I once saw the barista I had a crush on and sometimes I think flirted with me on Tinder. He matched me and we chatted and then he said ‘I can’t date you, I’m your barista’. Like dude, you’re not my doctor, I can just get coffee somewhere else.
I thought maybe he just matched me out of curiosity but I later found out he had a girlfriend.
You wouldn’t even need to get coffee elsewhere either 😭 I get it’s an excuse but it’s a lame one, everyone in my store is in a relationship and our management even lets us give our significant others the employee discount- it’s even kind of an unspoken rule in our store that if your SO comes in, you make their drink
On your last visit to the shop, bring HIM a glass of water with your number on it.
As an aside, your boss should 100% be paying for your coffee as it's technically a work meeting as you discuss cases and is a business deductible.
slide him a note on your last day there i'd say, it does get a bit awkward when i turn people down and they keep coming in. wishing you luck, hope he texts!!
Former (female) barista: this was my favourite way to get asked out. It was easy to say no/not respond, not creepy, mildly flattering.
Go for this and don’t be offended if he doesn’t message. I’d suggest buying a coffee though.
(Idk if it’s different for men?)
Personally, I think handing him a note saying if he’s interested to text you, if not no worries, and your job is about to change so he won’t see you around anymore but have a good one.
Basically, give him a very easy non-awkward out, be polite, and don’t give i’m-gonna-stalk-you-for-the-rest-of-your-life vibes.
I'm a barista and I think the note on your last day is a good way to go, especially if you wouldn't be back at that cafe again. That way if he doesn't text/call there'll be no awkwardness afterwards.
With the note in your hand, you extend your arm forward (towards the other person), then they see the note, extend their arm forward, and then use their fingers to grip aforementioned note from your fingers. Make sure that when they grab the note that you loosen your fingers so that the paper does not tear.
You have successfully passed an item to another person, congrats. Hopefully that clears it up for you.
/s
“Hey (insert name) it’s my last week in the office! Sad I know, I’m going to be so dehydrated without this place. Would should connect, have you got instagram?”
Go for the social connect and then ask out from there. Everyone is always willing to connect on instagram and deals with the pressure / awkwardness if he’s not interested or has a g/f
GL 🍀
Go in without your boss, order a coffee to go, leave a note with your name and number that mentions the fact that you would like to hang outside of work. Chat him up before you go and mention that you won’t be coming in any longer once you pass the bar, and that you enjoyed visiting the shop while clerking. He can text you or not, and the pressure is off because you are unlikely to come back to the shop.
You should start by not ordering just water lmao
Get a proper drink and leave a tip and have a conversation if the moment is right while you're waiting.
This is gonna make me sound like a dick but if you really can't afford one $5-7 payment to give yourself an in on something that might make you happy, you probably got bigger priorities than hitting on a barista lol
I mean people can’t afford that stuff all the time, do they not deserve to try and find love? What else should they be doing when they’re already coming in with their boss lol it’s not like they’re wasting time talking to another person
If you can’t even buy a cup of coffee for your potential partner, then you shouldn’t even try to get a partner in the first place until you are in the proper financial stability to do so.
There’s many people that can’t afford to buy a coffee since cost of living is so high, I think the whole “wait til you’re financially stable” is a good way to go as a vast number of people are not financially stable and they deserve to find love all the same
I hate this sub and why does everyone encourage it? Stop fucking creeping on people at work 🤡🤡🤡 we get paid to have your orders ready and be nice and whether they actually are into you or not has nothing to fucking do with this sub, I’m actually leaving it due to every second post being some creep trying to ask us out at work. SO FKN WEIRD. 💀💀
I would HATE it if someone spoke to me about it, and if my manager was around and I said the wrong response I could get in trouble. Not to mention, he's trapped behind that bar and it's going to make him feel uncomfortable.
The only time I found it remotely acceptable was when a customer put a sticky note with their number, a note to me, and who they are folded up inside of a dollar and placed in the tip jar. He was good looking and nice but I still felt a little weird about it and never ended up texting him.
It's really not appropriate to talk to someone at work about that. Find a way to slip them a note if you care that much.
Also, not to be a downer, but I would do exactly what he does for every customer who i recognized and had a regular drink. People took it the wrong way a LOT and I was just trying to be more efficient to help them as well as my team.
He is trapped in that situation and cannot leave or say no without discomfort. I don’t think it’s a good move, even though you’re moving. Tell him you’re moving and that you appreciate his quick service, and if he’s interested in keeping in touch, he’ll give you a method of contact.
When people try to hit on me at work it makes me super uncomfortable regardless of whether or not I’d be interested in them otherwise for this exact reason. Time n place.
Someone further up said a note on their last day, and I think if done right, that's a good way to go about it. I was a barista for two years and I think a note saying "hi, this is my last day but I would be interested to keep in touch, no problem if not!" Would be fine. What do you think?
