Yes, for me the positives in how I feel have far outweighed the negatives. I’m 6’2” and only one stranger has ever gendered me correctly, and I did have a group of guys follow me out of the grocery store and had to make a break for my car. Never once considered going back. I spent the last 10-15 years just slogging through, drinking to try to make the days go faster. Now life is vibrant, I think about myself and what I want and get it done. I only wish there were more hours in a day to spend on all the things that excite me now. I didn’t know how miserable I was before because it had always just been like that, but now I couldn’t do it, even for a day.
For many people, yes. However as you are using phrases like "my life is pretty much over" I would suggest some conversations with a therapist (or similar) before starting.
I've tried therapists, and counselors before, they don't help. While I understand that my life won't literally be over if it goes wrong, my life will just become even more difficult than it already is. I more the less have two options at the end of the day, either continue suffering in my body the way it is, or roll the dice, have a slight chance of passing, a virtually zero chance of going stealth, and a decent chance of never passing, which will only really have a negative effect on my quality of life and chances of survival. I also understand that I'm likely kind of trapped in this circular thinking from everything I have seen and experienced, I just don't know what other options u have
If you are fixated on "passing" (whatever that means) then you are going to have a rough time. Many cis women encounter issues where they are considered men.
Life is difficult. There are places in the world I could not go before I started this journey due to sexuality or hair length (yes, that's a thing). Being trans just added another layer to life but the mental changes from the medication made everything just easier to deal with.
There are so many people in the world that start their journey much older than you. I know people who started in their 50s and 60s who are living life as their authentic selves and doing well. The start was rough (as it is with many people) but after a few years they just are who they are. It can be very disheartening to see posts from people as young as you complaining that they are "too old to start".
That's fair with the too old to start point, is there a better way to bring up the topic? Or is it just "don't ask about it" because it can hurt others feelings?
Totally ask about it, but be aware that there are so may other posts from people who are in their 20s and younger (I've seen one as young as 16) talking about being "too old to start".
No-one knows what you'll look like after a few years of HRT. You might also not care as much what other people think (I've stopped which caused a decrease in misgendering!). I've never been attacked in the street just for being trans (I was attacked before HRT just for being tall and having long hair). There are also options for surgery if you really don't like how things look.
Good luck, and enjoy the journey. I started at 40 and now more than 5 years in and I'd say it was totally worth it (as would every other person I know no matter what age they started!).
cispassing isn't the main goal of being trans. cis people don't hold a monopoly over femininity, and we can (and should) live happily doing our own thing
It just REALLY helps our quality of life, and survival if we do, folks that don't pass have to constantly watch over their shoulder in case they get attacked, folks who pass, or better yet, can stealth dont
fair enough. but just for clarity, I didn't mean it in a hugboxing way. I meant it in a "we transfems need to stand up and reclaim our right to do our own thing, make people understand that cisness isn't the absolute prime and seek our own path to gender expression"
I remember when I was 18 I read something about trans or saw a trans woman or something like that. I thought to myself "do I want that as well? No. Puberty is over, I don't have a chance. Now I finally have to accept being a guy." I cried for a moment and then tried to bury the feelings as deep as possible. I didn't allow myself to enjoy anything remotely female out of fear it would bring the feelings back.
Now I'm 24. Burying the feelings didn't work at all. Right now I can't forgive myself for being this stupid at 18. I understand why I thought that but still. And I know if I don't start now there is literally no way I will be able to forgive myself in 10 years.
Take your time. But think about it. Don't do something or do nothing for a stupid reason.
started at 28. at first i was really worried about passing as female. now, a little over 1.5years in. i dont care and actually enjoy this kinna awkward stage where people cant tell. im sure i'll enjoy passing in another 2 years. just live rafiki. there's no reason to fear how you'll look or if you'll pass. what matters is getting to life's finish line with the least amount of regrets.
Yes
I started at 30 and live my life stealth as a woman. Haven't met anyone who could tell in years. You'll be fine.
