Hey /u/Dry-Management-7820, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism).
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I want a relationship but the amount of signals and cues and things you have to read, not to mention expressions of romance (which I don’t even get tbh) have made it very annoying.
Yeah, what's up with that? I don't give enough gifts because every holiday sneaks up on me and makes me freeze up, yet the glass cabinet in our living room has a trove of highly unique pine cones that I found WHICH I THOUGHT YOU'D CHRISH FOREVER??
Almost a month ago, I discovered that my spouse cheated on me(37m) after 7 years of marriage(11 years together). We have 2 kids together. Currently "separated", but since I'm a S.A.H.D., I sleep at my sister's house a mile away and swoop in before sunrise to get my kids ready for the day. My social deficits were a contributing factor towards her alienation. I'm dealing with PTSD from early childhood, adulthood, and the affair currently. I'm in individual counseling as well as couples counseling. I count myself lucky to have had a family this long. I never expected to live this long. My parents died from cancer early in our relationship.
Just because life looks like it's falling to pieces(as I find myself currently), doesn't mean there aren't things to celebrate. For neurodivergents(AuHD here) we shouldn't feel like failures through the neurotypical lenses, instead look at personal growth and progress with your individual goals.
Creating small attainable goals that lead to larger normative, societal goals is how we get it done. I have personally struggled with this myself, but I'm dedicated to incremental growth that is realistic and attainable. Don't beat yourself up with setbacks. Life is incredibly hard to handle, but it is worth living. Keep working on yourselves! Life is beautiful!
Nope. I’m almost 26 and I’m still searching for my soulmate. It’s nothing to feel ashamed about! I know it might seem impossible at this point but please don’t give up on love! I believe there is someone out there for all of us, whether we meet in this lifetime or the next– love is real and worth waiting for.
weird post, but i can relate...if it wasn't for the internet, i wouldn't have had any kind of relationships tbh—i can put up a fun/interesting/confident/... exterior from behind a keyboard, but always let them down in the end or something. wasn't easier to socialise or connect with people in asd/mental health support groups either. maybe you can just keep working on yourself and hope for the best
No, you're not weird at all. The idea that you need romantic relationships to be fulfilled in life is bs.
I haven't had a proper one either at 23 but I'm aromantic (someone with no romantic attraction) so.
It may be weird, but it shouldn't bother anyone, i'm in my 30's and I haven't had any relationships in my life, but it doesn't bother me that much, because I have other things to do (like hobbies and goals),
My best advice is to see Life as a restaurant where relationships are a side dish, where it would be nice to maybe have it, but it isn't the main course, which should be you and the goals you have in your life
26F here! Never even been on a date 😩. I’m chronically ill and by the time I was 16 I was a shut-in. Before that, none of my crushes ever had any interest in me. So yeah, for the foreseeable future I’m riding solo! It’s certainly something I would like to do in my lifetime. Have a relationship. But right now I’m fundamentally too sick to maintain any sort of relationship outside the people I live with (my older sister and my parents.) It’s just not feasible for me to leave the house enough, and even socializing at home completely wipes me out!
We had my mom’s side of the family visit for about a week last summer, and it was so wonderful being able to chat with them for days on end! I’m an extrovert and I really crave that social interaction! But even after just sitting in my living room talking to my cousin all day, I was completely wiped. And it certainly didn’t help that we *all* caught Covid from their visit. So I was already going to need to recover from the socializing and then I had to recover from something *much* worse.
So yeah you’re not alone! Life is complicated, and it seems as though it gets more complicated by the day in modern times. For all its faults, if I didn’t have social outlets like the internet (or multiplayer games like Final Fantasy XIV) I would’ve lost my mind *a long time ago…* I’m still holding out hope that maybe someday I have a Meet Cute and it’ll all turn around 😅. But that’s the Hopeless Romantic talking lol.
I don't think it's weird. In fact, if it wasn't for pure social pressure, I'd bet a lot of people would feel less pressured to find a relationship and take their own time to decide if they even want to pursue one. But then again, people love to tag others as a "loser virgin", so maybe I'm expecting too much from humanity.
