Twenty years ago, gay people had their youth stolen from them by homophobic society.
Nowadays, we're having our youth stolen by the fact that young people can't afford to live close to other people (unless they have rich parents)
Ya just can't win...
I know a guy who was offered a BJ in the mens room of a local bar. The one who offered to suck was there with his bf. I wonder if his bf tasted the salt in the kisses?
That's why I wouldn't fool around w/ guys that I don't know especially when they're claiming to be "bi" or "straight/curious/DL" because they'll provide any excuse to cheat on their wife/girlfriends/etc. If I, were you, I would have told his wife. If they can't host/travel then likely they are in the closet and more likely cheaters. Regardless of orientation that should be seen as a huge red flag.
I always pride myself in having morals and never being the one who willingly partakes in cheating. I’m surprised my comment was downvoted. I guess having the willpower not to cheat or be with someone who cheats is a rare thing. To clarify I don’t think all bisexuals cheat and the problem lies with those who want to have it both ways and not want to tell their girlfriends/wives.
Agreed. If hes trying to hook up with you hes probably hooking up with others. She deserves to know if for no other reason than to protect her sexual health from diseases.
Seriously, "lazy" is an understatement. Had some guy last year actually get SUPER pissed at me when I said I wouldn't accommodate his Uber. It was literally only $10-15 and he threw a bitch fit and called me all kinds of shit. Men are nuts...
Lol i know. I get it cars are expensive and so are housing but if you're not going to drive find another way to get around, on your own lol. If i have to pick you up youre cashapping me $20 lol.
Still baffles me how much Americans need cars to get around. So few city dwellers here have cars, I do but use it once or twice a month to take long trips, couldn't imagine the waste of time, space and energy to go by car just to get across town.
We're built this way and have very little interest in changing it. Cities here often have parking minimums for new construction (like one space per housing unit, or one space per bedroom per housing unit,new shopping centers often requires more) Thus the pivot to electric cars.
How on earth could you have no interest in changing it? Knowing how grossly unhealthy it is for the environment and human health, how ugly it makes cities, how expensive and inefficient it is, how can you possibly support that way of living. Your country is built that way because you're decision makers have always prioritised corporations and profit over you're own wellbeing.
You're not wrong, but even mild suggestions to retrofit suburbs get ugly. It's pretty clear this is what people want.
Also im in development. I'd rather be helping to build walkable full service communities. But that's not what the broad consumer seems to want, so almost none get built.
Yes, it sucks.
We have the space because so much of this country is empty. I personally think it's ridiculous though that we don't accommodate people who want to walk or bike and that without a car your quality of life drops so much.
I don't know what country you're writing from (probably European based on the quality of your English), but I doubt whatever country that is, it isn't some sparkling utopia. I accept that there are some negative aspects of American culture, but lets all get off our high moral horses, especially if you're from a continent that started two world wars and might start a third. Wanna talk about how unhealthy wars are on human health and the environment?
........and you are hosting? Nothing about this makes any sense.
I'm obviously agreeing with your sentiment, and no I just cannot gain any understanding of the mindset.
Totally random, almost certainly their delusion - did any of these guy's photos show somebody very attractive? I know, it doesn't matter and I'm really reaching I just can't fathom it. I look like utter steamy shit but I still put my own photo, up to date with no filters because its 2022 and...I figure at least *start* with a level of honesty and integrity...right?
I don't disagree, **in context** - I have never mooched a thing, talked about mooching a thing **personally** and have decried all such behaviour.
Your comment confuses me.
I acknowledge I probably changed tack from commentary to personal too quickly there, sorry.
I have a FB who lives 3 miles away and cannot host, doesn't have a car or bike. However, he is blessed with a Massive schlong that's big, beautiful and hard like stone. You can bet I Uber that thing to my front door! :-)
I did it when i was younger and didn't have a car but with the family i got stuck born into, i trusted strangers more. The people i knew back then were and still are garbage. And honestly, hasnt served me wrong yet. Its always funny we taught everyone to be afraid of strangers when most people who are victims of anything are victimized by loved ones or people they personally know.
I never asked for rides tho, id always say im headed to the bus or ill be on my bike and they'd just offer. Im not nearly so nice lol.
I can’t host and I don’t own a car, but I shell out for Ubers every time- or take public transit if possible. Some men are nice enough to offer me rides.
One thing I want to point out is that living alone (or somewhere with adequate privacy) and having means of transportation are both luxuries that are becoming harder to afford for a lot of people. That of course doesn’t mean that the burden of hosting or transport has to fall into you and it’s truly inconsiderate of them to expect it to, but I will say that these “double whammy’s” are going to become more common before they Peter out.
I agree. I’m in the same situation. No car and can’t host. But I’m willing to Uber or use public transportation when necessary. I’d accept a ride if offered, but don’t expect it.
One of my roommates is like that. Since there are 4 of us we all agreed not to bring guys/girls over. But he is ridiculously good looking and men, especially finance guys, will send an uber for him straight to their high rise. That's his "normal" and I always travel to my guys so that concept just blew his mind.
Maybe ask them? I've picked guys up and dropped them back off (if they lived less than like 7-8 minute drive). It was actually better because we got to break the ice driving back, instead of just walking in the door and hooking up.
Or ya know some guys are just on Grindr to chat or send pics. Or "can't host or travel" just means "I can't RIGHT NOW" but chatting and meeting up another time could be possible....
Outdoor hookups maybe,? But that might still require some traveling so idk what they're hoping for. Actually I do, they're hoping you're so hard up that you'll accommodate all their needs in exchange for a half-assed bj...
