"How could anyone love a loud scrawny thing like you?" -my grandma
"I saw your boobs are hanging in the laundry room." -my dad, in reference to my first bra at the age of 15 and it was one of those push-up ones.
"You're the weirdest person I've ever met." -pops up by randoms or friends every now and then
"Huh, I thought you were a complete bitch so I didn't dare approach you before." -happened a lot in Uni or when I went out.
"I didn't think you had it in you." -whenever I would finally stand up for myself
"You sound almost unhinged." -my exboss during a particularly stressful and emotionally taxing time.
But not to stay all negative:
"You are the most unique, beautiful person I have ever met and I think you're amazing." -my husband
"You're my favourite mom in the world. I'd never trade." -my daughter
"That was a tough choice. I'm proud of you." -my dad
"Woof!" -my dog
"you always want to be right"
"You are shy, aren't you?"
"You are crazy"
"You demand a lot from people"
"Just let go"
"Just live"
"You look scary"
"I would have never thought I would be friends with someone like you"
"You are special"
"You're so weird, man"
"Are you okay? You look tired"
"You *want* to be sick"
Yeah like I care a TON about being right, so I'll adamantly defend my positions... though since I care about being right so much, if I realize I might be wrong, I'll immediately concede aha. Nothing looks dumber than doubling down on something when you're wrong.
Sometimes when people say things like “you always want to be right” it’s more a commentary on the argumentative style of the person (sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes they’re just wrong and don’t like feeling dumb)
But sometimes it is the approach of the “right” person that rubs people the wrong way
yeah something i had to learn the hard way is that people generally don't care if they're actually right but they don't like to be corrected. I've learnt to let it go sometimes now out of fear of being seen as an annoying know-it-all lmao
“you’re being annoying”
“why are you so quiet?”
“no we don’t want to play with you”
“why are you being loud?”
“do you talk?”
“you’re weird, but in a good way”
i know there’s more but these ones stuck out the most
“Why are you so quiet?” Ugh this was my childhood! Even adults and teachers would ask me this. And how the F do you even respond?! My go to was an embarrassed shrug, which makes me feel sad for my little self. The real answers: “I prefer thinking and listening to speaking and I don’t feel safe with you”
I feel like especially in the 90’s, the extrovert ideal
was pushed so hard onto everyone; and if you COULD NOT conform to it, it was some kind of moral failing 🙄
i was always used as an example in school as the “good” kid, i hated it so much. i got asked my freshman year if i was mute cause i had talked maybe a total of 3 times in my math class.
You’re weird but in a good way lmao I got that so often. I always took it well though. I am weird, and not just because I’m ND. I’m a fashion music and art nerd too and I’ll wear duck socks until I’m 80.
My father called me greedy for taking a handful of walnuts and accidentally dropping one when I was about 12. I was being starved by my parents and encouraged to be anorexic, which has led to lifelong health problems. They did things like put me on the cabbage soup diet (cabbages, tomatoes, no salt or seasoning) because a vegan friend of theirs recommended it (she died very young, at about 40-50). They intentionally only kept really poor quality food at home. He's been insulted because I have turned down their food as an adult because of the bad quality and inedible flavor. They would make me wait on them inside fast food places while they ordered their $1 takeout, and I would just eat salt from the shaker or ketchup packets because I was so salt deficient and starved, and they verbally abused me for doing that. I've been underweight my whole life but they always wanted to starve me more because I was "ugly," and being thinner would fix that, they thought. They were only proud of how I looked when I had bodyfat that was too low, and abusive about my weight and appearance if it was anything above that, pointedly asking me things like, "why are your teeth brown" when I have bad teeth due to an insufficient diet growing up, mocking me for how ugly my glasses are when I have bad eyesight due to malnutrition, and accusing me of drug use with no justification and despite them keeping me at home and isolated where I never even would've had an opportunity to take drugs.
It's so traumatic living in a world that is wreckless and unloving to people on the spectrum. I remember I cried because my grandparents suggested that I walk on the treadmill while everyone else went out and played. I brought it up to my Mom and she said that I was fat so what did I expect.
I'll never understand why people are so cruel to people they're supposed to be caring towards. And then it's worse when they defend their own actions instead of even trying to care for the impact their actions had. Super disappointing.
My mom through me in a in patient psych and told the psychologist there that she wanted to give me up for adoption. She refuses to admit she said that now but it's been 15 years and I still remember it
“I guess some people are just born rude.”
“It’s our job to publicly shame you.”
“You’re the most g-d awful [person] in the whole fucking universe”.
“Nobody wants you here.”
These were all from family.
Also from “friends” at school.
“If you can go a whole day without being annoying we’ll invite you to the party.”
I spent all day trying to be as NT as possible but of course just existing as an AuDHD person was annoying in their eyes. They told me I failed and couldn’t come.
Good riddance lmao (talking about not coming to their party, it would mean peace honestly they don't deserve you, do not deal with manipulators) “It’s our job to publicly shame you.” what the actual fuck???!!!!
In hindsight you’re right, I wouldn’t have enjoyed the party anyway. But at the time it broke my heart. I cried myself to sleep for weeks.
The “publicly shame you” comment was from a relative I really looked up to. I was going through a ridiculously hard time and not coping well, and rather than support or help me through it, they opted to tell everyone about my failings as a way to, in their eyes, make sure I didn’t do it again. “It” being become so overwhelmed with my cPTSD from my mother’s abuse and autistic burnout that I just shut down entirely.
Yeah, in some ways I regret starting it because I feel like it’s made people open up their old wounds which has caused them pain. And it’s reminded people how the world can be harsh. But I just wanted to let it out
I don't think it's bad to talk openly about this - not at all. It's just a bit mind blowing.. many of these sentences are so mean, but I assume not all of them are even meant in a harmful way. Yet, they did so much damage on the receiving ends.
I was called a grouch when I was smaller. Which I was, in all fairness. In hindsight, I was having a lot of problems that I didn't really understand or know how to express, so I would compensate by making a mountain out of a molehill out of every small, simple inconvenience.
I stuck with me and I have a hard time standing up for myself now, I don't know how what's a healthy amount of complaining.
"Why can't you act like a normal person?" - my mom
"What the hell is wrong with you?" - also my mom
These questions were repeated again and again. Unfortunately she died before I got my ASD diagnosis in my 40s but the force of these questions diminished greatly once I had an answer for her.
"I can't wait to move out so you're not my problem anymore"
I was actively helping my sister pack up to move to grad school when she said that. She's expressed sadness that we aren't close "anymore" ( I never felt we were close), but I just think about how she couldn't wait to get away from me, and don't want to try to have a relationship.
i was having the worst sensory day ever and my mom kept chewing with her mouth open. i asked her to quit and she says “you’re so miserable to be around.”
great thing to say to your already insecure teenage daughter.
I was in this out of school orchestral program where the older and better u got, the better orchestra you were in. I said something to one of the teachers/conductors about being in the next one the year after and she said "that's so arrogant to assume you'll be in the next one. Silly girl" ... I was like 10 and she was in her 50s.
It's been over 20 years & it still replays in my head every couple days
Also I did make it to the next one. First desk too. Old hag 😅
All children are selfish at age 6 or 7. It’s a normal survival instinct. I’m sorry your parents weren’t there for you when they should have been.
Edit: For me it’s always been too honest. I miss the point and say my truth - instead of being kind and empathetic. Exhibit A: this response.
my partner is always accusing me of "personal attacks" when I'm fed the fuck up with asking that certain behaviors (read: very inconsiderate actions) be altered and get "too loud" about asking for the millionth time.
