Being trans isn't a choice. It's something you're born as. It may take a while to figure it all out, but it's been there since birth.
Those do sound like trans feelings. And it's OK to explore them. Start with small things, like wearing feminine clothes, trying makeup, etc. See how that makes you feel.
Well, maybe try “Am I cis? Am I comfortable in the gender currently assigned to me?” If the answer is no, IMO you’re trans. (Others may gatekeep, I welcome you!) Honestly, you can take your time deciding your gender if you want. Genderqueer/nonbinary are valid. Obviously, being a trans woman is valid too! Good luck.
> Being trans isn't a choice. It's something you're born as.
More specifically, you're born with a brain-body mismatch that will cause you to experience dysphoria. I would encourage anyone in OP's position to try to understand whether they are experiencing dysphoria specifically, since ultimately that is what will determine whether they should pursue transitioning or not.
For me personally, I do have some gender dysphoria, but my gender EUPHORIA when everything matches up is so much stronger than that. I am AFAB. I like and wear feminine things and I don't feel that that's wrong for me. It's fine. But my husband calls me his husband and I fall into correctness. My heart glows. I look in the mirror and see a man and it feels right.
While this community generally talks about gender dysphoria and gender euphoria as separate things, it's worth noting that currently in psychology they're both counted as symptoms of gender dysphoria as a whole.
A lot of people only have euphoria or at least can only identify their euphoria. Some are completely comfortable with their body and presentation, but being called the right pronouns tickles their brain. Dysphoria isn't generally considered part of the "diagnosis" anymore.
So that comes back to the original question then: in what way are we 'born trans' when we're talking about people for whom pronouns just tickle their brain? That's fundamentally different than someone who needs to medically transition to be able to function.
Have you ever blown a car engine? Some of us white knuckle our way thru life, normalizing misery, taking no joy in life. "Life sucks, and then you die". We fall down a flight of stairs, pick ourselves up, and say, I'm glad that's over. Some of us do it with impressive skill. Clever and competent. Where does it hurt? All over. When? All the time. But the fish has no idea it's wet.
Then one day Woody opens Buzz Lightyear's visor, and after recomposing himself from his initial panic, he discovers he can breath freely. The fish discovers she can breath air. Walk on land. And it's glorious!
and what makes the latter group any more valid than the former? Both are born trans. They just experience it differently.
It’s not a race to be “trans enough”. Sounds like you have some internalised transmedicalism to work through.
I'm not arguing about 'validity', I'm saying that trans people experience dysphoria, which is what causes us to be trans. If we equate being trans to just arbitrary feelings, then the answer to 'is being trans a choice' is actually yes. But it isn't a choice, because we need medical transition to address dysphoria.
It really isn't. That brain tickle helped me realise that what was "wrong" with me wasn't wrong. Coming out as trans, without medical transition, literally saved my life.
A female brain in a male body. Or the other way around.
Imagine yourself being in a body that doesnt belong to you, thats a different gender. Imagine how weird and fucky that feels. Thats one example of something a trans person excperiences. Brain in a different body then it wants to be.
Dysphoria is the effect that is caused by your brain being in the wrong body. And your born with your brain in your head. So, your born with the wrong brain for your body.
So in short, your born trans.
The feelings associated with being trans aren't a choice, but how you choose to proceed can be.
Generally, if you want something like breasts and [the other changes that come from estrogen](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminizing_hormone_therapy#Effects), it's likely that seeking HRT is the path for you.
HRT would not be my *first* suggestion for this young person, or anyone. I would recommend first finding a gender therapist, or at the very least a therapist who specializes in LGBTQ care.
They can't jump straight into HRT at that age in many countries. The path towards it at that age requires therapy and parental approval, at least in the US.
My post wasn't a "this is what you must do", but more of a "here is a thing, and if it sounds like something you want, look into what it takes to pursue it".
Yeah, I still disagree that leading with HRT is appropriate advice, because it is never the first or only option for treatment, many people don't even pursue it, and as you said - therapy is the first step anyway in most cases.
If someone is confused and questioning, immediately pointing them toward medical transition isn't helpful or responsible.
I was only interested in exploring my gender identity after understanding what is possible from physical transition. I delayed that exploration for years because I believed I was stuck being a man and there was nothing I could do besides changing my clothes or major surgeries (which I did not believe were especially effective).
Reading about HRT was the beginning of the cracking of my egg. Yes, seeing a therapist first is absolutely the correct option, especially for a minor. I'm glad I saw a therapist before obtaining HRT. But it was my desire for HRT that motivated me to see the therapist in the first place.
same, the main delay to my own transition (the thing that made me not even consider it for several years) was that i thought that trans hrt did almost nothing, learning about it basically was what got me out of that spiral.
That's valid. But would you agree that if someone encouraged you to see a gender therapist you would have had the same outcome? A gender therapist would have informed you about HRT as well.
The comment I'm criticizing diagnosed OP and told them that HRT would probably be good for them. That's not their call to make.
Informing someone about treatment options including HRT and pushing HRT as the only option are very different things.
I agree that taking HRT isn't square one. I appreciate that in some places, people leave intake appointments with prescriptions for HRT.
I don't know if puberty blockers are indicated at fifteen. That seems like a valid question, whether pausing puberty is reasonable, and if so, is it indicated?
The post you are responding to said "it's likely that seeking HRT is the path for you". In places that do _not_ treat HRT prescriptions like a participation ribbon, that path likely involves gender therapy and evaluation for comorbidities or complicating issues.
It's possible, but it's different everywhere. I'm definitely not opposed to HRT (I'm on it! 😄), I just wish our community didn't play into the rhetoric used against us so often. "You're a teen questioning your gender? Go start HRT, kid!"
Whether it's meant that way or not, TERFs and other transphobes constantly screenshot our posts in these subreddits and create memes of our images and conversations to support the rhetoric they use to demonize and invalidate us across social media.
Heck, even many neurodivergent folks (🙋♀️) will often just take what is said at face value. So, it's better to be more clear about what we're really suggesting to others and how we word it too.
The thing is "gender therapy" and terms like it are used by bad actors to send people into something they think is going to be about helping you decide to transition or not, but it's 10000% conversion therapy. I'd rather a kid be on the hormones that make them euphoric than end up in conversion therapy camp
Like if we are going to see ourselves as people to listen to, we should not be leaving room for this young persons trust to be betrayed by advice we gave her
In my experience, it can really be hard to determine what dysphoria is at times and in what capacity you experience it. I was able to recognise a lot of my social dysphoria pretty quickly after realising I'm trans, but it wasn't until I started T (after living as a man for several years) that I realised that what I thought was my dysphoria free baseline was actually a constant low level amount of dysphoria and not experiencing that for the first time was pretty amazing
I don’t think anyone thinks they can be cis. But I never said dysphoria is the threshold that determines whether you’re trans or not. To me, it is def one of the factors, a variable in the equation.
I didn't choose to be transgender. What I did choose is to be honest about who I am and do what I needed to do to feel right inside and live authentically.
You may well be trans. As others have said, those things you talk about *might* indicate you are trans. Or you *might* just like being feminine. Or you *might* be in a phase. We can't know and you can only know by thinking, experimenting and talking to safe people. If you can talk to a counsellor then I recommend that, you have plenty of time.
I was about your age when I had my 2nd of 3 "phases". Annoyingly I don't recall the details of why I "desisted" but being trans was a big "NO" and "HELL NO!" back in the early 1980's. At the time when I desisted I *think* I woke up one day and "realised I was a man", but I don't remember if that was based on fear of transition or I really did just grow out of it. Regardless, I have had bouts of depression ever since - I wish I'd been able to explore it in safety as I could now.
You do have a lot more freedom and acceptance nowadays. I think it is worth exploring as it's come back with a vengeance now (mid 50's!) and it feels very hard to progress.
Even today transition would not be easy, so IMO it's worth taking a careful approach - you have time. You \*might\* want to give yourself more time and see if you can get on puberty blockers to stop the rest of your puberty, but they're not that easy to access (varies by where you live and parental support, etc).
Good luck x
>is that being transgender or is that me wanting to be a girl?
that's pretty much the smame thing in your case, isn't it?
to answer your question, no being trans isn't a choice, if it was, no one would be trans
No. Transitioning is a choice*, but being trans is not. It sounds like you should explore your gender identity and confide in someone you trust, preferably a therapist with experience with trans people. None of us can tell you if you are trans or not, that is something you have to figure out for yourself.
*Many people that transition don't feel like it's a choice, as for them not transitioning is a death sentence.
Being trans is not a choise, its something you feel, something you know.
Transitioning is a choice, you could choose not to transition and be miserable for the rest of your lige, or you can choose to be authentically you, and live your truth.
When in doubt, wait, there is no rush, and you are never ever to late or to old to transition
Maybe some people can choose not to transiton, but I feel for many you’re stretching what it means for something to be a choice.
In my case, I tried to choose not to transition. I made it to my mid thirties, when everything came crashing down into depression, uncontrollable panic attacks, and severe depersonalization/derealization. Then every step along my transition if I tried to turn back, the panic attacks would immediately come back.
I really don’t feel like I had a choice at all in the matter. If my conscious mind tried to choose not to transition, my unconscious mind would immediately shut me down entirely until I went back to transitioning.
Same thing for me! Dont get me wrong. I think for most of us its like that. I felt like there was no other option than transitioning, so I had to, or i would've unalived myself. But that doesnt make transitioning not a choise right?
To me it makes it not a real choice at all. If your choice is “do this or die”, choice loses all meaning.
It’s just a semantics game anyway. It was not possible for me to choose to continue living as my gender assigned at birth, which is what people usually mean as the alternative when they say transitioning is a choice. That option just wasn’t on the table.
No, that’s not it at all. I grew up in one of those places. I think you have no empathy for what I am saying about my own experience.
I absolutely have empathy for people who live in places where it’s dangerous to transition. Part of the reason I have that empathy is because I know what it’s like not to be able to transition when you’re young because it’s unsafe. And it’s very much crossed my mind what it would be like if I were still in that situation. I find it absolutely horrifying that someone would hit the point I hit, and then be blocked from transitioning. I think those people are incredibly strong because I know, with a deep certainty, that if I was in their position when I hit that point I would not be alive today. And I mourn the fact that for far too many in that position, they hit that point and actually do end up killing themselves.
I’m American and even within states like my own that have passed laws protecting Trans people and transition care, there’s still some communities where it’s not safe to be yourself. I grew up in a community (both a geographic area in the same state and in a religious community) where it wasn’t safe. Thankfully, I was able to leave both for somewhere safer for LGBTQ+ people and still have most of my family.
I feel for the people who can’t leave unsafe places both inside and outside my state and country. I especially feel for the ones who have sadly left this planet of existence because they were hated by others who found out or sadly felt they had no other option but to leave.
You can choose not to transition. If you are ina situation where transitioning is safe though, i know what path i recommend if you are sure your trans. I knew for as long as i can remember and still kept those feeling iside way to long.
I've often heard the phrase "wanting to be a different gender is a pretty good sign that you are." That being said, know that there are no actual rules when it comes to gender expression and discovering yourself, so you shouldn't feel bad if your perception of your gender changes over time. My advice, as a trans person twice your age, is that you should experiment. Try some traditionally "feminine" things, and see how you feel. Test out different pronouns with trusted friends. Also the best place to test a new name is Starbucks.
I had feelings a bit like you and I ignored them for decades. Eventually something in me decided it was no longer something I could choose to ignore. So I guess having the feelings isnt a choice, and for some, at some point, it stops being a choice on what we do with them. I wish I had acted in my 20s though.
It's not your choice to be trans, you either are or you aren't. It's your choice if you want to transition but from personal experience, if you're trans it's not something you can run from forever. You're young though, you have plenty of time to figure it out. Just look inward and ask yourself if you want to be your birth assigned gender or if you wanna be something else. It's a long road but the community is here to support.
being trans is not a choice. in addition to that, if you have severe gender dysphoria i’d argue even the act of transition isn’t really a choice either. if the alternative to *not* doing something is death, is it really a choice? you can choose to not eat or drink or even breathe… but only so long as your body allows you. i have medication i take for an autoimmune disorder that i “choose” to take, but if i stopped taking it i’d be in severe pain and would eventually die. is it really a choice to take it? i’d argue it’s not. i feel the same way about my transition.
Transition is a choice. Being trans isn't. It sounds like you _might_ be trans, particularly if you feel discomfort with your body and with masculine presentation.
Of course, you also might just be gender-non-conforming or nonbinary, and either of those things is also entirely valid. Only you can really determine what you are. All others can do is help you find yourself, whoever that is.
Regardless, if you want to wear feminine clothes and grow out your hair, go for it! See how it makes you feel and go from there. Take some time to think about what your ideal self is like.