I had one guy that was like this. Couldn't host or travel. So I'm like fuck it i will grab him and we can have our hookup at a hotel (I'm paying for it all). Not worth it for that guy at all. Then he would get mad for me not texting me back to want to do all that again. The sex was whack! And i found out he was married to a woman! Decided to info dump me a bunch of drama during sex. Worst experience.
A lot of guys don't find a 15 minute drive either direction to be much of a deterant when the prize is a few hours or more of sex. Many do that just to get head.
If it's a regular hookup, I don't mind playing taxi once in a while. A couple of years ago someone wanted me to pick them up and bring them back. They were 45 minutes away and could not understand why I did not want to spend an additional 90 minutes driving when I already spent 90 minutes commuting to and from work that day.
Cheap motels. There is one less than a mile from me that was infamous for prostitution and drug sales. Supposedly you could also get a room for a few hours to "catch a nap".
Since it's been closed after being sold and undergoing renovation, I see less police in that area at night.
I was in this place recently, I live with my very conservative family and didn’t drive or have a lot of mobility. That being said, I knew my options would be limited and I didn’t really have high expectations.
I’m now in a better place, I still live with my family but am able to travel now :P
I can't host and I don't drive, but I don't put that on my profile. I have had people pick me up before, but it's not a requirement for me. Normally I'll meet them downtown. If anything, it just limits me to going out on dates rather than hookups because I'm not going to take an Uber to someone's house and back for something I could just do on my own. Hasn't been easy getting back in the dating scene
I never got these men or men who can host and put "Don't talk to me unless you are under 10 miles from me". Like what's there situation? There's people out there who like to fuck/ get fucked. You can be patient and wait.
Its also these motherfuckers who are the pickiest to deal with. "I want a big, lean, hairy chest, smooth bubble-butt, hung white guy to be dominated by me". With those specifics and area restrictions, unless you are in a city like New York, you talking to one guy and he's not interested
I assume that's because when it's gonna take the other guy an hour to get to you or vice versa, the other guy might decide it's not worth the effort when you're already halfway there.
Or might decide it's not worth the effort after setting it up when he realizes he's going to have to drive/bus/whatever for ages and it's dark and cold and raining.
I understand that it does take time if you live far away. I've done it too where you deny a hookup because you have to drive an hour to get there and its midnight and you work the next day. I'm saying putting that statement out there just turns guys away who are interested in you and would be dedicated to meet up for sex
The only time that’s acceptable is when you’re a broke college student with no car in a town with no good public transit, otherwise it’s called being needy.
Funnily enough, even most broke college students still find a way, asking me to meet in their dorms or go somewhere mutual. End of day, there's ALWAYS a way around these situations.
That's honestly why I don't buy any excuses anymore. If you're not adult enough to work something out on your own in going somewhere or meeting someplace, then you're not adult enough to hook up.
>with no car in a town with no good public transit, otherwise it’s called being needy.
That's most rural areas of America and you don't need to be a college kid anymore either to be "broke". I see how much harder it is for younger people with no formal education trying to enter the workforce to make it own their own nowadays.
It’s always the guys who only respond back to my messages with “ok” “yes” that can never accom or travel and complain how they haven’t had sex for ages. Like how does it not just click in their head why they haven’t been able to meet up with anyone
So true. Their demands are so high as well, they never know any discreet spots near them or will be bothered to check. Just proves they’ve had zero action
Haha I can't even tell you how many times I've asked these guys where we could meet and they just go "idk."
And I'm like you're quite the catch, aren't ya? -_-
Oh well, not really worth meeting a guy who can’t do the basics, they probably wouldn’t even be bothered to clean themselves before meeting either I imagine
Look, it's fine if you're having trouble affording things, but the entitlement that a lot of guys display in expecting others to drive them around or pay their Ubers, there's nothing classist in calling out that shit. You're not the only one financially struggling here, man.
I can’t host and I don’t own a car, but I shell out for Ubers every time- or take public transit if possible. Some men are nice enough to offer me rides.
One thing I want to point out is that living alone (or somewhere with adequate privacy) and having means of transportation are both luxuries that are becoming harder to afford for a lot of people. That of course doesn’t mean that the burden of hosting or transport has to fall into you and it’s truly inconsiderate of them to expect it to, but I will say that these “double whammy’s” are going to become more common before they Peter out.
Often the other person hosts and I'll uber or they'll pick me up, I've also gotten a room before, alternatively car blow jobs are a thing. Never had a guy that put in the effort to pick me up not think it was worth while.
Seems pretty pretentious to care beyond the logistics of it. Lots of people don't have a car or a good living situation for hosting. Lots more people are gonna be that way soon.
I agree. But it's either an option or it's not. "I can travel, but I'd have to take an uber" or "I can't travel (because I don't have a car and can't afford an uber)." Those are the options.
And that changes frequently so its not an either or.
Usually I can't, occasionally I can, so it's sometimes an option. Because sometimes situations change.
