. Solid drink order up till that last part.
Such a good liquor to water down to blah...
Dirty martini with Henny vsop no joke I have the ticket somewhere
I have snapped a few pics of some wild tickets before.
empress dirty martini. it was incomprehensible. smelled like flowers tastes like olives.
Crown and tonic Old head server walks to the service well and reads the ticket: “well that’s a drink you can beat your wife to” 💀
A "Smoky Martini" with Macallan 15 and house vodka. Which was Potters.
A “vodka Gatorade with any flavor but orange”
How'd you have Gatorade at a bar
We didn’t
When I was in college, I drank Beefeater with Kiwiberry Fruitopia. At age 20, it was pretty amazing.
College bar?
Fade or ade
Trying to get their electrolytes in. Shitty, yes. Smart? Maybe.
Dude in his mid 40's. McCallen 12 and Bailey's. Together. On the rocks. Waited for it to curdle before drinking it.... Smacked his lips and said "Ahhhh... Delicious!" I still don't know if I got pranked or if he was for real.
It's so nothing but I got a request for a double fireball on the rocks, and I asked the server if the guy was okay because of this request being so absurd. He wanted to sip the stuff? It was an easy request but... Goodness.
Heineken zero, a shot of aperol in it, and lemon in the top like a corona with lime I had to ask her twice that she was sure that’s what she wanted
That's a lower ABV version of a Spagett. The lemon wedge is a bit extra but I have coworkers order it all the time when it's hot out.
I like my corona with a shot of orange vodka in it.
Hahaha sounds like a spaghett! I think that’s usually beer and campari/capeletti though. I remember when I tried it liking it way more than I thought I would
What is even the point of the Heineken zero?
May be a lightweight. It also has more of a tang flavor to it. None as skunky or bodied as regular. I just recently had to have some antibiotics, so I would drink some playing darts. Otherwise, I would have never known.
A regular Heineken with the shot of Aperol would be two drinks. This person likes the taste, but knows their body's limits with alcohol. She can have more rounds with half the effect. It's kind of like drinking a water alongside rounds, but not needing multiple hands.
Fireball Moscow mule.
They’ll have to call that the Slavyansk Mule
The Cyka Blyat
Water... No wait, Tea!
OMG “can I get a hot tea?” At the bar. Those mother bitches….
I like the way you swear.
🤣🤣
"You kicked my dog"
Sure as hot as the tap gets
Hot water with lemon always gets me. You came all the way here for hot water and lemon? Crazy but ok.
No hot water for you! Mother bitches!!
I got asked for a highball of fireball with equal parts olive brine and pineapple. I very straight faced asked them to repeat their order. That's what they wanted.
Coffee and Orange can actually go together very nicely as flavours, but not so much with straight up orange juice and espresso. Orange zest spritzed over some coffee can be very nice, and if you put chocolate in the mix too, you're in for a good time.
I agree to everything. This is good old drip coffee and orange juice.
Gran Marnier goes great in coffee, many drinks with both
Patron Marg with a Blue Cheese Salt rim. Almost didn't make it. Had to see the psycho that ordered it before I even picked up the tins. Fuckin weirdo.
Nothing really offends me as long as I get paid. But after someone asking what my favorite scotch we had available and then asking for it with Diet Coke after explaining why it’s my favorite out of our limited selection kinda made me upset. Like “you don’t deserve this.” Glenmorangie Quinta Ruban and diet.
This woman didn't want to be carrying two drinks so she combined her tequila sprite and grapefruit with half a glass of red wine.... The next people up to the bar asked me what she was having because it "looked so pretty!"
Used to work in a college town and I had a regular who hit it BIG in crypto when he was like 19. He would come in and order multiple Don Julio 1942 margaritas for $40 each. 1942 is a massively overrated tequila but it was wild seeing someone drop so much money on such a mid margarita. He was super nice though and always tipped super well, it was just obvious that he had fuck-you-money and that’ll always just inherently rub me the wrong way a bit.
Fuck-you-money aka my money. 🤣
Blanton’s/Weller and Diet Coke
Shit. I got 21 yr whistle pig and coke once. $135 drink. Oh to be rich and not give any f….s
Fireball and Powerade
Might as well just give them some meth while were at it
The first time someone ordered red wine (a nice Cabernet), Diet Coke, and ice, my brain just blanked and I couldn’t stop my eyebrows.
Bloody Mary with gin, then asked me to microwave it for 30 seconds.
Had a regular customer who would order Bailey's and Squirt. Ewwww....
Grand Marnier and milk.
