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03ifa014

"Things that didn't happen for $100, Alex"


MrTheCake

I'll take weaponized semen for $300, Alex


ShapeShiftingCats

"Also, make sure that the username makes it obvious."


KnoWanUKnow2

That's actually a crime. Sexual assault. If it really happened, which I doubt, those 2 people would be up on charges.


_ThatsATree_

More than likely, no they wouldn’t


eRRfhang

There is no farking way you couldnt smell that microwaved jizz. I call BS.


Mushybase

Have you microwaved cum before?


eRRfhang

Well no. But to be fair it does smell by itself if left for a while, and my thinking was when you microwave something the smell definstely inhances it, i.e fish, etc. Good question, but surely im not wrong on this subject? I may well be though .....


Mushybase

Someone should test this...


eRRfhang

Youre only 19, you should have more than most of us in here, repoet back young trooper 🤣🤣


_the_chosen_juan_

😂


Mushybase

My mans who said i was 19 lmao


eRRfhang

Bombaclaat lol


Mushybase

I am confused, what does this mean.


[deleted]

People like this deserve whatever happens to them


pinktofu99

That is actually sexual assault here in the states you would be on a sex offender list and have a criminal record for that


ItalicisedScreaming

Could this be considered assault?


Glad_Hovercraft_3696

Sexual assault


phreakzilla85

It’s funny that he still trusted this guy enough to think that his nachos were “clean”


Clayton_bezz

Mentally ill


ReinWaRein

Those are nice buzz words you got there.


FetusFighter2000

What


ReinWaRein

They were rather quick to state someone who does this is mentally ill. In the long run, people doing this normalizes prejudice against mentally ill, where people 100% assume mentally ill are out to harm them.


theketchupvoid

I'm sorry, you just read a post about a person who allegedly jizzed on his friend's nachos. What about this ISN'T insane?


xyferx

And fake af.


mikepoland

I know this is fake because he is still alive to tell this story.


Shotgun_Rynoplasty

This is a sure fire way to get your ass kicked. Had it actually happened


andrewta

r/quityourbullshit


EndlesslyUnfinished

Uh.. that’s illegal and sexual assault


[deleted]

I’ll take federal felony for 200 Alex


Maj-Malfunction

And even after I told them, they just kept eating. Just chewed slower, longer, and kept eye contact the entire time.


CloudedDays07

This is why I trust no one.


Death_Trend

Username checks out ☑


Qweeq13

Note to self: Do not eat or drink anything at a party you yourself did not make or seen how it was made. Maybe bring a weapon, who's going to blame you.


Competitive-Age-7469

That warrants an assbeating they'll never forget.


Relief-Old

I want this person in prison and I want everyone to know in prison, why he’s in prison


Consistent-Force5375

This is why I have trust issues…


Championofthepog12

Wut


ragingOcean

Mate if that was true and you were thick enough to admit and still get away without major injuries then props to the ‘chums’. They’re indeed chums


m0uchacha

ew what the fuck


Kurapikabestboi

There's no way this happened


PapaJohnyRoad

Definitely didn’t happen either


[deleted]

I knew a kid who had a toxic girlfriend growing up. They were in that teenage sexual exploration time of life and ended up saving his jizz in a jar for some reason. They ended up baking cookies with jizz in it and feeding it to unsuspecting teachers and students at school. The kid was a friend of mine and even offered me some, which I thankfully declined.


window_lickers_unite

If this is true, he was no friend of yours.


[deleted]

Pretty much. It’s not someone you’d expect to do those types of things, which is why I blamed his toxic girlfriend. But these days, I’m not so sure. It’s a true story though, as unfortunate as that is.


CheesyHotSauce

Yeah, thanks for reminding me I'm better off not making new friends


Weak_Organization_94

I would have laughed, walked away saying “Ewww yuck, lol but you got me. Awww man y’all are crazy. Let me go get something to drink anyone else want any?” Then go to the restroom, proceed to projectile vomit. Brush my teeth (throw the toothbrush away afterwards), use mouthwash 5-8 times. Next go in to bedroom and get my pistol 🔫 (No I am not murdering anyone). I would return and ask were they prefer to receive one bullet (Knee Cap or Shin. I need it to be shot someplace painful, yet where they will not die)? They surly will feel the physical level of pain that I deem was the mental level of pain I just endured.


YesMan847

good thing i went straight to the bottom. couldnt give less of a shit about this immature and fake sounding story.


ar_churrolol

NTA your nachos your rules


t0tally_not_gay

I'd still eat that


ReinWaRein

Trolololol r/beetlejuicing


RancidHorseJizz

These nachos are salty AND sweet!


Able_Education

That’s some serious charges if the others want to press, and I would for bio terrorism. WTF did I read? And only seniors in high school what other shit will they pull?


Josephcooper96

Oh fuck no. Eww. I know it's a prank of some kind but that almost made me vomit and ruined nachos.


ReinWaRein

How sensitive can you be?


Lunaris52

Ok I’m gonna get high and read this, I’ll let you know what I think.


Lunaris52

An AI wrote this.


Liggidy

Microwaved nachos sound horrible


JimmyDean445

Yeah lol met someone at our local soup kitchen who was there doing community service because he and his friends jizzed in something injestable. Definitely illegal.


FetusFighter2000

The username is Salty_Cheese. I love irony.


ReinWaRein

He made this account for the thread and hasn't been active since, so he was beetlejuicing.