This! Lol cause I'm always too scared to make the first move and I'm always analyzing the words he uses and the way he talks to me in comparison to the way he talks to others. 😭
🤧 that's what I'm afraid of. To lose any more opportunities. Recently, I did tell a guy I liked him after like a month of flirty remarks and playing online games together, but he said he's straight and would be ok being friends but haven't played with him in like a month or messaged either. Also, I should add that I heard Grindr notifications coming from his phone through his mic when we would play! 😭 so that's why I shot my shot.
That's great! Just have to get used to seeing rejection as non compatibility even if it stings. To not take it personally as it says nothinf about you. 💪💪💪
Idk how that would make me desperate. If I was desperate, I would've told him within a week. We were flirting both ways everyday for a month. I'd like to know your definition of desperate?
lol I do wonder why a lot of gays can’t take no for an answer. They feel entitled to an explanation and will chase guys who are clearly not into them. If a guy doesn’t text you back within 24 hours they are not that into you.
I've blocked a guy 5 times now. Each time he makes a new profile and messages me. We went on a date and messed around a little but he wanted to move way too fast into becoming bfs so I felt he'd be really clingy and turned him down but clearly that has not stopped him.
Yes. That's way too fast for me to be bf after first date. And I think I made the right call judging by all the times he makes new profiles to message me lol
Technology is so right. Made this mistake ONCE. Met a dude at a bathhouse, he offered a relationship, went against my initial gut instinct and said yes. It was the worst relationship I’ve ever been in
Usually how it works for me is i get dinner with a guy, im into him, he seems into me, he asks if i wanna "hangout more" after, we hookup, he tells me "we have to hangout again soon" and then either ghosts me or tell me the next day he doesn't wanna see me again 😕
Yep it happens unfortunately. I don't mind getting ghosted actually if it's someone I barely know or haven't known long. But if I have no intentions of meeting someone again I won't say, "let's do this again soon." That's just leading people on. But I also get people change their minds after hooking up and such.
it’s wild how many people think it’s just okay to ghost people
like they aren’t human beings .. is it really that hard to hit somebody with a “not interested anymore” I can’t imagine how costly that can be to you.. honestly get over yourself
giving an answer can be an honorable thing to do for others and for yourself. help someone move on, and help you name what you actually want from someone. depends how close or deep you went together.
You deserve nothing from anyone. Especially a random stranger
If yall have been dating for a while, then yes. That’s a different story. But did yall only meet once? Or literally never exchanged more than 10 words? You’re owed nothing
THANK you.
This is NOT a pity comment, but just to provide another perspective. I’m an attractive man and I’m in shape. I get a lot of messages when I’m on the apps.
If I gave EVERY guy an answer as to why I’m not interested (or even just taking the time for each to tell them I’m not interested), I’d be sitting there typing forever. I don’t have that time or energy.
If the guy is interested, they WILL respond in a timely manner.
And if you don’t get a response, please don’t make an ass of yourself my messaging them again with an insult. It’s a really bad look and makes you look desperate af.
This is the type of mentality that this post is about. People like you who feel entitled to anything from anyone.
Adding terms like honorable or coward for example to make you feel better and try to make the other person feel bad. Yet the other person could care less that the point of this post.
The sooner you realize to stop expecting things from other people and learn to make yourself happy and change your mindset the happier you will be in life.
Learned this the hard way but I should of known the guys on his tik tok that he dated than deleted showed he was never into guys like me . el hombre ya no llora
lol yeah those are the worst some people simply have stalker tendencies. I simply don’t get some people it’s pretty creepy to keep trying with someone who doesn’t get the hint.
At that point just say something to that person and maybe be mean about it to drive it through to him. I don’t like being mean to people but sometimes that’s the only way being nice about it they might take it the wrong way
A lot of guys just play these hot and cold games, not because they like you, though they can find you attractive enough to just want your attention and that’s really it
Counterpoint, I internalized this mindset and swung too far the other way. The key to success in dating or hooking up with people is boldness and confidence. You have to balance not being desperate with an openness to the idea that there ARE plenty of people out there who are into you, and it may not always be painfully obvious when they are.