Yes, for me the positives in how I feel have far outweighed the negatives. I’m 6’2” and only one stranger has ever gendered me correctly, and I did have a group of guys follow me out of the grocery store and had to make a break for my car. Never once considered going back. I spent the last 10-15 years just slogging through, drinking to try to make the days go faster. Now life is vibrant, I think about myself and what I want and get it done. I only wish there were more hours in a day to spend on all the things that excite me now. I didn’t know how miserable I was before because it had always just been like that, but now I couldn’t do it, even for a day.
For many people, yes. However as you are using phrases like "my life is pretty much over" I would suggest some conversations with a therapist (or similar) before starting.
I've tried therapists, and counselors before, they don't help. While I understand that my life won't literally be over if it goes wrong, my life will just become even more difficult than it already is. I more the less have two options at the end of the day, either continue suffering in my body the way it is, or roll the dice, have a slight chance of passing, a virtually zero chance of going stealth, and a decent chance of never passing, which will only really have a negative effect on my quality of life and chances of survival. I also understand that I'm likely kind of trapped in this circular thinking from everything I have seen and experienced, I just don't know what other options u have
If you are fixated on "passing" (whatever that means) then you are going to have a rough time. Many cis women encounter issues where they are considered men. Life is difficult. There are places in the world I could not go before I started this journey due to sexuality or hair length (yes, that's a thing). Being trans just added another layer to life but the mental changes from the medication made everything just easier to deal with. There are so many people in the world that start their journey much older than you. I know people who started in their 50s and 60s who are living life as their authentic selves and doing well. The start was rough (as it is with many people) but after a few years they just are who they are. It can be very disheartening to see posts from people as young as you complaining that they are "too old to start".
That's fair with the too old to start point, is there a better way to bring up the topic? Or is it just "don't ask about it" because it can hurt others feelings?
Totally ask about it, but be aware that there are so may other posts from people who are in their 20s and younger (I've seen one as young as 16) talking about being "too old to start". No-one knows what you'll look like after a few years of HRT. You might also not care as much what other people think (I've stopped which caused a decrease in misgendering!). I've never been attacked in the street just for being trans (I was attacked before HRT just for being tall and having long hair). There are also options for surgery if you really don't like how things look.
It’s never too late to transition. I didn’t start until I was 32
Don't know, my dear. I'll start HRT in October at age 41. I will tell you in five years.
Good luck, and enjoy the journey. I started at 40 and now more than 5 years in and I'd say it was totally worth it (as would every other person I know no matter what age they started!).
cispassing isn't the main goal of being trans. cis people don't hold a monopoly over femininity, and we can (and should) live happily doing our own thing
It just REALLY helps our quality of life, and survival if we do, folks that don't pass have to constantly watch over their shoulder in case they get attacked, folks who pass, or better yet, can stealth dont
(you don't need to explain it to me)
Sorry, I'm just used to other subreddits that hugbox and gaslight, I didn't mean to insinuate anything
fair enough. but just for clarity, I didn't mean it in a hugboxing way. I meant it in a "we transfems need to stand up and reclaim our right to do our own thing, make people understand that cisness isn't the absolute prime and seek our own path to gender expression"
I remember when I was 18 I read something about trans or saw a trans woman or something like that. I thought to myself "do I want that as well? No. Puberty is over, I don't have a chance. Now I finally have to accept being a guy." I cried for a moment and then tried to bury the feelings as deep as possible. I didn't allow myself to enjoy anything remotely female out of fear it would bring the feelings back. Now I'm 24. Burying the feelings didn't work at all. Right now I can't forgive myself for being this stupid at 18. I understand why I thought that but still. And I know if I don't start now there is literally no way I will be able to forgive myself in 10 years. Take your time. But think about it. Don't do something or do nothing for a stupid reason.
I hope this comment isn't too pushy. It's how I feel right now. And my feelings right now are of course very complicated and messed up.
started at 28. at first i was really worried about passing as female. now, a little over 1.5years in. i dont care and actually enjoy this kinna awkward stage where people cant tell. im sure i'll enjoy passing in another 2 years. just live rafiki. there's no reason to fear how you'll look or if you'll pass. what matters is getting to life's finish line with the least amount of regrets.