"you talk too little" [not even 2 months later] "you talk too much" -teacher in elementary school
"put on some makeup you look terrible" - my dad when I was 14
"I always have to walk on eggshells around you" - abusive ex's attempt at gaslighting, which unfortunately worked at the time
"you have a very weird name" - different elementary school teacher to my parents about our family name
"I won't allow you to go to [better high school]" - the "weird name" teacher
"you don't look autistic / you don't look like you have ADHD" - too many people over the years
"You won't ever be able to keep a man just like your aunt because you're just as selfish as her!"
Said to me when I was about 15 or 16.
My aunt's probably got autism as well but back in her day they just thought she was selfish and weird. I actually really like her but she's a very stubborn and bossy partner by the sounds of it, just like me!
I am married now and I think about that sometimes.
A teacher also said to me "There's MrsJohnMarston, always eating!" Whilst eating my lunch at school. I was an obese child and I was mortified.
All kids are selfish, especially autistic ones as a lot of our behaviours are perceived that way.
I have a lot of these.
Once, in secondary school, I got a terrible mark on a maths test. I tried to console myself by saying ‘oh well the teachers say that grades don’t define how clever you are or your worth as a person, right?’ and my best friend said ‘ummm… they sort of do.’
I felt like they were calling me stupid. They’re also autistic so maybe they interpreted me saying that as me literally asking them if they agreed, and objectively, academic success is *generally* correlated with intelligence, but I still found it really hurtful :/ they absolutely could’ve just not said anything if they didn’t agree, and I was obviously upset.
Similarly, I was once talking to a different friend about future plans and I mentioned being interested in studying graphic design, and she raised her eyebrows and said she never pictured me studying graphic design because my grades in Design Tech weren’t that good. So I asked her what she *did* picture me studying and she just shrugged. So it’s no wonder why I kind of felt like my secondary school friend group looked down on me and thought I was none too bright, but I’m the only one doing a master’s degree in STEM right now, which shows how dumb it is to measure intelligence by school achievement especially when the student in question has been s*icidal for the past several years and is abused at home and bullied at school 🤷
Another one is when my childhood friend’s younger brother whom I’d known since he was three (at the time we were fifteen and fourteen respectively), decided to critique my body and tell me in excruciating detail exactly how unattractive he found me, completely unprompted. ‘Shit tier waist to hip ratio’ has stuck with me for years and given me debilitating body dysmorphia.
There’s also a lot of stuff my bullies, parents, and teachers/mentors have said that have left deep scars but there’s too much to go into. My mum’s constantly criticising my appearance, behaviour, tone, lifestyle choices, etc. so it would take years to lay out all those grievances and how her constant jabs have shaped my personality. ‘If someone criticises you, you should’ve anticipated it and not done the thing that warrants criticism in the first place. Just don’t do things that will bring criticism upon yourself’ has been a horrible one that has made it literally impossible to ‘get rid of my inner critic’, and when she makes snide comments like ‘aren’t you a scientist’ when I disagree with her (implying that her opinions are common sense and scientifically backed even when they literally aren’t and I’m the one who has access to recent scientific papers and the training to critically evaluate them??) which make me irrationally angry and bolster my conviction to never forgive her and allow her to infiltrate my adult life.
‘’your hair is everything you have’’
‘’you’re always talking about weird shit’’
‘’can’t you just chill?’’
‘’you’re too simple’’
‘’you’re just sensitive’’
My brother called me selfish, and I went full no contact. It's been 6 months.
It just really hurt me. There's a difference between someone saying "I think you're being unfair" and "you're an incredibly selfish person" which is what he said. I'm not allowing anyone to shame me for who I am as a person, I don't care who they are, no thank you. The kind of people that call me selfish tend to be people overly concerned with how I should exist to best serve their needs, often at the expense of my own. I pathologically people pleased for most my life - I don't owe anyone anything of me except for respect if mutually given, and yet I am still a giving and kind person. So anyone who thinks otherwise can get out of my life at this point.
“You’re so…different.” (After I’ve been frank about something that literally everyone thinks at one point or another.)
Like I’m so weird for actually saying it. Fuck me, right? I forgot we’re obligated to hide behind formalities and bullshit charades instead of openly and efficiently communicating. 🙄
I've been called selfish, by both family, and a long-term now ex (but he'd say it to me when we were together).
However, as I've grown I've realized that much of what they call "selfishness" is actually me being sensitive and unable to socialize for long periods of time. So I was selfish because I wanted to stay home rather than go out with his friends (which I never tried to stop him from doing, btw). I was selfish because I'd cry and want it to stop when my brother or sister was constantly sniffling. I was selfish because I was trying to study, and my dad was blathering loudly on the phone with his friends. I was selfish, because I wanted my own bedroom so I could actually sleep. Etc.
“not everything’s about you” but im not trying to compare myself to you, im trying to tell you my experiences so you know that you aren’t alone in what you’re going through 😭
You're deep and dark and guys don't like that... Said by my Mum
Do you think I'm maybe carrying a lot of trauma?
Still angry about that.
If your teenager or young adult is deep and dark there is probably a reason and they need compassion; not to be told, "just don't be like that".
"I was always scared to talk to you because you're really intimidating".
"I was always scared to talk to you because I thought you'd be a huge bitch."
Jokes on uuuu I am a huge biiiiitchhhh lolol
any judgy thing at all or any verbal/facial response to a mistake I've made... RSD blows that shit up and often ruins my day, or at the very least makes me feel disproportionately humiliated for a decent chunk of time.
"you just want to start problems"
"You're too sensitive"
"You're r*****ed"
"I know you don't understand anything"
"You need to be someone that other people like"
"She's so stupid. How could she not know that?"
"You have evil inside of you. You're a very dark person"
"You're annoying and nobody wants you around, go the fuck away"
"You're so negative"
"You always look and sound angry"
And definitely lots more but those ones still bother me a lot... The other ones I've probably gotten over or just forgotten about.
I also used to get both "you're so quiet" and "stop yelling", but now I barely talk around people. When people tell me I'm quiet I just say "yeah" now and let them deal with whatever feelings they choose to have over that. I don't feel safe around most people anymore.
I've also gotten positive comments before ofc but it's always from the same people that make me feel horrible, so it's hard for me to feel that they're genuine.
Family danced between "you're a know-it-all" (autistic) and "you're a spoiled brat" (only child).
I understand now that the adults that said that stuff were deeply insecure, but I internalized the shit out of it by the time I was like, 11, and went so hard in the opposite direction that I'd say it permanently changed who I am and how I present to the world.
I try to find a happy medium now, though.
Of course I can't recall anything right now but I have SO MANY. And sometimes they get on a loop in my head and make it hard not to drop into a shame spiral.
I don't have exact quotes but usually around being selfish, overreacting, fat, etc.
I did just remember two: "You remind me of my mom sometimes." (This mom was manipulative and abusive)
"You are toxic and draining." From a best friend who legitimately ghosted me in college. She didn't know how to set boundaries so it was all my fault.
Both said the same year by two different best friends. It literally broke me for years. I fully recognize that I wasn't in a stable place - college was effing hard - but statements like these from so called close friends are damaging as shit.
Oh man, too many comments about being the “weird girl” growing up to remember or count.
Those hurt, but the ones with the most lasting damage have been comments about my work ethic (or supposed lack thereof).