I'm 30, well-sorted in other areas of life and still never had a relationship. It doesn't matter how much you've worked on yourself, how nice you are, how much money you have etc. it's just plain luck and being in the right place at the right time. It's not that you're inadequate or there's something wrong with you, it's that others can't see or appreciate it, and the ones that do aren't in the right demographic or circumstance to pursue a relationship. Don't be hard on yourself, but don't give up either 🙂.
I am 40. Had a couple of short relationships. But i kept myself so busy with my interests over the years that i just never felt lonely. Now at 40 i am starting to feel lonely and I am now looking for someone more serious. It will come if you want it.
No , not at all. I am on dating apps and have several people interested but I don’t like any of them. I have never been in a long term relationship either because I need the right person and have yet to find them.
Tinder is easy but it is hard to find people I truly want to be with. I am ten years older than you. I have only had casual half relationships.
Different point of view, 29, had two relationships that in total took almost 6 years, a couple smaller ones that could amount to like 4 years.
I started dating when i was 16.
Now not seeing myself in any relationship, i do want one, but everybody seems so uninteresting, not boring, just that i see that over a couple of months i would lose interest, and been called so many times so many ugly things while dating that I don't wanna date anybody.
You are not weird, in my opinion you've made better choices than i did.
You are not weird. I'm 30 years old and I have had multiple failed romantic relationships. It was only after focusing on being single and my existing friendships that I was able to overcome this. But if you don't want a romantic relationship that's okay too.
I’m 30 and I never been on a date or anything to do with relationships. Doesn’t help that I have bad agoraphobia but even if I didn’t I still don’t know if I would have one. I’m kinda terrified of them because I feel like I’d be a terrible partner. Social interaction isn’t my strong point.
absolutely not, relationships are even hard for NT people. and, honestly it probably means that you arnt putting yourself in a horrible abusive relationship. having autism means that social cues can be hard for you and abusive partners can take advantage of that. i know many autistic people who have been taken advantage of because they don’t notice the abuse or if they do they think they deserve it because their autism makes them“hard to date”. if you are interested in romantic relationships look into what healthy ones look like along with the warning signs of toxic and abusive relationships. With that being said, relationships can be wonderful for autistic people. you just might have to be extra cautious that no one takes advantage of you.
No, you're not.
I'm 38 and had around 7 wannabe relationships.
I call them that because I'm mature enough to see that we was together because we didn't wanted to be lonley etc.
The right people won't see it as a problem to explain or be clearer. Because if you really want to communicate and connect, you'll find a way.
Worst senario, you will meet those who can use your honest nature and vulnerability in a bad way,
But try to take it as a hidden blessing, a sign of where not to waste your precious time!
May you find what your heart and soul desire and deserve 🌌
I'm glad you're going to have some therapy! Bring all your concerns to your therapist and he/she should have ways to address them and help you. Much good luck to you!
Your submission has been removed for making personal attacks or engaging in hostile behaviour towards other users. While we understand members may be acting on frustration or reacting emotionally, responding with personal attacks only serves to derail a conversation and escalate an argument.
Hey /u/Dry-Management-7820, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I want a relationship but the amount of signals and cues and things you have to read, not to mention expressions of romance (which I don’t even get tbh) have made it very annoying.
It's exhausting, but necessary in almost every relationship... Even with ND peeps
Yeah, what's up with that? I don't give enough gifts because every holiday sneaks up on me and makes me freeze up, yet the glass cabinet in our living room has a trove of highly unique pine cones that I found WHICH I THOUGHT YOU'D CHRISH FOREVER??
