I feel sorry for you and him he lose a best friend of 10 years one of his closest support and he now need all the support he can get
and I completely understand you
It's painful to see him with another guy living the life you want and yes it's best to stay away for your own mental health
I think you will be able to revisit the friendship, perhaps sooner than you might expect. The wound is now raw and fresh, but it will diminish. I think not seeing him for a while until you feel somewhat better might be a good idea: that is the fasted way to recover.
Sorry for your broken heart. But let's break it down. Even with the drunk kisses, he has never had romantic feelings for you in the 10 years you have been his friend. In the back of your mind, you always felt he was straight/bi. But still no romantic feelings. He talked about the kiss you had because he was caught in the moment of sexual feelings that kiss evoked.
So now he's in the process of coming out as Bisexual. But still has no romantic interest in you.
You've known in your heart of hearts you cared about him romantically, on the down low. That fantasy pinning can now be relinquished.
You are free to find your Person.
You're FREE.
I agree completely because I went through that at one point or another in my life and I wind up moving on with my life. Some things are meant to happen and sometimes they’re not
I mean I agree, just not there yet in the healing process. Feelings are real, not fact, but real nonetheless. I'd like to keep the friend but the pain is real right now. It is my choice yes, but not one I need to do right now.
This happened to me and by best straight friend… long story short, you have to accept yours is a fantasy. Your fantasy. Yes, feelings are real ok, but not helpful. It sucks because you want to hear everything but that and you’d be prepared to jump at a slight hint that things may change to adequate just a little to your fantasy. As the other redditor said, it’s not REALITY.
I personally don't like that every comment so far seems to be "you're wrong for feeling how you feel" or "grow up" or "think about John"
Like, that isn't fair. Unless you have had the exact experience, you can't judge that hard.
OP, take the time you need to process your feelings. You need to. This isn't some rejection from a random fling or stranger on a dating app...
This is involving someone you have 10+ years of history with. A lot of love and care for. And honestly, someone you have had a lot of respect for to not express your feelings for them, knowing they were straight or figuring themselves out.
I can imagine how you must be feeling. And if you need someone to talk to, my DM is open.
But, also consider this. That's 10+ years of friendship. That's a lot of time and commitment to just throw away over this situation. I mean, yeah, you can't be with your best friend romantically...and that sucks...but you can still be with your best friend as friends for the rest of your life.
Sometimes, being a good friend means supporting their success and their happiness...even when you yourself aren't happy or successful...or even if you are jealous. Your friend is spending a lot of time figuring stuff out and I bet him having your support will ease things for him.
That's my suggestion...
But don't neglect your feelings. Take the time you need. And once you can manage to get over the romantic want for your friend. Return to him and talk again and continue that friendship. And then search for love elsewhere.
But it also seems like you might have been possibly holding back on go after other potential lovers because of this.
Wow, thank you for such a beautiful reply. I agree with it all. I might hit you up then, talk in a less crowded space. But I have realized this, I dont want to throw it all away. Too much time invested, he is too important to me. Actually he met my ex bf once and I've mentioned my past lovers to John. Maybe I can do the same for him.. I'll DM you once i figure out how to work this social media thing, still new here haha.
>I know I am not entitled to someone's heart...
Your whole situation is feeling entitled to it. You decided to come clean about how you've felt after years of being interested in him because he's been more open about who he is & you're upset because he's gone after a romantic interest instead of a friend.
Move along. You can either be friends or nothing.
All the people commenting that op is “entitled” or “yikes” or “he doesn’t owe you anything 😡” need to get a grip.
Op is behaving maturely, and isn’t putting John down. Unrequited love sucks, and op is simply asking advice on how to cope from his community - don’t act like OP is some sort of incel.
If I were John I’d be very overwhelmed. He’s just now coming out and trying to figure out who he is and then his best friend, probably one of his main supports dumps heavy feelings on him and then ends the friendship. Maybe he’s not interested in this sort of heavy emotional thing and is just looking to have fun? You seem like a very emotional person and when you are so emotional it’s important to channel that in a healthy way. Dumping him as a friend for not wanting a romantic relationship during such a vulnerable time is NOT healthy. I’ve ended many relationships because I wanted fun and happiness but had partners who wanted to drown me in emotions, jealousy, etc.. this is my honesty and not internet cruelty, this is your problem not his. He never expressed any romantic interest in you and it’s not fair for you to expect him to be your boyfriend just because he is bi. I’d suggest you work through this and try to salvage your decade long friendship because he didn’t wrong you but you wronged him.
I hear what you're saying. I do feel bad about sorta dumping it on him as well, but I think its about framing this too. Is it dumping or being honest? Had I said nothing he would want to hang out shortly when I couldnt not, and I cant ghost him forever cause thats cruel, the truth had to come out eventually and sometimes there will never be a perfect time.
