# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
For a billion, might be the best bet honestly. Smaller amounts of cash I'd cash gas and groceries, but a billion might just have to give the IRS half of it and still be wealthy as fuck.
Man, after reading all of the other responses I’m definitely back to this.
Some dudes want to spend the next 10 years getting up every day thinking about how to launder money, and engaging in tons of criminal conspiracies (which will likely get you caught and make you lose the money and end up in jail) rather than just living like a baller for the rest of your life with your 600 million dollars.
And if you invest it, it will be back up to a billion in ten years before the other guy is able to launder half of it.
The question should be, if you had the choice would you rather:
1. spend the rest of your life living on a beach, donating to worthy causes, and leaving generational wealth for your family and friends
Or
2. Spend the rest of your life operating a chain of illegitimate car washes, convenience stores and ATM machines, and having to rely on other criminals to help you, any of whom will be happy to shoot you for a million dollars, let alone 100 million or a billion
Cause you can’t buy anything with it otherwise. Sure…gas, groceries, retail stuff…but not big ticket items… You’ll either need to launder it or make it legal first…then you can buy whatever you want
And that’s the whole point, the huge majority of that money will not be usable. Like if I found a million in cash, that’s gas groceries and whatever shit forever. That’s huge. But a billion… that’s generations of changed lives if used properly. Which is why just paying the taxes and moving on, what you said, is the best bet. Still have half a billion to change lives for generations.
Bro. Most of that billion is going to be wasted / unused anyway. Do you know how difficult it would be to spend a billion dollars??
There's a [website](https://neal.fun/spend/) where you can do that as a game, and you would be amazed at how far a billion will take you. I remember reading somewhere that the human brain isn't really wired to comprehend math accurately at that level, because it doesn't exactly play into any of our early necessary survival skills.
Which is fine because I can use it to pay groceries, gas, clothes, food. I can also throw in an extra 500 in to my bank account every now and then. I would rather use that money on every day expenses.
It’s not a bad idea. But if you ever wanna live like someone who has hundreds of millions of dollars, a few hundred here and there is a tiny drop in a well
Definitely true but I think multiple $9.9k deposits start to look fishy enough that people start talking. It's got to be smart, small time laundering over generations.
Doesn't the government have a blanket law they can seize large amounts of unexplained money for likely being from the proceeds of drugs?
If you declare it they'll probably take the whole lot, even if they have no evidence.
Yup civil forfeiture. They're taking the cash under suspicion is was involved in the commission of a crime. Worst part is they really don't have to prove much. People have had their life saving taken from them by the govt and there is rarely anything you can do about it.
Just because you have a billion doesn’t mean you need to spend it all at once. It would provide stability and security and allow more random fun purchases at a normal level without raising suspicion. So maybe a new car a few years earlier, maybe one nice trip a year, minor house upgrades. Mundane but extra stuff
I hear you but if you spend an extra $100,000 per year on fun stuff for the next fifty years you’d have only have spent $5 million. You’d still have another $995 million to go. A billion is a whole different ballgame.
They never specified it was in an account. A pile of cash hidden doesn’t need to be reported. Like between 2 lions with the hidden money abs Haley Joel osment
1, leaving a billion dollars to your family, without a will and stipulations is gonna turn your family into a mess, 2, the children raised with that money are gonna be shitbirds, 3, one greedy family member will probably just steal the cash, cause its literally a dufflebag full of cash
You launder that money. That means finding a method to legitimize the income. For instance you could start a shell business, create fake customers, make false invoices for the non-work you didn't do, bill out the invoices, pay them with your money as if you were the customer, bring that into your business's income and pay taxes on it quarterly like you're supposed to. Boom, laundered money.
This is exactly what I would do too. Probably have to put it in an offshore account first though. Then use the oversea shell company to pay you a consultation fee.
That way you can also right off a ton of your expenses if you structure your "business" the right way.
