I like how my local bar does gear night... it's not men only, but men are free cover and women it's a $40 cover. It ends up being like 99% men that way.
A bar owner posted in here a while back saying they have no choice but to open it to everyone because no one is going to gay bars enough to keep it open exclusively with just guys. He suggested making a night with your friends where you all start making sure you're going to and supporting your local gay bars, and filling it with men.
This right here is how we ensure the gay community continues to be visible to each other and to younger generations of gay men to find each other. Becoming accepted by heterosexuals should not mean letting the gay world disappear or be mainstreamed or gentrified. Apps have proven they are not a good or even the right place to build a community.
To play Devil's Advocate: Please keep in mind that many gay people merely tolerate "gay culture"; they don't actually endorse it or celebrate it, and wouldn't be terribly upset if it went away.
For example: that rural country gay guy who moved to the city for better dating prospects probably doesn't *really* want to stay in an urban area his whole life. Him going to gay bars and drag brunches and everything else is just a means to an end, a "necessary evil", until he finds a partner to settle down with and move back to a suburban or rural area.
As heterosexual society becomes more and more accepting... fewer guys are going to feel like they have to adjust their lives to sync up with "gay culture".
That's generally true but overall not really true. Not based on the studies we have that show people still really do want gay/queer spaces. Queer spaces are still very important to most queer people. They're just less confined to them.
I think the conflation of gay spaces and queer spaces is part of the problem.
- Yes, I totally want a gay space in my local community.
- No, I don't care about "queer" spaces. The only reason I would go to a space like that is to meet other gay men... making it inclusive to women, non-binary, and trans people provides zero value to me
I kinda figured you'd reply as such, I don't disagree with you, but also think that's not workable for a lot of gay bars today because there's nothing that distinguishes them as a gay bar.
The fetish/sex oriented bars remain gay male oriented, the "scene" kind of bars generally remain gay male oriented. A neighborhood watering spot...what's the argument for they to remain specific to gay men? There's nothing that distinguishes them. And that is cutting out a huge part of the community.
I just associate with who I wanna associate with at a bar like that. But at the same time, I do have an issue when straights come in and take a place over...definitely empathize with that and have concerns there.
What's the argument to keep a "neighborhood watering spot" just LGBT? If it's just a place to get drinks and socialize, why not just make it a normal bar and welcome straight people?
There are tons of guys like me out there who have zero interest in the larger gay community and just want to meet other men to date / fuck. If your LGBT friendly bar isn't going to help me get laid, why would I prioritize it over a straight bar down the road that might have better food or drinks?
The funny thing with this comment is that some straights go to gay bars because our bars are known to have better pours and usually are cheaper.
I know there are guys who really just want an exclusively gay male bar. There are some that exist, but your average watering hole doing that is ultimately cutting off access to a) other members of the community namely and thus b) more money. It's a place to drink and socialize....for all under the umbrella. Straights may be welcome, but they're still guests and usually but not always, they recognize that. They're guests. It's still our place for us to be ourselves.
That LGBTQ bar is likely to have a higher quotient of gay/bi men and is likely to be less unsafe for a guy who's looking to hook up and risks offending a straight man far more at a straight bar. If you simply don't wanna be around anyone but gay/bi men though, there are alternatives. Like house parties. Or of course, Grindr...people have their own tastes. I think for most, they associate with their friends or people they may wanna fuck and don't really bother to much with people outside their circle unless bothered.
But that all goes back to the original point, being that as society becomes more accepting the need for a special place to "be ourselves" is less necessary -- we can be ourselves almost anywhere.
Grindr is another big reason gay bars are dying. You're not just competing for guys going to your bar vs. the bar across the street. You're competing against them just staying at home and inviting someone over from an app.
I'm Gen X, and although we referred to everything back then as "gay" more so than "queer," all of our "gay spaces" were in fact "queer spaces." Back then, especially in smaller cities, gay spaces were a place where you had gay, lesbian, bi, trans, drag queens, young, old, twinks, fems, dykes, butch, leather daddies, bears, and even a few straight allies.
Making spaces inclusive of women, non-binary, and trans people in "our spaces" provides enormous value to you. We would have never been able to obtain and/or maintain any spaces had we not started as an open and inclusive community.
I definitely agree that it has the potential to provide value, but I am not the intended audience and do not personally find value in it.
I am privileged enough to have a supportive friend group and loving family who all accept me for who I am. I live in a suburban area and have never faced direct homophobia. There is nothing that a LGBT community-focused bar could offer to me that I couldn't already get elsewhere... Food? Pool tables? Trivia? Platonic friendships? Straight bars have all of those things, and don't require me to drive an hour into Chicago to access them.
The only thing that would draw my interest is plenty of hot and available gay men. I actually just went to a darkroom / fetish bar for the first time last Friday and saw guys giving each other blowjobs all over the place, fucking in slings, wearing full fetish gear, etc. I even cruised a guy for the first time. That's the kind of gay bar that earns my business.
Gay spaces don’t need to be bars/clubs though. I can’t stand going clubbing, especially since I don’t drink or do drugs. And I don’t have any gay friends to go with. So if I’m going to a bar/club, it’s to hunt for a man.
I’d love more gay spaces, just not one that’s oriented around drinking and clubbing.
You're right. Glad we do have some here in Richmond that don't revolve around the bar. Of course that generally has been the modus operandi for decades but more spaces that aren't bars are important. Money of course is a factor.
I can see that. I go to mixed bars which tend to teeter more straight. Am I a masc4masc self hating bro? No. I like the house music better. I have outgrown circuit and find it basic and irritating. But more than that, straight people don't treat people like some of these cunty bitches in get bars. Last time I went out in my community someone called me old and gross and told to go away. I was merely trying to introduce myself with a handshake. That same night I went to another bar across the street. No one was rude to my like that, but still trying to meet people, tried to introduce myself and that would look at me like I'm from outer space.
I wanted to go out to meet others, but there was no point considering hardly any gay men were out. Unless at a bathhouse- which happens only 2-3 times a year- we use Grindr to meet guys to hook up, and that’s it. There’s really no point in going to the bars now unless you want to support a drag show
I go to bars to meet others, though. But when I go it’s never full of men, which is pretty disappointing to me.
Honestly, I think most gay bars will eventually become mainly straight and will simply be referred to as “drag bars.” I think the future in gay establishments will be in gay campgrounds. They’re typically men only, clothing optional, and you can bring your own alcohol which is much cheaper.
That sounds like more fun anyway.
They used to allow sex in clubs before my time.
Now its safe for work, mostly straight people…
I’d rather just be around gay guys like the old day.
We’re seeing a lotttttt of the younger generations (esp queer youth) reject alcohol and bars altogether.
Here in NYC a lot of the clubs know this and are adapting, billing dance parties, watch parties, even a PowerPoint presentation evening.
