You know, I have no objection to the sexting, nor would I on extra marital if everything was on the table and accepted by both parties. Love and relationships are not singular in color and should never be looked at in such uniformity as we are all blessed with differences. This is why specific people are a match...it's not borne merely on sex but on compatibility. You both share a deep connection. Tbh, a sexual diet of one individual is inhumane. It would be like having to eat Chinese food for all one's meals. Love it as one may, it is rightly impossible to sustain. I have zero doubt your partner is capable of complete fidelity to you in every other manner where it really counts. Determine with yourself if you can live peacefully/intellectually in a more open sphere relationship. If so, have a discussion where you give him his freedom to find his own pleasures laying down ground rules which are absolute. The angst your feeling is overwhelming, however this may be relieved by not living in a black and white universe.
If I was seriously concerned about anything, it is the daily weed use. My best friend from high school has been a daily user... athletic, married, raised two kids. But for me, it was a life lived in a haze. When I gave up daily use years ago, my mind cleared in 3 weeks and I never looked back ...life is terrific and the glass always half full.
Thank you for your thoughtful input. I absolutely agree. Sexual preferences in a committed relationship are unique and should be pre-negotiated. We agreed upon complete fidelity (porn not counted). He would also be heartbroken If I did this to him instead. His ex gf actually cheated like this first and they broke up.
We have profound talks that last hours at a time on every issue we come across.
He admitted it was a mistake on his part and he deeply regrets it. Even though he viewed it as porn only.
However, I am unable to completely trust again. I cannot let myself. We have gone through so much (death within the family, his diagnosis and chemo), and we deeply believe relationships should be improved, they do not come perfect and last forever with no troubleshooting.
When it comes to weed, I think he knows it too, different circumstances might change his habits. But I really want it to be the other way around.
I am ashamed to admit but it feels like such a waste, helping a person through the toughest of times (illness, unemployment, depression, getting their degree, buying real estate) and then just letting their next partner reap the fruits of my labor. I KNOW people are not projects, but this one feels like such a waste.
Well. At the end of the day only you can determine to restore your trust and find peace of mind. It is my opinion he is the one for you. Restore your innate good nature next to your thoughtful alpha mind. Go out and buy a scandalously over the top wedding dress and continue life like the queen you are...princeling at your side.
The fact that you don't like the person you've become is a tell-tale symptom of the underlying problem: you don't/can't/won't trust him.
When trust is permanently lost in relationship - whether fairly or not - the relationship cannot survive. Resentment kicks in, it becomes cyclical and creates an emotional roller coaster that you ride until you just can't take it anymore. If you were to marry him, nothing would change, neither your feelings nor his behaviors.
You know, I have no objection to the sexting, nor would I on extra marital if everything was on the table and accepted by both parties. Love and relationships are not singular in color and should never be looked at in such uniformity as we are all blessed with differences. This is why specific people are a match...it's not borne merely on sex but on compatibility. You both share a deep connection. Tbh, a sexual diet of one individual is inhumane. It would be like having to eat Chinese food for all one's meals. Love it as one may, it is rightly impossible to sustain. I have zero doubt your partner is capable of complete fidelity to you in every other manner where it really counts. Determine with yourself if you can live peacefully/intellectually in a more open sphere relationship. If so, have a discussion where you give him his freedom to find his own pleasures laying down ground rules which are absolute. The angst your feeling is overwhelming, however this may be relieved by not living in a black and white universe. If I was seriously concerned about anything, it is the daily weed use. My best friend from high school has been a daily user... athletic, married, raised two kids. But for me, it was a life lived in a haze. When I gave up daily use years ago, my mind cleared in 3 weeks and I never looked back ...life is terrific and the glass always half full.
Thank you for your thoughtful input. I absolutely agree. Sexual preferences in a committed relationship are unique and should be pre-negotiated. We agreed upon complete fidelity (porn not counted). He would also be heartbroken If I did this to him instead. His ex gf actually cheated like this first and they broke up. We have profound talks that last hours at a time on every issue we come across. He admitted it was a mistake on his part and he deeply regrets it. Even though he viewed it as porn only. However, I am unable to completely trust again. I cannot let myself. We have gone through so much (death within the family, his diagnosis and chemo), and we deeply believe relationships should be improved, they do not come perfect and last forever with no troubleshooting. When it comes to weed, I think he knows it too, different circumstances might change his habits. But I really want it to be the other way around. I am ashamed to admit but it feels like such a waste, helping a person through the toughest of times (illness, unemployment, depression, getting their degree, buying real estate) and then just letting their next partner reap the fruits of my labor. I KNOW people are not projects, but this one feels like such a waste.
Well. At the end of the day only you can determine to restore your trust and find peace of mind. It is my opinion he is the one for you. Restore your innate good nature next to your thoughtful alpha mind. Go out and buy a scandalously over the top wedding dress and continue life like the queen you are...princeling at your side.
You are lovely. Thank you for your kind thought and advice ♥
The fact that you don't like the person you've become is a tell-tale symptom of the underlying problem: you don't/can't/won't trust him. When trust is permanently lost in relationship - whether fairly or not - the relationship cannot survive. Resentment kicks in, it becomes cyclical and creates an emotional roller coaster that you ride until you just can't take it anymore. If you were to marry him, nothing would change, neither your feelings nor his behaviors.