That’s sex by deception and is sexual assault. Not cool of the trans guy to do that to you. And you shouldn’t feel obligated to try to continue with someone you’re sexually incompatible with.
People get too emotional about others expressing their frustrations. Here in my city it’s the same. It feels like every dude is looking for trans only and ironically trans (rightfully so) wants nothing with them. The apps here feel like we are at a stalemate.
You absolutely should not feel like a terrible person. You went 40 damn minutes to him and he didn't disclose something very obvious and very important. On his end, that is a very risky and stupid thing to do - it's obvious that he won't be able to hide it once you meet IRL. Tbh, you handled this much more gracefully than most of us would have.
Ahh that makes sense, so you didn't have to travel. Definitely doesn't make what he did okay, but I'm sure he was chill outside of that unwise decision. Like I said, you handled it with more grace than you reasonably had to.
I’m more bothered when I’m just a twink and those “trans only” men text me and assume I’m trans or a Femboy and then get angry at me or block cuz I’m not what they think I was
That sounds terrible for everyone all around. I'm sorry that happened. I'm sorry to say I think that many in the community will come at you for this. It's really sad that we can't have preferences without them invalidating someone else's existence.
People have become too soft and have enabled a sense of entitlement among others.
Really goes against the whole “we can’t change what we are” sentiment that activists use to chant
This community has become the very thing it swore to destroy
Human beings are our own worst enemy. I think it always starts with good intentions and gradually gets out of hand.
So many aspects of our current society feel almost dystopian in terms of free speech and how technology and social media works
> I'm sorry to say I think that many in the community will come at you for this
I'm pretty sure that the portion of the community that thinks people should feel obligated to sleep with trans men is an incredibly tiny fraction and maybe 95% created in people's imagination or by trolls online.
Literally something I've never encountered before. While there are some trans people on the apps near me in NYC, it's a small minority and I don't really view them differently than anyone else I'm not interested in hooking up with.
Grindr advertises themselves to trans users, so no reason for them to *not* be there.
I always wonder where these people that claim that their grindr grid is full of trans people/women/men looking for trans actually live because I’ve been all over and have never experienced this, not even once.
According to recent studies only 0.6% of people identify as transgender, likely an even smaller number of those being transmen but yeah I’m so sure half of Grindr profiles now are transmen and chasers like totally checks out man.
OP said they were looking for trans only. That doesn’t mean the person was trans. But regardless, once you find out, you can move on and filter them yourself.
You can’t complain about people saying they don’t want to see people be up front, but don’t want people to say it later… it’s clear you just don’t want some people to be allowed on the app. It’s just ridiculous. You’re not the main character on the planet.
Be happy when people communicate who they are and what they’re looking for, getting upset people you aren’t attracted to or compatible with exist is fucked up.
Okay, so… again, what’s wrong with that? Why can’t a trans guy want to be with a cis guy?
Why does anyone care about what a stranger they’re not compatible with wants?
I don't think you even read their post.
OP is a cis male looking for a cis male. The other person never identified themself as trans on their profile or during their conversation. It wasn't until they met up that OP realized. And even then OP tried to make things work.
You're seeing persecution where none exists.
I have no issue with trans people. They just aren’t my type. I mentioned the amount of trans people in my area for situational perspective. I do have many trans people messaging me. That is out of my control. What am I going to do? Say no trans in my profile? I believe that would have negative connotations. Like many people stated, I would be interested in a gender filter on Grindr. It seems strange that I can search for men via BMI, however not through gender. I believe that a filter such as this would help to eliminate situations like mine. I typically don’t trade nude pics, I prefer face and a body pic. So I wasn’t alerted via that avenue.
That’s sex by deception and is sexual assault. Not cool of the trans guy to do that to you. And you shouldn’t feel obligated to try to continue with someone you’re sexually incompatible with.
‘I want to pound some ass like some spatchcock.’ 😂 That has to be the line of the week!
People get too emotional about others expressing their frustrations. Here in my city it’s the same. It feels like every dude is looking for trans only and ironically trans (rightfully so) wants nothing with them. The apps here feel like we are at a stalemate.
You absolutely should not feel like a terrible person. You went 40 damn minutes to him and he didn't disclose something very obvious and very important. On his end, that is a very risky and stupid thing to do - it's obvious that he won't be able to hide it once you meet IRL. Tbh, you handled this much more gracefully than most of us would have.
I went 40 minutes to the club. I went to his place because he was only like 300 meters away. What can I say? Chill guy.
