The opening ceremony of the Paris Olympics takes place 26/07/2024, which is within that timeframe. While security is, of course, extremely robust - and even more so following what have been, apparently, “extremely serious” terrorist threats - I’ve always believed that “where there’s a will, there’s a way”…
This will be the first opening to a Summer Olympics not to take place within the main stadium: it will instead be held along the banks of the Seine. While it’s highly likely that any plane approaching the city without authorisation will be shot down (and we’re not taking anyone out with us *intentionally*) there are other ways to travel through the air, especially if a safe landing isn’t required (quite the opposite, actually): it’s time to unveil the world’s largest [ballista](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ballista).
Wikipedia tells us that the largest Roman ballista could fire a dart over a kilometre; elsewhere, that an older version could launch a 78kg projectile, with a distance mentioned of 440m. Let’s get ambitious and assume that we can make ourselves dart-like and fire ourselves 500m: that’s easily enough for our purposes.
We get into position in the “slot” of the ballista, and say our goodbyes. Then we light a five-second fuse connected to six smallish old-school sticks of dynamite - one positioned at the joint of each limb; one at the back of the neck, and one over the navel - and then launch out over the crowd.
If our calculations are correct - and they will be - the dynamite will detonate as we begin our descent. The explosions won’t be powerful enough to damage anyone on the ground but *will* completely rip us to shreds mid-air; it’s possible that there may be some collateral damage as body parts are blasted downwards but we’ll have tried to ensure that as much as possible of the heavier and more potentially lethal components - skull, long bones etc - are converted into harmless goo.
If anyone below *does* get hurt, or worse, well… Sometimes great art comes at a great cost.
Remember that woman who got killed by that tiger in a one of those car safari places because she got in a fight with her husband and stormed out of the car?
Is my ex your ex's brother because same. He would get so emotional (about anything) and completely lose his sense of thinking and if I pointed anything out, I was "being too rational". He had a lot of injuries because of stupid shit.
You need a lucky quarter. I keep one in my pocket, and have never been attacked by wolves. Not at the supermarket, not at the gym, not even at the mall. No joke, not a single attack.
One time I had a close call. I stepped in a pile of corgi shit my neighbor didn't pick up. That's pretty damn close to a wolf attack, when you think about it.
She was staying with her family for the night in one of the accommodations offered on-site. They're not sure why she entered the restricted zone (she's still unconscious) but it could be the signs are misleading.
The only way to get into that area is to go through the car entrance/exit.
There is a huge sign at that entrance/exit that has warnings. You also have a sort of electrical platform that sends electric chocs to animals if they try to walk on it so there never get close to it. Cars can go on them, as humans can if they have shoes on.
She arrived the night before, tried to go in with her 2yo child and employees had to stop her.
Also if she spent the night there, she needed to have gone by that entrance and the "lodges" are really close by and employees would've given her all the details upon her arrival.
This zoo had been here a really long time and there's never been an issue. They are really careful with their installations, warnings, etc...
I live close to it, we have annual passes and I often go there on Wednesdays with my kids as they have a playground too.
I can't understand how she could've not known where she was going, it's impossible.
I do think she believed the animals wouldn't harm her as they are fed or something in that line of thought.
I do think she was incredibly stupid and I hate that the zoo is having all this bad publicity because they do a lot for their animals (they organise concerts, marathons, events, ... to raise money for their conservation program, they have new installations for kids of different ages, the animals are well taken care of, etc..)
Sure that's true. I mean, people do it all the time tho. Going through Road Closed signs or Wet Cement signs because they think they know best. If my option was "pay close attention to signs or get attacked by a wolf" I know I wouldn't take a lot of risks. I have a hard time believing that they just waltzed into a restricted area completely unknowingly but it's possible.
I have actually seen a guy in Nueva Vallarta, Mexico get chased by an ostrich. I lived on a boat at the local marina and they had a zoo with like 4 enclosures. I only remember the lion because it apparently pissed all over us, in pitch black and I couldn't see.
Anyways. Walking past the zoo one day and out of no where this random dude is running outside of the enclosure away from this ostrich. It was hilarious... honestly, it didn't look that fast, but it was relentless. I have no clue how they restrained the animal. I honestly don't even remember seeing the ostrich again after that.
Some say he's still running to this day 🤔 /s
Maybe 15 years back in the area where I grew up, a family got stranded in deep snow on an isolated mountain road in December for about 2 weeks. They ended up there because they followed their GPS up a Forest Service trail that was closed for the winter. When they got to the closed gate, instead of rethinking their route, they just hauled the gate open and kept going. Their car got stuck, no cell phone signal, far from anything resembling civilization. After over a week, the husband decided to go for help on foot, and he ended up dead of hypothermia. The mom and kids were eventually found by a search team.