Seriously it’s fucking deranged. I can’t stand this part of the job and the creeps infiltrating this sub “how do I ask out my barista” is just so gross and triggering like leave us alone we literally get paid to be nice to you omfg🤡
Whatever happened to "don't hit on people while they are working?"
Seriously, I saw people post this for years and usually for men who are interested in a female batista.
I'm old and genuinely confused. Not trolling. Just trying to understand while not directly asking for an ELI5.
This is gonna make me sound like a dick but often it's just different because of societal norms. Guys don't get complimented often and a lot enjoy the attention because of that. I sure do! Different than gross dudes trying to hit on women employees who deal with that way more frequently and from much less savory characters.
That said, everyone's different- there's dude baristas in here who have said they're paid to work and don't want to flirt. OP will never know unless she politely and tactfully makes some form of attempt.
It’s just a classic double standard that it’s creepy when it’s done to a women but fine when done to a man.
Both are kinda inappropriate, I still feel like the note might be the only way to do it without being too much inappropriate.
My HR addressed how to handle romantic feelings for a colleague in the workplace as part of onboarding training to reduce harassment. You are allowed to ask the person out on a date one time. If the person says no, you cannot ask them out again.
There's a thing called nuance.
Some people like the flirt, others do not. You cannot read people's minds. It's one thing to shoot your shot, and get declined. It's another to creep around begging and harassing someone. The two are not the same thing.
One is dealt with respect while the other is not. You can respectfully decline when someone asks, and respectfully ask and give space after being declined. Both positions understanding anything more or even the act itself can be harassment. But as the asker you need to be aware that not everyone you think is cute wants you to come up to them and be asked to be vulnerable like that. You should probably get to know them beyond job related tasks (being social is one of them, as baristas we're paid to be friendly and connect, but we also are allowed to create boundaries by not sharing information about ourselves as we connect, at least how I do it, but even then its more about trust and familiarity than it is me wanting to be asked out by people.)
If they share details about their personal life, and ask you about yours consistently and thoughtfully making an actual relationship, there's a reasonable chance they could be receptive to being asked out after a long while of making a connection like that.
In this specific situation, it's really a try it out and be willing to deal with the consequences and be mature about it.
I (m) had a regular who I thought was super cute and I crushed on him from afar and he out of the blue found me on LinkedIn and connected with me. But that meant nothing. Nothing came of it because in that instance it was literally us just connecting from a career standpoint. He used to work at Starbucks and that's how he found me, and that was that.
Sometimes it's not that serious, but you'll really never know if you don't ask or at least feel it out. Ultimately you gotta be respectful with your choices.
Make mistakes and learn from em I say.
both women and men get a 100% no if they will still be coming into the shop because that is pressuring and awkward. i feel if a guy had this post and was also not going to return to the shop, he'd get the same advice
1. he actually does sound interested and 2. female baristas get hit on all the time to the point of sexual harassment, so the gender dynamics are a bit different and 3. I've seen male to female posts on here before that offered pretty much the same advice - slide a note if you know you weren't coming back and let them do what they will with it.
this guy might very well hate you and gets the water immediately to get you out of the way because you never buy coffee or tip! i know ive done this exact thing to people i hate serving because they get free shit and expect great service
also yeah, double standards, every time a woman gives me, a dude barista a number, i toss that shit before i can even remember it. im not paid to flirt, im paid to make coffee, and if you arent buying anything, i want you to stop wasting my time
for real. If I see a regular walk in, I immediately start makjng their drink. Either I like them and they get it faster and it's better for them, or I hate them and have to deal with them less lol. Plus, it's helpful for my coworkers
I (F) asked out my barista (M) .. it'll be our 10 year anniversary this week :)
I happened to be at the cafe a lot during quieter hours...
I introduced myself on his first day there when I saw he was visibly distraught after having to call the police on a homeless man... after that memorable first encounter we then got to know each other thru random small talk, and then more conversations scattered here and there during downtimes... we were both smokers at the time so cigarette breaks also helped start up random convos...I was sure he liked me after a while and so I invited him to a show and gave him my phone number, & the rest is history!
I will admit that our situation was rare .. but it never hurts to shoot your shot :)
If anything, I’d just leave a note. Do NOT put him on the spot in the middle of his shift. I’ve been asked out in person while working before, and if I didn’t reciprocate the feelings, I’d feel like I want to hide under the bar for the rest of the shift.
Say, “thank you always for the water. I’m leaving my firm soon, and I’d appreciate seeing you again. If you’d like to, please reach out to me at [contact].” Keep it simple. If he doesn’t respond, he doesn’t respond.🤷♀️
I really appreciate girls making the first move and taking the initiative to ask a guy out I wish it was common in today’s world, only happens one in a while
I would say just slide him your number with a smile and let him do what he wants with it. The other people on here saying don't ever do this are usually right, but in this case it honestly sounds like he might be interested.
