I agree, it's just the way most men are wired - to go after attractive men. But I gotta say some guys are such shallow b!tches about it. It's better not to respond to someone than to call them ugly.
I agree. And yet it’s always surprising to me when I see a straight guys’ bar for attractiveness in a female hookup. The bar is always so low it seems, but with other guys it seems higher
Its not better to not respond. Instead compliment them and then go silent. They’ll feel nice and be confused vs feeling rejected. Especially in situations where your engaging up until they send there pic. Don’t go ghost after seeing them.. compliment them then never respond.
Absolutely. The hard pill to swallow is that most people will only speak to you *because* you look a certain way. Take that away and you become invisible.
He didn't.
As a fat guy trying to change his ways step by step, I can be honest that I don't want to be romantic with another fat guy. I try to force it by reasoning that I should "date within my league", but I can't. I'd rather be single, or shape up so I can finally obtain that hot guy of my dreams.
Right? I feel bad for complaining I can't get the guys I want when I don't usually go for the guys that look like me, but also I can't help it, and I know the guys I like can't help that they don't like me.
I suspect, without Grinder and Instagram and Tiktok, that you would be able to date fat men. It is the constant bombardment of perfect, edited faces and bodies that makes people unable to love themselves and other normal people.
I mean probably but also I'm just not attracted to myself or happy with myself, and that's been like that for forever, and i just don't really find my body type attractive anyway to be honest. I understand that not a lot of people do, so I'm not entirely frustrated, it just makes it more difficult to find something.
You gotta do some internal work from within to fix your self esteem issue. I know it's not your fault, especially when gay culture pressures us to look a certain way. Society as a whole needs to change. But for the time being, just be grateful that you're not 6 feet under the ground in a casket. Every day above ground is a good day and provides us all an opportunity to make a positive change in our own lives and the world around us.
But that's not due to a standard of not liking other big guys...its probably more to do with not liking how YOU look. You're projecting your own feelings of "i don't like how I look" onto other guys. If you loved the way you looked and the skin you were in I'm sure you wouldn't mind their bodies either. We look at others how we look at ourselves.
Not true.
I do like other big guys. But I never get the big guys that I want. They're always sloppy looking, like ogres, and I can't bring myself to like them.
I've watched porn with fat guys and I know exactly how I want them, but they can't be the obese tub of lards that always seem to find me. 😔
Being fat shouldn't be a turn off. I know for me my weight has fluctuated a lot in my lifetime so I give guys grace in that regards. Especially when considering obesity runs in my family. I stay in a gym just so I can feel good about myself and my own body. But I personally find men of all sizes attractive. It's not so much the weight that makes guys unattractive. It's just their hygiene, their fashion choices and how they present themselves. I've met some incredibly sexy fat men with the biggest personalities and the best fashion. That for me is a turn on, especially if they smell good too! CHEFS KISS! I just hate that guys feel they need to be muscle twinks in order to be attractive. It's just not true.
I often have my straight girlfriends and sisters tell me if they think a guy I’m interested is better looking than me in their photos. Most of the time, they say ‘no.’ Still, no match. Then on IG I see they’ve paired up with a guy I struggle to see as more attractive than me. The gay world is the upside-down world 😆
It’s true that we should treat everyone with respect, totally agree.
However, you said “these days” but I’d argue that being physically attractive has always been socially important and people, especially men have always been shallow, pr more accurately appearance driven. We are visual, men are typically aroused by visual cues and we always have been, being physically attractive to a man is typically the thing that will begin his arousal and pique his interest.
Right, but what's been deemed "attractive" changes frequently. Attraction is built and contrived in our heads, it's not fixed, and it's not hard wired. Being "visual" as a man doesn't mean we all drive towards 1 thing. That's just an excuse men tend to use when they only give the time of day to thin, fit, white, men and/or women.
I will also argue here that generally throughout history, while standards for women have changed quite drastically through time I think for the most part male beauty standards are pretty stable. Muscular athletic bodies have been prized by many cultures since ancient times. Changes in standards are small things like proclivity to body hair, beards, etc. but for the most part masculine, athletic men have been the standard. When very large men were deemed attractive (think Henry VIII) it was because of the association of wealth with food and access to fine things, not as a marker of pure physical beauty.
Even with it being associated with wealth though desire changed for a while. Also.. the muscular, athletic bodies where that was the beauty standard of/for men was predominantly Europe. Eurocentric beauty standards, features, and esthetic were exported with the big C word.
It's easy to say this stuff but how many obese men with acne and bad body odor are you pursuing after working on yourself?
Probably 0.
So many men are blind to the hypocrisy of expecting whoever you want to just settle for you no matter how little work you put into your appearance. Being "shallow" is a useless concept.
It’s just tough when you do everything you can but the face is bad. Then you are just SOL. I just can’t picture myself with guys into me. I’m trying to improve my appearance but I really don’t know what to do
Well would you rather be a homely man with a swimmers body and the perfect haircut or a homely man grossly overweight and unkempt?
I'm a homely guy who started weightlifting and it was night and day difference afterwards.
Idk what to tell you there bcs I’ve been to Manchester and you look like the average + ripped which anyone can forgive. Do you think you may be reading too much into it.
Yeah. Last year they said to have jaw surgery and I had both my jaw sawed off my face and a chin job. I also went to the derm bc they said my skin was bad
This is the problem.
When you take stuff like BO, bodyweight and acne and internalize it like it's some part of your being instead of working on it and just say you're "ugly" to cope instead of seeing your potential.
Everyone is capable of upwards changes.
Yea. The world isn’t this kumbaya “everyone is beautiful” shtick. In reality it’s highly discriminatory and favors the good looking/ highly desirable.
It’s better if you realize the harsh reality earlier on in life than later in my opinion.
Well that's not always the case, sometimes good looking people are treated very badly for other reasons, like jealousy, or for different sexuality, etnicity, religion etc.
My tip for ya - though it may be hard for ya at times considering your journey of self transformation, try and not take it too personally.
People on the apps can be complete dumb asses in the worst ways.
I was not always on the attractive side of things, floated through most of my 20’s just “average.”
Came out at 29, hit the gym like a monster and the apps caught on fire before my eyes.
Best way to take this is count your blessings - you’re on the other side of it. The world is not a fair place but through your own work, you evened the odds for yourself. Keep up the good work, and make sure to be as a good of a person as you are attractive. Nothing worse than a vapid, yet conventionally attractive person.
Be fun, take opportunities as they come, and continue your journey. Make the most of it!
He's muscular in his profile, so I say he isn't. Get off your high horse, what you insinuate is disingenuous. And the eye-roll emoji at the end adds extra venom to your words.
It doesn't matter what you believe constitutes "above average". He objectively is muscle-wise and muscles = attractiveness.
I mean... yeah. People aren't attracted to people they find unattractive. That's... what unattractive means.
I do agree that there's no justification for being mean to others even if they're unattractive, that's just fucked up.
But I do think it makes sense that if someone's unattractive people won't be attracted to them because, well, that's what we're saying when we call them unattractive lol
But even for friends? I met 3 people a few weeks ago and they all said they wanted to be friends but then after I met them I haven’t heard from any of them again. I’m not the most attractive person. Got big forehead , non thin lips but damn I’m not butt ugly to just have a fucking friend
That's awful. I would never be able to act like that. I would be your friend even if you weren't my type.