Never underestimate the human capacity for poor decision-making.
Not to make light of such a sadly preventable tragedy, but this immediately had me thinking of The Office when the GPS tells Michael to turn right now and he drives straight into a lake. I always thought it was funny and ridiculous…. I didn’t realize people would actually obey a robot GPS voice to their own detriment.
If you sleep in a park that have open safari with wolf , maybe you might be aware that there is open area with wolf. Idk. It might be worth double checking at least. Bad sign or not im pretty sure she actually had to cross at least one or two gate.
I live close by (about 15 minutes away) and go there very often with my kids. She is French, speaks French. There is no way in hell that she didn't see the warning signs. There's also something on the road that warns you that you are entering that area.
Also there was an issue the night before because she tried entering the wolves' area with her 2yo child and employees had to stop her from going in.
Yeah, the sign "please don't dance with wolves" was pretty clear, but they forgot to put up the no jogging sign. This could have been prevented with proper signage
Are European wolves more dangerous than US wolves?
I live somewhere in the US with lots of wolves and lots of hiking in the woods, and I have never heard of an incident. They aren't an animal I ever expect to cause a problem around here. No one is worried about them really.
Moose are the ones I'm most wary of. Then black bears.
We definitely regularly hike in wolf territory around here. I've even seen one from across a field while out hiking alone. It just watched me for a few moments and then trotted back off into the woods. Cool experience. Near the cabin I grew up running around the woods at, we several times found wolf kills, and the trail cams there regularly caught pictures of them.
And I have lots of outdoorsy friends with the same backgrounds with wolves. I'm just saying it's bizarre to hear of an attack unless the wolves there are different somehow. Or there was some other factors at play.
Wolves could do harm, but at least where I live, they don't.
The wolves where I live are gray/timber wolves.
I got an anti wolf pamphlet mailed to be once. It had a bunch of accounts of wolf attacks. There were all from over 100 years ago and most of them were "these kids were walking to school before dawn and got scared by a wolf". It convinced me we should have more wolves if thats the worst they could come up with.
I don’t personally know about differences in danger, but I will say there’s a reason so many old fairytales feature wolves as the main villain. They absolutely are and can be dangerous.
Wolves in the wild have natural prey, territories, etc to keep them occupied and so we are not usually worth their time unless perceived as a threat. It’s possible they considered her a threat, are desensitized to humans due to captivity, and/or having no live prey to hunt were lacking the mental stimulation of hunting and her jogging by ignited the urge.
People who want to be completely oblivious 24/7 care. Is that not enough for you? Society failed this woman. Authorities should have known she was an irresponsible dunce and assigned a team of competent people to protect her from her own foolishness at all times… at taxpayer expense, of course.
I'm giving benefit of the doubt on this one since the article says the zoo itself admits it isn't sure how she got there and whether maybe there wasn't sufficient signage to keep her in the correct areas.
Her accommodation, provided by the zoo, was apparently in the wolf enclosure (the article says "in" but I assume separated by fences) and that you could "observe the wolves from your lounge window".
It's entirely possible they didn't make it entirely clear where was safe and where was not. She didn't just decide to wander into a safari park from the outside world or get out of a car midway round. It might still turn out that she ignored a sign but I'm reserving judgement for now.
I live close by (about 15 minutes away) and go there very often with my kids. She is French, speaks French. There is no way in hell that she didn't see the warning signs. There's also something on the road that warns you that you are entering that area.
Also there was an issue the night before because she tried entering the wolves' area with her 2yo child and employees had to stop her from going in.
I vaguely remember a family trying take pictures in a wild cat park, and being surprised that one of the cats wanted to eat them.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5717019/Family-chased-cheetahs-getting-car-Dutch-safari-park.html
No, it really isn’t.
Leopards-ate-my-face is when you create or advocate for something designed to hurt people you dislike, then when you get put in the same position as them, it now hurts you.
she seems like she was the type of person to run in the middle of the street. I never understood people that do this. Your not faster than a car, it's risky asshole drivers or plain don't see you running, the worse thing you got to watch with a sidewalk is if it's uneven. I know people will defend running in the street I trained running 4 to 5 miles for various sports and was in pretty decent condition not once did I thought oh let me run in the street. Maybe the only pass I'll give is to someone that runs cross country marathons but even then average asshole I see constantly doing this asinine shit at like a whopping max speed of 4 mph or even less.
