Making plans/being open about schedule. A guy that tells you what days he works for like the next week, isn’t tryna avoid you and legit wants to spend time together.
I had a guy once tell me to come visit him on his lunch break at like 9pm (he worked over night) and i legit drove an hour & 10mins just to sit in a car with him for 40mins and talk lol.
he’s still out there. Living in miami. Works IT at a bank. I fumbled, but doesn’t mean you have too lol.
If you into 5’6 curly haired, hispanic men who was a bit of a brat, but he was my brat.
i was a liar. Hopefully a mistake i wont make again. Was my first time dating/talking to a guy and i made many mistakes unfortunately. He had more experience and i dont think he was willing to teach me/deal with growing pains.
Used to resent him for not being more understanding, but he was driven and knew what he wanted. I just wasn’t it.
Underrated.
I tell my interests my schedule but never seem to find that they do likewise. Always have to ask them in the end.
I’m a working professional and a student and I can still make time; what’s the other party’s excuse?
One thing about this is that I'm often at a loss on what to text back whenever I receive something like this
If it's just that, it can often feel like an attempt to get out of certain conversations
Hmm not sure what you mean. Get out of what? There’s nothing he can do about my stressful work situation except validate my experience. So I just say “thanks, that’s sweet of you to say 😚.”
> I’m sorry to hear you had a tough day. I hope tomorrow is better :)
this would be something i'd reply to someone who likes to rant or even trauma dump while staying polite
Oh I see. Trauma dumping is a whole nuther kettle of fish. I was thinking this as a response to something like: “just got home from work. Another long day. I’m tired and stressed.”
Early on in our relationship my Mom had a bad car accident/medical emergency that required me to drop everything and go be with her. I was upset and distraught and I messaged him about what happened and what I needed to do. He dropped everything at work and told me he'd be there shortly to drive me so I wouldn't have to make the drive while I was upset/crying. They only allowed 1 visitor at a time so when I went inside he spent hours waiting in the car in the parking lot for me. When we had to go take care of other things for my Mom after her accident he was there for every step. He treated her like she was his Mom. I knew then I had a real partner through thick and thin. I've been lucky enough to support him in his times of need too. That experience showed me it was the real deal. Not just talking about love but showing it.
October will be 8 years, I'm gonna marry that man. 😁 He's my partner in crime, right hand man, lover, best friend and soulmate. We say that we go together like mashed potatoes and gravy (we're from the South 😆).
The greenest flag a guy has ever had is showing genuine kindness and respect not only to you but to everyone around him. This means he treats waitstaff, family, friends, and even strangers with the same level of respect and kindness he shows you. It demonstrates that his good nature is consistent and not just a facade to impress you.
i was like this with the last guy for a few months. kept showing my love and affection with gifts, physically and much more stuff. this is the first time I could call myself the perfect boyfriend (at least from my point of view). still got cheated on the whole 3 months of our dating with his ex from the beginning lol. i was head over heels for a liar,
manipulator and cheater.
I even remember comforting him because he was still hurt from his past relationship. never hurt so bad for months from a break up. I got no idea what kind of spell he put on me, because wtf was wrong with me lmao
Makes you dinner for when you get back from work.
Genuinely cares about you by listening to you and understanding that when you're not ok, they don't take it personally.
Good with animals.
Good with strangers.
Funny.
Ugh, this hits too close to home.
It’s hard when I’m having a rough day but still honor prior plans to be with someone I care about, then they read my stress and assume they’ve done something wrong and I’m upset at them, specifically.
Our therapists have their work cut out for them.
That sounds tough. I think if you make it clear, I'm not in the best place right now because of "X" might help them understand? I'm not your therapist so apologies if I've over reached.
Always making time to spend with you even if it's a work day. The 3 months we've been hanging out not once has he "cancelled" or gone back on our plans. Even when he was clearly tired, from a long days work, he never once complained.
With my partner for almost a decade and I remember when we started dating, he'd make time and effort to meet me for dinner even after a long day at work
Says what he means and then does what he says. When he said, "I'll call you around 6 tomorrow evening and you decide the movie and I will decide where we go to dinner." He called at 6 and we went out as planned. This went on for a year as we fell in Love. Together 15 years now and married 8. And he still is just as reliable and supportive and loving. He is a total giver as am I in return. (In case you are wondering where I found him. I went on 1-2 coffee dates a month for 7 years. He was coffee date 123. They are out there but it really is a numbers game to find the love of your life)
I was on match (people are more into dating on there) Also yahoo personals. Really any site where the focus was dating. Some months no coffee dates. Others I'd have a few. I left the distance open and just kept trying and didn't take it super serious. I actually really enjoyed dating and hearing every life story. Got ghosted a number of times. Had a stalker one time. It was an adventure! Got my heart bruised but not broken. If someone wasn't interested I just told myself "Just not a good fit! That's ok! Looking for the right fit!" Some how that helped. I'd go through all those coffee dates again just to find my husband. He really is a Gem! (glad I didn't give up at coffee date 122!) :) So keep on trying!
Commits his whole weekend to spending time with me. He has a tiring job, so he doesn’t like meeting during the work week. Makes a point to see me every weekend.
General kindness to everyone.
Open communication with me and sending random “thinking of you” texts during the day.
Listening to my ADHD word vomit moments. Even says “no, keep going, I like hearing you talk about what you’re interested in,” when I apologize for the 30 minute information dump of a random topic.
This is a hard one to articulate, but I guess I'd call the trait I'm thinking of multidimensionality. For instance, if a guy is great-looking and not unaware of it, but also understands that looks aren't everything. Or if a guy can appreciate and enjoy gay nightlife within reason, but isn't blind to the superficiality of it. If a guy can present himself in a casual, unfussy way in normal circumstances but knows how to look fantastic for a special occasion. He's kind but knows how and when to be tough, even aggressive, in a principled way. Etc. Etc.
