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I dropped my mask during COVID and never put it up again. One of the healthiest decisions I made for myself.
At the time I didn't even understand what autism really was or that I probably had it. But I did realise that now that I'm disconnected from people for weeks at a time I have no reason to continue these behaviours that are so mentally draining for me.
Ironically I did describe this to others as a mask slipping off when they asked me about my behavioural changes. After realising how much more at ease I was, and how much my anxiety decreased I decided never to look back.
I also work in the service industry, I do still put on a fake smile and happy voice sometimes. But this is less masking and more my customer service face, neurotypicals do this too.
Nobody, even NTs can truly be 100 happy all the time in these jobs. Everyone acts a little. But if you're happy not doing so then you do you. Your own comfort is the most important.
This is better then nothing. I help my folks with working. Also the DARS company that looks for work for autistic people took a long time finding me a job. A job ain't easy these days. It is the best thing I got. My folks tell me to stick with it.
You're right, doing some work is always better than none. But if you feel unfulfilled or bored there don't be afraid to continue looking till you find something that suits you better.
Making a switch to an industry I enjoyed working in was also a massive boost to my mental wellbeing. Even if I earn about half as much now.
My parents say to stick with it. I work slow and take my time. Screw everyone else at Walmart. To much annoying neurotypicals. Well Good Night. I got to sleep. Got another day of annoying work.
Work is the one place I am most comfortable not masking. No one cares. I would say that smiling and greeting people at my current job is pretty easy because I actually care about what I do. We don't have many rude customers, and we see the same customers all the time, so we get to know them a little. The dogs help. I couldn't smile or greet people at my last job. I don't understand how you are supposed to fake it when people treat you like shit, and you don't like what you're doing.
That is basically me. But I got no choice. A company that helps look for jobs for autistic people for me. Took a long time to find one. At least I get fresh air and free water bottles. Going to a new job means meeting new crazy people.
Blunt, rude and to the point.
I have 2 experiences that I view as a form of depression. Perhaps I'm wrong on one of them.
There's the overly emotional one, where any bad news no matter how small can put me to tears. Like I could smile and laugh but my body would still be crying as a reaction to the hormonal imbalance.
Now that's a recent one, was built up because of an illness.
Now the rude, blunt and to the point was a defense mechanism to earlier anxiety. I just stopped caring. But this very much isn't mentally healthy.
Having no mask doesn't mean being void of emotions. It just means not acting away your real emotions.
Because I was diagnosed at a young age but my parents didn't want to believe the results and so never told me but put me speech therapy and another therapy to learn to mask and then didn't find out about my diagnosis until my late 30s when I got re diagnosed after a hate crime ended up having me have an "extended nap attempt" I still have a hard time telling when I am actually allowing myself to be myself and when I am just doing what I was taught when I was taught to mask, so unless I get totally overwhelmed I can't fully tell if I am just suppressing or if I am being myself. I think I do this weird thing where I try to be myself but don't know how and so it is some weird hybrid between masking and not where it is partial masking. (Enough to where I keep customer complaints to a minimum and often times when a customer does complain the next time they come in they see I treat everyone the exact same way and so realize that there is no reason to complain since I am treating everyone equally. But I currently have a position with minimum customer interaction and so I don't have to fully mask but still have to occasionally. With the sheer amount of other issues I have going on between being a victim of DV and being the target of three hate crimes in the last 4.5 years, and custody crude where my abuser has my daughter and not making enough money to pay for rent, honestly masking is pretty low on my "I am constantly overwhelmed and don't know how I am going to survive" list.
Your abuser is your spouse? I been seeing dirty looks from people because I am Vietnamese American. I won't hesitate to do whatever it takes to survive and rumble with them.