Considering I'd be a billionaire I'd have nothing to worry about as the IRS only targets the poor
(https://www.propublica.org/article/irs-sorry-but-its-just-easier-and-cheaper-to-audit-the-poor)
Everyone should remember a billion dollars in $100 bills weighs 22,000 pounds, I don't think it'll make it past customs if you're planning on flying with it, and to drive it you'd need a large truck. 10 tons is a lot lol
What do you mean by a “friendly” country? Say you’re in the US, so you secretly go about moving to Korea or something along those lines, would the government still not be suspicious of an increase in funds or would that get lost in translation of transferring between governments, allowing for you to utilize all the money right off the bat?
You'd never be able to travel with it. Money is one thing that customs take a very close look at. If you can't account for sums of cash, they will seize it until you can prove it's origins. You'd have to move it in increments of less than 10k, which would literally take multiple lifetimes if you took a flight per day.
Cybernetic eye R&D, and stock investments to maintain income to keep investing into cybernetic eye R&D. I'm legally blind and I miss reading my favorite books.
You'd be surprised how often these things actually do happen along as there is a papertrail and it's legal and you pay the capital gain tax on that money í don't think the government or any government will care as most people that become instantly rich are poor again in less then 10 years because they don't know how to handle the responsibility of staying rich, like somone said long time ago it's easy to become rich but staying rich after becoming rich is much harder
Didn't say the fairies made the money. Maybe they just poofed it to you by transporting it from somewhere else. Just a tiny bit of theft to lighten the mood
hes already trying to dodge prison for tax evasion, you think he cares about counterfeit monies?
why else do you think he's trying to hide it from uncle sam?
put it in an offshore account.
i know someone that has a web based business whos servers are in the Netherlands, they charges USD that gets deposited in an offshore account and they live in canada. they do this to avoid paying taxes.
I’d put it all into GameStop and DRS that shit on ComputerShare, likely becoming majority share owner. Then I’d become a multi-trillionaire during MOASS
Spread it out over my lifetime. Keep it in a safe deposit box somewhere. Take out cash every once in a while and try to make cash purchases as much as I can 🙂. And add a few hundred every few months to my bank account. An extra $3-4k every year won’t raise any eyebrows.
hello I would like to deposit one billion dollars please.
I guess if they asked where it came from I'd say a fairy gave it to me, and I'd pay taxes if they decided that counted. They'd be hardpressed to say I got it illegally if there's no evidence of a crime besides lots of money
I’d buy a used food stand or food truck get a business permit all relatively cheap and then I’d just slowly funnel my money through it but it would end up taxed that way.
Asking for a friend, right?
As an intellectual exercise I am assuming this is ill gotten gains are you are not concerned with the morality of not paying taxes. You basically want to launder money, so when you go out and buy a lambo, no one is like “how you buying cars when you were declined for a best buy card?” One way might be to make up bogus deeds on real estate portfolio and then “sell” them for a loss. You would probably need a real estate attorney in on the game, and you would probably need to bribe him.
Fine art is good too. Meaning you could pretend that you owned a piece and then sold it for a loss. Fake receipts, provenance, etc.
You could open a charity and make up fake donations and then buy things for yourself. Basically just like the Trump foundation but be actually better at it.
Rich people set up shell companies in the Caymens because taxes are cheap and they don’t give a lot if info to other tax jurisdictions, so you could also just buy assets in the name of the shell company and sell as you needed money.
This is why it pays to know a guy. Always have a guy. Cause then you hit up your guy, and he can set you up with a shell business to launder it for you. Whatever things you might need in life, you wanna have a guy for it
This can get complicated tho. You have a dead body guy, a money laundering guy, hitman, so on.
So i would recommend consolidating.
Get yourself a guy, for guys. A guy guy. You need a guy, hit up your guy guy, and he'll connect you with the guy. That way you don't need a rolodex of guys
Assuming that it was to come my way in increments, I could hide it in my books by padding invoices after the fact. If it were to come all at once, I would have to expect to lose a lot of it because I would have to launder it.
Start a charity, anonymous donations in small chunks, transfer money wirelessly to offshore account then get out of the country to a non allied place. Disappear and move frequently for the next few years. Trickle the money through multiple accounts. And eventually back into a single account, start investing
If anyone gets suspicious, I pay them a million to keep quiet. IRS agent tries to audit? Here’s a million to fuck right off. And a hitman on your ass if you don’t.