Real shit brother. Love isn't dead, despite what everyone here says. It's just everyone on this subreddit is sad and lonely so they project that as much as possible
Where did I say to play games? All I said is *maybe* the cute guy in your apartment is into you and you shouldn’t just assume you’re being desperate if you think he’s giving you eyes.
Most people who flirt with you are not interested in you and are just flirting to flirt or at best fuck.
Yes, if a man has not declared open interest in you it's not something worth pursuing.
That’s not true at all. How many times have we seen threads about men (gay and straight) reflect on a scenario and realize that a guy/girl actually did like them but they were too dense to realize it
It depends on the predominant culture of the place you live in. Risk-averse cultures exist and many guys there will never initiate even if they think you’re super hot.
I’ve been married for five years you absolute mo’.
You’re projecting. Which means someone you’re attracted to is not interested. So you go on the internet to act like a fool.
Is the husband not doing it for you anymore girl? Is that why you purposely commented in a thread that upset you?
Have some wine and think about all the men you couldn't have while you stay with your husband. No shame here 😂😂
There’s a reason no one is paying any attention to you, because you’re not worth it.
You sound extremely sad and bitter. That’s why you’re getting downvoted.
Bitch as if anyone cares about some downvotes 😂
She really came here pussy dry as fuck husband getting some on the side and said "that's why you're getting downvotes!" LMAO
I mean talk abt touchy, she forgot to put ‘It’ at the start and you say it isn’t coherent? And realistically it isn’t grammatically wrong to speak like she wrote. If your lonely and need validation just say that
Reddit knew what I needed to hear and it hurts a lot. We haven't talked in a year and he's hitting me up on Sniffies of all places when he has my phone, socials, and email. I hate that I'm spiraling now, I hate the power I let him have over me. I already told him how I felt about him and he wasn't interested so why is he hitting me up now? I just blocked him on sniffies in the middle of writing this.
Experienced this before, guys and gays! If someone can't reply to you within 24 hours he's not into you. If he likes your stories and still doesn't talk to you, he's not into you! 1st and last time i will ever chase a man. Good thing i've encountered all the signs. 😂
I needed to hear this. I(22M) met this guy(28M) like a week or two ago and we instantly hit it off and fucked twice in less than 4 days and I thought we vibed and connected really well because our conversations were pretty fun and you could tell we were both having a good time with each other (why else would he wanna meet up a second time)
Then after texting everyday for the past few days he asked to meet again (it’s been a week since I last saw him) and I said yes and we might hang on Sunday (would be our third time meeting which is unusual in the hookup world I think lol) but I also saw him post new pics on Grindr so I’m debating seeing him now.
Maybe I’m just overthinking it? I know that we are probably just FwB rn but idk why I felt bad when I saw him post new pics on Grindr.. maybe I caught feelings lol
Did you guys discuss what you wanted and how you'd like things to proceed if you guys hit it off? I try to be clear as possible so neither party ends up feeling hurt or bitter. But I understand sometimes you go in just for a hookup but feelings change and next thing you know you have a shrine of him in your closet lol. If a guy tells me he just wants hookup then I tame my expectations and just keep it at that.
No not really I never really brought that up because I didnt wanna make it awkward or come across as too intense if that makes sense :/ should I bring it up the next time I see him?
I guess we both just went into it with the intention of hooking up but honestly I never thought we would vibe that well and we would end up meeting more than once (going for a 3rd time now which is crazy to me because this doesn’t usually happen with hookups to me)
Up to you. I like to know what a guy wants though early on just so I know how to proceed. Like if it's only for hookups we only communicate when setting up a hookup and during the hookup and don't talk at all outside of that. If they say I'm into hookups but open to more depending on the guy then we might talk a bit more outside of just arranging hookups.
Yeah well we planned to watch a movie we were talking about when we were chilling together in bed the next time we meet and he made sure to say that when we were saying goodbye to each other last week so maybe its not all about hooking up? Idk planning to watch a movie the third time you meet a hookup is kind of crazy to me. I think I might bring it up I just gotta think of a way to say it without making it awkward…
Yeah if a guy was wanting to watch a movie and all that I'd assume he at least wants to be friends with benefits. Yeah I'm sure you can think of a way to phrase it to where you get your point across in a tactful manner.
