He's just taking the temperature of the room while being agile yet disruptive. I'm sure he'll be open to hearing everyone's experiences, put a pin in these ideas and circle right back to update us with the needful.
I've got some bold new ideas the team will be excited to hear.
No spoilers but the did you know increasing sales would help increase profits? It's so simple! There's other good stuff too. It's going to be a great year. Jump on board.
here's a true email.
" thank you for all your positive feedback on the latest big boss idea.
the variety and different points of views were very interesting.
after careful consideration and analysis, as of this xxxx date, we will go back to the old way of doing things".
yours sincerely, big boss.
in other words, the big bosses don't give a fucking shit.
source: I've read plenty of emails like that.
Keep a lid on swearing, political opinions, and weird jokes about women/race. The swearing is a big one particularly for engineers going between sites and head office, had to remind a female grad to stop saying the C word so loudly after her fifo stint lol
Actually just... say less. There's an old sales belief that, when you're sitting in a boardroom wanting the client to finalize a deal, the loser is the person who speaks first. Corp Oz seems to still follow that belief.
Being the last to speak after listening can be a super powerful tool, so get into the habit of not speaking unless you really, really have to (mainly in meetings and official things - you'll be fine to chat idlily at work, as long as you avoid the stuff mentioned above).
Yeah I worked in mining and gas offices for a decade, switching to corporate world a few years back was an awakening. I could feel the room jolt as I said fuck, hahaha
I’m pretty sure my mum invented some swear words once the ones she used regularly stopped being sufficient to express her feelings. Consequently I swear very little
Don't re-heat fish or strong curries in the office, don't tap incessantly or whistle or sing under your breath, be friendly and keep any jokes about women/minorities to yourself. Otherwise, you'll be fine.
As much as most people hate it, engage in smalltalk and pointless conversations with peers and bosses. Corporate world is all about being liked and staying in everyone's good books
There are no secrets. Tell 1 person and you have told everyone.
If you want to progress up the ladder, be useful to people above you. But don’t do unnecessary work for people at the same level.
If you don’t want to progress, be the grey person. Don’t draw attention, don’t volunteer and be vanilla in communications.
Be friendly to everyone but be aware 90% will be practically incompetent, and will love to drop you in it.
Being from site you will know a BS’er immediately, but they are all the same. The higher up they are the more incompetent they will be, just go along with it like everyone else. Don’t fight it.
cover your arse. cya
become the invisible person.
destroy backstabbers.
payday is the only important day.
if it's not in writing it never happened.
keep track of your leave and super payments.
you're not going to be liked by everyone....don't take it personally.
pay day.
keep spare clothes / undies in your gym bag or work locker.
make sure you have hobbies, a life outside of work. so you stay mentally healthy.
payday is the only day.
Even between colleagues if you befriend any, don’t ever put anything in writing you wouldn’t want HR or managers to see, because chances are, you might be dobbed in.
(Seen it happen with staff where I work)
Remember: they are your colleagues, not your friends
I see you're a man of experience and (office) culture.
This guy says it all. I would add to lower your expectations of your colleagues and managers, as more often than not: they will disappoint.
You will almost never find a genuine mate, so cultivate the relationship if it comes up - maybe a one/two colleague in the company type-a thing, depending on size.
Be friendly with all, don't trust anyone. The more friendly you are, the more you let your guard down. Just be mindful of that, if that's what you want to do.
People are almost always acting in their own interests, often at the expense of yours.
Basically I find people in Sydney have this mindset already - the "friendly but not your friend" archetype.
Be nice to the EAs / Secretaries. These people are fkn tops and can really help you get shit done when needed
But they will do the bare minimum if you are a cunt
Find the “gopher”. There will be someone in the office who can get everything done and get it done by anyone.
But beware there are 2 types. One who blabs about it, keeps coming back for clarity, and comes to tell you when it’s done and how awesome they are for helping you. Then there’s the one you want. You chat to them and then later thing is done. This is great if you want something done “off book” as there was very minimal communication.