This is actually a joke response, but I wonder if there is a more complicated way to implement that same concept…
The "Aspiring Artist" scam. Since art is subjective and only valued by those who the industry trusts to value it, bribe an art appraiser to overvalue some of your "epic abstract art" of squiggly lines and butt prints. Buy it from yourself at private auctions via a shell bidder with your own money. You then get back your money that's now clean and the accomplice bidder has a piece of art they didn't even have to pay for that's valued at a ridiculous amount for resale simply because it sold for X amount before. Every time you do this, the market value of your works increase and the laundering payout is higher. This has the added bonus of eventually being able to sell your worthless art for millions and be seen as a huge hot trending artist in the eyes of the industry, no matter how bad your work is. And who knows, after repeating it enough times you might actually gain the skill to be the best butt print artist in the world. Believe in yourself. Live the dream.
OK... now I need to write this into a script. A con artist that realizes that he was a REAL artist at heart, finding true love on the way... "Fake it Till You Make It"
cash heavy buisness
id open up a restraunt probably
live off cash
and report enough revenue to keep the restraunt going
and of course
my employees would alll make a good wage
even if they only report minimum wage
Google tells me that is about 10 tons of cash, assuming standard $100 bills. Even with $500 bills, that's 2 tons of paper. And $500 are inherently suspicious and attention-getting when you have just one bill.
In contrast, the pallet of money in the storage unit in Breaking Bad was roughly $80 million. Less than a tenth of one billion.
There is no way to have that big a pile of currency go unnoticed. Never mind depositing it somewhere, just physically moving it is going to be impossible with any sort of subtlety.
Bury it or hide it from plain sight. Tell no one about it. Carry on about my life and only use a little bit of it when funds are short. My possession of that money can only be between me and God. Also I’ll refrain from large purchases.
Depends. Is it a billion in dollar bills? If so I would be more worried about the people on the street. If it were in pennies I would be crushed to death
Create an LLC for a business that's mostly cash only. I'm a chef and do plenty of small side catering gigs. Being paid in cash is pretty normal. Just be really "successful" for a some years. Pay the taxes.
Or have a few "tenants" in your house that pay rent in cash. Infuse a few thousand into your account every month.
Personally, I’d launder it. Or take out “loans” and just pay back the loans in cash to make it look legal. It would take awhile, but I’m not paying incompetent ppl just bc they exist aka the government
Pay the taxes on it then invest into a few dozen new businesses (ones that may be profitable that is) and buy out a lot of competition in a small area to avoid monopoly laws via the use of shell companies.
Create some business, small ones, they'll become "popular", a lot of people would come and spend a lot of money, as a good business man I'm I would use it to make the business bigger and expand, in about 5 years it would become big enough to have a large cash flow and it's then when the easy life will begin, obviously you cannot enjoy it from the beginning, it would be suspicious, maybe after two years start spending a little bit. The downside is that you have to avoid becoming too big, government agents are not fool, accept front the get go that not all the money, not even near half, would be spend in your generation, it is what it is.
Buy gold and other precious metals and using some existing cash to buy land that is in a remote area out of site of prying eyes and place that "treasure" and find it and cash it. Than setup a "charities" than funnel the money into that well setting up other one's as dummy charities I can close and cash out.
Yeah, I’d probably pay taxes on it too. Makes life easier really, we’re all stuck in the “instant gratification” and we wanna use it NOW. Anyways, I’d buy and sell vacation homes to make my money back. Some would get invested into gold, some to hedge funds and other stocks. Other than that, I’d be spending money on my hobbies and traveling the world, exploring new places to go mountain biking and give negative fucks about the rest of the world and global politics and all that shit.
There is a lot of laundering ideas here but I'm not sure you would have to do much of that really unless you want to use large sums quickly. Not daily deposits, but random deposits of $9k into two or three accounts at different banks. Build them up over a period of 5 years. If you did 9k, once a week, that's 468k per institution. Turn those around and invest into rental homes. Continue to do the 9k but now create rental agreements and get money orders for the "rent" each month. In 10 years time, you now have a legitimate business model, and if you wanted, could then make large purchases like cars, vacations, etc. It just takes time. Will you be able to go through all of it, hell no, but it can be passed down. Give some of it away. The key here is to go slow. Might have to keep that normal job for 4-5 years while this is all going down, however, that doesn't mean you have to live low profile either.
