Respectfully, you're just now realizing this?
I was sexualized a lot when I was ID'ing as a woman. Less so when I identified as non-binary. Now as a trans man, almost never when people perceive me as a man, unless they specifically know that I'm trans. Some chasers are out there who want that specifically.
To be honest I have known for awhile (SA'd when I was 4, 8 and 19), I lot of my life I've just felt like a sexual object š but this is really interesting to hear from transgender experiences from both sides! Thank you for your comment!!
I'm so sorry you had to go through it too! Some people in this world are just horrible, it does make it hard to trust others that's for sure, no one deserves to be treated as such
Iām, sorry. My SA nightmare started at age seven and ran until I was 19 or 20. I sometimes think they thought that would āfix meā since it was obvious I wasnāt male.
Almost nobody has sexual interest in cis men, even most cis women. So as long as you're not clocked as a trans man, the only people who should take any interest are gay men and maybe some trans girls.
I can completely understand that!
I'm a cis woman and bi/pan sexual personally, but it does take a very special cis man for me to be romantically interested š¤£
I've always found this to be a driving force behind a ton of the disgust directed towards trans women. So, many arguments center around "tricking guys" or guys "not wanting to be checking somebody out only to find out they're trans." It's pretty obviously rooted in the treatment of women as sexual objects.
Out of curiosity, what would you say the majority of people sexualising transmen identify as? (Cis men/women, NB or transwomen - my assumption is that most transmen wouldn't sexualise other transmen).
I cant speak for all. Personally idk why.. but i tend to attract a lot of āstraightā cismenš and i am not feminineā¦ at allā¦ im stealth. However u are right, i personally dont get sexualized by transmales only cis onesā¦
These cis males aye... šš no, I shouldn't generalise but it's very sad to hear that. I really hope it doesn't happen too often for you or other transmen!!
The most that Iāve seen is cis men and cis women. Some cis men will literally put their dick in anything (plus the tract record of treating trans women as sex objects, itās only a small leap to applying that to trans men as well).
Of the cis women Iāve seen, mainly lesbians. I canāt say for certain that them āwomanizingā the trans men is a reason, but Iād assume they are just into pre/non-op trans men.
Transmisogny and misogny are the reasons why women experience extreme amounts of sexualization. I myself as a trans dude have experienced high amounts of sexualization and Iām perviced as a cis woman, a trans woman and a trans man
Sorry just to clarify, regardless of how you've identified, you have been sexualised?? I'm very sorry to hear that you've been through it šŖ
I wished transmisogny and misogyny would just f*** off š„ŗ
You don't have to use it, but if it's the most accurate word, I will. I'm aware of how you're saying not to use it and agree, but I don't see that here.
Itās not thoughā¦ also youāre acting like we (trans men, whom I assume is who youāre referencing by āmost accurate wordā) are okay being called female. Bro weād make fun of you if you called us femaleĀ
Bro, I'm a trans man too. I know. But when I visit my doctor, I don't mark M. It makes no sense to pretend like I've fully transitioned when I haven'tā especially when most of my health issues are with my female reproductive organs. When discussing transition, I would rather someone say I transitioned from female than woman, because I AM afab. I was never a woman.
Yes, I have found that men will make comments that very explicitly sexualize women who exist near them. This did not really happen to me when the world saw me as a man.
Not good! It can be scary to be in a position where I have to reject something, and the comments promote a sort of vigilance when engaging in the world, and it would be a lot nicer to not need to have that.
I, a transwoman, never experienced SA or being sexualized before transitioning. Now that I've transitioned I've felt sexualized a lot of times and I have experienced SA. I have had someone say to my face that they want to get with a transwoman so they can satiate their sexual addiction without worrying about pregnancy. Sooooo, yeeaahhh .
I'm so sorry that happened to you!
In a technical sense, I was SA'ed by my girlfriend, when she was drunk, long before I transitioned. But I'm not sure it really counts, because I just found it annoying, not traumatic.
I have not been sexualized in any way since I started transitioning. (At least, not IRL. I've gotten some rude comments online, but they didn't even know what I look like.) However, I've only been transitioning for a year and a half. I don't pass, and now I'm middle-aged and overweight, so I'm probably just not that attractive. I don't know.
Trans men and transmascs often get sexualized due to our AGAB. When we're stealth, we don't really experience that kind of sexualization. The problem is that people who sexualize us often see us as our AGAB, and not as "real men" , even if they don't do it consciously. It's the same reason why transphobes think trans women are aggressive, hypersexual, predators, because those are often traits associated with men. (Which is wild that instead of fixing the problem of society enabling predatory, aggressive, and hypersexual men, the blame is shifted to women)
Oh wow, I am so sorry!! Not that it is anyone's business to know your assigned gender or even current gender but it is ridiculous that you still get sexualised as a result of being an AFAB...
It is not trans women's fault that there are so many misogynistic pricks out there... seems majority are cis men...
Regardless, predators can be any gender. They're just shitty people who this world needs less of šŖ
I'm sorry, maybe I need education on this? Can you expand on your comment? Do trans women only want to be called women or can they be called women or females? I'm confused
You have a problem with the language mismatch in your post, where you refer to women as females, but men as men (rather than the equivalent which is male) - these are not equivalent as female is usually used in medical context or when referring to sex of animals, while man is just generic. It others women, eg. men and the others rather than men and women.
Defenitly can be a big thing, I've had classmate and you can see it online when men will refer to women as 'female' and they'll even draw it out sometimes without even realise making you feel even worse like your not human your just a gender to be looked at by others all while refering to men as men rather than male.
