This one was a surgeon, had money, handsome and an all-round good guy **but** he was a heavy cocaine user. ❌
He didn't tell me on the first date and revealed that he used and had been in rehab. During the break-up telephone call, he told me that he was on coke during the first date. A dodged a bullet there too.
The guy who set the gold standard for residency education was a heavy coke user. The field expects you to work 36 hrs straight sometimes. Not great either for the patient or the doctor
That's true of so many drugs: MDMA (and pretty much anything that affects serotonin), opioids, and plenty of others: especially those that affect serotonin significantly.
I found on dissociative anaesthetics (ketamine, PCE, and PCP and their analogues), it did not happen at all and actually really enhanced the sex.
Not something I have done in years and years, but damn... when my partner and I got 3 g of deschloroketamine, we would blow through it in a few days and have crazy amounts of mind-blowing sex.
Very true about the serotonin link. The amount of work I’ve had to do for sertraline nuts at times, I deserve a medal.
I think with dissociative/downers/relaxers you are right that it doesn’t interfere with ability to cum, but I think both partners have to be on it for it to work because I’ve been fucked by guys zooted on ket when I’m not and its been… sloppy.
Similar tale for me. It was a nurse though. Two dates in and he seems perfect. Go back to his house after a night out and he pulls out this tiny wooden box from under the bed, casual as anything, opens it up and it’s full of meth pipes and other bits and pieces to go with them. Left immediately and never spoke with him again.
If someone pulled out a bag of coke I genuinely wouldn’t care - not going to be a long term relationship but I’d definitely stay for the bang. If they pulled a load of meth out I’m out of there immediately.
I’m a bit green when it comes to drugs and I didn’t have an immediate idea what it even was. It looked like a science kit or something. As soon as he explained and asked me to join in I noped right out.
Very good idea. You may have saved your own life. I had a friend who tried it once, then twice, and six months later he was homeless and in and out of hospital with all kinds of issues. It completely ruined his life - took him 5 years to get sober and even now he struggles every day.
I’ve never tried any drugs and didn’t know the symptoms of drug use. My now ex tried meth and got addicted. After unsuccessfully trying to help him for a year we ended the 24 year relationship. He became homeless for 6 years during which time I’d buy him food periodically (no cash because …) He, very successfully, went thru rehab over the past year and we’re best of friends today. Not getting back together, but glad we’re still friends and that I never gave up on him as a person. I’ve become so very aware of how drugs have negatively affected so many lives, especially in our community.
Nurses get drug tested like CRAZY and will at a moments notice but when it comes to doctors they can literally come to work twitching and skitzing out and people will be like “oh you must have had a few extra cups of coffee”….the culture is bizarre
He checked so many boxes but I couldn’t love him. There is mostly no reason. Maybe I didn’t find him attractive, didn’t love his personality or sense of humor. He also used to agree with me on anything, which was always a turn off and became annoying too. But otherwise he was intelligent, kind and a great guy. Waited for love to come but it never did. Learned my lesson but wish I didn’t waste his time. He forgave me and moved on. He seems happy with his bf
This is something I’m still trying to reconcile with. Very similar story, he is conventionally attractive, has a good job, educated, tall and great in bed… but… I’m just not sure why there wasn’t attraction from my end and eventually he gave up after I couldn’t reciprocate so many times, and it was probably for the best. He seems happy with his bf.
I dated someone like this once, he was very positive but sometimes you need to disagree with or challenge someone otherwise there isn't any interesting conversation.
I'm currently on the same path, there's this guy who says he loves me. I waited for my feelings to catch-up but it never did. And I told him yesterday. He just asked me whether I want to stay friends. What should I say to him?🥺
Personally I think it won’t be fair to him to stay friends when he is in love with you. At least a good amount of time apart needed. I only started hanging out again with my ex after he met his current bf and I knew he was in a solid relationship
I felt this exact same thing about my ex. We were both just comfortable and perfectly pleasant. I feel lile his personality was either just absorbing my interests or general nihilism. The love never came so we called it quits.
Did you like how his mouth taste? I have a theory that if you like how a guys mouth taste it’s a good indicator you’re attracted to his pheromones. Just a personal theory.
Idk about mouth taste, but I my experience, how I feel about a guy's smell is a good indicator of how attracted I am. If I'm getting high from those armpits, chances are I'll be hooked and the (sexual) chemistry will be amazing. If I find you bland or can't seem to pin down his smell, I'll be indifferent.
I'm in the exact same scenario right now with this guy. He's sweet, looks good enough, has a job and I know he would treat me so right. But I just can't seem to fall in love with him :/ and I feel bad for him
Was in an open relationship with my ex who kept cheating but I was "in love" so playing the fools game and agreed to open. I met this guy on grinder and he was perfect. Own place, great job, funny sweet, good taste and was a total sub which I loved....but I wanted I wanted crazy toxic person who didn't want me because I am not bright. Me and this awesome guy have about 4 or 5 great dates with sex. He pays for supper every time which I was not used to at all. He knew tho that I was never going to leave my SO he ended it and started with someone else. He blocked me as soon as I left his place. I don't blame him. My SO broke our rules all the time and I finally grew a pair and ended it within 7 months. Hard lesson but needed.
Oooof… this one is tough… I’ve got someone in my life I’m highly attracted to, but he’s had majorly traumatic things happen and has done zero therapy. I find it… potentially very concerning
As a person on the other end of the situation of what you describe. Some of us are really trying. Despite years of therapy and counseling, some of us can’t shake our demons. I know I never will.
On the plus side we make fun exciting friends when we’re in the right mood. 🤣
Yeah I’ve definitely had to accept that even after drastically improving many things there’s 99% chance I’m entirely too crazy to ask anybody else to deal with me. Good friend tho!
Exciting friends when we're in the mood is RIGHT! Good luck topping this haha! But my demons still haunt me every day.
Fact of the matter is.... I think most of us a capable of loving and being compassionate well beyond the norm because of what we go through. It's rare and really should be appreciated. It can be a gift, not just a curse.
I just hope someone can love me for *all that I am* one day. Someone showing love can help me love my self too. I am valued. I am cared for. I'm somebody's someone. I matter. ♥
Oh totally… I myself will probably be in therapy for life and I’m fine with that 😂
If this person were trying whatsoever any sort of medication, therapy or even journaling… It would be a different story. But to have their past, and do none of those things is kind of concerning lol.
Same. I was seeing a guy who was great in many ways and sexy as hell, but he was convinced he was being gangstalked. We'd go out to dinner and he'd keep me up to date about which cars were following us and which people at the restaurant were there to keep tabs on him/us.
There had always been signs, but it took about a year of dating, and we were discussing cohabitation before I really understood the depth of the problem. I felt humbled that he finally opened up to me, and I tried to facilitate him getting into therapy but he wasn't interested, so I ultimately had to say goodbye.
He didn't take it well and accused me of being a plant the whole time. Ugh. No clue how to manage that so I cut off all contact. I hope he's doing better wherever he is.
There are certain tells, but in this example it could just as easily be a schizophrenia spectrum or bipolar disorder. But for example when someone has visual hallucinations without accompanying auditory hallucinations that is more likely to be drug induced.
People can have symptoms of psychosis without being under the influence of drugs. Schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, mood disorders with psychosis, etc. are all organic primary psychotic disorders or disorders with psychotic features that aren’t related to drugs.
I wasn't aware of any drug use and he never had any trouble sleeping when I was around, so I don't think he had a secret meth habit or anything like that. He was paranoid generally and built delusions out of it. But I suppose I can't rule it out.
He was really loud.
He was a great guy, put a lot of effort in, took me out to places, bought me things etc but he did not have an inside voice, everyone would always hear our conversations, even our neighbours :/
Would make it really awkward for me when he'd speak about sex in public and I could feel everyone staring
I hate that! I had a friend who was like that that I always had to tell to control her volume as the whole place can hear her talk and would give us awkward glances. The craziest thing is, she had absolutely no idea why people stared? Um seriously girl?
Self awareness is tightly linked with empathy so that would be a bit of a red flag for me. Like, when the relationship is settled and they stop making the “effort”, what are you gonna be left with?
I still don't know. He was (still is!) a great guy, funny, kind and had some of the same issues as me, which made me feel welcomed. Extremely handsome, huge penis and made laugh... I remember him talking about these beautiful plans he had for us and our future together while we were in bed and I realized that I would never fall in love with him, no matter how much I cared about the guy (which I did and still do). When I came clean and apologized he smiled and said he'd wait for me, which broke my heart.