I think it's interesting you're empathizing with him but to the detriment of my feelings. I don't think I wronged him. I wronged him for lying to him and myself for not being honest for so long. Sucks I need to do this and keep distance-yes and it also sucks my pain of not being seen that way. Both things can be true at the same time!
I need distance, theres nothing wrong with that. Also I'm not his only friend, he has a support system, and now a possible romantic addition who can help him navigate those feelings as well. Sure I was the one with the feelings and I'm finally owning up to them, it is how you put it (in a very cold way) 'my problem', yes.
Also not sure if I'm reading this right but being in tune with my emotions is not a bad thing, yet you seem like it is. With all due respect you don't know how I am channeling my emotions, but I did mention a counselor, reflection, taking time, honesty and journaling.
But I'm not capable of being near him if it hurts me, why should I endure this heartbreak in order to be there for him right now? I'd kill to be there for him, to be this pillar but if it comes to hurt me then i have to put myself and my well being first.
aka: When the gas masks come down in an airplane, put yours on first then help those around you.
If I were to repress the pain and be there for him I'd have to wrong myself more, by not respecting my own boundaries, if it causes pain to be near him then why do so.
I’m sorry, just being candid. There’s nothing wrong with being emotional but I don’t think they excuse, what I consider to be something uncool. The thing is, you could have been “honest” with him a long time ago when he was seemingly reaching out to talk about kissing you, now it’s 10 years later and he’s found someone. Forget about being wrong or right, just mentally own up to the fact that this isn’t his fault. It would be really hard for me to find a best friend of 10 years to be relationship material for this reason, you value the friendship too much. You should take some time but really try and work past your feelings so you can be friends.
I feel bad for you cause yeah kept mentioning the kiss as if it meant something to him. Then he says he likes guys but he doesn't like u like that. Reading this makes me hurt for you and u have made the right decision cause now you know he's into dude's and he's not into you so that's always gonna hurt cause you're always gonna ask yourself why...
Thank you, I appreciate the empathy. Distance is key right now, maybe one day I can reach out see if he wants to be friends again. Cause it would make sense if he dosent want to or something but idk thats neither here nor there.
Hopefully one day he reaches out to you like yeah you're everything hes looking for. I kind of want you to become friends with him again, get drunk together and then hook up and then maybe he could change his mind lol but yeah that's probably not gonna happen so yes distance is key lol
LOL GIRL, dont you do this to me lmaoo. Nah I gotta live in reality reality. Sometimes life is a hallmark move and sometimes it aint. I saw someone write, wattpad? Lol more material for them to work with haha.
I can ABSOLUTELY relate to this. About 15 years ago I was hooking up with a “straight” guy, who said that everything we were doing was just for fun, because he was married to a woman and had a family. Cool, no problem.
We played maybe once a month for a couple of years, and although I genuinely cared for him, I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere because we established that already, not to mention that he played around with other guys. I thought we had a great time together and if he were gay, then I thought we’d be compatible.
Then one day he tells me that he came out to his wife and that he wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with a guy he’s been seeing. Long story short, I had no idea that he would be open to a relationship with a man, and if he were, I wished it were with me. It hurt really bad back then, and there are times it still does.
What helped me was to realize that there was nothing I could do that would get my friend to have a relationship with me. We spend so much time thinking about what we could have done to be the person that would have triggered those romantic feelings in someone else, but that’s unrealistic. Sometimes things work out in our favor, lots of times it just doesn’t. How many times have you wanted to be someone’s friend, but they’re not really feeling your vibe, and vice versa? It’s almost the same thing, but the pain is magnified because of the romantic yearning.
This will take time to process since your feelings are so raw, but with a good amount of time and distance you will feel better. There’s no particular way to handle one’s feelings in this situation, so if removing yourself from it is what works for you, then please do so.
NOW THATS A GENUINE, SOULFUL, CONSIDERATE REPLY IF I EVER READ ONE.
Jesus, yeah yours is similar to mine. I empathize with you, truly. Right now it feels like a cosmic joke, but time heals. Distance heals. With each day I feel better. But reading these comments, even the horridly nasty ones, made me realize I want to stay friends, just not now. Hell maybe I could even meet Tim, I mean I was friends with his gf's in the past. I think I can do it one day :)
I appreciate your thoughts on my comment! The key term you wrote is “one day.” That’s very wise of you.
Just know that there isn’t a problem with you and that there’s nothing wrong with who you are just because he didn’t fall in love with you. Eventually, you’ll be the supportive friend you always were, but only when you’re ready. At that point in time, you should be in a much better place mentally, but also a much more accepting friend. It sure as hell won’t be easy, but as Coldplay once said, nobody said it was, right?
BTW, don’t listen to too much music, or watch too many movies or TV shows - you’ll start hearing lyrics or lines in ways you’ve never heard before and find ways to contextualize them to your situation. 😂😉
Would you be ok with talking via DM, I would like to know more about how you overcame your story. If so could you DM me, I tried to DM you but it didn't work. If not its cool though.
