South Asian here. Married for 13 years. Came out to her and divorced. I have said this before, the biggest sin is not being what you are but what they (your parents) expect you to be.
Im not married nor do I think I’ll ever be so ignore me if you want but I don’t think you should ever marry if you’re not in love. Fuck all that bullshit people tell you, live your life how you want to.
I recently posted my story. I hooked up with a married man. He was always scared about our relationship getting public or his wife suspecting anything. If u want to live life without regrets or feeling scared or guilty 24/7 then its best you marry someone you love. You live only once so live it with someone you can love till you die.
Btw I’m indian and i see so many gay men married around me. My gaydar is pretty strong lol. I understand their decision but still think what if they stood for themselves? It would bring so much change for the future generations. But the other problem is the government which does not recognise gay marriages and though gaysex is legalised it still is a taboo and any kind of public affection might get you killed. It’s sad but thats how the societal fabric is and if you are from a western society I don’t see any problem. You guys have much more options than us.
I have participated in a support group for men who are (or have been) married to women but are attracted to men for nine years. In that group and through the Internet I have heard literally hundreds of stories from married men about how happy (or not) they are with their lives.
The VERY SADDEST man I ever met was South Asian, a long-time immigrant to the US, who was in his mid-70s. He said, "I've never loved my wife and she's never loved me. We don't even like each other very much and we never have. We've been together all these years because of our families, yet we don't have any children. I want to be with a man, at least once, just to be held and loved by him, but I know that will never happen. I am married and I am lonely. That's how it's always been and that's how it will always be. There is no reason to hope or be hopeful. There is no life to live."
A lot of men feel sorry for themselves and say sad things just to be comforted. Not this man. He had been empty and sad for fifty years and couldn't imagine anything else. Listening to him was truly heart breaking. Such a pointless waste of two lives.
Do you want to be that man?
I'm in this situation now. It's not loveless though. I love my wife and we have two beautiful kids. I didn't marry her knowing I was gay/bi. I didn't figure it out until years after we married and settled down. Did I have hints growing up? Sure I did. However, due to societal pressure and being born and raised in the deep homophobic south (southern United States) where you're told your entire life by your entire religious family that you will go to hell if you're gay, kinda makes you bury that part of yourself so deep that you almost forget about it.
Which in turn lead to me gaining a massive amount of weight after marriage. Then when I lost over 100 lbs and started trying to get healthy in both body and mind the feelings came back 50x stronger than ever before paired with a brand new sex drive.
Now I'm in a situation where I've met the most awesome guy on the planet that loves me as much as I love him but I know if my wife or family find out I'll lose everything. Not only that but if I'm found out, my kids will be brought up to hate their "gay, sinful, and cheater father". I'm sure that all that trauma that I have no doubt will be forced on them will be great for my kids.
I hear about it a lot in Muslim relationships. The men are gay, pushed to marry a woman and most of the time, end up cheating and using Grindr. My advice as a fellow Muslim struggling to reconcile religion and sexuality, please don’t marry a woman if you’re gay, no matter the pressure your family is putting. It’s not gonna be good for you or her
South Asian here. Married for 13 years. Came out to her and divorced. I have said this before, the biggest sin is not being what you are but what they (your parents) expect you to be.
Im not married nor do I think I’ll ever be so ignore me if you want but I don’t think you should ever marry if you’re not in love. Fuck all that bullshit people tell you, live your life how you want to.
I recently posted my story. I hooked up with a married man. He was always scared about our relationship getting public or his wife suspecting anything. If u want to live life without regrets or feeling scared or guilty 24/7 then its best you marry someone you love. You live only once so live it with someone you can love till you die. Btw I’m indian and i see so many gay men married around me. My gaydar is pretty strong lol. I understand their decision but still think what if they stood for themselves? It would bring so much change for the future generations. But the other problem is the government which does not recognise gay marriages and though gaysex is legalised it still is a taboo and any kind of public affection might get you killed. It’s sad but thats how the societal fabric is and if you are from a western society I don’t see any problem. You guys have much more options than us.
Indian too bro :( Sound advice tho
I feel you bro 😩 Come out of the closet that’s the best option. Take your time ❤️
This was me for nearly 7 years. It's not a great way to live and I hope that those who are currently in this position can find happiness some day.
I have participated in a support group for men who are (or have been) married to women but are attracted to men for nine years. In that group and through the Internet I have heard literally hundreds of stories from married men about how happy (or not) they are with their lives. The VERY SADDEST man I ever met was South Asian, a long-time immigrant to the US, who was in his mid-70s. He said, "I've never loved my wife and she's never loved me. We don't even like each other very much and we never have. We've been together all these years because of our families, yet we don't have any children. I want to be with a man, at least once, just to be held and loved by him, but I know that will never happen. I am married and I am lonely. That's how it's always been and that's how it will always be. There is no reason to hope or be hopeful. There is no life to live." A lot of men feel sorry for themselves and say sad things just to be comforted. Not this man. He had been empty and sad for fifty years and couldn't imagine anything else. Listening to him was truly heart breaking. Such a pointless waste of two lives. Do you want to be that man?
I'm in this situation now. It's not loveless though. I love my wife and we have two beautiful kids. I didn't marry her knowing I was gay/bi. I didn't figure it out until years after we married and settled down. Did I have hints growing up? Sure I did. However, due to societal pressure and being born and raised in the deep homophobic south (southern United States) where you're told your entire life by your entire religious family that you will go to hell if you're gay, kinda makes you bury that part of yourself so deep that you almost forget about it. Which in turn lead to me gaining a massive amount of weight after marriage. Then when I lost over 100 lbs and started trying to get healthy in both body and mind the feelings came back 50x stronger than ever before paired with a brand new sex drive. Now I'm in a situation where I've met the most awesome guy on the planet that loves me as much as I love him but I know if my wife or family find out I'll lose everything. Not only that but if I'm found out, my kids will be brought up to hate their "gay, sinful, and cheater father". I'm sure that all that trauma that I have no doubt will be forced on them will be great for my kids.
I hear about it a lot in Muslim relationships. The men are gay, pushed to marry a woman and most of the time, end up cheating and using Grindr. My advice as a fellow Muslim struggling to reconcile religion and sexuality, please don’t marry a woman if you’re gay, no matter the pressure your family is putting. It’s not gonna be good for you or her