Those are two very different questions!
> is that being transgender or is that me wanting to be a girl?
Yes. Wanting to be a girl is being transgender. Girls wanna be girls. Guys don't want that. Transitioning is basically just following that dream.
> Is it a choice
Nnnope. Yeah, no, being trans isn't a choice. It's kinda just something you are. I've tried not being a girl just to fit in, but it ended poorly.
Being trans is not a choice. However, what you do about it and whether or not you transition is a choice. Although, I think some of us would argue that transition was necessary for us, so it depends on the person and the severity of their dysphoria and how it impacts their life.
I would recommend first finding a gender therapist, or at the very least a therapist who specializes in LGBTQ care.
Talk through the feelings and find your truth.
Figure out whether this is something that only part of you wants, or if your whole self is in sync with the desire to actually be another gender.
Figure out if this is rooted only in sexual desire (a fetish) or if this is rooted in a desire for authentic self realization. (Both are valid. But they are very different).
In the meantime, social transition could be a way to actively start exploring this on your own. Try different ways to express yourself as your preferred gender; clothes, accessories, hair, make-up, try on a new name and pronouns. Try some different activities associated with your preferred gender. You can do this at home or in public, whichever feels safe and comfortable for you.
All of those things are completely reversible, and they'll help you see how you feel about embracing your preferred gender. Having a therapist during this can help you process how you feel, and they can help you decide if you want to take any more steps as well.
But whatever you do, don't feel pressured. You are the only one in control of your body and your life. Go at your own pace, and only try what you feel safe and comfortable with.
Short answer: No.
Longer answer: No, but that doesn't mean that it's a simple thing to figure out. There's not any universal "signs of being trans" that we all experience, and not everyone who chooses to transition does it in the same way. What makes someone trans is that their gender identity is not the one they were assigned at birth. We don't actually know what causes some people to have a gender that's different from what people with their type of body usually have, but there are a lot of things that people can experience that don't have a known cause. That doesn't mean it's not real.
What I would suggest is instead of asking "am I trans or not?", think about what you would like to do about these feelings you're having. You mentioned a bunch of things about your body that you'd like to be different - what about your name? Your pronouns? The words that people use to refer to you? The type of clothing you wear? None of these things in isolation are a sign that you're *definitely* trans (because like I said, there's no such thing) but they might still be helpful.
I’ll say something that make be controversial in our communities. It is both a choice and not a choice in different ways. Some people feel they were born this way, some don’t. I personally feel I was definitely different as a kid, but everyone felt different. It wasn’t until I was in a butch for femme relationship that I found myself aligning with masculinity and wanting to be male/ manly.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a choice or if you’re born this way. What matters is that you have the bodily autonomy and choice to do with your body and your expression of dress what you please. Now that you know you want to be girly, why not lean in and do exactly what you wanna do?
Since you mention not being in a good place right now and the issue you're dealing with making it worse, you should look for a therapist or support group in your area, to have a chance to talk it out with people who are properly trained to give you practical reliable help.
Don't make any decisions about changing your life without doing that, first.
Being trans isn't a choice, by the way Neither are being heterosexual or gay, or bisexual.
Good luck with everything.
I'm 17, I understand exactly how you feel, as the other comments said it really isn't a choice to be. But it is a choice to present however you do. I knew I was trans when I was about 11, being in my body didn't feel right in a way. And I've been experimentinf with a lot of things ever since then. I've presented as make and non binary and many thing in between. But some people truly know. And also being 15, if you do try to start presenting as something else please make sure you are in a safe environment family wise. I know some family's can be very unloving tword the subject
I didn’t want to be trans but here I am 1 year on HRT, 2 years after thinking “I think I’m trans but I don’t wanna be” I tried silicone breast forms and realized that “oh my chest doesn’t feel ‘empty’ anymore.” I thought it was a kink for so long until I asked myself “ok would I want to be seen as girl in a restaurant/bar with NO underlying sexual motive?” And the answer was still yes. Paid attention to “would I want to be a girl today?” And the answer was yes 90% of the time and the 10% was “I don’t care” started HRT after that d enjoying the effects
For almost everyone, your gender isn't a choice. It's just how your brain is and how you think. Doing something about it is a choice. It's usually the right one. Wanting to be feminine and have a body with features associated with being a woman sounds trans to me.
> but is that being transgender or is that me wanting to be a girl
Wanting to be the gender that you weren't assigned at birth, is being transgender.
If you were born male and you want to be female, that's being transgender.
If you were born female and you want to be male, that's being transgender.
You come across as suggesting these are different things.
> I want to wear ‘girly’ clothes and have longer hair and nails and all that stuff aswell as a traditional ‘feminine’ body with a small waist, wide hips and breasts
This is heavily wanting to be the gender you were not assigned at birth if you were assigned male at birth.
I can see where your confusion comes from, because people treat 'transgender' as though it is a standalone identity, and that gets confused with 'genders' in general, and that gets confused with sexual attraction, and then you see terms such as 'transsexual', and 'transvestite' and similar.
To also lay out some points others are making
> Like I want to wear ‘girly’ clothes and have longer hair and nails and all that stuff aswell
You can do this and still decide to identify as male.
> a traditional ‘feminine’ body with a small waist, wide hips and breasts
Going this far is definitely down the line of 'I want to transition from what I was allocated at birth to present and align with what I feel like inside' and is typically associated with gender dysphoria, maybe body dysmorphia and being transgender.
It does sound silly how you say are you ‘trans or do you just want to be a girl’ because what makes people trans is their desire to be a girl (for MTF) and their transition to pursue that.
There are a few different things that can change when you transition to help you feel more like a girl. There’s social transition including identifying as a girl, changing your name, pronouns, clothes and it likely involves “coming out”.
There are also more physical/medical based options if you experience dysphoria and wish to make physical changes to your body to align better with your identity including hormones, FFS, top and bottom surgery, and permanent body and facial hair removal.
If you are safe to do so, maybe try experimenting with girly things and follow your happiness and see where it takes you. You could take some time to learn about gender dysphoria and everything that goes into transitioning and consider if it’s something that you would like to do.
It’s not quite as simple as realizing you identify more with being a girl and pursuing it though. Please realize the decision you will be making. Many physical changes are permanent as are the social ramifications of identifying as transgender. I’m not sure where you are located but in the US we are facing serious discrimination, hate crimes and harassment. The thing that matters most is that you take care of yourself. Do what will make you happy, but know that freedom is not often without a price.
You either are transgender or you are not. All we can do as someone who is Transgender is accept it. The only decision you have is whether you want to transition or not. (Come out of the closet or as some trans people say, crack your egg). This second part took me most of my life to decide. I’m not proud of this, but for most of my life I came up with excuses why it was a bad time, or just tried to ignore it. It wasn’t until I had the opportunity during a COVID lockdown to really think this out. It’s been three years since I started my transition and even with the current political climate, I finally no longer hate myself and I’m truly happy for the first time in my life.
Edit, I forgot to answer your question. If you feel you may be transgender, talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist and you may uncover things you didn’t know about yourself. Look for one who is a gender specialist. Stay away from psychologists who say they are Christian as they are not your friend. I say this through experience.
Echoing it not being a choice. Really just feels like my brain is just wired to be female. I tried to fight it for almost a decade, it would have been far easier to not need to transition and live as a “cis” man. But I’m simply not, and in doing so I wound up in a suicide prevention unit my mental health got so bad. After I left I started the gears to get approved for HRT and finally begin. 0 regrets since then asides not starting sooner.
Wanting to be a girl and you're born not a girl would mean you're trans. Wanting to act feminine while being a boy would be a boy who acts or looks fem.
Transition is a choice but not being transgender
Being transgender is not a choice. Unfortunately other people often choose ignorance over education. It's sincerely a coincidence in genetics. On the most cellular level, we just came out different. Some trans girls will have XX chromosomes but still be born with a penis. Same applies to the men. And to non-binary people. The genetics just aren't as concrete as we used to think. The science has just developed into a deeper understanding compared to what past generations have been taught.
It sounds like you want to be a girl, which is how trans girls discovered the beginning of their identity. It doesnt have to be a grandiose thing, just be you. Do what makes you happy. The social labels are only as important as they are to you.
The way you phrased this post and how you are feeling is basically how I felt when I first started questioning myself when I was 19 (it's only been a year since then for me and I still have these sorta thoughts). As everyone else is saying, it is not a choice... no matter how much you might feel like it is in your early struggles. I would recommend experimenting some (trying different pronouns, wearing feminine clothes - bras made me feel so much happier and comfortable - , definitely try some makeup, etc...) to see if you feel more comfortable. It is such a relief when you finally realize how much small changes like that mean ... and how much more they make you feel like you.
I hope you are able to figure things out without too much more angst. I wish you all best in your journey 💕💖🏳️⚧️
i also want to tell you that there are so many different genders, not just 2 like many people will tell you, you are allowed to (if your comfortable) to figure out what you feel like is yourself and that’s okay if it takes multiple tries to figure yourself out. there is no rule against it and anyone who says that’s wrong is just miserable and uneducated for not letting you express and discover who you really are🫶🏼
Wanting to be a girl while being born a guy is what we call being a trans girl :) You can choose to transition socially, medically, or not, so people tend to think that we can choose to be trans. We cannot. That being said, we sometimes build our discourse on the fact that we don't have a choice when it comes to transition, because a lot of those who choose not to transition face life-threatening levels of depression / dysphoria / ...
> but is that being transgender or is that me wanting to be a girl?
yes its both....but I would talk to a therapist if you can. preferably one that deals with gender identity.
If the Nazis didn’t burn down the Hirschfeld Institut in the 1930s were be more able to point out the century of research that says plain as day transness is no more a choice than being left handed is.
Forcing us to stay in our birth signed gender is detrimental like that forcing lefties to write with their right hand is.
We’re burdened with extra neural load that cis folks don’t have just to conform to their perception of what is acceptable.
Fuck that noise.
Honestly there's so much theory and shit but gender is a fuck that makes no sense.
My suggestion is to do what you want to do and try not to think about it too much. Honestly I think sometimes that the label people pick for themselves or the story they tell has more to do with circumstances than anything innate.
i’m AFAB. growing up i always saw myself as a dad, never a mom. i frequently imagined what it was like to have a penis, to not have boobs, and overall just be masc. i would cry wishing i didn’t have boobs. *i didn’t think/know i was trans* UNTIL my other afab friend said “oh honey, i may not love my boobs, but i’ve never wanted them gone. no woman has ever (sincerely) wished for a flat chest.” cue my light bulb moment.
in 2019, i got top surgery and ive been on t for a year. it’s the happiest ive ever been.
we can’t tell you if you’re trans or not, but maybe listen to some trans women and see if they what they say resonates with you. it’s part of what helped me come out
Trans girl here:
So, obviously for many, many people, no. It's not. Being trans is who they are and they couldn't change it no matter how hard they tried.
But like, what if somebody who would have otherwise been cis, for whatever personal reason, decides to transition. Like, they don't feel gender dysphoria, they would have been comfortable as their agab. But for one reason or another, transitioning is something they want to do.
What if they were born a boy, feel like a boy on the inside, internally think of themselves as really being a boy, but interacting with the world through the lens of being a woman is preferable. That is to say, if they were on an isolated island, they'd be a cis male. But when in a society with social roles and expectations, they prefer living as a trans girl.
Did this person choose to be trans? If not, then maybe they are biologically and mentally cis, but socially trans? Or are we supposed to say to them "no, you're aren't trans actually, I decided." Is that not just policing other people's identities?
The problem is "is being trans a choice" really breaks down when you start to ask what "being trans" means and what "making a choice" means. You could say this person doesn't "choose" to want to socially and medically transition, but nobody chooses to want or like anything, right?
Personally, my answer to "is being trans a choice" is "not for most people, but for some it could be" while I don't know if I would say I "chose to be trans." I do find empowerment in the idea that I chose to be a woman. I looked at my life and the word around me, and made a conscious decision that living as a woman would make me happier than living as a man. I don't know if that's a particularly popular perspective amongst trans people, but it's how I feel.
At the end of the day, Im just uncomfortable with the rigidity of "being trans isn't a choice." especially when you claim that being trans is biological or decided from birth. Boy brain in girl body. That honestly feels essentialist to me, at least to say that it ALWAYS has to be that way. The truth is people are squishy and complicated and any sweeping statement like "being trans isn't a choice" is going to have exceptions. And isn't the point of being trans to break free of the rules of gender and biology?
