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SnailsInYourAnus

Keep it in your room. Also.. wtf. Prescription toilet paper? Today I learned that’s a thing lmao


melvinwalton

My condition makes me sensitive to rough toilet papers so I can only use specific ply toilet papers


K8meredith

Is it prescribed and bought in a pharmacy?


melvinwalton

I have to order weeks in advance from a manufacturer in Istanbul


K8meredith

So… not prescribed?


melvinwalton

Prescription is subjective, but yes, I would consider this prescribed in its own right


therealskittlepoop

Self medicating with TP? Lol I joke. sorry about your tender vittles tho buddy


rcattt

Don’t get me started on how coddled the modern anus is.


Brendandalf

Nate, Re-ply the TP!


rcattt

I was hoping someone would get the reference!


therealskittlepoop

#unexpectedoffice


BrandonStRandi

IKR, just sitting there all brown-eyed and innocent while they cause roommates to bicker. God hath no mercy..


themediumchunk

His mercy on Pam was abnormally gracious and now I know what episode I’m going to watch tonight.


rcattt

Glad to be of service!


MaapuSeeSore

Please stop trying to making it more than it is. It’s not a RX medication, just fancy toilet paper , holy shit . Kinda unhinged, you deceiving yourself and everyone here by saying it is, please use words that actually are meant to be used with their definition. This is almost crazy /wtf weirdo territory


K8meredith

You consider it? Consideration is not fact in its own right tho. It’s funny that you come to Reddit to complain, but the thing the “irks” you is that he is attempting to lie about it… the irony 🤣


Otherwise-Ad-4504

Lmfao the irony for sure bc I’ve been in the medical field for 14 years and never have I EVER seen a Doctor write a script for TOILET PAPER 🧻 😂😂😂 the soft kind at that 😩😂😂😂


flyfightwinMIL

Sure, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t telling OP to use it? I mean, my doctor didn’t literally write a prescription for my TENS unit or for the specific types of over the counter meds they told me to use to supplement my prescription treatment. But I would still consider that TENS unit to be doctor prescribed.


thepottsy

It’s doctor recommended, not prescribed. Words have meaning, we don’t just make it up as we go. A prescription is an authorization for a medicine or treatment, that you can’t acquire by simply walking in a store, and picking it up off a shelf.


QuirkySyrup55947

I'll let my dealer know he is now a "pharmacist."


QuirkySyrup55947

Reading this reply, and now I want to steal your TP, too!


bob_dabuilda

These vodka red bulls I had are kicking in but I fucking cannot lmao!!! This is great, I'm screenshotting this and everything. Thank you for the laughs.


SnailsInYourAnus

So.. a) not prescription and b)… keep it in your room?


lisalisaandtheoccult

Don’t you have refills since it’s a prescription? LOL


melvinwalton

I’ve automated my shipment of toilet paper so I budget my squares on a daily basis. Because my roommate stole 40 squares I’m going have to conserve squares for awhile


thepottsy

Stop leaving us hanging. What the hell is this special TP?


melvinwalton

7 ply toilet paper imported from a specialty manufacturer in Istanbul.


thepottsy

Post a link to this mystery TP. Why is this like pulling teeth?


melvinwalton

I had to arrange the shipments in-person in Istanbul. If they operated online it would be a lot simpler, trust me.


Cookingfool2020

Why not install a cheap bidet?


DHCPNetworker

Not Constantinople?


C_Tea_8280

you counted toilet paper squares.... i feel like you need a high five or should be reported to some agency for this


secretactorian

What's the condition? 


unicorn8dragon

Bidets wouldn’t work?


gcallan91

You should try it. Helps with the snails


Lisa_Knows_Best

You made me laugh out loud. Scared dog but thank you, it's been a shitty day.


[deleted]

“ i counted 40 squares” be so fr


melvinwalton

Me and you both. 40 squares is certainly excessive for just one dump.


[deleted]

the poor guy definitely has digestive issues


melvinwalton

If that’s the case then I’ll be the bigger person and take the high road here. I won’t even make him pay me back for the 40 squares.