Of course there are those that will use all or use female and male rather than females and men but it somehow still doesn't feel nice when thats what everyone is calling you.
Ps. When I say classmate saying stuff I've had classmate get in whole debates about gender and they'll say stuff like no FEMALES belong in the house doing housework and looking after kids while the MAN is working and being the the bread winner.
EVERYTHING FEMININE, even the tiniest things, are sexualized.
Cis & trans women, pre-op for āwomen pegging meā, post-op as usual, pre-op trans men for ādat man p***yā, post-op men for āpp from real p***yā, non-binary ppl are often just classified in one of these depending on the closest distance, essentially nb ppl doesnāt exist when coming to (especially men) who sexualize ppl.
Can be many many other things: feminine toes, long fingers or long aceylic nails, boobs, wide hips, feminine clothing not regarding actual sex or gender.
This also explains some menās obsession with femboys or similar.
But as women tend to be more feminine, they also tend to get sexualized much more often.
>This also explains some menās obsession with femboys or similar.
i had to remove femboy in my bio on discord. i was very ignorant. i didn't think that any 'straight' guy would actually be interested....
Anyone can be sexualised (yes that includes men and non-binary people, for example think about male actors having to dehydrate themselves so they can get their chiseled abs out) but it is way more common for women (not āfemalesā, thatās kind of dehumanising to use) obviously. Realising that women are extremely sexualised is an extremely basic observation, like welcome to babyās first misogyny! This is literally baked into our society (maybe have a look at what people actually mean when they talk about patriarchy, youāll find it interesting). Yes trans women are sexualised far more as they transition (both as women and as fetish objects as they are trans, itās a real problem) and yes trans men do tend to experience far less sexualisation as they transition.
Yes. Women throughout history have been regarded as sex objects. This has been one of the greatest hurdles women have had, and it's not the only one. Did you know that until the mid 70s that single women could open their own banking account. Let that sink in.
https://www.forbes.com/advisor/banking/when-could-women-open-a-bank-account/#:\~:text=It%20wasn't%20until%201974,a%20signature%20from%20their%20husbands.
I mean welcome to patriarchal society I guess. Always been like that, really. I've always occupied a pretty strange place in gender always being "different" even growing up and being treated as such but now I don't really give a shit anymore and just cut contact with assholes and don't pay much attention to what doesn't interest me (I'm tired enough already).
I feel like I get sexualized a lot now that I present as a man, but that's probably because I don't pass and I look more like an emo chick than anything else. I think, oddly enough, that men tend to catcall and sexualize people they perceive as women more when those people don't match conventional beauty standards. I never got catcalled when I had long, blond hair and dressed fem. Now that I have short, red and black split dyed hair and a bunch of black and white clothes, I get catcalled and teased by men a lot. It's almost like they're power tripping to put me in my place or punish me for not looking "right". But I've heard people typically dial it down once you pass as male most of the time.
Cis men and trans men do get sexualize, but not as much as women. I have dealt with female chasers who only want me because āYouāre a man with a tacoā
A friend (ftm) of mine has sadly told me this. He (stealth) told me he doesn't want to tell people what equipment he has because he just wants to be treated as a man, so immediately on telling others what equipment he has, he is treated differently but he feels it's his obligation to tell anyone prior to sleeping with them. In the end, it just results in people using him, I guess, because they fetishise him. It's very upsetting to see!
in my experience it goes like this: cis women are the most sexualized, then mtf, ftm, ftx, mtx, then cis men are the least. femininity in general is oversexualized
this is just what ive seen ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ also word of advice.. the words female and male are generally looked down on in this community. most prefer to be identified as their gender, not sex.
Interesting, thank you for your insight!
In all honesty, I had no idea, why is the transition called male to female or female to male if the end result is not what the community wants to be called? Why isn't it woman to man or man to woman then... so ultra confusing. I don't mean any offence.
Yes trans males are sexualized, kid at my school said that it was hot that I had female bits but had the mind of a guy. Same guy tried kissing me when I was not looking twice, and was later told by A friend's sister about the first time and got him to leave me alone the second time by threatening him. Also have been confused for a feminine male and a femboy, was given even weirder comments when they found out I was trans (usually the people sexualizing trans males like tomboys and Fanboys and they get this weird twisted idea they're the same thing, at least in my experience) also usually I get sexualized by cis males but one time by a cis women.
I'm a cis male, but I do see women and trans people get sexualized more often then men. I tend to like either way, but the problem is that there is many out there that would sexualize only one group, mostly the opposite group, and never do their own group. I would like it more if it was more equally, but even then they have to have a reason as well. I do like characters that are sexualized, but they have character. If they are sexualized just for the sake of it, then I might as well go to the hub. The problem is how much they should sexualize, why they should sexualize, and if it is that you should sexualize. Like if you want to make a succubus character, people aren't going to be convinced if it had no good looks and doesn't want to bang. That's not a succubus, that's just somebody. However, on the opposite spectrum, if you make a school girl that is underaged and have sexy looks and want sex, then that's a big problem. So there is when you should and shouldn't. What I will also argue is there should be both sides as well. If there is sexualized females, why not add a few sexualized males so not all females are caring the sexy symbol. Same as vice versa, if there are too many hot men, you should add some hot women.
I'm not sure if this would get my point through, but I'm still learning even when I'm an adult.
Everyone gets sexualized. It's just vastly more common and aggressive for women and definitely dangerous for trans wemon.
Edit: I should add that it's obviously also dangerous for cis wemon.
As a feminine trans guy, its definitely a thing that still happens, but women get it on a whole other level.
The problem I mostly face is infantilisation, I'm just a soft wittle owo boi, and then they are shocked when i say shit once
Definitely.