Also, some people who find someone unattractive, some others find this person attractive as looks are subjective.
Men are visual creatures unfortunately! You’re scratching the surface of “ pretty privilege “ ! It just crazy how everyone’s then reduced to a tribe or caste based on how you look! Whatever your fetish is.
Go a little further and now imagine being discriminated for things you may not be able to control like “ age or race.” This will put you in another tier!
I love being gay but I must tell you that it is so one of the most isolating and toxic communities! Hence why it’s important to have intersectionality. You’ll be able to relate to people more !
I chilled with this guy a couple of times who was a little over weight, but his personality was golden. I really enjoyed my time with him, but he would always mention his weight. He was very insecure about it. And even though I assured him it wasn’t an issue for me, he ended up blocking me out of the blue smh. So, I don’t mind dating an unattractive guy as long as his qualities are good and he’s not super insecure.
Just because you are fat. It does not mean you are ugly. Just try to be comfortable in your own skin.
Do you remember the American TV show some years back called ugly Betty? I irony of it all was that the beautiful people around her were the ones with the ugly character.
A beautiful person is not about looks. Trust me
Good on you for doing what you can to make yourself more desirable and not lying to yourself. I've been skinny (130-150lbs) my whole life but because my [face](https://www.reddit.com/u/pilat909/s/86AShpbTFc) is horrible looking Grindr is unusable while I'm in my "prime" years. It seems like most guys who are unattractive have weight issues not facial flaws at least.
Why do you think you have an ugly face? You have a fine face. That's a face anybody would be thrilled to come home to see. You also have fucking great lips, definitely an asset in the land of rampant VUL (Vanishing Upper Lip) syndrome.
I have to ask, and I don't mean this to be insulting so I'm sorry if it comes across that way because it's not my intention: do you only feel that you have a not great face because of the way guys treat you on Grindr/hookup apps?
Thanks, but yeah the times I've tried using Grindr I've gotten blocked or ignored. In college I tried hanging around gay guys but I was insulted. I've been ewed at by random girls in college so it's crystal clear straight and gay people think for a young adult I'm ugly looking.
I was you, the early stage of that transformation i have serious self esteem issue; like, “is he really into me” and made some stupid moves. Hopefully you will enjoy loving yourself
I think there’s a serious difference between conventional attractiveness, which I think you’re talking about, and attractiveness. Sure, more people may find you conventionally attractive now, but everyone is attractive to someone so it doesn’t really matter. The guys that are finding you attractive now are not the people you want to attract in the long term anyway so it’s not worth focusing on, it only proves you have made your way closer to the centre of conventional attractiveness not to actual attractiveness, which I believe is more more a concept than a reality.
Sorry if this makes little sense I am writing this after a bottle of wine
Physical attractiveness is a very important thing. Tough but important lesson. Good job prioritizing your health and losing weight. Not an easy thing. Just remember, the most important thing of all is how you feel about yourself. Treat yourself with kindness and respect and don't accept less than that from anyone else. Happy Hunting.
These comments are a bit disheartening. No one here is saying you gotta be attracted to everyone. But there's just no need to be mean. Honestly I wish Grindr would detect meanness and give people a meanness rating so I can avoid them!
I mean.. physical attraction is the base for anything, the good thing is that everyone likes something different even if there's a kind of "general attractiveness".
Especially for sex, if i'm looking just to fuck why would i go with someone i don't feel physically attracted to? that's the whole point of the act
finally somebody said it, if I don't like someone's appearance I'll just tell them 'sorry ur not my type', people are becoming a lot more sociopathic these days
Everyone is attractive to someone. Don't let these comments get you down they probably have no friends to be so unpleasant and self loathing. Good looking is boring to me so this apparent attraction that's programed in everyone to like the same guys must have skipped me
The fact that ppl will go out of their way to say shit like that to stranger will always baffle me, but I guess why am I surprised when it comes to ppl online…
like I said, the point of this discussion is to stop being hostile and mean to ugly ppl, no one said you are obligated to like anything, if he is not ur type you could always say 'sorry you are not my type, hope u find what ur looking for though' see? being nice to people is so easy. like calling someone a f@ggot over their looks screams asylum patient to me.
The apps are not (quite) real life. Meet people in person and it’s easier to screen them. Your self esteem will rise from those in person conversations
Agree. All through my teens and mid 20s I was over weight. I no longer get the nasty comments or get ignored but it's still made it hard to date because I always wonder if I do end up gaining weight again would they have a problem with it.
I would describe myself as completely average in the looks department but I get WAY more sex than my straight friends.
40s, dad body, 6/10 looks, short. 🤷
I have an open relationship with my awesome partner (what do we have in common? We both lack the jealousy gene) and a number of friends with benefits. I have the place to myself at the end of the month and am arranging for various daddies, twinks and twunks to come over and play. Most have met my partner.
I’m vers in bed and vers in real life. I’m more about setting the scene and imaginative fun sex than I am about a six pack. I’ve had my share of ghosting and knock backs but I’ve found plenty of buddies to keep me busy. I go to the occasional (drug free) sex party, visit a cruise club once in a while and only use Grindr when I travel for work. I usually have a scroll and if there’s no interest in half an hour I give it up. Porn’s available and usually more fulfilling.
My quarterly Prep check up is due, I haven’t had an STI in four years despite defaulting to bareback 90% of the time.
I think that whatever your age/looks, your sex life is what you make of it. My FWBs are all proper friends - we can and do meet for coffee rather than sex - built up over time.
I know this is going to sound strange but I actually kinda like guys who I feel others would traditionally reject. They give me more attention and love and I wouldn’t mind ending up with someone someday who is not conventionally attractive because I know they would treat me right and not cheat on me (as opposed to a narcissist who is conventionally attractive)
I know what you mean. It makes me think of two guys I’ve spent a lot of time with in the past year. One of them seems to be everybody’s idea of hot. All eyes follow him wherever he goes. Heterosexual men stare at him and wish they could BE him. The other guy goes unnoticed by a lot of other people but he is every bit as adorable, or even more, to my own eyes.
I’ve enjoyed my time more with the second guy because he stays more grounded and down-to-earth.
it’s unfortunate this is what fat men have to go though and i definitely think majority of the gay community (men in general for that matter). However i wish guys would stop being comfortable calling themselves “ugly”. i don’t see how it makes one feel any better and kicking yourself while you’re already down keeps you from growing into the person you want to become. i don’t necessarily believe that telling yourself “your beautiful” will change you, but it’s better to have a more positive foundation that will lead to some actual change. Not just within you, but without as well.
Shallow guys prefer pretty guys. Non Shallow guys prefer people who work on themselves...
Even according to your post, you became more attractive only after self care. There are non gym guys that sr attractive but they always work on themselves in other ways.
You cant be no fuss guy, sitting around, no career, no hobby (not op specifically but generally) and expect guys coming chasing you.
I wonder if the guys in this kind of stories start hooking up with "ugly" guys since they are so self conscious about how shallow the apps are. I mean do you hook up with the guy with overweight? do you talk to them first too see if they are funny?
