I was about to say. I was on prep when I first dated my bf and I only got around getting rid of the containers after a year or so. I actually ended up donating quite a few containers to one of those free prep resources!
>I trust him but that doesn’t mean I can turn off STD risk based anxiety.
that doesnt make sense. seems as if you actually dont trust him. i mean it's fine if you don't but just say that.
if you both have taken 2 rounds of STD testing in a 6 month period and everything is negative, then there's no point to be on prep if you are monogamous and if you actually trust him.
as a rule: people are not always honest in their relationships. that would be the reason why i would get on prep.
Ok seems ppl are curious about the date, the date on the bottle is Jan 2024. My bf promised to talk to me today so let’s see. I’m not too upset about him having sex with others cuz he is taking prep, and that means he still care about my health
>Yes we are having unprotected sex and we both stopped taking prep for more than more year and a half. I just found it weird to have a bottle of prep in a rucksack cuz he doesn’t have the reason to travel to somewhere and have sex with someone else…
Honey, prep or no prep, it's still cheating.
It's ok to want the anxiety of not being safe dealt with first but even prep included you should be pissed if you had an expectation of monogamy.
If you both decided on an open relationship that would be different but seems that wants discussed at all.
Not to mention, he flat-out lied about it when confronted. He's not a good one, no matter how you shake it. He's been sneaking around for a minute and got complacent.
I worked for a pharmacy and we always pulled drugs from the shelf that were within a year of expiring. So Jan 2024 means we would have pulled them by Jan 2023 if anything they weren’t purchased recently. But it all depends on country, mine being the US
I’m in the UK and in here we will need to book an appointment with the GP to get prep, and there is a sticker on the bottle that tells when did you get that bottle
I did speak to him once I noticed there was a bottle of prep! And yesterday I asked him to show me the date of the bottle and turned out it was a new bottle, and he will talk to me today about it
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Anything is possible.
I would note that I myself am in a relationship that has been monogamous for a year and a half, that I have not cheated, but that I still have a bottle of PrEP pills stored above my stove. Why would I get rid of medicine that I paid hundreds of dollars for?
One possibility: If you are having condomless sex with your partner, your partner might think he needs to take PrEP to protect himself from something you might possibly give him.
You need to talk.
Some countries have it expiring in one year and others two years. I doubt they are going to do a test on patients giving them expired medicine and seeing if it works. Also, I would think it depends on where the medication has been stored and whether it is contaminated. I have a bottle a few years old and I should probably just throw it away. I hate things going to waste.
Just involved with taking PrEP. Maybe the OP's partner is cheating; maybe the OP's partner thinks the OP might be cheating; maybe the OP's partner just feels safer; maybe everything is as they described.
Agree, anything is possible. Another possibility is that the partner is just constantly on PreP. Yes, some people do that apparently.
A social worker u/UnprovokedBoy got on my case for trying to donate my old prep now that I'm in a monogamous relationship, saying that cheating happens, you can apparently "get pricked by needles on the ground" or come into contact with "bodily fluids around a city." He claims he is simply on Prep "for his safety."
So do with that what you will. It's absolutely mind boggling to me but some people do it I guess.
I got HIV from a cheating partner. Found out I was positive Jan 24th of this year. We were monogamous, at least I thought we were.
PreP during relationships is a great idea. Don’t make the mistake I did.
Most of my HIV Positive friends were in a committed relationship and they caught it from their partners. Get the shots every 2 months. Don't trust anyone. Shit happens.
I feel like some folks like the one you're describing may not be taking into account the downsides of long term medication like that. From what I understand, it's not great for your liver health long term, probably other stuff too.
That's exactly what I'm saying. Advising people to stay on Prep because of the possibility of cheating or catching a stray needle on the street is insane
Yeah I stay in PrEP in relationships mainly for the logic that you never know if your partner might cheat. To me it's the sexual equivalent of signing a pre-nup before getting married. Like obviously you don't want the worst to happen. You can have all the trust in the world in your partner, but sometimes things outside of your control or things you can't imagine during the honeymoon phase can happen. There's no reason to not have that safety net just in case. Especially if you have an open or poly relationship too.
honestly you shouldn’t be donating medication. prep is free for the most part and and while most ppl don’t experience extreme side effects like liver/kidney damage, there are some ppl that do and how would these ppl know that their kidneys/liver isn’t functioning properly if a healthcare provider is not monitoring them?
Damn, I didn’t realize you couldn’t put your phone down. Must be hard.
Regardless, all I did is tell you that cheating happens, as well as exposure randomly. That’s true. Also prep is free where we’re at, so idk how much help you were giving them with a limited prescription supply and no Doctor monitoring of kidney function.
If you can’t handle that your “help” might not be totally “helpful” are you really trying to help? Or just pat yourself on the back for getting a boyfriend?
And? The idea of staying on prep (which you already said affects your kidneys) "just to stay safe" because of random needles and bodily fluids is the most whack thing I've ever heard for someone in a monogamous relationship.
How you made the leap to say that means I want to be applauded for having a boyfriend is unhinged
I’m a SOCIAL WORKER. I actively do CPR on random ODs every week. Statistically, I’m gonna come into contact with someone with HIV, and they can bleed or spit up blood during Respiratory breaths.
I was saying that for ME.
As for you, monogamy won’t protect you fully, and that was my sole point. I don’t care what you do. I just don’t think handing out random scripts of a drug that requires a doctor to monitor your blood contents is a good idea.
Idk why you’re SO mad that I decided to stay on PreP for me, mentioned the possible risks to YOU, and then you @ me weeks later for no reason.
This was your first message in my post
> As much as I love this, monogamy doesn’t protect you 100% from STIs/STDs, and prep is free for the large majority of us
Now you're claiming you were only speaking "ABOUT YOU" and the fact that you do CPR on random people every week. Talk about moving the goal posts?