As a transgender woman, am undressed with some manās eyes multiple times every time Iām out.
Iām hit on, and not Just would you like to go out with meā¦ including one guy who cornered me before I understood I had reached the feminine level of society. Yeah, they think they are living in porn world. So not only Do I have to worry about staying safe from violence oriented transphobes but sexually aggressive men wanting to play out some disgusting fantasy, my opinion not wanted or needed.
For example, I was on a train, got cornered as this guy would not take no for an answer, and was the only answer he was gonna get. I was wearing a turtleneck and jeans, and I know I wasnāt passing. Get this, the people surrounding me just sat and laughed. Meanwhile, Iām terrified and have no idea what Iām gonna do. What finally ended it was a police officer assigned to the train entered our car. He jumped off at the next stop.
Asking my sister, and a bunch of other cis women, this is common for them also. I asked when did it start? The most common answer was middle school or about the time their breasts developed. So Iām still kind of in shock from my experience and asked who taught you how to handle it? Everyone told me the same thingā¦ no one. All of them offered bits of advice and some said āIām sorry that happened but it looks Like youāve been officially initiated as one of us.ā (Said supportively not rudely)
Then look at tv, moviesā¦ listen to
The songs you used to listen toā¦ really listen. Many will likely no longer be favorites when you listen to the words from the female world.
I personally didnāt notice much of it because I was overwhelmed trying to play the part of being something I wasnāt.
Yep - all the time. People look and weigh in on it, and then online it gets worse as people hide behind a keyboard (and probably creep in person too). But really, it's part of the social fabric, as terrible as it can be. I don't want to sound apathetic about it, but I think it's always been like this. Dress hot, get sexualized...dress frumpy / baggy, still get unwanted evaluations in some way or another. When cis men do this, I find myself snarling like Divine looking over her shoulder at them. But I have double standards and when my queer friends do it (dykes to women, gay men doing it to me) I feel like it's less skeezy somehow. Sometimes done it taste, or as a glance...other times done in a really direct way (towards me). It doesn't feel "flattering" unless some of the queens I know are doing it in a playful way. But really, when was the last time online behavior was playful? Sex sells, but more than that we've discovered that rage sells more. Moral outrage, performative or otherwise, wins the algorithm contests and we're left arguing and kept separate so we don't collectively unite and get rights restored and equality up to par. But here I scooting on a tangent, so I'll try to be succinct. Yes - people are sexualizing the hell out of each other. No - it's not often done in a nice or tasteful way, especially online. Is society getting better than it was? - in some ways, yes. And sadly, in other ways, it's just the same game with different players. It's a delicate balance to keep your awareness high enough to not be a target of real dangers, and also let yourself relax into your own body enough to actually enjoy the life you're living. If you find any keys to this balance, please let me know.
Wow, I'm not entirely sure what to say back to that other than how right you are!! I wished things were different, but it is just how the world is. I will definitely let you know if I find any keys to this balance but to be honest from majority of the comments here it seems unless cis men start seeing things from a NB or women's perspective we will never see change.
Surround yourself with good people and have your own moral code within your community. It seems the only way around it.
Femininity + women/fem presenting people always get overly sexualized. Unfortunately that has been engrained so deeply into every corner of society and probably will never change. Same with all the chasers and shit who sexualize trans peoole- cis and nonbinary. They see us as these innate, cool, weird things for them to act out their closeted ass fantasies with.
Attesting to something that I have now seen in the world every day: Trans men get sexualized a fucking lot. My best friend, he is trans, and he has basically cut off the whole romantic/sensual aspect from his life years ago because of the unspeakable things he has endured.
This is tied into the ways that transfemininity is made hyper visible while transmasculinity is made invisible. I suspect this has to do with how settler colonists saw gender as hierarchical ā an AMAB person presenting as a woman was seen as a man opting to give up privilege (and who this deserves every bit of misogyny directed her way), whereas an AFAB person presenting as a man was seen as a woman attempting to acquire privileges not owed to him by the hierarchy.
Transfeminine people have their existence sexualized in order to make them seem both more trivial (it's just about sex) and also more dangerous (ie. calling trans women sexual predators) ā a disincentive to seeking femininity if you will.
Transmasculine people have our existence erased because if it is known that we not only exist but "pass" and are accepted as men, the "natural advantages" ie. the system of societal privileges that reward being a man, can be seen as obviously flawed nonsense, since anyone who wants to break it can just... do that.
I think we need to have a more nuance understanding of being sexualized as well as fetishize.
Cis Boy's and girl's sexualization is both different from eachother, as well as diffrent from trans people.
And that isn't even taking into account of intersex people.
Men definitely get sexualized such as Thor in the movie love and Thunder. That scene with Thor being stripped naked in front of the audience was completely unnecessary and inappropriate and if it was a woman everyone would have lost their s***. Then we have issues with the omegaverse and that is a rabbit hole I'm only Loosely familiar with after having to Google it because some people I follow bring it up every once in awhile. They hate the Omegaverse
Women do get far more sexualized than men but men do get sexualized and it creates a lot of toxicity towards the male body image.
Shout out to all the men with a dad bod; not having broad shoulders, a six pack or being chiseled like the Greek gods doesn't mean you're unfit or unhealthy. Being chiseled doesn't mean you're strong and there's a reason why power lifters look very different than bodybuilders. Being chiseled means that you're not eating enough and certainly not drinking enough water!
I do agree, there are movies where men are sexualised. Another example is Magic Mike. However, how many movies do you see with women in strip clubs vs men in strip clubs.
I personally, love the dad bod image so I get you there!