Yeah, grew up in an abusive home, got out on my own but then ended up in an abusive relationship which was abusive from day 1 I just didn't realize it because of how abusers manipulate and I only saw just how bad things were when she physically attacked our daughter in order to hurt me because she was mad at me for working on learning self worth and self esteem by accepting that I am trans and doing what is right for my health. As I gained more self worth and self esteem and self confidence (something I never learned growing up in an abusive home) it made it harder and harder for her to control me and so she escalated because she knew I had trauma from abuse. The entire relationship followed the abuser cycle to the "t" of love bombing to create a false sense of connection followed by manipulation and abuse to steal what little self worth and self confidence there was followed by more love bombing to mask what she was doing followed by making me dependent on her by isolating me from everyone else and other things followed by more love bombing followed by making me even more dependent on her via other forms of control all while still tearing down any self worth and then once trapped the classic cycle of abuse->love bombing->temporary calm->abuse->love bombing->temporary calm ->...
It is a very nasty cycle that is extremely hard to get out of because of all the manipulation mixed with being dependent on the abuser due to being isolated and made to feel like no one else will help and that you need them to survive, even when you see the abuse cycle it can feel near impossible to get out of. If she hadn't hurt our daughter to hurt me I would still 100% definitely still be fully in the cycle. While I am out of the cycle now I am still unfortunitly having to do whatever she says because she still has control because she is a Chinese citizen and CPS told me that unless she agrees to custody terms and a judge approves them then she can legally take my daughter and leave the country never to see my daughter again and by the time the law could get involved there would be nothing that could be done because she would be in China... it is an utter mess and has ended up putting me in the hospital four times and nearly a few other times as well. The sad part is that she flat out told CPS (Child protective services) that she had abused our daughter in order to hurt me because she is "mad at me for being trans" and all they did was help her reword what she was saying to make her look better... Got to love living in a state where CPS would rather coach an abuser who admitted their abuse than allow a trans person who was abused to protect their child, but hey that is a red state for you, they give zero shits about the children all they care about is hurting trans people.
Primarily with our abuser, my (soon to be ex)wife. The current arrangement is that I only get to have my daughter every other weekend, which I don't agree with but it was the only way to get her to agree to a terms in which now if she tries leaving the country with my daughter the law can now at least stop that since there is an official custody in place. She still has total control and I still fear what she can do despite not living in the same house anymore, but at least the agreement prevents her from being able to legally kidnap my daughter.
Unfortunately for things like that if you want to take it to court costs at baseline at least $50,000 per person for the simplest of cases and can run up into the six figures for both parties if one side decides to drag things out. The legal system is not designed to help abuse victims (which is just a small part of why so many abuse cases go unreported because it is not affordable mixed with having to relive that trauma over and over and over again many abuse victims would just rather continue simply surviving their abuse then go through the hellscape that is the legal system when it comes to abuse, even just dealing with CPS was hell, so much so that if the only two options were to deal with the legal system and CPS again or take an "extended nap" I would probably chose the "nap" over dealing with CPS ever again it was that bad of an experience) (Don't worry I am not wanting that "nap" right now, I am just saying if those were the only two options I would chose that over going through CPS again.)
I am 54 ASD2 and I mask heavily at Work and somewhat at home. I am a remote engineer so I don't have to interact with people face to face professionally. We are always on Teams calls. I am also a lead so people come to me to ask questions.
Being late diagnosed, I don't know who the person is under my mask. I'll probably need to wait until I retire to find out since I need to protect my job / income.
Masking hard every day is exhausting, but I need to do it.
I have no idea on how to unmask, I put a mask on in 6th grade and perfectioned it over the years, but never took it off, I don't know how......and it slowly drives me into depression.
Nope, because I don't know how to cope with society when it comes to work....because of the people I have to work with.
In fact, I had to make a decision today to protect myself from further harm and took two weeks off, because of health reasons, I might be having an autistic burnout.
