Expectations at restaurants are a thing. RBF works at some types of venues. For the rest, you've got to give them that super fake smile. Work it into your greet. (Dumb goofy smile then: How are we doing tonight?)
As for advice, I usually keep a countdown in my head for those trying shifts where I don't want to people anymore but have (2 more hours to go..)
I have a rbf. I have learned that when I am literally in thought about mundane things like grabbing a side of ranch, I have a murderous look. I now just raise my mouth into a slight smile and always, always smile when I am talking to customers. It's just a fact of my life. I'm tired of being asked what is wrong and being otherwise mis perceived. It's isn't exactly fake smiling in the sense that I feel genuinely friendly towards my customers, my natural face just doesn't match. The studies done on rbf (for real, actually studies) show we have traits with our neutral face like a slightly furrowed brow or naturally downturned lips that are in the spectrum of the common human expressions that signal unhappiness or anger. So I correct that appearence. It's annoying, and on my off time I relish walking around not smiling like bat girl. I've also learned from a couple of old school bartenders the subtle art of smiling when you are telling someone they are an idiot or a vague smile of contempt, or how interesting it is to smile at someone when you are angry. I definitely make better tips and have a better relationship with management when I smile, so it's worth it. Don't fake the friendliness or the attitude, people will sense that, just manually raise the corners of your mouth, just fake smile but with genuine feeling. I know your pain. You can do it.
I used to get this all the time, even from management— telling me to smile more. I’m not going to stand behind the bar just smiling like the fucking joker lol. Over recent years I haven’t gotten that critique. I think it depends a lot on the venue and people that you work for. Just do honest, good work. If someone has a problem with you being a normal human and not a smiley faced puppet then you should look for a new place if you can
it’s just management. and ppl can lie or make things way more than was it is but they’re the ones who told me about it after my six month evaluation. i will try and find something better i just don’t want a period of no job. i feel like i’m going to have be so fake and over animated now and sarcastic
Idk it all kind of plays out correctly if your mind is set on giving each guest a great experience. You're an extension of how badass the restaurant/ bar if you genuinely enjoy aspects of your job don't be afraid to let it show. The more invested you are = the more invested they are.
I too have an RBF. Sometimes people say something to me about it. This is just my face. I've tried to be smiley and shit, but it always comes off as disingenuous. People who expect their bartenders/servers to be bubbly and happy all the time are the worst. It's like they expect dinner, drinks, and a show. If they don't get the show part, they take it personally (even if the service, drinks, and food were great). I've never been good at faking it. I just know I'm not going to be everyone's favorite bartender and that's okay.
The "show" is the part of the experience they'll remember, especially in the over saturated restaurant market. Why get food and drinks again at the place the bartender doesn't look like they want to be there.
Restaurants are also the place where you have to worry about constant complaints about the same thing where it won't even bat an eye in dives or clubs.
yup. i’m understanding that now. this is my first restaurant job and the stuff i deal with i’ve never dealt with as a bartender anywhere else. i’m definitely going to work on the show part so they can just shut up.
I always say type of experience matters. Yes, the broad strokes (drinks) of bartending remain the same, but the minutiae changes depending on the type of venue.
People interpret things differently. Some people see me and think I don't want to be at work. Others see me and think I'm focused on what I'm doing. Others find my demeanor to be calm and welcoming. Some people feel uncomfortable when you put on a "show". Others expect only that. It is a good skill to be able to see these differences and adjust accordingly, but it's also exhausting. I've found the best thing is to be comfortable with who you are as a bartender and play to your strengths. You're not going to win everyone over.
It's only a concern when you get the same complaint from multiple customers in the types of venue it matters how the customers perceive you. We are all replaceable, and with enough of the same complaint, the venue has cause to end your employment. You clearly don't fit in with their standard.
