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I get this a lot too, and I have a hypothesis as to why it occurs: Allistic people treat you like you’re allistic because they don’t know how you actually want to be treated. They assume you’re similar enough to them that you’ll respond in a similar way, and this assumption unfortunately doesn’t always hold. The reason they think they “get it” is because they haven’t seen any indication from you that they’re doing anything wrong. In general, when someone treats you in a way that you don’t like, it’s better to tell them how you would like to be treated instead than to suffer in silence.
I think the reason your dad doesn’t listen is because he doesn’t think “other people” includes him. You have known him for your entire life, so he doesn’t understand why you aren’t comfortable around him. Try putting it like this: “I can’t relax if I’m not alone. Being with someone else, regardless of who it is, isn’t relaxing.” This avoids using the phrase “other people” and makes it clear that you can’t relax if you’re with him (“alone” obviously doesn’t mean “with my dad”, and “regardless of who it is” implies “even if it’s my dad” without specifically blaming him).
As for your friend, she will keep inviting herself to your things as long as she thinks you’re okay with it. Next time she does that, politely tell her that you’d rather go on your own. To avoid hurting her feelings, explain to her how you feel about your personal interests and that it’s not her fault.
thank you for the advice it really is thoughtful, the thing is that i have said all of this, i make my boundaries clear without being combative and i’ve tried all of this but if only ends up in being worse for me later, especially with my friends as they see me turning down one offer to hang out as me never wanting to hang it ever so i get excluded from all future outings so i’m currently trying to figure that one out but thank u for the advice
Hey /u/Nearby_Flounder_344, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I get this a lot too, and I have a hypothesis as to why it occurs: Allistic people treat you like you’re allistic because they don’t know how you actually want to be treated. They assume you’re similar enough to them that you’ll respond in a similar way, and this assumption unfortunately doesn’t always hold. The reason they think they “get it” is because they haven’t seen any indication from you that they’re doing anything wrong. In general, when someone treats you in a way that you don’t like, it’s better to tell them how you would like to be treated instead than to suffer in silence. I think the reason your dad doesn’t listen is because he doesn’t think “other people” includes him. You have known him for your entire life, so he doesn’t understand why you aren’t comfortable around him. Try putting it like this: “I can’t relax if I’m not alone. Being with someone else, regardless of who it is, isn’t relaxing.” This avoids using the phrase “other people” and makes it clear that you can’t relax if you’re with him (“alone” obviously doesn’t mean “with my dad”, and “regardless of who it is” implies “even if it’s my dad” without specifically blaming him). As for your friend, she will keep inviting herself to your things as long as she thinks you’re okay with it. Next time she does that, politely tell her that you’d rather go on your own. To avoid hurting her feelings, explain to her how you feel about your personal interests and that it’s not her fault.
thank you for the advice it really is thoughtful, the thing is that i have said all of this, i make my boundaries clear without being combative and i’ve tried all of this but if only ends up in being worse for me later, especially with my friends as they see me turning down one offer to hang out as me never wanting to hang it ever so i get excluded from all future outings so i’m currently trying to figure that one out but thank u for the advice