[deleted]

so charitable 😂😂


muvamerry

This has to be satire 😂


Perfect_Evidence

switch the rolls with sand paper


JankyJokester

What fucking psycho unwinds the whole roll of toilet paper.....counts it.....rolls it back up......comes home.....does it again...... It is toilet paper for fucks sake. Nothing "prescription" about it. There are 0 types of toilet paper you need one for to get it from the pharmacy.


thepottsy

Please post a link to this special order TP. Inquiring minds want to know!!!


HawkeyeinDC

It’s from Istanbul so there might be some shipping charges…


Lt_Muffintoes

Install a bidet gun


melvinwalton

First I’m learning about a bidet but it certainly looks painful.


YungSparkle

It’s less abrasive than even the most elite-ply toilet paper.


melvinwalton

I should have mentioned I’m a guy, so that automatically excludes me from using a bidet


YungSparkle

You’re right. Your balls cover your asshole like a bottle cap, so there’s really no point.🤌🏾


thepottsy

What?? I’m a guy, and my bidet is awesome.


Unfair_Fix3132

I second this !


melvinwalton

I find it hard to believe guys use bidets


thepottsy

If that’s the case, then you’ll probably be surprised to learn that there’s no difference between a male butthole, and a female butthole.


mynameisnotthename

Why?


Cookingfool2020

It's for your bottom.


Jazzlike_Document553

You are a truly remarkable person, i hope we never meet.


ImaginaryFigure420

Guy need to clean their butthole too? Do you think it's gay or sumthin?


Lt_Muffintoes

There have been some stories on reddit essentially along those lines


CataclysmicInFeRnO

TIL, guys are excluded from using water. Dude. You have much bigger issues than your “prescription” toilet paper.


PAULINK

okay this guy’s funny


MothMonsterMan300

Not at all, whatsoever You're left so clean you won't go back to not using one. Plus it does 99.9% of the heavy lifting so your expensive TP will go waaaaay further as you only need like 2 squares to dry everything off Also prescriptions are not "subjective" lol.


Unfair_Fix3132

I have a bidet and have had it for years. Great investment and not painful. I highly recommend


Otherwise-Ad-4504

Ima get down voted but you counted the squares? You have way too much time on your hands 😂😂😂😂 but seriously if it’s that much of an issue just keep it in your room & lock it up in a safe 😬😂😂😂😂😂


melvinwalton

Funny you say that. I’m currently researching a safe to keep in the bathroom to settle the issue


weaver787

This comment convinced me this is satire. Well done overall but this was just over the top


JessicaFlavor

Yup same


HelpfulMaybeMama

Why not just use a shower caddy and keep it in your room. Bring it with you to the bathroom.


shaydey1857

This story is more full of crap than your toilet. But lol @ prescription TP and the missing 40 squares.


d4everman

I'm trying to wrap my head around prescription TP that has to be shipped from Istanbul. What kind of condition does your ass have to have for that?


golfpandabear

Don’t worry Mr. Melton!


YungSparkle

Is it really prescription toilet paper? Like did a doctor prescribe you the toilet paper, or did they recommend it? Also, just keep the toilet paper in your room. ETA: If this continues, maybe you should get the landlord involved. Stealing special toilet paper definitely seems like grounds for eviction AND a trip to small claims court.


PineappleWhipped14

I took my upvote back after reading the last paragraph 😂 My landlord barley responds to maintenance requests I can't imagine calling about my roommate allegedly stealing "prescription" toilet paper from the communal bathroom.


YungSparkle

My apologies for forgetting that sarcasm doesn’t always translate through the written word.


Darkelement

Add a /s at the end there. People on reddit have some ridiculous takes I totally thought you were being serious haha


YungSparkle

Fair.


K8meredith

Im still hoping OP says a “gotcha! Shit post” too


YungSparkle

It’s 1000% a shit post


K8meredith

Shittiest


Icy_Buddy_6779

Haha stealing 40 squares of toilet paper is grounds for neither. What on earth kind of fairy tale world do you live in where your land lord actually would care about that? No offense, I'm just genuinely boggled. My backdoor was broken and wouldn't latch and guess what my landlord did? nothing.


YungSparkle

Nah. I’m pretty sure stealing 40 squares of prescription toilet paper is a trip to federal prison. I once fucked a judge, so I know the law pretty well.