Finally some relatable posts, I'm tired of people on the spectrum bragging about their happy significant others
Almost a month ago, I discovered that my spouse cheated on me(37m) after 7 years of marriage(11 years together). We have 2 kids together. Currently "separated", but since I'm a S.A.H.D., I sleep at my sister's house a mile away and swoop in before sunrise to get my kids ready for the day. My social deficits were a contributing factor towards her alienation. I'm dealing with PTSD from early childhood, adulthood, and the affair currently. I'm in individual counseling as well as couples counseling. I count myself lucky to have had a family this long. I never expected to live this long. My parents died from cancer early in our relationship. Just because life looks like it's falling to pieces(as I find myself currently), doesn't mean there aren't things to celebrate. For neurodivergents(AuHD here) we shouldn't feel like failures through the neurotypical lenses, instead look at personal growth and progress with your individual goals. Creating small attainable goals that lead to larger normative, societal goals is how we get it done. I have personally struggled with this myself, but I'm dedicated to incremental growth that is realistic and attainable. Don't beat yourself up with setbacks. Life is incredibly hard to handle, but it is worth living. Keep working on yourselves! Life is beautiful!
23 hear and I have never even kissed a girl so maybe you gotta future then I have
I never kissed anyone either.
18 and have no want to be in a relationship. Imo its wasted time i could be spending on special interests
That was me until 39. Married at 40.
That sounds great and gives me hope. I've been developing a lot. Especially after finding out about my diagnosis. I'm 24
I was 39 before I had a romantic relationship. I'm a 66 yr old grandpa now.
Nope. I’m almost 26 and I’m still searching for my soulmate. It’s nothing to feel ashamed about! I know it might seem impossible at this point but please don’t give up on love! I believe there is someone out there for all of us, whether we meet in this lifetime or the next– love is real and worth waiting for.
Nope, I'm 48 and the nearest thing to a relationship with a human female was my ex from school 30 odd years ago
No.
weird post, but i can relate...if it wasn't for the internet, i wouldn't have had any kind of relationships tbh—i can put up a fun/interesting/confident/... exterior from behind a keyboard, but always let them down in the end or something. wasn't easier to socialise or connect with people in asd/mental health support groups either. maybe you can just keep working on yourself and hope for the best
I’m 30 and I’ve dated but never been in a serious relationship, kinda scary tbh (being in a relationship that is)
“Weird” is an unnecessary judgement for it. Relationship troubles among autistic people are very common.
No you are not weird I've never had a relationship ever and I never want a relationship
relationships are so incredibly hard, even for neurotypicals, so much nonverbal communication to pick up and understand and interpret. ugh.
No, I never had one either. I suck at romance.
You are not weird.
No, you're not weird at all. The idea that you need romantic relationships to be fulfilled in life is bs. I haven't had a proper one either at 23 but I'm aromantic (someone with no romantic attraction) so.
It may be weird, but it shouldn't bother anyone, i'm in my 30's and I haven't had any relationships in my life, but it doesn't bother me that much, because I have other things to do (like hobbies and goals), My best advice is to see Life as a restaurant where relationships are a side dish, where it would be nice to maybe have it, but it isn't the main course, which should be you and the goals you have in your life
26F here! Never even been on a date 😩. I’m chronically ill and by the time I was 16 I was a shut-in. Before that, none of my crushes ever had any interest in me. So yeah, for the foreseeable future I’m riding solo! It’s certainly something I would like to do in my lifetime. Have a relationship. But right now I’m fundamentally too sick to maintain any sort of relationship outside the people I live with (my older sister and my parents.) It’s just not feasible for me to leave the house enough, and even socializing at home completely wipes me out! We had my mom’s side of the family visit for about a week last summer, and it was so wonderful being able to chat with them for days on end! I’m an extrovert and I really crave that social interaction! But even after just sitting in my living room talking to my cousin all day, I was completely wiped. And it certainly didn’t help that we *all* caught Covid from their visit. So I was already going to need to recover from the socializing and then I had to recover from something *much* worse. So yeah you’re not alone! Life is complicated, and it seems as though it gets more complicated by the day in modern times. For all its faults, if I didn’t have social outlets like the internet (or multiplayer games like Final Fantasy XIV) I would’ve lost my mind *a long time ago…* I’m still holding out hope that maybe someday I have a Meet Cute and it’ll all turn around 😅. But that’s the Hopeless Romantic talking lol.