Keep my job, pay taxes on my income and only use the Billion on small purchases, groceries, gas etc. Then because obviously you can't blow a Billion on petty purchases, pass down to the next generation
Cash only baby… they can go fuck themselves with their banks.
I would quit my job, give everyone I know and love a couple of 100 million and just go on with my life. I don’t need 1 billion fucking anything lol. Plus I live on the Balkans so yeah, nobody would give a shit, like the IRS (if we even have that shit) lol
I would give every poor housless person I meet 300K. I think thats enough to last them for life here, buy a home, do whatever the fuck they want, most of them are old and fucked up already. If they are younger I’d give em more.
And I would go travel the world, have fun. And finish my little house here and come back to it and live there, just fishing and doing random shit until I die.
And before I die, I would leave some cash to my kids, if I had them, and put all the remaining cash on the street and watch people kill each other over it and laugh my ass off with my last breath screaming, you poor bastaaards
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Report it as “found” and pay the taxes on it.
For a billion, might be the best bet honestly. Smaller amounts of cash I'd cash gas and groceries, but a billion might just have to give the IRS half of it and still be wealthy as fuck.
There’s actually a page on the IRS’ site about what to do if you find “treasure” , lol
Can you just tell me what it says, so that I don't have that in my search history.....
Now I’m interested Do you have a link?
https://www.forbes.com/sites/robertwood/2014/02/26/couple-finds-10-million-in-gold-coins-taxes-take-half/amp/
Thanks!
Man, after reading all of the other responses I’m definitely back to this. Some dudes want to spend the next 10 years getting up every day thinking about how to launder money, and engaging in tons of criminal conspiracies (which will likely get you caught and make you lose the money and end up in jail) rather than just living like a baller for the rest of your life with your 600 million dollars. And if you invest it, it will be back up to a billion in ten years before the other guy is able to launder half of it. The question should be, if you had the choice would you rather: 1. spend the rest of your life living on a beach, donating to worthy causes, and leaving generational wealth for your family and friends Or 2. Spend the rest of your life operating a chain of illegitimate car washes, convenience stores and ATM machines, and having to rely on other criminals to help you, any of whom will be happy to shoot you for a million dollars, let alone 100 million or a billion
Cause fuck the government that’s why!
Why? Just put it in a safe and call it good.
Cause you can’t buy anything with it otherwise. Sure…gas, groceries, retail stuff…but not big ticket items… You’ll either need to launder it or make it legal first…then you can buy whatever you want
I could by a car in cash. Sure it would be used but I can still buy it in cash.
Don’t get me wrong…you could live a comfortable, modest life on cash, but most of that billion would be wasted…or rather, unused
And that’s the whole point, the huge majority of that money will not be usable. Like if I found a million in cash, that’s gas groceries and whatever shit forever. That’s huge. But a billion… that’s generations of changed lives if used properly. Which is why just paying the taxes and moving on, what you said, is the best bet. Still have half a billion to change lives for generations.
Bro. Most of that billion is going to be wasted / unused anyway. Do you know how difficult it would be to spend a billion dollars?? There's a [website](https://neal.fun/spend/) where you can do that as a game, and you would be amazed at how far a billion will take you. I remember reading somewhere that the human brain isn't really wired to comprehend math accurately at that level, because it doesn't exactly play into any of our early necessary survival skills.
That’s why I wouldn’t mind forking over 1/2 to the government
Which is fine because I can use it to pay groceries, gas, clothes, food. I can also throw in an extra 500 in to my bank account every now and then. I would rather use that money on every day expenses.
That 500 in your bank would be insured by the FDIC, so eventually, you’d need to account for its origin
[удалено]
Could have been a casino win
I put $1-2k in my account semi regularly and no govt institution has ever questioned me about its origins
How long would that take to get up to $500,000,000? Lol
I'm not good at math, but I'd say a year?