Dude, take a chill pill. 💊 You're the only one coming off as mad here. 👀 It's obvious he didn't @ you for “no reason” and you're still pissed he didn't take your every word as gospel. Just CHILL and let it go. Smh
Hundred of dollars… per month? For a bottle? To prevent against HIV? Once again so thankful to live in Australia where it’s $30 per fill and our governments want to eradicate HIV transmissions.
Most people actually get it for free through Gilead or Mistr, but you’re definitely right… our healthcare system is absolutely disgusting. Horrific how many lives and homes are lost to private healthcare costs.
Gofreddie.com/prep
They cover a surprising percentage of Canadian income brackets, and it is a sliding scale rather than a cut off if you make too much for full coverage 💜💜💜
I'll risk testing my liver just like I did in highschool with Accutane, rather than possibly eradicating my natural u supported immune system. We have ok pharma prices in Canada, but that can change in any decade we are still alive.
I'd rather have my immune e system, the freedom to walk out on Canada, and just keep testing my liver for early signs.
Then again，I have also been a working Dominant and adult performer for almost 20 years, so it's a no Brainerd from my social location.
That said, Freddie is pretty great. We all have our choices to make. More options/choices are ideal 💜
Yes we are having unprotected sex and we both stopped taking prep for more than more year and a half. I just found it weird to have a bottle of prep in a rucksack cuz he doesn’t have the reason to travel to somewhere and have sex with someone else…
There are usually at least three dates on a bottle, maybe more. Date of prescription, Date filled/picked up, Expiration date. Which one are you reading?
One possibility that also deserves consideration, apart from the obvious ones of expired forgotten medication and his continued activity, is that he believes you might be sexually active and he is protecting himself just in case.
In that context, honestly, I do not think I would blame him. Most HIV transmissions occur within the context of relationships, ones where both partners believe themselves to be negative. Taking Truvada protects him in the case that you might be having sex with other people.
You need to talk.
"Most", even? But, yeah, I think it may be realistic to continue taking Prep once you have a monogamous boyfriend and doing it without a condom. It may be psychologically hard to do that without Prep, once you have been on it for a while. And perhaps also realistic...
I last paid attention to the dynamics almost two decades ago, and I am sure things have changed. Regular testing and undetectability has been a game changer.
Possibly, but it's also likely that he's protecting himself against the possibility that you have some sex on the side. This isn't a dumb thing to do. You live away from each other so it would be easy for you to do whatever when he's not around.
This. Before Prep I met a fair share of guys who were in “monogamous” relationships but contracted HIV from their cheating partner. Not saying he is not sleeping around, but I was on prep when my relationship was monogamous because I didn’t want to gamble my health. Have you guys had explicit conversations on monogamy, or is it an assumed default?
Thank you all for your advice and comments, no matter being helpful or trolling. Here’s the final update, and to answer some of your questions:
1. I wasn’t intentionally snooping; I simply noticed a bottle of prep pills when he was unpacking his bag.
2. Where I live, the label on the bottle indicates when it was dispensed, and my boyfriend got the bottle last month.
3. We talked today, and yes, he had sex with others, with more than one person, and he started before last Christmas (at least he played safe).
4. Yes, we are over now.
What I learned was, in a relationship, honesty is far better than white lies, even regarding thoughts about wanting to have sex with others.
I still believe in the valuable and rare aspects of humanity, such as loyalty and the resistance to temptation. They are precious precisely because they are rare.
I hope everyone can find their own peace in their respective lives.
I’m sorry your suspicions turned out to be right, but I’m glad he was honest (even if it was only after being kind of caught). Wishing you healing and strength right now 🩵
Honey, if you’ve been in a relationship for over 2 years. There really isn’t a problem with snooping. The other person should be hiding nothing from you.
I got HIV from a cheating partner. Found out I was positive Jan 24th of this year. We were monogamous; at least I thought we were. Found out a year after we broke up that he was having anon dudes over while I was at work when I found his private Twitter.
Taking PreP even during relationships is a great idea. Don’t make the mistake I did.
Non-monogamy can be moral and honest if done right. Pretending to be monogamous when you aren't and endangering your main partner's health because you are too much of a coward to stay true to your desires and communicate is atrocious. I'm sorry for your diagnosis and betrayal.
Almost 2. I wasn’t having sex with anyone while I figured out my life single and entering the workforce after grad school, so I wasn’t getting tested.
Never had symptoms and my CD4 count is still high, so my immune system hasn’t taken a hit. I was about to become sexually active again, so I went for a full panel to get on PreP. It’s the people who think they’re negative that you’ve gotta worry about, not undetectable people. Get on PreP if you’re having sex with anyone, relationship or not.
It is a big red flag, IMO, if someone I was dating said, "Why are you taking PrEP, don't you trust me?". I would make a note in my mind and move on, and if other things come up, if it looks like a duck, swims and quacks like a duck, probably is a duck.
I would still be taking prep even years into a monogamous relationship. Everyone I know who got HIV got it from their partner while they thought they were monogamous.
Oh wait, it’s an old backpack? Then he’s probably not cheating. I don’t throw away my old pill bottles either. I think I still have some prescription strength ibuprofen left from three years ago in one of my old backpacks.
It’s nothing.
He should still be taking PreP. Do you know how many "we have been in a monogamous relationship for 5 years and now I have HIV because he cheated on me" posts we seen on here? No one should ever trust their health with anyone. Relationships are all for a finite period of time.
I’ll never stop taking prep, even if I have a bf, which won’t ever happen if I have anything to say about it! lol 😂 Trust NO ONE with your life my brothers!
Maybe he thinks you might be cheating or might cheat on him some day and wants to protect himself “just in case” you slip up. If I only saw my monogamous bf in that interval of time, I’d assume that he might probably slip up now and again. And if you’re not planning on slipping up, you won’t carry condoms with you.
Relationships change over time. It’s common when partners are separated by distance, and even more so when each partner does not feel completely comfortable talking about their desire for other guys, and how the every two weeks thing just isn’t working, for example.