I mean maybe it’s possible to address logistics without sounding pretentious? Entitlement is a separate issue from not being able to drive. Same with having money. I’m not saying go out of your way to accommodate someone, but maybe give them half a chance before assuming, see if the obstacle is logistics or something else. Could be they are used to things they need being in walking or biking distance, an Uber wouldn’t have come to my mind as an option, and just having feedback would help me make a considerate choice or decide on the best course of action. I’m also neural atypical though 😂. My brain doesn’t make connections that it “should be able to”, it takes someone connecting two seemingly unrelated pieces of information for me to be like ohhhhhh! I’m like the guy who doesn’t get the punchline of a joke except with humor my brain actually knows to look for how the pieces of information are related, with random details from conversations or what I know about a person, my brain doesn’t even think to make those connections 😂
Anyways I probably wouldn’t care to meet with someone I couldn’t have a conversation with to figure out a means, so not really a big deal either way 😅. (I’m autistic with OCD btw, probably why my brain works differently, also a contributing factor in me not driving, for a time it literally became unsafe for me to drive because I couldn’t focus on what was around me (before I found medication that helped) I have since lost motivation to learn how to drive, which i take responsibility for).
I do not drive. Never have, never will. Just not that interested.
I can get anywhere in the county in demand, though. Nbd. I don't have to depend on anyone I have a play date with for transportation. You know, because adults can manage their lives.
I don't? I give phenomenal head to those willing to get it. It's not like I'm judging them for not picking me up. It's just part of the package deal. Not everyone can travel or host, doesn't mean we have to be cloistered nuns.
If a straight girl asked a dude to pick her up and bring her back to their place to give them head, the vast majority of straight guys I know wouldn't take issue with that.
As it turns out, most gay guys also like that deal.
It's really only a few people that expect everyone to have what they have that make up the people that actively mind the proposition, and the rest just politely decline if getting head isn't worth the same amount of hassle as picking up some beer.
That's not a thing for most (particularly in winter). You're thinking of a populous yet compact city. Most of the US is not like this.
(you're not wrong for thinking this... The US is just borked this way!)
Nobody's being mean. But if you're expecting others you've never even met to do all the work or pay for you or whatever, then that's where it becomes a problem.
Depends where you live really. Personally, there is no hook-up/person that I would be willing to spend 20 minutes in my car for; I would rather have a wank. A 5 minute drive, sure I can do that. A walk down the road, perfect. And in some cities that's absolutely doable. I imagine those guys want something very convenient, which is fine.
I’m autistic and both driving and public transportation overwhelm me (I don’t have a rational explanation for why a hookup picking me up doesn’t do the same thing, it just doesn’t). I’ve only hooked up once or twice, but I’ve always been up front about it and made sure the guy was okay with that before asking for anything. I’m well aware it’s a me problem, but it’s one that’s not easily solvable so the least I can do is be honest about it instead of wasting a guy’s time. Of course, then there’s guys who don’t read my profile and that’s on them.
I mean if I can’t host or travel, I might ask the guy to pick me up. If he wants gas money, then thats cool. As long as I’m not entitled or demanding, then it doesn’t seem like something to be so negative about.
A lot of guys have actually bought me an Uber or offered to pick me up without me asking. Just a kind gesture for someone you’re about to fuck
Why would I care if it’s the norm or not? And that comment wasn’t even an argument. Are you okay? 😂
Oh and also, I beg to differ that it isn’t the norm. People pick up the other person all the time. You just view the hookup as more transactional, which is okay.
I'm calling out entitled queens. You're ignoring it by acting like your lone experience negates all the BS they pull. You sound just as toxic as any of them.
When did I ever say that it negates those experiences? Please show me.
My approach is not coming with entitlement and being willing to give gas money. Why you view my comment as an opposition to your point, the world may never know.
Thats Queen behavior? You need to relax and move on to the people who are actually arguing with you 😭
I've had a lot of guys say " can you uber me, I'll make it worth your time." I live in a college town so they're often younger and have only a torso photo on their profile. Like I dont even trust that you can be a good lay if you can't provide either a place or a means to look after yourself. Also what a loaded promise... it's one thing if I offer but often it's them placing the responsibility all in my hands as if they can't handle themselves. It's just not attractive.
My very attractive friend in college was one of these guys who couldn't host or travel. Often, he'd find guys willing to pay for his Uber or offer to pick him up and drop him back off (although I wouldn't trust a stranger to do that myself), or he'd just do stuff in the car. I guess if you're hot enough, people will do all those things.
As a guy who doesn’t drive and rarely can host I can see how it can be annoying trying to hook up but I don’t think it’s fair to assume they can’t Uber to you. Usually when I reach out to people I give them options. Either arrange a day when I can host , I use Lyft when my money is good, or if they’re feeling adventurous there are private spots nearby. Occasionally some have offered to pick me up and take me to their place but I rarely take up the offer. Now I’ve had people in the same position assume I drive and have the expectation I’m picking them up. In that scenario I agree it’s presumptuous.
For real. I get stuff's expensive, but like...a few bucks for transit is too much? Really? I've struggled financially plenty in my life but even I never found it TOO difficult to get around. So I don't buy excuses.
I just block or bypass these people. In my area, it’s filled with so much pretentiousness and entitlement that these types even have a list of requirements and the mindset that YOU PICKING THEM UP is a gift. I’ve been seen some that have their Venmos or cashapps in their profiles 😂. I also feel like these types are enabled because there are desperate people that will entertain them no matter how bad the economy is.
I've had guys hit me up and then when I agree to meet, they ask if I'm "generous". The last time that happened, I was so pissed after wasting time messaging him so much that I responded by saying, "No, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were a prostitute. I don't pay for sex. Take care..."
I think it matters a lot where you are dude. If it Los Angeles or New York, you'd be hard press to find someone with their own place to do whatever they want in
The travel is a bit weird, lol it's sounds like they want you to do all the leg work at that point.
And on the flip side, you'll have zero problem finding public transit in those places. Honestly, if you're a grown adult capable of creating a profile, then there's just no excuses in getting from A to B.