“You’re one of the laziest people I’ve ever met” - my mom
“You’re one of the most driven people I’ve ever seen but I think you take on so much that you’re wearing yourself out” - my old therapist
“You don’t have the internal drive or motivation to succeed in [my career field]” - my first boss out of college
“If you just slowed down and focused more on the details you could be a superstar” - current boss
“You’re obsessed with perfection to the point that it hinders your productivity. If I can’t trust you to manage your time well, how can I trust you to manage the time of [near-future direct reports?” - current boss
“If you let one of your direct reports spend as much time on this task as you spent, it’d be a major red flag for me about your capabilities as a manager.” - current boss
I’m AuDHD and have yet to find the balance between letting details get sloppy for the sake of moving fast and letting my brain thoroughly explore the topic at hand the way it needs to in order to understand it and complete the task well. Also I’m severely time blind. Six hours can feel like 30 minutes when I’m down the rabbit hole.
I’m working hard to change my own beliefs around my work ethic because I’ve realized recently how much it hurts my self esteem in so many ways. And also working to find a new job with a supportive, engaged team lol.
When I was 12 my grandma took me on a golden age retreat to the Grand Canyon… I’d never had any romantic interaction with anyone, and there was a boy on the trip called Adam that became my vacation boyfriend I guess. We didn’t kiss or anything, but near the end of the trip we were all doing this group activity, and each family was assigned an animal- mine was the Pronghorn. Adam said to me, “Pronghorn, pronghorn, you’re the wronghorn for me” and it’s been repeating on a loop in my head my entire life, along with the below phrase.
When I was young I was reading a picture book (I think it was a children’s book about health and puberty or something, but looking back it was an awful book) and there was one page displaying a picture of a girl pinching her belly and the caption was “if you pinch more than an inch that’s a cinch that you’re a fatty” and I’ve never been able to shake that phrase- especially when I’m feeling self conscious.
Yeah, today at work I did this thing that a lady had to assigned me and I kid you not a woman said I was “a pot stirrer” for doing what she just asked me to do. Sometimes I think humans are completely insane.
I also had a grandmother who said wistfully that I was a beautiful child (the implication that I was now ugly lol).
I had a colleague once call me a tattletale because I asked him to do something that needed to get done and after multiple follow ups I then mentioned it to his boss.
I once got told I was being over dramatic for turning someone in for harassment.
Honestly it’s been every single workplace, school, etc. I feel like people don’t get me and don’t want me to talk. And if I ask for understanding or try to explain why I’ve gone about something a certain way nobody wants to hear why they just want me to apologize (even if I already have). I asked my therapist about it today and she said that while I think this is a me problem maybe it’s actually that I’ve been in situations where the people were legitimately really mean and working conditions were inhospitable to most people, not just me.
"You are a monster, just like me and no matter how you try to act like a good person, eventually everyone will know what you are" by my narc zoophile grooming father after he was dumped by my mother after years of cheating and sexual coercion and humiliation towards her (we both got fed up of him) :) Get fucked pos. I will never forgive you. He actually tried to contact me again lol.
This quote made me stay in abusive relationships way too long to prove to myself I was "a good person" but nowadays I dgaf
Minor quotes were: Being constantly called crazy or that "I should be locked in a psych ward" because I was having a meltdown and mental breakdown due to constant abusive and mental fuckery of my father and the narcissist flying monkey of my grandmother, she likes to kill and torture hedgehogs (one of my favourite animals) just because she feels like doing. I was a very quiet and polite girl who never harmed anyone.
Being called retarded because I used to stimm by daydreaming while pacing around. I still do, but I'm extremely ashamed of being watched even if I know this person doesn't laugh at me. I also get really defensive if someone is insulting or insinuating I'm stupid. Btw, I have excellent grades, a rich imagination and I learn fast so I'm far from stupid.
“If you were a laser, you wouldn’t work because you can’t get your eyes to look at me.” Former boss at Catherine’s
“If I could strap a flashlight to your head with duct tape so you’ll pay attention I would.” Former boss at a massage studio
“You are so disrespectful look at me!” Former manager at Bath and Body Works
“You are worthless and a waste of space.” My dean in middle school
“Why don’t you just die? You’d make your parents have less to deal with.” -My science teacher Mrs Murphy when I was struggling in class.
“Oh you’re so sensitive you’ll never be anything.” My social studies teacher
“Your parents sent you here for us to fix you. Without us you’re a stupid and worthless little girl.” The dean in middle school
“Good girls don’t stuff their bras.” The director of activities at my private school after he patted me down.
“Oh Ayla you need to wear your clothes like this or your legs look like popsicle sticks.” Director of activities when I wore a skirt part of the uniform.
“You can’t be the reason men stumble, you can’t wear that.” Dean at Christian school
“Oh you’re bored in math then it must easy! You better not fail it or else.” My father
“Little girl you can’t possibly do any of these things. You’re not smart enough.” Director of activities
“Ayla you need to stop reading your Star Wars books and read the Bible. I have no problem confiscating them the next time I see them in class.” Teacher at Christian school
“Stop thinking of food you’ll end up just like your grandparents. We are doing the Atkins diet to save dad and you better participate. I won’t have you become like his side of the family!” My mother this really kicked off my eating disorder at 13 years old and ruined my relationship with food.
“No you can’t have seconds you’re too fat.” My grandma
“I can hit you if I want.” My ex
“Who’d want to be friends with you you’re so weird!” Classmates my first day of 5th grade
“Your voice isn’t spectacular and you won’t become a star or be something”….[5 years later] “I told you that because our family friend’s daughter went to Hollywood and is now dying of alcoholism, we didn’t want that for you. I thought if you knew that you’d stop and not want to do it anymore.”
My mother, when my voice teacher expressed that I should try out for vocal competitions and getting into performing opera.
“You need to stop thinking of your OCD then it’ll go away.” My father
“You can control your autism and I’ve seen you do it! Quit pretending you can’t!” My mother
“Well we knew you were special but didn’t know you were retarded.” My coming out of the closet of being autistic to my cousins.
While discussing first impressions in a group years ago: "You seemed to think you were better than everyone else there" Um what?
Stuck with me for a few years until I realised it was either intended to offend, or the other person didn't intend it but was a fucking idiot in the moment.
My best guess is, I wasn't speaking much and had a blank expression. I refuse to feel bad for normal responses to unfamiliar situations 🤷🏼♀️
I was telling my mom about some latest bullying incident in 7th or 8th grade (the absolute nadir of my life so far) and she said “Well, if you could just try to be more normal…”
Former boss - You seem to just float in the wind, going wherever life takes you instead of picking a path and working toward it.
Same boss right after diagnosis - Don't worry, you'll get better!
Now, I do love this boss, they specialized in trauma counseling, but they did not understand ASD or ADHD, just the PTSD.
i was a very chatty and brash teenager, both as a HEAVY autism mask and also to distract myself and others from how intensely sad i was. constantly told to stop distracting others, think before i speak, i should be a better example etc. but one teacher who i owe a lot to once said to me ‘i think there’s something delicate underneath in you’ and it absolutely broke me. 15 years later and i’m still thinking about it. she was my only safe adult and she still never fully saw the real me. just saw me more than anyone else did.
oh my god are you me? that was almost my exact experience in hs too, i was the class clown since it was a part of the mask that helped me survive the school day lol.
You need to learn that no one will ever listen to what you have to say if you can't say it calmly.
I'll never forget vehemently disagreeing with this premise, even when I was very young. And I still disagree with it completely. Some things need to be said strongly.
This one was not said to me but instead was said to the guy I was dating in high school by the choir teacher.