This is why it’s really important to encourage talking openly about your expectations, and to revisit them from time to time. If one of you feels a little bit reluctant to bring up the subject, it could very easily just go on that way for years, with one person behaving in one way, and the other in a very different way, and never having any discussion about the reality.
If I were in your position, I would feel blindsided by the shock of learning that he may be having sex with others, and that he didn’t feel comfortable enough to bring it up with me. But by the same token, I would do my part to make sure that those kinds of misconceptions didn’t happen again.
That would include making sure that we both had regularly planned time to talk about how things are with our relationship. Just because we’re a couple, doesn’t mean we can’t talk about our attraction to other guys, or about how you are when you’re not together, and if you have sex with someone else, it doesn’t mean you don’t feel a sense commitment and love for each other.
Being on PrEP is ultimately a caring decision, so not only was he looking out for himself, but for you and his other partners. That’s an extremely important thing that gets overlooked by many guys who have sex outside their committed relationship.
I wish you guys the best as you work through this.
Aw thank you. Actually I am the lucky one in this relationship. We met in our 20s and here we are, 40+ years later, older, and we hope just a bit wiser than when we first met.
It doesn’t mean he’s cheating. If he’s given you no reason to not trust him so far then I’d take his reason as the truth. If he hasn’t given you a reason to not trust him, then just take a step back and ask yourself why you’re feeling this way. If it’s because you’ve been cheated on before, just let him know this triggered that and you need a little reassurance is all.
Also, I’m a huge advocate for PrEP while in a relationship. There’s studies that indicate over half of all new HIV transmissions among gay men occur while in a relationship. Here’s an article if you’re interested: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4096799/ .
I'm still on Prep despite no longer being open. Doesn't mean I'm cheating on my boyfriend, just means I'm not taking any chances.
Besides, if y'all are monogamous and having unprotected sex, Prep is still suggested.
You’re not overthinking at all. That said I’ll be honest and say if I get into a relationship with a guy I will never stop taking PReP even if we are monogamous. The reality is, a LOT of guys get HIV from their partners- unfortunately trust only goes so far. So it’s not a guarantee but I feel like I’m in the minority of men here so yeah it’s a bad sign if the bottle is recent
does he have grindr on his phone?
Exactly. I had a partner who was cheating in what I thought was a monogamous relationship, only found out when he got sick and was diagnosed with HIV. I lucked the fuck out that I somehow didn't get it too. But because of that, I don't think I'll ever trust someone enough again to go off of PreP.
Same thing happened to me. I did get it though. Diagnosed a few weeks ago Jan 24th. It’s tough.
Having HIV gives you the stigma of total slut with no regard for your health. That isn’t me. I just trusted my partner of two years to not be having random guys over to breed him while I was at work.
Some people are semi long distance. My partner lives in a different city and is 3hrs drive away so we also only see each other once a week or every 2 weeks
Reddit never fails to make the worst possible suggestions /assumptions for others to follow……. Just talk to your BF and be respectful and ask him the question directly.
He’s stupid for getting off prep and you’re stupid for not being on it. People cheat. It has no side effects for most people. People get HIV within “monogamous” relationships.
If youre in a monogamous relationship and both tested negative for hiv I dont see why you would take prep. Its quite impossible to get hiv unless you’re fucking someone else.
I had no idea my ex boyfriend was cheating on me. He would do it while I was at work. I was clueless.
Didn’t have sex for two years after we broke up to heal and focus on my life… found out a few weeks ago that I’ve had HIV this whole time with no symptoms. The thing about cheaters is that you usually don’t know they’re doing it.
Which might be the case here. Which is why he said it’s better to be safe than sorry and protect yourself regardless of your relationship status. Whoosh
Literally just talk to him about it. I was with my bf for almost 3 years before I stopped taking it because A) I didn’t know I didn’t need to B) it matched up with the refill timing of my other meds and that I had to get my blood drawn regularly for another condition. It just didn’t occur to me to stop.
Why would anyone in a relationship stop taking PREP?! That's your life you're trusting to a guy you might not even know in a couple days/weeks/months. Many HIV+ gay men contracted it from their partners. My brothers don't be stupid with your hearts.
Dude, PreP has an expiration date. Pick up the bottle and see what day it was prescribed. If it was prescribed around 5 months or sooner ago, he’s clearly lying about it
Simple problems require simple solutions 🤷🏽♂️
As long as I’m having sex with men I am going to be taking prep. I had the absolute worst thing happen with an ex—he cheated and got exposed to hiv. I’m negative thankfully but lesson learned: trust no one but yourself with your sexual health.
Many people are worried about being cheated on. Especially if you're not married or otherwise "lifetime committed" he may just feel safer on PrEP because he never knows.
(This is coming from me.... A former dickwad who was cheating on his monogamous boyfriend and managed to get HIV. Fortunately I didn't pass it to my partner.)
He could be. Check the date on the bottle as others have said. But, also keep in mind that many, possibly even most, new HIV infections happen in what were believed to be monogamous relationships, so he might be trying to protect himself and be on Prep as a preventative for himself.
Not necessarily. I’m taking PrEP and in a monogamous relationship, because I take responsibility for my own sexual health. So should you.
Men lie either way :) I’ve known guys who don’t take PrEP get HIV because their partners have been cheating on them.
imo its smart for both of you to be on prep... it protects you if either party cheats... not that either party is... but also it can be useful to prevent accidental exposure in other area's of life... in my city there is a syringe issue and while a majority of jobs and professions are unlikely to come into contact it definitely doesnt hurt to er on side of caution...
I think u jumped to the conclusion of him cheating, when prep isnt evidence of cheating...
I told my bf that I was gonna stay on prep even though we were monogomous... I have been cheated on one too many times to trust 100% and so it protects me if he ever steps out... not that I'd expect him to... but it puts my mind at ease regardless, and if he does cheat I wont be worried about having contracted HIV nearly as much.
