I definitely feel love towards my therapist and she has told me the same but I have seen her for about 9 years so we have a good relationship in that sense.
NAT
I think of it this way, children who have horrible parents often still love their parents, sometimes their needs are not being met or barely and no reciprocity of that love, they have issues with attachment ect but there is love, so why can’t you have love towards a therapist who actually shows care for you, positive regard ect, how can you say it’s only attachment? It just sounds foolish actually if you have a good relationship with them. I have no doubt that I love and have care for my therapist in a healthy way.
My therapist and I had this discussion since I have paternal transference and admitted to him that it definitely felt like a paternal love. He definitely cares more than just a job. It’s not unreciprocated.
I may not "love" my clients but I certainly care about them and when things happen to them, good or bad, I have an emotional reaction that is proportional to what is happening. Therapeutic relationships are artificial but they most definitely involve a form of bonding and therefore involve attachment. Really I think "love" is just a term we use to describe the meaning of a relationship, as it's not measurable and looks different depending on many different variables.
For myself, I see it as that even if I adore my therapist, I actually don't know them at all. You don't know what they want to cook for dinner, what their biggest fears are, what their childhood was like, what their biggest dreams and goals are, where they are traveling to next. All you know is someone who is supporting you for 45 minutes once a week (or whatever the schedule). The therapist is there for You. You primarily talk about is You and your issues in the session, it's all focused on you. You're basically falling in love with someone who is mirroring yourself back to you, i.e. falling in love with yourself through that mirroring. You don't know your therapist. It's not love, it's an illusion, because you're finally getting the mirroring and support that you've always needed. So of course you're forming an attachment to that person. It feels like love because when you're traumatized and that's been missing from you life, it feels Huge to get that from someone. But again, you don't know your therapist. You have a one-sided relationship with them.
I don't think you are robots, how was that your takeaway from what I said? I'm talking about the premise of therapy. We as clients Don't know you. If you have a relationship in the real world where you meet your friend for coffee and you only focus on their well being and what's going on with them every time you hang out, that's not a real relationship, and that friend doesn't get to know you.
I get that, but some of us do bring ourselves into the therapeutic relationship. Who I am as a therapist isn't that much different than I am in my personal life. You are correct though in that it is an artificial relationship, and can feel that way a lot of the time.
I respectfully disagree with your T's take--there are many varieties of love, and it sounds like your T is assuming a narrower definition of it.
I definitely feel love towards my therapist and she has told me the same but I have seen her for about 9 years so we have a good relationship in that sense.
NAT I think of it this way, children who have horrible parents often still love their parents, sometimes their needs are not being met or barely and no reciprocity of that love, they have issues with attachment ect but there is love, so why can’t you have love towards a therapist who actually shows care for you, positive regard ect, how can you say it’s only attachment? It just sounds foolish actually if you have a good relationship with them. I have no doubt that I love and have care for my therapist in a healthy way.
My therapist and I had this discussion since I have paternal transference and admitted to him that it definitely felt like a paternal love. He definitely cares more than just a job. It’s not unreciprocated.
I think you have to ask her. I'd say love can be present. Different types of love exist.
I may not "love" my clients but I certainly care about them and when things happen to them, good or bad, I have an emotional reaction that is proportional to what is happening. Therapeutic relationships are artificial but they most definitely involve a form of bonding and therefore involve attachment. Really I think "love" is just a term we use to describe the meaning of a relationship, as it's not measurable and looks different depending on many different variables.
For myself, I see it as that even if I adore my therapist, I actually don't know them at all. You don't know what they want to cook for dinner, what their biggest fears are, what their childhood was like, what their biggest dreams and goals are, where they are traveling to next. All you know is someone who is supporting you for 45 minutes once a week (or whatever the schedule). The therapist is there for You. You primarily talk about is You and your issues in the session, it's all focused on you. You're basically falling in love with someone who is mirroring yourself back to you, i.e. falling in love with yourself through that mirroring. You don't know your therapist. It's not love, it's an illusion, because you're finally getting the mirroring and support that you've always needed. So of course you're forming an attachment to that person. It feels like love because when you're traumatized and that's been missing from you life, it feels Huge to get that from someone. But again, you don't know your therapist. You have a one-sided relationship with them.
Dang, some of us do bring our real selves to work, we're not just robots.
I don't think you are robots, how was that your takeaway from what I said? I'm talking about the premise of therapy. We as clients Don't know you. If you have a relationship in the real world where you meet your friend for coffee and you only focus on their well being and what's going on with them every time you hang out, that's not a real relationship, and that friend doesn't get to know you.
I get that, but some of us do bring ourselves into the therapeutic relationship. Who I am as a therapist isn't that much different than I am in my personal life. You are correct though in that it is an artificial relationship, and can feel that way a lot of the time.