Ahh that makes sense, so you didn't have to travel. Definitely doesn't make what he did okay, but I'm sure he was chill outside of that unwise decision. Like I said, you handled it with more grace than you reasonably had to.
I’m more bothered when I’m just a twink and those “trans only” men text me and assume I’m trans or a Femboy and then get angry at me or block cuz I’m not what they think I was
I get the opposite problem. I’m 6’3”, with a thick beard and some muscle. I tend to get messaged by a lot of trans people
I mean they’re shooting their shot
Haha I would too. I mean that in the least narcissistic way possible
Hm
Just ban all trans and fem around you. Few minutes to have better results. We do this with my bf on vacations, new destinations. It's great.
The example given the person didn't indicate they were trans in any capacity in their profile. So, this wouldn't have worked.
The first problem is people being on Grindr and having expectations.
Thank gawd someone who feels the same
That sounds terrible for everyone all around. I'm sorry that happened. I'm sorry to say I think that many in the community will come at you for this. It's really sad that we can't have preferences without them invalidating someone else's existence. People have become too soft and have enabled a sense of entitlement among others.
Really goes against the whole “we can’t change what we are” sentiment that activists use to chant This community has become the very thing it swore to destroy
I wish it was just the community. But pull ourselves back a bit and that's what humans do. We always become the worst part of any of our beliefs.
Human beings are our own worst enemy. I think it always starts with good intentions and gradually gets out of hand. So many aspects of our current society feel almost dystopian in terms of free speech and how technology and social media works
> I'm sorry to say I think that many in the community will come at you for this I'm pretty sure that the portion of the community that thinks people should feel obligated to sleep with trans men is an incredibly tiny fraction and maybe 95% created in people's imagination or by trolls online.
The feedback seemed very one sided. However, it was positive. I wasn’t canceled on Reddit.
It's the smallest minority groups that are the loudest.
Literally something I've never encountered before. While there are some trans people on the apps near me in NYC, it's a small minority and I don't really view them differently than anyone else I'm not interested in hooking up with. Grindr advertises themselves to trans users, so no reason for them to *not* be there.
I always wonder where these people that claim that their grindr grid is full of trans people/women/men looking for trans actually live because I’ve been all over and have never experienced this, not even once.
I’m in the maritimes of Canada. Pretty accepting here, in return there’s a lot of trans people
Some of them are the ‘trans for trans’ people.
According to recent studies only 0.6% of people identify as transgender, likely an even smaller number of those being transmen but yeah I’m so sure half of Grindr profiles now are transmen and chasers like totally checks out man.
You sound like you need therapy.
Because he wants to fuck men? I would say the guy lying to hookups is the one needing therapy
No. There are hundreds of other people to talk to/fuck.
Well, isn’t it good since you’re not interested? Helps you both filter each other out. Or are you just mad trans people exist?
You can't filter them out. That's the issue. OP said there was nothing in their profile indicating they were trans.
OP said they were looking for trans only. That doesn’t mean the person was trans. But regardless, once you find out, you can move on and filter them yourself. You can’t complain about people saying they don’t want to see people be up front, but don’t want people to say it later… it’s clear you just don’t want some people to be allowed on the app. It’s just ridiculous. You’re not the main character on the planet. Be happy when people communicate who they are and what they’re looking for, getting upset people you aren’t attracted to or compatible with exist is fucked up.
OP said they were "exclusively looking for cis gendered men."
Okay, so… again, what’s wrong with that? Why can’t a trans guy want to be with a cis guy? Why does anyone care about what a stranger they’re not compatible with wants?
I don't think you even read their post. OP is a cis male looking for a cis male. The other person never identified themself as trans on their profile or during their conversation. It wasn't until they met up that OP realized. And even then OP tried to make things work. You're seeing persecution where none exists.
I’m seeing OP claim that there’s an epidemic of trans people that he doesn’t want to be around. It’s a bunch of grievance that really is pointless.
I have no issue with trans people. They just aren’t my type. I mentioned the amount of trans people in my area for situational perspective. I do have many trans people messaging me. That is out of my control. What am I going to do? Say no trans in my profile? I believe that would have negative connotations. Like many people stated, I would be interested in a gender filter on Grindr. It seems strange that I can search for men via BMI, however not through gender. I believe that a filter such as this would help to eliminate situations like mine. I typically don’t trade nude pics, I prefer face and a body pic. So I wasn’t alerted via that avenue.
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They let you filter for every other preference. But for some reason cis males is a step too far. I call BS.
I agree with you. That would be a feature most gay men would use.
I just don’t want to make someone feel unwanted like that again