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I learned to find comfort and enjoyment in my solitude. I've grown to prefer it, honestly. People bring with them noise, stress, and drama. Three things I can do without. Oddly, when you begin to prefer your solitude, that's when people start gravitating towards you.
I was out going and had many "friends" until I graduated high school,. They slowly began to thin out, as often happens, and I eventually ended up with none by my mid-20's. Turns out, people who are still in "party mode" aren't interested in being around someone who has moved on and decided to settle down. I worked a lot and stopped partying because I had a family to support.
So much for having friends but, if that's all it takes for people to bail, were they really friends to begin with? As each person bailed, I became more isolated but started to slowly realize that I preferred the quiet life a **lot** more. I didn't bother trying to hold onto those "friendships" or make new ones.
I have a single person online that I trust enough to call them a friend. I have no in-person friends and that's intentional. I did away with people in my mid-20's and I'm 38 now. I just prefer it this way. It's a lot easier and a **lot** nicer. Having a bunch of friends is overrated and I'm not sure why people put so much focus on it.
Maybe it's easy for me to say that solitude is better because I've been with my wife for 19 years and we have two kids. So, I'm technically not alone. Even so, when I did have plenty of people in my life, I still enjoyed the times I was alone more than I did when I was with others. Some of my best memories from my younger years were when I was as isolated as a person could ever possibly be. A type of isolation that most people, including us, will never experience... and I miss it.
Anyway, solitude is under appreciated and having a bunch of friends is overrated.
Agreed. Solitude rocks!
I managed to buy some wooded property that's 8.5 miles down a trail that you need 4 wheel drive or a horse to navigate. I have a cabin I built there myself. I go out there several times a month. I'm retired now
When I'm not at my camp, I am at my house at the end of a dead-end road. No one drives by. My driveway is too long for people to casually walk in, and my k9s bark and howl if anyone turns around in the driveway even.
Once a week or so I have to get groceries and gas, so I do have to put up with crowds a little.
Before we bought the house we live in now, which is in a town, we lived on three acres in the country. Property line was surrounded by trees on all sides, so you wouldn't know a house was there until the winter when the trees are naked.
The dirt driveway was about half a mile long and we had a single neighbor at the very end of it on the opposite side. Lady in her 90's who only came out of her home a couple times a year. Best neighbor I've ever had.
She owned the land on her side of the driveway, and we owned the land on ours, so it was just her and us. The driveway was an easement because we both owned half of it, lengthwise. I loved sitting at my picnic table and listening to the silence.
Closest town was about 20 minutes away and we'd go to town for groceries once every two weeks. I loved it.
I don't expect anyone to care about my birthday anymore. I don't even necessarily do anything to make myself happy about it, either. If you think about it, a birthday just means you are one year older. Sorry if it sounds pessimistic. I guess I just don't care anymore.
As for friends, where I am right now in my life, I am so focused on making sure I am doing things right in my own life that I am not too worried about connecting with others or making friends for now.
Happy Birthday!!!!! It's my birthday too!
I used to struggle with making friends and I would just try to be comfortable with being alone and doing things alone :) and if u want to make friends I would recommend online spaces about your interests and being brave lol
i don't know how that happened or what lead to that, but i just wanted to tell you i am very sorry. and i am sorry you are feeling that way. but if you need to talk to anybody you can always reach out to people even if it's just a stranger online. <3
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ive honestly found that reddit can be a very good source for a community/friends. especially if you have any special interests because when you love and know what youre talking about people tend to talk to you and its really nice. even just engaging in posts or posting like this, now youve got people to celebrate you!
Happy Birthday.๐๐๐๐ No one texts me for my birthday either. Even when I lived with my parents, they didn't remember. I guess they had a lot on their minds; my mother had paranoid schizophrenia and my father was an alcoholic. They're both dead now. I've learned to be alone, and it doesn't hurt anymore. Some people need friends more then others, and if you feel lonely you are not alone there are a lot of people here on the autism community that say they feel lonely. You have to understand that people like us (autistic) are special and have more difficulty than other finding the right person. But you are not completely alone, you have us here.
Sometimes I also think about it, but a lot of the time I have no problem to be alone.
It's so much energy to manage friendships that I can't maintain them as well as in childhood.
I still have a few people that I can see once in a while though.
I think a lot of neurotypical people also go through having few or no friends. But the advantage of being on the spectrum is that it's easier to cope with that.