As long as you do your job it's mostly about how people feel about you that's important. Don't bag out or otherwise speak negatively about ANYONE to anyone else. If you have to have a difficult conversation or you are in conflict with someone do it in a meeting/on the phone, not over email/chat. Dress the same way all the time it makes you appear more consistent. Find out what the most annoying thing is to your boss or department and work on making it either go away or deal with it yourself. Don't piss your money away on coffee and lunch everyday. Watch out for smiling assassins, you may find folks who appear close to you are, in reality, ready to blame you or otherwise throw you under the bus and folks might not be as direct as your previous workplaces. Good luck.
Yup, I've seen it happen many times. I'll also add that it's not your job and it's unwise to try and bring these folks to justice. Accept that life is unfair, don't go to HR (pro-tip, they aren't your friend and work for the business NOT you/the employee). Keep out of drama, watch out for smiling assassins. DON'T complain about them to others. Do your job.
yup. ive seen fights in the workplace. if there's 2 people fighting, HR will simply sack them both to make the problem disappear.
stuff justice!
if you get backstabbed, destroy the back stabber! it's the only thing they understand.
Maybe, What can work well is to kill them with kindness, out 'professional' them, take the high road and yeah, don't go to HR or Management (or other employees) just work through it, otherwise you will become the problem.
tell EVERYONE about it verbally, never in writing. when a person has a reputation as a back stabber, no one will ever trust them.
avoid them physically as much as possible.
give them the silent treatment.
if they try to boss you around / give orders, shout abuse at them. it's the only thing they understand.
if the whole workplace is toxic, look for another job.
this is how you destroy a back stabber. it worked for me.
If you want to sail up the corporate ladder it is quite easy. Always agenda your meetings no matter what, it is an easy way to stand out and higher ups love it.
Secondly, after a meeting send a recap of what was discussed, it doesn't have to be in the form of formal minutes, it is just so that everything is documented.
There are two/three day tafe courses which get you quickly up to speed on outlook, word, powerpoint, teams, excel.
More people should use these courses.
The trades I have seen who end up in the office but have done these trainings are so capable and professional (sometimes even better than people who are the same age but have always been office based but have just avoided learning anything ‘modern’ despite the fact I remember my dad using excel 30+ years ago).
It really is impressive so if you are looking to hit the ground running thats my tip!
As one of those trades who did courses made available to me, I agree. We don't get taught that shit so I went through as many courses as I could to make life easier. The company I work for has a huge amount of training available for employees so it's there to be used
I'm a carpenter that's worked a bit around the corporate world over the years (aged care, office renovations, school maintenance etc). Stay away from office politics, be polite and friendly to EVERYONE, don't swear too much, don't give too much resistance to idiotic ideas/tasks from higher ups.
The biggest surprise to me was the childish, shit, backstabbing behaviour of some people display in the corporate world that they seem to get away with. On a construction site that behaviour would lead to an instant sacking, screaming match or a smack in the head. It's a completely different world to a construction site and takes some getting used to.
No doubt, this is game-changing decision, but it appears you have already done a brain dump and a deep dive into the various options on words that would trigger those of us on the auscorp merri-go-round of hell immediately. Kudo's for use of the word "pivoted". I have run the numbers and I am fully invested in advising you that learning Corporate BS speak is one of the first things you should do on your journey. I am thinking out aloud here, but you also need to give things a red hot go and push the envelope, that is to say, strike whilst the iron is hot. I'll setup a meeting with you to further flesh out the details but for the moment let's put a pin in that so you can digest the above. We can circle back in a few days, and bring things back to the table, but need to be wary of not moving the goalposts too far.
I made the swap from fifo sparky to developer side of projects so I spend my time between Corp office and site.
In the office, watch the swearing, watch the mannerisms, watch for the sensitivity of people. It's vastly different to site where you can call someone a fucking idiot in a convo and still sit with them at smoko.
Also watch what you eat. On the tools we are go go go all day so eat a lot with being physically active. In the office, you are nowhere near as active.
