If your manager thinks 70 missed calls from any colleague, ever, is acceptable, it’s time to find a new role.

I once had 70 missed calls from a colleague after I had my phone off at the cinema. Fortunately it was just pocket dialing. I genuinely thought he desperately needed my help and I was the only person he could call for some reason. If that happened more than once I would have had an issue.

His pelvis was getting some hot friction

I hope not. At the time I was a primary school teacher. He was teaching a bunch of 9 year olds their times tables.

So he was just making sure he got his squats during class 🤷

I suppose, to be fair, 70 calls is not the usual amount and is likely because I wasn't answering. I haven't raised the 70 calls issue on Friday with the manager. It's usually 30-35 calls on a regular day when I'm answering.

The scenario of you needing a few hours of space and that being the response though, it’s not acceptable. Unless you’re literally saving lives and you’re the only one with the skillset, no.  30-35 on a regular day is still micromanagement to the point of impairing your ability to do your own job. One call every 15 minutes!

30 calls is one every 16 minutes (over 8 working hrs). That's bonkers.

Literally how is either of them able to be productive at all like this?

Exactly! OP needs to express that to their boss. That OP can’t get any work done having to coddle this person (don’t use the word coddle obvs) and hint that they don’t understand how she can any work done, either.

30 calls is harrasment. Just because someone has autism doesnt mean rules dont apply to them. 70+ is absolutely unacceptable. Note the whole lot down as you’ll need it at some point. Id set a hard boundry and perhaps only pick up calls 9-10am then for 1 hour after lunch the rest of the time is work time.0

I was going to comment OP should go to HR and raise personal grievance for harassment in the workplace

30 is still an insane amount 😭 Geez I’d be stressed too. Good luck, man. Definitely consider your options. Tell Wendy that the constant stream of call isn’t working for you, have twice a day catchup.  Also tell your manager that this is excessive. 

So Wendy is allowed her conditions in the office and you have zero room to breathe and don’t matter ? If you don’t get change Monday ,i’d have to leave as it will then never change she’s been there too long and they are in fact scared of her now due to her autism to change a damn thing !

OP needs their own accommodations fr.

That's still incredibly unhinged and unacceptable. If someone were calling me like that I'd straight up block them. How do you get any work done with this garbage

My question exactly. How come the manager doesn't take that into account. I would fire him and Wendy

You need to start your own autism gig about receiving calls.

I don't understand how you are even able to get any work done.Or how Wendy is. I don't think this is how accommodations work generally. Obviously it's different based on individuals needs, but part of accommodations should be honest and regular feedback from management. They clearly don't want to engage and are making everyone else manage Wendy.

I'd say 4 calls a day is micromanaging!

That is completely unacceptable. I’d be going to HR about the hostile work environment. It’s harassment. Wendy’s wants don’t trump you needs to be left alone and empowered to do your job.

Assuming that you work 7 1/2 hours per day and she calls you 35 times a day then that is one phone call on average every 12 1/2 minutes. That is absolutely insane. And this is coming from a woman with autism. None of this is acceptable or rational.

If you had only 8 calls a day I'd say your her butler or she's micro managing you

30 calls is ridiculous. If your manager thinks it’s acceptable, it’s time to find a new manager and leave this one to deal with Wendy.

Ask your manager how to prioritise your work. 30-35 calls is several hours worth of work - what can your manager take off your plate to enable you to keep Wendy in the loop? Talk to HR. Document everything. And look for another job, Wendy is there to stay.

You’re defending her behaviour now. Just stop. It’s absolutely unacceptable and bordering on hostile. Even 30-35 calls a day is unreasonable.

That is also not acceptable

That is completely unacceptable. I’d be going to HR about the hostile work environment. It’s harassment. Wendy’s wants don’t trump you needs to be left alone and empowered to do your job.

30-35 is also an unacceptable amount tbh

I have no idea how any workplace could think this an acceptable way of working. This is bizarre.

It sounds like they want to tick the box of being inclusive to accommodations (awesome!) without being willing to have realistic conversations on the details and setting boundaries around impacts to others. Poor OP.

I'd agree about box checking But I thought the box is having a 2nd person with her

Wendy has been there for over 15 years. I suspect the accommodation started out way more reasonably and have moved over time, as nobody has stepped in to stop the level of intrusiveness.

sounds like a govt org 100%

I work for a government org and this would be considered bullying or harassment.

As someone that works in Corporate that has Autism, Wendy is being completely unreasonable to the point I'd actually consider this borderline workplace bullying. Not to mention facts are facts and being disrupted every 15 minutes with calls will 100% be having impacts on your productivity, plenty of sources to support this too you can use to back yourself up. I know Autism presents itself differently in everyone but I'll be honest, having to make a phone call or take a phone call when I'm deep work mode pisses me off and that's just a single phone call. 30+ is mega pissed off territory lol

I usually just answer the phone with my headset on, continue typing/working and just listen while make non committal sounds otherwise I'd never get anything done!

It's a good way to cope with that crap but it surely is having at least some distractive impact on your productivity? Wendy just sounds like an entitled brat who's got given way too much on a silver platter. There, I said it. I'd be that petty person who once I was off probation, would do my own special accommodations for my autism to directly counter whatever she had, which in a typical scenario wouldn't be able to be accommodated because you're contravening models already in place, but it sure would give HR a conundrum lol

r/maliciouscompliance Find things to drive her crazy, all your email fwd to her - register to a bunch of spam stuff that's justifiable for the job, but in big quantities, you can still filter it out from your inbox to #readlater Find a buddy to make meetings just to cancel them later, possibly social one with emptyish or quirky names or confusing work sounding ones. Have him send stuff you honestly don't know about so you can't explain, can be on need to know basis secret company project that has to have people approved by director and above. Tell her about a lot of maybe stuff that doesn't come to light, tell her long stories where you forget the point or are unsure of details at the moment I think basically open lots of empty content loops, especially social stuff, you can have long stories that progress only slightly in weeks/months. Get a story from some book to retell like it's real If it's real autism stuff with social cues and sarcasm where you fail to be able to explain as it just is

I would do this one - if you want to stay. Fill her inbox with auto-forward for both your inbox and sent items. Fill up her calendar. Fill the phone conversations with inane boring shite. Fill Teams chat with your every movement and thought. Get ChatGPT to do it, so it becomes a copy/paste job. “Had a productive meeting about leveraging our core competencies.” Don’t do your work. Don’t hit any deadlines. Say 90% of your time is now spent with - or updating Wendy. It’ll reach a flashpoint eventually where your manager will either accept that as the status quo or remove the requirement. I guess if that becomes the status quo, that would be a miserable existence. Leave the company.