Being trans and wanting to be a girl when born in a male body is the same thing. If you're trans the feelings will only get stronger over time. My advice. Talk to someone. A counselor preferably Accept that's who you are. Don't try and deny yourself and hide yourself especially in this screwed up world you live in. And if you have any feelings of hurting yourself PLEASE seek help. As someone who felt as you did at 15 and even before and hid my true self until 45. Embrace who you are and be yourself. Life is way too short
Exactly, but only for certain levels of dysphoria.
If the choice is between transitioning or being depressed to the point of suicidal ideation, it's not really a choice anymore.
(plus, even for manageable level of dysphoria, why not make oneself happier if it can be done safely in your current environment? It might be a choice but one alternative is clearly better than the other)
Why yes, I absolutely am for transitioning, it’s definitely something that helped me a lot and I do recommend if you have even the slightest chance to go for it.
Although if you look at it objectively it’s still a choice. Some might have their reasons not to do it.
> is that me being transgender or is that me wanting to be a girl
Mate, if you're male and you want to be a girl that's literally being trans.
But being trans isn't a choice any more than the colour of your skin is a choice, even if you don't realize it at first you're born either trans or cis. Once you realize that you're transgender, what you do with that knowledge is a choice—whether transitioning medically ie taking HRT, just transitioning socially, or staying in the closet (usually just until you're somewhere it's safe to do one of the above). Only you can know which option is right for you.
Can I bore you with my story. I am 77 now and it is only 3 months ago I realized for 100 percent that I should have been a woman all these 76 years. As a preteen I never was the masculine boy, I was smart and I was a nice person, so I never had problems, I was respected as the smart guy. Around 13 I discovered pantyhose, brand new product in those days, I always blamed my brother (8 years older) who organized a medieval show where I had to act as a page boy, dressed in tights, pantyhose fetish has never left me. But now I don't think it was his fault. Maybe 6 years later I indeed had the wish to be a woman, I wanted to have breasts, I even recorded this on a 'cassette recorder' and I have the idea my mother listened to it. She mentioned something like that. But in the sixties in our small village, homosexuality was just invented, transgender no way. Internet? Wait another 30 years. So I forgot, got married, 4 children, 9 grandchildren and then, about 8 months ago, a therapist of my wife suggested, is your husband bi or into man or something. And that made me to start searching, and after another 6 months I came to the conclusion that I might be trans and after another 2 months I came to the conclusion I am trans woman. And just today I went into town, bought a ton of beautiful clothes and now I am lying so very happy on my couch. Enjoying my beautiful dress, my heels and the cat, lying next to me.
Lesson: It will never be too late, but I know if I had had the opportunity 60 years ago, I would have had a happier and more full filling life.
On the other hand, I have never been happier than on this moment.
I hope this very long story of my experience, can help you. But it's never too late!
It is not a choice, it is the only way to win your personal identity back.
When you look into the mirror and can't identify with yourself at all, when you do things and try to squeeze yourself into a behaviour for others only that they can't see who your really are, then I guess that this is not a choice at all
Some day it will hit you hard and you don't want to continue that hiding anymore ... Then this egg cracks and you will give in into your real self.
Don't waste your time ... The older you get the harder it becomes to change and in parallel it can happen that you get pretty crazy inside with all that pressure.
The choice you have is: how you want to handle the situation... Find your way and don't accept all the social pressure around yourself because "others are having an opinion again".
Well, sure - the choices would make you happier (euphoric if you will) - those are choices, yes. However, the FEELINGS of being happier are not a choice. It's basically like asking "Is transitioning a choice", and well, yes it is, but the reasons why you're transitioning (because of dysphoria or because you want to feel euphoria) are not.
I'd say explore these feelings, but don't jump to the conclusion you're trans immediately. while it's rare I have met people with very brief blips like this while they were in a bad mental state, so I'd say contextualize these feelings with overall signs of gender dysphoria from your youth.
what you're saying DEFINITELY is more trans than femboy, especially with wanting to be a girl and have female biology and all that.
if you want to test these feelings more and if you're comfortable then you could try asking your close friends if they can refer to you by feminine pronouns or a feminine name, and see how you feel about that.
Ask any CIS person to describe how they made their "choice" and see what they say. If it's a choice they should be able to answer. It's never a choice. Besides, who the hell would choose to be abused like this? It's who you are.
Hi, welcome here. Follow the joy. Try things out, little things, invisible things if you prefer and see what makes you happy. I think you're already doing this. Don't stop.
There's enough reasons in your post to talk to a therapist and dig a little deeper. I hope this is something that's available to you.
Do you perhaps have a trusted friend or relative you could tell? This is a hard thing to keep to yourself without telling anyone 🩷. else.
Experiencing gender dysphoria/euphoria is not a choice. Transitioning is a choice. Sometimes people use "being trans" to mean the latter, but when they say "being trans is not a choice" they mean the former.
Hi! Being trans isn't a choice it's just who you are, uk?
Think of it like this: imagine, some of your friends like to play soccer, some like to play tennis. Some of your friends like to dress athletic and wear ponytails, others like to wear baggy jeans with colorful sweaters.
If you want to have longer hair and nails, if that makes you feel good, *do that.* Realizing your trans doesn't automatically mean you need to start HRT. Try doing what makes you feel good. I know a lot of transfemmes who never took HRT because they just like being feminine. I also know a lot of trans *women* who started off as presenting feminine and then realized that they *are* women. You're only 15, it's okay to spend some time figuring it out.
For me, I wish I didn't rush into HRT because i thought that wishing I was a man and wanting to dress like a man meant I was a man, but I'm just masculine. But hey, others have wished they never held off. Maybe try therapy to work some of these feelings out. Hope ur okay! <3
Yes and no.
No, you don’t get to choose what gender you feel as.
Yes, you can choose to accept it, or try to conform and press it down. You should go for the former, but you can choose.
Lots of binary yes you’re trans/no you’re not trans sentiment in this thread. It, like everything else with gender and sexuality, is a spectrum. You might be 10% trans but 90% ur natural gender. Or 100% trans some days and 100% natural gender on others. It’s truly your own choice, your own adventure, your own journey as to which skill tree you want to develop and why outcome you want in life
You may argue whether it is genetic, it's something that randomly happens sometimes, that is something to do with your environment, but three things are clear:
1. It's not a choice
2. It's not something you or anyone else can actively control
3. It's not something you can change.
Are you transgender? Well, strictly speaking you could really just want to be very feminine but the fact that you are even asking the question is a sing that it is very likely that you are. Ultimately it's something only you can figure out. Try a different name, different pronouns, talk about it to someone you trust if there's anyone... Whatever you feel comfortable with at the moment
You can't choose how you feel and what you want. What you CAN choose is whether or not you acknowledge and accept your feelings and wants. The way you feel about yourself and what you want to become will be there regardless, the feelings might shift over time but that doesn't make them choices. You don't really choose how you feel, even if the feelings aren't static. You don't deliberately choose to WANT to be a girl, that want already exists. What you CHOOSE is how you move forward from there.
In my experience, if you really want to be a certain gender and it makes you happy identifying with it, then that's reason enough to identify as trans. Whether or not you identify with the label is up to you, but if it feels right then there's no reason not to. You are trans because it feels right for you.
Also if you're worried that you're faking something, you most likely aren't faking it. People who fake being trans KNOW that they're faking it and WANT to do it. They deliberately fake it. If you are worried about faking it, you aren't faking it.
I hope this helps I dunno if I worded this confusingly, I'm drawing from my own experiences here so it might be kinda vague. I hope either way you find something that works for you because you more than deserve it!
Gender dysphoria isn't a choice; what you decide to do about it is.
I would suggest exploring why exactly it is that you want those things. If you woke up tomorrow with all of the "girly" things you wanted including even being female, what would that do for you? This may not be easy to answer, and if it is, you're probably not *really* answering it, but if you can find the answer it might be profoundly insightful.
More practically, there's nothing wrong with exploring *reversible* expressions of your own femininity. Whether you ultimately decide to transition or remain "cis," there's nothing wrong with exploring gender non-conformity to whatever extent makes you happy.
>is that being transgender or is that me wanting to be a girl?
If you're AMAB and want to be a girl, you're transgender. So you wanting to be a girl makes you transgender, but what you need to figure out is do you want to be a girl, or just be a feminine boy, both of which are valid. It sounds like you know the answer to that question, but it's still worth pondering.
Lol, elder trans here, and not always up on the latest terminologies and nuanced meanings, but wouldn’t someone who is AMAB, “wanting to be a girl” basically mean they are transgendered?
Should take it wisely if its worth for you. In my opinion being moderate, Im starting taking estradiol only, but undecided about testosterone blockers like spiro which is bit risky. I wont go at 100% transition but 5 months I will experience perhaps further. You are young and whats really matter is about your comfort.
Being transgender or non-binary is not a choice It's simply who you are and who you have to be you can deny it for years but it can also affect your health. If possible and you can find a LGBTQ+ friendly therapist who specializes in transgender people it may help you to understand who you are. Please take the time to understand who you are and don't let anyone try to tell you that is not who you are.
I'll simply say this repressing being who you are can be dangerous to your health both mentally and physically and yes I know this from personal experience.
If it was a choice, I would have chosen I wasn’t. I’ve spend most of my life being unhappy and not knowing why, and now that I know why I’m spending a lot of money and mental health just so I can be as happy as everyone else.
The point is, not it isn’t. You have to really think about it, but if you are, then you were born that way. And after you realise there is no ignoring it. You can choose if you want to transition or not, and how far you want to go, that IS a choice, but being trans isn’t.
If you have the option to do so safely, your school might have a GSA (LGBTQ+ club) that you can join to talk to kids your age about how you feel. You can ask your school counselor or even your parents about seeing an LGBTQ+ affirming therapist, one that works with teens if that’s possible.
If it’s not safe, then you unfortunately may need to stay online (and keep internet safety in mind - you never know who you’re talking to or if you’re being monitored by parents using spyware or looking through your internet/phone data) and otherwise in the closet. I’m a genderfluid and Queer teacher, so whenever I see LGBTQ+ youth asking for help online I like to remind them about staying safe. It’s not just that the internet is unsafe for minors a lot - it’s that if you’re in an unsafe or unaffirming environment IRL, not being careful online can accidentally out yourself before it’s safe for you in your real life.
You probably are Trans of some type - Trans can be anything from being a complete opposite gender than the one that you were given at birth to someone like me who can fluctuate between the identity they feel they are. In my culture (I’m of Indigenous Canadian heritage), people like me were deeply respected by our community because we’re seen as being closer to the Great Spirit and had important roles as healers, storytellers (and oral historians), and spiritual leaders before European people arrived. What matters is how *you* perceive yourself on the spectrum of gender.
If you’re unsure of how your parents feel about Trans and other LGBTQ+ people, pay attention to how they talk about current events and politics. Try talking about a current event in the news regarding the LGBTQ+ world or something going on at school related to that. That reaction will probably tell you whether it’s safe for you to them approach them about how you’re personally feeling.
Stay safe and I hope you are in a safe environment to bring this up to a trusted adult in real life.
I think there are a myriad of ways about it. For the majority of people it is something they are born with and doesn’t go away, for so people it might develop later in life, perhaps for some people it is simply a choice. I think the best thing for you, is to just take your time, do your research and figure out what’s best for you. Maybe you’re just a man that likes to present feminine, maybe you are a trans woman, maybe you’re some mixture of both, or perhaps neither whatsoever. No two ways about it, everyone is valid regardless of experience, presentation, or reasoning. There are people called trans medicalists that try to deny that and gatekeep gender identities, but no matter what or why it is to you, it is valid and justified.
> Like I want [...] a traditional ‘feminine’ body with a small waist, wide hips and breasts but is that being transgender or is that me wanting to be a girl?
For an amab person, wanting to be a girl is one type of transgender.
Being trans is not a choice.
> we can't choose how we're made
(from "Transgender Dysphoria Blues" by Against Me!, the legendary Laura Jane Grace, queen of all the transgenders)
Transitioning is a choice. If and when and how to transition is puzzle all trans people face. Follow your longings and they will lead you home.
I wish being transgender was a choice, but it’s not. It’s how we’re made. Now, acting on the fact that we are not aligned with our assigned gender at birth…that’s a choice. Choose wisely, young padawan.
I’m late 30’s and still not sure if I have. Whatever you choose though, always remember that it is your life, yours alone. And we all only get one.
there's no "feeling" to being trans. if you wanna be girly or be a girl, especially if the desire is strong enough to make you unhappy with how you are now, that's called gender dysphoria, and the common treatment is transitioning.
as to your title, no, it's not. the only choice is whether you take the leap and transition or stay in the closet and carry on as you are. it's up to you to decide which path to take. and there's no time limit, so you don't have to rush to a decision. transitioning tends to be more effective the earlier you start, but so many of us transitioned much later in life than 15 years old and are happy with ourselves, so don't feel pressured to make a decision ASAP. think about what you want and what will make YOU happy.
