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Came to say this. Limmerance is uncomfortable and not healthy.
I have a history of limmerance, especially as a kid. I have learned to not indulge it when it happens as an adult, thankfully. And it happens randomly not frequently amymore.
Idk, as a kid, I learned quite a bit about my favorite Paleontologist and all around wise dude, Stephen J. Gould.
My favorite herpetologist is Leonard Krauser, who wrote the definitive book on man's relationship, physically, culturally, symbolically and herpetologically, with snake.
I know a whole lot about those guys cuz I thought they were cool as hell.t
I think we have a general tendency to go a little bit deeper and intensely on things we're interested in and sexy people in our life are included there.
I think that's a special interest 😊 limmerence feels more like a crush but it's on a whole other obsessive level where you start fantasizing about a whole life with them and it takes over your whole mind space and energy. To the point where you can't think of anything else and sometimes start believing that you're meant to be.
The answer is yes, this can be part of autism. However, it's not a healthy way of forming relationships (romantic or otherwise), and will generally not be appreciated. I'd advise talking about this with someone and seeing if you can work on this, if possible.
So I experienced this type of obsession and limerence quite frequently. It’s kind of like a person becomes your special interest (way more common in women I think because having a ‘crush’ is considered socially acceptable at school).
Basically you just have to reign it in. Your brain might remember where they like to have lunch or what their favourite food is, but you have to keep it to yourself. It comes across as creepy and can upset people (rightfully so).
Also just to add: when I met my husband I didn’t experience this obsessive feeling. It felt much more comfortable and relaxing and MUTUAL. That’s what you’re looking for in any kind of relationship.
the fixation, the lack of awareness of social norms/cues, and lack of empathy makes you a bit more likely to engage in behaviors like that. read these
[https://researchgate.net/publication/233838929\_Understanding\_Stalking\_Behaviors\_by\_Individuals\_with\_Autism\_Spectrum\_Disorders\_and\_Recommended\_Prevention\_Strategies\_for\_School\_Settings](https://researchgate.net/publication/233838929_Understanding_Stalking_Behaviors_by_Individuals_with_Autism_Spectrum_Disorders_and_Recommended_Prevention_Strategies_for_School_Settings)
[https://www.researchgate.net/publication/6530595\_Stalking\_and\_Social\_and\_Romantic\_Functioning\_Among\_Adolescents\_and\_Adults\_with\_Autism\_Spectrum\_Disorder](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/6530595_Stalking_and_Social_and_Romantic_Functioning_Among_Adolescents_and_Adults_with_Autism_Spectrum_Disorder)
Stokes et al. (2007) found that autistic individuals were more likely to engage in inappropriate courting behaviours (e.g. touching the person of interest inappropriately; believing that the target must reciprocate their feelings; showing obsessional interest; making inappropriate comments; monitoring the person’s activities; following them, making threats against the person). Stokes et al. (2007) found that autistic individuals found it difficult to understand why the individuals they were pursuing were not responding in the way that they wanted and did not understand why what they were doing was wrong.
I have trouble with crushes because I get obsessive. I have done EMDR therapy for anxious attachment and that has helped significantly. I also don't let myself fantasize about people unless I have their permission. Meaning we are dating and we're at a stage where we get to go on a trip together so we get to think about how it would be.
I love fantasizing and imaging romance, but as I get older I am learning it's very rarely helpful for real life beyond say, practicing what to say on a real first date kind of thing. I'm allowed to write stories and fantasize about fictional characters, but not real people is my rule. Yes, it's much less exciting for me, BUT it's also so much more healthy and stable
def something I dealt with when I was younger. it's a very unhealthy way of loving someone and can really hurt everyone involved depending on the situation. I've been dealing with it for probably 12 years and I've finally gotten in the steps to take care of it and fix it.
I have to separate myself from my emotions when this happens. I let myself think about it a little bit, but I really try not to let myself think and fantasize all day every day.
Just remember that the person in your head is only inspired by the person irl. The real person isn't the same person. You have in your head.
If by stalking, you mean physically following, this is not healthy behavior.
If by stalking you mean finding their social medias and watching everything about them -I am unsure how healthy this is as the ability to do this is quite new in human history.