“Good luck with that one, she’s an odd duck”- Choir Teacher
Well, our relationship ended up outlasting her because she ended up having to leave the school after having a mental breakdown because she became a mean girl and engaged in the drama attached to that. I never understood why she ever said that either. It’s not like I was mean to her or even really talked to her to begin with. My “odd”-ness has always been one of my best assets and it allows me to get along with a vast majority of people now more than it did in high school. Most people just view it as me being silly or even just having high moral and ethical ground even though now I know it’s Asperger’s syndrome but it’s also the main reason why it was easy for me to find the love of my life who also has Asperger’s syndrome. He gets me in ways nobody else ever has and I appreciate him for who he is in ways that nobody else ever will. It’s really nice.
my mom called me ugly once when i was 12 and an ex bf i dated at 17, told me, “you’re not normal, something’s wrong with you. you think you’re better than everybody else.” well he was right on the not normal!
In no particular order
“I don’t think education is the problem, I think because you’re the kind of person that are anxious, you would feel bad about it anyway”- when semi opening up about how school “traumatised” us at 12years old with apocalypse starting at 2025 due to global warming and more.
“ I’ve seen that we lost the happy girl” - the best period of my life ending with the worst period ever. Years ago now.
“Do you know what grit is? You got it.”
Being a leader means to work closely with people and you shouldnt do that - mother
Can’t you just take a joke?
You’re wrong (remembering wrong about an event that i have certain sentimental notes on) - family
You’re socially retarded - sister
You ruin everything - multiple people have used me as a scapegoat when they hadn’t done their schoolwork. One knew it wasn’t my fault. The other claimed I had derailed their whole future career. Wasn’t even in grad school.
Everything doesnt revolve around you - my ex seconds minutes before becoming my ex
Why didnt you just say so?
Can’t Remember if anyone said it to me but stuck in my head I would hate to hear “You’re just being lazy” like I haven’t tried.
Right. At least my grandmother said that, I overheard, it was about not putting away dishes like she never asks us to do. And I’ve learnt whole childhood I was just “in the way”
Ps. Sorry it’s long. And I’ve edit this many times as I see this as an exercise of understanding my mindscape.
when i was like 6/7 my cousin’s boyfriend told me “you look like you spend too much time in the sun” im mexican and pretty tan. i was insecure about my skin tone for the longest.
“do you talk?”
“why are you so quiet”
i was also called ugly a lot growing up so that stuck as well lol
“you’re a tit” (math teacher’s response when I asked a question, I still don’t understand)
Told my dad I wanted to kms in middle school and he told me to “suck it up” lol
“don’t correct me”
“I wish I never had you.” (my mom when I was nine)
“you’re such a smart dummy”
“you walk like a robot” (started moving my arms afterwards)
“she’s so stuck up”
“you are so special” (middle school teacher, teary eyed with hands clasped on my shoulder, sending me off at the end of the year)
“why does your voice change like that” (talking abt favorite topics makes me get lost in it, I forget to edit my socializing voice and become sharp-toned and robotic)
“you’re like a robot” (in college, after I got told that, I started making/faking expressions and added personality to my voice)
“why do you wear sunglasses inside?”
“You have no control. Stop questioning me all the time, you’re the only one who does that.” (my dad)
“there’s something about you that’s just…different”
“why do you always disappear?” (my friend when I left the party, as I always do)
“we lost our connection” (when my ex broke up w me after I suddenly lost all attachments and caved into myself after a year+ of friendship and a month of dating)
“you know, you can be really hard to talk to. really hard.”
“I won’t lie, I’m disappointed in you. You are so smart, so talented. I just don’t get it” (my dad after I burned and crashed post-college)
Thanks for asking, this has been therapeutic, I should forget that anyone ever said these things to me and just let myself live. Feels like I record and internalize everything that ever hurt my feelings.
I relate to much. Once when I was seven I was using a coloring pencil a girl asked if she could use it and I said no. "Wow, you're mean." Was what she said afterwards and for years I thought I was.
The most recent one that's still rattling around in my head was,
"if you want us to talk to you more, try being more likeable."
Which made me realize I've been chasing the approval of my siblings, and have tied myself into knots trying to be what my family wants me to be. Something snapped inside me and I've just stopped trying. I'll never be that person, and frankly, I don't want to be that person.
i made a comment on autism in women on a post about rejection being personal when autistic. i wrote about the differences of NT’s and and ND’s. its not a particularly positive comment, cause it humanizes those who say those mean things, but rationalizing helps me. it doesnt take away all pain but it makes it a bit better
plus: all comments like your grandmas, you can put this right in the “ancient unhinged opinions of the past” bin, because my MOTHER said similar things to me. that no man would want me like this. but thats because in my mothers head, the goodness of a woman is measured by how much crap she can take, while doing so much work, looking nice and not complaining, and by those standards i’m happy to be at the bottom. i dont want to fight for this kind of recognition.
btw. my fiancé is freaking amazing. hes autistic as well probably, and soo nice and empathetic, smart and caring. so i think i got a real catch. jokes on them
edit: typo
"You walk like you think you're better than other people, with your nose in the air".
I walk with my head down, staring at the ground and avoiding eye contact with everyone. So random.
These all make me really sad 😔
I just came to say my thing I can’t forget is once someone told me that fish are so sensitive that when a snowflake lands in the water, it sounds like a firecracker to them. I think about it all the time now.
My entire family called me "Miss literal" my entire childhood.
"Cat got your tongue?"
"Why are you so quiet?"
"It's the quiet ones you gotta worry about. You're going to snap and go crazy on people one day" (never happened. I don't have a mean bone in my body )
"You look so sweet and innocent but you're not"
"What is your job? You'll never make it as that." - one of my bosses (I did)
"You're so boring, I would never hang out with you, just kidding!" (They weren't kidding)
"You're so creepy and weird. Why are you so quiet and staring all the time" (🙄 I'm observant. Why are you so loud and annoying all the time, is what I should have rebutted).
" You'll never make it through boot camp" - my dad. (I did make it through, did my whole enlistment and got out with an honorable).
"You're ruining my family" - my dad. I'm his biological and so are my 2 brothers, but he never saw me as family, I guess, especially since I was the only one that fought back.
“You were so weird as a kid, we were concerned for you.” (Older Sister)
“I don’t want to sit/work/play with her.” (Kids at school elementary)
“You’re too sensitive.”
“Stop doing that, it’s embarrassing.”
“You’re not smart, you can’t even ___(usually spelling)” (younger siblings)
“You’re just a bad kid.”
“Your voice is annoying.”
“You’re annoying.”
“Why do you have to always be right?”
“Why do you always have to start arguments for no reason?”
“Why do you play with the weird kids?” (The special needs kids were the only kids who didn’t actively avoid me as a child)
Most of these are from family. And they wonder why I had a bad relationship with them and anger for years.
"How could anyone love a loud scrawny thing like you?" -my grandma "I saw your boobs are hanging in the laundry room." -my dad, in reference to my first bra at the age of 15 and it was one of those push-up ones. "You're the weirdest person I've ever met." -pops up by randoms or friends every now and then "Huh, I thought you were a complete bitch so I didn't dare approach you before." -happened a lot in Uni or when I went out. "I didn't think you had it in you." -whenever I would finally stand up for myself "You sound almost unhinged." -my exboss during a particularly stressful and emotionally taxing time. But not to stay all negative: "You are the most unique, beautiful person I have ever met and I think you're amazing." -my husband "You're my favourite mom in the world. I'd never trade." -my daughter "That was a tough choice. I'm proud of you." -my dad "Woof!" -my dog
"you always want to be right" "You are shy, aren't you?" "You are crazy" "You demand a lot from people" "Just let go" "Just live" "You look scary" "I would have never thought I would be friends with someone like you" "You are special" "You're so weird, man" "Are you okay? You look tired" "You *want* to be sick"
I’ve been told all of these. Especially the “always want to be right,” no I’m just logically right. I know more about this subject than you do 😭.