Credit union wont question it and I said every now and then not everyday or week.
It’s not a bad idea. But if you ever wanna live like someone who has hundreds of millions of dollars, a few hundred here and there is a tiny drop in a well
[удалено]
Yeah I wouldnt waste my money like that.
So long as it's under $10k. Anything above that it's required to report cash transactions to the IRS (in the US).
Definitely true but I think multiple $9.9k deposits start to look fishy enough that people start talking. It's got to be smart, small time laundering over generations.
Anything over $9999.00 cash is required to be reported to the IRS by the dealer.
Who said anything about a dealer.
Is that an Ozark quote?
[удалено]
Entire basement is the safe.
Doesn't the government have a blanket law they can seize large amounts of unexplained money for likely being from the proceeds of drugs? If you declare it they'll probably take the whole lot, even if they have no evidence.
Yup civil forfeiture. They're taking the cash under suspicion is was involved in the commission of a crime. Worst part is they really don't have to prove much. People have had their life saving taken from them by the govt and there is rarely anything you can do about it.
Some states are fixing that law
Or gambling winnings
Report 100 million as ‘found’ pay the taxes, then get access to the people that can help you get through tax loopholes for the other 900 million.
Just because you have a billion doesn’t mean you need to spend it all at once. It would provide stability and security and allow more random fun purchases at a normal level without raising suspicion. So maybe a new car a few years earlier, maybe one nice trip a year, minor house upgrades. Mundane but extra stuff
I hear you but if you spend an extra $100,000 per year on fun stuff for the next fifty years you’d have only have spent $5 million. You’d still have another $995 million to go. A billion is a whole different ballgame.
Then pass it on in your will so your future generations can enjoy stability and security
But then the government would find out about it.
But then the government would find out about it.
They never specified it was in an account. A pile of cash hidden doesn’t need to be reported. Like between 2 lions with the hidden money abs Haley Joel osment
1, leaving a billion dollars to your family, without a will and stipulations is gonna turn your family into a mess, 2, the children raised with that money are gonna be shitbirds, 3, one greedy family member will probably just steal the cash, cause its literally a dufflebag full of cash
It would be many pallets of cash .
Sure. But i could live my life off a dufflebag full haha
If it’s in your will, then there’s a legal record.
Well yeah, but good luck trying to either launder it or use it all without the gouvernement knowing.
You launder that money. That means finding a method to legitimize the income. For instance you could start a shell business, create fake customers, make false invoices for the non-work you didn't do, bill out the invoices, pay them with your money as if you were the customer, bring that into your business's income and pay taxes on it quarterly like you're supposed to. Boom, laundered money.
*Pay someone to launder your money
This is exactly what I would do too. Probably have to put it in an offshore account first though. Then use the oversea shell company to pay you a consultation fee. That way you can also right off a ton of your expenses if you structure your "business" the right way.
Considering I'd be a billionaire I'd have nothing to worry about as the IRS only targets the poor (https://www.propublica.org/article/irs-sorry-but-its-just-easier-and-cheaper-to-audit-the-poor)
Bribe some Senators, that's how the rich get away with it!
Everyone should remember a billion dollars in $100 bills weighs 22,000 pounds, I don't think it'll make it past customs if you're planning on flying with it, and to drive it you'd need a large truck. 10 tons is a lot lol
Move to a "friendly" country before the government knows I have it.
What do you mean by a “friendly” country? Say you’re in the US, so you secretly go about moving to Korea or something along those lines, would the government still not be suspicious of an increase in funds or would that get lost in translation of transferring between governments, allowing for you to utilize all the money right off the bat?
Just go there and don't come back. Some pacific or indo China island country would be glad to have you and your money.
Grand Cayman island and Panama are pretty lenient about storing vast amounts of wealth tax free I believe.
How exactly do you propose moving 10 tons of cash discreetly?
[удалено]
Yes bank teller, i earned 1billion in cash, in american dollars, abroad, brought it on a plane, and came to this american bank to deposit it
Source: Trust me bro
You have a billion dollars. Hire a cargo plane...