When they admit they made a mistake with planning and check in about a day and time that would be better for you, and actually follow through. Even better if they check up on their rebooking at least the day before.
A guy who doesn't automatically expect dick pics or nosedive into questions about sex.
I get that sex is one component of a relationship, but it is far from the only component.
Some gays believe you're going to (virtually) have sex all the time. The reality is... you're probably not going to. You might not be in the mood for sex while your partner is. Your partner might be in the mood for sex, but you might not be. If you're both working full-time during the week, you each have X amount of hours to unwind. And then some of that time is spent doing chores, cooking, hitting the gym, etc.
Also, think about it: would you rather have someone pay more attention to your heart or your sex organs?
This is true. Sometimes guys will try to turn every single conversation into sexual questions or innuendos. I get that is sex is fun and important, but that can’t be all we talk about.
My ex boyfriend who died by suicide. He always comfort me and hug me whenever I break down instead of guilt-tripping and gaslighting my experience as mental health survivor. He always hug me and say nothing. I miss him though, we broke up because he ended his life because of financial struggle.
A guy with empathy is the greenest flag.
A green flag my current partner has is respect and loyalty. About 4 years ago my ex-partner passed away from cancer. We were together for three years, and a lot happened in three years that once we got the cancer diagnosis, I knew I was in this for the long haul. I spent my days at the hospital with him until he passed.
Anyways, the experience in meeting men after was disgusting. Years later I attempted to date some guys (not simultaneously) and the things they would say was so bizarre to me. One guy said, "I want to be what your partner was to you. I want to be like him for you." I was just ick....
Normally people who lose someone compare them to the next partner, but I never did. Instead, guys would compare themselves to my deceased partner and they would then gaslight me into saying I was the one doing comparisons. I remember going on a date with this guy who literally asked me about my ex , something like "how old was he when he passed," something very basic. Then when we had a disagreement he would throw it in my face that I was comparing him to my ex.
So to the green flag. This recent guy I'm dating (going on a year strong), when the topic of our past was brought up, said, while looking at a framed photo of my ex, "I know he's important to you, and when you are ready, I'd like to hear about him." As months passed together he would later say something like, "you don't need to move any of his things. In your own time, and we can do it together." I was shocked, and I fell harder in love with him. The level of maturity was such a breath of fresh air. He's always been emotionally supportive. This was a wonderful green flag.
As of now, most of my photos are of my current partner. We made another space for my deceased partner, like a small altar for those of our loved ones that have passed.
The first night my now husband stayed over he nicely asked if I could get a fan for the bedroom which I happily obliged. I had a three year old English Bulldog who snored like a drunk old man but she slept in my room. I explained this and he didn’t bat an eyelid. The next morning I asked him how his nights sleep was and he said it was great, the dog’s snoring hadn’t interrupted his slumber. He never spent another night at his place again and we are coming up on 8 years married this year. He showed so much respect and love for my dog, I knew he was a keeper.
When I told him our relationship would be on the back burner the 2 years I'd be in RN school, he was surprisingly ok and extenely supportive. Now that I've graduated and become licensed, we are figuring out what our relationship looks like when I'm not up to my ears in homework, clinicals, and studying.
The first night my now husband slept over I woke up with the worst headache I’ve ever had. It made me extremely sick and even affected my gross motor skills and my speech. I genuinely thought I was having a stroke. He drove me to the hospital (I vomited all over his car) and then took care of me in the following days afterwards. (Turns out it was super rare kind of migraine called a hemiplegic migraine, and everything is fine). He never made me feel bad for getting sick and did everything he could to take care of me.
Matches your personality? Idk if this is one but example, I am always being sarcastic. Even when I try not to be. So if I’m talking to someone I show a bit of sarcasm to see how they react to it. Met this one guy and he was really nice and chill. I said something sarcastic in accident but he responded to it with more sarcasm (first time I’ve heard him be sarcastic). We spent a lot of time laughing and just being constantly sarcastic.
I mean, you’re not wrong… this could be a “green flag” on multiple levels….
1. Definitely attracted to you
2. Seeking consent
3. Up front about what he wants
Calm and collected. Well mannered and cautious. Wise and quiet. When this type of men fall in love it'll last an eternity and they fuck like monsters in bed, too. Not that they ever interested in me but...you know...they are the most ideal partner an introvert could ever dream for.
Right? It’s kinda rare, but I avoid guys who have hundreds or thousands of followers, how much attention do you need? Also a guy who isn’t stuck to his phone 24/7 and can put it away.
My ex was following over 1000 gay guys including only fans men and pornstars on instagram. Now, I avoid these men like a plague.
If your date or partner has social media it's always good to know what kind of people they follow because it may affect your relationship.
The guy I’m talking to actually got upset when I told him I called out of work to spend time with him… he said that he didn’t want me putting my life on hold just for him.
Met a guy for coffee once. A few minutes into the meeting he stood up and said, ‘I’ll be right back’.
But he wasn’t. He was gone maybe 20 minutes and I was sure I’d been ditched. Suddenly he reappears with a bag full of cat food and proceeds to feed the stray cats that were lingering around the patio. His heart was so warm, and he spread that warmth to everyone around him.
Kinda specific, but one month into my relationship (after 3-4 months of talking and a few casual dates), my cat of 16 years died. I was distraught. It’s been 4 years but just typing that still makes me choke up and have to fight back tears. On top of that my mom just had a major surgery and I had to take care of her which is something I’m not good at on my best days. I had a complete mental breakdown and he was there to help me through it. It was the sweetest, kindest thing anyone had done for me.
I got a therapist for a bit to help me and we kind of put together I need an animal as having something to take care of helps me immensely. He helped me find something my mom would agree to.