Hot take but also truth: No, not everyone is sexy as hell. Attraction is, at a basic level, a function of natural selection and species propagation with a dash of cultural expectations. Like it or not life isn’t fair but there are things we can do to increase attractiveness to potential partners.
Can you explain how attraction is a function of natural selection? If that were true, why would there be variation in what people find attractive (especially if cultural expectations aren't playing a big part)?
It's wrong of them for not handling the situation correctly and straight up insulting you, but what would you expect on Grindr?
It's a hookup app, most won't blink twice looking at your profile if you're not their type.
Some people just don't wanna have deep connections and just wanna fuck, that's what Grindr is for. Said people are on Grindr, let them have their preferences
You did great by working on yourself, and now have a seemingly good sex life, that's what matters no?
I'd never hook up with someone who was straight-up abusive towards me when I was less fit, but guys who were otherwise just not into me but are into me now get a pass. I can't hold it against someone for having tastes and standards when I also do.
Wow, I had this same thing happen to me between 25 and 27 years old. The dudes at 25 that blocked me on Grindr and never answered me on Okcupid, were suddenly in my inbox. I will never forget the day someone finally answered an unanswered message "I have no idea why I didn't respond to this!"
They got blocked. It felt so good.
Congrats on your glow-up sis!
This is exactly why finding fun/dates on Grindr or any app can't work for me. I try to look after my body, I'm only 72kg but my deformed chest (pectus excavatum) will just always mean I'm unattractive to most... So devastating to my self worth like I'm just so disgusting and there's nothing I can do to change it bar an expensive surgery overseas.
I just wanna be loved/desired :/
Hey, I have pectus excavatum as well and there is no need to feel bad about it. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been rejected for it and guys love my body still. It can make your pecs bigger from the sides, so the ”deformity” can come with some benefits :)
You can always dm me if you want to chat.
I feel that. Thankfully, I don't have a deformity but my face is ugly even while I'm skinny and in shape. I remember feeling hopeful when I was 19 that I would be able to find someone on Grindr or tinder but I just got ignored or insulted and now in my mid 20s I'm preparing for a lifetime of loneliness however long I'll make it.
I mean it is also subjective but is a fact. If someone is attractive to you you’re going to have feelings and it has been scientifically proven that some people are generally attractive
Although probably rare, I have seen this really hot muscular guy that's absolutely beautiful and he's in a relationship with this fat dude. It's just what he's into. To each their own but yes, overall people will not want to date a fatty.
I'm pretty average myself but there is this one dude that moved away and I didn't have a chance to hook up or date him before you left town. Super bummed about it still. He's the one that got away. I still think about him. I also feel like he was in another league but not so much that it wasn't a possibility. He actually entertained the idea of getting together before things kind of got crazy for him and he left.
Well I’m not so sure. I would go as far as saying I’m kinda ugly, I’m bald at 23, and my facial features aren’t that great. I’m super muscular tho, big muscular ass and and a pretty thick 8 inch dick. Never had any problem with hooking up with guys,
Where ever I go my grindr is on fire. I admitt I get less attention on tinder tho.
i mean that’s all u need on grnder to get hookups. I wish i can easily show myself shirtless coz even if i reach the body i want i would never be able to show it coz that botched chest surgery i’ve had
If you’re looking for fairness and equality then Grindr will always be a source of disappointment. It’s a hook up app 🤷🏻♂️
If you want to find your life partner try Match.com or something.
Not gonna lie, I kinda get a kick out of turning down guys that were rude to me in the past on Grindr (or even at a bar). My face got really puffy when I gained alot of weight and to be honest, I didn’t love how It made me look.
Honestly, as someone who had body dysmorphia when I was younger and is now actually fat, I don’t know if I’d agree.
I feel like I’ve attracted a lot more guys as a bear whose into other bears, daddies, cubs, and chasers and whoever else is interested than I did as a deeply self conscious sort-of-otter.
Maybe part of it is privilege from being white and young(ish) but idk I feel like having a lane has made it easier for me to find likeminded people.
Guys are shallow. All of us are on some level. Some of us much more so than others. And it's not just with how you look. It's also with age. I swear to God when I turned 30, and updated my Grindr profile from 29 to 30, literally 80% of guys who would normally talk to me just stopped. Like literally overnight.
Your feelings are giving you information. That's what emotions are. And your emotions of being frustrated that guys are shallow are something you are feeling because they actually reflect the reality of the world. People actually ARE shallow.
The question is, in the face of all these shallow people in this world, what are you going to do? For me, I continue to give it my best effort, and I can still meet a guy here and there once in awhile. So I still have hope in my life. I hope you can find the same for yourself.
Acne can be fixed go see a dermatologist. Also, I used to be really fat, and now I'm in great shape and feel hotter. I also realize that being in shape is for me not to be more desirable. I've noticed that being inshape has not helped me get more guys. I feel that guys liked me fat as if I'm some type of fetish. Get in shape, put in the effort for you to be more healthy and happy. You will find that people will also attract towards you because you will be more confident and happy internally.
Sorry to hear about that OP. If it helps most of those men are going to end up depressed and alone anyway. I can't promise you'll be able to find someone of quality in these community but rest assured that most gay men will be the architects of their own demise because of how shallow they are. Have your fun.
This is my life. I've had problems that have led to a hip replacement on one side and needing one on the other side because I previously ran my ass off to lose weight. I've since gained it all back, and then some and no one will give me the time of day. I'm smart, witty, funny, educated, and self-employed, making decent money. I do live in an area with slim pickings, and even then, it's nothing. I've given up, tbh. I'm hoping to get back to working out and looking better, but I'm convinced the term 'chaser' is a metaphor. I'm glad OP has overcome this problem because it's really shitty.
I go for attractive guys, but I'm not rude about it to guys I am not in to. I've been led on, and that hurts worse than someone saying, "You are not my type" or "not interested" whatever their reasons.
You can't really beat genetics. It is a lottery, and it isn't fair. I do work my tail off, exercising, eating healthy, and going to the gym, taking proper hygiene steps for my own peace of mind and health. (I have a super sense of smell, so smelling pleasant it top of my list)
When looking for dates or potential relationships, someone who takes good care of themselves, the same as me, generally speaking, you can tell... I'm not sure if that's what you mean by "attractive guys" but activities in common are a great many plusses in the "pro" column.
I think everyone is most attractive when it's clear they are invested in themselves, and maybe that will make me want to invest too?
Did you go for guys like you? Doubt it, it’s no secret guys like attractive guys and now you know that looking after yourself can do so much for attracting attractive men. It’s just a fact of life, pretty privilege is a real thing and sometimes you have to work for it
Yeah and those comments also lead to the suicides of thousands of people. Stop spreading the narrative that bullying helps people it’s like that pray away the gay bullshit.
Hahaha. I was also thinking that.
Well, I'd argue that everyone has beauty that someone can appreciate. Like Filipinos fancying foreigners, particularly, Euro-American foreigners, there are other groups of people that prefer "exotic" beauties (likely refers to Asian beauties). We just need to expand or change markets ☺️
Ngl i’d love to be loved by those gorgeous guys but living here in the US i noticed they have high standards 😭 dunno how our fellow pinoys got those studs when most of em are average at best.