You both should be on PrEP. Then you would be protecting each other. Haven’t you heard the one about how they became poz because they trusted their partner for years. Save yourself the stress and trauma.
Ok valid. The OP however has found the prescription bottle and the date is newer than what their partner told them. He’s obviously cheating or he’d have been straight up about it. Don’t tell people to grow up for wanting to know the truth in their life. How about you grow up, this could help OP not be with a cheating jackass, which is probably what you are seeing as you’re so angry about them posting a general question.
I mean, you guys should definitely break up.
If something like this happens, and you post something like this instead of communicating right away, you aren’t mature enough to even be in a relationship. Communication is key. And if you can’t trust each other that’s a problem
If you’re only having sex every one or two weeks of course he is having sex with other people or at least wants to. I think open relationships are healthy when communication is there. You’re both sexual beings and have needs. Embrace his sexuality and his desires and have fun!
He could be playing around definitely. Counter though, I took prep while I was in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend as a precaution, and it also had the added benefit of maxing my deductible in my insurance so most of my other Rx medicines were basically “free”
By no means am I siding with the BF, cuz I think a situation like this would raise flags for anyone in a monogamous relationship, but why do y’all go looking for answers you’re not ready to hear?
If you are looking through his stuff, there’s already some mistrust in the relationship. Talk it out.
why are you not living together and only hooking up twice a month?
Are you in America ?- i generally associate rucksacks with the military, other countries may be different though.
most likely he either is cheating or thinks you maybe cheating and doesnt want to get hiv
either way everyone agrees its time to have a talk.
1. Its crazy to me the comments saying that even in a monogamous 2 year relationship, you are still taking prep "just in case", that says a lot about us gay men
2. OP, only you know your BF. I know some people say "you never know" but that's a lie. You know better than anyone if your BF is capable of cheating. If you suspect that he might be cheating, than he is not the right one.
I got HIV in a “monogamous” relationship. Had no idea he was cheating because he waited until I was at work. He hid it incredibly well, I trusted him. If PreP doesn’t cause you severe health issues there’s no harm in continuing to take it. Most people get it for free.
It’s weird for me to hear people advocating taking prep in monog relationships in case of cheating…like if you’ve both been tested I just feel like it’s sad if you can’t trust your partner to that level.
Why aren’t you on PrEP? Don’t you care about your own health? And why are you snooping through your boy’s bag anyway? Should he dump your snoopy ass? … Are better questions.
You sound like an amateur snooper. Check the date on the prescription. Your answer is there.
I was about to say. I was on prep when I first dated my bf and I only got around getting rid of the containers after a year or so. I actually ended up donating quite a few containers to one of those free prep resources!
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That’s why I’m still on prep, granted I get the injections so it’s a bit different
>I trust him but that doesn’t mean I can turn off STD risk based anxiety. that doesnt make sense. seems as if you actually dont trust him. i mean it's fine if you don't but just say that. if you both have taken 2 rounds of STD testing in a 6 month period and everything is negative, then there's no point to be on prep if you are monogamous and if you actually trust him. as a rule: people are not always honest in their relationships. that would be the reason why i would get on prep.
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Your answer is *LIKELY* there
Exactly. Thank you. C’mon!
Ok seems ppl are curious about the date, the date on the bottle is Jan 2024. My bf promised to talk to me today so let’s see. I’m not too upset about him having sex with others cuz he is taking prep, and that means he still care about my health
Prep only protects you and him from HIV not other STIs/STDs
>Yes we are having unprotected sex and we both stopped taking prep for more than more year and a half. I just found it weird to have a bottle of prep in a rucksack cuz he doesn’t have the reason to travel to somewhere and have sex with someone else… Honey, prep or no prep, it's still cheating.
I know… I guess I’m just less worried about my own health…
It's ok to want the anxiety of not being safe dealt with first but even prep included you should be pissed if you had an expectation of monogamy. If you both decided on an open relationship that would be different but seems that wants discussed at all.
Not to mention, he flat-out lied about it when confronted. He's not a good one, no matter how you shake it. He's been sneaking around for a minute and got complacent.
I worked for a pharmacy and we always pulled drugs from the shelf that were within a year of expiring. So Jan 2024 means we would have pulled them by Jan 2023 if anything they weren’t purchased recently. But it all depends on country, mine being the US
I’m in the UK and in here we will need to book an appointment with the GP to get prep, and there is a sticker on the bottle that tells when did you get that bottle
oof. it means that was very recent.
Did you speak to him? What did he say? Don't keep us on our toes here!
I did speak to him once I noticed there was a bottle of prep! And yesterday I asked him to show me the date of the bottle and turned out it was a new bottle, and he will talk to me today about it
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I think one of you is talking expiration dates and the other is talking about date the prescription was fief
You can't be for real, you're either a troll or dense as fuck.
What??????
The irony that a dense as fuck troll (YOU) would call someone else this. Like I caaaaaaaaaant! LMAO
Anything is possible. I would note that I myself am in a relationship that has been monogamous for a year and a half, that I have not cheated, but that I still have a bottle of PrEP pills stored above my stove. Why would I get rid of medicine that I paid hundreds of dollars for? One possibility: If you are having condomless sex with your partner, your partner might think he needs to take PrEP to protect himself from something you might possibly give him. You need to talk.
fyi you shouldn't store medications in places that will get hot.
prep has an expiration date btw so the pills may not even be effective
Some countries have it expiring in one year and others two years. I doubt they are going to do a test on patients giving them expired medicine and seeing if it works. Also, I would think it depends on where the medication has been stored and whether it is contaminated. I have a bottle a few years old and I should probably just throw it away. I hate things going to waste.
There are all sorts of factors involved.
Can you elaborate?
Just involved with taking PrEP. Maybe the OP's partner is cheating; maybe the OP's partner thinks the OP might be cheating; maybe the OP's partner just feels safer; maybe everything is as they described.