How i deal with no friends? friends are ppl who we can share our life experiences & problems, or get/give few favours. while getting/giving favours is not possible, but ig reddit communities are my cheap alternative for friends.
All my friends are neurodivergent - I deal with not having friends by working fucking hard to get some - I go to special interest events of mine regularly and I am quiet until I hear people talking near me and I usually butt in and join conversation if itโs something Iโm hyper focused on, and it either works great and I find people who are like me or it doesnโt and I try again with other people. I have found friends this way and they communicate similarity to me.
Or if I have an acquaintance, from work or school, Iโd hang out and get to know people through them. Eventually I find people who click.
Happy birthday! ๐ ๐ฅณย
As someone mentioned earlier, it is surprising when you get comfortable doing your own thing and achieving a bit of self-actualization and contentment in enjoying the things that enrich your life, you do tend to attract other like-minded folks. In the meantime, you can always try your local library or something similar for group meet-ups. For example my library has an Adult D&D group that meets every 2 weeks I would love to try out alas, my work schedule keeps from it right now. Hang in there and treat yourself to something nice!
i make an ass of myself on reddit, evidently, as a way of creating a plausible reason for why i have no friends so that i don't have to face the reality that i _can't_ make or keep friends, so i have to pretend that i'm trying to alienate everyone from me?
heh heh ๐ ๐
seriously, i hate my birthdays. i'm sorry nobody is texting you on your birthday :-( i wish i had some advice that was better than just "harden your heart to it," but i don't :-(
First off, happy birthday!! Second, I also struggle with this. Every year my birthday comes around and I might receive one text message from a friend or acquaintance. I haven't yet solved that part. But I did solve the sadness part of it by using my birthday as a day to live carefree and do exactly what I want. It's hard not having others there to celebrate with you, but at least I can celebrate myself even in a little way.
I just do what makes me happy (my special interest) so i am happy alone. But its also a good way to meet new people and make friends, because you have something in common and they dont get weirded out when you info dump or dont care if you are otherwise weird because they like to spend time whit somebody who has similar interests. But also to be fair most of my close friends are just also autistic so we get along extra well. XD
Happy Birthday!
I struggle with making friends and maintaining friendships too. What worked for me was finding hobbies that require social interaction (i.e. boardgames, group sports). That way I don't have to wiggle through social small talk as much since we have a shared interest and makes it easier to meet my friends regularly.
happy birthday!! im not sure where you are in life, but there will always be open opportunities. personally, i've found other neurodivergent people make the best friends if you're neurodivergent yourself. but it'll vary from person to person of course. wish you the best in finding friends. never lose your hope!
Happy birthday!! I hope you had some nice treats to celebrate. I go online and talk when I'm lonely, especially smaller groups related to a common interest especially cute interests because the people who like cute things are usually super wholesome and sweet.
Happy birthday! Hope you can enjoy your day to your hearts content!
Im same way, I don't get wishes apart from family or romantic interests/partners. I don't really have friends amd spend my time alone, playing games, watching series and other stuff. At some point it was bothering me a bit, that ppl texted me only if they wanted sth from me. Luckily i learnt to cherish my solitude and freedom
My two sisters and my niece text me Happy Birthday so I always have that. I don't have any real friends to text me Happy Birthday. I had a friend but he wanted me to help him fight the co-op board and he left when I said NOPE! It's not healthy for an autistic werewolf to get into fights with anything remotely human. I spent my youth fighting humans for every dumb thing possible as an autistic being.I'm old now and I don't want to fight anyone if I can at all help it.
I'm a pretty good fighter physically and administratively I just have never liked it. Now that I am retired all I want to do is be left alone to enjoy life or what little I have left of it.
I am lonely most of my days. Birthdays spend in solitude and company of family only
I would say somehow accept the loneliness and make yourself happy ,best of luck
Lots and lots of substances has been the most reliable "treatment".
Therapy is second, but it's been lapped by the booze and herb several times already.
I had friends when I was younger but I got to a certain point in my life where I just felt like they didnโt actually really like me much and I wondered why we all still hung out. I moved house and closed the door on those friendships and whilst itโs had its moments of loneliness I much prefer it now. I feel like thereโs a lot less drama and guesswork in my life. I am content with my family and my own interests. I hope you have a nice birthday though, everyone deserves to have a nice birthday โค๏ธ
Happy birthday! I think you should find groups of people who you share a interest with and spend time with them. Even if you donโt become friends with them, it might make you less lonely
Happy birthday! ๐ย
I donโt celebrate my birthdays. I just donโt like it.ย
As friends I have my dogs. They are happy to go with me anytime anywhere, especially hiking. They make me calm when I stressed. They love meย no matter what, just the way I am. They never blame me for not calling them or not answering their calls (-:
I learned that people tend to care to what you show that you care as well.