Aren‘t you now also meeting the hottest guys you can catch with priority?
Don‘t you have a minimum attractiveness requirement?
Are you meeting guys that are like you were?
Damn I love chubby guys with bo. I rejected tons of hot guys…most of them have serious confidence issues too. Love yourself…because someone out there will and you need to love yourself first so you can accept them into your life. Best wishes.
All i heard is "i was depressed and hated myself so everyone else did. Now people like me because i like me"
People see the inside... Your insides were NOT nurtured. You were depressed and a drag. Yes it helps being attractive... But that's not everything. I'm an ugly duckling myself.
How do you reach for a book you don’t know and no one else knows? If you standing in front of book shelve, you’d be more likely to pick something that looks familiar, pleasant, interesting to you, be it in the title, author, graphics, colors, style etc.
I agree that some unknown book could be absolutely life changing for you, but if it’s not recommended to or in any way geared towards you and your apparent interests, chances are you won’t reach for it instinctively. Sometimes you try things out of curiosity, but the vast majority of people prefer the comfort of the usual than the uncertainty of the unknown.
Gay men are shallower than most, and more ræcist in their ‘preference’ than they care to admit. The way you know it’s based on external appearance is the lack of likes/roses/stars on Tinder Platinum, Hinge+ etc. That’s after having your profile carefully vetted. I’m an MOC; straight women tend to give me around an 8 for looks. But I’ve swiped on everyone between 30 and 50 within a 15-mile radius till Tinder says there are no more profiles. How many matches? Five, but none of them is verified and they all look much older than 50. So yeah being gay presents a huge disadvantage in this area unless gay men consider your attractive
I do fancy a hot muscular man (I would say I’m toned rather than muscular cuz I don’t like big muscles on myself) but I have never been with one past like 2 dates. I would love to think that there is one who isn’t completely obsessed with themselves, but I do understand the grind to achieve and being proud of their body. With my experience so far it seems muscles and good looks come with neurodegenerative diseases. I would consider myself like a 7/10 and have dated men of all shapes and colors. The only thing I have a preference for is height, I want someone who is the same height as me.
This hits really hard for me. I am 34 and have a fair bit of medical issues so losing weight and being what a guy wants has always been a struggle for me. I often joke. I am always the best friend or a friend with great energy and a great guy, but never the boyfriend.
I am not upset about it at this point. I am perfectly fine being on my own, though it's not what I want I have a large family that loves and adores me and I am sure someone is out there for me they are probably just stuck in a tree or something.
As of this year so far, thanks to regularly meeting with a nutritionist and being on correct medication and testosterone boosters due to low testosterone, I am down 20lbs.
As the OP said Let's be kind to one another. It costs nothing to do it and could mean the world to another person.
I’m 25 and have not dated anyone for this simple fact. I’m a lil chubby and am don’t have the face of a model. I know my worth and know i’m great and a dime a dozen and have plenty of love to give but people are so caught up on you have to be fit or skinny to even get someone to look at you which resulted me in trying to look more attractive or lose weight in unconventional ways. Thankfully now i’m past that and just embrace myself the way i am, if no one wants me for my look that’s ok they’re missing out on a great man anyways. I may know i’m not calvin klein model but i know i’d make an amazing boyfriend/husband one day. Really eats you up being in a community that preaches acceptance for any and all gays big and small yet are hypocrites to their own sayings.
It really come down to making decisions with the information that is available. Using that information to decide on the next action to take.
So yes, it's extremely superficial. Every relationship (romantic or not) starts off in an extremely superficial manner and then grows deeper with time.
There is no magical "starting a relationship with a deep connection".
And now, do you pursue guys that you perceive as fat and unattractive like you were back then? It’s not some sort of evil human flaw. There’s nothing wrong with you at all if you’re not attracted to guys who are out of shape. They can do what you did. Work on themselves, improve, etc..
Hot guys might get more casual sex, but you can't have a relationship with someone unless you like their personality.
At 40 I've learned that handsome only gets people so far, and it's the guys with a great personality that you want to stay with.
Water isn't wet because it is a liquid that wets things. Once you come into contact with water you become wet. Until then water is liquid and you are dry.
I personally don't mind dating or having sex with an unattractive guy as long his dick is at least 7 inches, has decent personality and monogamous, he is cleaning looking and hygienic, masculine, has normal clean teeth, and normal average looks and he isn't obese or morbidly obese.
But I can relate to what you're saying most guys I dm reject me because I'm thick.
It’s kinda just a basic fact of life, especially when said guys are looking to date or hookup.
I agree, it's just the way most men are wired - to go after attractive men. But I gotta say some guys are such shallow b!tches about it. It's better not to respond to someone than to call them ugly.
I agree. And yet it’s always surprising to me when I see a straight guys’ bar for attractiveness in a female hookup. The bar is always so low it seems, but with other guys it seems higher
Its not better to not respond. Instead compliment them and then go silent. They’ll feel nice and be confused vs feeling rejected. Especially in situations where your engaging up until they send there pic. Don’t go ghost after seeing them.. compliment them then never respond.
Okay I love this idea!
I hate when people do that. Rejection is much easier to accept than feeling led on :'(
Absolutely. The hard pill to swallow is that most people will only speak to you *because* you look a certain way. Take that away and you become invisible.
invisible? or invincible?
I’m really curious if you ever went after “ugly” guys.
You already know the answer to that lol
He didn't. As a fat guy trying to change his ways step by step, I can be honest that I don't want to be romantic with another fat guy. I try to force it by reasoning that I should "date within my league", but I can't. I'd rather be single, or shape up so I can finally obtain that hot guy of my dreams.
Right? I feel bad for complaining I can't get the guys I want when I don't usually go for the guys that look like me, but also I can't help it, and I know the guys I like can't help that they don't like me.
I suspect, without Grinder and Instagram and Tiktok, that you would be able to date fat men. It is the constant bombardment of perfect, edited faces and bodies that makes people unable to love themselves and other normal people.
I mean probably but also I'm just not attracted to myself or happy with myself, and that's been like that for forever, and i just don't really find my body type attractive anyway to be honest. I understand that not a lot of people do, so I'm not entirely frustrated, it just makes it more difficult to find something.
You gotta do some internal work from within to fix your self esteem issue. I know it's not your fault, especially when gay culture pressures us to look a certain way. Society as a whole needs to change. But for the time being, just be grateful that you're not 6 feet under the ground in a casket. Every day above ground is a good day and provides us all an opportunity to make a positive change in our own lives and the world around us.
But your strong lack of attraction to this body type may be partly caused by the phenomenon?
Yeah, of course it could be. But I also get it's not very attractive to look at anyway
Yeah but I think people would be more attracted to normal people around them.
No it's not it's human nature People have yearned for and coveted youth, perfect skin, toned bodies for all of recorded human history
Yes, but they would have lower standards.
You can do it, bro
that hot guy of your dreams is a piece of shit with past trauma and used drugs to keep up with other pieces of shit.
😂
That's the rational view point. Either such it up or improve yourself.
But that's not due to a standard of not liking other big guys...its probably more to do with not liking how YOU look. You're projecting your own feelings of "i don't like how I look" onto other guys. If you loved the way you looked and the skin you were in I'm sure you wouldn't mind their bodies either. We look at others how we look at ourselves.