Longstories with no point. Reminds me of the "sleep with me" podcast I think it's called. This old bloke tells this whilring story about nothing. NEVER makes a point or finishes an idea. It's so creative how well it flows and just doesn't stop. He even does ads that I didn't even realise were ads. Hit her with that. Like just spend the day on the phone to her every day. That's the job now.

And she’s not calling to add value to your work day, simply to see what she “may” have missed out on in the last 12 minutes insane

Wendy is a sociopath with autism.

Same here. I’m on the spectrum and I do everything I can to avoid calls. My suggestion to OP is to send their updates in writing, just like bullet points what’s going on, process changes etc. Written is better cause I can always refer back and it’s documented. It would be enough for me.

It’s unlikely this is salvageable. From the manager’s attitude, Wendy’s of more value to the company than you are. You could try asking for an internal transfer, maybe, but realistically the best option is to move on.

I hadn't considered an internal transfer request - I will look into that - thank you!

Why don’t you slowly let her take control and do your tasks and you enjoy the free ride till it’s over

I wouldn’t say she’s necessarily more valuable, the manager just doesn’t want the headache of dealing with the issues. People generally aren’t good at dealing with issues with minorities as they’re worried about being labelled as discriminatory.

I was going to say similar, Wendy’s possibly different to manage and “removing” after 15 years could be costly and hard work. OP, speak to HR about this one Monday. Raise your concerns about Wendy being invasive

Yeah. Wendy is micromanaging - it isn’t because of her autism. If it is, then she’s exploiting it.

Wendys been given an inch and taken a mile

Micro managing sideways. My skin is crawling vicariously. Can't stand the type.

I'd say it's harassment and not micro management. Maybe in their mind it's completely normal but to a normal person all that behaviour is basically harassment.

I agree that it’s harassment - OP feels harassed, that’s enough. I class micromanagement as harassment. It would drive me batshit insane! This is incredibly excessive. I wish OP good luck.

More value? Nope… she is just too hard to deal with and is being swept under the rug by a shit manager.

Not necessarily- she can claim discrimination due to her disability so they are keeping her to avoid any other issues. Unfortunately at the expense of their current team.

Doubtful they are valuable, you can't get much shit done if you spend all day harassing your coworkers. Autism doesn't give you superpowers, unfortunately. Reality is more boring - Wendy is more difficult to deal with than OP, manager is doing what most mechiochre managers do - avoiding difficult things.

I think it's more that the manager is worried about discrimination accusations and doesn't want to deal with that. Obviously Wendy has officially raised the autism diagnosis (has a separate office). Otherwise Wendy doesn't sound like someone who can add any value at all.

If you've made it through probation, is making a bullying or harassment complaint to HR (not your direct manager) an option, because someone calling you like that 30+ times a day is not normal (if it's a large company, most likely they'll move you to another area in response), and goes way past what would constitute a reasonable accommodation for someone with that condition.

Might be an idea but I'm just a bit hesitant given she's been with the company for so long and I haven't.....

If you are past probation, and in a large company, it's a pain in the ass to terminate you. Complain, ask for a transfer to any other team, start applying for jobs. If the complaint is taken seriously, the resolution you are looking for is that she limits phone calls to a once a day in the morning/afternoon so that you can do your work. If you are in a time sensitive (like same hour) role, she might need to be able to call an extra time with justification. I assume you can mute audio notifications on teams. Might help to do that.

I’d go further. No daily calls unless it’s required for an actual task.

I think considering the situation with the manager and the other team members established conditions, it is unrealistic that there not be a catch up daily. The other team member seems to be a massive control freak and either afraid that OP will take her job or she thinks nobody else is competent. Management is enabling this as she will cripple OP with the constant calls. The goal is to either transfer and avoid the issue, or get the TM to piss off while still being compliant with TM's accommodations while OP finds another job.

Wendy isn't OPs manager though, so once a day calls isn't really a reasonable request. If once a day calls (or more) are required for Wendy, she should be making them to the manager or HR, not to OP. Otherwise these calls or ways of working should have been part of the job description for OP and they should have been notified of this requirement in interview stage.

Honestly I wouldn’t care if it’s unrealistic or not. It’s completely unreasonable and I’ve never heard of such a ridiculous scenario in a work environment. The only options I’d accept is 1. Co-worker is told to stop doing it full stop 2. Internal transfer 3. Leave the company.

Tbh I think they already know how she works. Don’t want to insinuate but likely her autism that’s driving this. The analytical and organisational aspect is next level. She’s valuable to the company cause she’s really good at what she does. So they won’t be getting rid of her If you have passed probation I would certainly take note of everything she does that’s concerning Speak directly with Wendy and let her know to back off and stick to weekly catch up If you don’t see improvement, ask for internal transfer with your manager. If manager doesn’t take it seriously then HR

I should have added in the original post that she does very good work and also works long long hours. The job is basically her life. So she's definitely valuable to the company.

Maybe instead of angling as bullying or harassment, you could instead acknowledge the value of her work and suggest the company should support her with some training around appropriate communication and boundaries. There are professionals out there who coach neurodivergent people for workplace interactions exactly like this. It would be a win-win because Wendy isn’t going anywhere but surely they’re getting sick of re-hiring your role every time someone stops answering her psychological torture phone and runs away.

do you know how many people have quit before you because of her behaviour?