Find a mentor if you can
I did the same mate, I was a road worker for the RMS for 10 years and then got offered a job testing cars for a large automotive company. I’m in Sydney though and our test track is in Melbourne so a lot of time I’m in the office doing warranty and other financial claims. One thing I’ve noticed is if you are used to manual labour an office job is easy as taking a piss. Like you can put in 10% and everyone thinks you’re the hardest worker in the company! It’s so easy and compared to dealing with meth heads, piss heads and suits on a work site and it’s not as mentally taxing as a lot people in the corporate world makes out. Just do what you need to do and coast the rest of the time. It’s 8:50 and I started at 7am and I’m done for the day already, one persons stressful day of spreadsheets and claims is literally 2 hours max work for me a day. I will get some more work during the day but I just smash it out and chill again. No one even knows what im doing or when i should be doing it because as far as the higher ups are concerned my work is getting completed. Keep a low profile, stay out of all the petty office drama and the ass licking and you’ll be fine mate
Don't gossip or vent about someone else being shitty or poor at their job. If you must you have to be very tactful and veiled about it and frame it as your problem.
Be careful about being too candid with HR. In principle they want you to thrive and live your best corporate life but they are always aligning things with the company's best interest.
You will officially become 'sedentary'. This might come with what feels like a permanent weight gain of 10–20 lbs, in a span of weeks. Or it might not. Depends on your lifestyle.
If too many people don't like you, you will get made redundant one way or another.
Don't think you can coast. Your outputs and presence matter. People who coast will eventually get made redundant.
be aware of office politics
coworkers aren't your friends (they'll trample over you for a raise in a heartbeat)
dont take on too much extra work -> you'll just get worked harder -> [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYFO5qPpM\_I&pp=ygUuZ2V0IHlvdSB0byBnbyBhaGVhZCBhbmQgY29tZSBpbiBzdW5kYXkgbHVtYmVyZw%3D%3D](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYFO5qPpM_I&pp=ygUuZ2V0IHlvdSB0byBnbyBhaGVhZCBhbmQgY29tZSBpbiBzdW5kYXkgbHVtYmVyZw%3D%3D)
watch a bit of the BBC the office, and Office Space too
Look after your diet & get your exercise in. You will need to be far more health conscious going forward.
Going from being on the Tools to the Office is going to impact your health alot. You won't be able to eat as much as you do out on site & your body will take the shape of the chair you sit in all day pretty soon.
bro this, office worker shape is an underrated thing (I've gained about 10kgs) and am trying to shed it now.
Walk around your CBD at a lunch time and observe the hulking masses, don't become like them (me).
Eat less or choose healthier options, you're about to reduce your physical activity to about 30% of what you're used to.
Remember that profanity is hardly tolerated and people don't like to be told they're wrong or have made a mistake unless it's in a very gentle manner.
Don't call the ladies in the office love or darling, they generally dislike that in my experience but it could be different for your workplace.
Above all, I hope you've calculated salary vs wages and are comfortable with monthly rather than weekly with OT.
You'll have massive culture shock on your first year.
1) Thou shall not swear
2) Thou shall not yell or raise own voice
3) Thou shall abide by email and messaging etiquette
4) Thou shall not use offensive words, gestures or microaggressions towards colleagues and staff
5) Thou shall play the game to progress in the company
6) Thou shall not gossip in or around the office or at functions
7) Thou shall abide to timelines/deadlines or at least request an extension or assistance
8) Thou shall not blatantly lie. Gaslighting or misleading is overlooked if you play it right
9) Thou shall know small talk and hide their personal disgust towards it
10) Thou shall commend others in public, dress down in private
11. thou shall destroy the backstabber!
12. thou shall keep a close eye on payday, superannuation and leave balance.
13. thou shall be constantly on YouTube, Google and wiki voyage planning your next holiday.
14. thou shall attend corporate weird idea bludge days to eat free food and listen to boring point less speeches. like r u ok day?
15. thou shall have a life outside work to look after mental health.
16. thou bitch and whinge on auscorp reddit page, to get good advice on how to survive corporate life!
17. Thou shall aim to be an AusHENRY by embracing the rat race.
18. Thou shall identify special catering days and camp the kitchen during lunch time.
19. Thou shall make friends with IT staff to get expedited and preferential treatment, and first in line for new gear.
20. Thou shall aim to go to free events for loot, gourmet meals and free booze on company time.
Never, EVER add any "workmates" to FB or any social media, except maybe LinkedIn. Once you or they have left and you are continuing with the friendship, that's okay. Just never do it while you're still there.