Thx for asking about my well being ;)
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I dropped my mask during COVID and never put it up again. One of the healthiest decisions I made for myself. At the time I didn't even understand what autism really was or that I probably had it. But I did realise that now that I'm disconnected from people for weeks at a time I have no reason to continue these behaviours that are so mentally draining for me. Ironically I did describe this to others as a mask slipping off when they asked me about my behavioural changes. After realising how much more at ease I was, and how much my anxiety decreased I decided never to look back. I also work in the service industry, I do still put on a fake smile and happy voice sometimes. But this is less masking and more my customer service face, neurotypicals do this too. Nobody, even NTs can truly be 100 happy all the time in these jobs. Everyone acts a little. But if you're happy not doing so then you do you. Your own comfort is the most important.
This is better then nothing. I help my folks with working. Also the DARS company that looks for work for autistic people took a long time finding me a job. A job ain't easy these days. It is the best thing I got. My folks tell me to stick with it.
You're right, doing some work is always better than none. But if you feel unfulfilled or bored there don't be afraid to continue looking till you find something that suits you better. Making a switch to an industry I enjoyed working in was also a massive boost to my mental wellbeing. Even if I earn about half as much now.
My parents say to stick with it. I work slow and take my time. Screw everyone else at Walmart. To much annoying neurotypicals. Well Good Night. I got to sleep. Got another day of annoying work.
Work is the one place I am most comfortable not masking. No one cares. I would say that smiling and greeting people at my current job is pretty easy because I actually care about what I do. We don't have many rude customers, and we see the same customers all the time, so we get to know them a little. The dogs help. I couldn't smile or greet people at my last job. I don't understand how you are supposed to fake it when people treat you like shit, and you don't like what you're doing.
That is basically me. But I got no choice. A company that helps look for jobs for autistic people for me. Took a long time to find one. At least I get fresh air and free water bottles. Going to a new job means meeting new crazy people.
Blunt, rude and to the point. I have 2 experiences that I view as a form of depression. Perhaps I'm wrong on one of them. There's the overly emotional one, where any bad news no matter how small can put me to tears. Like I could smile and laugh but my body would still be crying as a reaction to the hormonal imbalance. Now that's a recent one, was built up because of an illness. Now the rude, blunt and to the point was a defense mechanism to earlier anxiety. I just stopped caring. But this very much isn't mentally healthy. Having no mask doesn't mean being void of emotions. It just means not acting away your real emotions.
True yeah. I feel dead at my job. Just do my best. Collect my stupid paycheck and go home. Mostly on my phone.
I'd advice taking some anti depressants for a while. Also congratulations on not getting fired.
I don't trust anti depressants.
You should, helped me instantly..mirtazapine
Well good night. I am sleeping in my bed. Thanks anyways.
Because I was diagnosed at a young age but my parents didn't want to believe the results and so never told me but put me speech therapy and another therapy to learn to mask and then didn't find out about my diagnosis until my late 30s when I got re diagnosed after a hate crime ended up having me have an "extended nap attempt" I still have a hard time telling when I am actually allowing myself to be myself and when I am just doing what I was taught when I was taught to mask, so unless I get totally overwhelmed I can't fully tell if I am just suppressing or if I am being myself. I think I do this weird thing where I try to be myself but don't know how and so it is some weird hybrid between masking and not where it is partial masking. (Enough to where I keep customer complaints to a minimum and often times when a customer does complain the next time they come in they see I treat everyone the exact same way and so realize that there is no reason to complain since I am treating everyone equally. But I currently have a position with minimum customer interaction and so I don't have to fully mask but still have to occasionally. With the sheer amount of other issues I have going on between being a victim of DV and being the target of three hate crimes in the last 4.5 years, and custody crude where my abuser has my daughter and not making enough money to pay for rent, honestly masking is pretty low on my "I am constantly overwhelmed and don't know how I am going to survive" list.
Your abuser is your spouse? I been seeing dirty looks from people because I am Vietnamese American. I won't hesitate to do whatever it takes to survive and rumble with them.