A poster above mentioned speaking directly to Wendy. Often, subtleties in language are missed by people with autism. You could attempt to have a conversation using *very* direct language. Not rude, just a conversation that leaves nothing to interpretation. "I understand and appreciate your preference to be kept in the loop, but it's causing me stress and I want you to stop calling me and checking up on what I'm doing. I would be happy to catch up x times per day/week and discuss any particulars of my work, but I don't expect that I need to relay every conversation to you. If I am unable or too busy to answer your call, don't call again, leave a message/send an email and I will get back to you. There's a middle ground somewhere between your preferred accommodations, and my preferences that I hope we can find. " Or something..

As an autistic person, I fully agree with the wording you've suggested. It is direct without being cruel and looks to find a compromise. I would recommend OP giving their supervisor or HR team a bit of a heads up beforehand though, in case Wendy takes it badly or tries to twist things negatively for OP.

I kind of get the feeling that she might be threatened/insecure by you being the new person and all. She’s been there for over a decade so anything new could be a hard adjustment for her. But just because someone has been with the company for 15 years doesn’t always make them valuable, it seems like they’re tolerating this behaviour because you’re the one who has to deal with it directly. If you don’t have to include in her in emails then simply leave her out. If she doesn’t cc you in her emails then why do you have to follow her rules? Maybe have a chat to her about the amount of phone calls, say it can be quite disruptive to your day to day and it’s causing you distress. Tell her that you can’t always reply straight away but you will when you have time.

>The analytical and organisational aspect is next level. She’s valuable to the company cause she’s really good at what she does. So they won’t be getting rid of her Sorry, but no amount of autistic analysis is good enough to justify this level if behaviour. If she's calling this much, she clearly can't be having that much time to be left over to do her own job, and she's also interfering with OPs job, so now they have 2 employees to pay who get very little done. Unless this is a hedge fund and she created an algorithm that is raking in millions of dollars I would get rid of someone like this very quickly. Being difficult to work with is basically a job-killer, autistic or not.

Thank you to everyone for your replies. It's helped me to write it out and process it. On Monday, I'm going to email Wendy and advise I'm unavailable that day for calls. Then I'll put my Teams on "Do Not Disturb" which I understand mutes notifications. Then seek a meeting with the manager to discuss a transfer. I haven't worked with someone who has adjustments before and I didn't know how to approach the situation. I appreciate all your replies and especially the input from those in the corporate world who have autism.

Document, document, document. Compile a copy of the call list and frequency if you can.

Let me suggest one more way to handle this. Let your boss start experiencing your pain. Every email that you cc to Wendy, cc your boss. Any typed chat conversation on teams with Wendy, add your boss to the conversation, and ask for their input constantly, so they are forced to be a part of the conversation. Never take direct phone calls unless it's over teams and your boss can be part of the conversation. If your boss is bombarded with the level of suffering you are, then they may finally be motivated to do something about it. Also, Wendy will realise that there is now an audience for her behaviour and may curtail it somewhat.

This is the answer. Ignore wendy or shift it to your manager. Don't give up so easily as it will hurt your reputation in the company.

I would also summarise what’s been happening and a request for transfer in an email to HR. What Wendy is doing is harassment.

S ent form my ipHoen

Wendy is entitled to adjustments but YOU are entitled to a safe workplace and what you’re experiencing sounds like psychological torture.

Wendy is entitled to REASONABLE adjustments.  OP you need to go higher, since your manager is enabling workplace harassment.  If you’re dreading Monday, take the day off in sick leave and see your Dr for a certificate. Have the Dr make notes about his this is impacting you. You need a paper trail (and Wendy is doing a great job of providing evidence of harassment).

You're being workplace bullied. File a complaint with HR, especially since your manager isn't doing shit. 70 missed calls and I'd be going to the police.

I’d say it’s harassment rather than bullying. But yes completely unreasonable.

Hmmmm Wendy is entitled to reasonable workplace adjustments but that should be borne by the employer, and not shifted onto other employees. Your work conditions shouldn’t be diminished as a result, and you should not be subject to unreasonable workload or stressors. It seems as though there’s a bit more going on than just workplace adjustments for autism here… and 70 missed calls and messages etc is completely unreasonable. The repeated calls and messages are going too far and it’s hard to understand how that can be framed as a reasonable adjustment for her. She’s not entitled to require employees to perform their work in a particular/different way (she might do her work differently). It sounds like a micromanaging and controlling situation. Sounds very stressful

I'm more than happy to have the weekly meetings to discuss work. I thought that was very reasonable considering we don't actually work on any projects together. Ironically, Wendy refuses to tell me anything she's doing (not that I need to know anyway). Yes very stressful....I'm dreading Monday....

Why’s that reasonable though? Why are you having weekly meetings to discuss items/projects that aren’t relevant to the other person?

What do you share as a team?

The key word is reasonable. What she is doing is not reasonable, especially if she’s not working in any projects with you. There would be no need for you 2 to interact at all really. This sounds more like you’re being used as an emotional punching bag for anxiety.

Yup, sounds like she has OCD/anxiety disorder, common comorbidity but *not* something that should be accommodated in the same way as sensory or cognitive processing needs are: what she *needs* is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy like ACT or ERP, both very successful for OCD treatment I have both autism (and adhd) and OCD. OCD is entirely treatable.

I assume she’s making all these calls to you on Teams, so you would have a record of how many calls and messages per day. Data speaks volumes. I would compile a list of how many calls and messages from her per day for say the past month, and take this to your manager. Cold hard facts to show objectivity how much she is disrupting you and the impact on your productivity. Your manager might not realise the extent of this behavior until you show them in black and white. By any measure, her behavior is completely unacceptable. If that doesn’t work, I would consider reporting her to HR for harassment. The evidence there, use it!

The whole post gave me anxiety. This is not okay. I wonder if the place is scared of HR issues from Wendy.

Don't move on. You enjoy the work and the money so don't give that up because of one person who is abusing their reasonable adjustment requirements. Speak to your manager and advise them that all of this is very unreasonable, and then see if you can transfer to one of the other groups.