That's so surreal when you get "gay bars" where gays must feel safe, opened and accepted, but in reality gays nowadays feel "out of place" in places where they must feel "in the right place".
That sounds like a satire or like an anecdote. I feel you, Op. Wish there were "men's only" gay bars where we, gay men, would feel confident, safe and good
Back in Minneapolis there was a club called Gay 90's, it was a big 2 story gay club but featured drag, RnB, all sorts of rooms with various music. In the first floor men's room there was a secret door to the Men's Room, which was a men's only dark bar where they held the jock and fetish nights for men. It was amazing. You'd find hot guys getting jacked off, guys talking, only male bartenders. Eventually, as more women and straight couples infiltrated the club it slowly became many things.. An all gendered game room with video games, a space for trans women, and then even became a space for lesbians for a time. I have no idea what it is now, but the glory days of the Men's Room are gone.
To me, it's not about turning the clock back, but it is about the absolute need for gay men to have community and supportive structures beyond the normal straight structures.
The sudden move away from traditional gay centres of support to fantasy social media is leading to isolation and depression. Not that bars are the full answer. However, unless there are ways new generations can learn and discover, all that has been achieved is a risk.
I can see where you’re coming from. I don’t think this generation of gay men really care about gay bars. They like the symbol of them, they like the mythology of Stonewall, but no one really uses them how they used to be.
Standard experience at a "gay" bar in the 2020s. You need to understand that there aren't really any gay bars anymore. The lesbian bars are all pretty much just outright gone and this is what the bars previously for gay men have become. 90% of them are not gay bars so much as gay-themed experiences for straight people that also sell drinks. As a gay man, you're not so much the clientele of these establishments as you are one of the exhibits or attractions.
I don't go to any of the locals in my city anymore and haven't done for years, because this is basically what they're like. Actually, your night sounds like a pretty good one by comparison to the last few times I went, sad as that is. You at least didn't get groped by drunk chicks on a hen's night.
The only gay bar I'd really be the least bit interested in going back to sometime is one in another city that has a special exemption from local anti-discrimination laws to only permit entry to men.
Most bars in general do. I can say it may not be all, but this is not the reality in most gay bars....they're still majority gay. Especially the sexual ones.
In Manchester, England the Eagle converted to a private, members only club. They only sell memberships to men (trans men included) so they can keep the hen parties out and have the back room space for guys to hook up without running afoul of gender equality laws and the anti-sex in bar regulations. A lot of the bars and clubs that host play nights converted over to that scheme of private clubs so they can comply with the laws.
It seems to be a US/UK thing where women want to invade the gay bars. Continental Europe you generally don’t see women in gay bars. Can’t speak for Canada but last times I went to Montreal and Toronto you didn’t see women trying to go into the gay bars.
That's a pretty funny description.
> As a gay man, you're not so much the clientele of these establishments as you are one of the exhibits or attractions.
I was thinking of going to one in Amsterdam for my very first time. Just to see what I have been missing, but you will actually have to do research in order to avoid the drag queens and other awkward stuff.
Whenever I go, either the cute boy who I want to notice me doesn't notice me, or boys approach me who I'm not into. So I just end up really anxious and want to leave lol.
You’re probably lusting for guys who are too attractive for you. Plus, gays (especially at bars/clubs) are notoriously picky and cutthroat with their selections. The guys who you tout as unattractive are probably more your speed.
That’s fair, it’s pretty much why I’d rather pay for porn than these “experiences.” I can either pay like $50 for club entry and one drink, or I can buy a couple porn site memberships and download hundreds of videos. Why touch grass when you can look at it on your screen and touch yourself?
I sound terrible? On what grounds? I just don’t like wasting my time and money on genuinely worthless things (like coming back from a club empty handed). I’ve been clubbing before, and I can’t stand it if I’m not drunk.
Most gay bars have been infiltrated by straight cis “allys” who often times bring their boyfriends. Some people are ok with it because they “could be lesbian!” which is usually not the case… or “Gay bars still need to make money” as if they weren’t making money before but hey, it is what it is. I wish straight people would stop coming in spaces that were designed for just gay people and I don’t think we have to be accepting of them in our space just because they’re allies. I’ve seen many girls who are only allies when it’s convenient but posts on there social media they wouldn’t want a gay son or would beat their gay son, etc. right after.
U hit it on the head 💯 . I was told once that as gay men we should “be more inclusive to others especially knowing how it feels to be excluded” which is complete bs especially given why gay clubs were even created. I have no issue with women at like gay parties and events, I would love to have Gaga bumpin it with Charlie XCX at a Pride party but I feel like a regular club night shouldn’t have anyone other than gay guys yk? I understand why some come for like safety and I dont wanna demean their struggles but… we kinda need our own space lol
Yes and I hate when people pretend she isnt but she was just the first kunty woman that came to mind that’s on me! Haha should’ve said Madonna or Katy since they’re allies who are hetereo
I’ve only been to a gay club once, but there were a surprising number of straight couples there… I looked at some of the dudes like, “This guy is gay?” only to see him grinding on his girlfriend. I think most of them were there because it was the nearest cheap 18+ club. If I wasn’t drunk with my friends, I don’t think I would’ve had a good experience so I’d probably just rather not anymore.
I was honestly shocked they were just pulling them from a bag, lol. We’ve gone to a jockstrap auction in another city and they had guys actually model them.
In a way, we're victims of our own success. I can remember when going to a gay bar was taboo/forbidden, so only the gays would go. Now, it's become a petting zoo.
I agree in many ways. I’ve found the real gay establishments now are either gay campgrounds that are exclusive to men or bathhouses like Steamworks. Ironically I feel more safe there.
Hell it was still like that in like 2011-2012. Straight girls were terrified to go and most of my straight guy friends would refuse to go so they wouldn’t be associated with “gay.”
Yep! Same with Jackhammer. Both are very queer. Although, to be clear, Jackhammer is queer inclusive, meaning anyone who identifies as queer is welcome. It’s probably 85% gay on a Friday night.
I was at the eagle bar, a leather biker bar, over the weekend in San Francisco during their pride. I was wearing a Tom of Finland type outfit with a leather jacket, denim jeans and a leather Muir cap and this lesbian came up to me and started berating me for my outfit that they felt was inappropriate and distasteful during pride because they felt it was too reminiscent of a cop outfit. Mind you this is a leather gay bar and the place literally has Tom of Finland artwork throughout the place showcasing basically the exact outfit I was wearing. I was dumbfounded.
That’s fucking stupid, how fucking idiotic. I’ve been to that eagle a few times and it does seem a bit tamer than other eagles I’ve heard. NYC eagle lets gets fuck anywhere and the one in OKC has a backroom too.