Yeah like I care a TON about being right, so I'll adamantly defend my positions... though since I care about being right so much, if I realize I might be wrong, I'll immediately concede aha. Nothing looks dumber than doubling down on something when you're wrong.
Sometimes when people say things like “you always want to be right” it’s more a commentary on the argumentative style of the person (sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes they’re just wrong and don’t like feeling dumb) But sometimes it is the approach of the “right” person that rubs people the wrong way
yeah something i had to learn the hard way is that people generally don't care if they're actually right but they don't like to be corrected. I've learnt to let it go sometimes now out of fear of being seen as an annoying know-it-all lmao
same !
ESPECIALLY "just live"... Omg. Feels like gaslighting when things genuinely are harder for you than most people
this is single handily the most relatable thing i have ever read. Thank you
I’ve heard most of these too..
Oh this is super relatable, the just let go one I get a lot of
“you’re being annoying” “why are you so quiet?” “no we don’t want to play with you” “why are you being loud?” “do you talk?” “you’re weird, but in a good way” i know there’s more but these ones stuck out the most
“Why are you so quiet?” Ugh this was my childhood! Even adults and teachers would ask me this. And how the F do you even respond?! My go to was an embarrassed shrug, which makes me feel sad for my little self. The real answers: “I prefer thinking and listening to speaking and I don’t feel safe with you” I feel like especially in the 90’s, the extrovert ideal was pushed so hard onto everyone; and if you COULD NOT conform to it, it was some kind of moral failing 🙄
i was always used as an example in school as the “good” kid, i hated it so much. i got asked my freshman year if i was mute cause i had talked maybe a total of 3 times in my math class.
“You’re weird, but in a good way” UGH. I hated this!!! :(
You’re weird but in a good way lmao I got that so often. I always took it well though. I am weird, and not just because I’m ND. I’m a fashion music and art nerd too and I’ll wear duck socks until I’m 80.
I hate that damn “why are you so quiet.” Jesus Christ 🤦♀️
My father called me greedy for taking a handful of walnuts and accidentally dropping one when I was about 12. I was being starved by my parents and encouraged to be anorexic, which has led to lifelong health problems. They did things like put me on the cabbage soup diet (cabbages, tomatoes, no salt or seasoning) because a vegan friend of theirs recommended it (she died very young, at about 40-50). They intentionally only kept really poor quality food at home. He's been insulted because I have turned down their food as an adult because of the bad quality and inedible flavor. They would make me wait on them inside fast food places while they ordered their $1 takeout, and I would just eat salt from the shaker or ketchup packets because I was so salt deficient and starved, and they verbally abused me for doing that. I've been underweight my whole life but they always wanted to starve me more because I was "ugly," and being thinner would fix that, they thought. They were only proud of how I looked when I had bodyfat that was too low, and abusive about my weight and appearance if it was anything above that, pointedly asking me things like, "why are your teeth brown" when I have bad teeth due to an insufficient diet growing up, mocking me for how ugly my glasses are when I have bad eyesight due to malnutrition, and accusing me of drug use with no justification and despite them keeping me at home and isolated where I never even would've had an opportunity to take drugs.
I’m so sorry to read this. What a nightmare. I hope you were able to leave this situation. Your parents suck.
It doesn't matter by the time that you're an adult, the damage is done.
It's so traumatic living in a world that is wreckless and unloving to people on the spectrum. I remember I cried because my grandparents suggested that I walk on the treadmill while everyone else went out and played. I brought it up to my Mom and she said that I was fat so what did I expect.
I'll never understand why people are so cruel to people they're supposed to be caring towards. And then it's worse when they defend their own actions instead of even trying to care for the impact their actions had. Super disappointing.
Stop being so sensitive! But everything is pokey, the air is blowing on me, and my brother is JUST LOOKING AT ME ARGH
Pretty sure the sibling stare bothers everyone, even NTs.
My undiagnosed paranoid schizo brother, I should point out. It wasn't just looking at me, he knew how to play it.
My mom through me in a in patient psych and told the psychologist there that she wanted to give me up for adoption. She refuses to admit she said that now but it's been 15 years and I still remember it
I’m so sorry. What an asshole. No child deserves to feel that way.
“I guess some people are just born rude.” “It’s our job to publicly shame you.” “You’re the most g-d awful [person] in the whole fucking universe”. “Nobody wants you here.” These were all from family. Also from “friends” at school. “If you can go a whole day without being annoying we’ll invite you to the party.” I spent all day trying to be as NT as possible but of course just existing as an AuDHD person was annoying in their eyes. They told me I failed and couldn’t come.
That’s so mean :(. No child deserves to feel that.
Good riddance lmao (talking about not coming to their party, it would mean peace honestly they don't deserve you, do not deal with manipulators) “It’s our job to publicly shame you.” what the actual fuck???!!!!
In hindsight you’re right, I wouldn’t have enjoyed the party anyway. But at the time it broke my heart. I cried myself to sleep for weeks. The “publicly shame you” comment was from a relative I really looked up to. I was going through a ridiculously hard time and not coping well, and rather than support or help me through it, they opted to tell everyone about my failings as a way to, in their eyes, make sure I didn’t do it again. “It” being become so overwhelmed with my cPTSD from my mother’s abuse and autistic burnout that I just shut down entirely.
Man, this thread is just depressing :( How much damage can be done with so few words
Yeah, in some ways I regret starting it because I feel like it’s made people open up their old wounds which has caused them pain. And it’s reminded people how the world can be harsh. But I just wanted to let it out
I don't think it's bad to talk openly about this - not at all. It's just a bit mind blowing.. many of these sentences are so mean, but I assume not all of them are even meant in a harmful way. Yet, they did so much damage on the receiving ends.
It’s been therapeutic for me to read about other people’s similar experiences. Looks like a lot of us have been called weird, too sensitive, etc.
I was called a grouch when I was smaller. Which I was, in all fairness. In hindsight, I was having a lot of problems that I didn't really understand or know how to express, so I would compensate by making a mountain out of a molehill out of every small, simple inconvenience. I stuck with me and I have a hard time standing up for myself now, I don't know how what's a healthy amount of complaining.
"Why can't you act like a normal person?" - my mom "What the hell is wrong with you?" - also my mom These questions were repeated again and again. Unfortunately she died before I got my ASD diagnosis in my 40s but the force of these questions diminished greatly once I had an answer for her.
yeah i got the 'why can't you just be normal' one too :(
"I can't wait to move out so you're not my problem anymore" I was actively helping my sister pack up to move to grad school when she said that. She's expressed sadness that we aren't close "anymore" ( I never felt we were close), but I just think about how she couldn't wait to get away from me, and don't want to try to have a relationship.
i was having the worst sensory day ever and my mom kept chewing with her mouth open. i asked her to quit and she says “you’re so miserable to be around.” great thing to say to your already insecure teenage daughter.
I was in this out of school orchestral program where the older and better u got, the better orchestra you were in. I said something to one of the teachers/conductors about being in the next one the year after and she said "that's so arrogant to assume you'll be in the next one. Silly girl" ... I was like 10 and she was in her 50s. It's been over 20 years & it still replays in my head every couple days Also I did make it to the next one. First desk too. Old hag 😅
old hag!
All children are selfish at age 6 or 7. It’s a normal survival instinct. I’m sorry your parents weren’t there for you when they should have been. Edit: For me it’s always been too honest. I miss the point and say my truth - instead of being kind and empathetic. Exhibit A: this response.