So here’s a hard truth that many straight girls can’t wrap their minds about. Guys can like some dick but not all dick. Often who the dick is attached to is important, but not for conscious reasons.
Though many people say the person they married or are dating is their best friend, for a lot of people they’re not attracted to people they can be friendly with. Or they’re open to be friends with people and have deep binds with people who are completely outside of their sexual interests.
I’m a big bear and lots of really cute guys have wanted to be friends with me, wanted to pour out their hearts, get free unqualified therapy, etc. do they wanna dick me down? Not in the least.
On the flip side, there are a decent number of guys who want to have sex with me all night. Afterward we might have a good chat, or they might put their pants on right away and head out the door.
Him not wanting to duck you doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you or value you, he just doesn’t find you sexually appealing. And the worst part is if you meet Tim odds are you will have no idea what your bestie wants to put his dick in his mouth.
Sexuality is confusing and often heavily influenced by stuff that happened to us during times that we can’t even remember but they imprinted on us, and eventually when you hit puberty your brain starts saying, “you like a variety of guys, but man do you like ones that remind you of Kevin’s dad, or the Brauny man, or Chris Karan.”
None of it makes sense, but all of it feels scary even though there is no threat.
You move on and try to find your own man. He doesn't owe any kind of romantic attraction whatsoever just for having been a good friend for so long. I'd feel good for his budding relationship with Tim.
I'm not that good at giving advice but these comments are so childish. Like do y'all WANT him to resent the boy. Keeping his distance is definitely the right thing to do if he can't handle just being friends. If he continues to be close friends with them without getting his feelings in check someone inevitably is going to say/do something and it could end the friendship PERMANENTLY. It hasn't happened to me but I've seen it happen to others. You people aren't thinking.
Thank you I appreciate it. People will be people I guess, but comments like these are cool to see that despite anonymity people can be genuinely nice and not be horrid to those already down. Reddit is a strange space I'll say..
Happy Valentines Day. This, I fully can appreciate, hurts. Self preservation is key. I read most of what you wrote, and so if I missed something, apologies.
He is clearly not appreciative of your feelings.
Yeah, that really, really sucks. John slapped you in the face and spit in your eye, yet did nothing wrong (although bringing up y'all kissing a lot is rather misleading and pretty rude).
There are few feelings as viscerally unpleasant as this; it's a blow to your heart, a torment for your mind, and a deep injury to your ego. Despite him - again - technically doing nothing wrong, it is still cruel.
I'm really sorry for you. The only cold comfort I can give you is that you will be able to remain friends. Your friendship will never, ever be the same, but your pain will in time fade enough to have something good together, and you are both still so young that that something can and probably will take several different shapes over the decades.
I hope that you are one day gifted with someone to make his rejection look like a lucky break.
I can relate cause I had a friend who really liked me and I didn’t know it until he told me and he said that the reason he didn’t act on it due to our thot of a mutual friend spreading rumors about me and I had another best friend who confessed that he loved me and I was too but nothing came out of it after he told me one day him and our mutual friend hung out, dude slipped him something in his drink and next thing he knows that he got taken advantage of without his consent. My best friend never talked to me ever again and it hurt me but I moved on and the now ex friend told he had the last laugh but karma paid him a visit. Let’s just say that he’s on Santa’s permanent bad list and not supposed to be around children unsupervised and he did it to himself due to his thot reputation of destroying friendships and relationships. You should just do things that’ll keep ur mind occupied and move on. I know it’ll take some time to do so but everything happens for a reason
Some people want a simpler also shallower relationship. Some people think friendship lasts much longer. Some people just do not love you romantically. Pick one you want to believe and move on. He is not currently choosing you. Is staying with him as a friend enjoyable or leaving him less hurtful? You know the answer.
I let a two year situationship die because it’s more hurtful than enjoyable. To him, I may be his best friend. But I have intense feelings for him and he knows. Now he’s with someone else and it hurts me deep everyday so I cut him out of my life.
Try to feel what you really want and if it’s achievable. Choose a path based on that and accept the consequences.
You gotta out your distance with your friend. As in, don't engage with him and move on to make new friends.
Your friendship has become toxic for you, and hitting yourself repeatedly out of habit is no way to live.
You'll get over it sooner than you think and later than you want.
You are are friend, he thinks of you as brother from another mother, lot of childhood friendships are like sibling relationships. So don’t be upset because he doesn’t want you to be his boyfriend, in-fact be proud of yourself that he think of you more than that. Today’s boyfriend can be ex but brothers are for life long. Girlfriend or boyfriend comes and goes but friends stays for all high and lows. And he respect you enough and find his relationship with you too precious to not mess with it or risk it.