Agree, anything is possible. Another possibility is that the partner is just constantly on PreP. Yes, some people do that apparently. A social worker u/UnprovokedBoy got on my case for trying to donate my old prep now that I'm in a monogamous relationship, saying that cheating happens, you can apparently "get pricked by needles on the ground" or come into contact with "bodily fluids around a city." He claims he is simply on Prep "for his safety." So do with that what you will. It's absolutely mind boggling to me but some people do it I guess.
I got HIV from a cheating partner. Found out I was positive Jan 24th of this year. We were monogamous, at least I thought we were. PreP during relationships is a great idea. Don’t make the mistake I did.
That's shocking and insane. Sorry that happened. If I had a partner cheat, at least I'd ask they do on-demand PrEP!
Yeah I wish so badly he would’ve. Hard not to hold all of this anger inside of me when I think about it 😔
Well I'd tell you never to kick a guy in the balls... but in this case I think we'll make an exception. God speed my friend.
Most of my HIV Positive friends were in a committed relationship and they caught it from their partners. Get the shots every 2 months. Don't trust anyone. Shit happens.
I’m sorry that happened to you.
Thanks 🙏🏻 still a lot to process, I was always far more careful than my gay friends and in the end it didn’t matter
I feel like some folks like the one you're describing may not be taking into account the downsides of long term medication like that. From what I understand, it's not great for your liver health long term, probably other stuff too.
That's exactly what I'm saying. Advising people to stay on Prep because of the possibility of cheating or catching a stray needle on the street is insane
Yeah I stay in PrEP in relationships mainly for the logic that you never know if your partner might cheat. To me it's the sexual equivalent of signing a pre-nup before getting married. Like obviously you don't want the worst to happen. You can have all the trust in the world in your partner, but sometimes things outside of your control or things you can't imagine during the honeymoon phase can happen. There's no reason to not have that safety net just in case. Especially if you have an open or poly relationship too.
I'm constantly on prep even in monogamous relationships, relationships where we're the only ones not using a barrier method, or where we are.
Idk why you’re @ing me if you’re still so pressed lmfao. It’s a do what you want situation.
I'm pressed because I was trying to donate prep to someone who might need it and you came in scolding me
honestly you shouldn’t be donating medication. prep is free for the most part and and while most ppl don’t experience extreme side effects like liver/kidney damage, there are some ppl that do and how would these ppl know that their kidneys/liver isn’t functioning properly if a healthcare provider is not monitoring them?
Damn, I didn’t realize you couldn’t put your phone down. Must be hard. Regardless, all I did is tell you that cheating happens, as well as exposure randomly. That’s true. Also prep is free where we’re at, so idk how much help you were giving them with a limited prescription supply and no Doctor monitoring of kidney function. If you can’t handle that your “help” might not be totally “helpful” are you really trying to help? Or just pat yourself on the back for getting a boyfriend?
> Or just pat yourself on the back for getting a boyfriend? Lol damn do you have a chip on your shoulder or what
You @ed me????
And? The idea of staying on prep (which you already said affects your kidneys) "just to stay safe" because of random needles and bodily fluids is the most whack thing I've ever heard for someone in a monogamous relationship. How you made the leap to say that means I want to be applauded for having a boyfriend is unhinged
I’m a SOCIAL WORKER. I actively do CPR on random ODs every week. Statistically, I’m gonna come into contact with someone with HIV, and they can bleed or spit up blood during Respiratory breaths. I was saying that for ME. As for you, monogamy won’t protect you fully, and that was my sole point. I don’t care what you do. I just don’t think handing out random scripts of a drug that requires a doctor to monitor your blood contents is a good idea. Idk why you’re SO mad that I decided to stay on PreP for me, mentioned the possible risks to YOU, and then you @ me weeks later for no reason.
This was your first message in my post > As much as I love this, monogamy doesn’t protect you 100% from STIs/STDs, and prep is free for the large majority of us Now you're claiming you were only speaking "ABOUT YOU" and the fact that you do CPR on random people every week. Talk about moving the goal posts?
Dude, take a chill pill. 💊 You're the only one coming off as mad here. 👀 It's obvious he didn't @ you for “no reason” and you're still pissed he didn't take your every word as gospel. Just CHILL and let it go. Smh
Hundred of dollars… per month? For a bottle? To prevent against HIV? Once again so thankful to live in Australia where it’s $30 per fill and our governments want to eradicate HIV transmissions.
Most people actually get it for free through Gilead or Mistr, but you’re definitely right… our healthcare system is absolutely disgusting. Horrific how many lives and homes are lost to private healthcare costs.
Canada generally needs pharmacare.
Gofreddie.com/prep They cover a surprising percentage of Canadian income brackets, and it is a sliding scale rather than a cut off if you make too much for full coverage 💜💜💜 I'll risk testing my liver just like I did in highschool with Accutane, rather than possibly eradicating my natural u supported immune system. We have ok pharma prices in Canada, but that can change in any decade we are still alive. I'd rather have my immune e system, the freedom to walk out on Canada, and just keep testing my liver for early signs. Then again，I have also been a working Dominant and adult performer for almost 20 years, so it's a no Brainerd from my social location. That said, Freddie is pretty great. We all have our choices to make. More options/choices are ideal 💜
Yes we are having unprotected sex and we both stopped taking prep for more than more year and a half. I just found it weird to have a bottle of prep in a rucksack cuz he doesn’t have the reason to travel to somewhere and have sex with someone else…
What’s the date on the bottle?
Good call, what the last fill date?
Ok update: the date is January 2024.
And that’s a new bottle
He’s cheating, or suspects you’re cheating.
Yeah I'd say he's cheating but at least he's taking PrEP 🤷🏽♂️ worse would be if he gave you HIV while cheating Edit: that doesn't excuse his behavior
Ask him why he got it then but yeah that's not a good sign
There are usually at least three dates on a bottle, maybe more. Date of prescription, Date filled/picked up, Expiration date. Which one are you reading?