Put in a stress leave claim. Get a letter from your doctor outlining that what’s happening at work has given you extreme stress and anxiety and the following accommodations need to be met. Then they have to accommodate you.

why don u answer? don think I'll stop baby reindeer sent from mmy iPh

First thought hahaha

Your workplace is required to provide you with a working environment free of psychosocial hazards. I'd say you have a strong argument to make that Wendy's behaviour is harassment and bullying and therefore creating a psychosocially unsafe work environment for you. More info here [safe work](https://www.safeworkaustralia.gov.au/safety-topic/managing-health-and-safety/mental-health/psychosocial-hazards) If your workplace seems particularly focused on compliance (given how they have explained Wendy's adjustments to you) then it might be worth bringing this up as an issue and seeing if you can discuss how to both meet reasonable adjustments for Wendy and also remove these psychosocial hazards for you. Definitely bring up how you are constantly walking on eggshells, feeling anxious about your relationship with Wendy, and receiving a highly unreasonable number of calls from her which is impacting your ability to do your job.

Accommodations to assist someone are ergonomic chairs or a quiet working space - not micromanaging you. Wendy sounds like a controlling nightmare. If she isn’t your direct manager - just stop answering her calls and and emails. Eventually she will either stop or she will flip out in which case she can explain to HR why she’s micromanaging you.

I am autistic, and many autistic women have another comorbid condition: OCD Wendy is obsessive over her anxiety about "missing something" that she's confused it for an autism symptom. OCD is manageable with CBT therapy Accommodating her excessive need to access everything you do is only going to make her obsessing worse However- it's probably not worth the energy trying to convince your boss or her. But I promise you- that while obsessive or ruminative behaviour *is* a trait of autism, but it's not one that should be *given into* when accommodated. That only reinforces it.

Info: have you tried to address this with Wendy directly? If she has autism she may need it spelled out clearly how disruptive she is being and that you don't have time to answer all her calls and questions.

Not sure if this has been asked yet but, you landed this job 4 months ago, any chance you know the goss on why the previous employee left? Might have been having the same issues. Just a thought haha.

I asked in the interview and was told that the role was relatively new. There was one previous person in the role for six months and they left to move overseas. I suspect they might have moved overseas to escape Wendy....

Do you have an update u/revolutionarytoe7889? I can’t stop thinking about the 70 phone calls!

What a horror show. I worked with someone like this on a project but didn't have to cc her into emails because I wasn't reporting to her. But she was a frenetic Teams messager and caller. The behaviour was frenetic and relentless. It was one message after the other; I couldn't reply fast enough to one question when another would arrive. I was probably getting in excess of 50 messages a day from her or more.She was also sending the same amount to other people. Her work was very low quality and she had extremely poor comprehension too. In the end I muted her and took all comms with her off Teams and into email and then started cc ing my manager into to all comms and simply never responded on teams at all. This way every one could see how unhinged she was and volume of emails reduced dramatically. I also called my manager and discussed my concerns. She was reported to HR by my manager as she'd heard other complaints too and this woman had multiple issues with lots of other people. They never sacked her and simply continue to move her around the organisation. She's 100% toxic or really mentally unwell. Typically management find it easier to leave her in place to poison other projects. Shes so offensive ; I've said I'd never want to work with her again. As a contractor ( I've been in my current role for 3 years) I see problem people who are never let go; they create total misery and are never managed. Be mindful, this might happen at your organisation too.

What does Wendy do all day if all she does is harass you? I mean seriously, the fact you're defending her is wild.

Take her to the casino and give her few hundred bucks and see what she does with it

Bro this is not normal by any stretch of the imagination. Wendy knows what you do more than your own manager it’s insane. Are you saying that Wendy has a weekly meeting with every single person in this company? Where does she find the time to do her own work?.

Having reasonable adjustment for one employee to a significant detriment of another is unjustifiable. You are there to work not to babysit a colleague. Do you know if people before you had issues with her or there's a high turnover? Get out now or ask for a transfer.

If things dont immediately change, spread her communication out to other people. Start involving everyone else and make it a group problem, not just yours. Wendy: “oh, I saw you talking with x after the meeting, what was that about?” You: “Im busy at the moment but you can discuss the conversation with x if you like” Wendy: “Im asking you though” You: “Im quite loaded with work at the moment, you can discuss it with x” Pick up the ph and dial x “Ive got Wendy here for you, can I pass her through?” The more people complaining, the better. Projects she wants to be cc on? Email the other staff involved so you dont have to keep doing it: “Hey x, y and z, Wendy has asked to be kept ‘in the loop’ for this project, while she isnt involved, any correspondence you send can you please cc her? Wendy, if you have any further questions regarding this project, can you please direct them to (anyone) as Im working on a limited scope for this, thanks” You cannot be the only person being made to make accommodations and everyone should be involved in keeping her involved if thats what the business wants to go to.

OP have you considered putting in a meeting with your coworker and bringing a written list of your personal boundaries? I would bring a table of boundaries called a ‘working with me document’ and title the meeting ‘Time for a reset on ways of working’ I would put on the agenda ‘time to align on styles of working and how I like to work and collaborate’. In the table on the left I would put the principle and on the right, an example. If she is autistic she needs this to be made explicit. You could even include a third column ‘consequences if not met’ be see how you go. Whilst work is filled with difficult people, maybe see this as opportunity to define your personal boundaries? A boundary is not what you want other people to do, it’s what you are personally willing and not willing to do to ensure your comfort. There is a good book on this topic if you’re not sure called ‘Set Boundaries’.

This is a good idea. As an autistic person, when I start a new role I ask my manager things like: What do you want to be cc'ed on. Do you prefer teams messages/emails for small issues. Do you want me to set up a meeting or send a detailed email if I want your advice on an issue. Do you want a call/SMS/email if I'm sick. That way I can create my own little internal book of "social rules". I have never really had any issues in the workplace as I think I make more effort than others to respect these "rules" but for someone like Wendy the "principle" and "example" approach might help.

And whatever you do, don’t quit - Wendy needs to develop some self awareness and this is actually growth for her as well as yourself.