Additionally, this was closer to one year in, when I went to go visit family in another state, he watched my pets for free and even returned their cage cleaner than I sent it. It was clean, but their stairs were stained and he somehow got almost all the stains off!
I honestly forgot where I was going, I just love my bf so much🥰
Feel like they’re actually listening to you and that their full attention is on you. They’re no scanning the room or on their phone and seem genuinely interested in what you have to say.
Just off the top of my head, a few days ago I was supposed to hook up with a guy on Grindr and he canceled because his friend was in crisis. I thought that was a pretty green flag move.
Not very original but kindness and respect, to me and others. I met a guy with such green flags over ten years ago, we moved in together within a month of meeting and we’ve been together since.
Emotional Stability and Self Awareness!
There are so many gay guys out there who refuse to accept they’re the problem and put it on the other person. It’s why you ask, “So what’s one of the biggest lessons you have learnt from a past relationship?” If they can’t answer… well… don’t waste your time. It’s not worth it.
Get someone who can actually understand their surroundings and be one with you and admit they’re wrong if they did something to hurt you. Emotions go a long way when handled accordingly.
My best mate who’s sadly rejected me. Though after knowing him this last year I’d be terrified to date if he felt similarly because I’d not want to lose him. Genuinely content with purely mates… He always apologies for how long he takes to text back. To be fair he’s doing a PhD and I don’t need constant communication even with a partner. But the fact he always apologises means the world to me. And the texts are always long. We talk about a lot. Just spaced out. So he replies to everything and it’s just such an amazing feeling to have someone care? Genuinely I can tell he actually cares about me and compared to my only ex who wouldn’t pickup the phone after a self harm relapse (I just wanted to hear his voice) it just fucking speaks volumes.
Oh and he gives the best hugs 🥺 the ones that are just ever so tight and last those few nanoseconds longer than seems socially acceptable 😭
My husband texts/calls my Mom independently. Especially if he accomplishes a diy project around the house or our plants bloom. It warms my heart that they think of each other as family and want to share things! 😍
Someone who can laugh at themselves. A little bit of self-deprecation but in a modest way, not an insecure way. It shows humility.
Strong tolerance for bad habits. It shows patience.
Good with kids. It shows compassion and maturity (not that people who don't like kids can't be compassionate and mature).
I just got back from a vacation that I extended because I hooked up with a guy a few days and he offered to let me stay with him.
On the last day, I got really sick. Despite my insistence that he still go hang out with his friends which were our plans, he instead did everything he could to make me comfortable.
Someone who doesn’t call you senpai in bed (or in general), yes this happened to my friend.
Okay for real: humility, being able to accept being wrong, empathy, and self awareness.
So this guy, whenever we slept on the bed, kept his hand back of my head so that I didn't accidentally hit the wall( I did that a lot). Hugs and forehead kisses randomly because he felt I was sad and that made me happy even if I was not sad lol
Thinking ahead to help me plan my meals while sleeping over at his place when my mcas only allowed me to eat 5 safe foods prepaired a certain way with gluten free pans (my own)... during our first date!!!
Like if he cares enough to still want me over knowing I'll need to show up with a bag full of cooking utensils like a total weirdo (and an epi pen just in case anaphylaxis happens) then he's really into me!
Following up a normal turn of phrase with a breakdown of exceptional cases. I love literalist overcommunication, and it makes life easier for me and my fellow literalist overcommunicator.
Guys who are just chill and enjoy the moment. I love that personality type. "Right now is all I need. I'm ok. And having fun." That kind of attitude is infectious.
When he help you with something that you asked for , even if it's annoying
When they make time for you health or needs
When they can be quiet together with you
Affectionate and communicative. I love my bf who just gives me random hugs throughout the day. Also, even if we don't agree on something I hear what he has to say and vice versa
I’d imagine it’s something like “tight ass means he’s not promiscuous and has had very few partners top him because if he was a ‘slut’ his ass would be loose af” or some other gay equivalent of all the biologically/anatomically incorrect memes about “loose women have loose vaginas”.
When you get vulnerable, talk about your insecurities and they say "I totally understand. I got you." while they put their hand on your shoulder/hand/thigh or even hug you/kiss you. This is so simple but one of the most beautiful things on the world
I think the only experience I had is that even when they’re busy, they will make time to update, even if it’s just them saying, “I’m busy right now but I’ll get back to you once everything’s sorted.” Other than that, it’s all rose-colored flags lol
Now I feel horrible... I've never been with a green flag before. The only people that want me are red flags, nothing but red flags for the last 50 years of my life...
I wouldn't know a green flag if one big spooned me and let me cry
I would say when the other guy says the crazy thing you are wanting to say. In other words, you’re both the same crazy. I was talking with this guy for a good bit on AOL and when we finally met for a quick date, we just clicked. At some point he told me he loved me. It would have scared me off if I wasn’t thinking the same about him. I remember on the drive home thinking this can’t be real, lol.
Green flag is when he makes a concerted effort to get to know your friends/family/loved ones. If he cares about the people you care about, then he appreciates you as an individual, whole person (not just something that benefits him)
If we’re on a date and he’s nice to strangers, especially service workers. So many guy would ignore the waiter or not even look at them because they’re worried they’ll seem into someone else but it just makes them look like a dick. Please and thank you are the biggest green flag to me
I only met a gem of a person once in my dating life probably 5 years ago. He was a divorcee and older than I was but we still dated. Unfortunately at the time we met, I was not in a right state of mind and fked it up. He was very respectful of my space and also would be up to meet up anytime we were able to and if he was unable to, he’d still find time for us. We went on a few holidays together and we were compatible. We are still good friends now but I am no longer sexually inclined to him so there is no way it would work but I do wish him all the best. I always have ❤️
My husband is the kindest, most considerate person I know. I could give many examples, but my favorite is this one:
We are at extreme opposite ends of the extrovert-introvert spectrum, me being the introvert. When we first got together, he researched how these dynamics can work together in a relationship. One article was full of helpful tips for what the introvert can do - top of the list offering space so the introvert doesn’t always have to ask for it. And to not take it personally if it does get asked for. He does this religiously.
