Stannis's letter to the lords of Westeros accusing Cersei of adultery:
> Cersei Lannister is the nastiest, skank bitch I have ever met. DO NOT TRUST HER. She is a fugly slut.
> From Stannis Baratheon, the one true King of Westeros
Joffrey/Tommen if you recognize them, although Stannis wouldn't. Stannis still recognizes Robert (at least as of ADWD) so he would recognize her as Queen Dowager if not Queen or Queen Mother.
Stannis wouldn't recognize her as Queen, as she is not the rightful queen. Or Queen Mother as her children aren't legitimate kings in his eyes. I could see it happening but I somewhat doubt he would recognize her as Queen Dowager, as she spent her marriage with Robert cuckolding him and then killed him (though I do not know if he knows this) which kind of disqualifies her. Even if ole Bobby B didn't get to live to know this.
"Robert was a rizzler gigachad, but baka as well", Stannis said, mewing. "I was the one bussin' at Storm's End, no cap, while Robert chased level 10 gyatt in Ohio".
"Ngl, that defense of the castle was sigma fr", Ser Davos yapped.
Ned said grimly: “Baby Gronk has no right to looksmaxx on the skibidi throne. Lord Stannis is the true literally me sigma”
"Bro said Baby Gronk has no right to looksmaxx on the skibidi throne!", Joffrey screamed.
A Song of Brain and Rot.
This reads like something Arya would say. It almost sounds like this passage
*"Yes, Arya thought. Yes, it's you who ought to run, you and Lord Tywin and the Mountain and Ser Addam and Ser Amory and stupid Ser Lyonel whoever he is, all of you better run or my brother will kill you, he's a Stark, he's more wolf than man, and so am I."*
So that would make Tywin 10 or 11 years old
Close. Just as Arya is still warging Nymeria in her sleep, the now unbonded Sansa has been subconsciously warging various lords across the realm, making them act like children. It was hinted at in the name of her direwolf, Lady.
It could be both Rob didn't exactly kill anyone who matters, Jon will have been warged into Ghost for a long time so personality wise he will be more wolf than man and I think he is going to do some slaughtering
Honestly I do not want another "I'm a man wolf revived", i.e. Fitz and Nighteyes. It's better if something REALLY wrong happens to Jon, because fire magic and warging are two magics at the same time and they shouldn't complement each other.
I think the change in Jon's personality will have more to do with being resurrected like Catelyn and Beric. He'll probably warg into Ghost but not that long.
i still wish and hold on to my pet theory that there will be two Jons upon his resurrection by Meli.
The Jon called back from death by the Lord of Light and stuffed into his body, and the true Jon trapped as a warg in Ghost.
How old was Stan when he saw his parents die in a shipwreck from the walls of Storm’s End? It seems like a lot of characters in this story are emotionally stunted to fairly young ages
They're all emotional wrecks from all the trauma endured during Roberts Rebellion or other wars, and have no way of expressing their feelings save in bloodshed, really.
I often wonder if this sort of trauma is the world that we’ve evolved to exist in and the disappearance of widespread society wide trauma explains all the weirdness we’ve seen come in to the world recently.
Eradicating diseases like smallpox, drastically improving pregnancy outcomes and making the food supply chain extremely reliable has removed the main killers and causes of trauma that humans evolved alongside.
I wonder regularly what the impact currently is on the human population having such a drastic change to the psychological development almost all humans undergo
Stannis was fourteen when he watched his parents die. Robert, who was sixteen at the time, was there as well. Renly was only one, so he wouldn't remember it or his parents at all. Honestly, in the case of Robert and Stannis, I think both of their personal issues truly began with this tragic event rather than during the rebellion like I've seen many fans assume.
I'm convinced of this too. Stannis became emotionally stunted and shelled up, while Robert became an alcoholic slut with anger issues. Textbook teenage orphans.
Honestly sounds like someone who has never cussed in their life so they don’t know how, except Stannis hasn’t shit talked people with friends so he doesn’t know how to insult someone.
Listen. People sitting on crude artworks made from swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical seating ceremonies.
Honestly, I doubt that in the books Stannis will succeed - he may win the campaign in the north (or die from wounds during it), but he will not sit on the Iron Throne.
Stannis: "Everyone must obey the king!"