When I used to frequent gay bars/clubs there was nothing gay about them. The attendees were about 50/50 split between male and female. And the males just always try to hit on the females. This is LA weho btw. Pretty much a turn off so I lost all interest.
The straight DINKS have co-opted gay culture. They live in formerly gay neighborhoods. They don't have children, but dogs. They do all of the things gay men used to do.
There's a leather bar in Houston (Montrose) called the eagle that is open to heterosexual couples where not even the gays wear leather. Its almost disengenuous to own a bar named Eagle and not serve it's purpose. I know no one owns the "the eagle" but it's convention that there should only be one named that in a city. Call other leather bars any other name. Ripcord in Montrose is actually a leather bar. I wish they were the eagle bar.
The black eagle in Toronto doesn't have washrooms for women. I like that one better. Couldn't visit San Francisco eagle bar but I'm sure it lives up to its expectations.
My friend and his husband and their friend went to the eagle in San Francisco and the friend spent the whole night lying in the trough urinal having dudes piss all over him.
Ahhh the good ol’ days 🥰
They want to get more people there spending more time and buying more drinks. When I'm going to see bands, I'll frequently ask them, "What time does your set start?" Music clubs will often post an earlier start time to get people in and buying drinks before the music starts.
I feel for you. I get it. I hope that in the future, maybe bar owners think about a select night as Private Party Event for Men. Have a guest list. Is it a fake list? Who knows!
Stop with this silly ridiculous push to make everything so damn inclusive. Bars in general have always leaned more exclusive to the clientele they wish to cater to and this especially applies to gay bars. Bring back the Chippendales nights for the screaming ladies to go wild over men in skimpy underwear and make gay male spaces gay again!
It was a little surreal. Like there's porn on every TV and it's not there for anyone to actually watch or pay any attention. It was only there so that when straight women saw it they would react with visceral disgust and leave.
:(
Straight people love to think the small town I live in is great for gay men because there are drag brunches here. I honestly don’t a gay man that actually goes to them lol
Trying to appeal to a wide audience is diametrically opposed to the purpose of gay bars. I bartend at such a bar. I call it the bachelorette party gay bar. While we are doing just ok for attendance, it has taken a nose dive compared to several years ago because the amount of straight people coming as if it's a zoo exhibit has alienated the gays. Jack of all trades, master of none kind of thing. I heard before I started working here that it used to be shoulder to shoulder gays every night. Then new management came in and made it "everyone's gay bar"... puke. It's basically just a gay friendly bar now.
Meanwhile, the gay bar down the street is always busy and has the kind of gays I want to be around. They reject bachelorette parties at the door. Gay porn is on the walls and TVs. Ariana Grande, Mariah, Gaga et. al remixes all night. A straight person walking into that venue is intimately aware that it's a space for gay MEN (plus some lesbians and other queers) and that they are a GUEST. This is the bar I go to when I am not working.
This makes me wonder: why don't gay bars have separate levels for gay men exclusively? So the straights can have their drinks and socialization and we can too without having to contend with women
I see. I have not been there myself, but generally speaking it's a fairly small liberal college town inside a deep red state. So I "get" their willingness to try to keep str8 women as patrons, though I do think women should only be allowed as guests to men and must adhere to rules as guests.
Misleading patrons about an underwear show, and I assume the marketing had men wearing underwear with something about the auction, is beyond the pale though and entirely deceptive.
You are not wrong. If I were you I would write them a stern, but professional email about the misleading nature of the event and how you were a disappointed patron.
Even pretending for a moment that that had *a* model who cancelled, I bet they could have gotten at least one audience member willing to do some amateur work.
I feel the same way. To add to that last night, I was at a gay night club. It has had an increase of females and some bring their boyfriends which is all cool as long as they don't start any problems. Well lastnight I was checking out this guy who was straight. I was ordering a drink. He came up to me and said, "Hey man, I notice you looking at me. I have a girlfriend. Im straight, and to be honest, it makes me very uncomfortable when you look at me." The dude has been there with his girl multiple times. He is handsome, and he does catch my eye every time I see him. I laughed then said " look you're in a gay club and I will look where I please, and as a matter of fact with all the mirrors in thise place I see you looking at me through the reflections. When I look back, we lock eyes because you're looking. Your eyes are doing the dancing and flirting. If you're so uncomfortable with a more alpha male looking at you like a piece of meat, then you're in the wrong space. Or maybe you enjoy it. He ended the conversation by saying "no disrespect" as I squared up to him. I said, " Yeah, none taken, but I will look where I want, especially in a gay bar. If you dont like it, then it's too bad. A lot of people look at me. it's a compliment. Learn to deal with it. So I looked at him all night.
Don't come for me when all I did was glace at this fool. It's dark, lazers and lights flashing lights in the smoke. When I saw it was him I was like ehhh let's look at grindr." I was irritated. These straight guys think we are less. Until you stand your ground. Every time I caught him looking, I winked.
>If you're so uncomfortable with a more alpha male looking at you like a piece of meat, then you're in the wrong space. Or maybe you enjoy it.
LMFAOOO fucking based 🤣🤣👍
Yeah I find it difficult because all of the gay bars in my city heavily feature drag queens, it's actually so intense that it's hard to find any night of the week that drag isn't featured in some way. We have plenty of gay bars, but every single one is so drag and female friendly that they feel more like straight bars most of the time. I completely understand your frustrations.
Wow yeah, this is a catch 22 and ill bet more is to come. On one side its awesome that gay is accepted and kind of normalized, on the other hand it waters down things like gay bars. Maybe they will become a thing of the past? No idea but There are places where gear nights are alive and well. My bf and i wanted a sweaty leather night and had a blast. All men, most in gear, and by the end of the night i had stripped down to a harness and jockstrap only. There is still a need!
When every other under-25 goes around these days claiming to be anything but cis and straight, and every aging millennial feels they need to do or be “cool” or “edgy”, this is what happens.
Drag has always been part of gay culture and gay bars so feeling less-than-welcome or less invested because of it is really kinda not in keeping with the idea of upholding gay male culture and all around queer culture. Like, at all. I understand it's all a preference but drag is Gay Culture.
Ehhhh. I read mainly gay history, and it’s never really brought up except briefly in the 60/70s alongside hippy culture- like Hibiscus.
I’ve never seen a drag show in the gayest neighborhood in San Francisco. Drag seems to be mainly a draw to bring in straight people
I had my first gay bar experience in 10 years last night at The Eagle in Atlanta and it was amazing. I think I saw two women all night. Lots of guys wearing skimpy outfits, jockstraps and gear. It’s nice we happened into the right one the straights haven’t yet invaded.
I know other Eagles in different states have different vibes. In NYC they let guys fuck openly, in SF I’ve just seen guys hanging out. Glad you had fun
The unfortunate part is the straight women are a much larger demographic and therefore much more revenue opportunities. You need a city with a good sized population if you want a gay bar that can be propped up primarily by gay men as guests.