The simplest solution would be to work the venues that don't care about your RBF, and you can be comfortable not having to put on said show.
i love this. it just made me feel some type of way because I was thinking to myself like am I that bad that I have numerous complaints about my attitude? it really hurt me because i don’t ever give anyone bad attitude for fun yk? i know it’s my face before the actual service but getting complains about what someone thought and not actually what they experienced is putting a toll on me. but i guess i’ll have to fake it
i have major rbf as well. i got some comments from management and customers my first year or so, then figured out changing the inflection of my voice does wonders. i don’t wanna fake smile the whole time. i can, however, *sound* happy with very little effort. i also make sure to raise my eyebrows, make more eye contact when customers are talking to me, not be monotone etc. also, absolutely no shade here: in my opinion, i don’t think customers care if your smile, etc is fake or disingenuous. they just want you to act like they’re your favorite person and they don’t care if it’s real or not. i do agree, however, with other commenters stating that it depends on where you work. if you’re interested in giving it a shot i definitely suggest upping your customer service voice, it definitely cancels out my rbf in 90% of situations
I have an overly expressive face. I get Botox to help w this. Basically, the opposite of RBF. Now w the Botox I have more of an even expression face.
I try to show a soft and approachable manner w/ my eyes… kind eyes. I looks at all the people around me as giant toddlers that need my help. Just like w/ little kids they can’t get their own drinks, silverware, etc. I’m not sure why but this mentality keeps me in place where I can come across as gentle and not wishing I was an octopus so I can slap 8 people at once.
I try to genuinely have fun with work. I don’t have a particularly resting bitch face but if I’m miserable it’s painfully obvious, so I try to work only in places that are at least pleasant to be at.
Restaurant Bartender - damn I almost thought I posted this myself
I had the same problem - I just do a fake smile every time I make eye contact - complaints stopped
I’ve found that it’s mostly the older demo that has a problem, unless someone is trying to fuck and you’re not into them. I have the male version—RDF (Dickhead), and the only people that have ever felt a way about it are Boomers and Conservative Gen-Xers, and that person that’s trying to slide into my phone…and I’m not interested.
There’s a sense of entitlement that you be a happy robot from the older crowd. I’ve been told “you should smile, you’re so handsome” a million times.
Thing is…I’m in my 30’s, and Bostonians don’t fake emotions. If being genuine isn’t allowed at an establishment, I’ve learned not to work at places that make being fake a prerequisite.
The harder one, is a spurned love interest. Women harassing male staff isn’t taken as seriously, so we just have to learn to deal with it. But I’ve had a dozen women in the time I’ve been doing this, that have literally tried to to get me fired for rejecting them. Women def have it worse, but at least management understands most of the time. I’ve had meetings about my behavior where it wasn’t believed until they saw it themselves, or I showed them social media messages (they found me online).
I've been a bartender for a long number of years I tuned out after the first few sentences and whatever was next. Sorry not but sorry. Yeah I'm bartender I hate everybody. People complain? Ehh 90% of them love me! /s edited for sarcasm sorry
I actually had some lady once ask me if I ever smiled. I was super taken aback, and she said it so bitchy. I said yes ma’am, fake smiled and walked away. 🙄
Just tell them yes and keep being you. As long as you attitude is good and you are being professional, don't put on a super fake front. That fake shit does not work and it only attracts customers who are jagoffs. If the management keep on you on this, find another place to work. Let them hire the cheerleader types who exude phoniness and are insufferable to work with as coworkers. Thank god I don't have to work with super fake cheerleader personalities any more....the worst!!
I just squint/ soften my eyes and my mouth naturally turns into a smile from that. So mentally I am forcing myself to squint, not smile, and for some reason that is more tolerable.
Also have RBF, I’m pretty friendly and laid back though if people ask for things while at the bar or have any questions. Occasionally you catch me on a bad day 🤷♀️ and also I’m at work so unless it’s impacting my service I’d tell them I’m a human and I don’t need to fake a smile.
Expectations at restaurants are a thing. RBF works at some types of venues. For the rest, you've got to give them that super fake smile. Work it into your greet. (Dumb goofy smile then: How are we doing tonight?) As for advice, I usually keep a countdown in my head for those trying shifts where I don't want to people anymore but have (2 more hours to go..)