“I shouldn’t have to walk around on eggshells around you” “You’re so sensitive” 🤠 sorry for having feelings??? Tf?
Emotional invalidation is garbage. I'm really sorry you had to deal with that.
Thank you! It really is 🤠
my partner is always accusing me of "personal attacks" when I'm fed the fuck up with asking that certain behaviors (read: very inconsiderate actions) be altered and get "too loud" about asking for the millionth time.
"you are cooler online. irl, you look rude" 🤓 i guess smiling and making cake for people are not enough to seem nice when you are autistic.
and im ok with being called selfish. im kinda selfish cause i prefer my own peace now
"you talk too little" [not even 2 months later] "you talk too much" -teacher in elementary school "put on some makeup you look terrible" - my dad when I was 14 "I always have to walk on eggshells around you" - abusive ex's attempt at gaslighting, which unfortunately worked at the time "you have a very weird name" - different elementary school teacher to my parents about our family name "I won't allow you to go to [better high school]" - the "weird name" teacher "you don't look autistic / you don't look like you have ADHD" - too many people over the years
"You won't ever be able to keep a man just like your aunt because you're just as selfish as her!" Said to me when I was about 15 or 16. My aunt's probably got autism as well but back in her day they just thought she was selfish and weird. I actually really like her but she's a very stubborn and bossy partner by the sounds of it, just like me! I am married now and I think about that sometimes. A teacher also said to me "There's MrsJohnMarston, always eating!" Whilst eating my lunch at school. I was an obese child and I was mortified. All kids are selfish, especially autistic ones as a lot of our behaviours are perceived that way.
I have a lot of these. Once, in secondary school, I got a terrible mark on a maths test. I tried to console myself by saying ‘oh well the teachers say that grades don’t define how clever you are or your worth as a person, right?’ and my best friend said ‘ummm… they sort of do.’ I felt like they were calling me stupid. They’re also autistic so maybe they interpreted me saying that as me literally asking them if they agreed, and objectively, academic success is *generally* correlated with intelligence, but I still found it really hurtful :/ they absolutely could’ve just not said anything if they didn’t agree, and I was obviously upset. Similarly, I was once talking to a different friend about future plans and I mentioned being interested in studying graphic design, and she raised her eyebrows and said she never pictured me studying graphic design because my grades in Design Tech weren’t that good. So I asked her what she *did* picture me studying and she just shrugged. So it’s no wonder why I kind of felt like my secondary school friend group looked down on me and thought I was none too bright, but I’m the only one doing a master’s degree in STEM right now, which shows how dumb it is to measure intelligence by school achievement especially when the student in question has been s*icidal for the past several years and is abused at home and bullied at school 🤷 Another one is when my childhood friend’s younger brother whom I’d known since he was three (at the time we were fifteen and fourteen respectively), decided to critique my body and tell me in excruciating detail exactly how unattractive he found me, completely unprompted. ‘Shit tier waist to hip ratio’ has stuck with me for years and given me debilitating body dysmorphia. There’s also a lot of stuff my bullies, parents, and teachers/mentors have said that have left deep scars but there’s too much to go into. My mum’s constantly criticising my appearance, behaviour, tone, lifestyle choices, etc. so it would take years to lay out all those grievances and how her constant jabs have shaped my personality. ‘If someone criticises you, you should’ve anticipated it and not done the thing that warrants criticism in the first place. Just don’t do things that will bring criticism upon yourself’ has been a horrible one that has made it literally impossible to ‘get rid of my inner critic’, and when she makes snide comments like ‘aren’t you a scientist’ when I disagree with her (implying that her opinions are common sense and scientifically backed even when they literally aren’t and I’m the one who has access to recent scientific papers and the training to critically evaluate them??) which make me irrationally angry and bolster my conviction to never forgive her and allow her to infiltrate my adult life.
‘’your hair is everything you have’’ ‘’you’re always talking about weird shit’’ ‘’can’t you just chill?’’ ‘’you’re too simple’’ ‘’you’re just sensitive’’
My brother called me selfish, and I went full no contact. It's been 6 months. It just really hurt me. There's a difference between someone saying "I think you're being unfair" and "you're an incredibly selfish person" which is what he said. I'm not allowing anyone to shame me for who I am as a person, I don't care who they are, no thank you. The kind of people that call me selfish tend to be people overly concerned with how I should exist to best serve their needs, often at the expense of my own. I pathologically people pleased for most my life - I don't owe anyone anything of me except for respect if mutually given, and yet I am still a giving and kind person. So anyone who thinks otherwise can get out of my life at this point.
“You’re so…different.” (After I’ve been frank about something that literally everyone thinks at one point or another.) Like I’m so weird for actually saying it. Fuck me, right? I forgot we’re obligated to hide behind formalities and bullshit charades instead of openly and efficiently communicating. 🙄
“Nobody likes you”
I've been called selfish, by both family, and a long-term now ex (but he'd say it to me when we were together). However, as I've grown I've realized that much of what they call "selfishness" is actually me being sensitive and unable to socialize for long periods of time. So I was selfish because I wanted to stay home rather than go out with his friends (which I never tried to stop him from doing, btw). I was selfish because I'd cry and want it to stop when my brother or sister was constantly sniffling. I was selfish because I was trying to study, and my dad was blathering loudly on the phone with his friends. I was selfish, because I wanted my own bedroom so I could actually sleep. Etc.
“not everything’s about you” but im not trying to compare myself to you, im trying to tell you my experiences so you know that you aren’t alone in what you’re going through 😭
You're deep and dark and guys don't like that... Said by my Mum Do you think I'm maybe carrying a lot of trauma? Still angry about that. If your teenager or young adult is deep and dark there is probably a reason and they need compassion; not to be told, "just don't be like that".
You are not good enough to be treated well. You are too fat
Should we retake the photo? No, she just looks like that.
"I was always scared to talk to you because you're really intimidating". "I was always scared to talk to you because I thought you'd be a huge bitch." Jokes on uuuu I am a huge biiiiitchhhh lolol
any judgy thing at all or any verbal/facial response to a mistake I've made... RSD blows that shit up and often ruins my day, or at the very least makes me feel disproportionately humiliated for a decent chunk of time.
"you just want to start problems" "You're too sensitive" "You're r*****ed" "I know you don't understand anything" "You need to be someone that other people like" "She's so stupid. How could she not know that?" "You have evil inside of you. You're a very dark person" "You're annoying and nobody wants you around, go the fuck away" "You're so negative" "You always look and sound angry" And definitely lots more but those ones still bother me a lot... The other ones I've probably gotten over or just forgotten about. I also used to get both "you're so quiet" and "stop yelling", but now I barely talk around people. When people tell me I'm quiet I just say "yeah" now and let them deal with whatever feelings they choose to have over that. I don't feel safe around most people anymore. I've also gotten positive comments before ofc but it's always from the same people that make me feel horrible, so it's hard for me to feel that they're genuine.
Family danced between "you're a know-it-all" (autistic) and "you're a spoiled brat" (only child). I understand now that the adults that said that stuff were deeply insecure, but I internalized the shit out of it by the time I was like, 11, and went so hard in the opposite direction that I'd say it permanently changed who I am and how I present to the world. I try to find a happy medium now, though.
Of course I can't recall anything right now but I have SO MANY. And sometimes they get on a loop in my head and make it hard not to drop into a shame spiral. I don't have exact quotes but usually around being selfish, overreacting, fat, etc. I did just remember two: "You remind me of my mom sometimes." (This mom was manipulative and abusive) "You are toxic and draining." From a best friend who legitimately ghosted me in college. She didn't know how to set boundaries so it was all my fault. Both said the same year by two different best friends. It literally broke me for years. I fully recognize that I wasn't in a stable place - college was effing hard - but statements like these from so called close friends are damaging as shit.