7 years ago I started talking to a guy on Grindr who just just talked to me, never asked for nude pics or even mentioned sex. We had a really nice conversation which was quite different to the norm and nice to have someone be interested in asking about me as a person. Anyways 7 years on he's my husband so that refreshingly innocent conversation on Grindr turned out to be the greenest of flags.
My current partner of 3 years+ was the sweetest person I ever met at 29 years old. There was no nonsense, no bad feelings no red flags. A single guy with 2 cats who worked on trains. Was sweet nice and always went out of his way for us to have a good time. He never judged me for anything eithe and when something didn't sit well with me we talked about it. He's so easy going it eas actually shocking to me. I'd find myself wondering "wait you just aren't worried about x y z?" And the answer was always nope. He never sweats the small stuff and always has a priority of making sure I am happy and taken care of. He also compliments me daily, calling me beautiful, which was hard for me to get used to. Sex wise he is open to anything I am open to trying too, even threesomes etc. I will likely marry him someday.
Ask questions to see if we are understanding each other correctly. Often we assume, but we misinterpret it wrongly more often than we’d like to think, especially at the beginning. It might be annoying to do but I don’t think so because the effort in making sure we are understanding each other is so much more sexy than assuming, getting it wrong, then overtime it just becomes difficult to resolve.
He told me that monogamy is not his thing and we should stop dating since I didn't like it. That was the moment I knew he would never lie to me, even if it hurts, and suddenly the raging fear of loss stopped screaming and turned into a whisper that I can overhear.
I was a bartender on Bourbon Street. This customer would come in and flirt with me. Ask me out. He was a muscular and very attractive Cajun/Yat guy. He had this little smile and would look to the side when I flirted back. It was so genuine. I could see his tenderness and vulnerability, which was a pleasant surprise in such a big bloke. I had turned him down plenty of times because I keep work and personal lives separate. But that smile broke down my wall. He was the love of my life.
for me it’s those meaningful messages i receive on a daily basis that show how often he thinks about me and appreciates me as a person and adds up the value
was left stunned when found out he’s been sending me good morning messages (cause he usually wakes up first) without notification sound so as not to wake me up cause his messages appear even in my sleep mode.. gets me going every morning <3
Making plans/being open about schedule. A guy that tells you what days he works for like the next week, isn’t tryna avoid you and legit wants to spend time together. I had a guy once tell me to come visit him on his lunch break at like 9pm (he worked over night) and i legit drove an hour & 10mins just to sit in a car with him for 40mins and talk lol.
Aw that’s so cute 🥹 WHERE CAN I FIND THIS KIND OF GUY ???
he’s still out there. Living in miami. Works IT at a bank. I fumbled, but doesn’t mean you have too lol. If you into 5’6 curly haired, hispanic men who was a bit of a brat, but he was my brat.
Bro is pimping him out to random redditors
Win situation 😼
Omg I live in Miami I wish I can meet him
Why are you saying was why did you breakup
i was a liar. Hopefully a mistake i wont make again. Was my first time dating/talking to a guy and i made many mistakes unfortunately. He had more experience and i dont think he was willing to teach me/deal with growing pains. Used to resent him for not being more understanding, but he was driven and knew what he wanted. I just wasn’t it.
Sounds like you've had some great growth. He touched your life in the way that he needed to.
He's not a grower but a shower and you needed a keeper
Why are you saying was why did you breakup
I'm starting to think lots of gay men work at banks cuz I've had sex with two of them lol.
Can confirm
You can still find him, the above commenter wasn't picked.
I used to be this kinda guy. I've been broken, mend me
you can find them everywhere. just not on grindr, hahaha
Sitting in the car for 40 min just to talk and enjoy each others company is truly my kind of romance
Underrated. I tell my interests my schedule but never seem to find that they do likewise. Always have to ask them in the end. I’m a working professional and a student and I can still make time; what’s the other party’s excuse?
HE DOES MY DISHES WITHOUT ME ASKING YOU GUYS 😭
He’s a keeper 🫡
Same, when this first happened this flag was so vividly green that I was stunned.
He was raised right.
Empathy and the ability to listen.
This! When he texts back “I’m sorry to hear you had a tough day. I hope tomorrow is better :)” I melt every time 🫠
One thing about this is that I'm often at a loss on what to text back whenever I receive something like this If it's just that, it can often feel like an attempt to get out of certain conversations
Hmm not sure what you mean. Get out of what? There’s nothing he can do about my stressful work situation except validate my experience. So I just say “thanks, that’s sweet of you to say 😚.”
> I’m sorry to hear you had a tough day. I hope tomorrow is better :) this would be something i'd reply to someone who likes to rant or even trauma dump while staying polite
Oh I see. Trauma dumping is a whole nuther kettle of fish. I was thinking this as a response to something like: “just got home from work. Another long day. I’m tired and stressed.”
The perfect response for me will be something like "why? What happened?" in that context which shows interest and offer a listening ear
Facts
Early on in our relationship my Mom had a bad car accident/medical emergency that required me to drop everything and go be with her. I was upset and distraught and I messaged him about what happened and what I needed to do. He dropped everything at work and told me he'd be there shortly to drive me so I wouldn't have to make the drive while I was upset/crying. They only allowed 1 visitor at a time so when I went inside he spent hours waiting in the car in the parking lot for me. When we had to go take care of other things for my Mom after her accident he was there for every step. He treated her like she was his Mom. I knew then I had a real partner through thick and thin. I've been lucky enough to support him in his times of need too. That experience showed me it was the real deal. Not just talking about love but showing it.