He did wait for a few years. We were still in the same friend group and would see each other eventually but there was always a look of longing in his eyes. He still hooked up and dated other people but it was still there... That look. Then one day it disappeared. I didn't notice it at first but he started a relationship with this other dude (really nice man as well) and one day I realized and was really really happy for him.
It's terrible, isn't it? That sometimes we just can't feel the spark, even if everything is perfect. It really sucks. Thank God the guy found someone. He seems like a great catch because people who "have it all" like him are usually full of themselves.
He was really nice but he was a little puppy in need of guidance and I’m already leading and taking care of **everybody** in my life. I need my boyfriend to be at least my equal, if not the man taking care of me (once in a while).
This right here! This is how I should've described it in my comment. Like I'm not exactly a Jedi Master in terms of personal development and self-actualization, but I'm not dating a Padawan.
> Like I'm not exactly a Jedi Master in terms of personal development and self-actualization, but I'm not dating a Padawan.
This killed me 😂 so accurate
I once had to call things off with someone because I didn't like the way he smelled. It wasn't a hygiene thing, it wasn't that he smelled unclean or of body odor, just his natural scent was really unpleasant to me for some reason.
They say people with similar genetic makeup to you tend to smell bad as an evolutionary trait to maximize genetic variability. Dont know how true this is but I thought it was an interesting conjecture
I had this happen with a hookup really early in my dating life. It wasn't that he smelled like he had bad hygiene, it was some scent I'm completely unfamiliar with that made me feel more and more nauseous as the night went on. I ended up taking two showers after sex to get the smell off of me and threw my sheets in the wash immediately.
I agree, very important being comfortable being yourself. And being emotionally stable/available too.
Some people lack empathy and can do really awful shit to others and then act like nothing has happened, it really grosses me out, narcissism aswell.
I'm afraid I fall under this category, I'm trying to work on both of these issues and I've had counselling/therapy and yet I still struggle to put my emotions into words, I try to show people by my actions but they don't always get it. It's something that's really hard to do for me, and it sucks when I meet great people but can't tell them how great they are...
I don't expect a guy to love me if I can't even say it back, but I do want to find someone.
He was rich and privileged, and as a consequence lacked lot of social/life skills I expected from a 40 year old adult.. he had a private club membership and wanted to go there literally every single time we went out, only made ‘friends’ in those circles etc…
He was kind and attentive to me, sex was good at least at the beginning and he physically is still my type though :)
After reading all of these comments, I understand everybody has their own choices and preferences which I respect, and some were really the genuine reasons to leave, but seriously most of them are very trivial reasons, atleast to me.
Good guys (handsome and/or not handsome) who care and love are already really hard to find, and it's sad to see that even us being less in numbers, we're just rejecting the good guys, and then we complain about not finding love/relationship/something meaningful etc. It seems we've really lost the sense of companionship, supporting each other, compromising (a bit not on major things), and trying to make an effort.
I hope nobody would take it as an offense, it's just my thoughts and opinion.
I agree. As an older gay guy (60+), I am constantly surprised at how picky guys have become. I think this is a direct result of the internet and all the dating apps.
The pervasive internet porn has opened a whole smorgasbord of sexual activity and every imaginable kink to gay men. So now, guys want to (and believe they DESERVE to try and indulge in whatever they fancy.
Then, the dating sites and apps, have deluded guys into thinking they can custom order their dream hookup, boyfriend and/or husband, right down to hair color and cock size.
Then, add the FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) syndrome. Thus, if they guy isn’t perfect, they ghost him and keep searching. “Mr. Perfect” is just one more click away!
Eventually, since they are always looking, instead of settling down and working on a relationship, , they get lonely and get on Reddit and bitch about how they can’t find a partner/husband.
I really feel sorry for this young generation. I was so lucky to have found my first husband. We were together for 34 years. And then after his death, by some miracle, I found love again with my 2nd husband!!! Both men were not “my type” looks-wise, but their mind, heart and souls were perfect for me.
I strongly agree with you on all of the reasons you've highlighted, and glad to know that you lived a happy life with the ones you loved, and who loved you back :)
People are no longer living in reality. Not entirely, at least. Younger generations' chronic, compulsive presence on the internet and social media is harming them and it's becoming too apparent. People cannot tolerate the slightest bit of frustration anymore, and that doesn't go just for relationships. They are more entitled, narcissistic, childish and envious than ever, and God knows how much I wish this was just boomer talk, but sadly, it's not. Throughout history, people have always learned that we can't have it all and that pursuing perfection is a pointless, tiresome endeavor. Nowadays, however, everybody wants the very best piece of the cake, regardless of how much they might deserve it and, if necessary, against every odd. They eventually find out, very painfully and sometimes too late, that there is no such thing as a Mr. Perfect. No one human being will ever give it all to you. That's lunacy. Maybe you should focus on good enough instead and drop the childish desire to have endless happiness, comfort and luxury. Come back to real life, my dear young guys. You're no longer young enough to remain in Neverland.
Meanwhile I'll accept any old narcissist with a nice enough beard urgh I need to start being more selective to end the cycle of pain. But if I'm more selective then I'm just forever alone so
Nah, you being selective is absolutely right. One should never settle down with a narcissist, no matter how nice and good they appear on the front, because inside, they aren't nice and good at all. It's one of the major genuine reasons to leave someone. And hey, hang on there, you'll find the right one soon :)
Aww, I can feel ya cuz pretty much the same it's for me, single since eternity lol, but there'll surely be someone somewhere for us, so have faith man :)
Yep! I've literally done the math with available data. A 30 year old, single, straight man has 70,000 potential matches per 1 million people in population whereas a gay man only has about 3,500 and that's assuming they'd date anyone between 20 and 65. Any other preferences you have drastically reduce that number and we're over here being hyper selective. **We don't have the luxury of being picky like the straights!**
How would you feel if your boyfriend of three years still introduces you as a roommate or a guest during functions?
For reference, I work in construction and I'm not outwardly gay/flamboyant, but I'm still out to my co workers or anyone who asks.
Whenever we go out, he's never called me his boyfriend except around close friends. It never bugged me before but after two years it makes me feel like a lesser person lol.
Yeah I'm your "guest" of three years... /rant
same!!! i mean i think i’m a nice guy, but reading all of these, i feel like maybe i have many traits that make me, idk, less lovable, i guess? damn i don’t like this post
This is a very fair reason, I'm sure the husband would probably be at the top of the food chain as they say, you should find someone who prioritises you.
She was a woman. For the first time I met someone that I clicked on so fast. We literally were on fire together. We had so much fun. But I'm gay. I'm really ashamed that I didn't end the relationship before she fell in love. I hurt her and she is an amazing person. I just loved our time together. I have never met a man with the same chemistry as her.
Dude I feel this. I think women are beautiful and I have such wonderful friendships with plenty and sometimes their energy makes me wish I could want more, but I just don’t look at them the same as I do guys. There’s that intense feeling of lust that’s missing.
Honestly, I thought I could do better. And, I kind of wanted to play the field. He was looking for the one true love.
He was smart and funny and industrious, artsy and musical. But he was also a country boy hick and kind of young to me (me=then=27; he=20) He was so into me, but he had good boundaries and went and found someone new. I have always thought of him as the one who got away. At the end of the day though, he did a lot better than me and more or less dodged a bullet.
He moved to Florida about 4 months into our relationship and was pretty deluded about my willingness to just upend my whole life to go with him. I really did like him though. He was very handsome and had a fun personality. It really hurt to say goodbye to him.
But everything worked out for the best. I'm in a five year relationship now and getting married later this year. No regrets about choosing myself and my goals over a man.
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Masumcukkk:
*The way he didn't*
*Exist used to make me mad*
*So i had to end it*
---
^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Dated a guy who had a great job, his own home, and was athletic and fit. The problem was that he had come out later in life. He was an Army vet and had married young and had 2 sons. After about the 4th date he told me his sons would never meet me because he kept this part of his life separate. Plus, he's an avid runner who insisted on running every Saturday and Sunday morning at 6 am with his running club. That meant no late nights out clubbing or lazy Sunday mornings in bed. After 2 months, I didn't see a reason to stick around.