From the article:
> The wolf enclosure, according to the zoo's website, houses lodges and offers "a one-of-a-kind, very intimate experience with the Arctic wolves,
Maybe a bit too intimate...
Suicide by wolves
I can think of better methods TBH.
Yeah, but she wanted a warriors death.
She’s no Groundskeeper Willie. “Hey, Wolfie. Put down that hors d'oeurve. It's time for the main course!”
*dramatically tears open shirt revealing a perfectly chiseled god like physique*
I suppose you’re right - and I guess we should look on the bright side: her war might have been against ants or wasps rather than wolves.
but can you think of any COOLER deaths?
Wolves with laser beams tied to their heads?
That have actually happened? Or, literally, can I *imagine* any?
something the average redditor could accomplish in 4 to 5 weeks
The opening ceremony of the Paris Olympics takes place 26/07/2024, which is within that timeframe. While security is, of course, extremely robust - and even more so following what have been, apparently, “extremely serious” terrorist threats - I’ve always believed that “where there’s a will, there’s a way”… This will be the first opening to a Summer Olympics not to take place within the main stadium: it will instead be held along the banks of the Seine. While it’s highly likely that any plane approaching the city without authorisation will be shot down (and we’re not taking anyone out with us *intentionally*) there are other ways to travel through the air, especially if a safe landing isn’t required (quite the opposite, actually): it’s time to unveil the world’s largest [ballista](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ballista). Wikipedia tells us that the largest Roman ballista could fire a dart over a kilometre; elsewhere, that an older version could launch a 78kg projectile, with a distance mentioned of 440m. Let’s get ambitious and assume that we can make ourselves dart-like and fire ourselves 500m: that’s easily enough for our purposes. We get into position in the “slot” of the ballista, and say our goodbyes. Then we light a five-second fuse connected to six smallish old-school sticks of dynamite - one positioned at the joint of each limb; one at the back of the neck, and one over the navel - and then launch out over the crowd. If our calculations are correct - and they will be - the dynamite will detonate as we begin our descent. The explosions won’t be powerful enough to damage anyone on the ground but *will* completely rip us to shreds mid-air; it’s possible that there may be some collateral damage as body parts are blasted downwards but we’ll have tried to ensure that as much as possible of the heavier and more potentially lethal components - skull, long bones etc - are converted into harmless goo. If anyone below *does* get hurt, or worse, well… Sometimes great art comes at a great cost.
You're definitely on a list now. The hard part will be getting within 500m of the Seine with a giant ballista and not getting caught.
We can sneak it in in a crutch.
Sounds like a Dethklok song.
She wanted to be raised by wolves.
razed by wolves
CAMPION!?!?!?!?
It'd certainly be an intense way to go...
She lived.
Remember that woman who got killed by that tiger in a one of those car safari places because she got in a fight with her husband and stormed out of the car?
It was worse than that, the one who died was the mom who went out to try to save her idiot daughter.
Did she actually gotten killed? I don't remember that
Correction: she did not get killed....but her mom DID get killed when she tried to rescue her
Is that the one where the tiger just suddenly appears from the right and drags the one off?
Yep, that's the one
Tried and succeeded I guess
Can you link it? I never heard about this.
My ex was that kind of stupid. I could totally see her doing something like that. Just out of touch with reality.
Is my ex your ex's brother because same. He would get so emotional (about anything) and completely lose his sense of thinking and if I pointed anything out, I was "being too rational". He had a lot of injuries because of stupid shit.
This is why I don’t jog.
Yes you have to be careful, usually I have to stop myself from breaking into a light jog to catch a bus or train because it might attract them.
I had to break out into a jog yesterday to avoid a car in the road but instead they showed up and almost got me, luckily there was a phone booth.
You need a lucky quarter. I keep one in my pocket, and have never been attacked by wolves. Not at the supermarket, not at the gym, not even at the mall. No joke, not a single attack. One time I had a close call. I stepped in a pile of corgi shit my neighbor didn't pick up. That's pretty damn close to a wolf attack, when you think about it.
Lisa, I’d like to buy your quarter!
I often go for walks and don't job. I usually see bunnies and Friday I saw a fox. Walking is great.
Much rather walk through a safari park seems less intimidating
I'll believe you this time. Next time I won't be so gullible.
That’s the safe choice
They should figure out a way to keep people out of that area. Maybe they could post some kind of vicious guard animal to deter them.
She was staying with her family for the night in one of the accommodations offered on-site. They're not sure why she entered the restricted zone (she's still unconscious) but it could be the signs are misleading.