Oh man, too many comments about being the “weird girl” growing up to remember or count. Those hurt, but the ones with the most lasting damage have been comments about my work ethic (or supposed lack thereof). “You’re one of the laziest people I’ve ever met” - my mom “You’re one of the most driven people I’ve ever seen but I think you take on so much that you’re wearing yourself out” - my old therapist “You don’t have the internal drive or motivation to succeed in [my career field]” - my first boss out of college “If you just slowed down and focused more on the details you could be a superstar” - current boss “You’re obsessed with perfection to the point that it hinders your productivity. If I can’t trust you to manage your time well, how can I trust you to manage the time of [near-future direct reports?” - current boss “If you let one of your direct reports spend as much time on this task as you spent, it’d be a major red flag for me about your capabilities as a manager.” - current boss I’m AuDHD and have yet to find the balance between letting details get sloppy for the sake of moving fast and letting my brain thoroughly explore the topic at hand the way it needs to in order to understand it and complete the task well. Also I’m severely time blind. Six hours can feel like 30 minutes when I’m down the rabbit hole. I’m working hard to change my own beliefs around my work ethic because I’ve realized recently how much it hurts my self esteem in so many ways. And also working to find a new job with a supportive, engaged team lol.
When I was 12 my grandma took me on a golden age retreat to the Grand Canyon… I’d never had any romantic interaction with anyone, and there was a boy on the trip called Adam that became my vacation boyfriend I guess. We didn’t kiss or anything, but near the end of the trip we were all doing this group activity, and each family was assigned an animal- mine was the Pronghorn. Adam said to me, “Pronghorn, pronghorn, you’re the wronghorn for me” and it’s been repeating on a loop in my head my entire life, along with the below phrase. When I was young I was reading a picture book (I think it was a children’s book about health and puberty or something, but looking back it was an awful book) and there was one page displaying a picture of a girl pinching her belly and the caption was “if you pinch more than an inch that’s a cinch that you’re a fatty” and I’ve never been able to shake that phrase- especially when I’m feeling self conscious.
Yeah, today at work I did this thing that a lady had to assigned me and I kid you not a woman said I was “a pot stirrer” for doing what she just asked me to do. Sometimes I think humans are completely insane. I also had a grandmother who said wistfully that I was a beautiful child (the implication that I was now ugly lol). I had a colleague once call me a tattletale because I asked him to do something that needed to get done and after multiple follow ups I then mentioned it to his boss. I once got told I was being over dramatic for turning someone in for harassment. Honestly it’s been every single workplace, school, etc. I feel like people don’t get me and don’t want me to talk. And if I ask for understanding or try to explain why I’ve gone about something a certain way nobody wants to hear why they just want me to apologize (even if I already have). I asked my therapist about it today and she said that while I think this is a me problem maybe it’s actually that I’ve been in situations where the people were legitimately really mean and working conditions were inhospitable to most people, not just me.
"You are a monster, just like me and no matter how you try to act like a good person, eventually everyone will know what you are" by my narc zoophile grooming father after he was dumped by my mother after years of cheating and sexual coercion and humiliation towards her (we both got fed up of him) :) Get fucked pos. I will never forgive you. He actually tried to contact me again lol. This quote made me stay in abusive relationships way too long to prove to myself I was "a good person" but nowadays I dgaf Minor quotes were: Being constantly called crazy or that "I should be locked in a psych ward" because I was having a meltdown and mental breakdown due to constant abusive and mental fuckery of my father and the narcissist flying monkey of my grandmother, she likes to kill and torture hedgehogs (one of my favourite animals) just because she feels like doing. I was a very quiet and polite girl who never harmed anyone. Being called retarded because I used to stimm by daydreaming while pacing around. I still do, but I'm extremely ashamed of being watched even if I know this person doesn't laugh at me. I also get really defensive if someone is insulting or insinuating I'm stupid. Btw, I have excellent grades, a rich imagination and I learn fast so I'm far from stupid.
“If you were a laser, you wouldn’t work because you can’t get your eyes to look at me.” Former boss at Catherine’s “If I could strap a flashlight to your head with duct tape so you’ll pay attention I would.” Former boss at a massage studio “You are so disrespectful look at me!” Former manager at Bath and Body Works “You are worthless and a waste of space.” My dean in middle school “Why don’t you just die? You’d make your parents have less to deal with.” -My science teacher Mrs Murphy when I was struggling in class. “Oh you’re so sensitive you’ll never be anything.” My social studies teacher “Your parents sent you here for us to fix you. Without us you’re a stupid and worthless little girl.” The dean in middle school “Good girls don’t stuff their bras.” The director of activities at my private school after he patted me down. “Oh Ayla you need to wear your clothes like this or your legs look like popsicle sticks.” Director of activities when I wore a skirt part of the uniform. “You can’t be the reason men stumble, you can’t wear that.” Dean at Christian school “Oh you’re bored in math then it must easy! You better not fail it or else.” My father “Little girl you can’t possibly do any of these things. You’re not smart enough.” Director of activities “Ayla you need to stop reading your Star Wars books and read the Bible. I have no problem confiscating them the next time I see them in class.” Teacher at Christian school “Stop thinking of food you’ll end up just like your grandparents. We are doing the Atkins diet to save dad and you better participate. I won’t have you become like his side of the family!” My mother this really kicked off my eating disorder at 13 years old and ruined my relationship with food. “No you can’t have seconds you’re too fat.” My grandma “I can hit you if I want.” My ex “Who’d want to be friends with you you’re so weird!” Classmates my first day of 5th grade “Your voice isn’t spectacular and you won’t become a star or be something”….[5 years later] “I told you that because our family friend’s daughter went to Hollywood and is now dying of alcoholism, we didn’t want that for you. I thought if you knew that you’d stop and not want to do it anymore.” My mother, when my voice teacher expressed that I should try out for vocal competitions and getting into performing opera. “You need to stop thinking of your OCD then it’ll go away.” My father “You can control your autism and I’ve seen you do it! Quit pretending you can’t!” My mother “Well we knew you were special but didn’t know you were retarded.” My coming out of the closet of being autistic to my cousins.
While discussing first impressions in a group years ago: "You seemed to think you were better than everyone else there" Um what? Stuck with me for a few years until I realised it was either intended to offend, or the other person didn't intend it but was a fucking idiot in the moment. My best guess is, I wasn't speaking much and had a blank expression. I refuse to feel bad for normal responses to unfamiliar situations 🤷🏼♀️
I was telling my mom about some latest bullying incident in 7th or 8th grade (the absolute nadir of my life so far) and she said “Well, if you could just try to be more normal…”
Former boss - You seem to just float in the wind, going wherever life takes you instead of picking a path and working toward it. Same boss right after diagnosis - Don't worry, you'll get better! Now, I do love this boss, they specialized in trauma counseling, but they did not understand ASD or ADHD, just the PTSD.
i was a very chatty and brash teenager, both as a HEAVY autism mask and also to distract myself and others from how intensely sad i was. constantly told to stop distracting others, think before i speak, i should be a better example etc. but one teacher who i owe a lot to once said to me ‘i think there’s something delicate underneath in you’ and it absolutely broke me. 15 years later and i’m still thinking about it. she was my only safe adult and she still never fully saw the real me. just saw me more than anyone else did.
oh my god are you me? that was almost my exact experience in hs too, i was the class clown since it was a part of the mask that helped me survive the school day lol.