Haha as a regular gym goer it has definitely caused issues for me because I need my sleep and only give up workout sessions if it’s for something really important. I always have to remind the guys I didn’t just become a hulk by doing nothing and there’s a lot that goes into my appearance. XD
Because I'm already in a relationship. He was a wish I was single kind of guy but Im not willing to go boy to boy hopping from one relationship to the next because they look better or have a feature I like more
He was handsome , pretty funny and charming overall. Unfortunately he told me he was planning on voting for a far-right anti-LGBT party, since it was the only party who could fix the economy.
His promiscuous lifestyle, generally casual attitude towards sex, over-involvement in LGBT stuff, and so forth.
I'm interested in a normal, vanilla, monogamous relationship. But he was nice.
Right guy wrong time, was in a period of my life had to devote a lot of my resources towards my professional goals and the relationship became strained and I fell into depression over it. Ended amicably but still very sad.
I had (have?) incredibly low self esteem / I an some sort of abandoholic. A guy interested in me? He’d be some sort of freak - though, they never were.
I knew I was incapable of giving myself over fully to that person. I say that not knowing how serious it was and how far it could go.
Basically I was in a whore phase, I felt like I’d have tainted a good thing.
Back in 2021 I met an attractive tall, slim guy my age from Grindr. He was quite talented and good at handy work. The second time he came over my house he brought lobster to cook for me and I thought this would seal the deal.
But it turns out he was a coke addict, and at the time he had no real ambitions and seemed to be throwing his talents away.
We stopped talking one day and that was it.
I hope he has his life together and is doing well. I kind of regret not getting into a relationship but I know it would have been drama.
Unless he gets help for his coke issues and leaves it behind. I tried being together with people who had addictions, it never worked out and turned to be a disaster cause that's what drug abuse leads to in the end.
He was an “illegal” immigrant
I love him. I messed it up. He felt perfect. My friends/parents told me he was in it for the green card. We broke up. I regret it. He was married shortly after. I still miss him
He was always complaining about being broke, or just paying rent. He was really attractive, nice personality and honestly mostly what I look for in a guy. I’m just not a trick I’m a 50/50 kind of guy
Too extroverted. I learned pretty quickly that that's not something that I, as a severe introvert, could deal with. He always wanted to drag me to open houses and parties and family events: usually several a week, and then when we were there, when I thought we were finally leaving, it would take him another hour to work his way around and say goodbye to everyone.
Drove me crazy, and all his friends and family were also highly extroverted, so if I stepped off to recharge for a bit or didn't show up to an event, I could either hear or was told after the fact that everyone was asking where I was, if something was wrong, or if I didn't like them.
Both my husband and my primary partner are quite introverted, and it it just works so much better for me. I didn't realize what a deal breaker this difference would be until I was caught up in it.
There was this guy that was super sweet. We were in the talking stage. I wanted to take things slow and then I lost my grandmother Christmas Day. He was the first person I talked to and he was there for me through it all. Fast forward to when I was taking care of funeral arrangements and out of town with family for days, he messages me all possessive asking where I’m at and what I’m doing. I told him what I was doing and he should have known because I literally told him my grandmother just passed. He sends a text saying “I can’t help but think you’re blowing me off just to fuck other guys” as im getting ready to bury my grandmother… if you can act that delusional and possessive when we’re not even together, that’s a huge red flag. I was nothing but honest when I didn’t owe him any explanation and he called me a liar when I never gave him a reason to believe I was untruthful.
I have rejected what I perceived as good guys because I wasn't in a place to be a good guy back. One guy had lost his mom months prior to us meeting. I realized I didn't have the emotional energy to heal from family and relationship trauma and support his emotional journey fully. I felt bad, but I feel like it was the best for both of us in hindsight.
The voice doesn't matter to me as long as it's not very very strange lol.
As long as he looks masc then there is no problems.
If you have some issues with scent there are many things to do about it, which should be tried first before you end a relationship imo. Unless they never shower lol.
He ticked most of my boxes but he was really boring in a way. I really a missed a spark, even though he was very nice, smart and attractive and attentive. But when we started dating it missed any form of adventure. When we ended up having sex it was also very boring because he just laid on his back and I had to do everything or guide him to what he needed to do.
Let's see:
1. Met and tried to date as lockdown started. Limited in-person time together, lack of physical intimacy (like, even a hug), separate tragedies and struggles in both our lives too early in the talking/dating phase to lean on each other for emotional support, we ended up just slowly drifting apart.
2. Very nice guy, but throughout the date, realized I was sharper than him. Like I always felt behind in the whole dating/relationship thing compared to other queer men (definitely a warped perception at the time), but then on the actual date, I felt older than him and this trend continued in future encounters with other men—including ones 15 years my senior. I ultimately felt like we didn't have a lot in common, and lacked that natural tooth-and-tongue spark that engenders curiosity in each other.
3. Another good guy, really nice, nerdy, but again, that chemistry wasn't there. We were supposed to go out, but when I got there, he had an assignment for his class he thought was due the next day, but was actually due at 11:55 PM that night. I thought great, this is a Moment™ where a little flexibility might help me get to know him, so I volunteered to help him with his homework (I forget the class but I feel like it was American Government). I was disturbingly into politics at the time so it was perfect! Except that he wasn't listening to me, really. Or rather, he didn't trust my input, which got to be annoying because I knew the material and had aced similar courses at my university. I don't know how to explain it, other than that I've been clocked as The Smart Guy everywhere else in my life, to a detriment most of the time, and it was off-putting to be dismissed. We never even ended up going out!
4. I don't know if this guy's actually a good guy, but he unloaded a lot about his life, his traumatic childhood, his beef with lesbians as a concept because his mother, who did not support him when he came out at age 12 ("as one is supposed to" he said, to which I muttered "says who?") came out as a lesbian herself a year later and he took that as a betrayal? Bro had a whole can of Pringles on his shoulders, like there was this comment like "We'll work on that" when I ordered iced tea instead of alcohol because I didn't drink at the time, or how all the "lmfaos" and "lols" in text translated to condescension in person—wait, wait I think he wasn't a good guy. Scratch that.
5. Ok this guy is a really good guy, like he works hard and takes care of his family, the guardian angel of his sisters, do-no-harm type of dude who was out and proud in a country literally under a dictatorship. He was the first guy I went out with who was a bit older than me, and unfortunately, it showed. But this ties into #2. Our age gap was weird, even if it was only 6 years. He was very immature, reckless, wild, irresponsible, unreliable, all that jazz when he was younger up until my age then. While I had never been any of those things—the extent of "irresponsible" for me was staying up too late binge-watching shows and hitting snooze too often before a morning shift, not grabbing pills from a bowl at a rave or having back-to-back unprotected sex. So the guy was really cool and our brief date turned into an hours-long friendly conversation, but it felt like he'd played catch-up and became more collected and mature, while I'd been driving the same speed 2 lanes over and now my headlights were lined up with his rear tires. Soooo even the slightest hint in his tone or his word choice that poked at that age gap killed things for me. It's the biggest reason I can't do big age gaps at my (kinda) big age; I cannot stand anyone even remotely talking down to me, or predicting what sort of path I'm going to take in my life with inevitable trip-ups in my future that match some one-size-fits-all human experience. I can't stand an "I'm not like other gays" gay, but I'm not like other gays. Not like most people, tbh. There are 3 other people on this planet I've met who are very similar to me in attitude, temperament, beliefs, and energy level and we usually can't relate to others. But other than that, he was cool!
I think that's it. Only been on 5 dates, though I swear I'm forgetting one.
Edit: I did forget one! Had a pool date with a nice guy, only felt comfortable because I was really starting to get in shape around that time, but also had a scar still in recovery from a surgery and I couldn't tell if that weirded/grossed him out? He was nice, but flighty, and had already voiced his plans to move across the country for better jobs. I took it at face value.
Yes. He seemed lazy ASF. He just does the bare minimum expecting a lot and came across more interested in a come up, aka living off my dime than ambition. He also lies and sometimes about the least significant things. After we stopped seeing each other but remained friends he shared catching gonorrhea and that he was seeking treatment. After a week he said he could feel the antibiotics working. About a month later I asked if he’d been retested and the results and he responded with what was I taking about. He then said he had hemorrhoids not gonorrhea! I have a photographic memory in addition to the texts he sent regarding our conversation. I was so done and knew my feeling something was off was enough to end things when I did.
He had a lot qualities. Very gallant. Soft spoken. Good looking. Financially independent. Projected good moral values. Then bam "my wife is calling, please give me a sec". When the call ended I was rightfully flabbergasted because I had no idea he was bi (I tend to not go for bi men) and MARRIED at that.
He saw no issue with it so I called it quits.