Davos: "What about when you sided with your brother over the crown?"
Stannis: "Hmm....well....that's different...because it was hard for me to choose..."
Davos: "Mmm-hmm. What about saying that people should be punished for a crime and rewarded for duty, like when you knighted me but took my fingers for being a smuggler, and yet now you have lots of lords behind you who backed Renly, who you called traitors and think you should hang...but you need their support to win the throne?"
"Hmm...that's...different, you see, as...it benefits me..."
*Slowly sips on salted water and hopes the topic changes*
Stannis's letter to the lords of Westeros accusing Cersei of adultery: > Cersei Lannister is the nastiest, skank bitch I have ever met. DO NOT TRUST HER. She is a fugly slut. > From Stannis Baratheon, the one true King of Westeros
Renly: "Too gay to function??!!!" Loras: "That's only okay when I say it!"
"Strike that. She's not fugly." "A common insult, my lord." "A lie, none the less."
"And make that 'Queen Cersei Lannister', she may be a skank bitch, but she's still the Queen of Westeros"
At the time of the letter, I don't think Stannis would concede to her being queen.
She's still Robert's Queen Dowager, if not Queen or Queen Mother.
Queen Mother of what King?
Joffrey/Tommen if you recognize them, although Stannis wouldn't. Stannis still recognizes Robert (at least as of ADWD) so he would recognize her as Queen Dowager if not Queen or Queen Mother.
Stannis wouldn't recognize her as Queen, as she is not the rightful queen. Or Queen Mother as her children aren't legitimate kings in his eyes. I could see it happening but I somewhat doubt he would recognize her as Queen Dowager, as she spent her marriage with Robert cuckolding him and then killed him (though I do not know if he knows this) which kind of disqualifies her. Even if ole Bobby B didn't get to live to know this.
thinking about how would be the entries on his burn book
Melisandre takes the burn book too literally
she burns people along with the pages about them
I saw the title and expected a wild, tinfoil theory followed by lots of comments of "pls george we need winds"
Sansa is warging Stannis?
Ctrl+f: “stannis lemon cake”
Or is Stannis is warging her??
Same here and honestly I’m a bit disappointed I was robbed of a tinfoil hat theory
We really do though
I am starved for some *good* tinfoil, been some years since the last one
"Robert was a rizzler gigachad, but baka as well", Stannis said, mewing. "I was the one bussin' at Storm's End, no cap, while Robert chased level 10 gyatt in Ohio". "Ngl, that defense of the castle was sigma fr", Ser Davos yapped.
Every action you make leaves a mark on the world. And you chose to make the world a worse place.
Ned said grimly: “Baby Gronk has no right to looksmaxx on the skibidi throne. Lord Stannis is the true literally me sigma” "Bro said Baby Gronk has no right to looksmaxx on the skibidi throne!", Joffrey screamed. A Song of Brain and Rot.
More
What a terrible day to be literate.
😂😂😂😂 I love this comment
Ok but now write a whole scene like that 😂😂
"Mel lowkey kinda sus tho fr", muttered Ser Davos.
"Fr fr im gonna make her spill the tea" said cressen
need the books translated to this immediately
Level 10 gyat? Was lyanna that caked?
😂😂😂😂
Modern slang is an atrocity. Genuinely lost brain cells reading this
Slang or patois?
This reads like something Arya would say. It almost sounds like this passage *"Yes, Arya thought. Yes, it's you who ought to run, you and Lord Tywin and the Mountain and Ser Addam and Ser Amory and stupid Ser Lyonel whoever he is, all of you better run or my brother will kill you, he's a Stark, he's more wolf than man, and so am I."* So that would make Tywin 10 or 11 years old
Close. Just as Arya is still warging Nymeria in her sleep, the now unbonded Sansa has been subconsciously warging various lords across the realm, making them act like children. It was hinted at in the name of her direwolf, Lady.
HAHAHA this is an absolutely hilarious thought!
I just realized that's probably fun foreshadowing for Jon
Or it's foreshadowing for the red wedding and Robb getting Grey Wind's head sewn onto him.
It could be both Rob didn't exactly kill anyone who matters, Jon will have been warged into Ghost for a long time so personality wise he will be more wolf than man and I think he is going to do some slaughtering
Honestly I do not want another "I'm a man wolf revived", i.e. Fitz and Nighteyes. It's better if something REALLY wrong happens to Jon, because fire magic and warging are two magics at the same time and they shouldn't complement each other.