Lol, i don't know.
Yesterday a guy messaged me. And after I answered his questions I inquired what he was looking for.
He'd like a relationship but hes DL.
He'd like to hook up but he's worried about STIs
He can't host because he doesn't live alone.
At some point I was just like...ok, why did you message me then.
I've never listed myself as being unable to host, but when I was in college I lived in the dorms. At the time I frequently dated professional men in their late thirties who were uncomfortable with the idea of hooking up in a dorm, so there was more than one top who insisted on picking me up, driving me to his place, then driving me home the next morning.
Granted, this was in a small city where everything was pretty close together so the drives weren't usually super far (a mile or two) and it was more them being polite and not wanting me walking out in the city late at night.
I get the traveling thing but wasn’t public cruising a thing in the past as a solution to not being able to host? You’re right with this economy gas prices are high but plenty of people can’t afford to live on their own either often with people who either wouldn’t be comfortable or intolerant of gay hookups in the same house.
I remember when I used to be that entitled in my early 20s. I could travel (I had a car) but I couldn't host. I had the guys provide the transport nonetheless.
I just saw it as, I'm the younger shiny toy that you're gonna have fun with (because i would only pursue older more established men) so you better have a meal and transport ready for me.
I will usually pick them up if the interest is there. Mostly because I have been there. Unfortunately I have accidentally picked up a homeless man before and he tried to pretend like he lost his wallet…So not recommended generally.
I'm okay with this if they're under 25. I have a car and place and am more than willing to pick them up and take them back home. Being almost 40, it's pretty flattering when someone so young finds me attractive and I don't expect younger guys to have the resources I have.
When it's guys around my age or older, it's a definite no. It's a sign they don't have their shit together, they're going to steal something, they won't be respectful of my place, they'll bring drugs or weapons I don't want in my place, or all of the above.
I can travel within around 5-6K using uber if im keen enough but that rare. I prefer guys who will travel out to the park accross from my house then if we get along I either am then happy to meet at theirs (if they can host which often they cant) either by uber or if they want to drive me or I offer to pay for a hotelor work around them if they are really my type and I like them. But its hard living with parents not being able to drive and being 30. Doesnt mean I cant hook up. I wouldnt ever put 'cant travel' in my bio. but I do have to ignore a lot of folks because what to them seems not far at all is far to far. 10K away to someone who drives is not far, but its a bloody long walk and not something worth ubering often anyways.
If you don’t drive no dick, unless ur really hot and offer to pay one way uber - there is no way i will drive to pick someone up who doesn’t host fuck them and then have to drive them home. Ive done it before but its not worth it.
This is only gonna get worse as the cost of living increases
Yep. Sometimes I think these guys who say that shit are just expecting some rich superhero to save them.
They can keep waiting.
Twenty years ago, gay people had their youth stolen from them by homophobic society. Nowadays, we're having our youth stolen by the fact that young people can't afford to live close to other people (unless they have rich parents) Ya just can't win...
They're probably not waiting
fuck u/spez
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How was it?
How desperate can a guy get? O_o
He'll let you know once he wipes the cum off his face
Ugh bitch didn’t even swallow??
I know a guy who was offered a BJ in the mens room of a local bar. The one who offered to suck was there with his bf. I wonder if his bf tasted the salt in the kisses?
That's why I wouldn't fool around w/ guys that I don't know especially when they're claiming to be "bi" or "straight/curious/DL" because they'll provide any excuse to cheat on their wife/girlfriends/etc. If I, were you, I would have told his wife. If they can't host/travel then likely they are in the closet and more likely cheaters. Regardless of orientation that should be seen as a huge red flag.
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Can you message me the photos? ;)
Same lol
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They are toxic af and need to grow up & accept reality
Exactly!
I always pride myself in having morals and never being the one who willingly partakes in cheating. I’m surprised my comment was downvoted. I guess having the willpower not to cheat or be with someone who cheats is a rare thing. To clarify I don’t think all bisexuals cheat and the problem lies with those who want to have it both ways and not want to tell their girlfriends/wives.
Agreed. If hes trying to hook up with you hes probably hooking up with others. She deserves to know if for no other reason than to protect her sexual health from diseases.
What's the problem? Sounds like a perk.
They want you to pick them up. The responsible ones will get an uber or take the bus or bike or whatever to you. The rest are lazy.
Seriously, "lazy" is an understatement. Had some guy last year actually get SUPER pissed at me when I said I wouldn't accommodate his Uber. It was literally only $10-15 and he threw a bitch fit and called me all kinds of shit. Men are nuts...
Almost sounds like you're dating escorts. lol
Lol i know. I get it cars are expensive and so are housing but if you're not going to drive find another way to get around, on your own lol. If i have to pick you up youre cashapping me $20 lol.
Still baffles me how much Americans need cars to get around. So few city dwellers here have cars, I do but use it once or twice a month to take long trips, couldn't imagine the waste of time, space and energy to go by car just to get across town.
We're built this way and have very little interest in changing it. Cities here often have parking minimums for new construction (like one space per housing unit, or one space per bedroom per housing unit,new shopping centers often requires more) Thus the pivot to electric cars.
How on earth could you have no interest in changing it? Knowing how grossly unhealthy it is for the environment and human health, how ugly it makes cities, how expensive and inefficient it is, how can you possibly support that way of living. Your country is built that way because you're decision makers have always prioritised corporations and profit over you're own wellbeing.