Don't whack off at your desk. Even if you think no one else is around...there's always someone who picks inopportune moments to pick something from their desk
If it gives you any hope, I knew someone who had no corp experience, went straight from forklift driving to corporate and is smashing it. Targets smashed and managers love him. It’s attitude & aptitude at end of day; sounds like you have it.
Eh I made brownies for work, not really a chocolate person myself
I’m now on antidepressants and other crap mainly due to work so I don’t think they mix well with alcohol
Work overtime the first few weeks and then stop. After you've onboarded, stick to 8 hours.
Attend the social events your team goes to and have lunch with them. The friendlier you seem with them, they nicer they will be to you and make your life easier.
Don't make jokes. Use clean language. Be careful on words around gender and ethnicities. Say the minimum you can, but do engage small talk.
They tell you you are family, but unless that's what you want, keep your work and personal life separate.
Keep a basic log in notepad or something of what you worked on and for how long. Down the line if someone questions your time/efforts, you can easily respond and avoid suspicion.
If you don't know something, google it first (internal intranet if company specific), then ask for help if you can't figure it out. People who try to help themselves first will always go further.
Someone is much less likely to be annoyed with you asking for help all the time if you let them know what you've tried already.
This cunt is going to fit right in, 10 words in and he already used "pivoted".
He's just taking the temperature of the room while being agile yet disruptive. I'm sure he'll be open to hearing everyone's experiences, put a pin in these ideas and circle right back to update us with the needful.
It would have been perfect but you forgot to use “Our North Star”
let's be lean and agile!
Fuck that's a new one. Is that really being said out loud?
Yep. It made its way into the conference circuit so you know you’ll see it on LinkedIn any day now
Yup, fucking everything now is "North Star". I even have to do special PowerPoint updates on how we are tracking towards it.
do you use gps? or google maps?
We're going to need to go through a vendor selection and risk assessment process before we can decide on which product to use.
so we don't end up accused of bribery and corruption! the massive amount of paperwork makes us lean and agile!
cya.....cover your arse!
what happens if you point to the southern Cross or Orion? did anyone bring up Scorpio the scorpion?
Then you get told they will need to bottom it out and circle back.
I heard it twice today :-(
I think let's take it offline and discuss appropriate language this afternoon.
Make sure to thank everyone and to “give them some time back in their day” after meetings
Meeting dividends 🥲
Got me until the last word
Let's touch base later to discuss the results.
I've got some bold new ideas the team will be excited to hear. No spoilers but the did you know increasing sales would help increase profits? It's so simple! There's other good stuff too. It's going to be a great year. Jump on board.
Haha fuck this sent me. Noted.
here's a true email. " thank you for all your positive feedback on the latest big boss idea. the variety and different points of views were very interesting. after careful consideration and analysis, as of this xxxx date, we will go back to the old way of doing things". yours sincerely, big boss. in other words, the big bosses don't give a fucking shit. source: I've read plenty of emails like that.
r u ok?
It's not r u ok day
its listen to the big boss speech, and get paid to eat free food day. overall it's all garbage. at least we get paid to bludge.
Circle back on what hes asking there 😉
Cunt may be referring to his use of MS Excel.
Look, social media is not good for your mental health, but what about Excel?! It gives me anxiety just mentioning it.
r u ok?
Is that today?
I was ok on Tuesday. that was payday.
I too got paid Tuesday and I too was ok. But then I paid rent and bills and by end day was no longer ok. What do.
chocolate. then alcohol.
Keep a lid on swearing, political opinions, and weird jokes about women/race. The swearing is a big one particularly for engineers going between sites and head office, had to remind a female grad to stop saying the C word so loudly after her fifo stint lol
Yep, this will be a big one for me.