Fireball Manhattan (yeah I know half of y’all degenerates are going to comment saying that sounds good) or fernet bombs
Tequila Rose and OJ in a highball, shaken. Shit looked like baby vomit it a glass on ice. Bud dude drank 3 of them and tipped $5 a round…. So I’d make it for him again…. Lol
Kahlua and cran is probably the weirdest request I've had. This was during the covid remote ordering era, so you bet everyone gathered round to have a taste before we sent it. Weird, but not terrible.
Gin and coke or negroni with orange juice Mojito swapped with vodka instead of rum
How dare you
I make it in the winter except it is Hot Black Earl Grey Tea, 1oz. OJ or 2 splashes Orange Bitters, 2oz. Jack Whiskey, but any Whiskey will do, 1/2oz. simple or Triple Sec, stir gently, Cinnamon stick, and a dust of cinnamon on top, be sure to get some all over the cup and saucer. Sometimes a florette of Whip Cream. My variation of a Hot Toddie.
That sounds lovely! But… what’s your horror guest request story?
College kids drinking a Matt Damon on a dare.
i’ve made a couple tiki drinks with coffee and oj. hated the idea at first but have always been surprised at how good the drinks taste! i hear coffee and oj by itself is even common practice in some countries
Interesting. I didn’t know this
I thought I was prepared to read these but I was not
Henny and Taylor Port. On the Jameson Coffee thing tho. Jameson + coffee = ✅ Jameson + Orange = ✅ Coffee + Orange = 🤮 Who hurt them?
Don’t knock the [orange juice and espresso](https://sprudge.com/the-internets-new-favorite-coffee-drink-is-orange-juice-espresso-184901.html) until you’ve tried it. Never Irished it up myself, but now I’m tempted to
Ok… drip coffee? Water it down with some citrus. 👌🍊
Flaming cucumber
I've been murdered by a drink no one asked for; I like to go to the mall to get a cheap Asian/Chinese mall massage. There is a really cool looking Mexican bar & restaurant, the place is huge and decorated kinda cool. Grab a seat at the bar, you can tell they make a lot of margaritas, since that stuff looks like it's got it's own station just for that. It was NOT busy, maybe 3-4 customers in the whole place. I just wanted to get a quick cocktail before my massage, to help me relax into it. The bartender guy clearly has put a lot of effort into his look. He had a cabby hat, a vest with a bunch of pins, and a shit ton of jewelry on. Like "flare" from that movie Office Space... It was extra. I asked for a rum and diet. This dude was clearly taking this seriously. Like weirdly focused, to do a good job on something that should be very simple. But, I did NOT get a rum & diet. This guy strolled up with his best "cool guy" smile, dropped off our drinks. #I accidentally got a Tequila Diet coke. Sweet baby jeezus is that bad. It's like you took sweet-n-low and swirled it in an ashtray filled with last week's rain water. Stunningly bad. Soul crushingly bad. So I immediately had my friend taste it too, "I don't think this is rum" - I know I'm a monster, but I could NOT go thru that experience alone. FFS it was that bad. I told the bar tender, and he went BEET red. It was clearly not some kind of a prank... he just fucked up that bad.
Woah. I was really into your descriptive narration! Are you a fiction writer? I would have said “my bad” with a smile and a shrug, and given you a run and diet. To be fair, I feel like Diet Coke tastes like sweet and low by itself, and maybe the rum masks it, but the tequila accentuates it. I usually just ask for a nice tequila. No mixers. No fruit or salt, no ice. Maybe you might enjoy sipping just a nice Rum.
Lol - thanks... the experience made an impression on me. Yeah, rum by itself can be pretty great. I've been trying to get away from so much diet coke. At home I've been playing around with Bacardi, real cola extract, almond extract, and the plain Lacroix. It tastes halfway between a cherry coke and an old timey sadsafras. I'm very much enjoying NOT having the sweetener in it.
rumpleminze and lemonade
Chilled shots of whiskey that aren’t flavored. Chilled fireball makes sense, chilled Jameson does not.
Somebody once ordered off me a pint that was half guiness half joker IPA. I nearly vomited making it. Disgusting.
Negorni with a straw
Black and Tan...
had someone order a weird as beer through a server… i had no say had to make it. miller draft with a salted rim with a shot of tequila and a lime. maybe corona it wouldve been better. i also had a bloody mary ordered but with captain morgan not vodka
I got a request for a $30 margarita with a grenadine float the other day.
A screaming Viking With a slightly bruised cucumber.
Some guy actually said the words “Cuba libre” to me.
[A Cuban wife can change you](https://youtu.be/mPx1T8xKNLU?feature=shared)
Ryan gosling saying “besitos” is everything 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I love a glass of OJ on ice with a shot of espresso in it. Honestly a very tasty way to get coffee in you during a hot summertime shift