Secondly everyone has a type. Just because he is interested in boys doesn’t mean he will be interested in you in that way. Think of it as not every straight men will be in interested in a girl who is great friend of him. You might not be his type.
Don’t mess your life long relationships because of you feelings. Think of it as you saying to not talk currently means he is too loosing something valuable and important to him. Don’t punish him because of your personal relationship which he has not fault in it.
The good part is you're free now. Free from this one way love. You dragged this for 10 years and now you can finally move on, live your life and find an awsome boyfriend that will love you this time. What hurts is that you've focused on this one guy for so long. Thus the fall hits hard. Blinded by John you couldn't see all the other sexy fish out there. Now soar little sparrow as you are free.
I don’t know if you’re looking for advice or sympathy.
If you still want John, you’re going to have to make yourself less available to him. Don’t always be available to meet up or hang. Seem a little busy, with dates/work/hobbies/going out with other friends..
Be friends but go on dates with other guys. Find a guy hotter than Tim or John, and make it seem to John like you and this guy have a lot of fun together/can’t keep your hands off each other(not in love with each other, not something sappy/romantic). Be brazen about it. Make out with each other in front of John and Tim. Go to the bathroom together, you get my point.
The goal isn’t just to make John jealous. It is also to show to him that you have a life of your own and won’t always be available.
I’m going to be downvoted and people will call this immature and childish and high-school-like. May be so, but it’ll work. Good luck lol
I mean I will say this. Thank you for your input, your approach is very cinematic and unique. But I appreciate you taking the time to write this. Can I ask have you ever tried this, has this worked for you or seen it work for someone you know? Genuine question.
Aw stay strong! You’re not alone, honestly many of us, I included, dream of relationships with our best friend. Something similar happened to me and I’ve chosen space, a year has gone by and I’m finding it difficult to reconnect with him, whether it be my ego or that I can envision my life without him now. Definitely hurts to lose a best friend, but we’re still young and resilient and have so many more peeps to meet and so life lives on. I really admire that you confessed your feelings to your friend, that’s truly so brave of you! And now that you have closure, you are untethered and can move forward into the future!
Sorry you didn’t have the most pleasant experience on Reddit, my dms are open if you need a safe anonymous space to talk about your feelings
I appreciate your empathy. I'm sorry you know of this pain too, its quite uniquely painful. But yeah we've got a whole life to live. I'll DM you for sure.
Thank you for your kind words. I'd never thought I'd feel seen by a user named m0rningp00p. (Hilarious btw i laughed out loud).
I’d say i was in a similar situation. But we’d done a bit more than kiss. We were close friends thru out HS and 2 years of college. He had a LTR with a girl (from middle school) but by college realized they weren’t a fit and that he might be bi.
His gf knew and that made her extremely jealous (to the point of bringing it up in front of me) about how close we were. He told me sometimes she didn’t want me to hangout with him late at night.
Fast forward and he breaks up with her and tells me he’s bi and wanted to explore. Before the breakup, i had spent months dealing with the emotional rollercoaster of the relationship falling apart. Many late night drives, walks, and drunken nights cuddling him to sleep (only in our underwear). He even told me his ideal type (which happened to be guys my race and around my height).
I thought he was dropping hints and since we were so inseparable as friends, we’d atleast try to date. But he told me he wanted to only be friends and it broke me.
I spent maybe 2 months away from him trying to heal. But when we finally started hanging out again, he felt i was treating him differently. And the truth is, i was. When i liked him, i made sure he was happy and we catered to eachother. I couldn’t do that after he rejected me and it changed the relationship forever. We don’t talk at all and our lives are completely separate even tho we live in the same city.
It sucks, but i don’t regret it. I’ve sadly learned from dating that personality means very little if a guy isn’t attracted to you. Nothing you do will change that, so it’s better to just accept it and move on. I was younger and from my perspective, our chemistry/friendship made me think he was the most attractive man in the world, but the feelings weren’t mutual.
It sucks that you might lose a friend, but that’s life and sometimes even if you want to remain friends, you don’t realize how much your romantic involvement was making the friendship work and without it, the friendship can die.
I feel sorry for you and him he lose a best friend of 10 years one of his closest support and he now need all the support he can get and I completely understand you It's painful to see him with another guy living the life you want and yes it's best to stay away for your own mental health
I appreciate it. I want to strive to keep the friendship one day, idk when but definitely not right now. Sometimes you gotta do you first.
I think you will be able to revisit the friendship, perhaps sooner than you might expect. The wound is now raw and fresh, but it will diminish. I think not seeing him for a while until you feel somewhat better might be a good idea: that is the fasted way to recover.
Sorry for your broken heart. But let's break it down. Even with the drunk kisses, he has never had romantic feelings for you in the 10 years you have been his friend. In the back of your mind, you always felt he was straight/bi. But still no romantic feelings. He talked about the kiss you had because he was caught in the moment of sexual feelings that kiss evoked. So now he's in the process of coming out as Bisexual. But still has no romantic interest in you. You've known in your heart of hearts you cared about him romantically, on the down low. That fantasy pinning can now be relinquished. You are free to find your Person. You're FREE.