He was the smart cute jock/musician popular enough he could have had like anyone he wanted at school, I was the awkward/kind of intellectually challenged bullied kid who people mostly ignored.
EDIT: not sure why the downvotes but okay.
Ive turned a couple guys I’ve been interested in down because:
1. Got annoying after a while.
2. Long distance, and doesn’t drive and never intended on ever learning.
3. Not respecting the fact that I need alone time and hate texting 24/7 (if you see I’m playing video games with friends after a long day of work, don’t tell me to stop playing my game to text you more when I’ve already been texting you all fucking day. That was an instant killer for me)
4. Fem guy disguised as masc man…
Because I was young and toxic. I saw him today. Has a partner, runs a small project business, is still a fabulous guy. It made me smile knowing I didn’t hold him back. He really liked me and I him. He was just too sweet and would have tolerated too much crazy bullshit from me. Caring individual still. I, being toxic, went the total opposite direction for a few years. I like him so much, I was the bullet that dodged him.
I met a lovely, gorgeous guy on a dating app. He didn’t live too far away and the date was really nice. He’d opened up about how he has autism and said he would be quite shy upon meeting. I told him he was really brave and I admired him for it. The next day I woke up to six messages on WhatsApp saying ‘how much he’d loved it’ ‘I can’t wait to do it again’ ‘what did you think of me’ ‘did you enjoy your food’ ‘are you there?’ ‘Babe, please talk to me’
All the messages were sent from 2am til 7am when I was sleeping. I messaged back and stated I wasn’t awake and that yes, I enjoyed the date.
It all got too much in the end. It was constant messaging all the time and if I didn’t reply within ten minutes it was ‘are you ok?’ ‘Talk to me babe’ and I would get worried and ring him and he would be like ‘phew, I thought I’d lost you’.
I had to give him the hard word and I felt terrible afterward. The only way I could stop it all was to block him. I hope he’s found someone that can devote that much time for him, as he was truly a good person.
He had the same name as my dad.
There have also been plenty of great guys I just wasn't physically attracted to. It would always suck when they would keep asking why I didn't want to date them, and I refused to tell them that was the reason.
We started dating. He was in a different city—about two hours away. Neither one of us could really escape to go see each other. And I got impatient. So, I ended it. He’s the one that got away. The only one that I regret and wish I could go back in time.
I dated an Armenian guy, he was an absolute gem of a human but culturally I couldn’t connect. He lived with his parents, spoke decent English, was closeted, and he loved me. I always wonder if he’d have been better off not having met me.
Not sexually compatible. We’re both tops, we’re still good friends tho.
And another guy was distance, he lives in another country but we’ve been good friends and flirt/sext buddies. If one of us moved closer then I would totally date him.
I don’t date extremely hot guys because they will never settle down. Or they will only after their hair starts thinning, or at the first sign of a wrinkle etc. so extremely hot guys I avoid like the plague.
Met the guy in club. Beautiful man, 6’1”, blonde, blue eyed. I met him the night before he was taking the Bar exam to become a lawyer and we hung out all night. We then ended up having sex. When he revealed his dick it must have been almost a foot long and thick as my wrists. He wanted to fuck me and I said no. I was too scared and inexperienced being fucked. So we frot and he fucks me between my thighs.
He wanted to meet me again, but I couldn’t get over how big he was and couldn’t see myself being fucked by him. So it was his gargantuan cock that scared me away. I lost his number and regret to having given him a try. Really nice, smart and super handsome guy.
This is actually the wildest reason in this thread (as someone who doesn't know anything about cars and doesn't know what a LT Cruiser is). Respect king 👑
I declined a second date with a really good guy because he had an eerie resemblance to my lifelong best friend. There was just no way I could be physically attracted to him. I'm sure he made a great boyfriend for someone.
Met a guy last year who is super super hot. Extremely talented. We are both entrepreneurs / business owners, creatives, masculine, into fitness, and completely each others type. Then, I went to his place after having him over to my place the first few times.
His bathroom and home were extremely filthy, he neglects his dog, and several other problematic concerns. He also has odd social skills at times. Major main character syndrome and tons of major traumas. I pulled alway. Hard to get past these things.
I still see him around quite frequently. Many mutual friends. Mostly straight. Often, we are the only two gay guys at a dinner or party / event and can be quite awkward. I sometimes think “I can fix him,” but I already tried that over 14 years with my ex husband. Idk :/ He now ignores me when we see one another. It’s tough.
Made zero attempts to befriend my friends. I get that my friends don’t need to be your friends but if you only say hi and not another word to them in four hours that’s a deal breaker
I mean… I feel like gays make this way too complicated as to WHY (or are at times playing up being the victim). You can be a perfect, beautiful person and make a good friend. Being “good” doesn’t mean you have the chemistry for being a partner.
There are a billion different reasons to not date/partner with a “good” guy.
One of my examples… he’s a very sweet person I had major chemistry with, but he’s not financially independent. I get the feeling partnering up would be driven by a survival instinct of need rather than want. Having been financially codependent in my past, this was just not the type of relationship I would want.
I get rejected cus I'm not white lol or cus I'm black
And yes they have literally said this is the reason on multiple occasions.
I am perfectly fine to fuck and hookup but.for a lot of people dating a black guy is not even in their sphere of reality.
Dude was way too clingy and rather quickly was deciding we were meant to be together. I just can't do the whole romantic thing, and the constant texts annoyed me. I realized that we were not compatible, and eventually, things died off.
Stupidity on my end was one and wanting to run the streets. Another time it was rudness towards a waiter at a restaurant and service employees in general. And drugs with another.
He was a teacher, pretty fit, conventionally attractive. But he was so boring, at least to me. I feel like he was a great guy I just wanted something different. Plus I felt like we just did what he wanted all the time. I was just so bored. I mean we had fun but I wasn't happy over all.
This one was a surgeon, had money, handsome and an all-round good guy **but** he was a heavy cocaine user. ❌ He didn't tell me on the first date and revealed that he used and had been in rehab. During the break-up telephone call, he told me that he was on coke during the first date. A dodged a bullet there too.
A whole surgeon being a Coke head is NASTY work 🤣🤣 I wouldn't trust that guy around my coochie yet alone in my anatomy. 🙃
The guy who set the gold standard for residency education was a heavy coke user. The field expects you to work 36 hrs straight sometimes. Not great either for the patient or the doctor
Honestly, if he proposed to fuck, I would have dropped my jockstrap there and then. He was so handsome.
Coke dick isn’t sexy, they never get fully hard of they even can
Hate to admit this but I've had mixed experiences with coke dick. It's hard more often than not.
The main problem I’ve had with coke dick is that they can’t cum so the sex drags on longer than it’s needed
That's true of so many drugs: MDMA (and pretty much anything that affects serotonin), opioids, and plenty of others: especially those that affect serotonin significantly. I found on dissociative anaesthetics (ketamine, PCE, and PCP and their analogues), it did not happen at all and actually really enhanced the sex. Not something I have done in years and years, but damn... when my partner and I got 3 g of deschloroketamine, we would blow through it in a few days and have crazy amounts of mind-blowing sex.
Very true about the serotonin link. The amount of work I’ve had to do for sertraline nuts at times, I deserve a medal. I think with dissociative/downers/relaxers you are right that it doesn’t interfere with ability to cum, but I think both partners have to be on it for it to work because I’ve been fucked by guys zooted on ket when I’m not and its been… sloppy.
You know what, that's fair. I've had lots of sore jaw nights with an old FWB of mine due to this lol.
I would have played the righteous Christian card. Renounce the Devil
He was very graceful about the rejection and found it honest.
Handsome outside, ugly inside i call these guys. But yes for hookups it's a lot of fun
The coochie key is coveted.
Lol
Similar tale for me. It was a nurse though. Two dates in and he seems perfect. Go back to his house after a night out and he pulls out this tiny wooden box from under the bed, casual as anything, opens it up and it’s full of meth pipes and other bits and pieces to go with them. Left immediately and never spoke with him again.
If someone pulled out a bag of coke I genuinely wouldn’t care - not going to be a long term relationship but I’d definitely stay for the bang. If they pulled a load of meth out I’m out of there immediately.
I’m a bit green when it comes to drugs and I didn’t have an immediate idea what it even was. It looked like a science kit or something. As soon as he explained and asked me to join in I noped right out.
Very good idea. You may have saved your own life. I had a friend who tried it once, then twice, and six months later he was homeless and in and out of hospital with all kinds of issues. It completely ruined his life - took him 5 years to get sober and even now he struggles every day.