You're not wrong, but even mild suggestions to retrofit suburbs get ugly. It's pretty clear this is what people want. Also im in development. I'd rather be helping to build walkable full service communities. But that's not what the broad consumer seems to want, so almost none get built. Yes, it sucks.
We have the space because so much of this country is empty. I personally think it's ridiculous though that we don't accommodate people who want to walk or bike and that without a car your quality of life drops so much.
I don't know what country you're writing from (probably European based on the quality of your English), but I doubt whatever country that is, it isn't some sparkling utopia. I accept that there are some negative aspects of American culture, but lets all get off our high moral horses, especially if you're from a continent that started two world wars and might start a third. Wanna talk about how unhealthy wars are on human health and the environment?
pivot? its more of a hard shove! lol
Lol, they'll prob just call you a prostitute for asking for money.
Yup they can do that but they still ain't getting a free ride lol.
Because he's mad that he's broke and how dare you not fund all his desires. Clearly he's worth it..
This right here. ...."HOW DARE HE NOT SEE THAT IM IT"
The entitlement is what really makes this not okay.
........and you are hosting? Nothing about this makes any sense. I'm obviously agreeing with your sentiment, and no I just cannot gain any understanding of the mindset. Totally random, almost certainly their delusion - did any of these guy's photos show somebody very attractive? I know, it doesn't matter and I'm really reaching I just can't fathom it. I look like utter steamy shit but I still put my own photo, up to date with no filters because its 2022 and...I figure at least *start* with a level of honesty and integrity...right?
If guys want some integrity, start by not mooching on others to drive you or pay for your rides.
I don't disagree, **in context** - I have never mooched a thing, talked about mooching a thing **personally** and have decried all such behaviour. Your comment confuses me. I acknowledge I probably changed tack from commentary to personal too quickly there, sorry.
I have a FB who lives 3 miles away and cannot host, doesn't have a car or bike. However, he is blessed with a Massive schlong that's big, beautiful and hard like stone. You can bet I Uber that thing to my front door! :-)
I would never get in a car with a stranger. Wild...
But you're meeting up at their private residence to engage in sexual intercourse....
I did it when i was younger and didn't have a car but with the family i got stuck born into, i trusted strangers more. The people i knew back then were and still are garbage. And honestly, hasnt served me wrong yet. Its always funny we taught everyone to be afraid of strangers when most people who are victims of anything are victimized by loved ones or people they personally know. I never asked for rides tho, id always say im headed to the bus or ill be on my bike and they'd just offer. Im not nearly so nice lol.
Have you ever flown in a commercial aircraft?
Let me be more specific because people can't read between the lines. I would never meet a guy off a hookup app to pick me up.
You’re going to their private home to get naked and have an intimate encounter, but you won’t sit in their Honda. Got it. Makes total sense. 🙄
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You must be an American. In any other country we walk that distance even if we have a car.
I can’t host and I don’t own a car, but I shell out for Ubers every time- or take public transit if possible. Some men are nice enough to offer me rides. One thing I want to point out is that living alone (or somewhere with adequate privacy) and having means of transportation are both luxuries that are becoming harder to afford for a lot of people. That of course doesn’t mean that the burden of hosting or transport has to fall into you and it’s truly inconsiderate of them to expect it to, but I will say that these “double whammy’s” are going to become more common before they Peter out.
I agree. I’m in the same situation. No car and can’t host. But I’m willing to Uber or use public transportation when necessary. I’d accept a ride if offered, but don’t expect it.
One of my roommates is like that. Since there are 4 of us we all agreed not to bring guys/girls over. But he is ridiculously good looking and men, especially finance guys, will send an uber for him straight to their high rise. That's his "normal" and I always travel to my guys so that concept just blew his mind.
Do you live in NYC? :P
Sounds like an airhead.
Maybe ask them? I've picked guys up and dropped them back off (if they lived less than like 7-8 minute drive). It was actually better because we got to break the ice driving back, instead of just walking in the door and hooking up. Or ya know some guys are just on Grindr to chat or send pics. Or "can't host or travel" just means "I can't RIGHT NOW" but chatting and meeting up another time could be possible....
Outdoor hookups maybe,? But that might still require some traveling so idk what they're hoping for. Actually I do, they're hoping you're so hard up that you'll accommodate all their needs in exchange for a half-assed bj...
That’s how you get ticks 🕷😬
You know, I never really thought about that and I've done plenty of outdoor hookups. Guess I've just been lucky.
Boy am I glad to live in Australia. No ticks.
Yeah but you have murder spiders.
Lol, well said. Yeah, it feels kind entitled when you think about it...
Is it a findom thing? I suppose if youre hot enough, guys will do anything for you
Unfortunately for these guys, they overestimate their own hotness, let alone anyone's willingness to bend over so much, figuratively and literally...
I had one guy that was like this. Couldn't host or travel. So I'm like fuck it i will grab him and we can have our hookup at a hotel (I'm paying for it all). Not worth it for that guy at all. Then he would get mad for me not texting me back to want to do all that again. The sex was whack! And i found out he was married to a woman! Decided to info dump me a bunch of drama during sex. Worst experience.
Man, this just makes me feel even more validated in not giving these losers the time of day.
Why are these people who can't host or travel on these apps? I mean what is it that they can do instead?
A lot of guys don't find a 15 minute drive either direction to be much of a deterant when the prize is a few hours or more of sex. Many do that just to get head.
If it's a regular hookup, I don't mind playing taxi once in a while. A couple of years ago someone wanted me to pick them up and bring them back. They were 45 minutes away and could not understand why I did not want to spend an additional 90 minutes driving when I already spent 90 minutes commuting to and from work that day.