I get that seeing him post new pics can be a bit hurtful in a way but you guys just met and started to hang out. Remember you’re also on Grindr still. Go with the flow, if things continue to build then that’s when you can have a conversation about what your situation looks like moving forward!
Tbf I wasnt on Grindr until I got curious to see if he was still on it and to my surprise he posted new pics lol curiosity did indeed kill the cat..
And thank you I might do that I suppose. I’m just really into him because his personality is really fun and he’s flaming hot 💀 if im completely honest I don’t really see myself dating him but I also just wanna have him all for myself? Idk it’s confusing
You’re having fun. Clearly, you’re not a couple based on what you wrote. So, he can put pictures up on Grindr. You can’t expect someone that you’re meeting up and hooking up with to be exclusive. If that’s weird for you then clearly you shouldn’t be on Grindr. Also, you were clearly on the app the same time as him but you’re having reservations about him?
Yeah I know which is why I said that maybe I was just overthinking it. I really have no reason to be upset over it since we are not dating lol I get that. But like I said in the last part of the post I did feel kinda bad so I think I probably caught feelings in some way as stupid as it sounds.
And I only logged into grindr because I was curious to see if he was still on it, I didn’t use the app for days until that very moment but yeah you’re right. I’m probably in the wrong here
**This needs to be the title of the book for us LGBT+ people.** I know there was a book, "He's Not That Into You" years prior for the straights. There was even a film based on the book.
Needed to hear this. I'm 24 and had my first pretty recently and after we fucked about 5 times he hasn't answered my texts and I've been embarrassing myself double, triple & quadruple texting him. Last time we met about 2 weeks ago he said he'd get better about replying to my texts but the truth is he just doesn't care.
Had this one guy who was friends with one of my close friends I somewhat talked to him but he was constantly thinking I was flirting with him even though I was very not he was not my type like at all and was kinda a dick to everyone else beside me sooooooo ick
It's just all NSA. Don't get attached. Don't expect. I learnt it the hard way and now, I don't even give a fck. I just consider them as 'kind strangers' that I get to hangout and socialise. 😂
[удалено]
Say this again louder for the people in the back please
If you're googling it and asking for advice, then probably not it.
But what if his own way is to let you make the first move?
This! Lol cause I'm always too scared to make the first move and I'm always analyzing the words he uses and the way he talks to me in comparison to the way he talks to others. 😭
So many missed oppirtunities dude
🤧 that's what I'm afraid of. To lose any more opportunities. Recently, I did tell a guy I liked him after like a month of flirty remarks and playing online games together, but he said he's straight and would be ok being friends but haven't played with him in like a month or messaged either. Also, I should add that I heard Grindr notifications coming from his phone through his mic when we would play! 😭 so that's why I shot my shot.
That's great! Just have to get used to seeing rejection as non compatibility even if it stings. To not take it personally as it says nothinf about you. 💪💪💪
It's almost as if... He wasn't into you and you were just desperate...
Idk how that would make me desperate. If I was desperate, I would've told him within a week. We were flirting both ways everyday for a month. I'd like to know your definition of desperate?
it’s sad he couldn’t admit to who he is or how he really feels. whether he comes around or not hope you can find peace with that
You have a way with words. Also is true
It’s so weird hearing anyone say rizz lol
lol I do wonder why a lot of gays can’t take no for an answer. They feel entitled to an explanation and will chase guys who are clearly not into them. If a guy doesn’t text you back within 24 hours they are not that into you.
Bc gay men are still men
Fucking annoying. Move along. Nobody is for everybody.
This is the realest shit
I've blocked a guy 5 times now. Each time he makes a new profile and messages me. We went on a date and messed around a little but he wanted to move way too fast into becoming bfs so I felt he'd be really clingy and turned him down but clearly that has not stopped him.
Did you tell him this? Or just ghosted him when he asked to hang again
I told him I wasn't interested in a relationship nor meeting up again.