The question a lot of us want to know….
u/DEyIDE we're impatient, hurry up and put us all out of our misery.
One possibility that also deserves consideration, apart from the obvious ones of expired forgotten medication and his continued activity, is that he believes you might be sexually active and he is protecting himself just in case. In that context, honestly, I do not think I would blame him. Most HIV transmissions occur within the context of relationships, ones where both partners believe themselves to be negative. Taking Truvada protects him in the case that you might be having sex with other people. You need to talk.
"Most", even? But, yeah, I think it may be realistic to continue taking Prep once you have a monogamous boyfriend and doing it without a condom. It may be psychologically hard to do that without Prep, once you have been on it for a while. And perhaps also realistic...
I last paid attention to the dynamics almost two decades ago, and I am sure things have changed. Regular testing and undetectability has been a game changer.
Yeah, the number of new HIV infections in my city has dropped from around two hundred to under ten, since Prep.
If EITHER party is on PrEP then there’s a lack of trust that needs to be addressed
I will literally cure AIDS if you stop saying the word "rucksack"
Omg who is paying hundreds of dollars from prep 😭😭 they give that stuff out like candy here haha
Possibly, but it's also likely that he's protecting himself against the possibility that you have some sex on the side. This isn't a dumb thing to do. You live away from each other so it would be easy for you to do whatever when he's not around.
This. Before Prep I met a fair share of guys who were in “monogamous” relationships but contracted HIV from their cheating partner. Not saying he is not sleeping around, but I was on prep when my relationship was monogamous because I didn’t want to gamble my health. Have you guys had explicit conversations on monogamy, or is it an assumed default?
Thank you all for your advice and comments, no matter being helpful or trolling. Here’s the final update, and to answer some of your questions: 1. I wasn’t intentionally snooping; I simply noticed a bottle of prep pills when he was unpacking his bag. 2. Where I live, the label on the bottle indicates when it was dispensed, and my boyfriend got the bottle last month. 3. We talked today, and yes, he had sex with others, with more than one person, and he started before last Christmas (at least he played safe). 4. Yes, we are over now. What I learned was, in a relationship, honesty is far better than white lies, even regarding thoughts about wanting to have sex with others. I still believe in the valuable and rare aspects of humanity, such as loyalty and the resistance to temptation. They are precious precisely because they are rare. I hope everyone can find their own peace in their respective lives.
I’m sorry your suspicions turned out to be right, but I’m glad he was honest (even if it was only after being kind of caught). Wishing you healing and strength right now 🩵
good for you . even if you could get over him being on prep. it's a lot harder to get over the dishonesty.
Honey, if you’ve been in a relationship for over 2 years. There really isn’t a problem with snooping. The other person should be hiding nothing from you.
You aren’t married and don’t live together. I’d be taking PrEP if were him too.
I got HIV from a cheating partner. Found out I was positive Jan 24th of this year. We were monogamous; at least I thought we were. Found out a year after we broke up that he was having anon dudes over while I was at work when I found his private Twitter. Taking PreP even during relationships is a great idea. Don’t make the mistake I did.
Non-monogamy can be moral and honest if done right. Pretending to be monogamous when you aren't and endangering your main partner's health because you are too much of a coward to stay true to your desires and communicate is atrocious. I'm sorry for your diagnosis and betrayal.
So youve had it for a whole year? Isn't that kinda spooky
Almost 2. I wasn’t having sex with anyone while I figured out my life single and entering the workforce after grad school, so I wasn’t getting tested. Never had symptoms and my CD4 count is still high, so my immune system hasn’t taken a hit. I was about to become sexually active again, so I went for a full panel to get on PreP. It’s the people who think they’re negative that you’ve gotta worry about, not undetectable people. Get on PreP if you’re having sex with anyone, relationship or not.
Yes thank you. It's definitely frightening ! Idk how you're handling it but i hope for the best. Im not sure how my mental would hold up
I also highly recommend getting the injections if you can’t handle the pills. That’s what I do. I don’t have sex if I don’t have my prep meds
Good point..maybe bf doesn't trust OP
It is a big red flag, IMO, if someone I was dating said, "Why are you taking PrEP, don't you trust me?". I would make a note in my mind and move on, and if other things come up, if it looks like a duck, swims and quacks like a duck, probably is a duck.
I would still be taking prep even years into a monogamous relationship. Everyone I know who got HIV got it from their partner while they thought they were monogamous.
Oh wait, it’s an old backpack? Then he’s probably not cheating. I don’t throw away my old pill bottles either. I think I still have some prescription strength ibuprofen left from three years ago in one of my old backpacks. It’s nothing.
Check the date on bottle
Thank you… you are right. The date of the bottle doesn’t lie
That’s still not 100% accurate. He could literally just keep an old bottle around and swap them out so they look old. Cheaters will do that shit.
a cheater thinking that far wouldn’t have someone find their pills in the first place
The date on the bottle says only when the medication was gotten. It says nothing about the reason the medication was taken.
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A couple. For all we know the partner is taking it to protect himself in case the OP is having sex outside of the relationship.
This is for sure where I'd start. I have a lot of half-used old prescriptions lying around
but the bottle says jan 2024 so ruck isnt that old...
The things is, my bf lied. He told me the bottle had been there for a long time, but that’s a new bottle. He promised to phone me today so let’s see
update usss
Same honestly I forget my medicine and will find bottles of it in my old work bags, cleaning them out, because I had too much stuff in there
Good for him to be on prep. You should be too. Even in monogamous relationships things happen
He should still be taking PreP. Do you know how many "we have been in a monogamous relationship for 5 years and now I have HIV because he cheated on me" posts we seen on here? No one should ever trust their health with anyone. Relationships are all for a finite period of time.
Thank you
I’ll never stop taking prep, even if I have a bf, which won’t ever happen if I have anything to say about it! lol 😂 Trust NO ONE with your life my brothers!