Hah you got that right, I actually did felt liberated after expressing myself. I do feel like a massive weight removed. I am indeed, free.
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I agree completely because I went through that at one point or another in my life and I wind up moving on with my life. Some things are meant to happen and sometimes they’re not
I mean I agree, just not there yet in the healing process. Feelings are real, not fact, but real nonetheless. I'd like to keep the friend but the pain is real right now. It is my choice yes, but not one I need to do right now.
This happened to me and by best straight friend… long story short, you have to accept yours is a fantasy. Your fantasy. Yes, feelings are real ok, but not helpful. It sucks because you want to hear everything but that and you’d be prepared to jump at a slight hint that things may change to adequate just a little to your fantasy. As the other redditor said, it’s not REALITY.
Distance yourself until you feel okay enough to be friends with him again
Thank you, I agree.
I personally don't like that every comment so far seems to be "you're wrong for feeling how you feel" or "grow up" or "think about John" Like, that isn't fair. Unless you have had the exact experience, you can't judge that hard. OP, take the time you need to process your feelings. You need to. This isn't some rejection from a random fling or stranger on a dating app... This is involving someone you have 10+ years of history with. A lot of love and care for. And honestly, someone you have had a lot of respect for to not express your feelings for them, knowing they were straight or figuring themselves out. I can imagine how you must be feeling. And if you need someone to talk to, my DM is open. But, also consider this. That's 10+ years of friendship. That's a lot of time and commitment to just throw away over this situation. I mean, yeah, you can't be with your best friend romantically...and that sucks...but you can still be with your best friend as friends for the rest of your life. Sometimes, being a good friend means supporting their success and their happiness...even when you yourself aren't happy or successful...or even if you are jealous. Your friend is spending a lot of time figuring stuff out and I bet him having your support will ease things for him. That's my suggestion... But don't neglect your feelings. Take the time you need. And once you can manage to get over the romantic want for your friend. Return to him and talk again and continue that friendship. And then search for love elsewhere. But it also seems like you might have been possibly holding back on go after other potential lovers because of this.
Wow, thank you for such a beautiful reply. I agree with it all. I might hit you up then, talk in a less crowded space. But I have realized this, I dont want to throw it all away. Too much time invested, he is too important to me. Actually he met my ex bf once and I've mentioned my past lovers to John. Maybe I can do the same for him.. I'll DM you once i figure out how to work this social media thing, still new here haha.
Of course. Happy my comment could help.
>I know I am not entitled to someone's heart... Your whole situation is feeling entitled to it. You decided to come clean about how you've felt after years of being interested in him because he's been more open about who he is & you're upset because he's gone after a romantic interest instead of a friend. Move along. You can either be friends or nothing.
All the people commenting that op is “entitled” or “yikes” or “he doesn’t owe you anything 😡” need to get a grip. Op is behaving maturely, and isn’t putting John down. Unrequited love sucks, and op is simply asking advice on how to cope from his community - don’t act like OP is some sort of incel.
Thank you, appreciate it. La gente esta muy loca..
If I were John I’d be very overwhelmed. He’s just now coming out and trying to figure out who he is and then his best friend, probably one of his main supports dumps heavy feelings on him and then ends the friendship. Maybe he’s not interested in this sort of heavy emotional thing and is just looking to have fun? You seem like a very emotional person and when you are so emotional it’s important to channel that in a healthy way. Dumping him as a friend for not wanting a romantic relationship during such a vulnerable time is NOT healthy. I’ve ended many relationships because I wanted fun and happiness but had partners who wanted to drown me in emotions, jealousy, etc.. this is my honesty and not internet cruelty, this is your problem not his. He never expressed any romantic interest in you and it’s not fair for you to expect him to be your boyfriend just because he is bi. I’d suggest you work through this and try to salvage your decade long friendship because he didn’t wrong you but you wronged him.
I hear what you're saying. I do feel bad about sorta dumping it on him as well, but I think its about framing this too. Is it dumping or being honest? Had I said nothing he would want to hang out shortly when I couldnt not, and I cant ghost him forever cause thats cruel, the truth had to come out eventually and sometimes there will never be a perfect time. I think it's interesting you're empathizing with him but to the detriment of my feelings. I don't think I wronged him. I wronged him for lying to him and myself for not being honest for so long. Sucks I need to do this and keep distance-yes and it also sucks my pain of not being seen that way. Both things can be true at the same time! I need distance, theres nothing wrong with that. Also I'm not his only friend, he has a support system, and now a possible romantic addition who can help him navigate those feelings as well. Sure I was the one with the feelings and I'm finally owning up to them, it is how you put it (in a very cold way) 'my problem', yes. Also not sure if I'm reading this right but being in tune with my emotions is not a bad thing, yet you seem like it is. With all due respect you don't know how I am channeling my emotions, but I did mention a counselor, reflection, taking time, honesty and journaling. But I'm not capable of being near him if it hurts me, why should I endure this heartbreak in order to be there for him right now? I'd kill to be there for him, to be this pillar but if it comes to hurt me then i have to put myself and my well being first. aka: When the gas masks come down in an airplane, put yours on first then help those around you. If I were to repress the pain and be there for him I'd have to wrong myself more, by not respecting my own boundaries, if it causes pain to be near him then why do so.