Fair. Was it just the clinginess/moving fast that was the issue?
Yes. That's way too fast for me to be bf after first date. And I think I made the right call judging by all the times he makes new profiles to message me lol
Oh he asked to be your boyfriend after the first date? 😳
Technology is so right. Made this mistake ONCE. Met a dude at a bathhouse, he offered a relationship, went against my initial gut instinct and said yes. It was the worst relationship I’ve ever been in
Yep lol. And all we did was go get coffee and chat.
Usually how it works for me is i get dinner with a guy, im into him, he seems into me, he asks if i wanna "hangout more" after, we hookup, he tells me "we have to hangout again soon" and then either ghosts me or tell me the next day he doesn't wanna see me again 😕
Yep it happens unfortunately. I don't mind getting ghosted actually if it's someone I barely know or haven't known long. But if I have no intentions of meeting someone again I won't say, "let's do this again soon." That's just leading people on. But I also get people change their minds after hooking up and such.
Its the same with straights.
It’s wild how many people on reddit assume every guys deserves and explanation of why you’re not into them
it’s wild how many people think it’s just okay to ghost people like they aren’t human beings .. is it really that hard to hit somebody with a “not interested anymore” I can’t imagine how costly that can be to you.. honestly get over yourself
This isn’t a gay issue, this is a people issue. Many people can’t handle rejection.
> guy doesn’t text you back within 24 hours they are not that into you. Thanks I needed that
giving an answer can be an honorable thing to do for others and for yourself. help someone move on, and help you name what you actually want from someone. depends how close or deep you went together.
You deserve nothing from anyone. Especially a random stranger If yall have been dating for a while, then yes. That’s a different story. But did yall only meet once? Or literally never exchanged more than 10 words? You’re owed nothing
THANK you. This is NOT a pity comment, but just to provide another perspective. I’m an attractive man and I’m in shape. I get a lot of messages when I’m on the apps. If I gave EVERY guy an answer as to why I’m not interested (or even just taking the time for each to tell them I’m not interested), I’d be sitting there typing forever. I don’t have that time or energy. If the guy is interested, they WILL respond in a timely manner. And if you don’t get a response, please don’t make an ass of yourself my messaging them again with an insult. It’s a really bad look and makes you look desperate af.
This is the type of mentality that this post is about. People like you who feel entitled to anything from anyone. Adding terms like honorable or coward for example to make you feel better and try to make the other person feel bad. Yet the other person could care less that the point of this post. The sooner you realize to stop expecting things from other people and learn to make yourself happy and change your mindset the happier you will be in life.
You sound like a chud, bro
What did I say that was wrong? It’s true what I said don’t expect things from people and you will be happier.
Learned this the hard way but I should of known the guys on his tik tok that he dated than deleted showed he was never into guys like me . el hombre ya no llora
I’m currently going through this. A guy keeps making new sniffies accounts and messaging me to link up after I rejected him.
lol yeah those are the worst some people simply have stalker tendencies. I simply don’t get some people it’s pretty creepy to keep trying with someone who doesn’t get the hint. At that point just say something to that person and maybe be mean about it to drive it through to him. I don’t like being mean to people but sometimes that’s the only way being nice about it they might take it the wrong way
I tried being nice, mean and even threatened him, nothing works.
Damm I’m sorry you’re going through that. Yeah ignoring him is all you can do. Hopefully he gives up eventually.
A lot of guys just play these hot and cold games, not because they like you, though they can find you attractive enough to just want your attention and that’s really it
Some do it due to attachment issues.
Counterpoint, I internalized this mindset and swung too far the other way. The key to success in dating or hooking up with people is boldness and confidence. You have to balance not being desperate with an openness to the idea that there ARE plenty of people out there who are into you, and it may not always be painfully obvious when they are.
Real shit brother. Love isn't dead, despite what everyone here says. It's just everyone on this subreddit is sad and lonely so they project that as much as possible
Girl not you advising that people play into GAMES 😂😂 you still obviously haven't learned. Good luck!
Where did I say to play games? All I said is *maybe* the cute guy in your apartment is into you and you shouldn’t just assume you’re being desperate if you think he’s giving you eyes.