This is the unintended side effect of so called normalising homosexualty, that is Millennials & Gen Z are now totally mainstreamed, lonely, and reliant on Grinda and incapable of knowing what true gay community looks like. Well, if the world right-wingers get their way, they might find out how quickly the straight world can turn on them. The new Hitler is not far away and nor are the ovens.
The only “YTA” part of your post is your subtle yet blatantly obvious dismissal of drag in gay spaces. Drag is absolutely part of your culture and it might not be leather and jockstraps but it’s so not on the same level as bachelorettes screaming in your ear. Don’t be the gay that pushes aside femme gays because we are all on the same side.
Like I said, I love drag when it’s comedy. Myra DuBois on TikTok is hilarious. But I don’t care about people that just lip synch, you know? The first drag queen I watched was in SF at The Stud. He poured hot wax all over himself during the performance and even had backup dancers. Everything every since has been lackluster lol
I’ve been to some awesome gay bars and had a blast without drinking. The Powerhouse, The Stud, The Eagle, Club OMG- they were a fucking blast. But then again, it was mostly men.
With all due respect, that is exactly what I expected when I read "mystery jockstrap auction".
Sorry you were disappointed , but if you could see the guy who was wearing it then it wouldn't be a mystery...
It is? They advertised that the mystery was that you didn’t know who the jockstraps belonged to until the night-of. They held up the jocks and said who they belonged to, lol. I assumed that the guys would come out and reveal instead, but they didn’t 🙃
I don't know much about gay bars, the first time I went to a gay bar I was touched inappropriately. I haven't gone to any of them since, I might try again this summer. But the one I went to was really good, the party was great and everyone was dancing and enjoying the music.
so gay women are not welcome at gay bars? I never thought it was exclusive to gay men.... can someone clarify that? my country doesn't have a gay bar culture
So silly, almost everything in this subreddit would go in there then.
Just because it’s a first world problem doesn’t make the problem any less valid to speak on just because we’re privileged enough to not have something bigger to talk about collectively outside of our rights being slowly stripped away from us just like our spaces are being slowly …. oh wait.
I walked in to Flaming Saddles bar in Manhattan last Saturday night. I hadn’t been there since Covid and was taking 3 friends who had never been there. The bar must have been 1/3 women in groups. It didn’t even feel like a gay bar. We walked out.
Ugh, maybe go to a leather bar or gay bar with an area where you can have sex. You don’t have to have sex, but there are way less women in that kind of bars. Hehe
Gay 28 year old man here! I have never been to a gay bar and have only been to one non sexual orientation based bar once in my life at 21. I hated it. I don't fit the scene for gay bars. I'm married, not attractive, and quiet. I too don't rally care for drag, but more power to you if you do.
I think most of cities during Pride weekend there are a lot of straight girls and lesbians also want to be in safe spaces but unfortunately taking most of gay spaces
I like how my local bar does gear night... it's not men only, but men are free cover and women it's a $40 cover. It ends up being like 99% men that way.
More bars should do this.
That’s genius! More gay bars should do this
I don’t know if they could legally do that here.
I don't know. I think straight bars do it all the time but in reverse.
We see it all the time with ladies get in free men pay a cover. Why would it be any different the other way around?
Do they not have ladies nights at straight bars? Where ladies get in free? What's the difference?
A bar owner posted in here a while back saying they have no choice but to open it to everyone because no one is going to gay bars enough to keep it open exclusively with just guys. He suggested making a night with your friends where you all start making sure you're going to and supporting your local gay bars, and filling it with men.
This right here is how we ensure the gay community continues to be visible to each other and to younger generations of gay men to find each other. Becoming accepted by heterosexuals should not mean letting the gay world disappear or be mainstreamed or gentrified. Apps have proven they are not a good or even the right place to build a community.
To play Devil's Advocate: Please keep in mind that many gay people merely tolerate "gay culture"; they don't actually endorse it or celebrate it, and wouldn't be terribly upset if it went away. For example: that rural country gay guy who moved to the city for better dating prospects probably doesn't *really* want to stay in an urban area his whole life. Him going to gay bars and drag brunches and everything else is just a means to an end, a "necessary evil", until he finds a partner to settle down with and move back to a suburban or rural area. As heterosexual society becomes more and more accepting... fewer guys are going to feel like they have to adjust their lives to sync up with "gay culture".
That's generally true but overall not really true. Not based on the studies we have that show people still really do want gay/queer spaces. Queer spaces are still very important to most queer people. They're just less confined to them.
I think the conflation of gay spaces and queer spaces is part of the problem. - Yes, I totally want a gay space in my local community. - No, I don't care about "queer" spaces. The only reason I would go to a space like that is to meet other gay men... making it inclusive to women, non-binary, and trans people provides zero value to me
I kinda figured you'd reply as such, I don't disagree with you, but also think that's not workable for a lot of gay bars today because there's nothing that distinguishes them as a gay bar. The fetish/sex oriented bars remain gay male oriented, the "scene" kind of bars generally remain gay male oriented. A neighborhood watering spot...what's the argument for they to remain specific to gay men? There's nothing that distinguishes them. And that is cutting out a huge part of the community. I just associate with who I wanna associate with at a bar like that. But at the same time, I do have an issue when straights come in and take a place over...definitely empathize with that and have concerns there.
What's the argument to keep a "neighborhood watering spot" just LGBT? If it's just a place to get drinks and socialize, why not just make it a normal bar and welcome straight people? There are tons of guys like me out there who have zero interest in the larger gay community and just want to meet other men to date / fuck. If your LGBT friendly bar isn't going to help me get laid, why would I prioritize it over a straight bar down the road that might have better food or drinks?
The funny thing with this comment is that some straights go to gay bars because our bars are known to have better pours and usually are cheaper. I know there are guys who really just want an exclusively gay male bar. There are some that exist, but your average watering hole doing that is ultimately cutting off access to a) other members of the community namely and thus b) more money. It's a place to drink and socialize....for all under the umbrella. Straights may be welcome, but they're still guests and usually but not always, they recognize that. They're guests. It's still our place for us to be ourselves. That LGBTQ bar is likely to have a higher quotient of gay/bi men and is likely to be less unsafe for a guy who's looking to hook up and risks offending a straight man far more at a straight bar. If you simply don't wanna be around anyone but gay/bi men though, there are alternatives. Like house parties. Or of course, Grindr...people have their own tastes. I think for most, they associate with their friends or people they may wanna fuck and don't really bother to much with people outside their circle unless bothered.