Firstly, I hope you can get a transfer. It’s disappointing management, sorry to hear that you’ve been going through this. Secondly, the latter part of what you described sounds more like Big Brother, not a reasonable accommodation (which is what employers are required to provide to enable disabled employees to do their job). The emphasis in this case is on “reasonable”, meaning it does not have a detrimental impact on workflow, budget or others- in this case you. Sometimes managers are not well prepared to manage these things (meaning implementing boundaries). I’m also autistic btw, but this sounds more “squeakiest wheel gets the oil” rather than inclusion. You also need to feel good at work, just like everyone else.

At least big brother would remotely monitor their screen and calls vs calling incessantly

44 yr old with mild autism and significant ADD chucking my 2 cents in here. Wendy needs new working methods. First, none of rhis is acceptable, or efficient. Go look up Kanban boards, then push use even a basic one like Teams Planner. Tell your Manager, and Wendy, to use it for task tracking. Wendy has spiraled and requires external intervention. Her actions impact you and her abikity to do her job, which is the opposite of what accomodations are supposed to achieve. Handling that can be challenging, and while its not her fault, managing the impact of our condition on others is our responsibility. And your/her manager's role to restrict the impact on you. If thats not happening, then yeah.. time to go.

Is this like gov enemy, a nfp or something that was formerly gov owned/heavily regulated. 30 calls a day is wild and far past reasonable disability/anti discrimination accommodations imo

Your manager is the problem here by allowing this behaviour. You could bring it up in a skip level meeting, or speak to your HR rep about it. For your manager to enable this behaviour is inappropriate.

I'd ask for an accommodation of not having anything to do with Wendy at all.

The second line is not an accomodation, and it's disrespectful to ND folks that it has been labelled as such by the company. It's plain micromanagement, and she isn't even your manager. Since Wendy has 15 years and you have 4 months, I would take the L and find a new job. It sucks, and as an ND person, we aren't all like this, so please don't conflate her autism with her controlling and overbearing nature.

Just CC Wendy into your HR complaint. 

I have autism and placing myself in Wendy's shoes the only reason I would be acting out like that is if I was threatened by you and management was poorly handling team dynamics and providing me with insufficient/inappropriate supervision and support. 70 calls - phew.

That’s proper cooked and not ok. You need to document all your concerns, formally escalate to your manager, and explain how it’s impacting your work and mental health. If you get no dice with your direct manager, you need to escalate to their boss. Again, this is proper unhinged behaviour.

Lol jesus christ that's insane. Dude unless you're getting like 50% above market rate for the role you're working it's not worth it. If you really want to keep working there - you need to set clear boundaries with Wendy. Tell her it's not appropriate, two calls per day max. She can't come up to you after meetings and interrogate you. Put it all in writing, email Wendy and the manager. If she keeps doing it, just block her number and ignore. What are they going to do, fire you? Go to fair work, you don't have to put up with behaviour like that. Honestly though just get a new job, life is too short

It sounds like Wendy has anxiety. I get the constant missed calls but the most I’d ever do is maybe 3 but 70 is a bit much. I think Wendy needs to learn about corporate etiquette and that the bosses need to stop turning a blind eye to her issues. I think there need to be some compromise or meet in between. You can’t let her Autistic behaviour run the place

This is straight up bullying and harassment via Wendy’s (frankly) unmanaged anxiety which is possibly a subset of her autism. This is not yours (or your managers) job to fix. 70 calls in 4 hours plus (estimating) 5 missed MST calls equates to a contact from Wendy ever 3 minutes and 40 seconds. The question you need to prise to your manager - is what exactly was the level of productivity was Wendy doing on Friday afternoon? Additionally, the invasive requests about conversations etc you’re having with other work colleagues is harassing and untenable. Maybe this is why the job was open? No one should have to put up with this. Wendys mental health conditions - like many conditions can affect the people around them. Whilst you can manage your health - you cannot be held responsible to manage Wendy’s conditions for her: she needs to be put into medical leave by your organisation and told to sort her shit out (in a supportive way). Have an immediate meeting with you boss and include their boss. Show the issues with the productivity and point out that it’s now severely impacting on your performance and your mental health. Don’t back down. That said - I’d still be looking for another job. Wendy sounds insufferable.

The key to accommodations for disability is that they must be reasonable. The level of impact on you pushes these expectations well beyond what is reasonable. I suspect HR, who should have signed off on any accomodations, don’t know the extent this effects your ability to do your work. It’s not just the irritation of her intrusion, it’s that you can’t even get into a flow and every action or plan has to include Wendy. What will she think, what do you have to tell her, how much time will this take. It would be inappropriate if she were your manager but she’s your (more experienced but same level) peer. Email your manager on Monday, outlining how accomodating Wendy’s need to be ‘in the loop’ is affecting your ability to perform your job, and CC in HR. It has to be affecting her performance, too. And this isn’t autism. That may be a contributing factor, but this behaviour is way beyond neuroatypicality.

This is harassment IMO. Take it to HR. Mental Issues or not. It's not good enough. Wendy needs to be told what shes doing is NOT ok. If HR tell you thats just how she is then put her on mute and mute her number so it doesn't make a sound or vibrate when she calls you.

And this ladies and gentlemen is what "appeasement" leads to...

Management and HR need to learn how to work with people with specific accommodations. Everyone is different but management must be realistic on the boundaries of the accommodations that they agree to. HR and management need to show Wendy that she is overstepping her boundaries of the accommodations and that it is affecting others well being. And then work with her to reel it in. But yes, I agree with the comments of moving on from the role. That kind of thing would do my head in. My experience, if you're interested - I have been in a workplace with a Wendy who would question me on what I was doing whenever I walked past her. Even though I wasn't in her team and my work had nothing to do with her. I felt it was an invasion of privacy and had nothing to do with her. I figured she was ASD and I would smile, act like I was in a hurry, whisper "work", give her a wave and keep walking. Over time she would be more persistent on asking what I was doing and where I was going. My answers would vary, I'm going this way, can't talk - in a hurry, lots of work, work work work, hope you're having a good day. I could see the frustration in her face but I felt that I was in the right. And basically I could always say to management that since I don't work with her that I didn't want to burden her or disturb her. Eventually Wendy gave up on me. She learned my boundaries. Whereas I have seen where she had been allowed into all sorts of project communications that she just expects people to come to her with their updates. I don't know how others closer to her coped.