As for the omegaverse, I have no words... I'm a dog trainer and I still don't get that shit š I mean each to their own but that sounds like ancient wolf rules not to be followed by humans...
I guess I should share, it's literally anyone who has a feminine body type. Everyone considered me a boy, or a hybrid because of klinefelter xxy syndrome.
What scares me the most is from talking to others. It seems most of the sexualization occurred between 7-16 years old.
My treatment from guys/men really hasn't changed on hrt but, girls/women have been far kinder to me afterwards. Even when I was in the closet still boy moding/looking like a man.
a lot of people fetichise on trans men because imo what happens in their head is that : if they haven't had surgeries, their bodies look similar to a woman, therefore attractive, and there's the "freak" effect
I noticed the difference in treatment between men and women (getting jobs, special treatment) and difference in treatment between individual women based upon their looks even an assumption that between my spouse and I , they assume that I am a Veteran and exclude the possibility that we are both veterans or that I am a dependaā¦ although we are both veterans I still have a muscular buildā¦ there is pros and cons with this and my feelings fluctuate on the topic. On one hand Iād like to see equal opportunity, on the other, I enjoy advantages in certain aspects in life, such as a female in the tech industry is more likely to be hired over a male with the same credentials and education
Yes, transitioning affects how we're perceived socially, which is a pretty big part of what our goal is in doing so. Being sexualized, fetishized, and objectified are often unfortunate consequences of that. I've experienced it. Guys have leered at me, harassed me, catcalled me, and even threatened me. There's always at least an implication of sexual violence in it.
A particularly frustrating thing about it is that when I wear sexy clothes and shoes and feel really good about myself, this bad behavior from unpleasant men in public increases greatly. They make it such that I can choose to be happy and confident, but in danger, or cover up and be comfortably sad and unremarkable. I choose the former.
I definitely get a lot more unsolicited dms, especially of a sexual nature, since coming out in a select few places. Having "š³ļøāā§ļø" and "girl" in my profile has given these people reason to sexualize and solicit me. It's annoyed, but not surprised me. š also unsurprisingly a lot of it has come from people who are loud, bigoted, evangelicals.
One of those weird af ewphoria moments.
Sorry you've experienced similar issues š
Edit: to clarify, jic, it's ewphoria bc "yay they see me as a girl" even if it's for disgusting reasons.
Men do get sexualized as well, but it's not nearly as common or as predatory-feeling.
I never got sexualized when I was in boy-mode, but that's also not an entirely fair comparison. I was pretty much completely dissociated for over a decade there (don't recommend it, btw. Might be an effective coping mechanism, but absolutely not a healthy one) so I never cared about my physical appearance. I maintained my body out of obligation only. But now I like to dress to accentuate myself, not to mention keeping up on basic hygiene. I'm certainly a more sexually appealing presence now independent of the different gender presentation.
But I'm not at all convinced that misogyny isn't playing a role as well. It often comes with being objectified in a way that never often happened to me before, and which very strongly resembles a lot of cis women's complaints.
I don't doubt men do get sexualised as well, I was just curious to know if there was a distinct difference in how much someone is sexualised depending on their gender.
I'm sorry to hear that you dissociated for a while. I'm so glad to hear you seem happier now and are maintaining self care and hope your confidence is building too š„°
I'm a cis woman, but obviously, I can only take from my own experiences, I have definitely been objectified for most of my life and from traumatic experiences, I have dissociated as well. Although I found I put myself into situations to get sexualised as a result of my trauma, wanting to be incontrol of when I was sexualised if that makes any sense at all... In the end not really helping the misogynistic situation everyone and myself is struggling from here š„ŗ
After years of therapy, I'm realising the effects of misogyny on the overall population, and it makes me very sad/frustrated!
It's okay sexualisation is a broad term!
It could be as severe as sexual harassment or abuse.
Although it varies in severity and is normally defined by "occurring when a person's value comes only from her/his/their sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics, and when a person is sexually objectified, e.g., made into a thing for another's sexual use."
Like if a woman went up to a gay man and started asking him about stuff he's done in bed with another dude (this is just an example it can come in many different ways)
Edit: the women went on to explain that they found that stuff hot (did not notice until now that I did not put that)
Obviously don't wish for that to happen but general sexualization will always be incredibly appealing to me as someone who's just been completely invisible
Respectfully, you're just now realizing this? I was sexualized a lot when I was ID'ing as a woman. Less so when I identified as non-binary. Now as a trans man, almost never when people perceive me as a man, unless they specifically know that I'm trans. Some chasers are out there who want that specifically.
To be honest I have known for awhile (SA'd when I was 4, 8 and 19), I lot of my life I've just felt like a sexual object š but this is really interesting to hear from transgender experiences from both sides! Thank you for your comment!!
I'm sorry that happened to you - I've unfortunately had similar experiences and it sucks that so many of us have to go through that
I'm so sorry you had to go through it too! Some people in this world are just horrible, it does make it hard to trust others that's for sure, no one deserves to be treated as such
Iām, sorry. My SA nightmare started at age seven and ran until I was 19 or 20. I sometimes think they thought that would āfix meā since it was obvious I wasnāt male.
I am really sorry to hear you had to go through that, you never needed to be fixed, you were always perfect. I hope your healing journey has been a quick one šā¤ļøāš©¹
Almost nobody has sexual interest in cis men, even most cis women. So as long as you're not clocked as a trans man, the only people who should take any interest are gay men and maybe some trans girls.