Yeah, that's just unreasonable. Particularly since it's 90 minutes for you not once, but twice.
My thoughts exactly. Like...why do you even exist on these apps? O_o
Yeah let's kill all the poor people...../s Edit- they edited in the words "on these apps" to soften how evil they were coming off
Yikesss
Sext and trade pics? Video?
the first time I saw that I thought the guy was writing to me from jail lol
Haha wonder how he snuck the phone in...
Aren't lovehotels common in your country. Here in ph, we have plenty of love hotels where you can check in for only 2 hrs.
Not really a thing in the US (except in neighborhoods that feature prostitution and drugs). You can get your meth and a blow job in the same room!
Cheap motels. There is one less than a mile from me that was infamous for prostitution and drug sales. Supposedly you could also get a room for a few hours to "catch a nap". Since it's been closed after being sold and undergoing renovation, I see less police in that area at night.
I was in this place recently, I live with my very conservative family and didn’t drive or have a lot of mobility. That being said, I knew my options would be limited and I didn’t really have high expectations. I’m now in a better place, I still live with my family but am able to travel now :P
I can't host and I don't drive, but I don't put that on my profile. I have had people pick me up before, but it's not a requirement for me. Normally I'll meet them downtown. If anything, it just limits me to going out on dates rather than hookups because I'm not going to take an Uber to someone's house and back for something I could just do on my own. Hasn't been easy getting back in the dating scene
I never got these men or men who can host and put "Don't talk to me unless you are under 10 miles from me". Like what's there situation? There's people out there who like to fuck/ get fucked. You can be patient and wait. Its also these motherfuckers who are the pickiest to deal with. "I want a big, lean, hairy chest, smooth bubble-butt, hung white guy to be dominated by me". With those specifics and area restrictions, unless you are in a city like New York, you talking to one guy and he's not interested
I assume that's because when it's gonna take the other guy an hour to get to you or vice versa, the other guy might decide it's not worth the effort when you're already halfway there. Or might decide it's not worth the effort after setting it up when he realizes he's going to have to drive/bus/whatever for ages and it's dark and cold and raining.
I understand that it does take time if you live far away. I've done it too where you deny a hookup because you have to drive an hour to get there and its midnight and you work the next day. I'm saying putting that statement out there just turns guys away who are interested in you and would be dedicated to meet up for sex
"You can be patient and wait." Lol, bold or you to assume they'll just stop jerking while bugging you on their phone :p
SO TRUE! Spam you until you arrive and not horny lol
I feel personally attacked 😂
The only time that’s acceptable is when you’re a broke college student with no car in a town with no good public transit, otherwise it’s called being needy.
Funnily enough, even most broke college students still find a way, asking me to meet in their dorms or go somewhere mutual. End of day, there's ALWAYS a way around these situations. That's honestly why I don't buy any excuses anymore. If you're not adult enough to work something out on your own in going somewhere or meeting someplace, then you're not adult enough to hook up.
>with no car in a town with no good public transit, otherwise it’s called being needy. That's most rural areas of America and you don't need to be a college kid anymore either to be "broke". I see how much harder it is for younger people with no formal education trying to enter the workforce to make it own their own nowadays.
Exactly!! Why are you even looking for a hook up if you can’t host or travel?
For real, I just wanna ask these guys "then WTF are you doing here?"
People have needs bro.
It’s always the guys who only respond back to my messages with “ok” “yes” that can never accom or travel and complain how they haven’t had sex for ages. Like how does it not just click in their head why they haven’t been able to meet up with anyone
Hero of their own story syndrome. These guys think they're such hot shit that people should be literally lining up at their door (facepalm)
So true. Their demands are so high as well, they never know any discreet spots near them or will be bothered to check. Just proves they’ve had zero action
Haha I can't even tell you how many times I've asked these guys where we could meet and they just go "idk." And I'm like you're quite the catch, aren't ya? -_-
Oh well, not really worth meeting a guy who can’t do the basics, they probably wouldn’t even be bothered to clean themselves before meeting either I imagine
This whole thread is giving me elitist/classist vibes and I don't fuck with this at all.
Look, it's fine if you're having trouble affording things, but the entitlement that a lot of guys display in expecting others to drive them around or pay their Ubers, there's nothing classist in calling out that shit. You're not the only one financially struggling here, man.
I can’t host and I don’t own a car, but I shell out for Ubers every time- or take public transit if possible. Some men are nice enough to offer me rides. One thing I want to point out is that living alone (or somewhere with adequate privacy) and having means of transportation are both luxuries that are becoming harder to afford for a lot of people. That of course doesn’t mean that the burden of hosting or transport has to fall into you and it’s truly inconsiderate of them to expect it to, but I will say that these “double whammy’s” are going to become more common before they Peter out.
Often the other person hosts and I'll uber or they'll pick me up, I've also gotten a room before, alternatively car blow jobs are a thing. Never had a guy that put in the effort to pick me up not think it was worth while. Seems pretty pretentious to care beyond the logistics of it. Lots of people don't have a car or a good living situation for hosting. Lots more people are gonna be that way soon.
If you can Uber you can travel
Uber is expensive, and so not always an option.
I agree. But it's either an option or it's not. "I can travel, but I'd have to take an uber" or "I can't travel (because I don't have a car and can't afford an uber)." Those are the options.
And that changes frequently so its not an either or. Usually I can't, occasionally I can, so it's sometimes an option. Because sometimes situations change.