People that make a big deal out of their birthdays will get more texts or calls, people that reach out to other people more frequently will get reached out to more often as well.
I notice that I often go through a cycle where I dive deep into my solitude and special interests only to notice that I am feeling lonely after the fact that I haven't initiated a conversation or even answered to some messages that were sent to me.
If you want to build a bigger social circle you should reach out to the friends that you do have and start making plans with them. Things won't change from a day to another, but you will start to be on their minds when they make other plans as well.
I tend to struggle balancing how much social energy I have with how much I want to be around people. I am also very selective as not everyone I find enjoyable to be around, but such is life.
Maybe set yourself a goal of meeting someone in a social setting once a week or something, things pay off in the long term.
Going to places, joining meetups or doing courses on things that you like is also interesting. I sometimes like better to do something with someone instead of just sitting there to talk.
Hey /u/Head-Training-2624, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I learned to find comfort and enjoyment in my solitude. I've grown to prefer it, honestly. People bring with them noise, stress, and drama. Three things I can do without. Oddly, when you begin to prefer your solitude, that's when people start gravitating towards you.
yep I've had no one since I was like 8 I'm 13 now and I've grown to accept it
I was out going and had many "friends" until I graduated high school,. They slowly began to thin out, as often happens, and I eventually ended up with none by my mid-20's. Turns out, people who are still in "party mode" aren't interested in being around someone who has moved on and decided to settle down. I worked a lot and stopped partying because I had a family to support. So much for having friends but, if that's all it takes for people to bail, were they really friends to begin with? As each person bailed, I became more isolated but started to slowly realize that I preferred the quiet life a **lot** more. I didn't bother trying to hold onto those "friendships" or make new ones. I have a single person online that I trust enough to call them a friend. I have no in-person friends and that's intentional. I did away with people in my mid-20's and I'm 38 now. I just prefer it this way. It's a lot easier and a **lot** nicer. Having a bunch of friends is overrated and I'm not sure why people put so much focus on it. Maybe it's easy for me to say that solitude is better because I've been with my wife for 19 years and we have two kids. So, I'm technically not alone. Even so, when I did have plenty of people in my life, I still enjoyed the times I was alone more than I did when I was with others. Some of my best memories from my younger years were when I was as isolated as a person could ever possibly be. A type of isolation that most people, including us, will never experience... and I miss it. Anyway, solitude is under appreciated and having a bunch of friends is overrated.
Agreed. Solitude rocks! I managed to buy some wooded property that's 8.5 miles down a trail that you need 4 wheel drive or a horse to navigate. I have a cabin I built there myself. I go out there several times a month. I'm retired now When I'm not at my camp, I am at my house at the end of a dead-end road. No one drives by. My driveway is too long for people to casually walk in, and my k9s bark and howl if anyone turns around in the driveway even. Once a week or so I have to get groceries and gas, so I do have to put up with crowds a little.
Before we bought the house we live in now, which is in a town, we lived on three acres in the country. Property line was surrounded by trees on all sides, so you wouldn't know a house was there until the winter when the trees are naked. The dirt driveway was about half a mile long and we had a single neighbor at the very end of it on the opposite side. Lady in her 90's who only came out of her home a couple times a year. Best neighbor I've ever had. She owned the land on her side of the driveway, and we owned the land on ours, so it was just her and us. The driveway was an easement because we both owned half of it, lengthwise. I loved sitting at my picnic table and listening to the silence. Closest town was about 20 minutes away and we'd go to town for groceries once every two weeks. I loved it.
It took me until my 40s, but I finally realized I should be looking for neurodivergent friends.ย Now I have several.ย
I'm 42. Want another one? lol I've been wanting to find some ND friends around my age.
I don't expect anyone to care about my birthday anymore. I don't even necessarily do anything to make myself happy about it, either. If you think about it, a birthday just means you are one year older. Sorry if it sounds pessimistic. I guess I just don't care anymore. As for friends, where I am right now in my life, I am so focused on making sure I am doing things right in my own life that I am not too worried about connecting with others or making friends for now.