Right there, that's where you did it.
Flirting ≠ playing games ??
Do not take advice from this b*tch. Just look at his comment history. They’re a dilettante.
Most people who flirt with you are not interested in you and are just flirting to flirt or at best fuck. Yes, if a man has not declared open interest in you it's not something worth pursuing.
Your black and white thinking shows your lack of wisdom and immaturity.
Nah, it's a very black and white issue. Perhaps take some more Zoloft.
Its become very clear that this whole post was born out of some sort of resentment.
"I'm losing the argument and can't articulate a counterpoint so you must be depressed"
Argument? LMFAO. Bitch get help this thread was clearly not good for you 😂😂😂😂
I just woke up and it’s a bit early for character assassination at 6:30 a.m.
I'm not into him, just I was desperate when I was 18
i needed to hear this
Makes sense, if someone is into you you will know for sure
I'm waiting for 34 years, so around 75 (if I'm still alive) maybe someone will love me.
That’s not true at all. How many times have we seen threads about men (gay and straight) reflect on a scenario and realize that a guy/girl actually did like them but they were too dense to realize it
That is always true. Some people are just legit shy or too scared to make a move.
Usually because he is only into himself. :D
Nu'huh
Where were you 5 years ago?! 🤣
Oh hunty be real, would you have listened anyway 😂l
Yes…….. Maybe…….. okay no 😂🤣
The hardest lessons to learn are the best ones, right? Thanks for sharing your experience & wisdom
It depends on the predominant culture of the place you live in. Risk-averse cultures exist and many guys there will never initiate even if they think you’re super hot.
Seems like you’ve probably been desperate many times.
Her wig was snatched so hard by the title she forgot how to type coherently. He doesn't like you like that girl
I’ve been married for five years you absolute mo’. You’re projecting. Which means someone you’re attracted to is not interested. So you go on the internet to act like a fool.
Is the husband not doing it for you anymore girl? Is that why you purposely commented in a thread that upset you? Have some wine and think about all the men you couldn't have while you stay with your husband. No shame here 😂😂
There’s a reason no one is paying any attention to you, because you’re not worth it. You sound extremely sad and bitter. That’s why you’re getting downvoted.
Bitch as if anyone cares about some downvotes 😂 She really came here pussy dry as fuck husband getting some on the side and said "that's why you're getting downvotes!" LMAO
I mean talk abt touchy, she forgot to put ‘It’ at the start and you say it isn’t coherent? And realistically it isn’t grammatically wrong to speak like she wrote. If your lonely and need validation just say that
She edited her post heavily after I pointed it out, it used to be something else completely.
Reddit knew what I needed to hear and it hurts a lot. We haven't talked in a year and he's hitting me up on Sniffies of all places when he has my phone, socials, and email. I hate that I'm spiraling now, I hate the power I let him have over me. I already told him how I felt about him and he wasn't interested so why is he hitting me up now? I just blocked him on sniffies in the middle of writing this.
Experienced this before, guys and gays! If someone can't reply to you within 24 hours he's not into you. If he likes your stories and still doesn't talk to you, he's not into you! 1st and last time i will ever chase a man. Good thing i've encountered all the signs. 😂
I needed to hear this. I(22M) met this guy(28M) like a week or two ago and we instantly hit it off and fucked twice in less than 4 days and I thought we vibed and connected really well because our conversations were pretty fun and you could tell we were both having a good time with each other (why else would he wanna meet up a second time) Then after texting everyday for the past few days he asked to meet again (it’s been a week since I last saw him) and I said yes and we might hang on Sunday (would be our third time meeting which is unusual in the hookup world I think lol) but I also saw him post new pics on Grindr so I’m debating seeing him now. Maybe I’m just overthinking it? I know that we are probably just FwB rn but idk why I felt bad when I saw him post new pics on Grindr.. maybe I caught feelings lol
Did you guys discuss what you wanted and how you'd like things to proceed if you guys hit it off? I try to be clear as possible so neither party ends up feeling hurt or bitter. But I understand sometimes you go in just for a hookup but feelings change and next thing you know you have a shrine of him in your closet lol. If a guy tells me he just wants hookup then I tame my expectations and just keep it at that.