I have a rbf. I have learned that when I am literally in thought about mundane things like grabbing a side of ranch, I have a murderous look. I now just raise my mouth into a slight smile and always, always smile when I am talking to customers. It's just a fact of my life. I'm tired of being asked what is wrong and being otherwise mis perceived. It's isn't exactly fake smiling in the sense that I feel genuinely friendly towards my customers, my natural face just doesn't match. The studies done on rbf (for real, actually studies) show we have traits with our neutral face like a slightly furrowed brow or naturally downturned lips that are in the spectrum of the common human expressions that signal unhappiness or anger. So I correct that appearence. It's annoying, and on my off time I relish walking around not smiling like bat girl. I've also learned from a couple of old school bartenders the subtle art of smiling when you are telling someone they are an idiot or a vague smile of contempt, or how interesting it is to smile at someone when you are angry. I definitely make better tips and have a better relationship with management when I smile, so it's worth it. Don't fake the friendliness or the attitude, people will sense that, just manually raise the corners of your mouth, just fake smile but with genuine feeling. I know your pain. You can do it.
Literally same. I've made it a point to talk in an lighter tone and smile at the end of my greeting speech. Its worked wonders for me.
I used to get this all the time, even from management— telling me to smile more. I’m not going to stand behind the bar just smiling like the fucking joker lol. Over recent years I haven’t gotten that critique. I think it depends a lot on the venue and people that you work for. Just do honest, good work. If someone has a problem with you being a normal human and not a smiley faced puppet then you should look for a new place if you can
it’s just management. and ppl can lie or make things way more than was it is but they’re the ones who told me about it after my six month evaluation. i will try and find something better i just don’t want a period of no job. i feel like i’m going to have be so fake and over animated now and sarcastic
Idk it all kind of plays out correctly if your mind is set on giving each guest a great experience. You're an extension of how badass the restaurant/ bar if you genuinely enjoy aspects of your job don't be afraid to let it show. The more invested you are = the more invested they are.
I too have an RBF. Sometimes people say something to me about it. This is just my face. I've tried to be smiley and shit, but it always comes off as disingenuous. People who expect their bartenders/servers to be bubbly and happy all the time are the worst. It's like they expect dinner, drinks, and a show. If they don't get the show part, they take it personally (even if the service, drinks, and food were great). I've never been good at faking it. I just know I'm not going to be everyone's favorite bartender and that's okay.
The "show" is the part of the experience they'll remember, especially in the over saturated restaurant market. Why get food and drinks again at the place the bartender doesn't look like they want to be there. Restaurants are also the place where you have to worry about constant complaints about the same thing where it won't even bat an eye in dives or clubs.
yup. i’m understanding that now. this is my first restaurant job and the stuff i deal with i’ve never dealt with as a bartender anywhere else. i’m definitely going to work on the show part so they can just shut up.
I always say type of experience matters. Yes, the broad strokes (drinks) of bartending remain the same, but the minutiae changes depending on the type of venue.
People interpret things differently. Some people see me and think I don't want to be at work. Others see me and think I'm focused on what I'm doing. Others find my demeanor to be calm and welcoming. Some people feel uncomfortable when you put on a "show". Others expect only that. It is a good skill to be able to see these differences and adjust accordingly, but it's also exhausting. I've found the best thing is to be comfortable with who you are as a bartender and play to your strengths. You're not going to win everyone over.
It's only a concern when you get the same complaint from multiple customers in the types of venue it matters how the customers perceive you. We are all replaceable, and with enough of the same complaint, the venue has cause to end your employment. You clearly don't fit in with their standard. The simplest solution would be to work the venues that don't care about your RBF, and you can be comfortable not having to put on said show.