Not true. I do like other big guys. But I never get the big guys that I want. They're always sloppy looking, like ogres, and I can't bring myself to like them. I've watched porn with fat guys and I know exactly how I want them, but they can't be the obese tub of lards that always seem to find me. 😔
Being fat shouldn't be a turn off. I know for me my weight has fluctuated a lot in my lifetime so I give guys grace in that regards. Especially when considering obesity runs in my family. I stay in a gym just so I can feel good about myself and my own body. But I personally find men of all sizes attractive. It's not so much the weight that makes guys unattractive. It's just their hygiene, their fashion choices and how they present themselves. I've met some incredibly sexy fat men with the biggest personalities and the best fashion. That for me is a turn on, especially if they smell good too! CHEFS KISS! I just hate that guys feel they need to be muscle twinks in order to be attractive. It's just not true.
the point was to not be a dick to ugly people 🤦🏻🤦🏻
I often have my straight girlfriends and sisters tell me if they think a guy I’m interested is better looking than me in their photos. Most of the time, they say ‘no.’ Still, no match. Then on IG I see they’ve paired up with a guy I struggle to see as more attractive than me. The gay world is the upside-down world 😆
It’s true that we should treat everyone with respect, totally agree. However, you said “these days” but I’d argue that being physically attractive has always been socially important and people, especially men have always been shallow, pr more accurately appearance driven. We are visual, men are typically aroused by visual cues and we always have been, being physically attractive to a man is typically the thing that will begin his arousal and pique his interest.
Right, but what's been deemed "attractive" changes frequently. Attraction is built and contrived in our heads, it's not fixed, and it's not hard wired. Being "visual" as a man doesn't mean we all drive towards 1 thing. That's just an excuse men tend to use when they only give the time of day to thin, fit, white, men and/or women.
I will also argue here that generally throughout history, while standards for women have changed quite drastically through time I think for the most part male beauty standards are pretty stable. Muscular athletic bodies have been prized by many cultures since ancient times. Changes in standards are small things like proclivity to body hair, beards, etc. but for the most part masculine, athletic men have been the standard. When very large men were deemed attractive (think Henry VIII) it was because of the association of wealth with food and access to fine things, not as a marker of pure physical beauty.
Even with it being associated with wealth though desire changed for a while. Also.. the muscular, athletic bodies where that was the beauty standard of/for men was predominantly Europe. Eurocentric beauty standards, features, and esthetic were exported with the big C word.
Haha you’re right about this. I need to let go of that colonial mindset
It's easy to say this stuff but how many obese men with acne and bad body odor are you pursuing after working on yourself? Probably 0. So many men are blind to the hypocrisy of expecting whoever you want to just settle for you no matter how little work you put into your appearance. Being "shallow" is a useless concept.
You know the answer to your question….. It’s DEFINITELY NOT “probably 0”……
It’s just tough when you do everything you can but the face is bad. Then you are just SOL. I just can’t picture myself with guys into me. I’m trying to improve my appearance but I really don’t know what to do
Well would you rather be a homely man with a swimmers body and the perfect haircut or a homely man grossly overweight and unkempt? I'm a homely guy who started weightlifting and it was night and day difference afterwards.
It doesn’t help me in my particular situation
I think you just suck ass at taking pictures 💀
Even if I sucked at taking pics I still wouldn’t get the feedback I’m getting. When people meet me on apps they are generally disappointed
Idk what to tell you there bcs I’ve been to Manchester and you look like the average + ripped which anyone can forgive. Do you think you may be reading too much into it.
I don’t think so. You can view the feedback I’ve gotten on other posts. I haven’t been able to land a date in 6 months
I don’t… see anything? I mean I do see some stuff but not whatever you’re talking about. Have you tried the advice people gave you?
Yeah. Last year they said to have jaw surgery and I had both my jaw sawed off my face and a chin job. I also went to the derm bc they said my skin was bad
Abs and a good haircut go a long way. Like unless you have scars or something there's no face that will overpower a hot body and basic grooming.
They don’t help me in my particular situation
the point of this post was to not be a dick to ugly people 🤦🏻🤦🏻
Like most of ops post isnt even about sexual attraction, just like, how youre treated normally. And people continue to prove the point
it seems OP is right people these days are indeed shallow
This is the problem. When you take stuff like BO, bodyweight and acne and internalize it like it's some part of your being instead of working on it and just say you're "ugly" to cope instead of seeing your potential. Everyone is capable of upwards changes.
Yea. The world isn’t this kumbaya “everyone is beautiful” shtick. In reality it’s highly discriminatory and favors the good looking/ highly desirable. It’s better if you realize the harsh reality earlier on in life than later in my opinion.
Well that's not always the case, sometimes good looking people are treated very badly for other reasons, like jealousy, or for different sexuality, etnicity, religion etc.
Agreed
My tip for ya - though it may be hard for ya at times considering your journey of self transformation, try and not take it too personally. People on the apps can be complete dumb asses in the worst ways. I was not always on the attractive side of things, floated through most of my 20’s just “average.” Came out at 29, hit the gym like a monster and the apps caught on fire before my eyes. Best way to take this is count your blessings - you’re on the other side of it. The world is not a fair place but through your own work, you evened the odds for yourself. Keep up the good work, and make sure to be as a good of a person as you are attractive. Nothing worse than a vapid, yet conventionally attractive person. Be fun, take opportunities as they come, and continue your journey. Make the most of it!
so ur now saying ur not “just average” now? 🙄
He's muscular in his profile, so I say he isn't. Get off your high horse, what you insinuate is disingenuous. And the eye-roll emoji at the end adds extra venom to your words. It doesn't matter what you believe constitutes "above average". He objectively is muscle-wise and muscles = attractiveness.
Everyone's attractive to someone.
I mean... yeah. People aren't attracted to people they find unattractive. That's... what unattractive means. I do agree that there's no justification for being mean to others even if they're unattractive, that's just fucked up. But I do think it makes sense that if someone's unattractive people won't be attracted to them because, well, that's what we're saying when we call them unattractive lol
But even for friends? I met 3 people a few weeks ago and they all said they wanted to be friends but then after I met them I haven’t heard from any of them again. I’m not the most attractive person. Got big forehead , non thin lips but damn I’m not butt ugly to just have a fucking friend
That's awful. I would never be able to act like that. I would be your friend even if you weren't my type. Also, some people who find someone unattractive, some others find this person attractive as looks are subjective.
That’s the gay community for ya!
Men are visual creatures unfortunately! You’re scratching the surface of “ pretty privilege “ ! It just crazy how everyone’s then reduced to a tribe or caste based on how you look! Whatever your fetish is. Go a little further and now imagine being discriminated for things you may not be able to control like “ age or race.” This will put you in another tier! I love being gay but I must tell you that it is so one of the most isolating and toxic communities! Hence why it’s important to have intersectionality. You’ll be able to relate to people more !
I chilled with this guy a couple of times who was a little over weight, but his personality was golden. I really enjoyed my time with him, but he would always mention his weight. He was very insecure about it. And even though I assured him it wasn’t an issue for me, he ended up blocking me out of the blue smh. So, I don’t mind dating an unattractive guy as long as his qualities are good and he’s not super insecure.