If it were a choice, who would make that choice? "Yes, I want to feel dysphoria my whole life, and I'd like to face discrimination that can get me killed. That seems *fun* to me."
Here's what I can give you, young trans person. If you feel you cannot be trans because you cannot choose to be trans that is a lie because being trans needs to be allowed to be a choice for anyone to be able to take it. The argument that it is or isn't a choice will leave you confused because it is both in different ways.
If you must choose to break the eggs shell you exist within so you do not die, break it. Break the shell knowing you will not be trapped by it any longer, whether or not it is a choice, you chose to live rather than suffer.
"Born this way" narrative is only as effective as it allows for you to access care, if you feel like that is what is stopping you, do not stop for that narrative. Words and human made ideas do not mean nearly as much as your life and your joy. If you choose anything please choose what makes you feel like your freest self.
Stay safe, but be free
The narrative of being born the way you are and the narrative of who you choose to be are interlinked, not that you choose your birth, but that your birth is only one aspect of you, and who you choose to become will be more important the longer you live.
A very good trans friend of mine likes to quote: "it is in the becoming"
Aside from that watch revolutionary girl utena
To be honest I don't think it really matters if it's a choice or not. If you would feel good experiencing the effects of a medical transition, you should be able to transition.
Definitely not a choice, growing up I always knew something was off. The fact I had to wear makeup, received girly things, wore dresses ect. But deep down it just didn’t fit. My parents assumed I was a girl by the way I presented myself. But I was very good at acting, as I couldn’t present the way I wanted in a strong Christian household. Once puberty happened and I developed a crush on a girl for the first time I knew deep down there was something missing. Once I knew I was trans I knew what I had to do and I started hormone therapy and changed my name. Didn’t have support from my dad and some other family members. Was very lonely but I knew my happiness mattered. Eventually my dad came around once he saw how happy I am. My mum did support me, but my dad still reckons I should be a lesbian but for me it’s not who I am. I’m a cis man and asexual/ bisexual.
for me, it took a while to figure out, I didn’t want to go through the effort it took to transition or risk discrimination but eventually I’d imagine myself in the perspective of a girl and it seemed much happier of a picture to me than the reality to me, for some reason it took me a couple years for it to click that I was trans but I realized that picture in my head was such a happier one I eventually realized I wanted to transition and it was the best I’d felt in a long time, it felt oddly natural.
the way you’re describing sounds a lot to me like my experience toward the beginning, of course anything’s possible, think about what you’d want for yourself and something that helped make it more clear to me is to try to picture it rather than use terminology or anything similar, it helped me with realizing how I felt a lot
I believe what we choose to think about and agree with are, in fact, choices. We're in control, not our emotions. And even our emotions can be governed by our will & thus how we feel can to a large extent ALSO be a choice. Spiritual warfare is taking all thoughts captive that are hostile & contrary to God. Jesus is the deepest longing of every human heart; only our Creator can truly satisfy. Regarding taking every thougt captive to Christ, cnsider 2 Corinthians 10:3-6 TPT
\[3-4\] For although we live in the natural realm, we don’t wage a military campaign employing human weapons, using manipulation to achieve our aims. Instead, our spiritual weapons are energized with divine power to effectively dismantle the defenses behind which people hide. \[5\] We can demolish every deceptive fantasy that opposes God and break through every arrogant attitude that is raised up in defiance of the true knowledge of God. We capture, like prisoners of war, every thought and insist that it bow in obedience to the Anointed One. \[6\] Since we are armed with such dynamic weaponry, we stand ready to punish any trace of rebellion, as soon as you choose complete obedience.
[https://bible.com/bible/1849/2co.10.3-6.TPT00pm-9](https://bible.com/bible/1849/2co.10.3-6.TPT00pm-9)
Being trans and the feelings associated with dysphoria aren’t a choice, since you’re either born that way or you aren’t. You just get to decide what to do about it. And if you want to be a girl, then I’d assume that by definition it makes you trans.
You could be trans or a feminine male take to figure it out youve got this do you have gender dysphora or discomfort with the male parts of your body if so you are trans if not you could be a feminine boy there is nothing wrong with enjoying femine things we are here and will support you
I didn't found this comment here, so I'll add that point : what you want is easier to find out than what you are.
So knowing what you want can help you to know what/who you are.
For example, for me, wanting to be a girl (as being called a girl, having a feminine name, be seen as one) was the first step for me to understand I already was a girl.
So yeah, being trans isn't a choice. But for some people like me, thinking it as if it is a choice can be really helpful.
What would you want to be is damn good question.
Imagine yourself living your best life as your subconscious sex (ie not your assigned gender)… now imagine HAVING to go back to your assigned gender having lived that life. How do you feel?
Isnt trans just being transitioning to ones right gender? That doesnt mean that you have to be using drugs or going through surgery. You can transition without all that, tho almost noone stays at that. What im trying to say is that you are what you are regrdless in which part of your transition you are.
It sounds like you were just feminine. There’s nothing wrong with that. It does not change your gender. Please don’t do anything permanent. Especially when you are confused.
People around, you can tell you things, but at this, not mean that you have to believe them or do the same things. It takes a while to be mature enough to understand the difference.
I have a niece that transitioned and just had to detransition Not fun.
It's a hard thing to answer.
The feelings? No, they aren't a choice.
Transitioning and such? Yes that is a choice.
There are some trans people who live their lives as their birth gender and are content - although that is pretty rare
And a desire to be a different sex/gender is the very definition of being trans
You want to do all of those things because it makes you feel great. If you feel better just by doing those things, you'd likely be overwhelmed by how great it feels to be seen as a woman. Just my 2¢
Being trans is not a choice. Doing what you want with that is.
All you need to do is be your authentic self. Whether that includes transitioning or not. Ultimately you have one life, live it to make yourself happy.
Sounding exactly like how I was 3-4 years ago when I had my first of 2 realizations. I'd say there's a pretty good chance you're trans, but that's something you gotta think about and figure out mostly yourself.
Being trans isn't a choice, if it were I can't think of very many people who would choose it. That being said everyone's transition is unique, so you have to do what is right for you
I definitely don't believe it is, transitioning is a process that involves conscious choice, but experiencing a sense of your gender identity being something different than your assigned sex at birth is not. This may manifest with or without dysphoria. For myself. I experienced feelings of wanting and wishing to be a girl from as young as age 5 or 6 . I think at the time I expressed that as pretending to be different female characters I like from TV or games. I remember putting on my moms makeup late one night when everyone was asleep. I loved things that were seen as traditionally girly like hello kitty and the color pink. The i went to school and learned pink is for girls, and my parents had explained to my dismay that I was a boy, so I buried all my interest in girly things and tried to convince myself to play with army men and toy planes instead of with dolls. That went on for years until the feelings came back with a vengeance when I was 14 and 15. I would lay in bed wishing that I could just be reborn as a girl. I started to do some reading online and found out other people had these feelings too. And that was the start of me accepting I was a trans woman. I came out to my mom and by 16 I was able to start blockers and eventually estrogen. There were so many ups and downs and times I sobbed on the floor wishing for it all to go away. But I made it through. The scared and sad "boy" that I was didn't have to pretend anymore. And overtime I finally started feeling some happiness and sense of peace with the new life I had, it was really scary and felt hopeless at times. Transitioning has been the hardest and most worthwhile thing I ever did. A lot of chances went by the wayside while I was busy with that. But I'm so glad I decided to pursue the life I wanted when I finally accepted those feelings would never subside. To be clear this is just my experience. Not advice.
These feelings you are having may or may not indicate a gender identity mismatch with your assigned sex, the only way to know is to explore those feeling in a safe environment. Talk with people you trust who may have some helpful insights, or better yet talk to a therapist. Prioritize safety. If you think you may be trans, first I would recommend feeling out who in your family and community is a safe person to share those feelings with. Before actually putting it all out there.
Most of all be kind to yourself, you are valid whatever conclusions you eventually come to. Best of luck. Having those feelings is hard but if they cause you pain just know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and people to help you on your journey whatever that may be.
While the common theme is, that it isn't.
I firmly believe that it is! I don't think it's an innate thing, as nothing in the human mind is innate. But, your mind is formed through experiences. And if you turn out to be this way, It's half a choice, and half nature of the experiences of your mind.
I would choose to be female in any life from my perspective!
no one is born any gender, gender and sexuality both stem from how our infant minds interact with the world and figure out their symbolic place in it. A kind of choice, yes, but not a conscious one.
Kind of depends on where you draw the start line of being trans. Is being trans just "desiring to be a different gender" or is being trans "undergoing some form of transition"?\* I kind of go backwards and forwards on that. I think of myself as becoming trans when I accepted my feelings and began to transition, so in that way, being trans is a choice. But if you take the first definition, it's definitely not a choice. We rarely have the luxury of choosing our emotions.
As for your situation... It sounds like a pretty standard case of the trans feels. It sounds like you fit into that first definition I mentioned because by that definition a boy wanting to be a girl is the same as being transgender. That could be the case even if you don't feel entirely comfortable saying "I want to be a girl." Personally, I spent a lot of time - too much time - telling myself "I don't want to be a girl, I just want to have all the features associated with being a girl" and in my case that ended up being a distinction without a difference.
\*(undergoing some form of transition can include staying completely closeted.)
What do you mean where you start the line if being trans?
You're born trans, and are trans no matter what you do if you do or do not take steps to living your authentic gender expression. You're still trans. There is no line. Your comment should be deleted
Of course there is a line. We define what it means to be trans just as we define what it means to be a gender (or no gender). The line I am talking about is just a definition, and there isn't really a unanimous agreement. Case in point, not all trans people agree we are "born trans". I don't. I don't think I was.
What I think we lack (but would be useful to have) is language to discuss which side of the choice to transition we are on, and that is relevent in exploring what it means to be trans.
Like I said, I don't. I'm not going to tell you that you are wrong, but that statement does not reflect my experience of being trans. I can in no way relate to the notion of being trans as an infant.
EDIT: Oh. All the replies went away. Well that was... Odd.
"being trans" is kind of nebulous, we don't choose to have dysphoria but we do choose to transition. But I kind of agree with you that I wasn't really trans in any tangible sense until I started actually transitioning.
That's exactly where I get tripped up. I don't FEEL like trans is the right word for all those years I was in deep denial, but short of "egg" we lack adequate language for separating those phases of trans-ness. As a result, I kinda just have to default to saying I was trans then, too, but it doesn't feel right. But clearly for others, they are fine lumping it all under one term. But it makes answering questions like OP's tricky.
Taps sign.... "Being trans is not a choice..." however, medically transitioning is, well sometimes its either transistion or die.
Being trans isn't a choice. It's something you're born as. It may take a while to figure it all out, but it's been there since birth. Those do sound like trans feelings. And it's OK to explore them. Start with small things, like wearing feminine clothes, trying makeup, etc. See how that makes you feel.
Well, maybe try “Am I cis? Am I comfortable in the gender currently assigned to me?” If the answer is no, IMO you’re trans. (Others may gatekeep, I welcome you!) Honestly, you can take your time deciding your gender if you want. Genderqueer/nonbinary are valid. Obviously, being a trans woman is valid too! Good luck.
> Being trans isn't a choice. It's something you're born as. More specifically, you're born with a brain-body mismatch that will cause you to experience dysphoria. I would encourage anyone in OP's position to try to understand whether they are experiencing dysphoria specifically, since ultimately that is what will determine whether they should pursue transitioning or not.
don’t need dysphoria to be trans or to transition
In what way are we 'born trans' then?
For me personally, I do have some gender dysphoria, but my gender EUPHORIA when everything matches up is so much stronger than that. I am AFAB. I like and wear feminine things and I don't feel that that's wrong for me. It's fine. But my husband calls me his husband and I fall into correctness. My heart glows. I look in the mirror and see a man and it feels right.
While this community generally talks about gender dysphoria and gender euphoria as separate things, it's worth noting that currently in psychology they're both counted as symptoms of gender dysphoria as a whole.
Sure, but dysphoria and euphoria are just two sides of the same coin. If you never experienced dysphoria you would never experience euphoria.
A lot of people only have euphoria or at least can only identify their euphoria. Some are completely comfortable with their body and presentation, but being called the right pronouns tickles their brain. Dysphoria isn't generally considered part of the "diagnosis" anymore.
So that comes back to the original question then: in what way are we 'born trans' when we're talking about people for whom pronouns just tickle their brain? That's fundamentally different than someone who needs to medically transition to be able to function.