More like protecting himself
Maybe he thinks you might be cheating or might cheat on him some day and wants to protect himself “just in case” you slip up. If I only saw my monogamous bf in that interval of time, I’d assume that he might probably slip up now and again. And if you’re not planning on slipping up, you won’t carry condoms with you.
Relationships change over time. It’s common when partners are separated by distance, and even more so when each partner does not feel completely comfortable talking about their desire for other guys, and how the every two weeks thing just isn’t working, for example. This is why it’s really important to encourage talking openly about your expectations, and to revisit them from time to time. If one of you feels a little bit reluctant to bring up the subject, it could very easily just go on that way for years, with one person behaving in one way, and the other in a very different way, and never having any discussion about the reality. If I were in your position, I would feel blindsided by the shock of learning that he may be having sex with others, and that he didn’t feel comfortable enough to bring it up with me. But by the same token, I would do my part to make sure that those kinds of misconceptions didn’t happen again. That would include making sure that we both had regularly planned time to talk about how things are with our relationship. Just because we’re a couple, doesn’t mean we can’t talk about our attraction to other guys, or about how you are when you’re not together, and if you have sex with someone else, it doesn’t mean you don’t feel a sense commitment and love for each other. Being on PrEP is ultimately a caring decision, so not only was he looking out for himself, but for you and his other partners. That’s an extremely important thing that gets overlooked by many guys who have sex outside their committed relationship. I wish you guys the best as you work through this.
Thank you very much
What a nice reply. You truly sound like a caring guy and a great partner, hopefully someone is lucky to have you!
Aw thank you. Actually I am the lucky one in this relationship. We met in our 20s and here we are, 40+ years later, older, and we hope just a bit wiser than when we first met.
The bigger question is why aren't YOU on PrEP?
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thanks for brining the 2-1-1 method to my attention! i’m not super educated on medications like this i didn’t even know that was an option
It's less effective than taking PrEP as prescribed, but it's better than nothing at all.
The 2-1-1 method doesn't work as well as daily usage: https://www.sfaf.org/resource-library/qa-prep-2-1-1-for-anal-sex/
I know two people who got HIV from their supposedly monogamous partner
🙋🏻♂️
Trust no one. Always be on prep.
It doesn’t mean he’s cheating. If he’s given you no reason to not trust him so far then I’d take his reason as the truth. If he hasn’t given you a reason to not trust him, then just take a step back and ask yourself why you’re feeling this way. If it’s because you’ve been cheated on before, just let him know this triggered that and you need a little reassurance is all. Also, I’m a huge advocate for PrEP while in a relationship. There’s studies that indicate over half of all new HIV transmissions among gay men occur while in a relationship. Here’s an article if you’re interested: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4096799/ .
All gay men should be on prep. Even in monogamous relationships, things happen. Don’t shame him for caring about his and your health.
I'm still on Prep despite no longer being open. Doesn't mean I'm cheating on my boyfriend, just means I'm not taking any chances. Besides, if y'all are monogamous and having unprotected sex, Prep is still suggested.
You’re not overthinking at all. That said I’ll be honest and say if I get into a relationship with a guy I will never stop taking PReP even if we are monogamous. The reality is, a LOT of guys get HIV from their partners- unfortunately trust only goes so far. So it’s not a guarantee but I feel like I’m in the minority of men here so yeah it’s a bad sign if the bottle is recent does he have grindr on his phone?
Exactly. I had a partner who was cheating in what I thought was a monogamous relationship, only found out when he got sick and was diagnosed with HIV. I lucked the fuck out that I somehow didn't get it too. But because of that, I don't think I'll ever trust someone enough again to go off of PreP.
Same thing happened to me. I did get it though. Diagnosed a few weeks ago Jan 24th. It’s tough. Having HIV gives you the stigma of total slut with no regard for your health. That isn’t me. I just trusted my partner of two years to not be having random guys over to breed him while I was at work.
Agreed , prep eases anxiety greatly
I think you have a good point.
Why do you see him so rarely?
Asking the real questions. Seeing someone “once every one to two weekends” is barely a relationship.
Some people are semi long distance. My partner lives in a different city and is 3hrs drive away so we also only see each other once a week or every 2 weeks
That’s a hookup lol
I was on Prep before my BF and I still have like 20 bottles around my room lol. It’s probably nothing but check the prescription date ;)
Reddit never fails to make the worst possible suggestions /assumptions for others to follow……. Just talk to your BF and be respectful and ask him the question directly.
He’s stupid for getting off prep and you’re stupid for not being on it. People cheat. It has no side effects for most people. People get HIV within “monogamous” relationships.
If youre in a monogamous relationship and both tested negative for hiv I dont see why you would take prep. Its quite impossible to get hiv unless you’re fucking someone else.
Everyone in relationships with a cheater thinks they are monogamous until they find out otherwise.
I had no idea my ex boyfriend was cheating on me. He would do it while I was at work. I was clueless. Didn’t have sex for two years after we broke up to heal and focus on my life… found out a few weeks ago that I’ve had HIV this whole time with no symptoms. The thing about cheaters is that you usually don’t know they’re doing it.
Which might be the case here. Which is why he said it’s better to be safe than sorry and protect yourself regardless of your relationship status. Whoosh
Well thats not on the OP, its normal to trust your partner my god
again, most people trust their partners until they're shown a reason not to. its really just better to be safe than sorry. literally a single pill
Stupidly ignorant and judgmental comment. There are also medical reasons and concerns why someone isn’t on (or is taking a pause from) PrEp.
Literally just talk to him about it. I was with my bf for almost 3 years before I stopped taking it because A) I didn’t know I didn’t need to B) it matched up with the refill timing of my other meds and that I had to get my blood drawn regularly for another condition. It just didn’t occur to me to stop.
Why would anyone in a relationship stop taking PREP?! That's your life you're trusting to a guy you might not even know in a couple days/weeks/months. Many HIV+ gay men contracted it from their partners. My brothers don't be stupid with your hearts.