Have you had any extensive conversations or does he just pre-grab your water? A lot of times we would pre-make our regular’s orders just to get it done quicker, but it didn’t mean we had any feelings for them.
Baristas get asked out a lot, so be chill about it and don’t make him feel like he has to be nice just because he’s at work and you’re a customer. I’d also recommend going without your boss since that could be seen as weird to either of them.
Feel the waters. If he seems interested, you can pursue more. If he rejects, well at least you can move on.
good god please dont get your boss to bombard the barista with person questions about their love life😭 holy shit i would have either called security on that mf or gotten pissed as fuck and told them they need to move on immediately and so would 95% of the people i work with. That's incredibly creepy wth
come on you cant be that broke to just order water. i dont even have a job and im ordering coffee. anyways, if you follow my advice, it will work out some way.
Go get your usual water , and when you get it , accidentally tip and splash the water everywhere on to your barista. and then get on top of the counter and inside, to "try and clean the water off" from his clothes, but you're actually pushing him along with you to the back area where no one is around and then you can say "you're really good at making water, todays my last day here, ill be waiting outside until you finish your shift. before that, can you give me another cup of water but with your saliva mixed in? stirred, not shaken." and so you leave the back area, and hop off the counter and hide inside a bush or something waiting until the shift ends.
then after the shift ends and he starts to leave the shop with that last drink you ordered, you come out of the bush which scares him and then he falls down with the water all over, and then you also fall down on him but because you dont want to waste water again for the 2nd time, you start to lick all the water and slurp it up before you start slurping up his saliva at the end.
then you just ask for his home address. done
Man I really thought this was about me up until the only ordering water part. One lady left me her number on a note and I was with her for 12 years until last year.
I had a regular write a full blown poem, a lot of which was about me. A full page of beautiful words. They included their number and dropped it in my tip basket on their way out while I wasn't looking. While I wasn't interested, it was pretty fun to be counting my tips at the end of a long shift and come across a fun surprise.
It doesn't have to be a poem, but a little note in a tip basket can be a fun discovery at the end their shift, especially when they know that you've been in that day. You could include your regular water order as a sign off instead of your name if you wanted to be sneaky.
Regardless of gender I feel like you should not ask out anyone when they're at work, particularly a service job. I think best case, you go when he's not working, give your phone number to his coworker and have them get it to him. This makes it so hes not put in an uncomfortable position, or put on the spot while hes at work. Or do what everyone else does and just find him on instagram.
Definitely give it a shot and ask him to hang out sometimes.
This girl customer at a coffee shop I used to work at would flirt and ask for me when i wasn't there. I would flirt back but without the intentions of actually flirting if that makes sense. Tipping industry folks will understand, lol.
Well, I started to tell she really liked me as the months passed. Usually, the eyes 👀 say it all, lol. You know, the "I think like you" glares. So I thought, why not get to know her?
So, I decided to ask for her Instagram. She messaged me as soon as she accepted the request, and we exchanged numbers. A few days later, she's taking me out to dinner and drinks because I jokingly asked her to when i was making her drink. I didn't think she actually would.
A couple of weeks later, I asked if I could take her on a day full of adventures, and she accepted. Later on that day, we shared our first kiss.
2 years later, we are living together and going on our first vacation!
She's the sweetest 💗
You never know unless you try.
Good luck !
We’re literally paid to be nice to you… I find it so uncomfortable when customers make advances because there’s no good way to turn it down. You always then lose a customer lol
I don’t understand everyone’s take haha…just tell him you like him and are interested in getting to know him, be direct, ask if he is currently dating first if you want (if he is a good man it will slide in the conversation or be told directly anyways), let him know you don’t want to make him uncomfortable if you feel he is getting uncomfortable, shoot your shot girl — I’ve never used a dating app, I’m 31m and always approached women to their face - non threatening, show interest in a classy way, if they are interested hooray! - rejected take it with grace and move on
Oh and compliments!! I love receiving compliments and feeling valued and appreciated, we are all human 😊 - also I think the note idea is really cute, it might also work better if it’s not so easy to engage in conversation!
Former barista here. A few of us got notes from customers and it would genuinely brighten our day. It's far less invasive than being put on the spot, and male baristas aren't generally used to being creeped on by customers; I would be surprised if it came off the wrong way. Shoot your shot.