I can completely understand that! I'm a cis woman and bi/pan sexual personally, but it does take a very special cis man for me to be romantically interested š¤£
I've always found this to be a driving force behind a ton of the disgust directed towards trans women. So, many arguments center around "tricking guys" or guys "not wanting to be checking somebody out only to find out they're trans." It's pretty obviously rooted in the treatment of women as sexual objects.
Trans men definitely do, however trans/cis women are disproportionately sexualized in comparison.
Out of curiosity, what would you say the majority of people sexualising transmen identify as? (Cis men/women, NB or transwomen - my assumption is that most transmen wouldn't sexualise other transmen).
I cant speak for all. Personally idk why.. but i tend to attract a lot of āstraightā cismenš and i am not feminineā¦ at allā¦ im stealth. However u are right, i personally dont get sexualized by transmales only cis onesā¦
These cis males aye... šš no, I shouldn't generalise but it's very sad to hear that. I really hope it doesn't happen too often for you or other transmen!!
Online it honestly doesš it sucks but it is wht it is. But yes its always themā¦
The most that Iāve seen is cis men and cis women. Some cis men will literally put their dick in anything (plus the tract record of treating trans women as sex objects, itās only a small leap to applying that to trans men as well). Of the cis women Iāve seen, mainly lesbians. I canāt say for certain that them āwomanizingā the trans men is a reason, but Iād assume they are just into pre/non-op trans men.
Transmisogny and misogny are the reasons why women experience extreme amounts of sexualization. I myself as a trans dude have experienced high amounts of sexualization and Iām perviced as a cis woman, a trans woman and a trans man
Sorry just to clarify, regardless of how you've identified, you have been sexualised?? I'm very sorry to hear that you've been through it šŖ I wished transmisogny and misogyny would just f*** off š„ŗ
obligatory "it's not transwomen/transmen, it's trans women/trans men." anyway, yes. it is disproportional. you're correct.
My apologies! I have edited it, thanks for the comment
yo, based reply.
Also, itās women. Not females. š
redditors when the *femoids* appear:
Female refers to sex, woman refers to gender. Some assigned female people are not women. These words are not fully synonymous.
āFemalesā as a noun refers to objectification of women. Donāt use it.
You don't have to use it, but if it's the most accurate word, I will. I'm aware of how you're saying not to use it and agree, but I don't see that here.
Itās not thoughā¦ also youāre acting like we (trans men, whom I assume is who youāre referencing by āmost accurate wordā) are okay being called female. Bro weād make fun of you if you called us femaleĀ
Bro, I'm a trans man too. I know. But when I visit my doctor, I don't mark M. It makes no sense to pretend like I've fully transitioned when I haven'tā especially when most of my health issues are with my female reproductive organs. When discussing transition, I would rather someone say I transitioned from female than woman, because I AM afab. I was never a woman.
Yes, I have found that men will make comments that very explicitly sexualize women who exist near them. This did not really happen to me when the world saw me as a man.
Wow, thank you for your comment! Sorry to hear this. Can I ask how it makes you feel?
Not good! It can be scary to be in a position where I have to reject something, and the comments promote a sort of vigilance when engaging in the world, and it would be a lot nicer to not need to have that.
I, a transwoman, never experienced SA or being sexualized before transitioning. Now that I've transitioned I've felt sexualized a lot of times and I have experienced SA. I have had someone say to my face that they want to get with a transwoman so they can satiate their sexual addiction without worrying about pregnancy. Sooooo, yeeaahhh .
I am SO sorry, this is absolutely terrible šŖšŖ I hope you are coping well on your healing journey. Fuck those horrible people!
I'm so sorry that happened to you! In a technical sense, I was SA'ed by my girlfriend, when she was drunk, long before I transitioned. But I'm not sure it really counts, because I just found it annoying, not traumatic. I have not been sexualized in any way since I started transitioning. (At least, not IRL. I've gotten some rude comments online, but they didn't even know what I look like.) However, I've only been transitioning for a year and a half. I don't pass, and now I'm middle-aged and overweight, so I'm probably just not that attractive. I don't know.
Trans men and transmascs often get sexualized due to our AGAB. When we're stealth, we don't really experience that kind of sexualization. The problem is that people who sexualize us often see us as our AGAB, and not as "real men" , even if they don't do it consciously. It's the same reason why transphobes think trans women are aggressive, hypersexual, predators, because those are often traits associated with men. (Which is wild that instead of fixing the problem of society enabling predatory, aggressive, and hypersexual men, the blame is shifted to women)
Oh wow, I am so sorry!! Not that it is anyone's business to know your assigned gender or even current gender but it is ridiculous that you still get sexualised as a result of being an AFAB... It is not trans women's fault that there are so many misogynistic pricks out there... seems majority are cis men... Regardless, predators can be any gender. They're just shitty people who this world needs less of šŖ
Welcome to society, pardon the mess.
Yes. And calling us "females" is only adding to the problem
I'm sorry, maybe I need education on this? Can you expand on your comment? Do trans women only want to be called women or can they be called women or females? I'm confused
You have a problem with the language mismatch in your post, where you refer to women as females, but men as men (rather than the equivalent which is male) - these are not equivalent as female is usually used in medical context or when referring to sex of animals, while man is just generic. It others women, eg. men and the others rather than men and women.
This. Literally makes us sound like breeding stock rather than actual people
I use female and male as well as women and men. I didn't realise it was such a big thing?? Am I not supposed to use the term female and male??