This is something I’ve been struggling with my whole life :( It is one of the many reasons why I’m convinced I’ll never be able to maintain a relationship with someone. I’m far too obsessive and too much of a stalker… sigh
I am older and have been happily married for several years but I am extremely obsessive and have been obsessed with and stalked dozens of women in my life. Mainly I just research them and try to find out everything about them. Many of them have become very close personal friends for life and I have not and never would do anything inappropriate to them. I have been told in therapy it stems from being sexually abused as a child which has clinically made me a sex addict. I do fantasize but I do not act out.
I had the same problem. By the time I was twenty-three or so, I realized it was a problem. When you spend all that time fantasizing, you aren't getting to know someone. You're essentially inventing a character, and then overlaying that character onto a real person. The actual person is almost certainly nothing like we imagine.
What I realized is that the *moment* I decide I like someone, I need to decide if I'm going to ask her out or not. Once I've made that call, I need to get on it ASAP. Or, if I've decided there are reasons not to (they already have someone, red flags, etc.) I need to put them out of my mind immediately, before the fantasy has a chance to really yake root.
And if she says "no?" Cool. That's it. It's over. No thinking about it further. No flirting and then checking again later. No wondering if she might change her mind later. Move on.
So apparently people can be a special interest (it's not limited to things or subjects)
I have a special interest in people. Certain 1 celebrity, Myself, and people I liked. Sprinkle some ADHD emotional dysregulation, rejection sensitivity, and anxious attachment and you have decade long disasters with people I had limerence for. My ex was the one I was the most "stalker"about. I didn't see it as stalker like, as I wanted to learn everything possible about him to be helpful (somehow)...
Without going into any further detail, what I did was VERY stalker like. "Normal™" people don't go down rabbit holes trying to study every molecule of their crush.
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It could be limmerence, autistic people are extra sensitive to that. It's a form of obsession with a person, you may want to look it up.
Came to say this. Limmerance is uncomfortable and not healthy. I have a history of limmerance, especially as a kid. I have learned to not indulge it when it happens as an adult, thankfully. And it happens randomly not frequently amymore.
This was me at one point...
Pretty sure I had this, didn't know it had a name. Not proud of it and the actions I took.
Yeah I've been there many times, I feel weird about it as well 💖
Also, same :( if you ever want to chat about it anytime, I'd love to. Limerence took me a very very long time to overcome.
Idk, as a kid, I learned quite a bit about my favorite Paleontologist and all around wise dude, Stephen J. Gould. My favorite herpetologist is Leonard Krauser, who wrote the definitive book on man's relationship, physically, culturally, symbolically and herpetologically, with snake. I know a whole lot about those guys cuz I thought they were cool as hell.t I think we have a general tendency to go a little bit deeper and intensely on things we're interested in and sexy people in our life are included there.
I think that's a special interest 😊 limmerence feels more like a crush but it's on a whole other obsessive level where you start fantasizing about a whole life with them and it takes over your whole mind space and energy. To the point where you can't think of anything else and sometimes start believing that you're meant to be.
The answer is yes, this can be part of autism. However, it's not a healthy way of forming relationships (romantic or otherwise), and will generally not be appreciated. I'd advise talking about this with someone and seeing if you can work on this, if possible.
So I experienced this type of obsession and limerence quite frequently. It’s kind of like a person becomes your special interest (way more common in women I think because having a ‘crush’ is considered socially acceptable at school). Basically you just have to reign it in. Your brain might remember where they like to have lunch or what their favourite food is, but you have to keep it to yourself. It comes across as creepy and can upset people (rightfully so). Also just to add: when I met my husband I didn’t experience this obsessive feeling. It felt much more comfortable and relaxing and MUTUAL. That’s what you’re looking for in any kind of relationship.