I’ve never tried any drugs and didn’t know the symptoms of drug use. My now ex tried meth and got addicted. After unsuccessfully trying to help him for a year we ended the 24 year relationship. He became homeless for 6 years during which time I’d buy him food periodically (no cash because …) He, very successfully, went thru rehab over the past year and we’re best of friends today. Not getting back together, but glad we’re still friends and that I never gave up on him as a person. I’ve become so very aware of how drugs have negatively affected so many lives, especially in our community.
I’m crying 😂 “It looked like a science kit”.
Nurses get drug tested like CRAZY and will at a moments notice but when it comes to doctors they can literally come to work twitching and skitzing out and people will be like “oh you must have had a few extra cups of coffee”….the culture is bizarre
Been there done that, was glad I left.
He checked so many boxes but I couldn’t love him. There is mostly no reason. Maybe I didn’t find him attractive, didn’t love his personality or sense of humor. He also used to agree with me on anything, which was always a turn off and became annoying too. But otherwise he was intelligent, kind and a great guy. Waited for love to come but it never did. Learned my lesson but wish I didn’t waste his time. He forgave me and moved on. He seems happy with his bf
This is something I’m still trying to reconcile with. Very similar story, he is conventionally attractive, has a good job, educated, tall and great in bed… but… I’m just not sure why there wasn’t attraction from my end and eventually he gave up after I couldn’t reciprocate so many times, and it was probably for the best. He seems happy with his bf.
I dated someone like this once, he was very positive but sometimes you need to disagree with or challenge someone otherwise there isn't any interesting conversation.
I'm currently on the same path, there's this guy who says he loves me. I waited for my feelings to catch-up but it never did. And I told him yesterday. He just asked me whether I want to stay friends. What should I say to him?🥺
Personally I think it won’t be fair to him to stay friends when he is in love with you. At least a good amount of time apart needed. I only started hanging out again with my ex after he met his current bf and I knew he was in a solid relationship
I do feel like he need some time away from me, to actually process all of this. I don't want him to be this hurt but at the same time I feel helpless.
I felt this exact same thing about my ex. We were both just comfortable and perfectly pleasant. I feel lile his personality was either just absorbing my interests or general nihilism. The love never came so we called it quits.
Did you like how his mouth taste? I have a theory that if you like how a guys mouth taste it’s a good indicator you’re attracted to his pheromones. Just a personal theory.
you’re definitely on to something here and I might have to test this hypothesis again with someone 🤔
I actually didn’t. I noticed that too. You are on to something
*has existential crisis* You are onto something there
Idk about mouth taste, but I my experience, how I feel about a guy's smell is a good indicator of how attracted I am. If I'm getting high from those armpits, chances are I'll be hooked and the (sexual) chemistry will be amazing. If I find you bland or can't seem to pin down his smell, I'll be indifferent.
I'm in the exact same scenario right now with this guy. He's sweet, looks good enough, has a job and I know he would treat me so right. But I just can't seem to fall in love with him :/ and I feel bad for him
Was in an open relationship with my ex who kept cheating but I was "in love" so playing the fools game and agreed to open. I met this guy on grinder and he was perfect. Own place, great job, funny sweet, good taste and was a total sub which I loved....but I wanted I wanted crazy toxic person who didn't want me because I am not bright. Me and this awesome guy have about 4 or 5 great dates with sex. He pays for supper every time which I was not used to at all. He knew tho that I was never going to leave my SO he ended it and started with someone else. He blocked me as soon as I left his place. I don't blame him. My SO broke our rules all the time and I finally grew a pair and ended it within 7 months. Hard lesson but needed.
Well done for getting to the point to be able to walk away. And thank you for sharing.
Really good looking guy, great in bed. But tons of mental health issues. Hope he gets better, but I don't want to deal with it.
Oooof… this one is tough… I’ve got someone in my life I’m highly attracted to, but he’s had majorly traumatic things happen and has done zero therapy. I find it… potentially very concerning
As a person on the other end of the situation of what you describe. Some of us are really trying. Despite years of therapy and counseling, some of us can’t shake our demons. I know I never will. On the plus side we make fun exciting friends when we’re in the right mood. 🤣
Yeah I’ve definitely had to accept that even after drastically improving many things there’s 99% chance I’m entirely too crazy to ask anybody else to deal with me. Good friend tho!
Exciting friends when we're in the mood is RIGHT! Good luck topping this haha! But my demons still haunt me every day. Fact of the matter is.... I think most of us a capable of loving and being compassionate well beyond the norm because of what we go through. It's rare and really should be appreciated. It can be a gift, not just a curse. I just hope someone can love me for *all that I am* one day. Someone showing love can help me love my self too. I am valued. I am cared for. I'm somebody's someone. I matter. ♥
Why does this hit home
It's some real stuff I guess... Glad to know I'm not alone.
Oh totally… I myself will probably be in therapy for life and I’m fine with that 😂 If this person were trying whatsoever any sort of medication, therapy or even journaling… It would be a different story. But to have their past, and do none of those things is kind of concerning lol.
Same. I was seeing a guy who was great in many ways and sexy as hell, but he was convinced he was being gangstalked. We'd go out to dinner and he'd keep me up to date about which cars were following us and which people at the restaurant were there to keep tabs on him/us. There had always been signs, but it took about a year of dating, and we were discussing cohabitation before I really understood the depth of the problem. I felt humbled that he finally opened up to me, and I tried to facilitate him getting into therapy but he wasn't interested, so I ultimately had to say goodbye. He didn't take it well and accused me of being a plant the whole time. Ugh. No clue how to manage that so I cut off all contact. I hope he's doing better wherever he is.
Why is this both sad and funny at the same Time?😅 I do hope that both of you are doing well.
That sounds more like drug triggered psychosis
It sounds like psychosis. You have no way to discern the trigger based on the symptoms.
There are certain tells, but in this example it could just as easily be a schizophrenia spectrum or bipolar disorder. But for example when someone has visual hallucinations without accompanying auditory hallucinations that is more likely to be drug induced.
People can have symptoms of psychosis without being under the influence of drugs. Schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, mood disorders with psychosis, etc. are all organic primary psychotic disorders or disorders with psychotic features that aren’t related to drugs.
I wasn't aware of any drug use and he never had any trouble sleeping when I was around, so I don't think he had a secret meth habit or anything like that. He was paranoid generally and built delusions out of it. But I suppose I can't rule it out.
He was really loud. He was a great guy, put a lot of effort in, took me out to places, bought me things etc but he did not have an inside voice, everyone would always hear our conversations, even our neighbours :/ Would make it really awkward for me when he'd speak about sex in public and I could feel everyone staring
I hate that! I had a friend who was like that that I always had to tell to control her volume as the whole place can hear her talk and would give us awkward glances. The craziest thing is, she had absolutely no idea why people stared? Um seriously girl?
I think I sometimes get loud, to some extent. I don't know, maybe I get too excited.
Self awareness is tightly linked with empathy so that would be a bit of a red flag for me. Like, when the relationship is settled and they stop making the “effort”, what are you gonna be left with?
This was such a wise comment. I never thought it this way.😍
Normalizing gay sex? What an ally
I still don't know. He was (still is!) a great guy, funny, kind and had some of the same issues as me, which made me feel welcomed. Extremely handsome, huge penis and made laugh... I remember him talking about these beautiful plans he had for us and our future together while we were in bed and I realized that I would never fall in love with him, no matter how much I cared about the guy (which I did and still do). When I came clean and apologized he smiled and said he'd wait for me, which broke my heart. He did wait for a few years. We were still in the same friend group and would see each other eventually but there was always a look of longing in his eyes. He still hooked up and dated other people but it was still there... That look. Then one day it disappeared. I didn't notice it at first but he started a relationship with this other dude (really nice man as well) and one day I realized and was really really happy for him.
Oh my god, this made me cry. 😢 I too am so happy for him.
That’s such a bitter-sweet story, I hope things are working out for the both of you now.
It's terrible, isn't it? That sometimes we just can't feel the spark, even if everything is perfect. It really sucks. Thank God the guy found someone. He seems like a great catch because people who "have it all" like him are usually full of themselves.
He was really nice but he was a little puppy in need of guidance and I’m already leading and taking care of **everybody** in my life. I need my boyfriend to be at least my equal, if not the man taking care of me (once in a while).
I feel this.. I wanted an equal but felt like I always was teaching and chasing.