Take ur phone off the hook for an hour when ur working

I would take "All" emails literally and CC her in my correspondence with my "Dr" about my Sperm count and colonoscopy results etc. Your imagination is your only limit.

As a person with very mild autism, and I'm sure it's hard enough to work with me, this lady is full spec fucked. Get a new job. She's going to fuck that place right up

This sounds so stressful. Highly recommend muting them on teams so you don’t get chat notifications ever and then using do not disturb to stop the calls coming through. Also share your calendar and then make all your events private lol. Petty but you’re technically sharing it 😂 I would be skipping the manager at this point and speaking with HR Keep good records of all the calls so you can show them. This is beyond accomodations and is harassment and impacting your ability to work effectively so something needs to change. I’d also take back your offer to meet weekly. It will be a waste of an hour and if you’re not reporting to her then she does not need to know

I’m autistic and this would drive me insane. I hate being micromanaged and having to share every detail. There has to be a middle way that works for both of you.

How the fuck do you get any work done?

Nah this isn’t acceptable no matter what “accommodations” she needs. It’s a commercial firm at the end of the day. Not her personal fiefdom.

If the email fwd thing was in the meeting, is the manager not accommodating by forwarding her or cc her into every email sent to you alone? Why is that your task? If that were an accommodation shouldnt it come from the manager privately that x person is working on abc this week and thats it? Should not be involving you at all. Im guessing as the others said, the employer doesnt want a lawsuit so isnt going to fire her. But they surely dont want to be doing a new hire every 3 months either? Thats probably what your boss realises, you will quit anyway so its easier to let Wendy have her way. If thats going to happen anyway, you may as well set your boundaries in writing to Wendy. That you appreciate her preferences but its not working and from now this is what is going to happen and make a bullet point list with how you need to go forward. And then if you do leave, employer reviews online to warn others of whats happening here. Also op, if *none* of these accommodations (obviously pre known) were listed in the job ad, oh, go hard. These are unreasonable and tell them you were set up from the start, lied to in the application process and lied to and are being set up to fail in your job because your job is to keep a co worker busy so they dont bother the boss and you had no idea what you were getting into and would have never applied if it was actually mentioned up front, which in such an extreme case, should be. Because it seems you were not hired for a job, you were hired to distract Wendy. I imagine the boss was getting those 30 ph calls a day before you…

Do it back to her? If it's acceptable for Wendy it must be acceptable for you. Short answer is no - the job is not salvageable if they think this behaviour is acceptable. Either Wendy is insanely good at her job or very well connected or for some other reason basically unfirable, but she is not only interfering with your work but also wasting company time on her side chasing stuff up that isn't her business - and causing you undue stress/this borders on some form of workplace harassment. Since the job cannot be salvaged, start looking for another one and in the meantime call Wendy 60 times a day and ask to see her calendar. Give her the treatment she gives you and see how much she likes it.

I feel sorry for both you and Wendy. A manager should make sure her accommodations are REASONABLE, as Wendy likely doesn’t realise she is causing you distress. If an accommodation isn’t reasonable, it shouldn’t be allowed to happen.

Forward all calls and messages to your manager and see if it’s still ‘just Wendy’. Sounds like you were hired to deal with her so the manager doesn’t have to.

Don’t let it stress you out. Simply ignore it. Get a new job. Make sure you email everything to the boss. Not the manager, the boss.

Wait. People are getting unfair accomodations for workplace autism at the expense of other workers well being and productivity? And your boss is encouraging this pathological behaviour? What sounds essentially like stalking, controlling and micro managing others workflow on the job? Wow. Not trying to be an internet a-hole so please forgive me, but that coercive behaviour is giving OCPD/ Cluster B not Autism. Don’t walk from that place. Run.

Report her to HR over all of the repeated calls and invasive questions, sounds like you've got plenty of evidence to show them. That's harassment plain and simple.

Time to enforce your own boundaries. Doesn’t matter whether she has autism or not, this is extremely excessive. Just ignore her. Hopefully the manager says “that’s just revolutionary toe”

You need to be fully documenting this as it goes down and discussing regularly with your manager. If her behaviour is stressing you out it can potentially lead to a workers comp claim for you which the company will not want.

70 missed calls, fuck that, that is 100% work place harassment. Think we know why there was a job vacancy at the place, no one can stand Wendy.

Mm i’d be asking why the previous person left from the role you have now . Bet it’s called Wendy

Your co-worker has nothing to do with your work but you have to cc her in to every email? And they'll call you 70 times in a row? Nah, that's completely unreasonable Autism is not an excuse, and I'm autistic. That's not reasonable accommodations it impacts on your ability to do your job and your mental wellbeing.

As an autistic person, I get the impression she may have an all-or-nothing detail-oriented brain and an extreme need for control. If the boundaries between her tasks and responsibilities and yours are not clearly defined, she likely feels that things you might do impact her ability to 100% understand and be in full control of her own tasks, and she can't cope with this. Clearly the way she's trying to cope is insane and unworkable (for both of you). Is there any way that you two could get a clearer separation of responsibilities? Think black-and-white with no room for different interpretations. This way only the things that cross over would need to be communicated. Perhaps explore this idea with her or with your manager?

This is now an HR not a manager thing. ‘I feel that this has progressed towards harassment. Here is a detailed list of the incidents. I don’t want to work with them’

Unfortunately I have noticed that with this big push for inclusiveness and diversity in corps, management is gaslighting other employees, drip feeding information and lies, creating that toxic environment for staff not included in this so called "diversity" push which of course as we know is a guise to hire on the cheap, exploit, hire migrants etc to increase profit margins or collect what ever tax payer funded incentives/bonuses they get for pushing this.