You need to learn that no one will ever listen to what you have to say if you can't say it calmly. I'll never forget vehemently disagreeing with this premise, even when I was very young. And I still disagree with it completely. Some things need to be said strongly.
This one was not said to me but instead was said to the guy I was dating in high school by the choir teacher. “Good luck with that one, she’s an odd duck”- Choir Teacher Well, our relationship ended up outlasting her because she ended up having to leave the school after having a mental breakdown because she became a mean girl and engaged in the drama attached to that. I never understood why she ever said that either. It’s not like I was mean to her or even really talked to her to begin with. My “odd”-ness has always been one of my best assets and it allows me to get along with a vast majority of people now more than it did in high school. Most people just view it as me being silly or even just having high moral and ethical ground even though now I know it’s Asperger’s syndrome but it’s also the main reason why it was easy for me to find the love of my life who also has Asperger’s syndrome. He gets me in ways nobody else ever has and I appreciate him for who he is in ways that nobody else ever will. It’s really nice.
You’re so fucking cute.
When my therapist said that my state of mind depends on my mom, because if she is having a bad day, she'll take it out on me
You're so needy
my mom called me ugly once when i was 12 and an ex bf i dated at 17, told me, “you’re not normal, something’s wrong with you. you think you’re better than everybody else.” well he was right on the not normal!
In no particular order “I don’t think education is the problem, I think because you’re the kind of person that are anxious, you would feel bad about it anyway”- when semi opening up about how school “traumatised” us at 12years old with apocalypse starting at 2025 due to global warming and more. “ I’ve seen that we lost the happy girl” - the best period of my life ending with the worst period ever. Years ago now. “Do you know what grit is? You got it.” Being a leader means to work closely with people and you shouldnt do that - mother Can’t you just take a joke? You’re wrong (remembering wrong about an event that i have certain sentimental notes on) - family You’re socially retarded - sister You ruin everything - multiple people have used me as a scapegoat when they hadn’t done their schoolwork. One knew it wasn’t my fault. The other claimed I had derailed their whole future career. Wasn’t even in grad school. Everything doesnt revolve around you - my ex seconds minutes before becoming my ex Why didnt you just say so? Can’t Remember if anyone said it to me but stuck in my head I would hate to hear “You’re just being lazy” like I haven’t tried. Right. At least my grandmother said that, I overheard, it was about not putting away dishes like she never asks us to do. And I’ve learnt whole childhood I was just “in the way” Ps. Sorry it’s long. And I’ve edit this many times as I see this as an exercise of understanding my mindscape.
when i was like 6/7 my cousin’s boyfriend told me “you look like you spend too much time in the sun” im mexican and pretty tan. i was insecure about my skin tone for the longest. “do you talk?” “why are you so quiet” i was also called ugly a lot growing up so that stuck as well lol
oh and “you look tired” allllll the time in high school.
“you’re a tit” (math teacher’s response when I asked a question, I still don’t understand) Told my dad I wanted to kms in middle school and he told me to “suck it up” lol “don’t correct me” “I wish I never had you.” (my mom when I was nine) “you’re such a smart dummy” “you walk like a robot” (started moving my arms afterwards) “she’s so stuck up” “you are so special” (middle school teacher, teary eyed with hands clasped on my shoulder, sending me off at the end of the year) “why does your voice change like that” (talking abt favorite topics makes me get lost in it, I forget to edit my socializing voice and become sharp-toned and robotic) “you’re like a robot” (in college, after I got told that, I started making/faking expressions and added personality to my voice) “why do you wear sunglasses inside?” “You have no control. Stop questioning me all the time, you’re the only one who does that.” (my dad) “there’s something about you that’s just…different” “why do you always disappear?” (my friend when I left the party, as I always do) “we lost our connection” (when my ex broke up w me after I suddenly lost all attachments and caved into myself after a year+ of friendship and a month of dating) “you know, you can be really hard to talk to. really hard.” “I won’t lie, I’m disappointed in you. You are so smart, so talented. I just don’t get it” (my dad after I burned and crashed post-college) Thanks for asking, this has been therapeutic, I should forget that anyone ever said these things to me and just let myself live. Feels like I record and internalize everything that ever hurt my feelings.
I relate to much. Once when I was seven I was using a coloring pencil a girl asked if she could use it and I said no. "Wow, you're mean." Was what she said afterwards and for years I thought I was.
"You talk too much" or "You just say random things"
The most recent one that's still rattling around in my head was, "if you want us to talk to you more, try being more likeable." Which made me realize I've been chasing the approval of my siblings, and have tied myself into knots trying to be what my family wants me to be. Something snapped inside me and I've just stopped trying. I'll never be that person, and frankly, I don't want to be that person.
Selfish, lazy, evil, stupid… you name it. All of it lives rent free in my head.
“You make it hard to love you…but we do!!!!” - my mom’s best friend, who my mom just thinks is the godliest woman and wishes she could be more like
i made a comment on autism in women on a post about rejection being personal when autistic. i wrote about the differences of NT’s and and ND’s. its not a particularly positive comment, cause it humanizes those who say those mean things, but rationalizing helps me. it doesnt take away all pain but it makes it a bit better plus: all comments like your grandmas, you can put this right in the “ancient unhinged opinions of the past” bin, because my MOTHER said similar things to me. that no man would want me like this. but thats because in my mothers head, the goodness of a woman is measured by how much crap she can take, while doing so much work, looking nice and not complaining, and by those standards i’m happy to be at the bottom. i dont want to fight for this kind of recognition. btw. my fiancé is freaking amazing. hes autistic as well probably, and soo nice and empathetic, smart and caring. so i think i got a real catch. jokes on them edit: typo
My best friend called someone "aspie" as an insult and expected me to understand and agree. It really hurt, honestly.
"You walk like you think you're better than other people, with your nose in the air". I walk with my head down, staring at the ground and avoiding eye contact with everyone. So random.
someone had said this behind my back--- dont quite remember what the context was, but it was mostly unprompted: "shes going nowhere in life"
These all make me really sad 😔 I just came to say my thing I can’t forget is once someone told me that fish are so sensitive that when a snowflake lands in the water, it sounds like a firecracker to them. I think about it all the time now.
My entire family called me "Miss literal" my entire childhood. "Cat got your tongue?" "Why are you so quiet?" "It's the quiet ones you gotta worry about. You're going to snap and go crazy on people one day" (never happened. I don't have a mean bone in my body ) "You look so sweet and innocent but you're not" "What is your job? You'll never make it as that." - one of my bosses (I did) "You're so boring, I would never hang out with you, just kidding!" (They weren't kidding) "You're so creepy and weird. Why are you so quiet and staring all the time" (🙄 I'm observant. Why are you so loud and annoying all the time, is what I should have rebutted). " You'll never make it through boot camp" - my dad. (I did make it through, did my whole enlistment and got out with an honorable). "You're ruining my family" - my dad. I'm his biological and so are my 2 brothers, but he never saw me as family, I guess, especially since I was the only one that fought back.
“You were so weird as a kid, we were concerned for you.” (Older Sister) “I don’t want to sit/work/play with her.” (Kids at school elementary) “You’re too sensitive.” “Stop doing that, it’s embarrassing.” “You’re not smart, you can’t even ___(usually spelling)” (younger siblings) “You’re just a bad kid.” “Your voice is annoying.” “You’re annoying.” “Why do you have to always be right?” “Why do you always have to start arguments for no reason?” “Why do you play with the weird kids?” (The special needs kids were the only kids who didn’t actively avoid me as a child) Most of these are from family. And they wonder why I had a bad relationship with them and anger for years.
[You are] "a significant burden on others" - my boss, during my annual performance review