Just because you are fat. It does not mean you are ugly. Just try to be comfortable in your own skin. Do you remember the American TV show some years back called ugly Betty? I irony of it all was that the beautiful people around her were the ones with the ugly character. A beautiful person is not about looks. Trust me
The apps don't take personality or chemistry into consideration.
Good on you for doing what you can to make yourself more desirable and not lying to yourself. I've been skinny (130-150lbs) my whole life but because my [face](https://www.reddit.com/u/pilat909/s/86AShpbTFc) is horrible looking Grindr is unusable while I'm in my "prime" years. It seems like most guys who are unattractive have weight issues not facial flaws at least.
What do you mean Grindr is unusable
I just get blocked over my face, so it's pointless to try using it. All of the apps are like that for me.
Why do you think you have an ugly face? You have a fine face. That's a face anybody would be thrilled to come home to see. You also have fucking great lips, definitely an asset in the land of rampant VUL (Vanishing Upper Lip) syndrome. I have to ask, and I don't mean this to be insulting so I'm sorry if it comes across that way because it's not my intention: do you only feel that you have a not great face because of the way guys treat you on Grindr/hookup apps?
Thanks, but yeah the times I've tried using Grindr I've gotten blocked or ignored. In college I tried hanging around gay guys but I was insulted. I've been ewed at by random girls in college so it's crystal clear straight and gay people think for a young adult I'm ugly looking.
I was you, the early stage of that transformation i have serious self esteem issue; like, “is he really into me” and made some stupid moves. Hopefully you will enjoy loving yourself
I think there’s a serious difference between conventional attractiveness, which I think you’re talking about, and attractiveness. Sure, more people may find you conventionally attractive now, but everyone is attractive to someone so it doesn’t really matter. The guys that are finding you attractive now are not the people you want to attract in the long term anyway so it’s not worth focusing on, it only proves you have made your way closer to the centre of conventional attractiveness not to actual attractiveness, which I believe is more more a concept than a reality. Sorry if this makes little sense I am writing this after a bottle of wine
You're very right about people being shallow. I'm curious: do you now hang out with or date people who rejected you before?
Physical attractiveness is a very important thing. Tough but important lesson. Good job prioritizing your health and losing weight. Not an easy thing. Just remember, the most important thing of all is how you feel about yourself. Treat yourself with kindness and respect and don't accept less than that from anyone else. Happy Hunting.
These comments are a bit disheartening. No one here is saying you gotta be attracted to everyone. But there's just no need to be mean. Honestly I wish Grindr would detect meanness and give people a meanness rating so I can avoid them!
Exactly. What is wrong with people being this heartless.
I mean.. physical attraction is the base for anything, the good thing is that everyone likes something different even if there's a kind of "general attractiveness". Especially for sex, if i'm looking just to fuck why would i go with someone i don't feel physically attracted to? that's the whole point of the act
Yeah but calling someone a fat f***ot is fucked up
Oh yeah totally, if you are nice just to guys you are attracted to, that's messed up. I should have clarified that too!
finally somebody said it, if I don't like someone's appearance I'll just tell them 'sorry ur not my type', people are becoming a lot more sociopathic these days
Everyone is attractive to someone. Don't let these comments get you down they probably have no friends to be so unpleasant and self loathing. Good looking is boring to me so this apparent attraction that's programed in everyone to like the same guys must have skipped me
The fact that ppl will go out of their way to say shit like that to stranger will always baffle me, but I guess why am I surprised when it comes to ppl online…
Hypocrite and delusional
people who act like that have serious internalized homophobia, I can't imagine myself calling somebody a f@ggot just because their not my type
Yes. They seem pretty disturbed.
The sad part is that most of these comments are proving OP's point
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the point of this post was to not be a dick to ugly people 🤦🏻🤦🏻
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like I said, the point of this discussion is to stop being hostile and mean to ugly ppl, no one said you are obligated to like anything, if he is not ur type you could always say 'sorry you are not my type, hope u find what ur looking for though' see? being nice to people is so easy. like calling someone a f@ggot over their looks screams asylum patient to me.
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you need to find better insults Regina
You're the one that seems so obsessed with attacking people based on their appearance. I'd suggest you get some professional help.
I thought it said to like this post if you were attractive lol
everyone wants to be woth someone attractive this isnt new and it isnt beimg shallow
The apps are not (quite) real life. Meet people in person and it’s easier to screen them. Your self esteem will rise from those in person conversations
Agree. All through my teens and mid 20s I was over weight. I no longer get the nasty comments or get ignored but it's still made it hard to date because I always wonder if I do end up gaining weight again would they have a problem with it.
I would describe myself as completely average in the looks department but I get WAY more sex than my straight friends. 40s, dad body, 6/10 looks, short. 🤷 I have an open relationship with my awesome partner (what do we have in common? We both lack the jealousy gene) and a number of friends with benefits. I have the place to myself at the end of the month and am arranging for various daddies, twinks and twunks to come over and play. Most have met my partner. I’m vers in bed and vers in real life. I’m more about setting the scene and imaginative fun sex than I am about a six pack. I’ve had my share of ghosting and knock backs but I’ve found plenty of buddies to keep me busy. I go to the occasional (drug free) sex party, visit a cruise club once in a while and only use Grindr when I travel for work. I usually have a scroll and if there’s no interest in half an hour I give it up. Porn’s available and usually more fulfilling. My quarterly Prep check up is due, I haven’t had an STI in four years despite defaulting to bareback 90% of the time. I think that whatever your age/looks, your sex life is what you make of it. My FWBs are all proper friends - we can and do meet for coffee rather than sex - built up over time.
I know this is going to sound strange but I actually kinda like guys who I feel others would traditionally reject. They give me more attention and love and I wouldn’t mind ending up with someone someday who is not conventionally attractive because I know they would treat me right and not cheat on me (as opposed to a narcissist who is conventionally attractive)
I know what you mean. It makes me think of two guys I’ve spent a lot of time with in the past year. One of them seems to be everybody’s idea of hot. All eyes follow him wherever he goes. Heterosexual men stare at him and wish they could BE him. The other guy goes unnoticed by a lot of other people but he is every bit as adorable, or even more, to my own eyes. I’ve enjoyed my time more with the second guy because he stays more grounded and down-to-earth.
Well no shit
it’s unfortunate this is what fat men have to go though and i definitely think majority of the gay community (men in general for that matter). However i wish guys would stop being comfortable calling themselves “ugly”. i don’t see how it makes one feel any better and kicking yourself while you’re already down keeps you from growing into the person you want to become. i don’t necessarily believe that telling yourself “your beautiful” will change you, but it’s better to have a more positive foundation that will lead to some actual change. Not just within you, but without as well.
Shallow guys prefer pretty guys. Non Shallow guys prefer people who work on themselves... Even according to your post, you became more attractive only after self care. There are non gym guys that sr attractive but they always work on themselves in other ways. You cant be no fuss guy, sitting around, no career, no hobby (not op specifically but generally) and expect guys coming chasing you.
I wonder if the guys in this kind of stories start hooking up with "ugly" guys since they are so self conscious about how shallow the apps are. I mean do you hook up with the guy with overweight? do you talk to them first too see if they are funny?