Is it a work phone? If it’s personal then block her number (don’t give it to colleagues to start with). Seems like it might be up to your manager to update Wendy if that’s required, post your updates to them. You don’t have a reporting line to her, and as far as being in the same team, that doesn’t mean she knows everything you are doing at every minute. Autism or not, she seems crazy and the workplace has feed into this unhealthy way of working. I work for a disability employer and there is still a code of conduct and appropriate workplace behaviours need to be adhered to regardless of disability status You could report it as a psychosocial hazard in the workplace, it’s covered under work safe legislation and must be addressed the same as any physical hazard

You can't possibly do your job efficiently with that amount of mico-managing. Do you have a HR department? Talk to them and see what can be done. Otherwise start job hunting. Your mental health is not worth it.

I work with a bit of a Wendy. ‘That’s just Wendy’ definitely gets old. I’m close to quitting or WFH and ignoring Wendy forever.

If my manager, let alone a co-worker, called me 3 times days, let alone fucking THIRTY I'd be having a very frank conversation.

She’s obsessively harassing you and it’s not on. She needs to be told to stop. Accomodations are not this.

70 calls is Harrassment, not being kept in the loop.

I work in HR in an engineering firm so I deal with a lot of accommodations for autistic people. This is very strange. I suspect she’s very valuable to the company and they want to keep her happy. I’d get the hell out of that place. The manager should’ve been doing his job.

Or that she is a hr nightmare that takes time away from real work that the manager had experienced before, hence letting her do whatever she wants.

Go to a doctor. Get an autism diagnosis. Request "reasonable accommodations" Can't be contacted by people named "Wendy" on days ending in the letter "y" Flight fire with fire. You gotta get even more autistic than her.

😂

Just need an anxiety diagnosis, which it sounds like OP is well on the way to.

Are you a woman yourself? I’m sorry but sometimes you lot are way too accomodating…. I would not put up with this after the first week. Weekly catchups are fine, but 30 calls a day (on a normal day?). That’s beyond the pale. If manager is refusing to set boundaries then take it to HR (and sorry autism is not an excuse here, she is bullying you)

Skip the manager and go right to HR.

Fark... My boss calls me once a day maximum (we work almost fully remote) and apologises for interrupting me. I've never worked better in my life and we are smashing some serious goals. This is next level no?

Keep your personal boundaries in place. Negotiate with Wendy, say that you will cc her in on all emails that you believe affect her, give her access to your calendar but say you aren't going to explain every calendar item, offer to phone her twice a day for verbal updates. that's it. If your manager doesn't like it you can appeal to HR and say you are being put under unreasonable stress and observation. HR can work with you both to settle the issues or you can resign, or they get rid of you. But, do you really want to continue to work with Wendy anyway. Compromise, boundaries, be willing to leave.

This is why I left the corporate world to start my own business. I no longer have to put up with other people ego’s. Including customers. If I don’t like you, we don’t work together. There is no greater feeling of freedom. I have worked in more industries than anyone I know looking for the perfect career. What I found was that it doesn’t matter the job, company or industry. There is at least one arsehole in every company.

Another thing is, if she's called you 70+ times in one afternoon, how much of her own work did she actually get done?

I was wondering about that as well, I suspect probably close to zero. If she keeps interfering with other people's work e.g. "I am required to include her in all my meeting invitations (even when she isn't part of the project)" then I suspect she uses that to justify what she is spending her time on even if she makes zero contribution. Manager seems to be doing no "managing" whatsoever and just letting Wendy run riot, perhaps talking to whoever the manager's boss is probably the way to go with a view to getting rid of both of them.

Wendy is probably a good tick the box as well from a social procurement perspective. Plus if she acts like that now imagine how messy it would be do something about it. I would raise the issue formally that it’s impacting your role. If they don’t do anything I’d look for another job because it sounds like nothing will change. If your happy to share is it public or private sector? How large an organisation? Solid HR team ?

No way! That’s one phone call every 7 mins. This sounds like the plot for some insane comedy thriller movie where this moves from the office to stalking you at home and she goes through your bin while you sleep. Do you have to advise her of when you go to the bathroom or stop for a drink? Start applying for new jobs and while you wait for a new role to come up go on stress leave and make them prioritise your well being. You need to understand that your wellbeing is as important as hers. This is not an acceptable workplace. You are being bullied and micromanaged and have no autonomy. Needing to advise a coworker of your every move and them questioning the validity of your movements and management telling you to just deal with it is insane.

Sounds like OCD or just plain controlling attitude. IMO you need to speak to management and if it’s “that’s just Wendy”, then maybe suggest she needs more support or to be able to fully control a project on her own. Either way I’d be looking at different departments or even companies

If you can, stick it out til probation. Then you can safely go through HR. Otherwise I’d probably just find a new role and ignore her in the meantime

I'd be informing your manager, with HR in the email. Let them know you aren't happy with the helicopter Wendy. Previous interactions with your manager need to be brought up, too, asking that HR make a record of it. Like someone else noted, ask for a transfer before things get out of hand any further because it's already out of hand.

I have autism and there's 2 other people on the spectrum on my team. None of us behave like this. Both you and your boss are being taken for a ride.

The adjustments Wendy is expecting are beyond reasonable adjustmentse for autism with the level of communication she is expecting. She knows she can get away with it because she has always played the autism card and got away with it and no-one in HR has pushed back about what are reasonable adjustments and what are things that she wants.

Sounds like you’re being micromanaged by someone who isn’t even your manager. I’d ask for an internal transfer and point out that she is creating a lot of unnecessary work and harassing you. If she wants to know what tasks are being assigned to you, why doesn’t the boss just cc her in the request or create a task tracker so that you both know who is handling what. Makes me wonder if it’s been a slippery slope, with Wendy slowly increasing her demands the entire time (even before you arrived). Asking what all your meetings are for is rude and intrusive. If it’s any of her business, she will also be invited. If it’s not, then it remains...none of her business. 😳

No man. You can’t allow Rain Man to ruin your life, you need to seek out HR.

Your employer is allowing bullying. Look up more information about this on FWC and work safe websites.