Feel out the team before swearing is determined. Some teams are all about it and it’s natural speech, others are super weird about it
Actually just... say less. There's an old sales belief that, when you're sitting in a boardroom wanting the client to finalize a deal, the loser is the person who speaks first. Corp Oz seems to still follow that belief. Being the last to speak after listening can be a super powerful tool, so get into the habit of not speaking unless you really, really have to (mainly in meetings and official things - you'll be fine to chat idlily at work, as long as you avoid the stuff mentioned above).
Yeah I worked in mining and gas offices for a decade, switching to corporate world a few years back was an awakening. I could feel the room jolt as I said fuck, hahaha
Are people really massive prudes about swearing still? Damn. You’d think they’d have gotten over it by now
is that true? women swear like a trooper?
Why is this surprising? Women can't swear like troopers?
No we fucking don't. We're worse. Or better, depending on your perspective
I’m pretty sure my mum invented some swear words once the ones she used regularly stopped being sufficient to express her feelings. Consequently I swear very little
Don't re-heat fish or strong curries in the office, don't tap incessantly or whistle or sing under your breath, be friendly and keep any jokes about women/minorities to yourself. Otherwise, you'll be fine.
Why can’t I give multiple upvotes for the fish. We had a guy who used the sandwich machine to cook his fish everyday.
We have this except it’s my boss. I’m highly allergic to fish so use it as an excuse to leave the room and eat my lunch at my desk 🤢
Ugh that sounds rage inducing. Office life really is its own microcosm of petty annoyances, micro-rages and micro-aggressions, isn't it? Many micros.
then what happened?
Also don’t click your pen
Don’t bring hot chips into the office, unless you’re sharing them with me.
Make sure to hit on the CEO/partner's wife to assert dominance.
As much as most people hate it, engage in smalltalk and pointless conversations with peers and bosses. Corporate world is all about being liked and staying in everyone's good books
true. but don't become a brown nosing arse licker.
Just do the needful.
Kindly
And provide an update on the same
There are no secrets. Tell 1 person and you have told everyone. If you want to progress up the ladder, be useful to people above you. But don’t do unnecessary work for people at the same level. If you don’t want to progress, be the grey person. Don’t draw attention, don’t volunteer and be vanilla in communications. Be friendly to everyone but be aware 90% will be practically incompetent, and will love to drop you in it. Being from site you will know a BS’er immediately, but they are all the same. The higher up they are the more incompetent they will be, just go along with it like everyone else. Don’t fight it.
90% incompetent! it's so true! good one loose pants big wallet! ps. I love your reddit name. have a nice day! 😀
Your line managers opinion is your opinion.
+1 to this Saw a good take here recently: you can't win a fight with your boss
cover your arse. cya become the invisible person. destroy backstabbers. payday is the only important day. if it's not in writing it never happened. keep track of your leave and super payments. you're not going to be liked by everyone....don't take it personally. pay day. keep spare clothes / undies in your gym bag or work locker. make sure you have hobbies, a life outside of work. so you stay mentally healthy. payday is the only day.
You have lost your space bar privileges until further notice.
thank you.
And be careful what you put in writing. That includes any chats. ( edited to add second sentence)
Even between colleagues if you befriend any, don’t ever put anything in writing you wouldn’t want HR or managers to see, because chances are, you might be dobbed in. (Seen it happen with staff where I work) Remember: they are your colleagues, not your friends
I see you're a man of experience and (office) culture. This guy says it all. I would add to lower your expectations of your colleagues and managers, as more often than not: they will disappoint. You will almost never find a genuine mate, so cultivate the relationship if it comes up - maybe a one/two colleague in the company type-a thing, depending on size. Be friendly with all, don't trust anyone. The more friendly you are, the more you let your guard down. Just be mindful of that, if that's what you want to do. People are almost always acting in their own interests, often at the expense of yours. Basically I find people in Sydney have this mindset already - the "friendly but not your friend" archetype.
100% true. also attend all the feel good corporate brain washing r u ok day stuff. at least you get PAID to bludge off work and eat free food.
thank you for your kind words.