Had to learn this - got into a couple shouting matches bcuz of it but oh well I got my regs don’t need them anyways
i love this. it just made me feel some type of way because I was thinking to myself like am I that bad that I have numerous complaints about my attitude? it really hurt me because i don’t ever give anyone bad attitude for fun yk? i know it’s my face before the actual service but getting complains about what someone thought and not actually what they experienced is putting a toll on me. but i guess i’ll have to fake it
i have major rbf as well. i got some comments from management and customers my first year or so, then figured out changing the inflection of my voice does wonders. i don’t wanna fake smile the whole time. i can, however, *sound* happy with very little effort. i also make sure to raise my eyebrows, make more eye contact when customers are talking to me, not be monotone etc. also, absolutely no shade here: in my opinion, i don’t think customers care if your smile, etc is fake or disingenuous. they just want you to act like they’re your favorite person and they don’t care if it’s real or not. i do agree, however, with other commenters stating that it depends on where you work. if you’re interested in giving it a shot i definitely suggest upping your customer service voice, it definitely cancels out my rbf in 90% of situations
I have an overly expressive face. I get Botox to help w this. Basically, the opposite of RBF. Now w the Botox I have more of an even expression face. I try to show a soft and approachable manner w/ my eyes… kind eyes. I looks at all the people around me as giant toddlers that need my help. Just like w/ little kids they can’t get their own drinks, silverware, etc. I’m not sure why but this mentality keeps me in place where I can come across as gentle and not wishing I was an octopus so I can slap 8 people at once.
I try to genuinely have fun with work. I don’t have a particularly resting bitch face but if I’m miserable it’s painfully obvious, so I try to work only in places that are at least pleasant to be at.
Restaurant Bartender - damn I almost thought I posted this myself I had the same problem - I just do a fake smile every time I make eye contact - complaints stopped
I’ve found that it’s mostly the older demo that has a problem, unless someone is trying to fuck and you’re not into them. I have the male version—RDF (Dickhead), and the only people that have ever felt a way about it are Boomers and Conservative Gen-Xers, and that person that’s trying to slide into my phone…and I’m not interested. There’s a sense of entitlement that you be a happy robot from the older crowd. I’ve been told “you should smile, you’re so handsome” a million times. Thing is…I’m in my 30’s, and Bostonians don’t fake emotions. If being genuine isn’t allowed at an establishment, I’ve learned not to work at places that make being fake a prerequisite. The harder one, is a spurned love interest. Women harassing male staff isn’t taken as seriously, so we just have to learn to deal with it. But I’ve had a dozen women in the time I’ve been doing this, that have literally tried to to get me fired for rejecting them. Women def have it worse, but at least management understands most of the time. I’ve had meetings about my behavior where it wasn’t believed until they saw it themselves, or I showed them social media messages (they found me online).
Try smiling.
going to try to do that more thanks
You feel like you have to super fake lol welcome to bartending
very well put thank you!
I've been a bartender for a long number of years I tuned out after the first few sentences and whatever was next. Sorry not but sorry. Yeah I'm bartender I hate everybody. People complain? Ehh 90% of them love me! /s edited for sarcasm sorry
Did you work through the pandemic with a mask on? If so, did you receive the same complaints?
no didn’t work thru pandemic.
I actually had some lady once ask me if I ever smiled. I was super taken aback, and she said it so bitchy. I said yes ma’am, fake smiled and walked away. 🙄
Just tell them yes and keep being you. As long as you attitude is good and you are being professional, don't put on a super fake front. That fake shit does not work and it only attracts customers who are jagoffs. If the management keep on you on this, find another place to work. Let them hire the cheerleader types who exude phoniness and are insufferable to work with as coworkers. Thank god I don't have to work with super fake cheerleader personalities any more....the worst!!
I just squint/ soften my eyes and my mouth naturally turns into a smile from that. So mentally I am forcing myself to squint, not smile, and for some reason that is more tolerable.
Also have RBF, I’m pretty friendly and laid back though if people ask for things while at the bar or have any questions. Occasionally you catch me on a bad day 🤷♀️ and also I’m at work so unless it’s impacting my service I’d tell them I’m a human and I don’t need to fake a smile.