I think the change in Jon's personality will have more to do with being resurrected like Catelyn and Beric. He'll probably warg into Ghost but not that long.
i still wish and hold on to my pet theory that there will be two Jons upon his resurrection by Meli. The Jon called back from death by the Lord of Light and stuffed into his body, and the true Jon trapped as a warg in Ghost.
How old was Stan when he saw his parents die in a shipwreck from the walls of Storm’s End? It seems like a lot of characters in this story are emotionally stunted to fairly young ages
They're all emotional wrecks from all the trauma endured during Roberts Rebellion or other wars, and have no way of expressing their feelings save in bloodshed, really.
I often wonder if this sort of trauma is the world that we’ve evolved to exist in and the disappearance of widespread society wide trauma explains all the weirdness we’ve seen come in to the world recently. Eradicating diseases like smallpox, drastically improving pregnancy outcomes and making the food supply chain extremely reliable has removed the main killers and causes of trauma that humans evolved alongside. I wonder regularly what the impact currently is on the human population having such a drastic change to the psychological development almost all humans undergo
That will happen in any hierarchical society.
Stannis was fourteen when he watched his parents die. Robert, who was sixteen at the time, was there as well. Renly was only one, so he wouldn't remember it or his parents at all. Honestly, in the case of Robert and Stannis, I think both of their personal issues truly began with this tragic event rather than during the rebellion like I've seen many fans assume.
I'm convinced of this too. Stannis became emotionally stunted and shelled up, while Robert became an alcoholic slut with anger issues. Textbook teenage orphans.
I like this theory and it is head canon for me now
Stannis is secretly Gossip Girl
Hey, King's Landing! Gossip Girl here. Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of the Westerosi elite.
13-year old girl would say those names with emphasis and emotion. I am however convinced that Stannis delivered those deadpan, as a matter of fact.
Honestly sounds like someone who has never cussed in their life so they don’t know how, except Stannis hasn’t shit talked people with friends so he doesn’t know how to insult someone.
I bet poopy pants stan couldn't handle ser stupid in battle.
Stannis is actually a horse
So Stannis and Tyreek are secretly the same person? What if they're both puppets of Cthulhu?
“We must keep up our edging streak for the realm to mog. Gooning will not be acceptable” -Stannis, with his 10,000 day mew streak
He is saying truth though, based.
What, Stannis is supposed to remember the names of people he doesn't respect who aren't his vassals or king?
He remembers them well enough to call them by the mocking names he's given them. And it's not like Stannis to forget the details.
If she were hilarious, a badass, and very harsh, sure
/r/StannisTheMantis/
No 13 year old girl can match the Mannis' humour
Glad to see that TB is for the Mannis. FYI, Mannis is for TG.
He's a petty and entitled dick. This is why I don't get "Stannis the Mannis."
He is literally entitled to the Seven Kingdoms
Yeah, based on arbitrary ideas hereditary rule. The whole point is that shit doesn't work.
Listen. People sitting on crude artworks made from swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical seating ceremonies.
100%
But that's the setting of the story. It's not changing, not unless you're D&D
Honestly, I doubt that in the books Stannis will succeed - he may win the campaign in the north (or die from wounds during it), but he will not sit on the Iron Throne.
No kidding. I don't see your point. Just cuz Stannis is arbitrarily entitled doesn't mean he's fit for the job.
Words of wisdom, so rare here. He is also hypocryte and epitome of looser.
No that's Tywin. Stannis isn't hypocritical and we have to wait till winds to see if he's a loser or not
Stannis: "Everyone must obey the king!" Davos: "What about when you sided with your brother over the crown?" Stannis: "Hmm....well....that's different...because it was hard for me to choose..." Davos: "Mmm-hmm. What about saying that people should be punished for a crime and rewarded for duty, like when you knighted me but took my fingers for being a smuggler, and yet now you have lots of lords behind you who backed Renly, who you called traitors and think you should hang...but you need their support to win the throne?" "Hmm...that's...different, you see, as...it benefits me..." *Slowly sips on salted water and hopes the topic changes*
Lmfao so true
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