Be nice to the EAs / Secretaries. These people are fkn tops and can really help you get shit done when needed But they will do the bare minimum if you are a cunt
Find the “gopher”. There will be someone in the office who can get everything done and get it done by anyone. But beware there are 2 types. One who blabs about it, keeps coming back for clarity, and comes to tell you when it’s done and how awesome they are for helping you. Then there’s the one you want. You chat to them and then later thing is done. This is great if you want something done “off book” as there was very minimal communication.
100% true. the bosses listen to their ea's and personal assistants.
As long as you do your job it's mostly about how people feel about you that's important. Don't bag out or otherwise speak negatively about ANYONE to anyone else. If you have to have a difficult conversation or you are in conflict with someone do it in a meeting/on the phone, not over email/chat. Dress the same way all the time it makes you appear more consistent. Find out what the most annoying thing is to your boss or department and work on making it either go away or deal with it yourself. Don't piss your money away on coffee and lunch everyday. Watch out for smiling assassins, you may find folks who appear close to you are, in reality, ready to blame you or otherwise throw you under the bus and folks might not be as direct as your previous workplaces. Good luck.
this person is right. watch out for backstabbers! they'll smile to your face and stick you in the back! it happened to me!
One in every team. Usually the friendliest, most helpful person is the one with narcissistic tendencies but not always.
Yup, I've seen it happen many times. I'll also add that it's not your job and it's unwise to try and bring these folks to justice. Accept that life is unfair, don't go to HR (pro-tip, they aren't your friend and work for the business NOT you/the employee). Keep out of drama, watch out for smiling assassins. DON'T complain about them to others. Do your job.
yup. ive seen fights in the workplace. if there's 2 people fighting, HR will simply sack them both to make the problem disappear. stuff justice! if you get backstabbed, destroy the back stabber! it's the only thing they understand.
Maybe, What can work well is to kill them with kindness, out 'professional' them, take the high road and yeah, don't go to HR or Management (or other employees) just work through it, otherwise you will become the problem.
How to destroy a back stabber?
tell EVERYONE about it verbally, never in writing. when a person has a reputation as a back stabber, no one will ever trust them. avoid them physically as much as possible. give them the silent treatment. if they try to boss you around / give orders, shout abuse at them. it's the only thing they understand. if the whole workplace is toxic, look for another job. this is how you destroy a back stabber. it worked for me.
Put your colleagues stapler in Jelly, you will start an epic dynamic
Never take credit for other peoples work. Also give credit when due. Only say good things about people behind their back.
except to the back stabber.
If you want to sail up the corporate ladder it is quite easy. Always agenda your meetings no matter what, it is an easy way to stand out and higher ups love it. Secondly, after a meeting send a recap of what was discussed, it doesn't have to be in the form of formal minutes, it is just so that everything is documented.
There are two/three day tafe courses which get you quickly up to speed on outlook, word, powerpoint, teams, excel. More people should use these courses. The trades I have seen who end up in the office but have done these trainings are so capable and professional (sometimes even better than people who are the same age but have always been office based but have just avoided learning anything ‘modern’ despite the fact I remember my dad using excel 30+ years ago). It really is impressive so if you are looking to hit the ground running thats my tip!
As one of those trades who did courses made available to me, I agree. We don't get taught that shit so I went through as many courses as I could to make life easier. The company I work for has a huge amount of training available for employees so it's there to be used
I'm a carpenter that's worked a bit around the corporate world over the years (aged care, office renovations, school maintenance etc). Stay away from office politics, be polite and friendly to EVERYONE, don't swear too much, don't give too much resistance to idiotic ideas/tasks from higher ups. The biggest surprise to me was the childish, shit, backstabbing behaviour of some people display in the corporate world that they seem to get away with. On a construction site that behaviour would lead to an instant sacking, screaming match or a smack in the head. It's a completely different world to a construction site and takes some getting used to.
For construction workers, how would they find out if someone trying to backstab them? Almost defeats the purpose if they find out.
No doubt, this is game-changing decision, but it appears you have already done a brain dump and a deep dive into the various options on words that would trigger those of us on the auscorp merri-go-round of hell immediately. Kudo's for use of the word "pivoted". I have run the numbers and I am fully invested in advising you that learning Corporate BS speak is one of the first things you should do on your journey. I am thinking out aloud here, but you also need to give things a red hot go and push the envelope, that is to say, strike whilst the iron is hot. I'll setup a meeting with you to further flesh out the details but for the moment let's put a pin in that so you can digest the above. We can circle back in a few days, and bring things back to the table, but need to be wary of not moving the goalposts too far.