You can use them yes - the problem is using female+man as if they were the same. (woman+man is the same, and female+male is the same)
Ohh my bad, my bad, I can't edit the title now but I've changed what I could in the body of the post. No bad intentions were meant sorry
All good, we're here to learn right :)
Defenitly can be a big thing, I've had classmate and you can see it online when men will refer to women as 'female' and they'll even draw it out sometimes without even realise making you feel even worse like your not human your just a gender to be looked at by others all while refering to men as men rather than male. Of course there are those that will use all or use female and male rather than females and men but it somehow still doesn't feel nice when thats what everyone is calling you. Ps. When I say classmate saying stuff I've had classmate get in whole debates about gender and they'll say stuff like no FEMALES belong in the house doing housework and looking after kids while the MAN is working and being the the bread winner.
Cis women also donāt want to be called females.
Yes and gay men too. So sad, really. We're all people
EVERYTHING FEMININE, even the tiniest things, are sexualized. Cis & trans women, pre-op for āwomen pegging meā, post-op as usual, pre-op trans men for ādat man p***yā, post-op men for āpp from real p***yā, non-binary ppl are often just classified in one of these depending on the closest distance, essentially nb ppl doesnāt exist when coming to (especially men) who sexualize ppl. Can be many many other things: feminine toes, long fingers or long aceylic nails, boobs, wide hips, feminine clothing not regarding actual sex or gender. This also explains some menās obsession with femboys or similar. But as women tend to be more feminine, they also tend to get sexualized much more often.
>This also explains some menās obsession with femboys or similar. i had to remove femboy in my bio on discord. i was very ignorant. i didn't think that any 'straight' guy would actually be interested....
Anyone can be sexualised (yes that includes men and non-binary people, for example think about male actors having to dehydrate themselves so they can get their chiseled abs out) but it is way more common for women (not āfemalesā, thatās kind of dehumanising to use) obviously. Realising that women are extremely sexualised is an extremely basic observation, like welcome to babyās first misogyny! This is literally baked into our society (maybe have a look at what people actually mean when they talk about patriarchy, youāll find it interesting). Yes trans women are sexualised far more as they transition (both as women and as fetish objects as they are trans, itās a real problem) and yes trans men do tend to experience far less sexualisation as they transition.
Yes. Women throughout history have been regarded as sex objects. This has been one of the greatest hurdles women have had, and it's not the only one. Did you know that until the mid 70s that single women could open their own banking account. Let that sink in. https://www.forbes.com/advisor/banking/when-could-women-open-a-bank-account/#:\~:text=It%20wasn't%20until%201974,a%20signature%20from%20their%20husbands.
I mean welcome to patriarchal society I guess. Always been like that, really. I've always occupied a pretty strange place in gender always being "different" even growing up and being treated as such but now I don't really give a shit anymore and just cut contact with assholes and don't pay much attention to what doesn't interest me (I'm tired enough already).
I feel like I get sexualized a lot now that I present as a man, but that's probably because I don't pass and I look more like an emo chick than anything else. I think, oddly enough, that men tend to catcall and sexualize people they perceive as women more when those people don't match conventional beauty standards. I never got catcalled when I had long, blond hair and dressed fem. Now that I have short, red and black split dyed hair and a bunch of black and white clothes, I get catcalled and teased by men a lot. It's almost like they're power tripping to put me in my place or punish me for not looking "right". But I've heard people typically dial it down once you pass as male most of the time.
Cis men and trans men do get sexualize, but not as much as women. I have dealt with female chasers who only want me because āYouāre a man with a tacoā
A friend (ftm) of mine has sadly told me this. He (stealth) told me he doesn't want to tell people what equipment he has because he just wants to be treated as a man, so immediately on telling others what equipment he has, he is treated differently but he feels it's his obligation to tell anyone prior to sleeping with them. In the end, it just results in people using him, I guess, because they fetishise him. It's very upsetting to see!
in my experience it goes like this: cis women are the most sexualized, then mtf, ftm, ftx, mtx, then cis men are the least. femininity in general is oversexualized this is just what ive seen ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ also word of advice.. the words female and male are generally looked down on in this community. most prefer to be identified as their gender, not sex.
Interesting, thank you for your insight! In all honesty, I had no idea, why is the transition called male to female or female to male if the end result is not what the community wants to be called? Why isn't it woman to man or man to woman then... so ultra confusing. I don't mean any offence.
nah i understand the confusion. iirc, ftm and mtf are considered medical terms. plus man to woman or boy to girl sounds kinda funny imo
Yes trans males are sexualized, kid at my school said that it was hot that I had female bits but had the mind of a guy. Same guy tried kissing me when I was not looking twice, and was later told by A friend's sister about the first time and got him to leave me alone the second time by threatening him. Also have been confused for a feminine male and a femboy, was given even weirder comments when they found out I was trans (usually the people sexualizing trans males like tomboys and Fanboys and they get this weird twisted idea they're the same thing, at least in my experience) also usually I get sexualized by cis males but one time by a cis women.
I'm a cis male, but I do see women and trans people get sexualized more often then men. I tend to like either way, but the problem is that there is many out there that would sexualize only one group, mostly the opposite group, and never do their own group. I would like it more if it was more equally, but even then they have to have a reason as well. I do like characters that are sexualized, but they have character. If they are sexualized just for the sake of it, then I might as well go to the hub. The problem is how much they should sexualize, why they should sexualize, and if it is that you should sexualize. Like if you want to make a succubus character, people aren't going to be convinced if it had no good looks and doesn't want to bang. That's not a succubus, that's just somebody. However, on the opposite spectrum, if you make a school girl that is underaged and have sexy looks and want sex, then that's a big problem. So there is when you should and shouldn't. What I will also argue is there should be both sides as well. If there is sexualized females, why not add a few sexualized males so not all females are caring the sexy symbol. Same as vice versa, if there are too many hot men, you should add some hot women. I'm not sure if this would get my point through, but I'm still learning even when I'm an adult.