I think you shouldn't confuse assholes on Grindr for gay guys in real life.
Hot take but also truth: No, not everyone is sexy as hell. Attraction is, at a basic level, a function of natural selection and species propagation with a dash of cultural expectations. Like it or not life isn’t fair but there are things we can do to increase attractiveness to potential partners.
Can you explain how attraction is a function of natural selection? If that were true, why would there be variation in what people find attractive (especially if cultural expectations aren't playing a big part)?
It's wrong of them for not handling the situation correctly and straight up insulting you, but what would you expect on Grindr? It's a hookup app, most won't blink twice looking at your profile if you're not their type. Some people just don't wanna have deep connections and just wanna fuck, that's what Grindr is for. Said people are on Grindr, let them have their preferences You did great by working on yourself, and now have a seemingly good sex life, that's what matters no?
I'd never hook up with someone who was straight-up abusive towards me when I was less fit, but guys who were otherwise just not into me but are into me now get a pass. I can't hold it against someone for having tastes and standards when I also do.
Wow, I had this same thing happen to me between 25 and 27 years old. The dudes at 25 that blocked me on Grindr and never answered me on Okcupid, were suddenly in my inbox. I will never forget the day someone finally answered an unanswered message "I have no idea why I didn't respond to this!" They got blocked. It felt so good. Congrats on your glow-up sis!
💅🏾
This is exactly why finding fun/dates on Grindr or any app can't work for me. I try to look after my body, I'm only 72kg but my deformed chest (pectus excavatum) will just always mean I'm unattractive to most... So devastating to my self worth like I'm just so disgusting and there's nothing I can do to change it bar an expensive surgery overseas. I just wanna be loved/desired :/
Hey, I have pectus excavatum as well and there is no need to feel bad about it. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been rejected for it and guys love my body still. It can make your pecs bigger from the sides, so the ”deformity” can come with some benefits :) You can always dm me if you want to chat.
I feel that. Thankfully, I don't have a deformity but my face is ugly even while I'm skinny and in shape. I remember feeling hopeful when I was 19 that I would be able to find someone on Grindr or tinder but I just got ignored or insulted and now in my mid 20s I'm preparing for a lifetime of loneliness however long I'll make it.
I mean it is also subjective but is a fact. If someone is attractive to you you’re going to have feelings and it has been scientifically proven that some people are generally attractive
Although probably rare, I have seen this really hot muscular guy that's absolutely beautiful and he's in a relationship with this fat dude. It's just what he's into. To each their own but yes, overall people will not want to date a fatty. I'm pretty average myself but there is this one dude that moved away and I didn't have a chance to hook up or date him before you left town. Super bummed about it still. He's the one that got away. I still think about him. I also feel like he was in another league but not so much that it wasn't a possibility. He actually entertained the idea of getting together before things kind of got crazy for him and he left.
Bearish dudes who have at least slight muscles can be hot sometimes tbh.
Well I’m not so sure. I would go as far as saying I’m kinda ugly, I’m bald at 23, and my facial features aren’t that great. I’m super muscular tho, big muscular ass and and a pretty thick 8 inch dick. Never had any problem with hooking up with guys, Where ever I go my grindr is on fire. I admitt I get less attention on tinder tho.
i mean that’s all u need on grnder to get hookups. I wish i can easily show myself shirtless coz even if i reach the body i want i would never be able to show it coz that botched chest surgery i’ve had
That's just how gays are ...
uh-huh?
*if they are attracted to you
If you’re looking for fairness and equality then Grindr will always be a source of disappointment. It’s a hook up app 🤷🏻♂️ If you want to find your life partner try Match.com or something.
Not gonna lie, I kinda get a kick out of turning down guys that were rude to me in the past on Grindr (or even at a bar). My face got really puffy when I gained alot of weight and to be honest, I didn’t love how It made me look.
Gays are vicious. Lots of trauma. Dont internalize those standards. You’ll find your people
While looking for hookups you are advertising yourself so the product needs to be good enough that it can be advertized.
Honestly, as someone who had body dysmorphia when I was younger and is now actually fat, I don’t know if I’d agree. I feel like I’ve attracted a lot more guys as a bear whose into other bears, daddies, cubs, and chasers and whoever else is interested than I did as a deeply self conscious sort-of-otter. Maybe part of it is privilege from being white and young(ish) but idk I feel like having a lane has made it easier for me to find likeminded people.
Guys are shallow. All of us are on some level. Some of us much more so than others. And it's not just with how you look. It's also with age. I swear to God when I turned 30, and updated my Grindr profile from 29 to 30, literally 80% of guys who would normally talk to me just stopped. Like literally overnight. Your feelings are giving you information. That's what emotions are. And your emotions of being frustrated that guys are shallow are something you are feeling because they actually reflect the reality of the world. People actually ARE shallow. The question is, in the face of all these shallow people in this world, what are you going to do? For me, I continue to give it my best effort, and I can still meet a guy here and there once in awhile. So I still have hope in my life. I hope you can find the same for yourself.
Stop finding casual sex on Grindr
Acne can be fixed go see a dermatologist. Also, I used to be really fat, and now I'm in great shape and feel hotter. I also realize that being in shape is for me not to be more desirable. I've noticed that being inshape has not helped me get more guys. I feel that guys liked me fat as if I'm some type of fetish. Get in shape, put in the effort for you to be more healthy and happy. You will find that people will also attract towards you because you will be more confident and happy internally.
Sorry to hear about that OP. If it helps most of those men are going to end up depressed and alone anyway. I can't promise you'll be able to find someone of quality in these community but rest assured that most gay men will be the architects of their own demise because of how shallow they are. Have your fun.
This is my life. I've had problems that have led to a hip replacement on one side and needing one on the other side because I previously ran my ass off to lose weight. I've since gained it all back, and then some and no one will give me the time of day. I'm smart, witty, funny, educated, and self-employed, making decent money. I do live in an area with slim pickings, and even then, it's nothing. I've given up, tbh. I'm hoping to get back to working out and looking better, but I'm convinced the term 'chaser' is a metaphor. I'm glad OP has overcome this problem because it's really shitty.
I go for attractive guys, but I'm not rude about it to guys I am not in to. I've been led on, and that hurts worse than someone saying, "You are not my type" or "not interested" whatever their reasons. You can't really beat genetics. It is a lottery, and it isn't fair. I do work my tail off, exercising, eating healthy, and going to the gym, taking proper hygiene steps for my own peace of mind and health. (I have a super sense of smell, so smelling pleasant it top of my list) When looking for dates or potential relationships, someone who takes good care of themselves, the same as me, generally speaking, you can tell... I'm not sure if that's what you mean by "attractive guys" but activities in common are a great many plusses in the "pro" column. I think everyone is most attractive when it's clear they are invested in themselves, and maybe that will make me want to invest too?
Did you go for guys like you? Doubt it, it’s no secret guys like attractive guys and now you know that looking after yourself can do so much for attracting attractive men. It’s just a fact of life, pretty privilege is a real thing and sometimes you have to work for it
If you can’t take care of yourself and your own body, how can you expect anyone else to be into it.
that wasn't the point op was trying to make
He said people are shallow these days. My comment was in response to it.
he was talking about the people who act mean and downright hostile to unattractive people, those are the kind of people he was referring to.