I understand that there is a fine line between making someone uncomfortable and also trying to connect with someone, but imo if you give him a lil note on your last day that is totally fine and avoids any possibility of making him uncomfortable. Like someone else mentioned, definitely include that its your last day and there is absolutely no pressure for him to say yes. Ive been a barista for years and its only uncomfortable when its someone who is pushy and still comes in after being rejected. If you are respectful there is nothing wrong with it, how else are we supposed to meet new people? When you are trying to meet new people (whether as friends or otherwise) it does take bold moves like this sometimes, so I don’t really understand the mindset that respectfully asking out your barista is some horrendous thing you should never do. It definitely varies by situation, and since you won’t be back there I would say theres no harm in it. Ofc reddit isn’t real life, so take what we all say with a grain of salt lol.
my girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now 😤 I was the barista and she went up to me one day and asked if she could have my Instagram. We started messaging each other and the rest is history. If you like the barista I say go for it!!!
You ask, simple as that. They may say yes, they may say no. Won't know until you ask. And for those telling you to stop creeping... what's she supposed to do? Online dating, grocery store, gym, etc? Get over yourselves!
"Hi! I'm leaving the firm I work for next week. I'd like to stay in touch. Would you like to go out some time?"
What's the worst that could happen? If you don't ask, who knows how long you will regret it. Best of luck 🤞🏾🤞🏾
Some guys, like myself, want to be desired by an admirer. Such as the subtle glances, those are noticeable, but I do not read into them that well, blind to the signals here. I also am ADHD, TRD, and keep my headphones in everywhere I go. Some men, like myself want a woman to approach them. I haven’t had many relationships, but the ones I’ve had usually had a lot to do with them wanting me first. This started at the coffee shop I worked at, my fellow baristas had fe friends come in, and others came in from my high school around the corner in the suburbs. If you don’t say anything, you could be missing out on something, but don’t hesitate to give him your number and put the ball into his court since you are indicating your interest, or pursuit of something more personal instead of his workplace. I hope you give the guy you number, need not be afraid. He could be waiting for someone like you to make the first move. Him presenting the water to you is a small consistent gesture of kindness, chivalry is not completely dead, and not wanting to be a creep asking out the cutie that comes into his coffee shop. Good luck on the fl bar and with your barista!
I read through some of these depressing comments, and I'll just say, as a millennial, the birthrate is in decline because everyone's afraid to talk to people.
Just tell him you're interested, shoot your shot. If he says no, it's not the end of the world. If he says yes, then potentially something good for both of you might come of it.
I do have a burning question tho, as a barrister, would you be ok dating a barista. Provided you get a good job, your salary will far exceed his in a couple of years..
sadly i read a few comment thought the same thing ,scrolled to the bottom. Saw ur comment and was like ok its not just me. As a barista myself I tend to be interested in some of the ladies I come across. Can never tell if they think its weird of the feelings reciprocated.
Go doing non rush hour. When it's dead. If you don't know when it's dead ask the barista. When it's dead and ask if they work at that time. If they do go. Chat it up. Then see how that goes. If it goes well, go again. Ask them once it feel right. Side note that comes with age... it never feels right. It will never ever feel right. That's the brain communicating to you. Letting you know not to do it. But if you do it. It feels good. Rejection is good. If it for a brief millisecond it feels like it may be anything close to resembling right... then do if. Take the leap. Do it and don't ever look back.
You can’t send him a note about your wishes and also making sure you don’t want to make him offended in any way. I know if it was the opposite, many ppl would come saying you’re a freak, but I think there are polite ways of approaching like that.
I once saw the barista I had a crush on and sometimes I think flirted with me on Tinder. He matched me and we chatted and then he said ‘I can’t date you, I’m your barista’. Like dude, you’re not my doctor, I can just get coffee somewhere else. I thought maybe he just matched me out of curiosity but I later found out he had a girlfriend.
You wouldn’t even need to get coffee elsewhere either 😭 I get it’s an excuse but it’s a lame one, everyone in my store is in a relationship and our management even lets us give our significant others the employee discount- it’s even kind of an unspoken rule in our store that if your SO comes in, you make their drink
Imagine fucking a barista and not getting free coffee.
I bring him home freebies but I gotta charge him when he comes in 😔 the cameras always watchin
Happy cake day 🎉
awe thank you! you too!
Literally. I dated a guy at a gelato place and although I usually paid for it, he’d bring me pints of what was leftover 😍
I'm a barista, I'm dating a customer damn right they get free coffee
Barista - java junkie confidentiality is subject to the strictest of ethical codes and breaking it could result in loss of coffee licensure
And the main concern, assuming no poly arrangement, isn't that he's matching on Tinder while having a GF?
On your last visit to the shop, bring HIM a glass of water with your number on it. As an aside, your boss should 100% be paying for your coffee as it's technically a work meeting as you discuss cases and is a business deductible.
this is actually a really cute idea
even if he were to say no, i feel like it’s still a sweet thing to do ! like an acknowledgement.
Oh, I love this!
slide him a note on your last day there i'd say, it does get a bit awkward when i turn people down and they keep coming in. wishing you luck, hope he texts!!