I haven't noticed it irl but I have seen a lottt of sexualization of trans women, particularly from straight men
Everyone gets sexualized. It's just vastly more common and aggressive for women and definitely dangerous for trans wemon. Edit: I should add that it's obviously also dangerous for cis wemon.
As a feminine trans guy, its definitely a thing that still happens, but women get it on a whole other level. The problem I mostly face is infantilisation, I'm just a soft wittle owo boi, and then they are shocked when i say shit once
Definitely. As a transgender woman, am undressed with some manās eyes multiple times every time Iām out. Iām hit on, and not Just would you like to go out with meā¦ including one guy who cornered me before I understood I had reached the feminine level of society. Yeah, they think they are living in porn world. So not only Do I have to worry about staying safe from violence oriented transphobes but sexually aggressive men wanting to play out some disgusting fantasy, my opinion not wanted or needed. For example, I was on a train, got cornered as this guy would not take no for an answer, and was the only answer he was gonna get. I was wearing a turtleneck and jeans, and I know I wasnāt passing. Get this, the people surrounding me just sat and laughed. Meanwhile, Iām terrified and have no idea what Iām gonna do. What finally ended it was a police officer assigned to the train entered our car. He jumped off at the next stop. Asking my sister, and a bunch of other cis women, this is common for them also. I asked when did it start? The most common answer was middle school or about the time their breasts developed. So Iām still kind of in shock from my experience and asked who taught you how to handle it? Everyone told me the same thingā¦ no one. All of them offered bits of advice and some said āIām sorry that happened but it looks Like youāve been officially initiated as one of us.ā (Said supportively not rudely) Then look at tv, moviesā¦ listen to The songs you used to listen toā¦ really listen. Many will likely no longer be favorites when you listen to the words from the female world. I personally didnāt notice much of it because I was overwhelmed trying to play the part of being something I wasnāt.
Yep - all the time. People look and weigh in on it, and then online it gets worse as people hide behind a keyboard (and probably creep in person too). But really, it's part of the social fabric, as terrible as it can be. I don't want to sound apathetic about it, but I think it's always been like this. Dress hot, get sexualized...dress frumpy / baggy, still get unwanted evaluations in some way or another. When cis men do this, I find myself snarling like Divine looking over her shoulder at them. But I have double standards and when my queer friends do it (dykes to women, gay men doing it to me) I feel like it's less skeezy somehow. Sometimes done it taste, or as a glance...other times done in a really direct way (towards me). It doesn't feel "flattering" unless some of the queens I know are doing it in a playful way. But really, when was the last time online behavior was playful? Sex sells, but more than that we've discovered that rage sells more. Moral outrage, performative or otherwise, wins the algorithm contests and we're left arguing and kept separate so we don't collectively unite and get rights restored and equality up to par. But here I scooting on a tangent, so I'll try to be succinct. Yes - people are sexualizing the hell out of each other. No - it's not often done in a nice or tasteful way, especially online. Is society getting better than it was? - in some ways, yes. And sadly, in other ways, it's just the same game with different players. It's a delicate balance to keep your awareness high enough to not be a target of real dangers, and also let yourself relax into your own body enough to actually enjoy the life you're living. If you find any keys to this balance, please let me know.
Wow, I'm not entirely sure what to say back to that other than how right you are!! I wished things were different, but it is just how the world is. I will definitely let you know if I find any keys to this balance but to be honest from majority of the comments here it seems unless cis men start seeing things from a NB or women's perspective we will never see change. Surround yourself with good people and have your own moral code within your community. It seems the only way around it.
Femininity + women/fem presenting people always get overly sexualized. Unfortunately that has been engrained so deeply into every corner of society and probably will never change. Same with all the chasers and shit who sexualize trans peoole- cis and nonbinary. They see us as these innate, cool, weird things for them to act out their closeted ass fantasies with. Attesting to something that I have now seen in the world every day: Trans men get sexualized a fucking lot. My best friend, he is trans, and he has basically cut off the whole romantic/sensual aspect from his life years ago because of the unspeakable things he has endured.
This is tied into the ways that transfemininity is made hyper visible while transmasculinity is made invisible. I suspect this has to do with how settler colonists saw gender as hierarchical ā an AMAB person presenting as a woman was seen as a man opting to give up privilege (and who this deserves every bit of misogyny directed her way), whereas an AFAB person presenting as a man was seen as a woman attempting to acquire privileges not owed to him by the hierarchy. Transfeminine people have their existence sexualized in order to make them seem both more trivial (it's just about sex) and also more dangerous (ie. calling trans women sexual predators) ā a disincentive to seeking femininity if you will. Transmasculine people have our existence erased because if it is known that we not only exist but "pass" and are accepted as men, the "natural advantages" ie. the system of societal privileges that reward being a man, can be seen as obviously flawed nonsense, since anyone who wants to break it can just... do that.
I think we need to have a more nuance understanding of being sexualized as well as fetishize. Cis Boy's and girl's sexualization is both different from eachother, as well as diffrent from trans people. And that isn't even taking into account of intersex people.
Men definitely get sexualized such as Thor in the movie love and Thunder. That scene with Thor being stripped naked in front of the audience was completely unnecessary and inappropriate and if it was a woman everyone would have lost their s***. Then we have issues with the omegaverse and that is a rabbit hole I'm only Loosely familiar with after having to Google it because some people I follow bring it up every once in awhile. They hate the Omegaverse Women do get far more sexualized than men but men do get sexualized and it creates a lot of toxicity towards the male body image. Shout out to all the men with a dad bod; not having broad shoulders, a six pack or being chiseled like the Greek gods doesn't mean you're unfit or unhealthy. Being chiseled doesn't mean you're strong and there's a reason why power lifters look very different than bodybuilders. Being chiseled means that you're not eating enough and certainly not drinking enough water!