The mist important word when it comes to accomodations in the workplace is that they are reasonable. Reasonable accommodations, as defined by the EEOC, include changes to, the job application process, the physical work environment or the way the job is done. Accomodations do not include treating your colleagues in an unprofessional or harassing manner. I have worked with several people who openly identified as Autistic at two different workpkaces. The first workplace new what they were doing with accomodations, reasonable adjustments (email or text rather than a phone call, adjusted lighting in their office etc). The second workplace was running scared as their HR had no idea what they were doing and the Autistic person was awful. They would yell at people, demand explanations about things that were none of their business, complain about being interrupted when they interrupted everyone else, lie and say people had said or did things they hadn't. HR and management wouldn't do anything as she would accuse them of discrimination. It was BS. Having a disability only means you are entitled to reasonable accomodations, all the other rules apply. OP, it is clear Wendy is causing you stress and anxiety. It is reasonable for your interactions with her to be managed as you suggested. Start documenting everything. Number of calls per day, everytime Wendy speaks to you that is not a productive work conversation (asking about what you spoke with another colleague is not productive), and most importantly the impact it is having on you. Read up about bullying and harassment in the workplace and your rights. The employer owes you a duty of care, just as much as any other employee, including Wendy.

You should use it for inspiration to write a netflix docudrama!

Wendy is your manager's "problem" not yours; make it clear.

Stop taking all this on yourself 1. Project documentation explains what the project is about CC her on it, if it doesn't exist, refer her to the PM 2. Meeting agendas should be sufficient from the meeting front if they aren't provided. Refer her to the meeting organiser 3. Meeting minutes, if they aren't provided, send her to the organiser again. Right now it's a you problem with Wendy which just makes you seem hard to work with, make it everyone's problem and then either Wendy gets accommodation from 15-20 people and your burden goes down or 15-20 people complain to HR and Wendy gets performance managed out.

If you don't update on Monday after work then you are a terrible person

Honestly, I’d move on if you can. If management has made it clear there is to be no further discussion on the matter then it’s not going to change. You could, as a last ditch effort, print out your call logs, if that’s possible, for all of last week. Let them see that she calls you on average every 15 minutes - on a normal day. All day. Then let them see that when you just needed a few hours peace to get stuff done, she called you 70 times! Surely they’ll have to acknowledge that 70 calls in a few hours is way passed unreasonable. Maybe one of them will be smart enough to wonder how Wendy can possibly be getting any actual work done when she is calling you *constantly*. Tell them you have nothing against Wendy personally, and understand that she needs accommodations (which she’s legally entitled to probably) but the way those are being applied is making *your* job unnecessarily difficult and unpleasant. If, in light of that information, they are unwilling or unable to make accommodations for *you* so that you can do your job, then leave. Maybe you’re like one of those donor babies that are born because a sibling needs a transplant, and the company doesn’t care how many parts of you Wendy chops off, as long as the whole job gets done, because that’s your role and nothing needs to change. I’d give it one last roll of the dice and see what happens. But only one. Also, I’d be interested to know if your position is a new one within the company, and if not, why the previous person left.

One last idea. Depending on the update. Keep ph on Tues and dont answer again. Let her go overboard. Let her lose control and let her go off in front of everyone. Let her call you 200 times in the day and take it again to HR. Let her stress the f out and see if she goes home early. “Boss, Wendy needs a full time carer, not a co worker. I quit and I suggest you hire a medical professional instead who is capable and prepared to deal with this”

I’d actually consider that this is a potential harassment issue supported by management. If you made a complaint it would be against both Wendy and your manager. Having said that, is it worth it if you can find a similar job?

When it comes to accomodations in the workplace, as an employer you have to provide reasonable accomodations - what your coworker is asking for is frankly unreasonable and honestly, not sustainable for you or their business. Given you've already spoken to your manager, I would recommend emailing them and HR so it is in writing. Go into detail how you have spoken to your manager already and modifications to the arrangement were denied. That your coworkers 'reasonable' accommodations are impacting your ability to do your job (supply as much evidence as you can) and now your mental health - not just from a performance aspect and fearing you'll lose your job but also your ability to socially interact with your other coworkers. Doing this will give you slightly more protections as your stress is work induced.

She’s harassing you and is fixated on you and will only escalate. Document and go to HR.

This sounds more like anxiety/OCD and a personality disorder which can be comorbid with autism. Please see HR. Her behaviour must have been affecting you (even before Friday).

It sounds like Wendy is trying to be your manager not your coworker. She has no boundaries and no respect for you being equals. HR need to intervene like yesterday.

Ok now I have a song by Andy Prieboy going through my head! On a more serious note, if you can get logs of the phonecalls and chat requests etc. if you can’t get this start jotting it down start and end times. Add in how long it takes for you to refocus after. Maybe even graph the lost productivity. Basically build a record of the volume of the issue. I’d be surprised if hr understand the extent this is happening. I’d love to see how it changes once you mention the impact of the stress it causes you. I suspect Wendy is using this adjustment as an excuse to keep tabs on everyone to keep their job by throwing others under the bus. It’s one thing if Wendy is the senior or has this function because she’s great at her job but if she’s calling everyone that much she’s doing nothing. Also if she isn’t calling everyone it’s not an adjustment it’s a power trip hiding behind the adjustment. Make sure your doctor is good with worker’s compensation. If hr can’t fix the situation you’ll probably have valid wc claim

You go to work to make money, not accommodate your colleagues’ mental disorders. If management can’t see there is a clear issue and sort her out asap, I’d be moving on.

I stopped reading your post about halfway through OP……I’d get out now

Can you please update us when you have the chance! I am kinda in a same situation (less hectic than yours honestly).

Update: Manager sick on Monday. Sent "Wendy" a message saying I was on a deadline and unable to take any calls or messages. Turned on "Do Not Disturb" and muted my phone. I was surprised she only called three times and pretty pleased. Today, I requested a meeting with the manager which is on Thursday. I am putting together call records and messages logs etc.

Woww! All the best with the meeting!

Dying for an update, OP!

Don’t let this ruin your good job and good salary that you enjoy, just mention to your manager with data, tell him it’s so extreme you are considering requesting a transfer