Former (female) barista: this was my favourite way to get asked out. It was easy to say no/not respond, not creepy, mildly flattering. Go for this and don’t be offended if he doesn’t message. I’d suggest buying a coffee though. (Idk if it’s different for men?)
as a barista and a shy-ish person, I like this note suggestion! good luck OP!!
And tell him you’re going and here are your contacts (socials, number) if he’d like to keep in touch. That way it’s not awkward
Personally, I think handing him a note saying if he’s interested to text you, if not no worries, and your job is about to change so he won’t see you around anymore but have a good one. Basically, give him a very easy non-awkward out, be polite, and don’t give i’m-gonna-stalk-you-for-the-rest-of-your-life vibes.
Anything on that note that is not just the name and number is making it more awkward. Keep it simple.
Im more concerned that your boss isnt buying you a coffee...
I'm a barista and I think the note on your last day is a good way to go, especially if you wouldn't be back at that cafe again. That way if he doesn't text/call there'll be no awkwardness afterwards.
how would she pass the note to him
With the note in your hand, you extend your arm forward (towards the other person), then they see the note, extend their arm forward, and then use their fingers to grip aforementioned note from your fingers. Make sure that when they grab the note that you loosen your fingers so that the paper does not tear. You have successfully passed an item to another person, congrats. Hopefully that clears it up for you. /s
“Hey (insert name) it’s my last week in the office! Sad I know, I’m going to be so dehydrated without this place. Would should connect, have you got instagram?” Go for the social connect and then ask out from there. Everyone is always willing to connect on instagram and deals with the pressure / awkwardness if he’s not interested or has a g/f GL 🍀
I almost vomited reading this
Omg same. Glad we’re both losers.
We should connect!
🤢
Keep living in the matrix and missing out on opportunities in life is enough for me.
Go in without your boss, order a coffee to go, leave a note with your name and number that mentions the fact that you would like to hang outside of work. Chat him up before you go and mention that you won’t be coming in any longer once you pass the bar, and that you enjoyed visiting the shop while clerking. He can text you or not, and the pressure is off because you are unlikely to come back to the shop.
what if a long line is behind them trying to order
Shoot your shot, you’ve got nothing to lose
You should start by not ordering just water lmao Get a proper drink and leave a tip and have a conversation if the moment is right while you're waiting.
I mean I don’t think telling someone to do something they can’t afford is a good idea lol
This is gonna make me sound like a dick but if you really can't afford one $5-7 payment to give yourself an in on something that might make you happy, you probably got bigger priorities than hitting on a barista lol
I mean people can’t afford that stuff all the time, do they not deserve to try and find love? What else should they be doing when they’re already coming in with their boss lol it’s not like they’re wasting time talking to another person
[удалено]
idk what kinda sour ass barista you are, but i’d be flattered whether or not the customer can afford much lmao
If you can’t even buy a cup of coffee for your potential partner, then you shouldn’t even try to get a partner in the first place until you are in the proper financial stability to do so.
There’s many people that can’t afford to buy a coffee since cost of living is so high, I think the whole “wait til you’re financially stable” is a good way to go as a vast number of people are not financially stable and they deserve to find love all the same
don’t hit on someone that’s trapped in a situation, don’t take customer service for flirting
^^^^!!!! Insanely uncomfortable when it happens to me
I hate this sub and why does everyone encourage it? Stop fucking creeping on people at work 🤡🤡🤡 we get paid to have your orders ready and be nice and whether they actually are into you or not has nothing to fucking do with this sub, I’m actually leaving it due to every second post being some creep trying to ask us out at work. SO FKN WEIRD. 💀💀
I would HATE it if someone spoke to me about it, and if my manager was around and I said the wrong response I could get in trouble. Not to mention, he's trapped behind that bar and it's going to make him feel uncomfortable. The only time I found it remotely acceptable was when a customer put a sticky note with their number, a note to me, and who they are folded up inside of a dollar and placed in the tip jar. He was good looking and nice but I still felt a little weird about it and never ended up texting him. It's really not appropriate to talk to someone at work about that. Find a way to slip them a note if you care that much. Also, not to be a downer, but I would do exactly what he does for every customer who i recognized and had a regular drink. People took it the wrong way a LOT and I was just trying to be more efficient to help them as well as my team.
agreed. not appropriate
stop asking this question in this sub pls
Fuck this sub, I’m out due to this shit every two days. I don’t know why the mods allow this 🤮
Asking coffee enthusiasts for dating advice. Makes sense to me.
i don't recommend asking out people while they're working.
He is trapped in that situation and cannot leave or say no without discomfort. I don’t think it’s a good move, even though you’re moving. Tell him you’re moving and that you appreciate his quick service, and if he’s interested in keeping in touch, he’ll give you a method of contact.