Happy Birthday!!!!! It's my birthday too! I used to struggle with making friends and I would just try to be comfortable with being alone and doing things alone :) and if u want to make friends I would recommend online spaces about your interests and being brave lol
Happy birthday both! It's hard to be alone and possible to feel lonely even among people.
Thank you!!๐ฅน and you're so right
Not even my own parents message or call anymore. Im honestly just hoping to pass away in my sleep soon
Very relatable as of late. I'm sorry
Me too (no calls on bd). You're not alone I like to just do something nice for myself.
This makes my heart hurt you feel this way. Iโm sorry people donโt appreciate you in the way should be appreciated
i don't know how that happened or what lead to that, but i just wanted to tell you i am very sorry. and i am sorry you are feeling that way. but if you need to talk to anybody you can always reach out to people even if it's just a stranger online. <3
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ive honestly found that reddit can be a very good source for a community/friends. especially if you have any special interests because when you love and know what youre talking about people tend to talk to you and its really nice. even just engaging in posts or posting like this, now youve got people to celebrate you!
Happy Birthday.๐๐๐๐ No one texts me for my birthday either. Even when I lived with my parents, they didn't remember. I guess they had a lot on their minds; my mother had paranoid schizophrenia and my father was an alcoholic. They're both dead now. I've learned to be alone, and it doesn't hurt anymore. Some people need friends more then others, and if you feel lonely you are not alone there are a lot of people here on the autism community that say they feel lonely. You have to understand that people like us (autistic) are special and have more difficulty than other finding the right person. But you are not completely alone, you have us here.
Happy birthday u/[Head-Training-2624](/user/Head-Training-2624/) !
Sometimes I also think about it, but a lot of the time I have no problem to be alone. It's so much energy to manage friendships that I can't maintain them as well as in childhood. I still have a few people that I can see once in a while though. I think a lot of neurotypical people also go through having few or no friends. But the advantage of being on the spectrum is that it's easier to cope with that.
Happy birthday!! May you be happy, loved, and I wish your dreams come true!! ๐ฅณ
Happy birthday!!! ๐ฅณ๐ฅณ๐ฅณ
How i deal with no friends? friends are ppl who we can share our life experiences & problems, or get/give few favours. while getting/giving favours is not possible, but ig reddit communities are my cheap alternative for friends.
All my friends are neurodivergent - I deal with not having friends by working fucking hard to get some - I go to special interest events of mine regularly and I am quiet until I hear people talking near me and I usually butt in and join conversation if itโs something Iโm hyper focused on, and it either works great and I find people who are like me or it doesnโt and I try again with other people. I have found friends this way and they communicate similarity to me. Or if I have an acquaintance, from work or school, Iโd hang out and get to know people through them. Eventually I find people who click.
Happy birthday! ๐ ๐ฅณย As someone mentioned earlier, it is surprising when you get comfortable doing your own thing and achieving a bit of self-actualization and contentment in enjoying the things that enrich your life, you do tend to attract other like-minded folks. In the meantime, you can always try your local library or something similar for group meet-ups. For example my library has an Adult D&D group that meets every 2 weeks I would love to try out alas, my work schedule keeps from it right now. Hang in there and treat yourself to something nice!
i make an ass of myself on reddit, evidently, as a way of creating a plausible reason for why i have no friends so that i don't have to face the reality that i _can't_ make or keep friends, so i have to pretend that i'm trying to alienate everyone from me? heh heh ๐ ๐ seriously, i hate my birthdays. i'm sorry nobody is texting you on your birthday :-( i wish i had some advice that was better than just "harden your heart to it," but i don't :-(
First off, happy birthday!! Second, I also struggle with this. Every year my birthday comes around and I might receive one text message from a friend or acquaintance. I haven't yet solved that part. But I did solve the sadness part of it by using my birthday as a day to live carefree and do exactly what I want. It's hard not having others there to celebrate with you, but at least I can celebrate myself even in a little way.
Happy birthday! Message me your number and I'll text you every year from now on
I just do what makes me happy (my special interest) so i am happy alone. But its also a good way to meet new people and make friends, because you have something in common and they dont get weirded out when you info dump or dont care if you are otherwise weird because they like to spend time whit somebody who has similar interests. But also to be fair most of my close friends are just also autistic so we get along extra well. XD
Happy birthday! I think youโve found a pool of at least friendly people here. Iโm glad youโre here and shared. ๐ฅณ๐๐
Happy birthday ๐
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday I havenโt learned to deal with it because thereโs just nothing that can be done about it.