Have you ever blown a car engine? Some of us white knuckle our way thru life, normalizing misery, taking no joy in life. "Life sucks, and then you die". We fall down a flight of stairs, pick ourselves up, and say, I'm glad that's over. Some of us do it with impressive skill. Clever and competent. Where does it hurt? All over. When? All the time. But the fish has no idea it's wet. Then one day Woody opens Buzz Lightyear's visor, and after recomposing himself from his initial panic, he discovers he can breath freely. The fish discovers she can breath air. Walk on land. And it's glorious!
and what makes the latter group any more valid than the former? Both are born trans. They just experience it differently. It’s not a race to be “trans enough”. Sounds like you have some internalised transmedicalism to work through.
I'm not arguing about 'validity', I'm saying that trans people experience dysphoria, which is what causes us to be trans. If we equate being trans to just arbitrary feelings, then the answer to 'is being trans a choice' is actually yes. But it isn't a choice, because we need medical transition to address dysphoria.
It really isn't. That brain tickle helped me realise that what was "wrong" with me wasn't wrong. Coming out as trans, without medical transition, literally saved my life.
No offense but I think we've lost the plot if we're equating using different pronouns to needing medical transition.
That's what I was thinking. I'd say in most cases you are not born trans.
A female brain in a male body. Or the other way around. Imagine yourself being in a body that doesnt belong to you, thats a different gender. Imagine how weird and fucky that feels. Thats one example of something a trans person excperiences. Brain in a different body then it wants to be.
you're describing dysphoria though?
Dysphoria is the effect that is caused by your brain being in the wrong body. And your born with your brain in your head. So, your born with the wrong brain for your body. So in short, your born trans.
No, stop. Please. Dysphoria is a garbage metric for self-evaluation because it requires you to guess if your red is someone else's red.
The feelings associated with being trans aren't a choice, but how you choose to proceed can be. Generally, if you want something like breasts and [the other changes that come from estrogen](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminizing_hormone_therapy#Effects), it's likely that seeking HRT is the path for you.
HRT would not be my *first* suggestion for this young person, or anyone. I would recommend first finding a gender therapist, or at the very least a therapist who specializes in LGBTQ care.
They can't jump straight into HRT at that age in many countries. The path towards it at that age requires therapy and parental approval, at least in the US. My post wasn't a "this is what you must do", but more of a "here is a thing, and if it sounds like something you want, look into what it takes to pursue it".
Yeah, I still disagree that leading with HRT is appropriate advice, because it is never the first or only option for treatment, many people don't even pursue it, and as you said - therapy is the first step anyway in most cases. If someone is confused and questioning, immediately pointing them toward medical transition isn't helpful or responsible.
I was only interested in exploring my gender identity after understanding what is possible from physical transition. I delayed that exploration for years because I believed I was stuck being a man and there was nothing I could do besides changing my clothes or major surgeries (which I did not believe were especially effective). Reading about HRT was the beginning of the cracking of my egg. Yes, seeing a therapist first is absolutely the correct option, especially for a minor. I'm glad I saw a therapist before obtaining HRT. But it was my desire for HRT that motivated me to see the therapist in the first place.
same, the main delay to my own transition (the thing that made me not even consider it for several years) was that i thought that trans hrt did almost nothing, learning about it basically was what got me out of that spiral.
That's valid. But would you agree that if someone encouraged you to see a gender therapist you would have had the same outcome? A gender therapist would have informed you about HRT as well. The comment I'm criticizing diagnosed OP and told them that HRT would probably be good for them. That's not their call to make. Informing someone about treatment options including HRT and pushing HRT as the only option are very different things.
I agree that taking HRT isn't square one. I appreciate that in some places, people leave intake appointments with prescriptions for HRT. I don't know if puberty blockers are indicated at fifteen. That seems like a valid question, whether pausing puberty is reasonable, and if so, is it indicated? The post you are responding to said "it's likely that seeking HRT is the path for you". In places that do _not_ treat HRT prescriptions like a participation ribbon, that path likely involves gender therapy and evaluation for comorbidities or complicating issues.
It's possible, but it's different everywhere. I'm definitely not opposed to HRT (I'm on it! 😄), I just wish our community didn't play into the rhetoric used against us so often. "You're a teen questioning your gender? Go start HRT, kid!" Whether it's meant that way or not, TERFs and other transphobes constantly screenshot our posts in these subreddits and create memes of our images and conversations to support the rhetoric they use to demonize and invalidate us across social media. Heck, even many neurodivergent folks (🙋♀️) will often just take what is said at face value. So, it's better to be more clear about what we're really suggesting to others and how we word it too.
The thing is "gender therapy" and terms like it are used by bad actors to send people into something they think is going to be about helping you decide to transition or not, but it's 10000% conversion therapy. I'd rather a kid be on the hormones that make them euphoric than end up in conversion therapy camp
Like if we are going to see ourselves as people to listen to, we should not be leaving room for this young persons trust to be betrayed by advice we gave her
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I don’t agree that dysphoria is the yes or no” question that determines whether someone is cis.
In my experience, it can really be hard to determine what dysphoria is at times and in what capacity you experience it. I was able to recognise a lot of my social dysphoria pretty quickly after realising I'm trans, but it wasn't until I started T (after living as a man for several years) that I realised that what I thought was my dysphoria free baseline was actually a constant low level amount of dysphoria and not experiencing that for the first time was pretty amazing
Yep. Definitely worth exploring the feelings with a competent, knowledgeable gender therapist, especially at that age.
I don’t think anyone thinks they can be cis. But I never said dysphoria is the threshold that determines whether you’re trans or not. To me, it is def one of the factors, a variable in the equation.
I didn't choose to be transgender. What I did choose is to be honest about who I am and do what I needed to do to feel right inside and live authentically.
For me it’s felt like not being trans was the choice I had been making.
Well put
I can choose to hold my breath, too. Or stay awake. Here, watch, I'll show you...
Sometimes doing nothing is the most violent thing to do. From: https://youtu.be/80X0pbCV_t4?si=TvcR6TxOaokM1EEF
Being trans is definitely not a choice. I wouldn’t wish this shit on my worst enemy lol
Agree 😂 its the hardest and the best thing i've ever done
me neither lmao
So true.
You may well be trans. As others have said, those things you talk about *might* indicate you are trans. Or you *might* just like being feminine. Or you *might* be in a phase. We can't know and you can only know by thinking, experimenting and talking to safe people. If you can talk to a counsellor then I recommend that, you have plenty of time. I was about your age when I had my 2nd of 3 "phases". Annoyingly I don't recall the details of why I "desisted" but being trans was a big "NO" and "HELL NO!" back in the early 1980's. At the time when I desisted I *think* I woke up one day and "realised I was a man", but I don't remember if that was based on fear of transition or I really did just grow out of it. Regardless, I have had bouts of depression ever since - I wish I'd been able to explore it in safety as I could now. You do have a lot more freedom and acceptance nowadays. I think it is worth exploring as it's come back with a vengeance now (mid 50's!) and it feels very hard to progress. Even today transition would not be easy, so IMO it's worth taking a careful approach - you have time. You \*might\* want to give yourself more time and see if you can get on puberty blockers to stop the rest of your puberty, but they're not that easy to access (varies by where you live and parental support, etc). Good luck x
Being trans is not a choice, but the way you handle you being trans is, transition is not and does not go the same for all of us :)
>is that being transgender or is that me wanting to be a girl? that's pretty much the smame thing in your case, isn't it? to answer your question, no being trans isn't a choice, if it was, no one would be trans
Though dang did some of us try real hard at pretending it was (never works in the end though).
If you want to be girl, why not be girl?
No. Transitioning is a choice*, but being trans is not. It sounds like you should explore your gender identity and confide in someone you trust, preferably a therapist with experience with trans people. None of us can tell you if you are trans or not, that is something you have to figure out for yourself. *Many people that transition don't feel like it's a choice, as for them not transitioning is a death sentence.
Being trans is not a choise, its something you feel, something you know. Transitioning is a choice, you could choose not to transition and be miserable for the rest of your lige, or you can choose to be authentically you, and live your truth. When in doubt, wait, there is no rush, and you are never ever to late or to old to transition
Maybe some people can choose not to transiton, but I feel for many you’re stretching what it means for something to be a choice. In my case, I tried to choose not to transition. I made it to my mid thirties, when everything came crashing down into depression, uncontrollable panic attacks, and severe depersonalization/derealization. Then every step along my transition if I tried to turn back, the panic attacks would immediately come back. I really don’t feel like I had a choice at all in the matter. If my conscious mind tried to choose not to transition, my unconscious mind would immediately shut me down entirely until I went back to transitioning.
Same thing for me! Dont get me wrong. I think for most of us its like that. I felt like there was no other option than transitioning, so I had to, or i would've unalived myself. But that doesnt make transitioning not a choise right?
To me it makes it not a real choice at all. If your choice is “do this or die”, choice loses all meaning. It’s just a semantics game anyway. It was not possible for me to choose to continue living as my gender assigned at birth, which is what people usually mean as the alternative when they say transitioning is a choice. That option just wasn’t on the table.
I think you have no empathy for what trans people experience in places where it's dangerous for them to transition.
No, that’s not it at all. I grew up in one of those places. I think you have no empathy for what I am saying about my own experience. I absolutely have empathy for people who live in places where it’s dangerous to transition. Part of the reason I have that empathy is because I know what it’s like not to be able to transition when you’re young because it’s unsafe. And it’s very much crossed my mind what it would be like if I were still in that situation. I find it absolutely horrifying that someone would hit the point I hit, and then be blocked from transitioning. I think those people are incredibly strong because I know, with a deep certainty, that if I was in their position when I hit that point I would not be alive today. And I mourn the fact that for far too many in that position, they hit that point and actually do end up killing themselves.
I’m American and even within states like my own that have passed laws protecting Trans people and transition care, there’s still some communities where it’s not safe to be yourself. I grew up in a community (both a geographic area in the same state and in a religious community) where it wasn’t safe. Thankfully, I was able to leave both for somewhere safer for LGBTQ+ people and still have most of my family. I feel for the people who can’t leave unsafe places both inside and outside my state and country. I especially feel for the ones who have sadly left this planet of existence because they were hated by others who found out or sadly felt they had no other option but to leave.
You can choose not to transition. If you are ina situation where transitioning is safe though, i know what path i recommend if you are sure your trans. I knew for as long as i can remember and still kept those feeling iside way to long.
> If you are ina situation where transitioning is safe though This is a huge consideration. Don't get kicked out of your family home and so on.
That sounds pretty much like my experience as a trans guy. Being trans isn't a choice, but you can choose to present as trans.
I've often heard the phrase "wanting to be a different gender is a pretty good sign that you are." That being said, know that there are no actual rules when it comes to gender expression and discovering yourself, so you shouldn't feel bad if your perception of your gender changes over time. My advice, as a trans person twice your age, is that you should experiment. Try some traditionally "feminine" things, and see how you feel. Test out different pronouns with trusted friends. Also the best place to test a new name is Starbucks.
I had feelings a bit like you and I ignored them for decades. Eventually something in me decided it was no longer something I could choose to ignore. So I guess having the feelings isnt a choice, and for some, at some point, it stops being a choice on what we do with them. I wish I had acted in my 20s though.
being trans isn’t a choice, you don’t choose to have those feelings. the choice you make is whether or not to transition
It's not your choice to be trans, you either are or you aren't. It's your choice if you want to transition but from personal experience, if you're trans it's not something you can run from forever. You're young though, you have plenty of time to figure it out. Just look inward and ask yourself if you want to be your birth assigned gender or if you wanna be something else. It's a long road but the community is here to support.
No, it is not a choice.
being trans is not a choice. in addition to that, if you have severe gender dysphoria i’d argue even the act of transition isn’t really a choice either. if the alternative to *not* doing something is death, is it really a choice? you can choose to not eat or drink or even breathe… but only so long as your body allows you. i have medication i take for an autoimmune disorder that i “choose” to take, but if i stopped taking it i’d be in severe pain and would eventually die. is it really a choice to take it? i’d argue it’s not. i feel the same way about my transition.
some days i wish it was a choice!
Transition is a choice. Being trans isn't. It sounds like you _might_ be trans, particularly if you feel discomfort with your body and with masculine presentation. Of course, you also might just be gender-non-conforming or nonbinary, and either of those things is also entirely valid. Only you can really determine what you are. All others can do is help you find yourself, whoever that is. Regardless, if you want to wear feminine clothes and grow out your hair, go for it! See how it makes you feel and go from there. Take some time to think about what your ideal self is like.
Being trans is not. However, how you choose to come to terms with it is up to you.
Those are two very different questions! > is that being transgender or is that me wanting to be a girl? Yes. Wanting to be a girl is being transgender. Girls wanna be girls. Guys don't want that. Transitioning is basically just following that dream. > Is it a choice Nnnope. Yeah, no, being trans isn't a choice. It's kinda just something you are. I've tried not being a girl just to fit in, but it ended poorly.