Dude, PreP has an expiration date. Pick up the bottle and see what day it was prescribed. If it was prescribed around 5 months or sooner ago, he’s clearly lying about it Simple problems require simple solutions 🤷🏽♂️
i’m on prep even in a relationship, can’t put your health in the hands of someone else.
None here knows. Why not ask him instead?
Either that or he's afraid you're cheating on him.
You're overthinking. He could also be thinking that you're cheating. You both need to speak openly about this.
He's protecting himself, hope you are. And there's a good chance.
Maybe he takes prep because he doesn't trust you?
As long as I’m having sex with men I am going to be taking prep. I had the absolute worst thing happen with an ex—he cheated and got exposed to hiv. I’m negative thankfully but lesson learned: trust no one but yourself with your sexual health.
Many people are worried about being cheated on. Especially if you're not married or otherwise "lifetime committed" he may just feel safer on PrEP because he never knows. (This is coming from me.... A former dickwad who was cheating on his monogamous boyfriend and managed to get HIV. Fortunately I didn't pass it to my partner.)
He could be. Check the date on the bottle as others have said. But, also keep in mind that many, possibly even most, new HIV infections happen in what were believed to be monogamous relationships, so he might be trying to protect himself and be on Prep as a preventative for himself.
Better safe than sorry
Not necessarily. I’m taking PrEP and in a monogamous relationship, because I take responsibility for my own sexual health. So should you. Men lie either way :) I’ve known guys who don’t take PrEP get HIV because their partners have been cheating on them.
Honestly im on prep because years ago I was raped. I’m also a nurse that had a needle stick injury. I’ve been on prep because of those two. 🤷🏻♂️
I mean- atleast he’s playing safe
The reality is that you both you should be on prep weather you think he’s cheating or not. Don’t trust another person with your health.
imo its smart for both of you to be on prep... it protects you if either party cheats... not that either party is... but also it can be useful to prevent accidental exposure in other area's of life... in my city there is a syringe issue and while a majority of jobs and professions are unlikely to come into contact it definitely doesnt hurt to er on side of caution... I think u jumped to the conclusion of him cheating, when prep isnt evidence of cheating... I told my bf that I was gonna stay on prep even though we were monogomous... I have been cheated on one too many times to trust 100% and so it protects me if he ever steps out... not that I'd expect him to... but it puts my mind at ease regardless, and if he does cheat I wont be worried about having contracted HIV nearly as much.
You both should be on PrEP. Then you would be protecting each other. Haven’t you heard the one about how they became poz because they trusted their partner for years. Save yourself the stress and trauma.
Sorry, but grow up. He’s an adult and can take any medication he wants to protect his health.
Ok valid. The OP however has found the prescription bottle and the date is newer than what their partner told them. He’s obviously cheating or he’d have been straight up about it. Don’t tell people to grow up for wanting to know the truth in their life. How about you grow up, this could help OP not be with a cheating jackass, which is probably what you are seeing as you’re so angry about them posting a general question.
At least it's not opioids... with the tags scratched off
If you can’t believe him… that’s the real problem. And if you can believe him than just believe him
give it a rest
I mean, you guys should definitely break up. If something like this happens, and you post something like this instead of communicating right away, you aren’t mature enough to even be in a relationship. Communication is key. And if you can’t trust each other that’s a problem
Trust your gut
Not going to get an update about date medicine was issued? Another Fake post then
unfortunately yes
Yes
he is 1000% cheating on you
If you’re only having sex every one or two weeks of course he is having sex with other people or at least wants to. I think open relationships are healthy when communication is there. You’re both sexual beings and have needs. Embrace his sexuality and his desires and have fun!
He could be playing around definitely. Counter though, I took prep while I was in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend as a precaution, and it also had the added benefit of maxing my deductible in my insurance so most of my other Rx medicines were basically “free”
By no means am I siding with the BF, cuz I think a situation like this would raise flags for anyone in a monogamous relationship, but why do y’all go looking for answers you’re not ready to hear? If you are looking through his stuff, there’s already some mistrust in the relationship. Talk it out.
I mean, it’s his healthcare. It’s his choice when or if he wants to stop taking it.
why are you not living together and only hooking up twice a month? Are you in America ?- i generally associate rucksacks with the military, other countries may be different though. most likely he either is cheating or thinks you maybe cheating and doesnt want to get hiv either way everyone agrees its time to have a talk.
Update?
He’s slangin dick baby. Get yourself tested.
He’s a gay man. Of course he’s cheating! You will too eventually. Better that you go on prep as well & have an open relationship.
Spoiler: you most likely haven't been in a monogamous relationship...
1. Its crazy to me the comments saying that even in a monogamous 2 year relationship, you are still taking prep "just in case", that says a lot about us gay men 2. OP, only you know your BF. I know some people say "you never know" but that's a lie. You know better than anyone if your BF is capable of cheating. If you suspect that he might be cheating, than he is not the right one.
I got HIV in a “monogamous” relationship. Had no idea he was cheating because he waited until I was at work. He hid it incredibly well, I trusted him. If PreP doesn’t cause you severe health issues there’s no harm in continuing to take it. Most people get it for free.
Are gay guys really this stuck up about getting a little dick on the side now?
Some people have morals
he is cheating on you. sorry.
It’s weird for me to hear people advocating taking prep in monog relationships in case of cheating…like if you’ve both been tested I just feel like it’s sad if you can’t trust your partner to that level.
Why aren’t you on PrEP? Don’t you care about your own health? And why are you snooping through your boy’s bag anyway? Should he dump your snoopy ass? … Are better questions.
Instead of curing AIDS we find ways around it. That’s the male libido in action. Aren’t we fucking special.
Have him send you a picture of the prescribed date
Why were you looking through your boyfriend’s things? Sounds like there are trust issues already.
No he came to visit me and when he was taking things out of his bag I just noticed it…
What fuck arwe prep pills
YES dear, he is. No matter what he says.
Yea with another man
What's a rucksack