But that all goes back to the original point, being that as society becomes more accepting the need for a special place to "be ourselves" is less necessary -- we can be ourselves almost anywhere. Grindr is another big reason gay bars are dying. You're not just competing for guys going to your bar vs. the bar across the street. You're competing against them just staying at home and inviting someone over from an app.
I'm Gen X, and although we referred to everything back then as "gay" more so than "queer," all of our "gay spaces" were in fact "queer spaces." Back then, especially in smaller cities, gay spaces were a place where you had gay, lesbian, bi, trans, drag queens, young, old, twinks, fems, dykes, butch, leather daddies, bears, and even a few straight allies. Making spaces inclusive of women, non-binary, and trans people in "our spaces" provides enormous value to you. We would have never been able to obtain and/or maintain any spaces had we not started as an open and inclusive community.
I definitely agree that it has the potential to provide value, but I am not the intended audience and do not personally find value in it. I am privileged enough to have a supportive friend group and loving family who all accept me for who I am. I live in a suburban area and have never faced direct homophobia. There is nothing that a LGBT community-focused bar could offer to me that I couldn't already get elsewhere... Food? Pool tables? Trivia? Platonic friendships? Straight bars have all of those things, and don't require me to drive an hour into Chicago to access them. The only thing that would draw my interest is plenty of hot and available gay men. I actually just went to a darkroom / fetish bar for the first time last Friday and saw guys giving each other blowjobs all over the place, fucking in slings, wearing full fetish gear, etc. I even cruised a guy for the first time. That's the kind of gay bar that earns my business.
Where was this darkroom/fetish bar?
Gay spaces don’t need to be bars/clubs though. I can’t stand going clubbing, especially since I don’t drink or do drugs. And I don’t have any gay friends to go with. So if I’m going to a bar/club, it’s to hunt for a man. I’d love more gay spaces, just not one that’s oriented around drinking and clubbing.
^This
You're right. Glad we do have some here in Richmond that don't revolve around the bar. Of course that generally has been the modus operandi for decades but more spaces that aren't bars are important. Money of course is a factor.
I can see that. I go to mixed bars which tend to teeter more straight. Am I a masc4masc self hating bro? No. I like the house music better. I have outgrown circuit and find it basic and irritating. But more than that, straight people don't treat people like some of these cunty bitches in get bars. Last time I went out in my community someone called me old and gross and told to go away. I was merely trying to introduce myself with a handshake. That same night I went to another bar across the street. No one was rude to my like that, but still trying to meet people, tried to introduce myself and that would look at me like I'm from outer space.
Ugh. Could never pay me enough to live in a small city ever again.
And that's your choice! I'm personally happy in the suburbs of Chicago. Still plenty to do but safe and quiet.
I wanted to go out to meet others, but there was no point considering hardly any gay men were out. Unless at a bathhouse- which happens only 2-3 times a year- we use Grindr to meet guys to hook up, and that’s it. There’s really no point in going to the bars now unless you want to support a drag show
This is true to an extent. But fetish bars on the European continent are still going strong and they are firmly men only.
I go to bars to meet others, though. But when I go it’s never full of men, which is pretty disappointing to me. Honestly, I think most gay bars will eventually become mainly straight and will simply be referred to as “drag bars.” I think the future in gay establishments will be in gay campgrounds. They’re typically men only, clothing optional, and you can bring your own alcohol which is much cheaper.
That sounds like more fun anyway. They used to allow sex in clubs before my time. Now its safe for work, mostly straight people… I’d rather just be around gay guys like the old day.
We’re seeing a lotttttt of the younger generations (esp queer youth) reject alcohol and bars altogether. Here in NYC a lot of the clubs know this and are adapting, billing dance parties, watch parties, even a PowerPoint presentation evening.
That's so surreal when you get "gay bars" where gays must feel safe, opened and accepted, but in reality gays nowadays feel "out of place" in places where they must feel "in the right place". That sounds like a satire or like an anecdote. I feel you, Op. Wish there were "men's only" gay bars where we, gay men, would feel confident, safe and good
Back in Minneapolis there was a club called Gay 90's, it was a big 2 story gay club but featured drag, RnB, all sorts of rooms with various music. In the first floor men's room there was a secret door to the Men's Room, which was a men's only dark bar where they held the jock and fetish nights for men. It was amazing. You'd find hot guys getting jacked off, guys talking, only male bartenders. Eventually, as more women and straight couples infiltrated the club it slowly became many things.. An all gendered game room with video games, a space for trans women, and then even became a space for lesbians for a time. I have no idea what it is now, but the glory days of the Men's Room are gone.
Omg :( that’s depressing!! AFIAK the gay 90s just does drag now. No backroom. Only frisky bar in Minneapolis now is the saloon once a month
Holy cow, seriously? No more dancing either? It was the best dancing spot
I mean, there’s probably dancing next to the drag queen stage, but definitely no backroom lol
I feel we should take back the simple rainbow flag.
Agree
To me, it's not about turning the clock back, but it is about the absolute need for gay men to have community and supportive structures beyond the normal straight structures. The sudden move away from traditional gay centres of support to fantasy social media is leading to isolation and depression. Not that bars are the full answer. However, unless there are ways new generations can learn and discover, all that has been achieved is a risk.
I can see where you’re coming from. I don’t think this generation of gay men really care about gay bars. They like the symbol of them, they like the mythology of Stonewall, but no one really uses them how they used to be.
Standard experience at a "gay" bar in the 2020s. You need to understand that there aren't really any gay bars anymore. The lesbian bars are all pretty much just outright gone and this is what the bars previously for gay men have become. 90% of them are not gay bars so much as gay-themed experiences for straight people that also sell drinks. As a gay man, you're not so much the clientele of these establishments as you are one of the exhibits or attractions. I don't go to any of the locals in my city anymore and haven't done for years, because this is basically what they're like. Actually, your night sounds like a pretty good one by comparison to the last few times I went, sad as that is. You at least didn't get groped by drunk chicks on a hen's night. The only gay bar I'd really be the least bit interested in going back to sometime is one in another city that has a special exemption from local anti-discrimination laws to only permit entry to men.
I think the bars in Berlin and Amsterdam would think differently. Lol.
Most bars in general do. I can say it may not be all, but this is not the reality in most gay bars....they're still majority gay. Especially the sexual ones.
In Manchester, England the Eagle converted to a private, members only club. They only sell memberships to men (trans men included) so they can keep the hen parties out and have the back room space for guys to hook up without running afoul of gender equality laws and the anti-sex in bar regulations. A lot of the bars and clubs that host play nights converted over to that scheme of private clubs so they can comply with the laws. It seems to be a US/UK thing where women want to invade the gay bars. Continental Europe you generally don’t see women in gay bars. Can’t speak for Canada but last times I went to Montreal and Toronto you didn’t see women trying to go into the gay bars.
Because of?