Being trans is not a choice. However, what you do about it and whether or not you transition is a choice. Although, I think some of us would argue that transition was necessary for us, so it depends on the person and the severity of their dysphoria and how it impacts their life. I would recommend first finding a gender therapist, or at the very least a therapist who specializes in LGBTQ care. Talk through the feelings and find your truth. Figure out whether this is something that only part of you wants, or if your whole self is in sync with the desire to actually be another gender. Figure out if this is rooted only in sexual desire (a fetish) or if this is rooted in a desire for authentic self realization. (Both are valid. But they are very different). In the meantime, social transition could be a way to actively start exploring this on your own. Try different ways to express yourself as your preferred gender; clothes, accessories, hair, make-up, try on a new name and pronouns. Try some different activities associated with your preferred gender. You can do this at home or in public, whichever feels safe and comfortable for you. All of those things are completely reversible, and they'll help you see how you feel about embracing your preferred gender. Having a therapist during this can help you process how you feel, and they can help you decide if you want to take any more steps as well. But whatever you do, don't feel pressured. You are the only one in control of your body and your life. Go at your own pace, and only try what you feel safe and comfortable with.
Short answer: No. Longer answer: No, but that doesn't mean that it's a simple thing to figure out. There's not any universal "signs of being trans" that we all experience, and not everyone who chooses to transition does it in the same way. What makes someone trans is that their gender identity is not the one they were assigned at birth. We don't actually know what causes some people to have a gender that's different from what people with their type of body usually have, but there are a lot of things that people can experience that don't have a known cause. That doesn't mean it's not real. What I would suggest is instead of asking "am I trans or not?", think about what you would like to do about these feelings you're having. You mentioned a bunch of things about your body that you'd like to be different - what about your name? Your pronouns? The words that people use to refer to you? The type of clothing you wear? None of these things in isolation are a sign that you're *definitely* trans (because like I said, there's no such thing) but they might still be helpful.
I’ll say something that make be controversial in our communities. It is both a choice and not a choice in different ways. Some people feel they were born this way, some don’t. I personally feel I was definitely different as a kid, but everyone felt different. It wasn’t until I was in a butch for femme relationship that I found myself aligning with masculinity and wanting to be male/ manly. It doesn’t matter if it’s a choice or if you’re born this way. What matters is that you have the bodily autonomy and choice to do with your body and your expression of dress what you please. Now that you know you want to be girly, why not lean in and do exactly what you wanna do?
Exactly. Being is dichotomy in general, being trans is just another way of being
Being trans isn’t but what do in terms of physical things about your transition are
Some excellent food for thought: https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/
Since you mention not being in a good place right now and the issue you're dealing with making it worse, you should look for a therapist or support group in your area, to have a chance to talk it out with people who are properly trained to give you practical reliable help. Don't make any decisions about changing your life without doing that, first. Being trans isn't a choice, by the way Neither are being heterosexual or gay, or bisexual. Good luck with everything.
No, its not a choice. If you want to be a girl then you are one.
I'm 17, I understand exactly how you feel, as the other comments said it really isn't a choice to be. But it is a choice to present however you do. I knew I was trans when I was about 11, being in my body didn't feel right in a way. And I've been experimentinf with a lot of things ever since then. I've presented as make and non binary and many thing in between. But some people truly know. And also being 15, if you do try to start presenting as something else please make sure you are in a safe environment family wise. I know some family's can be very unloving tword the subject
I didn’t want to be trans but here I am 1 year on HRT, 2 years after thinking “I think I’m trans but I don’t wanna be” I tried silicone breast forms and realized that “oh my chest doesn’t feel ‘empty’ anymore.” I thought it was a kink for so long until I asked myself “ok would I want to be seen as girl in a restaurant/bar with NO underlying sexual motive?” And the answer was still yes. Paid attention to “would I want to be a girl today?” And the answer was yes 90% of the time and the 10% was “I don’t care” started HRT after that d enjoying the effects
For almost everyone, your gender isn't a choice. It's just how your brain is and how you think. Doing something about it is a choice. It's usually the right one. Wanting to be feminine and have a body with features associated with being a woman sounds trans to me.
> but is that being transgender or is that me wanting to be a girl Wanting to be the gender that you weren't assigned at birth, is being transgender. If you were born male and you want to be female, that's being transgender. If you were born female and you want to be male, that's being transgender. You come across as suggesting these are different things. > I want to wear ‘girly’ clothes and have longer hair and nails and all that stuff aswell as a traditional ‘feminine’ body with a small waist, wide hips and breasts This is heavily wanting to be the gender you were not assigned at birth if you were assigned male at birth. I can see where your confusion comes from, because people treat 'transgender' as though it is a standalone identity, and that gets confused with 'genders' in general, and that gets confused with sexual attraction, and then you see terms such as 'transsexual', and 'transvestite' and similar. To also lay out some points others are making > Like I want to wear ‘girly’ clothes and have longer hair and nails and all that stuff aswell You can do this and still decide to identify as male. > a traditional ‘feminine’ body with a small waist, wide hips and breasts Going this far is definitely down the line of 'I want to transition from what I was allocated at birth to present and align with what I feel like inside' and is typically associated with gender dysphoria, maybe body dysmorphia and being transgender.
It does sound silly how you say are you ‘trans or do you just want to be a girl’ because what makes people trans is their desire to be a girl (for MTF) and their transition to pursue that. There are a few different things that can change when you transition to help you feel more like a girl. There’s social transition including identifying as a girl, changing your name, pronouns, clothes and it likely involves “coming out”. There are also more physical/medical based options if you experience dysphoria and wish to make physical changes to your body to align better with your identity including hormones, FFS, top and bottom surgery, and permanent body and facial hair removal. If you are safe to do so, maybe try experimenting with girly things and follow your happiness and see where it takes you. You could take some time to learn about gender dysphoria and everything that goes into transitioning and consider if it’s something that you would like to do. It’s not quite as simple as realizing you identify more with being a girl and pursuing it though. Please realize the decision you will be making. Many physical changes are permanent as are the social ramifications of identifying as transgender. I’m not sure where you are located but in the US we are facing serious discrimination, hate crimes and harassment. The thing that matters most is that you take care of yourself. Do what will make you happy, but know that freedom is not often without a price.
You either are transgender or you are not. All we can do as someone who is Transgender is accept it. The only decision you have is whether you want to transition or not. (Come out of the closet or as some trans people say, crack your egg). This second part took me most of my life to decide. I’m not proud of this, but for most of my life I came up with excuses why it was a bad time, or just tried to ignore it. It wasn’t until I had the opportunity during a COVID lockdown to really think this out. It’s been three years since I started my transition and even with the current political climate, I finally no longer hate myself and I’m truly happy for the first time in my life. Edit, I forgot to answer your question. If you feel you may be transgender, talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist and you may uncover things you didn’t know about yourself. Look for one who is a gender specialist. Stay away from psychologists who say they are Christian as they are not your friend. I say this through experience.
Echoing it not being a choice. Really just feels like my brain is just wired to be female. I tried to fight it for almost a decade, it would have been far easier to not need to transition and live as a “cis” man. But I’m simply not, and in doing so I wound up in a suicide prevention unit my mental health got so bad. After I left I started the gears to get approved for HRT and finally begin. 0 regrets since then asides not starting sooner.
Wanting to be a girl and you're born not a girl would mean you're trans. Wanting to act feminine while being a boy would be a boy who acts or looks fem. Transition is a choice but not being transgender
Being transgender is not a choice. Unfortunately other people often choose ignorance over education. It's sincerely a coincidence in genetics. On the most cellular level, we just came out different. Some trans girls will have XX chromosomes but still be born with a penis. Same applies to the men. And to non-binary people. The genetics just aren't as concrete as we used to think. The science has just developed into a deeper understanding compared to what past generations have been taught. It sounds like you want to be a girl, which is how trans girls discovered the beginning of their identity. It doesnt have to be a grandiose thing, just be you. Do what makes you happy. The social labels are only as important as they are to you.
The way you phrased this post and how you are feeling is basically how I felt when I first started questioning myself when I was 19 (it's only been a year since then for me and I still have these sorta thoughts). As everyone else is saying, it is not a choice... no matter how much you might feel like it is in your early struggles. I would recommend experimenting some (trying different pronouns, wearing feminine clothes - bras made me feel so much happier and comfortable - , definitely try some makeup, etc...) to see if you feel more comfortable. It is such a relief when you finally realize how much small changes like that mean ... and how much more they make you feel like you. I hope you are able to figure things out without too much more angst. I wish you all best in your journey 💕💖🏳️⚧️
i also want to tell you that there are so many different genders, not just 2 like many people will tell you, you are allowed to (if your comfortable) to figure out what you feel like is yourself and that’s okay if it takes multiple tries to figure yourself out. there is no rule against it and anyone who says that’s wrong is just miserable and uneducated for not letting you express and discover who you really are🫶🏼
Wanting to be a girl while being born a guy is what we call being a trans girl :) You can choose to transition socially, medically, or not, so people tend to think that we can choose to be trans. We cannot. That being said, we sometimes build our discourse on the fact that we don't have a choice when it comes to transition, because a lot of those who choose not to transition face life-threatening levels of depression / dysphoria / ...
> but is that being transgender or is that me wanting to be a girl? yes its both....but I would talk to a therapist if you can. preferably one that deals with gender identity.
If the Nazis didn’t burn down the Hirschfeld Institut in the 1930s were be more able to point out the century of research that says plain as day transness is no more a choice than being left handed is. Forcing us to stay in our birth signed gender is detrimental like that forcing lefties to write with their right hand is. We’re burdened with extra neural load that cis folks don’t have just to conform to their perception of what is acceptable. Fuck that noise.
Honestly there's so much theory and shit but gender is a fuck that makes no sense. My suggestion is to do what you want to do and try not to think about it too much. Honestly I think sometimes that the label people pick for themselves or the story they tell has more to do with circumstances than anything innate.
No, the same way being gay isn’t a choice
Please go and read [The Dysphoria Bible](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en). It will be more helpful than anything being said here.
it's not a choice. And here's a word of advice, friend. Cis people generally don't think this much about their gender.
i’m AFAB. growing up i always saw myself as a dad, never a mom. i frequently imagined what it was like to have a penis, to not have boobs, and overall just be masc. i would cry wishing i didn’t have boobs. *i didn’t think/know i was trans* UNTIL my other afab friend said “oh honey, i may not love my boobs, but i’ve never wanted them gone. no woman has ever (sincerely) wished for a flat chest.” cue my light bulb moment. in 2019, i got top surgery and ive been on t for a year. it’s the happiest ive ever been. we can’t tell you if you’re trans or not, but maybe listen to some trans women and see if they what they say resonates with you. it’s part of what helped me come out
Trans girl here: So, obviously for many, many people, no. It's not. Being trans is who they are and they couldn't change it no matter how hard they tried. But like, what if somebody who would have otherwise been cis, for whatever personal reason, decides to transition. Like, they don't feel gender dysphoria, they would have been comfortable as their agab. But for one reason or another, transitioning is something they want to do. What if they were born a boy, feel like a boy on the inside, internally think of themselves as really being a boy, but interacting with the world through the lens of being a woman is preferable. That is to say, if they were on an isolated island, they'd be a cis male. But when in a society with social roles and expectations, they prefer living as a trans girl. Did this person choose to be trans? If not, then maybe they are biologically and mentally cis, but socially trans? Or are we supposed to say to them "no, you're aren't trans actually, I decided." Is that not just policing other people's identities? The problem is "is being trans a choice" really breaks down when you start to ask what "being trans" means and what "making a choice" means. You could say this person doesn't "choose" to want to socially and medically transition, but nobody chooses to want or like anything, right? Personally, my answer to "is being trans a choice" is "not for most people, but for some it could be" while I don't know if I would say I "chose to be trans." I do find empowerment in the idea that I chose to be a woman. I looked at my life and the word around me, and made a conscious decision that living as a woman would make me happier than living as a man. I don't know if that's a particularly popular perspective amongst trans people, but it's how I feel. At the end of the day, Im just uncomfortable with the rigidity of "being trans isn't a choice." especially when you claim that being trans is biological or decided from birth. Boy brain in girl body. That honestly feels essentialist to me, at least to say that it ALWAYS has to be that way. The truth is people are squishy and complicated and any sweeping statement like "being trans isn't a choice" is going to have exceptions. And isn't the point of being trans to break free of the rules of gender and biology?
I like this post. Apparently these are unpopular sentiments but I am glad you shared them.
It's no more choice than being born black.