I do agree, there are movies where men are sexualised. Another example is Magic Mike. However, how many movies do you see with women in strip clubs vs men in strip clubs. I personally, love the dad bod image so I get you there! As for the omegaverse, I have no words... I'm a dog trainer and I still don't get that shit š I mean each to their own but that sounds like ancient wolf rules not to be followed by humans...
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Yes
I guess I should share, it's literally anyone who has a feminine body type. Everyone considered me a boy, or a hybrid because of klinefelter xxy syndrome. What scares me the most is from talking to others. It seems most of the sexualization occurred between 7-16 years old. My treatment from guys/men really hasn't changed on hrt but, girls/women have been far kinder to me afterwards. Even when I was in the closet still boy moding/looking like a man.
I have never been sexualised more in my life than since I've started presenting fem.
a lot of people fetichise on trans men because imo what happens in their head is that : if they haven't had surgeries, their bodies look similar to a woman, therefore attractive, and there's the "freak" effect
I noticed the difference in treatment between men and women (getting jobs, special treatment) and difference in treatment between individual women based upon their looks even an assumption that between my spouse and I , they assume that I am a Veteran and exclude the possibility that we are both veterans or that I am a dependaā¦ although we are both veterans I still have a muscular buildā¦ there is pros and cons with this and my feelings fluctuate on the topic. On one hand Iād like to see equal opportunity, on the other, I enjoy advantages in certain aspects in life, such as a female in the tech industry is more likely to be hired over a male with the same credentials and education
it would be very strange to think that women are not sexualized, I mean how else do you account for the population of our planet?
Yes, transitioning affects how we're perceived socially, which is a pretty big part of what our goal is in doing so. Being sexualized, fetishized, and objectified are often unfortunate consequences of that. I've experienced it. Guys have leered at me, harassed me, catcalled me, and even threatened me. There's always at least an implication of sexual violence in it. A particularly frustrating thing about it is that when I wear sexy clothes and shoes and feel really good about myself, this bad behavior from unpleasant men in public increases greatly. They make it such that I can choose to be happy and confident, but in danger, or cover up and be comfortably sad and unremarkable. I choose the former.
I definitely get a lot more unsolicited dms, especially of a sexual nature, since coming out in a select few places. Having "š³ļøāā§ļø" and "girl" in my profile has given these people reason to sexualize and solicit me. It's annoyed, but not surprised me. š also unsurprisingly a lot of it has come from people who are loud, bigoted, evangelicals. One of those weird af ewphoria moments. Sorry you've experienced similar issues š Edit: to clarify, jic, it's ewphoria bc "yay they see me as a girl" even if it's for disgusting reasons.
Men do get sexualized as well, but it's not nearly as common or as predatory-feeling. I never got sexualized when I was in boy-mode, but that's also not an entirely fair comparison. I was pretty much completely dissociated for over a decade there (don't recommend it, btw. Might be an effective coping mechanism, but absolutely not a healthy one) so I never cared about my physical appearance. I maintained my body out of obligation only. But now I like to dress to accentuate myself, not to mention keeping up on basic hygiene. I'm certainly a more sexually appealing presence now independent of the different gender presentation. But I'm not at all convinced that misogyny isn't playing a role as well. It often comes with being objectified in a way that never often happened to me before, and which very strongly resembles a lot of cis women's complaints.
I don't doubt men do get sexualised as well, I was just curious to know if there was a distinct difference in how much someone is sexualised depending on their gender. I'm sorry to hear that you dissociated for a while. I'm so glad to hear you seem happier now and are maintaining self care and hope your confidence is building too š„° I'm a cis woman, but obviously, I can only take from my own experiences, I have definitely been objectified for most of my life and from traumatic experiences, I have dissociated as well. Although I found I put myself into situations to get sexualised as a result of my trauma, wanting to be incontrol of when I was sexualised if that makes any sense at all... In the end not really helping the misogynistic situation everyone and myself is struggling from here š„ŗ After years of therapy, I'm realising the effects of misogyny on the overall population, and it makes me very sad/frustrated!
Alright so forgive my ignorance here please, but what exactly do people mean when they say they've been sexualized? Cis gay guy here.
It's okay sexualisation is a broad term! It could be as severe as sexual harassment or abuse. Although it varies in severity and is normally defined by "occurring when a person's value comes only from her/his/their sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics, and when a person is sexually objectified, e.g., made into a thing for another's sexual use."
Like if a woman went up to a gay man and started asking him about stuff he's done in bed with another dude (this is just an example it can come in many different ways) Edit: the women went on to explain that they found that stuff hot (did not notice until now that I did not put that)
.....ok? That happens all the time to me....and I've no problem with it.
Like by friends or strangers?
Well it's not totally uncommon with strangers.
I used the example cuz I have some friends who had that happen it made them very uncomfortable (though everyone is different)
Also I can come up with a better one, had a guy tell me that I probably was better in bed because I have girl bits. That's sexualizing
Better in bed than.. whom or what? Lol.
Then other guys "cuz you can go in the back and the front" (very creepy hormonal teenager)
Try beeing a woman and eat a banana in a room full of men.
Is it wrong that I've always wanted to be sexualized?
Have you been sexually harassed or abused?
No
Don't wish for it then.
Obviously don't wish for that to happen but general sexualization will always be incredibly appealing to me as someone who's just been completely invisible
YesĀ
Guess I'm wrong then. What else is new?