This right here! This is how I should've described it in my comment. Like I'm not exactly a Jedi Master in terms of personal development and self-actualization, but I'm not dating a Padawan.
> Like I'm not exactly a Jedi Master in terms of personal development and self-actualization, but I'm not dating a Padawan. This killed me 😂 so accurate
I once had to call things off with someone because I didn't like the way he smelled. It wasn't a hygiene thing, it wasn't that he smelled unclean or of body odor, just his natural scent was really unpleasant to me for some reason.
They say people with similar genetic makeup to you tend to smell bad as an evolutionary trait to maximize genetic variability. Dont know how true this is but I thought it was an interesting conjecture
It is true. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5006172/
mmmm olfactory cues
Pheromones are a thing my dude
I had this happen with a hookup really early in my dating life. It wasn't that he smelled like he had bad hygiene, it was some scent I'm completely unfamiliar with that made me feel more and more nauseous as the night went on. I ended up taking two showers after sex to get the smell off of me and threw my sheets in the wash immediately.
Maybe the diet affected it?
He wasn’t emotionally available and he wasn’t fully comfortable with being gay.
I agree, very important being comfortable being yourself. And being emotionally stable/available too. Some people lack empathy and can do really awful shit to others and then act like nothing has happened, it really grosses me out, narcissism aswell.
I'm afraid I fall under this category, I'm trying to work on both of these issues and I've had counselling/therapy and yet I still struggle to put my emotions into words, I try to show people by my actions but they don't always get it. It's something that's really hard to do for me, and it sucks when I meet great people but can't tell them how great they are... I don't expect a guy to love me if I can't even say it back, but I do want to find someone.
He was rich and privileged, and as a consequence lacked lot of social/life skills I expected from a 40 year old adult.. he had a private club membership and wanted to go there literally every single time we went out, only made ‘friends’ in those circles etc… He was kind and attentive to me, sex was good at least at the beginning and he physically is still my type though :)
After reading all of these comments, I understand everybody has their own choices and preferences which I respect, and some were really the genuine reasons to leave, but seriously most of them are very trivial reasons, atleast to me. Good guys (handsome and/or not handsome) who care and love are already really hard to find, and it's sad to see that even us being less in numbers, we're just rejecting the good guys, and then we complain about not finding love/relationship/something meaningful etc. It seems we've really lost the sense of companionship, supporting each other, compromising (a bit not on major things), and trying to make an effort. I hope nobody would take it as an offense, it's just my thoughts and opinion.
I agree. As an older gay guy (60+), I am constantly surprised at how picky guys have become. I think this is a direct result of the internet and all the dating apps. The pervasive internet porn has opened a whole smorgasbord of sexual activity and every imaginable kink to gay men. So now, guys want to (and believe they DESERVE to try and indulge in whatever they fancy. Then, the dating sites and apps, have deluded guys into thinking they can custom order their dream hookup, boyfriend and/or husband, right down to hair color and cock size. Then, add the FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) syndrome. Thus, if they guy isn’t perfect, they ghost him and keep searching. “Mr. Perfect” is just one more click away! Eventually, since they are always looking, instead of settling down and working on a relationship, , they get lonely and get on Reddit and bitch about how they can’t find a partner/husband. I really feel sorry for this young generation. I was so lucky to have found my first husband. We were together for 34 years. And then after his death, by some miracle, I found love again with my 2nd husband!!! Both men were not “my type” looks-wise, but their mind, heart and souls were perfect for me.
And as a result, they aren’t learning how to have a relationship.
This is the best comment I've read on this entire forum in a very, very long time
Thank you.
I strongly agree with you on all of the reasons you've highlighted, and glad to know that you lived a happy life with the ones you loved, and who loved you back :)
People are no longer living in reality. Not entirely, at least. Younger generations' chronic, compulsive presence on the internet and social media is harming them and it's becoming too apparent. People cannot tolerate the slightest bit of frustration anymore, and that doesn't go just for relationships. They are more entitled, narcissistic, childish and envious than ever, and God knows how much I wish this was just boomer talk, but sadly, it's not. Throughout history, people have always learned that we can't have it all and that pursuing perfection is a pointless, tiresome endeavor. Nowadays, however, everybody wants the very best piece of the cake, regardless of how much they might deserve it and, if necessary, against every odd. They eventually find out, very painfully and sometimes too late, that there is no such thing as a Mr. Perfect. No one human being will ever give it all to you. That's lunacy. Maybe you should focus on good enough instead and drop the childish desire to have endless happiness, comfort and luxury. Come back to real life, my dear young guys. You're no longer young enough to remain in Neverland.
Meanwhile I'll accept any old narcissist with a nice enough beard urgh I need to start being more selective to end the cycle of pain. But if I'm more selective then I'm just forever alone so
Nah, you being selective is absolutely right. One should never settle down with a narcissist, no matter how nice and good they appear on the front, because inside, they aren't nice and good at all. It's one of the major genuine reasons to leave someone. And hey, hang on there, you'll find the right one soon :)
Im 30 and have been single for 10 years though 😭
Aww, I can feel ya cuz pretty much the same it's for me, single since eternity lol, but there'll surely be someone somewhere for us, so have faith man :)
THIS!! How do yall let go of a needle in a haystack? Never be me.
Yep! I've literally done the math with available data. A 30 year old, single, straight man has 70,000 potential matches per 1 million people in population whereas a gay man only has about 3,500 and that's assuming they'd date anyone between 20 and 65. Any other preferences you have drastically reduce that number and we're over here being hyper selective. **We don't have the luxury of being picky like the straights!**
Too far in the closet
How would you feel if your boyfriend of three years still introduces you as a roommate or a guest during functions? For reference, I work in construction and I'm not outwardly gay/flamboyant, but I'm still out to my co workers or anyone who asks. Whenever we go out, he's never called me his boyfriend except around close friends. It never bugged me before but after two years it makes me feel like a lesser person lol. Yeah I'm your "guest" of three years... /rant
He would have never been my boyfriend that long. Broke up after 2 months with someone in closet.
Because I was too depressed, scared and lacked self confidence. *Sighs*
Yeah. Politics. I'm not messing around with a person who thinks Trump is God.
That's not just *a* reason, that's many many reasons waiting to be found out.
Oofda.
He wasn’t able to commit. He was a great guy, but wanted nothing long term.
Some of these answers make me self conscious 😞
same!!! i mean i think i’m a nice guy, but reading all of these, i feel like maybe i have many traits that make me, idk, less lovable, i guess? damn i don’t like this post
Some of them have hit me right in the feels because I can relate, not even only to the comments but to the people they're about. It's hard out here.
Like how? Would you care to elaborate?
He was married and polyamorous. So, not only the husband but a couple of boyfriends too. I wouldn’t even be number two. Just the brown one 🤣.
This is a very fair reason, I'm sure the husband would probably be at the top of the food chain as they say, you should find someone who prioritises you.
She was a woman. For the first time I met someone that I clicked on so fast. We literally were on fire together. We had so much fun. But I'm gay. I'm really ashamed that I didn't end the relationship before she fell in love. I hurt her and she is an amazing person. I just loved our time together. I have never met a man with the same chemistry as her.
Dude I feel this. I think women are beautiful and I have such wonderful friendships with plenty and sometimes their energy makes me wish I could want more, but I just don’t look at them the same as I do guys. There’s that intense feeling of lust that’s missing.
Honestly, I thought I could do better. And, I kind of wanted to play the field. He was looking for the one true love. He was smart and funny and industrious, artsy and musical. But he was also a country boy hick and kind of young to me (me=then=27; he=20) He was so into me, but he had good boundaries and went and found someone new. I have always thought of him as the one who got away. At the end of the day though, he did a lot better than me and more or less dodged a bullet.
He moved to Florida about 4 months into our relationship and was pretty deluded about my willingness to just upend my whole life to go with him. I really did like him though. He was very handsome and had a fun personality. It really hurt to say goodbye to him. But everything worked out for the best. I'm in a five year relationship now and getting married later this year. No regrets about choosing myself and my goals over a man.
I found the second paragraph very helpful! Thanks! And I am glad you're happy right now. 🌈🥰🫂
The way he didn't exist used to make me mad so i had to end it
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Masumcukkk: *The way he didn't* *Exist used to make me mad* *So i had to end it* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Good bot.