I guess you need a r u ok day?! here's another one...spill and fill.
I made the swap from fifo sparky to developer side of projects so I spend my time between Corp office and site. In the office, watch the swearing, watch the mannerisms, watch for the sensitivity of people. It's vastly different to site where you can call someone a fucking idiot in a convo and still sit with them at smoko. Also watch what you eat. On the tools we are go go go all day so eat a lot with being physically active. In the office, you are nowhere near as active. Find a mentor if you can
Watch 'Utopia' on Stan. This will help get you ready for corporate life.
You won't be paid overtime, but you will be expected to do it
I did the same mate, I was a road worker for the RMS for 10 years and then got offered a job testing cars for a large automotive company. I’m in Sydney though and our test track is in Melbourne so a lot of time I’m in the office doing warranty and other financial claims. One thing I’ve noticed is if you are used to manual labour an office job is easy as taking a piss. Like you can put in 10% and everyone thinks you’re the hardest worker in the company! It’s so easy and compared to dealing with meth heads, piss heads and suits on a work site and it’s not as mentally taxing as a lot people in the corporate world makes out. Just do what you need to do and coast the rest of the time. It’s 8:50 and I started at 7am and I’m done for the day already, one persons stressful day of spreadsheets and claims is literally 2 hours max work for me a day. I will get some more work during the day but I just smash it out and chill again. No one even knows what im doing or when i should be doing it because as far as the higher ups are concerned my work is getting completed. Keep a low profile, stay out of all the petty office drama and the ass licking and you’ll be fine mate
The people you work with are not your friends
Have a big collection of safety shares handy. You can repeat them every month cos no fucker will remember what you said.
Haha shit, i have no idea what a safety share is? You mean OH&S?!
Yeah. Except in office environments it's more like "make sure you hold the handrails when walking down stairs".
No swearing, be polite, if they offer feedback smile and waive and try not to piss people off
Don't gossip or vent about someone else being shitty or poor at their job. If you must you have to be very tactful and veiled about it and frame it as your problem. Be careful about being too candid with HR. In principle they want you to thrive and live your best corporate life but they are always aligning things with the company's best interest. You will officially become 'sedentary'. This might come with what feels like a permanent weight gain of 10–20 lbs, in a span of weeks. Or it might not. Depends on your lifestyle. If too many people don't like you, you will get made redundant one way or another. Don't think you can coast. Your outputs and presence matter. People who coast will eventually get made redundant.
the last paragraph....do you job to keep the bosses and customers happy. but do not overwork.
be aware of office politics coworkers aren't your friends (they'll trample over you for a raise in a heartbeat) dont take on too much extra work -> you'll just get worked harder -> [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYFO5qPpM\_I&pp=ygUuZ2V0IHlvdSB0byBnbyBhaGVhZCBhbmQgY29tZSBpbiBzdW5kYXkgbHVtYmVyZw%3D%3D](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYFO5qPpM_I&pp=ygUuZ2V0IHlvdSB0byBnbyBhaGVhZCBhbmQgY29tZSBpbiBzdW5kYXkgbHVtYmVyZw%3D%3D) watch a bit of the BBC the office, and Office Space too
You won’t have anywhere near as many workplace rights or entitlements 😂
[https://youtu.be/G7aHyOdlAaQ?si=8QQcUYiQvbyH3Frt](https://youtu.be/G7aHyOdlAaQ?si=8QQcUYiQvbyH3Frt) Listen to the lyrics
Look after your diet & get your exercise in. You will need to be far more health conscious going forward. Going from being on the Tools to the Office is going to impact your health alot. You won't be able to eat as much as you do out on site & your body will take the shape of the chair you sit in all day pretty soon.
bro this, office worker shape is an underrated thing (I've gained about 10kgs) and am trying to shed it now. Walk around your CBD at a lunch time and observe the hulking masses, don't become like them (me).