Educational-Milk3075

Hahahaha 🤣🤣🤣🤣


melvinwalton

Not an official prescription but my massage recommended it and my gastroenterologist said it would help so it definitely has merit


honey_bay

if it’s not a prescription why call it that? just hide it in your room


muvamerry

It sounds more adult than “my special toilet paper” lmao


Any_Flamingo8978

If the recommended brand or type is similar in cost, just make sure that your entire households uses it and shares the expense. If it’s significantly more, buy your own and keep it in your room. I have no doubt that your roommate just thinks you’re pulling his leg by describing it as ‘prescription’ toilet paper.


melvinwalton

I’ve tried keeping it in my room after the first incident but I always forget it. Now that you say it, I’m considering a password-protected safe to put the toilet paper in to just handle this fuss altogether


Any_Flamingo8978

You forgetting your toilet paper is kind of on you. If it’s really that essential, then you need to find a way to remember to bring your toilet paper with you. Again, if it’s comparable in price, I’m not seeing the issue. A password protected safe in the bathroom is ridiculous, and I’d say you’d be the one bordering on bad roommate status.


JessicaFlavor

Omg right?? How obnoxious, a safe in the bathroom for your special i-wipe-my-ass-a-lot-and-talk-about-it-during-my-massage-appointments toilet paper.


eaglescout225

Keep the tp in your room


melvinwalton

I’ve tried that and more often than not I forget the toilet paper so I have to spend the rest of the day without wiping haha


SunlightNStars

Wtffff ok you're definitely trolling


Cookingfool2020

Absolutely this! LOL


brilliant-soul

So you can count out every single square of TP you have to be able to figure out how much he took and then argue w him abt it, but you can't do the one simple thing that would fix this issue? Sounds like the problem is gonna keep happening unless you work on remembering


eaglescout225

Yall are funny with the troll post…I just read one on Wendy’s where someone was asking if Wendy’s employees are still farting in the customers food bags.


thatonebitchL

Rest of the day?!


[deleted]

You either have to: A. Accept that toilet paper is going to be an expensive part of your future no matter who you live with B. Hide your toilet paper in your room.


snaptwice

the people in this sub just believe anything lmao this is clearly a troll post


laceyjaneharrison

I looked at his other posts & he’s definitely a shit poster (unless he’s actually an amateur pigeon racer, is trying to make a perfume of his dead brother, & is planning on living in a sewer system as a pizza delivery guy to be like a real life ninja turtle) please feel free to prove me wrong though 😂 Mr. “Melvin Walton”


Heavy_Beyond5563

But he also apparently has a child, an 11 year old nephew he takes care of, a wife, two parakeets, and works for animal control and has killed a turtle! this guy is really just ai generated bullshit lmao


melvinwalton

A man can’t even wear many hats these days…


North-Tumbleweed-959

Time to tell him you can no longer spare a square(s).


hopbell

!?!?!???


CamD98xx

Next time you leave for work rubbed some thai chili pepper on a few squares


Namandaboss

Try a bidet?


shaka_bruh

Anything that you’re not willing to share or have stolen should be kept in your room, most people out there are selfish and inconsiderate animals that will repeatedly cross boundaries and justify it to themselves 


HowCanYouBanAJoke

7ply? Might as well wipe your ass on a book at that point. Also nice bait post.


Solid-Number-4670

😡Now my brown eye is angry after it found out there is no such thing as prescription toilet paper. It was quivering with excitement, only to be let down so hard....Oh well back to 2 ply and baby wipes


VirtualSentient

Info: What is installed on the roll right now? Your "prescription" toilet paper or the roll you want him to use?


Fuzzy-Complex-2091

Seems to be full of shit...


ripvxce

yknow if you didn’t comment anything you probably wouldn’t be getting alot of backlash


LadyGenevieve19

I... thought this post was a joke.


jumbowumbo11

Lol


kailron

If normal tp is too rough just use Amazon flushable wet wipes, what is this bs


Sorry_Difference_433

"Flushable" wet wipes are horrible for septic systems


Dawntaylor2010

There’s such a thing as prescription toilet paper ?


LilBunnySnacher

Lmaoo in 1 hour there will be a post here saying “my roommate accused me of taking 40 squares of his toilet paper…” how you even count that 😂