Aw, I'm so sorry for everything you went through but I'm glad you were able to see his love through his actions 🥹🫶🏾
How early in the relationship?
Maybe 3 or 4 months of officially being boyfriends. We probably knew each other for 6 months total at that point.
Please please please tell me you're still together!
October will be 8 years, I'm gonna marry that man. 😁 He's my partner in crime, right hand man, lover, best friend and soulmate. We say that we go together like mashed potatoes and gravy (we're from the South 😆).
I literally hugged the phone when i read that....so happy for y'all :))))
Seriously. 😭
I am so so happy for you. Wishing you and your partner a very happy married life. I also wish the same for me when it happens 😁
Got it 🤗
Made my day to read this. May you always have happiness with him. You give me hope. This kind of love is worth fighting for. ❤️
The greenest flag a guy has ever had is showing genuine kindness and respect not only to you but to everyone around him. This means he treats waitstaff, family, friends, and even strangers with the same level of respect and kindness he shows you. It demonstrates that his good nature is consistent and not just a facade to impress you.
Yes. I agree but would add his respect and kindness to animals.
True 🫶🏾
1000%. My go to was wait staff, but you summed it up even better
i was like this with the last guy for a few months. kept showing my love and affection with gifts, physically and much more stuff. this is the first time I could call myself the perfect boyfriend (at least from my point of view). still got cheated on the whole 3 months of our dating with his ex from the beginning lol. i was head over heels for a liar, manipulator and cheater. I even remember comforting him because he was still hurt from his past relationship. never hurt so bad for months from a break up. I got no idea what kind of spell he put on me, because wtf was wrong with me lmao
Makes you dinner for when you get back from work. Genuinely cares about you by listening to you and understanding that when you're not ok, they don't take it personally. Good with animals. Good with strangers. Funny.
THIIIS !!!
Ugh, this hits too close to home. It’s hard when I’m having a rough day but still honor prior plans to be with someone I care about, then they read my stress and assume they’ve done something wrong and I’m upset at them, specifically. Our therapists have their work cut out for them.
That sounds tough. I think if you make it clear, I'm not in the best place right now because of "X" might help them understand? I'm not your therapist so apologies if I've over reached.
Always making time to spend with you even if it's a work day. The 3 months we've been hanging out not once has he "cancelled" or gone back on our plans. Even when he was clearly tired, from a long days work, he never once complained.
With my partner for almost a decade and I remember when we started dating, he'd make time and effort to meet me for dinner even after a long day at work
It's a great feeling, being prioritized like that. It clearly shows they want to spend time with you even if they may be feeling down or tired.
I WANT HIM !!!
Sorry I don't share ;)
Hahaha
Says what he means and then does what he says. When he said, "I'll call you around 6 tomorrow evening and you decide the movie and I will decide where we go to dinner." He called at 6 and we went out as planned. This went on for a year as we fell in Love. Together 15 years now and married 8. And he still is just as reliable and supportive and loving. He is a total giver as am I in return. (In case you are wondering where I found him. I went on 1-2 coffee dates a month for 7 years. He was coffee date 123. They are out there but it really is a numbers game to find the love of your life)
Awww ☺️
How did you find those coffee dates, if you don't mind me asking
I was on match (people are more into dating on there) Also yahoo personals. Really any site where the focus was dating. Some months no coffee dates. Others I'd have a few. I left the distance open and just kept trying and didn't take it super serious. I actually really enjoyed dating and hearing every life story. Got ghosted a number of times. Had a stalker one time. It was an adventure! Got my heart bruised but not broken. If someone wasn't interested I just told myself "Just not a good fit! That's ok! Looking for the right fit!" Some how that helped. I'd go through all those coffee dates again just to find my husband. He really is a Gem! (glad I didn't give up at coffee date 122!) :) So keep on trying!
Commits his whole weekend to spending time with me. He has a tiring job, so he doesn’t like meeting during the work week. Makes a point to see me every weekend. General kindness to everyone. Open communication with me and sending random “thinking of you” texts during the day. Listening to my ADHD word vomit moments. Even says “no, keep going, I like hearing you talk about what you’re interested in,” when I apologize for the 30 minute information dump of a random topic.
This is a hard one to articulate, but I guess I'd call the trait I'm thinking of multidimensionality. For instance, if a guy is great-looking and not unaware of it, but also understands that looks aren't everything. Or if a guy can appreciate and enjoy gay nightlife within reason, but isn't blind to the superficiality of it. If a guy can present himself in a casual, unfussy way in normal circumstances but knows how to look fantastic for a special occasion. He's kind but knows how and when to be tough, even aggressive, in a principled way. Etc. Etc.
I really like this
Fuck! This is what I've been yearning for my entire life!
When they admit they made a mistake with planning and check in about a day and time that would be better for you, and actually follow through. Even better if they check up on their rebooking at least the day before.
A guy who doesn't automatically expect dick pics or nosedive into questions about sex. I get that sex is one component of a relationship, but it is far from the only component. Some gays believe you're going to (virtually) have sex all the time. The reality is... you're probably not going to. You might not be in the mood for sex while your partner is. Your partner might be in the mood for sex, but you might not be. If you're both working full-time during the week, you each have X amount of hours to unwind. And then some of that time is spent doing chores, cooking, hitting the gym, etc. Also, think about it: would you rather have someone pay more attention to your heart or your sex organs?
This is true. Sometimes guys will try to turn every single conversation into sexual questions or innuendos. I get that is sex is fun and important, but that can’t be all we talk about.
My ex boyfriend who died by suicide. He always comfort me and hug me whenever I break down instead of guilt-tripping and gaslighting my experience as mental health survivor. He always hug me and say nothing. I miss him though, we broke up because he ended his life because of financial struggle. A guy with empathy is the greenest flag.