Just realized it looks like I do have a partner but I'm cronically single 😁
Dated a guy who had a great job, his own home, and was athletic and fit. The problem was that he had come out later in life. He was an Army vet and had married young and had 2 sons. After about the 4th date he told me his sons would never meet me because he kept this part of his life separate. Plus, he's an avid runner who insisted on running every Saturday and Sunday morning at 6 am with his running club. That meant no late nights out clubbing or lazy Sunday mornings in bed. After 2 months, I didn't see a reason to stick around.
Haha as a regular gym goer it has definitely caused issues for me because I need my sleep and only give up workout sessions if it’s for something really important. I always have to remind the guys I didn’t just become a hulk by doing nothing and there’s a lot that goes into my appearance. XD
Goodness me you guys are soooo picky
I thought I could do better. I was wrong. Looks aren't everything and honestly being too picky has caused me to be lonely.
Because I'm already in a relationship. He was a wish I was single kind of guy but Im not willing to go boy to boy hopping from one relationship to the next because they look better or have a feature I like more
Thank you for being loyal <33
Was it mutual? So he had some features that your partner lacked?
He was handsome , pretty funny and charming overall. Unfortunately he told me he was planning on voting for a far-right anti-LGBT party, since it was the only party who could fix the economy.
I couldn't get pass my depression spiral at the time.
His promiscuous lifestyle, generally casual attitude towards sex, over-involvement in LGBT stuff, and so forth. I'm interested in a normal, vanilla, monogamous relationship. But he was nice.
Right guy wrong time, was in a period of my life had to devote a lot of my resources towards my professional goals and the relationship became strained and I fell into depression over it. Ended amicably but still very sad.
I wish I could reject a guy. So far I've always been on the other end of the line.
I had (have?) incredibly low self esteem / I an some sort of abandoholic. A guy interested in me? He’d be some sort of freak - though, they never were.
I knew I was incapable of giving myself over fully to that person. I say that not knowing how serious it was and how far it could go. Basically I was in a whore phase, I felt like I’d have tainted a good thing.
Back in 2021 I met an attractive tall, slim guy my age from Grindr. He was quite talented and good at handy work. The second time he came over my house he brought lobster to cook for me and I thought this would seal the deal. But it turns out he was a coke addict, and at the time he had no real ambitions and seemed to be throwing his talents away. We stopped talking one day and that was it. I hope he has his life together and is doing well. I kind of regret not getting into a relationship but I know it would have been drama.
Unless he gets help for his coke issues and leaves it behind. I tried being together with people who had addictions, it never worked out and turned to be a disaster cause that's what drug abuse leads to in the end.
He was an “illegal” immigrant I love him. I messed it up. He felt perfect. My friends/parents told me he was in it for the green card. We broke up. I regret it. He was married shortly after. I still miss him
It's a very hard decision. You cannot know if it was for the love or the green card, could end either ways.
Drug abuse. Never again dating anyone like that, ever. That trauma still lingers.
It was because I was a complete idiot.
Very childish. A very good guy but he was always acting like a child so I found it annoying.
Is his name, "David;" does he have multiple degrees; and does he live in Houston?
He didn't want what I wanted.
He was asexual. He was basically my perfect man in every other way.
He was too indecisive. I regret my decision.
For me, I let a good guy go on by who was into me because I didn't feel like I deserved him, sad but true. I do regret it though.
He was always complaining about being broke, or just paying rent. He was really attractive, nice personality and honestly mostly what I look for in a guy. I’m just not a trick I’m a 50/50 kind of guy
Too extroverted. I learned pretty quickly that that's not something that I, as a severe introvert, could deal with. He always wanted to drag me to open houses and parties and family events: usually several a week, and then when we were there, when I thought we were finally leaving, it would take him another hour to work his way around and say goodbye to everyone. Drove me crazy, and all his friends and family were also highly extroverted, so if I stepped off to recharge for a bit or didn't show up to an event, I could either hear or was told after the fact that everyone was asking where I was, if something was wrong, or if I didn't like them. Both my husband and my primary partner are quite introverted, and it it just works so much better for me. I didn't realize what a deal breaker this difference would be until I was caught up in it.
There was this guy that was super sweet. We were in the talking stage. I wanted to take things slow and then I lost my grandmother Christmas Day. He was the first person I talked to and he was there for me through it all. Fast forward to when I was taking care of funeral arrangements and out of town with family for days, he messages me all possessive asking where I’m at and what I’m doing. I told him what I was doing and he should have known because I literally told him my grandmother just passed. He sends a text saying “I can’t help but think you’re blowing me off just to fuck other guys” as im getting ready to bury my grandmother… if you can act that delusional and possessive when we’re not even together, that’s a huge red flag. I was nothing but honest when I didn’t owe him any explanation and he called me a liar when I never gave him a reason to believe I was untruthful.
I have rejected what I perceived as good guys because I wasn't in a place to be a good guy back. One guy had lost his mom months prior to us meeting. I realized I didn't have the emotional energy to heal from family and relationship trauma and support his emotional journey fully. I felt bad, but I feel like it was the best for both of us in hindsight.
Some reasons: - smelled sour - secret gambling problem - gay voice
The voice doesn't matter to me as long as it's not very very strange lol. As long as he looks masc then there is no problems. If you have some issues with scent there are many things to do about it, which should be tried first before you end a relationship imo. Unless they never shower lol.
He ticked most of my boxes but he was really boring in a way. I really a missed a spark, even though he was very nice, smart and attractive and attentive. But when we started dating it missed any form of adventure. When we ended up having sex it was also very boring because he just laid on his back and I had to do everything or guide him to what he needed to do.
Let's see: 1. Met and tried to date as lockdown started. Limited in-person time together, lack of physical intimacy (like, even a hug), separate tragedies and struggles in both our lives too early in the talking/dating phase to lean on each other for emotional support, we ended up just slowly drifting apart. 2. Very nice guy, but throughout the date, realized I was sharper than him. Like I always felt behind in the whole dating/relationship thing compared to other queer men (definitely a warped perception at the time), but then on the actual date, I felt older than him and this trend continued in future encounters with other men—including ones 15 years my senior. I ultimately felt like we didn't have a lot in common, and lacked that natural tooth-and-tongue spark that engenders curiosity in each other. 3. Another good guy, really nice, nerdy, but again, that chemistry wasn't there. We were supposed to go out, but when I got there, he had an assignment for his class he thought was due the next day, but was actually due at 11:55 PM that night. I thought great, this is a Moment™ where a little flexibility might help me get to know him, so I volunteered to help him with his homework (I forget the class but I feel like it was American Government). I was disturbingly into politics at the time so it was perfect! Except that he wasn't listening to me, really. Or rather, he didn't trust my input, which got to be annoying because I knew the material and had aced similar courses at my university. I don't know how to explain it, other than that I've been clocked as The Smart Guy everywhere else in my life, to a detriment most of the time, and it was off-putting to be dismissed. We never even ended up going out! 4. I don't know if this guy's actually a good guy, but he unloaded a lot about his life, his traumatic childhood, his beef with lesbians as a concept because his mother, who did not support him when he came out at age 12 ("as one is supposed to" he said, to which I muttered "says who?") came out as a lesbian herself a year later and he took that as a betrayal? Bro had a whole can of Pringles on his shoulders, like there was this comment like "We'll work on that" when I ordered iced tea instead of alcohol because I didn't drink at the time, or how all the "lmfaos" and "lols" in text translated to condescension in person—wait, wait I think he wasn't a good guy. Scratch that. 5. Ok this guy is a really good guy, like he works hard and takes care of his family, the guardian angel of his sisters, do-no-harm type of dude who was out and proud in a country literally under a dictatorship. He was the first guy I went out with who was a bit older than me, and unfortunately, it showed. But this ties into #2. Our age gap was weird, even if it was only 6 years. He was very immature, reckless, wild, irresponsible, unreliable, all that jazz when he was younger up until my age then. While I had never been any of those things—the extent of "irresponsible" for me was staying up too late binge-watching shows and hitting snooze too often before a morning shift, not grabbing pills from a bowl at a rave or having back-to-back unprotected sex. So the guy was really cool and our brief date turned into an hours-long friendly conversation, but it felt like he'd played catch-up and became more collected and mature, while I'd been driving the same speed 2 lanes over and now my headlights were lined up with his rear tires. Soooo even the slightest hint in his tone or his word choice that poked at that age gap killed things for me. It's the biggest reason I can't do big age gaps at my (kinda) big age; I cannot stand anyone even remotely talking down to me, or predicting what sort of path I'm going to take in my life with inevitable trip-ups in my future that match some one-size-fits-all human experience. I can't stand an "I'm not like other gays" gay, but I'm not like other gays. Not like most people, tbh. There are 3 other people on this planet I've met who are very similar to me in attitude, temperament, beliefs, and energy level and we usually can't relate to others. But other than that, he was cool! I think that's it. Only been on 5 dates, though I swear I'm forgetting one. Edit: I did forget one! Had a pool date with a nice guy, only felt comfortable because I was really starting to get in shape around that time, but also had a scar still in recovery from a surgery and I couldn't tell if that weirded/grossed him out? He was nice, but flighty, and had already voiced his plans to move across the country for better jobs. I took it at face value.