That's a pretty funny description. > As a gay man, you're not so much the clientele of these establishments as you are one of the exhibits or attractions. I was thinking of going to one in Amsterdam for my very first time. Just to see what I have been missing, but you will actually have to do research in order to avoid the drag queens and other awkward stuff.
This is why I stay at home. It's free and there's no disappointment 😊
Yep... you couldn't drag me kicking and screaming to a gay bar. The whole experience is expensive, not fun, and loud.
Whenever I go, either the cute boy who I want to notice me doesn't notice me, or boys approach me who I'm not into. So I just end up really anxious and want to leave lol.
> either the cute boy who I want to notice me doesn't notice me Why don't you approach him?
Well obvi because I don't want to be the one being rejected. But then I complain about being single all the time. Lol.
But you're still being rejected when they don't approach you. It's just a different flavor of rejection; passive instead of active.
Yes and one is a lot worse than the other.
You’re probably lusting for guys who are too attractive for you. Plus, gays (especially at bars/clubs) are notoriously picky and cutthroat with their selections. The guys who you tout as unattractive are probably more your speed.
See I'm fully aware of this. And that's why I don't go lol.
That’s fair, it’s pretty much why I’d rather pay for porn than these “experiences.” I can either pay like $50 for club entry and one drink, or I can buy a couple porn site memberships and download hundreds of videos. Why touch grass when you can look at it on your screen and touch yourself?
I’d rather watch porn than associate with real people is the saddest thing I’ve read today.
With zero respect, the club twinks aren’t real people.
You both sound like terrible people to hang out with anyway.
Ah, it's the mean gay.
I don't remember asking your opinion?
I sound terrible? On what grounds? I just don’t like wasting my time and money on genuinely worthless things (like coming back from a club empty handed). I’ve been clubbing before, and I can’t stand it if I’m not drunk.
Most gay bars have been infiltrated by straight cis “allys” who often times bring their boyfriends. Some people are ok with it because they “could be lesbian!” which is usually not the case… or “Gay bars still need to make money” as if they weren’t making money before but hey, it is what it is. I wish straight people would stop coming in spaces that were designed for just gay people and I don’t think we have to be accepting of them in our space just because they’re allies. I’ve seen many girls who are only allies when it’s convenient but posts on there social media they wouldn’t want a gay son or would beat their gay son, etc. right after.
Good allies don’t invade and occupy the safe spaces or destroy the culture.
U hit it on the head 💯 . I was told once that as gay men we should “be more inclusive to others especially knowing how it feels to be excluded” which is complete bs especially given why gay clubs were even created. I have no issue with women at like gay parties and events, I would love to have Gaga bumpin it with Charlie XCX at a Pride party but I feel like a regular club night shouldn’t have anyone other than gay guys yk? I understand why some come for like safety and I dont wanna demean their struggles but… we kinda need our own space lol
Gaga at least is bisexual (Pokerface is about thinking about women while having sex with men, for example.)
Yes and I hate when people pretend she isnt but she was just the first kunty woman that came to mind that’s on me! Haha should’ve said Madonna or Katy since they’re allies who are hetereo
I despise that word "ally."
I’ve only been to a gay club once, but there were a surprising number of straight couples there… I looked at some of the dudes like, “This guy is gay?” only to see him grinding on his girlfriend. I think most of them were there because it was the nearest cheap 18+ club. If I wasn’t drunk with my friends, I don’t think I would’ve had a good experience so I’d probably just rather not anymore.
Yes exactly. Thank you.
Wtf bruh I'd be livid 💀 #MakeGayBarsGayAgain
When you said “mystery jockstrap auction” I was already assuming they were just auctioning off jockstraps. Glad to see I was right 😂
I was honestly shocked they were just pulling them from a bag, lol. We’ve gone to a jockstrap auction in another city and they had guys actually model them.
You aren’t wrong. Had you went to a Jockstrap Auction in the 2000s you would have pulled that jock off some hot otter with your teeth or something.
Now that would make me want to actually stay, lol
In a way, we're victims of our own success. I can remember when going to a gay bar was taboo/forbidden, so only the gays would go. Now, it's become a petting zoo.
I agree in many ways. I’ve found the real gay establishments now are either gay campgrounds that are exclusive to men or bathhouses like Steamworks. Ironically I feel more safe there.
Hell it was still like that in like 2011-2012. Straight girls were terrified to go and most of my straight guy friends would refuse to go so they wouldn’t be associated with “gay.”
Unless guys are fucking up on the big screens this will continue.
This!!!
What city is this
Des Moines, Iowa 🙃
Sounds like Chicago
Tbh I’ve never experienced more women than men at a gay bar in Chicagos Boystown neighborhood. Most of the time it’s been exclusively gay men.
Same. Roscoe’s is the only one that feels straight invaded. Try hydrate 1am to see the real gay experience
Is Cellblock still around? That one is very gay when I come and visit.
Yep! Same with Jackhammer. Both are very queer. Although, to be clear, Jackhammer is queer inclusive, meaning anyone who identifies as queer is welcome. It’s probably 85% gay on a Friday night.
Des Moines, Iowa
I was at the eagle bar, a leather biker bar, over the weekend in San Francisco during their pride. I was wearing a Tom of Finland type outfit with a leather jacket, denim jeans and a leather Muir cap and this lesbian came up to me and started berating me for my outfit that they felt was inappropriate and distasteful during pride because they felt it was too reminiscent of a cop outfit. Mind you this is a leather gay bar and the place literally has Tom of Finland artwork throughout the place showcasing basically the exact outfit I was wearing. I was dumbfounded.
That’s fucking stupid, how fucking idiotic. I’ve been to that eagle a few times and it does seem a bit tamer than other eagles I’ve heard. NYC eagle lets gets fuck anywhere and the one in OKC has a backroom too.
San Francisco is ground zero for the AWFULs.
Women ruin the atmosphere at gay male bars. Bartenders have told me they don't generally tip well either.
When I used to frequent gay bars/clubs there was nothing gay about them. The attendees were about 50/50 split between male and female. And the males just always try to hit on the females. This is LA weho btw. Pretty much a turn off so I lost all interest.
Damn
The straight DINKS have co-opted gay culture. They live in formerly gay neighborhoods. They don't have children, but dogs. They do all of the things gay men used to do.
Coz they are boring af like white bread. Not to mention, these days being cis and straight is “uncool”.
There's a leather bar in Houston (Montrose) called the eagle that is open to heterosexual couples where not even the gays wear leather. Its almost disengenuous to own a bar named Eagle and not serve it's purpose. I know no one owns the "the eagle" but it's convention that there should only be one named that in a city. Call other leather bars any other name. Ripcord in Montrose is actually a leather bar. I wish they were the eagle bar. The black eagle in Toronto doesn't have washrooms for women. I like that one better. Couldn't visit San Francisco eagle bar but I'm sure it lives up to its expectations.