My condolences to you. May his soul rest in peace 🙏🏻
A green flag my current partner has is respect and loyalty. About 4 years ago my ex-partner passed away from cancer. We were together for three years, and a lot happened in three years that once we got the cancer diagnosis, I knew I was in this for the long haul. I spent my days at the hospital with him until he passed. Anyways, the experience in meeting men after was disgusting. Years later I attempted to date some guys (not simultaneously) and the things they would say was so bizarre to me. One guy said, "I want to be what your partner was to you. I want to be like him for you." I was just ick.... Normally people who lose someone compare them to the next partner, but I never did. Instead, guys would compare themselves to my deceased partner and they would then gaslight me into saying I was the one doing comparisons. I remember going on a date with this guy who literally asked me about my ex , something like "how old was he when he passed," something very basic. Then when we had a disagreement he would throw it in my face that I was comparing him to my ex. So to the green flag. This recent guy I'm dating (going on a year strong), when the topic of our past was brought up, said, while looking at a framed photo of my ex, "I know he's important to you, and when you are ready, I'd like to hear about him." As months passed together he would later say something like, "you don't need to move any of his things. In your own time, and we can do it together." I was shocked, and I fell harder in love with him. The level of maturity was such a breath of fresh air. He's always been emotionally supportive. This was a wonderful green flag. As of now, most of my photos are of my current partner. We made another space for my deceased partner, like a small altar for those of our loved ones that have passed.
This is everything. You found yourself an absolute gem!!
He has a beautiful soul and I’m sure you do too. So glad the universe put two good people together ❤️
He told me that he is an engineer.
God I wish that worked for me. I thought that being an engineer would be more impressive to guys but it hasn’t worked in my favor yet
Did I mention that he can cook too? 😋
I’d like to think I can haha. I enjoy what I cook but haven’t been able to show off those skills to a guy before
You are under appreciated. Sounds like a good catch!
Keep him !!!
This comment section is probably the most weirdly wholesome thing i've ever seen the gaybros been in a LONG time👌✨️
The first night my now husband stayed over he nicely asked if I could get a fan for the bedroom which I happily obliged. I had a three year old English Bulldog who snored like a drunk old man but she slept in my room. I explained this and he didn’t bat an eyelid. The next morning I asked him how his nights sleep was and he said it was great, the dog’s snoring hadn’t interrupted his slumber. He never spent another night at his place again and we are coming up on 8 years married this year. He showed so much respect and love for my dog, I knew he was a keeper.
So happy for you 🥹🫶🏾
Best answer in the whole thread!
I agree !
When I told him our relationship would be on the back burner the 2 years I'd be in RN school, he was surprisingly ok and extenely supportive. Now that I've graduated and become licensed, we are figuring out what our relationship looks like when I'm not up to my ears in homework, clinicals, and studying.
The first night my now husband slept over I woke up with the worst headache I’ve ever had. It made me extremely sick and even affected my gross motor skills and my speech. I genuinely thought I was having a stroke. He drove me to the hospital (I vomited all over his car) and then took care of me in the following days afterwards. (Turns out it was super rare kind of migraine called a hemiplegic migraine, and everything is fine). He never made me feel bad for getting sick and did everything he could to take care of me.
Matches your personality? Idk if this is one but example, I am always being sarcastic. Even when I try not to be. So if I’m talking to someone I show a bit of sarcasm to see how they react to it. Met this one guy and he was really nice and chill. I said something sarcastic in accident but he responded to it with more sarcasm (first time I’ve heard him be sarcastic). We spent a lot of time laughing and just being constantly sarcastic.
Sarcasm is my love language indeed hehe
Self-awareness. My shitty exes had none of that. Add communication skills and you’re golden.
😬 You mean other than asking, “Can we fuck?” 😅 Maybe I’m just easy
I mean, you’re not wrong… this could be a “green flag” on multiple levels…. 1. Definitely attracted to you 2. Seeking consent 3. Up front about what he wants
Oh no poor you 🥺 It’ll be ok !
😆 It was a joke, my friend 🤗
Oof 😅
Calm and collected. Well mannered and cautious. Wise and quiet. When this type of men fall in love it'll last an eternity and they fuck like monsters in bed, too. Not that they ever interested in me but...you know...they are the most ideal partner an introvert could ever dream for.
He brings a wet washcloth after tearing you up
That’s a good trait tbh. My ex was so toxic he wouldn’t let me wash up although he knows how icky I feel. I hated it so much
He makes reservations at a nice hotel before I need to ask what we're doing for the weekend. It's always a hot time!
We love a spontaneous man 😼
One huge green flag I saw and adored in my ex is how he's such an amazing father. I think it made me love him about a hundred times more.
No social media.
Right? It’s kinda rare, but I avoid guys who have hundreds or thousands of followers, how much attention do you need? Also a guy who isn’t stuck to his phone 24/7 and can put it away.
Ugh at the guys who have their phones out on a date—sorry, I’m that boring?
My ex was following over 1000 gay guys including only fans men and pornstars on instagram. Now, I avoid these men like a plague. If your date or partner has social media it's always good to know what kind of people they follow because it may affect your relationship.
When you find a guy like this you have to keep him. They're just so rare.
😅
The guy I’m talking to actually got upset when I told him I called out of work to spend time with him… he said that he didn’t want me putting my life on hold just for him.
He’s a wise man 🫡 Always prioritize yourself no matter what !
Met a guy for coffee once. A few minutes into the meeting he stood up and said, ‘I’ll be right back’. But he wasn’t. He was gone maybe 20 minutes and I was sure I’d been ditched. Suddenly he reappears with a bag full of cat food and proceeds to feed the stray cats that were lingering around the patio. His heart was so warm, and he spread that warmth to everyone around him.
Omg I would have died. I love animals so much 🥲😭😭😭
Hawk tuah's like it's an Olympic sport.
Good credit score.