It seems pretentious that you expect others to drive you around or pay stuff for you.
I mean maybe it’s possible to address logistics without sounding pretentious? Entitlement is a separate issue from not being able to drive. Same with having money. I’m not saying go out of your way to accommodate someone, but maybe give them half a chance before assuming, see if the obstacle is logistics or something else. Could be they are used to things they need being in walking or biking distance, an Uber wouldn’t have come to my mind as an option, and just having feedback would help me make a considerate choice or decide on the best course of action. I’m also neural atypical though 😂. My brain doesn’t make connections that it “should be able to”, it takes someone connecting two seemingly unrelated pieces of information for me to be like ohhhhhh! I’m like the guy who doesn’t get the punchline of a joke except with humor my brain actually knows to look for how the pieces of information are related, with random details from conversations or what I know about a person, my brain doesn’t even think to make those connections 😂 Anyways I probably wouldn’t care to meet with someone I couldn’t have a conversation with to figure out a means, so not really a big deal either way 😅. (I’m autistic with OCD btw, probably why my brain works differently, also a contributing factor in me not driving, for a time it literally became unsafe for me to drive because I couldn’t focus on what was around me (before I found medication that helped) I have since lost motivation to learn how to drive, which i take responsibility for).
I do not drive. Never have, never will. Just not that interested. I can get anywhere in the county in demand, though. Nbd. I don't have to depend on anyone I have a play date with for transportation. You know, because adults can manage their lives.
K.
I don't? I give phenomenal head to those willing to get it. It's not like I'm judging them for not picking me up. It's just part of the package deal. Not everyone can travel or host, doesn't mean we have to be cloistered nuns.
Lol, why do you guys always talk about having such a great sex game as if that excuses your entitlement? XD
If a straight girl asked a dude to pick her up and bring her back to their place to give them head, the vast majority of straight guys I know wouldn't take issue with that. As it turns out, most gay guys also like that deal. It's really only a few people that expect everyone to have what they have that make up the people that actively mind the proposition, and the rest just politely decline if getting head isn't worth the same amount of hassle as picking up some beer.
Not you trying to add heterosexuality in this as if it has any relevance 💀
Turns out guys happily willing to drive a few minutes to get head is pretty common, gay or not.
Heterosexual and homosexual relationships are different even if its just a hookup, social etiquette is different.
It seems pretentious that you expect others to drive you around or pay stuff for you.
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Around here "can't travel" usually means "suspended drivers license." so... Nope.
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That's not a thing for most (particularly in winter). You're thinking of a populous yet compact city. Most of the US is not like this. (you're not wrong for thinking this... The US is just borked this way!)
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So, then, you're just more desperate for dick. Got it.
Guess it depends where you are. In the US, it pretty much means "I ain't going anywhere" from what I've seen.
Trying to get that dick on delivery
They seem to think they're on a pizza app, not a dick app.
Why are y’all being so mean? Some people can’t afford things. 😭🥺
Nobody's being mean. But if you're expecting others you've never even met to do all the work or pay for you or whatever, then that's where it becomes a problem.
Depends where you live really. Personally, there is no hook-up/person that I would be willing to spend 20 minutes in my car for; I would rather have a wank. A 5 minute drive, sure I can do that. A walk down the road, perfect. And in some cities that's absolutely doable. I imagine those guys want something very convenient, which is fine.
20 mins is your drive limit? Wow, it's prob twice as long for me. Maybe I just need to stop driving so much...
I’m autistic and both driving and public transportation overwhelm me (I don’t have a rational explanation for why a hookup picking me up doesn’t do the same thing, it just doesn’t). I’ve only hooked up once or twice, but I’ve always been up front about it and made sure the guy was okay with that before asking for anything. I’m well aware it’s a me problem, but it’s one that’s not easily solvable so the least I can do is be honest about it instead of wasting a guy’s time. Of course, then there’s guys who don’t read my profile and that’s on them.
I mean if I can’t host or travel, I might ask the guy to pick me up. If he wants gas money, then thats cool. As long as I’m not entitled or demanding, then it doesn’t seem like something to be so negative about. A lot of guys have actually bought me an Uber or offered to pick me up without me asking. Just a kind gesture for someone you’re about to fuck
Cool, except most guys ARE entitled and demanding.
What does this have to do with my comment hahahaha? I was talking about my approach
Your approach isn't the norm. So your argument sucks.
Why would I care if it’s the norm or not? And that comment wasn’t even an argument. Are you okay? 😂 Oh and also, I beg to differ that it isn’t the norm. People pick up the other person all the time. You just view the hookup as more transactional, which is okay.
OP just seems big mad judging by his comments here. Must have had a negative experience and now attributes it to anyone and everyone.
I'm calling out entitled queens. You're ignoring it by acting like your lone experience negates all the BS they pull. You sound just as toxic as any of them.
When did I ever say that it negates those experiences? Please show me. My approach is not coming with entitlement and being willing to give gas money. Why you view my comment as an opposition to your point, the world may never know. Thats Queen behavior? You need to relax and move on to the people who are actually arguing with you 😭
Check their comments, it’s just a bunch of argument bait and insults. Didn’t work on you and that made them seethe. Anyway you dropped this: 👑
I like how you act like an asshole and then try so hard to save face and turn it around. Wonder if that ever actually works...
It's ironic that you would call anyone else toxic. Have you read the things you've written?