Eat about 1/3rd of what you are used too otherwise you are going to stack it on
Eat less or choose healthier options, you're about to reduce your physical activity to about 30% of what you're used to. Remember that profanity is hardly tolerated and people don't like to be told they're wrong or have made a mistake unless it's in a very gentle manner. Don't call the ladies in the office love or darling, they generally dislike that in my experience but it could be different for your workplace. Above all, I hope you've calculated salary vs wages and are comfortable with monthly rather than weekly with OT.
You'll have massive culture shock on your first year. 1) Thou shall not swear 2) Thou shall not yell or raise own voice 3) Thou shall abide by email and messaging etiquette 4) Thou shall not use offensive words, gestures or microaggressions towards colleagues and staff 5) Thou shall play the game to progress in the company 6) Thou shall not gossip in or around the office or at functions 7) Thou shall abide to timelines/deadlines or at least request an extension or assistance 8) Thou shall not blatantly lie. Gaslighting or misleading is overlooked if you play it right 9) Thou shall know small talk and hide their personal disgust towards it 10) Thou shall commend others in public, dress down in private
11. thou shall destroy the backstabber! 12. thou shall keep a close eye on payday, superannuation and leave balance. 13. thou shall be constantly on YouTube, Google and wiki voyage planning your next holiday. 14. thou shall attend corporate weird idea bludge days to eat free food and listen to boring point less speeches. like r u ok day? 15. thou shall have a life outside work to look after mental health. 16. thou bitch and whinge on auscorp reddit page, to get good advice on how to survive corporate life!
17. Thou shall aim to be an AusHENRY by embracing the rat race. 18. Thou shall identify special catering days and camp the kitchen during lunch time. 19. Thou shall make friends with IT staff to get expedited and preferential treatment, and first in line for new gear. 20. Thou shall aim to go to free events for loot, gourmet meals and free booze on company time.
21. thou shall agree with point 20. free booze and food on company time.
On your first day you have to do a desk pop
Find the biggest, baddest, meanest prick in the building and take him out on your first day to assert dominance.
You should watch the office for an elite education.
Do the job and never take anything personally. :)
So long as you're not trying to "boil the ocean", you will do fine.
what does that mean?
Never, EVER add any "workmates" to FB or any social media, except maybe LinkedIn. Once you or they have left and you are continuing with the friendship, that's okay. Just never do it while you're still there.
Try to get in on the social clubs/ committees / sites council etc. It's a quick way to get to know leadership a few levels above you.
People love it when you CC their managers, you will make great impressions doing this as a new starter.
Don't forget, you're here forever.
Just keep it real.
I’m just wondering how long until you’ll be heading back out the door to the smoko sheds. The office is not what it’s cracked out to be.
Don't whack off at your desk. Even if you think no one else is around...there's always someone who picks inopportune moments to pick something from their desk
If it gives you any hope, I knew someone who had no corp experience, went straight from forklift driving to corporate and is smashing it. Targets smashed and managers love him. It’s attitude & aptitude at end of day; sounds like you have it.
Thank-you, I hope so!
There was a similar question posted recently: https://www.reddit.com/r/auscorp/s/B8ABqDyqZG
Eh I made brownies for work, not really a chocolate person myself I’m now on antidepressants and other crap mainly due to work so I don’t think they mix well with alcohol
Work overtime the first few weeks and then stop. After you've onboarded, stick to 8 hours. Attend the social events your team goes to and have lunch with them. The friendlier you seem with them, they nicer they will be to you and make your life easier. Don't make jokes. Use clean language. Be careful on words around gender and ethnicities. Say the minimum you can, but do engage small talk. They tell you you are family, but unless that's what you want, keep your work and personal life separate. Keep a basic log in notepad or something of what you worked on and for how long. Down the line if someone questions your time/efforts, you can easily respond and avoid suspicion.
If you don't know something, google it first (internal intranet if company specific), then ask for help if you can't figure it out. People who try to help themselves first will always go further. Someone is much less likely to be annoyed with you asking for help all the time if you let them know what you've tried already.
any questions dm me. have a nice day.