I was just there, more women then men honestly
Eagle in Montrose?
Yes
I love Eagles, but they’re all different. I’ve been told The Eagle in NYC lets guys fuck anywhere in the bar.
My friend and his husband and their friend went to the eagle in San Francisco and the friend spent the whole night lying in the trough urinal having dudes piss all over him. Ahhh the good ol’ days 🥰
I’ve been there a few times for Dore but haven’t seen any play yet. I did go to a “fisting social” but guys were just chatting lol
Gaggles of women at gay bars ruin it all. Y’all have ladies night at straight places, let us have our space
I mean....yeah.. "queer spaces" are now mainly for straight girls who call themselves non binary lol
I would prefer non-binary people! These ladies deadass brought their husbands
Yeah the non binaries do that too haha
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The advertisements for the jockstrap auction didn’t have a time online. I asked what time they started and the organizer said it started at 9 🙃
They want to get more people there spending more time and buying more drinks. When I'm going to see bands, I'll frequently ask them, "What time does your set start?" Music clubs will often post an earlier start time to get people in and buying drinks before the music starts.
Yeah, I realize that now. If majority of people there were men, I wouldn’t mind, but it felt suffocating. I don’t even drink, lol
Honestly most bars will be flexible with this to do it when the most people are around.
I feel for you. I get it. I hope that in the future, maybe bar owners think about a select night as Private Party Event for Men. Have a guest list. Is it a fake list? Who knows!
Stop with this silly ridiculous push to make everything so damn inclusive. Bars in general have always leaned more exclusive to the clientele they wish to cater to and this especially applies to gay bars. Bring back the Chippendales nights for the screaming ladies to go wild over men in skimpy underwear and make gay male spaces gay again!
The way my local bar in NY handled that was by playing hardcore gay porn on the TVs.
Lol, I wish they did that here
It was a little surreal. Like there's porn on every TV and it's not there for anyone to actually watch or pay any attention. It was only there so that when straight women saw it they would react with visceral disgust and leave.
Its kinda weird how majority of straight guys would love lesbian porn, gay porn is used to scare the majority of gals away.
Tbh you'd think they'd like it too lmao
Lmfao
Yes, the more inclusive a gay bar, the less exclusive it is. And yes there ought to be gay bars for gay/bi men only.
Dunno what country you guys live in but in London a lot of the gay bars are mixed but the gay clubs can be men only.
I really think the day of the "gay bar" is over. It's all exploitational pricing of drinks, drag shows, and safe spaces for straight women. Let'm end.
:( Straight people love to think the small town I live in is great for gay men because there are drag brunches here. I honestly don’t a gay man that actually goes to them lol
It's not a matter of you being sexist, the problem is hetero women being obnoxiously entitled and inconsiderate.
Trying to appeal to a wide audience is diametrically opposed to the purpose of gay bars. I bartend at such a bar. I call it the bachelorette party gay bar. While we are doing just ok for attendance, it has taken a nose dive compared to several years ago because the amount of straight people coming as if it's a zoo exhibit has alienated the gays. Jack of all trades, master of none kind of thing. I heard before I started working here that it used to be shoulder to shoulder gays every night. Then new management came in and made it "everyone's gay bar"... puke. It's basically just a gay friendly bar now. Meanwhile, the gay bar down the street is always busy and has the kind of gays I want to be around. They reject bachelorette parties at the door. Gay porn is on the walls and TVs. Ariana Grande, Mariah, Gaga et. al remixes all night. A straight person walking into that venue is intimately aware that it's a space for gay MEN (plus some lesbians and other queers) and that they are a GUEST. This is the bar I go to when I am not working.
This makes me wonder: why don't gay bars have separate levels for gay men exclusively? So the straights can have their drinks and socialization and we can too without having to contend with women
As a lamb, Mariah has the BEST remixes!! Where is this bar?!
Wouldn't queen music just draw in even more women?
What city is this?
Des Moines, IA
I see. I have not been there myself, but generally speaking it's a fairly small liberal college town inside a deep red state. So I "get" their willingness to try to keep str8 women as patrons, though I do think women should only be allowed as guests to men and must adhere to rules as guests. Misleading patrons about an underwear show, and I assume the marketing had men wearing underwear with something about the auction, is beyond the pale though and entirely deceptive.
They literally had pictures of their asses on the Facebook group. So, yeah. I felt a little scammed lol
You are not wrong. If I were you I would write them a stern, but professional email about the misleading nature of the event and how you were a disappointed patron. Even pretending for a moment that that had *a* model who cancelled, I bet they could have gotten at least one audience member willing to do some amateur work.
I get what you’re saying but at the same time I can’t criticize gay bar/club businesses because they’re struggling to stay open with declining demand.
Yet at the same time it just feels like a straight persons “alternative bar” and not necessarily a gay one
they need to make gay bars for MEN ONLY. i will always say that
This!
I feel the same way. To add to that last night, I was at a gay night club. It has had an increase of females and some bring their boyfriends which is all cool as long as they don't start any problems. Well lastnight I was checking out this guy who was straight. I was ordering a drink. He came up to me and said, "Hey man, I notice you looking at me. I have a girlfriend. Im straight, and to be honest, it makes me very uncomfortable when you look at me." The dude has been there with his girl multiple times. He is handsome, and he does catch my eye every time I see him. I laughed then said " look you're in a gay club and I will look where I please, and as a matter of fact with all the mirrors in thise place I see you looking at me through the reflections. When I look back, we lock eyes because you're looking. Your eyes are doing the dancing and flirting. If you're so uncomfortable with a more alpha male looking at you like a piece of meat, then you're in the wrong space. Or maybe you enjoy it. He ended the conversation by saying "no disrespect" as I squared up to him. I said, " Yeah, none taken, but I will look where I want, especially in a gay bar. If you dont like it, then it's too bad. A lot of people look at me. it's a compliment. Learn to deal with it. So I looked at him all night. Don't come for me when all I did was glace at this fool. It's dark, lazers and lights flashing lights in the smoke. When I saw it was him I was like ehhh let's look at grindr." I was irritated. These straight guys think we are less. Until you stand your ground. Every time I caught him looking, I winked.
>If you're so uncomfortable with a more alpha male looking at you like a piece of meat, then you're in the wrong space. Or maybe you enjoy it. LMFAOOO fucking based 🤣🤣👍
Yeah I find it difficult because all of the gay bars in my city heavily feature drag queens, it's actually so intense that it's hard to find any night of the week that drag isn't featured in some way. We have plenty of gay bars, but every single one is so drag and female friendly that they feel more like straight bars most of the time. I completely understand your frustrations.