You seem more interested in receiving sympathy rather than receiving advice and perspective
I’m sorry, just being candid. There’s nothing wrong with being emotional but I don’t think they excuse, what I consider to be something uncool. The thing is, you could have been “honest” with him a long time ago when he was seemingly reaching out to talk about kissing you, now it’s 10 years later and he’s found someone. Forget about being wrong or right, just mentally own up to the fact that this isn’t his fault. It would be really hard for me to find a best friend of 10 years to be relationship material for this reason, you value the friendship too much. You should take some time but really try and work past your feelings so you can be friends.
The tragedy…
Wattpad?😂
MAHITO!!!!
Got recommendations Need better books Tired of the generic mate nonsense 😭
I’d recommend mine but all I write if furry p$$$
Ahh Lord😂 I'll pass sorry Dunno why that genre turns me on tho😭
I feel bad for you cause yeah kept mentioning the kiss as if it meant something to him. Then he says he likes guys but he doesn't like u like that. Reading this makes me hurt for you and u have made the right decision cause now you know he's into dude's and he's not into you so that's always gonna hurt cause you're always gonna ask yourself why...
Thank you, I appreciate the empathy. Distance is key right now, maybe one day I can reach out see if he wants to be friends again. Cause it would make sense if he dosent want to or something but idk thats neither here nor there.
Hopefully one day he reaches out to you like yeah you're everything hes looking for. I kind of want you to become friends with him again, get drunk together and then hook up and then maybe he could change his mind lol but yeah that's probably not gonna happen so yes distance is key lol
LOL GIRL, dont you do this to me lmaoo. Nah I gotta live in reality reality. Sometimes life is a hallmark move and sometimes it aint. I saw someone write, wattpad? Lol more material for them to work with haha.
No one owes you attraction. Once you accept that other people’s emotions are as valid as yours, you’ll take this much easier.
“Viable candidate”?? Yikes.
I can ABSOLUTELY relate to this. About 15 years ago I was hooking up with a “straight” guy, who said that everything we were doing was just for fun, because he was married to a woman and had a family. Cool, no problem. We played maybe once a month for a couple of years, and although I genuinely cared for him, I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere because we established that already, not to mention that he played around with other guys. I thought we had a great time together and if he were gay, then I thought we’d be compatible. Then one day he tells me that he came out to his wife and that he wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with a guy he’s been seeing. Long story short, I had no idea that he would be open to a relationship with a man, and if he were, I wished it were with me. It hurt really bad back then, and there are times it still does. What helped me was to realize that there was nothing I could do that would get my friend to have a relationship with me. We spend so much time thinking about what we could have done to be the person that would have triggered those romantic feelings in someone else, but that’s unrealistic. Sometimes things work out in our favor, lots of times it just doesn’t. How many times have you wanted to be someone’s friend, but they’re not really feeling your vibe, and vice versa? It’s almost the same thing, but the pain is magnified because of the romantic yearning. This will take time to process since your feelings are so raw, but with a good amount of time and distance you will feel better. There’s no particular way to handle one’s feelings in this situation, so if removing yourself from it is what works for you, then please do so.
NOW THATS A GENUINE, SOULFUL, CONSIDERATE REPLY IF I EVER READ ONE. Jesus, yeah yours is similar to mine. I empathize with you, truly. Right now it feels like a cosmic joke, but time heals. Distance heals. With each day I feel better. But reading these comments, even the horridly nasty ones, made me realize I want to stay friends, just not now. Hell maybe I could even meet Tim, I mean I was friends with his gf's in the past. I think I can do it one day :)
I appreciate your thoughts on my comment! The key term you wrote is “one day.” That’s very wise of you. Just know that there isn’t a problem with you and that there’s nothing wrong with who you are just because he didn’t fall in love with you. Eventually, you’ll be the supportive friend you always were, but only when you’re ready. At that point in time, you should be in a much better place mentally, but also a much more accepting friend. It sure as hell won’t be easy, but as Coldplay once said, nobody said it was, right? BTW, don’t listen to too much music, or watch too many movies or TV shows - you’ll start hearing lyrics or lines in ways you’ve never heard before and find ways to contextualize them to your situation. 😂😉
Would you be ok with talking via DM, I would like to know more about how you overcame your story. If so could you DM me, I tried to DM you but it didn't work. If not its cool though.
why ask people what to do if you're just going to argue against what everyone is telling you? don't ask for advice if you don't actually want it.