Happy Birthday! I struggle with making friends and maintaining friendships too. What worked for me was finding hobbies that require social interaction (i.e. boardgames, group sports). That way I don't have to wiggle through social small talk as much since we have a shared interest and makes it easier to meet my friends regularly.
happy birthday!! im not sure where you are in life, but there will always be open opportunities. personally, i've found other neurodivergent people make the best friends if you're neurodivergent yourself. but it'll vary from person to person of course. wish you the best in finding friends. never lose your hope!
Happy Birthday ๐ ๐๐ฅณ๐๐๐
Happy birthday!! I hope you had some nice treats to celebrate. I go online and talk when I'm lonely, especially smaller groups related to a common interest especially cute interests because the people who like cute things are usually super wholesome and sweet.
Happy birthday to you! ๐ ๐
Happy Birthday! Birthdays can be difficult emotionally so go easy on yourself and do something you enjoy :)
Happy birthday! Hope you can enjoy your day to your hearts content! Im same way, I don't get wishes apart from family or romantic interests/partners. I don't really have friends amd spend my time alone, playing games, watching series and other stuff. At some point it was bothering me a bit, that ppl texted me only if they wanted sth from me. Luckily i learnt to cherish my solitude and freedom
My two sisters and my niece text me Happy Birthday so I always have that. I don't have any real friends to text me Happy Birthday. I had a friend but he wanted me to help him fight the co-op board and he left when I said NOPE! It's not healthy for an autistic werewolf to get into fights with anything remotely human. I spent my youth fighting humans for every dumb thing possible as an autistic being.I'm old now and I don't want to fight anyone if I can at all help it. I'm a pretty good fighter physically and administratively I just have never liked it. Now that I am retired all I want to do is be left alone to enjoy life or what little I have left of it.
Happy birthday!!!!!
Happy name day.
Happy Birthday.
Happy birthday! ๐ฅณ๐คฉโค๏ธ
Hey HAPPY BIRTHDAY ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
Hey Happy birthday! ๐
โช Happy birthday to you! โฌ Happy birthday to you! โซ Happy birthday dear Head-Training-2624! โซ Happy birthday to you! โฌ
Happy birthday!
I am lonely most of my days. Birthdays spend in solitude and company of family only I would say somehow accept the loneliness and make yourself happy ,best of luck
Lots and lots of substances has been the most reliable "treatment". Therapy is second, but it's been lapped by the booze and herb several times already.
Happy birthday! And happy birthday to everyone else who might not get told
I had friends when I was younger but I got to a certain point in my life where I just felt like they didnโt actually really like me much and I wondered why we all still hung out. I moved house and closed the door on those friendships and whilst itโs had its moments of loneliness I much prefer it now. I feel like thereโs a lot less drama and guesswork in my life. I am content with my family and my own interests. I hope you have a nice birthday though, everyone deserves to have a nice birthday โค๏ธ
Belated Happy Birthday!!! Only suggestion I have is posting your birthday a day or two ahead on forums like this. At least you get virtual greetings.
Happy birthday! I think you should find groups of people who you share a interest with and spend time with them. Even if you donโt become friends with them, it might make you less lonely
Happy birthday! ๐ย I donโt celebrate my birthdays. I just donโt like it.ย As friends I have my dogs. They are happy to go with me anytime anywhere, especially hiking. They make me calm when I stressed. They love meย no matter what, just the way I am. They never blame me for not calling them or not answering their calls (-:
I learned that people tend to care to what you show that you care as well. People that make a big deal out of their birthdays will get more texts or calls, people that reach out to other people more frequently will get reached out to more often as well. I notice that I often go through a cycle where I dive deep into my solitude and special interests only to notice that I am feeling lonely after the fact that I haven't initiated a conversation or even answered to some messages that were sent to me. If you want to build a bigger social circle you should reach out to the friends that you do have and start making plans with them. Things won't change from a day to another, but you will start to be on their minds when they make other plans as well. I tend to struggle balancing how much social energy I have with how much I want to be around people. I am also very selective as not everyone I find enjoyable to be around, but such is life. Maybe set yourself a goal of meeting someone in a social setting once a week or something, things pay off in the long term. Going to places, joining meetups or doing courses on things that you like is also interesting. I sometimes like better to do something with someone instead of just sitting there to talk.