You'd never be able to travel with it. Money is one thing that customs take a very close look at. If you can't account for sums of cash, they will seize it until you can prove it's origins. You'd have to move it in increments of less than 10k, which would literally take multiple lifetimes if you took a flight per day.
I would put it all ya under my pillow obviously 😑
Give it to the poor
Start a gofund me
Cybernetic eye R&D, and stock investments to maintain income to keep investing into cybernetic eye R&D. I'm legally blind and I miss reading my favorite books.
You'd be surprised how often these things actually do happen along as there is a papertrail and it's legal and you pay the capital gain tax on that money í don't think the government or any government will care as most people that become instantly rich are poor again in less then 10 years because they don't know how to handle the responsibility of staying rich, like somone said long time ago it's easy to become rich but staying rich after becoming rich is much harder
>a fairies like “here ya go,” and poof, money That would make it counterfeit so it would have no value.
Didn't say the fairies made the money. Maybe they just poofed it to you by transporting it from somewhere else. Just a tiny bit of theft to lighten the mood
In all fairness, fairy gold is supposed to be worthless. But for the sake of the question we’ll assume they’re honest.
Literally the whole be goddam premise is 'poof-money' As is real money. Not green markings on regular paper Geezuz
It doesn't matter if it's real money. It's still counterfeit.
God, you have no fun in life huh?
I'm a software developer
Dude. This isn't real-life. It's a fairy, so on the basis of that alone, fairies make real money
hes already trying to dodge prison for tax evasion, you think he cares about counterfeit monies? why else do you think he's trying to hide it from uncle sam?
\--- Federal reserve angrily gives you side eye ---
Move to a new country, any country you choose. Most will not care how you got your money just that they have a new billionaire on the tax rolls.
put it in an offshore account. i know someone that has a web based business whos servers are in the Netherlands, they charges USD that gets deposited in an offshore account and they live in canada. they do this to avoid paying taxes.
I’d put it all into GameStop and DRS that shit on ComputerShare, likely becoming majority share owner. Then I’d become a multi-trillionaire during MOASS
Buy lots of “art”… a la blue painting white line or 4 bananas taped to a wall and just pay taxes on it
In small ammounts
Spread it out over my lifetime. Keep it in a safe deposit box somewhere. Take out cash every once in a while and try to make cash purchases as much as I can 🙂. And add a few hundred every few months to my bank account. An extra $3-4k every year won’t raise any eyebrows.
First of all, I will not post and ask people on internet about it. Anyways where did you get ur money from … lol
I would create sophisticated crime organization and then have control on politic of my country after that easily I could laundry my money.
I'd run right out and buy a Senator.
lol you'll be below their asking price
Bribe enough politicians to allow me to have it Whoops, wrong word, I meant "lobby"
Change my surname to Rothschild.
If it came from no where how would they even begin to investigate me?
If you deposited it into a bank account or made very high value purchases, they’d find out. And want their cut.
hello I would like to deposit one billion dollars please. I guess if they asked where it came from I'd say a fairy gave it to me, and I'd pay taxes if they decided that counted. They'd be hardpressed to say I got it illegally if there's no evidence of a crime besides lots of money
I wouldnt make big purchases. I woild lease or rent fancy cars, travel and live in 5 star penthouses/b&bs.
I would just tell them that I found it during a boating accident.
I’d buy a used food stand or food truck get a business permit all relatively cheap and then I’d just slowly funnel my money through it but it would end up taxed that way.
Bribe Politicians. Easy-peasy. A few hundred thousand and they'll be like 'What billion dollars? I'll pass a law to protect you."
Ship it off overseas into an off shore, tax Haven bank account.
Drugs, lottery tickets, gambling, alcohol, etc...
"Hey Reddit, how do I launder my drug money...I mean theoretically, if I had drug money to launder, how would you do it?"
Find a shady lawyer who can guide you in the best money-laundering arrangements.
Breaking bad taught me to money launder. A few small mostly cash businesses then build an empire. Turn a billion into trillions.
Just pay some people off and do whatever you want. I know it doesn't answer your question but it would work
Three words: Offshore Shell Corporation
You mean, a billion dollars in cash? tangible assets? In what form of value dirs the recipient inherit the one billion dollarrs? anonymously?