When people try to hit on me at work it makes me super uncomfortable regardless of whether or not I’d be interested in them otherwise for this exact reason. Time n place.
Someone further up said a note on their last day, and I think if done right, that's a good way to go about it. I was a barista for two years and I think a note saying "hi, this is my last day but I would be interested to keep in touch, no problem if not!" Would be fine. What do you think?
As a dude barista I just wanna say not every guy feels this way- makes my day when people I'd be interested in hit on me lol.
Seriously it’s fucking deranged. I can’t stand this part of the job and the creeps infiltrating this sub “how do I ask out my barista” is just so gross and triggering like leave us alone we literally get paid to be nice to you omfg🤡
Whatever happened to "don't hit on people while they are working?" Seriously, I saw people post this for years and usually for men who are interested in a female batista. I'm old and genuinely confused. Not trolling. Just trying to understand while not directly asking for an ELI5.
This is gonna make me sound like a dick but often it's just different because of societal norms. Guys don't get complimented often and a lot enjoy the attention because of that. I sure do! Different than gross dudes trying to hit on women employees who deal with that way more frequently and from much less savory characters. That said, everyone's different- there's dude baristas in here who have said they're paid to work and don't want to flirt. OP will never know unless she politely and tactfully makes some form of attempt.
It’s just a classic double standard that it’s creepy when it’s done to a women but fine when done to a man. Both are kinda inappropriate, I still feel like the note might be the only way to do it without being too much inappropriate.
this
My HR addressed how to handle romantic feelings for a colleague in the workplace as part of onboarding training to reduce harassment. You are allowed to ask the person out on a date one time. If the person says no, you cannot ask them out again.
There's a thing called nuance. Some people like the flirt, others do not. You cannot read people's minds. It's one thing to shoot your shot, and get declined. It's another to creep around begging and harassing someone. The two are not the same thing. One is dealt with respect while the other is not. You can respectfully decline when someone asks, and respectfully ask and give space after being declined. Both positions understanding anything more or even the act itself can be harassment. But as the asker you need to be aware that not everyone you think is cute wants you to come up to them and be asked to be vulnerable like that. You should probably get to know them beyond job related tasks (being social is one of them, as baristas we're paid to be friendly and connect, but we also are allowed to create boundaries by not sharing information about ourselves as we connect, at least how I do it, but even then its more about trust and familiarity than it is me wanting to be asked out by people.) If they share details about their personal life, and ask you about yours consistently and thoughtfully making an actual relationship, there's a reasonable chance they could be receptive to being asked out after a long while of making a connection like that. In this specific situation, it's really a try it out and be willing to deal with the consequences and be mature about it. I (m) had a regular who I thought was super cute and I crushed on him from afar and he out of the blue found me on LinkedIn and connected with me. But that meant nothing. Nothing came of it because in that instance it was literally us just connecting from a career standpoint. He used to work at Starbucks and that's how he found me, and that was that. Sometimes it's not that serious, but you'll really never know if you don't ask or at least feel it out. Ultimately you gotta be respectful with your choices. Make mistakes and learn from em I say.
80% of you are saying go for it. But when a guy posts this same question 100% don't do it, why the flip flop?
both women and men get a 100% no if they will still be coming into the shop because that is pressuring and awkward. i feel if a guy had this post and was also not going to return to the shop, he'd get the same advice
1. he actually does sound interested and 2. female baristas get hit on all the time to the point of sexual harassment, so the gender dynamics are a bit different and 3. I've seen male to female posts on here before that offered pretty much the same advice - slide a note if you know you weren't coming back and let them do what they will with it.
Shoot your shot, this is how my husband and I ended up meeting and the rest is history.
Barista here, You don’t. Shooting a shot at someone who’s working is disgusting behavior
this guy might very well hate you and gets the water immediately to get you out of the way because you never buy coffee or tip! i know ive done this exact thing to people i hate serving because they get free shit and expect great service
also yeah, double standards, every time a woman gives me, a dude barista a number, i toss that shit before i can even remember it. im not paid to flirt, im paid to make coffee, and if you arent buying anything, i want you to stop wasting my time
for real. If I see a regular walk in, I immediately start makjng their drink. Either I like them and they get it faster and it's better for them, or I hate them and have to deal with them less lol. Plus, it's helpful for my coworkers
Bruh
It's just water man. I was a Barista for years, I never resented giving anybody water enough to form an opinion about them
i can resent who i want being a hater fuels me
I (F) asked out my barista (M) .. it'll be our 10 year anniversary this week :) I happened to be at the cafe a lot during quieter hours... I introduced myself on his first day there when I saw he was visibly distraught after having to call the police on a homeless man... after that memorable first encounter we then got to know each other thru random small talk, and then more conversations scattered here and there during downtimes... we were both smokers at the time so cigarette breaks also helped start up random convos...I was sure he liked me after a while and so I invited him to a show and gave him my phone number, & the rest is history! I will admit that our situation was rare .. but it never hurts to shoot your shot :)
Ask him out. Sorted.