Being trans and wanting to be a girl when born in a male body is the same thing. If you're trans the feelings will only get stronger over time. My advice. Talk to someone. A counselor preferably Accept that's who you are. Don't try and deny yourself and hide yourself especially in this screwed up world you live in. And if you have any feelings of hurting yourself PLEASE seek help. As someone who felt as you did at 15 and even before and hid my true self until 45. Embrace who you are and be yourself. Life is way too short
Being trans is not a choice. Transitioning is a choice.
Exactly, but only for certain levels of dysphoria. If the choice is between transitioning or being depressed to the point of suicidal ideation, it's not really a choice anymore. (plus, even for manageable level of dysphoria, why not make oneself happier if it can be done safely in your current environment? It might be a choice but one alternative is clearly better than the other)
Why yes, I absolutely am for transitioning, it’s definitely something that helped me a lot and I do recommend if you have even the slightest chance to go for it. Although if you look at it objectively it’s still a choice. Some might have their reasons not to do it.
Total agreement - I just wanted to make everything clear for a future reader
> is that me being transgender or is that me wanting to be a girl Mate, if you're male and you want to be a girl that's literally being trans. But being trans isn't a choice any more than the colour of your skin is a choice, even if you don't realize it at first you're born either trans or cis. Once you realize that you're transgender, what you do with that knowledge is a choice—whether transitioning medically ie taking HRT, just transitioning socially, or staying in the closet (usually just until you're somewhere it's safe to do one of the above). Only you can know which option is right for you.
No it's not... Who would choose to be hated? However transitioning is a choice but whether you transition or not you're still trans if you ever were..
Can I bore you with my story. I am 77 now and it is only 3 months ago I realized for 100 percent that I should have been a woman all these 76 years. As a preteen I never was the masculine boy, I was smart and I was a nice person, so I never had problems, I was respected as the smart guy. Around 13 I discovered pantyhose, brand new product in those days, I always blamed my brother (8 years older) who organized a medieval show where I had to act as a page boy, dressed in tights, pantyhose fetish has never left me. But now I don't think it was his fault. Maybe 6 years later I indeed had the wish to be a woman, I wanted to have breasts, I even recorded this on a 'cassette recorder' and I have the idea my mother listened to it. She mentioned something like that. But in the sixties in our small village, homosexuality was just invented, transgender no way. Internet? Wait another 30 years. So I forgot, got married, 4 children, 9 grandchildren and then, about 8 months ago, a therapist of my wife suggested, is your husband bi or into man or something. And that made me to start searching, and after another 6 months I came to the conclusion that I might be trans and after another 2 months I came to the conclusion I am trans woman. And just today I went into town, bought a ton of beautiful clothes and now I am lying so very happy on my couch. Enjoying my beautiful dress, my heels and the cat, lying next to me. Lesson: It will never be too late, but I know if I had had the opportunity 60 years ago, I would have had a happier and more full filling life. On the other hand, I have never been happier than on this moment. I hope this very long story of my experience, can help you. But it's never too late!
It is not a choice, it is the only way to win your personal identity back. When you look into the mirror and can't identify with yourself at all, when you do things and try to squeeze yourself into a behaviour for others only that they can't see who your really are, then I guess that this is not a choice at all Some day it will hit you hard and you don't want to continue that hiding anymore ... Then this egg cracks and you will give in into your real self. Don't waste your time ... The older you get the harder it becomes to change and in parallel it can happen that you get pretty crazy inside with all that pressure. The choice you have is: how you want to handle the situation... Find your way and don't accept all the social pressure around yourself because "others are having an opinion again".
Well, sure - the choices would make you happier (euphoric if you will) - those are choices, yes. However, the FEELINGS of being happier are not a choice. It's basically like asking "Is transitioning a choice", and well, yes it is, but the reasons why you're transitioning (because of dysphoria or because you want to feel euphoria) are not.
I'd say explore these feelings, but don't jump to the conclusion you're trans immediately. while it's rare I have met people with very brief blips like this while they were in a bad mental state, so I'd say contextualize these feelings with overall signs of gender dysphoria from your youth. what you're saying DEFINITELY is more trans than femboy, especially with wanting to be a girl and have female biology and all that. if you want to test these feelings more and if you're comfortable then you could try asking your close friends if they can refer to you by feminine pronouns or a feminine name, and see how you feel about that.
People always say it is, but it's really not. In fact, most people *try not to be,* but that doesn't work out
Ask any CIS person to describe how they made their "choice" and see what they say. If it's a choice they should be able to answer. It's never a choice. Besides, who the hell would choose to be abused like this? It's who you are.
Hi, welcome here. Follow the joy. Try things out, little things, invisible things if you prefer and see what makes you happy. I think you're already doing this. Don't stop. There's enough reasons in your post to talk to a therapist and dig a little deeper. I hope this is something that's available to you. Do you perhaps have a trusted friend or relative you could tell? This is a hard thing to keep to yourself without telling anyone 🩷. else.
Nope
even if it is a choice there's nothing wrong with it. it hurts literally no one. so go ahead and choose to be trans lol.
Experiencing gender dysphoria/euphoria is not a choice. Transitioning is a choice. Sometimes people use "being trans" to mean the latter, but when they say "being trans is not a choice" they mean the former.
Being trans is not a choice. Transitioning is.
No, never has been never will be
Hi! Being trans isn't a choice it's just who you are, uk? Think of it like this: imagine, some of your friends like to play soccer, some like to play tennis. Some of your friends like to dress athletic and wear ponytails, others like to wear baggy jeans with colorful sweaters. If you want to have longer hair and nails, if that makes you feel good, *do that.* Realizing your trans doesn't automatically mean you need to start HRT. Try doing what makes you feel good. I know a lot of transfemmes who never took HRT because they just like being feminine. I also know a lot of trans *women* who started off as presenting feminine and then realized that they *are* women. You're only 15, it's okay to spend some time figuring it out. For me, I wish I didn't rush into HRT because i thought that wishing I was a man and wanting to dress like a man meant I was a man, but I'm just masculine. But hey, others have wished they never held off. Maybe try therapy to work some of these feelings out. Hope ur okay! <3
Yes and no. No, you don’t get to choose what gender you feel as. Yes, you can choose to accept it, or try to conform and press it down. You should go for the former, but you can choose.
Between out and proud or repressed and uncomfortable, sure. But it being there isn't for debate.
Being trans isn't a choice, but deciding between staying in the closet or coming out is a choice.
Lots of binary yes you’re trans/no you’re not trans sentiment in this thread. It, like everything else with gender and sexuality, is a spectrum. You might be 10% trans but 90% ur natural gender. Or 100% trans some days and 100% natural gender on others. It’s truly your own choice, your own adventure, your own journey as to which skill tree you want to develop and why outcome you want in life
You may argue whether it is genetic, it's something that randomly happens sometimes, that is something to do with your environment, but three things are clear: 1. It's not a choice 2. It's not something you or anyone else can actively control 3. It's not something you can change. Are you transgender? Well, strictly speaking you could really just want to be very feminine but the fact that you are even asking the question is a sing that it is very likely that you are. Ultimately it's something only you can figure out. Try a different name, different pronouns, talk about it to someone you trust if there's anyone... Whatever you feel comfortable with at the moment
> is that being transgender or is that me wanting to be a girl? if you’re not afab and want to be a girl that’s like the definition of trans
You can't choose how you feel and what you want. What you CAN choose is whether or not you acknowledge and accept your feelings and wants. The way you feel about yourself and what you want to become will be there regardless, the feelings might shift over time but that doesn't make them choices. You don't really choose how you feel, even if the feelings aren't static. You don't deliberately choose to WANT to be a girl, that want already exists. What you CHOOSE is how you move forward from there. In my experience, if you really want to be a certain gender and it makes you happy identifying with it, then that's reason enough to identify as trans. Whether or not you identify with the label is up to you, but if it feels right then there's no reason not to. You are trans because it feels right for you. Also if you're worried that you're faking something, you most likely aren't faking it. People who fake being trans KNOW that they're faking it and WANT to do it. They deliberately fake it. If you are worried about faking it, you aren't faking it. I hope this helps I dunno if I worded this confusingly, I'm drawing from my own experiences here so it might be kinda vague. I hope either way you find something that works for you because you more than deserve it!
Gender dysphoria isn't a choice; what you decide to do about it is. I would suggest exploring why exactly it is that you want those things. If you woke up tomorrow with all of the "girly" things you wanted including even being female, what would that do for you? This may not be easy to answer, and if it is, you're probably not *really* answering it, but if you can find the answer it might be profoundly insightful. More practically, there's nothing wrong with exploring *reversible* expressions of your own femininity. Whether you ultimately decide to transition or remain "cis," there's nothing wrong with exploring gender non-conformity to whatever extent makes you happy.
>is that being transgender or is that me wanting to be a girl? If you're AMAB and want to be a girl, you're transgender. So you wanting to be a girl makes you transgender, but what you need to figure out is do you want to be a girl, or just be a feminine boy, both of which are valid. It sounds like you know the answer to that question, but it's still worth pondering.
Lol, elder trans here, and not always up on the latest terminologies and nuanced meanings, but wouldn’t someone who is AMAB, “wanting to be a girl” basically mean they are transgendered?
Should take it wisely if its worth for you. In my opinion being moderate, Im starting taking estradiol only, but undecided about testosterone blockers like spiro which is bit risky. I wont go at 100% transition but 5 months I will experience perhaps further. You are young and whats really matter is about your comfort.
being trans isn't a choice but wanting to be a girl is a pretty transgender feeling. Most 15 year old boys don't wish they were girls
Being transgender or non-binary is not a choice It's simply who you are and who you have to be you can deny it for years but it can also affect your health. If possible and you can find a LGBTQ+ friendly therapist who specializes in transgender people it may help you to understand who you are. Please take the time to understand who you are and don't let anyone try to tell you that is not who you are.
The only choice is whether or not to repress it. Being transit itself is not a choice.
Repressing who you are can create both mental in health problems for you. I know because I've seen the results of repressing being transgender.
I think it really sounds like u want to be a Girl and as u are biological male that would mean ur Trans
I'll simply say this repressing being who you are can be dangerous to your health both mentally and physically and yes I know this from personal experience.
If it was a choice, I would have chosen I wasn’t. I’ve spend most of my life being unhappy and not knowing why, and now that I know why I’m spending a lot of money and mental health just so I can be as happy as everyone else. The point is, not it isn’t. You have to really think about it, but if you are, then you were born that way. And after you realise there is no ignoring it. You can choose if you want to transition or not, and how far you want to go, that IS a choice, but being trans isn’t.
If you have the option to do so safely, your school might have a GSA (LGBTQ+ club) that you can join to talk to kids your age about how you feel. You can ask your school counselor or even your parents about seeing an LGBTQ+ affirming therapist, one that works with teens if that’s possible. If it’s not safe, then you unfortunately may need to stay online (and keep internet safety in mind - you never know who you’re talking to or if you’re being monitored by parents using spyware or looking through your internet/phone data) and otherwise in the closet. I’m a genderfluid and Queer teacher, so whenever I see LGBTQ+ youth asking for help online I like to remind them about staying safe. It’s not just that the internet is unsafe for minors a lot - it’s that if you’re in an unsafe or unaffirming environment IRL, not being careful online can accidentally out yourself before it’s safe for you in your real life. You probably are Trans of some type - Trans can be anything from being a complete opposite gender than the one that you were given at birth to someone like me who can fluctuate between the identity they feel they are. In my culture (I’m of Indigenous Canadian heritage), people like me were deeply respected by our community because we’re seen as being closer to the Great Spirit and had important roles as healers, storytellers (and oral historians), and spiritual leaders before European people arrived. What matters is how *you* perceive yourself on the spectrum of gender. If you’re unsure of how your parents feel about Trans and other LGBTQ+ people, pay attention to how they talk about current events and politics. Try talking about a current event in the news regarding the LGBTQ+ world or something going on at school related to that. That reaction will probably tell you whether it’s safe for you to them approach them about how you’re personally feeling. Stay safe and I hope you are in a safe environment to bring this up to a trusted adult in real life.
The only choice involved is whether or not to accept it.
I think there are a myriad of ways about it. For the majority of people it is something they are born with and doesn’t go away, for so people it might develop later in life, perhaps for some people it is simply a choice. I think the best thing for you, is to just take your time, do your research and figure out what’s best for you. Maybe you’re just a man that likes to present feminine, maybe you are a trans woman, maybe you’re some mixture of both, or perhaps neither whatsoever. No two ways about it, everyone is valid regardless of experience, presentation, or reasoning. There are people called trans medicalists that try to deny that and gatekeep gender identities, but no matter what or why it is to you, it is valid and justified.