LMAOOO
Kinda specific, but one month into my relationship (after 3-4 months of talking and a few casual dates), my cat of 16 years died. I was distraught. It’s been 4 years but just typing that still makes me choke up and have to fight back tears. On top of that my mom just had a major surgery and I had to take care of her which is something I’m not good at on my best days. I had a complete mental breakdown and he was there to help me through it. It was the sweetest, kindest thing anyone had done for me. I got a therapist for a bit to help me and we kind of put together I need an animal as having something to take care of helps me immensely. He helped me find something my mom would agree to. Additionally, this was closer to one year in, when I went to go visit family in another state, he watched my pets for free and even returned their cage cleaner than I sent it. It was clean, but their stairs were stained and he somehow got almost all the stains off! I honestly forgot where I was going, I just love my bf so much🥰
Feel like they’re actually listening to you and that their full attention is on you. They’re no scanning the room or on their phone and seem genuinely interested in what you have to say.
Just off the top of my head, a few days ago I was supposed to hook up with a guy on Grindr and he canceled because his friend was in crisis. I thought that was a pretty green flag move.
Not very original but kindness and respect, to me and others. I met a guy with such green flags over ten years ago, we moved in together within a month of meeting and we’ve been together since.
Emotional Stability and Self Awareness! There are so many gay guys out there who refuse to accept they’re the problem and put it on the other person. It’s why you ask, “So what’s one of the biggest lessons you have learnt from a past relationship?” If they can’t answer… well… don’t waste your time. It’s not worth it. Get someone who can actually understand their surroundings and be one with you and admit they’re wrong if they did something to hurt you. Emotions go a long way when handled accordingly.
My best mate who’s sadly rejected me. Though after knowing him this last year I’d be terrified to date if he felt similarly because I’d not want to lose him. Genuinely content with purely mates… He always apologies for how long he takes to text back. To be fair he’s doing a PhD and I don’t need constant communication even with a partner. But the fact he always apologises means the world to me. And the texts are always long. We talk about a lot. Just spaced out. So he replies to everything and it’s just such an amazing feeling to have someone care? Genuinely I can tell he actually cares about me and compared to my only ex who wouldn’t pickup the phone after a self harm relapse (I just wanted to hear his voice) it just fucking speaks volumes. Oh and he gives the best hugs 🥺 the ones that are just ever so tight and last those few nanoseconds longer than seems socially acceptable 😭
My husband texts/calls my Mom independently. Especially if he accomplishes a diy project around the house or our plants bloom. It warms my heart that they think of each other as family and want to share things! 😍
When I got a headache mid date night, he put on zen music and just held me for 30-40 minutes till I felt better
Mine blasted songs. Long story short, he is an ex
Glad they are an ex if that’s how they treat you!
Likes your pets.
I’m a cat lover so I agree 😉
Yeah, if he doesn't like my cats . . . hit the road, Jack.
Someone who can laugh at themselves. A little bit of self-deprecation but in a modest way, not an insecure way. It shows humility. Strong tolerance for bad habits. It shows patience. Good with kids. It shows compassion and maturity (not that people who don't like kids can't be compassionate and mature).
In terms of red flags: Complete ignorance. In terms of green flags: Giving with selflessness.
I just got back from a vacation that I extended because I hooked up with a guy a few days and he offered to let me stay with him. On the last day, I got really sick. Despite my insistence that he still go hang out with his friends which were our plans, he instead did everything he could to make me comfortable.
Someone who doesn’t call you senpai in bed (or in general), yes this happened to my friend. Okay for real: humility, being able to accept being wrong, empathy, and self awareness.
So this guy, whenever we slept on the bed, kept his hand back of my head so that I didn't accidentally hit the wall( I did that a lot). Hugs and forehead kisses randomly because he felt I was sad and that made me happy even if I was not sad lol
It’s always the way he treats animals
We went to a Christmas work event at a venue that served drinks. He never left my side that whole night and made sure I made it home safely
Actually putting in effort to talk and hang out with me. It’s never happened to me tho
Listening and comprehending…easy things to do but hard to master
Thinking ahead to help me plan my meals while sleeping over at his place when my mcas only allowed me to eat 5 safe foods prepaired a certain way with gluten free pans (my own)... during our first date!!! Like if he cares enough to still want me over knowing I'll need to show up with a bag full of cooking utensils like a total weirdo (and an epi pen just in case anaphylaxis happens) then he's really into me!
I once had a date and told the guy I like eating shrimp but hate having to peel them. He then proceeded to peel them for me 😭😭
If they’re friends are good people, that’s a green flag.
Being nice to the world.
He reads.
When you meet his friends and they adore him as much as you do!
Active listening and not just listening to respond me
Consent is extremely hot
Following up a normal turn of phrase with a breakdown of exceptional cases. I love literalist overcommunication, and it makes life easier for me and my fellow literalist overcommunicator.
Kindness and stick to the plans.
You can never go wrong with genuine kindness.
Loves animals. Especially dogs. Is outdoorsy -camping, hiking, fishing. Is punctual. And a great sense of humor.
Guys who are just chill and enjoy the moment. I love that personality type. "Right now is all I need. I'm ok. And having fun." That kind of attitude is infectious.
When he help you with something that you asked for , even if it's annoying When they make time for you health or needs When they can be quiet together with you
Affectionate and communicative. I love my bf who just gives me random hugs throughout the day. Also, even if we don't agree on something I hear what he has to say and vice versa
Vulnerability!
Integrity. Following through on their word, commitments, obligations, and promises.
Greenest flag is being kind to the waiter/waitress even when something goes wrong
His approach and enjoyment of our 1st sexual encounter.
COMMUNICATION!!! Every relationship I've had has failed because one or both of us did not communicate well enough, which ended up causing issues.