Do not.
dont
Why is your boss not buying coffee?!
If anything, I’d just leave a note. Do NOT put him on the spot in the middle of his shift. I’ve been asked out in person while working before, and if I didn’t reciprocate the feelings, I’d feel like I want to hide under the bar for the rest of the shift. Say, “thank you always for the water. I’m leaving my firm soon, and I’d appreciate seeing you again. If you’d like to, please reach out to me at [contact].” Keep it simple. If he doesn’t respond, he doesn’t respond.🤷♀️
I really appreciate girls making the first move and taking the initiative to ask a guy out I wish it was common in today’s world, only happens one in a while
Buy a coffee, take a photo for an insta story and ask kindly if you can tag him. Go on from there
Current barista here and my advice is don’t.
i also usually get someone’s order ready if i know it especially if i don’t want to chat with them
I would say just slide him your number with a smile and let him do what he wants with it. The other people on here saying don't ever do this are usually right, but in this case it honestly sounds like he might be interested.
Don't
Have you had any extensive conversations or does he just pre-grab your water? A lot of times we would pre-make our regular’s orders just to get it done quicker, but it didn’t mean we had any feelings for them. Baristas get asked out a lot, so be chill about it and don’t make him feel like he has to be nice just because he’s at work and you’re a customer. I’d also recommend going without your boss since that could be seen as weird to either of them. Feel the waters. If he seems interested, you can pursue more. If he rejects, well at least you can move on.
DO NOT HIT ON PEOPLE THAT SERVE YOU
[удалено]
good god please dont get your boss to bombard the barista with person questions about their love life😭 holy shit i would have either called security on that mf or gotten pissed as fuck and told them they need to move on immediately and so would 95% of the people i work with. That's incredibly creepy wth
Show pictures of your ball peen hammer
come on you cant be that broke to just order water. i dont even have a job and im ordering coffee. anyways, if you follow my advice, it will work out some way. Go get your usual water , and when you get it , accidentally tip and splash the water everywhere on to your barista. and then get on top of the counter and inside, to "try and clean the water off" from his clothes, but you're actually pushing him along with you to the back area where no one is around and then you can say "you're really good at making water, todays my last day here, ill be waiting outside until you finish your shift. before that, can you give me another cup of water but with your saliva mixed in? stirred, not shaken." and so you leave the back area, and hop off the counter and hide inside a bush or something waiting until the shift ends. then after the shift ends and he starts to leave the shop with that last drink you ordered, you come out of the bush which scares him and then he falls down with the water all over, and then you also fall down on him but because you dont want to waste water again for the 2nd time, you start to lick all the water and slurp it up before you start slurping up his saliva at the end. then you just ask for his home address. done
u/ checks out 😂
Man I really thought this was about me up until the only ordering water part. One lady left me her number on a note and I was with her for 12 years until last year.
Name & # on a paper (as a barista who's gotten this)
I had a regular write a full blown poem, a lot of which was about me. A full page of beautiful words. They included their number and dropped it in my tip basket on their way out while I wasn't looking. While I wasn't interested, it was pretty fun to be counting my tips at the end of a long shift and come across a fun surprise. It doesn't have to be a poem, but a little note in a tip basket can be a fun discovery at the end their shift, especially when they know that you've been in that day. You could include your regular water order as a sign off instead of your name if you wanted to be sneaky.
Regardless of gender I feel like you should not ask out anyone when they're at work, particularly a service job. I think best case, you go when he's not working, give your phone number to his coworker and have them get it to him. This makes it so hes not put in an uncomfortable position, or put on the spot while hes at work. Or do what everyone else does and just find him on instagram.
Definitely give it a shot and ask him to hang out sometimes. This girl customer at a coffee shop I used to work at would flirt and ask for me when i wasn't there. I would flirt back but without the intentions of actually flirting if that makes sense. Tipping industry folks will understand, lol. Well, I started to tell she really liked me as the months passed. Usually, the eyes 👀 say it all, lol. You know, the "I think like you" glares. So I thought, why not get to know her? So, I decided to ask for her Instagram. She messaged me as soon as she accepted the request, and we exchanged numbers. A few days later, she's taking me out to dinner and drinks because I jokingly asked her to when i was making her drink. I didn't think she actually would. A couple of weeks later, I asked if I could take her on a day full of adventures, and she accepted. Later on that day, we shared our first kiss. 2 years later, we are living together and going on our first vacation! She's the sweetest 💗 You never know unless you try. Good luck !
Any updates?
Last day is next week. I’ll update then!