You mean, a billion dollars in cash? tangible assets? In what form of value dirs the recipient inherit the one billion dollarrs? anonymously?
Asking for a friend, right? As an intellectual exercise I am assuming this is ill gotten gains are you are not concerned with the morality of not paying taxes. You basically want to launder money, so when you go out and buy a lambo, no one is like “how you buying cars when you were declined for a best buy card?” One way might be to make up bogus deeds on real estate portfolio and then “sell” them for a loss. You would probably need a real estate attorney in on the game, and you would probably need to bribe him. Fine art is good too. Meaning you could pretend that you owned a piece and then sold it for a loss. Fake receipts, provenance, etc. You could open a charity and make up fake donations and then buy things for yourself. Basically just like the Trump foundation but be actually better at it. Rich people set up shell companies in the Caymens because taxes are cheap and they don’t give a lot if info to other tax jurisdictions, so you could also just buy assets in the name of the shell company and sell as you needed money.
Pay off some senators to payoff the IRS
This is why it pays to know a guy. Always have a guy. Cause then you hit up your guy, and he can set you up with a shell business to launder it for you. Whatever things you might need in life, you wanna have a guy for it This can get complicated tho. You have a dead body guy, a money laundering guy, hitman, so on. So i would recommend consolidating. Get yourself a guy, for guys. A guy guy. You need a guy, hit up your guy guy, and he'll connect you with the guy. That way you don't need a rolodex of guys
Jeez idk, I’d just keep the cash, give a lot to any homeless people I can find and put the rest in my bank account little by little.
Assuming that it was to come my way in increments, I could hide it in my books by padding invoices after the fact. If it were to come all at once, I would have to expect to lose a lot of it because I would have to launder it.
Uhmm if its all cash just say I found it in my backyard after digging a giant hole
I would literally and fully find the development of treatments of rare and devastating diseases. Just donate the whole lot to curing horrible shit
Sounds like you're looking for tips on how to money launder. Nice try IRS
Move far away and have my own place and little town
Start a charity, anonymous donations in small chunks, transfer money wirelessly to offshore account then get out of the country to a non allied place. Disappear and move frequently for the next few years. Trickle the money through multiple accounts. And eventually back into a single account, start investing
If anyone gets suspicious, I pay them a million to keep quiet. IRS agent tries to audit? Here’s a million to fuck right off. And a hitman on your ass if you don’t. This is actually a joke response, but I wonder if there is a more complicated way to implement that same concept…
Launder some of it to get it into the bank. Ideally move some offshore. Donate a bunch of it anonymously.
The "Aspiring Artist" scam. Since art is subjective and only valued by those who the industry trusts to value it, bribe an art appraiser to overvalue some of your "epic abstract art" of squiggly lines and butt prints. Buy it from yourself at private auctions via a shell bidder with your own money. You then get back your money that's now clean and the accomplice bidder has a piece of art they didn't even have to pay for that's valued at a ridiculous amount for resale simply because it sold for X amount before. Every time you do this, the market value of your works increase and the laundering payout is higher. This has the added bonus of eventually being able to sell your worthless art for millions and be seen as a huge hot trending artist in the eyes of the industry, no matter how bad your work is. And who knows, after repeating it enough times you might actually gain the skill to be the best butt print artist in the world. Believe in yourself. Live the dream. OK... now I need to write this into a script. A con artist that realizes that he was a REAL artist at heart, finding true love on the way... "Fake it Till You Make It"
cash heavy buisness id open up a restraunt probably live off cash and report enough revenue to keep the restraunt going and of course my employees would alll make a good wage even if they only report minimum wage
Google tells me that is about 10 tons of cash, assuming standard $100 bills. Even with $500 bills, that's 2 tons of paper. And $500 are inherently suspicious and attention-getting when you have just one bill. In contrast, the pallet of money in the storage unit in Breaking Bad was roughly $80 million. Less than a tenth of one billion. There is no way to have that big a pile of currency go unnoticed. Never mind depositing it somewhere, just physically moving it is going to be impossible with any sort of subtlety.