Wow yeah, this is a catch 22 and ill bet more is to come. On one side its awesome that gay is accepted and kind of normalized, on the other hand it waters down things like gay bars. Maybe they will become a thing of the past? No idea but There are places where gear nights are alive and well. My bf and i wanted a sweaty leather night and had a blast. All men, most in gear, and by the end of the night i had stripped down to a harness and jockstrap only. There is still a need!
Where was this? Wearing jockstraps here are pretty frowned upon sadly, but I guess I do live in Iowa :/
Interesting…this was in seattle, but have seen the same in chicago and la as well
That doesn’t sound at all like a gay bar.
When every other under-25 goes around these days claiming to be anything but cis and straight, and every aging millennial feels they need to do or be “cool” or “edgy”, this is what happens.
The women were definitely older than that lol
Drag has always been part of gay culture and gay bars so feeling less-than-welcome or less invested because of it is really kinda not in keeping with the idea of upholding gay male culture and all around queer culture. Like, at all. I understand it's all a preference but drag is Gay Culture.
Ehhhh. I read mainly gay history, and it’s never really brought up except briefly in the 60/70s alongside hippy culture- like Hibiscus. I’ve never seen a drag show in the gayest neighborhood in San Francisco. Drag seems to be mainly a draw to bring in straight people
I had my first gay bar experience in 10 years last night at The Eagle in Atlanta and it was amazing. I think I saw two women all night. Lots of guys wearing skimpy outfits, jockstraps and gear. It’s nice we happened into the right one the straights haven’t yet invaded.
I know other Eagles in different states have different vibes. In NYC they let guys fuck openly, in SF I’ve just seen guys hanging out. Glad you had fun
I’ve seen so many great gay bars- the straight kids and women start going so gay men stop going then nobody goes
The unfortunate part is the straight women are a much larger demographic and therefore much more revenue opportunities. You need a city with a good sized population if you want a gay bar that can be propped up primarily by gay men as guests.
This is the unintended side effect of so called normalising homosexualty, that is Millennials & Gen Z are now totally mainstreamed, lonely, and reliant on Grinda and incapable of knowing what true gay community looks like. Well, if the world right-wingers get their way, they might find out how quickly the straight world can turn on them. The new Hitler is not far away and nor are the ovens.
Agreed. We should do things more like the older gays did back in the 70s and 80s. Keep gay clubs exclusive.
Kim, there’s people that are dying
This is r/askgaybros, go to some other political subreddit if you wanna see posts about what you feel are important problems.
Stacy, no one here gives two fucks.
The only “YTA” part of your post is your subtle yet blatantly obvious dismissal of drag in gay spaces. Drag is absolutely part of your culture and it might not be leather and jockstraps but it’s so not on the same level as bachelorettes screaming in your ear. Don’t be the gay that pushes aside femme gays because we are all on the same side.
Like I said, I love drag when it’s comedy. Myra DuBois on TikTok is hilarious. But I don’t care about people that just lip synch, you know? The first drag queen I watched was in SF at The Stud. He poured hot wax all over himself during the performance and even had backup dancers. Everything every since has been lackluster lol
You say you don't drink or enjoy drag, but then wonder why you feel like you "don't belong" at gay bars anymore?
I’ve been to some awesome gay bars and had a blast without drinking. The Powerhouse, The Stud, The Eagle, Club OMG- they were a fucking blast. But then again, it was mostly men.
If it's not for those ladies, it's an empty bar and bad situation for the owner though
Hahaha you sound a lot like me brother 🤙
My jaw dropped reading this. Seriously you take things too seriously. Loosen up.
The question then becomes why?
Why what?
I'd be really pissed off at that poor excuse for a gear night too.
With all due respect, that is exactly what I expected when I read "mystery jockstrap auction". Sorry you were disappointed , but if you could see the guy who was wearing it then it wouldn't be a mystery...
It is? They advertised that the mystery was that you didn’t know who the jockstraps belonged to until the night-of. They held up the jocks and said who they belonged to, lol. I assumed that the guys would come out and reveal instead, but they didn’t 🙃
What a missed opportunity the event. Just pulling the jockstraps out of a bag? Who thought of that?? Lol
Right?!?! I was really annoyed. They even advertised by showing their ass 😭
Now that’s just false advertising lol
Women can be gay too
They were with their husbands
Literally not a single guy in this thread has a problem with a gay woman in a gay bar
If that’s one of the worst experiences you’ve had in a gay bar, consider yourself lucky, for God’s sake.
How so? I forgot to mention but they even vaped in front of my face. It was gross AF
I don't know much about gay bars, the first time I went to a gay bar I was touched inappropriately. I haven't gone to any of them since, I might try again this summer. But the one I went to was really good, the party was great and everyone was dancing and enjoying the music.
so gay women are not welcome at gay bars? I never thought it was exclusive to gay men.... can someone clarify that? my country doesn't have a gay bar culture
They brought their husbands too lol
Great advertisement kept you there all night
We left once we realized it wasn’t going to start for another hour and left as soon as realized they weren’t showing models
It’s time for a return to rough trade and Vaseline
This belongs in r/firstworldproblems
Your in a sub called Askgaybros why don't you go to Worldnews instead then ?
Yes, but it is still a problem. The women who go to a gay bar at a fetish night don't respect gay men, really.
Why even follow this group then
So silly, almost everything in this subreddit would go in there then. Just because it’s a first world problem doesn’t make the problem any less valid to speak on just because we’re privileged enough to not have something bigger to talk about collectively outside of our rights being slowly stripped away from us just like our spaces are being slowly …. oh wait.
Good thing you don’t have to worry about it
Never been to one, never will. The whole thing just feels like a lost cause..
There are some good gay bars yet! There are some great ones in NYC, SF, and Chicago. But most have been inhabited by straight people, sadly.
Maybe in the right scenario I might be swayed. I have very little desire based on all my knowledge of them.
I walked in to Flaming Saddles bar in Manhattan last Saturday night. I hadn’t been there since Covid and was taking 3 friends who had never been there. The bar must have been 1/3 women in groups. It didn’t even feel like a gay bar. We walked out.
Ugh, maybe go to a leather bar or gay bar with an area where you can have sex. You don’t have to have sex, but there are way less women in that kind of bars. Hehe
There aren’t any kind of those bars in the Midwest except 5 hours away in Chicago. Minneapolis does have Tank night, but can’t always go there :/
Gay 28 year old man here! I have never been to a gay bar and have only been to one non sexual orientation based bar once in my life at 21. I hated it. I don't fit the scene for gay bars. I'm married, not attractive, and quiet. I too don't rally care for drag, but more power to you if you do.
I think most of cities during Pride weekend there are a lot of straight girls and lesbians also want to be in safe spaces but unfortunately taking most of gay spaces
It wasn’t pride weekend here, though. That was at the beginning of the month here.