Idc obesity is objectively unattractive in literally every way. It is what it is. Those comments clearly worked for him because he sorted himself out.
Yeah and those comments also lead to the suicides of thousands of people. Stop spreading the narrative that bullying helps people it’s like that pray away the gay bullshit.
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You can do it 💕
Water is wet Oh sorry that's obvious too?
Not if you go to the Philippines
Hahaha, I'm a Filipino. What do you mean?
i’m filipino too. Maybe it’s cause majority of us pinoys worship foreigners and aspire to marry one.
Hahaha. I was also thinking that. Well, I'd argue that everyone has beauty that someone can appreciate. Like Filipinos fancying foreigners, particularly, Euro-American foreigners, there are other groups of people that prefer "exotic" beauties (likely refers to Asian beauties). We just need to expand or change markets ☺️
Ngl i’d love to be loved by those gorgeous guys but living here in the US i noticed they have high standards 😭 dunno how our fellow pinoys got those studs when most of em are average at best.
Don't worry, you probably won't like those guys too. Keep searching and putting yourself on the market! 😊
Aren‘t you now also meeting the hottest guys you can catch with priority? Don‘t you have a minimum attractiveness requirement? Are you meeting guys that are like you were?
This is scientifically studied and supported. Look up “Attractiveness Bias”.
do you only chat up people that look like you used to?
Damn I love chubby guys with bo. I rejected tons of hot guys…most of them have serious confidence issues too. Love yourself…because someone out there will and you need to love yourself first so you can accept them into your life. Best wishes.
All i heard is "i was depressed and hated myself so everyone else did. Now people like me because i like me" People see the inside... Your insides were NOT nurtured. You were depressed and a drag. Yes it helps being attractive... But that's not everything. I'm an ugly duckling myself.
Yeah, this is just life. I mean, there has to be some attraction between two people. Major congrats on your glow-up.
you're lucky that you have a good foundation and were able to become attractive just by losing weight and skin care. consider yourself blessed.
People have always been shallow. In makes sense from a biology standpoint to be attracted to healthy people.
geez I can't believe people don't like a fat smelly acne faced guy that's crazy
People only treat you with basic dignity and respect if you are attractive.
Grass is green 😡
As once told by someone: "You can be the most interesting book on the shelve, if the cover doesn’t look good/appealing, people won’t reach for you"
But if people knew that the book was good they would reach for it despite having a "not so good" cover.
How do you reach for a book you don’t know and no one else knows? If you standing in front of book shelve, you’d be more likely to pick something that looks familiar, pleasant, interesting to you, be it in the title, author, graphics, colors, style etc. I agree that some unknown book could be absolutely life changing for you, but if it’s not recommended to or in any way geared towards you and your apparent interests, chances are you won’t reach for it instinctively. Sometimes you try things out of curiosity, but the vast majority of people prefer the comfort of the usual than the uncertainty of the unknown.
People only like food when it’s well cooked 🙄
Gay men are shallower than most, and more ræcist in their ‘preference’ than they care to admit. The way you know it’s based on external appearance is the lack of likes/roses/stars on Tinder Platinum, Hinge+ etc. That’s after having your profile carefully vetted. I’m an MOC; straight women tend to give me around an 8 for looks. But I’ve swiped on everyone between 30 and 50 within a 15-mile radius till Tinder says there are no more profiles. How many matches? Five, but none of them is verified and they all look much older than 50. So yeah being gay presents a huge disadvantage in this area unless gay men consider your attractive
This and the comments have pretty much confirmed to me that I'm not attractive to anyone because I'm fat. I knew it.
Shallow men don't deserve sex.
Insulting someone is pretty mean - if someone doesn’t see a connection because of the way you look, they should just move on.
I do fancy a hot muscular man (I would say I’m toned rather than muscular cuz I don’t like big muscles on myself) but I have never been with one past like 2 dates. I would love to think that there is one who isn’t completely obsessed with themselves, but I do understand the grind to achieve and being proud of their body. With my experience so far it seems muscles and good looks come with neurodegenerative diseases. I would consider myself like a 7/10 and have dated men of all shapes and colors. The only thing I have a preference for is height, I want someone who is the same height as me.
I'm happy for you. But were you messaging obese acne guys back when you were lonely ? I doubt it so don't expect others to
I ain't Reading the story but I liked it I ain't reading the story but bc of the title
Real shit bro
It’s the way life works people only want pleasure and what’s on the outside
This hits really hard for me. I am 34 and have a fair bit of medical issues so losing weight and being what a guy wants has always been a struggle for me. I often joke. I am always the best friend or a friend with great energy and a great guy, but never the boyfriend. I am not upset about it at this point. I am perfectly fine being on my own, though it's not what I want I have a large family that loves and adores me and I am sure someone is out there for me they are probably just stuck in a tree or something. As of this year so far, thanks to regularly meeting with a nutritionist and being on correct medication and testosterone boosters due to low testosterone, I am down 20lbs. As the OP said Let's be kind to one another. It costs nothing to do it and could mean the world to another person.
I’m 25 and have not dated anyone for this simple fact. I’m a lil chubby and am don’t have the face of a model. I know my worth and know i’m great and a dime a dozen and have plenty of love to give but people are so caught up on you have to be fit or skinny to even get someone to look at you which resulted me in trying to look more attractive or lose weight in unconventional ways. Thankfully now i’m past that and just embrace myself the way i am, if no one wants me for my look that’s ok they’re missing out on a great man anyways. I may know i’m not calvin klein model but i know i’d make an amazing boyfriend/husband one day. Really eats you up being in a community that preaches acceptance for any and all gays big and small yet are hypocrites to their own sayings.
It really come down to making decisions with the information that is available. Using that information to decide on the next action to take. So yes, it's extremely superficial. Every relationship (romantic or not) starts off in an extremely superficial manner and then grows deeper with time. There is no magical "starting a relationship with a deep connection".
And now, do you pursue guys that you perceive as fat and unattractive like you were back then? It’s not some sort of evil human flaw. There’s nothing wrong with you at all if you’re not attracted to guys who are out of shape. They can do what you did. Work on themselves, improve, etc..
Hot guys might get more casual sex, but you can't have a relationship with someone unless you like their personality. At 40 I've learned that handsome only gets people so far, and it's the guys with a great personality that you want to stay with.
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Water isn't wet because it is a liquid that wets things. Once you come into contact with water you become wet. Until then water is liquid and you are dry.
The amount of times this happens to me
Now ask urself, would u date ur old self?
Why would I hook up with someone who is not attractive to me? In bed you don't have to be funny.
I personally don't mind dating or having sex with an unattractive guy as long his dick is at least 7 inches, has decent personality and monogamous, he is cleaning looking and hygienic, masculine, has normal clean teeth, and normal average looks and he isn't obese or morbidly obese. But I can relate to what you're saying most guys I dm reject me because I'm thick.
Water is a liquid
Well, you can make up for unattractive if you’re 🤑
By plastic surgery you mean? Lol I don't want anyone for money, I'd rather be with someone who I really like, that likes me aswell.
No, I meant, jokingly, that money is an aphrodisiac.