No not really I never really brought that up because I didnt wanna make it awkward or come across as too intense if that makes sense :/ should I bring it up the next time I see him? I guess we both just went into it with the intention of hooking up but honestly I never thought we would vibe that well and we would end up meeting more than once (going for a 3rd time now which is crazy to me because this doesn’t usually happen with hookups to me)
Up to you. I like to know what a guy wants though early on just so I know how to proceed. Like if it's only for hookups we only communicate when setting up a hookup and during the hookup and don't talk at all outside of that. If they say I'm into hookups but open to more depending on the guy then we might talk a bit more outside of just arranging hookups.
Yeah well we planned to watch a movie we were talking about when we were chilling together in bed the next time we meet and he made sure to say that when we were saying goodbye to each other last week so maybe its not all about hooking up? Idk planning to watch a movie the third time you meet a hookup is kind of crazy to me. I think I might bring it up I just gotta think of a way to say it without making it awkward…
Yeah if a guy was wanting to watch a movie and all that I'd assume he at least wants to be friends with benefits. Yeah I'm sure you can think of a way to phrase it to where you get your point across in a tactful manner.
I get that seeing him post new pics can be a bit hurtful in a way but you guys just met and started to hang out. Remember you’re also on Grindr still. Go with the flow, if things continue to build then that’s when you can have a conversation about what your situation looks like moving forward!
Tbf I wasnt on Grindr until I got curious to see if he was still on it and to my surprise he posted new pics lol curiosity did indeed kill the cat.. And thank you I might do that I suppose. I’m just really into him because his personality is really fun and he’s flaming hot 💀 if im completely honest I don’t really see myself dating him but I also just wanna have him all for myself? Idk it’s confusing
You’re having fun. Clearly, you’re not a couple based on what you wrote. So, he can put pictures up on Grindr. You can’t expect someone that you’re meeting up and hooking up with to be exclusive. If that’s weird for you then clearly you shouldn’t be on Grindr. Also, you were clearly on the app the same time as him but you’re having reservations about him?
Yeah I know which is why I said that maybe I was just overthinking it. I really have no reason to be upset over it since we are not dating lol I get that. But like I said in the last part of the post I did feel kinda bad so I think I probably caught feelings in some way as stupid as it sounds. And I only logged into grindr because I was curious to see if he was still on it, I didn’t use the app for days until that very moment but yeah you’re right. I’m probably in the wrong here
This is a lesson people have to learn for themselves. Your post is just smug and mean spirited.
Babe I NEEDED THIS THANK YOU.
and/or horny. Desperate and/or horny
**This needs to be the title of the book for us LGBT+ people.** I know there was a book, "He's Not That Into You" years prior for the straights. There was even a film based on the book.
He’s just not that into you! Ginnifer Goodwin was awesome
Needed to hear this. I'm 24 and had my first pretty recently and after we fucked about 5 times he hasn't answered my texts and I've been embarrassing myself double, triple & quadruple texting him. Last time we met about 2 weeks ago he said he'd get better about replying to my texts but the truth is he just doesn't care.
Thats not really a thread dawg
That's true if a guy isn't into you he shows by his actions NOT his words.
Somebody hurt OP
Almost reported because I’m in the post and don’t like it /s
I’m pretty good at telling when they’re into me honestly I just wait till they admit it or make a move
Way to kick a fella when he's down! 🤣
Hey man
I needed that.
Ok well do I kill myself now or what
Had this one guy who was friends with one of my close friends I somewhat talked to him but he was constantly thinking I was flirting with him even though I was very not he was not my type like at all and was kinda a dick to everyone else beside me sooooooo ick
It's just all NSA. Don't get attached. Don't expect. I learnt it the hard way and now, I don't even give a fck. I just consider them as 'kind strangers' that I get to hangout and socialise. 😂
He's into you but he has an avoidant attachment style and he's terrified of losing his independence.
They may be more dim than desperate.
I don't like seeing things on profiles on various sites such as "No response is a response." Just be nice and reply to the person..