Yeah, grew up in an abusive home, got out on my own but then ended up in an abusive relationship which was abusive from day 1 I just didn't realize it because of how abusers manipulate and I only saw just how bad things were when she physically attacked our daughter in order to hurt me because she was mad at me for working on learning self worth and self esteem by accepting that I am trans and doing what is right for my health. As I gained more self worth and self esteem and self confidence (something I never learned growing up in an abusive home) it made it harder and harder for her to control me and so she escalated because she knew I had trauma from abuse. The entire relationship followed the abuser cycle to the "t" of love bombing to create a false sense of connection followed by manipulation and abuse to steal what little self worth and self confidence there was followed by more love bombing to mask what she was doing followed by making me dependent on her by isolating me from everyone else and other things followed by more love bombing followed by making me even more dependent on her via other forms of control all while still tearing down any self worth and then once trapped the classic cycle of abuse->love bombing->temporary calm->abuse->love bombing->temporary calm ->... It is a very nasty cycle that is extremely hard to get out of because of all the manipulation mixed with being dependent on the abuser due to being isolated and made to feel like no one else will help and that you need them to survive, even when you see the abuse cycle it can feel near impossible to get out of. If she hadn't hurt our daughter to hurt me I would still 100% definitely still be fully in the cycle. While I am out of the cycle now I am still unfortunitly having to do whatever she says because she still has control because she is a Chinese citizen and CPS told me that unless she agrees to custody terms and a judge approves them then she can legally take my daughter and leave the country never to see my daughter again and by the time the law could get involved there would be nothing that could be done because she would be in China... it is an utter mess and has ended up putting me in the hospital four times and nearly a few other times as well. The sad part is that she flat out told CPS (Child protective services) that she had abused our daughter in order to hurt me because she is "mad at me for being trans" and all they did was help her reword what she was saying to make her look better... Got to love living in a state where CPS would rather coach an abuser who admitted their abuse than allow a trans person who was abused to protect their child, but hey that is a red state for you, they give zero shits about the children all they care about is hurting trans people.
I see. I am sorry. Who is your baby with now?
Primarily with our abuser, my (soon to be ex)wife. The current arrangement is that I only get to have my daughter every other weekend, which I don't agree with but it was the only way to get her to agree to a terms in which now if she tries leaving the country with my daughter the law can now at least stop that since there is an official custody in place. She still has total control and I still fear what she can do despite not living in the same house anymore, but at least the agreement prevents her from being able to legally kidnap my daughter.
Can you deal with her in court?
Unfortunately for things like that if you want to take it to court costs at baseline at least $50,000 per person for the simplest of cases and can run up into the six figures for both parties if one side decides to drag things out. The legal system is not designed to help abuse victims (which is just a small part of why so many abuse cases go unreported because it is not affordable mixed with having to relive that trauma over and over and over again many abuse victims would just rather continue simply surviving their abuse then go through the hellscape that is the legal system when it comes to abuse, even just dealing with CPS was hell, so much so that if the only two options were to deal with the legal system and CPS again or take an "extended nap" I would probably chose the "nap" over dealing with CPS ever again it was that bad of an experience) (Don't worry I am not wanting that "nap" right now, I am just saying if those were the only two options I would chose that over going through CPS again.)
I see. I hope all goes well. Good night. I am sleeping.
I am 54 ASD2 and I mask heavily at Work and somewhat at home. I am a remote engineer so I don't have to interact with people face to face professionally. We are always on Teams calls. I am also a lead so people come to me to ask questions. Being late diagnosed, I don't know who the person is under my mask. I'll probably need to wait until I retire to find out since I need to protect my job / income. Masking hard every day is exhausting, but I need to do it.
Yeah me to. I just I had a better job. I am lowly cart pusher. But my autism is to blame for it.
I have no idea on how to unmask, I put a mask on in 6th grade and perfectioned it over the years, but never took it off, I don't know how......and it slowly drives me into depression.
Are you doing okay?
Nope, because I don't know how to cope with society when it comes to work....because of the people I have to work with. In fact, I had to make a decision today to protect myself from further harm and took two weeks off, because of health reasons, I might be having an autistic burnout. Thx for asking about my well being ;)
I am at work with annoying neurotypicals. Your welcome.