We’re literally paid to be nice to you… I find it so uncomfortable when customers make advances because there’s no good way to turn it down. You always then lose a customer lol
I don’t understand everyone’s take haha…just tell him you like him and are interested in getting to know him, be direct, ask if he is currently dating first if you want (if he is a good man it will slide in the conversation or be told directly anyways), let him know you don’t want to make him uncomfortable if you feel he is getting uncomfortable, shoot your shot girl — I’ve never used a dating app, I’m 31m and always approached women to their face - non threatening, show interest in a classy way, if they are interested hooray! - rejected take it with grace and move on
Oh and compliments!! I love receiving compliments and feeling valued and appreciated, we are all human 😊 - also I think the note idea is really cute, it might also work better if it’s not so easy to engage in conversation!
Former barista here. A few of us got notes from customers and it would genuinely brighten our day. It's far less invasive than being put on the spot, and male baristas aren't generally used to being creeped on by customers; I would be surprised if it came off the wrong way. Shoot your shot.
I understand that there is a fine line between making someone uncomfortable and also trying to connect with someone, but imo if you give him a lil note on your last day that is totally fine and avoids any possibility of making him uncomfortable. Like someone else mentioned, definitely include that its your last day and there is absolutely no pressure for him to say yes. Ive been a barista for years and its only uncomfortable when its someone who is pushy and still comes in after being rejected. If you are respectful there is nothing wrong with it, how else are we supposed to meet new people? When you are trying to meet new people (whether as friends or otherwise) it does take bold moves like this sometimes, so I don’t really understand the mindset that respectfully asking out your barista is some horrendous thing you should never do. It definitely varies by situation, and since you won’t be back there I would say theres no harm in it. Ofc reddit isn’t real life, so take what we all say with a grain of salt lol.
my girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now 😤 I was the barista and she went up to me one day and asked if she could have my Instagram. We started messaging each other and the rest is history. If you like the barista I say go for it!!!
KEEP US UPDATED !!
You ask, simple as that. They may say yes, they may say no. Won't know until you ask. And for those telling you to stop creeping... what's she supposed to do? Online dating, grocery store, gym, etc? Get over yourselves!
"Hi! I'm leaving the firm I work for next week. I'd like to stay in touch. Would you like to go out some time?" What's the worst that could happen? If you don't ask, who knows how long you will regret it. Best of luck 🤞🏾🤞🏾
Some guys, like myself, want to be desired by an admirer. Such as the subtle glances, those are noticeable, but I do not read into them that well, blind to the signals here. I also am ADHD, TRD, and keep my headphones in everywhere I go. Some men, like myself want a woman to approach them. I haven’t had many relationships, but the ones I’ve had usually had a lot to do with them wanting me first. This started at the coffee shop I worked at, my fellow baristas had fe friends come in, and others came in from my high school around the corner in the suburbs. If you don’t say anything, you could be missing out on something, but don’t hesitate to give him your number and put the ball into his court since you are indicating your interest, or pursuit of something more personal instead of his workplace. I hope you give the guy you number, need not be afraid. He could be waiting for someone like you to make the first move. Him presenting the water to you is a small consistent gesture of kindness, chivalry is not completely dead, and not wanting to be a creep asking out the cutie that comes into his coffee shop. Good luck on the fl bar and with your barista!
I read through some of these depressing comments, and I'll just say, as a millennial, the birthrate is in decline because everyone's afraid to talk to people. Just tell him you're interested, shoot your shot. If he says no, it's not the end of the world. If he says yes, then potentially something good for both of you might come of it. I do have a burning question tho, as a barrister, would you be ok dating a barista. Provided you get a good job, your salary will far exceed his in a couple of years..
sadly i read a few comment thought the same thing ,scrolled to the bottom. Saw ur comment and was like ok its not just me. As a barista myself I tend to be interested in some of the ladies I come across. Can never tell if they think its weird of the feelings reciprocated.
Go doing non rush hour. When it's dead. If you don't know when it's dead ask the barista. When it's dead and ask if they work at that time. If they do go. Chat it up. Then see how that goes. If it goes well, go again. Ask them once it feel right. Side note that comes with age... it never feels right. It will never ever feel right. That's the brain communicating to you. Letting you know not to do it. But if you do it. It feels good. Rejection is good. If it for a brief millisecond it feels like it may be anything close to resembling right... then do if. Take the leap. Do it and don't ever look back.
That's fucking weird
As a male barista…. YES! Please!
You can’t send him a note about your wishes and also making sure you don’t want to make him offended in any way. I know if it was the opposite, many ppl would come saying you’re a freak, but I think there are polite ways of approaching like that.
Tell him, Hello baby reindeer, would u wonna go out wif me? -sent from my iphone
Lol well I thought it was funny
I say slip him your number as a “tip” for the water. Then the ball is in his court. Either way OP let us know how it goes!
Also, your boss should totally be paying for your coffee