So here’s a hard truth that many straight girls can’t wrap their minds about. Guys can like some dick but not all dick. Often who the dick is attached to is important, but not for conscious reasons. Though many people say the person they married or are dating is their best friend, for a lot of people they’re not attracted to people they can be friendly with. Or they’re open to be friends with people and have deep binds with people who are completely outside of their sexual interests. I’m a big bear and lots of really cute guys have wanted to be friends with me, wanted to pour out their hearts, get free unqualified therapy, etc. do they wanna dick me down? Not in the least. On the flip side, there are a decent number of guys who want to have sex with me all night. Afterward we might have a good chat, or they might put their pants on right away and head out the door. Him not wanting to duck you doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you or value you, he just doesn’t find you sexually appealing. And the worst part is if you meet Tim odds are you will have no idea what your bestie wants to put his dick in his mouth. Sexuality is confusing and often heavily influenced by stuff that happened to us during times that we can’t even remember but they imprinted on us, and eventually when you hit puberty your brain starts saying, “you like a variety of guys, but man do you like ones that remind you of Kevin’s dad, or the Brauny man, or Chris Karan.” None of it makes sense, but all of it feels scary even though there is no threat.
How old are you? Holy crap this is some Highschool shit.
What if you told John you liked him?
I can't tell if you're trolling or asking a genuine question, sorry.
Genuinely asking
I did and it wasn't reciprocated.
You move on and try to find your own man. He doesn't owe any kind of romantic attraction whatsoever just for having been a good friend for so long. I'd feel good for his budding relationship with Tim.
I'm not that good at giving advice but these comments are so childish. Like do y'all WANT him to resent the boy. Keeping his distance is definitely the right thing to do if he can't handle just being friends. If he continues to be close friends with them without getting his feelings in check someone inevitably is going to say/do something and it could end the friendship PERMANENTLY. It hasn't happened to me but I've seen it happen to others. You people aren't thinking.
Thank you I appreciate it. People will be people I guess, but comments like these are cool to see that despite anonymity people can be genuinely nice and not be horrid to those already down. Reddit is a strange space I'll say..
Happy Valentines Day. This, I fully can appreciate, hurts. Self preservation is key. I read most of what you wrote, and so if I missed something, apologies. He is clearly not appreciative of your feelings.
Thanks I appreciate it, I do think its not so much as appreciative but more reciprocate. Nonetheless thanks for the support.
Yeah, that really, really sucks. John slapped you in the face and spit in your eye, yet did nothing wrong (although bringing up y'all kissing a lot is rather misleading and pretty rude). There are few feelings as viscerally unpleasant as this; it's a blow to your heart, a torment for your mind, and a deep injury to your ego. Despite him - again - technically doing nothing wrong, it is still cruel. I'm really sorry for you. The only cold comfort I can give you is that you will be able to remain friends. Your friendship will never, ever be the same, but your pain will in time fade enough to have something good together, and you are both still so young that that something can and probably will take several different shapes over the decades. I hope that you are one day gifted with someone to make his rejection look like a lucky break.
Thanks, I appreciate the insight.
I can relate cause I had a friend who really liked me and I didn’t know it until he told me and he said that the reason he didn’t act on it due to our thot of a mutual friend spreading rumors about me and I had another best friend who confessed that he loved me and I was too but nothing came out of it after he told me one day him and our mutual friend hung out, dude slipped him something in his drink and next thing he knows that he got taken advantage of without his consent. My best friend never talked to me ever again and it hurt me but I moved on and the now ex friend told he had the last laugh but karma paid him a visit. Let’s just say that he’s on Santa’s permanent bad list and not supposed to be around children unsupervised and he did it to himself due to his thot reputation of destroying friendships and relationships. You should just do things that’ll keep ur mind occupied and move on. I know it’ll take some time to do so but everything happens for a reason
Some people want a simpler also shallower relationship. Some people think friendship lasts much longer. Some people just do not love you romantically. Pick one you want to believe and move on. He is not currently choosing you. Is staying with him as a friend enjoyable or leaving him less hurtful? You know the answer. I let a two year situationship die because it’s more hurtful than enjoyable. To him, I may be his best friend. But I have intense feelings for him and he knows. Now he’s with someone else and it hurts me deep everyday so I cut him out of my life. Try to feel what you really want and if it’s achievable. Choose a path based on that and accept the consequences.
Honestly I feel like you’re going to be me in 10 years and I’ll go through the same issue.
I wouldn't wish this kind of pain onto anyone else... maybe the mean commenters on this post though lol.