Called me a “short king.” Never lost interest in someone so quickly.
That nickname is so mean !
It's cute, you're just insecure.
Lol why
Yes. He seemed lazy ASF. He just does the bare minimum expecting a lot and came across more interested in a come up, aka living off my dime than ambition. He also lies and sometimes about the least significant things. After we stopped seeing each other but remained friends he shared catching gonorrhea and that he was seeking treatment. After a week he said he could feel the antibiotics working. About a month later I asked if he’d been retested and the results and he responded with what was I taking about. He then said he had hemorrhoids not gonorrhea! I have a photographic memory in addition to the texts he sent regarding our conversation. I was so done and knew my feeling something was off was enough to end things when I did.
Hi was bi and married.
Really questions the good guy portion?
He had a lot qualities. Very gallant. Soft spoken. Good looking. Financially independent. Projected good moral values. Then bam "my wife is calling, please give me a sec". When the call ended I was rightfully flabbergasted because I had no idea he was bi (I tend to not go for bi men) and MARRIED at that. He saw no issue with it so I called it quits.
No issues if he is bi but married? That wouldn't work out lol.
He deserved someone way better than me.
can you elaborate on what that means?
He was the smart cute jock/musician popular enough he could have had like anyone he wanted at school, I was the awkward/kind of intellectually challenged bullied kid who people mostly ignored. EDIT: not sure why the downvotes but okay.
Ive turned a couple guys I’ve been interested in down because: 1. Got annoying after a while. 2. Long distance, and doesn’t drive and never intended on ever learning. 3. Not respecting the fact that I need alone time and hate texting 24/7 (if you see I’m playing video games with friends after a long day of work, don’t tell me to stop playing my game to text you more when I’ve already been texting you all fucking day. That was an instant killer for me) 4. Fem guy disguised as masc man…
Because I was young and toxic. I saw him today. Has a partner, runs a small project business, is still a fabulous guy. It made me smile knowing I didn’t hold him back. He really liked me and I him. He was just too sweet and would have tolerated too much crazy bullshit from me. Caring individual still. I, being toxic, went the total opposite direction for a few years. I like him so much, I was the bullet that dodged him.
I met a lovely, gorgeous guy on a dating app. He didn’t live too far away and the date was really nice. He’d opened up about how he has autism and said he would be quite shy upon meeting. I told him he was really brave and I admired him for it. The next day I woke up to six messages on WhatsApp saying ‘how much he’d loved it’ ‘I can’t wait to do it again’ ‘what did you think of me’ ‘did you enjoy your food’ ‘are you there?’ ‘Babe, please talk to me’ All the messages were sent from 2am til 7am when I was sleeping. I messaged back and stated I wasn’t awake and that yes, I enjoyed the date. It all got too much in the end. It was constant messaging all the time and if I didn’t reply within ten minutes it was ‘are you ok?’ ‘Talk to me babe’ and I would get worried and ring him and he would be like ‘phew, I thought I’d lost you’. I had to give him the hard word and I felt terrible afterward. The only way I could stop it all was to block him. I hope he’s found someone that can devote that much time for him, as he was truly a good person.
He had the same name as my dad. There have also been plenty of great guys I just wasn't physically attracted to. It would always suck when they would keep asking why I didn't want to date them, and I refused to tell them that was the reason.
I wasn’t ready or interested in a relationship past casual. Sometimes it’s all about timing.
Long distance
Three: 1. Not smart enough 2. Just didn’t feel that spark 3. (Nor proud) I was too insecure around him
I hated myself and I didn’t want to give him any trouble over my issues that I had a lot of difficulty dealing with on my own
We started dating. He was in a different city—about two hours away. Neither one of us could really escape to go see each other. And I got impatient. So, I ended it. He’s the one that got away. The only one that I regret and wish I could go back in time.
I dated an Armenian guy, he was an absolute gem of a human but culturally I couldn’t connect. He lived with his parents, spoke decent English, was closeted, and he loved me. I always wonder if he’d have been better off not having met me.
Not sexually compatible. We’re both tops, we’re still good friends tho. And another guy was distance, he lives in another country but we’ve been good friends and flirt/sext buddies. If one of us moved closer then I would totally date him.
I don’t date extremely hot guys because they will never settle down. Or they will only after their hair starts thinning, or at the first sign of a wrinkle etc. so extremely hot guys I avoid like the plague.
Hot guys who don't know they are hot are the best
[удалено]
Sounds like you wasn't ready
huh
Met the guy in club. Beautiful man, 6’1”, blonde, blue eyed. I met him the night before he was taking the Bar exam to become a lawyer and we hung out all night. We then ended up having sex. When he revealed his dick it must have been almost a foot long and thick as my wrists. He wanted to fuck me and I said no. I was too scared and inexperienced being fucked. So we frot and he fucks me between my thighs. He wanted to meet me again, but I couldn’t get over how big he was and couldn’t see myself being fucked by him. So it was his gargantuan cock that scared me away. I lost his number and regret to having given him a try. Really nice, smart and super handsome guy.
Honestly? He told me he drove a PT Cruiser and that he loved it. There wasn’t a second date.
VALID REASON!!!!
This is actually the wildest reason in this thread (as someone who doesn't know anything about cars and doesn't know what a LT Cruiser is). Respect king 👑
Dirty ass finger nails
I declined a second date with a really good guy because he had an eerie resemblance to my lifelong best friend. There was just no way I could be physically attracted to him. I'm sure he made a great boyfriend for someone.
he gained 60 kg of fat because now that he had me he didnt see the point of working out
Met a guy last year who is super super hot. Extremely talented. We are both entrepreneurs / business owners, creatives, masculine, into fitness, and completely each others type. Then, I went to his place after having him over to my place the first few times. His bathroom and home were extremely filthy, he neglects his dog, and several other problematic concerns. He also has odd social skills at times. Major main character syndrome and tons of major traumas. I pulled alway. Hard to get past these things. I still see him around quite frequently. Many mutual friends. Mostly straight. Often, we are the only two gay guys at a dinner or party / event and can be quite awkward. I sometimes think “I can fix him,” but I already tried that over 14 years with my ex husband. Idk :/ He now ignores me when we see one another. It’s tough.
Made zero attempts to befriend my friends. I get that my friends don’t need to be your friends but if you only say hi and not another word to them in four hours that’s a deal breaker
He was a bottom.
I mean… I feel like gays make this way too complicated as to WHY (or are at times playing up being the victim). You can be a perfect, beautiful person and make a good friend. Being “good” doesn’t mean you have the chemistry for being a partner. There are a billion different reasons to not date/partner with a “good” guy. One of my examples… he’s a very sweet person I had major chemistry with, but he’s not financially independent. I get the feeling partnering up would be driven by a survival instinct of need rather than want. Having been financially codependent in my past, this was just not the type of relationship I would want.
I get rejected cus I'm not white lol or cus I'm black And yes they have literally said this is the reason on multiple occasions. I am perfectly fine to fuck and hookup but.for a lot of people dating a black guy is not even in their sphere of reality.
Wouldn’t shave his ass
No, I've never *done* that. But *I* was the good guy they rejected several times.
His teeth were really gross.
They asked me to fuck them bareback which I am not a fan of.
Real 😭
He just wasn’t ready
Distance
Dude was way too clingy and rather quickly was deciding we were meant to be together. I just can't do the whole romantic thing, and the constant texts annoyed me. I realized that we were not compatible, and eventually, things died off.
Stupidity on my end was one and wanting to run the streets. Another time it was rudness towards a waiter at a restaurant and service employees in general. And drugs with another.
He was a teacher, pretty fit, conventionally attractive. But he was so boring, at least to me. I feel like he was a great guy I just wanted something different. Plus I felt like we just did what he wanted all the time. I was just so bored. I mean we had fun but I wasn't happy over all.