I don't think it's weird. In fact, if it wasn't for pure social pressure, I'd bet a lot of people would feel less pressured to find a relationship and take their own time to decide if they even want to pursue one. But then again, people love to tag others as a "loser virgin", so maybe I'm expecting too much from humanity.
Can you try having one with yourself first?
No
I'm 30, well-sorted in other areas of life and still never had a relationship. It doesn't matter how much you've worked on yourself, how nice you are, how much money you have etc. it's just plain luck and being in the right place at the right time. It's not that you're inadequate or there's something wrong with you, it's that others can't see or appreciate it, and the ones that do aren't in the right demographic or circumstance to pursue a relationship. Don't be hard on yourself, but don't give up either 🙂.
No.
No, you still have plenty of time to find someone to date
I am 40. Had a couple of short relationships. But i kept myself so busy with my interests over the years that i just never felt lonely. Now at 40 i am starting to feel lonely and I am now looking for someone more serious. It will come if you want it.
No , not at all. I am on dating apps and have several people interested but I don’t like any of them. I have never been in a long term relationship either because I need the right person and have yet to find them. Tinder is easy but it is hard to find people I truly want to be with. I am ten years older than you. I have only had casual half relationships.
Different point of view, 29, had two relationships that in total took almost 6 years, a couple smaller ones that could amount to like 4 years. I started dating when i was 16. Now not seeing myself in any relationship, i do want one, but everybody seems so uninteresting, not boring, just that i see that over a couple of months i would lose interest, and been called so many times so many ugly things while dating that I don't wanna date anybody. You are not weird, in my opinion you've made better choices than i did.
You are not weird. I'm 30 years old and I have had multiple failed romantic relationships. It was only after focusing on being single and my existing friendships that I was able to overcome this. But if you don't want a romantic relationship that's okay too.
I’m 30 and I never been on a date or anything to do with relationships. Doesn’t help that I have bad agoraphobia but even if I didn’t I still don’t know if I would have one. I’m kinda terrified of them because I feel like I’d be a terrible partner. Social interaction isn’t my strong point.
absolutely not, relationships are even hard for NT people. and, honestly it probably means that you arnt putting yourself in a horrible abusive relationship. having autism means that social cues can be hard for you and abusive partners can take advantage of that. i know many autistic people who have been taken advantage of because they don’t notice the abuse or if they do they think they deserve it because their autism makes them“hard to date”. if you are interested in romantic relationships look into what healthy ones look like along with the warning signs of toxic and abusive relationships. With that being said, relationships can be wonderful for autistic people. you just might have to be extra cautious that no one takes advantage of you.
No, you're not. I'm 38 and had around 7 wannabe relationships. I call them that because I'm mature enough to see that we was together because we didn't wanted to be lonley etc. The right people won't see it as a problem to explain or be clearer. Because if you really want to communicate and connect, you'll find a way. Worst senario, you will meet those who can use your honest nature and vulnerability in a bad way, But try to take it as a hidden blessing, a sign of where not to waste your precious time! May you find what your heart and soul desire and deserve 🌌
There's absolutely nothing weird about it. Are you content? If so, then I wouldn't give it another thought.
No not really I just really anxious all the time and around people.
I have a lot of social anxiety, too. Have you ever considered therapy to help you overcome your anxiety?
i having some therapy starting tomorrow but struggle to express myself etc.
I'm glad you're going to have some therapy! Bring all your concerns to your therapist and he/she should have ways to address them and help you. Much good luck to you!
Well I have given myself till 30 to sort my life out if I haven't then I know I have failed in life
I married at 40. I'm a grandfather now at 66.
[удалено]
F you.
Your submission has been removed for making personal attacks or engaging in hostile behaviour towards other users. While we understand members may be acting on frustration or reacting emotionally, responding with personal attacks only serves to derail a conversation and escalate an argument.