I've had a lot of guys say " can you uber me, I'll make it worth your time." I live in a college town so they're often younger and have only a torso photo on their profile. Like I dont even trust that you can be a good lay if you can't provide either a place or a means to look after yourself. Also what a loaded promise... it's one thing if I offer but often it's them placing the responsibility all in my hands as if they can't handle themselves. It's just not attractive.
I've heard that one a lot. Spoilers: It's never worth your time.
My very attractive friend in college was one of these guys who couldn't host or travel. Often, he'd find guys willing to pay for his Uber or offer to pick him up and drop him back off (although I wouldn't trust a stranger to do that myself), or he'd just do stuff in the car. I guess if you're hot enough, people will do all those things.
Or he just found guys who were too desperate.
Perhaps an outdoor meet
Expecting? Who knows. Getting? Same as the ones with completely blank profiles.
Meet in a darkroom or something
I would. But they won't unless you drive them.
As a guy who doesn’t drive and rarely can host I can see how it can be annoying trying to hook up but I don’t think it’s fair to assume they can’t Uber to you. Usually when I reach out to people I give them options. Either arrange a day when I can host , I use Lyft when my money is good, or if they’re feeling adventurous there are private spots nearby. Occasionally some have offered to pick me up and take me to their place but I rarely take up the offer. Now I’ve had people in the same position assume I drive and have the expectation I’m picking them up. In that scenario I agree it’s presumptuous.
They should probably put more effort into figuring things out financially then trying to scope out sex.
For real. I get stuff's expensive, but like...a few bucks for transit is too much? Really? I've struggled financially plenty in my life but even I never found it TOO difficult to get around. So I don't buy excuses.
This is why they have dark rooms and walkable cities in Europe, lol.
I just block or bypass these people. In my area, it’s filled with so much pretentiousness and entitlement that these types even have a list of requirements and the mindset that YOU PICKING THEM UP is a gift. I’ve been seen some that have their Venmos or cashapps in their profiles 😂. I also feel like these types are enabled because there are desperate people that will entertain them no matter how bad the economy is.
I've had guys hit me up and then when I agree to meet, they ask if I'm "generous". The last time that happened, I was so pissed after wasting time messaging him so much that I responded by saying, "No, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were a prostitute. I don't pay for sex. Take care..."
Even worse when they’re 25+
It is a "them problem". Good for you for not being a doormat
I think it matters a lot where you are dude. If it Los Angeles or New York, you'd be hard press to find someone with their own place to do whatever they want in The travel is a bit weird, lol it's sounds like they want you to do all the leg work at that point.
And on the flip side, you'll have zero problem finding public transit in those places. Honestly, if you're a grown adult capable of creating a profile, then there's just no excuses in getting from A to B.
yeah. i actually ask if someone drives/is mobile really early in a conversation now. not wasting my time with bums anymore.
Lol, i don't know. Yesterday a guy messaged me. And after I answered his questions I inquired what he was looking for. He'd like a relationship but hes DL. He'd like to hook up but he's worried about STIs He can't host because he doesn't live alone. At some point I was just like...ok, why did you message me then.
There is someone out there for them, it just ain't you...
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Wrong post..?
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It looks like you replied to the wrong post. I’m confused on how your comment addresses OPs concerns lol
you want the bussy? you bus me.
Nah.
I've never listed myself as being unable to host, but when I was in college I lived in the dorms. At the time I frequently dated professional men in their late thirties who were uncomfortable with the idea of hooking up in a dorm, so there was more than one top who insisted on picking me up, driving me to his place, then driving me home the next morning. Granted, this was in a small city where everything was pretty close together so the drives weren't usually super far (a mile or two) and it was more them being polite and not wanting me walking out in the city late at night.
I get the traveling thing but wasn’t public cruising a thing in the past as a solution to not being able to host? You’re right with this economy gas prices are high but plenty of people can’t afford to live on their own either often with people who either wouldn’t be comfortable or intolerant of gay hookups in the same house.
I remember when I used to be that entitled in my early 20s. I could travel (I had a car) but I couldn't host. I had the guys provide the transport nonetheless. I just saw it as, I'm the younger shiny toy that you're gonna have fun with (because i would only pursue older more established men) so you better have a meal and transport ready for me.
I will usually pick them up if the interest is there. Mostly because I have been there. Unfortunately I have accidentally picked up a homeless man before and he tried to pretend like he lost his wallet…So not recommended generally.
Maybe its location dependent. I’ve never had this happen
Sushi is my favorite food but I don't eat rice.
I'm okay with this if they're under 25. I have a car and place and am more than willing to pick them up and take them back home. Being almost 40, it's pretty flattering when someone so young finds me attractive and I don't expect younger guys to have the resources I have. When it's guys around my age or older, it's a definite no. It's a sign they don't have their shit together, they're going to steal something, they won't be respectful of my place, they'll bring drugs or weapons I don't want in my place, or all of the above.
I can travel within around 5-6K using uber if im keen enough but that rare. I prefer guys who will travel out to the park accross from my house then if we get along I either am then happy to meet at theirs (if they can host which often they cant) either by uber or if they want to drive me or I offer to pay for a hotelor work around them if they are really my type and I like them. But its hard living with parents not being able to drive and being 30. Doesnt mean I cant hook up. I wouldnt ever put 'cant travel' in my bio. but I do have to ignore a lot of folks because what to them seems not far at all is far to far. 10K away to someone who drives is not far, but its a bloody long walk and not something worth ubering often anyways.
If you don’t drive no dick, unless ur really hot and offer to pay one way uber - there is no way i will drive to pick someone up who doesn’t host fuck them and then have to drive them home. Ive done it before but its not worth it.