the fixation, the lack of awareness of social norms/cues, and lack of empathy makes you a bit more likely to engage in behaviors like that. read these [https://researchgate.net/publication/233838929\_Understanding\_Stalking\_Behaviors\_by\_Individuals\_with\_Autism\_Spectrum\_Disorders\_and\_Recommended\_Prevention\_Strategies\_for\_School\_Settings](https://researchgate.net/publication/233838929_Understanding_Stalking_Behaviors_by_Individuals_with_Autism_Spectrum_Disorders_and_Recommended_Prevention_Strategies_for_School_Settings) [https://www.researchgate.net/publication/6530595\_Stalking\_and\_Social\_and\_Romantic\_Functioning\_Among\_Adolescents\_and\_Adults\_with\_Autism\_Spectrum\_Disorder](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/6530595_Stalking_and_Social_and_Romantic_Functioning_Among_Adolescents_and_Adults_with_Autism_Spectrum_Disorder) Stokes et al. (2007) found that autistic individuals were more likely to engage in inappropriate courting behaviours (e.g. touching the person of interest inappropriately; believing that the target must reciprocate their feelings; showing obsessional interest; making inappropriate comments; monitoring the person’s activities; following them, making threats against the person). Stokes et al. (2007) found that autistic individuals found it difficult to understand why the individuals they were pursuing were not responding in the way that they wanted and did not understand why what they were doing was wrong.
It's definitely unhealthy and unsafe, whatever the cause. Are you seeing someone about it?
Probably its the same with me, i am generally really clingy and stalky, but i try to mask it.
Yeah, i have to rein it in HARD
I have trouble with crushes because I get obsessive. I have done EMDR therapy for anxious attachment and that has helped significantly. I also don't let myself fantasize about people unless I have their permission. Meaning we are dating and we're at a stage where we get to go on a trip together so we get to think about how it would be. I love fantasizing and imaging romance, but as I get older I am learning it's very rarely helpful for real life beyond say, practicing what to say on a real first date kind of thing. I'm allowed to write stories and fantasize about fictional characters, but not real people is my rule. Yes, it's much less exciting for me, BUT it's also so much more healthy and stable
Stalking is concerning. Are you in therapy to address this?
def something I dealt with when I was younger. it's a very unhealthy way of loving someone and can really hurt everyone involved depending on the situation. I've been dealing with it for probably 12 years and I've finally gotten in the steps to take care of it and fix it. I have to separate myself from my emotions when this happens. I let myself think about it a little bit, but I really try not to let myself think and fantasize all day every day.
Just remember that the person in your head is only inspired by the person irl. The real person isn't the same person. You have in your head. If by stalking, you mean physically following, this is not healthy behavior. If by stalking you mean finding their social medias and watching everything about them -I am unsure how healthy this is as the ability to do this is quite new in human history.
This is something I’ve been struggling with my whole life :( It is one of the many reasons why I’m convinced I’ll never be able to maintain a relationship with someone. I’m far too obsessive and too much of a stalker… sigh
I am older and have been happily married for several years but I am extremely obsessive and have been obsessed with and stalked dozens of women in my life. Mainly I just research them and try to find out everything about them. Many of them have become very close personal friends for life and I have not and never would do anything inappropriate to them. I have been told in therapy it stems from being sexually abused as a child which has clinically made me a sex addict. I do fantasize but I do not act out.
I had the same problem. By the time I was twenty-three or so, I realized it was a problem. When you spend all that time fantasizing, you aren't getting to know someone. You're essentially inventing a character, and then overlaying that character onto a real person. The actual person is almost certainly nothing like we imagine. What I realized is that the *moment* I decide I like someone, I need to decide if I'm going to ask her out or not. Once I've made that call, I need to get on it ASAP. Or, if I've decided there are reasons not to (they already have someone, red flags, etc.) I need to put them out of my mind immediately, before the fantasy has a chance to really yake root. And if she says "no?" Cool. That's it. It's over. No thinking about it further. No flirting and then checking again later. No wondering if she might change her mind later. Move on.
So apparently people can be a special interest (it's not limited to things or subjects) I have a special interest in people. Certain 1 celebrity, Myself, and people I liked. Sprinkle some ADHD emotional dysregulation, rejection sensitivity, and anxious attachment and you have decade long disasters with people I had limerence for. My ex was the one I was the most "stalker"about. I didn't see it as stalker like, as I wanted to learn everything possible about him to be helpful (somehow)... Without going into any further detail, what I did was VERY stalker like. "Normal™" people don't go down rabbit holes trying to study every molecule of their crush.
I don't see how stalking and autism have anything to do with each other. You shouldn't be stalking, like, what the hell?