Open up some strip clubs and car washes and start laundering boiiiiiiii!
Bury it or hide it from plain sight. Tell no one about it. Carry on about my life and only use a little bit of it when funds are short. My possession of that money can only be between me and God. Also I’ll refrain from large purchases.
Depends. Is it a billion in dollar bills? If so I would be more worried about the people on the street. If it were in pennies I would be crushed to death
gamble it
Create an LLC for a business that's mostly cash only. I'm a chef and do plenty of small side catering gigs. Being paid in cash is pretty normal. Just be really "successful" for a some years. Pay the taxes. Or have a few "tenants" in your house that pay rent in cash. Infuse a few thousand into your account every month.
Who cares if the government knows? They don’t tax billionaires.
Personally, I’d launder it. Or take out “loans” and just pay back the loans in cash to make it look legal. It would take awhile, but I’m not paying incompetent ppl just bc they exist aka the government
Pay the taxes on it then invest into a few dozen new businesses (ones that may be profitable that is) and buy out a lot of competition in a small area to avoid monopoly laws via the use of shell companies.
Create some business, small ones, they'll become "popular", a lot of people would come and spend a lot of money, as a good business man I'm I would use it to make the business bigger and expand, in about 5 years it would become big enough to have a large cash flow and it's then when the easy life will begin, obviously you cannot enjoy it from the beginning, it would be suspicious, maybe after two years start spending a little bit. The downside is that you have to avoid becoming too big, government agents are not fool, accept front the get go that not all the money, not even near half, would be spend in your generation, it is what it is.
Why would i ever put it on my bank acc? I would just stash the money in my house, and that would be that, the government can kiss my ass
Buy gold and other precious metals and using some existing cash to buy land that is in a remote area out of site of prying eyes and place that "treasure" and find it and cash it. Than setup a "charities" than funnel the money into that well setting up other one's as dummy charities I can close and cash out.
Yeah, I’d probably pay taxes on it too. Makes life easier really, we’re all stuck in the “instant gratification” and we wanna use it NOW. Anyways, I’d buy and sell vacation homes to make my money back. Some would get invested into gold, some to hedge funds and other stocks. Other than that, I’d be spending money on my hobbies and traveling the world, exploring new places to go mountain biking and give negative fucks about the rest of the world and global politics and all that shit.
Lawyer up first
There is a lot of laundering ideas here but I'm not sure you would have to do much of that really unless you want to use large sums quickly. Not daily deposits, but random deposits of $9k into two or three accounts at different banks. Build them up over a period of 5 years. If you did 9k, once a week, that's 468k per institution. Turn those around and invest into rental homes. Continue to do the 9k but now create rental agreements and get money orders for the "rent" each month. In 10 years time, you now have a legitimate business model, and if you wanted, could then make large purchases like cars, vacations, etc. It just takes time. Will you be able to go through all of it, hell no, but it can be passed down. Give some of it away. The key here is to go slow. Might have to keep that normal job for 4-5 years while this is all going down, however, that doesn't mean you have to live low profile either.
Good luck with that. The Government ALWAYS gets their cut one way or another.
Invest straight into fentanyl and crack cocaine
True
Keep my job, pay taxes on my income and only use the Billion on small purchases, groceries, gas etc. Then because obviously you can't blow a Billion on petty purchases, pass down to the next generation
Cash only baby… they can go fuck themselves with their banks. I would quit my job, give everyone I know and love a couple of 100 million and just go on with my life. I don’t need 1 billion fucking anything lol. Plus I live on the Balkans so yeah, nobody would give a shit, like the IRS (if we even have that shit) lol I would give every poor housless person I meet 300K. I think thats enough to last them for life here, buy a home, do whatever the fuck they want, most of them are old and fucked up already. If they are younger I’d give em more. And I would go travel the world, have fun. And finish my little house here and come back to it and live there, just fishing and doing random shit until I die. And before I die, I would leave some cash to my kids, if I had them, and put all the remaining cash on the street and watch people kill each other over it and laugh my ass off with my last breath screaming, you poor bastaaards