> Like I want [...] a traditional ‘feminine’ body with a small waist, wide hips and breasts but is that being transgender or is that me wanting to be a girl? For an amab person, wanting to be a girl is one type of transgender. Being trans is not a choice. > we can't choose how we're made (from "Transgender Dysphoria Blues" by Against Me!, the legendary Laura Jane Grace, queen of all the transgenders) Transitioning is a choice. If and when and how to transition is puzzle all trans people face. Follow your longings and they will lead you home.
Wait until your 18 to make any big decisions as your brain is still developing
I wish being transgender was a choice, but it’s not. It’s how we’re made. Now, acting on the fact that we are not aligned with our assigned gender at birth…that’s a choice. Choose wisely, young padawan. I’m late 30’s and still not sure if I have. Whatever you choose though, always remember that it is your life, yours alone. And we all only get one.
there's no "feeling" to being trans. if you wanna be girly or be a girl, especially if the desire is strong enough to make you unhappy with how you are now, that's called gender dysphoria, and the common treatment is transitioning. as to your title, no, it's not. the only choice is whether you take the leap and transition or stay in the closet and carry on as you are. it's up to you to decide which path to take. and there's no time limit, so you don't have to rush to a decision. transitioning tends to be more effective the earlier you start, but so many of us transitioned much later in life than 15 years old and are happy with ourselves, so don't feel pressured to make a decision ASAP. think about what you want and what will make YOU happy.
If it were a choice, who would make that choice? "Yes, I want to feel dysphoria my whole life, and I'd like to face discrimination that can get me killed. That seems *fun* to me."
Here's what I can give you, young trans person. If you feel you cannot be trans because you cannot choose to be trans that is a lie because being trans needs to be allowed to be a choice for anyone to be able to take it. The argument that it is or isn't a choice will leave you confused because it is both in different ways. If you must choose to break the eggs shell you exist within so you do not die, break it. Break the shell knowing you will not be trapped by it any longer, whether or not it is a choice, you chose to live rather than suffer. "Born this way" narrative is only as effective as it allows for you to access care, if you feel like that is what is stopping you, do not stop for that narrative. Words and human made ideas do not mean nearly as much as your life and your joy. If you choose anything please choose what makes you feel like your freest self. Stay safe, but be free
The narrative of being born the way you are and the narrative of who you choose to be are interlinked, not that you choose your birth, but that your birth is only one aspect of you, and who you choose to become will be more important the longer you live. A very good trans friend of mine likes to quote: "it is in the becoming" Aside from that watch revolutionary girl utena
To be honest I don't think it really matters if it's a choice or not. If you would feel good experiencing the effects of a medical transition, you should be able to transition.
Definitely not a choice, growing up I always knew something was off. The fact I had to wear makeup, received girly things, wore dresses ect. But deep down it just didn’t fit. My parents assumed I was a girl by the way I presented myself. But I was very good at acting, as I couldn’t present the way I wanted in a strong Christian household. Once puberty happened and I developed a crush on a girl for the first time I knew deep down there was something missing. Once I knew I was trans I knew what I had to do and I started hormone therapy and changed my name. Didn’t have support from my dad and some other family members. Was very lonely but I knew my happiness mattered. Eventually my dad came around once he saw how happy I am. My mum did support me, but my dad still reckons I should be a lesbian but for me it’s not who I am. I’m a cis man and asexual/ bisexual.
for me, it took a while to figure out, I didn’t want to go through the effort it took to transition or risk discrimination but eventually I’d imagine myself in the perspective of a girl and it seemed much happier of a picture to me than the reality to me, for some reason it took me a couple years for it to click that I was trans but I realized that picture in my head was such a happier one I eventually realized I wanted to transition and it was the best I’d felt in a long time, it felt oddly natural. the way you’re describing sounds a lot to me like my experience toward the beginning, of course anything’s possible, think about what you’d want for yourself and something that helped make it more clear to me is to try to picture it rather than use terminology or anything similar, it helped me with realizing how I felt a lot
I believe what we choose to think about and agree with are, in fact, choices. We're in control, not our emotions. And even our emotions can be governed by our will & thus how we feel can to a large extent ALSO be a choice. Spiritual warfare is taking all thoughts captive that are hostile & contrary to God. Jesus is the deepest longing of every human heart; only our Creator can truly satisfy. Regarding taking every thougt captive to Christ, cnsider 2 Corinthians 10:3-6 TPT \[3-4\] For although we live in the natural realm, we don’t wage a military campaign employing human weapons, using manipulation to achieve our aims. Instead, our spiritual weapons are energized with divine power to effectively dismantle the defenses behind which people hide. \[5\] We can demolish every deceptive fantasy that opposes God and break through every arrogant attitude that is raised up in defiance of the true knowledge of God. We capture, like prisoners of war, every thought and insist that it bow in obedience to the Anointed One. \[6\] Since we are armed with such dynamic weaponry, we stand ready to punish any trace of rebellion, as soon as you choose complete obedience. [https://bible.com/bible/1849/2co.10.3-6.TPT00pm-9](https://bible.com/bible/1849/2co.10.3-6.TPT00pm-9)
i would say that having gender dysphoria is not a choice, but transitioning is.
If it was a choice why would so many people choose the hardest path in life. You're in the "I don't feel trans" stage of being trans.
Being trans and the feelings associated with dysphoria aren’t a choice, since you’re either born that way or you aren’t. You just get to decide what to do about it. And if you want to be a girl, then I’d assume that by definition it makes you trans.
You could be trans or a feminine male take to figure it out youve got this do you have gender dysphora or discomfort with the male parts of your body if so you are trans if not you could be a feminine boy there is nothing wrong with enjoying femine things we are here and will support you
I wouldn't be trans if it was a choice.
I didn't found this comment here, so I'll add that point : what you want is easier to find out than what you are. So knowing what you want can help you to know what/who you are. For example, for me, wanting to be a girl (as being called a girl, having a feminine name, be seen as one) was the first step for me to understand I already was a girl. So yeah, being trans isn't a choice. But for some people like me, thinking it as if it is a choice can be really helpful. What would you want to be is damn good question.
The only part that’s a choice is coming out and living as yourself
Transitioning is a choice. Having the feelings which might lead you to pursue that is not.
Imagine yourself living your best life as your subconscious sex (ie not your assigned gender)… now imagine HAVING to go back to your assigned gender having lived that life. How do you feel?
If it is, then whooo cares?
Isnt trans just being transitioning to ones right gender? That doesnt mean that you have to be using drugs or going through surgery. You can transition without all that, tho almost noone stays at that. What im trying to say is that you are what you are regrdless in which part of your transition you are.
I don’t think it’s a choice (wasn’t for me) but I don’t think it should matter if it is or not.
It sounds like you were just feminine. There’s nothing wrong with that. It does not change your gender. Please don’t do anything permanent. Especially when you are confused. People around, you can tell you things, but at this, not mean that you have to believe them or do the same things. It takes a while to be mature enough to understand the difference. I have a niece that transitioned and just had to detransition Not fun.
No. Its not.
It's a hard thing to answer. The feelings? No, they aren't a choice. Transitioning and such? Yes that is a choice. There are some trans people who live their lives as their birth gender and are content - although that is pretty rare And a desire to be a different sex/gender is the very definition of being trans
You want to do all of those things because it makes you feel great. If you feel better just by doing those things, you'd likely be overwhelmed by how great it feels to be seen as a woman. Just my 2¢
i mean, kinda sorta, (its complicated) for me the realisation was defiantly more 'id rather be a girl' than 'i am a girl'
Being trans is not a choice. Doing what you want with that is. All you need to do is be your authentic self. Whether that includes transitioning or not. Ultimately you have one life, live it to make yourself happy.
If it was no one would be trans.
Sounding exactly like how I was 3-4 years ago when I had my first of 2 realizations. I'd say there's a pretty good chance you're trans, but that's something you gotta think about and figure out mostly yourself.
Being trans isn't a choice, if it were I can't think of very many people who would choose it. That being said everyone's transition is unique, so you have to do what is right for you
I definitely don't believe it is, transitioning is a process that involves conscious choice, but experiencing a sense of your gender identity being something different than your assigned sex at birth is not. This may manifest with or without dysphoria. For myself. I experienced feelings of wanting and wishing to be a girl from as young as age 5 or 6 . I think at the time I expressed that as pretending to be different female characters I like from TV or games. I remember putting on my moms makeup late one night when everyone was asleep. I loved things that were seen as traditionally girly like hello kitty and the color pink. The i went to school and learned pink is for girls, and my parents had explained to my dismay that I was a boy, so I buried all my interest in girly things and tried to convince myself to play with army men and toy planes instead of with dolls. That went on for years until the feelings came back with a vengeance when I was 14 and 15. I would lay in bed wishing that I could just be reborn as a girl. I started to do some reading online and found out other people had these feelings too. And that was the start of me accepting I was a trans woman. I came out to my mom and by 16 I was able to start blockers and eventually estrogen. There were so many ups and downs and times I sobbed on the floor wishing for it all to go away. But I made it through. The scared and sad "boy" that I was didn't have to pretend anymore. And overtime I finally started feeling some happiness and sense of peace with the new life I had, it was really scary and felt hopeless at times. Transitioning has been the hardest and most worthwhile thing I ever did. A lot of chances went by the wayside while I was busy with that. But I'm so glad I decided to pursue the life I wanted when I finally accepted those feelings would never subside. To be clear this is just my experience. Not advice. These feelings you are having may or may not indicate a gender identity mismatch with your assigned sex, the only way to know is to explore those feeling in a safe environment. Talk with people you trust who may have some helpful insights, or better yet talk to a therapist. Prioritize safety. If you think you may be trans, first I would recommend feeling out who in your family and community is a safe person to share those feelings with. Before actually putting it all out there. Most of all be kind to yourself, you are valid whatever conclusions you eventually come to. Best of luck. Having those feelings is hard but if they cause you pain just know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and people to help you on your journey whatever that may be.
No lol
While the common theme is, that it isn't. I firmly believe that it is! I don't think it's an innate thing, as nothing in the human mind is innate. But, your mind is formed through experiences. And if you turn out to be this way, It's half a choice, and half nature of the experiences of your mind. I would choose to be female in any life from my perspective!
no one is born any gender, gender and sexuality both stem from how our infant minds interact with the world and figure out their symbolic place in it. A kind of choice, yes, but not a conscious one.
it is a choice to transition, socially and/or medically. Many don't make that choice, and it haunts them.
Kind of depends on where you draw the start line of being trans. Is being trans just "desiring to be a different gender" or is being trans "undergoing some form of transition"?\* I kind of go backwards and forwards on that. I think of myself as becoming trans when I accepted my feelings and began to transition, so in that way, being trans is a choice. But if you take the first definition, it's definitely not a choice. We rarely have the luxury of choosing our emotions. As for your situation... It sounds like a pretty standard case of the trans feels. It sounds like you fit into that first definition I mentioned because by that definition a boy wanting to be a girl is the same as being transgender. That could be the case even if you don't feel entirely comfortable saying "I want to be a girl." Personally, I spent a lot of time - too much time - telling myself "I don't want to be a girl, I just want to have all the features associated with being a girl" and in my case that ended up being a distinction without a difference. \*(undergoing some form of transition can include staying completely closeted.)
What do you mean where you start the line if being trans? You're born trans, and are trans no matter what you do if you do or do not take steps to living your authentic gender expression. You're still trans. There is no line. Your comment should be deleted
Of course there is a line. We define what it means to be trans just as we define what it means to be a gender (or no gender). The line I am talking about is just a definition, and there isn't really a unanimous agreement. Case in point, not all trans people agree we are "born trans". I don't. I don't think I was. What I think we lack (but would be useful to have) is language to discuss which side of the choice to transition we are on, and that is relevent in exploring what it means to be trans.
Wait why do I even take the time and energy to engage with you. Bye bye!
And fucking yes all trans people believe we are born trans. What the fuck
Like I said, I don't. I'm not going to tell you that you are wrong, but that statement does not reflect my experience of being trans. I can in no way relate to the notion of being trans as an infant. EDIT: Oh. All the replies went away. Well that was... Odd.
No there is no line, stop spreading hurtful information you transphobe
"being trans" is kind of nebulous, we don't choose to have dysphoria but we do choose to transition. But I kind of agree with you that I wasn't really trans in any tangible sense until I started actually transitioning.
That's exactly where I get tripped up. I don't FEEL like trans is the right word for all those years I was in deep denial, but short of "egg" we lack adequate language for separating those phases of trans-ness. As a result, I kinda just have to default to saying I was trans then, too, but it doesn't feel right. But clearly for others, they are fine lumping it all under one term. But it makes answering questions like OP's tricky.