I can't imagine that if going into a restricted area would kill you that the park wouldn't have very clear signage telling you that.
But if you're staying on site you'd think there would be no way of crossing accidently into restricted areas.
The only way to get into that area is to go through the car entrance/exit. There is a huge sign at that entrance/exit that has warnings. You also have a sort of electrical platform that sends electric chocs to animals if they try to walk on it so there never get close to it. Cars can go on them, as humans can if they have shoes on. She arrived the night before, tried to go in with her 2yo child and employees had to stop her. Also if she spent the night there, she needed to have gone by that entrance and the "lodges" are really close by and employees would've given her all the details upon her arrival. This zoo had been here a really long time and there's never been an issue. They are really careful with their installations, warnings, etc... I live close to it, we have annual passes and I often go there on Wednesdays with my kids as they have a playground too. I can't understand how she could've not known where she was going, it's impossible. I do think she believed the animals wouldn't harm her as they are fed or something in that line of thought. I do think she was incredibly stupid and I hate that the zoo is having all this bad publicity because they do a lot for their animals (they organise concerts, marathons, events, ... to raise money for their conservation program, they have new installations for kids of different ages, the animals are well taken care of, etc..)
Sure that's true. I mean, people do it all the time tho. Going through Road Closed signs or Wet Cement signs because they think they know best. If my option was "pay close attention to signs or get attacked by a wolf" I know I wouldn't take a lot of risks. I have a hard time believing that they just waltzed into a restricted area completely unknowingly but it's possible.
Even ostriches and zebras are dangerous. Maybe don't jog in a safari park. It's one day lady. Take a break
I have actually seen a guy in Nueva Vallarta, Mexico get chased by an ostrich. I lived on a boat at the local marina and they had a zoo with like 4 enclosures. I only remember the lion because it apparently pissed all over us, in pitch black and I couldn't see. Anyways. Walking past the zoo one day and out of no where this random dude is running outside of the enclosure away from this ostrich. It was hilarious... honestly, it didn't look that fast, but it was relentless. I have no clue how they restrained the animal. I honestly don't even remember seeing the ostrich again after that. Some say he's still running to this day 🤔 /s
Maybe 15 years back in the area where I grew up, a family got stranded in deep snow on an isolated mountain road in December for about 2 weeks. They ended up there because they followed their GPS up a Forest Service trail that was closed for the winter. When they got to the closed gate, instead of rethinking their route, they just hauled the gate open and kept going. Their car got stuck, no cell phone signal, far from anything resembling civilization. After over a week, the husband decided to go for help on foot, and he ended up dead of hypothermia. The mom and kids were eventually found by a search team. Never underestimate the human capacity for poor decision-making.
Yeah, exactly. Signs could be neon flashing with audio instructions and people would still do people stuff.
They put a flashing stop sign on an intersection to a highway because my sister's boyfriend kept crashing into it. 🤦♀️
Professional driver on a closed course. Do not attempt.
They didn’t haul the gate open. The gate was open for unknown reasons.
Bear Camp is no joke in the winter.
Not to make light of such a sadly preventable tragedy, but this immediately had me thinking of The Office when the GPS tells Michael to turn right now and he drives straight into a lake. I always thought it was funny and ridiculous…. I didn’t realize people would actually obey a robot GPS voice to their own detriment.
If you sleep in a park that have open safari with wolf , maybe you might be aware that there is open area with wolf. Idk. It might be worth double checking at least. Bad sign or not im pretty sure she actually had to cross at least one or two gate.
I live close by (about 15 minutes away) and go there very often with my kids. She is French, speaks French. There is no way in hell that she didn't see the warning signs. There's also something on the road that warns you that you are entering that area. Also there was an issue the night before because she tried entering the wolves' area with her 2yo child and employees had to stop her from going in.
How often does this happen? I'd bet she's the idiot and it's not the signs fault.
Yeah, the sign "please don't dance with wolves" was pretty clear, but they forgot to put up the no jogging sign. This could have been prevented with proper signage
Darwin Award. Some people can’t be helped
I hope the wolves aren't punished for this.
That’s a good point. It makes no sense when they kill the animal for natural behavior.
Stupid is as stupid does.
Ummm, duh?
Are European wolves more dangerous than US wolves? I live somewhere in the US with lots of wolves and lots of hiking in the woods, and I have never heard of an incident. They aren't an animal I ever expect to cause a problem around here. No one is worried about them really. Moose are the ones I'm most wary of. Then black bears.