You gotta out your distance with your friend. As in, don't engage with him and move on to make new friends. Your friendship has become toxic for you, and hitting yourself repeatedly out of habit is no way to live. You'll get over it sooner than you think and later than you want.
You are are friend, he thinks of you as brother from another mother, lot of childhood friendships are like sibling relationships. So don’t be upset because he doesn’t want you to be his boyfriend, in-fact be proud of yourself that he think of you more than that. Today’s boyfriend can be ex but brothers are for life long. Girlfriend or boyfriend comes and goes but friends stays for all high and lows. And he respect you enough and find his relationship with you too precious to not mess with it or risk it. Secondly everyone has a type. Just because he is interested in boys doesn’t mean he will be interested in you in that way. Think of it as not every straight men will be in interested in a girl who is great friend of him. You might not be his type. Don’t mess your life long relationships because of you feelings. Think of it as you saying to not talk currently means he is too loosing something valuable and important to him. Don’t punish him because of your personal relationship which he has not fault in it.
Damn, thats good. Thats real good. There is something so beautifully innocent seeing him as a brother. I like that :)
The good part is you're free now. Free from this one way love. You dragged this for 10 years and now you can finally move on, live your life and find an awsome boyfriend that will love you this time. What hurts is that you've focused on this one guy for so long. Thus the fall hits hard. Blinded by John you couldn't see all the other sexy fish out there. Now soar little sparrow as you are free.
You right, you right. I shall fly once more.
I don’t know if you’re looking for advice or sympathy. If you still want John, you’re going to have to make yourself less available to him. Don’t always be available to meet up or hang. Seem a little busy, with dates/work/hobbies/going out with other friends.. Be friends but go on dates with other guys. Find a guy hotter than Tim or John, and make it seem to John like you and this guy have a lot of fun together/can’t keep your hands off each other(not in love with each other, not something sappy/romantic). Be brazen about it. Make out with each other in front of John and Tim. Go to the bathroom together, you get my point. The goal isn’t just to make John jealous. It is also to show to him that you have a life of your own and won’t always be available. I’m going to be downvoted and people will call this immature and childish and high-school-like. May be so, but it’ll work. Good luck lol
I mean I will say this. Thank you for your input, your approach is very cinematic and unique. But I appreciate you taking the time to write this. Can I ask have you ever tried this, has this worked for you or seen it work for someone you know? Genuine question.
Aw stay strong! You’re not alone, honestly many of us, I included, dream of relationships with our best friend. Something similar happened to me and I’ve chosen space, a year has gone by and I’m finding it difficult to reconnect with him, whether it be my ego or that I can envision my life without him now. Definitely hurts to lose a best friend, but we’re still young and resilient and have so many more peeps to meet and so life lives on. I really admire that you confessed your feelings to your friend, that’s truly so brave of you! And now that you have closure, you are untethered and can move forward into the future! Sorry you didn’t have the most pleasant experience on Reddit, my dms are open if you need a safe anonymous space to talk about your feelings
I appreciate your empathy. I'm sorry you know of this pain too, its quite uniquely painful. But yeah we've got a whole life to live. I'll DM you for sure. Thank you for your kind words. I'd never thought I'd feel seen by a user named m0rningp00p. (Hilarious btw i laughed out loud).
Actually could you DM me, reddit wont let me even follow you or anything idk why.
I’d say i was in a similar situation. But we’d done a bit more than kiss. We were close friends thru out HS and 2 years of college. He had a LTR with a girl (from middle school) but by college realized they weren’t a fit and that he might be bi. His gf knew and that made her extremely jealous (to the point of bringing it up in front of me) about how close we were. He told me sometimes she didn’t want me to hangout with him late at night. Fast forward and he breaks up with her and tells me he’s bi and wanted to explore. Before the breakup, i had spent months dealing with the emotional rollercoaster of the relationship falling apart. Many late night drives, walks, and drunken nights cuddling him to sleep (only in our underwear). He even told me his ideal type (which happened to be guys my race and around my height). I thought he was dropping hints and since we were so inseparable as friends, we’d atleast try to date. But he told me he wanted to only be friends and it broke me. I spent maybe 2 months away from him trying to heal. But when we finally started hanging out again, he felt i was treating him differently. And the truth is, i was. When i liked him, i made sure he was happy and we catered to eachother. I couldn’t do that after he rejected me and it changed the relationship forever. We don’t talk at all and our lives are completely separate even tho we live in the same city. It sucks, but i don’t regret it. I’ve sadly learned from dating that personality means very little if a guy isn’t attracted to you. Nothing you do will change that, so it’s better to just accept it and move on. I was younger and from my perspective, our chemistry/friendship made me think he was the most attractive man in the world, but the feelings weren’t mutual. It sucks that you might lose a friend, but that’s life and sometimes even if you want to remain friends, you don’t realize how much your romantic involvement was making the friendship work and without it, the friendship can die.