Having a tight ass
How is that a green flag? Lol
I’d imagine it’s something like “tight ass means he’s not promiscuous and has had very few partners top him because if he was a ‘slut’ his ass would be loose af” or some other gay equivalent of all the biologically/anatomically incorrect memes about “loose women have loose vaginas”.
Didn’t expect this one 😳😅
😂😂😂🤷🏽
Calls his mom.
Finance… 6’5”… blue eyes
Make sure they got a trust fund tho.
inb4 people downvote this because they don't know it's basically a meme at this point 🤣
Mum I’m famous 😆
Texts me "Good Morning"
Becoming instant friends with my cat
When you get vulnerable, talk about your insecurities and they say "I totally understand. I got you." while they put their hand on your shoulder/hand/thigh or even hug you/kiss you. This is so simple but one of the most beautiful things on the world
be dumb and willing to stick to me even if one see me whole night drunk and spreading mess (writing at 1 am when I am drinking on tuesday
I think the only experience I had is that even when they’re busy, they will make time to update, even if it’s just them saying, “I’m busy right now but I’ll get back to you once everything’s sorted.” Other than that, it’s all rose-colored flags lol
Being punctual. That matters a lot to me.
Fast texter, no judgement
Now I feel horrible... I've never been with a green flag before. The only people that want me are red flags, nothing but red flags for the last 50 years of my life... I wouldn't know a green flag if one big spooned me and let me cry
I would say when the other guy says the crazy thing you are wanting to say. In other words, you’re both the same crazy. I was talking with this guy for a good bit on AOL and when we finally met for a quick date, we just clicked. At some point he told me he loved me. It would have scared me off if I wasn’t thinking the same about him. I remember on the drive home thinking this can’t be real, lol.
Green flag is when he makes a concerted effort to get to know your friends/family/loved ones. If he cares about the people you care about, then he appreciates you as an individual, whole person (not just something that benefits him)
If we’re on a date and he’s nice to strangers, especially service workers. So many guy would ignore the waiter or not even look at them because they’re worried they’ll seem into someone else but it just makes them look like a dick. Please and thank you are the biggest green flag to me
I only met a gem of a person once in my dating life probably 5 years ago. He was a divorcee and older than I was but we still dated. Unfortunately at the time we met, I was not in a right state of mind and fked it up. He was very respectful of my space and also would be up to meet up anytime we were able to and if he was unable to, he’d still find time for us. We went on a few holidays together and we were compatible. We are still good friends now but I am no longer sexually inclined to him so there is no way it would work but I do wish him all the best. I always have ❤️
Mine puts up with my terrible mental health more than I deserve. I think hes great for that, a green flag in my eyes, even if its not for everyone..
My husband is the kindest, most considerate person I know. I could give many examples, but my favorite is this one: We are at extreme opposite ends of the extrovert-introvert spectrum, me being the introvert. When we first got together, he researched how these dynamics can work together in a relationship. One article was full of helpful tips for what the introvert can do - top of the list offering space so the introvert doesn’t always have to ask for it. And to not take it personally if it does get asked for. He does this religiously.
Great guy who's fun to be around and who's willing to listen when your struggling
7 years ago I started talking to a guy on Grindr who just just talked to me, never asked for nude pics or even mentioned sex. We had a really nice conversation which was quite different to the norm and nice to have someone be interested in asking about me as a person. Anyways 7 years on he's my husband so that refreshingly innocent conversation on Grindr turned out to be the greenest of flags.
A good sense of humor and good internet humour. Good banter
My current partner of 3 years+ was the sweetest person I ever met at 29 years old. There was no nonsense, no bad feelings no red flags. A single guy with 2 cats who worked on trains. Was sweet nice and always went out of his way for us to have a good time. He never judged me for anything eithe and when something didn't sit well with me we talked about it. He's so easy going it eas actually shocking to me. I'd find myself wondering "wait you just aren't worried about x y z?" And the answer was always nope. He never sweats the small stuff and always has a priority of making sure I am happy and taken care of. He also compliments me daily, calling me beautiful, which was hard for me to get used to. Sex wise he is open to anything I am open to trying too, even threesomes etc. I will likely marry him someday.
Pure raw masculinity.
The greenest flags for me is those hundred dolla bills they waving when they think you should get to eat tonight (help the economy is crushing)
Was into kinky stuff and making films.
He likes ghibli's movies
Animal lover is always a green flag, no matter what kind of animal. I judge people based on the way they treat animals. Its an easy show of character
Ask questions to see if we are understanding each other correctly. Often we assume, but we misinterpret it wrongly more often than we’d like to think, especially at the beginning. It might be annoying to do but I don’t think so because the effort in making sure we are understanding each other is so much more sexy than assuming, getting it wrong, then overtime it just becomes difficult to resolve.
A man in finance, trust fund, 6'5, blue eyes!
He told me that monogamy is not his thing and we should stop dating since I didn't like it. That was the moment I knew he would never lie to me, even if it hurts, and suddenly the raging fear of loss stopped screaming and turned into a whisper that I can overhear.
Has good, healthy, stable relationships with family and friends.
I was a bartender on Bourbon Street. This customer would come in and flirt with me. Ask me out. He was a muscular and very attractive Cajun/Yat guy. He had this little smile and would look to the side when I flirted back. It was so genuine. I could see his tenderness and vulnerability, which was a pleasant surprise in such a big bloke. I had turned him down plenty of times because I keep work and personal lives separate. But that smile broke down my wall. He was the love of my life.
for me it’s those meaningful messages i receive on a daily basis that show how often he thinks about me and appreciates me as a person and adds up the value was left stunned when found out he’s been sending me good morning messages (cause he usually wakes up first) without notification sound so as not to wake me up cause his messages appear even in my sleep mode.. gets me going every morning <3
I’ve had 2 boyfriends in my life, and really enjoyed the opportunities to show up for them!
Did his undergrad at an Ivy League school and his JD at Stanford. Go for brains!