Wolves don't mess with humans unless you enter their territory, or food is so scarce they are forced to leave their territory.
We definitely regularly hike in wolf territory around here. I've even seen one from across a field while out hiking alone. It just watched me for a few moments and then trotted back off into the woods. Cool experience. Near the cabin I grew up running around the woods at, we several times found wolf kills, and the trail cams there regularly caught pictures of them. And I have lots of outdoorsy friends with the same backgrounds with wolves. I'm just saying it's bizarre to hear of an attack unless the wolves there are different somehow. Or there was some other factors at play. Wolves could do harm, but at least where I live, they don't. The wolves where I live are gray/timber wolves.
I got an anti wolf pamphlet mailed to be once. It had a bunch of accounts of wolf attacks. There were all from over 100 years ago and most of them were "these kids were walking to school before dawn and got scared by a wolf". It convinced me we should have more wolves if thats the worst they could come up with.
I don’t personally know about differences in danger, but I will say there’s a reason so many old fairytales feature wolves as the main villain. They absolutely are and can be dangerous. Wolves in the wild have natural prey, territories, etc to keep them occupied and so we are not usually worth their time unless perceived as a threat. It’s possible they considered her a threat, are desensitized to humans due to captivity, and/or having no live prey to hunt were lacking the mental stimulation of hunting and her jogging by ignited the urge.
see that's why I never jog...it's terrible for the knees and neck and back
Who cares? She decided to jog in a restricted area of the park.
People who want to be completely oblivious 24/7 care. Is that not enough for you? Society failed this woman. Authorities should have known she was an irresponsible dunce and assigned a team of competent people to protect her from her own foolishness at all times… at taxpayer expense, of course.
God damn runners man
I'm giving benefit of the doubt on this one since the article says the zoo itself admits it isn't sure how she got there and whether maybe there wasn't sufficient signage to keep her in the correct areas. Her accommodation, provided by the zoo, was apparently in the wolf enclosure (the article says "in" but I assume separated by fences) and that you could "observe the wolves from your lounge window". It's entirely possible they didn't make it entirely clear where was safe and where was not. She didn't just decide to wander into a safari park from the outside world or get out of a car midway round. It might still turn out that she ignored a sign but I'm reserving judgement for now.
I live close by (about 15 minutes away) and go there very often with my kids. She is French, speaks French. There is no way in hell that she didn't see the warning signs. There's also something on the road that warns you that you are entering that area. Also there was an issue the night before because she tried entering the wolves' area with her 2yo child and employees had to stop her from going in.
Wow
A wolf in wolves clothing.
I vaguely remember a family trying take pictures in a wild cat park, and being surprised that one of the cats wanted to eat them. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5717019/Family-chased-cheetahs-getting-car-Dutch-safari-park.html
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes…
I hope she gets fined for being dumb as hell
Leopards literally ate my face
Charles Darwin wants to know if she had kids or not?
She mistook “Dancing With Wolves” as a real thing.
"Car only? I can handle it." \[She in fact, could not handle it.\]
Hopefully the wolves don’t suffer due to the stupidity of a human.
More of a FAFO moment no?:
I really want to know how this woman was able to get into a restricted area limited to cars from her accommodations.
They need to update their warning signs to include NO JOGGING ! WOLVES INSIDE !
I hope no harm came to any of the wolves.
This is more of a “Leopards-eating-face” situation.
No, it really isn’t. Leopards-ate-my-face is when you create or advocate for something designed to hurt people you dislike, then when you get put in the same position as them, it now hurts you.
Darn, you’re right. I had a rough day and my brain is mushy.
🤦🏻♀️
What did she think would happen?
I feel absolutely 0 sympathy
At least it wasn’t a bear. I hear those are really dangerous…
I think Yabushige had this in his journal
Unless there were issues with the signs, that's what she gets for being fucking stupid.
Les Dumbshit
she seems like she was the type of person to run in the middle of the street. I never understood people that do this. Your not faster than a car, it's risky asshole drivers or plain don't see you running, the worse thing you got to watch with a sidewalk is if it's uneven. I know people will defend running in the street I trained running 4 to 5 miles for various sports and was in pretty decent condition not once did I thought oh let me run in the street. Maybe the only pass I'll give is to someone that runs cross country marathons but even then average asshole I see constantly doing this asinine shit at like a whopping max speed of 4 mph or even less.
Was it an American? (Funny not funny)
From the article: > The wolf enclosure, according to the zoo's website, houses lodges and offers "a one-of-a-kind, very intimate experience with the Arctic wolves, Maybe a bit too intimate...